1 00:00:03,177 --> 00:00:04,307 YOU PUT THE GIBLETS IN A PAN? 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,658 YES, CHEF. THANKS, A BOY NAMED SOUS...CHEF. 3 00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:09,096 [ LAUGHS ] I DON'T GET IT, BUT I TRUST YOU. 4 00:00:09,138 --> 00:00:11,098 Nigella: ALL RIGHT, PHILIP, TUCK THE WING TIPS 5 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:13,839 UNDER THE BODY OF THE BIRD AND PLACE IN A ROASTING PAN. 6 00:00:13,882 --> 00:00:16,320 AS YOU WISH, MY CRUMPET. 7 00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:18,539 I AM COOKING THANKSGIVING DINNER THIS YEAR. 8 00:00:18,582 --> 00:00:21,108 HUGE STEP FOR CLAIRE TO TRUST ME WITH THIS. 9 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:23,196 BUT I HAVE HELP -- THIS NEW APP. 10 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:26,068 IT'S, UH, INTERNATIONAL SUPER CHEF NIGELLA LAWSON. 11 00:00:26,112 --> 00:00:28,463 I CAN EVEN PROGRAM MY NAME, SO IT'S LIKE SHE'S RIGHT HERE 12 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,943 GUIDING MY EVERY MOVE WITH THAT SULTRY BRITISH VOICE. 13 00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:33,119 I LISTENED TO HER MERINGUE INSTRUCTIONS 14 00:00:33,162 --> 00:00:34,207 IN THE CAR LAST WEEK. 15 00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:37,167 THERE WAS SO MUCH WHIPPING AND BEATING I HAD TO PULL OVER. 16 00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:38,908 HOW'S IT GOING IN HERE?GREAT. 17 00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:41,084 YOU JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR FIRST THANKSGIVING 18 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:43,956 NOT SWEATING OVER A HOT STOVE AND HAVING TO SIT DOWN TO DINNER 19 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,262 ALL GROSS AND GRUMPY AND EXHAUSTED. 20 00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:48,656 YEAH, THIS YEAR, YOU CAN FINALLY BE IN A GOOD MOOD. 21 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,572 WELL, I WAS UNTIL THIS LITTLE RIFF. 22 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:53,226 MOM AND JAY SENT A THANKSGIVING GREETING FROM MEXICO. 23 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,228 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MEXICO HAD THANKSGIVING. 24 00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:56,795 I KNOW. I SAID THE SAME THING. 25 00:00:56,838 --> 00:00:58,536 GOD, WE'RE REALLY GONNA MISS ALEX. 26 00:00:58,579 --> 00:01:00,756 I STILL DON'T GET WHY YOU PASSED UP A FREE TRIP. 27 00:01:00,798 --> 00:01:02,758 BECAUSE THEY'RE MEETING 23 COLOMBIANS 28 00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:05,368 WHO CALL MY MOM "LA TRANQUILA" -- THE QUIET ONE. 29 00:01:05,412 --> 00:01:07,328 Gloria: [ Loudly ] HOLA, FAMILIA! 30 00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:08,242 HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 31 00:01:08,284 --> 00:01:10,243 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW, LUKE! 32 00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:11,722 YEAH, LUKE, WE DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU. 33 00:01:11,766 --> 00:01:13,724 WE GOT YOU A GREAT PRESENT HERE IN MEXICO. 34 00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:15,162 SEE YOU WHEN WE GET BACK. 35 00:01:15,204 --> 00:01:17,337 BYE! BYE-BYE! 36 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,555 SEE YOU SOON! 37 00:01:18,599 --> 00:01:19,948 AND CUT. 38 00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:22,691 WELL, I THINK WE SOLD THAT. 39 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,257 THE COLOMBIANS' TRIP GOT CANCELED 40 00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,737 BECAUSE A MUDSLIDE TOOK OUT THE RUNWAY AT THE LOCAL AIRPORT. 41 00:01:26,781 --> 00:01:27,956 THAT THING'S MADE OF DIRT. 42 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,132 ARE WE SURE IT DIDN'T JUST RAIN? 43 00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,352 SO WE NEVER LEFT, AND WE COULD HAVE GONE 44 00:01:31,394 --> 00:01:32,831 TO PHIL AND CLAIRE'S, BUT... 45 00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,354 WE DECIDED TO ENJOY OUR OWN QUIET, 46 00:01:34,397 --> 00:01:37,140 STRESS-FREE HOLIDAY DINNER AT HOME WITH NO ONE THE WISER. 47 00:01:37,183 --> 00:01:39,402 WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE STEAK-CATION, 48 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:41,188 ONLY WITH TURKEY INSTEAD OF THE STEAK. 49 00:01:41,230 --> 00:01:43,189 [ LAUGHS ] STAY-CATION. 50 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:45,627 WHAT DID I SAY?"STEAK-CATION." 51 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,977 IT'S STAY-CATION. 52 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,978 OH, SO, THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO START 53 00:01:50,021 --> 00:01:53,200 THE QUIET, STRESS-FREE DINNER, WITH AN ENGLISH LESSON? 54 00:01:53,242 --> 00:01:56,289 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 55 00:01:56,332 --> 00:01:57,986 THEY CALL HER "LA TRANQUILA." 56 00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:01,033 --Captions by VITAC-- 57 00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:10,347 ♪♪♪ 58 00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:14,395 WE REALLY NEED TO REMEMBER TO RETURN THIS BACKPACK TO LILY. 59 00:02:14,437 --> 00:02:17,441 OH, AND, HONEY, DON'T FORGET MITCHELL HATES RAISINS. 60 00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:19,355 SO WHEN YOU'RE MAKING THE STUFFING, YOU CAN'T PUT ANY -- 61 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,402 I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TO HAND OVER THE REINS, 62 00:02:22,445 --> 00:02:24,187 BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO TRUST ME. 63 00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:27,015 I DOTRUST YOU. IT'S JUST EASY TO FORGET THE LITTLE THINGS. 64 00:02:27,058 --> 00:02:28,670 I'M NOT GOING TO FORGET ANYTHING. 65 00:02:28,712 --> 00:02:31,454 [ Laughing ] NOW GO. 66 00:02:31,498 --> 00:02:33,195 You two need to run to the grocery store. 67 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,415 I forgot green beans, yams, and cranberry sauce. 68 00:02:38,461 --> 00:02:41,116 Alex: WHAT'S IN THE CRIB? 69 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,378 WHAT CRIB? YOU'RE A CRIB. 70 00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:43,640 SHOULDN'T YOU BE STUDYING? 71 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,252 WELL, I'M DONE WITH MY MIDTERMS. 72 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,600 I FINISHED MY COLLEGE ESSAY. 73 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,472 AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO ON A BIKE RIDE. 74 00:02:48,515 --> 00:02:50,430 MM. WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO GUILTY? 75 00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:51,605 YOU'RE GUILTY. 76 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:54,216 HOW DID I EVER GET TO BE A CHAMPION DEBATER? 77 00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:55,478 [ SIGHS ] 78 00:02:55,522 --> 00:02:57,829 IT IS A BACKUP TURKEY. 