1
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,838
MM.

2
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:07,440
OH! LET ME
GET THAT, HUSBAND.

3
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:12,846
AFTER A STORYBOOK WEDDING
AND A MAGICAL HONEYMOON,

4
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,747
MITCHELL AND I
ARE FINALLY NEWLYWEDS.

5
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,984
ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T
BE MORE COMFORTABLE
IN YOUR OWN CHAIR?

6
00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:19,820
[ SCOFFS ] THERE'S NO MORE
"MY CHAIR" OR "YOUR CHAIR."

7
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,054
SO...

8
00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:23,056
WE GOT BACK FROM OUR HONEYMOON
SEVERAL WEEKS AGO,

9
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,992
AND IT FEELS LIKE
IT NEVER --

10
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:26,193
NEVER ENDED?
OH, MY GOSH.

11
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,262
IT'S LIKE WE HAVE
ONE MIND AND ONE HEART.

12
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:29,530
AND ONE CHAIR.

13
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:31,332
[ CHUCKLES ]
HA HA.

14
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,201
HAPPY THREE-MONTH
ANNIVERSARY.

15
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,168
OH, IS THAT TODAY?
[ CHUCKLES ]

16
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:38,072
SO, LISTEN, I HAVE
THIS BORING COCKTAIL
THING AT THE OFFICE,

17
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:40,374
BUT I SHOULD BE HOME
BY 6:00, AND THEN WE
CAN HEAD TO THE PARTY.

18
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:45,045
FOR YOU, DAD.
FROM DAD. AGAIN.

19
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,081
FLOWERS? BUT YOU JUST
GOT ME FLOWERS YESTERDAY.

20
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,082
WELL, YOU ALSO
HAD CERE YESTERDAY.

21
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,917
AND I WOULDN'T MIND
HAVING SOME TODAY.

22
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:55,088
SURE WAS NICE WHEN THIS HOUSE
WASN'T FULL OF BEES.

23
00:00:55,122 --> 00:01:07,135
***

24
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,135
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

25
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,037
MORE SYRUP
FOR MILADY?

26
00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:12,206
WHY, THANK YOU,
KIND SIR.

27
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,908
CLAIRE, DO WE STILL HAVE
ANY OF THOSE COOKIES
THAT YOU AND LUKE BAKED?

28
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,743
ARE WE
THE KIND OF FAMILY

29
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,146
THAT HAS COOKIES
FOR BREAKFAST?

30
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,647
YES, WE ARE!

31
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,015
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH!
YEAH!

32
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,451
MMM!

33
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,420
[ GASPS ]
A BUTTERFLY!

34
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,454
[ Muffled ]
OH, MY GOD!

35
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:28,588
WE ARE HAVING...

36
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:30,457
...THE MOST PERFECT SUMMER...

37
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:31,891
...EVER.

38
00:01:31,924 --> 00:01:34,128
DON'T GET ME WRONG,
THE DUNPHYS HAVE HAD
SOME GREAT DAYS.

39
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,329
WE JUST HAVE A LITTLE TROUBLE
STRINGING THEM TOGETHER.

40
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:38,998
OUR RECORD WAS EIGHT
CONSECUTIVE BLISSFUL DAYS --

41
00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:40,801
DECEMBER 2007.

42
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,002
IT WAS OUR HANUKKAH.

43
00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:44,572
THIS SUMMER, ALL THE DUNPHYS
ARE JUST CLICKING.

44
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,906
YEAH, HALEY AND LUKE
ARE GETTING ALONG,

45
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:49,143
ALEX IS OFF BUILDING HOUSES
FOR THE POOR.

46
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:52,346
WHICH I KNOW SOUNDS AWFUL,
BUT SHE LOVES IT.
[ SIGHS ]

47
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,247
MY FASHION BLOG IS BLOWING UP.

48
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,115
I STARTED DOING
THESE LIVE VIDEO CHATS,

49
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:59,253
AND NOW I HAVE
OVER 50,000 SUBSCRIBERS!

50
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:02,156
OH, PLUS, MY HAIR
HAS NEVER LOOKED BETTER.

51
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:05,659
I'M NOT A RELIGIOUS PERSON...
BUT I JUST WOKE UP.

52
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,127
PHIL HAS BEEN GARDENING.

53
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,198
I'VE HAD TIME TO CATCH UP
AND READ THE CLASSICS.

54
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,865
...WHEN SHE ISN'T BUSY
HELPING ME

55
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,766
WITH MY MAGIC-MIRROR
DISAPPEARING TRICK.

56
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,968
I'M JUST GONNA SAY IT --
SUDDENLY, I LOVE MAGIC.

57
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:17,704
I DON'T CARE IF
IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

58
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:20,774
I JUST WANT TO PUT
YOU IN A BOX AND
STICK SWORDS IN YOU.
[ Chuckling ] OH.

59
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,211
IF THIS SUMMER
WASN'T MAGICAL ENOUGH,

60
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,145
I HAVEN'T HAD
A SINGLE BAD PLUM!

61
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,948
OH, MY GOD!

62
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:30,783
SO, THE ZIPPER --
OH, MY GOD!

63
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,521
Phil:
OH, MY GOD!

64
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,823
[ LAUGHS ]

65
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:39,393
[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]

66
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,694
[ Woman speaking Spanish ]

67
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,096
[ CONVERSATION CONTINUES ]

68
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,336
ALL: Manny!

69
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,338
MANNY!

70
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,373
COME!
TALK TO YOUR COUSINS!

71
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,709
HOLA!
MAN:
¿Cómo estás, Manny?

72
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,811
MANNY, WHY YOU FREEZE
THE COLOMBIANS?

