1 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:03,471 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:04,972 HEY, DAD. 3 00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,240 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PICTURE ON MY NEW COSTCO CARD? 4 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,076 WOW, YOU'VE NEVER PUT YOUR ACTUAL FACE THAT CLOSE TO MINE. 5 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,843 JAY THINKS THAT -- BUP, BUP, BUP, BUP. LET HIM ANSWER. 6 00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,380 UH...OKAY, YOU LOOK GOOD. 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,048 THIS LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME! 8 00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,749 MAYBE 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT YELLING IN IT. 9 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,050 I LOOK AT THIS, AND I'M LIKE, 10 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,818 "WHAT THE HELL? WHERE'S THE SPARKLE? 11 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,553 WHERE'S THE GUY THAT SCORED THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN 12 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,890 AND WAS CARRIED OFF BY HIS TEAM?" 13 00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:25,326 THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE HE WAS CARRIED OFF BY THE CURRENT. 14 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,693 AH. 15 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,995 I HAVE HALF A MIND 16 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,530 TO CUT THIS UP AND NEVER GO BACK THERE. 17 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:30,897 MAYBE YOU CAN USE ONE OF THE SCISSORS 18 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,700 FROM THE EIGHT-PACK THAT WE BOUGHT. 19 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,234 HEY, JAY, YOU FEELING IT? 20 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,270 YOU READY TO KNOCK DOWN SOME PINS? 21 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,704 OH, GREAT. 22 00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:40,274 GRAY AND WRINKLED, LIKE MY TIRED PUSS. 23 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,009 IT'S MY LEAGUE FINALS, 24 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,279 AND JAY AGREED TO FILL IN FOR OUR STAR BOWLER, MAURICE, 25 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,515 WHO'S RECOVERING FROM A GROIN PULL. 26 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,118 AN ACTUAL GROIN PULL, NOT THE PARTY ON FIRE ISLAND. 27 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,551 I DON'T KNOW, CAMERON. 28 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:52,786 I'M -- I'M REALLY NOT FEELING IT TONIGHT. 29 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,722 WELL, YOU BETTER START FEELING IT SOON. 30 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,189 WE NEED TO WIN 31 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,625 SO I CAN STICK IT TO THAT SMUG MARTIN SHERMAN. 32 00:00:58,658 --> 00:00:59,792 WHO'S MARTIN SHERMAN? 33 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,462 ONLY MY ARCHRIVAL. 34 00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,430 I THOUGHT YOUR RIVAL WAS THAT BLOND CHRISTMAS CAROLER. 35 00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:06,200 NO, IT'S THE SPANISH TEACHER AT HIS SCHOOL. 36 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,468 WELL, C-CAM HAS LOTS OF RIVALS, 37 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,936 ESPECIALLY IF YOU COUNT THAT BAG BOY. 38 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,603 I TOLD YOU -- NEVER SAY HIS NAME. 39 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,406 I DIDN'T SAY HIS NAME. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME. 40 00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:13,941 IT'S TODD. 41 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,876 ALWAYS PUTTING MY CANNED GOODS ON TOP OF MY PRODUCE. 42 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,644 I'D LIKE TO SQUASH HIS SQUASH. 43 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,980 OKAY, LET'S GO. HOPEFULLY, WE WON'T BE OUT TOO LATE TONIGHT. 44 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,814 WE WILL! UH-HUH. OH, YEAH, RIGHT. 45 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,551 $10 SAYS YOU GUYS WILL BE HOME IN BED BEFORE WE ARE. 46 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,652 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 47 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,221 YOU TWO WILL BE SLEEPING, 48 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,722 AND GLORIA AND HALEY AND I WILL STILL BE DANCING. 49 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,823 THIS ONE? JOE TUCKS HER IN. 50 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,259 HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? 51 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,395 YOU GO TO BED RIGHT AFTER YOU GET MAD AT THE NEWS. 52 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,662 YEAH, IT'S YOU TWO THAT ARE KEEPING US DOWN, 53 00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:36,930 BUT NOT TONIGHT. 54 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,097 TONIGHT, WE ARE GOING OUT BIG. 55 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,900 [ IMITATING DRUMBEAT ] OH, YEAH! 56 00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,569 YES, YOU'RE VERY HIP. 57 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,771 THAT'S THE THEME SONG TO "THE ANTIQUES ROADSHOW." 58 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,073 HE'S RIGHT. 59 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,106 MM. THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 60 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,109 -- Captions by VITAC -- 61 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,313 *** 62 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,754 GREAT HOUSE, HUH? 63 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,192 AND YOU CAN'T BEAT THE LOCATION, 64 00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:05,858 MAINLY 'CAUSE I LIVE RIGHT THERE. 65 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:06,926 [ LAUGHTER ] 66 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,094 WE LOVE THE HOUSE. 67 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:09,462 GREAT! 68 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,531 BUT I COULD NEVER LIVE ACROSS THE STREET 69 00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,932 FROM THAT PORNOGRAPHIC STATUE. 70 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,768 OH! HUH! I NEVER NOTICED IT. 71 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,537 YEAH. 72 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,771 YOU COULD SEE IT FROM INSIDE WHEN YOU LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. 73 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,508 OH, I DIDN'T -- UH, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT ONE? 74 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,210 IT'S QUITE LARGE. 75 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,010 I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. 76 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,846 I'VE HAD THIS LISTING FOR TWO MONTHS, 77 00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:27,881 AND I CAN'T MOVE IT BECAUSE OF THE STATUE ACROSS THE STREET. 