1 00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:03,971 Cam: LOOK -- IN THE HALLWAY! 2 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:05,639 IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,639 [ PANTING ] 4 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:07,974 IT'S SUPER-OUT-OF-BREATH. 5 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,009 HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO YOU, TOO. 6 00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,144 I'M SORRY. I'M JUST -- 7 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,313 I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS CLOSING ARGUMENT TODAY. 8 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,314 Is it because you've lost three cases in a row? 9 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,484 Whispering it doesn't make it any less painful. 10 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:17,650 Sorry. Okay. 11 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,152 NO, IT'S JUST THAT THIS CASE -- 12 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,655 IT'S SO HARD TO HOLD THE JURY'S ATTENTION. 13 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,690 WELL, DO YOU WANT TO RUN YOUR ARGUMENT BY ME? 14 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:24,757 COULD I? SURE. 15 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,094 UM, OKAY. 16 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,428 SIX YEARS AGO, ALGER EQUITIES TOOK INVESTMENTS 17 00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:30,664 FROM MUNICIPAL PENSION FUNDS AND PRIVATE INVESTORS 18 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,265 AND FUNNELED ALL OF THAT INTO OFFSHORE -- 19 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:33,834 AND I'VE ALREADY LOST YOU. 20 00:00:33,866 --> 00:00:37,104 NO. I WAS JUST THINKING -- BECAUSE IT'S HALLOWEEN, 21 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,173 WHAT IF YOU WORE THESE IN THE COURTROOM? 22 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,109 SHOW THE JURY "HEY, I'M PLAYFUL." 23 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,109 [ CHUCKLES ] 24 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,277 CAM, I'M AN ATTORNEY, 25 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,112 NOT BUGS BUNNY TRYING TO HIDE ON A TRAIN. 26 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,947 I'M READY. 27 00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:49,048 THERE'S WALDO! 28 00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,219 I THINK I'M GONNA WIN THE COSTUME CONTEST. 29 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,454 HEY, NOW, HONEY, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT IF YOU WIN. 30 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,021 IT'S JUST FOR FUN. PICTURE. 31 00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:57,024 BUT IT'S MORE FUN IF YOU WIN. 32 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,125 No offense, Daddy. 33 00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,128 YOU KNOW, LILY'S BEEN LETTING ME KNOW RECENTLY 34 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,528 THAT SHE'S FEELING NEGLECTED. 35 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,631 I THINK IT'S BECAUSE OF ALL MY FOOTBALL STUFF. 36 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,465 THAT'S WHY I WENT ALL OUT ON HER COSTUME. 37 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,801 LOOK HOW INCREDIBLY ACCURATE IT IS. 38 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,269 WHERE IS THAT LITTLE GUY? 39 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,138 COME ON. COME TO ME. COME ON. 40 00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:12,539 HERE YOU -- HERE YOU GO. 41 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,307 NO MATTER HOW LONG HE STARES AT IT, 42 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,210 CAM CANNOT FIND WALDO. 43 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,210 IT'S CRAZY. 44 00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,313 O-ONCE, HE POINTED TO A BARBER POLE, 45 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,814 AND WE JUST GAVE IT TO HIM. 46 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,984 WHERE IS THE LITTLE GUY? 47 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:25,218 HE'S RIGHT THERE. 48 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,320 HOW DO YOU FIND IT SO... 49 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:28,756 LET'S TRY THESE. 50 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,826 -- Captions by VITAC -- 51 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,670 *** 52 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,305 Gloria: OKAY. 53 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:48,008 BOYS, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY COSTUME FOR TONIGHT? 54 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,277 YOU LOOK DYNAMITE, HONEY. 55 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,512 AY, THANK YOU. I AM PRINCESS FIONA. 56 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,846 SO DOES THAT MAKE ME A PRINCE? 57 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,347 DO I HAVE TO KEEP TRACK OF A CROWN ALL NIGHT? 58 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,948 NO, YOU'RE SHREK, THE OGRE. 59 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,350 YOU MEAN THAT BIG GREEN THING? 60 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:59,353 NAH, I DON'T WANT TO WALK AROUND ALL NIGHT 61 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,289 WITH AN UGLY RUBBER MASK. 62 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,856 NO. YOU JUST NEED TO PAINT YOUR FACE GREEN, AND THAT'S IT. 63 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,459 OUCH. YEAH, OUCH. 64 00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:06,793 YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME. 65 00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,961 YOU GO AS A PRINCESS. I HAVE TO GO AS SOME FREAK. 66 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,698 YOU'RE BEAUTY, I'M THE BEAST. 67 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,467 YOU'RE BEYONCé, I'M...THAT GUY. 68 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,135 WELL, YOU NEVER WANT TO GO SHOPPING WITH ME FOR COSTUMES, 69 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,972 SO I GET WHAT I WANT, AND YOU ARE WHAT COMES WITH IT. 70 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,873 WELL, THIS YEAR, I'M GETTING MY OWN COSTUME, 71 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,376 AND IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH AND MANLY -- 72 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,978 MAYBE A COWBOY OR A CONSTRUCTION WORKER. 73 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,881 YOU KNOW THAT THAT'S WHAT MITCH AND CAM WORE LAST YEAR, RIGHT? 74 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,784 OW! DAMN IT! I CUT MY FINGER! 75 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,820 HA HA. HAPPY HALLOWEEN. 76 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,788 NO, REALLY -- I CUT MYSELF. LOOK! 77 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,290 WOW. THAT LOOKS GREAT. 78 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,491 WHAT'D YOU USE TO MAKE THE BLOOD? 79 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,461 A KNIFE. I'M ACTUALLY HURT. 80 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,795 OOH! GREAT PRODUCTION VALUE, SWEETHEART. 81 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:43,997 I'M IMPRESSED. 