1
00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:04,916
IT WAS AN UNEVENTFUL MORNING --
QUIET.

2
00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:07,049
[ INDISTINCT ARGUING ]INSTEAD OF SAVING
EVERY EPISODE OF "THE BACHELOR,"

3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,920
WHY DON'T YOU JUST HIT
YOURSELF ON THE HEAD
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER?!

4
00:00:08,964 --> 00:00:11,098
DAD, TURN DOWN THAT SONG!

5
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,490
[ HALL & OATES'
"I CAN'T GO FOR THAT" PLAYS ]♪ NO CAN DO

6
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,057
THE KIDS HAD A FRIDAY OFF
OF SCHOOL,

7
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,972
SO WE PICKED UP MANNY AND WENT
TO OUR FAVORITE PANCAKE PLACE --

8
00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:18,105
RELAXING.

9
00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:19,323
MITCHELL, HI.

10
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,542
WHAT?!

11
00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:21,934
OH, HAVE HIM TELL CAM

12
00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:23,457
I'LL PICK HIM UP
FOR RACQUETBALL IN AN HOUR.

13
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:24,501
I CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIM
IT'S SO LOUD.

14
00:00:24,545 --> 00:00:26,635
CAN EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP?!I HATE IT.

15
00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:28,158
[ MUSIC STOPS ]

16
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,942
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
ANYWAY...[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

17
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,074
HELLO.

18
00:00:31,117 --> 00:00:32,466
GIL: Hello.
Is this Phil Dumpster?

19
00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:34,121
WHAT DO YOU WANT, GIL?

20
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,905
GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
HANG ON.

21
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,210
[ GIL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
ON TELEPHONE ]

22
00:00:37,253 --> 00:00:39,908
I NEED YOU TO SEND
A GIFT TO MOM

23
00:00:39,951 --> 00:00:41,084
FOR HER BIRTHDAY
FROM THE BOTH OF US.

24
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,476
MITCHELL:
No, I did it last year.

25
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,347
I KNOW, AND I NEED YOU
TO DO IT AGAIN.

26
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,436
LOOK, I'VE GOT
A CONFERENCE CALL AT 1:20.

27
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,265
THEN LUKE'S TUTOR
COMES TO THE HOUSE,

28
00:00:48,308 --> 00:00:51,137
2:45 SALES MEETING, AND I STILL
GOT TO GET ALEX TO JUDO.

29
00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:53,487
And yet you somehow found time
to bitch at me.

30
00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:55,271
Wow!
You really can have it all.

31
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:58,493
UGH. HONESTLY, JUST GET HER A
STUPID GIFT CARD, YOU BIG BABY!

32
00:00:58,536 --> 00:00:59,972
You're back in second place
with your favorite view.UGH.

33
00:01:00,015 --> 00:01:03,585
WHY DOES EVERYTHING WITH HIM
HAVE BE SO DRAMATIC?

34
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:06,370
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

35
00:01:09,198 --> 00:01:10,460
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

36
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,332
WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

37
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:15,335
--Captions by VITAC--

38
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:18,338
Captioning provided by
20th Century Fox Television
and ABC, Inc.

39
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:21,341
and brought to you by Ford.
Beautiful things happen
when you go further.

40
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,518
♪♪♪

41
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,174
[ SIGHS ] HEY.

42
00:01:27,216 --> 00:01:28,566
HEY.
OH. PERFECT.

43
00:01:28,609 --> 00:01:30,176
OKAY, FIRST YOU BERATE ME
ON THE PHONE,

44
00:01:30,219 --> 00:01:32,003
THEN YOU SHOW UP TO MY OFFICE
AND BERATE ME IN PER--

45
00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:34,006
OH, W-WHAT IS THIS?
I DON'T CARE FOR THIS.

46
00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:35,182
WE GOT IN AN ACCIDENT.

47
00:01:35,224 --> 00:01:36,225
OH, MY GOD!

48
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,835
WE ALMOST GOT
IN AN ACCIDENT.

49
00:01:37,879 --> 00:01:40,274
THAT SEEMS LIKE
A REALLY IMPORTANT DISTINCTION.

50
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:42,623
THERE WAS THIS BIG TRUCK, AND IT
BARRELED THROUGH A STOP SIGN,

51
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,060
AND IT MISSED OUR CAR
BY INCHES.

52
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,801
OH, MY GOD!
AND EVERYONE'S OKAY?

53
00:01:46,844 --> 00:01:48,281
YES, JUST VERY SHAKEN UP.
AW.

54
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,197
BUT, MITCHELL, I AM SO SORRY
THAT I YELLED AT YOU BEFORE.

55
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,155
IT'S FINE.

56
00:01:52,198 --> 00:01:54,418
LOOK, I BROUGHT YOU
THE BIRTHDAY CARD FOR MOM,

57
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,377
AND YOU CAN SIGN IT.OKAY. THANK YOU.

58
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,073
"TO OUR BEST FRIEND."
MM.

59
00:01:58,117 --> 00:01:59,814
THAT'S A LITTLE SARCASTIC.
IT'S HER BIRTHDAY.

60
00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:00,945
I DON'T KNOW.
NO, I MEAN IT.

61
00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:02,426
MITCHELL, I ALMOST DIED.

62
00:02:02,469 --> 00:02:05,168
I WANT OUR MOM TO HAVE
A GREAT BIRTHDAY.

63
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,256
OH,
AND WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN.

64
00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:07,257
OKAY.OH, GOD. YEAH.

65
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,736
HI.
I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC, YEAH.

66
00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:09,737
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

67
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,086
OKAY,
MY DEPOSITION GOT MOVED UP.

68
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,393
THAT'S GREAT.

69
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:13,655
SO I'LL JUST HAVE TO MOVE
EVERYTHING -- YOU KNOW WHAT?

70
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:15,396
I'M GONNA EAT IN THE CAR
AND THEN --NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

71
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:16,745
NO, NO, NO.
GIVE IT, GIVE IT!

72
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,225
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING
RIGHT BEFORE I ALMOST DIED?

73
00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:20,401
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

74
00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:21,966
HUMORING A RELATIVE?

75
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:24,056
NO, NO, SCHEDULING MY LIFE
DOWN TO THE LAST MINUTE.

76
00:02:24,099 --> 00:02:25,406
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS --

77
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:26,841
"CALL NEW YORK OFFICE --
4:17 P.M."
[ SIGHS ]

78
00:02:26,884 --> 00:02:28,670
DO YOU REALIZE
THAT EVERYBODY BUT US

79
00:02:28,712 --> 00:02:30,585
ROUNDS UP
TO THE NEAREST FIVE MINUTES?

80
00:02:30,627 --> 00:02:32,760
TODAY MADE ME REALIZE SOMETHING,
MITCHELL.