78 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,518 IT'S CALLED "MARBLE WITH WOOD," 79 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:33,554 AND LET'S JUST SAY IT'S MADE ENTIRELY OF MARBLE. 80 00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:37,057 WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. IT'S OBSCENE. 81 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,891 THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT "THE CATCHER IN THE RYE" 82 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,561 WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT. YOU'RE NOT HELPING. 83 00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:42,329 WHY DON'T WE JUST KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND TALK TO HIM? 84 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,663 I TRIED. YEAH, THE GUY'S A JERK. 85 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,199 I TOLD HIM HOW MUCH IT BOTHERED US. 86 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,734 IT ONLY SEEMED TO PLEASE HIM. [ SIGHS ] 87 00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:47,968 I'M NOT GONNA LIE -- 88 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,670 IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY BODY. 89 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,138 I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE LETTING MY KIDS PLAY OUT HERE. 90 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,740 OUR KIDS. PAUL, PLEASE. 91 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:55,742 ART IS SUBJECTIVE. SOME PEOPLE WOULD LOVE THIS. 92 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,645 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? Claire: HERE THEY COME. 93 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:58,846 THE STATUE. 94 00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:00,813 OHH, GOD, WE HATE THAT THING. 95 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,349 YOU DO? YEAH. 96 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,151 I DIDN'T MAKE MY MONEY TO MOVE TO A NEIGHBORHOOD 97 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,985 WHERE THEY PUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON THE STREET. 98 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,655 PORN BELONGS ON A BIG SCREEN IN THE BEDROOM 99 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,356 OR YOUR PHONE IN THE BATHROOM. 100 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,557 KIDS, GO PLAY. 101 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,161 WELL...WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 102 00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,596 WELL... 103 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,764 GUESS WE'LL JUST GET USED TO IGNORING IT. 104 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,733 Claire: I JUST WISH HE WAS MORE CONCERNED WITH BEING A BETTER NEIGHBOR. YEAH. 105 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:20,933 AMEN TO THAT. 106 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,270 YEAH. 107 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,937 HEY, WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO GRAB DINNER. 108 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,004 YOU GUYS WANT TO JOIN US? 109 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,840 WHAT'S THAT? 110 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,675 I SAID, YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TO DINNER? 111 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,510 HOW'S THAT? 112 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,413 IF YOU GUYS DON'T WANT TO, THAT'S FINE. 113 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,180 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. OH, NO, NO, NO. 114 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,449 NO, NO, NO. NO. 115 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,617 A-ARE YOU SAYING NO? 116 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:39,986 YOU KNOW WHAT? MM... 117 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,522 SURE, WHY NOT? OF COURSE. 118 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,391 ALL RIGHT! GREAT! GREAT! 119 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,759 Claire: YEAH. WE'LL MEET YOU OUT FRONT. 15. I'LL DRIVE. 120 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,728 OH, CLAIRE, JUST SO OUR OUTFITS DON'T CLASH, 121 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,929 I'LL BE WEARING LIZARD. 122 00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:50,897 AH, SHOOT. WELL, I'LL FIND SOMETHING. 123 00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:51,899 [ Chuckling ] OKAY. 124 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,906 OH, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT -- THE CRASH OF THE PINS, 125 00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,040 THE SMELL OF THE RENTAL-SHOE SPRAY? 126 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,876 YEAH, IT DOES KIND OF GET THE BLOOD GOING. 127 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,144 OH, ONE SMALL DETAIL -- 128 00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:05,545 THIS IS AN ALL-GAY BOWLING LEAGUE, 129 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,913 SO I TOLD EVERYONE YOU'RE ALL GAY. 130 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:07,980 WHAT? 131 00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:09,417 YOU HAVE TO BE GAY TO PLAY. 132 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:10,450 LET'S GO MEET THE GUYS. UNH-UNH. 133 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,118 FORGET IT. NOT DOING IT. 134 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,287 JAY, WE NEED YOU. 135 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,754 NO ONE'S GONNA BELIEVE I'M GAY. 136 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,723 OH, WHY, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FLOUNCY ENOUGH? 137 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,257 JAY, THAT'S OFFENSIVE. 138 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,259 THERE'S ALL KINDS OF GAYS. 139 00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,896 YOU'VE GOT YOUR BROADWAY GAYS, YOUR GYM GAYS, 140 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,264 YOUR TWINKS, YOUR BEARS, YOUR OTTERS, 141 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:26,766 YOUR "HEY, GIRL" GAYS. 142 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,636 YOU'VE GOT YOUR PUPS, YOUR CUBS, YOUR CHUBS. 143 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,237 AND MOST PROMINENTLY, YOU'VE GOT YOUR 144 00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:32,973 AVERAGE-JOES-WHO-YOU-WOULD NEVER-KNOW-ARE-GAY GAYS. 145 00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:35,643 WHAT THE HELL IS AN OTTER? LANE 20. WHITE PANTS. 146 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,747 LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY. 147 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,449 JUST...BE YOURSELF. YOU'RE GAY ENOUGH. 148 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,685 Martin: HELLO, CAMERON. 149 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,987 I THOUGHT I SMELLED FAILURE AND CHEAP HAIR SPRAY. 150 00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:49,490 OH, HELLO, MARTIN. YOU'RE LOOKING UNWELL. 