82 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,133 CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK ON HALLOWEEN. 83 00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:47,501 THIS BLOWS! DON'T WORRY. 84 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:48,635 BY THE TIME YOU GET HOME, 85 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,471 AwesomeLand WILL BE UP AND RUNNIN'. 86 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,004 CLAIRE'S BUSY WITH WORK THIS YEAR, 87 00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,474 SO I'M TAKING OVER THE HALLOWEEN DUTIES. 88 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,810 MY THEME IS AwesomeLand. 89 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,347 WHICH INCLUDES ANYTHING PHIL FINDS AWESOME. 90 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,913 IT'S A PRETTY BIG UMBRELLA. 91 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,651 OOH! BIG, PRETTY UMBRELLAS -- THOSE ARE AWESOME. 92 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,651 MNH-MNH. 93 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,486 CLAIRE LOVES BLOOD AND GUTS AND GORE, 94 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,155 BUT WHO SAYS HALLOWEEN HAS TO BE SCARY? 95 00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:09,522 EVERYBODY BUT YOU. 96 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,758 THIS IS KILLING HER. 97 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,759 AT LEAST SOMETHING'S DYING. 98 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,427 COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. 99 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,698 COUNSELOR, ARE YOU READY TO DELIVER CLOSING ARGUMENTS? 100 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:18,865 YES, YOUR HONOR. 101 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,433 WELL, LET'S GET -- 102 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,635 WAIT. WHERE IS HOLLY? 103 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,275 SORRY, YOUR HONOR. MY BUS WAS LATE. 104 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,709 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 105 00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,610 COUNSELOR, PROCEED. 106 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:33,180 O-OKAY. 107 00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,682 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, 108 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:39,453 THE DETAILS OF THIS CASE ARE -- ARE COMPLICATED AND TECHNICAL 109 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:42,723 BUT THEY HAVE A, UH, A TRAGIC AND PROFOUND EFFECT 110 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:43,623 ON THE VICTIMS. 111 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,293 [ GIGGLES ] 112 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,659 UH, THE, UM... 113 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:52,533 PENSIONS WERE SQUANDERED, LIVES WERE DESTROYED, 114 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:57,771 AND CAREERS, ONCE SO PROMISING, WERE NOW...RUINED. 115 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,639 SO, BECAUSE OF THIS MARRIAGE, 116 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,974 YOU'RE BASICALLY THIRD COUSINS WITH SHAKIRA. 117 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,711 I MEAN, WE DON'T GET THE FREE TICKETS, BUT IT'S FUN. 118 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:08,382 [ VOCALIZES FANFARE ] 119 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,484 AY, DIOS MíO. WHAT IS THIS? 120 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:13,052 WHAT'S UP, PRINCESS? I'M PRINCE CHARMING. 121 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,487 I CAN SEE THAT. 122 00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:17,725 I GOT JOE A DONKEY COSTUME, AND I GOT STELLA CAT EARS. 123 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,492 I JUST HOPE SHE DOESN'T CHASE HERSELF. 124 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,795 AH, I GET IT -- BECAUSE SHE'S A DOG. 125 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,831 I ALSO FOUND OUT THAT PRINCESS FIONA 126 00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:26,300 IS SUPPOSED TO WEAR A TIARA, SO HERE YOU GO. 127 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,834 THEY HAD A WHOLE BUCKET FULL OF 'EM. 128 00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:29,903 I LOVE IT. 129 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,340 AY, AND YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME. 130 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,942 IT'S LIKE THOSE PICTURES OF YOU IN THE NAVY. 131 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,009 I HAVE AN IDEA. 132 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,278 WHY DON'T WE PUT JOE DOWN FOR A NAP 133 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:41,615 AND THEN WE GO AND TAKE A NAP, BUT NOT THE ONE WE SLEEP -- 134 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:42,850 I GOT IT. I'M IN. 135 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:43,951 Okay. 136 00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:44,784 [ CAR DOOR CLOSES ] 137 00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,519 HEY. I THOUGHT YOU HAD A BIG MEETING. 138 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:47,954 I DO, BUT I LEFT MY CELLPHONE HERE. 139 00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:50,957 I NEED IT TO READ AT STOPLIGHTS SO I DON'T THINK ABOUT STUFF. 140 00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:52,860 I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 141 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,795 OHHH. HONEY, I DON'T THINK THAT FITS. 142 00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:57,697 IT FITS IN AwesomeLand. IT'S A MAGIC HAT. 143 00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,800 I'M GONNA HAVE THIS BUNNY JUMPING OUT OF IT. 144 00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:02,201 YOU GONNA PUT SOME BLOOD ON IT, MAYBE DANGLE AN EYEBALL? 145 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,870 WHO HURT YOU? 146 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:04,805 I'M KIDDING. 147 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,473 I KNOW IT'S JAY AND DEDE. 148 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,875 ANYWAY, I GOT TO GO GET MY COSTUME. 149 00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:09,976 MWAH! MWAH! 150 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:11,944 [ CHUCKLES ] OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. 151 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,781 I KISS MY MOM HOTTER THAN THAT. 152 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,281 HE DOES. I SEEN IT. 153 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:16,149 OH. 154 00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,617 Claire: OUR NEW NEIGHBORS, 155 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,954 MEDICAL-MARIJUANA RETAILER RONNIE AND HIS WIFE, AMBER, 156 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,622 MOVED IN TWO MONTHS AGO, AND -- 157 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,990 IT'S BEEN A WEEK AND A HALF. 158 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,459 DEAR GOD. REALLY? 159 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,959 YEAH. 160 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,127 I DON'T GET IT. 161 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,963 WHAT'S SCARY ABOUT A GIANT CUPCAKE? 