1 00:00:03,306 --> 00:00:05,440 Huh. 2 00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:06,831 [ Light switch clicking ] 3 00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,833 [ Flashlight clicks ]My super-awesome family 4 00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,619 was throwing me a surprise early birthday party. 5 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,490 I'm guess I'm the only one at home. 6 00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:14,753 Haley: How could you do this?!Alex: Dad! 7 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:15,928 Luke: You were supposed to be my hero! 8 00:00:15,971 --> 00:00:17,190 You let me down! 9 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,975 Or I forgot to meet the electrician today 10 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:22,196 to fix our faulty junction box. 11 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,196 [ Flashlight clicks ] 12 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,111 Guys, I'm not gonna make excuses. 13 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:26,417 I've been really busy at work. 14 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,114 Well, I was halfway through straightening my hair. 15 00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:29,245 And I was in the middle 16 00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:30,638 of doing three weeks' worth of laundry. 17 00:00:30,681 --> 00:00:32,554 And I was actually writing a term paper 18 00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:35,209 right when the lights went out, and...what? 19 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,340 This isn't soda. 20 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:37,515 Okay, before you guys say anything, 21 00:00:37,558 --> 00:00:39,299 I only put this on because I didn't have anything -- 22 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,692 [ Laughing ] 23 00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:42,694 Aah! 24 00:00:42,737 --> 00:00:45,131 Well, the problem obviously self-corrected, 25 00:00:45,174 --> 00:00:46,436 which I knew it would. 26 00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:47,786 Well, I fixed it. 27 00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:49,136 Yeah, mom called a guy. 28 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:51,877 Oh, Claire, I'm so sorry. I got busy at work, and -- 29 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,140 Oh, honey, don't even worry about it. 30 00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:55,490 Mwah. I'm just glad the fridge is up and running. 31 00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,753 I pre-packed all the lunches for tomorrow. 32 00:00:57,795 --> 00:01:00,451 I didn't want the Brie on the sandwiches to get runny. 33 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:01,234 Brie? 34 00:01:01,277 --> 00:01:02,235 Don't tell me any more. 35 00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:03,497 I live for the surprise. 36 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,716 Hey, Mom, I know you're really busy at work, but -- 37 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,198 Sweetheart, I would never use that as an excuse. 38 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,242 What do you need? 39 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:10,331 The cupcakes for the bake sale.Okay. 40 00:01:10,373 --> 00:01:11,766 Oh, and since we got stuck here, 41 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:12,897 I couldn't go out and get 42 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:13,942 that birthday present for my roommate. 43 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:15,335 Or my dress from the dry cleaners. 44 00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,164 Done, done, and done. 45 00:01:17,206 --> 00:01:18,164 [ Chuckles ] 46 00:01:18,207 --> 00:01:19,992 We have the best mom ever. Hugs! 47 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,254 Okay. Aww. 48 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,212 Wait, wait, guys. Guys, Dad's here. Oh. 49 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,694 Dad, take a photo of us hugging Mom.[ Gasps ] 50 00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,129 Phil: Until now, when I'd screw up on the home front, 51 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,957 I could always blame work, 52 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,219 but with Claire running a company 53 00:01:30,263 --> 00:01:31,307 and being a better mom than ever, 54 00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,700 I could feel the kids downgrading 55 00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:33,831 their whole opinion of me. 56 00:01:33,876 --> 00:01:36,139 I went from an "A" dad to an "F" dad. 57 00:01:36,182 --> 00:01:40,795 Fail Dunphy. Phil Dun-fail. 58 00:01:40,838 --> 00:01:46,323 Failip Hum-fail Dun-- No, I had it before. 59 00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:47,150 Say "Brie." 60 00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,368 All: Brie! 61 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:49,805 [ Camera shutter clicks ]Hey, you know what? 62 00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:51,980 I could do some of that kid stuff tomorrow. 63 00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,852 You've got that open house. 64 00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:56,420 Honey, I've been juggling work and family for 22 years 65 00:01:56,463 --> 00:01:58,161 and just juggling for 30. 66 00:01:58,204 --> 00:01:59,944 Well, I really need that dress for an event, so -- 67 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:00,858 I got it. 68 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,165 Agenda for tomorrow -- One dress, 69 00:02:03,209 --> 00:02:06,822 one set of cupcakes, one present, and that's it. 70 00:02:06,864 --> 00:02:08,562 I got ya! You thought I forgot. 71 00:02:08,605 --> 00:02:12,175 I will be here to meet the alarm company at precisely 3:40... 72 00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:14,045 [ Alarm blaring ] 73 00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:16,048 ...earlier today.Oh. 74 00:02:16,091 --> 00:02:24,840 --Captions by VITAC-- 75 00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:27,364 ♪♪ 76 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:32,804 [ Airplane noises blaring ]You didn't make enough noise last night? 77 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:35,110 With all his crying, I didn't sleep four hours. 