1
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:05,309
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

2
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:12,359
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

3
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,539
[ MESSAGE CHIMES ]

4
00:00:18,582 --> 00:00:20,803
[ MESSAGE CHIMES ]

5
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,503
[ MESSAGE CHIMES ]

6
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[ RINGING ]

7
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WHAT'S THE BEST
FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER

8
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,472
ABOUT GENETICALLY MODIFIED
SPACE MARINES?

9
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,256
HALO!

10
00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:41,911
HONEY, HAVE YOU BEEN
PLAYING YOUR NEW LITTLE
VIDEO GAME ALL DAY?

11
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,000
WHEN YOU SAY IT IN THAT TONE,
IT IMPLIES THAT LUKE AND I

12
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,348
HAVEN'T BEEN SPENDING
QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.

13
00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,003
WHICH WE HAVE.CAN I TALK TO HIM?

14
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:49,179
SURE THING. LUKE!

15
00:00:49,222 --> 00:00:52,356
I DON'T THINK HE'S HERE.
I MEAN, I-I KNOWHE'S NOT HERE.

16
00:00:52,399 --> 00:00:54,357
WHERE IS HE?

17
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,317
I AM CERTAIN HE IS PROBABLY OUT
WITH HIS USUAL CREW OF CUT-UPS.

18
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,276
YOU'RE NOT DOING LAUNDRY,
ARE YOU?

19
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,539
GOD, NO. BUT I'M ABOUT TO
IF I'M SUPPOSED TO.

20
00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:03,323
NO, NO.
DON'T. DON'T.

21
00:01:03,366 --> 00:01:05,108
BUT CAN YOU VACUUM OUT THE
DRYER VENT BEFORE I GET HOME?

22
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,501
I WILL ABSOLUTELY DO THAT.

23
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:08,938
THANKS.

24
00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:11,027
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

25
00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,593
I CAN'T GET IN TOUCH
WITH HALEY.

26
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,596
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER
SINCE WE GOT IN THAT FIGHT.

27
00:01:14,638 --> 00:01:16,118
SHE AROUND?

28
00:01:16,162 --> 00:01:17,381
I THINK SHE SLEPT
AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE.

29
00:01:17,424 --> 00:01:18,120
WHAT FRIEND?

30
00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:20,384
UM...NOT A NORMAL NAME,

31
00:01:20,427 --> 00:01:22,951
STARTS WITH A VOWEL,
POSSIBLY FOREIGN.

32
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:25,259
OH, MAYBE ALEX KNOWS.
IS SHE HOME?

33
00:01:25,301 --> 00:01:28,043
NOPE.
I HAVE NOT SEEN HER FOR HOURS.

34
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,914
DOES HALEY KNOW AN ARJIBARGE?

35
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,134
HI, MOM.
HI, HONEY.
WHERE ARE YOU?

36
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,918
I'M IN THE KITCHEN.

37
00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:35,834
ALEX?
WHEN'D YOU GET HOME?

38
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,618
I'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY.

39
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,402
OH. YOU SHOULD GET OUTSIDE,
GET SOME FRESH AIR.

40
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,926
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING.

41
00:01:40,969 --> 00:01:42,927
IT'S NOON,
AND IT'S FREEZING OUT.

42
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,626
PHIL, HONEY,
WHEN I'M NOT HOME,

43
00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:47,194
I NEED YOU TO BE PRESENT
AND KEEP TRACK OF EVERYONE.

44
00:01:47,236 --> 00:01:49,064
SOUNDS GOOD.
LOVE YOU, TOO.

45
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,936
ALEX, DO YOU KNOW
WHERE HALEY IS?

46
00:01:50,979 --> 00:01:52,286
MM...

47
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,938
I MEAN, I KNOW SHE WAS
BABYSITTING LILY LAST NIGHT,

48
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,506
BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN HER
SINCE.

49
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,725
BY THE WAY, DON'T READ THE DRAFT
I SENT YOU LAST NIGHT

50
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,640
OF MY COLLEGE ESSAY.
I JUST SENT YOU A NEW VERSION.

51
00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:02,599
UH, OKAY. I WILL GO READ
THAT ONE RIGHT NOW.

52
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,775
[ CALL ENDS ]

53
00:02:04,819 --> 00:02:07,039
[ MOUSE CLICKS ]

54
00:02:09,432 --> 00:02:11,826
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

55
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,917
[ MESSAGE CHIMES ]

56
00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:20,227
[ MESSAGE CHIMES ]

57
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:23,055
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

58
00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,365
OH, MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ARE YOU FILMING ME?

59
00:02:28,408 --> 00:02:30,889
YES! I WANT YOU TO SEE
HOW CRAZY YOU ARE ACTING.

60
00:02:30,932 --> 00:02:33,587
ME?! I COME TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT,

61
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,286
AND THEN YOU START CHASING ME
AROUND WITH A CAMERA!

62
00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:38,114
I ASKED YOU TO CLEAN UP
THE KITCHEN NINE HOURS AGO

63
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,201
WHEN I LEFT FOR WORK.

64
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,290
I COME BACK,
AND IT'S THE EXACT SAME MESS,

65
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,901
PLUS PICKLES
AND PEANUT BUTTER!

66
00:02:42,944 --> 00:02:45,860
I WAS RUNNING AROUND DOING STUFF
FOR MY CRAZY BOSS ALL DAY,

67
00:02:45,903 --> 00:02:47,427
AND THEN I GOT HUNGRY,

68
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,081
AND THEN THE SMELL FROM THE
GARBAGE ALMOST MADE ME THROW UP!

69
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,432
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!

70
00:02:51,474 --> 00:02:53,389
LEAVE ME ALONE!
I HAVE A LOT ON MY PLATE!

71
00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:55,436
YES. YES, I CAN SEE THAT, HONEY.
YOU LEFT IT IN THE SINK!

72
00:02:55,478 --> 00:02:57,133
OH, MY GOD!

73
00:02:57,176 --> 00:03:00,484
I WAITED IN LINE FOR TWO HOURS,
BUT I GOT IT.

74
00:03:00,527 --> 00:03:02,224
OOH, WE MAKING A HOME MOVIE?

75
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:05,314
--Captions by VITAC--

76
00:03:15,063 --> 00:03:16,891
[ RINGING ]

77
00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:19,372
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

78
00:03:19,415 --> 00:03:21,591
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

79
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,985
[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

80
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:27,250
Jay: HELLO?