151 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:52,125 COULD YOU DO THAT THING YOU DID LAST YEAR WHERE YOU LOSE 152 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,593 AND THEN YOU TRY AND THROW A CHAIR 153 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,596 BUT NOT REALIZE IT'S BOLTED DOWN AND WRENCH YOUR BACK 154 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,129 AND THEN CURSE AT ME 155 00:04:57,163 --> 00:04:59,298 WHILE I WAVE A TROPHY IN YOUR BIG, RED FACE, COULD YOU? 156 00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,334 [ LAUGHS ] OH, BOY, LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE ALL WORKED UP. 157 00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:02,636 IT MUST HAVE BEEN A TOUGH DAY 158 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,637 ASSISTANT-MANAGING THAT JO-ANN FABRICS. 159 00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:09,509 IT'S A MICHAELS, AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH! 160 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,446 FINE. I'LL DO IT. I DON'T LIKE THAT GUY. 161 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,648 BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF SOMEBODY I KNOW COMES IN HERE 162 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,283 AND THINKS I'M LIVING A SECRET LIFE? 163 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,651 JAY, TRUST ME, IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW COMES IN HERE TONIGHT, 164 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,319 THEY'RE LIVING A SECRET LIFE. 165 00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,322 YOU MAKE A POINT. OKAY, LET'S MEET THE GUYS. GUYS! 166 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:25,292 HEY! I AM IN THE BEST MOOD. 167 00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:27,894 MY UBER DRIVER LOOKED JUST LIKE ADAM DRIVER. 168 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,295 YOU GUYS READY TO PARTY? 169 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,831 YEAH, LET'S GO! WHERE? 170 00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:32,365 OUT. LET'S DO THIS. MM-HMM. 171 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:34,334 IT'S 8:30. THE DOORS DON'T EVEN OPEN FOR ANOTHER HOUR. 172 00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:35,802 WELL, THEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 173 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,004 PREGAME! 174 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:39,038 MOJITOS AND COSMOS -- 175 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,507 THE DRINKS OF YOUR PEOPLES. [ CHUCKLES ] 176 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:41,641 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET CRAZY. [ CHUCKLES ] 177 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,377 I'LL UNCOVER THE CHEESE. 178 00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,077 SO, WE'LL MEET MY FRIENDS OUTSIDE THE CLUB AT LIKE 10:30. 179 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,415 10:30? YEAH, THE BAND DOESN'T GO ON UNTIL MIDNIGHT. 180 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,716 MIDNIGHT? 181 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,250 OKAY, IF YOU GUYS CAN'T HEAR ME NOW, 182 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,851 WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME REAL PROBLEMS AT THE CLUB. 183 00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,220 NO PROBLEM. NO, WE'RE GOOD. WE'RE GOOD. 184 00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:56,088 I HOPE I CAN BE AS COOL AS YOU GUYS IN 30 YEARS. 185 00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:57,490 DOES SHE THINK WE'RE 50? 186 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,959 NO, NO, SHE'S JUST REALLY BAD AT MATH. 187 00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,533 WHOO! TWO STRIKES IN A ROW! 188 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,000 FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH THE EXIT 189 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,937 BECAUSE SOMEBODY'S ON FIRE! 190 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,271 OKAY, JAY, YOU'RE UP. ALL RIGHT, JAY. 191 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,606 LET'S GET THAT FIRST STRIKE. 192 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,074 KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE. 193 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,910 IMAGINE TAKING THAT BAD BOY HOME TONIGHT. 194 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,879 HUH? 195 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:19,879 JERRY... 196 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,783 I'M SORRY. I'M JUST OFF MY GAME TONIGHT. 197 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,718 YOU GOT THIS. 198 00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:26,853 WHO'S YOUR NEW GUY? 199 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,521 HE'S MY HUSBAND'S UNCLE. 200 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,223 OH, YOU LOOK CONFUSED. 201 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,591 A HUSBAND IS SOMEBODY WHO LOVES YOU 202 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,627 THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY. 203 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,067 DAMN IT! 204 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,636 THAT GUY IS NOT GAY. 205 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,403 I COULD HAVE YOU DISQUALIFIED, YOU KNOW. 206 00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:45,773 OF COURSE HE'S GAY. 207 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,040 I'M NEVER WRONG. 208 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,875 MY GAYDAR IS HIGHLY SENSITIVE. 209 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,110 FOR INSTANCE, I HAVE TO MOVE IT AWAY FROM YOU RIGHT NOW 210 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,612 BEFORE IT EXPLODES. 211 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,850 I'M KEEPING AN EYE ON UNCLE JAY. 212 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,887 OKAY, JAY -- DON'T WORRY. I'LL PICK UP THE SPARE. 213 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,122 NO, NO, NO, WE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS. 214 00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:03,790 UM...MARTIN'S ONTO US. 215 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,225 YOU NEED TO FLOUNCE IT UP A LITTLE BIT. 216 00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:06,726 BUT YOU SAID THAT WAS OFFENSIVE, REMEMBER? 217 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:07,995 THE OTTERS AND WEASELS AND STUFF. 218 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,262 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT'S MORE OFFENSIVE? 219 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,764 MARTIN WINNING. 220 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,500 SO, WE NEED TO GET YOU LIGHTER IN THOSE RENTAL LOAFERS. 221 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,800 WHAT GAVE ME AWAY? 222 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,067 I'M NOT HANDSOME ENOUGH. IS THAT IT? 223 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,836 PERFECT. INSECURE AND SUPERFICIAL -- 224 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,738 IT'S A GREAT START. 