73
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,213
IF I TALK TO ONE OF THEM,
I HAVE TO TALK TO 50 OF THEM.

74
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,216
JUST DO IT
AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT.

75
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,183
YOU ALWAYS DO THIS. YOUR
BIRTHDAY'S NOT TILL NEXT WEEK.

76
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:08,421
NOT MINE. IT'S AUNT ROSARIO'S
82nd BIRTHDAY TODAY.

77
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,657
THAT'S WHY ALL THE
GOATS ARE WEARING
THE PARTY HATS.

78
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,692
LOOK!

79
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:15,263
ALL: Manny!
HI, EVERYONE.

80
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,431
[ Woman speaking Spanish ]

81
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,199
AY!
PRETTY SNAZZY
NEW CHEATERS, HUH?

82
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,168
FIVE BUCKS.
WOW.

83
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,703
I KNOW, RIGHT?!

84
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:26,038
MY HUSBAND IS AN OLDER MAN,
BUT HE'S NOT AN OLD MAN.

85
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:29,276
BUT WITH THE TRACK SUIT AND --
AND NOW THE GLASSES,

86
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,912
IT'S LIKE HE JUST
STOPPED TRYING LATELY.

87
00:03:31,944 --> 00:03:33,781
COMFORT IS NOT EVERYTHING.

88
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:38,286
MY TOES HAVE BEEN NUMB
SINCE MY QUINCEANERA.

89
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,853
WE DON'T HAVE TO BE
AT DRINKS TILL 5:00,

90
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,289
SO I'M GONNA RUN A FEW
ERRANDS, TAKE THESE
BAD BOYS FOR A SPIN.

91
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,425
AY, JAY, WHY DON'T YOU
WEAR THAT NEW OUTFIT
THAT I JUST GOT YOU?

92
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,927
UH, A LITTLE FLASHY,
THAT EXTRA ZIPPER.

93
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,729
LIKE A STAIRCASE
TO NOWHERE.

94
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,899
YEAH, BUT IT
MAKES YOU LOOK VERY --

95
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,233
HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.
RIGHT ON YOUR TOES.

96
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,769
IT'S FINE. YOU CAN DROP
A PAY PHONE ON MY FOOT.

97
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:58,938
I DON'T FEEL A THING ANYMORE.
[ CHUCKLES ]

98
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,743
Phil: AND NOW,
AS MY LOVELY ASSISTANT JOINS ME,

99
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,445
IT'S TIME TO CHANT
THE INCANTATION

100
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:10,384
THAT WILL SEND THIS FAIR MAIDEN
INTO THE SIXTH DIMENSION.

101
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:13,653
Both: BY THE HAT OF MERLIN,
BY THE WITCHES OF GRAMANTHIA,

102
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,757
WE DO MAKE THIS OFFERING
TO YOU -- BE GONE!

103
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,792
Haley: [ GASPS ]
Claire: DID I DO IT?
DID I DISAPPEAR?

104
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:19,826
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

105
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,629
ALMOST.
JUST A LITTLE BIT OF FOREHEAD.

106
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,596
OH, I CAN
SCRUNCH DOWN.
THERE'S LOVE.

107
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:24,464
HEY, GUYS.

108
00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:26,634
SWEET!
YOU BROUGHT THE SIFTER.

109
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,269
AW! NOW I CAN START
MY RHUBARB PIE.

110
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,838
OOH, CAN I HELP PICK
THE RHUBARB?

111
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:32,238
LEAD THE WAY,
KITTEN.

112
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,442
ANYBODY WANT
A PLUM?
I'M GOOD.

113
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,177
I'LL GRAB YOU
A ROADIE.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

114
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:39,612
THERE IS NO EASY WAY TO ASK
THIS, BUT ARE YOU ALL HIGH?

115
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,081
NO, MITCHELL.
WE'RE HAPPY.

116
00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:42,783
OH, I'M TRYING TO
GET AWAY FROM "HAPPY."

117
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,283
ALL RIGHT,
IN THE BRIEFEST POSSIBLE WAY,

118
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,119
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON?

119
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,088
OKAY, CAM REFUSES
TO LET THE HONEYMOON END.

120
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,790
HUH.
I HAVE A HOUSE FULL OF FLOWERS,
ENDLESS ROMANTIC TEXTS.

121
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,992
I KNOW, I KNOW,
I SOUND LIKE AN UNGRATEFUL JERK.

122
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,495
YOU DO.
IT'S EXHAUSTING.

123
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,029
NOT TO MENTION
IMPOSSIBLE TO RECIPROCATE.

124
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,264
Phil:
OH, MY GOD!

125
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,332
UM, ANYWAY,

126
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,802
DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE
I SHOULD TALK TO HIM GENTLY

127
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,202
ABOUT TAKING IT DOWN
A NOTCH?

128
00:05:03,235 --> 00:05:04,937
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
THAT NEVER ENDS WELL.

129
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,874
CLEARLY YOU THOUGHT
THIS SAID "BE MEAN."

130
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,108
PHIL, HONEY, NO.
NO.

131
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,711
IT'S --
OKAY, DON'T WORRY, I...

132
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:14,113
AND IT WASN'T EVEN
VALENTINE'S DAY.
SO YOUR ADVICE
IS TO DO NOTHING.

133
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:16,716
YES, MITCHELL,
AS HORRIBLE AS THIS SOUNDS,

134
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,819
YOU NEED TO SUCK IT UP
AND LET YOURSELF BE LOVED,

135
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,391
AND CAM WILL END UP
DIALING BACK THE ROMANCE.

136
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:25,324
YOU MIGHT JUST MISS IT.
I KNOW I DO.

137
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,293
HERE WE ARE.
A PLUM FOR MY PEACH.

