1 00:00:02,915 --> 00:00:05,134 Claire: HONEY? Phil: HEY. 2 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,615 DID YOU REMEMBER TO GIVE ALEX AND LUKE THEIR LUNCH MONEY?MA'AM, YES, MA'AM. 3 00:00:07,658 --> 00:00:09,487 WHAT ABOUT THE ELECTRICIAN? DID YOU GIVE HIM A CHECK? 4 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,141 HE'S AN ELECTRICIAN -- HE'LL CHARGE US. 5 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,663 [ SIGHS ] I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK, SHECKY. 6 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,275 YES, I PAID HIM. 7 00:00:14,317 --> 00:00:15,189 HAPPY VALENTINE'S, BY THE WAY. 8 00:00:15,231 --> 00:00:16,451 MM, NO. MM. 9 00:00:16,493 --> 00:00:17,756 Claire: GROSS AND SWEATY FROM RUNNING. 10 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:18,975 [ SIGHS ] 11 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,759 SO [GROANS] FOR LATER TONIGHT, 12 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:22,673 YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING, VALENTINE? 13 00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:24,327 I BELIEVE I AM. 14 00:00:24,371 --> 00:00:26,329 Phil: EVERY VALENTINE'S DAY, 15 00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:28,506 CLAIRE AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SOME NAUGHTY ROLE-PLAYING -- 16 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:31,640 SEXUALLY ADVENTUROUS CUCKOLDER JULIANA 17 00:00:31,682 --> 00:00:33,207 AND CLIVE BIXBY, 18 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,686 SPEAKER SALESMAN BY DAY, SPY BY NIGHT. 19 00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:37,079 LOVER ALSO BY NIGHT 20 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,473 AND SOMETIMES DURING THE DAY. 21 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:42,694 THE SPEAKER BUSINESS, IT -- IT PRETTY MUCH RUNS ITSELF. 22 00:00:42,737 --> 00:00:44,521 I JUST WANT TO KEEP IT REALLY LOW-KEY THIS YEAR. 23 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,176 YOU KNOW, SIMPLE. 24 00:00:46,219 --> 00:00:47,264 YEP. 25 00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:49,353 ON THE OTHER HAND, 26 00:00:49,396 --> 00:00:51,354 WE COULD HAVE A DRINK AT THAT HOTEL BAR WE LOVE. 27 00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:52,747 GO ON. 28 00:00:52,790 --> 00:00:54,750 AND COME STRAIGHT HOME... 29 00:00:54,792 --> 00:00:56,185 PUT ON OUR JAMMIES, 30 00:00:56,229 --> 00:00:57,926 AND FALL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE TV. 31 00:00:57,969 --> 00:00:59,320 PERFECT. 32 00:00:59,362 --> 00:01:00,756 LOOKING FORWARD TO IT ALREADY. 33 00:01:00,798 --> 00:01:02,670 EW, BUT NOT THOSE ONES I HATE, 34 00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:04,019 THOSE RED SATIN PAJAMAS. 35 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,543 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THOSE ARE. 36 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:08,545 --Captions by VITAC-- 37 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,635 ♪♪♪ 38 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,688 I KNOW I'LL GET OVER IT, 39 00:01:20,731 --> 00:01:23,343 BUT RIGHT NOW I HATE ANDERS AND COOPER.[ GROANS ] 40 00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:25,911 OUR DEAR FRIENDS ANDERS AND COOPER 41 00:01:25,954 --> 00:01:27,521 GOT MARRIED LAST VALENTINE'S DAY, 42 00:01:27,564 --> 00:01:29,698 AND WE WANTED TO GET THEM SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL. 43 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,179 WE FOUND THIS EXQUISITE LITTLE PAINTING... OH... 44 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:35,485 ...OF A WINERY IN NAPA THAT WE ALL VISITED LAST YEAR. 45 00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,487 IT WAS A...BIT PRICEY, 46 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,837 BUT THEY'RE REALLY JUDGE-Y AND WE KNEW THEY'D LOVE IT. 47 00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,491 THE PROBLEM IS, SO DID WE. 48 00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:43,712 THANK YOU, CARMELINA. 49 00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:46,323 OH, AND HERE'S S-SOMETHING YOU CAN... 50 00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:47,802 PUT IN THE OTHER ROOM. 51 00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:48,933 [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] 52 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,414 THAT WAS HARD. SO HARD. 53 00:01:50,457 --> 00:01:52,241 PROBABLY HOW LILY'S BIRTH MOTHER FELT. 54 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:54,418 EXCEPT WE DON'T HAVE NINE OTHER PAINTINGS BY FIVE DIFFERENT PAINTERS. 55 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:55,418 OH, MY GOD. MITCH, CAM. 56 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:56,811 OH, GOD, ARE WE EARLY? 57 00:01:56,854 --> 00:01:58,292 THIS IS SO NOT LIKE US.I'M SORRY. 58 00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,293 NO, NO, NO. THE PARTY'S BEEN CANCELED. 59 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,251 WHY?COOPER'S LEFT ME. 60 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,557 HE'S FILING FOR DIVORCE. 61 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,993 [ Voice breaking ] THE MARRIAGE IS OVER! 62 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:05,777 [ SOBBING ]OHH. 63 00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:06,734 OHH. 64 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:08,562 OHH, ANDERS.ANDERS. 65 00:02:09,606 --> 00:02:11,174 I THOUGHT WE WERE IN LOVE.MM. 66 00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:14,090 YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE PERSON SLEEPING IN THE NEXT BEDROOM. 67 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,223 I'LL GET US SOME DRINKS. 68 00:02:17,266 --> 00:02:19,312 [ WHIMPERS ] 69 00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:20,227 SO SAD. 70 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,444 YEAH, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE. 71 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,403 IF IT'S REALLY LOVE, 72 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,318 YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO DO TO GET BACK WHAT YOU ONCE HAD. 73 00:02:25,361 --> 00:02:26,841 YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE PAINTING, RIGHT? 74 00:02:26,884 --> 00:02:28,365 OF COURSE I AM 'CAUSE WE DON'T OWE HIM THAT ANYMORE. 75 00:02:28,408 --> 00:02:29,365 GO GET IT! OKAY. 76 00:02:29,409 --> 00:02:30,454 GO GET IT. [ CLAPS ] 77 00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:32,194 YOU MUST HAVE BIG PLANS TODAY. 78 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,805 THIS IS LIKE YOUR SUPER BOWL, RIGHT? 79 00:02:33,848 --> 00:02:35,241 I'M SITTING IT OUT THIS YEAR. 80 00:02:35,284 --> 00:02:37,461 THE WHOLE HOLIDAY'S GOTTEN LAUGHABLY COMMERCIAL. 81 00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,201 SOUNDS LIKE AMY TURNED YOU DOWN. 82 00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,247 LIKE A BED IN A FIVE-STAR HOTEL. 