1
00:00:02,262 --> 00:00:03,612
OKAY. I'M TAKING OFF.

2
00:00:03,654 --> 00:00:04,743
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

3
00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:06,309
I THOUGHT
WE WERE GOING TO GIVE A CHICKEN

4
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,181
THE BEST DAY OF ITS LIFE.

5
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,182
I HATE THAT WE KEEP
RESCHEDULING THAT,

6
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:12,446
BUT BEING A REALTOR MAN MEANS
WORKING ON SUNDAYS,

7
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,188
LIKE PRIESTS
AND LESLEY STAHL.

8
00:00:14,230 --> 00:00:15,537
GOOD LUCK OUT THERE,
HONEY.

9
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,711
WE'RE ALL COUNTING ON YOU.

10
00:00:16,754 --> 00:00:18,539
JUST GOT TO MAKE IT THROUGH
THIS COMMUTE.

11
00:00:18,582 --> 00:00:19,541
MM-HMM.
MWAH!

12
00:00:19,583 --> 00:00:21,934
I'LL CALL
WHEN I GET THERE.

13
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,111
I'M THERE!

14
00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,157
HAVE A GREAT DAY!

15
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:30,204
I AM HANDLING THE SALE
OF OUR NEIGHBOR JERRY'S HOUSE.

16
00:00:30,246 --> 00:00:32,335
HE'S SELLING IT AND MOVING
INTO A BACHELOR PAD

17
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,076
NOW THAT HE'S OFFICIALLY
DIVORCED.

18
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,078
WHICH IS GREAT!

19
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:36,862
WELL,
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT "GREAT."

20
00:00:36,905 --> 00:00:39,082
I MEAN, YOU CAN COME AND GO
AS YOU PLEASE, I SUPPOSE,

21
00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:41,344
AND MAYBE SEE WHAT'S UP
WITH THE U.P.S. GIRL

22
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,173
WHO'S ALWAYS ASKING
IF YOU WORK OUT, OR --

23
00:00:43,216 --> 00:00:45,523
IT'S GREAT BECAUSE WE HAVE
THE RARE OPPORTUNITY

24
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,350
TO CHOOSE
OUR NEW NEIGHBORS.

25
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:48,265
WHILE STILL LOOKING OUT

26
00:00:48,308 --> 00:00:50,353
FOR MY CLIENT'S BEST INTERESTS,
OF COURSE.

27
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:52,268
WINK, WINK.
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]

28
00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:53,792
I'M IN KIND OF
IN A DELICATE SPOT --

29
00:00:53,835 --> 00:00:55,445
STUCK BETWEEN MY WIFE
AND THE GUY NEXT DOOR,

30
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:56,969
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE

31
00:00:57,012 --> 00:00:58,753
I CAN SATISFY THEM BOTH
SIMULTANEOUSLY.

32
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:01,322
OKAY. THAT'S THEM.
THAT'S THEM.

33
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,018
EVERYBODY LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE GARDENING.

34
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,367
LUKE,
GRAB THAT LITTLE HOE.

35
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:07,370
UH, I -- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S WHAT SHE MEANT.

36
00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:08,371
IS IT?

37
00:01:08,415 --> 00:01:09,721
OKAY,
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

38
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:12,332
THIS IS THEIR THIRD VISIT,
AND WE WANT TO LOOK GOOD.

39
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:13,334
[ CHUCKLES ]

40
00:01:13,376 --> 00:01:14,335
WHAT'S SO GREAT
ABOUT THEM?

41
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:16,250
THEY'RE VERY WELL-LIKED
IN THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD,

42
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:17,728
THEY HAVE
VERY POLITE CHILDREN,

43
00:01:17,772 --> 00:01:18,990
AND THEY ARE
SOPHISTICATED.

44
00:01:19,034 --> 00:01:21,123
THE HUSBAND IS A HUGE
WINE COLLECTOR.

45
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,168
OH, THERE IT IS.

46
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,343
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT.

47
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:24,605
[ WATERING CAN THUDS ]OKAY, LOOK SHARP.

48
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,563
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
LUKE, WHAT'S ON YOUR FACE?

49
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,131
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT COLOR IS IT?

50
00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,567
WHY ISN'T IT
COMING OFF?

51
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:30,829
HERE.

52
00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:32,179
THIS FEELS LIKE
A PANIC MOVE.
OH.

53
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,180
Haley: UGH.

54
00:01:33,222 --> 00:01:34,832
HEY...AGAIN. HELLO.

55
00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:36,573
MORNING.HELLO.

56
00:01:36,617 --> 00:01:38,793
JUST DOING A LITTLE
FAMILY GARDENING.

57
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:39,795
AWW.

58
00:01:39,837 --> 00:01:41,144
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

59
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,015
Lisa: SEE YA.

60
00:01:43,058 --> 00:01:44,495
IT'S PEANUT BUTTER,
BY THE WAY.

61
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:46,540
WE RAN OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER
TWO DAYS AGO.

62
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:47,759
[ GAGS ]

63
00:01:47,802 --> 00:01:50,762
--Captions by VITAC--

64
00:01:50,805 --> 00:01:53,287
Captioning provided by
20th Century Fox Television
and ABC, Inc.

65
00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:55,811
and brought to you by Ford.
Beautiful things happen
when you go further.

66
00:01:55,853 --> 00:01:58,856
♪♪♪

67
00:02:01,468 --> 00:02:03,992
HOLY COW. IT WORKS!

68
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,341
WHAT IS HE DOING?

69
00:02:05,385 --> 00:02:08,215
HE'S PUTTING SOCKS IN A SODA BOX
AND PULLING THEM OUT.

70
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:09,781
OH, NO.

71
00:02:09,824 --> 00:02:11,174
THIS IS LIKE
WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER

72
00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:14,350
STARTED COMBING HER HAIR
WITH A CACTUS.

73
00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:17,353
JAY, JAY,
WHO IS THE PRESIDENT?

74
00:02:17,397 --> 00:02:19,443
I WILL BE
WHEN THEY SEE THIS.

75
00:02:19,486 --> 00:02:20,313
CHECK THIS OUT.

76
00:02:20,356 --> 00:02:22,359
WHAT'S MY BIGGEST PROBLEM
IN THE BEDROOM?

77
00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:24,665
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]OH, THANK GOD.

78
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,754
IT'S THAT I'M ALWAYS WEARING
THE SAME SOCKS

79
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:29,018
BECAUSE
THEY'RE ALWAYS UP FRONT.

80
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:32,239
BUT THIS BAD BOY STORES
AND ROTATES YOUR SOCKS.

81
00:02:32,281 --> 00:02:34,893
IT'S GONNA REVOLUTIONIZE
THE CLOSET INDUSTRY.

82
00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:36,981
WHAT AN EXCITING TIME
TO BE ALIVE.