225 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,850 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 226 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,521 SHOULD WE ORDER A BOTTLE OF WINE? YES. 227 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:34,987 OH, NO NEED. 228 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,355 RONNIE BROUGHT THIS BIG DADDY FROM HOME. 229 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,757 YEAH. GUY. WOW. 230 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:38,992 HEY. GUY. 231 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,093 OH, RONNIE, I'M SURE HE HAS A REAL NAME. 232 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,795 YEAH, IT'S GUY. 233 00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:45,031 MR. AND MRS. LaFONTAINE, SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 234 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,266 HEY, GUY. HI, I'M GUY. PLEASURE. 235 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,468 HI, GUY. HI. 236 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,038 OH. VERY NICE. 237 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,774 2002 HARLAN. WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING TONIGHT? 238 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,375 WELL, UH, WE'RE FINALLY HAVING DINNER 239 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,776 WITH OUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBORS. 240 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,444 WELL, YOU MUST BE VERY GOOD NEIGHBORS. 241 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,480 THAT'S SO NICE. THANK YOU. 242 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,281 OH, DON'T MENTION IT. 243 00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,283 IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU GUYS HERE. YEAH. MM. 244 00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:04,552 SO, HOW ARE THE KIDS? 245 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,218 UM...UH, GOOD. 246 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,954 IT'S A LITTLE INTENSE RIGHT NOW. 247 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,490 UH, ALEX IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT WHERE SHE'S GONNA GO TO COLLEGE, 248 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,293 AND WE'RE FREAKING OUT IT'S GONNA BE ON THE EAST COAST. 249 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,961 OH, YEAH. WELL, WE GET THAT. WE -- 250 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,228 R.J.'s GOING TO NEW YORK SOON. 251 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,665 I THINK I'M GONNA CRY HARDER 252 00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:19,499 THAN THE DAY I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIM. 253 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,668 [ LAUGHTER ] 254 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,737 YEAH, WHAT'S R.J. GOT GOING ON IN NEW YORK? 255 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:26,540 WELL, WE WANTED HIM TO GO TO COLLEGE FOR BUSINESS, 256 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,809 BUT HE WANTS TO DO HIS MUSIC. 257 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,043 OHHH. SO, LONG STORY SHORT, 258 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,545 HE'S GOING TO JUILLIARD. 259 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,581 JUILLIARD? 260 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,982 FOR PIANO. 261 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,985 OH. WELL, MOSTLY FOR HIS COMPOSING. 262 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,418 KID CAN'T HIT THE TOILET, 263 00:08:39,451 --> 00:08:40,921 BUT HE WAKES UP WITH SYMPHONIES IN HIS HEAD. 264 00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:42,221 RIGHT. 265 00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:43,856 THERE WE ARE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TASTE? 266 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,424 OH, YEAH. That's a $500 bottle of wine. 267 00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:47,860 That's like 100 bottles of your wine. 268 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,431 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 269 00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:53,100 YEAH, LET 'ER RIP. 270 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,634 OH, I'M READY! [ LAUGHTER ] 271 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,075 OH, DAMN IT! 272 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,378 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 273 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,952 OH, COME ON, CAM. ADMIT IT. 274 00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,955 UNCLE JAY -- NOT GAY. 275 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,857 OH, MY GOD. YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. 276 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,092 LOOK, OKAY. 277 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,062 IF HE'S ACTING A LITTLE WEIRD, 278 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,429 IT'S JUST BECAUSE... 279 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,966 ...HE TOTALLY LIKES YOU. 280 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,969 [ Chuckling ] NO, HE DOESN'T! 281 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,738 WHAT DID HE SAY? 282 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,072 OKAY, LOOK, HE -- HE -- HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO SAY ANYTHING 283 00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,875 BECAUSE HE'S SHY. 284 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,210 THAT'S WHY HE'S BEING SO AWKWARD. 285 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,778 CAM, YOU'RE UP. 286 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:39,746 I'M UP. 287 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,313 I GOT TO GO. 288 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,154 HEY, THERE. 289 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,221 THIS IS FOR YOU. 290 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,456 OH. THANKS. 291 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,259 AND THIS... 292 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:53,760 IS FOR A LITTLE ZING. 293 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,495 WE DO LOVE ZING. 294 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:56,830 [ CHUCKLES ] 295 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:57,596 BE RIGHT BACK. 296 00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,499 BE RIGHT HERE. 297 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,902 WHY IS THAT GUY BEING SO NICE TO ME? 298 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:05,172 WELL, THERE'S BEEN A-A NEW LITTLE TWIST IN THE EVENING. 299 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:06,940 AND NOW THERE'S ONE IN MY BEER. WHAT'S UP? 300 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,607 I TOLD HIM YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. 301 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:11,010 Why would you do that? I had no choice. 302 00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:12,913 WELL, YOU TRICKED ME INTO COMING HERE, YOU MADE ME GAY, 303 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,246 NOW I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 304 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,948 ALL THESE LIES JUST TO WIN A TROPHY? 