1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,971 JOE, YOU'RE GOING TO SEE YOUR FIRST SNOW. 2 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:07,375 IT'S SO EXCITING! I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE A SNOW PERSON! 3 00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,541 "PERSON"? 4 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,644 WE GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF THAT HIPPIE SCHOOL. 5 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:11,811 I DON'T KNOW, JAY. 6 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,182 LAST REPORT CARD, HE GOT STRAIGHT DOLPHINS. 7 00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:16,917 CHRISTMAS IN COLOMBIA WAS ALWAYS HOT AND LOUD, 8 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:19,986 PEOPLE ARGUING, BETRAYAL, SCHEMES. 9 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:22,823 SO I RENTED A MOUNTAIN CABIN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY 10 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,559 TO CELEBRATE MY FIRST CHRISTMAS AS AN AMERICAN. 11 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:27,527 I WANT A WHITE CHRISTMAS, 12 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,498 YOU KNOW, LIKE WHITE PEOPLE HAVE. 13 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,332 HEY, WANT TO HIT THE PIPE ONE MORE TIME 14 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,600 BEFORE WE GET ON THE ROAD? 15 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,335 UM, YEAH. COULDN'T HURT. 16 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,070 [ CLEARS THROAT ] [ NOTE PLAYS ] 17 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:40,006 Both: * SILENT NIGHT 18 00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:42,109 * HOLY NIGHT 19 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,543 OH, MY GOD, WE ARE KILLING IT! 20 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,414 LAST CHRISTMAS, MITCHELL AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN 21 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,781 TO SING A LITTLE CHRISTMAS CAROL FOR THE FAMILY. 22 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,618 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] UNFORTUNATELY, IT DIDN'T GO 23 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:54,621 SO WELL BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK. 24 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,192 STOP DOING THAT. I WAS NERVOUS. 25 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,860 Both: * 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY 26 00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:03,530 * FA LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA, LA, LA * 27 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,367 * DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL 28 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,034 * FA LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA 29 00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,036 [ THUD ] MITCHELL? 30 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,204 [ GROANS ] [ LAUGHTER ] 31 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,873 THE FAMILY HAS BEEN MOCKING US RELENTLESSLY ALL YEAR. 32 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,807 NICKNAMES LIKE SCREECHES & HERB, 33 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,111 SIMON & GOD-AWFUL, NICKELBACK. 34 00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,978 BUT WE'RE GONNA REDEEM OURSELVES THIS YEAR. 35 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,248 WE HAVE BEEN REHEARSING OUR NEW NUMBER FOR MONTHS, 36 00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,716 AND WE WILL DEBUT IT AT THE CABIN 37 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,653 AS A SPECIAL HOLIDAY "SCREW YOU" TO THE FAMILY. 38 00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:28,322 HEY, MARTY, LISTEN, 39 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:31,125 IT'S YOUR HOTEL, BUT A WALNUT CLOSET 40 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,227 IS A PLACE YOUR GUESTS WANT TO HANG THEIR CLOTHES. 41 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,795 A PARTICLEBOARD CLOSET -- THEY WANT TO HANG THEMSELVES. 42 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,132 ALL THIS CLOSET STUFF IS DRIVING ME NUTS. [ DOOR CLOSES ] 43 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,500 I WANT TO GET ANNOYED, 44 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,301 BUT IT'S HARD WHEN I FEEL THIS COMFORTABLE. 45 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,337 OH, GOD, HE'S GONNA TALK ABOUT HIS NEW COAT AGAIN. 46 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:46,073 IT'S LIKE GETTING A BIG, WARM HUG FROM A MAMA SHEEP. 47 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,974 NOTHING FEELS LIKE PURE SHEEPSKIN. 48 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,310 THE GAL AT THE STORE SAID 49 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,179 I LOOKED LIKE KRIS KRISTOFFERSON. 50 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,513 WE DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS. 51 00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:54,114 [ SCOFFS ] I HAVE SO MUCH LAB HOMEWORK 52 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,682 TO GET DONE DURING THIS BREAK. 53 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,151 IF IT WERE UP TO ME, 54 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,587 CHRISTMAS WOULDN'T EVEN COME THIS YEAR. 55 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,921 ANY CHANCE YOU COULD SOUND MORE LIKE A CARTOON VILLAIN? 56 00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:05,459 COME ON, ALEX, IT'S THREE SOLID DAYS OF WINTER FUN. 57 00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,427 WE'RE GONNA GO SLEDDING, SKATING, 58 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,263 ICE-FISHING, MAKE SNOW ANGELS. 59 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,664 WHO'S WITH ME?! [ Chanting ] SNOW, SNOW! 60 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:15,603 Together: [ Chanting ] SNOW, SNOW, SNOW, SNOW, SNOW, SNOW, SNOW! 61 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,271 SNOW? 62 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:18,872 NO, THAT'S A LEAF. 63 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,441 IT'S HOTTER HERE THAN AT HOME. 64 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,974 GLORIA, IN YOUR LITTLE DAILY E-MAILS, 65 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,311 YOU SAID IT WAS GONNA BE COLD. 66 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:24,777 THAT'S WHAT MY PHONE SAID. 67 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,947 -YOU'RE ON CELSIUS. -OH. 68 00:02:26,979 --> 00:02:29,616 IT'S GOING TO BE HOT, GUYS! 69 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:32,652 -- Captions by VITAC -- 70 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,760 ** 71 00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:44,564 OH, IS THE FURNACE ON?! 72 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:45,899 PHIL, TAKE OFF THAT JACKET. 