83 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:42,987 I'LL BE DROWNING MY SORROWS 84 00:02:43,031 --> 00:02:45,033 IN A MARATHON OF MY NEW FAVORITE TRUE-CRIME SHOW, 85 00:02:45,076 --> 00:02:46,426 "LETHAL LADIES." 86 00:02:46,469 --> 00:02:48,341 AMY MAY HAVE DUMPED ME, 87 00:02:48,384 --> 00:02:50,343 BUT AT LEAST IT WASN'T OFF THE LIDO DECK OF A CARNIVAL CRUISE. 88 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,562 Gloria: I KNOW, SONIA! CáLLATE![ LAUGHS ]Sonia: [ GIGGLES ] 89 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:55,436 LOOK WHO'S BACK -- THE SANGRIA SISTERS. 90 00:02:55,478 --> 00:02:56,567 I INVITED MY SISTER TO VISIT 91 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,438 SO THAT WE COULD FIX OUR PROBLEMS. 92 00:02:58,481 --> 00:03:00,310 YOU KNOW, SISTER THINGS, 93 00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:03,443 LIKE I NEVER LIKED HOW SHE ALWAYS BORROWED MY BRAS, 94 00:03:03,486 --> 00:03:04,923 OR SHE NEVER LIKED 95 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:07,360 HOW I STOLE HER ONE CHANCE TO ESCAPE THE VILLAGE 96 00:03:07,403 --> 00:03:09,884 AND I LEFT HER THERE, TAKING CARE OF MY MOTHER. 97 00:03:09,927 --> 00:03:11,495 THINGS LIKE THAT. 98 00:03:11,538 --> 00:03:14,367 JAY, THEY DELAYED SONIA'S FLIGHT UNTIL TOMORROW. 99 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,239 WHY DON'T WE CANCEL OUR DINNER RESERVATION 100 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,502 AND THE THREE OF US CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S HERE? 101 00:03:18,545 --> 00:03:20,896 YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT FOR ME, GLORIA. 102 00:03:20,938 --> 00:03:22,723 I USUALLY SPEND VALENTINE'S DAY 103 00:03:22,766 --> 00:03:24,725 SELLING ARTIFICIAL FLOWERS NEAR THE WELL IN MY VILLAGE. 104 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:27,250 WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC? 105 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,033 I JUST FEEL SO BAD. 106 00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,949 YOU HAVE BOTH SHOWN ME SUCH KINDNESS THIS WEEK, 107 00:03:30,992 --> 00:03:32,646 AND I REPAY YOU WITH BAD WEATHER OVER TAMPA. 108 00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:34,082 NO, THIS IS BETTER. 109 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,475 IT GETS CRAZY OUT THERE. 110 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,651 I'M HAPPY TO AVOID THE FUSS. 111 00:03:37,694 --> 00:03:40,175 WOULDN'T HAVE MINDED A LITTLE FUSS. 112 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,353 MAYBE I'VE BEEN KIND OF FEELING TAKEN FOR GRANTED LATELY. 113 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:46,530 I KNOW ONLY GIRLS ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY, BUT -- 114 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:47,966 AH, WHAT AM I CRYING ABOUT? 115 00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:50,490 WE GET PAID MORE, SO WHAT THE HELL? 116 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:52,406 [ SIGHS ]COOPER DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY 117 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,495 TO LEAVE ME IN TIME TO CANCEL THE CATERER. 118 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:57,366 I HAVE 300 OF THESE WASABI SHRIMP CANAPéS IF YOU'RE HUNGRY. 119 00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:58,628 OH, NO, THANK YOU. 120 00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,501 SARDINE RILLETTES, OLIVE CROSTINI -- 121 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:01,937 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS? 122 00:04:01,979 --> 00:04:03,372 [ Sternly ] CARMELINA, THAT'S FOR COMPANY. 123 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,722 Cameron: [ CLEARS THROAT ] 124 00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,288 OH, WELL, THERE'S CAM, SO WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO. 125 00:04:06,332 --> 00:04:08,770 OH, YOU WERE GONE SO LONG, I WAS AFRAID YOU'D WOKEN MOTHER. 126 00:04:08,812 --> 00:04:09,901 UH, M-MOTHER? 127 00:04:09,944 --> 00:04:11,337 DIDN'T I MENTION IT? 128 00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:13,514 SHE'S RECUPERATING HERE, JUST HAD BOTH HIPS REPLACED. 129 00:04:13,556 --> 00:04:15,211 OHH. OHH.OH, THAT REMINDS ME -- 130 00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:17,081 I SHOULD PUT ON THE SECURITY CAMERA IN HER ROOM. 131 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,082 Did you get it?YES. 132 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,346 AND GUESS WHOSE ROOM 133 00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:20,956 THEY KEEP THE LAST MINUTE WEDDING GIFTS IN? 134 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:23,132 HINT -- APPARENTLY YOU NEED YOUR ORIGINAL HIPS 135 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,567 TO KEEP A NIGHTGOWN CLOSED. 136 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,396 WELL, I'M GLAD YOU STOPPED BY. 137 00:04:26,439 --> 00:04:27,353 I REALLY NEEDED THIS. 138 00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:28,310 [ CHUCKLES ] 139 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:29,660 OH, CAM, GET IN HERE. 140 00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,314 OH, I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A SNIFFLE. 141 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,923 OH, COME ON. [ CHUCKLES ] 142 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,360 [ PICTURE THUDS ]OH! 143 00:04:34,403 --> 00:04:35,317 WHAT'S THIS? UM... 144 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,884 UH, THAT IS, UM -- 145 00:04:36,927 --> 00:04:38,538 THAT'S A WEDDING GIFT FOR YOU AND COOPER, 146 00:04:38,581 --> 00:04:40,497 BUT ONCE WE HEARD, WE DIDN'T THINK IT WAS APPROPRIATE. 147 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:42,369 OH, ARE YOU KIDDING? THERE'S NO BAD TIME FOR A GIFT. 148 00:04:42,411 --> 00:04:43,718 I'M -- I'M SORRY IT'S SO LATE. 149 00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:45,110 WE JUST WANTED TO GET YOU SOMETHING 150 00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:46,329 THAT YOU WOULD REALLY CHERISH. 151 00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:48,199 PRETTY MUCH THE BEST GIFT WE'VE EVER GIVEN ANYONE. 152 00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:49,331 YEAH, IT'S -- IT'S A BEAUTIFUL... 153 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:52,247 CHEESE PLATE! 154 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,119 YES, I GOT THAT FROM THE... 155 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:55,382 WHIMSICAL PHRASING. 156 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,512 ARE YOU SURE YOU WON'T STAY FOR ONE MORE, 157 00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,167 ESPECIALLY NOW SINCE I'VE GOT THIS 158 00:04:58,209 --> 00:05:00,038 STYLISH CHEESE-DELIVERY SYSTEM? 159 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:01,343 JUST ONE, YEAH.GREAT. 160 00:05:01,387 --> 00:05:02,519 OKAY. 161 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:05,521 What happened?! 162 00:05:05,565 --> 00:05:07,610 OBVIOUSLY THERE WERE TWO GIFTS WRAPPED SIMILARLY, 163 00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:08,699 AND MY EYES WERE WATERING 164 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,571 FROM THE THINK FOG OF VapoRub BACK THERE. 