138
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,161
OHH.

139
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:29,697
DO YOU?

140
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,066
HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.

141
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,836
IS HE OKAY?
HE'S MITCHELL.

142
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,338
LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

143
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,307
WE'VE HAD SUCH
A GREAT THING GOING ON HERE.

144
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,209
I DON'T WANT TO LET THAT KIND
OF NEGATIVITY IN THE HOUSE.
[ DOOR OPENS ]

145
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,343
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
MMM.

146
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,678
ALEX!
HEY!

147
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,814
WE DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE
COMING BACK UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

148
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,981
I GOT A RIDE HOME EARLY.

149
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,350
THIS HAS BEEN
THE WORST SUMMER EVER!

150
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,019
[ GLASS SHATTERS IN DISTANCE ]

151
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,920
Luke:
CAREFUL, YOU IDIOT!
Haley:
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

152
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,322
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
HUH.

153
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,427
AND LAST NIGHT,

154
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,761
MY TENT RIPPED,
SO I HAD TO SLEEP

155
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:02,396
UNDER A PLYWOOD BOARD
LEANING UP AGAINST A VAN.

156
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,165
PASS ME A NAPKIN.
IS MILADY'S ARM
BROKEN?

157
00:06:05,197 --> 00:06:06,500
YOURS IS ABOUT TO BE.

158
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,500
AWW, PRECIOUS FLOWERS.

159
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:08,901
Alex: NOT THAT I COULD SLEEP
WITH ALL THE RATS.

160
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,170
AND, BY THE WAY,

161
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:11,704
IF ANY OF YOU START
COUGHING UP BLOOD, MY BAD.

162
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,507
I THINK I BROUGHT BACK
THE PLAGUE.

163
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,908
WHAT AM I DOING?

164
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,910
I THINK I LEFT MY BACKPACK
IN THE DRIVEWAY.

165
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,446
STOP KICKING ME!

166
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,012
YOU'RE KICKING ME!

167
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,048
[ DOOR SLAMS ]

168
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,350
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST FIDGETY TODAY.

169
00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:25,519
IT'S OKAY.
A COOKIE MIGHT HELP.

170
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,720
HERE'S THAT NAPKIN
YOU WANTED.
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

171
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,254
Alex:
I GOT THE MAIL!

172
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,690
WOULD IT HAVE KILLED
YOU TO GIVE ME ONE
WITHOUT KETCHUP ON IT?

173
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,625
MOVE!
YOU HAVE ROOM!

174
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,461
NO, MOVE OUT!
YOU'RE 40!

175
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,463
Phil:
OKAY. THAT'S ENOUGH.

176
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,564
LUKE, WHY DON'T YOU
GO WATER OUR GARDEN.

177
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,266
HALEY, JUST DISAPPEAR
FOR A MINUTE.

178
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,534
WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU
COULD HELP WITH THAT.

179
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,403
ABRACAD-OUCH.

180
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,439
WELL, IT'S GREAT
HAVING ALEX HOME, HUH?
SO GREAT.

181
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,908
YOU DON'T THINK THAT SHE'S
THE REASON WHY WE --

182
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:49,976
NO.
NO, I DO NOT.

183
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:51,879
WE BOTH KNEW
THAT THIS CHARMED SUMMER

184
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,447
HAD TO HAVE A BUMP IN IT
SOMEWHERE.

185
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,481
YES. YEAH.

186
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,449
AND IT'S NOT LIKE
ALEX COMING HOME

187
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:59,887
COULD SUDDENLY THROW OFF
OUR WHOLE HAPPY MOJO.

188
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,622
HOW'S THAT PLUM?

189
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,456
GREAT.
OH, MY GOD.

190
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,158
THERE SHE IS!
THERE SHE IS!

191
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,795
OH, SO HAPPY
TO HAVE YOU HOME, HONEY.

192
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,663
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S A BAT!

193
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,430
AAH!
Claire:
WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

194
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,233
GET IT OUT
OF THE HOUSE!

195
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,668
Haley: GET IT AWAY!
EW, EW, EW, EW!
AAH!

196
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:16,704
EW, EW, EW!

197
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,507
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

198
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,440
THE DRY CLEANER LOST
ANOTHER ONE OF MY SHIRTS.

199
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,410
YOU KNOW THAT NICE,
RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE HAWAIIAN ONE?

200
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,444
YES,
THAT WAS A VERY NICE ONE.

201
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:27,113
THAT'S THE FOURTH
HAWAIIAN SHIRT HE'S LOST.

202
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,617
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS
IS A "DATELINE" STORY
WAITING TO HAPPEN.

203
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,519
Manny: GREAT TALKING
WITH YOU ALL,

204
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,185
HEY, BUT SOMEONE
WANTS TO SAY HI.

205
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,254
NO, NO!

206
00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:35,988
ALL: Jay!
HI, GUYS.

207
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,990
WOMAN: ¿Cómo estás?
NOPE, STILL
DON'T SPEAK SPANISH.

208
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,459
ALWAYS SO MUCH FUN
SEEING YOU GUYS, THOUGH.

209
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,262
LISTEN, I --

210
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,863
GLORIA?
HMM?

211
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,132
YOUR COUSIN'S WEARING

212
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,199
MY BLACK, YELLOW,
AND PEACH HAWAIIAN SHIRT.

213
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,668
AY, PLEASE, JAY!

214
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:51,605
LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN
IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD
THAT OWNS THAT SHIRT.

215
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,274
THESE DESIGNER SPECS
DON'T JUST MAKE MY EYES POP.

216
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,810
I CAN SEE THE CIGAR BURN
I PUT ON THE LEFT POCKET.

