1 00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:05,173 Family fun meeting by the front door, stat! 2 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,385 - “Stat” means right now! - [ Groans ] What is it? 3 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,680 Ignore her. She's been in a bad mood all day, and Luke isn't home yet. 4 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:15,558 - I'm right here. - Where were you? 5 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,310 This house still holds its secrets. 6 00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:19,729 You're probably wondering why I called you all here. 7 00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:21,731 - Nope. - Well, stop your wondering... 8 00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:24,692 - We're not wondering. - And behold this wonder! 9 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,277 [ Haley] Oh, my god! [ Claire ] Wow. 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,862 [ Phil laughs] [ Haley] Seriously? 11 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,198 I sold a home to the one and only Pete Johnson. 12 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,741 There's only one Pete Johnson? 13 00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:34,660 Only one who's California's top r.V. Dealer. 14 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:37,747 There's 835 others. Nightmare of a deal to paper. 15 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,558 [ Claire ] Well, and this was his way of saying... 16 00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,042 - Thank you. - Of course. 17 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,627 He paid a commission too, right? 18 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,379 Yes. And he told me I could take Jolene out anytime. 19 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,923 Yeah, I named her. 20 00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,425 Let's take this dirty girl for a spin up the coast. 21 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,718 [Alex laughs] 22 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,345 [ Luke ] Awesome! Pretty sweet, huh? 23 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,971 [ Alex ] Yeah! Huh. 24 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,765 Oh, I can see where this is going. 25 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:58,684 This summer, you, me, the kids... 26 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,770 Yellowstone national park. Mmm. 27 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:03,481 And that's just a verona. He offered me an amalfi. 28 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,066 An amalfi, Claire. 29 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,276 That makes the umbria look like a portofino. 30 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:08,921 Well, they should've called it the Roman, 31 00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:11,197 'cause that's what we're about to be doin'. 32 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,658 I'm really not following you. 33 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,368 Ten days on the road with those kids? 34 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,953 Winnebag-no. 35 00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,747 I hate it when Phil does this, and I have to be the bad guy... 36 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,500 Who comes in and squelches his brilliant idea. 37 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,919 I said no. Get it out of my house. 38 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,587 Fine. 39 00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:28,172 Come on, Jolene. 40 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,760 Fortunately, this time, I don't have to be the wet blanket, 41 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,263 because even on just a short spin up the coast, 42 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:38,099 Phil will see what I see every day... 43 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,642 The transformation that happens... 44 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,228 When our kids are locked in a moving metal box. 45 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:45,606 The kraken that is unleashed. 46 00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,358 I love my kids very, very much. 47 00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,194 Y hey, heyy 48 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,363 y hey, heyy 49 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,532 y hey, heyy 50 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,325 y hey, heyy 51 00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:57,702 j hey jv 52 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,998 you're poking me. Yeah, well, I know, sweetie, 53 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:03,681 but if I don't get these pins just right, 54 00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:06,469 your bun could fall out during your routine, and it could mess you up. 55 00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:09,630 Okay, let's test it out. All right. 56 00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:12,675 Jump. Good. Spin. 57 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:15,761 Now give me Beyoncé. J'j' [ Hums] 58 00:02:15,845 --> 00:02:18,031 Okay, I've done everything I can do. It's up to you now. 59 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,557 We have a gymnast in our family. 60 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,142 Yeah, lin goes to gymnastics class. 61 00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,019 In one short year, I've seen her blossom... 62 00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,438 From a little girl who couldn't do a somersault... 63 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,523 Into one who... kind of can. 64 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,668 Yeah, and by that standard, we also have a black belt, 65 00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:32,153 art prodigy and prima ballerina in our family. 66 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,965 You know what we don't have in our family is two loving, supportive fathers. 67 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,449 I'm just saying she's five, you know? 68 00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,617 And you never let her forget it. [ Sighs 1 69 00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:41,412 excuse me. Is that your little girl out there? It is. 70 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,289 - And you did her hair? - I did. 71 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:46,042 Do you mind helping my Julie with hers? 72 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,002 Oh. Oh, do you guys own a convertible? 73 00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:50,004 Oh, no judgment. 