1 00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:04,873 LOOK WHAT SOMEONE LEFT IN OUR MAILBOX -- AGAIN. 2 00:00:04,916 --> 00:00:06,267 WAIT, THAT'S LIKE OUR FIFTH ONE, ISN'T IT? 3 00:00:06,309 --> 00:00:07,833 IT'S GETTING KIND OF CREEPY. 4 00:00:07,876 --> 00:00:09,660 OH, RELAX -- IT'S PROBABLY JUST FROM VICTOR, 5 00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,054 THAT FLOWER-DELIVERY GUY I DATED. 6 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,925 WHO'S VICTOR? WE NEVER HEARD ABOUT HIM. 7 00:00:12,968 --> 00:00:15,666 OH, BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D NEVER LET ME GO OUT WITH AN EX-CON. 8 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,234 HEY, MAYBE IT'S DYLAN TRYING TO WIN YOU BACK. 9 00:00:17,277 --> 00:00:18,495 MM. 10 00:00:18,539 --> 00:00:20,498 SO, VICTOR -- IT'S A CLOSED DOOR? 11 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:22,283 MAYBE IT'S NOT A GUY WHO'S IN LOVE WITH HALEY. 12 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:23,849 OH, THANK YOU. 13 00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,634 MAYBE IT'S A GUY WHO'S OBSESSED WITH HALEY 14 00:00:25,676 --> 00:00:27,070 AND IS GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY TO LOOK LIKE HER 15 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,202 SO HE CAN REPLACE HER AND LIVE HER LIFE. 16 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,463 LUKE. 17 00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:31,074 SO THEY CAN ONLY BE FOR HALEY? 18 00:00:31,117 --> 00:00:33,337 OF COURSE NOT. HALEY ISN'T THE ONLY HOTTIE LIVING HERE. 19 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,470 I WASHED THE CAR IN MY CHEER SHORTS THE OTHER DAY. 20 00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:38,081 I DEFINITELY FELT EYES ON ME. 21 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,084 HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT THOSE FLOWERS COULD BE FOR ME? 22 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:44,087 WHAT DO YOU MEAN?I MEAN, LIKE, FROM MY BOYFRIEND. 23 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,740 WHAT?YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? 24 00:00:45,783 --> 00:00:47,786 AND YOU THOUGHT MYTHING WAS CRAZY. 25 00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:49,310 [ LAUGHS ] 26 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:52,094 --Captions by VITAC-- 27 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:01,582 ♪♪♪ 28 00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,106 ALEX, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? 29 00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:05,108 YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THAT AND LEAVE. 30 00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,240 HONEY, IT IS SO EXCITING. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? 31 00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:08,807 BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D GET ALL WEIRD 32 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:10,156 AND ASK A MILLION STUPID QUESTIONS. 33 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,941 WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE? HOW DID YOU MEET HIM? 34 00:01:11,983 --> 00:01:15,465 OKAY, I'LL SHOW YOU A PHOTO. [ SIGHS ] 35 00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:18,295 WELL, I WOULD, BUT NOW MY PHONE'S NOT WORKING. 36 00:01:18,338 --> 00:01:19,688 HMM. HMM. 37 00:01:19,730 --> 00:01:21,689 OH! OH, HERE HE IS. 38 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,126 IN THE SUPERMARKET FLYER? 39 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,780 THAT'S HIM PONDERING THE PORK CHOPS? 40 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,737 WHAT'S TO PONDER? THEY'RE $4.59 A POUND. 41 00:01:26,781 --> 00:01:28,609 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY IS HE IN THIS? 42 00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:30,176 HE'S A MODEL, MOM. 43 00:01:30,219 --> 00:01:31,700 OH, WAIT, WAIT. YOUR BOYFRIEND'S A MODEL? 44 00:01:31,742 --> 00:01:33,266 WELL, HOW DID YOU MEET HIM? 45 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,007 THERE'S NOT MUCH CROSSOVER 46 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:37,618 FOR A NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY STUDENT AND A PORK MODEL. 47 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,402 WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S A REALLY LONG STORY. 48 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,621 I...[ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 49 00:01:40,664 --> 00:01:42,798 OH, WELL -- [ CHUCKLES ] IT'S HIM. 50 00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,408 HEY, HOLD ON. 51 00:01:44,451 --> 00:01:46,235 THIS IS TERRIFIC NEWS. 52 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,281 I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DIDN'T TELL US ABOUT HIM. 53 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,152 OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU CAN'T BELIEVE? 54 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,372 WHAT DO YOU MEAN?PHIL, IT IS A LITTLE WEIRD. 55 00:01:52,415 --> 00:01:53,808 I MEAN, SUDDENLY SHE HAS THIS BOYFRIEND. 56 00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:55,853 SHE WANTS TO SHOW US A PICTURE ON HER PHONE, BUT SHE CAN'T, 57 00:01:55,897 --> 00:01:58,073 AND MAGICALLY HE'S IN TODAY'S PAPER? 58 00:01:58,117 --> 00:01:59,293 [ SCOFFS ] 59 00:01:59,335 --> 00:02:01,599 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SAY IT. HALEY. 60 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:02,992 SHE'S MAKING IT UP. MM. 61 00:02:03,034 --> 00:02:04,298 WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? 62 00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:05,733 MAYBE SHE'S UPSET 63 00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,778 THAT NONE OF US THOUGHT THOSE ROSES COULD BE FOR HER. 64 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,520 OH, AND REMEMBER WHEN SHE COULDN'T GET A DATE FOR HOMECOMING? 65 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,348 SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T CARE, BUT I CAUGHT HER CRYING IN HER ROOM. 66 00:02:11,391 --> 00:02:13,784 MM-HMM. OH, HONEY, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER? 67 00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,961 OH, I-I WAS SUPER LATE, SO I DIDN'T REALLY... 68 00:02:16,004 --> 00:02:17,006 THIS IS SAD. 69 00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,399 ALEX HAS GREAT NEWS 70 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:19,835 AND HER OWN MOTHER AND SISTER DON'T BELIEVE HER? 71 00:02:19,877 --> 00:02:21,663 I WANT TO.WELL, I DOBELIEVE HER. 72 00:02:21,705 --> 00:02:23,795 I'M GONNA TELL HER TO INVITE THIS BOYFRIEND OVER FOR DINNER, 73 00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:25,841 AND I'LL BE SERVING A BIG, OLD PLATTER OF "I TOLD YOU SO." 74 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,450 OH, GREAT. 75 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,758 MAYBE YOU COULD ALSO SERVE UNICORN BURGERS AND MAGIC BEANS, 76 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,673 AND I'LL INVITE MY BOYFRIEND, BIGFOOT! 77 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:35,459 STILL BETTER THAN DYLAN. 