83
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,245
I'M GONNA GET MY LAWYER
ON THE HORN,

84
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,420
TRY TO LOCK
THE NAME DOWN.

85
00:02:39,462 --> 00:02:41,290
CHECK THIS --

86
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,336
"SOCK IT TO ME."

87
00:02:42,378 --> 00:02:44,251
HOW ABOUT "SOXBOX?"

88
00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:46,557
GLORIA, PLEASE.
I'M SELLING A LIFESTYLE HERE.

89
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,906
UH, MOM, WE'RE GONNA GO
HEAD OUT BY THE POOL.

90
00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:50,473
NO, NO, NO, WAIT.
SAY HELLO.

91
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:51,605
JAY,
THIS IS SOPHIE.

92
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,477
HELLO.HI, MR. PRITCHETT.

93
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,348
WHAT'S THAT?
SOME SORT OF SOCK DISPENSER?

94
00:02:55,391 --> 00:02:57,437
BINGO!
I'M IN THE CLOSET BUSINESS.

95
00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:00,354
AND THIS IS A CRUDE PROTOTYPE
OF MY NEW INVENTION.

96
00:03:00,396 --> 00:03:01,442
WHAT A GREAT IDEA.

97
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:02,224
YOU ROTATE YOUR SOCKS

98
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,878
SO YOU DON'T KEEP WEARING
THE SAME ONES.

99
00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:05,575
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

100
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,056
I CALL IT
"SOCK IT TO ME."

101
00:03:07,098 --> 00:03:08,449
THAT'S SO CLEVER.

102
00:03:08,491 --> 00:03:09,449
IT'S FUNNY, ANDIT TELLS YOU
WHAT IT DOES.

103
00:03:09,492 --> 00:03:11,103
IMAGINE IT IN WALNUT.

104
00:03:11,146 --> 00:03:12,453
WHAT'S HAPPENING?

105
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,585
I -- I AM SO SORRY
THAT HE'S BORING YOU.

106
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,933
NO, I LIKE
THIS SORT OF STUFF.

107
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,457
MY GRANDPA EARL'S
IN THE CLOSET BUSINESS, TOO.

108
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:18,459
WAIT, WAIT.
EARL?

109
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,461
NOT -- NOT
EARL CHAMBERS.

110
00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:22,462
YEAH, HE OWNS CLOSETS, CLOSETS,
CLOSETS...

111
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,681
CLOSETS. YEAH....CLOSETS.

112
00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:25,509
I KNOW YOUR GRANDPA.

113
00:03:25,552 --> 00:03:26,293
IT WAS 1980.

114
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,945
EARL AND I HAD JUST FORMED
OUR COMPANY,

115
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:28,947
CLOSET-FORNIA.

116
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:30,296
BUSINESS WAS GREAT,
HIGH-END CLIENTS,

117
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:31,733
MAYBE A CELEBRITY OR TWO.

118
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:34,300
I SHOULDN'T NAME NAMES.
ANYWAY...

119
00:03:34,343 --> 00:03:35,605
CAME TO WORK ONE DAY,

120
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,868
AND EARL'S DESK
HAD BEEN CLEARED OUT.

121
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:40,132
HE HAD BADMOUTHED ME
TO HALF OUR ROLODEX.

122
00:03:40,175 --> 00:03:42,961
IT WAS DEVASTATING.
I HAD TO START ALL OVER.

123
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:46,486
WELL, WHAT THE HELL?
IT WAS LARRY HAGMAN.

124
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:49,098
HECK OF A GUY.
HEART AS BIG AS HIS HAT.

125
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:50,621
[ DOOR OPENS ]HEY.

126
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,145
HEY, YOU'RE BACK ALREADY?
HOW WAS THE BIRTHDAY PARTY?

127
00:03:53,188 --> 00:03:54,408
I RODE A UNICORN.

128
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:55,670
YES, YOU DID.

129
00:03:55,712 --> 00:03:57,540
ALL BY YOUR LONESOME.

130
00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,543
It wasn't
a real unicorn.

131
00:03:59,586 --> 00:04:01,110
THANK YOU.

132
00:04:01,152 --> 00:04:02,719
I'M GONNA GO
AND DO HOMEWORK.

133
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,114
DON'T KNOCK UNLESS
IT'S AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY.

134
00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:07,420
NOTA SPIDER.

135
00:04:07,463 --> 00:04:09,161
MS. PLANK GAVE HER HOMEWORK
ON THE WEEKEND?

136
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,205
SHE'S 7.

137
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,121
I KNOW.
THE WOMAN IS INSANE.

138
00:04:12,163 --> 00:04:13,340
BUT LISTEN.

139
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,298
I HEARD SOMETHING
IN THE GLITTER-TATTOO LINE.

140
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,430
WHAT?

141
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,648
THERE'S AN OPENING
IN MISS SPARROW'S CLASS.

142
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,389
[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD!
CAM, THAT'S AMAZING.

143
00:04:19,432 --> 00:04:20,302
WE GOT TO GET HER IN.

144
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:22,173
I KNOW. WE'RE GOING IN
FIRST THING TOMORROW.

145
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,175
LET'S SEE IT.

146
00:04:23,218 --> 00:04:24,567
TWO DOLPHINS
THAT FORM A HEART.

147
00:04:25,742 --> 00:04:28,355
THERE ARE TWO SECOND-GRADE
TEACHERS AT LILY'S SCHOOL --

148
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:29,529
MISS SPARROW,

149
00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:32,141
WHO MAKES LEARNING FUN
AND ADVENTUROUS.

150
00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:34,709
AND THEN THERE'S LILY'S TEACHER,
MRS. PLANK,

151
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,579
WHO IS
STRESSING LILY OUT.

152
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:37,754
LET'S SEE, SWEETIE.

153
00:04:37,798 --> 00:04:39,103
OH!

154
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,367
OOH, GOOD JOB.

155
00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:43,326
OH, NO!
I SPELLED "TADPOLE" WRONG!

156
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,894
OH, WELL, NOW,
THAT'S JUST ONE MISTAKE.

157
00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:48,199
MRS. PLANK DOESN'T TOLERATE
MISTAKES!

158
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:49,680
OH. HEY. HEY.OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

159
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,769
I CALL MRS. PLANK
"MRS. CRANK."

160
00:04:51,812 --> 00:04:53,728
[ LAUGHS ]

161
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,555
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE THE COURAGE

162
00:04:55,598 --> 00:04:56,512
TO SAY
WHAT OTHERS WON'T.

163
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,819
BEHIND HER BACK.
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]

164
00:04:58,862 --> 00:05:00,995
AND I ALSO I HELPED
THE PREVIOUS OWNERS

165
00:05:01,038 --> 00:05:03,737
INSTALL A BRAND-NEW TANKLESS
WATER HEATER A YEAR AGO,

166
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,391
BUT DID THEY SHOW
ANY GRATITUDE?

167
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,480
NOPE!