217
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,812
IT'S A COINCIDENCE.
THERE'S A LOT OF THOSE.

218
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,882
LIKE ACCORDING
TO YOUR UNCLE'S HOODIE HERE,

219
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,951
HE WAS ON MY TRACK TEAM
AT BUCHANAN HIGH.

220
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,351
HEY, GUYS.
TELL YOU WHAT.

221
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:08,021
WHY DON'T WE SAMPLE SOME
AMERICAN FOOD FOR A CHANGE?

222
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,990
[ Woman speaking Spanish ]
SO, YOU'RE SENDING
MY CLOTHES TO COLOMBIA?

223
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:14,528
JUST THE OLD ONES, AND -- AND
THEY SEND MOST OF THEM BACK.

224
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:15,696
AND THERE IT IS.

225
00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:18,398
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THE WAY I DRESS?

226
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:19,733
JAY, I LOVE YOU
VERY, VERY MUCH.

227
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,802
AND I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH,
BUT THAT WASN'T THE QUESTION.

228
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,137
IT'S JUST THAT
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE

229
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,139
YOU COULD MAKE A BIGGER EFFORT
ON YOUR APPEARANCE.

230
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,641
AND THERE IT IS.

231
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,677
PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT.

232
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,345
IT'S JUST THAT
I FEEL THAT LATELY

233
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,648
YOU DON'T MAKE AN EFFORT
TO LOOK GOOD FOR ME,

234
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,250
AND I'M ALWAYS MAKING AN EFFORT
TO LOOK MY BEST FOR YOU.

235
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,019
FOR ME? SURE.
WHAT?

236
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:42,254
WELL, LET'S FACE IT, YOU
DON'T REALLY DOLL UP FOR
ME -- YOU DO IT FOR YOU.

237
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:43,990
YOU GET YOUR HAIR DONE,
YOU GET YOUR NAILS DONE.

238
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,059
OH, SO YOU WOULDN'T MIND
IF I STOPPED FIXING MYSELF UP?

239
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:49,261
NO, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
FOR YOU.

240
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,063
MM.
AND SINCE
WE'RE BEING HONEST,

241
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,600
I ACTUALLY THINK
SOMETIMES...

242
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:53,600
YOU OVERDO IT.

243
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,235
AND THERE IT IS.

244
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,571
YOU'RE USING IT WRONG.
NO, THIS IS GOOD.

245
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,505
IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT --
THAT YOU DON'T CARE.

246
00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:01,841
THIS IS GONNA SAVE ME
SO MUCH TIME IN THE FUTURE.

247
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,577
GOOD.
GOOD!

248
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,212
ALL: Manny!

249
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:07,047
[ SIGHS ] WHY?

250
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,081
[ Man speaking Spanish ]

251
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,515
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

252
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:10,918
I DON'T CARE
IF IT'S CLICHé.

253
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,885
I LOVE THE CONVENIENCE
OF A NICE MINI QUICHE.

254
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,254
YOU GOT A LITTLE,
UM...

255
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,788
OH, NO. OKAY.
MM. PERFECT.

256
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:19,225
CAN THE NEW GUY
EMBARRASS HIMSELF ANY MORE?
HEY, COUNSELOR.

257
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,928
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO
TO GET YOU TO DROP THAT SUIT?

258
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,630
CAM,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

259
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:26,533
SURPRISING MY "HUGSBAND"!
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ COUGHING ]

260
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,269
I'M HEARING THAT TERM
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
YEAH.

261
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,405
SO WHEN WILL YOU GUYS
BE BACK?

262
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,643
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S
ENTERTAINING A LADY FRIEND.

263
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:39,546
MAYBE YOU'LL POUR HER A NICE,
TALL GLASS OF MANNY-SCHEWITZ?

264
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:42,115
YOU KNOW WHAT? SOMETIMES JUST
A STRAIGHT ANSWER.
[ LAUGHS ]

265
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,052
GLORIA, CAN I GET AN E.T.A.?
THESE ARE IMPORTANT CLIENTS.

266
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,754
I'D LIKE THEM TO STILL BE ALIVE
WHEN WE GET THERE.

267
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,923
OKAY!
I'M READY.

268
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,959
SERIOUSLY?
WHAT?

269
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:55,294
[ GASPS ] AY, NO!
I'M SO SORRY!

270
00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:58,298
I FORGOT THIS WAS DRINKS
WITH YOUR CLIENTS.

271
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,100
HOLD ON. OKAY.
[ PANTING ]

272
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,769
I'M READY NOW.
LET'S GO.

273
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,572
HEY, THERE, SUPERSTAR.

274
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,942
Haley: MORON!
Luke: DERP!

275
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:11,344
IT REALLY HASN'T BEEN
THE SAME HERE WITHOUT YOU.

276
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,812
MM, SO WHAT DO YOU
GOT THERE?

277
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,748
OH, COLLEGE BROCHURE!

278
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,582
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
YOUR PICK OF SCHOOLS.

279
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,384
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU'RE OUR LITTLE GENIUS.

280
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,688
I JUST HOPE --
WHAT, CLAIRE?
WHAT DO YOU HOPE?

281
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,255
WELL, YOU HAVE
SUCH A PERFECT RECORD,

282
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,192
I HOPE THEY DON'T HOLD IT
AGAINST YOU

283
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,760
THAT THIS WEEK
YOU KINDA...
WELL...

284
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,763
DON'T WANT
TO SAY "QUIT."

285
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:30,831
YOU JUST DID.

286
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,631
ARE YOU TRYING TO SEND ME BACK
TO THAT HELLHOLE?