78 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,199 I didn't close my eyes. 79 00:02:36,242 --> 00:02:37,679 It was like being back in my village, 80 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,115 watching for the marauders. 81 00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:40,203 I don't know what's more shocking -- 82 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,248 You standing watch, or knowing the word "marauders." 83 00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:43,989 Please tell me I didn't sob all night 84 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,643 just 'cause I lost my baby blanket. 85 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,602 Shh! Don't remind him. He's happy now. 86 00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,603 And besides, you didn't even have a blanket. 87 00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:51,432 We were basically destitute. 88 00:02:51,474 --> 00:02:52,475 What, did you get hit by lightning? 89 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,478 Thank God that Joe has a playdate. 90 00:02:54,521 --> 00:02:55,871 Vicky's picking us up. 91 00:02:55,913 --> 00:02:57,829 I'm gonna make him play so hard 92 00:02:57,872 --> 00:02:59,831 that he's gonna pass out tonight. 93 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,442 Well, I've got a playdate with Johnnie Walker, 94 00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,270 so one of us is passing out tonight. 95 00:03:03,312 --> 00:03:04,444 [ Stella whines ] 96 00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:06,229 Yeah, I know we're out of dog food. 97 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:07,360 I'll pick some up after golf. 98 00:03:07,403 --> 00:03:09,362 She could lose a couple of pounds, anyways. 99 00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:10,668 Thank God you don't have a daughter. 100 00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,235 [ Airplane noises blaring ] 101 00:03:12,278 --> 00:03:14,628 The minute that kid falls asleep, 102 00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:17,109 that plane goes Amelia Earhart. 103 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,287 Doesn't this seem a little chintzy? 104 00:03:20,329 --> 00:03:21,461 Yeah, can we go now? 105 00:03:21,504 --> 00:03:23,463 No, we haven't said hello to the grooms -- 106 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,293 Or the talented people who planned this wedding. 107 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:28,468 Another great Pepper Saltzman production, guys. 108 00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:32,081 Oh, please. What's tackier than a Friday lunch wedding? 109 00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:38,305 Table five needs more...ketchup. 110 00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:39,740 I have to hide my face with a coat 111 00:03:39,783 --> 00:03:41,525 every time the videographer comes around. 112 00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:42,656 In the old days, 113 00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:44,527 he'd never taken a cheap job like this, 114 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,530 but the gay-wedding business is drying up. 115 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:50,490 We do the bargain ones as Sherman Saltzman Events, 116 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:52,100 and I haven't been Sherman 117 00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:54,625 since I got on that bus in Lubbock 35 years ago. 118 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,888 We've only booked two others in months -- 119 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,412 Adam and Michael last weekend 120 00:03:58,454 --> 00:04:00,631 and Felix and Jordan next Monday. 121 00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,329 Ugh. Monday. 122 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:04,330 Oh, away, you vulture. 123 00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:06,507 Cam, do you think it's a little weird -- 124 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,551 That we weren't invited to Adam and Michael's 125 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,205 or Felix and Jordan's? Yes. Totally weird. 126 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,555 Okay, sweetie, here's the kids table. 127 00:04:11,598 --> 00:04:14,122 Where is our table? There are no more tables. 128 00:04:14,165 --> 00:04:15,950 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. 129 00:04:15,993 --> 00:04:17,952 That's us. Number 65. 130 00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:19,432 Where are our friends? 131 00:04:19,475 --> 00:04:20,651 Not here. 132 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,565 Are we on some sort of gay blacklist? 133 00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:26,569 I'm not sitting there.You're sitting there. 134 00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:28,093 [ Telephone rings ] 135 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,007 Hello. 136 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:29,920 Phil: [ Over telephone ] Hey, honey. 137 00:04:29,964 --> 00:04:31,923 Oh, cupcakes, present, dress. 138 00:04:31,966 --> 00:04:33,447 I remember. I'm gonna get on that 139 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:34,925 just as soon as I'm done with my open house. 140 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,101 I just wanted to clarify, where am I getting the present? 141 00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,189 Uh, hang on, Phil. 142 00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,018 I'm in the middle of something. 143 00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:42,456 Um, uh, just one second. 144 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:45,937 I'm -- it's at the Best Buy. Ask for S-Sean -- Stan. 145 00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:46,721 It's under "Dunphy." 146 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:47,764 Thanks, honey. 147 00:04:47,808 --> 00:04:48,896 I don't know how you do it all. 148 00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:50,507 Love you. 149 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:52,379 That's a "T"? 150 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,728 They say it takes a village to raise a family 151 00:04:54,771 --> 00:04:56,470 and run a company. 152 00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:57,557 Turns out, it just takes 153 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,038 one little suck-up from marketing named Ben. 154 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:01,778 Oh, Claire, I don't know if you heard. 