79 00:02:57,872 --> 00:03:00,441 I BOUGHT IT IN CASE YOUR FATHER'S DOESN'T WORK OUT, 80 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,269 WHICH I HOPE IT DOES. 81 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:05,489 BUT IF IT DOESN'T, THIS COULD SAVE HIM A LOT OF EMBARRASSMENT. 82 00:03:05,532 --> 00:03:06,837 PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM. 83 00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:08,361 HE WOULD DIE IF HE THOUGHT I DIDN'T TRUST HIM. 84 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:10,233 INTERESTING. 85 00:03:10,276 --> 00:03:12,278 I MEAN, I'M GOING OFF TO COLLEGE SOON. 86 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:15,194 ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU'RE KEEPING SOMETHING WARM IN MY OLD CRIB. 87 00:03:16,325 --> 00:03:18,459 HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE. YOU'LL LIKE THIS BETTER. 88 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,025 OH, MY GOSH. YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 89 00:03:20,068 --> 00:03:21,375 NOT THIS AGAIN. WHAT? 90 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:22,897 SHE SAID HER EGGS WERE WATERY, 91 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,028 SO I MADE HER A WAFFLE. 92 00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:25,292 PLEASE DON'T MAKE A THING OUT OF IT. 93 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:26,944 I'VE SEEN YOU SEND FOOD BACK. 94 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,512 REMEMBER THAT TIME IN MIAMI? 95 00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:29,730 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, THIS ISN'T A RESTAURANT. 96 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,298 SECONDLY, MY BISQUE HAD A TOOTH IN IT. 97 00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,822 IT WAS A SHELL.THERE WAS A FILLING IN IT. 98 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:36,259 UGH, I DON'T FEEL LIKE WAFFLES. 99 00:03:36,302 --> 00:03:37,739 CAN YOU MAKE ME CEREAL? 100 00:03:37,781 --> 00:03:38,740 SURE. ABSOLUTELY NOT. 101 00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,741 ABSOLUTELY NOT, LILY. 102 00:03:40,784 --> 00:03:42,264 YOU ARE GONNA FINISH THAT WAFFLE, 103 00:03:42,308 --> 00:03:43,526 OR YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE BREAKFAST. 104 00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:45,528 CAN I AT LEAST EAT IT IN FRONT OF THE TV? 105 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:46,400 YES. NO. 106 00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:47,966 THANKS, DADDY. 107 00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:49,316 MEAN DADDY. 108 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,490 OKAY, OKAY. 109 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:53,362 YOU GIVE IN TO HER EVERY WHIM, AND I'M MEAN DADDY. 110 00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:54,885 THAT'S NOT TRUE. ISN'T IT? 111 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,323 WHAT'S THIS? 112 00:03:56,365 --> 00:03:58,498 HMM? THIS IS HOW SHE SEES US. 113 00:03:58,542 --> 00:03:59,629 I'M A SCREAMING DEMON, 114 00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:02,415 AND YOU'RE JUST A-SMILIN' AND A-BAKIN'. 115 00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,286 AND, INCIDENTALLY, 116 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,331 DO WE REALLY THINK THIS IS REFRIGERATOR-WORTHY? 117 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,334 SHE PUT IT UP YESTERDAY AFTER YOU MADE HER CLEAN HER ROOM. 118 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,336 AND AFTER YOU MADE HER BROWNIES. 119 00:04:09,378 --> 00:04:11,467 SHE IS GONNA TURN INTO A WILLFUL, FAT LITTLE GIRL 120 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,340 UNLESS YOU START GETTING TOUGH WITH HER, 121 00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:14,514 BECAUSE RIGHT NOW YOU'RE HER PAL, 122 00:04:14,557 --> 00:04:16,343 AND I'M JUST THE PITCHFORK-WIELDING SHE-DEVIL. 123 00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,519 [ LAUGHS ] 124 00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,302 IT LINED UP, DIDN'T IT? 125 00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:22,478 YEAH, WE REALLY GOT LUCKY WITH YOU HOLDING THAT FORK. 126 00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:23,567 LONG STORY SHORT, 127 00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:25,786 IF YOU POUR IT, IT'S CRANBERRY SAUCE. 128 00:04:25,829 --> 00:04:28,658 BUT I'M SORRY, IF YOU SLICE IT, IT'S CRANBERRY JELLY. 129 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,314 I'M LITERALLY DRIVING AS FAST AS THIS CAR CAN GO. 130 00:04:32,358 --> 00:04:34,534 IS THAT A SOCK IN YOUR SLEEVE? 131 00:04:34,577 --> 00:04:36,798 I DID LAUNDRY AT YOUR HOUSE THIS MORNING, 132 00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,581 AND YOU HAVE NO DRYER SHEETS. 133 00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:40,757 I LIKE STAYING WITH YOU, BUT IT'S BASICALLY CAMPING. 134 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,324 [ TIRES SCREECH ] OHH! 135 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,588 UH, HEY!OH! I'M -- I'M SO SORRY! 136 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:45,459 I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING. 137 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,199 I MEAN, OF -- OF COURSE I FELT SOMETHING, 138 00:04:47,242 --> 00:04:48,331 AND YOU DO HAVE THEM -- I MEAN -- 139 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:51,420 WHY DIDN'T YOU HONK?!WOULDN'T THAT HAVE JUST MADE IT WORSE? 140 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:53,204 OH. 141 00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:54,511 Nigella: NOW, PHILIP, 142 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,470 RUB THE BREASTS AND THIGHS WITH OLIVE OIL. 143 00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:58,733 I'M A LITTLE NEW AT THIS, BUT OKAY. 144 00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,430 BEFORE STUFFING THE BIRD, 145 00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:02,519 YOU MAY WANT TO REMOVE YOUR JEWELRY. 146 00:05:02,562 --> 00:05:04,738 YOU MEAN TAKE OFF MY WEDDING RING? 147 00:05:04,781 --> 00:05:07,567 YOU BAD, BAD GIRL. 148 00:05:07,610 --> 00:05:08,569 WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? 149 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,612 I WAS -- NOTHING. WHO? 150 00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:11,048 I'M NOT GONNA THROW AWAY 20 YEARS OF -- 151 00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:13,355 IS THE SALAD BURNING?Manny: HERE'S EVERYTHING, 152 00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:16,446 INCLUDING YOUR CRANBERRY SO-CALLED SAUCE. 153 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:18,927 THAT WAS FAST.I WAS DRIVING 70 MILES AN HOUR. 154 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:21,930 NOW, PHILIP, COVER THE BREAST AND LEGS 155 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,584 WITH A BUTTERED CHEESECLOTH. 156 00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:26,108 THAT THING'S A LITTLE CREEPY.YOU'RE A LITTLE CREEPY. 