1 00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:03,571 [ CLAIRE COUGHS ] 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,073 [ Nasally ] YES, I AM STILL SICK. 3 00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:07,174 YES, I'M GOING TO WORK ON A SATURDAY. 4 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,076 NO, THIS IS NOT WINE. IT IS DayQuil. 5 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:11,144 WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LAST NIGHT'S WINE. 6 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,214 MY STUPID BROTHER CAUGHT A COLD IN MEXICO ON HIS HONEYMOON, 7 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:16,516 AND IT'S MADE ITS WAY THROUGH THE FAMILY. 8 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:17,984 I NEVER GET SICK. 9 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,121 I-I MUST'VE CAUGHT A CHILL ON THE BEACH WHEN MY SOCKS GOT WET. 10 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:23,390 MY ANKLES BURN. 11 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:26,493 IT WENT TO MY EARS ON OUR FLIGHT HOME. 12 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,762 I MAY HAVE MOANED A BIT. 13 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,830 A CRYING BABY COMPLAINED ABOUT ME. 14 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,765 CAM BROUGHT ME THIS FROM MEXICO, 15 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:35,168 ALONG WITH TWO WEEKS OF BRONCHITIS. 16 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,936 I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE. 17 00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:38,606 IT GAVE ME THE VERTIGO. 18 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,740 I WAS TOO DIZZY FOR HIGH HEELS. 19 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:41,942 I HAD TO WEAR FLATS. 20 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,578 I DON'T KNOW HOW PEOPLE CAN WALK IN THOSE THINGS. 21 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,713 I MISSED THE FIRST TWO DAYS OF CULINARY CAMP, 22 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,383 SO I WAS HOPELESSLY BEHIND ON ALL REDUCTIONS AND MERINGUES. 23 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,118 YOU CAN IMAGINE THE NICKNAMES. 24 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,920 I THOUGHT "AMUSE-DOUCHE" WAS PARTICULARLY CRUEL. 25 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,457 I THREW UP FOR THREE STRAIGHT DAYS. 26 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,459 I DON'T KNOW HOW MODELS DO IT. 27 00:00:58,491 --> 00:00:59,926 KNOCK 'EM DEAD AT THE BIG MEETING TODAY, HONEY. 28 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,295 KISS FOR GOOD LUCK? OH, NO! 29 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,264 I'M NOT GETTING YOU SICK. THIS COLD STOPS WITH ME. 30 00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,266 WHY DO YOU THINK I SWAPPED BEDS WITH LUKE LAST NIGHT? 31 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,266 YOU DID? 32 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,435 APPRECIATE THE BACK RUB. 33 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,602 NOT SURE I LOVE BEING CALLED "MISS THANG." 34 00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,570 NO! 35 00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:13,573 -- Captions by VITAC -- 36 00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:16,644 Captioning provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc. 37 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:20,079 and brought to you by Ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further. 38 00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:23,082 *** 39 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,385 Jay: HEY, EVERYBODY. 40 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,418 HEY, DAD -- 41 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,155 Noooo. 42 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,289 MITCH AND CAM WERE STUCK FOR A WEDDING VIDEOGRAPHER, 43 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,625 SO I HOOKED THEM UP WITH A FRIEND WHO SHOOTS INFOMERCIALS. 44 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,394 HE KIND OF OWED ME. 45 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,296 I CAN SEE WHY YOU CALL THEM "MIRACLE GLOVES." 46 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:38,064 MY HEADACHE'S COMPLETELY GONE. 47 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,233 [ DING ] 48 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,634 HE DROPPED OFF THE VIDEO FOR THE BIG VIEWING PARTY 49 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,305 AT JAY AND GLORIA'S TONIGHT, AND I DECIDED TO PREVIEW IT. 50 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,772 WHAT'S WRONG? WATCH. 51 00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,807 I'M GONNA KEEP IT SHORT 'CAUSE I GOT A TEE-TIME IN 10 MINUTES. 52 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:48,808 [ LAUGHTER ] OH, GOD. 53 00:01:48,841 --> 00:01:50,277 KIND OF FUNNY. 54 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:52,146 MY DAD DIED 25 YEARS AGO TODAY. 55 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,281 [ SNEEZES ] 56 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,581 EW! RIGHT ON THE CAKE. 57 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,283 I KNOW. KEEP WATCHING. 58 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,819 ...NICE TO REPLACE THAT SAD MEMORY WITH THIS HAPPY ONE. 59 00:01:58,852 --> 00:01:59,953 [ SNEEZES ] 60 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,522 DON'T TELL ME UNCLE MITCH DRINKS IT. 61 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,123 OF COURSE HE DOES -- EVERY DROP. 62 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:06,093 MAY YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE BE AS GOOD AS MY SECOND. 63 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,594 TO THE GROOMS. 64 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,962 WAIT A MINUTE. I TAKE THAT BACK. 65 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,764 TO MY SONS. 66 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:12,865 WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST COVER YOUR MOUTH? 67 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:13,901 OH, I FINALLY DID. 68 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,204 [ SNEEZES ] 69 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,942 Jay: ALL RIGHT. [ Chuckling ] OKAY. 70 00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:23,811 YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? I'M PATIENT ZERO. 71 00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,212 WHAT I THOUGHT WERE ALLERGIES 72 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,448 STARTED THE COLD THAT BROUGHT THE WHOLE FAMILY DOWN! 73 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,782 NO ONE CAN EVER KNOW ABOUT THIS -- 74 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,283 NOT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED IN YOSEMITE. 75 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,385 THE PINK-EYE APOCALYPSE. 76 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,122 OOH! A MOUNTAIN CHICKADEE! WHERE? 77 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,957 TAKE A LOOK AND SEND IT DOWN THE LINE. 78 00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:39,393 WHERE? WHERE DO YOU SEE IT? I WANT TO SEE. 79 00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,828 OH, RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! YEAH, YEAH. 80 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:42,462 IT TOOK ME A WHOLE YEAR TO EARN BACK 81 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,963 THE RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF MY FAMILY. 