165 00:05:10,613 --> 00:05:11,615 OKAY, WELL, WE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE NOW, 166 00:05:11,658 --> 00:05:13,050 SO GO BACK AND GET THE PAINTING. 167 00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,617 YOU KNOW WHO GAVE HIM THAT CHEAP THING? 168 00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:16,403 J'MARCUS. SHE'S GOT THE FIRST DOLLAR SHE EVER EARNED -- 169 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,795 Just go! 170 00:05:17,838 --> 00:05:19,927 Jay: ONCE SONIA BLEW UP MY VALENTINE'S DAY, 171 00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:22,365 I COULD HAVE SAT AROUND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. 172 00:05:22,408 --> 00:05:25,846 INSTEAD, I HAD A LITTLE CHUCKLE, AND I GOT THE DOG A GIFT. 173 00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:28,545 I KNOW IT'S SILLY GETTING STELLA A PRESENT... 174 00:05:28,588 --> 00:05:30,807 SO CLOSE TO HER BIRTHDAY. 175 00:05:30,851 --> 00:05:32,593 IS SHE AROUND? 176 00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,072 I THINK SHE'S UPSTAIRS IN THE BATH. 177 00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:35,596 WHAT? I JUST GAVE HER A BATH THIS MORNING. 178 00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:36,509 EW! 179 00:05:36,552 --> 00:05:37,946 OH, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT STELLA. 180 00:05:37,988 --> 00:05:39,425 WAIT, YOU GOT THE DOG A GIFT? 181 00:05:39,468 --> 00:05:41,209 LOT OF ATTITUDE 182 00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:43,211 FOR A GUY WHOSE DATE'S A TUB OF ICE CREAM AND A FUZZY ROBE. 183 00:05:43,254 --> 00:05:45,519 YOU'RE SPENDING VALENTINE'S DAY IN A "CATHY" CARTOON. 184 00:05:46,475 --> 00:05:48,478 HEY, WHAT'S ALL THIS? 185 00:05:48,521 --> 00:05:50,000 I THOUGHT THE THREE OF US WERE JUST GONNA ORDER SOMETHING IN. 186 00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,047 NO. I RUINED YOUR NIGHT ENOUGH. 187 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,526 I'M COOKING FOR YOU AND GLORIA 188 00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:56,093 SO YOU CAN HAVE A ROMANTIC EVENING ALONE. 189 00:05:56,137 --> 00:05:58,401 SONIA, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.I WANT TO. 190 00:05:58,444 --> 00:06:00,968 IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO PREPARE FOOD FOR YOU. 191 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:04,319 MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL BE PREPARING IT FOR A HUSBAND OF MY OWN. 192 00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:06,495 THANK YOU FOR NOT LAUGHING AND FALLING ON THE FLOOR 193 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,672 LIKE MY MOTHER DOES WHEN I SAY SUCH THINGS. 194 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,675 YOU KNOW, IT BEING VALENTINE'S DAY AND ALL, 195 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:13,589 I, UH -- 196 00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,199 I GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING. 197 00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:16,331 OOH, LAUNDRY? 198 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,245 NO. 199 00:06:17,288 --> 00:06:18,072 HERE. 200 00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:21,771 I CAN'T. 201 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,165 COME ON! OPEN IT. 202 00:06:24,687 --> 00:06:26,341 HERE, SEE THAT "S" THERE? 203 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,951 THAT'S FOR "SONIA." 204 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:34,610 OH, JAY, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. 205 00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:36,569 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO... 206 00:06:36,612 --> 00:06:37,613 THANK YOU! 207 00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,528 [ LAUGHS ] 208 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,053 WHEN WILL I LEARN? 209 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:45,492 I'M CATNIP TO SISTER-IN-LAWS. 210 00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:47,449 YEARS AGO, I WAS SITTING NEXT TO DEDE'S SISTER CECE 211 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:48,886 AT THANKSGIVING DINNER, 212 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,932 AND I THREW A LITTLE CHARM HER WAY. 213 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,542 YOU KNOW, FLASH THE BABY BLUES. 214 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,891 AND BEFORE I KNOW IT, 215 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,372 SHE'S RUBBING HER SIZE 12s UP AND DOWN MY SHIN. 216 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,634 DEDE CAUGHT HER, WENT OVER THE TABLE AT HER. 217 00:06:58,678 --> 00:07:01,942 IT TOOK ME AND HER SISTER BEBE TO SEPARATE THEM. 218 00:07:03,639 --> 00:07:04,728 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 219 00:07:05,728 --> 00:07:06,687 HEY, WHERE ARE YOU? 220 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,079 I'VE BEEN TRYING YOU FOR 15 MINUTES. 221 00:07:08,122 --> 00:07:09,819 CLAIRE: I know. We ran late. 222 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,605 And then the car wouldn't start, so I had to call AAA. 223 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,606 They said they're on their way, but who knows? [ Chuckles ] 224 00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:15,303 I'm all greasy. 225 00:07:15,346 --> 00:07:17,697 Oh, honey, I don't think I'm gonna make it. Don't be mad. 226 00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,264 I AM MAD. 227 00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:20,483 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE 20 MINUTES AGO. 228 00:07:20,526 --> 00:07:22,310 THIS IS THE ONE NIGHT WE SET ASIDE FOR US. 229 00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:23,877 I know, and I feel terrible, 230 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:27,098 but [Sighs] listen, finish your drink, come on home. 231 00:07:27,141 --> 00:07:29,012 Maybe we'll have a romantic Easter. 232 00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:32,451 Check, please. 233 00:07:34,627 --> 00:07:37,108 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR WIFE HAS HAD SOME CAR TROUBLE. 234 00:07:37,151 --> 00:07:40,372 I WONDER HOW THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED? 235 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,600 I MUST SAY, JULIANA, 236 00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,514 YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I EXPECTED TO SEE HERE TONIGHT. 237 00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:54,778 WELL, WITH ANY LUCK, YOU'LL BE THE LAST PERSON I DOSEE TONIGHT. 238 00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127 [ CHUCKLES ] Oh, my God. 239 00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:58,651 PHIL, I'VE HAD MY EYE ON YOU FOR YEARS. 240 00:07:58,694 --> 00:07:59,740 I'M JUST SO HAPPY 241 00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,785 WE'RE FINALLY GONNA GET SOME ALONE TIME. 242 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,221 I'M NOT SCARING YOU, AM I? 243 00:08:03,264 --> 00:08:04,875 QUITE THE CONTRARY. 