157 00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,067 I DON'T LOVE BEING THE PERSON 158 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,636 WHO HIDES IN HER GARAGE WITH HER SECRET CRIB TURKEY, 159 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,639 BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS FUN BEING THE BACKSTOP. 160 00:05:35,682 --> 00:05:36,379 YOU'RE TELLING ME. 161 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,163 UNTIL YOU GET HOME FROM WORK EVERY DAY, 162 00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:39,643 MY MAIN JOB IS KEEPING LUKE ALIVE. 163 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,557 I ACTUALLY CAUGHT HIM ON THE TREADMILL WITH SCISSORS. 164 00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:43,430 DO YOU EVER FEEL JEALOUS OF THEM? 165 00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:45,432 YOU DO, TOO?OH, YEAH, ALL THE TIME. 166 00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:48,216 PLEASE, WHILE YOU AND I ARE BUSY BEING RESPONSIBLE, 167 00:05:48,259 --> 00:05:51,654 THING ONE AND THING TWO ARE OFF HAVING SO MUCH FUN. 168 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,658 PLE-- "BILLION-DOLLAR IDEAS"? 169 00:05:54,701 --> 00:05:56,529 OOH, 170 00:05:56,572 --> 00:05:57,834 THE REAL HEAD SCRATCHER "T.M." 171 00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:00,533 NOW, THAT -- THAT IS A CLASSIC. 172 00:06:00,576 --> 00:06:02,100 [ SWITCH CLICKS ][ MOTOR HUMMING ] 173 00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:04,059 AHH. HUH? UH-HUH. 174 00:06:04,101 --> 00:06:06,540 HMM. LOOK AT THIS. 175 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,541 ISN'T THAT THE OLD T-SHIRT CANNON 176 00:06:08,584 --> 00:06:10,630 THAT DAD MODIFIED FOR LUKE TO TAKE ON HIS PAPER ROUTE? 177 00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:12,762 YEAH, IT'S A FUN IDEA, HUH? 178 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,548 [ CHUCKLES ] 179 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:17,680 YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO REASON YOU AND I CAN'T RELAX A LITTLE 180 00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:19,509 AND HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS THEY DO. 181 00:06:19,552 --> 00:06:20,466 I'M IN. 182 00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:22,643 LET'S BE MORE LIKE THOSE IDIOTS. YEAH. 183 00:06:22,685 --> 00:06:25,471 CON-GARAGE-ULATIONS. 184 00:06:25,514 --> 00:06:27,255 NAILED IT.[ LAUGHS ] 185 00:06:27,298 --> 00:06:28,562 WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE? 186 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,781 UM, N-NOTHING. NOTHING. 187 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,261 WE -- IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 188 00:06:32,303 --> 00:06:33,783 REALLY? NO, NO. 189 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,569 'CAUSE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE 190 00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:37,658 IS ME TAKING OVER THE COOKING DUTIES 191 00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,310 HAS ALLOWED MY GIRLS HERE 192 00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,661 TO LET DOWN THEIR HAIR AND HAVE FUN FOR A CHANGE. 193 00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:42,663 [ LAUGHS ] 194 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,882 LOOKS LIKE YOU EVEN DUG OUT THE OLD NEWS-ZOOKA. 195 00:06:44,925 --> 00:06:46,230 OH![ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 196 00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:47,536 OH, NO! 197 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:48,843 [ GASPS ] 198 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:51,105 OH, MY GOD! AGAIN?! 199 00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,454 I-IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! 200 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,586 ONCE IS AN ACCIDENT, PERV. 201 00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,461 HONEY, COME ON. IT'S TIME TO GO.I'M READY. 202 00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:00,723 OH, NO, SWEETIE, WE BOUGHT YOU 203 00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:01,725 THAT PRETTY, NEW THANKSGIVING DRESS. 204 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,379 BUT I WANT TO WEAR THIS. 205 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,380 SHE WANTS TO WEAR THAT, CAMERON. 206 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,470 THOUGHTS? 207 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:08,644 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 208 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,518 WELL, LILY, UH, WE'RE ALL DRESSED UP. 209 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,519 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL, DO YOU? 210 00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:15,478 I SHOULD BE ABLE TO WEAR WHAT I WANT. 211 00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:16,740 OKAY, WELL, SWEETIE, LISTEN, 212 00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:20,483 I'M AFRAID WE CAN'T LEAVE UNTIL YOU PUT THAT DRESS ON. 213 00:07:20,526 --> 00:07:22,528 [ GROANS ] OKAY. 214 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,399 YOU SEE? 215 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,923 AS MUCH AS YOU WANT ME TO YELL, I HAVE A MORE EFFECTIVE METHOD. 216 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:29,100 WHEN YOU SAY TO A CHILD, 217 00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:32,276 "I WILL TREAT YOU WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT," 218 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:35,497 THAT CHILD WILL, IN TURN, SAY TO YOU -- 219 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,718 I LEFT THE TAG ON. THIS IS GOING BACK MONDAY. 220 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,762 OH, AND RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING UP 221 00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:40,721 ON SUCH A HIGH, HIGH HORSE. 222 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,591 OKAY, LILY.YOU SAID PUT IT ON. 223 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,334 WELL, IT'S ON. LET'S GO. 224 00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:48,163 WE CANNOT LET HER RUN THE SHOW LIKE THIS. 225 00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:50,774 OKAY, TRUST ME, I HAVE ANOTHER PLAN. REALLY? 226 00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:52,906 BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, OUR CHILD'S WALKING AROUND LIKE A VIETNAMESE ANNIE HALL. 227 00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:55,735 MITCHELL, I WILL MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SHE IS NOT THE BOSS. 228 00:07:55,778 --> 00:07:56,954 [ HORN HONKS ] 229 00:07:56,997 --> 00:07:58,956 OKAY, WELL, NO, NO, WE CAN'T GO OUT NOW. 230 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,610 [ HORN HONKING ] 231 00:08:01,654 --> 00:08:03,307 OKAY, WHERE DID SHE LEARN THAT ANNOYING HABIT? 