1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:04,072
Alex: WELL, I'M OFF.

2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:05,538
WHILE I DO
LOVE OUR TRADITION

3
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,307
OF STILL GETTING TOGETHER
ON SATURDAY

4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,509
FOR THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS,

5
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,144
MAYBE NEXT TIME
WE CAN ORDER A TURKEY

6
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,945
THAT DOESN'T HAVE
ITS OWN EVENT HORIZON.

7
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:14,013
OH, WELL, WHO CARES?

8
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,184
I KNOW IT'S TOTALLY
GONNA SLAY THEM

9
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:17,650
IN MY ASTROPHYSICS CLUB.

10
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,820
FIRST TIME ANYONE IN THAT CLUB
GETS SLAYED.

11
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,390
LET ME GIVE YOU
A HUG GOODBYE.

12
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:25,225
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE
ALREADY GOING TO COLLEGE.

13
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,428
IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL

14
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,429
READING AT COLLEGE LEVEL.

15
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,832
[ GASPS ] CHECK YOU OUT!

16
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:32,932
THANKS.

17
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,402
I HAVE A HOT STUDY PARTNER
COMING OVER, SO --

18
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,902
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING,
MY LITTLE CHEF?

19
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,506
I'M MAKING PASGHETTI!

20
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,341
YOU ARE ADORABLE.

21
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,676
[ SCOFFS ]

22
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,512
I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD EVERYONE
IN THE PALM OF MY HAND

23
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,447
WITH A TWO-FOOT PUTT
LIKE "PASGHETTI."

24
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,381
WE BOTH KNOW YOU KNOW
HOW TO SAY IT.

25
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,118
HEY, GUYS,
THANKS AGAIN

26
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,618
FOR HELPING ME
TO GET THAT LISTING.

27
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:52,719
CYRIL'S HOUSE.

28
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,688
PRETTY SEXY, HUH?
RIDONK.

29
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,557
THIS PLACE MAKES
THE PLAYBOY MANSION

30
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,125
LOOK LIKE
AN OLD FOLKS' HOME.

31
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,228
WHICH I GUESS
IT KIND OF IS NOW.

32
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,795
INFINITY POOL,
KILLER VIEWS,

33
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,132
STATE-OF-THE-ART GAME ROOM,
HOME THEATER...

34
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,465
PLUS THAT
FOUR-PERSON SHOWER.

35
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,534
DID YOU KNOW THAT'S WHERE CYRIL
MET HIS NEW HUSBAND?

36
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:08,536
[ GASPS ] AWW.
MM-HMM.

37
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,471
EVEN THE SECURITY CODE'S
SEXY.

38
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,873
LITERALLY. IT SPELLS OUT "SEXY"
ON THE KEYPAD.

39
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,575
EVEN I THINK
THAT'S TRYING TOO HARD,

40
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,477
AND AT THIS POINT,
I'M MOSTLY BODY SPRAY.

41
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:19,045
AND THAT MASTER BATHTUB ALONE
HAS BEEN IN FOUR RAP VIDEOS

42
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,314
PLUS A MURDER RE-CREATION
ON A "DATELINE" SPECIAL

43
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:22,515
CALLED "RUB-A-DUB DEAD."

44
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:24,885
Haley: WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,

45
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:25,918
I WAS A LITTLE EMBARRASSED

46
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,420
MY DAD WAS JUST
A REAL-ESTATE AGENT.

47
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,623
BUT AS I GOT OLDER,
I REALIZED,

48
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,225
HEY, HE MAY NOT HAVE
THE COOLEST JOB IN THE WORLD,

49
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,727
BUT HE PUTS FOOD ON THE TABLE

50
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,496
AND HAS ACCESS TO
A BUNCH OF EMPTY HOUSES

51
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:36,896
I CAN SNEAK INTO."

52
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,567
WOW. NICE POOL AT
THE THREE-BEDROOM
IN HILLGROVE.

53
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,801
WELL, LOOKY HERE,

54
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,835
ONE OF MY KIDS SHOWING INTEREST
IN THE FAMILY BIZ.

55
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,805
OH, I DON'T KNOW
IF I'M SMART ENOUGH FOR THAT.

56
00:01:44,837 --> 00:01:46,340
YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER
SO MUCH STUFF,

57
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,908
LIKE WHEN ANYONE'S
GONNA BE THERE.

58
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,242
THAT'S WHAT
THE DATEBOOK'S FOR.

59
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,677
PLUS YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER

60
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:53,646
ALL OF THOSE
LOCK-BOX COMBINATIONS.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]

61
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:57,016
I JUST USE
A VERY SPECIAL BIRTHDAY.

62
00:01:57,049 --> 00:01:57,950
AWW.

63
00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,686
HOUDINI'S.

64
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,322
I LEFT MY WATCH
BY CYRIL'S TUB.

65
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,656
I'M USUALLY EXTRA CAREFUL
NOT TO LEAVE ANY TRACE

66
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,492
THAT I WAS AT
ONE OF MY DAD'S HOUSES,

67
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:09,697
BUT THIS TUB
HAS 16 PULSATING JETS,

68
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,164
AND THE WHOLE FLOOR VIBRATES

69
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,300
WITH SOMETHING CALLED
"SWEDISH RELEASE."

70
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:17,170
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES
TO FIND MY CAR IN THE DRIVEWAY.

71
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,205
I'M SO SORRY, GRANDPA.

72
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,939
I HAVE TO GO DO THIS THING
FOR WORK.

73
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,542
THANKS. [ SMOOCHES ]
HOLD ON.

74
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:24,512
NO ONE LEAVES THIS HOUSE
WITHOUT A BAG OF MEAT.
MM.

75
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,713
BYE, HONEY.