81
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:30,034
HEY, DAD. DAD, TAKE THE PHONE
AWAY FROM YOUR EAR.

82
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,168
WHY WOULD I DO THIS?
NOW I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

83
00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,430
PUT IT
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.

84
00:03:34,474 --> 00:03:37,086
OH!
HOW'D YOU GET IN MY PHONE?

85
00:03:37,128 --> 00:03:39,131
DOES THIS MEAN
WHEN WE TALKED THE OTHER DAY

86
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,176
THAT YOU KNEW
I WAS IN THE CAN?
I DO NOW.

87
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,310
HOW WAS THE PRESENTATION?ACTUALLY WENT REALLY WELL.

88
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,962
THE CLIENT LOVES
THE WHOLE RE-DESIGN.

89
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,704
THEY JUST WANT US
TO SWAP OUT THE HANDLES --

90
00:03:46,747 --> 00:03:48,183
DAMN IT!
I KNOW.

91
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,533
ONLY KNOBS WANT KNOBS.

92
00:03:49,576 --> 00:03:52,492
NO, JOE BIT ME.
HE'S TEETHING.

93
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:55,277
I DON'T THINK IT'S A COINCIDENCE
THAT ANDY TOOK THE WEEKEND OFF.

94
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:57,324
OW!
KID'S LIKE A BEAVER.

95
00:03:57,366 --> 00:03:59,194
I'M AFRAID
TO WEAR SHORT PANTS.

96
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,414
HOLA, CLAIRE.HEY, GLORIA.

97
00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:04,068
HOW'S YOUR TRIP?
ARE YOU HAVING ANY FUN?

98
00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:07,855
UH...YEAH. YOU KNOW,
IT'S A LITTLE WINDY, BUT, EH.

99
00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:10,074
SO, YOU'RE OKAY WITH ME
CUTTING LUKE'S HAIR, RIGHT?

100
00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:11,555
HEY, MOM.
WELL, HELLO.

101
00:04:11,598 --> 00:04:13,861
IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOU'RE NOT
DEAD IN AN ALLEY SOMEWHERE.

102
00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:15,429
RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

103
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,168
YES, I AM FINE WITH YOU
CUTTING HIS HAIR.

104
00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,910
JUST DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LONG
ON THE SIDES.

105
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,999
I AM VERY GOOD
CUTTING BOYS' HAIR.

106
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,350
YOU SHOULD LET ME
CUT YOURS SOMEDAY.

107
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,917
OKAY, BYE-BYE, GLORIA.

108
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,701
Jay: YOU STILL THERE?

109
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,442
[ MESSENGER CHIMES ]

110
00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:32,358
CRAP. DAD, DID YOU KNOW IT WAS
MITCHELL'S BIRTHDAY TODAY?

111
00:04:32,401 --> 00:04:33,882
OF COURSE.
I ALREADY CALLED HIM

112
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,536
BECAUSE
I'M A CONSIDERATE PERSON

113
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,538
WHO REALLY CARES
ABOUT HIS FAMILY.

114
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,452
I REMINDED HIM
AND DIALED THE PHONE.

115
00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:41,192
MM.
FLY SAFE.

116
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:44,196
AND REMEMBER YOU CAN RECLINE.
IT'S STILL AMERICA UP THERE.

117
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,459
THANKS, DAD.

118
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,417
[ CALL ENDS ]

119
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,505
[ RINGING ]

120
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,812
[ SIGHS ]

121
00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:53,814
[ PING ]

122
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:54,990
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

123
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,471
OH, HEY.
IS IT STILL MY BIRTHDAY?

124
00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,560
WATCH IT,
OR I'LL SING TO YOU.

125
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,605
♪ HA--
OKAY, OKAY, I GIVE.

126
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,216
OKAY.
SO, HAVE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY?

127
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:05,826
YES, THANK YOU.

128
00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:08,394
UH, LILY, SHE MADE ME HER FAMOUS
CHOCOLATE-CHIP SCRAMBLED EGGS...

129
00:05:08,437 --> 00:05:10,221
OOH.
...WHICH SHE THEN
WATCHED ME EAT.

130
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,572
OOH.
YEAH.

131
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,355
YOU GOT MY PRESENT,
DIDN'T YOU?
NO.

132
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,750
DARN IT. THEY PROMISED
IT WOULD BE THERE ON TIME.

133
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,620
OH, WELL,
I CAN'T WAIT TO OPEN IT

134
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,187
AND CHECK THE DATE
ON THE INVOICE.

135
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,536
HEY, IS THAT CLAIRE?YEAH.

136
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,190
HI, CLAIRE!
HI.

137
00:05:22,233 --> 00:05:24,019
HI. HEY, UH, DID YOU, UH,
SHOW HER MY GIFT YET?

138
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,586
NO.

139
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,064
COME ON,
SHOW HER, SHOW HER.OKAY. YEAH.

140
00:05:27,108 --> 00:05:28,370
It's good.

141
00:05:30,677 --> 00:05:33,550
[ CHUCKLES ] WOW,
SHALOM AND CHH-APPYBIRTHDAY.

142
00:05:33,593 --> 00:05:34,595
I KNOW, RIGHT?

143
00:05:34,637 --> 00:05:36,423
ISN'T IT FANTASTIC?

144
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,250
HEY, CLAIRE, DID YOU GET ME
SOME GARRETT'S CHEESE

145
00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:40,252
AND CARAMEL CORN YET?OH, SHOOT, I FORGOT.

146
00:05:40,295 --> 00:05:42,516
IT'S THE ONE THING
YOU HAD TO DO IN CHICAGO!

147
00:05:42,558 --> 00:05:44,213
YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

148
00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:46,432
I'M SORRY THAT I LET MYSELF
GET DISTRACTED BY MY JOB.

149
00:05:46,475 --> 00:05:50,000
OKAY, I'M LOOKING FOR SWEET
AND SALTY, CLAIRE, NOT BITTER.

150
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,656
[ STIFLED CHUCKLE ]
RELAX, CAM.

151
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,266
I'M SURE THERE'S A KIOSK
AROUND HERE THAT SELLS IT.

152
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:56,442
GOOD.