82 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,031 WELL... 83 00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,634 BUT IT'S SIX HOURS TO THE SCREENING, 84 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,368 AND I HAVE TO EDIT OUT ALL THOSE SNEEZES 85 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:49,736 WITHOUT RUINING JAY'S SPEECH. 86 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,138 THAT MEANS SPECIAL EFFECTS, 87 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,872 THAT MEANS OVERLAPPING GREEN SCREEN. 88 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,574 WHAT AM I SAYING?! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! 89 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:56,977 I'M SORRY, DAD. 90 00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,478 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 91 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:02,181 IT'S TIME TO STOP WHINING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND MAN UP! 92 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,016 LET'S PUT ON OUR UNITARDS! 93 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,021 AND MANNY -- HE'S BEEN MISSING A LOT OF KICKS LATELY. 94 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,558 HE COULD COST US A GAME. I MAY HAVE TO BENCH HIM. 95 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,360 A COACH HAS TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR THE TEAM. 96 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,663 DOES FAMILY LOYALTY MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, MITCHELL? 97 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:18,431 NOT TO MENTION I'D BE FACING THE WRATH OF JAY AND GLORIA. 98 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,167 WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD PLAY HIM. 99 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,870 AND RISK OUR PERFECT 3-0 RECORD 100 00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:26,274 IN MY FIRST YEAR AS THE VARSITY FOOTBALL COACH, 101 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:27,775 WHEN THIS COULD BE A STEPPING-STONE 102 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,509 TO A COLLEGE JOB OR WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE? 103 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,344 YOU KNOW, IT'S BASICALLY A CINDERELLA STORY. 104 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,112 WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE OUTFIT FOR IT. 105 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,448 ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME OR NOT? 106 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,050 I'M SORRY. UM...OKAY. 107 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,385 WELL, MAYBE WHAT YOU COULD DO IS -- 108 00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,920 YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD DO... IS COACH. 109 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:40,888 MM. 110 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,456 YOU KNOW, MANNY'S JUST IN A SLUMP. 111 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,223 YOU KNOW, HE'S LACKING CONFIDENCE. 112 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,426 IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY, BUT I COULD PULL THIS OFF. 113 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,262 THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE CINDERELLA COSTUME, 114 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,097 AND TWO HOURS LATER, WE WERE CALLING THE AUTO CLUB. 115 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:51,432 WE'RE GOING IN THE BACKYARD. 116 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,066 TO IDENTIFY INSECTS. 117 00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,567 OH, I LOVE THAT. 118 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,270 I DID THAT. 119 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:59,772 SYDNEY BARROW -- LIKE MY LILY, A GIFTED CHILD, 120 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:03,443 AND, THANKS TO A LITTLE MATCHMAKING, HER NEW FRIEND. 121 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,545 YEAH, I-IT CAN BE CHALLENGING 122 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,649 FINDING PLAYMATES FOR AN EXCEPTIONAL CHILD. 123 00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:12,118 I DON'T MEAN TO BRAG, BUT THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS. 124 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,288 Jay: YEAH, ALAN, I'M SENDING CLAIRE TO MEET WITH YOU 125 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,788 I GOT MY KID'S GAME. 126 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:19,125 YEAH, HE'S THE KICKER. COULD ALL COME DOWN TO HIM. 127 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,994 [ CUP RATTLING ] 128 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,396 YEAH, TAKE IT EASY. 129 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,764 DON'T TALK LIKE THAT. LOOK. YOU'RE STRESSING HIM OUT. 130 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,266 YOU'RE STRESSED OUT? A LITTLE. 131 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,168 GOOD! 'CAUSE STRESS IS ALL PART OF FOOTBALL. 132 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,970 IF YOU'RE NOT THROWING UP IN YOUR MOUTH, 133 00:04:30,002 --> 00:04:31,271 YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. 134 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,273 AY. DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO JAY, PAPI. 135 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,442 YOU'RE GONNA BE GREAT. 136 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,942 YOU'RE MY PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL BOY. 137 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,144 MWAH! 138 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,312 THERE'S STILL A FEW HOURS LEFT BEFORE GAME TIME. 139 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:42,750 I THINK I'LL JUST GO LIE DOWN UNDER MY BED FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 140 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,485 YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO TO HIM? 141 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,819 HE'S FINE. NERVES ARE GOOD. 142 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,456 JUST BEFORE A PLAYOFF GAME ONE TIME, 143 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,822 I PULLED OUT A WHOLE EYEBROW. 144 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,459 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 145 00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:53,994 HEY, CLAIRE. WHAT'S UP? 146 00:04:54,026 --> 00:04:55,428 MY FEVER, YOU ORANGE JACKASS. 147 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,629 Oh. Okay. 148 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,466 SO, OBVIOUSLY, YOU HAVE MY COLD NOW. 149 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,533 EVERYBODY'S FIRST SYMPTOM SEEMS TO BE HATE. 150 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,636 JUST POUND THE LIQUIDS, TWO DAYS IN BED. 151 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:03,771 YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE. 152 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:04,937 I DON'T HAVE TWO DAYS. 153 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,139 AS A MATTER OF FACT, 154 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,641 I HAVE TO GO TO A CLIENT MEETING RIGHT NOW. WHY? 155 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,944 BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB AND PEOPLE ARE COUNTING ON ME. 156 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,447 Oh. No. Someone's counting on you. 157 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,949 THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND DAD AND HOW YOU JUST LOVE 158 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,151 BEING HIS TOUGHY-TOUGH LITTLE SUPERGIRL 159 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,620 who never stays home sick, 160 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,120 won a tennis tournament 161 00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:23,189 WITH A BROKEN FINGER THAT SHE COULDN'T EVEN HOLD UP. 162 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,692 I'm holding it up now. 163 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,994 DADDY'S APPROVAL IS NOT THE MEDICINE THAT YOU NEED. 164 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:28,896 WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HIM AND TELL HIM 165 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:31,632 THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE MEETING, OLD TOUGHY-TOUGH-SUPER-TOUGH? 