1 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,738 DON'T ASK. DON'T TELL. 2 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,373 IT'S PROBABLY OBVIOUS, ANYWAY. 3 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,575 I WAS UP ALL NIGHT CRYING. 4 00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,743 LET'S SEE IF SHE'S HERE. GLORIA?! 5 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,579 SARAH FINK, MY LAB PARTNER 6 00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,381 WHO I HOPED ONE DAY WOULD BE MY LOVE PARTNER. 7 00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,917 I CAUGHT ONE OF MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS HITTING ON HER, 8 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:18,385 AND NOW SHE'S LIKE THE FETAL PIG 9 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:19,687 WE ONCE SO HAPPILY SHARED -- 10 00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:21,989 COLD, UNRESPONSIVE, HEARTLESS. 11 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:24,024 YOU GOT TWO CHOICES -- 12 00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:26,827 YOU CAN MOPE YOUR WAY UP THOSE STAIRS AND SOAK IN A PITY BATH, 13 00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:29,763 OR YOU CAN PICK YOURSELF UP, MARCH INTO THAT SCHOOL, 14 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,332 AND ACT LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT GIRL. 15 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,335 [ SIGHS ] THANKS. 16 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,603 IF MOM ASKS, I BORROWED HER TUB PILLOW. 17 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:40,941 JAY, DON'T FORGET TO DROP JOE AND MITCH AT CAM'S LATER! 18 00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:43,210 YEAH, WHAT TIME ARE THEY EXPECTING ME TO, UH -- 19 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,378 OH, WHAT THE HELL? 20 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,780 OH, ISN'T IT CUTE? 21 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,182 LAST NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO DO MY NAILS, 22 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,017 THE GIRLS DID IT JUST FOR FUN. 23 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,920 WHAT'S FUN ABOUT A LIFETIME OF GENDER CONFUSION? AY, PLEASE. 24 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,289 IT'S THE SAME AS WHEN YOU TOOK HIM TO THE DODGERS GAME 25 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,258 AND YOU BROUGHT HIM BACK WITH THAT DODGERS CAP. 26 00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:00,694 YOU THINK? OR IS IT DIFFERENT IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE RESPECT? 27 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,096 AY, AND DON'T FORGET THAT PHIL IS GONNA BE MEETING YOU 28 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,564 AT MITCH AND CAM'S 29 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,099 TO HELP YOU BRING LILY'S PRINCESS CASTLE HERE. 30 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,269 SHE'S OUTGROWN IT, BUT JOE LOVES THAT THING. 31 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:09,637 AY, DON'T MAKE THAT FACE. 32 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,704 YOU'RE GONNA BRING IT, RIGHT? SURE, HONEY. 33 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,073 OKAY. HOLD HIM. 34 00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,474 I PICKED A FINE TIME TO RUN OUT 35 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,876 OF LAVENDER BATH BEADS. 36 00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:18,579 I WANTED TWO ROUGH AND TUMBLE BOYS. 37 00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:19,813 I GOT A MANNY... 38 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:20,881 AND A PEDI. 39 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,150 -- Captions by VITAC -- 40 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:26,254 *** 41 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,930 SHE'S MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND, REALLY. 42 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,998 THIS TIME TOMORROW, SHE'LL BE IN OUR LIVING ROOM, 43 00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:40,768 IF WE CAN FIT HER THROUGH THE DOORWAY. 44 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,569 OKAY, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO ASK. 45 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,138 DAD'S ABOUT TO BUY A "MISS PAC-MAN." 46 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,674 MS. WHAT WAS OUR STRUGGLE FOR? 47 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,442 AND NOT JUST ANY "MS. PAC-MAN," 48 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:52,579 BUT AN ORIGINAL 1982 FULLY RECONDITIONED PODIUM-STYLE UNIT. 49 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,847 MM. 50 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,415 WITH ORIGINAL COIN RETURN. MM. 51 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,516 THEY'RE EVEN THROWING IN THE STOOL. MM. 52 00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:57,918 COME ON! 53 00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,819 OH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S STUPID. 54 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,421 JUST BE TAKING UP SPACE WE NEED 55 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,623 FOR THINGS WE ACTUALLY USE, LIKE THE PIANO -- OH, WAIT. 56 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:04,825 WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? 57 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,459 OH, I HAVE A THROBBING HEADACHE. 58 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,861 IT'S MAKING IT HARD TO... 59 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,263 PRETEND THAT YOU'RE SICK? 60 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,098 YEAH, YOU JUST ATE A BUSHEL OF CEREAL. 61 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,834 CHECK THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF THE TROPHY CASE, BITCHES, 62 00:02:13,866 --> 00:02:15,936 'CAUSE MAMA'S BRINGING HOME SOME HARDWARE! 63 00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:18,104 AWARDS DAY AT SCHOOL -- 64 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,973 THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR ALEX HAS SOME REAL SWAGGER. 65 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,610 IRONICALLY, THE ONE THING SHE'S NOT GOOD AT. 66 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,045 WHEN I SAY "TROPHY," YOU SAY "TROPHY"! 67 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,045 TROPHY! 68 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,647 TROPHY! 69 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:28,981 CAN I GET A WHA-WHAT? 70 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:29,949 What? 71 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:30,950 BAM! 72 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,118 [ GLASSES CLATTER ] 73 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,387 BAM! 74 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,122 BAM! 75 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,490 I ALWAYS WORRIED THAT ALEX WINNING ALL THOSE AWARDS 76 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:40,060 WOULD BOTHER LUKE, AND LOOKS LIKE IT FINALLY DID. 77 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:43,697 CAN'T BE EASY GROWING UP IN THE SHADOW OF A SUPERSTAR SISTER. 78 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,566 LOOK AT MITCHELL. 79 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:46,667 BAM. 80 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,237 OKAY, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUEENS? 