168
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:07,524
BECAUSE
IT'S A "TANKLESS" JOB.
[thankless]

169
00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:08,786
YES![ LAUGHS ]

170
00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:11,005
PLEASE MOVE IN. WE CAN RIFF
LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

171
00:05:11,048 --> 00:05:12,137
OH.

172
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:13,964
SO, WHAT DO YA THINK?
DO YOU STILL LOVE IT?

173
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:15,619
[ CHUCKLES ]
ABSOLUTELY.

174
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,752
I CAN JUST SEE FILLING THIS YARD
WITH FLOWERS.

175
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:18,795
AWW.AWW.

176
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:19,927
JUST LIKE
WE'RE PRETENDING TO DO.

177
00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:21,495
[ LAUGHS ]

178
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,627
BY THE WAY,
I LOVE THOSE SHOES.

179
00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:24,714
OH, THANKS.

180
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,413
GEORGE'S FIRM DOES P.R.
FOR ABOUT 10 SHOE BRANDS.

181
00:05:27,456 --> 00:05:28,502
IF WE END UP
LIVING HERE,

182
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,417
TRUST ME,
YOU'LL BE SWIMMING IN SHOES.

183
00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:32,418
[ GASPS ][ GASPS ]
I'VE HAD THAT DREAM.

184
00:05:32,461 --> 00:05:34,377
OH.
[ CHUCKLES ]SPEAKING OF DREAMS,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

185
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:35,944
YOU GUYS READY
TO PULL THE TRIGGER?

186
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,379
I THINK WE ARE.

187
00:05:37,423 --> 00:05:39,468
OH! THAT'S GREAT!YES!

188
00:05:39,512 --> 00:05:40,774
I'M A SIZE 6!

189
00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:43,733
NOT SINCE
I FELL OFF THE ROOF

190
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:45,562
WHILE THEY WERE DELIVERING
OUR TRAMPOLINE

191
00:05:45,605 --> 00:05:47,521
HAVE THINGS COME TOGETHER
SO BEAUTIFULLY.

192
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,218
SEE YOU SOON!WE DID IT.

193
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:51,654
WE ARE GONNA HAVE
THE BEST NEIGHBORS EVER!

194
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:52,742
[ Chuckling ]
OH.
OH!

195
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,615
[ VEHICLE APPROACHING ]WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

196
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,442
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO ]COOL!

197
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,620
[ MUSIC STOPS ]

198
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,535
[ KEYS JINGLE ]I DON'T WANT TO SEE
A STUPID HOUSE.

199
00:06:01,577 --> 00:06:04,668
HEY, HOW 'BOUT YOU SHUT UP
AND NOT EMBARRASS US?

200
00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:07,105
HOW 'BOUT YOU BOTH SHUT UP?
I'M SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU.

201
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:08,672
HEY, DON'T TALK TO YOUR DAD
LIKE THAT,

202
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,238
OR YOU CAN GO LIVE
WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

203
00:06:10,281 --> 00:06:11,675
HE'S NOT
MY BOYFRIEND.

204
00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:12,850
I JUST MAKE OUT
WITH HIM

205
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,024
SO I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE
HIS CLASS AGAIN.

206
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,112
WE SHOULD GO SAY HI.

207
00:06:15,156 --> 00:06:16,550
NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO.

208
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:17,680
PHIL, SHUT IT DOWN.

209
00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:19,334
I'M TRYING!
WHAT ARE THESE THINGS MADE OF?COME ON.

210
00:06:23,338 --> 00:06:24,471
DUDE...
[ SIGHS ]

211
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:25,819
...I LOVE THIS PLACE.

212
00:06:25,862 --> 00:06:26,821
ME, TOO, BABY.

213
00:06:26,863 --> 00:06:28,343
I ALWAYS WANTED
A SPANISH HOUSE.

214
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:30,214
IT'LL BE LIKE
LIVING AT AN EL TORITO.

215
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:31,478
Ronnie:
OH! YOUR FAMILY.

216
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,610
HEY, YOU THE NEIGHBORS?
YOU LIKE LIVING HERE?!

217
00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:35,045
WHAT?
I'M SO SORRY.

218
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,701
IT'S SO HARD TO HEAR OVER
ALL THAT FREEWAY NOISE, RIGHT?

219
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,223
HEY, THEN NO ONE'S
GONNA COMPLAIN

220
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:42,663
WHEN I'M REVVING MY CARS,
MY BIKE, OR MY LADY.

221
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,273
[ SMACKS BUTT ]OOH! VROOM, VROOM!

222
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,230
I'M RONNIE LAFONTAINE.

223
00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:49,800
AND THIS HOT LADY RIGHT HERE
IS MY WIFE, AMBER.

224
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,802
AND THESE TWO LITTLE HELLRAISERS
ARE TAMMY AND RONNIE JR.

225
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:53,803
[ CHUCKLES ]
HEY.

226
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:54,805
HEY, HOT STUFF.

227
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,807
M-M-M-ME?

228
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,810
OH.
UM...HELLO.

229
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,463
DAMN,
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD'S SWEET.

230
00:07:01,507 --> 00:07:03,161
YEAH, IT'S CLOSE
TO MY WORK, TOO.

231
00:07:03,204 --> 00:07:05,033
WH-- UH, WHAT IS YOUR LINE
OF WORK, RONNIE?

232
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:06,468
WELL,
I'M BASICALLY A DOCTOR.

233
00:07:06,512 --> 00:07:08,557
OH,
STOP BEING MODEST.

234
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:11,300
HE OWNS, LIKE, A BUTTLOAD
OF MEDICAL-WEED DISPENSARIES.

235
00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:15,564
AH, THAT'S WHERE I KNO--
OH, HELLO?

236
00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:16,957
HONEY, YOU LOOK
A LITTLE NAUSEOUS.

237
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,524
YEAH.
YEAH, A LITTLE.

238
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,351
HEY, I GOT SOMETHING
FOR THAT.
OOH.

239
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:21,528
ALL GOOD.

240
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,704
HOW COULD YOU BRING HER
TO MY HOME?

241
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:26,141
SHE'S THE GRANDDAUGHTER
OF MY WORST ENEMY.

242
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,533
I HAD NO IDEA
WHO SHE WAS.

243
00:07:27,576 --> 00:07:29,579
I MET HER
IN MY THEATER GROUP.

244
00:07:29,622 --> 00:07:31,538
I'M CAESAR,
AND SHE'S CONCUBINE #3.

245
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:32,625
IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN.

246
00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:34,932
EARL CHAMBERS IS A LIAR
AND A BACKSTABBER

247
00:07:34,975 --> 00:07:38,283
WHO BETRAYED ME
AND NEVER APOLOGIZED.

248
00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:40,154
JAY, PLEASE.
IT'S JUST CLOSETS.

249
00:07:40,197 --> 00:07:41,851
I WISH IT WAS
JUST CLOSETS.