232 00:08:03,351 --> 00:08:05,440 CLAIRE'S BEEN PICKING HER UP FROM MEDITATION MONDAYS. 233 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,615 [ SIGHS ][ HORN HONKS ] 234 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,966 THE LITTLE BIRD'S COMING ALONG NICELY. 235 00:08:09,009 --> 00:08:11,447 HEY, THIS COULD BE OUR NEW THANKSGIVING TRADITION. 236 00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:12,882 WHAT, HIDING FROM OUR OWN FAMILY? 237 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,798 HEY, IF THE INDIANS HID A LITTLE BIT MORE, 238 00:08:14,841 --> 00:08:16,670 THEY MIGHT STILL HAVE THIS COUNTRY. 239 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,192 NO, JUST TAKING A BREAK FROM EACH OTHER. 240 00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:19,802 GOD KNOWS I COULDN'T LOVE THEM MORE, 241 00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:21,891 BUT THE KENNEDYS DIDN'T GET TOGETHER AS MUCH AS THIS FAMILY. 242 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,937 SO YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY?FOR WHAT? 243 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:26,593 NOT SHARING THIS 30-YEAR-OLD SCOTCH WITH PHIL? 244 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:29,552 HE MIXES IT WITH 7UP, GLORIA. 245 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,206 IT'S A HATE CRIME. 246 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,599 Manny: LET'S HOPE THE POWER ISN'T OUT HERE, TOO. 247 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,557 Mitchell: IT LOOKS FINE. THE PORCH LIGHT'S ON. 248 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,644 Phil: TURKEY COMING THROUGH! 249 00:08:35,688 --> 00:08:36,690 THEY MOVED THE DAMN DINNER HERE. 250 00:08:36,732 --> 00:08:39,431 THANK YOU FOR CRACKING THE CODE. 251 00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,042 POP THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN, LUKE. 252 00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:43,610 LOST A LITTLE COOKING TIME, BUT IF WE CRANK IT TO 550, 253 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:46,003 DINNER SHOULD BE ON THE TABLE AS SCHEDULED. 254 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,658 YES, CHEF. 255 00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:49,615 SO, HOW'S IT GOING IN HERE? 256 00:08:49,658 --> 00:08:51,705 MINOR LITTLE SPEED BUMP, BUT WE'RE BACK ON TRACK. 257 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:52,836 YOU JUST RELAX. 258 00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:54,837 HONEY, I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY. 259 00:08:54,881 --> 00:08:56,623 YOU'VE GOT YOUR SWEATY LITTLE HELPER, 260 00:08:56,665 --> 00:08:59,147 AND MAMA HAS HERS. 261 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:00,931 OH. THANKS. 262 00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:02,629 SO, HOW LONG UNTIL YOU SNEAK HOME 263 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:05,066 AND GET THE BACKUP TURKEY?HAVE A LITTLE FAITH. 264 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,589 YOU'RE REALLY TRUSTING DAD TO DO THIS? 265 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:07,894 IN ME. 266 00:09:07,937 --> 00:09:09,852 IT'S IN LILY'S BACKPACK IN THE TRUNK OF THE CAR. 267 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:10,636 OH. 268 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:12,159 THIS IS CRAZY. 269 00:09:12,202 --> 00:09:14,815 LET'S JUST GO DOWNSTAIRS AND TELL THEM THAT WE'RE HERE. 270 00:09:14,857 --> 00:09:15,859 ARE YOU KIDDING? 271 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,078 WE SENT THEM A VIDEO FROM MEXICO. 272 00:09:18,121 --> 00:09:19,950 WE LIED TO THEIR FACES. 273 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,735 YOU THINK WE CAN JUST GO DOWNSTAIRS 274 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,779 AND THROW MONEY AT THIS AND MAKE IT GO AWAY? 275 00:09:23,823 --> 00:09:26,000 I'M ASKING YOU. DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD WORK? 276 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:27,870 I LEFT MY PURSE DOWN THERE, AND MANNY KNOWS 277 00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:29,655 THAT I WOULD NEVER LEAVE TOWN WITHOUT IT. 278 00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:31,658 MY WALLET AND KEYS ARE ON THE BAR. 279 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,746 AND THE CIGAR I WAS JUST SMOKING. 280 00:09:33,789 --> 00:09:36,750 OH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. 281 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:40,014 Claire: COME ON, EVERYBODY! OUTSIDE FOR PICTURE TIME! 282 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,451 I KNEW IN MY HEART YOU COULDN'T BE RIGHT. 283 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,807 [ DOOR OPENS ] 284 00:09:51,851 --> 00:09:53,288 Phil: I'M GONNA GRAB A SCOTCH. 285 00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:54,855 ANYONE KNOW WHERE JAY KEEPS THE 7UP? 286 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,860 OKAY. 287 00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,687 PHIL, STAY CALM. 288 00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,690 YES, THE TRIP OVER HERE KILLED THE CASSEROLE. 289 00:10:03,732 --> 00:10:05,517 THE BISCUITS ARE HARD. 290 00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,998 THE GRAVY HAS A SKIN ON IT LIKE A SHARECROPPER'S NECK. 291 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,826 Nigella: ARE YOUR ONIONS IN HOT WATER, PHILIP? 292 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,044 YES, I WOULD SAY THEY ARE! 293 00:10:11,087 --> 00:10:12,916 CHEF, SHE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP. 294 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,701 YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S NOT OVER. 295 00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:16,832 WE CAN STILL PUT A VERY NICE MEAL... 296 00:10:16,876 --> 00:10:18,879 I LEFT THE CENTERPIECE IN THE TRUNK. 297 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,793 IT'S GONNA GET ALL WILTED. 298 00:10:20,836 --> 00:10:22,360 HEY. WHERE YOU GOING? 299 00:10:22,403 --> 00:10:23,884 EVERYTHING OKAY IN THERE? PEACHY. 300 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,363 I LEFT THE CENTERPIECE IN THE TRUNK. 301 00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,888 WHERE ARE YOU GOING?I WAS GONNA GO GET SOME ICE. 302 00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:28,802 WELL, THAT'S OKAY. I CAN GO GET IT FOR YOU. 303 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,063 GREAT. I CAN GET YOUR CENTERPIECE. 304 00:10:30,106 --> 00:10:31,717 I'LL LEAVE YOUR ICE RIGHT THERE ON THAT TABLE. 305 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:32,806 WHICH IS WHERE I WILL LEAVE YOUR CENTERPIECE. 306 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,067 OKAY, THEN. 307 00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:42,816 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 308 00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:43,860 HI. 309 00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:46,254 SO, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR FLIPPING OUT BEFORE. 