81 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,639 YEAH, TWO BIG ONES. 82 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,473 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT WAS FUNNY THE FIRST TIME. 83 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,408 NOW IT'S JUST GETTING MEAN. 84 00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,477 [ THUD ] WHAT WAS THAT? 85 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,146 MR. POLASKY, OUR UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR, DIED LAST WEEK. 86 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,681 HE WAS 93, AND HE'D BEEN SICK FOR A WHILE. 87 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,182 YEAH, AND WE -- WE TRIED CHEERING HIM UP 88 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,252 WITH A "GET WELL" SIGN IN THE FRONT YARD. 89 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,854 OKAY, HOW'S THAT LOOK? 90 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,187 Cameron: LOOKS GREAT. 91 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:09,490 UH-HUH. HONESTLY. 92 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,157 OH. NO! NO. 93 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,325 Mitchell: "GET WELL SON"? 94 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,760 OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 95 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,829 "SOON" SEEMED A LITTLE BOSSY ANYWAY. 96 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,163 MITCHELL AND I HAVE ALWAYS DISCUSSED 97 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,498 TRYING TO BUY THE PLACE 98 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,000 IN THE EVENT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO STAN. 99 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,935 WE -- WE COULD USE THE EXTRA SPACE FOR A GUEST ROOM 100 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,371 OR AN OFFICE OR MAYBE EVEN... 101 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,338 A NURSERY. 102 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,341 I THINK I MAY WANT ANOTHER CHILD. 103 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,009 BUT I DON'T WANT TO BRING IT UP TO MITCHELL 104 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,578 AND PUT PRESSURE ON HIM 105 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,379 BECAUSE HE'S BEEN SO ADAMANT ABOUT NOT WANTING ONE. 106 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,180 THE LAST THING HE'S THINKING ABOUT IS A... 107 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,549 NURSERY. 108 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,384 LATELY, I'VE BEEN HAVING STIRRINGS, 109 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,252 BUT BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER 110 00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,420 IN THE PAST, 111 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,788 I DON'T WANT TO BRING IT UP 112 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,591 UNLESS I HAVE SOME SORT OF INDICATION... 113 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,759 THAT WE'RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE. 114 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,295 THAT'S WHY, WHEN GLORIA ASKED IF WE'D WATCH JOE, 115 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,629 I SAID "SURE." 116 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,531 IT'D BE A CHANCE TO REMIND MITCHELL 117 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:55,168 HOW NICE IT IS TO...HAVE A BABY. 118 00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:58,771 HEY! 119 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,240 CLAIRE DUNPHY. 120 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,609 WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR? 121 00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,311 OH, IT'S NOT SO MUCH WHAT YOU CAN DO ME FOR. 122 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:04,944 SOUNDED A -- A TINY BIT PROSTITUTE-Y. 123 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,246 I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 124 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,382 ACTUALLY, I DO HAVE A TINY FAVOR TO ASK. 125 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,050 YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOUR FAMILY. OH. 126 00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:12,118 I MEAN, HALEY, OUR HOMECOMING QUEEN. YEAH. 127 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,421 AND NOW ALEX WINNING JUST ABOUT EVERY ACADEMIC AWARD. 128 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:17,557 OH, I KNOW. IT'S BEEN AN HONOR TO TEACH THE DUNPHY CHILDREN. 129 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,259 WELL, TODAY I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT LUKE. 130 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,329 IS THAT THE SCIENCE RABBIT? 131 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,564 THAT'S MY SON. 132 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,298 OH! YES. OF COURSE. 133 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,600 THAT'S SORT OF THE POINT. 134 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,000 I THINK HE'S FEELING A LITTLE BIT OVERLOOKED. 135 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,836 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD JUST, 136 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,904 YOU KNOW, TOSS HIM ONE OF THOSE AWARDS TODAY. 137 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,173 JUST... [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 138 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,408 WELL, I'M AFRAID ALL OF THE AWARD WINNERS 139 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,810 HAVE ALREADY BEEN DECIDED. 140 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,346 [ SIGHS ] YEAH. 141 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,447 OH, BUT, HEY, IF IT MAKES HIM FEEL BETTER, 142 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,816 HE WAS IN THE RUNNING FOR THE INTEGRITY AWARD. 143 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,117 HE JUST GOT EDGED OUT BY -- 144 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,319 SCOTT WHEELER? 145 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,954 OH, THAT LITTLE WEASEL'S A NARC. 146 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,689 HALLOWEEN CARNIVAL, 2008 -- 147 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,792 [ Mockingly ] "MRS. DUNPHY'S GRAPE JUICE SMELLS LIKE MEDICINE." 148 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,526 IT WAS A LONG MORNING. 149 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,497 IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO HIM. 150 00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:57,965 WELL, CLAIRE... 151 00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,132 THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR. 152 00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,601 I KNOW. I'M SORRY. [ GROANS ] 153 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,302 I'M SO SORRY. MM-HMM. 154 00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,673 I-I-I REALLY AM -- SO EMBARRASSING. 155 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,341 MAYBE THERE'S SOME SORT OF, UM -- 156 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,776 I DON'T KNOW, LIKE, A -- A -- A DONATION OR SOMETHING 157 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,279 I COULD GIVE TO THE AUTO SHOP TO, UM...GREASE THE WHEELS. 158 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,882 WE'RE GOOD ON GREASE. 159 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,649 BUT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH BRAKE FLUID, SO -- 160 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:20,521 OR PERHAPS THE SOCCER TEAM COULD USE SOME NEW CLEATS, 161 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:23,122 HELP THEM GET THEIR... KICK BACK? 162 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,225 OKAY, MRS. DUNPHY, I'M REALLY DOING EVERYTHING I CAN 163 00:05:25,257 --> 00:05:27,694 TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO BRIBE ME 164 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,862 FOR THE MARLON BONIFACE INTEGRITY AWARD. 