1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,382
Yes, I promise I will call you
as soon as I get the results.

2
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:10,845
Yes, I am aware that hospitals are a
hotbed of infection. Thank you, Manny.

3
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:14,182
A couple of weeks ago,
I had a minor heart incident. I am fine.

4
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:16,350
But just to be safe,
I'm having an angiogram,

5
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:19,478
which is when they inject a dye
to make sure there's no blockage.

6
00:00:19,562 --> 00:00:21,022
It's— it's no big deal.

7
00:00:21,147 --> 00:00:22,690
We're not worried. No.

8
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,611
If something were to happen,
which it's not— notgonna.

9
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,822
I would turn our bedroom
into a shrine to Claire.

10
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:31,365
Wow.

11
00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:34,368
And this room
into a hall of magic.

12
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:36,704
Luke, please stop
taking appliances apart.

13
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,873
I'm making something.
You're unmaking something.

14
00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:41,209
'Cause I'm giving my
notice today. Wait. What?

15
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,669
But wouldn't we rather have toast
that's already buttered?

16
00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:45,796
I love that you're asking
these kinds of questions.

17
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,965
If only the Springs
were stronger,

18
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,718
the toast would be catapulted
into the pool of butter.

19
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:54,055
Really strong Springs,
like the ones in your mattress?

20
00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:55,640
You're unbelievable.

21
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,284
[ Claire ] What do you
mean, you're quitting?

22
00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:59,894
Your manager just started letting you
open and close the store.

23
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,479
It's boring.

24
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,916
And Jennifer said that I could
get a job at the jewelry store.

25
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:07,735
Honey, you need to learn to stick
with things. You just got the big keys.

26
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,278
Where's the coffeepot?

27
00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:10,821
You mean
the soon-to-be coffee-bot?

28
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:12,406
Luke! I need caffeine today.

29
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:15,409
You can have juice. How late
were you at that party last night?

30
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,453
Oh, please.
She snuck in at 10:00...

31
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,081
And spent all night reading
under the covers with a flashlight.

32
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:22,750
Alex, what have I told you
about staying out past your curfew?

33
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,253
I need to do it more often.
Exactly.

34
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,004
You need to learn
to have some fun.

35
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:30,633
You are going on
that spring break trip with Nicole.

36
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,219
No! No, I can't.
I have to study for the p.S.A.T.'S.

37
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,302
[All scream ]

38
00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:36,097
Luke! Phil, talk to your children.

39
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,723
All right. Everybody listen up.

40
00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:39,267
Haley, you're not quitting.

41
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:40,851
You're resigning.
It sounds better.

42
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,396
- No. Uh-uh.
- Alex, you have all of spring break...

43
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,231
To lock yourself
in your room and study.

44
00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:48,234
No, no, no, no, no. And,
Luke, coffee-bot is a non-starter.

45
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:51,570
But I do like the idea of popcorn
kernels in the pancake batter...

46
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:53,614
So they self-flip. Stop talking!

47
00:01:53,698 --> 00:01:55,533
Step away from the children.

48
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,077
Y hey, heyy

49
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,162
y hey, heyy

50
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,290
y hey, heyy

51
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:04,250
y hey, heyy

52
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,501
j hey jv

53
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,802
4 Owen es El hombre
mas hermoso de esla case?

54
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:17,972
Ah, pem'dn. 4 Owen es El 01m
hombre mas hermoso de esla case?

55
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,682
- Mann?
- Huh? Y

56
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,767
I am telling you how
handsome you are. Oh.

57
00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,870
Well, next time, tell me in
English so I don't miss it.

58
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,731
You're forgetting all your Spanish.
You never practice.

59
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,358
Perddneme, mam/z
80 y embarazaa'a.

60
00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,527
You just told me that you're pregnant.

61
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,654
Congratulations. You're glowing.

62
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:35,281
Really?
That's what you're wearing?

63
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,283
Really? That's how
you talk to your meal ticket?

64
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,327
Besides, those snobs
don't care what I wear...

65
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,662
As long as I bring my checkbook.

66
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:44,040
Today I have an interview
with the dryden academy.

67
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:46,542
It's only the most prestigious
prep school around.

68
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,962
Their school song has 36 verses,
and I know all of 'em.

69
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,672
Settle in.

70
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:52,757
J'ohj'

71
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,259
and the reason
you're not bringing him?