81
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,807
NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE
A 4:17 KIND OF PERSON.

82
00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:36,981
DO YOU?
YES, I DO.

83
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,201
'CAUSE THAT PHONE CALL
NEEDS TO BE DONE BY 4:23

84
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,421
SO THAT I AM NOT A DEAD MAN
BY 4:41.

85
00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:42,423
GIVE ME MY PHONE.

86
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,554
NOPE. NOPE. NO.GIVE ME -- CLAIRE.

87
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:44,902
WE'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING
TOGETHER.

88
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,469
YES, TAKE THE REST
OF THE DAY OFF.

89
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,211
I CAN'T DO THAT.
YES, YOU CAN.

90
00:02:48,254 --> 00:02:49,299
I DID!

91
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:50,778
YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU WORK
FOR YOUR FATHER.

92
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,215
NO, NO, NO,
WE NEED THIS, MITCHELL.HEY, COME ON, GIVE ME MY...

93
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,216
WE REALLY NEED THIS.CLAIRE, I'M REALLY SWAMPED
TODAY, AND I --

94
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,393
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE...

95
00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:57,480
STOP. JUST GO.

96
00:02:57,525 --> 00:03:00,004
PLEEEEEASE
CAN WE SLOW DOWN?

97
00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:01,268
OW! YOU'RE CHAFING MY WRIST.

98
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:02,659
DON'T PRETEND
YOU'RE NOT LOVING THIS.

99
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,444
OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I THINK I JUST
SKATED THROUGH SOME PEE.

100
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:05,663
[ SIGHS ]C-CAN WE GO BACK NOW?

101
00:03:05,706 --> 00:03:07,098
NO!
GOD.

102
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,665
NO, BECAUSE WE ARE NOT
APPOINTMENT-MAKING
CONTROL FREAKS.

103
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,319
WE ARE HAVING FUN.

104
00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:11,712
YOU ARE. I'M JUST DOING
WHAT YOU'RE MAKING ME DO.

105
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,149
[ SIGHS ]
OKAY, OKAY, STOP.

106
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,455
NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.

107
00:03:14,497 --> 00:03:15,498
LET'S GO BACK, LET'S GO BACK,
LET'S GO BACK.

108
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:16,717
WHY?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO BACK NOW?

109
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,284
WHY -- OH, I GET IT.
I GET IT.

110
00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,461
YOU'RE STILL SCARED
TO SKATE THROUGH THE UNDERPASS.

111
00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:22,462
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "STILL"?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "SCARED"?
WHAT UNDERPASS?

112
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,463
MITCHELL,
YOU WERE 11 YEARS OLD,

113
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:24,420
AND MOM MADE ME
TAKE YOU WITH ME

114
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,248
WHEN I WAS SKATING
WITH MY FRIEND SOPHIE KING,

115
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,859
AND YOU WERE TERRIFIED
TO GO THROUGH THE UNDERPASS

116
00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:30,034
'CAUSE IT WAS DARK,
AND YOU WERE SURE IT
WAS FILLED WITH MONSTERS,

117
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,167
SO WE DITCHED YOU.

118
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,429
I DON'T REMEMBER THIS
AT ALL.

119
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,388
YEAH, I SKATED AWAY
AND CALLED YOU A BIG BABY.

120
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:36,302
SOPHIE THREW A ROCK AT ME
AND YOU YELLED, "YOU'RE SO GAY."

121
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:39,087
[ GASPS ]
I DID DO THAT.

122
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:40,307
OH, DIDN'T I?

123
00:03:40,349 --> 00:03:42,308
WE USED TO USE THAT WORD
A LOT.

124
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,615
YOU USED TO BE ABLE
TO CALL ANYTHING GAY. UGH.

125
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,182
DO YOU EVER MISS THAT?

126
00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:47,270
NO.
NO.

127
00:03:47,313 --> 00:03:48,966
THAT'S HURTFUL.

128
00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:50,882
YEAH.

129
00:03:50,925 --> 00:03:52,927
I'M SORRY, MITCHELL.

130
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,060
YOU WERE SCARED,
AND I SHOULD'VE HELD YOUR HAND

131
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:57,497
THROUGH THE TUNNEL, AND I WAS --
I WAS NOT A GOOD BIG SISTER.

132
00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:59,716
I'M SO SORRY.
WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?

133
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,283
YES, YES.
YOU DO?

134
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,502
YES! I FORGIVE YOU.I LOVE YOU.

135
00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:03,721
LOVE YOU, TOO.
LOVE YOU!

136
00:04:03,764 --> 00:04:04,853
OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY.

137
00:04:04,895 --> 00:04:05,941
LET'S DO THIS.YES, LET'S DO THIS.

138
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,334
COME ON.WHAT? WHAT'S HAPPENING?

139
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,421
NO, NO, NO, WE'RE GOING --
WE'RE GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL.

140
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:09,423
NO. GOD, NO.
NO, NO, NO.

141
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,424
OH, NO,
YOU GOT TO GET OVER THIS.

142
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,902
NO! ALL RIGHT. OKAY.JUST LET YOURSELF GO.

143
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,164
JUST LET IT GO.
JUST -- YOU KNOW?[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

144
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:14,165
YEP. I'M GOOD.

145
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,384
UH, YEAH,
YOU GOT TO GET PAST IT.

146
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,300
N-N-NO. NO, NO! NO!
N-N-NO! CLAIRE, NO!

147
00:04:17,343 --> 00:04:18,562
N-N-NO! N-NO!

148
00:04:18,605 --> 00:04:20,434
I FELT BAD
WHEN WE GOT SEPARATED,

149
00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:21,913
BUT I KNEW THAT WHEN HE SKATED

150
00:04:21,956 --> 00:04:23,872
OUT THE OTHER SIDE
OF THAT TUNNEL,

151
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:26,134
AN EMOTIONAL SCAR
WOULD'VE BEEN HEALED.

152
00:04:26,177 --> 00:04:28,310
MITCHELL?!
MITCHELL?

153
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,399
NO! N-NO!
N-N-NO! N-NO!

154
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,358
OH, MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?

155
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:32,750
IT W-- IT WAS TERRIBLE!YES.

156
00:04:32,793 --> 00:04:34,577
THEY TOOK MY WALLET
AND MY SKATES AND MY TIE.
NO.

157
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,754
WHAT -- WHAT HOMELESS PERSON
NEEDS A TIE?

158
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:37,798
OH, MY GOD.
I AM SO SORRY, MITCHELL!

159
00:04:37,841 --> 00:04:39,540
OKAY, UM...
CAN YOU GIVE ME MY PHONE?