287
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:35,268
NO! IT'S -- HONEY,
YOU'RE PART OF A TEAM,

288
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,770
AND THERE ARE PEOPLE
RELYING ON YOU,

289
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,373
SO WHEN YOU JUST
UP AND VANISH LIKE THAT,

290
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,442
IT SORT OF -- IT --

291
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,010
PHIL?

292
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:44,977
PHIL?!

293
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,014
YOUR MOM JUST FEELS
LIKE IT'S UNLIKE YOU

294
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,548
TO WALK AWAY
FROM SOMETHING.

295
00:10:49,581 --> 00:10:50,817
AT LEAST
I COULD WALK AWAY.

296
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:53,019
MY TENT-MATE NAIL-GUNNED
HER FOOT TO THE FLOOR.

297
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,322
SHE WAS JUST WALKING AROUND
IN A CIRCLE SCREAMING

298
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,623
UNTIL SOMEONE FOUND HER!

299
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,692
WHY DO YOU GUYS WANT
TO GET RID OF ME SO BADLY?

300
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,961
NO ONE WANTS
TO GET RID OF YOU.
IT'S JUST
SEVEN MORE DAYS.

301
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,062
YOU'LL FEEL GOOD ABOUT
FINISHING SOMETHING YOU STARTED,

302
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,965
AND THEN YOU JOIN US
FOR THE PERFECT LITTLE SUMMER

303
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,701
WE'RE HAVING HERE.
WERE HAVING
UNTIL AN HOUR AGO.

304
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,169
HALEY!
OH, MY GOD.
OKAY, I SEE WHAT THIS IS.

305
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:11,739
YOU ALL ARE HAPPIER
WHEN I'M NOT HERE.

306
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,240
NO,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
SAVE IT!

307
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,707
I'LL GET A RIDE
BACK UP THERE

308
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,076
AND YOU ALL CAN
CONTINUE TO ENJOY

309
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,509
YOUR PERFECT,
LITTLE SUMMER!

310
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:19,712
ALEX, HONEY!
LEAVE ME ALONE!

311
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:20,813
[ DOOR SLAMS ]

312
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,082
Luke: WE JUST GOT
FREE CINEMAX!

313
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,490
HERE'S MITCHELL
KISSING A DOLPHIN.

314
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,659
OH, THAT'S HIM
KISSING A TIGER.

315
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,895
I'M THE TIGER. RAWR!
[ LAUGHS ]

316
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,831
WE HAVE FUN,
YOU KNOW?

317
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,332
Were we supposed
to bring our spouses?

318
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,034
HEY, CAM?
CAM, HEY, LOOK.

319
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:44,171
UM, THIS IS
KIND OF WORK-ONLY.

320
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,874
OH, PLEASE.
THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

321
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,575
[ GASPS ] I LOVE THIS SONG.
LET'S DANCE.

322
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,778
NO, NO. NOBODY'S --
NOBODY'S DANCING.
SHH. SAY IT
WITH YOUR HIPS.

323
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:51,945
[ Sighing ]
O-KAY.

324
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,746
HEY, UH, NO, CAM.
UM...
HMM?

325
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:57,616
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU,
RIGHT?
FIRST MAN THAT EVER DID
LOVE ME RIGHT!

326
00:11:57,649 --> 00:12:00,386
[ CHUCKLES ]
WE HAVE FUN.
WE DO,
WE DO, WE DO.

327
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:03,090
UM, SO, LOOK, I-I WAS
THINKING THAT MAYBE...
MMM.

328
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,758
WE COULD TURN
THE ROMANCE DOWN

329
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,625
JUST A LITTLE BIT,
YOU KNOW?

330
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:08,695
BECAUSE IT'S BEEN GETTING
A LITTLE BIT --

331
00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:10,764
I-I-I DON'T WANT TO SAY
OVER THE TOP, BUT IT --

332
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,532
OKAY, I'M GONNA
NEED YOUR HELP

333
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,466
IF WE'RE GONNA
KEEP DANCING HERE.

334
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,903
I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE MAD.

335
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:22,642
SO, WE HAD
AN INFORMAL VOTE OVER THERE...
WE'RE NOT
DANCING ANYMORE.

336
00:12:22,674 --> 00:12:23,811
OH, GOOD.
YEAH.

337
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,280
YOU KNOW
HERB MIGHT STOP BY, RIGHT?

338
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:30,783
HE TAKES THE PICTURES
FOR THE COMPANY NEWSLETTER.

339
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,485
YES, I LOVE
"HERB'S BLURBS."

340
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,322
WELL...

341
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,224
[ Singsong voice ]
HERE COME THE DOORS!

342
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,490
[ Singsong voice ]
AH!

343
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,293
USUALLY ALL THE GOOD PLACES
HAVE THEM!

344
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,229
I'M GOING
TO OPEN THEM!

345
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,596
OH, YOU'RE SUCH
A GENTLEMAN, JAY.

346
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,267
I THINK I FORGOT
MY WALLET.

347
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,600
OH, DON'T WORRY.

348
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,904
I HAVE SOME MONEY
HERE IN MY FANNY PACK, HUH?

349
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,740
FOR GOD'S SAKE, FINE.
YOU WIN.

350
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,509
I LIKE IT WHEN
YOU MAKE YOURSELF PRETTY.

351
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,946
I WIN!
I JUST SAID YOU WON.

352
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,813
AY, JAY, WHAT
YOU'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW

353
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,316
IS WHAT I FEEL WHEN YOU STOP
TRYING TO LOOK GOOD FOR ME.

354
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,583
NO, I GET IT.

355
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:06,485
THEN WHY
DID YOU STOP TRYING?

356
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,855
BECAUSE...

357
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,958
OH, FORGET IT.
IT'S TOO STUPID.