155 00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:03,781 They moved the Kramer meeting back to 5:00. 156 00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:04,608 No. Yeah. 157 00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:05,740 No, I-I have to make a lasagna 158 00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:06,958 for Luke's team dinner, 159 00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,569 but I can't miss that meeting. Oh. 160 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,396 You know, I know my way around a kitchen. 161 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,745 My mom's an alcoholic. 162 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,963 So I could easily knock out a lasagna for you. 163 00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:15,444 Ben, you are a lifesaver. 164 00:05:15,488 --> 00:05:17,577 Wow. I promise I will not make a habit of it. 165 00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,709 I kind of made a habit of it. 166 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:20,536 Calm down. 167 00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,016 We only cut two classes, 168 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:25,454 and I'll send an excuse e-mail from your mom's computer. 169 00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:26,761 I can't believe I agreed to ditch with you 170 00:05:26,803 --> 00:05:28,850 just 'cause you gave me half your Brie sandwich. 171 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,372 Although that party-crashing apple slice 172 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,375 turned out to be a welcome plus-one. 173 00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:34,202 So we can make it official now. 174 00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,509 I have three gay uncles. 175 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,161 [ Door closes ] 176 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,512 Yeah, I'm -- I'm sorry, Miles. 177 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,643 No, apologize to the guys. 178 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,689 It's just, I'm too tired to play golf. 179 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,822 Damn it! The dog food! 180 00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,307 Ah. 181 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,526 Stella, this is your lucky day. 182 00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:55,310 Gloria makes this Colombian dish 183 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,312 I loved when we were first dating. 184 00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,882 I lied about a lot of things back then. 185 00:06:05,581 --> 00:06:06,887 What the hell are you doing?! 186 00:06:06,930 --> 00:06:08,019 [ Fork clinks ] 187 00:06:08,062 --> 00:06:10,413 That takes me three days! 188 00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:12,110 Three days to prepare! 189 00:06:12,153 --> 00:06:13,850 And then you say that you love it, 190 00:06:13,894 --> 00:06:15,504 and you feed it to the dog? 191 00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:20,553 What else have you been lying about, Jay Kennedy Pritchett? 192 00:06:20,596 --> 00:06:22,817 [ Sniffs, gasps ] 193 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,514 No Daddy kisses till Sunday after she eats this. 194 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:26,473 [ Whispering ] Sorry, Vicky. 195 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:28,649 We have to cancel the playdate. 196 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:31,478 Joe fell asleep in the car, and I don't want to wake him up. 197 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:32,870 Okay. 198 00:06:32,913 --> 00:06:34,654 [ Normal voice ] Thank God that Jay was out playing golf. 199 00:06:34,697 --> 00:06:37,134 The last time that I left Joe sleeping in the car... 200 00:06:37,178 --> 00:06:38,441 Honey, where's Joe? 201 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:39,702 Sleeping in the car. 202 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:40,617 Are you crazy?! 203 00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,488 You don't leave a kid in the car! 204 00:06:42,531 --> 00:06:45,100 Why don't you just put a sign on him saying "free coyote food"?! 205 00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,319 I have never seen anyone so mad. 206 00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:50,018 Even the marauders, you could have a conversation with. 207 00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:51,584 [ Keyboard clacking ]"Family emergency. 208 00:06:51,627 --> 00:06:54,326 Blah, blah, blah. Gloria Pritchett." 209 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:55,153 And send. 210 00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,112 I hate that I have to ask this, 211 00:06:57,154 --> 00:06:59,026 but you didn't type "Blah, blah, blah," did you? 212 00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,723 [ Scoffs ] You need to chill... 213 00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:01,899 like my girlfriend here. 214 00:07:01,942 --> 00:07:04,728 [ Woman moaning on laptop ] 215 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:06,295 Nah, I can't enjoy that. 216 00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:08,036 I just keep thinking about that girl's father. 217 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,863 Could you please just get that off my mom's computer? 218 00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:12,387 Okay. That was your reward for ditching, 219 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,649 but if you don't want to... 220 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,129 [ Computer beeps ]Uh-oh. 221 00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,130 What "uh-oh"? 222 00:07:16,173 --> 00:07:18,088 [ Beeps ]Uh, it's frozen. 223 00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:19,089 What?! 224 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,091 [ Keyboard clacking ]Oh, my God. 225 00:07:20,134 --> 00:07:21,048 It froze on that? 226 00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,704 Hey. "That" has a name. 227 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,749 Here, Stella. Come and get it, girl. 228 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,707 Gloria: Jay, is that you? 229 00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:29,360 Yep. 230 00:07:29,404 --> 00:07:30,579 [ Whispering ] Damn it. 231 00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:31,538 [ Whispering ] Damn it. 232 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:32,408 Damn it! Damn it! 233 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:38,632 I didn't hear you come in.That's good. 234 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,721 Uh -- Oh, how come you're home so early? 