162 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,464 WE'RE NOT DOING SCARY THIS YEAR. 163 00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:34,300 WELL, HEADS UP -- WE'RE DOING CRAP-YOUR-PANTS SCARY 164 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,668 ON ACCOUNT OF THE CONTEST, 165 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,971 SO I JUST HOPE WE DON'T OFFEND YOU OVER HERE IN CANDY LAND. 166 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,473 WHAT CONTEST? 167 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,475 OH, IT'S SOMETHING WE STARTED IN THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD. 168 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,144 IF YOU'RE INTO IT, YOU, UH, CHIP IN 20 BUCKS, 169 00:05:45,177 --> 00:05:47,514 AND SCARIEST HOUSE ON THE STREET WINS THE POT. 170 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,848 HMM. 171 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,384 NOT ACTUAL POT. I'D HAVE TO SEE A PRESCRIPTION FOR THAT. 172 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,386 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 173 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,487 WAIT. YOU'RE NOT A COP -- 174 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,322 NO, FOR THE 12th TIME, I'M NOT A COP. 175 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,990 WELL, YOU ARE NOT GONNA OFFEND ME 176 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,658 WITH YOUR LITTLE DECORATIONS. 177 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,761 PLEASE KNOW THAT THIS... IS PHIL. 178 00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:02,762 WHEN I'M IN CHARGE, IT'S TERRIFYING. 179 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:03,930 OOH. 180 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,932 I'LL BET YOU GIVE ALL THE OTHER SOCCER MOMS 181 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,100 A GOOD SCARE WITH THAT PIN THAT SAYS "BOO." 182 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:11,103 YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY, 183 00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,040 OR I WOULD SHOW YOU SCARY. 184 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,108 I WOULD WIN YOUR LITTLE CONTEST. 185 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,377 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP AGAINST. 186 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,012 WE DON'T LET PREGGOS OR PEOPLE WITH HEART TROUBLE 187 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,213 PAST OUR FRONT GATE. 188 00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,350 COUPLE YEARS AGO, WE SCARED A MAN 189 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:25,519 INTO THE HOSPITAL ALMOST TO DEATH. 190 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,788 WELL, SINCE YOU GOT AN EXCUSE, PRINCESS, 191 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,156 LOOKS LIKE MY WINNING STREAK WILL CARRY ON. 192 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,293 MIGHT EVEN WIN AT THE OLD HOUSE, TOO. 193 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,927 WE LEFT THAT PLACE PRETTY SCARY. 194 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,629 [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] 195 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,632 I'M MEETING A FRIEND FOR COFFEE. 196 00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,199 NO, YOU'RE NOT. NO. 197 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,802 YOU'RE HELPING ME TAKE THIS ALL DOWN. 198 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,136 EVERYTHING GOES. 199 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,605 EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE BUNNY. 200 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,641 I HAVE PLANS FOR THE BUNNY. 201 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,646 OKAY! ON THREE, SAY "ARGH!" 202 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,814 ONE, TWO, THREE! ARGH! 203 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,983 [ Chuckling ] OH, THAT'S GREAT. 204 00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:59,052 THANK YOU. AND HOW ARE YOU TWO RELATED? 205 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,620 UH, YOU KNOW WHAT -- GAY OR STRAIGHT, 206 00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:02,790 THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO MAKE A FAMILY, SO... 207 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:03,891 OKAY, DOWN, GIRL. 208 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,959 I MEANT, HOW ARE YOUR COSTUMES RELATED? 209 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,827 IT'S A PARENT/CHILD COSTUME CONTEST. 210 00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,129 IT IS? IT WAS ALL CLEARLY STATED ON THE FLIER. 211 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,298 THERE WAS A FLIER? 212 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,500 I GAVE IT TO YOU, DADDY! 213 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,233 I KNEW YOUR COSTUME WAS ALL WRONG! 214 00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,401 O-OKAY, HEY, DON'T PANIC. 215 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,937 THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME BEFORE THE PARADE. 216 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,507 IS THERE ANOTHER CHARACTER IN "WHERE'S WALDO?" 217 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,774 WIZARD WHITEBEARD. 218 00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,108 OKAY! WELL, THAT'LL BE FUN! 219 00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,511 I HAVEN'T GONE OUT WITH A WHITEBEARD 220 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,278 SINCE I TOOK MY COUSIN SALLY TO THE PROM. 221 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,113 ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN. 222 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,682 LILY, EXPLAIN DADDY'S JOKE. 223 00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:32,284 [ HUMMING ] 224 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,122 Jay: I LOVED HAVING HAIR, AND I KNEW HOW TO USE IT. 225 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:38,290 I'D WALK UP TO A PRETTY GIRL AND RUN MY HAND THROUGH MY HAIR. 226 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:40,360 SCORE A TOUCHDOWN, WHIP THE HELMET OFF, 227 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,961 RUN MY HAND THROUGH MY HAIR. 228 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:45,365 PEOPLE SAY CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN, BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE. 229 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,000 WHAT MAKES THE MAN IS A NICE HEAD OF HAIR. 230 00:07:49,401 --> 00:07:51,504 DAMN IT! IT'S LIKE A PHANTOM LIMB! 231 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,975 OHHH. NO. NO! 232 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,644 THIS DOESN'T LOOK REAL AT ALL. 233 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:58,946 ALEX, WHERE'S THAT BLOOD 234 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,346 YOU WERE USING THIS MORNING ON YOUR FINGER? 235 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:02,949 RUNNING THROUGH MY VEINS, KEEPING ME ALIVE. 236 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,451 OH! HERE COMES DAD. 237 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:05,786 HE'S GONNA BE ALL LIKE, 238 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,788 [As Phil] "NO! WHAT DID YOU DO?! WHERE'S AwesomeLand?!" 239 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,291 NO! WHAT DID YOU DO?! WHERE'S AwesomeLand?! 240 00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:13,627 ARE YOU FROM THE FUTURE? 