73 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,800 YOU'RE MAKING ME HOT JUST LOOKING AT YOU. 74 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,569 SALESLADY SAID THAT WOULD HAPPEN. 75 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,572 TRUST ME, I'M COOL AS CUCUMBER. 76 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:54,307 SOMETHING ABOUT THE COAT JUST KNOWS WHAT MY BODY NEEDS. 77 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,975 YOU'RE SWEATING LIKE A HEROIN ADDICT. 78 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,978 OH, HEY, LOOK, A PIANO. 79 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,681 MAYBE WE CAN GET A LITTLE SONG FROM THE CRAPENTERS. 80 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,586 -HEY. -BE COOL. 81 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,987 ANDY'S FIANCéE, BETH, HAS TO WORK, 82 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,356 SO GLORIA INVITED HIM FOR CHRISTMAS, 83 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,259 WHICH [INHALES SHARPLY] IS COMPLICATED 84 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,926 BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN HAVING SEX AND NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT. 85 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,163 I MEAN, WE KNOW. 86 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,897 MY FAMILY CANNOT FIND OUT ABOUT US. 87 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,500 I'M CERTAINLY NOT GONNA TELL THEM. 88 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,901 I STILL HAVE THEIR RESPECT. 89 00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:23,503 ANDY, CHOP-CHOP. JOE'S MAKING HIS BATHROOM FACE. 90 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,838 ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST GO HOME. I MEAN, IT'S HOT. 91 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,841 THERE'S NO WI-FI. -ALEX, STOP BEING THE GRINCH. 92 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,413 IF THAT IS THE WORST PROBLEM, THEN MERRY CHRISTMAS. 93 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,180 OH, THANK GOD YOU MADE IT! 94 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:37,950 I THOUGHT YOU'D GOTTEN INTO A HORRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT! 95 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,420 WAIT A SECOND. 96 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,555 YOU'RE NOT TRIP, TAD, LOIS, DARCY, AND MARLENE. 97 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,758 -NO, WE'RE OTHER NAMES. -WHO ARE YOU? 98 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,192 FIG WILSON. 99 00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:48,562 MY FAMILY'S BEEN COMING HERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS FOR YEARS. 100 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,563 WE RENTED THIS CABIN FROM THE WILSONS. 101 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,865 THEY ARE IN HAWAII. -NOBODY TOLD ME THAT. 102 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,368 OKAY, WELL, BYE-BYE. 103 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,969 HOW COULD THEY ABANDON ME? 104 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,139 UH, I'M THE MOST CARING ONE IN THE FAMILY. 105 00:03:59,171 --> 00:04:01,040 I WARN THEM ABOUT CANCER. 106 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,312 I BUY THEIR FAT KIDS CLOTHES IN ASPIRATIONAL SIZES. 107 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,046 I INVITE THEM ALL TO MY DOGS' FUNERALS. 108 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,216 LAST ONE RAN STRAIGHT INTO TRAFFIC. 109 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,550 I CAN SEE THAT. 110 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,286 IS IT POSSIBLE THE INVITATION GOT LOST? 111 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,822 I MEAN... YOU SEEM GREAT. 112 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:18,826 WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST GET MY BAGS AND WALK DOWN THE HILL. 113 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,995 HOPEFULLY, I'LL GET TO THE BUS STATION BEFORE NIGHTFALL. 114 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,230 IT'S WOLF SEASON. 115 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,399 WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE WITH US? 116 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,067 IT'S CHRISTMAS. 117 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,769 OH. 118 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,071 FIRST TIME I SAW YOU, 119 00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:33,139 I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE A PAIN IN THE ASS, 120 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:36,076 BUT IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE MY FAVORITE. 121 00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:37,276 [ CHUCKLES ] 122 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,249 [ DOOR RATTLING ] 123 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,084 WHAT DO YOU THINK'S IN HERE? 124 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,987 NO ONE TOLD YOU THE LEGEND OF THE FORGOTTEN BOY? 125 00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:50,257 HAPPENED RIGHT HERE 100 YEARS AGO. 126 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,360 A BOY WAS VERY BAD, 127 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:55,629 AND HIS PARENTS LOCKED HIM IN THIS SECRET ROOM 128 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,497 AND LEFT HIM HERE FOREVER. 129 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,199 THEY SAY AT NIGHT, YOU CAN HEAR HIM 130 00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:01,033 TRYING TO SCRATCH HIS WAY OUT. 131 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,435 [ SCRATCHING ] 132 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,004 WE GOT HER. 133 00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:06,774 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] IDIOTS. 134 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,675 THAT WAS YOU SCRATCHING, RIGHT? 135 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,444 -OH. -OH, SORRY. 136 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,480 -NO, YOU GO. -NO, IT'S OKAY. AFTER YOU. 137 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,382 HERE, I'LL JUST... 138 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,018 OH, WHY DON'T I GO... 139 00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:20,853 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING -- HAVING A STARING CONTEST? 140 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:21,954 I GOT WINNERS! 