76
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,649
CAN YOU BELIEVE
HOW CONSCIENTIOUS

77
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:30,183
OUR LITTLE GIRL
HAS BECOME?

78
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,520
RACING OFF TO WORK
ON A SATURDAY.

79
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,187
THERE'S A 30% CHANCE
SHE THINKS IT'S FRIDAY,

80
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,356
BUT STILL.
MM-HMM.

81
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:37,658
ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME?

82
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,926
MMMMM-HMM.

83
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,962
I LOST MY COOL ON PHIL
LAST NIGHT.

84
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,533
BUT IN MY DEFENSE,
I HAD BEEN TRAVELING ALL DAY,

85
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,368
AND WE HAD DIFFERENT IDEAS

86
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,002
ABOUT HOW WE WERE GONNA SPEND
THE EVENING.

87
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,840
[ SIGHS ]
Phil:
GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW.

88
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:55,175
[ SIGHS ]
GET IN THIS TUB,
YOU DIRTY GIRL.

89
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,644
OH, HONEY,
THAT IS SO SWEET,

90
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,346
BUT I'VE BEEN UP
SINCE 5:00 A.M.

91
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:02,181
DON'T OVERTHINK IT, BABE.
JUST TAKE THE PLUNGE.

92
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,251
OH, GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.

93
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,717
COULD YOU GRAB
THE UNDERWATER CAMERA?

94
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,186
YOU'RE BATHING
WITH THEM NOW?

95
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,920
THEY WADDLED INTO THE GARAGE
AND GOT OIL ON THEM.

96
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,556
AND THEN WHEN THEY WERE IN HERE
BY THEMSELVES,

97
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,191
ALL THEY WANTED TO DO
WAS HORSE AROUND, SO...

98
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,992
I SPENT THE MORNING
IN BERKELEY

99
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,728
AND THE AFTERNOON
IN PORTLAND.

100
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,497
I DESERVE
TO FEEL CLEAN AGAIN.

101
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,198
BUT NOW
THE NICE, SOOTHING TUB

102
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,234
THAT I'VE BEEN
DREAMING ABOUT ALL DAY

103
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,270
IS FILLED WITH FEATHERS
AND MOTOR OIL

104
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,603
AND PROBABLY BIRD FLU.

105
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,673
SO, NO. NO.
YOU JUST SIT TIGHT,

106
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,441
AND I WILL USE THE HOSE
IN THE BACKYARD.

107
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:28,908
[ STOMPING ]

108
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,443
COULD YOU STILL
GRAB THE CAMERA?

109
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,344
[ DOOR SLAMS ]

110
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,680
OKAY. I WAS HARSH.

111
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,783
BUT THE FLIGHT BACK
FROM PORTLAND WAS ROUGH.

112
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,718
THE OVERHEADS WERE PACKED
WITH FOLDABLE BIKES,

113
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,889
AND I WAS SITTING NEXT TO A GUY
USING A TYPEWRITER.

114
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,957
STILL, PHIL IS REALLY
HOLDING ON TO THIS ONE.

115
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,894
MMMMM-HMM.

116
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,031
PFT.
WELL, PHIL'S MAD AT ME.

117
00:03:51,063 --> 00:03:52,300
COME HERE, LITTLE GIRL.

118
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,567
LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG.

119
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,901
YOU'RE NOT SHY WITH THOSE HUGS
TODAY, ARE YOU?

120
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:55,936
OH, AND COME HERE.
OH, ME TOO?

121
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:57,137
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,

122
00:03:57,170 --> 00:04:00,441
BUT I GET SO EMOTIONAL
AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.

123
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:01,942
AWWW. HA, HA.

124
00:04:01,974 --> 00:04:04,944
-- Captions by VITAC --

125
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,948
Captioning Provided by
20th Century Fox Television
and ABC, Inc.

126
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,950
and brought to you by Ford.
We go further, so you can.

127
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,820
**

128
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,425
[ WATER RUNNING ]

129
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,591
OH, GOD.

130
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:19,660
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

131
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:22,129
Andy:
MR. DUNPHY? IS THAT YOU?

132
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,165
HALEY?

133
00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:26,899
ANDY, WH-- UH,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

134
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,302
SETTING UP FOR AN OPEN HOUSE
TOMORROW.

135
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,170
WHAT ARE YOU D--
[ GASPS ]

136
00:04:30,202 --> 00:04:32,973
SPLISH, SPLASH,
WHO WAS TAKING A BATH?!
ME.

137
00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:34,908
I SNUCK OVER LAST NIGHT,
BUT THE FAUCET LEAKED,

138
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:35,942
AND I GUESS
I WAS SO MELLOWED OUT

139
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,177
I FORGOT
TO DRAIN THE TUB.

140
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:38,612
THAT'S PRETTY DARN
MELLOWED OUT.

141
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:39,612
WERE YOU BURNING INCENSE?

142
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,615
UH, YEP. SURE WAS.
OKAY.

143
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,082
[ SIGHS ]

144
00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:45,185
WELL, I'LL LAY SOME TOWELS DOWN.
YOU DRAIN THE TUB.

145
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,822
[ GRUNTS ]
IS IT STUCK?

146
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,625
NO, I'M CHECKING MY MAKEUP
IN THE REFLECTION.

147
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:52,593
YES, IT'S STUCK.

148
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,627
HERE. LET ME HELP.

149
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,430
NO, NO.
I CAN GET IT.

150
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,264
HERE.
OKAY.

151
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,201
[ GRUNTING ]

152
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,470
UNH!
AAH!

153
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:07,641
[ SPITS ]

154
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,108
OH! OH, MY GOD.

155
00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:10,543
RELAX, I'M OKAY.

156
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,380
NO. ISN'T THIS THE TUB
FROM THE LIL WAYNE VIDEO?