74 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:53,090 Yeah, I'll get to work right when Lily's done. 75 00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:01,265 Not bad. That little leap at the end— that's new. 76 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,267 Wow. She's getting really good. 77 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,227 [Softly ] You better bring your “a” game. 78 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:08,981 Oh, my god. Cam, look. Lin's in second place— 9.2. 79 00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:11,668 I told you she's a gymnast. With scores like that, she's gonna make pre-team. 80 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,943 Are you serious? Mm-hmm. 81 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,071 Pre-team? She could make pre— What's pre-team? 82 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,157 Claire! 83 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,575 Phil! 84 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:20,868 Haley! 85 00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,244 Luke! 86 00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:23,788 Alex! 87 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,599 Gloria, we've been through the roster three times. 88 00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,208 They're not home. 89 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,977 But their cars are here. Where could they be? 90 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,503 Who knows what these people do? 91 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,004 Well, my backpack is in there, Jay. 92 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,690 My poem for my poetry reading. Calm down. 93 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,299 Didn't you back it up on your computer? 94 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,259 What kind of man writes poetry on a computer? 95 00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,553 You could've ended that sentence after “poetry.” 96 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,430 [ Door opens ] 97 00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:44,850 Come in. And no questions. 98 00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:48,959 [ Footsteps descending ] [ Manny] My backpack wasn't upstairs. 99 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,982 What's that? Postcard from a friend of Claire's— Rachel. 100 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,902 “Living it up in club med cozumel.” 101 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:57,029 Looks like that marriage went down the drain. 102 00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:58,572 In other shocking news, 103 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,283 Phil subscribes to a trampoline magazine. 104 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,578 Going through other people's mail. Keeping it classy, Jay. 105 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,580 Mom, my backpack isn't in Luke's room. 106 00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:08,791 [ Singsongy] I don't see it in here, either. 107 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,376 I don't think it would fit in there. 108 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,837 Ay, this was open when I came in. 109 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,089 I was just looking for an aspirin. 110 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:17,174 I thought that I heard some noises. 111 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,593 So you were snooping. Oh, so now it's snooping... 112 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,554 Wanting to know more about your family... 113 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,722 By looking through their personal things? 114 00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:26,434 Not just now. Since the invention of things. 115 00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,227 Is that one of Claire's brownies? 116 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,937 No. They're delicious. Must be cam's. 117 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,022 Oh, no. Don't worry. There's more. 118 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,567 No! That's where my backpack is. 119 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,945 Cam drove me and Luke home. I must've left it in his car. 120 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,530 Why are you so scattered lately? 121 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:43,451 Aw, he's just nervous because of his poetry reading tonight. 122 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,035 But don't worry, pap/z 123 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,913 I am going to be there to support you. 124 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,790 I don't want my mom there. 125 00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:53,127 I'm exploring some darker themes I'm not sure she's ready for. 126 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,921 Poems like “the umbilical noose,” 127 00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:57,465 “a jail called mom,” 128 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,425 “smother nature.” 129 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:02,178 She'll just find some way to make it all about her. 130 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:03,762 [Seagull squawking ] 131 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:07,475 And a toasty 75 degrees for daughter Haley. 132 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:09,059 Jj [ Speakers: 'C/a/'r de lune ”] 133 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:12,521 You see, the verona boasts individualized climate zones, Claire. 134 00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:16,275 - Mmm. - I could literally transport a polar bear and an orchid... 135 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,903 And not make two trips. 136 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,572 Dad, I'm freezing. It's like one degree back here. 137 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,118 Six minutes in and it begins. 138 00:05:26,202 --> 00:05:27,912 Here. Take the blanket from the bed. 139 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:31,123 - Thanks, kitten. - Dad, can you change the music? 140 00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:33,292 - Can I? - Yy [ Maze/1: Piano canoe/10 no. 27 ] 141 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,055 Oh, no. Oh, no, that's just getting louder. 142 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:37,671 This isn't good. It's not good at all. 143 00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:39,274 [ Alex ] Actually, it's kind of perfect. 144 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:42,426 Right? The big windows, the classical music. 145 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,261 It's like we're in a movie. 146 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,680 Turn it up, handsome. You got it. 147 00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:50,184 ,/♪, /' [ Volume /ncreases ] 148 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,437 Obviously, the novelty of the situation was delaying the inevitable. 149 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:56,023 But I didn't want to get halfway into a trip to yellowstone... 