1 00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,046 HERE SHE IS! 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,267 [ ALL CHEERING ] 3 00:00:06,309 --> 00:00:07,397 THANKS FOR BEING THERE, YOU GUYS. 4 00:00:07,442 --> 00:00:08,878 [ Lisping ] WE WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT, SWEETIE. 5 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,183 YOUR SPEECH WAS FANTASTIC. 6 00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:11,445 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOURSPEECH? 7 00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:12,663 OH, IS IT THAT OBVIOUS? 8 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:13,839 I... 9 00:00:13,882 --> 00:00:15,711 I GOT ADULT BRACES! [ CHUCKLES ] 10 00:00:15,753 --> 00:00:16,493 OH! 11 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:17,756 ARE YOU SURE? 12 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,323 'CAUSE THEY DON'T SEEM LIKE THEY FIT RIGHT. 13 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,106 UM... 14 00:00:20,149 --> 00:00:21,195 I THINK IT'S A BOLD STEP, 15 00:00:21,237 --> 00:00:23,501 AND I SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR JOURNEY OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT. 16 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,763 NO, YOU'RE NOT GETTING YOUR HAIR STRAIGHTENED. 17 00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:28,766 YOU KNOW YOUR DAD WISHES HE COULD BE HERE. 18 00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,291 PHIL: What are you talking about? 19 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:32,683 I'm right here! [ Laughs ] 20 00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:35,991 I had Andy set me up so I could be here with you all. 21 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,253 I JUST HAD TO PLUG HIM IN. 22 00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:38,777 IT WAS A NICE REVERSAL FROM WHEN I HAD TO 23 00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:40,735 PULL THE PLUG ON MY DAD IN THE HOSPITAL. 24 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,087 WHILE HE WAS AWAY ON A BUSINESS TRIP, 25 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,914 PHIL GOT A TERRIBLE EAR INFECTION, 26 00:00:45,957 --> 00:00:48,265 AND THE DOCTORS SAID HE COULD BURST AN EARDRUM IF HE FLEW. 27 00:00:48,308 --> 00:00:50,658 I was devastated to miss Alex's graduation, 28 00:00:50,701 --> 00:00:53,704 until I realized I didn't have to. 29 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,881 I GOT TO HOLD UP MY PHONE FOR TWO HOURS 30 00:00:55,924 --> 00:00:57,969 SO PHIL COULD SEE THE GRADUATION LIVE. 31 00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:01,277 Bet I was the only dad there not wearing pants. 32 00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,149 How great is this thing, huh? 33 00:01:03,192 --> 00:01:05,021 IT'S SO CONVENIENT. 34 00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:07,676 It's like I'm right there in the room...with you guys. 35 00:01:07,718 --> 00:01:09,546 Hello? 36 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:10,808 Hello? 37 00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:13,811 --Captions by VITAC-- 38 00:01:13,855 --> 00:01:16,814 Captioning provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc. 39 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,817 and brought to you by Ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further. 40 00:01:19,861 --> 00:01:21,950 ♪♪♪ 41 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,216 GLORIA, WOULD YOU TELL YOUR COUSIN 42 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,000 TO STOP LEAVING HIS TRASH EVERYWHERE? 43 00:01:28,043 --> 00:01:30,176 IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS OF THIS NONSENSE. 44 00:01:30,219 --> 00:01:33,049 HE COMES IN HERE, EATS ALL MY FOOD, DRINKS ALL MY BOOZE, 45 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,963 AND NEVER SO MUCH AS DOES A DISH. 46 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,356 OH, YES, SO DIFFERENT 47 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,140 FROM WHAT ALL THOSE WHITE PEOPLE OVER THERE ARE DOING. 48 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:40,926 YOU GOT A BLIND SPOT FOR THE DEADBEAT YAHOOS IN YOUR FAMILY. 49 00:01:40,969 --> 00:01:44,234 HE'S NOT A YAHOO, AND DON'T SAY THAT IN FRONT OF HIM! 50 00:01:44,277 --> 00:01:45,147 HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH! 51 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,715 He understands it. 52 00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:48,281 OH, REALLY? 53 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,283 FIRE! RUN! FIRE! 54 00:01:50,326 --> 00:01:53,373 Haley: YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS, BETH. DON'T GO. 55 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,506 OH, YOU'RE SO SWEET, BUT I DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE, 56 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,290 SO I'LL JUST SEE YOU GUYS LATER. 57 00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,075 OH, GLORIA, TELL HER SHE CAN STAY. 58 00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:00,381 OF COURSE YOU CAN STAY. 59 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:03,296 WE LOVE HAVING YOU HERE, ESPECIALLY JOE. 60 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,037 YOU'RE HIS NEW FAVORITE.[ LAUGHS ] 61 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,212 I USED TO BE HIS FAVORITE 62 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,519 UNTIL I TOLD HIM I GET PAID TO HANG WITH HIM. 63 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,521 I JUST FELT LIKE HE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW. 64 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,219 IF I'M BEING HONEST, I THOUGHT I WAS INTO ANDY. 65 00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:15,873 THEN HIS GIRLFRIEND, BETH, CAME INTO TOWN, 66 00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:18,789 AND SHE'S REALLY SWEET AND THEY'RE GREAT TOGETHER. 67 00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:22,620 SO, IN THE SPIRIT OF GRADUATION, I'M OFFICIALLY MOVING ON. 68 00:02:22,663 --> 00:02:24,318 AND, UNLIKE MY ACTUALLY GRADUATION, 69 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,449 THERE'S NO PREGNANCY SCARE. 70 00:02:26,493 --> 00:02:28,277 ALL RIGHT. 71 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,323 GOOD. 72 00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:31,454 UH, ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT OUTFIT? 73 00:02:33,326 --> 00:02:34,457 WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?