244 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,310 MOST WOMEN WHO MEET ME 245 00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:08,139 ALMOST INSTANTLY ASK FOR SOME ALONE TIME. 246 00:08:08,182 --> 00:08:08,879 MM.[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] 247 00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:10,358 EXCUSE ME. 248 00:08:10,401 --> 00:08:11,577 DARN IT! 249 00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,187 MY SHOWING WAS PUSHED UP TOMORROW MORNING. 250 00:08:13,230 --> 00:08:15,233 I-I MAY HAVE TO MAKE IT AN EARLY ONE. 251 00:08:15,276 --> 00:08:16,713 ARE YOU SURE? 252 00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,759 'CAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE NIGHT WITH ME, TIGER, 253 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,237 AND I'M AS FLEXIBLE 254 00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:21,805 AS A GOVERNMENT-INSURED, ZERO-DOWN, 255 00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,764 VARIABLE-RATE MORTGAGE. 256 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,634 Who are you? 257 00:08:25,678 --> 00:08:27,942 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET OUT OF HERE? 258 00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,334 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Run, run! 259 00:08:29,377 --> 00:08:30,684 But we haven't even paid for this. 260 00:08:30,726 --> 00:08:32,642 WE'RE OUTLAWS, BABY. GO, GO! 261 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,950 THAT WAS SUCH A RUSH! AH! 262 00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:38,342 YOU'VE NEVER STOLEN ANYTHING BEFORE?[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] 263 00:08:38,386 --> 00:08:40,606 ONLY THE ENTIRE SHOW OF MY HIGH-SCHOOL PRODUCTION OF "THE WIZ," 264 00:08:40,649 --> 00:08:41,912 BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'S -- 265 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:44,784 OH, GLASS ELEVATOR. SHOULD MAKE FOR AN EXCITING VIEW. 266 00:08:44,827 --> 00:08:46,743 IT WILL FOR THE PEOPLE ON THE STREET. 267 00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:48,004 Oh, my God. 268 00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:53,183 I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THEM GET ON. 269 00:08:53,227 --> 00:08:55,577 WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR AN EAR CLEANING. 270 00:08:55,621 --> 00:08:57,667 I DON'T KNOW, YOU JUST SLUICED THEM OUT PRETTY GOOD. 271 00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,408 I'M GETTING KIND OF HOT, PHIL. 272 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,845 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE COOL OFF A BIT? 273 00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,152 AW, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT, JULIANA. 274 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,761 TOO BAD IT'S AFTER...DARK.[ BEEPS ] 275 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:08,024 Sorceress. 276 00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:09,722 YOU WERE RIGHT, JULIANA. 277 00:09:09,765 --> 00:09:11,985 THIS COOL NIGHT AIR IS JUST THE THING. 278 00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:13,726 WOULD THE LADY LIKE MY COAT 279 00:09:13,769 --> 00:09:15,032 SO SHE DOESN'T CATCH A COL-- 280 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:17,947 DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES? 281 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,210 [ WATER SPLASHES ] 282 00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:22,735 WATER'S A LITTLE CHILLY. 283 00:09:22,778 --> 00:09:24,650 THINK YOU CAN COME IN HERE AND HELP ME WARM IT UP? 284 00:09:24,693 --> 00:09:27,349 BABY, THEY HAVEN'T BUILT A POOL I COULDN'T WARM A LITTLE. 285 00:09:30,481 --> 00:09:32,048 WHERE'S CAM?UH, TINKLING AGAIN. 286 00:09:32,092 --> 00:09:33,746 NATURE CALLS SO OFTEN, I THINK SHE HAS HIM ON SPEED DIAL. 287 00:09:33,789 --> 00:09:34,790 [ CHUCKLES ] 288 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,270 [ ALARM BEEPS ]OH, WHAT'S THAT? 289 00:09:36,313 --> 00:09:37,793 THE MOTION-DETECTOR ALARM IN MOTHER'S ROOM 290 00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:38,969 IN CASE SHE FALLS OUT OF BED. 291 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,623 I TURN IT ON DURING COCKTAILS, 292 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,842 WHEN I TEND TO FORGET [Laughing] SHE'S EVEN THERE.[ CHUCKLES ] 293 00:09:42,885 --> 00:09:44,758 WHAT'S GOING ON? SHE ALL RIGHT? OH. 294 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,062 YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S JUST TOSSING HER LEG A LITTLE BIT. 295 00:09:46,106 --> 00:09:47,760 OH, THAT KICKY THING? 296 00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,413 SHE'S EITHER HAVING HER ROCKETTES DREAM 297 00:09:49,457 --> 00:09:50,764 OR HER CATHETER'S OUT. 298 00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:52,200 Mitchell: [ SIGHS ]Anders: SHE'S FINE. 299 00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:54,201 [ CHUCKLES ] [ SIGHS ] 300 00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,463 [ Growling ] OH, WE'RE OUT OF ICE! 301 00:09:55,506 --> 00:09:57,466 THE NIGHTMARE CONTINUES! 302 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:00,033 God. 303 00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:04,428 OH. 304 00:10:04,472 --> 00:10:05,778 HEY, I GOT IT. 305 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,041 Mitchell: OKAY, PUT IT BACK. 306 00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:08,782 I CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE HEARD YOU CORRECTLY. 307 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,826 THERE IS A BOX OVER THERE WITH A SANTANGELO GLASS BOWL 308 00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:12,654 THAT THEY GOT US FOR OUR WEDDING. 309 00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:14,570 WE'LL JUST SAY THAT THE CHEESE PLATE WAS A LITTLE JOKE 310 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,441 AND THAT THE REAL PRESENT IS IN THE OTHER ROOM. 311 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:17,528 HURRY! 312 00:10:18,529 --> 00:10:19,836 YOU KNOW, YOUR COMING AROUND TODAY 313 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:22,533 REMINDED ME THAT COOPER AND I GOT YOU A WEDDING GIFT. 314 00:10:22,577 --> 00:10:23,710 YOU DID? 315 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:26,929 [ Chuckling ] WELL, NOW, THIS IS A SURPRISE. 316 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,758 WELL, EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN'T SAY SO ON IT, 317 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,803 IT'S A FISH! CONGRATS. 318 00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:33,763 OH, MY GOD! PLASTIC OLIVE SWORDS? 