250
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,201
I RESPECT THOSE GUYS.

251
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:44,680
DAMN IT,
SHE SAW THE SOCK IT TO ME!

252
00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:45,682
SO WHAT?

253
00:07:45,725 --> 00:07:47,553
IF SHE CAN REMEMBER
HOW IT WORKS,

254
00:07:47,596 --> 00:07:49,425
SHE'S GONNA TELL EARL
ALL ABOUT IT.

255
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:50,860
IF SHE CAN REMEMBER
HOW IT WORKS?

256
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,558
YOU PUT THE SOCK
IN A BOX.

257
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:55,430
EVEN JOE COULD HAVE THOUGHT
OF THAT.

258
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,911
WHAT ELSE
DID YOU DISCUSS WITH HER?

259
00:07:57,954 --> 00:07:59,216
DID YOU MENTION

260
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:01,742
WE'VE BEEN EXPERIMENTING
WITH LIGHTED HANGING RODS?

261
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,656
I DON'T HAVE
A GREAT RAP WITH GIRLS,

262
00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:04,571
BUT IT'S BETTER THAN THAT.

263
00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:06,093
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA USE IT
WITH SOMEONE ELSE

264
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,137
'CAUSE I FORBID YOU
TO SEE HER.

265
00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,531
WHAT?
THAT'S NOT FAIR.

266
00:08:08,574 --> 00:08:10,968
WHAT'S NOT FAIR IS ME PICKING UP
THE PIECES OF MY LIFE

267
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,841
WHILE EARL GETS TO BE
AN EXTRA ON "DALLAS"!

268
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,237
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

269
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,675
HEY, DUNPHY.

270
00:08:22,718 --> 00:08:24,415
HEY.

271
00:08:24,459 --> 00:08:26,548
JUST CHECKING OUT
THIS TREE.

272
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,420
OH, YEAH,
IT'S REALLY MESSY, RIGHT?

273
00:08:29,464 --> 00:08:31,161
AND IT MAKES THE HOUSE
SO DARK.

274
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,990
BUT THE --
THE RATS LOVE IT, SO...

275
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:36,211
YEAH, NO WORRIES.
I'M GONNA CUT IT DOWN.

276
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:39,692
I DON'T WANT ALL THIS SAP
ALL OVER MY LAWN COUCH.

277
00:08:39,735 --> 00:08:41,999
WELL, I WOULDN'T FIRE UP
YOUR CHAINSAW JUST YET, RONNIE.

278
00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:43,392
IT'S A VERY COMPETITIVE
MARKET.

279
00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:44,610
IS THERE ANOTHER BUYER?

280
00:08:44,653 --> 00:08:45,960
I REALLY SHOULDN'T SAY.

281
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,264
[ GASPS ]

282
00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:49,615
IS THIS -- IS THIS ONE OF THOSE
REALTOR TRICKS?

283
00:08:49,658 --> 00:08:50,572
NO.

284
00:08:50,616 --> 00:08:52,009
WHERE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME
TO RAISE MY OFFER?

285
00:08:52,052 --> 00:08:53,706
OH, NO.
WELL, IT'S WORKING.

286
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,144
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL THROW IN ANOTHER 50 GRAND.

287
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,363
WHAT?!
THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA!

288
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,712
I'M NOT LOSING
THE HOUSE.

289
00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:01,583
I HAD THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE
IN THERE.

290
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,802
WHEN?!

291
00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,761
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

292
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,503
EXCUSE ME,
MS. CRANK.

293
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,851
PLANK.
MS. PLANK?

294
00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:09,852
YES?Mitchell: HI.

295
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,985
I SA-- OH.
A FROWNY-FACE STAMP.

296
00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:13,203
I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY MADE THOSE.

297
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,770
I HAD TO SPECIAL ORDER IT
FROM GERMANY.

298
00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:15,772
MAY I HELP YOU?

299
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,426
UH, WELL,
WE'RE LILY'S PARENTS.

300
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:18,427
IS THERE A PROBLEM?

301
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,775
NOT SO MUCH
A PROBLEM, NO.

302
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,995
NO, MORE OF AN OPPORTUNITY
FOR YOU TO...

303
00:09:22,038 --> 00:09:23,213
LIGHTEN YOUR WORKLOAD.

304
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:25,695
MAYBE TURN THAT
FROWNY-FACE STAMP UPSIDE DOWN.

305
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:26,740
[ CHUCKLES ]

306
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:29,307
LET ME GUESS -- YOU'VE HEARD
THERE'S AN OPENING

307
00:09:29,350 --> 00:09:31,178
IN YOUNG MISS SPARROW'S
CLASSROOM.

308
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:32,179
WHAT? MISS WHO?
WHAT?

309
00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:33,224
IS THIS -- DO YOU --AN OPENING?

310
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:34,225
NO.

311
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:35,662
OH, I'M SORRY.

312
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,793
FORGIVE ME FOR JUMPING
TO CONCLUSIONS.

313
00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:40,623
BY ALL MEANS,
TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE.

314
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,798
UM...
UM...

315
00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:43,712
WELL, WE -- WE'VE JUST,
UH, STOPPED BY,

316
00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:44,758
UH, IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
TO SAY HELLO.

317
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:45,759
TO SAY HI.
SAY HELLO.

318
00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,456
HI.

319
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:49,457
AND, ALSO, UM...

320
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,460
ABOUT THIS OPENING
IN MISS SPARROW'S CLASS

321
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:52,765
THAT YOU SUGGESTED
FOR LILY.

322
00:09:52,808 --> 00:09:55,028
IS THAT SOMETHING
THAT YOU WOULD...

323
00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,334
THAT YOU WOULD THINK
WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA?

324
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:57,552
PARENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED

325
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:59,120
TO CHOOSE
THEIR CHILDREN'S TEACHERS.

326
00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:01,251
NO, AND, OF COURSE,
I WOULD NEVER SUGGEST

327
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:02,688
SPECIAL TREATMENT
FOR LILY

328
00:10:02,731 --> 00:10:05,778
EVEN IF SHE IS A --
A FORMER ORPHAN AND MINORITY

329
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,780
AND -- AND DAUGHTER
OF TWO GAY MEN.

330
00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:09,652
THAT'S A BIG LOAD
ON THOSE LITTLE SHOULDERS.

331
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,654
ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT YOUR
DAUGHTER IS AT A DISADVANTAGE

332
00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:14,831
BECAUSE SHE'S BEING RAISED
BY GAY PARENTS?

333
00:10:15,918 --> 00:10:16,963
IS IT WORKING?

334
00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:23,144
OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT? LOOK.

335
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,841
UH, WE JUST DON'T THINK
THAT LILY RESPONDS

336
00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:28,062
TO YOUR, UH,
TEACHING METHODS,

337
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:30,238
AND WE THINK
SHE WOULD BE HAPPIER

338
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,892
IN MISS SPARROW'S CLASS.