358
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,059
TELL ME.

359
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:17,297
A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO,
I WAS SHOPPING AT BARNEYS --

360
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,032
YOU KNOW
I LIKE TO STAY CURRENT.

361
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:21,368
ANYHOW, I'M COMING
OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM,

362
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,471
AND I SEE THESE TWO YOUNG GUYS
LAUGHING AT ME,

363
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,940
YOU KNOW, LIKE "THERE'S
THE OLD GUY TRYING TOO HARD."

364
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,274
YOU KNOW,
OF COURSE I GET MAD.

365
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,143
BUT I START THINKING,
"THEY'RE RIGHT, JAY.

366
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,078
YOU'RE OLD.
JUST BE OLD."

367
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,313
OW!
LISTEN TO ME,
JAY PRITCHETT!

368
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:35,381
A LOT OF PEOPLE ASSUME

369
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,216
THAT I MARRIED YOU
BECAUSE OF YOUR MONEY,

370
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,888
AND THAT'S ONLY
A VERY, VERY SMALL PART OF IT.
I'D LIKE TO
GO BACK TO THAT.

371
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,956
I MARRIED YOU
BECAUSE YOU WERE SEXY.

372
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:43,890
YOU STILL ARE.

373
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,825
WHO KNOWS FOR HOW LONG
THAT'S GONNA LAST,

374
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,028
FOR EITHER OF US.

375
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,230
SO WE HAVE TO KEEP MAKING
AN EFFORT FOR EACH OTHER.

376
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,900
NEXT TIME YOU GO TO BARNEYS,
I GO WITH YOU.

377
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,202
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST MAKING
THE WRONG CHOICES.

378
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,504
NOT ALWAYS.

379
00:13:58,538 --> 00:13:59,838
MM.

380
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,442
YOU WANT TO HAVE A DRINK?
I CAN CHANGE.

381
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,812
NO, I THINK I'LL TEXT THEM,
TELL THEM I WAS SICK.

382
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,048
LET'S GO HOME.
YOU SAID I WAS SEXY.

383
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,918
[ SHRIEKS ]

384
00:14:11,783 --> 00:14:13,385
OKAY, BYE, ROSA.
THANK YOU.

385
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,254
CAM!

386
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,822
WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

387
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,024
SERIOUSLY?

388
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,825
WHAT, IS THAT
TOO ROMANTIC FOR YOU?

389
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:19,927
HE LOVES ME NOT...

390
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,227
HE LOVES ME NOT...

391
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:22,695
HE LOVES ME NOT.

392
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:26,033
OKAY, CAN WE TALK?
ACTUALLY, NO.
I'M KIND OF BUSY.

393
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:29,001
I'M ASSUMING YOU FORGOT
IT'S OUR THREE MONTH-IVERSARY.

394
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,671
WELL, I FOOLISHLY
SET UP A CELEBRATION

395
00:14:31,703 --> 00:14:34,206
THAT I WILL KINDLY
GET RID OF.
CAM!

396
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,442
NO, I DIDN'T FORGET,

397
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,044
BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

398
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,913
YOU'VE BEEN
A LITTLE BIT --

399
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,248
SEE, LOOK. THIS IS WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

400
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,349
YOU GOT ME
ANOTHER PRESENT.

401
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,283
DON'T TOUCH THAT.

402
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,719
OH, MY --
MY HEART!

403
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:47,886
WHAT HEART?

404
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:48,922
[ PANTING ]

405
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,191
CAM!
COME ON!

406
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,225
OKAY, LISTEN.

407
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,193
I KNOW HOW LUCKY I AM
TO HAVE YOU,

408
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:57,730
BUT I CAN'T POSSIBLY KEEP UP
WITH THIS LEVEL OF AFFECTION...

409
00:14:58,630 --> 00:15:02,034
OH, BOY.
Cam: I APOLOGIZE!
I'M A MONSTER!

410
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,203
NO, OBVIOUSLY,
I'M THE MONSTER.

411
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,072
OBVIOUSLY.
[ BLOWS OUT CANDLES ]

412
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,606
YOU KNOW,
CAN I JUST POINT OUT

413
00:15:07,639 --> 00:15:08,942
THAT WHEN
WE WERE IN CABO,

414
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:11,144
YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND
ALL THE FLOWERS...

415
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,080
YEAH, BUT --
...OR THE BACK RUBS.

416
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:14,981
...OR THE ATTENTION.

417
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:17,083
WELL, THAT --
THAT WAS OUR HONEYMOON,

418
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:20,287
AND, YES, I LOVED IT,
BUT IT WAS WEEKS AGO.

419
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,889
WELL, MAYBE SOME OF US
DON'T WANT IT TO...END!

420
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,924
WELL, IT HAS TO
EVENTUALLY END.

421
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,327
ALL RIGHT, CAM --

422
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,264
DID YOU HAVE
THIS LIPSTICK OR --

423
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,667
YOU KNOW, PERSONALLY,
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU
THAT YOU'RE SO SHUT OFF

424
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:39,105
THAT A FEW SIMPLE
ROMANTIC GESTURES --
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE?

425
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,472
WELL,
I GUESS I'M CRAZY,

426
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,741
BECAUSE I'VE TAKEN PICTURES
OF YOU SLEEPING

427
00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:44,411
EVERY NIGHT
SINCE WE GOT MARRIED

428
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,278
BECAUSE YOU'RE
THE MAN OF MY DREAMS.

429
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:48,248
OKAY, SUPER QUICK --
IF I WAS THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS,

430
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,982
WOULDN'T YOU
HAVE TO BE THE ONE SLEEPING?

431
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:50,917
DON'T PULL THAT THREAD,
MITCHELL.

