1 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:03,671 Okay, big day for this household. 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:04,972 It certainly is. So exciting. 3 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,640 Nothing like starting a new job. 4 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,143 Or finally coming into your own at a job you already have. 5 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,744 Yeah. The promise of something new. 6 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,713 Oh. The rewards finally being... 7 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,348 Opposite things being equally good. 8 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,983 Cheers. Mm. Yes. 9 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,652 I have accepted a job at the c.F.J., 10 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,254 the... The center for justice. 11 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:21,389 Not, it turns out, 12 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,257 a secret headquarters for superheroes. 13 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,025 Aww. No, it... it kind of is. 14 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,994 [ Chuckles ] It's a legal-aid society 15 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,097 founded by a law-school friend of mine. 16 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,065 I will be an advocate for the people, 17 00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:33,234 a voice for the voiceless. 18 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,169 And just as important... 19 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,270 Oh, thank you. 20 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,539 Tonight, i am chaperoning the spring-a-ding-fling, 21 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:41,342 a fundraiser, a dance, which, under my stewardship, 22 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,611 has shattered school records. Yeah. 23 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,413 And i added the "a-ding." 24 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,182 It used to just be called the spring fling. 25 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,850 [ Chuckles ] 26 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,985 I should have said my thing first. 27 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,055 Hey, guys. 28 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,291 For my opening number tonight... Be honest. 29 00:00:57,325 --> 00:01:00,394 Does it look like i have anything on under this? 30 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,063 Tonight is the scarb. Mm. 31 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,633 Southern California annual realtors' banquet. 32 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:06,767 It is the banquet 33 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,469 for Southern California realtors. 34 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,970 Literally, it's the only one. 35 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,706 And this guy is the only two-time host... 36 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:13,874 Three-time. 37 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,943 Three-time host in the history of the event. 38 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,045 Unfortunately, i have to miss it this year. 39 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,046 It's for the best. 40 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,047 She's invisible at these things. 41 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,982 It's tough being married to the rock star. 42 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,050 [ Sighs ] 43 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,153 Luckily, i lined up a substitute date. 44 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,987 Dad. You're still up. Hey. 45 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,989 Yeah, just working on some jokes for the banquet. 46 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,458 Hey, how'd you like to come with me? 47 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,160 I would love to! 48 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,394 Not surprised she said yes. 49 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,938 That girl's got real estate in her blood. 50 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,106 She used to come with me to open houses 51 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,431 when she was little. 52 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,634 We may have even talked about a father/daughter partnership. 53 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,179 Yeah, she's been drifting a little lately, 54 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,237 but i think a taste 55 00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:45,306 of regional real-estate's most glamorous night 56 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,008 might just re-ignite that flame. 57 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,611 [ Scoffs ] I can't believe i have to go to this thing. 58 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:51,912 But what choice did i have? 59 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,747 I would love to! 60 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,959 But you're not gonna have those cookies without milk, right? 61 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,285 Right. 62 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,387 Come on, Phil. 63 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,037 *** 64 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,373 break area. Mm-hmm. 65 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,141 Copier. My stinky dog. 66 00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,544 Oh, look at you. 67 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,145 You just threw up recently. Okay. 68 00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:26,714 [ Gasps ] Oh, my gosh. 69 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:27,891 That's you and Michelle Obama. 70 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,116 That's my aunt. 71 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,151 I am so sorry. I don't know why i thought that... 72 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,721 Calm down, white guilt. It's Michelle Obama. 73 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:34,988 Oh, good, yeah. 74 00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:36,957 Yeah, you've accomplished a lot in 15 years. 75 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,459 Professionally, yeah. 76 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,961 I haven't had a date in six months. 77 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,364 Some Sundays, i drive out to visit my frozen eggs. 78 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,998 But, on the plus side, 79 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,067 i have gotten really close with my mom. 80 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,902 Oh, look at that. I see the resemblance. 81 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,238 That's Maya angelou. Damn it. 82 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,339 It's signed, Mitch. 