319 00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:36,548 CARMELINA, ARE YOU TRYING TO BE DEPORTED?!Mitchell: [ SIGHS ] 320 00:10:36,591 --> 00:10:37,811 ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT BACK. 321 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,246 WHAT IS THAT? 322 00:10:39,289 --> 00:10:40,682 THIS IS ANDERS' WEDDING PRESENT TO US. 323 00:10:40,726 --> 00:10:42,729 HE MUST HAVE SWAPPED IT OUT 324 00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,381 WHEN HE OPENED THAT MONSTROSITY THAT HE THINKS WE GOT HIM. 325 00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:45,774 [ SCOFFS ] WE'RE GETTING OUR PAINTING BACK. 326 00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:47,734 GO. ME? 327 00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:50,301 NO, NO. YOU'VE ALREADY DONE A RECON OF THE ROOM. YOUNEED TO DO THIS. 328 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:51,780 OKAY, TAKE IT EASY, "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE." 329 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,173 IT'S A BED AND A COUCH, NOT A LASER MAZE. 330 00:10:53,216 --> 00:10:54,043 NOW GET. 331 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,090 [ GROANS ][ SIGHS ] 332 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:59,484 A LITTLE CHAMPAGNE, AND DINNER WILL BE READY IN 10 MINUTES. 333 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:00,964 AY, GRACIAS! 334 00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:03,923 OH, JAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY NEW BRACELET. 335 00:11:03,966 --> 00:11:05,273 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. 336 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,883 AND SPEAKING OF JEWELRY AND "SHOULDN'T HAVEs," 337 00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:08,580 I WAS FEELING SORRY FOR SONIA, 338 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:09,972 AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE TRINKET. 339 00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,539 OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. 340 00:11:11,582 --> 00:11:13,933 YEAH, BUT NOW THE POOR KID'S GOT THE HOTS FOR ME. 341 00:11:13,976 --> 00:11:14,890 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. 342 00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:16,326 MAYBE I JUST DON'T KNOW MY OWN POWER. 343 00:11:16,370 --> 00:11:17,937 I MEAN, YOU MUST GET THAT SOMETIMES. 344 00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:18,721 DON'T BE MAD. 345 00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:19,721 [ LAUGHING ] 346 00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:21,115 AND DON'T BE WHATEVER THAT IS, EITHER. 347 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,291 SHE HUGGED ME AND WOULDN'T LET GO. 348 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,509 MM.IT'S NOT THAT CRAZY. 349 00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:25,772 THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. 350 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,424 OH, YEAH, THAT TIME 351 00:11:27,469 --> 00:11:29,384 WHEN DEDE'S LONELY SISTER GRABBED YOUR LEG? 352 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,081 NOT LONELY. SHE'S A FOREST RANGER. MM. 353 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,735 SHE CAN'T BE TIED DOWN. 354 00:11:32,778 --> 00:11:35,085 LOOK, BEFORE I SHUFFLE BACK TO MY BELL TOWER, 355 00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:36,739 LET ME JUST SAY I KNOW THE LOOK. 356 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,740 AY, JAY, PLEASE. 357 00:11:38,784 --> 00:11:41,570 I'M SO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO YOU AT ALL TODAY. 358 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,789 AND NOW YOU'RE ALL CRAZY. [ LAUGHS ] 359 00:11:43,832 --> 00:11:46,575 Sonia: GLORIA, I CAN'T FIND THE CANDLESTICKS! 360 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,924 AY, DON'T WORRY. I GO HELP YOU! 361 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,884 [ THUD ] AY! 362 00:11:51,927 --> 00:11:53,321 GLORIA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?[ GROANS ] 363 00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:54,669 MY ANKLE! 364 00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,802 WHY IS JOE'S TOY HERE? 365 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,892 OH, GEE, YOU REALLY TWISTED IT, HUH?AY, AY, AY, AY! 366 00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:00,676 ALL RIGHT, HONEY. LET ME GET SOME ICE ON THAT. 367 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,157 Sonia: I HEARD A CRASH. IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 368 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,985 YEAH, GLORIA TURNED HER ANKLE. 369 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,986 I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S GONNA MAKE IT DOWN FOR DINNER. 370 00:12:07,029 --> 00:12:08,989 OH, NO! 371 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,467 SHOULD I BRING YOUR FOOD UPSTAIRS? 372 00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:11,947 NO, SHE JUST WANTS TO REST. 373 00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:14,124 SHE TOLD ME TO EAT WITH YOU DOWNSTAIRS. 374 00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:15,865 SHE DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE ANY -- 375 00:12:16,996 --> 00:12:18,649 ...TROUBLE. 376 00:12:18,693 --> 00:12:19,782 THAT WAS THE MOST EXCITING NIGHT OF MY LIFE. 377 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,261 [ BREATHING DEEPLY ] 378 00:12:21,304 --> 00:12:22,784 WOULD IT BREAK THE MOOD IF I CLAPPED A LITTLE? 379 00:12:22,828 --> 00:12:24,091 NO, I WILL ALLOW IT. 380 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,701 [ CHUCKLES, SIGHS ] 381 00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:30,183 OOH, LOOK, THEY HAVE THE GOOD Q-TIPS. 382 00:12:30,226 --> 00:12:31,880 I'M GONNA STEAL US A BUNCH. 383 00:12:31,924 --> 00:12:33,230 I'M GONNA MISS JULIANA. 384 00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:35,188 THAT LADY KNOWS WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED. 385 00:12:35,231 --> 00:12:37,059 OH, THANKS, HONEY. 386 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,846 I KNOW SOME YEARS I MISS THE MARK ON VALENTINE'S DAY. 387 00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,586 THIS YEAR, I WANTED TO MAKE SURE -- 388 00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:43,893 SHE'S JUST SO ADVENTUROUS AND SURPRISING. 389 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,373 IT'S LIKE I WAS PARCHED, 390 00:12:45,415 --> 00:12:47,288 AND SHE QUENCHED MY THIRST WITH A BIG GOBLET OF "WOW." 391 00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:50,159 HMM. WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOUR GOBLET DOESN'T GET SO LOW 392 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,206 BEFORE WE FILL HER UP AGAIN. 393 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,817 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT ANYWAY, 394 00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:56,950 I'M KIND OF THINKING MAYBE WE'LL JUST GO HOME. 395 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,735 THAT SHOWING REALLY IS EARLY, AND I NEED TO BE SHARP. 396 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,868 ARE YOU SURE? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO SLEEP HERE. 397 00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:04,000 YEAH, I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE WHOLE JULIANA MOMENT. 