235 00:07:41,764 --> 00:07:42,636 Too tired for golf. 236 00:07:42,678 --> 00:07:43,723 Ah. Where's Joe? 237 00:07:43,766 --> 00:07:44,550 Upstairs. Ah. 238 00:07:44,593 --> 00:07:46,509 I finally got him to sleep. 239 00:07:46,552 --> 00:07:47,771 [ Stella whining ] 240 00:07:47,814 --> 00:07:48,903 [ Gasps ] She wants to get out. 241 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,382 I'll take her. No, no, no. You stay here. 242 00:07:50,425 --> 00:07:52,079 I'll do it. No, you can't. 243 00:07:52,122 --> 00:07:55,170 I mean, w-we rarely get times like this anymore. 244 00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:58,086 Joe's sleeping, Manny is at school. 245 00:07:58,129 --> 00:07:59,303 Why don't we go upstairs and -- 246 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,175 Take a nap. 247 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:01,915 Exactly! 248 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,439 My mom got picked up by a friend. 249 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,745 We can take her car to the computer store 250 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,615 and be back before she gets home. 251 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:09,793 Wow. She left the windows down and the lights on. 252 00:08:09,836 --> 00:08:12,187 Sometimes, she is so oblivious. 253 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,189 [ Sighs ] 254 00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:22,980 All I had to do was wait for Jay to fall asleep. 255 00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,067 Genius. 256 00:08:26,766 --> 00:08:29,596 She'd be snoring in minutes. Piece of cake. 257 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:33,250 [ Both snoring ] 258 00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:36,211 We are so far away from everything. 259 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,648 During the last toast, I saw them clink the glasses 260 00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:40,345 before the sound actually reached us. 261 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,216 [ Scoffs ] Snubbed at this wedding, 262 00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,783 not invited to two others -- 263 00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,827 what could you have possibly done? 264 00:08:44,871 --> 00:08:47,570 [ Dishes rattling, toilet flushes ]Um... 265 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,398 Sorry. I said I would switch with you at dessert.[ Sighs ] 266 00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:50,746 Oh, Pepper. Pepper. 267 00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:51,835 Do you have any idea why --Oh, sorry. 268 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,010 I'm in a mad rush to the mashed-potato bar 269 00:08:54,054 --> 00:08:57,057 to restock something called...fixin's. 270 00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:59,712 [ Voice breaking ] If you ever felt anything for me, 271 00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:01,802 you'll push me out a window. 272 00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,803 [ Sighs ] You know, Mitchell, m-maybe it's -- 273 00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:04,979 Shh! Shh, shh, shh! 274 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,676 Look. I can't have this fight again. 275 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:07,458 I saw you ogling him. 276 00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:08,851 Hey, as far as I'm concerned, 277 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:10,288 we never have to have this fight again. 278 00:09:10,331 --> 00:09:11,375 Mitchell, stop it. 279 00:09:11,419 --> 00:09:12,421 Hmm? What? Huh? Hmm?Eavesdropping? 280 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,203 Trolling for business? 281 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,205 You've been doing it 282 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:15,684 ever since you started handling gay divorce. 283 00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:16,643 It's kind of ghoulish. 284 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:17,860 Ghoulish? Yes. 285 00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:19,601 I'll bet that's why nobody wants us around. 286 00:09:19,645 --> 00:09:23,039 That's it. You're like the Angel of Death of gay marriage. 287 00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:24,519 You're like a cat at an old-folks' home 288 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:26,434 who curls up next to somebody about to die.[ Scoffs ] 289 00:09:26,477 --> 00:09:28,219 They're judging me? 290 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:29,743 Felix and Jordan sell fur. 291 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,788 Sorry. We couldn't help overhearing you overhearing us. 292 00:09:31,831 --> 00:09:33,311 Some friends of ours are breaking up, 293 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:34,616 and they need a good divorce lawyer. 294 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,443 Do you have a card?Oh. 295 00:09:35,486 --> 00:09:36,879 We couldn't help overhearing you 296 00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:38,403 talking about you overhearing you overhearing you. 297 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:40,884 Are you really doing gay divorces now? We had no idea. 298 00:09:40,927 --> 00:09:42,277 I was just overhearing you guys overhearing -- 299 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,758 Good Lord, it's like a game of princess telephone. 300 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:47,847 Here is my card, and just to be clear, 301 00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:49,763 none of you knew I was doing gay divorces? 302 00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,503 [ All saying "No." ]Oh, interesting. 303 00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,027 That's very interesting. Have a good time at the wedding. 304 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,201 Bye, Jotham.Thank you so much. 305 00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,899 Well, how about this ghoulish profession 306 00:09:55,942 --> 00:09:58,466 that no one seems to have a problem with except for you? 307 00:09:58,509 --> 00:10:01,339 Look, I'm sorry, but you've always been a little cynical, 308 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:04,559 and I was worried you seeing all these marriages collapse 309 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,995 would push you further in that direction. 