[ BETH LAUGHS ] 74 00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:37,331 WELL, IT'S NOT BECAUSE JOE DRESSES LIKE AN ADULT. 75 00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:39,246 I DRESS LIKE AN ADULT. 76 00:02:39,288 --> 00:02:41,421 YOU WORE LIGHT-UP SNEAKERS TO A RADIOHEAD CONCERT. 77 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:43,206 YES. AND DID WE EVER GET SEPARATED? 78 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,033 NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING. [ LAUGHS ] 79 00:02:45,076 --> 00:02:46,252 OH, MY GOD. 80 00:02:46,295 --> 00:02:49,560 HALEY, THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE THROWN THOSE SHOES AWAY. 81 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,344 THEY'RE JUST TOO EASY TO SPOT IN THE TRASH. 82 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,432 [ LAUGHS ] 83 00:02:52,475 --> 00:02:53,563 OH, YES. YUK IT UP. 84 00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:55,610 I'M GONNA GO GET HIM A NEW SHIRT. 85 00:02:57,741 --> 00:02:58,873 "GOLDILOCKS." 86 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:02,224 MY MOM READ THIS TO ME A THOUSAND TIMES. 87 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:05,314 I JUST NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW THAT LITTLE GIRL GOT AWAY WITH IT. 88 00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:06,229 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 89 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:07,490 WELL, IF I WERE A BEAR 90 00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:09,492 AND SOMEBODY BROKE INTO MY HOUSE, 91 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,407 LAID IN MY BED, AND ATE MY FOOD, 92 00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:13,454 I'D RIP HER SKINNY LITTLE ARMS OFF. 93 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,106 OH. 94 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,066 WELL, IT'S JUST PORRIDGE, RIGHT? 95 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:18,633 IT'S MYPORRIDGE. 96 00:03:18,675 --> 00:03:20,503 UM... 97 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:21,418 THERE HE IS. 98 00:03:21,461 --> 00:03:24,508 THIS IS CRAZY, BUT I HAVE THIS SAME SHIRT. 99 00:03:24,551 --> 00:03:25,727 [ LAUGHS ] YOU'RE SO ADORABLE. 100 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,685 ISN'T HE ADORABLE? 101 00:03:27,728 --> 00:03:28,947 Y-YEAH. 102 00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:30,861 WOW. I SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM MORE OFTEN. 103 00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:33,256 NO! UH, UH... 104 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,518 CAN YOU BLEND CHEESE? 105 00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,040 I DON'T THINK SO, AND I DON'T WANT TO TRY IT. 106 00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:38,348 I JUST WANT A SMOOTHIE OR SOMETHING. 107 00:03:38,391 --> 00:03:39,131 Hey, guys! 108 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,307 OH, MY GOSH. OH, GOD. 109 00:03:40,349 --> 00:03:43,048 Guess what. They accepted your offer. 110 00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:44,920 OH, MY GOSH! THAT'S FANTASTIC! 111 00:03:44,962 --> 00:03:46,182 WHAT OFFER? 112 00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:47,444 WE'RE BUYING THE APARTMENT UPSTAIRS FROM US. 113 00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:48,924 WE'RE GONNA EXPAND, 114 00:03:48,966 --> 00:03:51,665 PUT IN A PROPER GUEST ROOM, A HOME OFFICE. YEAH. 115 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,057 SO MUCH SPACE. YEAH. 116 00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:54,538 Congrats! 117 00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:58,281 I'm gonna roll away before you spit on my screen again. 118 00:03:58,324 --> 00:03:59,281 ISN'T THAT GREAT? 119 00:03:59,325 --> 00:04:01,544 YEAH. OH, SO GREAT, SO GREAT. 120 00:04:01,588 --> 00:04:04,895 I THOUGHT MITCHELL WOULD BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THE UNIT UPSTAIRS. 121 00:04:04,939 --> 00:04:07,681 SOMETHING IS GOING ON WITH HIM. HE'S BEEN MORE DISTANT LATELY. 122 00:04:07,724 --> 00:04:09,336 FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS, 123 00:04:09,378 --> 00:04:12,294 HE HASN'T BEEN THAT INTERESTED IN THE UNIT DOWNSTAIRS, EITHER. 124 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:14,557 What's that? 125 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,516 AAH! PHIL, NOTHING. 126 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,300 IT'S JUST A LITTLE GIFT I GOT ALEX. 127 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,172 But we already gave her our present. 128 00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,305 That 16-piece luggage set was a real winner. 129 00:04:22,348 --> 00:04:24,394 THIS IS MORE OF A MOTHER-DAUGHTER THING. 130 00:04:24,437 --> 00:04:26,483 IT'S JUST A KEY CHAIN WITH A PICTURE OF ME AND ALEX 131 00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:27,745 ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. 132 00:04:27,788 --> 00:04:29,007 I WANTED HER TO HAVE SOMETHING 133 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:30,444 THAT REMINDED HER OF HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. 134 00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,228 Why don't we just sing that song I wrote her? 135 00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:36,971 UH...BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SING THAT LAME SONG. 136 00:04:37,014 --> 00:04:39,365 Oh. Lame. Okay. 137 00:04:39,408 --> 00:04:42,237 [ SIGHS ] PHIL, REALLY? COME ON. 138 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,326 Only you could hurt a robot! 139 00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:46,590 HEY! 140 00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,810 YOU, UH -- YOU NEED SOME HELP? 141 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,245 SURE. 142 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,596 SO, UM, I WAS WONDERING -- 143 00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:57,034 UM, HAS BETH SAID ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT ME, ABOUT... 144 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,471 NOT LIKING ME? 145 00:04:58,514 --> 00:04:59,689 ARE YOU KIDDING? 146 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,038 BETH'S OBSESSED WITH YOU. 147 00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,389 SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE, "ERR! 148 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,521 HALEY'S SO CUTE. I JUST WANT TO BITE HER FACE." 149 00:05:04,564 --> 00:05:06,175 OH, MY GOD. 150 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:08,264 SHE ASKED ME WHERE YOU WORK, WHERE YOU GO AT NIGHT, 151 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,264 WHETHER YOU HIKE ALONE. 