153
00:05:56,485 --> 00:05:58,401
GUYS, LISTEN, YESTERDAY,
DID HALEY MENTION

154
00:05:58,444 --> 00:06:00,271
WHERE SHE WAS GONNA GO
AFTER SHE BABYSAT FOR LILY?

155
00:06:00,315 --> 00:06:02,187
NO, BUT WHEN YOU DO TALK TO HER,
CAN YOU TELL HER

156
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:03,884
TO PLEASE BE CAREFUL
WITH MY POWDER-BLUE SUIT

157
00:06:03,927 --> 00:06:05,538
THAT CAM LET HER BORROW
WITHOUT ASKING ME?

158
00:06:05,581 --> 00:06:07,062
WHY DID SHE WANT A SUIT?

159
00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:09,411
A FRIEND OF HERS NEEDS IT
FOR A WEDDING,

160
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:11,545
AND MITCHELL NEEDS TO STOP
DRESSING LIKE HE'S IN
A BARBERSHOP QUARTET.

161
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,110
OH.
LILY, HONEY,

162
00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:14,416
DID HALEY SAY WHERE SHE WAS
GOING WHEN SHE LEFT HERE?

163
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,331
WHO WANTS TO KNOW?AUNT CLAIRE.

164
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,639
HEY, AUNT CLAIRE. I HEARD
YOU WERE BEING MEAN TO HALEY.

165
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,204
I WAS NOT MEAN TO HALEY.

166
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,555
OKAY, YOU'RE SCREAMING.

167
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,557
I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT.
MAYBE DYLAN KNOWS.

168
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,254
DYLAN?
WHY WOULD DYLAN KNOW?

169
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,211
HE CAME OVER, AND THEY WERE
TALKING ON THE COUCH

170
00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:29,475
WHILE I WAS
IN THE OTHER ROOM...

171
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,129
BEHAVING.

172
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,915
SHE'S STILL TALKING TO DYLAN?
REALLY?

173
00:06:33,957 --> 00:06:35,786
[ RINGING ]OH, WAIT, GUYS,
I GOT TO GO.

174
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,571
UH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
BABS.

175
00:06:37,613 --> 00:06:39,615
WHAT DOES SHE MEAN
BY THAT?

176
00:06:39,659 --> 00:06:41,574
[ CALL ENDS ]

177
00:06:41,617 --> 00:06:42,576
HI, HONEY.

178
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,447
OH, DON'T READ
THAT LAST DRAFT.

179
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,230
I JUST CHANGED SOMETHING
IN PARAGRAPH THREE.

180
00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:47,449
OH, OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

181
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,495
PARAGRAPH THREE HAD
SOME OF MY FAVORITE --

182
00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:50,322
OH, PLEASE, I CAN SEE YOUR EYES
DARTING AROUND THE SCREEN.

183
00:06:50,365 --> 00:06:51,627
JUST READ THE NEW ONE.

184
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:54,151
CAN YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR
AND CALL YOUR SISTER?

185
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,677
[ SCOFFS ] IF SHE'S SCREENING,
I'M NOT MAKING THE CUT.

186
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,634
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SNOOP
ON HER FACEBOOK PAGE

187
00:06:58,678 --> 00:07:00,245
WITH YOUR FAKE PROFILE?

188
00:07:00,288 --> 00:07:02,029
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

189
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:03,639
I DON'T HAVE
A FAKE PROFILE.

190
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:06,120
[ SCOFFS ] MOM, SAVE IT.
BRODY KENDALL JUST LOGGED IN.

191
00:07:06,163 --> 00:07:07,862
THAT TRICK MIGHT'VE WORKED
ON HALEY,

192
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:09,819
BUT I KNOW THAT'S A PICTURE
OF CHACHI.

193
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,692
[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD.
WHAT?

194
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,954
PLEASE TELL ME
THAT'S SOME KIND OF MISTAKE!

195
00:07:13,997 --> 00:07:15,696
WHERE?
WHICH PARAGRAPH?

196
00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:17,262
GET YOUR FATHER -- NOW!

197
00:07:17,305 --> 00:07:18,742
[ SIGHS ]
DAD, MOM NEEDS YOU!

198
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:19,526
TELL HER
I'M IN THE SHOWER!

199
00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:26,880
HONEY, WHO DO WE CALL?
WHAT DO WE DO?

200
00:07:26,923 --> 00:07:28,622
THERE'S NO WAY
HALEY'S MARRIED.

201
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,711
[ SIGHS ] THEN WHY DID SHE
CHANGE HER FACEBOOK STATUS?

202
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,408
SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T.

203
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,584
IT COULD BE A COMPUTER GLITCH,
SOMEONE HACKED HER ACCOUNT.

204
00:07:34,627 --> 00:07:37,151
I JUST THINK WE SHOULD STAY CALM
UNTIL WE KNOW THE STORY.

205
00:07:37,194 --> 00:07:40,634
HONEY, I CANNOT GET ON A PLANE
FOR FOUR HOURS

206
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:43,201
AND BE OUT OF TOUCH
AND NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!

207
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:44,725
IT'S NOT JUST
THE FACEBOOK THING.

208
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,336
SHE BORROWED A BLUE SUIT
FROM MITCHELL FOR A WEDDING.

209
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,685
SOMETHING BORROWED,
SOMETHING BLUE?
DO YOU GET IT?

210
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,644
WHO WOULD SHE EVEN MARRY?[ SIGHS ]

211
00:07:51,687 --> 00:07:53,560
I DON'T KNOW, BUT SHE WAS
WITH DYLAN YESTERDAY,

212
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:55,082
AND IF SHE WAS GONNA
MARRY HIM,

213
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,997
SHE WOULD DEFINITELY HIDE THAT
FROM US.

214
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,653
BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
WHY WOULDN'T HE CALL ME?

215
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,305
[ RINGING ]

216
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,394
OH, HEY, MRS. "D."HEY, DYLAN!

217
00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:04,613
OH, HI, MR. "D"!

218
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:06,528
ARE YOU WITH HALEY?IN WHAT WAY?

219
00:08:06,572 --> 00:08:09,619
PHYSICALLY, ROMANTICALLY,
MARITALLY?

220
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:11,620
NO. I'M AT WORK.
I HAVE A CAREER NOW.

221
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:12,927
OH.

222
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,668
HEY, UH, CAN YOU HOLD THIS PHONE
FOR A SECOND?