72
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:58,262
He says that I make him nervous,
that I care too much.

73
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:01,724
That's why I'm not even allowed
to bring him to his haircuts anymore.

74
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,977
I never went to private school.

75
00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,480
Hell, I never even finished college,
and look at me.

76
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:10,608
That Danish I just ate cost six bucks.
I didn't even blink.

77
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,194
I've always felt out of place
in public school,

78
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,654
like a lone Petunia
in an onion patch.

79
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:18,199
You felt out of place.

80
00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:21,160
Let me tell you something
about your prep school buddies.

81
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:24,789
When I was younger, I had a job
checking coats at a country club.

82
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,916
These smug rich kids
used to waltz in there...

83
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:29,085
And throw their coats at me
like I was nothing.

84
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:32,505
That was before your high-tech
fabrics. They weighed a ton.

85
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,673
- You see that scar?
- The one you got in the war?

86
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,592
That's what I tell people.

87
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,719
I caught the scalloped edge...

88
00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:41,972
Of a burberry duffel coat toggle.

89
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,183
Still not sure
there isn't a piece in there.

90
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:50,606
Kids will always wanna quit
when things get hard if you let 'em.

91
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,567
This is a girl
who was kicked out of college.

92
00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:56,278
The least she can do is
stick it out at a little— hey, Phil.

93
00:03:56,362 --> 00:04:00,116
Sorry. Look, all we can do is give
Haley the time to find out who she is.

94
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:02,576
Or we could save that time,
and I could tell her who she is.

95
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:04,370
[ Man ] Let me know
how that works out.

96
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,205
Excuse me? Oh, sorry.

97
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,833
But my TV doesn't work,
and you're all I've got.

98
00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,602
[ Chuckles ] I'm Norman.
Good to meet you, Norman.

99
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,420
What are you in for?
Triple bypass.

100
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,303
Awesome. And it sounded like you
were agreeing with my parenting style,

101
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,383
so please, continue. [ Sighs 1

102
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,926
I've raised three kids,

103
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:22,596
and the main thing I learned is
you have to let them be who they are.

104
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,306
Thank you, Norman.

105
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,790
Just because he's behind a curtain
doesn't make him a wizard.

106
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,145
Dad, I made you this necklace.

107
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:31,915
- It's good for healing.
- There's no scientific evidence to back that up, dad.

108
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,275
I married a doctor.
I have three degrees.

109
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,901
Girls, where's
your little brother?

110
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,779
He didn't get his arm stuck in a
vending machine again, did he?

111
00:04:38,863 --> 00:04:40,739
[All laughing ]

112
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:43,093
Are you getting this? Yes.
They sound just like our kids,

113
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,202
and they all got together
to visit their dad. Mm-hmm.

114
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,246
Who apparently did
a pretty good job raising them.

115
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:50,374
Please. He sounds like an old
hippie. A wise, insightful, old hippie.

116
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:51,917
Mm-hmm. A Jeff Bridges hippie.

117
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,752
Hey, dad. [ Norman
I there he is.

118
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,463
Look at that sharp suit.

119
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,590
Oh, my god, Luke gets huge.

120
00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,633
You've seen this.
I wore it to Angela's wedding.

121
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:03,179
Oh, yeah. It's just like the one I
had made for my little Jonathan.

122
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:06,515
- Okay, Mrs. Dunphy. Time for your prep.
- Okay.

123
00:05:06,599 --> 00:05:09,643
See what happens
when parents get out of the way?

124
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:12,104
Weddings, babies, sharp suits.

125
00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:14,940
You might wanna wheel her by
the burn unit. She just got scorched.

126
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,862
Wait. You made a suit
for Jonathan? He's a cat.

127
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:22,907
[Woman #2 ] He's a hairless
stray. He needs the suit for warmth...

128
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:26,243
You know, that thing all of your
husbands eventually stop feeling for you.

129
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,871
I did not come here to be
insulted. I came here for dad.

130
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,665
Dad, I need $500.

131
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:34,502
How can you need money?
You have four divorce settlements.

132
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,421
Yeah, sorry I'm not
some sad, lonely exorcist.

133
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,632
Archivist. I'm an archivist.

134
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,175
[ Groans ] This arguing.

135
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,052
I might as well
have just stayed in court.

136
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,846
Please be a lawyer. Please be
a lawyer. [ Norman ] How'd it go?