78 00:02:35,502 --> 00:02:38,461 OKAY. I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU. 79 00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,289 IT BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER BABY. 80 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,423 TA-DA! 81 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:44,251 IS THERE SOMETHING FUN BEHIND THE COUCH? 82 00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:48,079 AN EDGAR VANDERKOFF HAND-CRAFTED BLANC DE BLANC SOFA. 83 00:02:48,123 --> 00:02:49,995 IT WAS A WEDDING GIFT TO OURSELVES. 84 00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:51,388 PLUS, WE'RE SHOWING LILY 85 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,389 THAT WE TRUST HER ENOUGH TO LET US HAVE ONE NICE THING. 86 00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:55,043 WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT, 87 00:02:55,086 --> 00:02:56,784 IT'S REALLY A GIFT FOR LILY. YEAH. 88 00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,829 OHH! OKAY, WHOA. 89 00:02:58,873 --> 00:03:01,006 WE ONLY GET ON THIS COUCH WHEN WE KNOW WE'RE NOT DIRTY. 90 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,877 THAT'S WHY WE GOT HERTHE COUCH. 91 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,705 TO TEACH HER ABOUT RESPECT. 92 00:03:04,748 --> 00:03:06,447 LEGS A LITTLE WIDER PLEASE. 93 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,405 IS THAT A COOKIE IN YOUR BACK POCKET? 94 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:09,841 YEP. OKAY. 95 00:03:09,884 --> 00:03:12,453 BUP-UP-UP! HEY, NICE AND SLOW. 96 00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,455 UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH, WATCHING THAT. 97 00:03:15,498 --> 00:03:19,155 BUT NOW THAT I GOT YOU HERE, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 98 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,376 THAT YOU WORE CARGO SHORTS TO MY MIDDLE-SCHOOL GRADUATION, 99 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,812 BUT YOU'RE PUTTING ON A BOW TIE FOR SOME DOG'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. 100 00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:27,336 IT'S ALL GOOD FUN. THE BIRNBAUMS CAN'T HAVE KIDS. 101 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,729 THEY LIKE TO DO IT UP BIG FOR BUSTER. 102 00:03:28,772 --> 00:03:30,296 I HAD MY FIFTH BIRTHDAY IN A BREAK ROOM 103 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,603 OF A DER WIENERSCHNITZEL, BUT GOOD FOR BUSTER. 104 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,170 WHY ARE YOU SO CRANKY? 105 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,475 [ SIGHS ] 106 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:38,740 THIS KID AT SCHOOL RIPPED ME OFF FOR 40 BUCKS 107 00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,045 IN A PYRAMID SCHEME. 108 00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:41,395 DID THIS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO 109 00:03:41,437 --> 00:03:43,265 WITH THAT BROKEN PLASTIC PYRAMID ON YOUR DRESSER? 110 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,268 IT LOOKED LIKE MARBLE IN THE PICTURE. 111 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,312 [ Laughing ] OH, MAN. 112 00:03:46,355 --> 00:03:47,531 WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GROWING UP? 113 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:48,836 I'D HAVE HAD YOUR DICE AND CIGARETTES 114 00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:50,490 BEFORE YOU GOT TO HOMEROOM. 115 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:52,144 WHERE'D YOU GO TO SCHOOL -- "GUYS AND DOLLS"? 116 00:03:52,187 --> 00:03:53,711 BRIGHT AS YOU ARE, YOU GOT TO SMARTEN UP. 117 00:03:53,754 --> 00:03:56,497 YOU GOT TO BE MORE SUSPICIOUS OF PEOPLE. 118 00:03:56,539 --> 00:03:57,889 STOP BEING SUCH A PATSY. 119 00:03:57,932 --> 00:03:59,716 HOW IS THIS FOR THE PARTY? 120 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,284 IT'S MY FIRST TIME MEETING YOUR DOG-PARK FRIENDS. 121 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,938 FANTASTIC, BUT BE CAREFUL -- 122 00:04:03,981 --> 00:04:05,331 SOME OF THESE GUYS ARE SINGLE IN THE GROUP. 123 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,377 WHAT A SURPRISE. 124 00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:08,682 MANNY, WE WON'T BE LATE. 125 00:04:08,725 --> 00:04:10,510 I LEFT DINNER FOR YOU AND JOE, 126 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,860 BUT DON'T EAT THE DEVILED EGGS THAT ARE IN THE REFRIGERATOR 127 00:04:12,903 --> 00:04:15,167 BECAUSE THEY'RE FOR TOMORROW'S PICNIC. 128 00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,908 WHAT PICNIC -- SOMEBODY'S CAT GOING TO COLLEGE? 129 00:04:16,951 --> 00:04:18,910 NO, SOME OF GLORIA'S FRIENDS ARE GETTING THEIR GREEN CARDS. 130 00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,521 IT'S ACTUALLY A NICE GROUP. 131 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,435 YES, THEY'RE VERY DECENT, HARDWORKING PEOPLE. 132 00:04:22,478 --> 00:04:25,089 JAY MET THEM AT MIRABELLE'S FAKE WEDDING. 133 00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,656 ZOOBOO! 134 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,658 NO, YOU'VE ALREADY WATCHED "ZOOBOO" SIX TIMES TODAY. 135 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:29,877 WE'RE GONNA WATCH A CLASSIC MOVIE 136 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,314 RIGHT HERE ON THE BIG SCREEN. 137 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,663 YOU BETTER LET HIM WATCH HIS SHOW. 138 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:33,795 IF NOT, HE'S GONNA FREAK OUT. 139 00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,230 YESTERDAY I TURNED IT OFF, 140 00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:37,014 AND HE BIT THROUGH ONE OF THE POOL BALLS. 141 00:04:44,413 --> 00:04:45,894 HEY, MITCHELL. 142 00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:47,374 HI, UH, UM... 143 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,680 B...RENDA. AH! 144 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,552 YES, YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA REMEMBER, DIDN'T YOU? 145 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:53,509 SO, HOW'S YOUR FIRST WEEK BEEN? 146 00:04:53,553 --> 00:04:54,511 I'M GETTING A DIVORCE. 147 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,425 OH. GOD. 148 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,558 UM...WELL, I DID ASK, SO...[ SNIFFLES ] 149 00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:00,473 IT'S REALLY HARD TO BE ALONE, YOU KNOW? 150 00:05:00,516 --> 00:05:02,257 YEAH. 151 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,694 HEY, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WHO STAYS LATE IS, UM, STACEY. 152 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,392 14 MONTHS. OH, GOSH. 153 00:05:06,435 --> 00:05:08,569 WELL, SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD TO GET IN AND OUT FAST, THOUGH, HUH? 154 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,571 WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN 14 MONTHS. 155 00:05:10,613 --> 00:05:12,223 WE WERE MARRIED 20 YEARS. 156 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,617 [ GASPS ]WELL, THAT'S A NICE, ROUND NUMBER. 