339
00:10:31,934 --> 00:10:34,154
[ MARKER CLACKS ]WE WOULD ALL BE HAPPIER

340
00:10:34,197 --> 00:10:37,767
IN THAT NEW-AGE DRUM CIRCLE
SHE CALLS A CLASSROOM.

341
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:39,334
OKAY, WELL,
WE DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU.

342
00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:41,030
WE'RE NOT SAYING
YOU'RE ANY WORSE THAN HER.

343
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,119
SHE.

344
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,163
MA'AM?

345
00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:44,381
"THAN SHE."

346
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:45,687
THAT'S PROPER ENGLISH.

347
00:10:45,731 --> 00:10:47,471
IT'S TOO BAD
LILY WON'T LEARN IT.

348
00:10:47,515 --> 00:10:49,125
[ SCOFFS ]
SO SHE CANGO.

349
00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:51,825
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
SHE'S GONE ALREADY.

350
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,783
ONE MORE CHILD LEFT BEHIND.

351
00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:54,827
[ STAMP THUDS ]OKAY,
YOU KNOW WHAT? NO.

352
00:10:54,870 --> 00:10:56,090
LILY WILL BE FINE,

353
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,831
'CAUSE SHE'S GONNA HAVE
THE CHANCE TO THRIVE

354
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,267
IN A MORE SUPPORTIVE
ENVIRONMENT.

355
00:10:59,309 --> 00:11:02,096
YEAH, YOU DON'T NEED
TO WORRY ABOUT SHE.

356
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,534
THIS PLACE IS A GREAT IDEA,
GLORIA.

357
00:11:06,577 --> 00:11:07,754
DID I EVER TELL YOU

358
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,972
THIS IS WHERE I FIRST TRIED
PRETZEL BREAD?

359
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,278
HELLO, JAY.

360
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:13,106
HELLO, EARL.

361
00:11:13,149 --> 00:11:14,325
I INVITED HIM

362
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:16,719
SO THAT YOU TWO
FINALLY CAN BURY THE MACHETE.

363
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:19,808
WELL, THIS SCUMBAG ALREADY
BURIED IT IN MY BACK.

364
00:11:19,852 --> 00:11:20,897
YOU SON OF A BITCH!

365
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,506
[ BOTH SHOUTING ]NO! NO! NO! NO!

366
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,945
Stop it! Sit down!

367
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:26,380
THIS IS CRAZY.

368
00:11:26,423 --> 00:11:27,817
YOU TWO
NEED TO BE FRIENDS.

369
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,557
YOU'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE
IN THE WORLD

370
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,864
THAT CARE SO MUCH
ABOUT CLOSETS.

371
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:31,951
THIS IS SILLY!

372
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,909
I GUESS THOSE ANGLED SHELVES

373
00:11:33,953 --> 00:11:35,782
THAT DISPLAY ALL YOUR
PRECIOUS SHOES ARE SILLY.

374
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,522
OR THE ROTATING
TIE RACK

375
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:39,915
THAT HELPS A BRAIN SURGEON
SAVE VALUABLE SECONDS,

376
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,091
AND, JUST MAYBE,
A LIFE.

377
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,658
YOU FOUGHT ME EVERY STEP
OF THE WAY ON THAT.

378
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:43,919
BECAUSE THE TECHNOLOGY
WASN'T THERE YET.

379
00:11:43,963 --> 00:11:45,139
PEOPLE WERE GONNA
GET HURT!

380
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,749
IF YOU WOULD OPEN
YOUR EARS --ENOUGH!

381
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:50,144
YOU TWO ARE ACTING LIKE
TWO LITTLE BOYS.

382
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:52,014
SO I'M GONNA
HAVE TO HANDLE THIS

383
00:11:52,058 --> 00:11:53,755
HOW MY MOTHER HANDLED
MY TWO BROTHERS.

384
00:11:53,799 --> 00:11:56,846
IT'S EITHER YOU TWO
WORK THIS OUT...

385
00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:00,676
...OR YOU KILL EACH OTHER.

386
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:07,029
WHEN REEFER MADNESS
RAISED HIS OFFER,

387
00:12:07,073 --> 00:12:08,379
WE INVITED
THE THOMPSONS OVER

388
00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:10,250
TO TRY TO CONVINCE THEM
TO RAISE THEIRS.

389
00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:11,339
WE WANTED TO SHOW THEM

390
00:12:11,381 --> 00:12:12,905
THAT THE BEST THING
ABOUT THAT HOUSE

391
00:12:12,948 --> 00:12:14,558
IS ITS LOCATION.

392
00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:16,125
IT'S DUNPHY-ADJACENT.

393
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,258
[ GEORGE LAUGHS ]

394
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,912
THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

395
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,609
Phil: WE'LL HEAR
FROM YOU SOON, HUH?

396
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,350
YOU SURE WILL.SOONER THAN YOU THINK.

397
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,567
ALL RIGHT.OKAY, BYE.

398
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:25,004
DRIVE SAFE.
SEE YA.

399
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,005
[ DOOR CLOSES ]

400
00:12:26,048 --> 00:12:27,615
NAILED IT.
OH!

401
00:12:27,658 --> 00:12:28,616
ARE THEY GONE?[ CHUCKLES ]

402
00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:30,052
THEY ARE,
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY.

403
00:12:30,096 --> 00:12:32,142
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]WE ARE GONNA SEE A LOT MORE
OF THOSE TWO SOON.

404
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:33,970
OH, AND HEARING FROM THEM
EVEN SOONER.

405
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,405
IT LOOKS LIKE
SOMEONE DIDN'T GET

406
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:36,798
THEIR "PHIL" OF DUNPHY.
[fill]

407
00:12:36,842 --> 00:12:38,365
[ CHUCKLES ]

408
00:12:38,408 --> 00:12:39,366
NO.

409
00:12:39,409 --> 00:12:40,802
WHAT?

410
00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,239
THEY PULLED
THEIR OFFER.

411
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:43,631
WHY?
WHAT HAPPENED?

412
00:12:43,674 --> 00:12:45,460
YOU PERVS PROBABLY
FREAKED 'EM OUT.

413
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:46,461
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"PERVS"?

414
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:47,941
IT'S SHORT FOR
PERVERTS.

415
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,506
YOU GUYS WERE THROWING
YOURSELVES AT THEM

416
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:50,986
ALL NIGHT LONG.

417
00:12:51,030 --> 00:12:53,033
WHAT CAN I SAY?
THAT'S SHOE BUSINESS.

418
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:54,817
OH.
[ LAUGHTER ]

419
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:57,167
WHOA, NO GUNS ALLOWED
IN THIS HOUSE.

420
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,168
[ CHUCKLES ]

421
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,908
LET'S OFF THAT TOP,
LISA.

422
00:12:59,952 --> 00:13:02,476
LET'S [LAUGHS]
LET'S TOP THAT OFF.

