1 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,481 PHIL, HONEY! 2 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,050 PHIL! 3 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,850 HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 4 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,853 GRANDPA SENT US ANOTHER POSTCARD FROM HIS RV TRIP. 5 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,021 "MOUNT RUSHMORE? 6 00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:23,690 I WISH THE TOUR GUIDE WOULD HAVE RUSHED MORE." 7 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,024 PHIL, WE HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING 8 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,193 ABOUT AMBER AND RONNIE'S BOAT. 9 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,527 THAT THING IS MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE 10 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,164 TO PARK IN OUR DRIVEWAY, AND IT'S AN EYESORE. 11 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,498 ON THE OTHER HAND, THEY'RE OUR NEIGHBORS 12 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,665 AND WE HAVE TO SEE THEM EVERYDAY. 13 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,335 I WORRY ABOUT... ROCKING THE BOAT. 14 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,868 YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER. 15 00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,204 KEEPING ME HONEST. I LOVE IT. 16 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,539 YEAH, THE BOAT IS TRASHY. 17 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,875 LIVING NEXT TO IT DOESN'T FEEL "ON BRAND" FOR ME. 18 00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,344 YOU KNOW, WITH SEA LEVELS RISING AT THEIR CURRENT RATE, 19 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,179 WE SHOULD BE GLAD WE LIVE NEAR A BOAT. 20 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,848 OKAY, SO, THAT'S THREE FOR "GET RID OF THE BOAT." 21 00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:49,850 LUKE? COUNT ME OUT. 22 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:50,850 THIS ISN'T A POLICE STATE. 23 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,420 THAT BOAT ISN'T HURTING ANYONE. 24 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,090 HERE'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT BOAT. 25 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,859 ONE -- TAMMY LaFONTAINE SUNBATHES ON IT. 26 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:03,963 TWO -- MY EYEBALLS LIKE LOOKING AT TAMMY LaFONTAINE SUNBATHING. 27 00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:05,132 DON'T MAKE ME THE BAD GUY HERE. 28 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:07,435 YOU KNOW THAT OBNOXIOUS THING ANNOYS YOU, TOO. 29 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,102 YEAH, IT DOES, BUT WE NEED TO FINESSE THIS -- 30 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,103 BE NICE ABOUT IT. 31 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,204 THE LAST THING WE NEED 32 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,873 IS SOME HUGE FEUD WITH OUR CRAZY NEIGHBORS. 33 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,707 MOVIE IDEA. I'LL PUT ON THE LIST. 34 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,777 COMEDY OR DRAMA? DEPENDS ON CASTING. 35 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,445 THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME KIND OF REGULATION ABOUT THIS. 36 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,614 I'M GONNA CALL THE CITY. THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA. 37 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,948 UH, NO, A TERRIBLE IDEA 38 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:24,951 IS A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY WHO CAN FAX HIMSELF PLACES. 39 00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:27,620 'CAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE TITLE -- "JUST THE FAX MAN." 40 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:28,956 [ GASPS ] YEAH. HUH? 41 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,424 THAT WATER CAN'T HIT US SOON ENOUGH. 42 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:44,003 *** 43 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,006 [ DOOR OPENS ] 44 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,341 Mitchell: HEY, WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN? 45 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,176 Both: THE SAN VICENTE BRANCH OF THE PUBLIC LIBRARY, 46 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,277 AND THEN ICE CREAM. 47 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:52,945 THAT WAS A WEIRDLY SPECIFIC ANSWER. 48 00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:54,847 WELL, EVERYTHING IS NORMAL. 49 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,015 USUALLY WHEN EVERYTHING IS NORMAL, 50 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,850 PEOPLE DON'T RESPOND IN PERFECTLY REHEARSED UNISON. 51 00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,652 NOW WHO'S BEING WEIRDLY SPECIFIC. 52 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,754 WELL, IF YOU WENT TO THE LIBRARY, 53 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,790 WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY BOOKS? 54 00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:03,823 WE READ THERE. 55 00:02:03,856 --> 00:02:04,992 I READ "CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG." 56 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,993 AND I READ RICHARD CHAMBERLAIN'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 57 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,163 DID YOU KNOW HE DID HAMLET IN LONDON? 58 00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,164 YES, I REMEMBER YOU TELLING ME ABOUT THAT 59 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,501 AT THE SAN VICENTE BRANCH OF THE PUBLIC LIBRARY. 60 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,169 OKAY, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW, SWEETIE? 61 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,871 GREAT IDEA. LILY, DON'T FORGET YOUR BACKPACK. 62 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,772 WHOA, WHAT'S THIS? 63 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,141 UM... CAM, CLOWN SUPPLIES? 64 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,377 UH, YEAH, THOSE ARE MINE. 65 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,145 WE JUST HAD TO PICK THEM UP FROM THE DRY CLEANER. 66 00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:26,347 ALSO MINE. 67 00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:30,550 OH, MY GOSH, THEY MUST HAVE SHRUNK THEM IN THE WASH! 68 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,620 DID THEY WASH THEM 40,000 TIMES? 69 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:33,621 [ SIGHS ] OKAY, LOOK. 70 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,788 IT'S NO BIG DEAL, BUT I TOOK LILY 71 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,957 TO A JUNIOR CLOWN COLLEGE THIS MORNING. 72 00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:39,893 ARE YOU SERIOUS? BEHIND MY BACK? 73 00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:41,228 YES, BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T APPROVE. 