166 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,667 WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TURN THIS INTO A FIGHT? 167 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,636 I CALLED TO YELL AT YOU FOR GETTING ME SICK. 168 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,803 LOVE YOU. BYE. 169 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,971 I LOVE YOU, TOO. 170 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,139 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] 171 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,307 CHICKEN, DOG. 172 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,542 OH, SO CLOSE. 173 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:42,543 MY TURN. 174 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,144 CHICKEN, CHICKEN. 175 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,144 MM-HMM. 176 00:05:45,177 --> 00:05:46,178 DOG, DOG. 177 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,346 YEAH. 178 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,048 IBEX, IBEX! 179 00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:51,418 OH, LOOK AT YOU GO! 180 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,053 FOR FAR TOO LONG, LILY'S FRIENDS JUST HAVEN'T CHALLENGED HER. 181 00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:55,588 IT'S BEEN THIS ENDLESS PROCESSION 182 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,324 OF PASTE-EATING, TOILET-MISSING SHOE-LOSERS. 183 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:02,028 BUT THESE TWO TOGETHER -- THEY RAISE EACH OTHER'S GAME. 184 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:06,834 * HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE * 185 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,367 OHHHHH! 186 00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,069 SO GOOD, LILY. 187 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,204 I CAN PLAY, BUT I DON'T REALLY SING. 188 00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:13,906 THAT'S OKAY. EVERYBODY CAN'T BE GOOD AT EVERY-- 189 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,944 [ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ] 190 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,011 HUH. 191 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,379 DADDY, WHERE'S MY SHOE? 192 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:27,954 OKAY, MANNY, TAKE A DEEP BREATH. 193 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,689 PICTURE IT GOING THROUGH THE UPRIGHTS. 194 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,692 KEEP IT SIMPLE -- EYES ON THE BALL, SHOULDERS UP, 195 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,293 SEE YOUR FOOT HIT IT, DRIVE THROUGH THE BALL. 196 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,461 FINISH AT YOUR TARGET! 197 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,797 [ GRUNTS ] 198 00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:39,266 EVEN SIMPLER THIS TIME -- KICK THE BALL WITH YOUR FOOT. 199 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,403 GREAT CONTACT ON THAT LAST ONE. THIS TIME, AIM FOR THE BALL. 200 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:46,906 OKAY, THIS TIME, LIKE YOU MEAN IT. 201 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,776 I'M REALLY SORRY. 202 00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,944 OKAY, MANNY, LOOK... 203 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,279 THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO TELL YOU THIS. 204 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:54,413 HOLA, MANNY! 205 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,115 BUT, UM... I, UH, REALLY LIKE THE WAY 206 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,817 YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR UNIFORM CLEAN. 207 00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:59,151 COLOR-SAFE BLEACH, COACH. 208 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,788 YOU'LL BE FINE DURING THE GAME. 209 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,255 KICK IT LIKE YOU KICKED SUGARY DRINKS LAST SUMMER. 210 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,992 OKAY. 211 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,826 SO, I SAW THE PRACTICE. 212 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:07,961 NOT VERY GOOD. 213 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,096 I'M SO GLAD YOU SAW THAT, BECAUSE -- 214 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,932 HE'S GETTING ALL THE BAD KICKS OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE THE GAME! 215 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,569 HE'S SO GOOD! BRAVO, MANNY! 216 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,303 GO GET 'EM, COACH. [ Chuckling ] YOU TOO. 217 00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:18,471 [ CHUCKLES ] 218 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:25,846 OH, NO. 219 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,648 I'D ALREADY HAD CAM'S CLOGGED EARS, 220 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,815 MY DAD'S BRONCHITIS, 221 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,817 AND THEN THERE IT WAS, RIGHT ON SCHEDULE -- 222 00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:31,985 GLORIA'S VERTIGO. 223 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:34,622 EVEN I HAVE MY LIMITS. 224 00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,824 [ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] CALL DAD. 225 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,759 SIRI: Paul Rudd is an American film and television actor. 226 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,127 SHUT UP. 227 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,762 CALL...DAD! 228 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,865 HEY, HONEY. HOW YOU DOING? 229 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,867 I'M AT THE HOTEL, AND I'M REALLY FIGHTING THIS COLD. 230 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,603 WELL, THEN, THAT COLD DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE, HUH? 231 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,303 NOTHING STOPS MY LITTLE SUPERGIRL. 232 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,105 YEAH. 233 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,341 What's up? NOTHING. I JUST... 234 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:58,310 I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M ON THIS, DAD. 235 00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,779 I NEVER DOUBTED THAT, HONEY. 236 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:00,680 YEAH. 237 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,115 Hey. Hey. Where's the lounge? 238 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,115 AT THE FAR END. 239 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,283 Perfect. 