157 00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,358 OHH! YEAH. 158 00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:17,490 MY RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME, LIKE THAT'S A REASON TO LEAVE? 159 00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,230 GAH! WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY HAS -- 160 00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:22,408 ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL HIS HABITS AND REQUESTS! 161 00:05:22,451 --> 00:05:25,716 GOD! I'VE DONE MORE PADDLING THAN LEWIS AND CLARK! 162 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,283 HEY, STACE, YOU OUT THERE? 163 00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:30,851 OH, SHE'S GONE. PEOPLE LEAVE.WELL, YOU KNOW, 164 00:05:30,894 --> 00:05:33,637 I-IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO TO HELP YOU -- 165 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,029 COULD I STAY WITH YOU? 166 00:05:35,072 --> 00:05:36,509 WHAT'S THAT? 167 00:05:36,552 --> 00:05:40,252 SO, LARRY'S ALLOWED TO SIT ON THE COUCH AND I'M NOT? 168 00:05:40,295 --> 00:05:41,644 WELL, LARRY IS WHITE. 169 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,430 HEY, YOU CHOSE ME. 170 00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:46,475 OH, UH, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.[ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 171 00:05:46,519 --> 00:05:47,651 [ BEEP ] 172 00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:49,435 HELLO?MITCHELL: Hey, Cam. 173 00:05:49,478 --> 00:05:50,959 SO, LISTEN, YOU REMEMBER 174 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,612 MY -- MY NEW FRIEND AT WORK BRENDA, RIGHT? 175 00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,310 WHO? 176 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:55,572 THAT'S RIGHT -- THE PRETTY ONE. OH! 177 00:05:55,615 --> 00:05:57,312 UH, SO, SHE AND HER HUSBAND 178 00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,444 ARE -- ARE GOING THROUGH SOME PROBLEMS AT HOME, 179 00:05:58,487 --> 00:05:59,880 AND SHE WAS WONDERING 180 00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,490 IF SHE MIGHT BE ABLE TO STAY AT OUR HOUSE. 181 00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,057 OH, MY GOSH. YES, OF COURSE. 182 00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,016 OH, SHOOT AND DARN IT! 183 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,278 I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING. 184 00:06:07,322 --> 00:06:08,541 MITCHELL, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 185 00:06:08,584 --> 00:06:10,630 AHH, THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN RESCHEDULE, HUH? 186 00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:12,459 Fight your instincts. 187 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:15,069 THIS IS A CHANCE FOR YOU TO SHOW SOME REAL COMPASSION. 188 00:06:15,112 --> 00:06:17,550 I NEED A ZOLOFT.OKAY. OKAY. 189 00:06:17,593 --> 00:06:19,074 WELL, I AGREE WITH ALL THAT, 190 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,250 But I -- I am being nice! 191 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,687 OKAY? I -- I-I-I TALKED TO HER. 192 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:25,646 I-I ASKED HER IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I COULD DO TO HELP. 193 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,995 BUT I -- I DIDN'T MEAN IT. NOBODY EVER MEANS IT. 194 00:06:28,038 --> 00:06:29,432 MITCHELL, YOU WANT THIS GROWTH IN YOUR LIFE. 195 00:06:29,475 --> 00:06:31,608 THAT'S WHY YOU ASKED HER. YOU'RE JUST SCARED. 196 00:06:31,651 --> 00:06:34,915 NO, NO, IT WAS A COMPLETELY HOLLOW OFFER AND -- 197 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,047 YEAH, THAT -- THAT'S RIGHT. 198 00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,308 OKAY, GEORGE AND WENDY HOLLOWOFFER. 199 00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:38,572 DINNER AT 7:30. OKAY, BYE-BYE. 200 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,574 YOU NEED THIS, AND I NEED SOMETHING NICE 201 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,488 TO WRITE ABOUT YOU IN OUR CHRISTMAS LETTER. 202 00:06:42,531 --> 00:06:44,273 I LOVE YOU, TOO. GOODBYE. 203 00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:47,057 SO...BAD NEWS, HUH? 204 00:06:47,101 --> 00:06:51,019 WELL, ONLY IF YOU HATE HOME COOKING. 205 00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,586 OH! 206 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:53,935 YOU'RE THE BEST! SO -- 207 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:54,630 MM! 208 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,284 MM. 209 00:06:56,327 --> 00:06:57,807 I THINK YOU GOT SOME OF MY ZOLOFT. [ CHUCKLES ] 210 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,288 THAT'S OKAY. I COULD USE IT.[ PILLS RATTLING ] 211 00:07:04,988 --> 00:07:06,468 [ HAVA NAGILA PLAYS ][ DOG BARKING ] 212 00:07:06,512 --> 00:07:07,904 BARK MITZVAH -- WHAT A CONCEPT. 213 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,471 BEAGLES AND LOX, DOG BRISKETS. 214 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,692 WHOEVER'S IN CHARGE OF THE WORDPLAY, BRAVO. 215 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,737 IS THIS FOR DOGS OR FOR PEOPLE? 216 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,870 I HOPE IT'S FOR PEOPLE. I'VE HAD FOUR OF THEM.[ GROANS ] 217 00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:18,132 ARE YOU HAVING FUN? AY,YES. 218 00:07:18,175 --> 00:07:21,615 BEFORE TODAY, I HAD NEVER SEEN A GRAVY FOUNTAIN.[ CHUCKLES ] 219 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:24,834 [ GASPS ] OH, GUMDROP, LOOK! STELLA'S HERE! 220 00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:26,576 EVERYBODY, LET'S GET A PICTURE. 221 00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,838 Jay: [ LAUGHS ] 222 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,667 PUPPARAZZI! HOW GREAT IS THAT? 223 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:31,973 [ LAUGHS ] EVERYBODY SQUEEZE IN. 224 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,843 [ DOG SNARLS ] 225 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,629 BE CAREFUL OF HER CYSTS. SHE'LL NIP YOU. 226 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:36,629 O-OKAY. 227 00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,762 OKAY, ONE MORE. DOODLES BLINKED. 228 00:07:38,805 --> 00:07:40,721 NOW, REALLY GET TIGHT THIS TIME. 229 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:41,939 NO! NO, NO, NO! 230 00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:44,115 ENOUGH. ENOUGH.OH, GLORIA -- GLORIA. 231 00:07:44,158 --> 00:07:45,725 GLORIA, HONEY, I -- LISTEN. 232 00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,292 I-I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A DOG PERSON. 233 00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,555 NO, I'M OKAY WITH THE DOGS. 234 00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,774 I'M JUST NOT A DOG-PERSON PERSON. 