141 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,190 LATER, THOUGH. COME HERE. 142 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:25,826 ANDY... 143 00:05:25,858 --> 00:05:27,528 I'VE GOT A VERY SPECIAL PRESENT FOR YOU. 144 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,329 DID THIS GUY TELL YOU HE PASSED HIS REAL-ESTATE-LICENSE TEST? 145 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:31,564 I KNOW. I HELPED HIM CRAM. 146 00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,067 AH, SHE'S REALLY DRILLING ME PRETTY HARD. COOL. 147 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,235 LISTEN, WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO REAL ESTATE, 148 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,372 I WORKED AT ONE OF THOSE BIG FIRMS WITH THE BLAZERS. 149 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:39,840 I'D RATHER NOT SAY THEIR NAME, 150 00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:41,709 BUT IT RHYMED WITH "CENTURY NOT VERY FUN." 151 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,711 ANYWAY, I SAVED THIS. 152 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,547 I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO HAVE IT. 153 00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:47,848 WOW. [ CHUCKLES ] 154 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,683 WHEN YOU WEAR IT, REMEMBER THE VALUES OF OUR PROFESSION -- 155 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:54,021 TRUST, HONOR, INTEGRITY, FIDELITY, AND PURITY. 156 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:55,389 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 157 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,356 ARE YOU WORTHY OF THE BLAZER, ANDY? 158 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,658 -[ SIGHS ] -I WANT TO BE. 159 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,860 I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO HIT THIS HARD. 160 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:01,928 ME EITHER. 161 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,730 [ CRYING ] 162 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,033 WHO WANTS EGGNOG? 163 00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,100 I'LL TAKE SOME. 164 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,701 I HAD A TOUGH WEEK AT WORK. 165 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,504 WHAT DO YOU DO? OH, MY DAD AND I ARE IN THE CLOSET BUSINESS. 166 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,374 I'M SORRY, IT ALMOST SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID, "CLOSET BUSINESS." 167 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:17,745 I DID -- RESIDENTIAL AND HOSPITALITY STORAGE SOLUTIONS. 168 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,211 YIKES. 169 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,548 [ SIGHS ] HEY, SPECKS, I'M DYING OVER THERE. 170 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:22,582 WHAT ARE YOU READING? 171 00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,084 SCIENCE STUFF. I'M SURE IT'LL BORE YOU. 172 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,252 I TEACH ASTROPHYSICS AT M.I.T. 173 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,620 WAIT A MINUTE. 174 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,589 ARE YOU F.N. WILSON? -F-N RIGHT, I AM! 175 00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:31,223 WE JUST READ YOUR ESSAY ON HOW SOLAR FLARES 176 00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,725 WILL WIPE OUT LIFE ON EARTH! 177 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:35,095 HOPEFULLY BEFORE CLOSET LADY CORNERS ME AGAIN. [ CHUCKLES ] 178 00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,863 HEY, HEY, EVERYBODY'S HERE, 179 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,632 SO LET'S JUST CASUALLY MAKE OUR WAY OVER TO THE PIANO. OKAY, OKAY. 180 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,367 OOH, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING THERE, MISS SCARLET? 181 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,704 RELAX. IT'S HOT TEA FOR MY THROAT. 182 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,572 OH, WE SHOULD HAVE LILY FILM US. 183 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,206 -OH, YEAH. -HEY, LILY, COME HERE. 184 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,776 OKAY, SO, DADDY AND I ARE ABOUT TO SING A CHRISTMAS SONG, AND -- 185 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,278 -I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. -NO, NO. 186 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,579 NO, IT'S NOT GONNA BE LIKE LAST YEAR 187 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,915 BECAUSE WE'RE PREPARED AND WE'RE SINGING "SILENT NIGHT." 188 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,951 THAT'S MY FAVORITE. CAN I SING WITH YOU? 189 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,620 Both: * UM 190 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,053 AAAAAAH! 191 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,622 Both: OH. 192 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,559 [ GLASS CLINKING ] CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION, PLEASE? 193 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:09,062 I FEEL SO LUCKY CELEBRATING 194 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,564 WITH THE BEST DAMN FAMILY ANY MAN COULD HOPE FOR. 195 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,899 -AWW! -DAD. 196 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,968 -AND FIG. -HEY, ALL! 197 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,605 GLORIA AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE. 198 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,439 WHAT WITH JOE GETTING OLDER, I FEEL IT'S JUST THE RIGHT TIME 199 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:23,442 TO START A NEW CHAPTER, WHICH IS WHY I'VE DECIDED... 200 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,444 TO RETIRE. 201 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,913 -OH, MY. -WHAT?! 202 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,581 [ ALL MURMURING ] MAYBE "RETIRED" IS THE WRONG WORD -- 203 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:28,848 MORE OF A TRANSITION. 204 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,084 SO, WHEN PEOPLE ASK, "WHERE'S JAY PRITCHETT?" 205 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,752 YOU TELL THEM, "HE'S TRANSITIONING." 206 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,754 -MM. -OKAY, I HEARD IT, TOO. 207 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,590 LET'S GO BACK TO RETIRING. 208 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,290 HEY, WE CAN FINALLY RENT THAT R.V. 209 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:40,127 AND VISIT ALL OF THE MAJOR LEAGUE BALLPARKS. 210 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,629 YOU CAN PROBABLY GO AHEAD AND DO THAT ALONE. 