152 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,396 [ WHIMPERS ] 153 00:05:10,439 --> 00:05:12,007 SHE'S ACTUALLY VERY CONCERNED ABOUT YOU. 154 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,269 OR IS IT POSSIBLE -- 155 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,749 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?[ GASPS ] 156 00:05:14,791 --> 00:05:16,968 UH, UH, HOW I'M ONLY INTO KOREAN DUDES. 157 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,187 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 158 00:05:20,536 --> 00:05:24,367 Oh, hey, honey. YEAH. 159 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:25,367 HEY, PHIL. 160 00:05:25,411 --> 00:05:27,283 HEY, DON'T TURN. BE COOL, BE COOL. 161 00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:30,199 I NEED YOU TO MAKE THIS APARTMENT THING GO AWAY. 162 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:33,593 What? I SAID, "BE COOL." 163 00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,377 Why do you want it to go away?[ SIGHS ] 164 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,379 WE HAD SOME BUDGET CUTS AT THE OFFICE, 165 00:05:37,423 --> 00:05:38,816 AND A BUNCH OF US GOT LAID OFF. 166 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:41,165 NOW -- NOW, I DIDN'T TELL CAM BECAUSE... 167 00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:43,733 I WAS EMBARRASSED, BUT ALSO BECAUSE I KNEW -- 168 00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:46,649 I KNEW I WOULD GET ANOTHER JOB LIKE THAT. 169 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,651 IT'S BEEN A MONTH, AND -- AND NOW IT'S JUST WEIRD 170 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,610 THAT I DIDN'T TELL HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE, 171 00:05:50,653 --> 00:05:53,439 SO EVERY MORNING, I LEAVE FOR WORK. 172 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,442 WELL, HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO. IT'S OFF TO WORK I GO. 173 00:05:56,485 --> 00:05:57,574 OKAY. 174 00:05:57,617 --> 00:06:01,098 I SEND OUT MY RéSUMé. 175 00:06:01,142 --> 00:06:03,884 AND THEN, LIKE MOST UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE 176 00:06:03,927 --> 00:06:06,540 HIDING THE TRUTH FROM THEIR SPOUSES, 177 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,456 I GO TO THE PARK. 178 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:12,588 AND THEN, ONE DAY, I MET SPENCER. 179 00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:13,981 HELLO. 180 00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:17,115 AND NOW I PLAY CHECKERS WITH SPENCER. 181 00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:19,029 [ LAUGHS ] NO! AAH! 182 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,466 OH! 183 00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:22,293 AND HIS BEST FRIEND, GEORGE, 184 00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:24,862 WHO HELPED ME GET OVER MY LIFELONG FEAR OF BIRDS. 185 00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:27,473 [ Laughing ] THAT TICKLES. STOP IT! STOP IT! 186 00:06:27,516 --> 00:06:30,519 Mitchell, you can talk to me. 187 00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:31,434 I'm a Realtor. 188 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,610 I NEED YOU TO KILL THE DEAL, OKAY? 189 00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:34,567 DON'T TELL CAM. 190 00:06:34,610 --> 00:06:35,786 Mitch... 191 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,831 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 192 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,490 WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? WHAT DID MITCHELL SAY? 193 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:46,100 Ooh! Do I smell Jay's famous ribs? 194 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,711 PHIL. PHIL. 195 00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,456 [ Humming ] 196 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,545 Hey, hey! Hey! 197 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,156 CALM DOWN. GLORIA NEEDS NAPKIN RINGS. 198 00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:00,723 I'M GONNA HOLD YOU UP. YOU CAN CHECK THE HIGH SHELVES. 199 00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:02,725 Lift with your legs. I had a big lunch. 200 00:07:02,769 --> 00:07:04,336 [ Laughs ] 201 00:07:04,379 --> 00:07:08,601 [ Imitates beeping ] 202 00:07:08,644 --> 00:07:10,081 I don't see any napkin rings. 203 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,170 I just see a box with some Spanish written on it. 204 00:07:12,213 --> 00:07:13,432 OH, THAT'S PROBABLY IT. 205 00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:26,533 Crockett and Tubbs! That's heroin! 206 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:27,533 WHAT?! 207 00:07:27,576 --> 00:07:29,622 You know, horse, smack, hell dust. 208 00:07:29,665 --> 00:07:31,841 I KNOW THE NICKNAMES. I'VE WATCHED "KOJAK." 209 00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:34,409 I GUARANTEE THAT LOW-LIFE COUSIN OF GLORIA'S 210 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,629 STASHED THIS UP THERE. 211 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,718 JAY, WHERE ARE THE NAPKIN RINGS? 212 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,545 I'll give you guys some privacy. 213 00:07:39,588 --> 00:07:41,851 LOOK WHAT YOUR COUSIN'S HIDING IN HERE. 214 00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,375 THAT'S MY HORSE. 215 00:07:43,418 --> 00:07:44,158 [ Gasps ] 216 00:07:44,201 --> 00:07:45,159 THAT'S YOURS? 217 00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:46,769 YES, I BROUGHT IT BACK FROM COLOMBIA. 218 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,206 MY GOD. I MARRIED INTO A DRUG CARTEL? 219 00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:52,167 THESE ARE THE ASHES OF MY DEAD HORSE, GAUCHO. 220 00:07:52,209 --> 00:07:54,648 I HAD HIM WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. 221 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,519 Ohhhh. 222 00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:58,086 YOU THOUGHT THAT THESE WERE DRUGS 223 00:07:58,129 --> 00:07:59,783 AND THAT THEY BELONG TO MY COUSIN? 224 00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:01,567 WELL, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK? 225 00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,004 I AM SICK OF THIS, JAY. 226 00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:05,528 YOU TREAT MY FAMILY LIKE THEY'RE CRIMINALS. 