137
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,140
I got probation
plus time served. Suck it.

138
00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:52,645
[Woman #2 ] Maybe now you'll stop siphoning
electricity off the grid with a meat hook.

139
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:54,271
Hey, look at me for a second.

140
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:57,775
When you die alone in your bed,
Jonathan's going to eat you.

141
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,155
[ Doorbell rings ]

142
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,407
Lilyl time for girls' dayl

143
00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,119
we've always tried to make sure that
Lily has a feminine influence in her life.

144
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,497
Because I'm sure
it is so difficult...

145
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,875
For her to be around so much
masculine energy all the time.

146
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,213
Yeah. And recently, uh, she's been asking
a lot of questions about the female body.

147
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,798
And— [snaps fingers]

148
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:24,426
Uh, we are not exactly experts,
so we'd— just sit on 'em.

149
00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,512
We decided to call in
the big guns.

150
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,640
Ho/a. Hi, Gloria!

151
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,225
Lily is so excited
for girls' day.

152
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,726
But don't keep her
all afternoon.

153
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,353
You know how we miss her. Okay.

154
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,606
When am I going to get
real boobs?

155
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:39,358
Okay. So we'll see you whenever.

156
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:42,945
Absolutely. Just have a really
great time. Vamos, mam/z vamos.

157
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,364
So we'll do a little shopping.

158
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,867
We can have our pretty
nails done and our pretty hair.

159
00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:51,579
Do you think that's fun? Yeahl

160
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:55,499
and you know what the best part
of having a girls' day is?

161
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,751
That you can ask me
anything you want.

162
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,837
[ Lily] Did you know I'm gay?

163
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,678
[ Bell tolling ]

164
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:11,056
This is lucky. At 2:00, the school's
award-winning bell players...

165
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:14,059
Will be performing a medley
of civil war drinking songs.

166
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,438
What do they call that?
Unhappy hour? Hmm. Interesting.

167
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:20,941
This was an all-boys academy
when it was established in 1901.

168
00:07:21,025 --> 00:07:22,985
Thank god they went away
from that tradition, huh?

169
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,946
Yeah. I bet the place is one
giant orgy now. Jay, please.

170
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:28,699
- Hey, do you wanna grab a coat?
- Grab your own coat, college boy.

171
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:32,286
Uh, I meant for you. They want us
all to wear a school blazer for the tour,

172
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,079
get the whole dryden experience.

173
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:36,415
Right. I— I'm sorry, buddy.

174
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,209
Hello, parents, prospective
norsemen. Welcome.

175
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,253
Our tour will begin
in this direction...

176
00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:43,756
With a view of our renowned
equestrian center.

177
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,258
[ Exhales] Oohl

178
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:48,135
it took me right back
to 40 years ago...

179
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,929
Candy-ass preppies
with too many privileges.

180
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,432
You know what I hated most
about those guys?

181
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,809
They all had these little noses.

182
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,353
What is that?

183
00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,564
To your left, the world-class
Campbell observatory.

184
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:03,651
Now, of course, if it's stars
of the Hollywood kind that you like,

185
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:05,694
our award-winning theater
is just here,

186
00:08:05,778 --> 00:08:09,573
where this June, Ms. Nicole
Kidman will be appearing in picnic.

187
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,825
[ Chattering ]

188
00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,494
[ Jay] Okay, gun to my head?

189
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,705
Maybe I was a tiny bit jealous
of those guys back then,

190
00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:19,833
with their cars
and their fancy hair products...

191
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:23,504
Your brylcreems and your vo5's.

192
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,649
We'll now take a short break,
where you're free to explore...

193
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:28,801
The treasures
of our rare book library.

194
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,886
You know what was a rare book
in my school library?

195
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,972
One that didn't have genitals
drawn all over it.

196
00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,599
Who am I kidding?

197
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,726
I wanted
what those kids had then,

198
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:41,021
and 40 years later,
I still wanted it.

199
00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:43,083
Manny, write down what
they said about the library.

200
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,085
They're liable to ask you
about that in the interview.

201
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:47,253
And get the lead out. We don't
wanna miss the bell players.

202
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,612
I Jay I excuse me.

203
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,698
But she's so young.

204
00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:53,575
Do you really think that she
already— I knew when I was five.

205
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,470
Everybody knew when you
were five. [Cameron ] Not true.