398 00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:06,437 HEY, WOULD YOU SEE IF THERE'S ANY SEWING KITS? I THINK WE'RE OUT. 399 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,221 YEAH. 400 00:13:08,264 --> 00:13:09,745 SOMETHING WAS OFF, 401 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:11,399 BUT I COULDN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT. 402 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,096 CLAIRE, LET'S GET A MOVE ON! 403 00:13:13,139 --> 00:13:14,619 I'M COMING. I'M COMING. HANG ON. 404 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,230 WELL, LOOK WHO'S BACK. 405 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:17,971 OH. YEAH, WELL, I WOULD HAVE CHANGED, 406 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,841 BUT THIS IS ALL I BROUGHT. 407 00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:21,756 CHANGE? WHEN YOU'RE PERFECT? 408 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,889 OH, THAT'S SO NICE. 409 00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:26,849 OH, MY, GOD, LOOK AT THAT. IT REALLY HAS GOTTEN LATE, HASN'T IT? 410 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,895 NOT FOR A LADY OF THE EVENING LIKE YOURSELF, JULIANA. 411 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,681 WHAT'S SAY WE FOG UP THAT GLASS ELEVATOR AGAIN 412 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,596 AND GRAB A NIGHTCAP IN THE BAR? 413 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,730 THEN I PUT MY FINGER ON IT -- 414 00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:39,905 MY HUSBAND'S IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. 415 00:13:46,346 --> 00:13:48,523 YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU? MMM, YEAH. 416 00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:49,697 POOR GLORIA, THOUGH, HUH? 417 00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:50,830 SHE'LL BE FINE. 418 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:53,745 OH, YOU HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING -- 419 00:13:53,788 --> 00:13:54,702 OH, I'LL GET IT THIS TIME. 420 00:13:54,745 --> 00:13:56,269 [ CHUCKLES ] 421 00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:57,793 OH, EXCUSE ME. 422 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,798 [ BELL DINGS ] 423 00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:05,365 OH, THE SOUP IS READY. I'LL BRING SOME FOR GLORIA. 424 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,153 I'M NOT CRAZY, RIGHT? 425 00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,067 NO. SHE'S INTO YOU. 426 00:14:12,111 --> 00:14:13,895 THANK GOD YOU WANDERED DOWN HERE WHEN YOU DID. 427 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,158 YOU SEE HOW SHE KEEPS SLIDING CLOSE TO ME? 428 00:14:16,202 --> 00:14:18,030 IT'S LIKE EATING ON A BOAT. 429 00:14:18,073 --> 00:14:19,553 IT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAN THAT. 430 00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:21,163 IT'S STRAIGHT OUT OF "LETHAL LADIES." 431 00:14:21,207 --> 00:14:23,600 LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE TRASH. 432 00:14:23,644 --> 00:14:25,908 PICTURES OF ME AND GLORIA WITH GLORIA'S HEAD CUT OUT? 433 00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:27,475 SHE LITERALLY WANTS MOM OUT OF THE PICTURE. 434 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,562 HOLD ON, AMIGO. 435 00:14:28,605 --> 00:14:30,782 IS SHE INFATUATED WITH ME? YES. 436 00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:32,959 UNDERSTANDABLE, UNAVOIDABLE. 437 00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:35,091 BUT WOULD SHE ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING TO HER OWN -- 438 00:14:35,134 --> 00:14:36,962 [ GASPS ] WHAT?! 439 00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:38,138 SHE JUST TOOK A BOTTLE OUT OF HER PURSE 440 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,922 AND SPRINKLED IT INTO MOM'S SOUP. 441 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:43,143 OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THIS DUMB TV SHOW FOR YOU. 442 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,971 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A PERFECTLY BELIEVABLE OBSESSION. 443 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,102 YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE THIS INTO SOMETHING THAT'S -- 444 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:48,408 Sonia: HERE, MANNY. 445 00:14:48,451 --> 00:14:50,846 THAT'S FOR ME? WHAT ABOUT JAY? 446 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,500 OH, IT'S TOO SPICY FOR HIM. 447 00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:54,197 I MAKE ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE YOURS FOR YOUR MOTHER. 448 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,894 EAT IT WHILE IT'S HOT.OKAY. 449 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,375 OH, MY GOD. 450 00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,159 SHE WANTS ME OUT OF THE PICTURE, TOO. 451 00:15:00,202 --> 00:15:01,639 OF COURSE. 452 00:15:01,682 --> 00:15:02,857 YOUNG WOMAN MEETS A WEALTHY, OLDER MAN. 453 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,337 WHO WANTS A KID IN THE WAY? 454 00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:05,947 THAT'S THE FIRST AIRTIGHT THING YOU'VE SAID TODAY. 455 00:15:05,991 --> 00:15:07,080 BUT SHE'S NOT A MURDERER 456 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,124 [ SPOON CLATTERS ]OH! OH! 457 00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:09,821 STELLA, NO! 458 00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,171 OH, THAT'S NICE. YOU'D LET MEEAT THE SOUP. 459 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:12,041 JUST CLEAN IT UP. 460 00:15:13,607 --> 00:15:15,087 OPEN YOUR EYES, JAY. 461 00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:16,393 SHE WANTS YOU ALL TO HERSELF. 462 00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,091 THE RED DRESS JUST LIKE MOM'S, 463 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:20,005 THE TOY SHE KNEW MOM WOULD TRIP ON, 464 00:15:20,048 --> 00:15:20,962 THE HEADLESS PICTURES? 465 00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:22,269 SHE'S CRAZY! 466 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,097 YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? 467 00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,753 THIS IS WHAT I DID WITH THE PICTURES. 468 00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,885 I MADE THIS VALENTINE FOR GLORIA. 469 00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:33,889 THE DRESS I BORROWED FROM GLORIA 470 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:35,977 TO GO WITH YOUR PRETTY NECKLACE. 471 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,240 AND THE "POISON" IS GUASCA, 472 00:15:38,284 --> 00:15:40,243 A SPICE I BROUGHT FROM COLOMBIA. 473 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,854 AND THERE'S STELLA WITH THE TOY. 474 00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:44,769 WHICH SHE LEAVES ALL OVER THE HOUSE. 