241 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,995 PHIL, HONEY, HONEY, W-WE'VE HAD A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS. 242 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,329 WHY? 243 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:19,466 WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE? SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT WORK? 244 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,968 THAT OBNOXIOUS RONNIE WAS WORRIED 245 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,136 THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE HIS DECORATIONS, 246 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,471 'CAUSE HE'S TRYING TO WIN 247 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,305 THIS "SCARIEST HOUSE ON THE STREET" CONTEST, 248 00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:29,009 AND I WAS LIKE, "NOT ONLY CAN I HANDLE YOUR DECORATIONS. 249 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,644 I'M GONNA WIN THAT CONTEST." 250 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:34,480 SO WELCOME TO THE INSANE ASYLUM FROM HELL. 251 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,015 THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. 252 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:37,484 COME ON. IT'S GONNA BE FUN. 253 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,852 THE KIDS ARE GONNA BE DERANGED MENTAL PATIENTS, 254 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:42,188 AND -- AND I AM GOING TO BE A SADISTIC NURSE, 255 00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,756 AND YOU ARE A DEMENTED DOCTOR. 256 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:46,594 20 YEARS OF "NO," BUT FOR THIS, YOU'LL DRESS LIKE A NURSE?! 257 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:47,995 UM, NO. MNH-MNH. 258 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,597 OF COURSE THE WOMAN IS THE NURSE AND THE MAN IS THE DOCTOR. 259 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,265 THAT KIND OF THINKING -- THAT'S WHAT'S SCARY. 260 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:54,835 TAP OUT. IT'S A HOLIDAY. 261 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,004 YOU KNOW, I PUT A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY INTO MY THING, 262 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,005 BUT YOU JUST SHUT IT ALL DOWN TO PROVE SOMETHING 263 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,708 TO PEOPLE THAT WE BARELY KNOW AND DON'T EVEN LIKE! 264 00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,543 PHIL, RONNIE MADE FUN OF AwesomeLand. 265 00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,712 HE CALLED IT "CANDY LAND." 266 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:06,614 SO? 267 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,380 STUPIDVILLE? DUMBBURGH? 268 00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:09,850 WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS?! 269 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,519 MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL CARE WHAT I THINK. 270 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,519 PHIL... 271 00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:15,121 WELL -- HONEY, LOOK! 272 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,057 I KEPT YOUR BUNNY! 273 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,292 NIBBLES! 274 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,693 [ INDISTINCT TALKING ] 275 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,461 OHH! WHEW! MADE IT IN THE NICK OF TIME. 276 00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,096 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS PARADE STARTED 277 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,798 WHILE I'M STILL JUST 4,000 YEARS OLD. 278 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,134 YOU DO KNOW THE PARADE'S NOT TILL AFTER SCHOOL, RIGHT? 279 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,702 WHAT? NO! 280 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,871 I CAN'T STAY THAT LONG. I HAVE FOOTBALL PRACTICE. 281 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,706 OH, MY GOD. I HAVE TO TELL LILY. 282 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,908 SHE'S GONNA BE DEVASTATED. 283 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,613 OH, NO. 284 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:40,813 WHERE'S WALDO? 285 00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:41,715 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] 286 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,049 [ Ringing ] 287 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,317 SINCE WHEN HAS THE PARADE BEEN AFTER SCHOOL? 288 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,654 SINCE ALWAYS. IT WAS ON THE FLIER. 289 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:50,222 HOW BIG WAS THIS FLIER? 290 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,826 OH, SO THIS IS HOW WE CALL EACH OTHER NOW? 291 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,494 CAM: Mitchell, I have a costume emergency. 292 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,830 JUST WEAR IT WITH CONFIDENCE, CAM. I'M SURE YOU LOOK GREAT. 293 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,831 NO, I CAN'T FIND LILY! 294 00:09:58,865 --> 00:09:59,799 UM... 295 00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,500 OH, OKAY, FOUND HER -- BY THE TRASH CAN, 296 00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:02,836 NEXT TO THE BIG KID DRESSED LIKE A HOBO. 297 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,437 OH, YOU DID IT. 298 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,173 I DON'T -- I DON'T THINK THAT'S A KID. 299 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,941 I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL A GROWN-UP. 300 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,942 WELL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. 301 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:11,845 THE STENOGRAPHER IS DRESSED LIKE A SPIDER. 302 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,780 I CANNOT GET ANYONE TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING I'M -- 303 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,716 MITCHELL, I CAN'T. 304 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:18,284 LILY? 305 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,852 HONEY, LISTEN. 306 00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,955 DADDY CAN'T STAY FOR THE PARADE. 307 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,056 BUT YOU PROMISED! 308 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,792 NO, I KNOW I DID, BUT IT STARTS LATER THAN I THOUGHT, 309 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:25,859 AND I HAVE TO GET TO... 310 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,696 FOOTBALL PRACTICE! IT'S FINE! JUST GO! 311 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,830 NO, LILY! WAIT! 312 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:35,034 WELL, SHE'S GONE FOREVER. 313 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,037 GLORIA, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR? 314 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,206 AY, NO. PLEASE. I CANNOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN. 315 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,975 YES, JAY, TIME IS CRUEL. 