305 00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:16,750 YES. 306 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,585 I RESPECT THAT. 307 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,187 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CELLPHONE DINGS ] 308 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,154 OH, THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS. 309 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,024 THEY'RE OUT FRONT DROPPING OFF OUR WRISTBANDS. Mitchell: OH. 310 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,993 WHAT COMES BEFORE PART "B"? HMM? 311 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:27,159 PAR-TAY! [part "a"] 312 00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,427 [ LAUGHTER ] 313 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,996 [ YAWNS ] 314 00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:32,032 OH, MY GOD. I'VE BEEN HOLDING THAT IN FOR AN HOUR. 315 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,432 GLORIA, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT. 316 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,168 YOU HAVE TO. 317 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,970 WE TALKED SO BIG TO CAM AND JAY THAT IF WE DON'T GO OUT, 318 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:39,139 THEY'RE NEVER GONNA LET US LIVE IT DOWN. 319 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,472 OKAY. 320 00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:41,841 [ YAWNS ] 321 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,176 OR WE COULD JUST BLOW IT OFF, MAN. 322 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,711 NO, GLORIA, COME ON, COME ON. 323 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,145 GET UP, GET UP. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. AY. 324 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:47,780 STAYING UP ALL NIGHT -- IT'S IN YOUR BLOOD. 325 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,316 YOU COME FROM THE LAND OF COFFEE AND COCAINE! MM... 326 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,618 YOU TOO! NOBODY LIKES TO DANCE MORE THAN THE GAYS. 327 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,620 PRETEND YOU'RE ON A FLOAT. 328 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,221 DANCING. THAT'S IT. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. OKAY, DANCING. DANCING. 329 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,157 I'M GONNA TURN ON SOME MUSIC HERE. 330 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,692 [ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] * YOU KNOW IT'S GOOD * 331 00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:01,028 THIS IS GOOD. * WE FEELIN' RIGHT * 332 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,230 * WE PARTY HARD * OH, MY "RAISE THE ROOF" ELBOW'S A LITTLE SORE. 333 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,197 * LIKE, EVERY NIGHT * AY. YEAH. 334 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,000 * 'CAUSE EVERY TIME * OH, YEAH, THAT MUST MEAN RAIN. 335 00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,501 [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOD. YOUR KIDS GIVE YOU THAT LOOK, TOO? 336 00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:10,903 YEAH, I SWEAR I CAN'T REMEMBER 337 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,572 WHAT THEIR ACTUAL FACES LOOK LIKE. 338 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:13,706 [ LAUGHTER ] 339 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,642 THIS IS FUN. ISN'T THIS FUN? 340 00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:17,677 TO THINK IT JUST TOOK US ALL HATING THE SAME STATUE 341 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,412 TO BRING US TOGETHER. 342 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,813 WHAT A WORLD IT COULD BE IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST HATE MORE. 343 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,215 [ LAUGHTER ] 344 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,250 YEAH, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THAT THING, HUH? 345 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:27,320 IT'S NOT RIGHT THAT A GUY LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN GET HIS JOB DONE. 346 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,889 WELL, WE COULD START A PETITION. 347 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,923 YEAH, OR WE COULD TALK TO OUR CITY COUNCILMAN. YEP. 348 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,926 OR...HOW ABOUT THIS? 349 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,327 WE TAKE A ROPE, WE TIE IT AROUND THE STATUE, 350 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,730 ATTACH IT TO THE BACK OF MY TRUCK, 351 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,097 AND DRAG IT TO THE NEAREST DUMP. 352 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,165 OH. [ LAUGHS ] 353 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,900 LOVE THAT. [ LAUGHS ] 354 00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,501 I'M SERIOUS. 355 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,671 UH, WE CAN'T DO THAT. NO. 356 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,273 WHY NOT? WE GOT TONS OF ROPE. 357 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,540 AVAILABILITY OF ROPE ISN'T REALLY THE ISSUE HERE. 358 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,744 IT'S -- IT'S DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY. 359 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:51,879 IT'S AGAINST THE LAW. YEAH. 360 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,346 SO? 361 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,082 RONNIE, WE LIVE IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY. 362 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,518 WE'RE NOT THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE, YOU KNOW? 363 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,586 SAYS THE LADY WHO, UH, 364 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,422 PAIRED MY CABERNET WITH FISH. 365 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,025 SO, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN GET YOU? 366 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,961 NOPE. I THINK, UH, WE'VE HAD ENOUGH. 367 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:11,197 AND THAT MEANS TWO THINGS. 368 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,499 I'M NOT DONE. 369 00:12:14,466 --> 00:12:16,536 ALL RIGHT! LIKE THE MUSIC! * I LIVE MY LIFE IN THE FAST LANE * 370 00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:18,105 YOU GUYS REALLY KNOW H-- 371 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:21,207 * AND I AIN'T GOT A MINUTE TO WASTE * 372 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,509 * I LIVE MY LIFE IN THE FAST... * 373 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,447 I'M NOT GETTING GOOD ROTATION TONIGHT. 374 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,149 CERTAINLY MADE MY HEAD SPIN. 375 00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:32,451 OH, WHAT CAN I SAY TO THAT? [ CHUCKLES ] 376 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,388 HEY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 377 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,224 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT PICTURE? 