157
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,081
HUH.
HUH!

158
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,718
I PUT OUR CLOTHES
IN THE DRYER.

159
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,452
I MADE
AN EXECUTIVE DECISION --

160
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,622
WENT WITH THE IRISH MOUNTAIN
DRYER SHEETS.

161
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,456
WHAT DOES AN IRISH MOUNTAIN
SMELL LIKE?

162
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,560
[ Irish accent ]
WE'LL FIND OUT IN
30, 35 MINUTES.

163
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,228
HEY, UH, DON'T TELL MY DAD
I WAS HERE, OKAY?

164
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,731
I SUPPOSE I COULD DO YOU
THAT WEE FAVOR.

165
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,165
DO ME
A SECOND FAVOR...

166
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,634
[ Normal voice ]
YEAH, I DON'T LOVE IT, EITHER.

167
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,636
MM.

168
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,370
HEY, WHY WERE YOU

169
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:38,706
TAKING A BATH OVER HERE,
ANYWAY?

170
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,374
OH, I JUST WANTED A FEW HOURS
TO MYSELF.

171
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,875
YOU KNOW, I LIVE IN
MY PARENTS' BASEMENT,
I BROKE UP WITH DYLAN,

172
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:45,312
I WAS DEPRESSED ABOUT
HOW MUCH I ATE AT
THANKSGIVING...

173
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,079
YOU BROKE UP WITH DYLAN,
HUH?

174
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,382
YEAH.
ACTUALLY, IT WAS THE DAY

175
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,050
THAT WE SAW YOU AND BETH
AT THAT MOVIE.

176
00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:51,584
YOU GUYS SEEMED
SO GREAT TOGETHER

177
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,387
I GUESS I JUST THOUGHT,
"I WANT THAT."

178
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,387
I AM PRETTY LUCKY.

179
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,889
BUT FOR
WHAT IT'S WORTH,

180
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,189
BETH AND I
ARE NOT PERFECT.

181
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:58,925
THINGS COME UP
WHEN YOU PLAN A WEDDING.

182
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,495
REALLY? THERE'S SUCH A THING
AS MORMON DRAMA?

183
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,163
THERE WAS
WHEN BETH'S UNCLE FOUND OUT

184
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,365
WE'RE SERVING COFFEE
AT THE RECEPTION.
[ CHUCKLES ]

185
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,033
PLUS, SHE DOESN'T WANT ME
TO HAVE A BACHELOR PARTY.

186
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,367
AT ALL?

187
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,202
IT IS ONE NIGHT
BEFORE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

188
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:12,939
YOU SHOULD DO IT UP.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

189
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:15,041
WELL, TO MY MIRROR,
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

190
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,677
I DESERVE ONE ADVENTURE
BEFORE I SETTLE DOWN.

191
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:18,778
[ FLAMES WHOOSH ]

192
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,548
OH! LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
HERE.

193
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,283
WELL, YEAH, I MEAN,
YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING FUN.

194
00:06:23,315 --> 00:06:26,687
[ ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

195
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,221
UM...MAYBE
YOU TRY AND FIX IT.

196
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,024
YEAH.
IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE ENOUGH.

197
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,292
O...KAY...

198
00:06:32,324 --> 00:06:34,595
I DID NOT MEAN
TO DO THAT.

199
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:37,064
UM, MAYBE TRY THIS ONE?

200
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,268
HUH.

201
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,903
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T TOUCH
ANY MORE BUTTONS.

202
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:44,805
RIGHT.

203
00:06:46,238 --> 00:06:48,942
UH...WHAT WERE
WE TALKING ABOUT?

204
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,478
HAVING AN ADVENTURE.

205
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,550
[ KEYPAD BEEPING ]
OH, GOD,
IS THAT MY DAD?

206
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,653
[ Irish accent ]
'TIS A FINE KETTLE
OF FISH WE'RE IN!

207
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,353
GET IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM!

208
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,091
Man:
...AND SAD NEWS FROM THE ZOO,

209
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,559
CHUFFA THE PANDA
HAS SUFFERED A M--

210
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,425
STOP TOUCHING STUFF!

211
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,000
Mitchell:
WOW, YOU'RE NOT SHY

212
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,502
WITH THOSE HUGS TODAY,
ARE YOU?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,

213
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,903
BUT I GET SO EMOTIONAL
AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.

214
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,172
Mitchell: AWW.
OH, I GET IT.
I REALLY DO.

215
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,007
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.

216
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,175
AWW.
GLORIA.

217
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,310
SO, THIS YEAR,

218
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,846
WE'RE SURPRISING THE FAMILY
WITH A TRIP TO MIAMI.

219
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,581
THE TRAVEL COMPANY NEEDS
EVERYBODY'S DRIVER'S LICENSE

220
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,617
TO BOOK THE FLIGHT.

221
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,485
THAT'S WHERE
"STICKY FINGERS" HERE

222
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,319
COMES IN HANDY.

223
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:33,821
EVERYBODY HAS
A BAD COUSIN

224
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,523
THAT TEACHES YOU
A FEW THINGS.

225
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:38,158
LIKE HOW TO SMOKE,
HOW TO PICK-POCKET,

226
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,659
HOW TO HOT-WIRE A CAR,

227
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:41,595
HOW TO PUT TACKS ON YOUR SHOE

228
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:44,430
WHEN YOU WANT TO THROW OFF
A-A LIE-DETECTOR TEST.

229
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,600
WHICH COUSIN WAS THIS?

230
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:49,168
I am the cousin.

231
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:50,370
BYE.

232
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,807
PHIL, HONEY,
REMEMBER THOSE GUTTER COVERS

233
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,976
THAT WE ORDERED
LIKE A YEAR AGO?