223
00:08:19,759 --> 00:08:22,110
SO, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHERE HALEY IS RIGHT NOW?

224
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,981
YOU MEAN SPIRITUALLY,
GEOGRAPHICALLY?

225
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,810
CAN YOU PLEASE STOP
SPINNING THAT SIGN?

226
00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:28,769
NO.
MY BOSS SAYS IF I DO,

227
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:31,379
HE'LL REPLACE ME
WITH ONE OF THOSE GUYS!

228
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,556
GO BACK
TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!

229
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,427
DYLAN, FOCUS!

230
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,692
I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS,
BUT I CAN SENSE THAT SHE'S OKAY.

231
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,693
IT'S LIKE
WE SHARE THE SAME BRAIN.

232
00:08:40,736 --> 00:08:41,825
Alex: WHO HAS IT NOW?

233
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,610
OKAY, SO, LAST NIGHT
WHEN YOU WERE WITH HER,

234
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:46,134
SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT GETTING MARRIED?

235
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:49,005
HALEY GOT MARRIED?!
THAT'S SO UPSETTING!

236
00:08:49,049 --> 00:08:50,485
[ GRUNTS ] DONE.

237
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,139
[ CALL ENDS ]

238
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:54,620
[ MOUSE CLICKS, RINGING ]

239
00:08:54,663 --> 00:08:57,798
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

240
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,668
[ PING ]
HI, MOM.

241
00:08:59,712 --> 00:09:01,235
DO YOU HAVE HALEY'S
iCLOUD PASSWORD?

242
00:09:01,278 --> 00:09:03,238
YEAH, SHE GAVE IT TO ME
IN A LITTLE ENVELOPE

243
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,631
WITH HER DIARY KEY AND A LIST
OF THINGS SHE'S MOST AFRAID OF.

244
00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:07,458
[ SIGHS ]
MAYBE WE COULD GUESS IT.

245
00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:09,635
CLAIRE,
YOU ACCIDENTALLY HUNG UP ON ME.

246
00:09:09,678 --> 00:09:12,159
OH, YEAH, WELL, HONEY,
YOU KNOW ME AND COMPUTERS.

247
00:09:12,202 --> 00:09:14,249
MOM'S TRYING TO GUESS
HALEY'S iCLOUD PASSWORD,

248
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,599
WHICH, PERSONALLY, I THINK
IS AN INVASION OF HER PRIVACY.

249
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,818
OOH, TRY "PASSWORD."

250
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:20,734
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

251
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,082
I'M KIND OF GLAD
THAT DIDN'T WORK.

252
00:09:22,125 --> 00:09:23,823
WAIT, I THINK I REMEMBER
TELLING HER TO USE SOMETHING

253
00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:25,695
THAT PEOPLE WOULDN'T KNOW
ABOUT HER,

254
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,740
LIKE HER FAVORITE
LITERARY CHARACTER.[ SCOFFS ]

255
00:09:27,783 --> 00:09:29,046
I'M IN!

256
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,525
WHAT? WHAT WAS IT?

257
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,658
SNOOPY.
WOW.

258
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,659
AND THAT COULD BE
YOUR NEW NICKNAME.

259
00:09:33,702 --> 00:09:36,750
OKAY.
"FIND MY iPHONE."

260
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,187
OH, NO!
SHE'S IN VEGAS.

261
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,841
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

262
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,711
OH, HANG ON. I'M ZOOMING IN.
HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

263
00:09:42,755 --> 00:09:45,062
LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN,
UH...

264
00:09:45,105 --> 00:09:47,325
COME ON.

265
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:49,850
AND -- OH, GOD!

266
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,503
HONEY, SHE'S AT
A WEDDING CHAPEL!

267
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,722
OKAY, THAT'S TROUBLING,
BUT THINK ABOUT IT.

268
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:56,072
IF SHE'S NOT WITH DYLAN,
WHO WOULD SHE BE MARRYING?

269
00:09:56,116 --> 00:09:58,423
I DON'T KNOW! ALEX, SHE HAD TO
HAVE TOLD YOU SOMETHING!

270
00:09:58,466 --> 00:10:00,774
OKAY, YOU ARE REALLY RUBBING IN
OUR LACK OF CLOSENESS.

271
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,731
SHE WON'T EVEN TELL ME
WHAT CONDITIONER SHE USES.

272
00:10:02,775 --> 00:10:04,908
I HAVE 12 MINUTES!
THINK!

273
00:10:04,951 --> 00:10:06,735
UH...I DON'T KNOW.
ASK UNCLE MITCHELL.

274
00:10:06,779 --> 00:10:08,476
THEY'RE ALWAYS GIGGLING
ABOUT BOYS.

275
00:10:08,519 --> 00:10:09,870
OH! OH, GOOD!
OKAY, YES, I'M GONNA DO THAT.

276
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,349
I'M CALLING HIM.

277
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:13,700
IF IT HELPS, I CAN ALERT MY
MAGICIAN CONTACTS IN VEGAS.

278
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,136
ALTHOUGH, THEY ARE BETTER
AT MAKING GIRLS DISAPPEAR

279
00:10:16,179 --> 00:10:18,008
[Chuckling]
THAN THEY ARE FINDING THEM.

280
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,923
[ CALL ENDS, PING ]

281
00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:21,142
WHAT?

282
00:10:21,184 --> 00:10:23,100
LILY, HONEY,
I NEED YOU GET MITCHELL.

283
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,885
BUT THEY SAID I COULD HAVE
20 MINUTES OF iPAD TIME.

284
00:10:25,928 --> 00:10:27,451
MITCHELL? MITCHELL?!

285
00:10:27,495 --> 00:10:29,366
Cameron: HEY, WHAT'S UP?

286
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,543
UH, I-I REALLY NEED TO
TALK TO MITCHELL.

287
00:10:31,586 --> 00:10:33,023
IT'S MY iPAD TIME!

288
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,373
HONEY, WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT BEING SELFISH?

289
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,548
AUNT CLAIRE NEEDS TO
SPEAK TO OTHER DADDY

290
00:10:37,592 --> 00:10:39,682
JUST AS SOON
AS SHE GETS ME MY POPCORN.

291
00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:42,729
WHAT? YOU -- CAM, I PROMISE YOU,
I WILL GET YOU YOUR POPCORN,

292
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,817
BUT RIGHT NOW,
I NEED TO TALK TO MITCHELL!