227 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:10,663 LIKE HE WOULD BRING $150,000 WORTH OF HEROIN INTO THIS HOUSE! 228 00:08:10,706 --> 00:08:12,100 How do you know how much -- 229 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,928 WHAT?! I CAN'T KNOW STREET VALUE?! 230 00:08:17,713 --> 00:08:19,802 ALEX, HONEY, COULD I BORROW YOU FOR A MINUTE? 231 00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:21,108 ONE SEC. 232 00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:23,110 UNCLE MITCH, THIS IS AMAZING. 233 00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,634 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KEPT ALL OF THIS. 234 00:08:25,678 --> 00:08:26,810 OH, IT'S NOTHING SPECIAL. 235 00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:27,898 IT'S JUST A HANDMADE SCRAPBOOK 236 00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,596 OF EVERY NOTE AND DRAWING YOU EVER MADE ME. 237 00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:31,553 [ LAUGHS ] 238 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,250 YOU -- YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 239 00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:35,950 OH, OH. HOLA. 240 00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:36,907 THIS IS GOOD. 241 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:37,908 THIS IS A REPORT CARD 242 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,822 THAT YOU MADE FOR ME WHEN YOU WERE 4, 243 00:08:39,866 --> 00:08:41,607 AND YOU GAVE ME A B-MINUS AS AN UNCLE. 244 00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:44,827 I WAS MAD BECAUSE YOU WASTED YOUR VOTE ON RALPH NADER. 245 00:08:44,871 --> 00:08:45,611 WELL... 246 00:08:45,654 --> 00:08:46,787 BUT TODAY, YOU GET AN A-PLUS, 247 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,745 BECAUSE THIS IS THE MOST THOUGHTFUL GIFT EVER. 248 00:08:48,788 --> 00:08:50,138 OH! YEAH. 249 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:53,750 OH, MITCHELL, WHERE DO YOU EVEN FIND THE TIME FOR THIS? 250 00:08:53,793 --> 00:08:54,707 YOU KNOW... 251 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:57,144 SO, THIS ONE -- HERE OR HERE? 252 00:08:57,187 --> 00:08:58,625 HMM. I DON'T KNOW. 253 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,582 WHAT ABOUT HERE? 254 00:09:00,626 --> 00:09:03,629 OH! SPENCER! [ GRUNTS ] 255 00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:06,589 HEY, GUYS, SO, A RANDOM QUESTION, 256 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,155 BUT, UM, DO ANY OF YOU 257 00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:10,158 GET KIND OF A WEIRD VIBE FROM BETH? 258 00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:12,725 YOU KNOW, LIKE MAYBE SOMETHING'S A LITTLE OFF? 259 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,509 BETH? NO. SHE'S AN ANGEL. 260 00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:15,816 YEAH, SHE SEEMS SUPER-SWEET. 261 00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:17,600 YOU'RE REALLY NOT SHYING AWAY FROM THOSE "S" WORDS, ARE YOU? 262 00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:18,861 S-SO, NO ONE THINKS 263 00:09:18,905 --> 00:09:21,604 THAT BETH HAS MAYBE, LIKE, A SLIGHTLY PSYCHOTIC SIDE? 264 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:22,822 OH. 265 00:09:22,865 --> 00:09:25,259 I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. 266 00:09:25,302 --> 00:09:27,043 SOMEBODY'S JEALOUS 267 00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:28,741 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT THE ONLY PRETTY GIRL 268 00:09:28,784 --> 00:09:30,481 AROUND HERE ANYMORE, HMM?UGH. 269 00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:32,528 WOW! THANKS, MOM. 270 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,746 BETH'S SUPER-HOT. 271 00:09:33,789 --> 00:09:36,532 IF EVERYONE IN THE COAST GUARD LOOKS LIKE THAT, 272 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,489 SIGN ME UP. 273 00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,490 IT'S JUST ON THE WEEKENDS, RIGHT? 274 00:09:39,534 --> 00:09:41,014 FORGET IT. YOU'RE ALL USELESS. 275 00:09:41,057 --> 00:09:43,495 [ CELLPHONE DINGS ] 276 00:09:43,538 --> 00:09:45,889 OH. [ CHUCKLES ] 277 00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:48,543 WHO WAS THAT?OH, IT'S JUST WORK. 278 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,286 THERE IS A LINE THAT I WILL NOT CROSS. 279 00:09:51,328 --> 00:09:55,072 AS SOON AS I TOUCH THAT PHONE, I'M A SUSPICIOUS SPOUSE, 280 00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:57,292 AND THAT IS NOT ME. 281 00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,729 SO, I SAY TO THE WAITRESS... 282 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:00,817 [ CELLPHONE DINGS ] 283 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:01,861 ...UM... 284 00:10:01,904 --> 00:10:04,778 "I SAW YOU POUR FROM THE REGULAR POT." 285 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:05,908 [ CELLPHONE DINGS ] 286 00:10:05,952 --> 00:10:07,432 AND, UM, SHE'S LIKE, "NOPE. 287 00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:09,346 I, UH, POURED FROM THE DECAF POT." 288 00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:10,566 [ CELLPHONE DINGS ]YOU KNOW? OH, MY GOSH. 289 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,784 WHOOPS. 290 00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:12,611 LET ME GET THAT. 291 00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:16,702 COME ON. DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING. 292 00:10:16,745 --> 00:10:18,269 WERE YOU UP ALL NIGHT? 293 00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:20,140 "HAD FUN WITH YOU. SPENCER. 294 00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:21,707 SEE YOU MONDAY. SPENCER. 295 00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,534 SMILEY FACE. SPENCER." 296 00:10:23,578 --> 00:10:25,101 WHO IS SPENCER?! 297 00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:28,932 HEY, MR. D. Hey. 298 00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:29,802 CAN WE TALK? 299 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,804 Sure thing. What'll you have? 300 00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:32,936 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 301 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:33,720 What's up? 302 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,895 SO, I'VE BEEN... 303 00:10:35,938 --> 00:10:37,898 GETTING SOME SIGNALS FROM BETH 304 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,812 THAT SHE WANTS ME TO PROPOSE. 