211 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,096 UH, ANYWAY, I HAD TO ASK MYSELF, 212 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,298 "WHO'S THE BEST PERSON TO LEAD THE COMPANY?" 213 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:49,201 AND THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. 214 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,103 CHUCK FEENY. -WHO? 215 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,040 GUTTERS AND SCREEN HOT SHOT OUT OF CHICAGO. 216 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,375 WITH HIM IN CHARGE, WE CAN ALL RELAX 217 00:07:56,408 --> 00:07:59,278 KNOWING THAT THE COMPANY IS IN GOOD HANDS. 218 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,980 CLAIRE GETS A GREAT NEW BOSS. -MM-HMM. 219 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,283 AND YOU ALL GET TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOURS TRULY. 220 00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:05,952 -UH... -WELL, TO THIS ONE'S NEW BOSS. 221 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,187 UH... 222 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,622 CLAIRE, THAT'S MY GESTURING HAND. 223 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,023 I NEED IT FOR WORK. 224 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,295 I WORK 60-HOUR WEEKS SO CHUCK FEENY CAN HAVE 225 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,997 THE CORNER OFFICE AND THE BEST TABLE AT CLOSET CON! 226 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,132 HONEY, YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN. 227 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,399 THIS COAT ISN'T QUITE BROKEN IN YET. 228 00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:23,336 LISTEN, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD. 229 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,338 EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DESERVE THAT JOB. 230 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,374 AND TO THINK OF ALL THE WEEKENDS I WORKED 231 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:29,643 AND THE -- THE FAMILY VACATIONS WE'VE PUT OFF, 232 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,044 NOT TO MENTION THE STRESS AND THE INSOMNIA AND -- 233 00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,014 -COME HERE. -[ SIGHS ] 234 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,650 MM. CLAIRE, LIFE'S LIKE A MOUNTAIN ROAD... 235 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,587 WITH A NEW ADVENTURE AROUND EVERY CORNER. 236 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:43,056 IF THAT'S THE SLOGAN FOR THIS STUPID COAT, I'M GONNA KILL YOU! 237 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,356 Shh! GET IN HERE. 238 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,693 [ SIGHS ] 239 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,761 -HAVE YOU SEEN CLAIRE? -NO. 240 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,831 I TOLD YOU THIS CHUCK FEENY THING WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA! 241 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,200 IT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA. 242 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:54,500 THERE IS NO CHUCK FEENY. 243 00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:57,037 I MADE HIM UP BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO DON McSORLEY 244 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,239 WHEN HE TURNED HIS COMPANY OVER TO HIS SON. 245 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,341 SON ONLY TOOK THE JOB BECAUSE HE FELT OBLIGATED. 246 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,745 ONE YEAR LATER, BUSINESS WENT BANKRUPT. 247 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:08,615 BROKE MY HEART TO BUY HIS ENTIRE INVENTORY 8 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR. 248 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,850 [ CHUCKLES ] 249 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,018 I'M DOING THIS FOR CLAIRE. 250 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,686 SHE'D DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME HAPPY, 251 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,922 AND THAT'S NOT WHY I WANT HER TO TAKE THE JOB. 252 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,690 IF SHE WANTS IT, SHE'LL FIGHT FOR IT. 253 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,357 IF NOT, I JUST GAVE HER AN EASY OUT. 254 00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,427 I CAN THINK OF 10 BETTER WAYS TO DO THIS. 255 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,961 RELAX. IT'S GONNA BE PERFECT. 256 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,897 SHE'LL COME TO ME, DEMAND WHAT'S HERS. 257 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,365 I'LL TELL HER THE TRUTH, BIG HUG, PERFECT CHRISTMAS. 258 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,368 I'M A GENIUS. -YOU'RE A CRAZY PERSON. 259 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,038 IN MY VILLAGE, WE WILL TIE A TIN CAN AROUND YOUR NECK 260 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,371 TO KNOW WHEN YOU'RE COMING. 261 00:09:32,404 --> 00:09:33,440 [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] 262 00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:35,042 [ NOTE PLAYS ] 263 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,544 Both: * SILENT NIGHT 264 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:42,215 * HOLY NIGHT 265 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,451 * ALL IS CALM 266 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:49,221 * ALL IS BRIGHT 267 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:54,461 [ Gratingly ] * 'ROUND YON VIRGIN MOTHER AND CHILD! * 268 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:55,895 OKAY, HEY, HEY, I HAVE A FUN IDEA! 269 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,465 WHY DON'T WE GIVE LILY ONE OF HER PRESENTS RIGHT NOW? 270 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,833 -OOH, THAT IS A FUN IDEA, DADDY. -YEAH. 271 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,469 THEN SHE CAN GO PLAY WITH A TOY 272 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:05,004 RATHER THAN BEING WITH US BORING, OLD ADULTS. MM. 273 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,405 HOW'S THAT SOUND, LILY? 274 00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:08,607 I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING, BUT I DON'T CARE. 275 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,677 I WANT A PRESENT. I'LL TAKE THE BIKE-SHAPED ONE. 276 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,846 NICE WRAPPING JOB, BY THE WAY. 277 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,246 UH, WASN'T THAT FOR JOE? 278 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,750 -WELL, JOE'S GETTING A DOLL NOW. -ALL RIGHT. 