310 00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:47,864 OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT A PERV. 311 00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:49,344 COME HERE. NO, IT'S OKAY. 312 00:10:49,386 --> 00:10:50,345 NO, I COULDN'T. COME HERE. 313 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:52,346 IT'S OKAY. MM. 314 00:10:52,389 --> 00:10:53,740 WHAT IS THAT? 315 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,915 OH, NOTHING. NO. 316 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:56,830 FOR A SECOND, IT LOOKED LIKE... 317 00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,918 [ GASPS ] 318 00:10:58,961 --> 00:10:59,962 TA-DA? OH, MY GOD! 319 00:11:00,006 --> 00:11:01,703 YOU HAVE MY UNDERWEAR?! NO. 320 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,706 OKAY, WELL, YES, BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 321 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,316 UH, THEY WERE IN MY PANTS. 322 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,753 [ GASPS ] WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! 323 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,971 I KNOW YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME, BUT THIS IS, LIKE, DEEP FREAK! 324 00:11:09,015 --> 00:11:10,931 NO, I USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, BUT NOT ANYMORE. 325 00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,846 THIS IS ALL JUST BAD LUCK. JUST TAKE YOUR PANTIES AND GO. 326 00:11:13,889 --> 00:11:15,239 Alex: AH. 327 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,893 RE-CREATING THE QUAINT PART OF THE PILGRIM STORY 328 00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:18,764 WHERE THEY TRADE UNDERWEAR FOR CORN? 329 00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:21,071 OH, MY GOD. 330 00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:23,072 THIS IS NOT THAT TERRIBLE. TRUE. 331 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,596 WE HAVE DRINKS. 332 00:11:24,639 --> 00:11:26,293 JOE'S PLAYING WITH HIS "H." 333 00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:27,774 EVERYBODY'S HAPPY. 334 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:28,991 Sí. 335 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,994 Mitchell: AND WHY ARE WE GOING INTO MY DAD'S BEDROOM? 336 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:33,301 YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM! 337 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,432 LILY THINKS SHE CAN WEAR WHATEVER SHE WANTS, 338 00:11:35,476 --> 00:11:36,913 SO WHAT IF WE --NO, NO, I AM NOT PUTTING ON 339 00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:38,610 ONE OF MY DAD'S HIDEOUS LEISURE SUITS. 340 00:11:38,653 --> 00:11:39,828 THAT IS NOT THE PLAN. RELAX. 341 00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,308 DO YOU REMEMBER LAST YEAR WHEN WE PICKED HER UP 342 00:11:41,351 --> 00:11:42,831 FROM THAT FAMILY DINNER AT CLAIRE'S? 343 00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:43,876 WE WERE DRESSED AS CAGNEY AND LACEY 344 00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:45,748 FOR PEPPER'S '80s LADIES PARTY, AND SHE FLIPPED OUT. 345 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,097 YOU'RE NOT PUTTING ON ONE OF GLORIA'S DRESSES. 346 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:49,926 IF YOU WOULD SIMPLY JUST LET ME FINISH, 347 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,798 THAT IS NOT THE PLAN.OKAY, I'M SORRY. 348 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,234 WE'RE BOTH PUTTING ON DRESSES. 349 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,801 NO, I AM NOT DOING THIS. 350 00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,586 MITCHELL, IT WON'T HAVE ANY IMPACT IF I DO IT BY MYSELF. 351 00:11:57,629 --> 00:12:00,023 I PROMISE IF IT DOESN'T WORK, WE'LL DO IT YOUR WAY. 352 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,590 YOU KNOW, THE ONLY PART OF THIS I LIKE 353 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:02,764 IS GETTING TO SEE THIS CLOSET. 354 00:12:02,808 --> 00:12:04,461 MITCHELL, FOCUS ON THE GOAL. 355 00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:05,768 YOU KNOW SHE ONLY DRESSES THE WAY SHE DOES 356 00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:06,812 TO GET ATTENTION. 357 00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:08,815 MAYBE IT WAS CUTE A FEW YEARS AGO, 358 00:12:08,857 --> 00:12:11,120 BUT SHE'S JUST GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS. 359 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,167 YOU KNOW WHAT SHE NEEDS IS A GOOD SPANK ON THE BOTTOM. 360 00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,038 NO, THAT'S YOUR FATHER'S WAY. 361 00:12:15,081 --> 00:12:17,605 YOU TOLD THEM ABOUT THAT? 362 00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:19,695 I'M TELLING YOU, IF I HAD THIS CLOSET, 363 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,130 I NEVER WOULD HAVE COME OUT. 364 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,133 Mitchell: WELL, YOU CAN COME BACK LATER. 365 00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,787 LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH. 366 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,354 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 367 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:28,835 IF THOSE MEAN GIRLS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, 368 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,923 THEY SHOULD SAY IT TO MY FACE. 369 00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:32,142 ONE PROBLEM AT A TIME. 370 00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:34,014 YOU HEARD THEM. THEY'RE COMING BACK. 371 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:35,884 WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.AND GO WHERE? 372 00:12:35,928 --> 00:12:37,059 WE'LL SNEAK DOWN THE BACK STAIRS. 373 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,062 WE'LL RUN AROUND TO THE FRONT PORCH 374 00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:40,933 AND PRETEND WE CUT OUR TRIP SHORT TO BE WITH EVERYBODY. 375 00:12:40,976 --> 00:12:42,804 NOW, YOU GRAB YOUR COAT, GET THE DIAPER BAG. 376 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:45,286 I'LL GRAB A COUPLE OF SUITCASES, AND I'LL MEET YOU THERE. 377 00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:03,870 Cameron: HEY, SWEETIE, WHAT ARE YOU READING? 378 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:04,957 WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? 379 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,654 WELL, I THINK IT'S DOLCE & GABBANA. 380 00:13:06,697 --> 00:13:08,613 SHE ASKED "WHAT," NOT "WHO." DO YOU SEE RED CARPET? 381 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,092 OH, WELL, WE'RE JUST WEARING DRESSES 382 00:13:10,136 --> 00:13:11,268 OVER OUR BOY CLOTHES, LIKE YOU. 383 00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:12,616 OH, NO, I FORGOT. 