293
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:45,818
OKAY, CHEESE AND CARAMEL.FINE.

294
00:10:45,861 --> 00:10:46,688
AND CARMEL.
FINE.

295
00:10:46,732 --> 00:10:48,385
HEY, WHAT'S UP?

296
00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,911
SO, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT HALEY
IS GETTING MARRIED IN VEGAS.

297
00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:52,520
WHAT?!
WHAT?!

298
00:10:52,563 --> 00:10:53,913
YEAH, I NEED TO KNOW
WHO SHE'S BEEN DATING.

299
00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:55,915
UM, T-THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY
WHO SHE THOUGHT

300
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,918
THAT SHE MIGHT LIKE,
BUT, UH, I DON'T KNOW.

301
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,919
SHE WAS WEIRDLY SECRETIVE
ABOUT HIM,

302
00:10:59,962 --> 00:11:01,748
BUT I-I G-- I GUESS
THAT COULD STILL BE THING.

303
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:04,184
OH, HANG ON, HANG ON --
GETTING A CALL FROM DAD.

304
00:11:04,227 --> 00:11:06,708
[ PING ]DO THE THING.

305
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,363
DO THE CUTE THING.

306
00:11:08,405 --> 00:11:09,755
DAD?
CLAIRE?

307
00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:11,714
DAD?
MITCHELL?

308
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,802
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY PHONE?YOU CALLED ME, DAD.

309
00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:15,717
NO, I DIDN'T.
I'M SHOOTING A VIDEO WITH JOE.

310
00:11:15,761 --> 00:11:17,980
AM I IN YOUR KITCHEN
WITH YOU?
NO.

311
00:11:18,024 --> 00:11:19,982
THEN YOU'RE NOT SHOOTING A VIDEO
WITH JOE.

312
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,942
HI, JAY! CLAIRE, WAS JUST
ABOUT TO GO RUN AN ERRAND!

313
00:11:22,985 --> 00:11:24,509
[ SPUTTERS ]
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

314
00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:26,206
OKAY, FOR GOD SAKES.
HOLD--

315
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,077
WOULD YOU MIND WATCHING MY
COMPUTER FOR ME FOR A MINUTE?

316
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,167
THANK YOU SO MUCH.Woman: OF COURSE, DEAR.

317
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,952
HEY, MITCH,
I'M LIKING THE NEW HAT.

318
00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:34,911
IT GIVES YOU SOME PRESENCE.WHAT YOU GETTING AT, DAD?

319
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:36,783
NOTHING.
IT'S A STRONG LOOK.

320
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:39,001
Y-YOU LIKE ONE OF THOSE TOUGH
GUYS IN AN OLD WESTERN MOVIE.

321
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:40,830
REALLY?
YEAH.

322
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,571
OH, I GUESS IT IS
KIND OF BADASS.[ GIGGLES ]

323
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,181
WHAT IF I TILT IT
A LITTLE BIT?

324
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,661
YOU RUINED IT.OH.

325
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,445
I LIKE YOUR HAT.
IT SUITS YOU.

326
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:49,751
OH, THANK YOU, MA'AM.WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME.

327
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,187
Claire: OKAY, THANK YOU.

328
00:11:51,231 --> 00:11:53,799
ALL RIGHT, GOT YOUR
LIFE-CHANGING POPCORN.

329
00:11:53,842 --> 00:11:55,322
YES!
[ SIGHS ]

330
00:11:55,365 --> 00:11:57,977
NOW, CAN WE GET BACK TO FIGURING
OUT WHO HALEY MARRIED?

331
00:11:58,020 --> 00:12:00,894
HALEY GOT MARRIED?!Cameron: OH, MY GOSH,
I HOPE IT WAS NOT TO JACKSON.

332
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:01,937
JACKSON!

333
00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:04,418
HE WAS INTO SOME WEIRD,
UM, FOOD.

334
00:12:04,461 --> 00:12:05,985
OH, GOD!

335
00:12:06,028 --> 00:12:07,900
WHOA, HALEY GOT MARRIED?!
SHE IS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!

336
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:09,903
LUKE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO YOUR HAIR?!

337
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:11,469
CLAIRE,
WHEN YOU REACT LIKE THIS,

338
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,123
YOU'RE JUST GIVING HIM
WHAT HE WANTS.

339
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,385
[ GASPS ] LUKE SAID
THAT YOU KNEW ABOUT IT!

340
00:12:15,429 --> 00:12:17,258
[ As Gloria ]
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT!

341
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,607
I SAID A
PARENT KNEW ABOUT IT.

342
00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:20,609
PHIL!

343
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,393
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

344
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:23,567
[ RINGING, PING ]

345
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:25,004
I KNOW WE'RE NOT THERE YET,

346
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,919
BUT I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING
ANNULMENTS.

347
00:12:26,962 --> 00:12:29,836
OH, WE ARE THERE BECAUSE
YOU LET OUR CHILD GET A MOHAWK!

348
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,793
[ LAUGHS ] SWEET!

349
00:12:31,837 --> 00:12:33,664
WE...HAD A BET.

350
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,405
YOU LET HIM GET A MOHAWK
BECAUSE HE WON A BET?!

351
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:36,885
NO, HE LOST THE BET.WHAT?! PHIL!

352
00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:38,626
WELL, I-I --
WOULD YOU RATHER I HAD A MOHAWK?

353
00:12:38,669 --> 00:12:40,411
I HAVE A CAREER.I-I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THIS.

354
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:42,849
WE'VE GOT TO GET BACK
TO FIGURING OUT[ DOORBELL RINGING ]

355
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,024
WHO HALEY HAS MARRIED
IN VEGAS.

356
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:45,286
HOLD ON.
SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR.

357
00:12:45,328 --> 00:12:46,940
[ Sighing ] OKAY.SO, HALEY'S IN VEGAS?

358
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:48,855
YES.
IF YOU WANT,
I CAN CALL ANDY.

359
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,421
HE'S THERE, TOO.
MAYBE HE CAN FIND HER.

360
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,249
ANDY'S IN VEGAS?

361
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:54,817
YEAH, HE BORROWED SOME CUFF
LINKS FROM ME FOR SOME WEDDING.