305 00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:40,813 That's exciting. 306 00:10:40,856 --> 00:10:42,597 YEAH. I EVEN HAVE A RING. 307 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,903 So, what's the hold-up? 308 00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:46,557 WELL... THERE'S THIS OTHER GIRL, 309 00:10:46,601 --> 00:10:50,736 AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A SERIOUS CONNECTION WITH HER, 310 00:10:50,779 --> 00:10:53,913 BUT...I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW SHE FEELS. 311 00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:56,090 Andy, back when I was dating Claire, I used to think, 312 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,831 "What if I'm in the laundromat one day, 313 00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,615 and Robin Givens walks in?" 314 00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:00,398 [ Laughs ] 315 00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:01,965 She asks me for a quarter. 316 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,706 I hand her one. 317 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,316 Our fingers linger. 318 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,927 She wonders if maybe after "Iron Mike," 319 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,929 what she's really yearning for 320 00:11:09,972 --> 00:11:11,932 is the touch of a gentler man. 321 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,802 I'M NOT FOLLOWING. 322 00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:15,936 It's natural to wonder about a different path, 323 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:19,374 but if you truly love Beth, you should propose. 324 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,724 YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL DO IT. 325 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,639 THERE'S THIS PLACE SHE LOVES BY THE OCEAN. 326 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:25,640 I'LL TAKE HER THERE AND PROPOSE AT SUNSET. 327 00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:26,423 Great! 328 00:11:26,467 --> 00:11:27,730 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 329 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:28,774 Bring it in. 330 00:11:28,817 --> 00:11:29,993 [ Laughs ] 331 00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:32,778 OH, COME ON. GET A ROOMBA. 332 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:35,738 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 333 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:36,956 HONEY, THE KEY CHAIN WAS A BUST. 334 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,087 I NEED SOMETHING ELSE. QUICK. COME ON. 335 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,960 Got it. You want to sing the song. 336 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,222 Good thing I brought my ukulele on the trip. 337 00:11:42,265 --> 00:11:43,658 TRIP! OH! 338 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,139 WHEN ALEX WAS LITTLE, I TOOK HER FOR BRUNCH 339 00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,966 AT THAT CUTE LITTLE DUTCH TOWN UP NORTH. 340 00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:49,577 I-I COULD TAKE HER THERE AGAIN.[ Ukulele plays ] 341 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,623 A TRIP FOR JUST THE TWO OF US. IT'S PERFECT. 342 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:54,844 ♪ When you don't -- 343 00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,453 Claire? 344 00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:59,022 AAH! [ LAUGHS ] 345 00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,544 ALEX, HONEY, DO YOU REMEMBER -- 346 00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:01,807 OH, MY GOD, MOM! 347 00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,418 GRANDPA GOT ME A TRIP TO EUROPE FOR MY GRADUATION! 348 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,594 I JUST WANTED HER TO KNOW HOW MUCH SHE MEANT TO ME. 349 00:12:05,636 --> 00:12:06,376 YES! 350 00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:07,422 [ LAUGHTER ] 351 00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:09,597 I hate this family. 352 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,774 PHIL, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, MAN-TO-MAN. 353 00:12:11,817 --> 00:12:14,341 I THINK MITCHELL'S HAVING AN AFFAIR. 354 00:12:14,384 --> 00:12:15,255 What? 355 00:12:15,298 --> 00:12:16,996 I WAS GOING THROUGH HIS WALLET 356 00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:19,259 AND I FOUND A RECEIPT TO THE AVIAN HOTEL. 357 00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:21,000 IT'S PROBABLY SOME FANCY FRENCH PLACE 358 00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:22,653 WHERE HE'S MEETING HIS LOVER 359 00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:24,221 FOR THEIR SECRET WEEKLY RENDEZVOUS. 360 00:12:24,264 --> 00:12:27,833 HAS HE SAID ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT THE UNIT UPSTAIRS? 361 00:12:27,876 --> 00:12:28,616 [ Gasps ] 362 00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:29,836 [ GASPS ] YOU GASPED. 363 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,227 Only because you did. 364 00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:34,057 PHIL, TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW. 365 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,668 I don't know anything. Put me down. 366 00:12:36,711 --> 00:12:37,844 Talk to your husband. 367 00:12:38,408 --> 00:12:42,717 THIS IS MY WALLET. YOU NEVER SAW ME. 368 00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:43,850 [ DOG BARKS ] 369 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,721 Stella, no. Bad girl. 370 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:47,070 [ STELLA GROWLS ] 371 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:49,028 Bad girl. Stella, no. 372 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:49,812 Stella, no. 373 00:12:49,855 --> 00:12:51,422 [ STELLA BARKS ] 374 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,076 LILY SPILLED SOME JUICE ON THE COUNTER. 375 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,294 SHOULD I FRISK HER FOR GUNS? 376 00:12:54,337 --> 00:12:56,384 OH, GEEZ. 377 00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:57,820 OH, SORRY. 378 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:58,778 Jay, no! 379 00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:01,605 Beth: HALEY! 