83 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,473 Oh. Yeah. I see that. 84 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,308 This is gonna be fun! I know! 85 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,076 I'm just really looking for... You! 86 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,912 What was that outfit last night? That was a business dinner! 87 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,047 What is wrong with you? 88 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,148 Man: Wendy, i tried. 89 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,184 Well, try harder. Guh-guh. 90 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,253 Ooh, here's your office. 91 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,354 Okay. 92 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,588 Oh, this is nice. Mm. 93 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:10,924 Yeah. Dennis liked it... Until he didn't. 94 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,025 I'll check on you later. 95 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:14,395 Okay. All right. 96 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,097 Let's see here. 97 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,668 Huh. 98 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,702 New guy? 99 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,012 Uh, yes. Hi. I'm Mitchell pritchett. 100 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,238 Dan. 101 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,749 Hope you don't have any plans for Sunday night. 102 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,075 Dan! What are you still doing here? 103 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,377 Go! Sorry. 104 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,911 Huh! Right. 105 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,480 That way! 106 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:34,582 Ha. 107 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,384 [ Chuckles ] Okay. 108 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,951 So... [ Drawer opens ] 109 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,120 Oh, no. 110 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,126 I do love it in leather. 111 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,861 Well, learn to love it in silk. 112 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,897 It's too hot outside to be wearing leather. 113 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,732 I'm talking about this car. 114 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,900 Oh, by the way, 115 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,935 i do the negotiating at the dealership today. 116 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,804 Why? Honey, I'm a businessman. 117 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:57,938 When it comes to people, 118 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,973 i know how to get what i want out of them. 119 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,141 This watch... 120 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:04,144 The man sold it to me for half of what he was asking. 121 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,047 These... a third. 122 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,116 These... for free. 123 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,485 So, who's better 124 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,554 at working people, Mr. businessman? 125 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,055 Fine. We have different approaches, 126 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,165 but we're both pretty good. 127 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,491 Mm. [ Cellphone rings ] 128 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:18,492 [ Sighs ] 129 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,494 Hello, Mitch. 130 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:21,729 Hey, buddy. 131 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,431 You look like you want to get up and walk. 132 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,233 Late bloomer... fine. 133 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,002 Who cares if the other kids call you "slo-Joe"? 134 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,738 And they do, you know. 135 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,773 Bye-bye. 136 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,476 We're gonna have to reschedule the car shopping. 137 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,445 Mitch has to work. Cam has to dance. 138 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,012 We have to sit Lily. 139 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:39,913 Hmm. 140 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,449 What? Nothing. 141 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,042 Just... i could have got us out of that. 142 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,354 [ Coughs ] Stop! Ugh! 143 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,355 Eat it! Get off me! 144 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,589 Eat the grass, cow! 145 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,023 Hi, Rhonda. Hi, Mrs. Dunphy. 146 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,091 [ Spits ] Hey, mom. 147 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,969 Honey, it's getting very close to time for the dance. 148 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,003 Shouldn't you go in and get changed? 149 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,329 I did already. 150 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,706 The guys are coming by. We're gonna ride from here. 151 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:57,831 What about you, Rhonda? 152 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,042 You want to go in and get cleaned up? 153 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,334 I'm good. Are you? 154 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,169 What about that dirt on your face? Oh! 155 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,037 Luke, you wait here. Ride with your friends. 156 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,506 I will bring Rhonda. Come on. 157 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,974 [ Spits ] 158 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,510 Just, um, give me a good shake like a dog 159 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,544 before you go inside. 160 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,545 Yeah. 161 00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:12,646 [ Laughter ] 162 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,548 Alex: I know. 163 00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,049 And my dad has three tattoos. 164 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,150 Like, "why? You're a dad." 165 00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,986 Ew! It's so sad when parents try. 166 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,229 My mom double-pierced one of her ears, 167 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,455 and I'm like, "hello! 