362
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:57,732
OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS
DON'T THINK THAT HALEY
MARRIED ANDY, DO YOU?

363
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,039
HALEY MARRIED ANDY! YEAH.Cameron: WHAT?!

364
00:13:00,082 --> 00:13:01,955
WHAT BET DID HE LOSE?NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

365
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:04,870
ANDY IS DATING SOME GIRL IN
UTAH, AND HALEY KNOWS THAT.

366
00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:06,741
EVEN IF HALEY
WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM,

367
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:09,309
I WOULD HOPE SHE WOULD HAVE THE
DECENCY AND THE SELF-CONTROL --

368
00:13:09,352 --> 00:13:11,442
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD, SHE MARRIED ANDY!

369
00:13:11,485 --> 00:13:13,052
I KNEW
SHE WAS STILL INTO HIM.

370
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,489
SHE SAID HE WASN'T HER TYPE,
BUT I'M LIKE,

371
00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:17,057
"HE'S A MAN.
HE'S BREATHING."

372
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,972
MAYBE THIS IS WHY SHE DOESN'T
TALK TO ME ABOUT THINGS.

373
00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:23,019
NO, IT CAN'T BE HIM.
HE'S A VERY NICE BOY.

374
00:13:23,062 --> 00:13:24,629
CLAIRE, TRUST ME,

375
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,980
ANDY'S NOT GONNA RUN OFF
AND ELOPE WITH HALEY.

376
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,764
HE'S A STAND-UP GUY.

377
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,548
Phil:
IT'S A PACKAGE FOR HALEY.OPEN IT.

378
00:13:30,591 --> 00:13:32,549
WELL, THAT SEEMS LIKE
AN INVASION OF HER PRIV--

379
00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,509
All: OPEN IT!

380
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:40,123
"WHAT TO EXPECT
WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING."

381
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,254
[ ALL GASP ]OH, MY GOD!

382
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:43,692
I TOLD YOU
HE WAS A STAND-UP GUY.

383
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,918
[ RINGING ]

384
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,919
SHE'S NOT ANSWERING, PHIL.
ARE YOU CALLING ANDY?

385
00:13:53,962 --> 00:13:55,355
IT'S GOING STRAIGHT
TO VOICE MAIL.

386
00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:56,705
[ CALL ENDS ]

387
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,359
I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE'S PREGNANT.

388
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,230
LET'S NOT JUMP
TO ANY CONCLUSIONS.

389
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,144
JUMP? LET'S REVIEW.

390
00:14:02,188 --> 00:14:04,668
SHE'S BEEN MOODY, EATING WEIRD
FOOD, GETTING NAUSEOUS.

391
00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,496
SHE LEFT
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

392
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:09,152
FOR A WEDDING CHAPEL IN VEGAS
WITH HER SECRET LOVE,

393
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,937
AND MOST SUSPICIOUS OF ALL,
SHE BOUGHT A BOOK!

394
00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:14,070
OH, NO.
WHAT IF YOU'RE RIGHT?

395
00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:16,115
WHAT WILL WE DO?I DON'T KNOW.

396
00:14:16,158 --> 00:14:17,682
I'LL KILL THAT ANDY.

397
00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:19,902
HOW COULD HE BE
SO IRRESPONSIBLE?

398
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,294
I MEAN, HE'S A GOOD KID.

399
00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:23,253
BUT TO RUN OFF
WITH MY BABY GIRL

400
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,559
AFTER I FELL FOR HIS
"AW, SHUCKS" ACT!

401
00:14:25,602 --> 00:14:28,041
WHICH IS PROBABLY NOT AN ACT
BECAUSE HE'S GENUINELY NICE

402
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,738
AND HE THINKS "SHUCKS"
IS THE "S" WORD.

403
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:30,956
STILL,
I WANT TO KILL HIM!

404
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,740
BUT THAT WOULD BE
ROBBING MY GRANDCHILD

405
00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:34,047
OF PROBABLY
A REALLY GREAT FATHER!

406
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,613
DAMN YOU, ANDY BAILEY!

407
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,398
HIS LAST NAME IS BAILEY?

408
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,662
OH, MY GOD,
SHE'S GONNA BE HALEY BAILEY.

409
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:44,709
Alex: WAIT.
I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.WHAT?

410
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,798
I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST WOMAN
IN MY FAMILY

411
00:14:46,841 --> 00:14:48,931
NOT TO GET PREGNANT
AND DROP OUT OF COLLEGE.

412
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,715
OOH, MAYBE THAT
SHOULD BE MY ESSAY.

413
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,195
I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE.

414
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:53,761
YEAH, AND HALEY GOT KICKED OUT
OF COLLEGE

415
00:14:53,804 --> 00:14:55,110
BEFORE SHE GOT PREGNANT.

416
00:14:55,154 --> 00:14:58,635
OKAY, HANG ON, HONEY.
I AM SENDING YOU A PICTURE.

417
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:02,813
DO YOU THINK THAT THIS ARSONIST
LOOKS LIKE ANDY WITH A BEARD?

418
00:15:02,857 --> 00:15:05,077
NO.
HE'S NOT AN ARSONIST.

419
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,427
GLORIA HIRED HIM
TO TAKE CARE OF HER BABY.

420
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,038
GLORIA.
RIGHT, OF COURSE.

421
00:15:09,081 --> 00:15:10,648
YOU KNOW HOW PROTECTIVE
SHE IS.

422
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,955
I'M SURE SHE HAD HIM
THOROUGHLY VETTED.

423
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,216
[ PING ]HOLA!

424
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:16,088
GLORIA,
WHERE DID YOU FIND ANDY?

425
00:15:16,131 --> 00:15:18,177
AT THE PARK,
CHASING SOME CHILDREN.

426
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:20,309
OH, MY GOD.I'M GONNA CALL HIM AGAIN.

427
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,745
HEY, MOM, CHECK IT OUT.

428
00:15:21,789 --> 00:15:23,792
GOD, LUKE,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

429
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,099
I KNOW. WHAT DOES HE HAVE
TO REBEL AGAINST?

430
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:28,187
HALEY PREGNANT
AND ME IN A MOHAWK --

431
00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:30,754
THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS CARD
IS GONNA RULE.

432
00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,756
WHAT'S GOING ON?
DID YOU FIND HER?