316 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,812 MY PRINCE CHARMING WIG -- IT'S GONE. 317 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,446 OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK -- 318 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,782 HANDSOME HAWAIIAN OR SEXY SCOTSMAN? 319 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,950 I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW. 320 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,784 COME ON, JAY -- THIS IS MY FAREWELL TOUR 321 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,452 OF TRICK-OR-TREATING IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 322 00:10:53,485 --> 00:10:54,788 I HAVE TO GO OUT STRONG. 323 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,789 OR SHOULD I JUST DO WHAT PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING? 324 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,125 STAY HOME 'CAUSE YOU'RE 20? 325 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,459 JAY, PLEASE DON'T BE MEAN TO MANNY. 326 00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:01,961 MAYBE STELLA TOOK YOUR WIG AND BURIED IT IN THE YARD. 327 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,996 I SAW HER PLAYING WITH IT EARLIER. 328 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,298 WHAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE IT FROM HER? 329 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,801 I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. 330 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,302 YOU LET HER LICK YOUR FEET. 331 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,004 WHO IS THAT POSSIBLY HURTING? 332 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,306 WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW? PRINCE CHARMING HAD HAIR! 333 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,674 PLEASE. WE DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT FOR SURE. 334 00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,476 THERE WEREN'T CAMERAS BACK THEN. 335 00:11:17,509 --> 00:11:20,147 MAYBE HE HAD TO BE CHARMING BECAUSE HE WAS BALD. 336 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,480 WOW. 337 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,850 [ CLAIRE GRUNTING ] 338 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,583 YOU REALLY THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE 339 00:11:24,616 --> 00:11:26,986 TO BE STRAPPING YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER TO A GURNEY? 340 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,687 IF WE WIN, IT IS. 341 00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,090 I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A PEE BREAK SOON. 342 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,024 OOH. HERE. USE THIS BEDPAN. 343 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,659 I'M KIDDING. THAT'S GROSS. 344 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,562 I PUT CANDY IN IT. HERE. 345 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,197 LUKE. 346 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,231 LUKE! 347 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,001 I THINK I FELL ASLEEP. 348 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:45,038 THIS THING IS LIKE A TEMPLE GRANDIN HUG. 349 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,106 HALEY, SWEETIE, UH, GOWN'S ON BACKWARDS. 350 00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,607 OH, NO. IT'S CUTER THIS WAY. 351 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,442 SEXY PEOPLE GO CRAZY, TOO, YOU KNOW. 352 00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:51,711 READ A PEOPLE MAGAZINE. 353 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,212 HUH. 354 00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:54,380 PHIL. 355 00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:57,049 YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA TRY ON YOUR DOCTOR COSTUME? 356 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,217 NOPE. 357 00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,952 BUT WE'RE GONNA WIN. DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY? 358 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,553 DO I LOOK HAPPY? 359 00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,123 YOU GOT A PROBLEM, LADY. 360 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:05,091 THIS OBSESSIVE NEED TO BE DARK AND SCARY -- 361 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,259 YOU CAN'T EVEN STOP YOURSELF. 362 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,095 I CAN STOP WHENEVER I WANT. 363 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,297 WELL, I'M NOT GETTING SUCKED IN. 364 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:13,133 I'M HAVING THE HALLOWEEN THAT I WANTED. 365 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,134 WHAT IS ALL THIS? 366 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,970 IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? 367 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,138 NO, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY. 368 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,706 NO, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE AWESOME. 369 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,307 YOU KNOW, I COULD TELL THAT YOU GUYS 370 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,143 DIDN'T LOVE US MOVING IN NEXT DOOR. 371 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,711 MAYBE 'CAUSE RONNIE DEALS POT 372 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,147 OR MAYBE 'CAUSE OF MY CONFEDERATE-FLAG BIKINI. 373 00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,480 I DON'T KNOW, BUT -- 374 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,649 BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE BECOMIN' FRIENDS. 375 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:35,121 I WAS GONNA PROPOSE A JOINT THANKSGIVING, BUT... 376 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:36,322 THIS IS REALLY LOW. 377 00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:37,557 NO, HONEY, IT'S OKAY. 378 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,659 NO, IT'S NOT OKAY, RONNIE! IT'S RUDE AND IT'S CRUEL! 379 00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:42,294 I WISH WE HAD OUR OLD HOUSE 380 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,563 SO WE COULD DRIVE IT AWAY AS FAR AS POSSIBLE! 381 00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:47,767 OH, MY GOODNESS. WHAT WAS THAT? 382 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,501 UH... 383 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,938 AMBER GETS TOUCHY ABOUT THIS STUFF. 384 00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,472 UH, SHE -- 385 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,946 SHE SPENT SIX MONTHS IN A CUCKOO FARM IN NEVADA. 386 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,280 I'M SORRY. SHE GETS MAD WHEN I SAY THAT. 387 00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:02,682 IT WAS IN UTAH. 388 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:03,783 OH, MY GOD. 389 00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:05,618 WE -- WE HAD NO IDEA. I SWEAR. 390 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,187 I-IT'S COOL. 391 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,188 I'LL JUST...GIVE HER A BOX OF CAP'N CRUNCH 392 00:13:09,221 --> 00:13:11,124 AND SET HER IN FRONT OF THE FISH TANK. 393 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,292 THAT SEEMS TO CALM HER DOWN. 394 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,326 OKAY. OKAY. 395 00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:19,466 WE HAVE TO SHUT IT DOWN. WE GOT TO SHUT IT DOWN. 396 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,368 NOW, WHEN SHE SAID "JOINT THANKSGIVING," 397 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,202 DO YOU THINK THAT SHE MEANT -- 398 00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:24,370 NO. OKAY. 399 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,109 EACH OF THESE COMPANIES 400 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,443 FUNNELED UNREPORTED FUNDS INTO THE SAME ACCOUNT. 