380 00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:02,606 COME CHECK IT OUT. 381 00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:03,826 I WAS JUST SHOWING LUKE AND MANNY 382 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,046 SOME THINGS THAT I LEARNED IN COAST GUARD TRAINING. 383 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,047 MM-HMM. 384 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,178 YOU LOOK SO PRETTY. 385 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,051 ALL RIGHT, MANNY, TAKE THIS PEN FROM ME. 386 00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,488 OH. SO, YOU JUST WANT ME TO GRAB IT? 387 00:13:13,530 --> 00:13:14,489 AAH! 388 00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:15,837 SEE? 389 00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:17,057 THAT'S WHAT YOU DO 390 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,014 WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO TAKE SOMETHING THAT'S YOURS. 391 00:13:20,102 --> 00:13:21,104 AWESOME. 392 00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,322 MY TURN. 393 00:13:22,365 --> 00:13:24,890 WHAT HAPPENED? DID I GET THE PEN? 394 00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,283 HEY, YOUR HAIR'S BURNING! 395 00:13:27,327 --> 00:13:29,286 WHAT?! [ SCREAMING ] 396 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,897 AY! YOUR HAIR! 397 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,462 I GOT IT! 398 00:13:32,506 --> 00:13:33,986 OW! OW! 399 00:13:34,029 --> 00:13:35,423 IT'S OUT! IT'S OUT! 400 00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,640 WHAT HAPPENED? 401 00:13:36,684 --> 00:13:37,990 IT MUST HAVE BEEN THAT CANDLE. 402 00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:40,080 WHY'D YOU SIT SO CLOSE TO IT? 403 00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:40,994 SHE TOLD ME TO! 404 00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:43,648 AY, BETH, THANK GOD THAT YOU WERE HERE. 405 00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:45,649 I'M JUST GLAD I COULD HELP. 406 00:13:45,693 --> 00:13:48,957 IT'S GETTING CRAZY IN HERE. 407 00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:51,047 YOU WANT TO COOL THINGS OFF IN THE POOL? 408 00:13:52,918 --> 00:13:53,788 [ COUGHS ] 409 00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,577 Jay! 410 00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:01,884 Oh, thank God. 411 00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:02,884 THERE YOU ARE. 412 00:14:02,928 --> 00:14:04,886 OKAY, YOU ARE -- YOU'RE NEVER... 413 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,323 YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHAT MY DAD DID. 414 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,456 Lock you in the bathroom? NO. 415 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,807 HE GAVE ALEX A TRIP TO EUROPE FOR HER GRADUATION PRESENT. 416 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,114 THERE'S NO WAY I CAN NOW GIVE HER 417 00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,594 A WEEKEND OF DUTCH PANCAKE BALLS AFTER THAT. 418 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,292 Can you open the door? I'm feeling claustrophobic. 419 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:21,163 PHIL, YOU'RE IN A HOTEL ROOM IN SEATTLE. 420 00:14:21,207 --> 00:14:23,600 I'M DESPERATE. JUST TEACH ME THE SONG. 421 00:14:23,644 --> 00:14:27,778 Well, well, well. Look who came crawling back. 422 00:14:27,822 --> 00:14:28,911 JUST TEACH IT TO ME. 423 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:29,825 Okay. 424 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,524 It's called "Go Ask Alex." 425 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:37,398 ♪ When you don't know what a word means ♪ 426 00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:38,921 ♪ Go ask Alex 427 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,183 ♪ If you need someone to hem your jeans ♪ 428 00:14:41,227 --> 00:14:42,533 ♪ Go ask Alex 429 00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:43,970 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN SAYING THIS, 430 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,187 BUT INSTEAD OF "HEM YOUR JEANS," 431 00:14:45,231 --> 00:14:47,147 COULD IT BE "STEAM YOUR GREENS"? 432 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,061 No, it can't. 433 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:49,584 The jeans come back at the 4-minute mark. 434 00:14:49,626 --> 00:14:53,196 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 435 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,283 HALEY. 436 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,590 HOW YOU FEELING? 437 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,591 HEARD ABOUT THE HAIR FIRE. SOUNDS SCARY. 438 00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:58,941 [ Nervously ] UH-HUH. 439 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,202 POOR THING. 440 00:15:00,246 --> 00:15:02,813 I LEFT YOU A GIFT ON YOUR CAR TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER. 441 00:15:02,857 --> 00:15:03,946 IT'S THE RED ONE, RIGHT? 442 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,120 UH-HUH. 443 00:15:07,775 --> 00:15:10,648 HEY, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND GO START MY CAR? 444 00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,389 UH, I GUESS. 445 00:15:12,432 --> 00:15:13,956 THANKS. 446 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,220 HE'S ALIVE. IT'S FINE. 447 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,440 OKAY, EVERYBODY GATHER 'ROUND. 448 00:15:19,482 --> 00:15:23,618 PHIL AND I HAVE PREPARED SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL 449 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,620 FOR OUR BRILLIANT GRADUATE, ALEX. 450 00:15:26,663 --> 00:15:28,623 OKAY, YOU READY? 451 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,625 ♪ WHEN YOU... 452 00:15:31,668 --> 00:15:33,149 WHY IS THAT NOT -- OKAY, THERE'S NO SOUND. 453 00:15:33,192 --> 00:15:34,542 PHIL, HONEY? THERE'S NO SOUND. 454 00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:38,414 OKAY, SO, WHILE CLAIRE FIXES ROBOT PHIL, I MAKE TOAST. 455 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,157 WHEN I FIRST CAME INTO THIS FAMILY, 456 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:44,899 I DIDN'T THINK I WAS EVER GOING TO BE ACCEPTED. 457 00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:46,379 THEN, ONE DAY, 458 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:51,037 ALEX NEEDED TO WRITE A REPORT ABOUT A FAMILY MEMBER, 459 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,474 AND SHE PICKED ME. 460 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:56,868 THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I REALLY FELT PART OF THE FAMILY. 