433
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:35,107
NO, DAD, NO, I HAVEN'T
FOUND HER. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

434
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,760
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

435
00:15:36,804 --> 00:15:39,807
BECAUSE YOU TWO INTRODUCED THIS
HORNY STRANGER INTO OUR LIVES.

436
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:41,027
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

437
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,419
YOU'RE MAD BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER
GOT KNOCKED UP

438
00:15:43,463 --> 00:15:46,466
AND RAN OFF WITH SOME GOOFY GUY
TO GET MARRIED BEHIND YOUR BACK.

439
00:15:46,509 --> 00:15:48,599
I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE
WHAT THAT MUST FEEL LIKE.

440
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:49,860
REALLY? NOW?

441
00:15:49,904 --> 00:15:51,558
I CAN'T THINK
OF A BETTER TIME.

442
00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:53,822
JAY, STOP KICKING HER
WHILE SHE'S DOWN,

443
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:57,216
POINTING OUT HER MISTAKES AT
THE SAME TIME THE WHOLE UNIVERSE

444
00:15:57,259 --> 00:15:59,567
IS TELLING HER
THAT SHE'S A TERRIBLE MOTHER!

445
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:02,613
OH, MY GOD, OKAY, CAN'T DO THIS.
GOT TO GO. BYE.

446
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,354
[ CALL ENDS ]

447
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,922
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

448
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,971
[ "HOUSE AT POOH CORNER"
PLAYING ]

449
00:16:15,538 --> 00:16:19,586
♪ CHRISTOPHER ROBIN AND I
WALKED ALONG ♪

450
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:25,158
♪ UNDER BRANCHES
LIT UP BY THE MOON ♪

451
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:28,943
♪ POSING OUR QUESTIONS
TO OWL AND EEYORE ♪

452
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:32,251
♪ AS OUR DAYS DISAPPEARED
ALL TOO S-- ♪

453
00:16:32,294 --> 00:16:34,254
[ RINGING ]

454
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,298
[ PING ]

455
00:16:36,342 --> 00:16:38,258
I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL!

456
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,955
CLAIRE, DON'T DO THAT.

457
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,086
[ MOANS ]

458
00:16:41,129 --> 00:16:43,088
YES, CLAIRE,
DON'T DO THAT!

459
00:16:43,131 --> 00:16:45,091
[ SPUTTERS ]
LOOK...

460
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,961
YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND HER
AT THE BOTTOM OF THAT TIN.

461
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,702
YOU'RE NOT NEAR THE BOTTOM
OF THAT TIN, ARE YOU?

462
00:16:48,745 --> 00:16:50,443
I'M GONNA BE A GRANDMOTHER!

463
00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:52,053
AWW, THERE, THERE, DEAR.

464
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:53,490
OKAY, CLAIRE...

465
00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,840
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
FOR SURE YET.

466
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:58,191
SO TAKE A DEEP BREATH...[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

467
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,628
...PUT THE POPCORN DOWN...

468
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,499
AND JUST GET YOUR...

469
00:17:04,761 --> 00:17:06,241
NOT COOL, GRANDMA!

470
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:08,983
OKAY, CLAIRE,
LISTEN, LISTEN.

471
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,290
SOMETIMES LIFE HANDS YOU THINGS
THAT YOU DON'T WANT

472
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,989
AND -- AND THEY TURN OUT TO BE
EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED.

473
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:16,773
AND, OH, MY GOD, I THINK
I JUST TALKED MYSELF
INTO LIKING THIS HAT

474
00:17:16,817 --> 00:17:18,732
BECAUSE I KEEP SEEING MYSELF
IN IT,

475
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:21,344
AND I'M LIKE,
"WHO IS THAT HANDSOME YENTL MAN?

476
00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:22,563
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?

477
00:17:22,605 --> 00:17:24,259
WELL...[ MOUSE CLICKS ]

478
00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:25,695
OH, GOD, I GOT TO GO.

479
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:28,176
[ CALL ENDS, PING ]

480
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,048
[ RINGING ]

481
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,748
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

482
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:36,794
I'M SORRY. I WASN'T
THAT HELPFUL. ARE YOU OKAY?

483
00:17:36,837 --> 00:17:39,275
OUR LITTLE BABY GOT MARRIED
WITHOUT US.

484
00:17:39,318 --> 00:17:41,320
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
GIVE HER AWAY.

485
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,323
I WAS SUPPOSED TO WALK HER
DOWN THE AISLE

486
00:17:43,365 --> 00:17:45,499
AND GIVE HER HUSBAND-TO-BE
ONE OF THESE.

487
00:17:45,541 --> 00:17:47,892
[ CHUCKLES ]"THAT'S MY BABY GIRL.

488
00:17:47,935 --> 00:17:49,807
YOU TAKE CARE OF HER."

489
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,026
YEAH.
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT
DADS DO.

490
00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:52,548
I GOT TO CALL MY DAD.

491
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,898
PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM
I WAS IN CHARGE WHEN SHE LEFT.

492
00:17:54,942 --> 00:17:56,727
[ MOUSE CLICKS, RINGING ]

493
00:17:56,770 --> 00:17:58,119
[ PING ]

494
00:17:58,163 --> 00:17:59,990
Jay: HELLO.
CAN YOU SEE ME?

495
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:02,037
THUMB, DAD.
[ SIGHS ]

496
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,951
THE MINUTE THEY GOT RID
OF ROTARY PHONES,

497
00:18:03,994 --> 00:18:05,258
EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL.

498
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,128
DAD, I'M REALLY SORRY
THAT I ELOPED.

499
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,218
[ SIGHS ]
YOU WERE A GREAT DAD,

500
00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:12,178
AND YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE
TO WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE,

501
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:15,355
AND -- AND I'VE NEVER APOLOGIZED
FOR TAKING THAT AWAY FROM YOU.

502
00:18:15,397 --> 00:18:18,618
WELL, WE GOT TO DO THAT THING
IN HAWAII, AND THAT WAS NICE.

503
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:21,273
YEAH. GUESS WHAT GOES AROUND
COMES AROUND, HUH?

504
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:24,277
LOOK...YOU'RE IN THE EYE
OF THE TORNADO RIGHT NOW,

505
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:27,497
AND YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BUT
YOUR LIFE SWIRLING AROUND YOU.