384 00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:15,316 US WEARING DRESSES UPSETS YOU, DOESN'T IT? 385 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,490 YEAH, IT DOES. 386 00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,536 OH, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE HER UNCOMFORTABLE, 387 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,842 BUT WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WEAR WHATEVER WE WANT. 388 00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:24,280 OHH, WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO? 389 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:27,110 I just can't believe I slipped into one of Gloria's dresses. 390 00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:28,284 Relax. It's a maternity poncho. 391 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,072 OKAY, WE TELL THEM WE TOOK THE NOON FLIGHT OUT, 392 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,289 AND, UH -- WHERE'S JOE? 393 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:36,119 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BRINGING HIM! 394 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:37,120 I'M LUGGING TWO SUITCASES. 395 00:13:37,163 --> 00:13:38,860 EMPTY SUITCASES! 396 00:13:38,904 --> 00:13:40,863 HOW ARE WE GONNA WALK IN THERE WITHOUT...? 397 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:41,908 THE LITTLE TURKEY! 398 00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,518 I DON'T LIKE YOU CALLING HIM THAT. 399 00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,128 NO, NO, THE LITTLE TURKEY I WAS COOKING FOR US. 400 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,129 IT'S STILL IN THE OVEN. 401 00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,043 [ GASPS ] OKAY. 402 00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:50,786 I'LL SAY I HAVE TO PUT JOE DOWN FOR A NAP, 403 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,788 AND YOU GET RID OF THE TURKEY. 404 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,094 I'M JUST SAYING YOU GET VERY MAD 405 00:13:54,136 --> 00:13:56,661 BECAUSE I FORGOT JOE, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO TURKEY -- 406 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:58,967 I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TIME FOR THIS. 407 00:13:59,011 --> 00:14:02,014 NO, IF IT REALLY BOTHERS LILY, THEN WE SHOULD CHANGE, CAM, 408 00:14:02,057 --> 00:14:04,017 AND THEN MAYBE LILY WILL ALSO CONSIDER -- 409 00:14:04,059 --> 00:14:05,756 Gloria: HOLA, FAMILY! 410 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:08,238 WE CAME BACK EARLY BECAUSE WE MISS YOU. 411 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:09,283 WE SAW THE CARS. 412 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,937 WHAT, DID YOU MOVE THE PARTY HERE? 413 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:11,894 Claire: YES! HELLO!YEAH. 414 00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:13,504 SO, HEY, D-DAD, LISTEN, 415 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:14,941 THE REASON THAT WE'RE WEARING THESE DRESSES -- 416 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:15,942 DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. 417 00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,030 I GOT TO GET THIS LITTLE GUY UP TO BED 418 00:14:18,073 --> 00:14:19,946 BECAUSE THAT PLANE RIDE REALLY KNOCKED HIM OUT. 419 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,556 [ CLANGS ]OH, MY GOD! 420 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,123 HE'S FINE. SEE? NOT CRYING. 421 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,558 THAT'S NOT NECESSARILY A GOOD THING. 422 00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:27,126 AND I'M GONNA TAKE THE LUGGAGE TO THE LAUNDRY 423 00:14:27,169 --> 00:14:28,562 BECAUSE MEXICO IS VERY DIRTY. 424 00:14:28,605 --> 00:14:31,913 DAD AND GLORIA SEEM REALLY OKAY WITH US WEARING DRESSES. 425 00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:33,741 YEAH, LIKE WE DO IT EVERY DAY? 426 00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:36,701 WELL, IF IT'S OKAY WITH GRANDPA, IT'S OKAY WITH ME. 427 00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:38,965 [ SIGHS ] 428 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,014 Phil: [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] 429 00:14:51,106 --> 00:14:52,760 [ PAN CLATTERS ] 430 00:15:01,029 --> 00:15:03,206 THE CRANBERRY SAUCE IS OKAY, 431 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,730 AND THE GRAVY IS OUT OF THE WOODS. 432 00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:07,035 AND, THANKS TO YOU, 433 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,602 THOSE BABY CARROTS ARE GONNA PULL THROUGH. 434 00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:10,169 WELL, THEY'RE FIGHTERS. 435 00:15:10,212 --> 00:15:12,041 Nigella: AND NOW, PHILLIP, FOR THE LAST TIME, 436 00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,216 LIGHTLY BRUSH THE THIGHS. 437 00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:16,524 I'M GONNA MISS THIS RANDY LITTLE REDCOAT. 438 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:19,178 BUT IT'S TIME TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE. 439 00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:22,878 NO! WHAT?! 440 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,576 CRANKING UP THE HEAT MUST HAVE DRIED IT UP AND SHRUNK IT! 441 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,187 IT'S TINY! 442 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:35,063 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEED 11 PEOPLE WITH THIS PIGEON?! 443 00:15:35,107 --> 00:15:37,023 HEY, DAD, HOW'S IT COMING?GREAT! 444 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,111 [ GRUNTS ] 445 00:15:39,154 --> 00:15:41,201 JUST SOME LAST-MINUTE TOUCHES, AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO. 446 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,811 GREAT. 447 00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:46,379 PANIC IN TURKEY TOWN. 448 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,816 THE BACKUP TURKEY'S IN LILY'S BOOK BAG. 449 00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:48,990 BRING IT TO ME. I'LL DO THE REST. 450 00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,340 I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE. 451 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:53,125 HEY, SO, UH, I WANT TO TRY AND APOLOGIZE AGAIN. 452 00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:55,128 IT'S OKAY. IT WAS -- IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. 453 00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:56,912 NO, NO, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 454 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,653 WE'RE GOOD. THANKS. 455 00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:00,784 AND JUST TO WRAP THINGS UP ONCE AND FOR ALL, 456 00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:02,657 SOME THINGS WERE SAID IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT 457 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:03,701 THAT WEREN'T REALLY MEANT. 