168 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:22,723 You're 50." Yeah. 169 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,067 It's so old, like, ancient to have an ear piercing. 170 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,459 Mm. Mm. It's just... 171 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,003 Me, too, yeah. Uh, you two decide to go to the dance? 172 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,696 Well, yeah, but not really. But, yeah. 173 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,063 What? We're going ironically 174 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,378 to make fun of all the kids who make a big deal out of it. 175 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,868 "Ironic"? My ass. 176 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,203 Alex likes drew. 177 00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,971 She's just playing it safe. 178 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,007 Now, there are the pushy, obnoxious moms 179 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,176 who try and get involved, nudge them towards one another. 180 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,745 [ Chuckles ] We mean well. 181 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,051 [ Laughter ] 182 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,185 Fancy shirt, coach Tucker. 183 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,187 Oh, thank you. You know what i like to say. 184 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,923 I might be coach, but i travel first class. 185 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,725 [ Laughter ] 186 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,059 So, what would you think 187 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,762 about giving the opening remarks at the dance tonight? 188 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,106 The arts committee has never made this much, 189 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,364 and it's all because of you. 190 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:07,267 Oh, you guys, when i came to this school six months ago, 191 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,670 i never would have imagined you would embrace me. 192 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,039 Excuse me? Is this a chem lab? 193 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,583 Because I'm looking for a big reaction. 194 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,409 Aah! And there it is. 195 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,844 [ Laughter ] Hi. How are... 196 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,045 Oh! [ Laughs ] 197 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,447 Who is this? 198 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,214 How was sabbatical? 199 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,783 Amazing. Oh. 200 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,251 I'm rested and ready... [ Sighs ] 201 00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,019 to take another vacation. [ Laughter ] 202 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,021 And how are we supposed to know him? 203 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,592 Señor kaplan, legendary Spanish teacher. 204 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,861 You know, my heart went out to him a little 205 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,863 because he left as everyone's favorite, 206 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:40,100 and I'm sure word got out about, you know... Me. 207 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,202 I just didn't want him to feel displaced. 208 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,472 Okay. Excuse me, big guy. 209 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,373 Gifts for everyone. Angela: Oh! 210 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,609 Angela, this is fresh from anuradhapura. 211 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:49,910 Oh. 212 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:50,944 And, uh, Karen, 213 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,155 you might want to eat some chapati with that. 214 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,947 And this is for, um... 215 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:54,948 It's marcia. Marcia! 216 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,450 Right, of course. I knew that. 217 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,961 I must have been having a "señor" moment. 218 00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,654 [ Laughter ] Somebody's always on. 219 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,132 [ Television plays ] Who did this? 220 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,458 What happened? 221 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,727 Somebody knocked my bag down and broke my phone. 222 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,395 Lily, do you know anything about this? 223 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,097 He did it. 224 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,298 Joe. Yep. 225 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,000 I'm going to go and play. 226 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,935 She lies. 227 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,637 How could Joe pull a bag off a table? 228 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,305 He can't even walk. I'll talk to her. 229 00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,306 Why you? 230 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,941 Because you're such a businessman 231 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,843 that knows how to talk to people? Trust me. 232 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,144 When i get done talking to her, 233 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,413 not only will she have confessed to the crime, 234 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,115 i might even sell her a closet. 235 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,850 [ Joe coos ] 236 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,353 I remember my buddies and i were playing rock war once. 237 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,988 That's a game 238 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,957 where you Chuck rocks at each other's heads. 239 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,960 I mean, what could go wrong, right? 240 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:44,464 I put one through the window of my old man's rambler, 241 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,700 and he thought my baby brother did it. 242 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:49,970 I couldn't take it, and i told him i did it. 243 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,806 It felt so good to confess, 244 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,308 and my old man was so proud of me, 245 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,811 i didn't even get in any trouble. 246 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,146 Y-you know? 247 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,515 Joe did it. 248 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,551 [ Sighs ] 249 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,954 She's good. Watch and learn. 