423
00:13:02,519 --> 00:13:04,609
[ LAUGHTER ]
PHIL.

424
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:05,871
SO, THIS HAS BEEN FUN.

425
00:13:05,914 --> 00:13:08,004
IT'LL BE EVEN MORE FUN
WHEN YOU GUYS MOVE IN.

426
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,092
WELL, EVEN IF WE RAISE
OUR OFFER,

427
00:13:10,136 --> 00:13:12,052
WHO KNOWS
IF WE'LL GET THE HOUSE?

428
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:13,443
FORTUNATELY,

429
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,490
YOU ARE GETTING INTO BED
WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.

430
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,708
NOTHING INAPPROPRIATE,
OF COURSE.

431
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:18,754
WINK, WINK.

432
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,059
BUT JUST SO
THERE'S NO MISUNDERSTANDING,

433
00:13:20,102 --> 00:13:21,582
WE WANT YOU.

434
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:26,500
WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP US?

435
00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:27,894
HEY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU GUYS ARE INTO.

436
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,982
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

437
00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:31,071
OH, RELAX.

438
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:31,854
I'M SURE YOU GUYS
WILL FIND A COUPLE

439
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,246
THAT WANTS TO GET
WITH YOU.

440
00:13:42,951 --> 00:13:44,911
I'M HERE BECAUSE SHE SAYS
YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

441
00:13:44,953 --> 00:13:47,086
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT OWES
THE APOLOGY TO ME.

442
00:13:47,129 --> 00:13:48,087
OH, YEAH?

443
00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:49,480
ClosetCon, 1998.

444
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:50,873
YOU SABOTAGED MY BOOTH.

445
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,092
THAT THING COLLAPSED
BECAUSE IT WAS CHEAP

446
00:13:53,135 --> 00:13:55,138
AND BOUGHT IN THE ORIENT --
LIKE YOUR WIFE.

447
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,009
HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE --

448
00:13:57,052 --> 00:13:58,489
YOU ONLY PAY
FOR THE MEETING.

449
00:13:58,533 --> 00:13:59,969
THE FEELINGS
HAVE TO BE REAL!

450
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,884
JUST KEEP YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER
OUT OF MY HOUSE.

451
00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:04,581
FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU SENT HER
OVER THERE TO SPY ON ME!

452
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,235
SOPHIE?
WHAT IS SHE DOING AT YOUR HOUSE?

453
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,107
DATING MY KID.
MITCHELL?

454
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:09,456
HE'S GOT TO BE
40 YEARS OLD.

455
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,980
AND DON'T YOU KNOW THAT --
OH, I GET TO DO THIS.

456
00:14:12,024 --> 00:14:13,243
[ Singsong voice ]
MITCHELL IS GAY.

457
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:14,157
SHUT UP.

458
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,985
MY STEPSON, MANNY.

459
00:14:18,552 --> 00:14:20,597
SHE'S DATING ONE OF YOU?

460
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,600
[ SIGHS ]
MY LITTLE, SWEET SOPHIE?

461
00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,950
THAT'S RIGHT.

462
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,908
MY BOY'S DATING HER.

463
00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:27,388
HE'S DATING HER REAL GOOD.

464
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:28,389
WELL, I'M GONNA PUT
AN END TO IT.

465
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,780
GREAT IDEA, EARL.

466
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,609
'CAUSE GIRLS LOVE TO TAKE ADVICE
FROM THEIR GRANDFATHERS

467
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:32,653
ABOUT BOYS.

468
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,048
I BANGED YOUR EX-WIFE!

469
00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:39,790
IF YOU BANGED DEDE,
I DOOWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

470
00:14:40,966 --> 00:14:44,100
LILY, IT'S DADDIES.
CAN WE TALK TO YOU?

471
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:46,407
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE'S THE SPIDER?

472
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:47,711
NO, NO, NO,
IT'S -- IT'S NOT THAT.

473
00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:49,626
NOW, LISTEN,
WE HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS.

474
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,846
WE -- WE KNOW YOU'VE BEEN
STRESSED OUT AT SCHOOL,

475
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,587
SO DADDY AND I
WENT DOWN THERE TODAY,

476
00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:55,415
AND WE GOT YOU
INTO...

477
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:56,982
Together:
MISS SPARROW'S CLASS!

478
00:14:57,025 --> 00:14:59,072
REALLY? [ SIGHS ]I THOUGHT
YOU WERE SETTING ME UP.

479
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,029
BUT I WANT TO STAY
WITH MRS. PLANK.

480
00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:04,990
BUT WHY? MISS -- MISS SPARROW'S
SO FUN AND CREATIVE.

481
00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:06,296
YEAH, TODAY,
SHE GAVE US YARN,

482
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,168
AND WE DID
WHATEVER WE WANTED.

483
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,169
Lily: I DON'T WANT TO PLAY
WITH YARN.

484
00:15:10,212 --> 00:15:12,041
I WANT TO READ
AND LEARN MATH.

485
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:12,955
WE DO MATH.

486
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,826
REALLY?
WHAT'S 2 PLUS 7?

487
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,044
27.

488
00:15:16,088 --> 00:15:17,394
NO. NO, IT'S 9.

489
00:15:17,437 --> 00:15:19,570
BUT THAT'S AN HONEST
MISTAKE, SWEETHEART.

490
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,398
OKAY, WHAT DOES
BLUE AND YELLOW MAKE?

491
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:22,878
BLELLOW.

492
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,357
HMM.

493
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,794
YOU NEED TO FIX THIS.

494
00:15:26,837 --> 00:15:28,448
I COULD NOT SLEEP
ALL NIGHT

495
00:15:28,491 --> 00:15:30,232
THINKING ABOUT
THOSE OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE

496
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:31,234
LIVING NEXT DOOR TO US.

497
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,539
Alex:
ESPECIALLY THAT BOY

498
00:15:32,582 --> 00:15:34,106
WITH THE RIPPED JEANS
AND THE LONG HAIR

499
00:15:34,149 --> 00:15:36,109
AND THOSE BLUE EYES
WHO CALLED ME HOT.

500
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:38,894
[ SCOFFS ]
ME? HOT? WHAT?

501
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:42,418
PHIL, YOU KNOW A BAD NEIGHBOR
CAN RUIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

502
00:15:42,462 --> 00:15:45,205
YOU REMEMBER MY FRIEND JULIET
FROM YOGA CLASS?
MNH-MNH.

503
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,466
WE WENT TO HER BROTHER'S
RESTAURANT.

504
00:15:46,509 --> 00:15:48,163
ADULT BRACES.
NOPE.

505
00:15:48,207 --> 00:15:49,034
BLACK.

506
00:15:49,077 --> 00:15:51,037
JULIET. HOW IS SHE?

507
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,211
MISERABLE.