74 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,462 WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? 75 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,298 NOT TAKE HER BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL 76 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,566 ABOUT ALL THIS MUMBO JUMBO. 77 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:46,567 HEY! 78 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,968 MUMBO JUMBO WAS LIKE A FATHER TO ME. 79 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,671 I HAVE BEEN VERY UP FRONT WITH YOU. 80 00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:55,575 YOU KNEW GOING IN THAT I WANTED TO RAISE OUR CHILD AS A CLOWN. 81 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,978 YES, BUT THEN I FINALLY REALIZED THAT YOU WEREN'T JOKING 82 00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,479 AND WE AGREED THAT WE WOULD WAIT 83 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,549 UNTIL SHE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE FOR HERSELF. 84 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,182 YOU DO STUFF WITH HER ALL THE TIME, 85 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,085 AND YOU DON'T ASK ME FOR MY PERMISSION. 86 00:03:05,117 --> 00:03:06,186 JUST LAST WEEK, 87 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:08,155 YOU TOOK HER TO THE DOCTOR WITHOUT EVEN ASKING! 88 00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:09,856 'CAUSE SHE HAD AN EAR INFECTION! 89 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,692 LET'S SAY WE'RE EVEN! 90 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,396 Gloria: BRAVO! 91 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,730 YOU ATE ALL OF YOUR BLUEBERRIES! 92 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,165 THAT GETS APPLAUSE? 93 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,502 I JUST FINISHED THE FRIDAY CROSSWORD PUZZLE AND NOTHING. 94 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,670 I GUESS EVERYONE KNOWS HERBERT HOOVER'S MIDDLE NAME. 95 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,837 LOOK WHAT I GOT -- 96 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:28,108 A THRONE FOR OUR LITTLE KING. 97 00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:29,776 DO WE HAVE TO PUT THE TOILET ON THE COUNTER? 98 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,211 I TAKE MY AFTERNOON COFFEE HERE. 99 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,045 LET'S FIX ONE PROBLEM AT A TIME. 100 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,848 I'VE DECIDED TO POTTY-TRAIN JOE. 101 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,417 NO, TOO SOON. 102 00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:37,918 IT'S TOO SOON FOR A PEARL HARBOR JOKE, 103 00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,420 PERFECT TIME FOR THIS. 104 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,221 I DON'T WANT TO RUSH HIM. 105 00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:43,856 TOO MUCH PRESSURE AND HE WILL GET TRAUMATIZED. 106 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,526 HE'S GROWN UP DRINKING FROM A BREAST BIGGER THAN HIS HEAD. 107 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,429 I DON'T THINK HE SCARES EASY. 108 00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:50,430 THE KID'S READY, PLUS, IF I'M BEING HONEST, 109 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,265 I'M TIRED OF BUYING DIAPERS. 110 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,436 EXCUSE ME, WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE DIAPERS? 111 00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,471 RIGHT OVER HERE, SIR. 112 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,312 YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY? 113 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,979 WE HAVE LARGER SIZES. 114 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,550 HE'S GONNA DO GREAT. 115 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,550 WHY WOULDN'T HE? 116 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,652 THERE'S NO ONE BETTER THAN JOE, RIGHT? 117 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:13,986 I'M BETTER THAN JOE. 118 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,990 AT HIS AGE, I WAS COUNTING TO 10 IN THREE LANGUAGES. 119 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:20,494 THE BAR IS SO LOW FOR THAT KID, EXCEPT WHEN THEY PLAY LIMBO. 120 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:23,396 THEY HOLD IT UP SO HIGH ANYBODY CAN GET UNDER IT. 121 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,733 [ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ] OH, HEY. 122 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:26,834 I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE. 123 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,168 [ SCOFFS ] REALLY? 124 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,903 SO, IS THAT YOUR CREEPY TWIN BROTHER 125 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,004 WHO'S BEEN STARING AT ME 126 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,639 FROM THE WINDOW FOR THE LAST WEEK? 127 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,975 UH, I COULD LIE AND SAY "YES." 128 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,077 YOU COULD PRETEND YOU WEREN'T FLATTERED, 129 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,913 BUT WHY NOT JUST CUT TO THE CHASE? 130 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,348 AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE? 131 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:45,353 UM...I COULD MAYBE TOUCH SOMETHING OF YOURS? 132 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,754 SURE, AND I COULD MAYBE KICK SOMETHING OF YOURS. 133 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,423 I LIKE THIS TENSION. 134 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,591 VERY "WILL THEY, WHEN WILL THEY?" 135 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,026 GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM, LITTLE BOY. 136 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,894 GOT IT. I'LL SEE YOU FROM THERE. 137 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,331 ONCE WE APPROACH THEM WITH THIS, 138 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:58,665 IT'S GONNA BE AWFULLY HARD FOR ME TO LOG IN 139 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,533 WITH MY ANONYMOUS CALL TO THE CITY. 140 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,603 YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE TO REPORT ANYONE. 141 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,937 CALL ME DAVID COPPERFIELD, 142 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,105 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO MAKE A BOAT DISAPPEAR. 143 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,309 HEY, NEIGHBORS. I MADE YOU SOME BANANA BREAD. 144 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,144 HEY! OH, I LOVE BANANA BREAD. 145 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,814 WE HAVE THIS AT OUR DISPENSARY, EXCEPT WE GOT WEED IN IT. Claire: OH. 146 00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:16,315 OOH, BUT WE COULD GIVE THIS ONE TO OUR KIDS AS A TRICK. 