234
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:57,810
GOOD NEWS.

235
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:58,978
THEY SHIPPED!

236
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,148
[ Flatly ] WOW.
THAT'S EXCITING.

237
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,348
[ SIGHS ]
PLEASE KILL ME

238
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,983
IF I EVER FIND GUTTER COVERS
EXCITING.

239
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,519
I KNOW.
THAT MARRIAGE IS STALER

240
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,654
THAN A BOX OF CUPCAKES
AT A SUPERMODEL RETREAT.

241
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,288
OH, AY, PHIL!

242
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,791
THANK YOU AGAIN
FOR COMING!
OH! [ LAUGHS ]

243
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,726
IT WAS OUR PLEASURE.
YOU'RE ALWAYS SO...

244
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,663
[High-pitched]
...GENEROUS TO HAVE US!

245
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,865
AY, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T WANTED
TO TICKLE YOU.

246
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,233
IT'S JUST THAT I LOVE
HOW THIS FABRIC FEEL.

247
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,302
OH...
WHAT IS THE NAME OF
THIS MATERIAL?

248
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,872
UH...JEANS.

249
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,706
OH, AND THEY FEEL
SO TIGHT, HUH?

250
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:27,807
OH, A LITTLE
HOLIDAY TRICK.

251
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,576
KEEPS ME FROM
[High-pitched] EATING TOO MUCH.

252
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:30,644
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

253
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:31,978
I THINK
YOU'RE TOO TENSE.
OH...

254
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,145
WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING --

255
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,246
HEY, HON.
YEAH?

256
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,015
HI.
WE DIDN'T GET
MUCH OF A CHANCE

257
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:37,183
TO TALK TODAY.

258
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:40,587
UM...HOW ARE YOU?

259
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,654
NOT GREAT.

260
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,655
BUT, HONESTLY,
I DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU.

261
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,692
OH, WELL, AT LEAST START
THE STORY.

262
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,426
OKAY. UM, WELL,
I GOT BACK FROM PORTLAND,

263
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,360
AND PHIL WAS IN THE BATHTUB
WITH ALL THE DUCKS,

264
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,429
AND I JUST COMPLETELY
LOST IT.
[ PHIL GIGGLES ]

265
00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:51,999
AND, YES,
I'VE APOLOGIZED...
Phil: OH, BOY!

266
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,701
...BUT HE'S REALLY NOT
LETTING GO OF IT THIS TIME.

267
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,735
I --
YOU'RE SO STRONG!
YOU KNOW WHAT?

268
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,104
WORK'S TAKING UP
A LOT OF YOUR TIME,

269
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,206
ISN'T IT?
YOU'RE TAKING HIS SIDE
ON THIS?

270
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,106
I'VE BEEN YOU ON THIS.

271
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,541
WHEN I WAS BOGGED DOWN
WITH WORK,

272
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,210
YOUR MOTHER AND I FOUGHT
ALL THE TIME.

273
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,111
I MEAN, MAYBE NOT ABOUT DUCKS.
I'M NOT A WEIRDO.

274
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:08,280
BUT MAYBE HE'S MAD AT YOU
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT AROUND.

275
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,582
BUT I ONLY TOOK
LIKE TWO TRIPS.

276
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,585
JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE AROUND
DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE AROUND.

277
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,086
THAT'S ONE OF THOSE
LOOPY THINGS MOM WOULD SAY.

278
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,724
I USED TO PRETEND THAT
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT, TOO,

279
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,091
BUT I DID.

280
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,525
WHY NOT JUST MAKE SOME TIME
FOR EACH OTHER?

281
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:20,559
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

282
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:21,761
OH...

283
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,429
MAYBE I'LL TAKE HIM FOR
A WEEKEND UP NORTH, HUH?

284
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:24,597
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
SURE.

285
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,633
YEAH.
OR LEAVE HIM.

286
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,466
YOU'RE STILL ATTRACTIVE.
WORKED GREAT FOR ME.

287
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,974
Claire: [ SIGHS ]

288
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:37,244
I AM STILL IN SHOCK
ABOUT THE DEAL WE GOT
ON THOSE ICE-CUBE TRAYS.

289
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:41,081
I KNOW. IT'S LIKE WE PULLED OFF
THE GREAT TRAY ROBBERY.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

290
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,082
YOU KNOW, IT SAYS WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO THROW THEM
IN THE DISHWASHER,

291
00:09:43,115 --> 00:09:44,283
BUT I'M JUST GONNA
GIVE THEM A RINSE.

292
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,418
OH, YOU ARE SO BAD!

293
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,922
YOU KNOW, SINCE WE GOT
ALL OF OUR ERRANDS DONE EARLY

294
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,390
AND WE DO HAVE A LITTLE
EXTRA TIME ON OUR HANDS...

295
00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:53,493
AND LILY'S AT A SLEEPOVER.
MM-HMM.

296
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,629
Mitchell:
OH! JUST -- RIGHT THERE.
A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT.

297
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:57,596
YEP.
RIGHT THERE.

298
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:58,731
RIGHT -- YEAH. PERFECT.
NOW TURN.

299
00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,932
WHEW!
OH!

300
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,934
I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO FLIP
THAT MATTRESS FOR MONTHS.

301
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,503
I KNOW. IT FEELS GOOD
TO GET STUFF DONE.

302
00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:05,639
YEAH, IT DOES!
YES!

303
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,240
AAAH.
SO, OTHER THAN LILY,

304
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,177
WE HAVE NO REAL REASON
TO BE ALIVE, RIGHT?
[ SIGHS ]

305
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,078
[ KEYPAD BEEPING ]
Haley: OH, GOD,
IS THAT MY DAD?

306
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,413
GET IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM!