165 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,464 OH! I'M SO GLAD YOU CAN REMEMBER THAT NAME, 166 00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,165 BUT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER LUKE. 167 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,802 MY FIRST DAY OFF IN A MONTH, 168 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,571 I'M HEADED OUT THE DOOR TO GO SHOPPING WITH GLORIA, 169 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:40,641 AND MY STUPID BOSS NEEDS ME TO PICK UP SOME STUPID ORCHID. 170 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,409 LIKE MY TIME'S NOT VALUABLE? 171 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:45,413 GLORIA WAS GONNA HELP ME PICK OUT A TOE RING. 172 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:48,081 OH, I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE HERE ILLEGALLY, 173 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,582 YOU'RE GORGEOUS. 174 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,317 LISTEN, MISTER, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM -- 175 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,553 FLOWER. HE'S TALKING...FLOWER. 176 00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,755 GAVIN, I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU -- 177 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,524 WHERE ARE THE PHOTOS FROM THE MILAN SHOW I ASKED FOR? 178 00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,526 I-I DON'T REMEMBER YOU ASKING FOR THEM. 179 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,829 OH. I GUESS ONE OF US IS MISTAKEN, BUT WHO? 180 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,930 THE FASHION ICON PROFILED BY VANITY FAIR 181 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,733 FOR PIONEERING A NEW SOCK LENGTH, 182 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,869 OR THE PART-TIME EMPLOYEE WHO SHARES A STAPLER? 183 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:09,937 SORRY. 184 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,774 SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. HERE THEY ARE. 185 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,007 OH, LOOK WHAT'S NEW FOR FALL. 186 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,576 THUMBPRINTS. 187 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,612 DO YOU KNOW THE THAI, GERMAN, ARGENTINE, MEXICAN 188 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,613 GOURMET FOOD TRUCK BACK TO BASICS? YES. 189 00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,915 I NEED YOU TO MAKE ME A STANDING RESERVATION THERE. 190 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,016 HOW DO I MAKE A STANDING RESERVATION? 191 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,252 PARKING'S A BITCH. 192 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,553 I NEED YOU TO GO THERE, FIND A SPOT, 193 00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,321 AND STAND IN IT UNTIL I ARRIVE. 194 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,692 I WANTED TO KILL HIM. 195 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,927 BUT I BITE MY TONGUE, BECAUSE IN THIS FAMILY, 196 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,129 THEY THINK THAT I AM A COLOMBIAN HOTHEAD, 197 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,432 WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE A COLOMBIAN HOT HEAD IS 198 00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:40,433 WHEN YOU SET SOMEBODY'S HEAD ON FIRE. 199 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:41,468 IT SMELLS TERRIBLE, BUT IT SENDS A MESSAGE. 200 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,141 [ HORN HONKING ] 201 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,476 GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. 202 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,077 IT'S ME -- GLORIA. 203 00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:54,413 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I TOLD YOU TO GO SHOPPING WITHOUT ME. 204 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,884 I COULDN'T ENJOY IT KNOWING YOU'RE STANDING THERE 205 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,218 LIKE A LITTLE ORANGE CONE. 206 00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,752 IT'S MY JOB. IT'S FINE. 207 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:03,089 NO, IT'S NOT FINE. HE'S A TERRIBLE MAN. 208 00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:05,625 BUT I DID A LITTLE SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. 209 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,127 [ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 210 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,963 HE MESSES WITH SOMETHING I LOVE -- 211 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,298 I MESS WITH SOMETHING HE LOVES. 212 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,733 THE SECOND IT GOES MISSING, 213 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,067 HE'S GOING TO CHECK SECURITY CAMERAS, 214 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,067 AND I'M GOING TO GET FIRED. 215 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,435 SO WHAT? 216 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,170 HE'S THE WORST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET, 217 00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,773 AND THERE WAS A MAN IN MY VILLAGE 218 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,942 NAMED FLAVIO THE BABY PUNCHER. 219 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:22,942 OHH. 220 00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:23,944 [ HORN HONKS ] 221 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,112 HEY, CONE. MOVE. 222 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,981 UM, OKAY. UM, JUST -- JUST LEAVING. 223 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:33,086 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] 224 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,754 HELLO? FASTER. 225 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,790 OH. [ CHUCKLES ] 226 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,692 Claire: I'D ALREADY BEEN CAUGHT TRYING TO BRIBE THE PRINCIPAL, 227 00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,093 BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT, 228 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,461 I WAS STILL TRYING TO THINK OF A WAY 229 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,230 TO GET LUKE THAT AWARD. 230 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,165 THEN I SAW SCOTT WHEELER. 231 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,536 YEAH, HE WAS A NARC AND A GOODY TWO-SHOES, 232 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,637 BUT HE WAS ALSO JUST A CHILD. 233 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,840 AND I KNEW THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 234 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:54,942 SOMETIMES ALL IT TAKES IS A LITTLE NUDGE. 235 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,377 [ HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING ] 236 00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:01,649 WHAT? 237 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:11,959 HE IS SO ADORABLE. I KNOW, ISN'T HE? 238 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,026 REMEMBER WHEN LILY WAS LIKE THIS? 239 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,829 WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN I'M NOT HERE? 240 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,396 UM... 241 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,831 JOE, LET'S SHOW MITCHELL 242 00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,533 HOW YOU CAN CATCH AND THROW THE BALL. 243 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:21,569 LET'S SEE. 244 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,136 WOW! [ LAUGHS ] 245 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,538 IS THIS SO THAT I'LL LEARN? 