206
00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:58,223
Not everyone knew until I threw
myself my second fifth birthday party.

207
00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:01,458
Come on. Lily is not gay.
It's probably just a phase.

208
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,377
Oh, my god. Did I just say that?

209
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,504
Do not tell anyone
I just said that.

210
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,673
I got my sweater. Can I go now?

211
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,216
Here. Yeah, sweetie.
Have a seat.

212
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,802
Oh. If this was a hay bale
and she was wearing a prairie skirt,

213
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,446
[voice cracks]
It would be a total flashback.

214
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:14,930
Stay with us.

215
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,433
So Gloria was telling us
about something that you said.

216
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:18,976
Something about you being gay?

217
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,562
What about it? Okay, very
aggressive. Just saying.

218
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:24,773
We're just wondering,
you know, why did you say that?

219
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:27,943
- Because I'm gay.
- But why do you think you're gay, sweetie?

220
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,904
- We're learning about it in school.
- Oh.

221
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,074
My friend Aldo's parents
are Italian, so he's Italian.

222
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:37,077
And you and daddy are gay,
so I'm gay.

223
00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:39,371
[ To ohl gether ]

224
00:09:39,455 --> 00:09:42,291
First of all, adorable.
But that's not how it works.

225
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:46,920
When Aldo's talking about him being
Italian, he's talking about his heritage.

226
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,631
Yeah, and that's a totally
different thing than being gay.

227
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,676
See, heritage is, uh— well, it's
something that you're born with.

228
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,386
And— oh, my god.
What's wrong with me?

229
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:57,681
And with respect
to your heritage, you're not gay.

230
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,266
You're Vietnamese.

231
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:03,353
- What's that?
- Well, Vietnam is a beautiful country,

232
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,939
and it's near China.

233
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,358
Uh, it— it's known for, uh,

234
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,486
its— its farms,
with all of the, uh...

235
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,070
[Snaps fingers] Um...

236
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,614
Uh, water buffalo.
Water buffalo.

237
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:15,616
Uh, bikes. Lily,
there are bikes everywhere.

238
00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:18,577
On! There are so many bikes.
So many bikes.

239
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:20,204
People are biking around.
Mm-hmm.

240
00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,955
And then— and they're
wearing hats. Hats.

241
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,920
They have these beautiful
sun hats. That swoop.

242
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,043
[ Cameron ] Yeah.
Can I go and play now?

243
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,212
Please. Go. Yes.
Yes, gosh. Would ya?

244
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,214
Love for you to.

245
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,965
Is that all you know
about her culture?

246
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:36,261
No. We're saving some of the things
until she gets older to tell her about...

247
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,430
I wanna say the windmills
and the tulips. Don't.

248
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,390
No wonder she has
so many questions.

249
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,059
She doesn't know who she is.

250
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:43,824
I guess we kind of
dropped the ball. Yeah.

251
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,604
You know what?
Forget the pretty nails.

252
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,856
We are all going to
a Vietnamese restaurant...

253
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:50,692
And we are gonna give her
a taste of her culture.

254
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,737
Which one is the best
restaurant around here?

255
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:57,157
I wanna say saigon—
There's little, um...

256
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:59,409
You know nothing.

257
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,870
I'll look in the yelp.

258
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,789
Thank you. You're welcome.

259
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,707
Hey, we should go.
Mom's gonna be here soon.

260
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,168
Why don't you stay and say
hello? She'd love to see you.

261
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:10,452
[Woman #1 ] Why? So she
can tell me how to live my life?

262
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,714
[ Man ] Yeah, I've got my
probation officer for that.

263
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:15,259
We'll see her on her birthday.
When's the next important one?

264
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,179
I know it's none of my business,

265
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,348
but is it possible that
your mom doesn't want you...

266
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,767
To make certain mistakes
'cause she cares?

267
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,061
Oh, my god. You sound
just like her. Let's roll.

268
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,817
Haley, you are not
quitting your job.

269
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,610
Where is this coming from?

270
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:36,134
It's coming from the future,
your future, and it ain't pretty.

271
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,782
I don't understand.
In the future, I'm not pretty?

272
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,718
No, you hold up okay.
But this path you're on...

273
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,222
Fiitting from one thing
to the next...

274
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,180
It ends in a pile of ex-husbands
and nicotine fingers.