378 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,058 DOESN'T LOOK A THING LIKE YOU. 379 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,961 EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING. 380 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,897 NOT THE MAN SITTING NEXT TO ME. 381 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,664 THE RUGGED GOOD LOOKS... 382 00:12:45,697 --> 00:12:46,899 [ CHUCKLES ] 383 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,836 ...BROAD SHOULDERS... 384 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,104 PIERCING BLUE EYES. [ CHUCKLES ] 385 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,972 HELL, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 386 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:54,506 KEVIN COSTNER AND CHANNING TATUM. 387 00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,109 WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE BETWEEN THEM, HUH? 388 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,344 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 389 00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,677 OKAY, JAY, YOU'RE UP. 390 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,246 THANK YOU, MARTIN. I NEEDED THAT. 391 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,548 ANY TIME. 392 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,292 YEAH! 393 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,994 WHOO! THERE'S THE REAL JAY! 394 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,162 Man: WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! 395 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,196 YOU KNOW IT! 396 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,297 WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! 397 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,307 [ KEYS CLANK ] WHERE IS THE BABY?! 398 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,475 I'M UP. I'M UP. 399 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,778 HEY, WHEN DID YOU GET BACK? 400 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:32,846 LIKE AN HOUR AGO. 401 00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:34,280 [ Yawning ] OH, REALLY? 402 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,715 I MUST HAVE GRABBED A LITTLE DISCO NAP. 403 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:36,950 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 404 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,784 YOU SURE YOU GUYS ARE UP FOR THIS? 405 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,486 YEAH, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY. [ Yawning ] OF COURSE. 406 00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:42,990 WHY DON'T WE GO DANCING ANOTHER TIME, LIKE DAYTIME? 407 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,457 OH, YOU KNOW, WELL, I'M PRETTY FULL OF CHEESE, SO -- 408 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,459 NO, NO. 409 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,826 IF WE DON'T GO OUT NOW, 410 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:50,363 THIS IS NOT ABOUT CAM AND JAY MAKING US OLD, 411 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,498 IT MEANS WE ARE OLD. 412 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,165 THIS IS ABOUT PRIDE. 413 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,168 WE NEED TO PROVE THAT WE CAN STILL GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. 414 00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:57,669 ARE YOU WITH ME, MITCH?! 415 00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:58,705 YES! 416 00:13:58,738 --> 00:13:59,706 YES, I AM! OKAY. 417 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,207 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. OKAY. 418 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,341 CAN WE GET SOME COFFEE ON THE WAY? 419 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,743 NO COFFEE! NO COFFEE! 420 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,150 OH, YES, BABY! 421 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,686 Cameron: OUR TEAM HAD REALLY FOUND ITS GROOVE. YES. 422 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,322 WE QUICKLY ELIMINATED 423 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,991 THE PINAFORES AND ALLEY OF THE DOLLS... Man: YES! 424 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:23,096 ...PUTTING US IN THE FINALS AGAINST MY ARCHRIVAL. 425 00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,365 OH, YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 426 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:31,038 IN THE TRADITION OF RED SOX/YANKEES, ALI/FRAZIER, 427 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,739 IT ALL CAME DOWN 428 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,674 TO THE BRITNEY SPARES vs. MARTIN AND HIS MERRY MEN. 429 00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:37,710 [ HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS ] 430 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,082 Man: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! 431 00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:44,584 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 432 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,921 Cameron: THE TENSION WAS BUILDING... 433 00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:50,389 COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TAKE THESE FRIES BEFORE I EAT THEM ALL? 434 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,859 ...AND EMOTIONS WERE RUNNING HIGH. 435 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,626 UM, SO, JAY, I JUST, UM -- 436 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,729 I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS, 437 00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,431 IT WAS, UH, R-REALLY NICE MEETING YOU. 438 00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,698 WELL, YOU TOO, MARTIN. 439 00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:01,567 UH, D-DO -- WONDERING -- I DON'T KNOW, 440 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,602 W-W-WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER SOMETIME 441 00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:05,871 OR MAYBE HANG OUT OR -- OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? OH, GEEZ. YOU KNOW WHAT, 442 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:08,575 I'M -- I'M -- I'M REALLY, REALLY FLATTERED -- OKAY, I GET IT. 443 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:10,277 NO, NO, IT'S NOT -- NO, NO, I GET IT, TOTALLY. 444 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,610 NO, IT'S OKAY. I UNDERSTAND. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! GOOD LUCK! 445 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,280 AND JUST LIKE THAT, MARTIN FELL APART. 446 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,149 [ HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS ] 447 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:28,294 BY THE LAST FRAME, IT WAS ALL UP TO JAY. 448 00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,663 [ Muffled ] OKAY, JAY, WE ONLY NEED SIX PINS! 449 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,937 I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA BE SIX, GUYS. 450 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,307 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 451 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,677 Cameron: WE WON! WE WON! 452 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:49,081 THIS IS THE FIFTH-HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE! 453 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,616 ADOPTING LILY, MARRYING MITCHELL, 454 00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:52,351 HIGH-SCHOOL FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP 455 00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,086 [Voice breaking] AND SITTING BEHIND SARAH JESSICA PARKER 456 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,288 AT "WICKED." 