279 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,250 [ DOOR OPENS ] 280 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,251 OH, HEY. 281 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,754 HEY. [ DOOR CLOSES ] 282 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,956 GLORIA ASKED ME TO GET SOME KINDLING. MM. 283 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,524 WHY ARE YOU WALKING AROUND WEARING NEXT TO NOTHING? 284 00:10:25,557 --> 00:10:27,027 IT'S 26 CELSIUS OUT THERE. 285 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:28,260 AH, I'M NOT SHOWING ANY SKIN 286 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,663 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TEMPT YOU. 287 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,431 OH, WELL, YOUR GOLD BLAZER TOOK CARE OF THAT. 288 00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,500 -YOU KNOW YOU'RE INTO IT. -I KNOW. WHY? 289 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,434 DAMN YOU AND THAT EAGLE SCOUT SMILE. 290 00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,604 I WANT TO TAKE A SWIM IN THOSE BIG DOE EYES. 291 00:10:37,636 --> 00:10:39,038 THIS IS HAPPENING. 292 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,039 -[ SIGHS ] -MM-HMM. 293 00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:41,841 -GETTING WOOD, ANDY? -WHAT?! 294 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,443 MM. CAN YOU BELIEVE GLORIA WANTS A TRADITIONAL FIRE? 295 00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:45,946 AS IF IT ISN'T HOT ENOUGH IN HERE. 296 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,279 -MM. -COME ON, BRO. 297 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,816 OKAY. 298 00:10:56,588 --> 00:10:57,890 Both: HELLO, LILY. 299 00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,225 WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? 300 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,061 MOM MADE US PUT ON OUR CHRISTMAS SWEATERS, 301 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,361 BUT LOOK WHAT WE FOUND. 302 00:11:02,394 --> 00:11:03,429 IT'S A NOTE. 303 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,302 "I'M HUNGRY FOR THE BLOOD OF A LITTLE GIRL. 304 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,403 SIGNED, THE FORGOTTEN BOY." 305 00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:12,972 THIS IS TERRIFYING. 306 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,341 IT'S GETTING REAL. 307 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:17,543 THE SCARIEST THING IS THAT HE SPELLS LIKE A 2-YEAR-OLD. 308 00:11:17,576 --> 00:11:20,679 WAIT, WHAT? 309 00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,182 DUDE. 310 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,484 CHRISTMAS, HUH? 311 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,352 WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THIS ONE? 312 00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:27,888 IT WAS EMPEROR CONSTANTINE. 313 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,188 I LOVE IT! 314 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:32,024 IT'S NOT EASY BEING THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM. 315 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,161 MY SISTER THINKS QUANTUM THEORY IS A GAME SHOW, 316 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,261 AND MY BROTHER ONCE TRIED 317 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,897 TO TAKE HIS PANTS OFF OVER HIS HEAD. 318 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:39,499 GALS LIKE US, WE SEE THROUGH ALL THE FAMILY B.S. 319 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,533 WE CALL IT LIKE WE SEE IT. 320 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,403 SO, IF WE'RE ALONE FOR CHRISTMAS 321 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,838 AND BIRTHDAYS AND WEEKENDS, IT'S THEIR LOSS. 322 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,076 GALS LIKE US [BREATHES HEAVILY] WE DON'T NEED ANYONE. 323 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,443 I'M NOT BIG ON MYSTICISM, BUT, CLEARLY, 324 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,446 THIS WOMAN WAS MY GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE. 325 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,015 SO, I DECIDED TO TURN THINGS AROUND 326 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:58,518 AND JUMP IN ON THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT. 327 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,386 JUMP ABOARD THE FUN TRAIN! 328 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,054 WHOO, WHOO! 329 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:05,357 THAT WAS A TRAIN. 330 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,960 SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD! 331 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,461 WHAT? WHAT DOESN'T SMELL GOOD? 332 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,129 NO, I-I SAID IT DID. 333 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,099 I AM CONFUSED! WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DON'T LIKE?! 334 00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:14,634 I'M JUST EXCITED FOR DINNER. I LOVE YOU GUYS. 335 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,635 OH, DON'T BE NASTY. WE'RE TRYING OUR BEST. 336 00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:17,736 YES! 337 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,243 HEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND -- A KEY TO THAT SECRET ROOM. 338 00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:24,411 MY ENTIRE FAMILY IS HERE. 339 00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,413 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS? 340 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,815 MEET ME IN TWO MINUTES. 341 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,418 THERE SHE IS. 342 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,552 HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. 343 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,721 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 344 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,755 I THINK THAT I GAVE MY ALL TO THIS COMPANY 345 00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:39,158 AND THAT IF YOU WERE GONNA HAND OVER THE REINS TO SOMEBODY, 346 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:42,062 IT SHOULD BE ME AND NOT SOME HUMP FROM CHICAGO! 347 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,730 WELL, IT JUST SO HAPPENS -- 348 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,231 I'M NOT FINISHED, DAD! 349 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,933 THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME 350 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,068 FROM WASTING THE NEXT 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE 351 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:52,639 TALKING ABOUT SLATS, RODS, AND HINGES -- 352 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,341 FROM BECOMING THE MOST BORING PERSON 353 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,609 IN THE MOST BORING INDUSTRY ON EARTH! 