147 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,485 [ LAUGHS ] 148 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,452 THIS BOAT IS REALLY SOMETHING. 149 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,788 YOU KNOW WHAT WE CALL HER? 150 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,156 "JACKPOT"! 'CAUSE YOU SELL POT. 151 00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:25,992 HOLY COW, WE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. 152 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,461 THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! 153 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,797 [ LAUGHS ] PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD AND CHECK HER OUT? 154 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,298 YEAH! 155 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,466 THAT IS, IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MY BOAT AND NOT MY WIFE. 156 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,336 [ WHACK ] OOH, YEAH, YOU CAN'T CLIMB ABOARD ME. 157 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,704 WELL, NOT IN THE DRIVEWAY, ANYWAY. MM-HMM. 158 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:40,641 OH, THIS IS SO GREAT. Claire: YEAH. 159 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:41,908 DID YOU DO SOMETHING NEW WITH YOUR HAIR? 160 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,911 DID YOU GET A NEW WIG OR SOMETHING? MNH-MNH. 161 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,380 OH. SWEET BOAT LIKE THIS BELONGS IN THE WATER, AM I RIGHT? 162 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,550 WELL, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHO PUT THEIR BOAT IN THE WATER, 163 00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:50,884 THEY ONLY USE IT ON THE WEEKEND. 164 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,819 WE GET TO USE THIS BABY EVERY DAY. 165 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:53,987 CAN YOU IMAGINE 166 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,389 VISITING THIS BOAT EVERY DAY IN THE MARINA? 167 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,725 YOU SPEND A BUNCH OF MONEY ON SOMETHING, 168 00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:58,891 YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE IT. 169 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,528 THAT'S WHY I WEAR LOW-CUT TOPS. 170 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,096 YEAH! LISTEN UP. 171 00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:04,432 I JUST GOT TO BE HONEST. 172 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:05,999 WE'RE HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THE BOAT HERE. 173 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,935 WHAT, YOU DON'T LIKE JACKPOT? 174 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,538 IT'S GIGANTIC AND MAKES IT PRETTY TOUGH 175 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,172 TO PARK IN OUR DRIVEWAY. 176 00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:15,509 WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU OPEN YOUR DOORS ONTO OUR DRIVEWAY, 177 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,244 WHERE WE KEEP OUR BOAT. 178 00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:20,747 YES, AND, ACCORDING TO CITY REGULATIONS, 179 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,249 IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE. 180 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:24,117 "REGULATIONS." HEAR THAT? 181 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,619 LOOK, WE REALLY DO WANT TO KEEP THIS FRIENDLY. 182 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,454 AND IT'S BEEN HERE FOR THREE WEEKS. 183 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,856 YEAH, AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL. AND IT'S TACKY. 184 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,591 WHOA! WHOA, WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 185 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,692 SETTLE DOWN! HEY, THAT IS UNCOOL! 186 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,028 THERE ARE FOUR ACES ON THE SIDE OF IT. 187 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,129 YOU KNOW WHAT? 188 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,798 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO DISEMBARK. 189 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,632 THAT'S BOAT FOR "GET OFF." 190 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,036 YEAH, THERE'S NO ROOM UP HERE FOR AN UPTIGHT BUZZKILL. 191 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,271 DON'T CALL HER A BUZZKILL. 192 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,738 THAT'S RIGHT. THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO THINK I'M FUN. 193 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,406 YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT FIREWORKS FRIDAY, 194 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:50,242 YOU COMPLAIN WHEN MY SON PLAYS HIS KICK-ASS DRUM SET, 195 00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:51,978 YOU BOUGHT CURTAINS FOR YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW. 196 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,447 WHAT HAVE WE EVER DONE TO YOU? 197 00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,483 I THINK YOU JUST ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION. 198 00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:57,584 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 199 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,052 HERE, TAKE YOUR BUZZ-FREE BANANA BREAD 200 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,987 AND GO BACK TO YOUR PRECIOUS DRIVEWAY. OH. WITH PLEASURE. 201 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:03,055 BY THE WAY, CLAIRE, EARLIER, I WAS JUST BEING NICE. 202 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,891 I DO NOT LIKE YOUR NEW WIG. 203 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,226 HEY, WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE IS HER REAL HAIR! 204 00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:08,896 PHIL! UH, NOT THE COLOR. 205 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,096 HEY, PHIL! 206 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,899 OH. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 207 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,432 STILL THINK WE NEED TO BE NICE? 208 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,435 NO. IT'S TIME FOR MORE DRASTIC MEASURES. 209 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:18,971 MM-HMM. NO ONE INSULTS... MY BANANA BREAD. 210 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,946 [ SPITS ] 211 00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,447 MITCHELL. F-FIZ-- NO! NO! 212 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,250 WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT YOU SNEAKING UP ON ME? 213 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,418 I COULD HAVE BEEN SHAVING. 214 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,519 THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A SWEENEY TODD MOMENT. 215 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,788 BECAUSE OF ME, CLOWNING IS IN LILY'S BLOOD. 