275
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,206
[ Phone rings ]
Can I talk now, dad?

276
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,749
Hello?

277
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,377
Alex? You don't have to go
on that trip with Nicole.

278
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,546
You can study
as much as you want.

279
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,382
- Just know that I love you.
- Okay.

280
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,026
Listen to me, Haley.
You are dangerously close...

281
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,844
To getting on a path
you can't get off of.

282
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,179
Dad, stop yelling.
Mom, stop crying.

283
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,390
I know I'm not a big nerd.

284
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,743
Here. Mom wants to talk to
you. Dad wants to talk to you.

285
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,227
[ Together] Hello?

286
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:10,105
Alex, book down,
run a brush through your hair.

287
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,868
You're going on that trip
with your friend.

288
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,610
What? [ Claire ]
Hale y, //o ve you.

289
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:17,380
If you don't wanna work in that store, I'll
help you find something you like better.

290
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,156
Is this reverse psychiatry?

291
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,700
No, honey. Actually, nothing is.

292
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,660
I just want you to be happy.

293
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,245
Mom, you're freaking me out.

294
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:26,788
Why is everyone screaming?

295
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,373
[ Together] Herel

296
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:29,875
this is Luke.

297
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,877
Why are mom and dad
acting so crazy?

298
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,421
I don't know, but it's creepy.
Something's going on.

299
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,424
Do you think it has to do
with mom's heart thing?

300
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,109
Like it's more serious
than they're saying?

301
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,594
We have to go to the hospital.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

302
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,263
Okay, everybody, calm down.

303
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:44,932
Here's what we know.

304
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:47,559
Mom had to go to the hospital
for a simple procedure.

305
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,646
Then mom and dad
start calling us, acting weird.

306
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,397
Open your eyes, people.

307
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:54,316
They've been kidnapped.

308
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,822
Well, now that the tour's over,
we can probably take these off.

309
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,407
I don't see the rush.

310
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,701
And you gotta be mentally sharp
for your interview.

311
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:07,037
How you feeling? Pretty good.

312
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,790
Parents are allowed to sit in,
but if you don't feel like it...

313
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,458
Are you kidding me?
I wouldn't miss it.

314
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,335
[Whispering ] This
is where it all starts.

315
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,521
Sure seems like you've
come around on this place, Jay.

316
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,507
How could I not?
This place is unbelievable.

317
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,193
I'm already picturing
those jerks at the club...

318
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,844
Seeing my son walk in
wearing a dryden jacket.

319
00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,097
Manny delgado?

320
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,351
I— I guess what
I'm trying to say is...

321
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,311
I like books for reading them.

322
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,814
Youcmetoembmam? Indeed.

323
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,821
Did you ever see one
of those slow-motion movies...

324
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:44,866
Where they destroy an old
casino and it just implodes?

325
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,452
That.

326
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,622
So, who are your favorite
authors? That's a long list.

327
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:54,126
I'd probably have
to start with, uh...

328
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:56,586
Go ahead. Hard as you can.

329
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,431
Mmml so good.
[ Patrons chattering ]

330
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,809
- I want a cheeseburger.
- But this is a special soup called pho.

331
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,061
You told me
not to say that word.

332
00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:17,149
It is delicious. This is
the food of your people.

333
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:18,817
[Woman ] Can I get
you anything else?

334
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,653
Actually, we're just trying to teach
our daughter about your country.

335
00:14:21,737 --> 00:14:23,947
And as I'm saying that,
I'm hoping you're from Vietnam.

336
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,408
I was born there. So was Lily.

337
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,327
Oh, it's a beautiful country.
Uh, my family still lives there.

338
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,787
I hate Vietnam!

339
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,598
[Chattering stops] Lily,
honey, we don't hate.

340
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,958
[Singsong ] I hate Vietnam.

341
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,003
Okay, um, we need just a second.

342
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,689
Lily, that was rude.
[Chattering resumes]

343
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,214
I wanna go home.

344
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:43,508
No. It's important
that you celebrate...

345
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:45,427
The culture of your ancestors.

346
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,095
You are Vietnamese.

347
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,265
No, I'm not. I'm gay! I'm
gay! [Chattering stops]

348
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,726
Honey, no, you're not gay.
You are just confused.

349
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,187
Oh, my god. What is
wrong with me? It's like I...

350
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,022
Oh, please.
We have tons of lesbian friends.