401 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,946 NOW, I BELIEVE THIS CHART MAKES CLEAR 402 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,447 THE INTRICATE WEB OF DECEIT. 403 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,447 [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY, I HEARD IT. 404 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,616 I'M -- I'M GONNA REPHRASE THAT. 405 00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:39,485 UM... THESE COMPANIES CONSPIRED 406 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,455 [ INSECT BUZZING ] TO DEFRAUD NUMEROUS INNOCENT PEOPLE, 407 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,292 NOT TO MENTION THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE. 408 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,459 OH. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 409 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,961 YOUR HONOR, MAY WE APPROACH? 410 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,495 IF YOU MUST. 411 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,465 YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, RIGHT? 412 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,167 YOU'RE LOSING YOUR FIFTH CASE IN A ROW? 413 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,302 FOURTH. AND -- 414 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,802 WHO SAID -- AM I LOSING? 415 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,306 UM, I JUST FEEL THAT THE -- THE JURY 416 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,475 MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT DISTRACTED BY, UM...YOU KNOW. 417 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,812 PLEASE LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT COUNSEL IS NODDING HIS HEAD 418 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,846 TOWARDS THE COURT STENOGRAPHER, HOLLY. 419 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,482 YOUR HONOR, OPPOSING COUNSEL'S GRASPING AT STRAWS 420 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,683 BECAUSE HE'S LOSING AGAIN. 421 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:12,919 OH, COME ON! COME ON! 422 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,520 SHE'S DRESSED LIKE A GIANT SPIDER! 423 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,588 I NEED THE JURY TO FOCUS ON THE DETAILS OF THIS CASE, 424 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,258 NOT SOME RIDICULOUS COSTUME. 425 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,692 I'M SORRY. YOU'RE PROBABLY A VERY NICE PERSON. 426 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:21,693 VERY WELL. 427 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:24,998 HOLLY, WOULD YOU PLEASE REMOVE THE COSTUME? 428 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,332 THANK YOU. 429 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,600 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY. 430 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,037 AT THE REQUEST OF COUNSEL, 431 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,673 THE COURT STENOGRAPHER WILL NOW REMOVE THE COSTUME. 432 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,874 [ JURORS GROAN ] 433 00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,277 THAT REDHEAD'S NO FUN. 434 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:39,312 [ Singsong voice ] THEY HATE YOU. 435 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,381 A-AS I WAS SAYING, UM, 436 00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:45,784 THESE COMPANIES STOLE FROM COUNTLESS INNOCENT PEOPLE, 437 00:14:45,817 --> 00:14:47,453 AND, YOU KNOW, 438 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:50,057 IF SOMEONE HAD DIPPED INTO MY NEST EGG LIKE THAT, UH... 439 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,826 [ As Groucho Marx ] ...I'D BE AWFUL GROUCHY. 440 00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:56,263 [ MAN COUGHS ] 441 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,797 NUMBER FOUR. 442 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,200 HERE YOU GO. 443 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,801 WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? 444 00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:03,102 BORN INTO ANOTHER FAMILY. 445 00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:05,437 SHE IS TESS McGILL, FEMINIST HEROINE 446 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,639 FROM THE 1980s CLASSIC "WORKING GIRL." 447 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,208 YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT SOMETIME. 448 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,644 IN A FEW YEARS. THERE IS SOME LIGHT VACUUMING IN UNDERPANTS. 449 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:12,980 KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! 450 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,147 HOW'S IT GOING HERE? 451 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,315 I LOOK STUPID! 452 00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:17,283 BUT THESE PUPPIES ARE MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE 453 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,650 FOR ME TO STAY MAD AT YOU. 454 00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,320 STUPID, ADORABLE PUPPIES. 455 00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:21,888 WELCOME TO AwesomeLand, 456 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,991 WHERE THE ONLY THING TO FEAR IS FUN ITSELF. 457 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,394 CLAIRE, I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE HALLOWEEN YOU WANTED, 458 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,661 BUT CAN YOU TRY TO SELL IT? 459 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,662 I'M SORRY, HONEY. 460 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,999 I GOT MAD AT YOU AND I UPSET AMBER, 461 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,667 AND ALL BECAUSE RONNIE CALLED ME A SOCCER MOM. 462 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,168 WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 463 00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:37,769 NOTHING. 464 00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,772 I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASSUME THINGS ABOUT ME THAT AREN'T TRUE -- 465 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,774 LIKE BECAUSE I'M PRETTY, I'M STUCK-UP. 466 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,942 WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT TO ME, I'M JUST LIKE, 467 00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:46,946 "SHUT UP, TROLL. WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU?" 468 00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:47,779 WOW. 469 00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:50,017 I DO NOT LIKE BEING PIGEONHOLED. 470 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,518 IT'S OBVIOUS, MOM -- 471 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,020 YOU USE HALLOWEEN AS A WAY TO SHOW PEOPLE YOU HAVE EDGE. 472 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:56,355 IT'S LIKE ACCOUNTANTS WHO BUY A HARLEY. 