240 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,985 I REMEMBER YOUR JUNIOR YEAR, 241 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,319 you played so tough through that tournament. 242 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:08,321 UH-HUH. 243 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,690 WHAT WAS THAT? UH...FIELD HOCKEY. 244 00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:12,291 RUGBY. 245 00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:13,694 Right, and, uh, 246 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:14,894 WELL, YOU SPRAINED YOUR ANKLE. 247 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,163 Could have been a hairline fracture. 248 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,363 THAT'S EVEN BETTER. 249 00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,999 BUT IT DIDN'T STOP YOU. YOU ROLLED RIGHT THROUGH IT. 250 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,000 YEAH. 251 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,702 I was a pretty proud papa that day. 252 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:23,803 OKAY, STOP! 253 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,738 [ Chuckling ] ALL RIGHT. I'M EMBARRASSING HER. 254 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,040 I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, HONEY. 255 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,375 BYE. 256 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,610 [ PANTING ] 257 00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,248 [ RATTLING ] 258 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,850 ALAN. 259 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:38,985 [ Chuckling ] HEY, CLAIRE. HEY. 260 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,419 IT'S BEEN AGES. YEAH. 261 00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:41,321 I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY. 262 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,322 I GOT US A TABLE 263 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,923 AT THE REVOLVING ROOFTOP RESTAURANT. 264 00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,759 Oh, no. 265 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,595 CLAIRE? 266 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,429 HERE I AM RIGHT BEFORE THE CAKE SNEEZE. 267 00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:52,899 IT LOOKS LIKE I'M CRACKING UP, RIGHT? 268 00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,534 SO FROM HERE, WE'LL JUMP TO A GREEN-SCREEN SHOT OF YOU LAUGHING, TOO. 269 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,837 THEN I'LL TAKE THAT AND DROP IT INTO A PRE-EXISTING SHOT 270 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,038 OF A TABLE FULL OF PEOPLE. 271 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,373 EASY! 272 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,576 AND WE ARE LAUGHING. 273 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,677 [ CHUCKLES ] 274 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,711 BIGGER. 275 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,013 [ LAUGHS ] 276 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,682 LIKE WHEN I DO YODA WALKING INTO A SPIDER WEB. 277 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:09,750 [ LAUGHS LOUDLY ] 278 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,018 NAILED IT! 279 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,620 IF LAUGHTER'S THE BEST MEDICINE, 280 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,721 THEN YOU'RE GRAPE-FLAVORED TRIAMINIC. 281 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:17,124 OKAY, NOW I NEED SOME FOOTAGE OF ME REACTING TO JAY'S SPEECH 282 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,457 TO REPLACE THE CHAMPAGNE SNEEZE, 283 00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:21,394 AND I'LL JUST DROP THAT INTO ANOTHER TABLE FULL OF PEOPLE. 284 00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:23,029 HOW WOULD I REACT TO JAY'S SPEECH? 285 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,764 GIVE ME "TOUCHED." 286 00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:27,634 NOW SAD. 287 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,302 SADDER. 288 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,437 COME ON. DIG DEEP. 289 00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,740 THINK ABOUT ME GOING OFF TO COLLEGE. 290 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,143 WHY ARE YOU SMILING? 291 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,445 UH, I-I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D GET IN. 292 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,413 I DON'T WANT TO WASTE A SATURDAY NIGHT 293 00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:42,481 WATCHING SOME VIDEO. 294 00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:44,584 LET'S JUST STAY HOME AND RENT A MOVIE. 295 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,119 OKAY, TWO THINGS -- A MOVIE IS A VIDEO, 296 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:48,120 AND THE ONLY REASON YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO GRANDPA'S 297 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,456 IS BECAUSE YOU'RE AVOIDING ANDY. 298 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,158 AVOID? I DON'T -- 299 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,793 I -- 300 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,293 I'M NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. 301 00:09:54,326 --> 00:09:56,929 OH, PLEASE. YOU'VE BEEN DODGING HIM SINCE THE WEDDING. 302 00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,665 YOU TOLD ME TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM. 303 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,769 I JUST MEANT DON'T LEAD HIM ON UNLESS YOU REALLY LIKE HIM. 304 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,235 YES, AND YOU WERE RIGHT, 305 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,739 SO I'VE BEEN KEEPING MY DISTANCE TO PROTECT HIM. 306 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,940 OH. 307 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,142 WELL, THAT'S ACTUALLY REALLY MATURE OF YOU. 308 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:12,111 WITH GREAT HOTNESS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. 309 00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:14,682 THERE SHE IS. 310 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,484 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 311 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,485 Jay: IF MANNY MAKES THIS ONE, WE GO AHEAD. 312 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,288 LOT OF PRESSURE. 313 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,657 I'LL BET HE'S CHEWING ON HIS OWN STOMACH ACID RIGHT NOW. 314 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,658 SORRY TO BE SO SENTIMENTAL. I JUST MISS IT. 315 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:28,495 MANNY, KICK THIS ONE HARD! 316 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,528 [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] 317 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,530 AAAAAAAAH! [ LAUGHS ] 318 00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:34,500 THAT'S MY BOY! 319 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,469 ACTUALLY, THAT'S OUR BOY. 320 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:37,705 OH, THAT'S OUR BOY. 321 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,177 Phil: MOMENT OF TRUTH. 322 00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:48,115 IF YOU SEE EVEN THE TINIEST PROBLEM, POINT IT OUT. 323 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,951 MY DAD DIED 25 YEARS AGO TODAY. 