354 00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:57,845 -"BORING"?! -BORING! 355 00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:01,514 CLOSETS BRING ORDER TO A CHAOTIC WORLD! 356 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,482 -WHAT HAPPENED? -I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. 357 00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:05,251 I RAISED A MEAN, UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTER, 358 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,254 AND I'M GLAD I GAVE THE BUSINESS TO CHUCK FEENY! 359 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,422 THERE IS NO CHUCK FEENY! 360 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,624 [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] 361 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,996 [ THUD ] 362 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,932 [ INDISTINCT WHISPERING ] 363 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,768 MANNY, LUKE, KNOCK IT OFF! 364 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,269 NO ONE THINKS IT'S FUNNY! 365 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,270 [ RATTLING ] 366 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,972 -ARE YOU TALKING TO US? -HUH? 367 00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:27,975 [ THUD ] 368 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,275 [ WOOD CREAKS ] 369 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:32,044 HEY, AS LONG AS EVERYBODY'S JUST SITTING AROUND, UH -- 370 00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:33,379 OH, THEY'RE GONNA DO ANOTHER ONE! 371 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,982 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] THANK YOU, SANTA CLAUS! 372 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,283 THAT'S HILARIOUS. 373 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,784 HOPE YOU'RE HAVING FUN, 'CAUSE THAT'S ABOUT TO END. 374 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,653 OKAY, STICK TO THE SCRIPTED PATTER, SWEETIE. 375 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:43,222 -YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. -AND A ONE AND A TWO. 376 00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:45,993 Both: * SILENT NIGHT [ LILY SCREAMS ] 377 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,726 OH, MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT? 378 00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,162 -OH, I'M SURE IT'S FINE. -FINE. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 379 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,363 SO, MITCHELL, HERE WE GO AGAIN. 380 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,331 Both: * SILENT NIGHT [ LILY SCREAMS ] 381 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,801 THAT IS YOUR DAUGHTER SCREAMING! 382 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,302 [ SIGHS ] 383 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,071 -LILY, ARE YOU OKAY?! -WHAT'S GOING ON?! 384 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,639 THE FORGOTTEN BOY -- I HEARD HIM! HE'S IN THERE! 385 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,708 OF COURSE HE IS. ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET HIM OUT, HUH? 386 00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:05,745 WE'LL MAKE SURE THAT HE DOESN'T BOTHER -- OH, GOD! 387 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,347 -[ GASPS ] -OH, GOD! 388 00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:10,017 ANDY? 389 00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:12,052 TAKE OFF THE BLAZER. -[ SIGHS ] 390 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,658 WE WERE JUST LOOKING FOR DINNER NAPKINS. 391 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,658 WHERE? IN HER SHIRT? 392 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,494 I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. 393 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,495 BOYS, LILY, GO PLAY WHERE SNOW WOULD BE. 394 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,164 SO, IS THIS A THING? 395 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,698 IS IT THE FIRST TIME? -YES! 396 00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:27,734 -NO. -ANDY! 397 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,769 I-I'M SICK OF THE LIES. 398 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,904 WE'VE BEEN HAVING IMPROPER RELATIONS. OH. 399 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:34,673 AREN'T YOU ENGAGED? OH, SUDDENLY, YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT LOYALTY. 400 00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:36,243 OH, YOU'RE TALKING TO ME. WON'T THAT BORE YOU? 401 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:38,445 APPARENTLY, I'M BORING! -LISTEN, EVERYONE, 402 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:41,081 LET'S NOT LET THIS RUIN OUR BEAUTIFUL HOLIDAY. 403 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,749 ALEX, NOBODY NEEDS YOUR SARCASM RIGHT NOW! 404 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,084 IT'S UGLY, HONEY. 405 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,586 Cameron: THIS IS ANDY AND HALEY'S PRIVATE BUSINESS. 406 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,389 I THINK WE SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON THIS SPECIAL NIGHT. 407 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,357 THIS SPECIAL SILENT NIGHT. 408 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,725 -ONE AND A TWO. -NO. 409 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,128 Both: * SILENT NIGHT 410 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:57,697 * HOL-- GUYS, I HAVE A SURPRISE! 411 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,267 IT'S BETH! 412 00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,634 OH, MY GOD. 413 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,971 THIS IS ONE OF MY CHRISTMAS SURPRISES. 414 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:07,474 ANDY, YOU CAN SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR FIANCéE AFTER ALL! 415 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:09,875 -MMM, HI, BITTLE-BATTLE! -HEY, PUMPKIN! 416 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:12,211 BETH, YOU MIND IF I HAVE A QUICK CHITCHAT WITH YOUR MAN? 417 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,879 YEAH, I'LL GIVE BETH A TOUR OF THE HOUSE 418 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,581 WHILE WE GET GLORIA UP TO SPEED. 