216 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:38,457 ADOPTED. BUT SHE'S A NATURAL, AND WE'RE GONNA PROVE IT TO YOU. 217 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,795 IF SHE DOESN'T MAKE YOU LAUGH, SHE'LL QUIT CLOWNING FOREVER. 218 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:42,930 COME ON. 219 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,031 [ GROANS ] PLEASE. 220 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:48,869 I PRESENT TO YOU THE ASIAN FOR ANY OCCASION, 221 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,538 THE CLOWN THAT WILL INVERT THAT FROWN, 222 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:55,108 THE DYNAMIC DUO OF FIZBO AND... [ CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS ] 223 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,877 LIZBO! 224 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,045 ARE YOU NOT HEARING THAT? 225 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,880 WE'RE WORKING ON THE NAME. 226 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:01,949 HA! 227 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:02,949 HO! 228 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,619 OH, NO, FIZBO DROPPED HIS HAT. 229 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:08,120 WHERE DID IT GO, LIZBO? 230 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,288 IT'S RIGHT THERE. OH! 231 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,958 [ CHUCKLES ] THERE IT IS! 232 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,291 [ CHUCKLES ] 233 00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:13,694 DO, DO-DO-DO-DO, DO, DO, DO. 234 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,862 NO, FIZBO! NO! 235 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,798 WHAT? I'M JUST PUTTING MY HAT BACK ON, LIZBO. 236 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,000 OH, MY -- OH! 237 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,235 CONFETTI -- I HOPE FIZBO KNOWS HOW TO VACUUM. 238 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:26,305 OH! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?! 239 00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:28,074 [ GROANS ] YOU'RE JUST SPREADING IT AROUND. 240 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:31,911 [ SIGHS HEAVILY ] 241 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:34,413 Mitchell: I TRIED TO BE SUPPORTIVE FOR LILY. 242 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,317 I REALLY DID, BUT I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF. 243 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,418 [ GRUNTING ] 244 00:08:39,451 --> 00:08:41,453 [ SIGHS ] 245 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,592 OHH! OH! OH! [ LAUGHS ] 246 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,595 THAT'S NOT PART OF THE ROUTINE. 247 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:48,995 [ CLANG ] OHH! OHH! 248 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,663 WAH, WAH! [ LAUGHS ] 249 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:51,731 OHH! OH! 250 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:54,067 SHE'S A NATURAL. DO IT AGAIN. 251 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,434 OHH! 252 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,774 OKAY, HERE WE GO. NOTHING TO IT. 253 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,308 MAKE IT RAIN. 254 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,111 YEAH, I-I GET IT. 255 00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:07,114 YOU -- YOU CAN'T PEE WITH ANOTHER GUY LOOKING AT YOU. 256 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,716 NOT A BAD THING, BY THE WAY. 257 00:09:11,283 --> 00:09:14,587 SON OF A GUN, HIS MIDDLE NAME WAS CLARK. 258 00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,923 JAY! MAY WE HAVE SOME PRIVACY, PLEASE? 259 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:18,125 FOR WHAT? 260 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:21,193 SO THAT JOE CAN KEEP CHEWING ON THE ELECTRICAL CORD? 261 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,528 [ CLAPPING ] WHOO. 262 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,530 O-OH, WE'RE -- WE'RE NOT CLAPPING FOR THIS? 263 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:27,200 I TOLD YOU THAT HE WAS NOT READY, AND WHEN HE IS, 264 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,536 WHY DON'T YOU LET HIS MOTHER TAKE CARE OF IT? 265 00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:31,772 YOU KNOW, I RAISED TWO FULLY FUNCTIONAL CHILDREN. 266 00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,539 YOU HAVE TWO KIDS THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT? 267 00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:37,043 PLEASE, JUST LET JOE GO ON HIS OWN SCHEDULE. 268 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,212 MANNY LEARNED TO POTTY-TRAIN WHEN HE WAS 2 1/2. 269 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,215 YOU TOLD ME IT WAS 13 MONTHS. 270 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,116 I MAY HAVE EXAGGERATED A LITTLE BIT. 271 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,452 2 1/2 ISN'T ADVANCED AT ALL. 272 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,120 WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXAGGERATE? 273 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,157 DID I REALLY LIKE SHAKESPEARE WHEN I WAS 3? 274 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,058 NOT SO MUCH SHAKESPEARE AS JELLO. 275 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,961 WAS MY FIRST WORD REALLY "LATTE"? 276 00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,796 NOT SO MUCH "LATTE" AS "JELLO." 277 00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,630 OH, MY GOD. I'M NORMAL. 278 00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,966 TRUST ME, KID, NO ONE'S SAYING THAT ABOUT YOU. 279 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,668 WHY DID YOU TELL ME ALL THOSE THINGS? 280 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:02,735 TO GIVE YOU CONFIDENCE. 281 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,236 YOU NEEDED IT BECAUSE YOU WERE HAVING 282 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,405 SO MUCH TROUBLE LEARNING HOW TO READ. 283 00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:07,807 THIS MAKES NO SENSE. 284 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,842 YES, THAT WHAT YOU ALWAYS USED TO SAY. 285 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,378 [ GROANS ] 286 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,581 AAH! OH! 287 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,750 [ SPITS ] WAH, WAH! 288 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,751 [ CHUCKLES ] 289 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,086 Cameron: I WASN'T DETERRED. 290 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,588 I KNEW LILY HAD WHAT IT TOOK TO BE A GREAT CLOWN. 