235 00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:52,341 [ SIGHS ] 236 00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,125 YOU SAID THAT THIS PARTY WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL. 237 00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:55,343 IT'S JUST FUN. 238 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:56,519 [ SIGHS ] 239 00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:58,521 THERE'S A BUFFET AND AN OPEN BAR FOR DOGS. 240 00:07:58,564 --> 00:08:00,653 MY COUSIN GOT MARRIED ON A RAFT. 241 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:03,569 I TRIED TO PLAY ALONG, JAY, BUT -- BUT THIS IS CRAZY. 242 00:08:03,612 --> 00:08:05,180 I HAVE TO GO HOME.[ CONGA MUSIC PLAYS ] 243 00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,528 GLORIA, NOW, DO YOU THINK IT'S FAIR 244 00:08:06,572 --> 00:08:09,009 TO USE THE WORD "CRAZY" ABOUT A -- 245 00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:11,620 [ DOGS BARKING ] 246 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:14,536 I-I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME, GLORIA. 247 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,146 [ ALL LAUGHING ] 248 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,192 OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. 249 00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:20,673 GOD, WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT MAN? 250 00:08:20,716 --> 00:08:22,110 WELL, PROBABLY IN MISSOURI 251 00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:23,240 AT A BAR CALLED KANSAS CITY MEATS 252 00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,547 DOING THE SAME THING. FUNNY! 253 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,593 [ LAUGHS ] 254 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,420 LOOK AT THAT SMILE.WHAT? 255 00:08:28,463 --> 00:08:30,684 THAT'S WHAT BEING NICE FEELS LIKE. 256 00:08:30,726 --> 00:08:32,686 I LIKE IT.I'M PROUD OF YOU. 257 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:33,990 WELL, I'M JUST LETTING A PERSON 258 00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:35,775 I BARELY KNOW SLEEP IN MY HOME. 259 00:08:35,818 --> 00:08:36,820 I DON'T KNOW IF I'D USE THE WORD "HERO," BUT... 260 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,168 "HERO"? 261 00:08:38,212 --> 00:08:39,649 STOP IT. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. 262 00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:41,476 Brenda: [ SNEEZES, GROANS ] 263 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,653 OH, GOD. OH! 264 00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,263 HEY, YOU GUYS HAVE A CAT? 265 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:47,264 UM, HOW ABOUT I FRESHEN UP THAT WINE, HUH? 266 00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:49,267 OH, NO. I AM GOOD.OKAY, UM... 267 00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:51,792 IN FACT, CAM, WHAT ARE -- WHAT ARE WE DOING IN THE LIVING ROOM, HERE? 268 00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:52,575 YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHS ] 269 00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,403 YEAH, OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 270 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,144 WE HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN BRENDA A TOUR OF OUR GA-- UH, GARAGE. 271 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,711 OUR -- OUR GARAGE.OH, NO. I DON'T LIKE GARAGES. 272 00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,712 THAT'S WHERE DOUG KEPT HIS PRECIOUS SAILBOAT. 273 00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:01,018 [ CHUCKLES ] NO EATING ON THE BOAT. 274 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,846 NO DRINKING ON THE BOAT. 275 00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:04,456 ALL BECAUSE THE ONE TIME I WENT ON THE BOAT, I SPILLED. 276 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,154 WELL, GUESS WHAT. BOATS GO LIKE THIS.OH, GEEZ. 277 00:09:07,197 --> 00:09:09,635 WHOO! YOU KNOW?! AND I'M LIKE... 278 00:09:09,678 --> 00:09:10,854 [ SIGHS ] 279 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:13,856 WHO -- WHO LOVES A THING MORE THAN A PERSON? 280 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:15,076 A MONSTER. MM. 281 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,990 HAVE WE SHOWN YOU OUR SHED? 282 00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:18,687 THERE'S A SHED. 283 00:09:18,731 --> 00:09:20,298 HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS GETTING INTO WHEN HE MARRIED ME. 284 00:09:20,341 --> 00:09:22,299 I'M A LITTLE MESSY. 285 00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:23,953 WELL, GUESS WHAT, DOUG! 286 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,434 LIFE'S A LITTLE MESSY. 287 00:09:26,477 --> 00:09:29,611 OKAY, MY SINUSES LEAK, MY -- MY EARS RUN, 288 00:09:29,655 --> 00:09:32,092 AND I HAVE HYPERACTIVE SWEAT GLANDS, BUT... 289 00:09:32,135 --> 00:09:35,096 YOU KNOW WHAT? I DO NEED A REFILL. 290 00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,750 YEAH. 291 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,881 WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED. SHE'S LOSING A LOT OF FLUIDS. 292 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,711 IT'S AS IF DOUG WAS OVER HERE.I KNOW. I SAW THAT. 293 00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:43,886 ALEC! 294 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,759 HEY. 295 00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:48,326 HIS DUMB DAD GOT TRANSFERRED TO DUMB AFRICA 296 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,110 TO OPERATE ON SOME DUMB BABIES. 297 00:09:50,153 --> 00:09:53,114 SO FIXING THEIRHEARTS IS WORTH BREAKING MINE? 298 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,549 IT'S KIND OF WORTH IT. 299 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,116 HE CAN DO LIKE SIX OPERATIONS A DAY. 300 00:09:56,159 --> 00:09:58,859 YEAH. I-I-I UNDERSTAND. I'M SORRY I'M LASHING OUT. 301 00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:01,470 I-I JUST REALLY LIKE YOU. 302 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:02,688 I STILL LIKE YOU. 303 00:10:02,731 --> 00:10:06,518 YOU'RE MAKING THIS WORSE. BYE, ALEC. 304 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,650 BYE, ALEX. 305 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:09,870 HEY. 306 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,480 I KNEW YOU COULDN'T LEAVE WITHOUT ONE LAST KISS! 307 00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,917 WE CAN WORK THIS OUT! 308 00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,919 I'M -- I'M -- I'M GONNA REGRET THAT, AREN'T I? 309 00:10:16,963 --> 00:10:19,530 UH, I WAS HOPING YOU COULD THROW THIS AWAY FOR ME. 310 00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:21,576 YEAH. SURE. 311 00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:28,802 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 312 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,804 SO, HONEY, WE'VE BEEN TALKING, 313 00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:33,720 AND WE WANT TO MEET YOUR BOYFRIEND.MM-HMM. 314 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,460 YOU JUST MISSED HIM. 315 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,591 [ GASPS ] HE WAS HERE? 316 00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:39,812 HE JUST LEFT. THIS IS HIS CUP. 317 00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:41,509 OH, LOOK AT THAT. [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 318 00:10:41,552 --> 00:10:44,381 OH, IT LOOKS LIKE "ALEX." 319 00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,863 HIS NAME IS ALEC. THE "C" JUST GOT SMUDGED. 