310 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,302 No, no, it's the opposite. 311 00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:08,999 Being around all these unhappy couples 312 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,913 makes me even more grateful for what we have. 313 00:10:10,957 --> 00:10:12,350 Aww. That's so sweet. 314 00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,918 Are [Sniffles] -- are you sure that's not the cash bar talking? 315 00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:16,005 Of course not. 316 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,921 You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. 317 00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,530 Aww. 318 00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:20,315 [ Voice breaking ] And you're the best thing 319 00:10:20,357 --> 00:10:21,229 that's ever happened to me. 320 00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:22,447 Oh, Cam. [ Sniffles ] 321 00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:23,884 [ Crying ] Maybe this is why nobody wants us around 322 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,451 is because we cause an emotional scene everywhere we go. 323 00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:30,019 [ Crying ] I'm sorry. 324 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,804 [ Crying ] I'll never be the son he wants. 325 00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:34,894 [ Crying ] What's to become of us? 326 00:10:34,937 --> 00:10:37,375 [ Sobs ] 327 00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:39,159 Well, now I'm stumped. 328 00:10:39,202 --> 00:10:41,118 Yep. That refrigerates stuff. 329 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,163 All of them do. 330 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,554 But you know the saying -- 331 00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:45,818 All good open houses must come to an end by 2:00 on the dot. 332 00:10:45,861 --> 00:10:48,604 Oh, but my mom's still on her way. Ah. 333 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,822 She's giving us our down payment. 334 00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:51,519 You knew the rules when you married a drummer. 335 00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:52,476 [ Makes rimshot noise ] 336 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,913 [ Laughter ] 337 00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:54,914 Are we keeping you from something? 338 00:10:54,957 --> 00:10:56,743 Not one "beat." 339 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:57,744 I have an idea. 340 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,615 Why don't we greet your mom 341 00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,485 with the smell of fresh-baked cupcakes? 342 00:11:01,529 --> 00:11:02,749 The ingredients are in here. 343 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:03,836 Will, grab a whisk. 344 00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:06,230 I'll be back before you two are frosting. 345 00:11:07,448 --> 00:11:09,277 Phil: I'm on my way to pick it up, Stan. 346 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,844 I'll be there in like 5...[ Tires screech ] 347 00:11:10,886 --> 00:11:13,716 ...to 45 minutes. 348 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:15,849 Okay. Cupcakes. 349 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,286 Pres-- Oh, no. No. 350 00:11:18,328 --> 00:11:19,765 Damn it. 351 00:11:19,808 --> 00:11:22,158 The cupcakes burned. 352 00:11:22,202 --> 00:11:24,335 Oh. Well, it still smells homey. 353 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:26,336 [ Smoke alarm beeping ]And it gives Mom a chance 354 00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:29,905 to see how well this state-of-the-art smoke alarm works! 355 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,298 Come with me, Mom! 356 00:11:31,341 --> 00:11:33,735 Let me show you around the rest of this dream house! 357 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:35,869 You see, even ironing is a delight here, 358 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,609 where you can feel a cool breeze 359 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,873 wafting in from the open sliders. 360 00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:41,177 Mother nature! 361 00:11:41,221 --> 00:11:43,354 Huzzah! Your own gift-wrapping room, 362 00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,878 just like the rich and famous. 363 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:45,922 Sheila, finger. 364 00:11:47,183 --> 00:11:48,663 Go right ahead. There we go. 365 00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:51,971 Sorry I'm late, guys, but fear not. 366 00:11:52,014 --> 00:11:54,365 One birthday present. 367 00:11:54,408 --> 00:11:55,626 Wrapped in baby-shower paper. 368 00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,759 One crisply pressed dress. 369 00:11:57,803 --> 00:11:59,543 With one big pleat it didn't used to have. 370 00:11:59,587 --> 00:12:00,544 Oh. 371 00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:01,677 At least we know why you were late. 372 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,025 Looks like you rescued those cupcakes 373 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,548 from a burning bakery. 374 00:12:04,592 --> 00:12:06,421 Don't worry. Mom made those on the off chance 375 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,423 what everyone knew was gonna happen happened. 376 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,424 She also bought me that new dress. 377 00:12:10,467 --> 00:12:11,817 Oh, and I hope you kept the receipt, 378 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,167 because Mom bought a backup. 379 00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:18,215 Well, don't be mad at your mom for underestimating me. 380 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:19,259 Oh, how could we, when she made us 381 00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:20,434 this fresh hand-churned ice cream? 