324 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,686 [ LAUGHS LOUDLY ] 325 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,020 ...REPLACE THAT SAD MEMORY... 326 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,956 THAT DID NOT LAND QUITE THE WAY I'D HOPED. 327 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,524 CAM, MITCHELL... 328 00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:01,360 MAY YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE BE AS HAPPY AS MY SECOND. 329 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,495 TO THE GROOMS. 330 00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:03,996 WAIT A MINUTE. I TAKE THAT BACK. 331 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,498 OH, THAT'S SO BAD. 332 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,633 TO MY SONS. 333 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,335 [ Voice breaking ] OH. JAY. 334 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,337 [ SNEEZES ] 335 00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,639 Jay: ALL RIGHT. [ Chuckling ] OKAY. 336 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,008 HAVE A GOOD TIME. 337 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,710 O...KAY. I HAVE A FEW NOTES. 338 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,145 WHAT AM I GONNA DO? WE HAVE TO SHOW THIS THING IN AN HOUR! 339 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,513 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'D TELL ME? 340 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,349 SHOW THE REAL VIDEO AND TAKE YOUR LUMPS. 341 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,317 I DON'T WANNA. THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY. 342 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,854 AND THEN YOU WOULD TELL ME, "YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO DO IT, 343 00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,488 "BUT YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT. 344 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,588 "AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU 345 00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:32,424 GO FROM PATIENT ZERO TO PATIENT HERO." 346 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,661 DAMN IT, I'VE GOT A POINT. 347 00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:38,431 HOW DOES SOMEONE SO SMART SNEEZE ON SO MANY THINGS? 348 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,067 FINISHED! 349 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,268 LET'S SEE. 350 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,870 OH. I'M SORRY, BUT DID SOMEONE ROB AN ART GALLERY? 351 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,873 BECAUSE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BEAU-- 352 00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,440 DONE! 353 00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,607 OKAY. 354 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,376 WE SHOULD PROBABLY PUT YOUR NAMES ON THOSE 355 00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:51,778 SO WE CAN REMEMBER WHOSE IS WHOSE. 356 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,913 NEXT ACTIVITY. 357 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,914 OKAY, LILY KNOWS ALL THE CAPITALS. 358 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,615 DAD! IT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY. 359 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,284 THE FIRST IS ALBANY. 360 00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,719 THEN THERE'S...? 361 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,455 OHH! I THOUGHT YOU MEANT WORLD CAPITALS. 362 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,191 ALGERIA, ALGIERS. 363 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,457 ANGOLA -- 364 00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,594 OH. WELL, YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE KNOW-IT-ALL, AREN'T YA? 365 00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,297 OH, MY GOD. I AM SO SORRY. I -- OH. 366 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,597 [ CRYING ] 367 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,600 OKAY. SYDNEY, FORGET THAT I SAID THAT, OKAY, HONEY? 368 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,135 [ Crying ] I CAN'T! I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY! 369 00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,437 YOU MADE MY FRIEND CRY! 370 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,773 NO, I DIDN'T MEAN TO -- 371 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:20,774 OH, BOY. 372 00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,909 YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE! 373 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,411 NO, NO. I-I DON'T THINK I DID. 374 00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,078 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH, GOSH. AND THERE'S YOUR MOTHER. 375 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,746 SYDNEY, SWEETHEART, WE GOT TO STOP CRYING, OKAY? 376 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:28,748 YOU'RE OKAY. 377 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:29,950 OH. NOW MY WATCH IS CAUGHT. 378 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,451 OW! ALL RIGHT, LITTLE PULL. LITTLE PULL! 379 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,885 AAH! IT'S FINE! IT'S FINE! 380 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,553 OH, IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE. 381 00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:35,788 HI! HI. 382 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,490 WE HAD SO MUCH FUN. OH, GOOD. 383 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,625 [ CRYING ] 384 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:39,893 SYDNEY, HONEY, ARE YOU CRYING? 385 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,129 HE RUINED MY PICTURE AND PULLED MY HAIR! 386 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,331 JUST LITTLE ACCIDENTS. 387 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,399 AND HE CALLED ME A KNOW-IT-ALL! 388 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,601 WHAT KIND OF A PERSON CALLS A 6-YEAR-OLD A KNOW-IT-ALL? 389 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,604 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 390 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:52,972 SHE'S A YEAR YOUNGER THAN YOU? 391 00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,312 SHOULD I NOT HAVE COME? OH, IS IT GONNA BE WEIRD FOR ANDY? 392 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,513 I SHOULDN'T HAVE DRESSED SO CUTE. 393 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:01,648 HEY, SWITCH SWEATERS WITH ME. 394 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:02,782 JUST BE YOURSELF. 395 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,683 IT'S THE SUREST WAY FOR HIM TO GET OVER YOU. 396 00:13:04,716 --> 00:13:06,086 OKAY, THANKS. 397 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,453 [ DOOR OPENS ] 398 00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:08,520 HEY, UNCLE CAM. HEY. 399 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,289 OH, MY GOSH. I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 400 00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,791 YOU GOT TO TALK TO LILY. 401 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,525 SHE'S NOT SPEAKING TO ME BECAUSE -- I HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS. 402 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:14,927 I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD YOU WHAT MINE IS YET. 403 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,096 I BENCHED MANNY. 