506
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:31,196
BUT ANDY'S A GOOD GUY,
JUST LIKE PHIL,

507
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,721
AND YEARS FROM NOW,
YOU MIGHT LOOK BACK ON THIS

508
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,637
AND THINK, "THE BEST THING
THAT COULD'VE HAPPENED...

509
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:40,292
WAS THAT DIPSTICK
KNOCKING UP MY DAUGHTER."

510
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:41,207
[ CHUCKLES ]

511
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,077
Phil: AWW!
THAT'S SO SWEET.

512
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,166
[ SIGHS ]
WAS HE LISTENING?!YEAH.

513
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,211
THIS DIPSTICK LOVES YOU,
TOO, JAY!

514
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:48,300
I TAKE IT ALL BACK!

515
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,302
Gloria: JAY!
[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.

516
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,565
I AM TRYING TO FIX IT!

517
00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:54,088
GLORIA'S TALKING TO ME.
SOME OF IT'S IN ENGLISH.

518
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,832
CLAIRE, CLAIRE!
LOOK, LOOK, I FIX LUKE'S HAIR!

519
00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,008
OH, MY GOD,
HE LOOKS LIKE SHEMP!

520
00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:01,878
OKAY, YES, IT'S TRUE,
BUT --

521
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:04,446
BUT MAYBE IF I CUT A LITTLE BIT
MORE ON THE SIDES OR IN --

522
00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:05,796
OH, NO, NO, NO.
NO MORE CUTTING.

523
00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:07,537
JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO GET USED TO IT.

524
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,798
[ RINGING ]

525
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:10,410
OH, IT'S HALEY!
HALEY'S CALLING!

526
00:19:10,452 --> 00:19:11,976
WHAT?!

527
00:19:12,019 --> 00:19:13,413
HI, MOM.

528
00:19:13,455 --> 00:19:14,674
"HI, MOM"?!

529
00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:16,633
WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET
IN TOUCH WITH YOU ALL DAY!

530
00:19:16,676 --> 00:19:18,634
I'VE BEEN IN BED.OH, GOODNESS.

531
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,288
I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO
HEAR THE DETAILS.

532
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,596
HALEY...
WE KNOW EVERYTHING.

533
00:19:22,638 --> 00:19:24,641
AND I UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU HID IT FROM US,

534
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:27,252
AND WHILE WE ARE NOT HAPPY,
YOUNG LADY,

535
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:29,124
WE'RE GONNA WORK THIS OUT.

536
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,692
UH, BEFORE I ADMIT
TO ANYTHING,

537
00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:34,607
MAYBE YOU COULD BE
MORE SPECIFIC?

538
00:19:36,522 --> 00:19:38,307
HALEY! YOU'RE HOME!

539
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:40,308
YEAH, I'VE BEEN HOME ALL DAY.
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING.

540
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:42,223
Claire: SO,
YOU DIDN'T GET MARRIED?!

541
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,138
MARRIED?!
WHY WOULD I GET MARRIED?!

542
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,009
[ SQUEALS ]BECAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT
WITH ANDY'S BABY!

543
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,795
WHAT?!
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!

544
00:19:47,837 --> 00:19:49,362
OH.

545
00:19:49,404 --> 00:19:51,364
BECAUSE YOU CHANGED YOUR
FACEBOOK STATUS TO "MARRIED"

546
00:19:51,406 --> 00:19:52,886
AND THEN
WE TRACKED YOUR CELLPHONE

547
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,584
TO A WEDDING CHAPEL
IN VEGAS.

548
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,151
AND YOU ORDERED THIS BOOK!

549
00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:58,371
WOW, FIRST OF ALL,
IT'S CALLED PRIVACY.

550
00:19:58,413 --> 00:20:00,460
GOOGLE IT.
SECOND, I MARRIED A CRONUT.

551
00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:01,678
WHAT?

552
00:20:01,721 --> 00:20:04,028
LAST NIGHT,
MY FRIENDANDY AND I,

553
00:20:04,071 --> 00:20:05,638
WE WENT TO GO GET CRONUTS,

554
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,641
AND I SAID
THAT THEY WERE SO AMAZING,

555
00:20:07,683 --> 00:20:10,599
I WANTED TO MARRY ONE, SO I
POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK AS A JOKE.

556
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:13,255
THEN I ACCIDENTALLY
LEFT MY PHONE IN ANDY'S CAR,

557
00:20:13,298 --> 00:20:15,387
WHICH HE DROVE
TO A FRIEND'S WEDDING IN VEGAS,

558
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:17,259
AND THAT BOOK
IS FOR MY CRAZY BOSS

559
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,392
BECAUSE HE'S DESIGNING
MATERNITY CLOTHES

560
00:20:19,434 --> 00:20:21,915
AND HE WANTS TO GET INSIDE
THE MIND OF PREGGOS!

561
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,090
THANK GOD!

562
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:25,484
I'M SO RELIEVED!
[ LAUGHS ]

563
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:29,270
WAIT A SECOND. HOW DID YOU
GET ONTO MY FACEBOOK PAGE?

564
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,707
I UNFRIENDED YOU.

565
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,491
SHE'S BRODY KENDALL.[ GASPS ]

566
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:33,927
OH, MY GOD, GROSS!

567
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:36,146
I'VE BEEN PLAYING CANDY CRUSH
WITH MY MOTHER!

568
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,887
[ GASPS ]
HOW DID YOU TRACK MY PHONE?

569
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,933
WELL, I DON'T THINK
THAT REALLY MATTERS,

570
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,544
AND THERE'S
A PERFECTLY REASONA--

571
00:20:41,587 --> 00:20:44,634
[ IMITATES
CONNECTION BEING LOST ]

572
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:49,073
OH, CUT IT OUT. I CAN SEE PEOPLE
WALKING BEHIND YOU.

573
00:20:49,116 --> 00:20:51,728
OKAY, GOT TO GO.

574
00:20:51,771 --> 00:20:54,164
[ CALL ENDS, MOUSE CLICKS ]

575
00:21:04,436 --> 00:21:06,439
[ MOUSE CLICKS ]

576
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,402
[ MOUSE CLICKS ]

577
00:21:15,925 --> 00:21:17,971
[ MOUSE CLICKING ]

578
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:20,060
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

579
00:21:22,846 --> 00:21:24,760
[ MESSAGE CHIMES ]

580
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:26,936
[ MOUSE CLICKS ]