320 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:49,909 HONEY, HIS NAME IS ALEC. BUT THE "C" GOT SMUDGED. 321 00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:51,738 YEAH, UM, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TEXT HIM 322 00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,522 AND THEN INVITE HIM BACK FOR DINNER? 323 00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,306 I CAN'T. HE BROKE UP WITH ME. 324 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,698 MM. OH, NO. 325 00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,918 [ SIGHS ] HE'S MOVING TO AFRICA. 326 00:10:58,961 --> 00:11:01,922 BECAUSE THEY NEED GROCERY MODELS IN AFRICA. 327 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,966 HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. 328 00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,273 THEY BROKE UP. 329 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,840 I MISS HIM. 330 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,798 OH, DON'T WORRY. 331 00:11:08,841 --> 00:11:11,452 SOON IT WILL BE LIKE HE NEVER EXISTED. 332 00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,325 [ JOE CRYING ]Manny: OKAY. 333 00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:16,066 AY, DIOS MíO,MANNY. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH JOE? 334 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,546 HE'S A DRUG ADDICT. 335 00:11:17,588 --> 00:11:20,201 AFTER TWO HOURS OF MIND-LIQUEFYING "ZOOBOO," 336 00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:22,855 I BRIEFLY PUT ON A CLASSIC MOVIE, AND HE FREAKED OUT. 337 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,379 IF HE COULD WALK BETTER, 338 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,642 I'D SERIOUSLY SUGGEST A 12-STEP PROGRAM. 339 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,948 AY,NO, JOE. NO MORE "ZOOBOO." 340 00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:31,995 THANK YOU. AY,NO. TURN THE BIG TV OFF. 341 00:11:32,038 --> 00:11:34,780 IF HE SEES IT ON, HE'S GOING TO WANT TO WATCH HIS SHOW. 342 00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:37,783 WHY ARE YOU HOME? 343 00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:40,787 BUSTER'S PARTY WAS A BARK MITZVAH. 344 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:43,745 I DON'T KNOW WHY JAY WOULD TAKE ME TO THIS PLACE. 345 00:11:43,789 --> 00:11:44,878 I DON'T KNOW. 346 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,749 MAYBE THIS DOG STUFF IS HIS WAY 347 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,969 OF TRYING TO FIND A COMMON INTEREST WITH YOU. 348 00:11:49,011 --> 00:11:50,665 IT'S HARD. 349 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,625 YOU DON'T LIKE GOLF OR SCOTCH OR EISENHOWER DOCUMENTARIES. 350 00:11:53,668 --> 00:11:55,235 IT'S TRUE. I DON'T LIKE IKE. 351 00:11:55,278 --> 00:11:58,413 BUT THE PEOPLE IN THIS PARTY, THEY ARE SO OBSESSED WITH DOGS. 352 00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:01,807 EVEN THE PUNCH BOWL WAS IN THE SHAPE OF A TOILET. 353 00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,331 WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE JAY 354 00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:04,898 DOESN'T GET OUT OF HIS COMFORT ZONE FOR YOU. 355 00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:06,942 HE'S GOING TO YOUR GREEN-CARD PICNIC TOMORROW. 356 00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:08,552 YOU'RE RIGHT. 357 00:12:08,596 --> 00:12:12,034 HE EVEN BOUGHT STAR-SPANGLED SOMBREROS FOR EVERYBODY. 358 00:12:12,078 --> 00:12:13,471 IT'S THE WRONG COUNTRY. 359 00:12:13,514 --> 00:12:15,778 HE NEVER LISTENS, BUT -- BUT HE'S SWEET. 360 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,911 [ SIGHS ] YOU KNOW WHAT? 361 00:12:17,953 --> 00:12:19,956 I SHOULD GO BACK TO THAT PARTY. 362 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,870 YOU GUYS WANT TO COME? 363 00:12:21,914 --> 00:12:23,698 MIGHT AS WELL. 364 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,961 THEY HAD A PRETTY GOOD SPREAD AT BUSTER'S BRIS. 365 00:12:26,005 --> 00:12:28,008 OKAY, LET'S GET THIS WOMAN INTO BED 366 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:30,575 AND, IN THE MORNING, OUT OF THE HOUSE AS FAST AS WE CAN. 367 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,447 HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW STRAIGHT GUYS DO IT. 368 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:33,927 PROBABLY WITHOUT THOSE HAND GESTURES. 369 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:34,927 [ DOOR OPENS ][ SIGHS ] 370 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:36,711 SO, NICE BATH? AHH. 371 00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:38,932 OH, YEAH, THE BEST. I'M SO READY FOR BED. 372 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,150 OKAY.OOH, BY THE WAY, I LEFT A RING IN THERE. 373 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,283 OH, WELL, WE'LL GET AT IT WITH SOME BLEACH IN THE MORNING. 374 00:12:43,326 --> 00:12:44,807 NO, NO, NO, MY WEDDING RING. 375 00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:45,938 I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE WEARING IT ANYMORE. 376 00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:47,375 OH, WELL, GOODBYE, BAD MEMORIES, 377 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,419 HELLO TO OUR GUEST COUCH, THE CLOUD. 378 00:12:49,463 --> 00:12:50,725 AHH! 379 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,423 [ CHUCKLES ]THAT'S A SMALL CLOUD. 380 00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:53,860 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S DECEPTIVELY COMFY. 381 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,687 I SLEEP ON IT ALL THE TIME.OH. 382 00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,254 YEAH, IF I DON'T BEAT HIM TO IT FIRST.REALLY? 383 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,081 [ CHUCKLES ] OH, OKAY. 384 00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,692 ALL RIGHT.SO, THERE YOU ARE. 385 00:13:00,735 --> 00:13:02,085 OKAY. OKAY, YEAH. 386 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,739 I'M NOT -- I'M PRETTY SURE THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK. 387 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,044 NO, NO, THIS WILL BE FINE. THIS WILL BE FINE. 388 00:13:05,087 --> 00:13:06,480 THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS DO. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. 389 00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:08,091 JUST MAKE THIS UP NICE FOR YOU. 390 00:13:08,134 --> 00:13:09,178 THERE WE GO. OKAY.OH, MY. 391 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,528 SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. 392 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:11,965 YEAH, BUT MY -- MY HEAD'S -- 393 00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,836 OH. WHAT WE WERE THINKING? 394 00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:15,316 HERE. COME ON.THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE. 395 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,751 THERE YOU GO. OKAY. NIGHT-NIGHT.NIGHT-NIGHT. 