473 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,857 SHE'S RIGHT. 474 00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:01,461 BEING SCARY IS MY MOTORCYCLE. 475 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,629 THAT'S MY TESS. 476 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,198 I KNEW MY FAREWELL TOUR WOULD BE EMOTIONAL, 477 00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,801 BUT AT LEAST I CAN SAY I DID IT MY WAY. 478 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,836 YOU'VE SAID THAT FOUR TIMES. YOU KNOW HE HAD OTHER SONGS? 479 00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:14,606 NICE COSTUME. BEN FRANKLIN, RIGHT? 480 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,110 WHAT? NO! PRINCE CHARMING. 481 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,445 OH. SORRY. [ CHUCKLES ] 482 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,279 I GUESS I JUST PICTURE PRINCE CHARMING WITH HAIR. 483 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,782 WE ALL DO, BUT I LOST MY WIG, 484 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,616 AND I DON'T HAVE ANY, SO... 485 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,952 WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME PRETTY EFFECTIVE SOLUTIONS FOR THAT. 486 00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:28,120 TALKING ABOUT HAIR PLUGS? YEAH. 487 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,956 TAKE SOME FROM THE SIDE AND THE BACK, RIGHT? 488 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,957 YOU THINK THAT WOULD WORK FOR ME? 489 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,460 IT COULD. 490 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,995 BUT YOU MIGHT WANT A SECOND OPINION FROM AN ACTUAL DOCTOR. 491 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,330 Gloria: EXCUSE ME. 492 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,000 DID YOU JUST ASK THAT FAKE DOCTOR 493 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,034 ABOUT HAIR PLUGS? 494 00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:44,136 NO! YOU KNOW HOW YOU STRUGGLE WITH THE LANGUAGE. 495 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,638 JAY. DAMN IT, GLORIA. 496 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,005 I MISS HAVING A HEAD FULL OF HAIR. 497 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,975 AND DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T MISS IT, TOO. 498 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,043 WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, 499 00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:51,977 YOU HAD FOUR MORE HAIRS THAN YOU DO NOW. 500 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,679 THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE TO ME. 501 00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:55,182 WHAT ABOUT TODAY? HMM? EARLIER? 502 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,149 WHEN WE WERE NOT NAPPING? 503 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,885 WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE EXTRA-ENTHUSIASTIC? 504 00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:02,589 BECAUSE YOU WERE ENTHUSIASTIC. 505 00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:05,525 YOU WENT OUT AND BOUGHT COSTUMES FOR ALL OF US, 506 00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:06,925 YOU WERE SINGING. 507 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,261 FOR ONCE, YOU WERE NOT LIKE, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. 508 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,097 "I JUST WANT TO SIT AT HOME, WATCH GOLF, 509 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,932 AND EAT MY 10-LAYER DIP." 510 00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:14,201 JUST FIVE. FIVE LAYERS. 511 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,536 ONE LAYER IS ENOUGH, JAY. 512 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:20,006 I LOVED THAT YOU WERE HAVING FUN WITH US. 513 00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:22,942 A HAPPY HUSBAND -- THAT'S WHAT IS SEXY TO ME. 514 00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:25,511 SO YOU DON'T THINK I LOOK LIKE BEN FRANKLIN? 515 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,946 OH, YES! THAT'S WHO IT IS! 516 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:31,218 THE MAN FROM THE $100 BILL -- MY FAVORITE! 517 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,621 ALL RIGHT, HAPPY HALLOWEEN. 518 00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,955 THAT'S YOUR COSTUME? A BIG NOSE? 519 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,259 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, COOL IT. I'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY. 520 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:42,761 YOU THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST SpongeBob I'VE SEEN? 521 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,364 I'M MISSING HALLOWEEN. 522 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,266 ALL RIGHT, HONEY, IF DADDY'S NOT HOME IN FIVE MINUTES, 523 00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:47,799 I WILL TAKE YOU TRICK-OR-TREATING, OKAY? 524 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,269 OKAY! I MADE IT! 525 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,970 FOOTBALL PRACTICE RAN LATE, SWEETIE. 526 00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:53,605 JUST GIVE ME TWO MINUTES. I'M SO SORRY. 527 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,641 WHATEVER. 528 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:57,210 I BET ALL THE FULL-SIZE CANDY BARS ARE GONE. 529 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,310 LILY! Cam: NOPE, NOPE. 530 00:17:58,345 --> 00:17:59,479 SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT, MITCHELL. 531 00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:02,315 YOU KNOW, I'VE LET FOOTBALL CONSUME MY LIFE, 532 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:05,218 AND I FUMBLED WHAT'S MOST VALUABLE TO ME, 533 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,452 AND NOW I'M STUCK! 534 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:07,487 CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME? 535 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:09,388 DON'T HELP HIM! OH, ENOUGH, YOU TWO! 536 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,657 IT'S LIKE "AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY" UP IN HERE. 537 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,125 ALL RIGHT, YOU -- WHERE'S MY HEAD? 538 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,060 IT'S RIGHT HERE. STOP. JUST CALM DOWN. OKAY. 539 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,096 YOU NEED TO LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK, ALL RIGHT? 540 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,498 YOU DIDN'T ABANDON HER PLAYING CRAPS. 541 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,932 YOU HAD TO GO TO WORK. 542 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,500 HE'S ALWAYS WORKING. 543 00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,269 NO, HE'S -- 544 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,105 HE IS NOT ALWAYS WORKING, LILY. 545 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,440 EXHIBIT "A" -- YOUR SHIRT, 546 00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,107 WHICH HE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT SEWING 547 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,777 SO THAT YOU WOULD HAVE THE PERFECT COSTUME. 