160
00:04:39,582 --> 00:04:41,019
'CAUSE I GOT TO, YOU KNOW,
CANCEL MY CARDS.

161
00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:42,194
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
OH, GOD. I HOPE YOU HAVE JUICE.

162
00:04:42,237 --> 00:04:43,456
THAT THING HAS BEEN BUZZING
LIKE CRAZY.

163
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,588
OH, GOD! OKAY.
OKAY.

164
00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:45,937
MY MEETING'S BEEN PUSHED UP.
IT'S IN 15 MINUTES.

165
00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:47,417
OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, OKAY.

166
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:48,548
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME.

167
00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:49,810
HUH? YEAH.
HEY, HEY.

168
00:04:49,853 --> 00:04:51,334
THIS IS A TEST, AND WE DON'T
SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

169
00:04:51,377 --> 00:04:53,336
JUST LET IT GO.STOP IT! STOP IT.

170
00:04:53,379 --> 00:04:55,425
I KNOW YOU THINK YOU DISCOVERED
THE NEW YOU,

171
00:04:55,468 --> 00:04:56,557
BUT YOU ARE CONTROLLING

172
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,254
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE TRYING
TO NOT BE CONTROLLING.

173
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,428
SO J-- GIVE ME YOUR SKATES.

174
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:00,516
WHAT? WHY?

175
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,562
YOU'VE DRAGGED ME SO FAR,
WE'RE CLOSER TO MY OFFICE

176
00:05:02,605 --> 00:05:03,389
THAN WE ARE TO THE CAR.

177
00:05:03,432 --> 00:05:04,478
TAKE 'EM OFF!

178
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,915
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
HE JUST WASN'T READY.

179
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:08,481
BUT ME?

180
00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:10,918
I HAD A MESSAGE FOR THE SMALL
STUFF THAT USED TO RULE MY LIFE.

181
00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:14,009
HEY, PHIL.
HONEY, HOW YOU HOLDING UP?

182
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:15,139
PHIL: Good.

183
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,143
SO, I'M AT THE BEACH --
LONG STORY.

184
00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:20,406
ANYWAY, I WAS HOPING
YOU WOULDN'T MIND WAITING

185
00:05:20,449 --> 00:05:21,843
AT THE HOUSE
FOR LUKE'S TUTOR.

186
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,452
Actually, I would mind.
I'd mind quite a bit.

187
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:24,714
I'm kind of busy.

188
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:25,716
OKAY, GREAT.

189
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,197
SUCK IT, SMALL STUFF.

190
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,504
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

191
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,593
Haley:
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

192
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,202
WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

193
00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:37,553
FOR MANY, A NEAR-MISS WITH DEATH
IS A WAKE-UP CALL.

194
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:40,644
BUT WHEN A MAN MISSES
HIS OWN NEAR-MISS,

195
00:05:40,687 --> 00:05:43,386
HE TRULY SEES
WHAT HE'S BEEN MISSING.

196
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,387
NO MORE PUTTING MY DREAMS
ON HOLD.

197
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,956
FIVE YEARS AGO,
I MADE A BUCKET LIST.

198
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:50,393
IT WAS TIME
TO START CROSSING THINGS OFF.

199
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,047
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

200
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,961
[ TIRES SCREECH ]

201
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:56,617
SCARIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

202
00:05:56,659 --> 00:05:58,444
[ WHIMPERING ]

203
00:05:58,487 --> 00:06:01,447
OHH. OH, MY GOSH.
I THOUGHT I LOST YOU!

204
00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:04,451
BUT AMAZINGLY, SOMETHING GREAT
CAME OUT OF IT.

205
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:07,454
I FOUND OUT HOW MY SISTER
TRULY FEELS ABOUT ME.

206
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:08,584
GIRLS, ARE YOU SURE?

207
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:11,108
POSITIVE.
WE'LL WALK HOME.

208
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:12,980
WE ALMOST DIED.

209
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:13,981
YEAH.

210
00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:15,896
A-ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
IN THE CAR...

211
00:06:15,939 --> 00:06:18,028
PLEASE DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME
RIGHT NOW.

212
00:06:18,072 --> 00:06:20,466
NO, I WOULD NEVER.
IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY HONEST.

213
00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:23,817
AND I NEED TO STOP TAKING SHOTS
AT YOUR INTELLIGENCE.

214
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,646
YOU DON'T DO IT
THAT OFTEN.

215
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,560
WELL,
YOU MISS A LOT OF IT.

216
00:06:27,603 --> 00:06:29,605
[ SCOFFS ] OH.
THERE, I DID IT AGAIN.

217
00:06:29,649 --> 00:06:30,867
DID WHAT?

218
00:06:30,911 --> 00:06:32,696
UH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

219
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,481
I ALWAYS CONSIDERED YOU TO BE
THIS SELF-ABSORBED PERSON,

220
00:06:35,524 --> 00:06:37,875
BUT YOU'RE MORE SUBSTANTIAL
THAN THAT, AREN'T YOU?

221
00:06:37,918 --> 00:06:39,442
THANK YOU.
[ CHUCKLES ]

222
00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:41,531
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M BLOWING OFF JUDO TODAY.

223
00:06:41,574 --> 00:06:42,488
LET'S HANG OUT.

224
00:06:42,531 --> 00:06:43,793
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

225
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,665
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]
MAKEOVERS.

226
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:46,622
OKAY.

227
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,319
GREAT!

228
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,584
WE'RE GONNA WALK
RIGHT PAST MY WAXING PLACE.

229
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:52,673
SAY GOODBYE
TO THAT GAL STACHE.

230
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:53,935
[ LAUGHS ]

231
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,677
OW. OW!

232
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,896
IF IT WERE EASY,
EVERYONE WOULD BE HOT.

233
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,507
YEP, YOU KNOW,
I-IT'S NOT JUST MY FEET.

234
00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:03,726
IT'S FROM WHEN I WALKED
INTO THE STOP SIGN

235
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,336
BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T
GIVE ME BACK MY --

236
00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:06,903
OKAY, FINE. I'LL GIVE YOU BACK
YOUR MAN-GOGGLES.

237
00:07:06,947 --> 00:07:08,471
HERE.
[ SIGHS ]

238
00:07:08,514 --> 00:07:11,518
I JUST THOUGHT WE MIGHT
RUN INTO SOME CUTE
BOYS ON THE WAY HOME,

239
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,519
BUT IT'S PROBABLY BEST
WE DIDN'T.

240
00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:15,564
THAT'S A PRETTY ANGRY LIP
YOU GOT THERE.

241
00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:18,612
REALLY?
UH-HUH.

242
00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:21,136
WOW.
DOES EVERYBODY'S GET THIS RED?

243
00:07:21,178 --> 00:07:23,180
WELL, YOU HAD
QUITE A BIT OF GROWTH.