307
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,082
Man:
...AND SAD NEWS FROM THE ZOO,

308
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,750
CHUFFA THE PANDA
HAS SUFFERED A M--

309
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,152
STOP TOUCHING STUFF!

310
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,120
[ LOCK CLICKS ]

311
00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,489
HUH?
[ GASPS ]

312
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:23,956
ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULD BE
DOING THIS?

313
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,993
MITCHELL, WE JUST HIGH-FIVED
OVER FLIPPING A MATTRESS.

314
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,195
THAT'S WAY SADDER
THAN PHIL AND CLAIRE'S
GUTTER COVERS.

315
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,797
[ CHUCKLES ]
PLUS, CYRIL WON'T CARE.

316
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,630
IT'S NOT LIKE HE HASN'T HAD
HIS FUN IN OUR PLACE.

317
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,332
WHAT? WHEN?
AT YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY?

318
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:35,869
HE AND GREGORY WERE
IN THE BATHROOM
FOR LIKE AN HOUR.

319
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:39,038
OH, NO. THAT'S 'CAUSE
GREGORY LOST A CONTACT LENS.
OKAY, YOU'RE ADORABLE.

320
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,472
ALL RIGHT, NOW, I'M GONNA
GO MAKE SOME COCKTAILS,

321
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:42,174
AND THEN WHEN
THAT SUN GOES DOWN...
MM-HMM.

322
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,844
...YOU AND I CAN GET COZY
IN THE HOT TUB, OKAY?

323
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:45,644
OHH, I LIKE THE SOUND
OF THAT.
[ GIGGLES ]

324
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,213
I'M GONNA PUT ON
SOME MOOD MUSIC, HUH?

325
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:48,615
HEY, CAM,
DON'T THEY HAVE A REMOTE

326
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,350
THAT CONTROLS EVERYTHING?
YEAH, I THINK SO.

327
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,618
YOU KNOW
WHERE HE KEEPS THAT?

328
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,886
WELL, OURS IS ALWAYS GETTING
BURIED IN THE COUCH.

329
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,488
OH, HERE IT IS.

330
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,789
AHH.

331
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,359
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]
OOH, I LIKE THIS SONG.

332
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,695
WOULD YOU LIKE A SHOW
TO GO WITH IT?

333
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:04,030
MITCHELL!
WHO'S MITCHELL?

334
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,698
I'M MAGIC MITCH.

335
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,067
WELDER BY DAY...

336
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,135
...STRIPPER BY CHOICE.

337
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,337
MY UNWED SISTER
IS SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT.

338
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,173
MY MOTHER
HAS SOME UTERINE ISSUES

339
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,407
NOT COVERED BY MEDICARE.

340
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,375
BUT IF YOU WANT
TO MAKE IT RAIN, I WILL --

341
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:19,145
MITCHELL!
SWEETIE, ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, I'M FINE.

342
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,213
HOW'S THE LAMP?
IS IT OKAY?
DOES IT WORK?

343
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,716
IT'S FINE. SEE?
OKAY.

344
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,683
ALL RIGHT, NOW, COME ON.
LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK.

345
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,686
YES.
I'LL GO GET
THE COCKTAILS.

346
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,687
YOU MAKE YOURSELF
COMFORTABLE.

347
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,857
I SURE WILL.
[ GIGGLES ]

348
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,059
WOW.

349
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,528
MAYBE SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE LIVELY?

350
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,931
UH-HUH.
Man: IT'S NOT "ADAM AND STEVE,"
DAMN IT.

351
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,200
Woman: ...CORPSES
AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE.

352
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,735
Man: WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOUR ICE-CUBE TRAY

353
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:42,735
COULD KILL YOU.

354
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,171
MAYBE THE FIRST STATION.

355
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,605
[ MECHANISM HISSES, WHIRS ]
OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

356
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:46,706
OH!
OH! OOH!

357
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,875
GEEZ.
[ KEYPAD BEEPING ]

358
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,344
[ DOOR BUZZES ]
DON'T WORRY
ABOUT CLAIRE.

359
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,980
YOU'VE GOT ME
ALL AFTERNOON.

360
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,091
HONEY,
REMEMBER THOSE GUTTER COVERS

361
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,692
THAT WE ORDERED
LIKE A YEAR AGO?

362
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,927
GOOD NEWS.
THEY SHIPPED!

363
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,361
[ Flatly ] WOW.
THAT'S EXCITING.

364
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,697
CLAIRE'S BEEN
WORKING A LOT LATELY,

365
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:14,301
AND IT'S BEEN...GREAT.

366
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,037
IT'S GIVEN ME A LOT MORE TIME
FOR "BATTLE BEASTS OF GAR,"

367
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,905
THIS MASSIVE
ONLINE ROLE-PLAYING GAME.

368
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,207
AND WITH CYRIL'S
STATE-OF-THE-ART GAMING SYSTEM,

369
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,943
I'VE BEEN ABLE TO TAKE MY
HALF-DWARF, HALF-OX FIRE MAGE --

370
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,544
PyroMiniYak --

371
00:12:25,577 --> 00:12:27,147
TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

372
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,648
LEVEL THREE!

373
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,149
OUR GUILD, THUGSQUAD,

374
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:33,586
HAS BEEN TRYING TO PLAN A RAID
AGAINST OUR ARCH-RIVAL GUILD,

375
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,721
LED BY THE RUTHLESS SexyBeast,

376
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,990
AND I GOT A TEXT SAYING
IT WAS FINALLY HAPPENING.

377
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,491
THAT IS,
IF I COULD GET CLAIRE

378
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,727
TO BE OKAY WITH ME DISAPPEARING
FOR A FEW HOURS.

379
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,932
PHIL, HONEY,
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.
FOR WHAT?