419 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:16,950 DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE HOLIDAYS? YEAH. 420 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,885 FULL OF WONDER AND MAGIC AND SURPRISE AND -- 421 00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:21,321 Gloria: WHAT?! 422 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,090 SIT. 423 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,256 MR. DUNPHY, I AM S-- 424 00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:25,958 IT'S NOT YOUR TURN TO TALK. 425 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:28,227 THAT'S MY DAUGHTER, AND YOU'RE ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE. 426 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,029 IF THIS IS A FLING, IT'S OVER. YOU UNDERSTAND ME? 427 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,232 BUT IF THIS IS SOMETHING REAL, YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH BETH. 428 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,235 IT'S TIME TO STEP UP AND BE A MAN. 429 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,568 I UNDERSTAND. 430 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,669 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 431 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,106 LIFE IS LIKE A MOUNTAIN ROAD 432 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,142 WITH A NEW ADVENTURE AROUND EVERY CORNER. 433 00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:44,244 -WOW. -RIGHT? 434 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,080 -DID YOU JUST THINK OF THAT? -I DID. 435 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:49,149 [ BEETHOVEN'S "MOONLIGHT SONATA" PLAYS ] 436 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,995 SEEMS TENSE. 437 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,365 YOUR BIG SIS IS KIND OF A DISASTER, HUH? 438 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,701 FIG, WE ARE A LOT ALIKE, LIKE YOU SAID. 439 00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:12,272 AND SOMETIMES WE CAN GIVE OFF 440 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,441 A NEGATIVE VIBE WITHOUT MEANING TO. 441 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,278 WHAT'S YOUR POINT? WELL, I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE COULD MAKE MORE 442 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:22,782 OF AN EFFORT TO BE MORE POSITIVE AND ACTUALLY ENJOY CHRISTMAS. 443 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:23,816 AS A GOOF? 444 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,985 OKAY, ALL RIGHT, NEW PLAN. 445 00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:30,289 WE WAIT UNTIL THE WHOLE HALEY/ANDY THING BLOWS OVER. 446 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,524 EVERYONE GETS A LITTLE LIQUORED UP. OTHER PEOPLE. 447 00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:35,628 AND THEN, RIGHT BEFORE DESSERT, YOU SIT DOWN AT THE PIANO. 448 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,863 -Shh! -YOU -- 449 00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:39,165 Alex: * SILENT NIGHT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 450 00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:42,469 Both: * HOLY NIGHT 451 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:46,206 * ALL IS CALM 452 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:50,143 * ALL IS BRIGHT 453 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:56,216 * 'ROUND YON VIRGIN MOTHER AND CHILD * 454 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,350 -SON OF A BITCH! -MOTHER... 455 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:04,824 * HOLY INFANT, SO TENDER AND MILD * 456 00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:10,762 * SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE 457 00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,932 THAT'S IT. I'M DRINKING. 458 00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:19,439 * SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE 459 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,574 -WOW. -AWW. 460 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:24,076 [ APPLAUSE ] 461 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,278 THAT'S GOT TO HURT! 462 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,384 [ SIGHS ] 463 00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:32,852 HEY, ZUCCHINI BLOSSOM! 464 00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,554 HEY, POPCORN SHRIMP, LISTEN. 465 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:37,624 SOMETHING IS GOING ON, AND... 466 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:41,059 AS PAINFUL AS IT MAY BE, I THINK WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT. 467 00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,229 [ SIGHS ] 468 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,364 YOU COULD ALWAYS SEE THROUGH ME. 469 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,898 -WHAT NOW? -YES, I MET SOMEONE. 470 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:49,336 I'VE BEEN DATING HIM FOR A FEW MONTHS BEHIND YOUR BACK. 471 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,138 AND I'M ACTUALLY CHEATING ON HIM, TOO. 472 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,373 YOU MEAN WITH ME? 473 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,740 [ Laughing ] NO! 474 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,308 NO. 475 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,044 OH. 476 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,878 POPCORN SHRIMP. 477 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,381 [ WHEELS ROLLING ] 478 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,215 WELL, SLIGHT CHANGE OF PLANS. 479 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,651 I'M GONNA BE GOING. 480 00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:06,553 MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. 481 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,054 All: BYE, BETH! 482 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,989 DRIVE SAFE! 483 00:18:10,021 --> 00:18:11,057 KEEP IN TOUCH! 484 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,592 I DON'T SEE US KEEPING IN TOUCH. 485 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,727 HEY, YOU BROKE UP WITH BETH? 486 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,929 SHE CHEATED ON ME. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 487 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,332 -WAIT, YOU'RE UPSET? -OF COURSE I'M UPSET. 488 00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,567 WE DATED FOR 10 YEARS. 489 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,402 I JUST GOT STABBED IN THE BACK. 490 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,604 -WELCOME TO THE CLUB. -REALLY? 491 00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:26,005 YOU WERE STABBED IN THE BACK? 492 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,740 A DAUGHTER MOCKING HER FATHER'S LIFE. 493 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,443 CLOSETS AREN'T FASCINATING? SINCE WHEN? 494 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,246 [ Slurring ] WANT TO TALK ABOUT BETRAYAL? 