396 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,753 HEY, GUYS. 397 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,232 HERE'S AN IDEA. 398 00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:22,192 WHAT IF I JUST SLEPT ON YOUR COUCH IN THE LIVING ROOM? 399 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,542 UH... UH... 400 00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:26,500 [ SNORING ] 401 00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:27,937 UH... 402 00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:28,981 I'M SHAKING. 403 00:13:29,024 --> 00:13:30,070 WHY? PROBLEM SOLVED. 404 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,245 NO, SHE'S MAKING THE WHOLE HOUSE SHAKE. 405 00:13:32,288 --> 00:13:35,945 [ SNORING LOUDLY ] 406 00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:45,128 [ DOGS BARKING ]HEY, GUYS. YOU'RE BACK? WHAT'S GOING ON? 407 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,129 I'M SORRY. I LOVE YOU, AND YOU LOVE DOG PARTIES. 408 00:13:47,173 --> 00:13:49,784 SO THAT MEANS THAT I LOVE DOG PARTIES. 409 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,004 YOU DON'T THINK IT'S CRAZY ANYMORE? 410 00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:52,570 Gloria: I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 411 00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:54,311 BUT MANNY'S RIGHT. 412 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:58,010 WE SHOULD GET MORE INVOLVED IN EACH OTHER'S ACTIVITIES. 413 00:13:58,053 --> 00:13:59,969 WOW. SO, THIS WAS YOURIDEA? 414 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,448 WELL, IT'S SORT OF THE FOUNDATION 415 00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:03,538 OF ANY HEALTHY MARRIAGE, BUT I DID BRING IT UP. 416 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:04,886 THIS IS GREAT! 417 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,105 WELL, COME ON. GIVE ME A HAND. 418 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,150 WE'LL GRAB YOU AND YOUR MOM AN ICE-CREAM BONE. 419 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,326 OH. 420 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,024 I DIDN'T DO MUCH. I JUST -- 421 00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,113 RUINED MY PLAN, THAT'S ALL. I WANTED HER TO LEAVE! 422 00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:14,244 WHAT? 423 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,592 SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO STORM OUT OF HERE. 424 00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:17,378 AND AFTER, I GO HOME AND SAY, 425 00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,509 "MAYBE WE SHOULD DO SOME THINGS SEPARATELY." 426 00:14:19,553 --> 00:14:22,164 I WAS GONNA USE HER BAILING OUT OF THIS 427 00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,820 AS A CHIP TO GET OUT OF THAT STUPID PICNIC TOMORROW. 428 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,038 BUT NOW I'VE GOT NO CHIP. 429 00:14:26,081 --> 00:14:27,909 HEY, HOW ABOUT NEXT TIME YOU DEVISE A PLAN 430 00:14:27,953 --> 00:14:30,086 TO AVOID EXPRESSING A FEELING, CLUE ME IN. 431 00:14:30,129 --> 00:14:32,349 YOU CAN'T BE CLUED IN. YOU'RE A PATSY. 432 00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,698 HEY, UM, THERE WAS TALK OF AN ICE-CREAM BONE? 433 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:37,963 I MADE THAT UP, TOO. USE YOUR HEAD! 434 00:14:38,006 --> 00:14:39,355 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 435 00:14:39,399 --> 00:14:41,489 HEY, HONEY, YOU ALONE? 436 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:44,013 DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE IN HERE? 437 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,710 DO YOU? 438 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:49,105 SWEETHEART, YOUR FATHER AND I THINK WE OWE YOU AN APOLOGY. 439 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,846 FOR WHAT?WELL, THIS MORNING 440 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,934 WHEN WE DIDN'T THINK THE ROSE COULD BE FOR YOU, 441 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,806 IT SEEMED LIKE MAYBE IT HURT YOUR FEELINGS. 442 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,417 I GUESS. A LITTLE. 443 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,331 I AM SO SORRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD. 444 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,552 AND IT IS COMPLETELY BELIEVABLE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE AN ADMIRER. 445 00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:02,596 OKAY. 446 00:15:02,639 --> 00:15:04,033 WHAT WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT 447 00:15:04,076 --> 00:15:06,034 IS THAT WE HAVE CREATED AN ENVIRONMENT 448 00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:08,124 IN WHICH YOU FEEL IT'S NECESSARY TO... 449 00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:09,778 EMBELLI--FANTA-- 450 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,214 EXAGGER-- OH, MY GOD. 451 00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:12,736 YOU GUYS DON'T THINK ALEC IS REAL? 452 00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:15,087 SWEETHEART, I REMEMBER THE PRESSURE THERE WAS 453 00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:17,090 TO FIT IN IN HIGH SCHOOL.SO DO I. 454 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,527 AND WHETHER YOU TRY TO FIT IN BY SAYING YOU FOUGHT A BABY BEAR 455 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,876 OR BY MAKING UP A BOYFRIEND... 456 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,399 YOU GUYS ARE SO UNBELIEVABLE. 457 00:15:23,443 --> 00:15:25,010 YOU REALLY THINK I'M THAT PATHETIC 458 00:15:25,053 --> 00:15:27,403 THAT I'D HAVE TO CREATE SOME IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND? 459 00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:30,754 YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT IMAGINARY? YOUR FEELINGS. 460 00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,148 OKAY, DON'T! DON'T! 461 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,236 F.Y.I., I CHANGED MY FACEBOOK STATUS TO "SINGLE" 462 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,022 ABOUT AN HOUR AGO, AND GUESS WHAT. 463 00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,153 I ALREADY HAVE A DATE. 464 00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,198 YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, DO YOU? 465 00:15:39,241 --> 00:15:41,201 SWEETHEART, YOU'VE HAD TWO BOYFRIENDS IN 30 SECONDS. 466 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,679 THAT PRACTICALLY HALEY'S RECORD. 467 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:45,205 WELL, HE'S REAL. HIS NAME IS TEDDY. 468 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:47,554 HIS NAME IS...TEDDY? 469 00:15:47,597 --> 00:15:48,990 YEAH, UH-HUH. 470 00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,687 TEDDY KEYES. 471 00:15:50,731 --> 00:15:52,821 [ KEYS JINGLE ]OH. 472 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,084 AND WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THIS YOUNG MAN? 473 00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,563 HE'S NEW TO OUR SCHOOL. 