380
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,566
YOU HAVEN'T --
BEEN AROUND AT ALL.
I KNOW.

381
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,000
I KNOW, AND I WANT
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

382
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:50,102
IT WAS VERY HURTFUL.
[ SIGHS ] YEAH.

383
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,605
IT'S JUST SOMETIMES
I GET SO CAUGHT UP IN WORK

384
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:55,274
THAT EVEN WHEN I AM AROUND,
I'M NOT AROUND.

385
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,408
MM. SO WELL PUT.

386
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,110
I DON'T WANT TO BEAT YOU UP
ABOUT THAT.

387
00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,178
IT'S HEALING TIME NOW.

388
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:00,480
YOU KNOW, WHAT I'D LOVE

389
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,514
IS A FEW HOURS AT CYRIL'S HOUSE
THIS AFTERNOON.

390
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:03,482
WITH ME?

391
00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:04,783
ACTUALLY...

392
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:06,686
I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THAT

393
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,822
ROLE-PLAYING THING
I'M INTO?

394
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,191
PHIL AND I HAVE,
ON OCCASION,

395
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:15,128
ADOPTED VARIOUS ALTER-EGOS
TO SPICE UP OUR MARRIAGE.

396
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,428
CYRIL'S HOUSE DOES SOUND

397
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,298
KIND OF PERFECT
FOR SOME ROMANCE.

398
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,799
AND I LIKE THAT PHIL WANTS
TO MOVE PAST THIS, SO...

399
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:23,135
DID YOU HAVE
A PARTICULAR GENRE IN MIND

400
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:24,671
FOR THIS AFTERNOON'S GAME?

401
00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:26,139
YES. MEDIEVAL FANTASY.

402
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,707
AH. GREAT.

403
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,644
THANK YOU.
MM.

404
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:35,815
OH, SexyBeast,
YOU ARE GONNA GET SO SPANKED.

405
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,152
REFRIGERATOR.

406
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,120
NO, SAY "FRIDGER-FRATER."

407
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,788
BUT IT'S REFRIGERATOR.

408
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,356
I NEED YOU TO FOCUS, KID.

409
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,126
FRIDGER-FRATER --
WHERE WE KEEP THE SAMMICHES.

410
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,796
PEOPLE SEEM DELIGHTED BY JOE.
WHATEVER.

411
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,865
BUT I HAD THAT FETCHING
STUDY PARTNER COMING OVER,

412
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:54,567
AND I REALIZED I COULD USE
JOE'S BY-THE-NUMBERS CUTENESS

413
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,635
TO MY AMOROUS ADVANTAGE.

414
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:57,636
WOW.

415
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,471
EVEN FOR ME,
THAT WAS A LOT OF MANNY.

416
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,307
BUT IT'S SANDWICH.

417
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,875
IT'S LIKE
YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING.

418
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:04,010
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

419
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,245
OKAY, THAT'S PROBABLY HER.

420
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,580
L-LOOK, JUST BE CUTE, OKAY?
FOR MY SAKE.

421
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,017
IT'S LIKE WHEN GUYS USE PUPPIES
TO ATTRACT GIRLS.

422
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:13,852
HI, MANNY.
UH, OLIVE.
PLEASE COME IN.

423
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,221
THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER,
JOE.

424
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,722
DON'T MIND
HIS LITTLE POT THERE.

425
00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:18,325
HEY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THERE
AGAIN?

426
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,326
SOME KIND OF PASTA DISH?

427
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,726
WOOF, WOOF!

428
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,428
AWW!
ARE YOU A DOGGIE?
[ PANTING ]

429
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,431
YEAH, HE'S ALWAYS DOING
ADORABLE STUFF LIKE THAT

430
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:25,365
'CAUSE I'M HIS HERO.

431
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,100
I LOVE THAT.
[ CHUCKLES ]

432
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,436
ARE YOU A GOOD DOGGIE
OR A BAD DOGGIE?

433
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,570
GRRR!

434
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:32,739
OH, SCARY!

435
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,407
ADORABLE.
I KNOW.

436
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,575
UH, SO SHOULD WE HEAD UP?

437
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:37,543
[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD!

438
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,111
GET IT OFF ME!
UH...NO!

439
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,246
JOE! JOE!
[ GROWLING ]

440
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,347
JOE, LET GO!

441
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,915
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HE'S BITING ME!

442
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,350
DO SOMETHING!
UH...

443
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,851
GRR!
NO! BAD JOE!

444
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:47,754
BAD JOE!
OW! THAT'S JUST MAKING HIM
BITE ME HARDER!

445
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,057
A PERSON IS NOT
A SAMMICH, JOE!

446
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,691
[ GROWLING ]
JOE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

447
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,493
JOE, LET GO!

448
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,962
DID YOU KNOW
PHIL WAS GONNA BE HERE?

449
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:57,230
NO. I-I WEAR A T-SHIRT
IN THE POOL.

450
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,198
DO YOU THINK I WANT HIM
TO SEE ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS?

451
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,267
Go. Go.

452
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,070
[ KEYPAD BEEPING,
DOOR BUZZES ]

453
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,105
WELL, WE ONLY HAVE
ONE SIX-PACK

454
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:09,241
SO, IN A WAY,
IT'S GOOD ALL THE GIRLS SAID NO.

455
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,412
AAH!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

456
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,147
OH, UM,
MY S.A.T. PREP GROUP

457
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,982
NEEDED A QUIET PLACE
TO STUDY.

458
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,116
YOU AIN'T STUDYING ACTING.

459
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,418
OKAY. WE DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THIS.

460
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,519
YOUR FATHER --
Phil:
EVERYBODY FREEZE!

461
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,389
TAE KWON JOE!