291 00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,256 [ Chuckling ] I MEAN... 292 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,259 SHE JUST NEEDED TO FIND HER PERSONA, 293 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:30,663 AND THAT PROCESS CAN BE PAINFUL, ESPECIALLY FOR ME. 294 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,105 OHH, LILY! 295 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,106 WAH, WAH! 296 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,341 [ LAUGHS ] 297 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,845 * BA-DA, BA, BA, BA, BA-BA -- * 298 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,379 OHH. 299 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,783 WAH, WAH! 300 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:54,120 GOOD MORNING, NEIGHBORS. 301 00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,956 BEAUTIFUL DAY, HUH? 302 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,290 DON'T EVEN TRY TO SWEET-TALK US. 303 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,226 THIS TACKY BOAT AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE. 304 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:01,528 OH. [ RUMBLING IN DISTANCE ] 305 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:02,696 HEY, WHAT'S THAT? 306 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:06,232 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT COULD IT BE? 307 00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,239 PHIL IS NOT A VINDICTIVE GUY. 308 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,041 HE STILL LISTENS TO MILLI VANILLI. 309 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:15,708 IT'S A SCANDAL I CAN DANCE TO. 310 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,977 BUT RONNIE AND AMBER DON'T DESERVE NICE PHIL. 311 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,413 THEY DISSED MY WOMAN, SO I CALLED IN THE BIG GUNS. 312 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,414 YOU ARE SO SEXY RIGHT NOW. 313 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:25,618 GIRL, YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE. OH, THERE IT GOES. 314 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,490 IS THAT MY SON OR AM I LOOKING 315 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,393 IN THE WORLD'S MOST FLATTERING MIRROR? 316 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,662 THAT'S FUNNY AND UPLIFTING! 317 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,663 IT IS! [ LAUGHS ] OH, HI. 318 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,998 [ SMOOCHES ] THANKS FOR COMING SO FAST. 319 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,866 OH. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WE CALLED? 320 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,533 WHO KNOWS? IT ALL LOOKS THE SAME. 321 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,036 EITHER ARIZONA OR NEW MEXICO. 322 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,370 OR MAYBE EVEN REGULAR MEXICO. 323 00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,874 OH. THANKS FOR COMING, FELLAS. 324 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,875 HEY, GUYS. GRANDPA! 325 00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,378 THERE'S MY LITTLE GIRLS. HOW ARE YOU? 326 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,678 AWW. 327 00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,014 WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 328 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,347 WE SEE YOUR DRIVEWAY BOAT 329 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:59,019 AND RAISE YOU A CONVOY OF RETIREES. 330 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,854 OH, I WANT TO HAVE THREE MORE OF YOUR BABIES. 331 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,855 HOW WAS YOUR ROAD TRIP? 332 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,857 THE HIGHLIGHT CAME IN BRANSON, MISSOURI, 333 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:08,360 WHEN VICTOR REAR-ENDED YAKOV SMIRNOFF'S S.U.V. 334 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:12,432 THE EXCHANGE OF INFORMATION WAS HILARIOUS, BUT FRUSTRATING. 335 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,301 I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING. 336 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,634 [ As Yakov Smirnoff ] "IN MY COUNTRY, 337 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,804 CAR HAS INSURANCE FOR ME." 338 00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:19,371 [ Normal voice ] THAT SORT OF THING. 339 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,373 [ LAUGHS ] JUST LAUGH. 340 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,875 ONE DAY, WE'LL TREASURE THESE MOMENTS. 341 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,375 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 342 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,878 I GUESS YOU GUYS CONVINCED US. 343 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,113 IT'S AWESOME HAVING 344 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,115 GIANT RECREATIONAL VEHICLES IN YOUR FRONT YARD. 345 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,282 MM-HMM. 346 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,051 OH, WE SEE WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING. 347 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,284 YOU'RE GONNA SEE A WHOLE LOT MORE, 348 00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,956 'CAUSE THESE OLD GUYS LIKE TO DO TAI CHI IN SHORTY ROBES. 349 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,457 THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK. I LIKE HANGING WITH OLD PEOPLE. 350 00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:39,993 MAKES ME FEEL IN-SHAPE. 351 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,495 THEY CAN'T SLEEP AND THEY CAN'T HEAR. 352 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,730 THEY'RE GONNA BE BLASTING TALK RADIO ALL NIGHT LONG. 353 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,734 WHEN I GET DRUNK, I SNORE REAL LOUD, 354 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,769 SO I WON'T HEAR A THING. 355 00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:50,937 WE JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU A TASTE 356 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,173 OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE YOU FOR A NEIGHBOR. 357 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,842 I LOVE HOW CLOSE TOGETHER ALL OUR MOUTHS ARE. 358 00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,277 OHH. OKAY. 359 00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,111 HEY, DAD, WHAT'S THE -- 360 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,413 WHAT'S THE PLOT OF THAT RITA HAYWORTH MOVIE? 361 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,115 OH. MY FRIENDS HERE WERE WONDERING. 362 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,451 THAT'S MY CUE. TIME TO HELP MY BOY GET RID OF A BOAT. 363 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,120 UH, "LADY FROM SHANGHAI"? 364 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:09,288 THAT'S THE ONE. 365 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,291 I-I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THE DETAILS. 366 00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,525 PRETTY SURE THERE WAS A HORSE IN THAT MOVIE. MM-HMM. 367 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,361 OR WAS IT A BABY? 368 00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,697 FUNNY THING -- NONE OF IT WAS IN SHANGHAI. 369 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,033 AHH. OR WAS ALL OF IT IN SHANGHAI? 