244
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,966
I WAS GONNA HAVE THAT LADY
TAKE A CRACK AT YOUR ARMS,

245
00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,750
BUT SHE HAD ALREADY
SWEAT THROUGH HER APRON.

246
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,187
OH, MY GOSH!

247
00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:31,973
I ALREADY HAVE 100 LIKES
ON MY PICTURE OF MY NEW NAILS.

248
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:35,324
UM, FYI, I'M -- I'M SORT OF
IN THE BACKGROUND THERE,

249
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:36,586
SCREAMING MID-WAX.

250
00:07:36,629 --> 00:07:38,632
400 PEOPLE LIKED THIS PHOTO.

251
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,372
I WAS NOT ONE OF THEM.

252
00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,766
MY ART TEACHER MADE
A PITHY "BLUE PERIOD" COMMENT,

253
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:45,115
AND MY TOP PROM PROSPECT

254
00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:47,161
SUDDENLY FOUND A GIRLFRIEND
IN CANADA.

255
00:07:47,204 --> 00:07:49,990
DO YOU THINK I COULD GET
MY SNEAKERS BACK?

256
00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:51,774
OHH, I THREW THEM AWAY
WITH THE REST OF YOUR CLOTHES

257
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,168
WHEN YOU WERE
IN THE CHANGING ROOM.

258
00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:55,300
I THOUGHT ABOUT SAVING THEM
FOR THE HOUSEKEEPER,

259
00:07:55,343 --> 00:07:57,389
BUT I COULDN'T REMEMBER
IF SHE HAD A SON.

260
00:07:57,432 --> 00:08:00,610
LOOK, I'VE TRIED REALLY HARD
TO PUT UP WITH A LOT SINCE...

261
00:08:00,653 --> 00:08:01,785
WHAT'S GOING ON?

262
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,309
OH, I JUST HAD SO MUCH FUN
WITH YOU!

263
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:05,528
WE DON'T DO THIS ENOUGH.

264
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,791
I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING
THAT YOU COULD TEACH ME.

265
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,663
UH-HUH.
[ GASPS ]

266
00:08:10,706 --> 00:08:11,752
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR JUDO STUFF?

267
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:13,797
UH [SCOFFS] YOU'RE NOT
INTERESTED IN THAT.

268
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,406
NO! NO! I AM! COME ON!

269
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,584
KARATE-CHOP ME
OR SOMETHING!

270
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:18,714
[ CHUCKLES ]
THAT IS NOT --

271
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:19,889
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

272
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,762
LET'S JUST DO
ONE SIMPLE MOVE.

273
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:22,675
OKAY.

274
00:08:22,718 --> 00:08:24,547
NOW, THIS WON'T WRINKLE MY TOP,
WILL IT?

275
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,375
OHH!

276
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,593
WOW.

277
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,160
THAT WAS ACTUALLY FUN!

278
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,726
SHOW ME ONE MORE TIME.

279
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,336
OH, NO!

280
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:34,251
OH, MY GOSH.
I THOUGHT I LOST YOU AGAIN.

281
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:36,602
[ SMOOCHES, SIGHS ]WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. BACK UP.
AGAIN?

282
00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:38,648
OH, YEAH,
WHEN WE ALMOST GOT KILLED,

283
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:40,128
I THOUGHT
I LOST MY PHONE.

284
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,259
IT WAS REALLY SCARY.

285
00:08:41,302 --> 00:08:44,349
MENTOS JET-PACK RAMP-CLIMB,
TEST NUMBER TWO.

286
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,917
LESSON LEARNED -- WHEN PRESSURE
BUILDS TO DANGEROUS LEVELS,

287
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,092
IT MUST BE RELEASED.

288
00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:54,054
IS YOUR LIP GETTING BETTER
OR YOUR FACE GETTING REDDER?

289
00:08:54,097 --> 00:08:56,710
[ GRUNTS ANGRILY ]

290
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:05,936
JUST GONNA POP INTO
THE FAMILY ROOM.

291
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,417
WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT?!

292
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,071
OH,
I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!

293
00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:11,638
OHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE
SUCH A SILLY --

294
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:12,812
HALEY, STOP!

295
00:09:12,855 --> 00:09:14,075
Both: MOM!

296
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,643
[ ALPACA BLEATS ]

297
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,383
PHIL, HONEY.

298
00:09:23,213 --> 00:09:25,216
♪ I CAN'T GO FOR THAT,
NO, NO CAN DO ♪

299
00:09:25,259 --> 00:09:26,609
I WAS ALREADY ON EDGE.

300
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:29,177
THE DAY BEFORE,
I WAS WITH MY MOM AT THE PARK

301
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,701
WHEN SOME GUY ON A BIKE
SWIPED HER PHONE.

302
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,746
HE MUST HAVE BEEN
A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.

303
00:09:33,789 --> 00:09:37,184
HE STRUCK THE ONE SECOND SHE
WASN'T TAKING PICTURES OF JOE.

304
00:09:37,227 --> 00:09:39,447
THE WORST PART IS,
I SAW HIM GRAB IT.

305
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:41,318
I HAD A CHANCE
TO DO SOMETHING

306
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:43,625
AND BE A HERO TO MY MOM,
BUT I FROZE.

307
00:09:43,669 --> 00:09:44,888
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE,

308
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:47,629
MADE HIM THE SUBJECT
OF A SATIRICAL CARTOON?

309
00:09:47,673 --> 00:09:49,980
HEY! UH, THEY'VE TAKEN DOWN
PRESIDENTS.

310
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:51,851
NOW, CAN YOU JUST
SUPPORT ME HERE?

311
00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:54,115
THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY MOMENTS
A SON HAS A CHANCE TO --

312
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:55,769
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.VERY MATURE.

313
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,857
PICK A FIGHT
THEN TUNE ME OUT?[ INDISTINCT ARGUING ]

314
00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,990
IT'S NOT BOTHERING ME.
STOP IT!

315
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,644
DAD,
TURN DOWN THAT SONG!

316
00:10:01,687 --> 00:10:03,341
♪ NO CAN DO

317
00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:04,908
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

318
00:10:04,951 --> 00:10:06,779
[ TIRES SCREECH ]

319
00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:07,780
YOU SURE, MANNY?

320
00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:09,652
POSITIVE.
I-I'LL WALK HOME.

321
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:15,135
Haley: WE ALMOST DIED.Alex: YEAH.

322
00:10:15,178 --> 00:10:16,354
WHITE.

323
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:17,921
YES, I'M SURE.

324
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,836
WHY IS IT SO HARD
FOR YOU TO IMAGINE

325
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:22,360
THAT A CRIMINAL CAN BE WHITE
WHEN MOST OF THE --

326
00:10:22,403 --> 00:10:23,666
AH, THE BICYCLE.