150 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:59,944 Before Phil discovered what malevolent hellspawn we have for children... 151 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,071 Whom I love very much. 152 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,864 Jj [ Continues] 153 00:06:03,948 --> 00:06:05,658 Alex, honey, that's a cute sweater. 154 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,181 - Doesn't Haley have one like that? - Oh, it actually is hers. 155 00:06:08,244 --> 00:06:09,930 I took it from her closet before we left. Really? 156 00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:12,790 Oh. Sorry, girls. Didn't mean to start a whole thing. 157 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:17,044 I am so sick of you always looking better in my clothes. 158 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,755 - When did that happen? - You're okay with this? 159 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:22,798 Oh, yeah. She can wear whatever she wants after I've had it for six months. 160 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,343 - Oh. - Or I get it automatically... 161 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,946 If you buy anything that looks like it. 162 00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:28,722 This just feels right. Huh, team? 163 00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,808 Matter of fact, I was thinking... 164 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,060 We could all drive up to yellowstone this summer, 165 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:37,648 but I say let's take this beeyotch ocean to ocean. 166 00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:39,441 That'd be cool. Awesome. 167 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,068 - We're doing it. - [Girls laugh ] 168 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,903 - Phil, the road! - [ Yells ] 169 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,530 [Tires screeching ] [Yelps ] 170 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:50,619 I don't know what button I just pressed, but that was amazing. 171 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,959 My backpack's definitely not in there. 172 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,603 Well, they're not picking up their phone. 173 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,337 He must've brought it inside. 174 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,590 Sorry, kid. Looks like you're out of luck. 175 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,676 - Come. - Don't they have a burglar alarm? 176 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,052 A y, please. 177 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,139 Okay, everybody, split up and search. 178 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,409 Jay, you look in the bedroom. I'm not looking in their bedroom. 179 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:15,769 Fine. Mom, I don't think my backpack is in cam's bag. 180 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:18,772 I was just closing it for him. I heard a noise. 181 00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,816 Looks like the guys threw a little party. 182 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,527 Inoficed. They brought out the guest soaps. 183 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,487 How long have you been in here? 184 00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:28,741 Hey. This is that bottle of wine I bought Phil... 185 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,284 When he started his company. 186 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,370 And Claire's lipstick is on many of these wine glasses. 187 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,955 Pictionary. They had game night? 188 00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:37,499 But we always go to game night. 189 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:40,502 Son of a bitch. They snubbed us. 190 00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:41,795 Foundifi 191 00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,465 there must've been a dozen players. 192 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:46,050 Pepper was here. 193 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,094 But pepper loves me. 194 00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:50,638 Okay, she's all set. 195 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,824 I defy you to find a tighter bun in this gymnasium. [ Chuckles ] 196 00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:55,017 Lot of different ways you could've said that. 197 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,900 Oh, and good luck on your floor routine, sweetie. Not that you need it. 198 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,607 That's Abby. She's the best in class. 199 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,233 She's our competition. Oh. 200 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,917 I've never wanted to beat a kid so badly. 201 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,488 Are you not hearing these? No. Okay. [ Clears throat] 202 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,281 Oh, Lily's on the beam. 203 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:12,052 I'm nervous about her dismount. You said that she could stick the landing, right? 204 00:08:12,076 --> 00:08:15,621 Yeah, as long as she breathes, relies on her training and stays in the zone. 205 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,724 We are talking about her stepping off a six-inch beam. 206 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:20,334 And not falling. Right. 207 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:24,338 I have to admit seeing Lily do so well brought out something in me. 208 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,173 The pride of being a parent of a child... 209 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,218 W/70 wasn't'jusf panicioaling but thriving. 210 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,678 [Grabs bleacher] 211 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:35,557 - Okay, here comes her dismount. - Stick it, Lily. Stick it! 212 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,228 [Applause ] [ Mitchell ] She stuck it! 213 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,979 She stuck it. 214 00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,314 Whoo! 215 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,818 If no one beat my daughter's score on the beam, 216 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,112 she would make pre-team. 217 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,322 She'd be one of the elites. 218 00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:53,033 [ Sighs ] Funny thing, pride. 219 00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,869 They say it goeth before the... 220 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,955 [ Softly] Fall. Fall. Fall. 221 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,624 Mitchell, I can hear you rooting for a little girl to fall. 222 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,793 If I can hear you, other people can hear you. 223 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,378 - [ Peo _ yes! Ple gasping ] 224 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,255 I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. 