457 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:56,855 [ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ] 458 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,258 ALL RIGHT! 459 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,491 WHOO! 460 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,427 OKAY! 461 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,796 LET'S DO THIS! LET'S DO THIS! 462 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:04,998 LET'S DO THIS! 463 00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:07,299 I CAN'T DO THIS. 464 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:08,467 ME EITHER. 465 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,403 AH! WE'RE ALMOST 50! 466 00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,341 [ CLAIRE SIGHS ] 467 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,844 THE RIDE HOME, WHILE LESS THAN A MILE LONG, 468 00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:19,346 WAS INTERMINABLE. 469 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,181 WHATEVER BRIDGES HAD BEEN BUILT WERE BURNED, 470 00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,349 LIKE MY FISH WAS, 471 00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,950 WHICH IS WHY RED WINE WAS A -- 472 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,485 HEY, HONEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEFEND YOURSELF. 473 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,155 WHEN IT COMES TO WINE, THIS WOMAN DOESN'T SEE COLOR. 474 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,557 SHE'LL DRINK WHATEVER'S PUT IN FRONT OF HER. 475 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,525 OH, GREAT. 476 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,495 THEY PUT LIGHTS ON IT. [ AMBER SCOFFS ] 477 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,264 STOP THE CAR. 478 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,034 WE HAVE TO TEAR THAT THING DOWN. THEY'RE RIGHT. 479 00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,870 IT'S THE ONLY WAY. 480 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:46,405 WHAT? NOW YOU'RE TALKING! 481 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:47,807 THERE'S THE GIRL 482 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,042 THAT I OCCASIONALLY HAVE SEX DREAMS ABOUT. 483 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,543 YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. HE TOLD ME. 484 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,345 NO, NO, NO. THIS IS CRAZY. Claire: YES. 485 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,215 DON'T DO THIS. HOW MANY MONTHS DO YOU WANT TO SPEND 486 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,917 TRYING TO FIGHT THROUGH SOME BUREAUCRATIC RED TAPE 487 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,751 TO GET THAT THING TAKEN DOWN 488 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,019 ONLY TO BE TOLD THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO? OH, NO. 489 00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,355 STAY IN THE CAR. 490 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,624 STAY IN THE CAR! 491 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:08,060 WHAT DO WE DO? HERE, TAKE THAT. PUT IT AROUND. 492 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:09,761 THROUGH THE LOOP. YEAH, I DO THIS. 493 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:10,997 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 494 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:13,333 Tie it down. 495 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,434 IT'S TOO SHORT. I GOT TO BACK THE TRUCK UP. 496 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,503 NO! NO! 497 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,172 PHIL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON. OPEN THE DOOR. 498 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,573 I CAN'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! COME ON, MAN. 499 00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:21,673 I'm a respected member of the community! 500 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,542 I'm on bus benches! 501 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,612 You're such a boy scout! Open the door. Open the door. 502 00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,913 I WANT THAT THING GONE AS MUCH AS ANYONE, BUT NOT LIKE THIS. 503 00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:29,249 I'M GONNA TAKE THIS TRUCK. 504 00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,717 I'M GONNA GO GET SOME FRO-YO. 505 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,951 I SUGGEST YOU USE THE WALK HOME TO CALM DOWN. 506 00:17:32,984 --> 00:17:35,221 ONCE YOU HAVE, YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME. 507 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,789 Claire: NO. OH, MY GOD! HE'S GOING BACK-- 508 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,460 THANK YOU! [ GASPS ] 509 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,761 Phil: I THOUGHT I WAS IN DRIVE! 510 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,965 Phil! 511 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,734 Phil! 512 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,569 WE WERE AWESOME TONIGHT, GUYS. 513 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,471 DO YOU THINK WE'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO TAKE ON THE LESBIANS? 514 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,374 OH, GOD, NO. [ CHUCKLES ] 515 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,075 ONE MORE ROUND ON ME. 516 00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,477 [ CHUCKLES ] 517 00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,613 GOOD MATCH, MARTIN. 518 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,982 OH. YOU TOO, JAY. CONGRATULATIONS. 519 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,417 THANKS. 520 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:06,553 I HOPE I DIDN'T THROW OFF YOUR GAME AT ALL. 521 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,988 NO. THAT'S ALL ME. I DO THAT. 522 00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,323 I GET AHEAD OF MYSELF. 523 00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:12,125 CREATE EXPECTATIONS, BUILD THEM UP. 524 00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,626 DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I'M GOING TO SEE A LIFE COACH. 525 00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,328 IT IS GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING. 526 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:19,432 WELL, LISTEN, I WASN'T FEELING GREAT ABOUT MYSELF TONIGHT, 527 00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,601 AND YOU HELPED GET ME OUT OF THAT FUNK. 528 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,135 AND IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT 529 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,471 FOR ME TO LET YOU LEAVE FEELING BAD. 530 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,673 OH. YOU'RE A GREAT GUY, 531 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:31,109 AND THE REASON I TURNED YOU DOWN IS BECAUSE... 