404 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,764 I'M WORRIED JAY AND GLORIA ARE MAD AT ME. 405 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,432 HAVE THEY SAID ANYTHING? NO. 406 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,967 ALL I'VE GOTTEN FROM THEM SO FAR IS "HOLA" 407 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,701 AND "THAT SCOTCH IS NOT FOR COMPANY." 408 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:24,971 AH! 409 00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,273 OH, MY GOSH, PHIL, IS THAT THE WEDDING VIDEO? 410 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,274 OH, WE ARE SO EXCITED TO SEE IT. 411 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,143 I'M SO EXCITED TO SHOW YOU GUYS! 412 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,543 [ LAUGHS ] 413 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,279 Get in the media closet. Cut every wire. 414 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,614 DAD, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF. 415 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,615 YOU'RE RIGHT. 416 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,216 [ GRUNTS ] I SAID, "YOU'RE RIGHT"! 417 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,318 SORRY. I ALREADY HAD IT LOADED UP. 418 00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,889 EVERYBODY COME TO DINNER. THEN WE WATCH THE WEDDING MOVIE. 419 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,789 HEY, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR HOSTING. 420 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,457 AND I HOPE THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS ABOUT MANNY. 421 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,460 YOU'RE THE COACH. YOU CAN'T PLAY FAVORITES. 422 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,495 EXACTLY. 423 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,629 I AM SO RELIEVED TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT. 424 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,798 NO, NO, NO. ONE OF OUR CHAIRS IS BROKEN. 425 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:55,735 COME. I HAVE A SPECIAL SEAT FOR YOU. 426 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,004 OH. 427 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,038 Mitchell! 428 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,039 She benched me. 429 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,509 [ GRUNTS ] 430 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,378 NO! YOU BEAT ME AGAIN! 431 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,846 WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU. 432 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,081 OH. HEY, STRANGER. 433 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,381 I LET HIM WIN. 434 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,317 MM. 435 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,418 HOW YOU BEEN? 436 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,985 OH, GOOD, GOOD. JUST BUSY. 437 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,687 I FIGURED I'D SAY HI. IT'S BEEN A WHILE. 438 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:16,755 I KNOW, RIGHT? 439 00:14:16,788 --> 00:14:18,892 I'VE BEEN BUSY, TOO, BETWEEN THIS LITTLE GUY 440 00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,293 AND VISITING MY FAMILY BACK HOME. 441 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:27,167 I'M -- I'M REALLY GLAD YOU CAME BY. 442 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,836 I WAS AFRAID THINGS GOT, LIKE...WEIRD 443 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,538 LAST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER. 444 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,605 Y-YEAH, ABOUT THAT -- UM, I REA-- 445 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,241 OH! I KNEW IT. 446 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,576 I AM SUCH A GOOBER SOMETIMES. 447 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,513 I WAS JUST CONFUSED ABOUT BETH, 448 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,750 AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SENDING ME SOME SIGNALS, 449 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,952 WHICH IS SO STUPID. 450 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:48,054 I HOPE I DIDN'T, LIKE, CREEP YOU OUT OR SOMETHING. 451 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,588 YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL STUPID. 452 00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:52,759 YOU KNOW, YOU WERE VULNERABLE, I WAS AT A WEDDING, 453 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:56,096 EVERYBODY WAS SUPER-GAY, AND NOBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. 454 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,566 I PROBABLY DID SEND YOU A SIGNAL. 455 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:02,134 I'M SORRY IF I GAVE YOU THE WRONG IDEA. 456 00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,269 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 457 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,638 I'M JUST GLAD WE DIDN'T TAKE IT ANY FURTHER. 458 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,041 BECAUSE CLEARLY, WE ARE WRONG FOR EACH OTHER. 459 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,610 TOTALLY. WE ARE WAY BETTER AS FRIENDS. 460 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,610 WAY! 461 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,279 LIKE, IMAGINE IF WE KISSED OR SOMETHING. 462 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,115 HA! THAT WOULD'VE BEEN A DISASTER. 463 00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,216 [ Laughing ] A HUGE DISASTER. 464 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,551 YOU WOULD'VE BEEN DESTROYED. 465 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:19,986 YEAH -- WHAT? [ JOE LAUGHS ] 466 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,554 WHOA, JOE. WHAT'S WITH THE SNOW ON THE ROOF? 467 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,456 YOU'RE AGING LIKE A PRESIDENT. 468 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,927 CLAIRE TEXTED TO START. SHE'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE LATE. 469 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:28,927 WELL, THAT'S CRAZY. 470 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:30,062 WE SHOULD WAIT FOR HER 471 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,563 AND WATCH THE WEDDING VIDEO SOME OTHER TIME. 472 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,966 NO, NO, NO. LET'S EAT. 473 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,167 I'M NOT VERY HUNGRY. 474 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,135 I STILL HAVE THE TASTE OF FAILURE IN MY MOUTH. 475 00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:37,803 SIT DOWN. THIS IS A FAMILY DINNER. 476 00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:38,837 WE ALL EAT TOGETHER. 477 00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,974 ARE THERE POTATOES? I SMELL POTATOES. 478 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,442 HERE YOU GO, SWEETHEART. 479 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:43,342 YOU EAT IT. 480 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:44,744 LILY, IT WASN'T THAT BAD. 481 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,678 YOU STILL GOT MY FRIEND'S HAIR IN YOUR WATCH! 482 00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:49,282 SHE'S COMING BACK. 483 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,084 WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WITH THAT PLAYDATE? 