461 00:15:56,912 --> 00:16:00,480 AY, ALEX, YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE TO REACH OUT TO ME, 462 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:03,135 AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. 463 00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:04,701 THEY ALL CALL YOU THE SMART ONE, 464 00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:07,356 BUT TO ME, YOU'RE THE KIND ONE. 465 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,490 I'M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE, BABY. 466 00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:11,796 GLORIA. 467 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,624 HEAR, HEAR. 468 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,278 Oh, there you are. 469 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,496 [ Ukulele plays ]♪ When you don't know what a word -- ♪ 470 00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:18,238 NO, NOT DOING IT, NOT DOING IT. WE'RE NOT -- NOT DOING IT. 471 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,195 [ CELLPHONE DINGS ] 472 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,719 OH. ONE SECOND. 473 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,417 [ LAUGHS ] 474 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,032 GLORIA, WATCHING YOU GIVE THAT TOAST, 475 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,033 I SEE YOU TREAT MY FAMILY LIKE YOUR OWN. 476 00:16:32,077 --> 00:16:33,078 AND YOU'RE RIGHT. 477 00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:34,644 I NEED TO TREAT YOUR COUSIN NICER. 478 00:16:34,688 --> 00:16:36,038 THANK YOU, JAY. 479 00:16:36,081 --> 00:16:37,605 DO ME A FAVOR, HUH? WOULD YOU TRANSLATE FOR ME? 480 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:42,000 TELL ARMANDO I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN MORE WELCOMING TO HIM. 481 00:16:44,698 --> 00:16:45,787 TELL HIM HE'S A GREAT GUY. 482 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,139 AND HE CAN STAY AS LONG AS HE WANTS. 483 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,057 WE FORGIVE YOU. 484 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,277 YOU SURE? MAYBE I CAN GIVE HIM A LITTLE HUG OR SOMETHING. 485 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,105 NO, IT'S TOO MUCH. 486 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,716 BYE-BYE. 487 00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:03,239 HEY! 488 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,762 OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I NEED TO KNOW. 489 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,678 WHO IS THIS PRECIOUS SPENCER? 490 00:17:07,721 --> 00:17:09,115 OH, GOD. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SPENCER? 491 00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:10,071 SO YOU ADMIT IT. 492 00:17:10,115 --> 00:17:11,551 YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR. 493 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,509 WHAT? IT'S THE BRACES, ISN'T IT? 494 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,208 I'VE DRIVEN YOU TO STRAY. I'M HIDEOUS. 495 00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,686 CAM, YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY. 496 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:18,993 AM I? MITCHELL... 497 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,734 I FOUND THE RECEIPT TO THE AVIAN HOTEL. 498 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:21,952 THAT'S PRONOUNCED "AY-VEE-ANN." 499 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:22,998 WELL, IT SOUNDS SEEDY. 500 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,955 IT IS. IT'S A KENNEL FOR BIRDS. 501 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,348 IT'S WHERE I PICKED UP GEORGE. 502 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:27,220 THERE'S A GEORGE, TOO? 503 00:17:27,262 --> 00:17:30,135 CALM DOWN. I'M TALKING ABOUT A COCKATOO. 504 00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,528 OH! ONE OR TWO. IS THAT ALL? HOW BLASé. 505 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,575 CAM, GEORGE IS A BIRD, 506 00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:35,576 AND SPENCER IS AN OLD MAN 507 00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:36,663 I'VE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH 508 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:39,275 AT THE PARK, BECAUSE I... 509 00:17:39,318 --> 00:17:40,363 I GOT LAID OFF. 510 00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:41,494 YOU LOST YOUR JOB? 511 00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:42,799 I'M SORRY. I JUST -- 512 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:45,106 I COULDN'T TELL YOU THAT I WAS OUT OF WORK AGAIN. 513 00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:48,109 I...I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER. 514 00:17:48,153 --> 00:17:49,198 NO, PLEASE. MY GOSH. 515 00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:50,547 AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT CHEATING ON ME, 516 00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,332 THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. 517 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,550 SOMETHING WILL COME UP. YOU'RE A GREAT LAWYER. 518 00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:55,943 OH, THANK YOU. I JUST -- 519 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:58,337 I DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN GET THAT APARTMENT RIGHT NOW. 520 00:17:58,381 --> 00:17:59,338 OF COURSE WE CAN. 521 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:00,601 WE ALREADY HAVE THE DOWN PAYMENT. 522 00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,255 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? WE COULD GET RENTERS. 523 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,518 WE COULD IT INTO AN AIRBNB. 524 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,173 UH...REALLY? DIFFERENT PEOPLE EVERY WEEK? 525 00:18:07,215 --> 00:18:09,044 HOW EXCITING AND NEW. IT'D BE LIKE "THE LOVE BOAT." 526 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:10,393 OH! 527 00:18:10,436 --> 00:18:12,568 HEY, MOM, HAVE A SECOND? 528 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:13,830 ALREADY AM. 529 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:16,790 I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT. 530 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,314 ME? NO. 531 00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:20,403 HONEY, I WANT TO GIVE YOUA PRESENT. 