474 00:15:56,606 --> 00:16:00,350 HE WORKS AT SOME MATTRESS STORE -- MATTRESS KING. 475 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,221 AND HE'S A BIT OF A BAD BOY. 476 00:16:02,264 --> 00:16:04,049 HE HAD A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH SHOPLIFTING. 477 00:16:04,092 --> 00:16:05,789 HE SPENT SOME TIME IN JUVIE. 478 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:08,445 BUT, YOU KNOW, HE'S NOT REALLY MY TYPE. HE'S JUST A REBOUND. 479 00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:09,924 SO I GUESS IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER. 480 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,840 UGH, WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU GUYS? 481 00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:12,710 LEAVE! 482 00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,149 GET OUT! 483 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:21,067 DID YOU SEE THE LOOK IN HER EYES? 484 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,633 LIKE SHE BELIEVED EVERYTHING SHE WAS SAYING. 485 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:24,591 THAT'S TERRIFYING. LIKE THIS GUY I KNEW IN COLLEGE. 486 00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:26,462 HE WAS ALWAYS TELLING ME ABOUT THESE "CRAZY PARTIES" 487 00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:27,812 THAT WERE "FULL OF WOMEN." 488 00:16:27,855 --> 00:16:29,030 BUT WHEN I'D ASK HIM WHERE THEY WERE, 489 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,163 HE'D GIVE ME A FAKE ADDRESS. 490 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,469 MAKES ME WONDER WHAT ELSE SHE'S MAKING UP. 491 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,950 I HAVE NEVER MET THAT GIRL SHE TUTORS IN MATH. 492 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,081 ESTHER CHOI? ME NEITHER. 493 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,952 BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T EXIST! 494 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:40,520 THERE IS NOT AN ESTHER CHOI ON EARTH WHO NEEDS MATH TUTORING. 495 00:16:40,563 --> 00:16:42,697 SHE NEEDS HELP, CLAIRE.WHAT DO WE DO? 496 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,177 I MEAN, SHOULD WE SEND HER BACK TO THAT THERAPIST? 497 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,613 THE ONE WE'VE NEVER MET? 498 00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:47,397 [ DOORBELL RINGS ]Alex: NO! WAIT! 499 00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:50,182 DON'T OPEN IT! MOVE AWAY! IT'S FOR ME! MOVE! 500 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,491 DAMN. YOU LOOK HOT. 501 00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:57,538 [ CHUCKLES ] THE ROSES ARE FROM YOU, TEDDY? 502 00:16:57,581 --> 00:17:00,105 YEAH, I MET A GUY IN JUVIE WHO WORKS AT THE CEMETERY. 503 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,672 THEY GOT FLOWERS ALL OVER THE PLACE. 504 00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,892 OH, I ALSO GOT YOU THIS. 505 00:17:03,934 --> 00:17:05,633 SWEET. LET'S GO. 506 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:08,330 MY OTHER ONE OF THESE CRACKED, SO YOU CAN USE THIS ONE. 507 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,723 [ Chuckling ] OKAY. 508 00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:12,422 YES! OUR LITTLE GIRL ISN'T CRAZY! 509 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,554 TEDDY'S REAL! 510 00:17:13,596 --> 00:17:15,946 REAL FREAKY! I'M GOING! 511 00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:19,733 [ SNORING ] 512 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,736 CAM, YOU'RE SNORING. 513 00:17:21,778 --> 00:17:22,953 WHAT? SORRY. 514 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:24,652 [ SNORING CONTINUES ] 515 00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:25,957 WAS THAT ME? 516 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,221 OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 517 00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:30,092 WHAT IS SHE DOING OUT HERE? 518 00:17:30,135 --> 00:17:32,268 WELL, SHE HAS THAT RESTLESS LEG.BOTH OF THEM? 519 00:17:32,311 --> 00:17:35,183 OH, MY GOSH, GET THE ICE CREAM! [ MOANS ] 520 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:36,271 WHAT DO WE DO? SHOULD WE WAKE HER UP? 521 00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,795 AND SAY WHAT? 522 00:17:37,838 --> 00:17:40,015 "WOULD YOU MIND TERRIBLY GETTING OFF OUR COUCH? 523 00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:41,233 YOU SEEM TO BE GLAZING IT." 524 00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,712 DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA? 525 00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,498 OKAY, OKAY, GO AROUND THE BACK. 526 00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:45,977 WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I DOING? 527 00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:48,501 WE'LL GET THIS UNDERNEATH HER. 528 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:51,156 ONCE, I HELPED A SOW GIVE BIRTH TO NINE BABY PIGLETS 529 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,332 ON OUR LIVING ROOM FLOOR. 530 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,334 DIDN'T GET A DROP OF NOTHIN' ON THE LINOLEUM. 531 00:17:54,376 --> 00:17:56,336 WE'RE GONNA GET BACK TO WHY THE SOW WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM. 532 00:17:56,378 --> 00:17:57,336 LADY DI'S WEDDING. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 533 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,729 CAM, SHE'S GONNA WAKE UP. 534 00:17:58,772 --> 00:18:00,470 OH, PLEASE, SHE'S GOT ENOUGH PILLS IN HER, 535 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,167 SHE'S GONNA RATTLE LIKE A MARACA. 536 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:03,256 ROLL! 537 00:18:03,298 --> 00:18:06,301 [ GASPS ] DOUG, NO, I DON'T WANNA. 538 00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,260 OKAY, OKAY, WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? 539 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,045 YOU COME BACK AROUND THIS WAY. 540 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:11,567 NO, DOUG. 541 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,353 NOW, WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS I'LL PUSH HER THIS WAY 542 00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:14,396 AND PULL THE BLANKET. 543 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,269 OKAY, I GOT TO PULL HER? OKAY. 544 00:18:16,311 --> 00:18:17,835 [ GRUMBLES ] 545 00:18:17,878 --> 00:18:20,098 I'M LOSING HER. I'M LOSING HER. OH! 546 00:18:23,231 --> 00:18:25,407 THIS COULD WORK, TOO. IT'S FINE. 547 00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:26,626 OW! 548 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:28,280 HI. 549 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:29,368 HEY. 550 00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:31,066 WHAT -- WHAT HAPPENED? 551 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:32,633 YOU WERE HAVING A REALLY BAD DREAM, 552 00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:34,503 AND THEN YOU ROLLED RIGHT OFF OF OUR UNCOMFORTABLE SOFA. 553 00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,854 I'M SORRY. I-I WAS LONELY. 