327
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,058
YES, YES, IT WAS WHITE.

328
00:10:25,101 --> 00:10:27,495
I THOUGHT
YOUR PHONE GOT STOLEN?

329
00:10:27,538 --> 00:10:28,715
THIS IS JOE'S PHONE.

330
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:30,846
THIS IS WHY
THE TERRORISTS HATE US.

331
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,807
THE UNIVERSE
IS COLD AND UNFEELING.

332
00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:36,504
THE ONLY CONSTANT IS CHAOS.

333
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:39,463
WAS THAT PLACE OUT OF
CHOCOLATE-CHIP PANCAKES AGAIN?

334
00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:41,727
WE WERE ALL ALMOST KILLED
BY A TRUCK.

335
00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:43,947
[ GASPS ] AY! iDIOS MíO!
ARE YOU OKAY, PAPI?

336
00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:45,948
THIS WAS ALL PHIL'S FAULT,
WASN'T IT?

337
00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:48,081
HE'S ALWAYS BLARING
THAT DAMN NEW WAVE MUSIC!

338
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,735
NO.
HE SWERVED TO AVOID IT.

339
00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:50,953
SAVED MY LIFE.

340
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:53,173
BUT THE GAME OF LIFE
IS RIGGED.

341
00:10:53,216 --> 00:10:54,566
DEATH ALWAYS WIN.

342
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:55,871
OKAY, I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED
RIGHT NOW --

343
00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:56,917
A TRIP
TO THE ICE-CREAM SHOP.

344
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,091
HE DOESN'T NEED
ICE CREAM.

345
00:10:58,134 --> 00:11:00,355
HE NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT
WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO HIM.

346
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:01,922
WELL,
I COULD GO FOR SOME ICE CREAM.

347
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:05,099
I KNOW
HOW TO FIX MY SON.

348
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:07,623
SO, THIS IS FIXED.

349
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,842
[ HORNS BLARING ]

350
00:11:09,885 --> 00:11:11,626
GO AROUND.

351
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,629
NORMALLY, I'D BE AVOIDING
THESE CRACKS

352
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,543
OUT OF RESPECT
OF YOUR BACK, MOM,

353
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:17,501
BUT AFTER TODAY,
IT SEEMS POINTLESS.

354
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:18,938
THAT'S IT. GET IN.Gloria: NO, NO.

355
00:11:18,981 --> 00:11:19,982
NO, JAY, HE'S AFRAID!

356
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:21,158
IT'S ONLY
GONNA GET WORSE.

357
00:11:21,201 --> 00:11:22,594
IN. TRUST ME.

358
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:26,729
FIVE MINUTES IN HERE,
HE'LL BE HAPPY AS A CLAM.

359
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:28,383
AAH! MAMA!

360
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:29,731
CALM DOWN.

361
00:11:29,775 --> 00:11:30,777
THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

362
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,168
HOP OUT.

363
00:11:32,212 --> 00:11:34,955
GOOD FOR YOU, JAY.
IT HAS TO BE WHEN HE IS READY.

364
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,086
NOPE. HE'S DRIVING.
WHAT?

365
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,957
WHAT? I-I CAN'T.YOU'RE DOING IT NOW.

366
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,220
JESúS, TAKE THE WHEEL.

367
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,177
HE'S TERRIFIED
TO BE IN THE BACK.

368
00:11:41,221 --> 00:11:43,615
NOW YOU'RE GONNA
PUT HIM IN THE FRONT SEAT

369
00:11:43,658 --> 00:11:45,399
SO THAT HE CAN KILL
ALL OF US?!

370
00:11:45,442 --> 00:11:47,315
CAN YOU NOT
MAKE THIS FEAR WORSE?

371
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:49,403
I WATCHED DEDE
CODDLE MITCHELL

372
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:50,927
WHEN HE WAS AFRAID
OF THE DARK.

373
00:11:50,971 --> 00:11:53,668
TILL HE WAS SEVEN, HE'D ONLY
BLINK ONE EYE AT A TIME --

374
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,584
GAVE A LOT OF GIRLS
A VERY WRONG IDEA.

375
00:11:55,626 --> 00:11:57,019
[ DOOR-AJAR SIGNAL BEEPING ]

376
00:11:57,063 --> 00:11:59,674
MANNY, YOU DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS RIGHT?

377
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:00,807
NO, I REALLY DON'T.

378
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:03,678
OKAY, PAPI, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S SWITCH.

379
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:05,028
I'M GOING TO DRIVE.

380
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:06,551
I'VE GOT A BOMBSHELL, MOM.

381
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,945
AY, PAPI, THANK YOU,
BUT THIS IS A VERY WEIRD THING

382
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,033
TO SAY
WHEN WE'RE IN THIS POSITION.

383
00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:13,123
NO, I'VE DECIDED
I'M NEVER DRIVING.

384
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,342
UH -- UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH!
NO WAY.

385
00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:16,996
YOU THERE. YOU THERE.

386
00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:18,562
WE'RE DOING THIS MY WAY.

387
00:12:18,606 --> 00:12:21,610
AH, YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S YOUR WAY
OR THE HIGHWAY.

388
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,177
OH, GOD.
NOT THE HIGHWAY.

389
00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,351
YOU ALWAYS WANT ME
TO BE HIS DAD.

390
00:12:24,394 --> 00:12:25,395
WELL, I'M BEING HIS DAD.

391
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,224
OH, UH, I-I'M REALLY SCARED,
JAY.

392
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,225
THIS IS WHAT WE'RE FIXING.

393
00:12:29,269 --> 00:12:31,010
LOOK, WHEN I WAS A KID,

394
00:12:31,053 --> 00:12:33,927
I LIVED BY
A BIG, SCARY BLACK LAKE.

395
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:37,059
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE MONSTERS
IN THERE AND WHATNOT.

396
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,149
ONE NIGHT,
MY DAD DRAGGED ME OUT OF BED

397
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,412
AND TOSSED ME
RIGHT IN THAT COLD WATER.

398
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,892
I WAS NEVER SCARED
OF THAT LAKE AGAIN.

399
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,807
NOW, GIVE IT SOME GAS.

400
00:12:45,851 --> 00:12:47,635
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

401
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:51,988
[ GASPS ] MAMA!
AAH!

402
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:54,033
THAT'S ANOTHER HABIT
I WOULDN'T MIND BREAKING,

403
00:12:54,076 --> 00:12:57,037
BUT, YOU KNOW,
RIGHT NOW WE...HAVE TO...

404
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,735
OH, WHAT AM I DOING?

405
00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,432
I HATED MY DAD FOR THAT.