225 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,798 Yeah. He didn't mean it. 226 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,008 Idmntrneanit no, unl hejustgotcaughtup. 227 00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:14,304 And, uh, you know— we all know competition makes people do crazy things, so... 228 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,890 Look at this! Her bun fell apart during the floor exercise. 229 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,226 Her hair got in her eyes, and she couldn't even finish. 230 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,103 You did it on purpose! 231 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,312 Daddies! No! 232 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,981 I'm in first place. 233 00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:26,692 That's great. 234 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,948 - Did you offend them? - Me? They love me. 235 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,118 Can we go now? I have a poetry reading tonight. 236 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,662 And speaking of that, are you sure you guys really want... 237 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:42,374 It makes no sense. We're always the life of every party. 238 00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:45,043 Maybe they didn't invite you because you're a couple of snoops? 239 00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:47,337 Okay, Mr. Goody two-shoes. 240 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,173 A trait normal parents would value. 241 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,218 Jay, I think you're right about him. 242 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:55,846 He's been too good lately for a teenager. 243 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,431 It's not normal. 244 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,141 I am afraid that the world is going to... 245 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,435 Oh, hell, no. This is too far. 246 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,020 Look at this. 247 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,899 Is that supposed to be— That's us. 248 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:08,525 Not only do we get blown off, 249 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,277 now they're making fun of us. 250 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,322 Well, I'm just gonna leave them a little message. 251 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:19,661 As far as I'm concerned, they can all... 252 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,792 Horse mouth! That's a good one! 253 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,710 Horse mouth is not an expression. 254 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:30,088 You can't get this? Look. Donkey. 255 00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:32,424 That's not a donkey. Look at the ears. 256 00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,301 Okay. Donkey mouth. 257 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,969 That's a terrible guess. 258 00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,596 That's a terrible drawing! 259 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:40,098 Hello? We weren't invited because you stink at this game. 260 00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:41,642 At least I can draw. 261 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,227 Excuse me. Just need a signature. 262 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,978 Yeah, sure. 263 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,025 Okay. 264 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,652 Here we go. 265 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,695 There. Thank you. Yep. 266 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,949 That's not a signature. You drew a cat. 267 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,534 Thank you. 268 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,746 Gr [ Grieg: ”morning mood ” ] 269 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:06,667 [ Sighs 1 270 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,086 [ Claire ] Pen'ect' freaking Harmony 271 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,671 that's when it hit me. 272 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,423 Maybe it's not the cold confines of a moving vehicle... 273 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,217 That brings out the worst in my kids. 274 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:18,387 Maybe / bring out the worst in them... 275 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:22,266 When there's no fun-lovin' Phil around to neutralize my toxins. 276 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,226 I was in a full shame spiral. 277 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,811 [ Buzzing ] Oh! A bee! 278 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,564 And then something wonderful happened. 279 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,774 I got it! Ow! You idiot! 280 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,860 Kmifl no, don't! 281 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:35,445 Haven't you heard of colony collapse? Bees are endangered. 282 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:38,282 Okay, guys, stand still. It can't see you if you're not moving. 283 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,260 It's coming near me! J, » [ ”in the hall of the mountain king ” j 284 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:43,203 [screams] Do I look like a bee? No! It was an accident! 285 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:44,788 Well, so is this! 286 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,999 [ Girls screaming ] 287 00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,836 Everyone remain calm. I'll just open up the double-tilt Swiss skylight, 288 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,731 and the airflow will pull the bee out of— aaah! There's another bee now! 289 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,884 We must be near its cave! Oh, my god! There's so much stupid in here! 290 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,487 All right, I'm pulling this thing over. 291 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,053 [ Lever clicks ] Those are the wipers. 292 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,597 Claire, say something. 293 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:04,391 [ Screaming, grunting ] [ Monotone] Kids, stop, please. 294 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,394 Hey, there are daily flights to yellowstone. 295 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,104 [ Screams ] [ Fabric tears ] 296 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,065 You ripped my sweater! My sweater, which you shouldn't even be wearing. 