432
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,751
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
WHAT IS THIS?

433
00:15:52,784 --> 00:15:54,020
DON'T PULL THAT THREAD,
MITCHELL.

434
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,355
OH, CAM, COME ON!

435
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,024
EVEN YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
THIS IS EXCESSIVE.

436
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,359
EXCESSIVE? REALLY?

437
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,759
[ POP ]
OH!

438
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,830
STRUCK BY CUPID'S
MAGIC ARROW.
IT'S OFF, LILY.

439
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:06,666
SERIOUSLY? TWO HOURS
REHEARSING WITH ROSA?

440
00:16:06,698 --> 00:16:09,135
CAM, WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH YOU?

441
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:12,339
WE JUST HAD
THE MOST ROMANTIC YEAR EVER,

442
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:15,674
PLANNING OUR CEREMONY,
THE WEDDING, THE HONEYMOON,

443
00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:17,943
AND I'M JUST WORRIED
IF WE LET THIS GO,

444
00:16:17,976 --> 00:16:19,011
WE'LL NEVER GET IT BACK.

445
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,148
WELL, THAT DOESN'T ALL
JUST END.

446
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,381
IT DID ONCE.

447
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:24,350
YOU KNOW, THE FIRST TWO YEARS
WE WERE TOGETHER,

448
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,452
WE WERE
INSANELY ROMANTIC.

449
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,822
THEN IT BECAME
ABOUT PARENTING A-AND WORKING.

450
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,125
AND THIS LAST YEAR,
WE GOT THAT BACK,

451
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,994
AND I JUST REALIZED
I'VE DROPPED THE BALL.

452
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,363
OH, NO.

453
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,298
WELL, M-MAYBE YOU -- YOU
SHOULDN'T BE THE ONLY ONE

454
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,532
CARRYING THE BALL.

455
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,368
WHAT IF YOU DID
A GIVE-OFF TO ME?

456
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,536
A HAND-OFF.
OKAY, WHAT -- YEAH.

457
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,004
LOOK, W-WHAT IF I...

458
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:48,006
TRIED TO BECOME A LITTLE BIT
MORE ROMANTIC?

459
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,875
WHAT WOULD THAT
EVEN LOOK LIKE?

460
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:51,711
[ BILLY OCEAN'S
"CARIBBEAN QUEEN" PLAYS ]

461
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,413
THIS SONG...
THIS SONG...
[ CHUCKLING ]

462
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,649
WAS PLAYING THE NIGHT
I ASKED YOU TO MOVE IN.

463
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,384
AT THAT APPLEBEE'S.
MM-HMM.

464
00:16:59,851 --> 00:17:02,688
I BELIEVE
YOU OWE ME A DANCE.
YES. [ CHUCKLES ]

465
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:05,092
* CARIBBEAN QUEEN

466
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:09,429
* NOW WE'RE SHARING
THE SAME DREAM... *

467
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,030
ARE WE ALMOST DONE
WITH FAIRY TIME?

468
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,365
LILY, OF ALL --
LILY,
THAT'S OFFENSIVE.

469
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,102
I JUST WANT TO
GET OUT OF THIS COSTUME.

470
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,169
OH.
OH, OF COURSE.

471
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,403
NOW, THAT DOES
LOOK UNCOMFORTABLE.

472
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:19,771
THEY SNAP OFF.
THEY SNAP OFF.
OH, THAT'S EASY.

473
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,007
Alex:
MY RIDE'S ON ITS WAY.

474
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,210
DON'T WORRY,
I'LL WAIT OUTSIDE ON THE CURB.

475
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,576
HONEY, NOBODY
WANTS YOU TO GO.

476
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,945
YEAH, EVEN IF YOU ARE BAD LUCK,
YOU'RE OUR BAD LUCK.

477
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:29,015
YOU REALIZE THAT IS
IN NO WAY AN APOLOGY, RIGHT?

478
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,116
THE THING IS
THAT WE ARE REALLY --

479
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,250
PLEASE STOP TALKING.

480
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,119
I SPENT THIS ENTIRE SUMMER
AS AN OUTSIDER.

481
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,721
THEY LITERALLY MADE ME BUILD
THE OUTSI OF THE HOUSE.

482
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,789
AND THEN I COME BACK HERE
AND I --

483
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,226
WHY IS YOUR WEBCAM ON?

484
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,228
ARE YOU TRYING
TO HUMILIATE ME?

485
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,761
THAT LIGHT
MEANS IT'S ON?

486
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,096
IT DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY
TURN OFF

487
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,298
WHEN YOU GO
TO A DIFFERENT WEB PAGE?

488
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,933
NO, AND CONSIDERING YOU KEEP
YOUR LAPTOP ON YOUR BED,

489
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,201
RIGHT BY WHERE
YOU CHANGE,

490
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,238
AND WHEN YOU COME
OUT OF THE SHOWER,

491
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,239
AND WHO KNOWS
WHAT ELSE...

492
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,039
EVERYONE KNOWS
WHAT ELSE!

493
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,108
IT'S PROBABLY WHY
YOU HAVE 50,000 SUBSCRIBERS.

494
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:59,077
HEY! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELVES!

495
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,881
YEAH, YEAH.
STILL NOT OFF.

496
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:03,250
Haley:
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

497
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,251
WAIT,
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

498
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,153
YOUR FATHER AND LUKE
ARE MAKING A RHUBARB PIE

499
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,221
FROM RHUBARB WE GREW
IN OUR OWN GARDEN.

500
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,890
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING
UNTIL YOU TRY IT.

501
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,125
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I SMELL SMOKE.

502
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,260
WELL, I DIDN'T TURN
THE OVEN ON YET.