246 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,906 OH, YES -- WELL, NO, BUT, I MEAN, 247 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,374 IF YOU PICK UP ON IT, THAT'D BE GREAT. 248 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,809 OKAY, WELL, NO, ACTUALLY, HERE -- 249 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,644 JOE, LET'S SHOW CAM HOW WE CAN DANCE, HUH? 250 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:31,978 [ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ] I LOVE A DANCE PARTY. 251 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,245 OH, THERE WE ARE. I LIKE THIS BEAT. 252 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,881 SHOULD I JOIN YOU? YES, OF COURSE. 253 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,015 OKAY, IF YOU INSIST. 254 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:37,484 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 255 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,187 OH, HOW FUN IS THIS? SO FUN. 256 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,322 YOU LOOK SO HAPPY. YOU LOOK SO HAPPY. 257 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,756 NO, SERIOUSLY, I WISH YOU COULD SEE 258 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,524 THE HAPPY LOOK ON YOUR FACE. 259 00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:47,628 WELL, IF IT'S HALF AS HAPPY AS THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE... 260 00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:50,663 [ CLICKS ] [ MUSIC STOPS ] 261 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,532 MITCHELL, ARE WE ALMOST DISCUSSING 262 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,567 WHAT I THINK WE'RE ALMOST DISCUSSING? 263 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,168 I WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY. I DO, TOO. 264 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,705 I JUST WAS AFRAID TO SAY ANYTHING. 265 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,105 I WAS, TOO. 266 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,607 I -- BUT THE TIMING SEEMS RIGHT, RIGHT? 267 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,610 I MEAN, WE BOTH SEEM TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE. 268 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,177 I-I JUST REALLY MISS HAVING A BABY AROUND. 269 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,513 THE WRITING'S ON THE WALL. 270 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,014 BUT MOSTLY ON THE CURTAINS. 271 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,216 OH, BOY, OKAY. 272 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,083 OH. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S FINE. 273 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,458 [ SIGHS ] 274 00:09:19,491 --> 00:09:22,428 THERE'S WATER UNDERNEATH THE SEAT THERE IF YOU WANT IT. 275 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,234 THOSE GUYS AT THE LOADING DOCK 276 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,802 REALLY GAVE ME THE BUSINESS 277 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,203 WHEN THEY FOUND OUT I WAS HAULING A PRINCESS CASTLE. 278 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,471 [ LAUGHS ] 279 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,578 SOMETHING WAS BUGGING HIM. HE NEEDED TO TALK. 280 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,815 IT'S LIKE I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY. 281 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,251 WELL, YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND. 282 00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:46,820 CLAIRE AND I HAD A THING. 283 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,087 OH, YOU'RE JUST GONNA MAKE FUN OF ME. 284 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,924 NO, I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE FUN OF YOU. 285 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,126 I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A "MS. PAC-MAN" MACHINE, 286 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,394 BUT CLAIRE SAID NO. 287 00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:57,429 ACTUALLY, SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. 288 00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,832 SHE JUST MADE A DISAPPROVING NOISE, AND I ROLLED OVER. 289 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:00,900 PRETTY WIMPY, HUH? 290 00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,134 NO. I'VE BEEN THERE. 291 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,803 REALLY? YOU HAVE TO SOMETIMES. 292 00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,673 THAT'S THE WAY MARRIAGES WORK. 293 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:09,109 ALL THIS HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE SORT OF STUFF. 294 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,244 TELL YOU WHAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY. 295 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,479 THIS BAD BOY RIGHT HERE. 296 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:13,647 IT'S STILL IN MY SHOPPING CART 297 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,148 'CAUSE I JUST CAN'T SAY GOODBYE. 298 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,349 WHO DOESN'T WANT A HAPPY LIFE? 299 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,684 BUT SOON YOU'RE SAYING, "YES, DEAR," 300 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:18,985 AND, "WHATEVER YOU NEED, DEAR," 301 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,287 WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. 302 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,121 ANTI-GLARE PLEXI, REINFORCED PODIUM. 303 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,692 STAND UP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU LOSE ALL YOUR POWER. 304 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,192 IT'S EVEN GOT A WRIST PAD FOR YOUR KNOB HAND. 305 00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,594 BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, 306 00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:29,763 YOU'RE PICKING UP A PINK PRINCESS CASTLE 307 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,463 FOR YOUR PEDICURED 2-YEAR-OLD, 308 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,265 SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR LAST CHANCE 309 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,534 TO HAVE ONE RED-BLOODED MAN IN THE FAMILY. 310 00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:37,504 AND YOU'RE GETTING THAT DAMN GAME, PHIL! 311 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,639 WHAT IN THE NAME OF "PAC-MAN" CREATOR TORU IWATANI 312 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,142 HAVE YOU DONE?! YOU DESERVE IT. 313 00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:44,043 YOU WORK HARD. YOU PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY. 314 00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,278 NO REGRETS. 315 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,346 YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T REGRET IT. 316 00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:49,182 'COURSE YOU DON'T. 317 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:52,119 I'M THE OWNER OF A "MS. PAC-MAN"! 318 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,320 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 319 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,455 THIS IS EXHILARATING! 