250 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,164 I don't think that cleavage thing 251 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,389 is gonna work with this one. 252 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,491 That's not my only trick. 253 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:12,626 Hola, Lily. 254 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,127 Where did grandpa go? 255 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:17,831 Don't worry about Jay. It's only you and me here now. 256 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,466 So, tell me. 257 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,902 Which one of these is your favorite? 258 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,571 Fine. 259 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:27,875 One by one, they will disappear. 260 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,142 Sooner or later, 261 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,846 we'll get to the one that you love. 262 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,083 Phil: Ladies and gentlemen, he's the emperor of escrow. 263 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,351 He puts the "tude" in tudor. 264 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:43,691 Let's put your hands together for Phil Dunphy! 265 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,726 [ Applause ] 266 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,228 Thanks for the kind introduction, me. 267 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,496 [ Laughter ] 268 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,499 Now, unlike past years... [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 269 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,336 I'm not gonna stand up here and talk your ears off. 270 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,405 No, ladies and gentlemen. 271 00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,073 You deserve more. 272 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,843 This year, I'm gonna sing them off. 273 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:07,948 [ To the tune of styx's "come sail away" ] * I'm selling away 274 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,182 [ laughter ] 275 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:14,855 * set an open house for Saturday * 276 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:18,225 * a gathering of agents 277 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,961 [ laughter ] * appeared in caravan 278 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:27,300 * I'm a new divorcée 279 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,370 * now i need a house 280 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,940 * that's cat-friendly 281 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,975 [ laughter ] 282 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,143 They say the greats 283 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,646 never let anything affect their performance. 284 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,323 Well, maybe the greats never had a daughter 285 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,091 who checked out during the third of five planned 286 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,752 real-time, mid-performance wardrobe changes. 287 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:45,986 I'm not gonna lie. 288 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,287 It knocked me off my game. 289 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,288 [ Laughter ] 290 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,123 * on the board 291 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,124 [ all gasp ] 292 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,726 Oh! 293 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,994 [ Groans ] 294 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,128 Is this part of it? 295 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,129 No. 296 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,832 It's not part of it. 297 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,868 [ Vending machine beeps ] 298 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,637 [ Pounding on vending machine ] 299 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,774 Mitchell: In law school, Wendy kirk could be a little intense. 300 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,342 I always hoped that she'd soften over time, but... [ Grunts ] 301 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,279 some people go the other way. 302 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,981 Elliot: This place is a nightmare. 303 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,583 The conditions are deplorable, and no one should have to suffer 304 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,319 this kind of abuse on a daily basis. 305 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:23,423 What kind of tyrant has such utter disregard for human life? 306 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,658 I can't do this. 307 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,459 You have to. Wendy needs to hear it. 308 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,171 [ Sighs ] Yeah, but I'm nervous. You know, what if she... 309 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,329 Wendy: Mitchell. Yes! Hi! 310 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,164 I just had a great idea. Mm-hmm. 311 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:34,301 I think you would be the perfect person to groom Rex. 312 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,468 E-excuse me? 313 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,937 I just think he'd really respond 314 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,305 to someone like you, you know? 315 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,306 Y-you don't mind, right? 316 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,441 Uh, uh, no. No, not at all. 317 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,509 Great. Thanks. 318 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:43,510 Will you go over and introduce yourself? 319 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,611 I-intro... okay. Yeah. 320 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,713 Okay. Yeah. Thank you. 321 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,547 Okay. 322 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,818 Hello. I'm Mitchell. 323 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:54,121 And, apparently, this is my job now. 324 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,323 Oh, god, you smell. 325 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,058 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 326 00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,227 People are looking at me. Yeah! 327 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,863 That's because you let me make you beautiful. 