475 00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:46,640 THERE'S BEEN SOME MISUNDERSTANDING HERE, 476 00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:48,250 BUT IT WOULD BE SO SUPER 477 00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:49,904 IF YOU JUST WOULDN'T MENTION THIS TO -- 478 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,211 Gloria: ME?!GEEZ! 479 00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,474 AS LOUD AS THESE TWO ARE, THE MOVE LIKE CATS. 480 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,692 I HEARD EVERYTHING ON THE BABY MONITOR. 481 00:15:55,736 --> 00:15:58,000 HOW CAN YOU SAY THESE THINGS ABOUT MY SISTER? 482 00:15:58,043 --> 00:16:00,567 I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE, JAY. 483 00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:03,135 I WILL CALL A CAB AND WAIT AT THE AIRPORT. 484 00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:06,139 NOW I KNOW WHAT YOUR FAMILY REALLY THINKS OF ME. 485 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,443 SONIA, WAIT! AY! 486 00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:09,229 [ GRUNTS ] 487 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,621 I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON FIXING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH SONIA 488 00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:13,058 THE WHOLE WEEK, 489 00:16:13,101 --> 00:16:15,017 AND BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE A SEX MACHINE, 490 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,626 YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING. 491 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:19,195 I'M SORRY. I'LL TALK TO HER. 492 00:16:22,197 --> 00:16:24,678 SONIA, I'M AN IDIOT. 493 00:16:24,721 --> 00:16:27,899 I JUMPED TO SOME CRAZY CONCLUSIONS TODAY. 494 00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:29,900 I MEAN, I COULD SAY IT'S BECAUSE OF VALENTINE'S 495 00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:31,163 OR, I DON'T KNOW, 496 00:16:31,206 --> 00:16:33,253 ME FEELING A LITTLE NEGLECTED, 497 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:34,731 BUT I KNOW YOU COULD NEVER -- 498 00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:36,255 KISS ME. 499 00:16:36,298 --> 00:16:37,735 YES, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SISTER-IN-LAW AND, UH -- 500 00:16:37,778 --> 00:16:38,562 [ GASPS ] 501 00:16:39,736 --> 00:16:41,043 WE HID IT PERFECTLY, JAY! 502 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:41,913 SONIA, WAIT! 503 00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:43,306 WE'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH! 504 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,264 ONE NIGHT WITH ME, AND YOU'LL FORGET ALL ABOUT HER. 505 00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:47,092 SHE DOESN'T APPRECIATE YOU. 506 00:16:47,135 --> 00:16:48,268 I HEAR HOW YOU FIGHT! 507 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,225 THAT'S JUST HOW WE TALK. 508 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,009 GIVE IN TO IT, JAY. WE BOTH -- 509 00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:53,229 OH, NO. 510 00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,317 AAH! 511 00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:57,841 I KNEW IT! 512 00:16:57,885 --> 00:17:00,496 HOW DARE DO YOU TRY TO STEAL THE LIFE 513 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,889 THAT I STOLE FROM YOU?! 514 00:17:01,932 --> 00:17:03,283 LET HIM GO, GLORIA! I LOVE HIM! 515 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:04,284 NEVER! 516 00:17:04,326 --> 00:17:06,415 HE'S MY HUSBAND, AND I LOVE HIM MORE! 517 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:09,028 [ Quietly ] LADIES, LADIES, STOP.[ WOMEN GRUNTING ] 518 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:15,076 [ GASPS ] W-WHO ARE YOU? 519 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:17,426 I-I-I'M A FRIEND OF YOU SON'S. 520 00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:20,125 OH, THANK GOODNESS. 521 00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:22,345 I TWISTED MY NECK, AND I NEED MY PILLOW. 522 00:17:22,388 --> 00:17:23,693 I'M IN AGONY. 523 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,305 Anders: [ SIGHS ] 524 00:17:25,347 --> 00:17:27,307 YES, MOTHER MOVING IN WAS INCONVENIENT, 525 00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:29,482 BUT WHAT DID HE WANT ME TO DO, JUST GET RID OF HER? 526 00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:30,744 WHO DOES THAT? 527 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:32,834 I MEAN, A GHOUL, THAT'S WHO. 528 00:17:34,356 --> 00:17:35,967 Oh, no! WHAT'S WRONG? 529 00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:37,230 UM [SIGHS] 530 00:17:37,272 --> 00:17:39,144 UH -- OH, NOTHING. I WAS JUST RELIVING THE MOMENT 531 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,798 YOU TOLD US ABOUT YOU AND COOPER. AWW. [SMOOCHES] 532 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,496 [ SIGHS ] YOU'RE SO DEAR. 533 00:17:42,538 --> 00:17:46,239 YOU KNOW THAT -- THAT FISH I GAVE YOU AND MITCHELL? 534 00:17:46,281 --> 00:17:48,371 THAT REALLY WASN'T THE GIFT WE PICKED OUT FOR YOU. 535 00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:50,155 REALLY? NO, I WAS JUST BEING MEAN. 536 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:53,028 OHH.IT'S JUST THAT, WHEN I SAW THAT CHEESE PLATE, I JUST -- 537 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,376 WAIT A MINUTE. DID -- 538 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,465 DID YOU GIVE US THAT BECAUSE COOPER AND I 539 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,121 TALKED ABOUT OPENING UP A LITTLE CHEESE SHOP? 540 00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:00,730 YES! WHY ELSE? 541 00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:02,167 HOW SWEET! [ CHUCKLES ] 542 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,125 CARMELINA'S PROBABLY HALFWAY HOME WITH IT, 543 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,563 BUT I CAN MAKE HER WALK BACK. 544 00:18:07,607 --> 00:18:09,958 AND THIS... 545 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,351 [ GASPS ]THIS IS FOR YOU. 546 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,395 [ Voice breaking ] WE REALLY WERE SO HAPPY FOR YOU. 547 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,397 OH, ANDERS. [ CHUCKLES ] 548 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,140 WELL, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING, BUT LOOK WHO IS UP. 549 00:18:18,183 --> 00:18:20,010 OH! MOTHER, WHERE'S YOUR HAT? 550 00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:22,536 OH.LOOK, ANDERS GAVE US THE BOWL AFTER ALL. 551 00:18:22,578 --> 00:18:24,364 IT'S A GOOD THING YOU COULDN'T GET THE PAINTING. 552 00:18:24,406 --> 00:18:25,146 WE COULDN'T TAKE IT NOW. 553 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,148 WELL, ENJOY THE BOWL. 554 00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:29,064 IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU BOYS HAD SOMETHING PRETTY IN THE HOUSE. 