370 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,369 ANYWAY, WHERE WAS I? OH, RIGHT. 371 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,537 SO, EITHER THE HORSE OR THIS BABY... 372 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,106 OH, HEY. 373 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,774 I'M JUST PUTTING THESE IN THE CAR. 374 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,809 I HELP UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS LIFT WEIGHTS. 375 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,479 YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE YET. 376 00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,481 OKAY, YOU KNOW MY SECRET. WHAT'S YOURS? 377 00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:37,450 DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANY OF THIS IS GONNA WORK? 378 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,787 [ SIGHS ] I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 379 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:44,124 I-I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO SAY WHEN I'M AROUND YOU, 380 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,293 BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME. 381 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,628 [ SIGHS ] 382 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,298 FINE. HERE'S MY SECRET. 383 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,633 [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] 384 00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:56,302 I PUT ALL THESE WALLS UP AND ACT TOUGH, 385 00:13:56,336 --> 00:14:00,139 BUT...I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN WITH A BOY BEFORE. 386 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,140 REALLY? 387 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,143 BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH A GIRL. 388 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,312 [ LAUGHS ] OH, MY GOD. PATHETIC. 389 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,214 RUN HOME TO YOUR MOMMY, YOU LITTLE BITCH. 390 00:14:11,783 --> 00:14:13,086 IS LIZBO IN HERE? 391 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,086 I THINK SHE'S IN OUR ROOM. 392 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,322 [ SIGHS ] CAM. 393 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,756 YOU KNOW, YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS POSITION 394 00:14:17,789 --> 00:14:18,991 IF YOU HADN'T GONE BEHIND MY BACK. 395 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:22,528 I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS POSITION IF I HAD... 396 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,865 ...A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND. OKAY. 397 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,900 REALLY, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR HOW THIS IS MY FAULT. 398 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,336 YESTERDAY, LILY PERFORMED HER HEART OUT FOR YOU. 399 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,504 SHE WAS SO EXCITED TO DO THAT BROOM ROUTINE, 400 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,840 AND YOU GAVE HER NOTHING. 401 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,176 SO SHE GOT DESPERATE, 402 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,911 AND SHE RESORTED TO MEAN-SPIRITED GAGS. 403 00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,546 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, GUESS WHAT. 404 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,213 YOU'RE MISTER McGIGGLES! 405 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,548 OH, IS HE LIKE AN UNCLE TO YOU? 406 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,186 YOU KNOW WHAT HURT THE MOST IS THAT MY HUSBAND 407 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:49,721 TURNED OUR DAUGHTER AGAINST SOMETHING THAT I LOVE. 408 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,928 GUYS, WE APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP, 409 00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,463 BUT YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE UP THERE. 410 00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:58,630 I DON'T MIND. [ LAUGHS ] 411 00:14:58,664 --> 00:14:59,765 WHOA! 412 00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,268 [ SNIFFS ] IS THAT WEED I SMELL? 413 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,135 WAIT, YOU GAVE THEM POT? 414 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,971 NO, I RUN A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS. 415 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:06,306 I'M NOT GONNA RISK IT FOR THAT. 416 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,706 THEY BROUGHT THEIR OWN. DAD? 417 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,210 NOT ME, SON. IT'S ME AND VICTOR. 418 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,379 MAKES MY ARTHRITIS FEEL BETTER. 419 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,548 AND I'M IN REMISSION... FROM BEING LAME. 420 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,649 [ LAUGHTER ] Ronnie: HERE'S YOUR BEER, FRANK. 421 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:18,717 THANK YOU, RONNIE. RIGHT ON. 422 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,220 HERE YOU GO, GUYS. PIGS IN A BLANKET. 423 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,221 [ CHEERING ] THANK YOU, DARLING. 424 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:23,222 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?! 425 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,991 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ANNOYING THEM. 426 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,493 THESE GUYS COULD NEVER ANNOY ME. WHAT? 427 00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:28,561 OH, RONNIE! 428 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,895 [ LAUGHTER ] 429 00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:32,399 SORRY, SON, IT TURNS OUT RONNIE'S A FELLOW ARMY MAN. 430 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,734 PLUS, AT OUR AGE, IT'S TOUGH 431 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,970 NOT TO LIKE SOMEONE WHO PAYS ATTENTION TO US. 432 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,304 UNBELIEVABLE. 433 00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:41,140 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. MY DAD'S TOO LOVEABLE. 434 00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,309 IT'S ALWAYS BEEN HIS BIGGEST FLAW. 435 00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,312 HEY, SMELLS LIKE A PARTY! 436 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,413 BACK INSIDE. OKAY, THEN. 437 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,847 [ LAUGHTER ] 438 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,923 [ CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING ] 439 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:00,092 * TAKE YOUR BODY DOWN TO THE POTTY * 440 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:03,429 * TO HAVE SOME FUN AND GO NUMBER ONE * 441 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,298 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 442 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,765 WHAT IS THIS FILTH? 