320 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,490 THANKS, JAY. AHH. 321 00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,125 YOU KNOW, EVERY NOW AND THEN, 322 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:00,326 I WONDER HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT ME -- BUP BUP BUP BUP! 323 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,696 I'M SURE YOU'D DO THE SAME FOR ME. 324 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,331 GOTCHA. GOOD. 325 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,366 MESSAGE RECEIVED. GOOD. 326 00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:13,907 WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?! 327 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,307 I THOUGHT YOU SENT ME A MESSAGE! 328 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,809 HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! 329 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,378 THANK GOD IT'S STILL IN ONE PIECE. 330 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,511 WE CAN PROBABLY -- 331 00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:21,181 OH! 332 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,158 OKAY, DUMMY. 333 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,591 WE GET THIS THING IN THE BACKYARD, 334 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,894 WE NAIL IT TOGETHER, 335 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,195 AND GLORIA WILL NEVER FIND OUT. 336 00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:36,363 DON'T DO THIS, JAY. 337 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:38,431 AS YOUR BEST FRIEND, I IMPLORE YOU. 338 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,033 IF WE REBUILD THIS CASTLE, 339 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,701 WE TEAR DOWN EVERYTHING WE BUILT TODAY. 340 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,336 WHAT? AND WHAT?! 341 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,772 WE STOOD UP FOR OURSELVES. 342 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,273 THERE'S NO TURNING BACK. 343 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,009 WE'RE GOING TO TELL CLAIRE AND GLORIA WHAT WE DID. 344 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,378 I'M SCARED, PHIL, OKAY? 345 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,513 THEY COUNT ON THAT FEAR. THEY FEED OFF IT. 346 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,713 NO MORE. 347 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,216 [ CAR DOOR CLOSES ] 348 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,186 SOMEONE'S LOOKING SEXY AND SWEATY. 349 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,220 THAT'S RIGHT. 350 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,788 AND THIS SEXY, SWEATY SOMEONE 351 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,623 IS NOW THE PROUD OWNER OF A VINTAGE "MS. PAC-MAN" GAME. 352 00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,258 OH, IT CAME? 353 00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,860 THEY PROMISED THEY WEREN'T GONNA DELIVER IT UNTIL TOMORROW. 354 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,797 I WANTED TO BE THERE TO SEE YOUR FACE. 355 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,197 IT WAS KILLING ME THIS MORNING 356 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,631 WHEN YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GET YOUR OWN. 357 00:12:12,664 --> 00:12:14,533 DO YA LOVE IT? 358 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,467 LOVE -- I LOVE YOU. 359 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:16,302 YEAH. 360 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,570 Gloria: JAY? 361 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:18,971 WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? 362 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,807 JOE'S GONNA BE HERE IN 30 MINUTES. 363 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,543 [ GASPS ] WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CASTLE? 364 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,711 LITTLE SNAFU. 365 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,644 ABOUT THIS PRINCESS CASTLE -- 366 00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:26,745 Claire: WHAT'S THAT? 367 00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:28,414 BLACK PAINT AND A SKULL FLAG 368 00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,582 SO THAT WE CAN TURN THIS PRINCESS THING 369 00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:31,750 INTO A PIRATE CASTLE. 370 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:32,751 PIRATE CASTLE? 371 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:33,921 YES. HE'S A BOY. 372 00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:35,422 WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS. 373 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,889 WHY DO MEN NEVER LISTEN? 374 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,991 IT'S ALWAYS, "SURE, HONEY. SURE, HONEY." 375 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,961 I DON'T KNOW. MARRIAGE IS HARD. 376 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,562 OKAY, WE CAN SOLVE BOTH OUR PROBLEMS. 377 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,798 WE PUT THIS PRINCESS CASTLE TOGETHER IN THE NEXT 30 MINUTES. 378 00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,167 LET'S GO! GO, GO! 379 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,634 HOW DOES THAT SOLVE MY PROBLEM? JUST GO! 380 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,504 OH, MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED? 381 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,341 JOE TOOK LILY'S CAR FOR A LITTLE SPIN. 382 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,743 HAD A LITTLE FERN-DER BENDER, BUT IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE. 383 00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,177 WELL, THE CURTAINS HE DREW ON 384 00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,479 ARE GONNA NEED TO BE PROFESSIONALLY CLEANED, 385 00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:00,947 BUT THEY WERE OVERDUE. OH. 386 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,350 YEAH. IT'S FUN HAVING THIS ENERGY BACK IN THE HOUSE. 387 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:06,686 IT IS. WHERE IS THAT LITTLE PUDDING-FILLED ROCKET, ANYWAY? 388 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,355 Cameron: OH, THERE HE IS. THERE HE GOES. 389 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,923 YOU SEE HIM? OKAY, YEAH, HE'S GOING INTO THE BATHROOM. 390 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,423 OKAY. OH. IT'S LOCKED. LOCKED? 391 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:12,625 I'M GONNA GO AROUND TO THE OTHER DOOR. YEAH. 392 00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:13,894 JOE! JOE! 393 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,196 [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] 394 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,496 OKAY, WELL, THAT'S GONNA CLOG. 395 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:18,597 ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET THE PLUNGER. 396 00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,698 OKAY, NOW, SWEETIE, LISTEN. 397 00:13:19,731 --> 00:13:21,201 WE CAN'T USE THAT MUCH TOILET PAPER 398 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,168 BECAUSE IT'S WASTEFUL. 399 00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:23,102 [ WATER SPLASHES ] 400 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,803 OH, MY GOSH. MY KEYS. 401 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:25,938 [ TOILET FLUSHES ] 402 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,440 NO, NO! NO! NO, NO, NO! 403 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,042 OH, GOOD, IT DIDN'T CLOG. 404 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,177 OKAY. OH, GEEZ. 405 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,378 [ SIGHS ] 406 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,447 LILY, DID YOU SPILL PURPLE PAINT ON THE FLOOR? 