484 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,986 I WAS FEELING PROTECTIVE. THAT GIRL MADE LILY FEEL BAD. 485 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,355 OR DID SHE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD? 486 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,688 I DIDN'T LOVE IT. 487 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,258 THAT HAPPENS WITH ALL FIRST-TIME PARENTS. 488 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,959 WE THINK OUR KIDS ARE THE BEST OR THE SMARTEST. 489 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,129 FOR THE LONGEST TIME, THAT'S HOW WE FELT ABOUT HALEY. 490 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,663 "THE LONGEST TIME"? REALLY? 491 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:04,931 YOU CAN'T FORCE YOUR KIDS 492 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,832 TO LIVE UP TO YOUR UNREAL EXPECTATIONS. 493 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,835 THEY'RE NOT PERFECT, BUT YOU LOVE THEM ANYWAY. 494 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,802 ALSO APPLIES TO ADULTS -- PROBABLY MORE SO. 495 00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,438 THAT IS WHAT I'M DOING, ISN'T IT? 496 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,607 JAY DOES IT ALL THE TIME WITH MANNY'S FOOTBALL. 497 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,110 LOOK AT HIM -- HE'S SO UPSET OF DISAPPOINTING HIM 498 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,178 THAT HE WON'T EAT TODAY. 499 00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:20,779 LET'S KEEP IN MIND WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE -- 500 00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:21,780 WE'RE MAD AT CAM. 501 00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:23,682 YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. 502 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,653 YOU PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE INTO YOUR KIDS 503 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,953 THAT THEY FALL INTO PIECES. 504 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,057 I NEVER PUT MORE PRESSURE ON MY KIDS THAN THEY CAN HANDLE. 505 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,792 [ CLAIRE SNEEZES, COUGHS ] 506 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,461 OH, DON'T BE MAD, DAD. 507 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,928 I'M SORRY. I TRIED. I REALLY -- I TRIED. 508 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,700 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 509 00:16:40,732 --> 00:16:42,469 KNOCK, KNOCK. ME AGAIN. 510 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,470 HEY, YOU. 511 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,738 HEY. SO, UH, QUICK FOLLOW-UP. 512 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:49,008 UM, WHEN YOU SAID I WOULD BE DESTROYED IF WE HAD KISSED, 513 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,177 WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU MEAN BY THAT? 514 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,479 OH, GOSH. 515 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,514 I GUESS THAT IS CONFUSING, HUH? YEAH. 516 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,682 I JUST MEANT THAT YOU WOULD'VE BEEN EMOTIONALLY RUINED. 517 00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:57,817 WHAT?! YEAH. 518 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,318 I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF, 519 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:02,389 BUT THERE'S A LOT OF HEAT COMING OFF OF THIS. 520 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,590 GIRLS DO NOT GET OVER THIS GUY. 521 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,426 I'M NOT CALLING MYSELF A DRUG, BUT -- 522 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,230 I'M SORRY. HASN'T BETH BROKEN UP WITH YOU, LIKE, 10 TIMES? 523 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:11,897 SHE'S DYING TO GET BACK WITH ME, THOUGH. 524 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,432 I WOULDN'T SAY IT'S WITHDRAWAL, BUT -- 525 00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:16,202 FOR THE RECORD, GUYS DON'T GET OVER ME, OKAY? 526 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,538 AT LAST COUNT, I HAVE THREE STALKERS. 527 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:21,407 ONE OF THEM HAS MY FACE SPRAY-PAINTED ON HIS VAN. 528 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,609 I HAD TO STAND THERE FOREVER WHILE HE DID IT! 529 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,112 OKAY. 530 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,280 I DIDN'T MEAN TO IMPLY THAT IF WE KISSED, 531 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:29,648 IT WOULDN'T AFFECT ME. 532 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,519 ARE YOU KIDDING? 533 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:36,189 YOU ARE SO PRETTY AND SO OUT OF MY LEAGUE. 534 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,625 IT WOULD'VE... ROCKED MY WORLD. 535 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,192 OKAY, THEN. 536 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,429 IT JUST WOULD'VE HIT YOU HARDER. THAT'S ALL. 537 00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:45,565 [ British accent ] MR. PRITCHETT! YOUR BATH AWAITS! 538 00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:49,736 ARE YOU PREPARED FOR A BUM-SCRUBBING TODAY, SIR? 539 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,404 OHHH, NO. 540 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,473 I SAID SOMETHING WRONG, DIDN'T I? 541 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,108 NO. 542 00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:57,943 NO, I'M JUST BEING STUPID. 543 00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,311 UM... 544 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:02,315 THE POINT IS IS THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOOD, RIGHT? 545 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,549 YOU BETCHA. 546 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,884 AW, COME ON. DON'T BE SO FORMAL. 547 00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,319 COME HERE, YOU. 548 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:16,996 WELL...I PROMISED THIS LITTLE DUDE A BUBBLE BEARD. 549 00:18:17,028 --> 00:18:18,230 COME HERE. [ GRUNTS ] 550 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,900 DON'T BE A STRANGER, OKAY? 551 00:18:20,932 --> 00:18:22,335 MM-HMM. 552 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,304 [ COUGHS ] 553 00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:26,071 HONEY, BE A LITTLE SELFISH HERE. 554 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,407 YOU ARE NOT UP FOR WATCHING THIS VIDEO. 555 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,108 WHY WERE YOU EVEN OUT OF THE HOUSE LIKE THIS? 556 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,311 BECAUSE I'M YOUR TOUGHY-TOUGH SUPERGIRL. 557 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,314 YES, YOU ARE, BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO RISK YOU-- 558 00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,115 [ SNEEZES ] AWAY FROM THE FOOD! 559 00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:37,616 CAN WE CATCH THIS AGAIN? 560 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,286 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO! 561 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,519 TO HIS OWN DAUGHTER. 562 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,788 KIND OF PUTS ME BENCHING MANNY IN PERSPECTIVE. 563 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,023 ALSO, IS THERE A SAUCE GOING AROUND OR... 564 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,692 CAM, YOU WERE RIGHT TO BENCH ME. 565 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,027 I STUNK OUT THERE. 566 00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:49,127 VINDICATED! 