406
00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:04,260
I ENDED UP SCARED OF HIM,
NOT THE LAKE.

407
00:13:04,304 --> 00:13:05,653
MANNY, IT'S OKAY.

408
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,437
OVER THERE! ON THE BIKE!

409
00:13:07,481 --> 00:13:09,265
THE WHITE GUY
THAT STOLE MY PHONE!

410
00:13:09,309 --> 00:13:10,398
I DON'T SEE ANYONE.

411
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,052
YES!
HE JUST TURNED THE CORNER!

412
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:14,706
THE PHONE BURGLAR!
HE'S GETTING AWAY!

413
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,186
[ SIGHS ] NOT THIS TIME.

414
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:17,621
UP THERE TO THE LEFT!

415
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,668
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]

416
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,892
I DON'T SEE ANYONE!

417
00:13:25,934 --> 00:13:28,764
I DIDN'T SEE ANYONE EITHER.
I MADE IT UP.

418
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:32,201
I AM NOT GOING TO DRIVE MY SON
AROUND UNTIL HE'S 40.

419
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,075
THE ONLY THING STRONGER
THAN MANNY'S FEAR

420
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,250
IS HIS NEED TO PROTECT HIS MAMA.

421
00:13:37,293 --> 00:13:38,947
OH, NO! HE GOT AWAY!

422
00:13:38,991 --> 00:13:41,211
BUT YOU DID VERY GOOD,
MANNY.

423
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,299
THAT WAS
A FRICKIN' RUSH!

424
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,736
BUT WE'RE NOT GIVING UP.
WE'RE GONNA FIND THAT GUY.

425
00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:46,738
NO!

426
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:47,739
ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THIS?

427
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:48,914
JUST GO.
I'M WALKING HOME.

428
00:13:52,134 --> 00:13:53,658
Claire: I CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIM
IT'S SO LOUD.

429
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:55,008
CAN EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP?![ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

430
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,052
HELLO.
GIL:
Hello. Is this Phil Dumpster?

431
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,662
STOP.WHAT DO YOU WANT, GIL?

432
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,490
GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
HANG ON.

433
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:00,664
Is that your hot wife
I hear?

434
00:14:00,708 --> 00:14:02,014
Hey, is she still taking
those yoga classes?

435
00:14:02,057 --> 00:14:03,972
I NEED YOU TO SEND
A GIFT TO MOM.
HANGING UP.

436
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,322
W-w-wait. Wait. Real quick....2:45 SALES MEETING, AND I
STILL GOT TO GET ALEX TO JUDO.

437
00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:08,759
The listing at 225 Cedar Street,
it's mine now.YOU POACHED MY LISTING?

438
00:14:08,803 --> 00:14:10,023
Poached it, seasoned it,

439
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:13,113
and covered it in Thorpe-andaise
sauce, my friend.

440
00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:15,028
OH, MY GOD, JUST GET HER
A STUPID GIFT CARD.You should thank me, Dumpy.

441
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,289
You're back in second place
with your favorite view...

442
00:14:16,332 --> 00:14:18,073
DON'T BE SUCH A BIG BABY.
UGH....my sweet behind.

443
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:21,599
WHY DOES EVERYTHING WITH HIM
HAVE TO BE SO DRAMATIC?

444
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:24,688
[ ALL SCREAMING ]

445
00:14:24,732 --> 00:14:26,168
WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

446
00:14:26,212 --> 00:14:28,128
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
OHH.

447
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:31,130
OH, MY GOD!
I THOUGHT I LOST YOU.

448
00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:32,480
[ SIGHS ]

449
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:33,524
WHAT'S TO TELL?

450
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:35,961
A TRUCK RUNS A STOP SIGN,
I AVOID IT,

451
00:14:36,004 --> 00:14:38,572
EVERYONE WALKS AWAY --
BING, BANG, NO BOOM.

452
00:14:38,615 --> 00:14:40,139
UM, THERE WAS A TRUCK!Haley: THAT WAS CRAZY!

453
00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:40,966
OKAY, OKAY.WHERE DID IT EVEN COME FROM?

454
00:14:41,009 --> 00:14:43,143
YOU DON'T SEE THAT TRUCK
COMING TOWARDS YOU?

455
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,578
EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.
CALM DOWN. LET'S NOT OVERREACT.

456
00:14:44,621 --> 00:14:45,971
WHAT?!
DAD!

457
00:14:46,014 --> 00:14:47,581
WE WERE ALMOST JUST KILLED!YES!

458
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:50,062
EXACTLY. ALMOST, WHICH MEANS
WE'RE ALL JUST FINE.

459
00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:51,933
YOU AREN'T
THE LEAST BIT UPSET?

460
00:14:51,977 --> 00:14:54,153
IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN THAT
TO RUIN A MORNING

461
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:56,111
THAT STARTED WITH
A WHIPPED-CREAM SMILE
ON MY WAFFLE.

462
00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:58,114
OKAY, IT MAY HAVE AFFECTED ME
A LITTLE,

463
00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:00,725
BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.

464
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:03,032
MOSTLY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT
RACQUETBALL LATER

465
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,947
AND HOPEFULLY GIVING CAM
A NICE SPANKING.

466
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,167
FAIR WARNING -- MAY BE
WORKING OUT SOME ANGER ISSUES

467
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,038
ON THE RACQUETBALL COURT
THIS MORNING.

468
00:15:09,081 --> 00:15:10,344
DON'T ASK.
SOUNDS GOOD.

469
00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:12,172
SO, WE'RE GETTING
OUR NEW DRYER DELIVERED.

470
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,607
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE EGGSHELL,

471
00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:15,392
BUT, OH, IT'S NOT EGGSHELL --
IT'S WHITE.

472
00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,960
ANYWAY, I'M LAYING
INTO THE DELIVERY DRIVER,

473
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:20,309
AND MITCHELL STROLLS IN
AND SAYS, "OH, IT'S FINE,"

474
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:23,835
AND THEN OFFERS HIM A PIECE
OF HIS BANANA LOAF.

475
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,359
I HEARD THAT.

476
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,360
UH, JUST ONCE, I WOULD LIKE
MITCHELL TO TAKE MY SIDE.

477
00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:29,231
I'M CONSTANTLY STROLLING IN
AND SAVING HIM

478
00:15:29,275 --> 00:15:31,191
LIKE A LITTLE PRINCESS
IN THE TOWER.

479
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,322
SOMETIMES I'D LIKE TO BE
THE PRINCESS.

480
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,846
SIX OF ONE, RIGHT?
WHAT?

481
00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:36,586
WHY ARE --
WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

482
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,894
I'M -- I'M VERY CONFUSED,
PHILLIP.