407 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,116 YEAH, I'M THE PROBLEM TODAY. 408 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,317 OH, GEEZ. 409 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,519 OH, GOD! THE VANDERKOFF! 410 00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:41,620 WHAT? 411 00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:42,855 OH, GOD, THE VANDERKOFF! 412 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,490 IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. 413 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,192 WE'LL -- WE'LL JUST GET IT PROFESSIONALLY CLEANED. 414 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,726 YEAH, W-WE'LL JUST THROW IT IN WITH THE CURTAINS. [ CHUCKLES ] 415 00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,062 Joe: BALL! 416 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,397 [ GASPS ] OH, NO, THAT'S NOT A BALL. 417 00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:51,831 THAT'S NOT A BALL, NO. NO, NO, NO. 418 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,466 THAT'S A CRIMINALLY EXPENSIVE SANTANGELO BOWL. 419 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,868 OKAY, I'M GONNA SNEAK AROUND BEHIND HIM 420 00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,202 AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA KEEP HIM TALKING. 421 00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,904 JOE, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. 422 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,072 YOU KNOW, AS OF RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. 423 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,740 YOU JUST HAND THAT OVER TO ME, 424 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,842 AND IT'S LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, SEE? 425 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,145 OKAY, HE'S NOT BABY FACE NELSON. HE'S AN ACTUAL BABY. 426 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,647 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WANT TO HELP OUT? 427 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:08,748 SLIDE SOMETHING UNDERNEATH IT LIKE A THROW PILLOW. 428 00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:09,581 THROW! [ BOWL SHATTERS ] 429 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:10,517 AAH! 430 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,484 OH. 431 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,684 OH. 432 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,520 [ CHUCKLES ] AAH! 433 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,655 YOU FORGET WHAT A HANDFUL KIDS ARE WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE, HUH? 434 00:14:16,688 --> 00:14:18,390 YEAH, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW EASY WE HAVE IT 435 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,360 NOW THAT LILY'S SO INDEPENDENT. YEAH. 436 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,695 PLUS, WE'RE NOT AS YOUNG AS WE WERE WHEN SHE WAS LIKE THIS. 437 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,230 MITCHELL, ARE -- ARE WE ALMOST DISCUSSING 438 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,664 WHAT I THINK WE'RE ALMOST DISCUSSING? 439 00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:28,000 MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T RUSH INTO HAVING ANOTHER KID? 440 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,937 IT'S A BIG DECISION, AND I LOVE THE WAY OUR LIVES ARE NOW. 441 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,373 OH, GOD, ME TOO! OHH. 442 00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:35,508 TH-TH-THIS DOESN'T MAKE US SELFISH PEOPLE, DOES IT? 443 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,110 OF COURSE NOT. 444 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,645 BABY JOE'S STUCK IN THE WELL. 445 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,749 LEAVE HIM. HE'S FINE. 446 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,221 NO, NO, NO. A LITTLE BIT MORE TO THE LEFT. 447 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,889 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 448 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:50,756 I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO BEG YOU TO GO SHOPPING. 449 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,225 WELL, I HAVE TO MAKE SURE 450 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,860 THAT YOU'RE PUTTING THAT THING IN THE RIGHT PLACE 451 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,028 SINCE THIS STUPID, HORRIBLE JOB IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU. 452 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,629 AY, HALEY, I HAVE TO SAY 453 00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:59,966 TODAY I LOST A LITTLE BIT OF RESPECT FOR YOU. 454 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,734 GOODBYE, GLORIA. 455 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,735 YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. 456 00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:06,239 DO YOU KNOW HOW EASY THAT IS FOR YOU TO SAY? 457 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,042 NO, NO. NOTHING IN ENGLISH IS EASY FOR ME TO SAY. 458 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,410 UNLIKE YOU, I DON'T HAVE A RICH HUSBAND. 459 00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:13,645 WHAT I DO HAVE IS A REPUTATION FOR BEING A SCREW-UP 460 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,447 WHO NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH ON ANYTHING. 461 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,783 [ SIGHS ] 462 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,451 WHICH IS WHY, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, 463 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,653 I'M IN MY THIRD YEAR OF A TWO-YEAR COLLEGE PROGRAM 464 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,489 AND STILL LIVING IN MY PARENTS' BASEMENT. 465 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,791 LOOK, I KNOW THAT THIS JOB SUCKS, 466 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,394 BUT IT MIGHT ACTUALLY LEAD TO SOMETHING. 467 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,229 DO YOU KNOW WHO HAD THIS JOB FIVE YEARS AGO? 468 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,499 GAVIN, AND HE WORKED FOR AN EVEN BIGGER JACKASS THAN HE IS. 469 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,801 HEY! THAT WAS A QUICK LUNCH. 470 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:35,934 YEAH, THE LINE WAS TOO SHORT. 471 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,570 IT'S OVER. I CAN'T BE SEEN THERE. 472 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,606 I WOULDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS A JACKASS. 473 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,975 UH, LOOK, WHEN -- WHEN I SAID THAT, 474 00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,443 I REALLY DIDN'T -- 475 00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:45,677 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, YOU WERE JUST LEAVING. 476 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:46,946 SECOND OF ALL, MAYBE PERMANENTLY. 477 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:49,982 UM. YEAH. 478 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,618 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 479 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:52,851 FASTER. 480 00:15:52,884 --> 00:15:54,020 YOU KNOW WHAT, GAVIN? 