297 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,152 Get off of my sweater! Short layover in salt lake. 298 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,945 Are you really not gonna do anything? 299 00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:19,573 Oh, Phil, you must have known this was gonna happen. 300 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,533 I know that tone. You're making a point. 301 00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,911 It's better that you find out who they are now... 302 00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,714 Than when you're halfway across the country. 303 00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,414 [Tires squeal ] [Screaming ] 304 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,893 I guess I'm just a naive boob who thought we liked each other. 305 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,936 Obviously, it was too much to ask— [ Buzzing continues] 306 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,254 To think that we could take one magnificent trip... 307 00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:36,590 In a tricked-out, state-of-the-art r.V... 308 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,717 To see the sun dancing off the pacific. 309 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,511 What a huge ask! [ Buzzing stops] 310 00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:47,684 [ Door slams ] [ Phil ] Ow! 311 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,900 I can't stand the way everyone's staring at us. 312 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,278 Yeah, I know. It's the way we look at people who walk with their pet birds. 313 00:12:58,362 --> 00:12:59,863 There she is! 314 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,027 Hey, good luck on your balance beam routine, sweetie. 315 00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:04,034 - You're gonna do great. - I'll never beat Lily. 316 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,828 Of course you will, because you're a superstar. 317 00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,640 And your daughter's a genius. I am such a fan. 318 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,624 Now you're overcompensating. Ihaveto. 319 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,376 You saw what a monster I was out there. 320 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,587 This— this is the exact thing I always hated in my dad... 321 00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:19,341 That ugly, macho, testosterone drive to win. 322 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,009 And today it has flowered in me. 323 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,553 Well— no. This ends today, cam. 324 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,389 I am not passing this on to Lily. 325 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,492 It's not all on you. You know, I'm beginning to think... 326 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:29,685 Maybe I did sabotage Abby's hair. 327 00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,104 I didn't spray. I didn't Beyoncé. 328 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,022 I basically built a ticking time bun. 329 00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,857 Well... 330 00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:38,193 W [ Classical] 331 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:42,155 [Audience gasps] Are you okay? 332 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:45,616 Oh! 333 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,620 My hair hurts. I'll fix it. 334 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,000 [ Mitchell ] We should find Lily. 335 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:56,420 Did you see what your daughter just did? 336 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,464 Uh, Lily, did you pull the pins out of Julie's hair? 337 00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,841 Yeah. She fell. 338 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:02,801 Okay, um... 339 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,946 I— could I get everyone's attention for just a moment? 340 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,722 We consider what our daughter just did... 341 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,474 To be an embarrassment to the sport of gymnastics. 342 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,619 [Cameron ] I assure you, she did not learn this from us. 343 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,955 And as far as we are concerned, that is a sign of weakness. 344 00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,314 Not the way a winner behaves, but the way... 345 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,525 Ajoserbehaves aloserbehaves. 346 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,586 Come on, Lily. Let's get your grips and tiger paws. 347 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:24,281 You're going to a time-out. Yeah. A nice long one. 348 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,701 I made pre-team, and my daddies get to watch from outside. 349 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,037 [ Softly] No closer than 100 feet. But we're appealing. 350 00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:33,290 Yay, Lily! [Laughs] 351 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:37,419 Kill the chicken! Chicken fingers! 352 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,338 Pigeon man! Pigeon man. Pigeon man. 353 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,840 You see, Tony, it's not me. 354 00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,092 Would you invite her to game night? I'm gonna go now. 355 00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:46,970 They're kinda sticklers about the next-day delivery thing. 356 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,098 Bird in the hand! There you go. 357 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,267 Any slower, she'd be the us. Mail. Am I right? 358 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,061 That's gonna kill at the warehouse. 359 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,480 You see? You are the problem. 360 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,815 Except you cheated. I saw you look at the paper. 361 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,610 - I knew it. - You're no better. 362 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,361 All the screaming and bullying. 363 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,655 The question isn't why you two weren't invited. 364 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,574 It's why you're ever invited. 365 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:10,911 And by the way, this isn't even about you. 366 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,704 Treasure chest. 367 00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:14,915 Now can we clean this place up and go? 368 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,541 1 sighs 1 369 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,045 funny story. 370 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:21,922 My mom and Jay were invited. 