458 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,051 I KNOW YOU DON'T THINK I'M A PERV. 459 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,269 YES, THAT. THAT. 460 00:16:06,312 --> 00:16:08,009 AND -- AND ALSO, THAT THING ABOUT 461 00:16:08,053 --> 00:16:10,011 YOU NOT HAVING A CRUSH ON ME ANYMORE. 462 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,580 I-I PROMISE I DON'T.OH, MANNY, COME ON. 463 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,277 WE'RE REALLY TRYING TO WRAP THINGS UP. 464 00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,235 I SWEAR. I BARELY EVEN LOOK AT YOU ANYMORE. 465 00:16:16,278 --> 00:16:17,411 WELL, WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? 466 00:16:17,453 --> 00:16:18,889 WAS IT WHEN I LIGHTENED MY HAIR? 467 00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,849 IT WASHES ME OUT, RIGHT? DO OTHER PEOPLE FEEL THIS WAY? 468 00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:22,850 HALEY, 469 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:26,506 YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO WILL BREAK MANY HEARTS 470 00:16:26,549 --> 00:16:28,812 BEFORE YOU'RE DONE, MINE AMONG THEM. 471 00:16:28,856 --> 00:16:30,684 AW. 472 00:16:30,727 --> 00:16:32,730 [ SMOOCHES ] OH. 473 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,863 UH, YOU MEANT "HUG," DIDN'T YOU? YUP. MM-HMM. 474 00:16:34,905 --> 00:16:36,342 HMM. I'M -- I'M SORRY. 475 00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:44,177 WE NEED A SMALLER PLATTER OR SOMETHING 476 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,221 THAT MAKES THIS LOOK NORMAL-SIZED! 477 00:16:45,264 --> 00:16:48,094 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A COASTER? 478 00:16:48,136 --> 00:16:49,095 FILL IT IN WITH THIS SANDWICH TURKEY. 479 00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:50,705 IT'S PAST ITS SELL-BY DATE, 480 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,227 BUT I ALWAYS THINK THAT'S MORE OF A SUGGESTION, ANYWAY. 481 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,143 I'M GONNA GET THEM ALL LOADED UP ON BREAD. 482 00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:55,317 Nigella: AND NOW, PHILIP, 483 00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:57,102 WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THE LEFTOVERS. 484 00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:59,539 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SWEET GIRL I DOWNLOADED? 485 00:16:59,582 --> 00:17:02,282 SO, DID YOU HAVE IT OUT WITH OUR DAUGHTER? 486 00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,413 WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S A HOLIDAY, AND I --[ SCOFFS ] 487 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,154 FINE! I WILL HANDLE THIS. 488 00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,201 I WILL BE THE PERMANENT BAD GUY IN THIS FAMILY 489 00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:10,724 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF OUR DAUGHTER NOT LIKING YOU. 490 00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:13,336 JU-- BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, I HAD ONE PARENT GROWING UP 491 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:14,729 WHO WANTED TO BE MY FRIEND 492 00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,773 AND ANOTHER ONE WHO DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THAT. 493 00:17:16,817 --> 00:17:18,428 GUESS WHICH ONE IS STILL IN MY LIFE. 494 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,734 DELICIOUS HOMEMADE BREAD? 495 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,476 THAT LOOKS LIKE JUST REGULAR WHITE BREAD. 496 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,652 YOU TWO SEEM DRUNK. THIS WILL SOAK UP THE BOOZE. 497 00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:26,653 AM I...? 498 00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:28,568 OH, ALEX. WAIT. 499 00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:29,743 LILY. 500 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,093 ALEX BROUGHT YOUR BACKPACK IN FOR YOU. 501 00:17:31,136 --> 00:17:33,269 SO WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT OUT TO OUR CAR? 502 00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:34,269 MAYBE LATER. 503 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:35,489 NO, LILY! 504 00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:37,185 UM, IT'S OKAY. I WILL TAKE IT NOW. 505 00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:38,970 ALEX, PUT THE BACKPACK DOWN! 506 00:17:39,013 --> 00:17:41,320 MOM! 507 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,887 LILY, YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE OF WHAT YOU WEAR, 508 00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,454 OF BREAKFAST, OR ANYTHING. 509 00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:49,198 NOW, PUT THAT BACKPACK ON AND MARCH IT OUT TO THE CAR! 510 00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:51,330 [ GRUNTS ] IT'S TOO HEAVY. 511 00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:52,680 WELL, THAT'S TOUGH 512 00:17:52,722 --> 00:17:54,682 BECAUSE I'M NOT CARRYING IT FOR YOU ANYMORE! 513 00:17:54,724 --> 00:17:56,683 I LIKE THIS NEW GUY, HUH? 514 00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:59,295 OH! 515 00:17:59,338 --> 00:18:01,515 SEE? I TOLD YOU IT WAS TOO HEAVY. 516 00:18:01,557 --> 00:18:03,691 MY GOSH, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS IN THIS?! 517 00:18:03,733 --> 00:18:05,171 NO! 518 00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:07,303 CLAIRE, WHY IS THERE A FULLY COOKED TURKEY 519 00:18:07,346 --> 00:18:09,174 IN THE BACKPACK WE LEFT AT YOUR HOUSE? 520 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,306 YES, CLAIRE, WHY IS THERE? 521 00:18:10,349 --> 00:18:11,612 COULD IT BE YOU MADE A BACKUP 522 00:18:11,654 --> 00:18:13,308 BECAUSE YOU NEVER TRUSTED ME WITH THE DINNER AT ALL? 523 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,136 WELL, I THOUGHT THERE WAS A CHANCE THAT -- 524 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,398 WHAT, THAT I'D SCREW EVERYTHING UP? 525 00:18:16,442 --> 00:18:17,922 YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE HALF A MIND 526 00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:19,576 TO PACK UP THE BEAUTIFUL MEAL I MADE -- 527 00:18:19,619 --> 00:18:22,623 DINNER IS SERVED! 528 00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:24,929 I-I-I DON'T -- I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 529 00:18:24,972 --> 00:18:26,278 DOES EVERYBODY GET ONE? 530 00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:28,498 I WAS JUST GOING TO SUB IN MY TURKEY 531 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,805 IF YOU GOT IN TROUBLE, WHICH, I MEAN... 532 00:18:30,847 --> 00:18:32,372 WELL, NOW YOU TOUCHED IT, 533 00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:34,416 SO YOU, ALEX, AND HALEY WILL SHARE THAT ONE. 534 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,636 DARK MEAT FOR YOUR DARK, UNTRUSTING SOUL.PHIL! 535 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,377 YOU KNOW, THIS WAS A BRAND-NEW BACKPACK, 536 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,857 AND NOW IT'S GOT TURKEY JUICE ALL UP IN IT! 537 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,295 OKAY, BACK IT UP, OLD YELLER. 