481 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:54,821 I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF -- NO. 482 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:55,922 WHAT? WHY NOT? 483 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,190 IT'S TIME I STOOD UP TO THIS GUY. 484 00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:58,658 I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET FIRED, 485 00:15:58,691 --> 00:15:59,625 SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET IN A COUPLE SHOTS 486 00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:00,793 BEFORE I LOSE MY DENTAL. 487 00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:01,927 NO, YOU WERE RIGHT BEFORE. 488 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,163 IT'S VERY EASY TO BE LIKE ME, 489 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,864 TO SCREAM FIRST AND THINK LATER. 490 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,499 BUT THAT'S NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS. 491 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:07,366 LET ME GO TALK TO HIM. 492 00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:08,868 NO. YES. 493 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,336 I CAUSED ALL THIS. 494 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,871 ANYWAYS, IT'S GOOD FOR ME EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE 495 00:16:12,904 --> 00:16:15,408 TO SWALLOW MY PRIDE. 496 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,447 WHAT DO YOU WANT? OH. 497 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,481 I JUST WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO MY VOICE 498 00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:25,217 AND LOOK INTO MY EYES AND ASK YOURSELF, 499 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:27,854 "DID THIS WOMAN MADE IT ALL THE WAY HERE FROM COLOMBIA 500 00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:30,057 WITHOUT KNOWING SOME VERY BAD MEN 501 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,725 WHO WOULD LOVE TO DO HER A FAVOR?" 502 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:39,066 OKAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT, 503 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,168 BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD TO APOLOGIZE. 504 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,470 [ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] 505 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,971 OH, MY GOD, I STILL HAVE MY JOB. 506 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,706 OH, THAT'S GREAT! LET'S GO CELEBRATE! 507 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:47,907 [ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] 508 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,475 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T. 509 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,009 I HAVE TO GO SPREAD SEEDS ON HIS FRONT LAWN 510 00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:53,011 SO HE CAN RUN THROUGH BIRDS WHEN HE GETS HOME. 511 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:56,448 I HAVE ONE MORE THING THAT I NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR. 512 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,754 CALL ME THE PERIODIC TABLE, 'CAUSE I GOT ALL THE "METALS." 513 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:02,589 YEAH! 514 00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:03,755 THAT'S NICE, HONEY. 515 00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,192 LUKE, HOW WAS YOUR DAY? 516 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,359 WELL, LUKE WON THE BONIFACE INTEGRITY AWARD, 517 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:08,827 WHEREAS I GOT ALL -- 518 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,329 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 519 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,864 THAT IS FANTASTIC! 520 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:12,765 I'M SO PROUD OF -- 521 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,401 Luke: THE BONERFACE! 522 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,435 YOU WIN THAT AWARD, EVERYONE CALLS YOU "BONERFACE." 523 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:17,903 IT'S THE SUPER NERD AWARD. 524 00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:20,339 MY UNDERWEAR GOT PULLED OVER MY HEAD BY A GIRL. 525 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,874 IT ALWAYS GOES TO SCOTT WHEELER, 526 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:24,344 BUT SOMEONE PUSHED HIS CAR INTO A HANDICAPPED SPOT 527 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,011 SO I'D GET THE AWARD. 528 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,115 AND I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY WHO DID IT. 529 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:29,749 WELL -- MANNY! 530 00:17:29,781 --> 00:17:32,184 YOU FRAMED SCOTT WHEELER SO I'D WIN THE BONERFACE. 531 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,619 IT ADDS UP. 532 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,288 FIRST, LOWER YOUR VOICE. WE'RE NOT STEVEDORES. 533 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,556 SECOND, YOU'RE WRONG. 534 00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,023 THIRD, IT SERVES YOU RIGHT, ANYWAY, 535 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,226 AFTER YOU HIT ON SARAH FINK. 536 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,692 OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. 537 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,894 THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER GIRLS OUT THERE. 538 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:42,894 GET OVER IT. 539 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,263 [ CLATTERS ] 540 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,232 THAT CINNAMON STICK IS FROM SRI LANKA! 541 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,534 [ GRUNTS ] GET OFF ME! 542 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,035 YOU SMELL LIKE A CANDLE. 543 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:51,637 IT'S LAVENDER BATH BEADS, YOU SON OF A BITCH! 544 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,707 AND THE AWARD FOR THE SADDEST BRAWL GOES TO... 545 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,143 OKAY, STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! 546 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,545 I DID IT! I DID IT! I GOT YOU THE BONERFACE! 547 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,980 UGH, THE BONIFA-- WHAT'S IT CALLED? 548 00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:02,414 JUST GET OUT OF HERE. 549 00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,549 YOU? YES. 550 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,916 WHY? 551 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,086 BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A NERD AWARD. 552 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,489 I JUST KNEW IT WAS AN AWARD, AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE ONE. 553 00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:11,089 AND YOU WERE SECOND IN LINE TO GET IT, ANYWAY, 554 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,558 SO I JUST, YOU KNOW... 555 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,060 RIGGED IT BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M A LOSER 556 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,563 WHO COULD NEVER WIN HIS OWN AWARD? 557 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,564 NO. NO. 558 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,798 I-I JUST... 559 00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,166 ALEX HAS HER AWARDS AND -- 560 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,433 THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME. 561 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,571 [ HAMMER POUNDING ] 562 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:26,972 JOE'S GONNA BE HERE SOON. 563 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,807 LET'S PICK UP THE PACE. WINDOW LOOKS GOOD. 564 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,076 LET'S RAISE THE ROOF. 565 00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:32,010 I DON'T THINK IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE, JAY. 566 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,712 WE HAVEN'T EVEN PUT ON THE ROO-- OH. 567 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,519 HONEY. 