483
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:42,071
TRUST ME, THIS HOUSE IS GONNA
SELL AT THORPE SPEED.

484
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:43,376
HEY, GUYS.

485
00:15:43,419 --> 00:15:46,640
OH, HEY, PHIL.
I GUESS YOU HEARD. I'M SORRY.

486
00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:48,250
OH, NO,
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

487
00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:50,210
I JUST STOPPED BY TO GIVE YOU
GUYS A LITTLE CARE PACKAGE

488
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,688
TO SHOW YOU
THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS.

489
00:15:51,732 --> 00:15:52,995
CLASS ACT, DUNG BEETLE.

490
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,692
HERE'S
THE MALPRACTICE ATTORNEY

491
00:15:54,735 --> 00:15:57,607
MOST OF HIS CLIENTS HAVE USED
AFTER HE'S RIPPED THEM OFF.

492
00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,131
YOU WILL BE LOSING
SOME SLEEP,

493
00:15:59,174 --> 00:16:00,916
BUT THESE HAVE ALWAYS
HELPED MY WIFE.

494
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,264
AND THIS PRIEST IS RETIRED,

495
00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:04,224
BUT I THINK HE STILL DOES
EXORCISMS,

496
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,789
WHICH YOU'LL NEED
AFTER TODAY.

497
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,618
LISTEN, PHIL --IT'S OKAY.

498
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:11,230
IT'S SAD, REALLY,
TO SEE A ONCE-MEDIOCRE REALTOR

499
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,710
REDUCED TO THIS.

500
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,015
GIL, PLEASE,
LET'S KEEP THIS CIVIL.

501
00:16:14,059 --> 00:16:16,235
OH, BY THE WAY, IF YOU EVER
SPEAK DISRESPECTFULLY AGAIN

502
00:16:16,278 --> 00:16:17,585
ABOUT MY WIFE,
I'LL KILL YOU.

503
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,847
[ Chuckling ] SORRY.
THAT SOUNDED LIKE A JOKE.

504
00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:22,284
I WILL ACTUALLY KILL YOU.

505
00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:25,071
ANYHOO, WHEN YOU GUYS WAKE UP
AND SMELL THE SULFUR,

506
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,724
HERE'S A LIST
OF OTHER REALTORS,

507
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:29,379
AND IF YOU NEED ME,
I'LL BE IN THE OFFICE AT 9:00 --

508
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:32,294
UH, 10:00.
I HAVE THE DENTIST.

509
00:16:32,338 --> 00:16:34,036
WHERE DID THAT
COME FROM?

510
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,385
LIFE'S TOO SHORT
TO BE RULED BY FEAR.

511
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,172
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET YOU
THE RIGHT DRYER, PRINCESS?

512
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:40,389
OH, MY.

513
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,610
I MEAN,
PHIL IS USUALLY JUST SO...

514
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,828
BUT THEN HE WAS JUST,
LIKE, SO...

515
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:47,267
AND THEN HE GOT EVEN MORE...

516
00:16:47,309 --> 00:16:48,311
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

517
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,443
I CAN'T GO FOR THAT.NO CAN DO.

518
00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:52,836
CAMERON HERE BOUGHT
AN EGGSHELL DRYER.

519
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,057
NOT WHITE, NOT OATMEAL,
NOT SWISS-COFFEE,

520
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,971
NOT BABY-POWDER,
NOT BONE.

521
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,625
EGGSHELL.
LOOK, ROB, IS IT?

522
00:16:58,668 --> 00:16:59,844
THAT'S INTERESTING.

523
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:02,282
HERE'S HOW
THIS IS GOING DOWN --

524
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,500
WE DON'T LEAVE
WITHOUT THAT EGGSHELL DRYER.

525
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,763
NOT SWAN-FEATHER,
NOT CHESTER-PIG-WHITE.

526
00:17:06,807 --> 00:17:08,635
I THINK WE'VE COVERED
THE COLORS.

527
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,333
I SELL HOUSES TO PEOPLE
EVERY DAY

528
00:17:10,376 --> 00:17:12,074
WHO ASK ME WHERE
THEY SHOULD BUY THEIR DRYER.

529
00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:15,685
I DON'T THINK YOU WANT ME
GIVING THEM ANY...STATIC.

530
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:17,210
I MAY HAVE ONE
IN THE BACK.

531
00:17:17,252 --> 00:17:19,472
BUT IT TAKES TWO GUYS
TO LOAD THE TRUCK,

532
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:20,778
AND IT'S JUST ME TODAY.

533
00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:23,172
IS IT?

534
00:17:23,215 --> 00:17:26,087
IT WAS RIGHT ABOUT THEN THAT A
QUESTION STARTED NAGGING AT ME.

535
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,525
[ HALL & OATES'
"I CAN'T GO FOR THAT" PLAYS ]

536
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,365
IS PHIL SEXY?

537
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:43,713
[ GRUNTS ]

538
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,367
HEY.

539
00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:46,717
YOU FEEL LIKE DOING SOMETHING
A LITTLE CRAZY WITH ME?

540
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,241
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]WHAT? NO. WHAT? NO.

541
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:50,547
HEY, HONEY.

542
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,721
CLAIRE:
Phil, honey, how you holding up?

543
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:52,983
GOOD.

544
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,289
I'm at the beach --
long story.

545
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,769
I was hoping
you wouldn't mind

546
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,336
waiting at the house
for Luke's tutor.

547
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,034
ACTUALLY, I WOULD MIND.
I'D MIND QUITE A BIT.

548
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,122
I'M KIND OF BUSY.Okay.

549
00:18:00,165 --> 00:18:01,602
CAM, THERE'S SOMETHING
THAT CLAIRE

550
00:18:01,644 --> 00:18:04,170
WOULD NEVER APPROVE OF
THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.

551
00:18:04,212 --> 00:18:05,779
ALWAYS?

552
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,868
WE'RE GONNA WANT TO PUT A
BLANKET DOWN ON THAT BACKSEAT.

553
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:12,307
THIS WAS A HUGE MISTAKE.

554
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:15,571
I AM JAMMED IN THE BACKSEAT
WITH A HAIRY PERUVIAN BITER.

555
00:18:15,615 --> 00:18:18,401
IT'S SPRING BREAK '92
ALL OVER AGAIN!

556
00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:20,010
WELL, SPEED BUMP COMING UP.
HOLD THE LEASH TAUT.

557
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,361
IT'S SUPPOSED TO
KEEP HER CALM.

558
00:18:21,403 --> 00:18:22,797
I GOT LUCKY. I DON'T THINK
THIS ONE'S A SPITTER.

559
00:18:22,839 --> 00:18:24,364
[ ALPACA SPITS ]
OHH.