382 00:12:20,477 --> 00:12:21,392 Yeah. What? 383 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,610 Oh, you know what we should do? 384 00:12:22,653 --> 00:12:24,047 We should send her a picture of us eating it. 385 00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,831 I guess it's a good thing I came home when I did. 386 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:26,615 It'd be better if I did it. 387 00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:27,398 Yeah. Come on. 388 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:28,442 [ Camera shutter clicks ] 389 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:30,706 You churned ice cream? 390 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,054 Yeah. Did the kids like it? 391 00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,490 They loved it. Great. 392 00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,405 But they know I can't make ice cream. 393 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,668 I bought that churn out of a SkyMall catalog 394 00:12:37,712 --> 00:12:39,062 after three Bloody Marys. 395 00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:42,196 It's been sitting under a tarp in my garage for six years. 396 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,980 You've got to dial it way back. 397 00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,721 Where is this fear and anger coming from? 398 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:47,288 You're gonna get us caught! 399 00:12:48,636 --> 00:12:50,856 You knew the risks when we started this. 400 00:12:50,899 --> 00:12:53,510 I'm just saying we're getting a little bit sloppy. Mm-hmm. 401 00:12:53,554 --> 00:12:56,253 All the impossible errands, the fancy sandwiches.Mm-hmm. 402 00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,821 Just slap a little tuna on whole wheat 403 00:12:58,865 --> 00:12:59,952 for the next couple of days. What? N-- 404 00:12:59,995 --> 00:13:02,172 Just until things cool off. 405 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,783 [ Sighs ] All right? 406 00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:07,264 I was just trying to make you happy. 407 00:13:08,308 --> 00:13:11,225 You're not gonna stop me, are you? 408 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:14,402 Coffee cart's only in the lobby until 4:00. 409 00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,533 Thank you, Claire. 410 00:13:16,577 --> 00:13:17,708 Thank you. 411 00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:18,884 [ Sighs ] This is mortifying. 412 00:13:18,927 --> 00:13:20,321 Whoever we ask to fix this 413 00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:22,758 is gonna see what we're watching and think we're pervs. 414 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:23,889 Not that guy. 415 00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:25,716 Marianne: Luke?! 416 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,849 [ Chuckles ] 417 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,504 Oh! Hi, Marianne. [ Chuckles nervously ] 418 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:32,681 Oh, wow! You're so grown-up now. 419 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,422 Yeah. Uh, this is Manny.Hi. 420 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,293 Marianne used to be our babysitter. 421 00:13:36,336 --> 00:13:37,903 Remember when you asked me to marry you? 422 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,993 "I wuv you, Marianne."[ Both laugh ] 423 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:41,864 Well, nice to meet you. We should get going. 424 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,432 Okay. Bye, guys. Best to your family, okay? 425 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,649 Phew. 426 00:13:45,693 --> 00:13:47,347 I'd like to see the look on Mawianne's face 427 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:49,263 if she knew what a degenerate you turned into. 428 00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:50,133 Next. 429 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:52,265 I'm here, Kyle. 430 00:13:52,308 --> 00:13:54,006 Oh! [ Laughs ] Hello again. 431 00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:55,051 How can I help? 432 00:14:02,144 --> 00:14:03,102 What are we gonna do? Mom's gonna be home any minute. 433 00:14:03,145 --> 00:14:04,581 "Hola, papi. Have you seen my computer?" 434 00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:05,888 "Oh, sure, Mom. It's over there, 435 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,149 where that naked girl's entertaining 436 00:14:07,193 --> 00:14:07,933 her school's basketball team." 437 00:14:07,976 --> 00:14:10,066 I'm face-timing Alex. She'll know what to do. 438 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,067 What's up, Luke? 439 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:12,938 Computer glitch. The screen's frozen. 440 00:14:12,981 --> 00:14:14,591 Let me see.I'd rather not. 441 00:14:14,635 --> 00:14:15,898 So porn. 442 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:17,159 Well, I just have to finish this paper. 443 00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:18,030 I'll call you in an hour. 444 00:14:18,073 --> 00:14:19,946 Oh, hey there, cutie pie. 445 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,250 Thank you, Alex, but could you please hurry 446 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,338 and call us back? I was talk-- 447 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,600 [ Beeping ][ Sighs ] 448 00:14:23,644 --> 00:14:24,951 She knows I'm forbidden fruit. 449 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,952 I'm sure that's half the appeal. 450 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:44,971 [ Door slams ] 451 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:46,275 Gloria: Jay! 452 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,538 Jay? 453 00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:52,282 How long since you have been up? 454 00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:53,936 Oh, about a minute before you. 455 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,937 Oh, can you do me a favor? 456 00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,504 Can you go and look at the laundry? 457 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:58,854 I think it's done. 458 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,421 Sure, but, honey, I think I slept kind of weird. 459 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,726 Could you run back upstairs and get me my heating pad? 460 00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:04,511 [ Stella whining ] 461 00:15:04,554 --> 00:15:06,208 Why is Stella going crazy there? 462 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,081 Stella, get out of here![ Door opens ] 463 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:11,866 Oh. Hi, there. How's everybody doing? 