328 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,132 Nuh-unh. Stop it. Am i? 329 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,700 Yes, you are. 330 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,669 Have fun. Go. Go. 331 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,138 Drew. Hey, drew. [ Snaps fingers ] 332 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,072 Having fun? 333 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,174 "Fun"? Uh... Okay. 334 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,476 Oh, drew. Drew, listen. 335 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,046 Phil and i are gonna be out really late tonight, 336 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,181 so there will not be an adult at the house 337 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:24,351 when you drop Alex off, if you know what i mean. 338 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,685 Yeah, don't worry. 339 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,163 I'll, uh... I'll drop her off, and i won't go in. 340 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,389 Well... Big house, 341 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,258 you know... Cute daughter... 342 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,560 I would not be opposed to you walking her in, 343 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,162 keeping her company until we get back. 344 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,898 Like i said, we will not be back until late. 345 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,432 I hear you, Mrs. Dunphy. Uh-huh. 346 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:40,700 You can trust me. 347 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,836 Well, gonna have to trust you because we have no way 348 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,380 of knowing what you're gonna get up to. 349 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,373 In fact, if your car is blocking the driveway, 350 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,776 I'll just honk twice and wait for you to come out. 351 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,610 Okay. [ Laughs ] [ Chuckling ] Okay. 352 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,179 Go get her, tiger. Come on. 353 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,881 [ Grunts ] 354 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,750 Nice job, Tucker. Oh. 355 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,928 I mean, you made so many choices that i never would have made, 356 00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,129 but a lot of them are working. 357 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,955 Oh, well, you know, i just watched the videos 358 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,191 of the many, many dances you planned 359 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,126 and just built off that one on idea. 360 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,027 Mm. 361 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:07,961 Hey, kids! 362 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,072 There are my little chalupas! 363 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,363 Ihola! 364 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,364 Ihola! Ihola! Ihola! Ihola! 365 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,233 [ Laughs ] Wow! 366 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,068 Um, what did you do to Rhonda? 367 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,369 I cleaned her up. 368 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,371 No, you broke her. I hate her like this. 369 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,807 She looks fantastic. 370 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,609 To you! Fix her. Ugh, it confuses me. 371 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,111 Oh, Luke. 372 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,113 "The house will be empty"? 373 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,480 You are pimping me out! 374 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,325 It is clear that the two of you like one another. 375 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,884 Sometimes, you need a little nudge. 376 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,085 Well, you're a chaperone! 377 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,321 Just disappear! This dance is not for you! 378 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,126 Unh-unh, unh-unh. 379 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,393 [ Sniffs ] 380 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,661 You're lucky that's water. 381 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,163 Damn it. 382 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,579 She's been stewing in there for an hour. 383 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,605 I say let's lock the door, cut the power. 384 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,441 Let's show her that we mean business. 385 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:58,011 Let's try the joint approach first... "Gitmo." 386 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,015 [ Door opens ] 387 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,183 Hmm. 388 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,660 Okay, we've been going over your story, 389 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:05,819 and it doesn't add up. 390 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,488 My purse was too high for Joe to reach. 391 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,757 He's tall enough to reach up here. 392 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,525 He knocked over the baby powder 393 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,761 trying to get my stuffed animals. 394 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,029 Not buying it. 395 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:18,365 Look. You can see the footprints where he walked. 396 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,867 Walk? 397 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,134 Lily, Lily, Lily. 398 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,602 Joe can't walk. 399 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,137 He does for me. 400 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,607 So, you have ways of making him walk? 401 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,944 Lily, just admit that you did it. 402 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,712 Come here, Joe. 403 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,381 Come here like you did before. 404 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,892 Jay: Honey, you're embarrassing yourself. 405 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,684 Come here, Joe. He can't walk. 406 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,855 He's walking! 407 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,391 The candles that i lit worked! 408 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,692 Look at the stride on him. 409 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,694 He's as surefooted as a mountain goat. 410 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:48,862 Told you. 411 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:52,065 I'm so sorry that we doubted you. 412 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,167 Boy, did i get lucky. 