560
00:18:24,406 --> 00:18:25,625
[ ALPACA BLEATS ]UH, I SPOKE TOO SOON.

561
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:27,976
YOU THINK? THAT'S IT.
PULL OVER.

562
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:30,020
YOU KNOW, PHIL,
I WANTED TO SUPPORT YOU ON THIS.

563
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:32,198
I'M A FIRM BELIEVER
IN LIVESTOCK IN THE HOME,

564
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,025
BUT YOU ARE
OUT OF CONTROL.

565
00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:35,809
NO, I'M IN CONTROL --
MORE THAN EVER.

566
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:38,508
AND IF ME GETTING WHAT I WANT
INCONVENIENCES PEOPLE A LITTLE,

567
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,292
THEN SO BE IT.[ ALPACA BLEATS ]

568
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,163
OH.
UH, SHE'S NERVOUS.

569
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,861
THE GUY SAID YOU SHOULD LET HER
SUCK ON YOUR HAIR.

570
00:18:43,904 --> 00:18:46,080
OKAY, THAT IS IT.
I AM DONE.

571
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,300
♪ ENOUGH OF
THIS RIDICULOUSNESS ♪

572
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,737
AND THANK YOU, PHIL,

573
00:18:49,779 --> 00:18:52,173
FOR MAKING ME APPRECIATE
MITCHELL.

574
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:53,522
HE MAY HAVE HIS FAULTS,

575
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:58,397
BUT AT LEAST HE'S NOT
A CRAZY PERSON.

576
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,313
[ ALPACA BLEATS ]

577
00:19:00,355 --> 00:19:03,229
PHIL, HONEY.

578
00:19:03,271 --> 00:19:04,751
YES, CLAIRE.

579
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,449
I GOT AN ALPACA --
AGAIN.

580
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:09,321
AND THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN SAY ABOUT IT.

581
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,279
I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

582
00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:13,455
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]

583
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,196
MOM, DAD!

584
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,763
THERE IS A CAMEL
IN THE LIVING ROOM!

585
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:18,200
IT'S NOT A C--

586
00:19:18,243 --> 00:19:19,548
I-I JUST CAN'T.
OKAY.

587
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,463
I SEE YOU'VE ALL MET
JOLENE TWO.

588
00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:24,641
SADLY, THE ORIGINAL JOLENE
THAT YOUR MOTHER MADE ME RETURN

589
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:27,339
WAS CRUELLY ADOPTED
BY A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

590
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,558
YOU SEE,
SOMETHING HIT ME THIS MORNING

591
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,821
WHEN THAT TRUCK
DIDN'T HIT ME THIS MORNING --

592
00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:35,434
I HAVE NOT BEEN IN CONTROL
OF MY OWN LIFE.

593
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,567
BUT THOSE DAYS ARE DONE.

594
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,221
OH.
Haley: MM.

595
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:41,396
HUH.

596
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:43,790
WELL, I GUESS I'M NOT
IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING, AM I?

597
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,357
[ CHUCKLES ]
FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

598
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,359
YOU CAN TRY AND TRY,
BUT IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE...

599
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,362
[ BREATHING SHAKILY ]

600
00:19:49,404 --> 00:19:52,451
[ Voice breaking ] YOU CAN LOSE
EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS TO YOU.

601
00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:55,454
DAD, ARE YOU OKAY?

602
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,673
DON'T YOU ALL SEE
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

603
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,285
DAD REALLY WANTED
THAT MILK.

604
00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:02,505
I ALMOST LOST YOU GUYS TODAY --
ALL OF YOU.

605
00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:04,463
AW.JUST LIKE THAT.

606
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:05,464
AW, DADDY.

607
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:06,856
OH, HONEY.

608
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:09,295
YOU SPENT THE WHOLE DAY
TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING,

609
00:20:09,337 --> 00:20:11,949
AND I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY
TRYING NOT TO,

610
00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:14,038
AND NEITHER WAY WORKED,
DID IT?

611
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:15,300
NOPE.[ SIGHS ]

612
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,432
I MAY FIGHT YOU ON THIS,
BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOU

613
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,392
TO MAKE ME GET RID
OF JOLENE TWO.

614
00:20:19,434 --> 00:20:21,307
SHE'S A BITER.[ Chuckling ] I KNOW.

615
00:20:21,349 --> 00:20:24,309
AS SOON AS WE'RE DONE
WITH THIS HUG.

616
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:27,095
HEY, WHATEVER THIS IS,
I NEED TO GET IN ON IT.

617
00:20:27,137 --> 00:20:28,401
I ALMOST DIED TODAY.

618
00:20:28,443 --> 00:20:30,184
GRANDPA.
DADDY.

619
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,448
AW, DAD.
HEY.

620
00:20:32,491 --> 00:20:33,884
COME HERE.

621
00:20:33,927 --> 00:20:35,625
AWW.COME HERE, YOU.

622
00:20:41,892 --> 00:20:44,939
LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, LADY!

623
00:20:44,981 --> 00:20:46,288
[ PANTING ]

624
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,334
I WILL GET TO THE MEETING
WHEN I GET THERE.

625
00:20:48,376 --> 00:20:49,509
I LOOKED DEATH IN THE FACE
TODAY.

626
00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:52,729
HEL-- HELLO. YES, I WOULD LIKE
TO LEAVE A MESSAGE.

627
00:20:52,772 --> 00:20:55,384
MY HUSBAND ORDERED
AN EGGSHELL DRYER --

628
00:20:55,427 --> 00:20:58,778
NOT TALC, NOT PARCHMENT --
EGGSHELL.

629
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:01,868
HEY, YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

630
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:02,869
DOESN'T MATTER.

631
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,872
SO, I CALLED
THAT APPLIANCE STORE,

632
00:21:04,914 --> 00:21:07,527
AND I DEMANDED THAT YOU GET
THE DRYER THAT YOU WANTED.

633
00:21:07,569 --> 00:21:09,180
OH, WELL,
IT MUST'VE WORKED

634
00:21:09,223 --> 00:21:11,661
BECAUSE THEY'RE TAKING AWAY
THE WRONG ONE RIGHT NOW.

635
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,141
ANYTHING FOR YOU,
PRINCESS.

636
00:21:13,183 --> 00:21:15,535
OOH! WHO'S THIS GUY?
GET OVER HERE, SEXY.

637
00:21:15,577 --> 00:21:17,188
[ CHUCKLES ] IF YOU WANT TO SEE
SEXY, I JUST --

638
00:21:17,231 --> 00:21:18,972
OOH.
AH-CHOO!

639
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:20,365
AH-CHOO!

640
00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:21,976
OH, D--
WHAT IS ALL OVER YOU?

641
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:23,673
WELL, NOW YOUARE.AH-CHOO!