508
00:15:52,254 --> 00:15:54,082
THESE AWFUL PEOPLE
MOVED IN NEXT DOOR TO HER,

509
00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:55,823
AND SHE FEELS LIKE
SHE'S TRAPPED IN HER HOUSE.

510
00:15:55,866 --> 00:15:57,216
SHE HAS TO RUN TO HER CAR
EVERY MORNING.

511
00:15:57,259 --> 00:15:59,261
THAT EXPLAINS
THOSE CALVES.
PHIL.

512
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:00,263
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO?

513
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:02,264
I HAVE ONE OFFER,
AND IT'S WAY ABOVE ASKING.

514
00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:03,440
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

515
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:04,875
MAYBE, ISN'T IT POSSIBLE

516
00:16:04,919 --> 00:16:07,139
THAT JERRY NEVER EVEN SEES
THIS OFFER?

517
00:16:07,182 --> 00:16:09,184
THINGS DO GO MISSING
ALL THE TIME.

518
00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:12,014
I'M LEGALLY BOUND
TO PRESENT ALL OFFERS.

519
00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:13,841
WINK, WINK.
STOP DOING THAT.

520
00:16:13,884 --> 00:16:15,278
WITHHOLDING INFORMATION
WOULD BE A VIOLATION

521
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,452
OF THE REALTOR'S OATH.

522
00:16:16,496 --> 00:16:17,498
WHICH YOU WROTE.

523
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,152
WELL, I ALSO WROTE
MY OWN WEDDING VOWS.

524
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,804
I GUESS
I SHOULD BREAK THOSE, TOO?

525
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:21,893
PHIL.

526
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,243
WHAT AM I SAYING?

527
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,288
I'LL NEVER SEND YOU TO BED
WITHOUT A HUG.

528
00:16:25,331 --> 00:16:26,811
MMM.

529
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:28,029
Jay: MANNY UP YET?

530
00:16:28,073 --> 00:16:29,423
HE'S GETTING DRESSED.
WHY?

531
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,033
HE WAS ASLEEP
WHEN I GOT HOME LAST NIGHT.

532
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:33,253
AND I WANT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT
THE SOPHIE-EARL SITUATION.

533
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,168
ARE YOU GOING TO START
AGAIN?

534
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:38,301
I AM TIRED OF HEARING YOU RANT
ABOUT THE CRAZY CLOSET WORLD.

535
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,433
WHY WOULD I RANT
ABOUT CRAZY CLOSET WORLD?

536
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:43,088
THOSE LUNATICS PRICED THEMSELVES
OUT OF BUSINESS YEARS AGO.

537
00:16:43,131 --> 00:16:44,307
MANNY?!

538
00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:46,091
Manny: TWO MINUTES!
I'M FIXING MY COSTUME!

539
00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:47,179
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

540
00:16:47,222 --> 00:16:50,182
IF HE WANTS TO DATE THIS GIRL,
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

541
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:52,750
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS GONNA TELL HIM.

542
00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:54,838
WHERE'S JAY?

543
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,318
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

544
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:59,278
THIS THING BETWEEN US
IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.

545
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:00,322
WE GOT TO PUT AN END TO IT
RIGHT NOW.

546
00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:02,716
AS LONG AS YOU OWN UP
TO WHAT YOU DID 30 YEARS AGO.

547
00:17:02,759 --> 00:17:04,284
IF APOLOGIZING

548
00:17:04,326 --> 00:17:06,415
IS GONNA KEEP YOUR NO-GOOD SON
AWAY FROM MY SOPHIE, THEN --

549
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,982
HE'S NOT A NO-GOOD!

550
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,073
YES, HE IS.
HE'S A WALKING HORMONE.

551
00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:12,682
NOW, LET'S HEAR
THIS APOLOGY.

552
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,729
FINE.

553
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,948
I WAS UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE
BACK THEN,

554
00:17:16,991 --> 00:17:18,211
AND I GUESS I SHOULD --

555
00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,473
Manny: OKAY, KEEP IN MIND
I'M NOT IN MAKEUP YET,

556
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:23,128
BUT DO THESE SANDALS
MAKE MY LEGS LOOK THICK?

557
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:25,131
'CAUSE I -- I COULD LOWER
THE HEM.

558
00:17:25,173 --> 00:17:26,174
AW, GEEZ.

559
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,262
WHO'S THAT?

560
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:28,307
THAT'S, UH,
THE MAID'S SON.

561
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,700
NOT NOW, GOMEZ!

562
00:17:29,743 --> 00:17:30,788
JAY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

563
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,137
LETTING THE MAN SPEAK!

564
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,140
Manny: I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW
WE HAD ANY COMPANY.

565
00:17:34,182 --> 00:17:35,576
HI. I'M MANNY.

566
00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:36,968
YOU'RE MANNY?

567
00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:38,317
YOU SAID YOU WERE
UNDER PRESSURE...

568
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,666
THIS IS THE BIG STUD

569
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,669
WHO'S BEEN GROPING
AT MY SOPHIE?

570
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:43,148
SIR, I PROMISE YOU

571
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,019
THERE'S NOTHING UNTOWARD
BETWEEN ME AND SOPHIE.

572
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,153
[ LAUGHS ]

573
00:17:47,195 --> 00:17:49,111
YOU KNOW WHAT, KID?

574
00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:50,329
I BELIEVE YOU.

575
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:51,330
AND YOU SHOULD.

576
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:52,680
HE'S THE SWEETEST BOY
IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

577
00:17:52,722 --> 00:17:53,897
NO, HE'S NOT!

578
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:56,336
PRITCHETT, I WISH I HAD
A NUMBER-10 MIRROR

579
00:17:56,378 --> 00:17:58,337
SO YOU COULD SEE THE LOOK
ON YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW.

580
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,817
HEY, THIS IS NICE.

581
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:04,170
I THINK I AM GONNA CALL IT
THE "SOCK 'N' ROLL."

582
00:18:04,212 --> 00:18:05,300
THE HELL YOU ARE.

583
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,911
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

584
00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:09,000
DAMN!
THAT'S A GOOD NAME.

585
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,176
HEY, PHIL.
COME ON IN.

586
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,048
[ Chuckling ]
HEY, JERRY.

587
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,396
WELL,
LOOK AT THIS BACHELOR PAD.

588
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:15,397
Jerry: YEAH.

589
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,356
AND WHAT A FUN NEIGHBORHOOD
YOU LIVE IN.

590
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,141
H-HEY, YOU LOCKED UP YOUR CAR,
RIGHT?

591
00:18:19,184 --> 00:18:20,576
I DEFINITELY DID, YEAH.
GOOD.

592
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,144
HEY,
YOU WANT SOME TEA?

593
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,363
THIS IS MY ONLY POT,

594
00:18:23,405 --> 00:18:25,625
SO IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE
MACARONI-AND-CHEESY.

595
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:27,323
I'M GOOD.
I'M CUTTING CARBS.