413 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,540 I'm going to blame everything on him 414 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,175 until he learns how to talk. 415 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,576 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 416 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,354 This guy waltzes in here like he's king of the dance 417 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,915 after doing god knows what in Sri Lanka, 418 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,492 building schools in underdeveloped areas. 419 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,918 What does that even mean? 420 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,029 Is it possible that you're being a little hard on the man? 421 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:16,823 I turned his two-bit dance into the event of the year. 422 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,193 Look. Burnouts and dweebs hanging out together in Harmony. 423 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,361 That is me. 424 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,562 I'm sorry, cam. 425 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:23,830 Oh, don't feel sorry for me. 426 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,065 Next is faculty dance. 427 00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:26,934 Kaplan can't move. It's on his tumblr. 428 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,668 It's his big shame. 429 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,104 Trust me. He can't touch this. 430 00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,372 [ Music stops ] 431 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,541 Woman: Okay, time now for the faculty dance. 432 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,842 Go, teachers. 433 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,544 Oh, are you sure? 434 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:40,617 [ Peaches & herb's "shake your groove thing" plays ] Stop. It's "cammer" time. 435 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,585 Ooh. 436 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,220 [ Laughs ] 437 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,355 * shake it 438 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,923 * shake it 439 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,100 mind if i join you, coach? * shake your groove thing 440 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,125 * shake your groove thing 441 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,160 * yeah, yeah 442 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,964 * show them how we do it now 443 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,198 * shake your groove thing 444 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,766 * shake your groove thing 445 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:00,800 * yeah, yeah 446 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,136 * show them how we do it now 447 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,072 while on sabbatical, i learned a thing or two 448 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,374 from Sri Lanka's own chitrasena. 449 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,076 I don't know who that is, 450 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,777 and it's annoying when you say things 451 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,312 like people are supposed to know! 452 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,082 That pathetic peacock of a man 453 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,784 was not going down without a fight. 454 00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,219 I had a choice to make... 455 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,488 Be the better dancer or the bigger man. 456 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,223 So, i stepped off the dance floor 457 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,824 and made the obvious call. 458 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,060 You want to win over a crowd? 459 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,828 Dance with a lonely mom. 460 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,464 She never saw it coming, and neither did he. 461 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,233 Whoo! 462 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,334 Oh! 463 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,136 * all the rest know we're the best * 464 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,305 [ cheers and applause ] 465 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,441 [ Music stops ] 466 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,110 Hey, señor. 467 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,245 You just got out-coached. 468 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:48,281 Mitchell: I try and look on the bright side of things. 469 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:51,985 I-I'm a doggy-bath-is-half-full kind of guy. 470 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:55,088 But it was time for me to open my eyes. 471 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,956 I was working for a monster. 472 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,659 I came to this job to be the voice of the downtrodden. 473 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:03,196 Turns out those downtrodden were my co-workers, 474 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:07,167 and they were desperate for a hero to slay their dragon. 475 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,935 [ Sighs ] Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. 476 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,770 Um, Rex, how's it going with Mitchell? 477 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,639 The new guy? I haven't met him yet. 478 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,874 That's weird. I asked him to introduce himself. 479 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,110 Um... Hey, has anybody seen my dog? 480 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:20,013 Pixie! Oh, there she is. 481 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:20,980 Wow! 482 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,649 Okay, Wendy, I'm sorry. 483 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,051 I-i have something to say to you, 484 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,961 something that everybody else here is afraid to say. 485 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,687 Now, i know you're fighting the good fight, 486 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,323 but that is no excuse for the way you treat people. 487 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,634 T-that actually might be one of the reasons 488 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,160 that you have no personal life 489 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,303 because who wants to come home 490 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,996 to a-a cold, emotionless... Thug? 491 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,066 W-what are you talking about? 