567 00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:50,630 BUT NOT BECAUSE OF JAY. 568 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,632 IT'S YOU, MOM. WHAT?! 569 00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:54,634 TENSIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH. I THINK WE SHOULD ALL GO HOME. 570 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,469 I'VE NEVER WORRIED ABOUT DISAPPOINTING JAY. 571 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,936 HE KNOWS I'M TERRIBLE AT SPORTS. 572 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,306 SAID IT FROM DAY 1. 573 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,641 ONLY THING COORDINATED ABOUT THIS KID WAS HIS OUTFITS. 574 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:04,544 THE WAY YOU CALL ME YOUR PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL BOY AND STUFF, 575 00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,613 I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M LETTING YOU DOWN. 576 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,115 AY, MANNY, I'M SO SORRY. 577 00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,584 YOU COULD NEVER LET ME DOWN, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY PER-- 578 00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:14,053 YOU'RE OKAY. 579 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,488 I CUED UP THE WEDDING VIDEO. 580 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,655 OH! ALL BY YOURSELF? 581 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,023 LET'S WATCH IT. WHAT DO YOU SAY? 582 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,057 Luke: OKAY. Alex: LET'S GO. 583 00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:20,292 Mitchell: I'M NERVOUS. 584 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,362 IS THIS -- IS THIS A GOOD TIME? Cam: YES. 585 00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:23,962 IT FEELS LIKE -- O-OKAY. 586 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,531 JUST -- LET'S GO NOW. COME ON. 587 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:26,732 F-FULL DISCLOSURE -- 588 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,734 EVERYBODY MAY NOT LOOK THEIR BEST IN THIS VIDEO. 589 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:29,969 IT'S GOOD. 590 00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:32,038 IT'S ABOUT TIME WE ALL START SEEING OURSELVES 591 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,807 AS WHO WE REALLY ARE, NOT WHO WE'RE TRYING TO BE 592 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,076 OR WHO OTHER PEOPLE WANT US TO BE. Claire: RIGHT. 593 00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:39,077 SEE, NOW, THAT IS A VERY COMPLICATED MACHINE. 594 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,680 SHE IS A GENIUS. NOT A GOOD START. 595 00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:42,582 HIT IT, LILY. 596 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:43,750 THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD FOR YOU. 597 00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:45,183 I DON'T LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW. 598 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,919 [ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] Mitchell: OH, GOD. Cam: OOH! 599 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,755 IS THAT -- IS THAT MY DANCING? 600 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:49,756 IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE? 601 00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:50,757 [ LAUGHTER ] 602 00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:52,090 NO, NO. OKAY, THAT'S REALLY FUNNY. 603 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,025 HA HA HA HA HA. 604 00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:54,727 FAST FORWARD. COME ON. 605 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:55,894 AWW. AWW.AWW. AWW. 606 00:19:55,927 --> 00:19:58,565 THAT'S ACTUALLY REALLY SWEET, CAM. 607 00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:00,866 IS THAT MY CRYING FACE? 608 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,502 OH, IT'S HIDEOUS! WHY HASN'T ANYONE TOLD ME?! 609 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,271 OH, GOD, I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW, AREN'T I? GIVE ME THAT. 610 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,338 [ CLAIRE COUGHS ] 611 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,875 CONGRATULATIONS, MITCH AND CAM! 612 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,041 [ GASPS ] 613 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,378 OH. LOOK AT ME IN THAT DRESS! 614 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,945 I LOOK GORGEOUS! 615 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,448 GIVE ME REWIND! 616 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,517 MOM, LOOK AT YOU HOLDING ON TO THAT BAR. 617 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,117 YOU HAD VERTIGO THERE, TOO. 618 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,118 YEAH, I SURE DID. 619 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,921 YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO LINGER ON THAT. 620 00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,122 Alex: [ Laughing ] OH, MOM! 621 00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:26,057 HEY, EVERYBODY. I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. 622 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,026 UM... 623 00:20:27,058 --> 00:20:28,595 Jay: ALL THAT SWEAT. WHAT THE HELL?! 624 00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:31,029 I LOOK LIKE I HAD SHAMU IN A HEADLOCK! 625 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,030 I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP. 626 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,865 YEAH, YOU AND ME BOTH. I'M DISGUSTING! 627 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,102 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S HALEY'S NAUSEA. OH, GOD! 628 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:37,135 I'M GONNA KEEP IT SHORT. 629 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,203 Jay: YEAH, YOU WILL. 630 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,572 120 PEOPLE IN THAT ROOM, 631 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,773 AND NO ONE TOLD ME TO PUT MY ARM DOWN! 632 00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,041 I HAVE AN IDEA, ACTUALLY. 633 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,411 WHY DON'T I RE-EDIT THE VIDEO 634 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:45,944 AND CUT OUT THE EMBARRASSING PARTS? 635 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,380 IS THAT A PROBLEM? NOT AT ALL! 636 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,815 Cam: THAT'S GREAT! DONE! 637 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,650 Mitchell: THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 638 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,986 I know you sneezed on the cake. 639 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,989 No one likes a know-it-all! 640 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,663 [ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] 641 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:07,098 Cam: MITCHELL! COME TO BED! 642 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,934 AREN'T YOU EVER GONNA SLEEP? 643 00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,169 NO. 644 00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:11,938 NO, I DON'T THINK I AM. 645 00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,619 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 646 00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,288 MITCHELL!