464 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:12,955 What's up with Stella? 465 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,173 Where have you two been? 466 00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:15,870 [ Laptop thuds ]Is that my computer?! 467 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:16,958 Don't open that!Don't open that! 468 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,177 [ Airplane noises blaring ] 469 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,961 Is that Joe's plane?Don't open that! 470 00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:24,226 A lot of unanswered questions here, it seems like. 471 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:28,971 Why don't we all just...take a step back? 472 00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:32,888 Nice and easy. 473 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,586 Okay, so... 474 00:15:35,629 --> 00:15:38,240 now I am going to go and take a little walk. 475 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,898 Luke and I have some homework to do upstairs. 476 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:46,640 And I'm going... to the little boy's room. 477 00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:48,294 [ Doorknob rattles ] 478 00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:54,344 They have taken pictures at every table but ours. 479 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,389 Because their photographer isn't Diane Arbus. 480 00:15:56,432 --> 00:15:58,653 Who else would want a record of this fever dream? 481 00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:00,828 Oh! Are you gonna finish this? 482 00:16:00,871 --> 00:16:02,570 They didn't budget a staff meal. 483 00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,267 It's our own fault we're poor. 484 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:07,009 When we had money, we spent it all on drunken sailors. 485 00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:08,402 You mean "like drunken sailors"? 486 00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:09,706 Sure. 487 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,230 Pepper, before you run off again, 488 00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:13,798 why is almost everyone here treating us like pariahs? 489 00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,278 Well, you didn't help yourselves by the cold way 490 00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:18,280 you declined those last two wedding invitations. 491 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:19,890 We didn't get those invitations. 492 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:22,807 I got the RSVPs myself to Adam and Michael and Felix and Jordan. 493 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:26,028 Just a big "X" in the "will not attend" box. 494 00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,202 No excuse, no gift. 495 00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:30,902 Of course you put people off. It's just not classy. 496 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,469 [ Silverware clatters ] 497 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:33,427 [ Spits ] 498 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:35,951 How old are these pudding cups?! 499 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,951 Come, cariño. 500 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,039 There's a vending machine in the lobby. 501 00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:41,913 If I lie down next to it, will you push it over on me? 502 00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:44,960 How could we RSVP to wedding invitations that we never got? 503 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,701 Man: Okay, party people, on your feet. 504 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:48,963 You guys cool if I take off? 505 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,443 No. Sweetie, what's been going on with you? 506 00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:52,053 You've wanted to leave since we got here. 507 00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:53,969 [ Snapping fingers ] Hey, y'all coming? 508 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:54,926 Might as well. 509 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:57,972 Come on, Lily. Let's go dance. 510 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,192 No! No dancing. It's too embarrassing. 511 00:17:00,235 --> 00:17:02,629 No. You're a good dancer, sweetie. 512 00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:04,761 Not me.You two.What? 513 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:07,287 You don't like our dancing? Why? 514 00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:08,548 Why? 515 00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,681 [ Disco music playing ] 516 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,644 [ Laughter ] 517 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:19,125 You're not good. That's why I hate weddings. 518 00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:22,214 Wait, Lily, did you RSVP to some weddings and not tell us? 519 00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:25,305 Yes. Punish me, ground me. I just can't watch it again. 520 00:17:25,347 --> 00:17:26,435 Oh, you're gonna be punished. 521 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,307 Mitchell, wait. I know how she feels. 522 00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,743 Did we really embarrass you that bad? 523 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:33,313 Well, yeah. I mean, I still love you, but... 524 00:17:33,355 --> 00:17:35,228 Why are your shoulders moving? 525 00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:37,359 Well, we always knew there would be something you didn't like about us. 526 00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:39,927 We're just glad that it's something we're so good at. 527 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:42,017 [ Mid-tempo music playing ] 528 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,676 If anybody asks, I'm with you. 529 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,114 [ All cheering ] 530 00:17:52,157 --> 00:17:54,376 Yes, Gavin, I got everything you asked for, 531 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:55,335 and I'm on my way. 532 00:17:55,377 --> 00:17:57,031 All these errands I have to do for my boss. 533 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,164 I swear, if it wasn't for me, he'd never get anything. 