492 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,501 I am an experienced, respected attorney, 493 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,171 and on my first day, you asked me to bathe Rex. 494 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,972 I'm not comfortable with that. 495 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,508 And i not comfortable with that, but i did it. 496 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,310 Okay, that's pixie. 497 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,080 This is Rex, the intern i asked you to groom. 498 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,015 And that is my mistake, and i own that. 499 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,384 But that is still no excuse 500 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,918 for the way that you tore into him 501 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,163 for the outfit he wore yesterday. 502 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,489 I was talking about the outfit he picked out for me. 503 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,433 Apparently, i have the one gay intern in the world 504 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,025 with absolutely no fashion sense. 505 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,894 I was unaware of... Of this dynamic. 506 00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,662 But i-i-I'm not alone here, all right? 507 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,998 There are people in this room who feel that you are... 508 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,166 How did we say it?... 509 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,403 Um, you are a tyrant with no regard for human life. 510 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:19,206 That sounds like my summation for the slum-lord case. 511 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,108 Oh, hey, you finished it? It's wonderful. 512 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,509 But he's nervous to show you. 513 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,177 Why are you so hard on yourself? 514 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,378 Okay, but w-w-what... 515 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:26,955 What about you making us work on Sundays? 516 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,224 That... The night of my barbecue? 517 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,216 Dan? 518 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,617 What are you still doing here? 519 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,119 It's your anniversary! Go home! 520 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:33,686 Oh, god. This isn't happening. 521 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,921 No, no. She's... she's crazy. 522 00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,532 I mean, i saw her attack the vending machine. 523 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,891 That's the only way it works since Dennis broke it. 524 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:40,269 Dennis is the guy whose office i took? 525 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,229 Yeah, he was the machine's best customer 526 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,463 until he started running. 527 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,232 One day, he said he's got to get out or... 528 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,933 He would die. Okay. Okay. 529 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,936 Wendy, um... I-i might owe you a little bit of an apology, 530 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,304 so I'm sorry. [ Laughs ] 531 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,106 Um, clearly, everybody here loves you, 532 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,574 and i-i was wrong about everything. 533 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:55,875 So... I'm sorry. 534 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,145 You know, you... you weren't wrong about everything. 535 00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,279 I mean, look, 536 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,556 i do joke about it, but you're right. 537 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,081 I'm alone. 538 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:05,051 And that is not the first time that someone has called me cold. 539 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,986 Okay, those eggs... [ Sighs ] 540 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,063 Those eggs came out of me frozen. 541 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,756 And I'm impossibly tall. 542 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,400 No. And even if i could find somebody to love me, 543 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,768 they... they wouldn't be able to reach. 544 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:13,993 No... Hey, hey. Come on. 545 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,238 You're... you're an amazing woman. [ Sighs ] 546 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,796 She's an amazing woman. 547 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,465 And you... You're a-a role model. 548 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,499 You're a hero. 549 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,900 I'm a 6-foot hero. 550 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,068 No. Come on. 551 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,237 You're surrounded by people who love you. 552 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,238 Here's Dan and Rex. 553 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,106 Me. Come here. 554 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,643 All the way up to Samuel l. Jackson there. 555 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,479 That's your mother in a kangol hat, isn't it? 556 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:33,680 Yeah. 557 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,815 Um, are you sure you know what you're doing, tad? 558 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,092 I know you're the mortgage doctor, but... 559 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,985 Someone said, "is there a doctor in the house?" 560 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,129 Was i supposed to not get up? 561 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,988 Hey, dad. You need any help out of that dress? 562 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,356 Not unless you want to see me 563 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,957 in nothing but a baby new year's diaper. 564 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:45,992 That was the big finish 565 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,270 to the song you were texting through. 566 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,262 Hey, i got one text. I saw most of the show... 567 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,630 We're leaving, okay? 568 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,475 Could you just go to the table and grab my keys and purse? 