371 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:25,258 Cam gave me the invitation atschool and I forgot about it. 372 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,462 But how could I tell them right after I'd shamed them? 373 00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:29,221 I had to cover my tracks. 374 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,681 It's true, Jay. I cheated. 375 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:35,227 I cheat a little bit every time that we come to the game night. 376 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,062 I think Mitch saw me the last time, 377 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,998 and that's why they don't want to play with us anymore. 378 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,691 But why would you do that? I don't know. 379 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:45,278 Maybe because I don't want you to think that I am not smart. 380 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,822 I would never think that. 381 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,782 Besides, it's my fault anyway. 382 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,201 The kid is right. I'm too competitive. 383 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,787 Lost a game of yahtzee once. The dice are still in the wall. 384 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,622 Yeah, but at least you're not a cheater. 385 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:58,125 I feel like such a donkey mouth. 386 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,336 Guys, there's something you should know. 387 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,131 It's trivial pursuit night at mom's church. 388 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,216 I hate for you to miss my poetry reading, 389 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,801 but maybe you could head down there, 390 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,344 work on your sportsmanship, 391 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,555 and you will feel better about yourselves. 392 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,890 Are you sure you're going to be okay without me there? 393 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:17,144 Yes, smother. Mother. I'll be in the car. 394 00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:20,522 [ Door opens, closes ] I get this damn competitive streak from my old man. 395 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,525 It's a miracle I didn't pass it down to Mitchell. 396 00:16:22,566 --> 00:16:24,484 I love that we can blame our parents. 397 00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:27,571 My mother was the biggest cheater I've ever known, 398 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,240 and she used to snoop on everything that we did. 399 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,326 Ay. Jay, look at this. 400 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,036 Our invitation. 401 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,955 They must have forgot to give it to us. 402 00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:40,083 No. I checked this bag when we got here, and it wasn't there. 403 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:43,128 - Why do you always— - because you know I have a problem. 404 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,089 This was Manny. He forgot to give it to us, 405 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:49,092 and then he came and tried to sneak it in there. 406 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,636 Why wouldn't he just tell us? 407 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,222 Maybe because he doesn't want us to go to the reading. 408 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:58,351 That's why he was talking about the church and the game. 409 00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,895 He was working us. 410 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,738 Guess he's not too much of a goody two-shoes. 411 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:06,985 No. He's a lying, scheming little sneak. 412 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,528 That's my son. 413 00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:09,654 Our son. 414 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,114 [ Chuckles ] 415 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,325 I've never seen dad freak out like that before. 416 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,868 I feel terrible. 417 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,453 Oh, it's partly my fault. 418 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,039 I goaded you guys into a fight to prove a point. 419 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,874 Why do I always have to win? 420 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,959 How did I get this way? 421 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,045 [ Footsteps approaching ] [Seagulls squawking ] 422 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,671 That you? 423 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,256 Yeah. [ Exhales] 424 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,008 You? 425 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:33,053 How many kids in yours? Felt like 30. 426 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,721 I got four. 427 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,390 But I'm thinking of emancipating two of them early. 428 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,726 Tell me one of you has cigarettes or a flask. 429 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,019 Sorry, buddy. 430 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,355 [ Clicks tongue ] I've been through every state... 431 00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:46,566 Depressed, catatonic, Arkansas. 432 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:50,237 I considered faking my own death in Bryce canyon national park. 433 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,572 Have you been? Not to be missed. 434 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:55,033 I'm gonna miss it. I'm missing every bit of it. 435 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:58,078 Not spending another second in that rolling asylum. 436 00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:02,082 Poor guy. How long you been on the road? Couple weeks? 437 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:04,000 Couple days? 438 00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:09,881 1 sighs 1 dad's in the middle of a super-sad dude hug. 439 00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:12,509 We really disappointed him. 440 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,929 Yeah, maybe we should just suck it up and go to jellystone this summer. 441 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,431 Wait. That's why dad got this thing? 442 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,767 I-I can't go on a trip this summer. 443 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,228 - Why? - I've— [ Sighs ] 444 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:27,190 I've got stuff. Huh? No. What stuff? 