462
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,991
EYES ON THOSE BLOOD BATS!
LET'S BURN 'EM DOWN FAST!

463
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,594
COME ON, Madskillz87!

464
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,629
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON
SPELL INTERRUPT!

465
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,698
DO NOT LET THOSE CASTERS
GET OFF ANY MORE FROST TRAPS!

466
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,735
LISA, LOOKS LIKE IT'S YOU AND ME
ON THE LAVA DEMON.

467
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,138
HANG TIGHT!

468
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:40,273
POWDER!

469
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,275
[ BLOWS ]

470
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,912
LET'S SEND THEM BACK TO HELL
IN TIME FOR Madskillz

471
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,647
TO MAKE IT
TO HIS OBOE LESSON!

472
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,951
AND I THOUGHT MY DAD
WAS EMBARRASSING.
SHUT UP.

473
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,485
OKAY, LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.

474
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,154
[ KEYPAD BEEPING ]

475
00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:57,356
[ DOOR BUZZES ]

476
00:15:57,389 --> 00:16:00,860
[ Singsong voice ]
HELLO?

477
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,662
[ Normal voice ]
IS ANYBODY HERE?

478
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,030
Phil: DROP IT!
OH!

479
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:05,865
OHH,
GETTIN' RIGHT TO IT.

480
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,700
I LIKE IT.

481
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,937
[ British accent ]
PLEASE, SIR, HAVE PITY.

482
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,005
'TIS TRUE
I'M JUST A COMMON THIEF,

483
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,341
BUT IF YOU HAVE MERCY,

484
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,875
I'LL MAKE IT
WORTH YOUR WHILE --
OH, YES.

485
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:18,677
OHHH-HO!

486
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:22,349
WHAT MEDIEVAL CREATURE
IS THIS?

487
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:26,019
HALF-MAN, HALF-ROBOT...
WELDER?

488
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:28,520
IF YOU COME OUT NOW,
YOU SIMPERING COWARD,

489
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,456
MAYBE I'LL SHOW YOU
A LITTLE MERCY.

490
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,692
PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!
IT WAS HER IDEA!

491
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,126
I'M THE ONE WHO WANTED
TO GO SLOW!

492
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,062
REUBEN?
[ Normal voice ]
OH, ALEX!

493
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,197
CLAIRE?
REUBEN AGAIN?

494
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:39,499
HE WORE A BATMAN CAPE

495
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,533
TO THE FIRST DAY
OF HIGH SCHOOL!

496
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,169
YOU'RE REALLY JUDGING ME
RIGHT NOW

497
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:45,672
WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE
A HOOKER AT COMIC-CON?
[ GASPS ]

498
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,307
YES, THIS WAS A MISCALCULATION
ON MY PART,

499
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,509
AND I WILL BE
GETTING MY COAT...
CLAIRE,

500
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,677
WHAT IS GOING ON?
...AND GETTING OUT OF HERE
AS SOON AS I -

501
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:52,711
Phil: LUKE?
[ GASPS ]

502
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,846
IS THAT BEER
BEHIND YOUR BACK?

503
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,051
GET OUT HERE!
YOU ARE SO GROUNDED!

504
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,918
MRS. DUNPHY,
DO YOU EVER TUTOR?

505
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:01,187
DUDE!
UGH.

506
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:04,923
I'M JUST GONNA GRAB MY
RAZOR SCOOTER AND BOUNCE.

507
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,358
HAPPY BIRTH--
HAPPY BIRTH--

508
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,161
NO, YOU KNOW
IT'S NO ONE'S BIRTHDAY.

509
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,829
YOU'RE PROBABLY HERE
FOR THE SAME REASON
AS THOSE TWO.

510
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,199
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
THIS IS YOUR FAULT,

511
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:13,500
BECAUSE WE WERE AFRAID
OUR MARRIAGE

512
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,701
WAS GETTING
AS BORING AS YOURS.

513
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:15,768
THOUGH BASED ON
HER OUTFIT,

514
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,002
WE NEED TO WORK
A LITTLE HARDER.

515
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,738
YOU SHOULD ALL BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

516
00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:20,440
I'M THE ONLY ONE
AUTHORIZED TO BE HERE.

517
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:22,509
BY SNEAKING IN,
YOU'VE DISRESPECTED ME,

518
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,876
AND VIOLATED THE TRUST
BETWEEN ME, MY CLIENTS,

519
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,846
AND THIS SEXY, SEXY HOUSE.

520
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,681
NO. NO!

521
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,682
GREAT.
NOW LISA'S DEAD.

522
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,252
I WANT EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE
RIGHT NOW!

523
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,387
WELL, AT LEAST WE HAVE OUR HOUSE
TO OURSELVES STILL.
MM.

524
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,223
DOES MAGIC MITCH
HAVE ANOTHER SET HIM IN?
YEAH.

525
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,192
HIS GRANDMA'S BUILT-UP SHOE
ISN'T GONNA PAY FOR ITSELF.

526
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,059
OKAY, WE NEED TO WORK ON
YOUR SEXY PATTER.
UNH!

527
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,494
OFF THE LAMP.
OFF THE LAMP.

528
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,798
OKAY, BEFORE YOU GET
ANY STUPID IDEAS,

529
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:47,799
REUBEN AND I BROKE IN HERE

530
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,301
SO I COULD HELP HIM
WITH HIS MATH.

531
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,238
HEH. GOOD LUCK GETTING THROUGH
TO THAT GUY.

532
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,506
HE'S CLUELESS.
[ CHUCKLES ]

533
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:55,741
HONEY.
YES?

534
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:56,608
UM...I'M SORRY.

535
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,244
THAT --
THAT LITTLE OUTBURST

536
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,814
WAS MAINLY DIRECTED
AT THEM.