538 00:18:42,337 --> 00:18:43,512 OKAY, COULD WE JUST STOP? 539 00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:46,037 THIS IS THANKSGIVING, FOR GOD'S SAKE. 540 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,952 AND NOT TO MENTION THAT TOMORROW IS LUKE'S BIRTHDAY. 541 00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,954 HEY, THIS IS THE SUITCASE WITH MY PRESENT, RIGHT? 542 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,042 YOU HAD IT IN THE VIDEO. 543 00:18:52,086 --> 00:18:53,522 NO! 544 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,394 WHAT THE HELL?! 545 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:58,223 CONGRATULATIONS, LUKE! 546 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,095 YOU'RE FINALLY A MAN! 547 00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:04,403 IN MY COUNTRY, WHEN YOU TURN 16, YOU GET YOUR TURKEY. 548 00:19:04,446 --> 00:19:05,230 WAIT, YOU MADE THE VIDEO 549 00:19:05,273 --> 00:19:07,232 BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO COME BACK EARLY. 550 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,409 WERE YOU GONNA KEEP THE TURKEY IN THERE FOR FOUR DAYS? 551 00:19:09,451 --> 00:19:11,888 IT'S A TRADITION. 552 00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:14,892 HOW DID YOU GET THAT THING THROUGH CUSTOMS? 553 00:19:14,935 --> 00:19:17,112 IT IS CALLED CUSTOMS. 554 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:19,680 THEY...RESPECT CUSTOMS. 555 00:19:19,722 --> 00:19:20,855 WAIT A MINUTE. 556 00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:22,335 I KNOW THIS BIRD. 557 00:19:22,377 --> 00:19:24,467 I'VE BEEN OILING THESE BREASTS ALL DAY. 558 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:26,121 THIS IS MY TURKEY! 559 00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,383 DONE TO PERFECTION! 560 00:19:27,426 --> 00:19:28,905 EAT IT, CLAIRE! 561 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:32,126 WAIT, SO, HOW DID DAD'S TURKEY GET IN THEIR SUITCASE? 562 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,259 AND WHERE DID THAT SMALL TURKEY COME FROM? 563 00:19:34,302 --> 00:19:35,434 AND HOW DID YOU KNOW TO COME HERE? 564 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,218 DINNER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT CLAIRE'S. 565 00:19:36,261 --> 00:19:38,046 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 566 00:19:38,088 --> 00:19:39,481 IT'S LIKE "THE CAINE MUTINY" IN HERE! 567 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,919 OUR VACATION GOT CANCELED AT THE LAST MINUTE. 568 00:19:41,962 --> 00:19:44,487 WE DECIDED NOT TO SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE WE WANTED A BREAK. 569 00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:46,271 A BR-- A BREAK FROM WHAT?! 570 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,098 FROM THANKSGIVING CRAZINESS. 571 00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:50,492 FROM -- FROM STRESS, FROM YELLING, 572 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,582 FROM THESE TWO PARADING AROUND IN DRESSES. 573 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,280 THAT WAS A ONE-TIME THING.OKAY, WE DON'T WEAR DRESSES AT HOME. 574 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:56,368 NOW, LOOK, I GET THAT THANKSGIVING 575 00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,413 IS A BIG DAY FOR FAMILIES WHO NEVER SEE EACH OTHER, 576 00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:01,287 BUT THIS GROUP IS TOGETHER NON-STOP. 577 00:20:01,329 --> 00:20:02,461 LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU 578 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,073 TAKE THE SUITCASE TURKEY HOME WITH YOU? 579 00:20:05,115 --> 00:20:07,380 YOU TAKE THE BACKPACK TURKEY. 580 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,250 WE'LL ORDER A PIZZA, AND WE'LL ALL CALL IT A NIGHT. 581 00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,817 FINE. THAT SOUNDS GREAT.ALL RIGHT.OKAY, FINE. 582 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,166 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 583 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,951 I KNOW I SEEM LIKE THE LAST PERSON TO SAY THIS, 584 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:16,345 BUT WE CAN'T JUST SKIP THANKSGIVING! 585 00:20:16,388 --> 00:20:18,128 TIME IS GOING BY SO FAST. 586 00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,306 IT SEEMED LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY THAT MANNY WAS HOT FOR ME, 587 00:20:20,348 --> 00:20:21,523 AND HE'S NOT ANYMORE. 588 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,482 AND SOMEDAY, ALEX MAY HAVE A BOYFRIEND 589 00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:25,746 WHO WANTS HER TO SPEND IT WITH HIS FAMILY. 590 00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:27,313 OKAY, WE PROBABLY GOT A LITTLE WINDOW THERE. 591 00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:30,141 BUT MY POINT IS THAT I LOVE MY CRAZY FAMILY, 592 00:20:30,184 --> 00:20:32,361 AND I WANT TO SPEND THIS HOLIDAY WITH THEM. 593 00:20:32,404 --> 00:20:33,971 AY. OHH. 594 00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:36,496 IF YOU WANT A BREAK, WE CAN SKIP CHRISTMAS. 595 00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:38,279 FINE. SETTLED.OKAY. Sí. 596 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:40,107 SKIP CHRISTMAS.Mitchell: OKAY, COOL. WE'RE GOOD. 597 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,284 I ALREADY HAD PLANS TO SPEND CHRISTMAS 598 00:20:42,327 --> 00:20:43,415 IN CABO WITH MY FRIENDS. 599 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:44,894 I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 600 00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:50,988 WHY DID WE EAT ALL THREE TURKEYS? 601 00:20:51,031 --> 00:20:53,512 I HOPE THAT THANKSGIVING'S ON A FRIDAY NEXT YEAR, 602 00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:55,863 SO THAT I CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. 603 00:20:55,905 --> 00:20:58,518 MOM, CAN YOU TAKE THIS ONE? I'M EXHAUSTED. 604 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,303 WOW, YOU REALLY MUST BE. 605 00:21:01,346 --> 00:21:03,000 PHIL, GIVE IT UP. 606 00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:06,134 HONEY, YOU CAN DANCE ALL YOU WANT, 607 00:21:06,176 --> 00:21:07,569 BUT YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE. 608 00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:10,181 Nigella: CONTINUE TO WHIP VIGOROUSLY, PHILIP, 609 00:21:10,224 --> 00:21:11,487 UNTIL YOUR MERINGUE STIFFENS. 610 00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:13,445 EW. THAT'S HILARIOUS. I DON'T -- 611 00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:15,448 ARE THE CHEEKS TURNING NICE AND PINK? 612 00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:16,884 WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?[ LAUGHTER ] 613 00:21:16,926 --> 00:21:18,364 NOW PLUNGE INTO COLD WATER. 614 00:21:18,406 --> 00:21:20,974 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SUGGEST THE SAME THING.