445 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,276 Luke. I don't want to talk about it. 446 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,195 Summer school. I'm failing pre-algebra. 447 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,949 Why didn't you say something? I don't know. I feel stupid. 448 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,512 You know what it's like to follow her? 449 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,411 All the teachers look at me... 450 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:42,163 And think that I'm some kind of irrational remainder. 451 00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:44,457 - Did I use that right? - No. 452 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,042 Dang it. 453 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,211 [Alex] Why didn't you ask me? I would've tutored you. 454 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:51,381 I tried, but you were always off in your room... 455 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,300 Or some corner of the house on the phone. 456 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,136 Yeah, who have you been talking to so much lately? Aaron? 457 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,388 Who's Aaron? Actually, it's two boys— Aaron and Alex. 458 00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:00,557 Oh, two boys. A boy named Alex likes you? 459 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,960 Yeah, I know. It's weird. But my friend Andi with an “I”... 460 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,270 She's a girl— also liked Alex. The boy? 461 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,456 Yes, the boy. I don't refer to myself in the third person. 462 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,733 I thought Aaron was the third person. No. 463 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,277 Anyway, I thought I was cool juggling two boys at once, but... 464 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,863 [Sighs] They both ended up dumping me on the same day. 465 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,531 [ Gasps ] Sweetie, that's awful. 466 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,533 How did I not know this was happening? 467 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,368 You've been really busy lately. 468 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,287 Like with fiipping that house. 469 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,210 And plus I didn't really want to talk about it, 470 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,708 because it's kind of embarrassing. 471 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:29,961 Not as embarrassing as failing a class that starts with “pre.” 472 00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,130 Baby. You guys wanna feel better? 473 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,924 I auditioned to be a laker girl this morning. 474 00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:36,551 [ Gasps ] What? You did? No way. 475 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,554 I took all those dance classes when I was younger, and I don't know. 476 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,349 I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. 477 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,893 So I saw online that there were open tryouts, 478 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,478 so I went down there. And? 479 00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,813 I'm the new head laker girl, mom. 480 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,608 It was a disaster. I was the worst one there. 481 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,568 I couldn't even get through my routine. 482 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,487 You have a routine? 483 00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,907 Pat, Heath, you guys have given me... 484 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,492 The courage to go back in there, 485 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,244 stand up to my wife and tell her she was right all along. 486 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:05,246 Happy trails, Phil. 487 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,539 Heath? 488 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,958 I might just stay here a while. 489 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:12,686 Phil? Phil, I have to show you something. 490 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,673 Don't gloat. I get it. I keep trying to push this family closer together, 491 00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:18,239 but they need their space. No, no, no. We have too much space. 492 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:21,346 Being trapped in one room has forced us to actually talk to one another, 493 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,749 and I have found out some incredible things about our kids. 494 00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,934 Wait. Incredible good? 495 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,852 You tell me. 496 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,813 Jj [ Speakers: Dance ] 497 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,648 Oh, my god. 498 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,692 - Dream come true. I don't even need context. - Yeah! 499 00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,444 [ High-pitched voice ] What is this? 500 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,489 So our trip's back on? [ Claire ] We're in if Jolene's in. 501 00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,409 Cmneon. Don! Yeah! 502 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:43,993 [Laughs] 503 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,623 Oh! Why can't I get this? 504 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,959 You just gotta focus. Clear your mind. 505 00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,794 Loosen up. Get in the zone. You know this. 506 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:55,189 Okay, we're gonna walk through this together, step-by-step. 507 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:57,507 Five, six, seven, eight. 508 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,301 One, two, three, four, 509 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:03,138 five and six, seven and eight. 56.1 plus or minus 8.25. 510 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,116 That's the first one. One, two, three, four, five, six... 511 00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,992 Number two. “X” plus two over four equals three plus three... 512 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:10,228 Two, five minus— Damn it, Alex, do you mind? 513 00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:13,022 We're doing something important here. 514 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,317 Okay, once more from the tippy, like nobody's watching. 515 00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,194 The quantity of “x” plus two, uh, plus six. 516 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,488 Five, six, seven, eight. One, two...