351
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,500
Odd that you would reference our
friends and not us. [Chattering resumes]

352
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:01,193
Also gay. We should just go.

353
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:03,779
No, nobody's going anywhere
until she finishes the whole soup!

354
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,466
- No, Gloria, it's fine. We don't wanna push her.
- No, no, no, it's not fine.

355
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:09,330
That's the problem with this country.
Nobody cares where they come from.

356
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,912
They just want cheeseburgers
and prep school,

357
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,581
and they have forgotten
about Colombia!

358
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:18,335
Okay, I can't help but feel that maybe
you're bringing something to the table...

359
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,922
That's possibly, uh,
not at all about Lily.

360
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:23,590
[ Sighs ] I think you're right.

361
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:28,595
It's just that I feel like
I'm losing my children to america.

362
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:32,432
They're just going to grow up
and become boring old white people.

363
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:35,936
Uh, most of our friends
are white, actually.

364
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,479
Okay, can everybody
just calm down...

365
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,272
And go back
to their own conversations?

366
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,318
- Just— thank you.
- Hey. Hey, what's going on with you?

367
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,780
Manny has forgotten
most of his Spanish,

368
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,282
and joe— I'm sure he's not
even going to learn it.

369
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,494
I know this is silly,
but I just don't like feeling...

370
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,539
Like I'm so different
from the rest of my family.

371
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,666
- Oh, honey.
- It feels so lonely, yes.

372
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,293
Oh, wait just a second. Lily,
is that why you wanna be gay...

373
00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,878
To be more like your daddies?

374
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,673
Oh, honey.
No, the three of us are a family...

375
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,550
Even though we come
from different places.

376
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,886
You know, you were born in
Vietnam, and I grew up in a city.

377
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,532
And even though he never talks
about it, your daddy grew up on a farm.

378
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:13,890
Yeah. [ Mutters]

379
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,601
The point is that we're a family
because we love each other.

380
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,145
Okay.

381
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,730
And you know what? You just
caused a scene in a restaurant,

382
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:23,233
and you can't get any more
like your daddies than that.

383
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,154
[Laughs] Maybe I'll just take Manny
and Joe to Colombia this summer.

384
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:28,738
I think that's a great idea.

385
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,008
I really think that keeping
in touch with your heritage...

386
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:33,160
Only enriches our culture.

387
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,495
Absolutely. I think we
would all be better off...

388
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,331
If people would go back
to where they came from.

389
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,125
[ Utensils clatter]
[Chattering stops]

390
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,172
I'll pull the car around. Yes.

391
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:47,966
[ Sighs 1

392
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:50,635
all I can think about are
the good times I had with mom.

393
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,013
Who's gonna walk me down
the aisle? Stop spinning out.

394
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:55,140
There's no point in
imagining some horrible future.

395
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,725
[ Elevator bell dings ]

396
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,568
Mmm.

397
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,695
Hey, buddy. Hi.

398
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,280
You made it. Mm-hmm.

399
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,365
You're in heaven.
That's not funny.

400
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:13,950
Okay. Knock, knock.

401
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:16,762
Don't bother. She's not in the
mood forjokes. Your results are great.

402
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,663
Minimal plaque.
Your heart is strong.

403
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,999
Oh. Thank you.
That's such good news.

404
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,877
Well, keep taking your
medication, you'll outlive all of us.

405
00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:25,522
[Chuches] Thanks.
Honey, you nailed it.

406
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,964
Mmm. You weren't worried,
were you?

407
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,967
Mmm. Me neither.

408
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,179
I wasn't done with that.
Me neither.

409
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:36,932
Hmm. [ Exhales]

410
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,601
God, do you soak your hair
in cigarettes?

411
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,746
[ Elevator bell dings ] Do
you wash your clothes in tears?

412
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:44,648
I have to get home. My
roommate needs these shoes.

413
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,233
Weirdos.

414
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,401
Luke, don't be so mean.
I can't take it today.

415
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,070
I may be your sort of mom now,

416
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,655
and I'm practically
a child myself.

417
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,866
Okay, let's calm down.
Mom could be fine.

418
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:57,202
Come on. They wouldn't be
freaking out if they were fine.

419
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,180
Right, 'cause mom and dad
never freak out over nothing.

420
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,414
They don't. They're perfect.

421
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,708
Remember the time
when dad was switching jobs...