555 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:31,587 OW. 556 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:32,588 OH, YOU'RE FINE. 557 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,287 I LOVE YOU. 558 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,942 YOUR HUSBAND'S NOTICING ANOTHER WOMAN, 559 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,770 THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO -- 560 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,337 STEP UP YOUR GAME. 561 00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,297 I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET IN A HOT BATH 562 00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:46,037 AND SOAK THIS INFECTED TOENAIL. 563 00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:49,432 IT'S MUCH EASIER JUST TO TAKE THE OTHER BITCH DOWN. 564 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:53,306 WELL, I-I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT BATH. 565 00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:56,961 I ASSUME THE TUB WILL BE RINGED WITH SCENTED CANDLES? 566 00:18:57,005 --> 00:19:00,008 OH, WELL, I'VE GOT CANDLES. I GOT CANDLES EVERYWHERE. 567 00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:03,184 EVER SINCE MY BOYFRIEND STOPPED PAYING MY BILLS, 568 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,056 THEY TURNED OFF THE ELECTRICITY. 569 00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:10,060 LEAVING US TO GENERATE OUR OWN ELECTRICITY. 570 00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,367 ALTHOUGH, CANDLES CAN BE NICE 571 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,458 IF YOU'RE IN THE MOOD FOR, SAY, SOME DIRTY DANCING. 572 00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:16,328 OH, I HATE THAT MOVIE. 573 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:17,373 WHAT?! [ GASPS ] 574 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,333 THERE I MUST PASSIONATELY DISAGREE.HUH. 575 00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,377 OR WAS THAT YOUR GAME ALL ALONG? 576 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:23,857 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 577 00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,468 OKAY, IF IT'S AN ARGUMENT YOU WANT, FINE. 578 00:19:25,511 --> 00:19:26,990 FINE! 579 00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:28,992 OF COURSE JOHNNY'S GONNA FALL FOR BABY 580 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,778 BECAUSE HE'S THIS BIG, DREAMY COUNTRY BUMPKIN 581 00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:32,648 AND SHE IS THE SHINY, NEW THING. 582 00:19:32,692 --> 00:19:34,868 BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE MOVIE IS OVER, 583 00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:37,262 WHEN HE REALLY GETS TO KNOW HER, HUH? 584 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:39,134 TWO WEEKS OUT OF THE CATSKILLS, AND IT'S, 585 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,221 "YOU WEARING THAT AGAIN, BABY? 586 00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:42,223 "YOU BORROW MY RAZOR AGAIN, BABY? 587 00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,617 Isn't two glasses enough, Baby?" 588 00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:48,143 TRUST ME, HE IS NO LONGER HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. 589 00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,058 JULIANA. 590 00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,365 JULIANA, WAIT. NO. [ GROANS ] 591 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:54,932 HONESTLY, IT IS ONE MINUTE TO 12:00, PHIL. 592 00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,281 VALENTINE'S DAY IS OVER. 593 00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:57,847 NOT QUITE. 594 00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,240 [ SIGHS ] 595 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,025 I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE. 596 00:20:01,068 --> 00:20:02,505 WHAT? 597 00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:04,246 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS 598 00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:06,465 BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MOST INTOXICATING WOMAN A MAN COULD EVER MEET. 599 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:07,641 [ CHUCKLES ] 600 00:20:07,683 --> 00:20:09,163 BUT, BY SOME COSMIC MIRACLE, 601 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,512 THERE'S A WOMAN IN THAT HOUSE 602 00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,471 THAT I STILL FIND AS SEXY AND EXCITING 603 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:15,083 AS THE FIRST DAY I MET HER. 604 00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:17,738 I SHOULD PROBABLY LET HER KNOW THAT MORE OFTEN THAN I DO. 605 00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:18,868 THAT'S MY BAD. 606 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,522 BUT, POINT IS, 607 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:23,003 A GUY LIKE ME GETS THAT LUCKY, HE QUITS WHILE HE'S AHEAD. 608 00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,528 WELL... 609 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,356 IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE SHE'S THE LUCKY ONE. 610 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,359 GOODBYE, JULIANA. 611 00:20:33,579 --> 00:20:34,319 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 612 00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:35,625 SORRY. AREN'T -- AREN'T WE -- 613 00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:36,757 DON'T -- DON'T BEG. 614 00:20:36,799 --> 00:20:37,758 IT'S BENEATH YOU. 615 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,412 UM, BUT I -- 616 00:20:39,454 --> 00:20:41,457 PLEASE, GO. MY WIFE WILL SEE YOU. 617 00:20:42,501 --> 00:20:43,851 GO? GO WHERE? 618 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,592 DON'T MAKE THIS HARDER THAN IT IS. 619 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,335 OKAY. 620 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,295 JULIANA, NO. 621 00:20:53,338 --> 00:20:54,164 PHIL! 622 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,384 Phil! 623 00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:57,343 Really?! 624 00:20:57,385 --> 00:20:58,344 AAH![ BOTH LAUGH ] 625 00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:06,481 ♪ BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER 626 00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:09,789 ♪ BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER 627 00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,835 [ SCATTING ] 628 00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:18,580 [ HUMMING ] 629 00:21:21,627 --> 00:21:23,542 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO HAPPY. 630 00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:26,372 I HAVE TRIED THE SANTANGELO IN SIX DIFFERENT PLACES, 631 00:21:26,414 --> 00:21:28,982 AND IT JUST MAKES ME HATE EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE. 632 00:21:29,026 --> 00:21:29,940 WE'RE MOVING. 633 00:21:29,983 --> 00:21:30,810 WE'RE MOVING.