532 00:18:20,446 --> 00:18:22,971 THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO ALL DAY. 533 00:18:23,013 --> 00:18:26,844 YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON WHO SHOULD GIVE ME ANYTHING. 534 00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:28,846 YOU GOT ME HERE. 535 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,109 YOU GOT ME TO GRADUATION, TO CALTECH. 536 00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:34,155 YOU DID IT. 537 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,330 AND YOU'RE DONE. 538 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:38,203 THANK YOU, SWEETIE. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. 539 00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,596 I WANT YOU TO GO TO EUROPE WITH ME. 540 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:41,858 WHAT?! 541 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,644 YEAH. WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME. 542 00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:44,775 CAFéS, MUSEUMS. 543 00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:47,082 PLUS, EUROPE IS NOT SAFE FOR TEENAGE GIRLS. 544 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,300 YOU'VE SEEN "TAKEN." 545 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,824 COULD YOU IMAGINE DAD GETTING THAT PHONE CALL? 546 00:18:49,866 --> 00:18:52,392 WHAT IS HIS PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS? 547 00:18:52,434 --> 00:18:53,393 JUGGLING? 548 00:18:53,435 --> 00:18:55,089 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 549 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,743 HEY, DAD, CAN WE TALK? 550 00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,572 Sure, honey. IN PRIVATE? 551 00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:00,574 [ Straining ] Oh, not so hard. I can't breathe. 552 00:19:00,616 --> 00:19:03,881 [ Laughs ] Little robot humor. 553 00:19:05,926 --> 00:19:07,450 I noticed you didn't laugh at my robot joke. 554 00:19:07,493 --> 00:19:09,017 What's going on? 555 00:19:09,059 --> 00:19:11,759 EVERYONE THINKS BETH IS SO GREAT, BUT I THINK SHE'S CRAZY. 556 00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,455 SHE'S BEEN AFTER ME ALL DAY. 557 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,196 Why would she be after you? 558 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,373 SHE THINKS I'M IN LOVE WITH ANDY. 559 00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:18,417 Are you? 560 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,333 NO. I MEAN, I CARE ABOUT HIM. 561 00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,638 HE MAKES ME LAUGH. I LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM. 562 00:19:22,682 --> 00:19:25,468 Well, do you think about him when he's not around? 563 00:19:25,511 --> 00:19:27,426 I GUESS. 564 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,342 SOMETIMES, I SEE SOMETHING FUNNY AND I THINK, 565 00:19:29,384 --> 00:19:30,820 "OH, ANDY WOULD LOVE THAT. 566 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,259 I WISH HE WERE HERE SO I COULD SHARE IT WITH HIM." 567 00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:34,651 BUT... 568 00:19:34,694 --> 00:19:37,219 Honey, I know I'm just a robot, 569 00:19:37,262 --> 00:19:39,134 but that sounds like love to me. 570 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:43,007 [ SIGHS ] 571 00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:47,359 WELL... DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY. 572 00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,492 HE'S IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 573 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,103 MAYBE I'MTHE CRAZY ONE. 574 00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:54,627 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 575 00:19:55,977 --> 00:19:59,633 DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT. JUST CAME TO SAY GOODBYE. 576 00:19:59,675 --> 00:20:01,025 MM-HMM. 577 00:20:01,068 --> 00:20:02,896 BETH AND I ARE GOING TO TAKE A DRIVE, 578 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,246 TRY TO CATCH THE SUNSET. 579 00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:06,291 OKAY, WELL, HAVE FUN. 580 00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:07,554 OKAY. 581 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:16,301 IT'S HALEY. HALEY'S THE GIRL. YOU LOVE HA-- 582 00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,391 [ NO AUDIO ] 583 00:20:18,433 --> 00:20:19,434 ...LOVE EACH OTHER! 584 00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:22,481 COME ON. I'LL WALK YOU OUT. 585 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,354 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 586 00:20:25,397 --> 00:20:26,747 YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTH-- 587 00:20:28,791 --> 00:20:30,968 YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE! 588 00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:33,318 Beth: READY? 589 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:34,624 BYE. BYE. 590 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,278 COME BACK. 591 00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:44,373 OH, BOY. THIS IS GONNA HURT. 592 00:20:46,983 --> 00:20:48,159 Stop! 593 00:20:48,202 --> 00:20:49,943 Oh-ho-ho! 594 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:52,119 Aaaah! 595 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:54,426 Hello? 596 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,124 Hello?! 597 00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:58,344 NO! 598 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:05,394 Hello? Hello? 599 00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:08,528 Can anybody hear me? 600 00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:11,530 Hello? 601 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:12,880 Oh, thank God. 602 00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,359 You've got to help me. I've been in an accident. 603 00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:17,450 I-I need you to find my daughter. 604 00:21:17,492 --> 00:21:19,365 Oh, great. Thank you. 605 00:21:19,407 --> 00:21:21,366 What -- what are you doing? Where are you going? 606 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:23,019 W-Where are you taking me? 607 00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:24,457 Put me down! 608 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,285 Help! I'm being taken!