495 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,281 HOW ABOUT WHEN SOMEBODY STEALS A SONG 496 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,450 AND TAKES IT FOR THEMSELVESES? 497 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,818 I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU GUYS WERE GONNA SING THAT SONG. 498 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,587 I DID. I HEARD THEM REHEARSING. 499 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,923 I THOUGHT THERE WAS AN ANIMAL STUCK IN THE WALL. 500 00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:46,159 AND TO THINK WE INVITED YOU INTO OUR HOME. 501 00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,794 WE SHOULD'VE LEFT YOU OUT IN THE WARM. 502 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:49,761 Haley: I GET THAT YOU'RE UPSET, BUT REMEMBER, 503 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,330 I EVEN LIKED YOU WHEN YOU WERE FAT. 504 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,098 THEY GIVE OUT AWARDS TO PEOPLE LIKE ME! 505 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,768 I GAVE UP A THREE-DAY TRIP TO CABO 506 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,604 TO CLOSE THAT BEST WESTERN DEAL. 507 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:00,440 THAT'S RIGHT. YOU OWE HER 25 MARGARITAS! 508 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:01,941 -PHIL! -21! 509 00:19:01,973 --> 00:19:04,211 -21! -ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH! 510 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,112 ALL I WANTED WAS A WHITE CHRISTMAS, 511 00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:08,114 AND INSTEAD, I'M BACK IN COLOMBIA -- 512 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:12,117 THE HEAT, THE BETRAYAL, PEOPLE STEALING SONGS! 513 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,186 THIS ENDS NOW! 514 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:18,290 ANDY, STOP WHINING AND BE GRATEFUL THAT HALEY LIKES YOU! 515 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:21,728 SHE'S A STONE-COLD 10, AND YOU'RE A UTAH 7! 516 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:26,199 JAY, IT'S TIME FOR YOU AND CLAIRE TO KISS AND MAKE UP! 517 00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:27,967 WHY DOESN'T HE KISS CHUCK FEENY?! 518 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,669 BECAUSE THERE'S NO CHUCK FEENY! 519 00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:31,804 HE MADE IT UP TO TEST YOU! 520 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,973 AND IF SHE DIDN'T CARE, SHE WOULDN'T BE THIS UPSET! 521 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,976 THERE IS NO CHUCK FEENY? 522 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,512 IT WAS A DUMB IDEA, BUT I SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO DON McSORLEY! 523 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:41,881 THE CRACKERJACK BLINDS GUY. 524 00:19:41,913 --> 00:19:43,915 YOU GOT HIS WHOLE COMPANY FOR 8 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR. 525 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,884 I BOUGHT HIS PHOTOCOPIER FOR 7 BUCKS. 526 00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:48,421 [ CHUCKLES ] I ALWAYS HOPED YOU'D TAKE OVER THE COMPANY. 527 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,155 THERE'S NO ONE I TRUST MORE THAN YOU. 528 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,090 I JUST HAD TO KNOW THAT YOU REALLY WANTED IT! 529 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,327 THAT I WANTED TO RUN A COMPANY THAT GIVES PEOPLE A PLACE 530 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,564 TO STORE NOT ONLY THEIR JEANS, BUT THEIR DREAMS? 531 00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,097 -YES! -HERE. 532 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:03,736 I GOT YOU A LITTLE EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. 533 00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,005 "CLAIRE DUNPHY, C.E.O." 534 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,038 -OH, YOU! -WHAT?! 535 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,775 OH! [ SQUEALS ] 536 00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,576 -THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! -[ LAUGHS ] 537 00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,444 WHO CARES WHAT THE WEATHER IS? 538 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:15,347 WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT WE HAVE EACH OTHER! 539 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,349 [ GASPS ] SNOW! 540 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:20,686 GOOD KING WENCESLAS, THERE IS SNOW! 541 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,855 [ GASPS ] 542 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,557 I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO WORK OUT. 543 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,126 IT'S A PERFECT CHRISTMAS. 544 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,931 -WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT? -SNOW! 545 00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:34,366 OUR MIRACLE FOR CHRISTMAS. 546 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,434 THAT'S NOT SNOW. 547 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,703 THAT'S ASHES FROM A FOREST FIRE. 548 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,506 IF YOU'RE QUIET, YOU CAN HEAR SCREAMING. 549 00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:47,646 PHIL, DID YOU LOOK IN ALL THE DRAWERS? 550 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,316 YEP, AND UNDER THE BED. GOT EVERYTHING. 551 00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:52,618 -BYE, GLORIA. THANK YOU. -BYE. 552 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,753 JAY, DON'T FORGET JOE'S NEW DOLL. 553 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:58,089 MITCH AND CAM -- ALWAYS PUSHING THEIR AGENDA. 554 00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:02,127 BYE-BYE, HOUSE! 555 00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,696 WE WILL MISS YOU! 556 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,102 [ OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS ] 557 00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:16,275 Luke: HELLO? 558 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:17,509 HELLO?! 559 00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:19,178 I-IT'S ME -- LUKE! 560 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,247 [ DOORKNOB RATTLING ] [ SIGHS ] 561 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:23,349 I THINK I LOCKED MYSELF IN HERE! 562 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:25,352 [ POUNDING ] [ PATTERING ] 563 00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,953 UH, I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE IN HERE! 564 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:28,988 [ POUNDING RESUMES ]