422
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,377
And mom threw away
all of ourjunk food?

423
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,921
That was completely different.
No, no, actually, it's not.

424
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,882
They don't know how to deal with
their stuff, so they obsess over us.

425
00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:13,635
Maybe that's all this is, right?

426
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,595
I can't believe
how relieved I am.

427
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,889
Me too.
I'm just texting the kids.

428
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,183
It's like at a certain age,
“it's probably nothing”...

429
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,727
Becomes “it's probably nothing.”

430
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,980
Like they add italics at 40.

431
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,315
Well, the good news is— mmm.

432
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:30,986
These situations just bring us
closer and closer together.

433
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,570
Hmm.

434
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,739
By the way, you did a great job
of keeping your cool.

435
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,992
Well, I didn't wanna
scare the kids.

436
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,660
You did a pretty
good job yourself.

437
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,245
Thanks. [Laughs]

438
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,455
I have a secret. What's that?

439
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,179
We're pretty good
at this parenting thing.

440
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,834
I think we are.

441
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,712
Kiss me. I'm gonna try.

442
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,255
[ Grunts ]

443
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:53,300
“Mom okay”? You guys
are the worst parents ever.

444
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,135
It's the same every time.

445
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,220
One of you guys goes
through something stressful,

446
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,282
and instead of dealing with it,
you freak out on us.

447
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:00,890
“Quit your job,
don't quit your job”?

448
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,434
“Read more, read less”?

449
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,978
Be better at being adults.
Come on, Luke. Let's go.

450
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,981
[ Luke ] You're not my
mom anymore, butokay!

451
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,736
Save the judgy looks
for another 15 years.

452
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,159
What the hell happened in there?

453
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:21,536
I don't know. I've never
choked like that before.

454
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,204
You think it's a definite no?

455
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,458
You pointed to a picture of the
Dean's son and asked when she's due.

456
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:29,002
Right.
Sorry I let you down, Jay.

457
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,796
I saw how much it meant to you.

458
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,360
It's like I was
on the football field.

459
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,551
You were up in the stands,
all proud of me, rooting me on.

460
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:40,096
I'm not used to that.
I just whiffed.

461
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,183
That's not even the right sport.
Why am I trying to blame you?

462
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,435
Probably 'cause you should be.
Sit down.

463
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:48,521
I think I put
some stuff on you...

464
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:52,025
That is about
some guys 40 years ago...

465
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:55,153
With tiny noses
and perfect hair.

466
00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:57,572
You're losing me.

467
00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,700
There's only one thing
I want you to understand.

468
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:04,412
If today was the first time
you've felt that I was proud of you,

469
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,539
then I should be apologizing,

470
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,917
'cause I'm proud of you
every day.

471
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,294
Thanks, Jay.

472
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,047
Let's go.

473
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,758
Did I really bet him I could fit
his whole cell phone in my mouth?

474
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,611
Forget about that guy. You're
never gonna see him again.

475
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,136
I'm not sure about that.

476
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:23,848
Wait here. 1 sighs 1

477
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,520
[ Luke ] Kernels in? Check.

478
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:30,397
On the right side only? Check.

479
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,291
You know this is the last
of our batter, right?

480
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,775
Our backs are against the wall.

481
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:36,236
Last chance at mastering
the self-fiipping pancake.

482
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,780
You mean “popcake.”
I was thinking “fiipjack.”

483
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,157
Oh, of course! It's okay.

484
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:44,202
[ Sighs ] Okay.
This is the one. I feel it.

485
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,162
If this works,
centuries from now,

486
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,848
someone's gonna dig
one of these things up...

487
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,874
And wonder what the heck it is.

488
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,378
Five, four,

489
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,422
three, two...

490
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,549
Flip! [ Sizzling ]

491
00:20:57,674 --> 00:21:00,385
Flip, damn you! It's over.

492
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,929
No, it's not! It's over!

493
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,472
It's all right.

494
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,308
We left it all out there
on the griddle.

495
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:09,185
We live to fight another day.

496
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,770
Yeah. I guess.

497
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,189
I can't believe we wasted
all that batter.

498
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,668
I guess you can't make an
omelet without breaking a few eggs.

499
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,485
Am I right?

500
00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,070
Or can we?

501
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:21,448
To the grocery store.

502
00:21:21,531 --> 00:21:23,867
[ Popping, sizzling ]