537
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:03,950
WHATEVER MISUNDERSTANDING
LED TO THIS,

538
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:05,451
I'M...HAPPY ABOUT.

539
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:07,053
OH! OH!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE UPSET

540
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087
BECAUSE WE HADN'T SPENT
ANY TIME TOGETHER.

541
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,490
AND THEN YOU SAID YOU WANTED
SOME ROLE-PLAYING FUN...

542
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:13,125
OHHH.

543
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,594
REALLY?

544
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,962
HONEY, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN
WORKING REALLY HARD LATELY,

545
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,132
AND I-I APPRECIATE ANY TIME
I CAN GET WITH YOU.

546
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,500
SO YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME?
SILENCE, ELVIN HARLOT.

547
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,403
[ British accent ]
OHH, SORRY, MY LORD.

548
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,971
DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND.

549
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,472
BUT YOU HAVE,
CRAVEN WENCH.

550
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,807
MM.

551
00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:29,808
AND I SHALL
METE OUT PUNISHMENT AS --

552
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,478
I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS
GIGGLING.

553
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:33,645
AT LEAST
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!

554
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,421
ALL CLEAR.

555
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,122
WELL, THAT WAS CRAZY.
[ CHUCKLES ]

556
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,124
MY TICKER HASN'T GOTTEN
A WORKOUT THAT GOOD

557
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,660
SINCE I MADE THE FINALS OF
THAT CUP-STACKING COMPETITION.

558
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:50,096
HEY, SHOULD I TAKE THESE ROBES
UPSTAIRS?

559
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:51,530
I'M GONNA POP MINE
IN THE WASHER.

560
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,665
I'VE GOT ABOUT THREE POUNDS
OF TENSION SWEAT IN HERE.

561
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,567
[ CHUCKLES ]

562
00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:57,769
HEY...

563
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,137
I, UH...

564
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,643
I FEEL KIND OF BAD
ABOUT BEFORE.

565
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:05,711
DON'T.
WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

566
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,448
I KNOW. IT JUST FELT LIKE
SOMETHING COULD'VE...

567
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,650
IF EVERYBODY HADN'T...
YEAH.

568
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:14,686
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.

569
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,155
IT'S THE HOUSE.
IT'S THE HOUSE!

570
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:20,326
I MEAN, THE FIREPLACE,
THE MUSIC...

571
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:21,728
THE CRAZY COUCH-BED.

572
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,563
ANYONE COULD'VE
GOTTEN SWEPT UP.

573
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,963
ANYONE.
ANYONE. YEAH.

574
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,266
HEH.
ANYONE.

575
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,901
WELL, I SHOULD GET GOING.

576
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,403
YEAH. TOTALLY.

577
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:33,573
I MEAN,
IT WAS A FUN AFTERNOON, THOUGH.

578
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:37,009
I WANTED ONE CRAZY ADVENTURE
BEFORE I GOT MARRIED,

579
00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:39,010
AND I GOT ONE.

580
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,748
GOOD. IT WAS FUN.

581
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,916
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

582
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,085
YEP.

583
00:19:46,117 --> 00:19:49,121
**

584
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,993
[ SIGHS ]

585
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,064
**

586
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,741
[ WHIMPERING ]

587
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,577
WHAT'S JOE DOING
IN STELLA'S CAGE?

588
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:12,845
HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID.

589
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,113
GO ON, BOY! GET!

590
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,018
Gloria:
[ GIGGLES ] JAY!

591
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,252
SO, I WAS THINKING,

592
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,355
SINCE MIAMI'S ONLY
A FEW HOURS AWAY FROM COLOMBIA,

593
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,724
WHY DON'T WE HAVE
MY RELATIVES FLY TO MIAMI

594
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,359
SO THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY
CAN BE TOGETHER?

595
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,261
GLORIA, I LOVE YOUR FAMILY.
I DO.

596
00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:30,930
BUT --
THIS IS SO TYPICAL.

597
00:20:30,962 --> 00:20:32,632
WE DO EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY,

598
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:35,067
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO
MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY, THEN --

599
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,036
WE'RE NOT GOING TO MIAMI.
WHAT?

600
00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:39,638
I BOUGHT EVERYBODY
PLANE TICKETS TO COLOMBIA.

601
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,574
AY, JAY!

602
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:45,211
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO DO!

603
00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:46,413
I THINK YOU MEAN
"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE,"

604
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,548
AND YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
NO!

605
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:51,983
I MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
NICE ABOUT THIS AT ALL!

606
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,219
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY,

607
00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:54,421
"WHY CAN'T WE SEE YOUR FAMILY
SOME OTHER TIME?"

608
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:55,555
AND I WOULD SAY,
"LIKE WHEN?"

609
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:58,257
AND THEN YOU WOULD SAY,
"IS NEVER AN OPTION?"

610
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,426
AND I WOULD SAY,
"THAT'S SO MEAN,
JAY PRITCHETT!"

611
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,728
AND THEN YOU WOULD SAY,

612
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,395
"IS THERE A WAY THAT I CAN
MAKE IT UP TO YOU, GLORIA?"

613
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,398
AND THEN I WOULD SAY,
"HOW ABOUT IF..."

614
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,165
IF WHAT?

615
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,567
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

616
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,501
OH, NO.

617
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,103
[ SPEAKS SPANISH ]

618
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:14,006
All: HOLA!
HOLA! HOLA!

619
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,843
[ CHUCKLES ]
YEAH. COME IN, COME IN.

620
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,845
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

621
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:21,448
DOES THIS FEEL LIKE
A SHORT VISIT TO YOU
OR A LONG ONE?

622
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:22,848
THE PREGNANT ONE
BROUGHT A STROLLER.

623
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,684
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]