596
00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:30,326
SO, DID YOU, UH, GET A CHANCE
TO LOOK OVER THAT OFFER?

597
00:18:30,369 --> 00:18:31,761
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.

598
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:34,200
I CAN FINALLY MOVE
INTO A BETTER PLACE,

599
00:18:34,242 --> 00:18:37,289
MAYBE GET THAT COLONOSCOPY
MY DOCTOR'S BEEN PUSHING FOR.

600
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,421
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

601
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:39,988
THERE'S AN EVEN BETTER OFFER
COMING?

602
00:18:40,030 --> 00:18:42,163
THERE IS?THERE SURE MIGHT BE!

603
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,165
TOMORROW, SOMEONE COULD SHOW UP
AND OFFER WAY MORE.

604
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:47,299
BUT, PHIL,
THIS IS ABOVE ASKING.

605
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:48,518
WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE IT?

606
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,217
OH, JUST A BAD FEELING.

607
00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:52,826
ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME
SOMETHING?

608
00:18:52,869 --> 00:18:55,568
NOPE, THAT'S JUST
THE F-- THE BAD FEELING.

609
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,179
GOOD,
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE

610
00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:59,181
I CAN TRUST THESE DAYS.DAMN IT!

611
00:18:59,224 --> 00:19:02,228
THESE NEW BUYERS JUST SEEM LIKE
TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

612
00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:04,621
I KNOW IT'S SELFISH,
BUT WE JUST --

613
00:19:04,664 --> 00:19:06,318
WE DON'T WANT THEM
LIVING NEXT DOOR TO US.

614
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,277
NO, I GET IT.

615
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,973
THE GUYS ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THIS WALL,

616
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:12,238
THEY LIKE TO GET DRUNK
AND PLAY WITH THEIR NAIL GUN.

617
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,631
OH, THAT'S...CRAZY.

618
00:19:14,674 --> 00:19:16,328
LISTEN, PHIL.

619
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,244
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A GREAT
NEIGHBOR AND A GOOD FRIEND.

620
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,811
I THINK I CAN HOLD OUT
A LITTLE LONGER ON THE OFFER.

621
00:19:21,855 --> 00:19:23,074
ARE YOU SURE?

622
00:19:23,117 --> 00:19:24,467
[ Chuckling ] YEAH.

623
00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:27,426
I THINK OF THIS OLD PICKLE JAR
AS BEING HALF FULL.

624
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:28,340
HOT! AAH!

625
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:29,384
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
OH!

626
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,647
OHH.

627
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,606
I CAN'T HAVE
ANYTHING NICE.

628
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:34,912
[ NAIL GUN FIRING ]NOT THE WALL!

629
00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:36,348
OW!

630
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,612
[ SIGHS ]

631
00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:42,702
Phil:
ON MY HONOR, I PROMISE TO AID
IN MAN'S QUEST FOR SHELTER,

632
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:46,054
TO RECOGNIZE I'M NOT JUST
IN THE BUSINESS OF HOUSES --

633
00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:49,230
I'M IN THE BUSINESS OF DREAMS
IN THE SHAPE OF HOUSES.

634
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,580
HEY!
CAREFUL WITH THAT!

635
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:52,886
IT'S ART.

636
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,584
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING.

637
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,019
WHO KNOWS?
[ SIGHS ]

638
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,239
MAYBE WE'LL END UP
LOVING 'EM.

639
00:19:57,282 --> 00:19:59,022
YEAH. MAYBE.

640
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,287
Phil: TO DISCLOSE
ALL ILLEGAL ADDITIONS,

641
00:20:01,329 --> 00:20:05,160
SHODDY CONSTRUCTION, MURDERS,
AND GHOSTS...

642
00:20:06,291 --> 00:20:07,596
ARE WE WRONG

643
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:11,339
OR IS THERE SOME TENSION
BETWEEN THE FOUR OF US?

644
00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:14,343
WOW.
UH, MAYBE A LITTLE.

645
00:20:14,386 --> 00:20:16,039
YEAH.MAYBE A LITTLE.

646
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,390
[ CHUCKLES ]

647
00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:18,304
I TOLD YA.YEAH.

648
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:21,088
ALL RIGHT.
WELL...

649
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:23,265
WE'RE UP FOR IT
WHENEVER YOU ARE.

650
00:20:23,308 --> 00:20:24,440
WINK, WINK.

651
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:29,836
...AND TO PUT MY CLIENTS' NEEDS
BEFORE MY OWN.

652
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,361
AND MINE.

653
00:20:32,404 --> 00:20:33,623
SOMEONE NEEDS
HER BEDTIME HUG EARLY.

654
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,538
[ SIGHS ] MNH-MNH.YEP. COME HERE.

655
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,500
HI, MS. PLANK.HEY, MS. PLANK.

656
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:44,503
WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T
MARY ANN AND GINGER.

657
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,680
[ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S HILARIOUS.

658
00:20:46,722 --> 00:20:47,768
[ LAUGHS ] OKAY.
'CAUSE --

659
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,423
YEAH. OH.OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

660
00:20:50,465 --> 00:20:51,423
AND WHILE [CHUCKLES]

661
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:52,555
WHILE WE'RE LAUGHING
ABOUT THINGS,

662
00:20:52,598 --> 00:20:54,557
UH, THIS IS FUNNY,
TOO.

663
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,342
IT SEEMS THAT WE FORGOT
TO TALK TO LILY

664
00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:57,517
BEFORE COMING IN
TO SEE YOU.

665
00:20:57,559 --> 00:21:01,520
AND -- AND SHE MADE IT
VERY CLEAR IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS

666
00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:02,869
THAT SHE LOVES YOU,

667
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,001
AND SHE WANTS TO STAY
IN YOUR CLASS.

668
00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:06,526
[ CHUCKLES ]
HOW -- HOW GREAT IS THAT?

669
00:21:06,568 --> 00:21:08,441
YEAH.

670
00:21:08,483 --> 00:21:09,571
I WILL TAKE LILY BACK...

671
00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:10,877
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
WHEW!

672
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:12,705
...IF YOU ARE ABLE TO TELL ME

673
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,229
THE OBJECT OF THIS SENTENCE --

674
00:21:14,272 --> 00:21:15,535
OH, GOSH.

675
00:21:15,577 --> 00:21:18,538
"LILY'S PARENTS WERE WRONG
ABOUT MRS. PLANK."

676
00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:19,973
DO YOU KNOW IT?

677
00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:24,239
I -- I -- I THINK THAT
THE OBJECT IS TO HUMILIATE US?

678
00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:25,806
CORRECT. SEE?

679
00:21:25,848 --> 00:21:26,807
OH. [ CHUCKLES ]

680
00:21:26,849 --> 00:21:28,590
I CAN TEACH ANYBODY.

681
00:21:28,634 --> 00:21:30,593
[ CHUCKLES ]
Okay.