443 00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:09,601 I TRIED EVERYTHING -- VIDEOS, BOOKS, PARENTING WEBSITES. 444 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,604 I EVEN TRIED TO MAKE A GAME OUT OF IT. 445 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,940 NOTHING COULD GET THAT KID TO USE THE TOILET. 446 00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:18,445 BY THE WAY, DO NOT SEARCH "PEEING GAMES" ON THE INTERNET. 447 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,114 OKAY, JOE, WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? I'M A WEALTHY MAN. 448 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,315 JUST GIVE ME A NUMBER. 449 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,316 SEVEN. 450 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,152 I JUST FOUND OUT THAT'S HOW OLD I WAS 451 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,985 WHEN I LEARNED TO TIE MY SHOES. 452 00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,654 NOT 2, LIKE I WAS TOLD. 453 00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:31,158 OKAY, PLEASE, MANNY. 454 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,192 I MIGHT HAVE EXAGGERATED A LITTLE BIT, 455 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:35,361 BUT I DO THAT ALL THE TIME. 456 00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,797 COLUMBIA ACTUALLY IS A VERY NORMAL PLACE. 457 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,798 MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE ALL LIES. 458 00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:42,469 I CAN ONLY DEAL WITH ONE TRAUMATIZED CHILD AT A TIME. 459 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:46,139 PLEASE, JAY, LET THAT POOR BABY OFF THE TOILET. 460 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,307 OKAY, NEW PLAN -- 461 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,808 WE LEAVE HIM ON THE THRONE TILL HE CONKS OUT, 462 00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:52,479 THEN WE DUNK HIS HAND IN A BOWL OF WARM WATER -- 463 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,645 THAT'S CRAZY. 464 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,316 YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T RUSH THESE THINGS. 465 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,519 YOU DID IT BEFORE WITH CLAIRE AND WITH MITCH. 466 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,354 I DON'T THINK HE DID, MOM. 467 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,022 YES, HE DID, RIGHT? 468 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:06,425 WELL, I WAS A LITTLE BUSY BUILDING A CLOSET EMPIRE. 469 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,928 AND RACQUETBALL WAS PRETTY BIG BACK THEN. 470 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,097 MAYBE THAT'S WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU. 471 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,232 YOU MISSED SO MANY MILESTONES IN THEIR LIVES, 472 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,201 YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THEM WITH JOE. 473 00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,203 THIS IS YOUR SECOND CHANCE. 474 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,771 BUT DON'T WORRY, JAY. HE KNOWS YOU LOVE HIM. 475 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,942 I'D LIKE HIM TO REMEMBER THAT I'M THERE FOR HIM. 476 00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:25,010 I MEAN, WHO KNOWS IF I'LL GET ANOTHER CHANCE. 477 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,180 I KNOW. YOU WON'T. 478 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,015 AND HE WON'T HAVE TO REMEMBER YOU 479 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,017 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE. 480 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,519 AAH. FORGET IT. 481 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,019 COME ON. LET'S GIVE IT A REST. 482 00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:36,088 THE POOR KID -- ALL THAT PRESSURE I PUT ON HIM. 483 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,224 ESPECIALLY HIS BLADDER. 484 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,393 YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT A GALLON OF APPLE JUICE IN THERE, BUDDY. 485 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:42,429 DID YOU SEE THAT? 486 00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,697 DID YOU SEE HOW YOU UNDERSTOOD JAY? 487 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,099 THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL. 488 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:50,537 ANYONE CAN LEARN HOW TO WALK OR PEE IN A POTTY. 489 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,373 YOU'RE THE MOST SENSITIVE AND INSIGHTFUL PERSON 490 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:56,276 I HAVE EVER KNOWN, AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN. 491 00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:58,044 COME HERE, PAPI. 492 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,045 [ URINATING ] HE'S PEEING! 493 00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:01,480 HE'S PEEING! MY LITTLE GENIUS! 494 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:02,815 I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, BUDDY! 495 00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,483 [ LAUGHS ] AY, JAY, HE'S NOT DONE. 496 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,318 AW, HELL. IT'S ALL OVER ME. 497 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,086 WOULD YOU TAKE HIM? 498 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:12,924 LILY! 499 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,493 OH, IT'S YOU. OKAY. 500 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,561 COME HERE. 501 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,063 COME ON. LET'S HAVE A LITTLE TALK. 502 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,398 ALL RIGHT, I KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING 503 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,732 AT SOME OF THE STUFF THAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING TO DADDY, 504 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,067 BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE. 505 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,903 I KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THIS, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE 506 00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:26,439 THE TYPE OF CLOWN THAT HURTS PEOPLE. 507 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,174 I DON'T DO THAT TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. 508 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:31,042 YOU DON'T? WELL, THEN WHY DO YOU DO IT? 509 00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,614 I HATE IT. I DON'T WANT TO BE A CLOWN. 510 00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:37,083 IT'S SO WEIRD. OH, ARE YOU SERIOUS? 