534 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,904 Haley, please. I'm trying to figure out 535 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:03,604 how your mom's getting all these things done by yourself. 536 00:18:03,646 --> 00:18:06,127 When Haley finally gave me a chance to hear myself think, 537 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,259 it hit me. 538 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,348 Could Claire be using an assistant? 539 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:12,394 I decided to retrace every errand she allegedly ran today 540 00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:13,614 and time it out. 541 00:18:13,656 --> 00:18:17,356 She was in meetings from 9:00 A.M. to 1:30, 542 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,316 leaving her a 90-minute window to buy Haley's dress, 543 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,492 see Stan at Best Buy for Alex's present, 544 00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:28,237 then speed home, where she could start baking the cupcakes, 545 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,369 drag the churn in from the garage, 546 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:34,721 churn, wrap, and frost, 547 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,159 leaving her a scant eight minutes at school pick-up time 548 00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:39,335 to race back for her 3:00 staff meeting. 549 00:18:39,378 --> 00:18:42,859 Even if all 14 traffic lights on her route were green, 550 00:18:42,903 --> 00:18:44,426 this task would be... 551 00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,429 Impossible. 552 00:18:46,472 --> 00:18:48,387 I don't know who made that ice cream, 553 00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,651 but Daddy was about to churn up a frosty bowl 554 00:18:50,693 --> 00:18:52,347 of "Mom's a big fake." 555 00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:56,003 Ben, what are you still doing here? 556 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,353 I'm just making sandwiches for the kids. 557 00:18:57,396 --> 00:18:58,615 Don't worry. They'll never know. 558 00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:01,443 I'm using store-brand Gouda and this domestic mustard. 559 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,531 No, you don't understand. 560 00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,534 My husband could be home any minute. 561 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:05,883 You've got to leave. 562 00:19:05,926 --> 00:19:07,232 [ Cellphone chimes ] 563 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,451 What is this? 564 00:19:08,494 --> 00:19:10,365 "Thanks for the advice, Mom. It worked great." 565 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,453 Nice. What advice? 566 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,326 Oh, well, you left your phone on your desk, 567 00:19:13,368 --> 00:19:15,327 and Alex texted when you were in that staff meeting. 568 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,416 She seemed really upset, so I took care of it. 569 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:20,855 It was, like, boy stuff, whatever. 570 00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:22,900 Ben, we got to stop doing this. 571 00:19:22,943 --> 00:19:24,467 No, it's fine. I just said what you would have said. 572 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:27,077 But I didn't say anything. 573 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:30,256 I-I wasn't there for my daughter at all. 574 00:19:30,298 --> 00:19:33,693 I-I'm so damn busy trying to be the perfect mom 575 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,652 and -- and the perfect boss, 576 00:19:35,695 --> 00:19:38,263 but I'm outsourcing the one job that means the most to me, 577 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:39,221 and I really miss it. 578 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,353 I miss being a mom. 579 00:19:40,395 --> 00:19:41,570 Even if I'm a so-so mom 580 00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:45,140 that barely has time to make a soggy tuna-fish sandwich, I... 581 00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:46,619 [ Sighs ] Okay. 582 00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,230 Then you should get back to that. Yeah. 583 00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:49,623 And I should get back to the office. 584 00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:51,277 Oh, no. Ben, you don't have to do that. 585 00:19:51,319 --> 00:19:52,233 It's so late. 586 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:53,626 No, I do. [ Sighs ] 587 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,454 My mom's got a "date" with her new boyfriend, 588 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,195 so I'm gonna crash in the showroom. 589 00:19:59,675 --> 00:20:00,981 [ Sighs ] 590 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:06,335 [ Exhales ] 591 00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:19,695 [ Drawer opens, closes ] 592 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,570 Thank you. 593 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:32,665 So, before you open this, I just want to say 594 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:33,710 this is not the kind of thing I'm usually in to. 595 00:20:33,753 --> 00:20:34,929 Let's not. 596 00:20:34,971 --> 00:20:36,059 It's all him, by the way. 597 00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:37,060 No kidding. 598 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:39,150 [ Sighs ]Oh, don't show it to me! 599 00:20:39,193 --> 00:20:39,933 Oh! 600 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,500 [ Exhales ] 601 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:44,329 Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. 602 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:45,634 CTRL-Alt-Ew. 603 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,768 Oh, God. Please, tell me it worked. 604 00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:49,377 [ Sighs ] It worked. 605 00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:53,643 Just so you know, women are not all vacuous nymphomaniacs 606 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,166 looking to seduce every man that crosses their path. 607 00:20:57,472 --> 00:20:59,300 Bye, you dirty little boy! 608 00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:02,521 Kind of a mixed message, right? 609 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:03,392 I'll talk to her.