548 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:31,943 EXHIBIT "B" -- 549 00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:34,346 THOSE GLASSES -- TWO HOURS ON eBay. 550 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,449 EXHIBIT "C" -- YOUR SATCHEL. 551 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,849 DADDY'S MAN PURSE FROM COLLEGE 552 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,519 THAT HE HAD TO DIG THROUGH 10 BOXES TO FIND, 553 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:40,952 BECAUSE DADDY HID IT FROM HIM. 554 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,454 BUT HE DIDN'T READ THE FLIER! 555 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,955 [ Muffled ] I NEVER READ IT 556 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,192 [ Normal voice ] BECAUSE I NEVER SAW IT! 557 00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,859 YOU DIDN'T SEE THE FLIER? NO! 558 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,796 MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE YOU NEVER GOT IT. 559 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,298 I SUBMIT TO YOU... 560 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,299 THE FLIER... 561 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,468 WHICH NEVER MADE IT ONTO THE REFRIGERATOR, 562 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,470 WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT THINGS, 563 00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,839 BECAUSE IT WA-A-A-S.... 564 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,476 IT...WAS... 565 00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:04,777 OH! YES. 566 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,813 [ GASPS ] 567 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,615 LILY, YOUR DADDY MAY HAVE MISSED THE PARADE, 568 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,482 BUT HE WAS ALL OVER HALLOWEEN. 569 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,286 I REST MY CASE. 570 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,153 I'M SORRY, DADDY. 571 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,155 I'M SORRY, TOO. 572 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,826 I GOT MY WIN. 573 00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:22,494 TRIALS WOULD BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER 574 00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,298 IF JURIES WERE MADE UP OF 7-YEAR-OLD GIRLS, LIKE LILY. 575 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,465 AND CAM. 576 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,469 I KNOW IT'S NOT THE POINT, BUT WE TOTALLY WOULD'VE WON. 577 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,503 MIGHT WANT TO LEAVE THAT OUT OF YOUR APOLOGY. 578 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:32,505 [ GROANS ] 579 00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:33,506 HOWDY! 580 00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,642 AAAH...HEY, RONNIE. WHAT'S UP? 581 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,411 RONNIE, HI. UM, I WAS LOOKING FOR AMBER. 582 00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,346 OH, SHE'S INSIDE. 583 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:40,346 NO, I AIN'T! 584 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,181 KNOCK IT OFF, AMBER! 585 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,250 AMBER, HI. 586 00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,251 UM, LISTEN, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE. 587 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,519 I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT YOUR HISTORY, 588 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,020 AND I WAS BEING INSENSITIVE, 589 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,523 SO I WAS HOPING WE COULD START OVER. 590 00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:53,925 WHOA. THAT'S REALLY SWEET. 591 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,528 ALMOST MAKES ME FEEL BAD FOR MAKING THE WHOLE THING UP. 592 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:57,596 [ LAUGHS ] 593 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,698 WHAT?! 594 00:19:58,730 --> 00:19:59,766 TRICK! 595 00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,601 SHE NEVER BEEN TO A NUTHOUSE. 596 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:02,501 NO! 597 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,270 [ PIANO NOTES PLAY ] YEAH, I AIN'T CRAZY. 598 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,771 I MEAN, I'VE BEEN TO REHAB A FEW TIMES, 599 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,673 BUT THAT WAS JUST FOR PAID VACATION. 600 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,009 YOU LIED JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD? 601 00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,678 NO, NO -- WE LIED 602 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:15,114 SO THAT WE COULD WIN WITH OUR ZOMBIE HOUSE O' WHORES! 603 00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:16,615 THAT IS SO MESSED UP. 604 00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,451 DID YOU SAY "WHORES," OR -- 605 00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,952 NO, NO. IT AIN'T MESSED UP. THE SAYING IS "TRICK OR TREAT." 606 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,355 THIS IS THE TRICK PART. 607 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,423 YEAH. 608 00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:25,191 OUR YARD'S FULL O' DEAD WHORES. 609 00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,792 YOU GOT A SANTA. 610 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,295 YEP -- "WHORES." I HEARD IT AGAIN. 611 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:29,796 WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS? 612 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:32,798 THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS. 613 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:35,634 YOU WON'T KNOW WHEN, AND YOU WON'T KNOW HOW, 614 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:38,305 BUT YOU WILL FEEL IT. 615 00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,339 [ POM-POM RUSTLES ] 616 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,877 WOW. THAT CHICK IS SCARY. 617 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,145 THANK YOU. 618 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,980 YOU HAVE NO IDEA. 619 00:20:54,185 --> 00:20:55,988 YOU KNOW, THEY JUST MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND HIM. 620 00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,723 IT'S CRUEL AND INAPPROPRIATE. 621 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,791 IT JUST SETS CHILDREN UP TO FAIL, 622 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:02,595 AND IT DESTROYS THEIR SELF-ESTEEM. 623 00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:03,930 RIGHT THERE. IS HE THERE? 624 00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:05,432 IS -- WHERE -- [ SCOFFS ] 625 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,634 WHERE DID SHE POINT? WHERE DID SHE P-- 626 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,005 NOW I LOOK LIKE ROD STEWART. 627 00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:14,641 THANKS A LOT. 628 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,945 [ As Tess ] I HAVE A HEAD FOR BUSINESS AND A BOD FOR SIN. 629 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:21,113 YES, YOU DO. 630 00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:23,482 EW! THIS IS A COMMON AREA!