568 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,087 I AM SO SORRY. 569 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,690 YOU JUST SEEMED SO UPSET THIS MORNING, 570 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:47,926 AND I ASSUMED IT WAS ABOUT AWARDS DAY AND ALEX. 571 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,096 I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT AWARDS. 572 00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,865 THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL? 573 00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:54,634 THIS ISN'T STILL ABOUT THAT FIGHT 574 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,269 THAT YOU'RE HAVING WITH MANNY OVER SARAH FINK, IS IT? 575 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,105 I DON'T EVEN LIKE SARAH FINK. 576 00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:00,972 I TOLD HER TO STOP CALLING ME. 577 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,276 WELL, THEN WHY DOES MANNY THINK THAT YOU'RE... 578 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,545 OH. 579 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:07,814 YOU DIDN'T HIT ON HER. SHE HIT ON YOU. 580 00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:11,983 AND YOU'RE -- YOU'RE TRYING TO SPARE MANNY'S FEELINGS. 581 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,487 I AM THE DUMBEST PERSON IN THE WORLD 582 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,124 TO THINK THAT YOU WOULD EVER NEED MY HELP 583 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,393 TO WIN AN INTEGRITY AWARD. 584 00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,296 I COULD NOT BE PROUDER. [ SMOOCHES ] 585 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,631 MAYBE NEXT YEAR, ALEX. 586 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:25,698 MM. 587 00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,067 OKAY. AWNING IS DONE. 588 00:19:28,099 --> 00:19:29,536 SUPPOSED TO BE A DRAWBRIDGE. 589 00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:30,369 WEREN'T THE CHAINS A CLUE? 590 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:31,871 A LOT OF CRITICISM 591 00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:33,806 FROM A GUY WHO JUST SAWED HALF HIS SHOE OFF. 592 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:34,807 WHO ARE WE KIDDING? 593 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,308 WE GOT A WALL ON BACKWARDS. 594 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,644 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT STUFF GOES. 595 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:39,912 IT BARELY LOOKS LIKE A -- 596 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,580 Joe: CASTLE! 597 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,250 Gloria: JOE, WAIT! 598 00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,182 HEY, BUDDY. 599 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,718 HEY. 600 00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:48,320 HEY, IT'S GONNA LOOK EVEN BETTER WHEN IT'S PAINTED. 601 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,557 AH, THE AWNING'S A NICE TOUCH. 602 00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:53,393 JAY, THIS CASTLE'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE SO -- 603 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:54,394 ACHOO! [ GASPS ] 604 00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:56,363 OH, MY GOODNESS! 605 00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,931 OH, JOE, LOOK WHAT YOU DID. 606 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,599 DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE 607 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,934 THAT A 2-YEAR-OLD CAN DESTROY A WHOLE HOUSE IN ONE SECOND? 608 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,537 [ SCOFFS ] OH, WOW, YES. EASY. 609 00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,005 [ Chuckling ] FOR SURE. 610 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,406 JAY, DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT REALLY HAPPENED? 611 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,008 [ SIGHS ] 612 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,376 Alex: NO ONE WINS ANYTHING 613 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,611 WITHOUT HELP FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS 614 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,346 WHO STEER YOU AWAY FROM BAD IDEAS... 615 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:14,681 WAIT, PHIL! PHIL! PHIL! 616 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:15,781 OH. 617 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,083 ...AND TOWARD GOOD ONES. 618 00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:18,384 I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO US TODAY. 619 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,786 OH, WITH THE BABY THING? 620 00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:21,887 YES. IT'S THE LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW. 621 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,222 IT'S THE LAST THING ANY OF US NEED RIGHT NOW. YEAH. 622 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,200 BECAUSE EVERY TIME ANYONE ACCOMPLISHES ANYTHING... HEY. 623 00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:35,634 ...HE OR SHE ACHIEVES IT... NICE. 624 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,936 ...WITH THE HELP OF A THOUSAND SILENT HEROES, 625 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,807 THE SELFLESS TEAM PLAYERS WHO OFFER THEIR SUPPORT, 626 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,240 NOT TO BE RECOGNIZED, 627 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,376 BUT BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 628 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:45,811 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] AWARDS AREN'T USUALLY GIVEN OUT 629 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,381 FOR BEING A GOOD PERSON, BUT TODAY... 630 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,615 THEY ARE. 631 00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:51,150 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WINNER 632 00:20:51,182 --> 00:20:54,886 OF THE MARLON BONIFACE INTEGRITY AWARD IS... 633 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:55,988 [ LAUGHS ] 634 00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,457 THIS IS AWESOME. 635 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,557 ...LUKE DUNPHY. Luke: NO! 636 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:05,998 ALEX DUNPHY. [ APPLAUSE ] 637 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:08,401 [ CHUCKLES ] 638 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:11,503 WELL, THIS IS A SURPRISE. 639 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:14,606 LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A LITTLE GIRL WITH A DREAM. 640 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:17,644 MUCHAS, MUCHAS GRACIAS. 641 00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:19,077 [ MEDALS CLINK ] 642 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,145 AHH. 643 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,347 WHERE WAS I? 644 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,848 AWARDS DAY... 645 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,684 OR AS SANJAY PATEL KNOWS IT, PASSOVER. 646 00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:29,989 ALL THAT LITTLE GIRL WANTED WAS A CALCULATOR AND A CHANCE.