511 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,317 THE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY 512 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:41,421 AND EVERYBODY'S ALL, "HONK, HONK, AH-OOGA, WAH, WAH." 513 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,923 OH, LILY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. OH, MY GOSH. 514 00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:46,125 W-W-WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL HIM? 515 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,794 I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT HIS FEELINGS. OH. 516 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:49,628 SO I FIGURED IF I WAS A BAD CLOWN, 517 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:50,863 HE'D WANT ME TO STOP. 518 00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,531 OH, HONEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. 519 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:53,532 HE'LL UNDERSTAND. 520 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,866 YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT DADDY DOES. 521 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,368 YOU JUST NEED TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH. 522 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,871 TELL ME THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT? NOTHING! 523 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,472 NO, LILY, IT'S -- IT'S OKAY. 524 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,311 I'M SORRY, DADDY, BUT I THINK I WANT TO STOP BEING A CLOWN. 525 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,145 [ GASPS ] 526 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,148 OH, BUT WHY? Y-YOU LOVED IT. 527 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:12,818 BECAUSE... 528 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,488 BECAUSE I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS FIZBO. 529 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:19,326 HE'S JUST SO FUNNY AND SPECIAL AND MAGICAL. 530 00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:22,161 SWEETIE -- WELL, LISTEN. 531 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:26,465 FIZBO IS VERY SPECIAL. 532 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,902 BUT YOU SHOULDN'T EXPECT TO BE AS GOOD AS HE IS RIGHT AWAY. 533 00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:31,703 IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE. 534 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:32,904 AWW! 535 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,875 MAYBE I'LL TRY AGAIN WHEN I'M OLDER. MM. 536 00:19:35,907 --> 00:19:38,377 COMING UP WITH A LIE LIKE THAT IN THE MOMENT -- 537 00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,380 THAT GIRL IS NO CLOWN. 538 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,114 SHE'S GONNA BE A LAWYER. 539 00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:46,318 HEY, NEIGHBOR. 540 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,920 HEY. 541 00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:49,588 JUST WANTED TO SAY I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME 542 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,156 HANGING WITH YOUR DAD LAST NIGHT. 543 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,525 YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB IT IN. 544 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,527 I HEARD IT ALL NIGHT -- YOU GUYS SINGING "CHANTILLY LACE." 545 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,194 [ CHUCKLES ] NO, I'M SERIOUS. 546 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,329 WE HAD A LONG TALK. 547 00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,999 YOUR DAD AND HIS BUDDIES, THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE. 548 00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:02,067 THEY PLAYED THE WHOLE ARMY CARD. 549 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,903 AND, WELL, I'M GONNA DO THE HONORABLE THING 550 00:20:04,936 --> 00:20:07,105 AND, UH, MOVE THE BOAT. 551 00:20:07,138 --> 00:20:08,508 REALLY? 552 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,676 YEAH, MY BROTHER SAYS I CAN KEEP IT IN HIS DRIVEWAY. 553 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:11,678 HE HATES HIS NEIGHBOR. MM. 554 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,380 I THINK YOUR DAD'S RIGHT. 555 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,382 WE SHOULD START BEING BETTER TO ONE ANOTHER. 556 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,384 I COULDN'T AGREE MORE. I THINK YOU'LL SEE, 557 00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,617 ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW US, WE'RE GOOD PEOPLE, TOO... 558 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,753 [ SIREN CHIRPS ] 559 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,423 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 560 00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:24,423 THERE'S NO SMOKE. I KNOW. 561 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,393 OKAY, FOLKS. [ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ] 562 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:27,894 WHO OWNS THE BOAT? 563 00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:30,630 HE -- UH, THAT WOULD BE ME. WHY? IS THERE A PROBLEM? 564 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:31,798 TECHNICALLY, YOU CAN'T STORE IT HERE, 565 00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,465 AND SOME CRAZY LADY KEEPS CALLING. 566 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,304 HI, OFFICER. WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE? 567 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,137 WAIT, YOU GUYS NARC'd ON US! 568 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,407 NO, I BROUGHT YOU BANANA BREAD! IT WAS HER! 569 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,041 NOW WHO'S THE NARC? 570 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,376 CLAIRE, THAT'S PRETTY UNCOOL. 571 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,378 SUPER UNCOOL! YOU GUYS ARE LAME! 572 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,815 I'M ALSO GONNA HAVE TO WRITE UP THESE RVs. 573 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,148 [ ALL GROANING ] 574 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:54,320 I'M HOLDING. I'M MAKING A WALK FOR IT. 575 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,596 UGH. THIS AGAIN? 576 00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,498 DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING OVER HERE. 577 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,634 [ SIGHS, WHISTLING ] 578 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,502 HEY. 579 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,003 I'M SERIOUS. 580 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,175 YOU DID IT! 581 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,411 OH, MY GOD. 582 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,413 THAT WAS THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. 583 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,515 JUST DO IT A FEW MORE TIMES, AND SHE'LL BE BEGGING YOU 584 00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:25,183 TO KISS HER RIGHT IN THE SCIENCE MUSEUM... 585 00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:28,587 OR -- OR WHAT-- WHATEVER HER FANTASY IS. 586 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,623 [ SIGHS ]