554 00:18:36,897 --> 00:18:38,334 I CAME OUT HERE, 555 00:18:38,377 --> 00:18:40,509 AND THEN I WOUND UP WAKING UP THE WHOLE HOUSE. 556 00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,643 I'M THE WORST HOUSEGUEST IN THE WORLD! 557 00:18:42,685 --> 00:18:44,078 DON'T. DON'T. 558 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,255 DOUG WAS RIGHT. I'M GONNA DIE ALONE. 559 00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:48,213 DON'T.DON'T. 560 00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,388 OKAY, COME ON. 561 00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,217 CAN YOU PLEASE BE QUIET? 562 00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:54,394 I'M SO SORRY, LILY. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. 563 00:18:54,436 --> 00:18:55,829 MY HEAD HURTS. 564 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:58,006 I'M GONNA GET YOU SOME ASPIRIN.OKAY. 565 00:18:58,048 --> 00:19:01,530 CAM, ARE WE TERRIBLE PEOPLE? 566 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,445 FOR PROTECTING A VANDERKOFF? 567 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:04,969 HE HANGED HIMSELF LAST YEAR. 568 00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:06,623 IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE MAKING MORE OF THOSE. 569 00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:08,233 WE JUST ROLLED A BIPOLAR DIVORCéE 570 00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,409 FACE-FIRST ONTO A HARDWOOD FLOOR. 571 00:19:09,451 --> 00:19:10,584 ALL TO PROTECT A COUCH. 572 00:19:10,626 --> 00:19:13,326 IT'S NOT JUST A COUCH. OUR ONE NICE THING. 573 00:19:13,368 --> 00:19:16,241 THE LAST SEVEN YEARS HAVE BEEN ABOUT STICKY COUNTERTOPS 574 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,592 AND HORSY SHOWER CURTAINS AND CHILDPROOF LOCKS. 575 00:19:18,634 --> 00:19:20,333 DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THIS DRAWER? 576 00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:21,550 I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THIS DRAWER.I HAVE NO IDEA. 577 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,423 LOOK, I KNOW IT'S FRUSTRATING, ALL RIGHT? 578 00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,119 BUT IS THAT REALLY A REASON TO CHOOSE A THING OVER A PERSON? 579 00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:27,426 I MEAN, COME ON. WE'RE NO BETTER THAN DOUG. 580 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,037 [ SIGHS ] 581 00:19:29,079 --> 00:19:31,386 I GUESS IT'S NOT A GREAT EXAMPLE TO SET FOR LILY. 582 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:33,824 MAYBE WE DON'TDESERVE ONE NICE THING. 583 00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,480 Lily: "AND WHEN THE SUN CAME OUT, ALL THE TURTLES, 584 00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:39,874 FROM ABNER TO ZEKE, HAD FUN AT THE PICNIC." 585 00:19:39,916 --> 00:19:42,268 Brenda: MNH."A RAINY DAY FOR TURTLES." 586 00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:44,922 AWW. IT ALWAYS MAKES LILY FEEL BETTER. 587 00:19:44,965 --> 00:19:46,489 I GUESS SHE JUST THOUGHT THAT... 588 00:19:46,532 --> 00:19:49,275 WE DO HAVE ONE NICE THING. 589 00:19:49,317 --> 00:19:50,884 "AND A BEAUTIFUL RAIN--" 590 00:19:50,927 --> 00:19:52,233 [ SNEEZES ] 591 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,148 WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH IT DIE. 592 00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,241 LET'S GO, JAY! 593 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,853 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE PICNIC IN 20 MINUTES! 594 00:20:02,896 --> 00:20:04,507 THEY'VE BEEN LIVING IN A VAN FOR SIX YEARS. 595 00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:06,640 THEY CAN WAIT A LITTLE LONGER. 596 00:20:06,682 --> 00:20:09,337 SO, TODAY, INSTEAD OF WATCHING THE GAME, 597 00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:11,252 I'LL BE PLAYING LAWN DARTS WITH COLOMBIANS, 598 00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,298 THANKS TO YOU NOT USING YOUR BRAIN. 599 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,517 HERE WE GO -- "THE STING." 600 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,301 WELL, SOMEONE'S GETTING WHAT THEY WANT TODAY. 601 00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,304 YOU FINALLY GET TO WATCH YOUR PRECIOUS MOVIE, HUH? 602 00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:20,522 "A CLASSIC TALE ABOUT A LONG CON." 603 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:21,959 WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME. 604 00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:24,048 WAIT A MINUTE. 605 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,094 "ROGUES AND DOUBLE-CROSSERS ABOUND. 606 00:20:26,136 --> 00:20:27,661 WHO WILL OUTSMART WHOM?" 607 00:20:27,703 --> 00:20:28,923 SON OF A BITCH. 608 00:20:28,965 --> 00:20:30,750 YOU KNEW I WAS USING THE BARK MITZVAH 609 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,404 AS A BARGAINING CHIP. 610 00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,450 THAT'S WHY YOU TALKED GLORIA INTO COMING BACK -- 611 00:20:34,493 --> 00:20:37,105 SO I COULDN'T WEASEL MY WAY OUT OF THIS STUPID PICNIC 612 00:20:37,147 --> 00:20:38,846 AND YOU'D GET THE BIG TV. 613 00:20:38,888 --> 00:20:40,717 WELL, I'M ONTO YOU NOW. 614 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,893 I WAS JUST READING OFF THE DVD BOX. 615 00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:49,682 I MEAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE 616 00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,205 ALL THE STUFF BRENDA BROUGHT FOR ONE NIGHT? 617 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,121 I KNOW. LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF OVER HERE. 618 00:20:53,163 --> 00:20:54,426 SUPER REPLENISHING BALM? 619 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,429 UH, PORE-REDUCING BOOSTER SERUM? 620 00:20:56,471 --> 00:20:59,126 ANTI-AGING BUFFING BEADS? 621 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,520 IT MUST BE SO HARD TO BE A GIRL. 622 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:02,695 I KNOW. I KNOW. 623 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:03,871 IT REALLY MAKES YOU WORRY ABOUT THE WORLD 624 00:21:03,913 --> 00:21:05,438 WE'RE SENDING LILY OUT INTO. 625 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,090 WELL, THERE'S SO MUCH PRESSURE ON GIRLS TO BE PERFECT. 626 00:21:07,134 --> 00:21:08,092 YOU READY? YEP. 627 00:21:08,135 --> 00:21:09,746 [ BOTH INHALE DEEPLY ] 628 00:21:09,789 --> 00:21:11,661 THE THING IS, CAM, ALL WE CAN DO IS INSTILL OUR BELIEFS IN HER 629 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,315 AND HOPE THAT SHE MAKES GOOD CHOICES. 630 00:21:13,358 --> 00:21:14,750 CALMING MISTER? 631 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,012 IT DOES FEEL NICE TO TALK ABOUT IT. 632 00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:17,537 NO, THIS IS A CALMING MISTER. 633 00:21:17,579 --> 00:21:19,146 I JUST BOUGHT THIS.OH, GOD, YES. 634 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,409 WANT TO TRY? 635 00:21:20,452 --> 00:21:22,672 [ BOTH INHALE DEEPLY ]