503
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:15,228
DID YOU?
NO.

504
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,596
OH, NO, NO!

505
00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:18,830
I TRIED TO START THAT STUPID
"WAR AND PEACE" AGAIN

506
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,400
LAST NIGHT IN THE BATHTUB,
BUT THEN I FELL ASLEEP.

507
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,468
IT DROPPED IN THE WATER

508
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,669
AND I THOUGHT
I WOULD JUST DRY IT OUT.

509
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,804
OH!
OH!
Phil:
OH! TAKE COVER!

510
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:25,837
OKAY! OKAY!
TAKE COVER!

511
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,073
Claire: OH, GOD!

512
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:30,009
DAMN THIS THING!
DID NOBODY NOTICE
THE OVEN LIGHT?!

513
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,478
LIGHTS MEAN THINGS,
PEOPLE!

514
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:33,279
OH! OH! OH!
OH! OH! OH!

515
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,913
Claire:
GREAT JOB!

516
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,083
OH, GOD! OH, NO!
NO! NO!

517
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,851
GOOD JOB, HONEY!
[ CAR HORN HONKS ]

518
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,586
THIS HAS BEEN AWESOME,
BUT MY RIDE'S HERE.

519
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,255
HAVE A MAGICAL DAY.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

520
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,256
NO, I GOT IT.
NO, SWEETIE.

521
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,490
CLAIRE,
I GOT THIS.
OKAY.

522
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:45,291
SPOON TIME, PEOPLE.

523
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,692
YES!
FAMILY TRADITION.

524
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:47,960
YES.

525
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,163
LOOK, YOU CAN LEAVE
IF YOU WANT TO, SWEETHEART,

526
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,765
BUT WE'RE NOT LETTING YOU GO
WITHOUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.

527
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,967
LUKE AND I POURED
A LOT OF LOVE INTO THIS PIE,

528
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,302
SO, HERE...

529
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,537
TASTE THIS.

530
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,306
TASTE OUR LOVE.

531
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,209
YOU TOOK THE LEAVES
OFF THE RHUBARB, RIGHT?
UM...

532
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,211
THEY'RE INCREDIBLY POISONOUS.
YOU ALL COULD DIE.

533
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,313
NO! ALEX SAYS
THEY'RE POISON!

534
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,214
OH! OKAY.
[ CLATTERING ]

535
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,148
WE'RE RIGHT HERE!
WE HEARD HER!

536
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,483
YOU CAN'T LEAVE US.

537
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,353
WE'RE A DANGER
TO OURSELVES.

538
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,288
WE'RE A FAMILY
OF FIRE STARTERS,

539
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,223
POISON EATERS,
AND ONLINE PROSTITUTES.

540
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,657
IT WASN'T
A PERFECT SUMMER.

541
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,058
IT WAS
A STUPID SUMMER.

542
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,194
Claire:
WITHOUT YOU HERE TO SHAME ME,

543
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,196
I WATCHED EVERY
"REAL HOUSEWIVES" EPISODE

544
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:27,299
AND I ONLY GOT TO PAGE TWO
IN "WAR AND PEACE."

545
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:30,836
PLEASE STAY.
WE NEED AT LEAST ONE ADULT
IN THIS HOUSEHOLD.

546
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,072
OKAY, FINE.

547
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,807
[ BAT FLUTTERING ]

548
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,509
YOU KNOW THE ATTIC WINDOW
IS OPEN, RIGHT?
Phil:
WE REALLY DIDN'T.

549
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:38,677
[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]

550
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,413
Gloria:
I RACE YOU UP THE STAIRS.

551
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:43,250
Jay: WHY DON'T YOU SLIP INTO
SOMETHING LESS COMFORTABLE?

552
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,750
OKAY!
[ LAUGHS ]

553
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,152
SURPRISE!
SURPRISE!
SURPRISE!
SURPRISE!

554
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,886
AHHHHHH!

555
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,390
JUST A THOUGHT -- MAYBE
WE SHOULD STOP DOING THESE.
[ DOOR SLAMS ]

556
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,525
WHAT'S GOING ON?
Mitchell: IT SEEMS
PRETTY OBVIOUS.

557
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,160
I HAD TO THROW THE PARTY
A WEEK EARLY

558
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:55,161
TO REALLY SURPRISE HER.

559
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,729
Claire: SHOULD WE BE
CONCERNED ABOUT HER?

560
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,431
THAT'S KIND OF SIMILAR
TO THE WAY MOM LEFT.

561
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:01,834
GLORIA AND I GOT IN THIS
WHOLE THING ABOUT HOW WE DRESS.

562
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,671
LONG STORY, I THINK SHE MIGHT
NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME BEF--

563
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,405
HOLA!

564
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,540
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, WOW!

565
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,209
I had this outfit
underneath.

566
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,611
Did you really think

567
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,180
that I was gonna walk
into a bar looking like that?

568
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,448
GRACIAS!

569
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:16,449
[ INDISTINCT MURMURING ]

570
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:17,683
ALL THESE YEARS,

571
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,885
YOU'RE TELLING ME
YOU CAN GET READY THAT FAST?

572
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:20,952
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

573
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,394
MM.

574
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,298
[ SMACKS LIPS ]

575
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,535
[ EXERCISE MUSIC PLAYS ]

576
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:38,371
* CARIBBEAN QUEEN

577
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,405
* NOW WE'RE SHARING THE --

578
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,707
[ HAIR DRYER TURNS ON ]

579
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,275
[ COUGHING ]

580
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:54,653
Phil: MM.

581
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,221
MM!

582
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,156
[ Muffled ]
OH, MY GOD!

583
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:02,328
MM.