532 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,845 [ CHUCKLES ] 533 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:35,847 IT'S MUCH HARDER TO SAY OUT LOUD THAN I THOUGHT. 534 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,150 I'M... 535 00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:40,752 I'M NOT GAY. 536 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,953 YOU'RE STRAIGHT? 537 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,323 WHO'S WHAT? WHAT'S HAPPENING? 538 00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:44,990 WHOA, IT FEELS GOOD TO FINALLY TELL SOMEONE. 539 00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:46,358 FOR FOUR HOURS, 540 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,027 I'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR THAT I'D BE FOUND OUT. 541 00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:50,863 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE? 542 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,434 RIGHT. 543 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,470 JAY, THANK YOU FOR ADMITTING THAT. 544 00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,638 YOU ARE A REAL CLASS ACT. 545 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,208 DISQUALIFIED! 546 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,608 YOU LOSE! 547 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,976 GIVE ME THAT! THAT'S MINE! OH, MY GOD! 548 00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:05,444 OH, MY GOD, CHAMPIONS! [ LAUGHTER ] 549 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,546 WE'RE CHAMPIONS AGAIN! 550 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,815 LET ME OUT! OH, MY GOD! 551 00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:09,848 GUESS WHAT, JAY. 552 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,817 YOU'RE MY NEW ARCHRIVAL. 553 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,819 [ CHEERING ] 554 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,020 OH, MY GOD! 555 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,888 I FEEL TERRIBLE. 556 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,558 [ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE TOO GOOD, BOY SCOUT. [ Laughing ] YEAH. 557 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,160 THAT'S WHY YOU NEED PEOPLE LIKE US AROUND. 558 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,630 ADMIT IT -- YOU'RE HAPPY IT'S GONE. 559 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,731 I'M HAPPY IT'S GONE, BUT IT'S WEIRD WE'RE OUT HERE 560 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,567 INSTEAD OF INSIDE WITH THE LIGHTS OFF. 561 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,969 IT'S CALLED HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT. 562 00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:32,505 WE JUST SIT HERE AND ACT LIKE WE GOT NOTHING TO HIDE, 563 00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:35,241 AND THEY WON'T SUSPECT A THING. 564 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,743 FOLKS, I NEED TO ASK YOU A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS. 565 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:40,179 SOMEONE SAID THEY HEARD A BIG TRUCK RUN OVER THAT STATUE. 566 00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,548 WHAT? WELL, WE WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT 567 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:43,982 BECAUSE WE WERE AT DINNER. 568 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,183 MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR TRUCK? 569 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,719 HEY, BUDDY. 570 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,153 OH, DON'T CALL A COP "BUDDY." THEY HATE THAT. 571 00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,855 NO, THAT'S HIS NAME. I SOLD HIM A CONDO. 572 00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:52,023 PHIL? YEAH, BUDDY. [ CHUCKLES ] 573 00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,861 THE FOUR OF US WERE AT DINNER. I CAN VOUCH FOR IT. 574 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,229 IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO SOLVE A CRIME, 575 00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:57,763 THIS ONE HERE HAD RED WINE WITH FISH. 576 00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,832 OH, I DID. I DID. [ LAUGHTER ] 577 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,067 SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. YOU FOLKS HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. 578 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,237 YOU TOO. [ CHUCKLES ] 579 00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,273 NO MORE BOY SCOUT. 580 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:09,842 LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH AN OUTLAW TONIGHT. 581 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,109 YES. [ AMBER CHUCKLES ] 582 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,345 UH, WE'RE IN. 583 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,779 OH... 584 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,248 NO, NO, I WAS TALKING TO CLAIRE. YEAH. 585 00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:16,949 ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO US? 586 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,519 NO, NO, NO... NO, NO, NO... 587 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,519 NO. NO. 588 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,893 IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 589 00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:28,227 MOM AND DAD ARE SITTING OUTSIDE 590 00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,596 WITH THE NEIGHBORS THEY USED TO HATE 591 00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:31,631 YUKKING IT UP LIKE THEY'RE ALL BEST FRIENDS. 592 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:32,699 AND WHY? 593 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:33,799 BECAUSE THERE'S WINE? 594 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,134 NO. BECAUSE OF ART. 595 00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:38,037 THAT STATUE THAT WAS SO OFFENSIVE 596 00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,638 PROVOKED A CONVERSATION. 597 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,208 THAT'S WHAT ART DOES. IT BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER. 598 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,742 EVEN IF IT'S GROSS? 599 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,944 ONE PERSON'S GROSS IS ANOTHER PERSON'S BEAUTIFUL. 600 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,647 WOW. THAT'S REALLY POWERFUL. 601 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,650 DO YOU THINK THIS COULD BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER? 602 00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:53,085 IT'S A SELF-PORTRAIT OF... MY JUNK. 603 00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:55,086 NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN. 604 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,756 HYPOCRITE!