569 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,466 [ Sighs ] Fine. 570 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,034 You want to talk about it? 571 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,003 How many kinds of fake doctor are you? 572 00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:59,172 Man: Okay, time for the big award of the night, 573 00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,640 the Roy... 574 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,117 I don't even know why I'm mad at her. Realtor of the year. 575 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,019 Probably just 'cause she was so bored all night. 576 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,045 Maybe you're feeling rejected? 577 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,990 It's my own fault. And by a vote of the membership, the Roy goes to... 578 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,992 I built up this hope that she'd want to follow me into real estate. 579 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,117 Phil Dunphy. 580 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,561 [ Applause ] She's got her own life now. 581 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,129 I just don't know where we connect anymore. 582 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,622 You won. 583 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:16,956 What?! Yeah. 584 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,157 Help me up! 585 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,826 [ Grunts ] Ohh! 586 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,127 [ Grunts ] 587 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,838 As we all know, Phil had a little accident tonight, 588 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,407 but we're happy to accept this award on his behalf. Wait, wait, wait. 589 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:25,398 Wait, w-w-w-w-wait! 590 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:27,066 I got this. 591 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,134 Hi. 592 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,903 I'm, uh, I'm Haley, Phil's daughter. 593 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,839 Dad, you won the Roy! 594 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,173 [ Applause ] Oh. 595 00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:35,208 Um... 596 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,243 [ Sighs ] Wow. 597 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,345 You all know him as an amazing realtor, 598 00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:41,047 but i know him as the world's greatest dad. 599 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,182 As far as I'm concerned, 600 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,718 he's the dad of the year, the "doy." 601 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,986 [ Chuckles ] 602 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,054 It really is a shame 603 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,932 that you didn't hear the rest of his act tonight. 604 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,191 I-i heard him rehearsing it. 605 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,395 Uh... 606 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,963 Which one of you is j.J. Mccubbin? 607 00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,433 Oh. Hey, quick question, j.J.... 608 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,202 Why is a great mortgage rate like your wife in bed? 609 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,937 Once a month and low interest. 610 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,673 [ Laughter ] 611 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,275 What are you laughing at, skip woosnum? 612 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,610 You haven't seen a commission since you joined the Navy. 613 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:11,844 [ Laughter ] 614 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:12,912 She is killing it. 615 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,013 That's my girl. 616 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,123 I would have hit the word "Navy" harder. 617 00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,684 What else? What else? 618 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,852 Oh! Margaret furman's here. 619 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,521 Little heads-up to her date... 620 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,023 She's been upside-down in more houses than fannie Mae. 621 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,625 [ Laughter ] 622 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,461 Or, in her case, fannie definitely will. 623 00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:31,264 Mitchell: We all want people to think the best of us... 624 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,232 Cameron: So sometimes we cover things up 625 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,134 to protect ourselves. 626 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:40,707 Jay: But we don't have to be afraid... 627 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,110 Gloria: Because the truth is always a good thing. 628 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:47,046 Mitchell: The truth sets us free... You're awesome! 629 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,080 [ Laughs ] Honey. 630 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,116 Oh! 631 00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,083 Cameron: Brings us closer. 632 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,285 [ Laughs ] 633 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:53,753 So, do you want to tell us 634 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,122 how Joe's shoes ended up on the wrong feet? 635 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,492 I guess the little guy knows how to put on his own shoes. 636 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,109 There you go, buddy. You got this. What are you doing? 637 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,401 Since Joe can walk now, 638 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,912 i figured he should be doing a few chores. 639 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,270 Steady, big guy! Chores? 640 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,271 What kind of... 641 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,473 [ laughs ] There he is. 642 00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,474 Attaboy! 643 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,443 Attaboy! [ Laughs ] 644 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,645 A beer? Are you crazy? 645 00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:19,755 Where you going? You want some? 646 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:20,980 He'll bring it to you. 647 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,958 I can't believe that you're teaching him to do that. 648 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,150 Wait till you see part two. 649 00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,151 [ Can pops, fizzes ] 650 00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:26,753 Attaboy. [ Gasps ] 651 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,788 Relax! It was me.