1 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:06,745 [gasps] There is my favorite girl! 2 00:00:06,788 --> 00:00:08,746 I'm so excited about our spa weekend! 3 00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:10,271 Oh, me too. 4 00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:11,445 If you think of it while you're there, 5 00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:12,968 I'm dangerously low on sunscreen powder. 6 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:14,404 Powder? 7 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,840 You know, you won't be smirking 10 years from now 8 00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:18,105 when your face looks like an old apple. 9 00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:21,195 I just got my first perk as C.E.O. of Pritchett's Closets. 10 00:00:21,237 --> 00:00:23,327 I finished a big job for a spa, 11 00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:27,504 and as a thank-you, they sent me a free weekend for two. 12 00:00:27,548 --> 00:00:30,291 Phil's too ticklish for massages, though. 13 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:31,987 But I am not! 14 00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,207 I heard it's the place where all the stars go 15 00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:37,079 to get hot mud poured into their faces. 16 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:40,649 I just can't wait to see this one without makeup. [chuckles] 17 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:43,433 You do, it will be the last thing that you will ever see. 18 00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:44,957 [chuckles] 19 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,134 I remember my first big perk for a job well-done. 20 00:00:48,177 --> 00:00:51,311 I had upgraded some closets for guy who created "ALF."Hmm. 21 00:00:51,354 --> 00:00:53,749 And six weeks later, I'm watching the show. 22 00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:56,795 There's ALF sassing this handsome mailman 23 00:00:56,838 --> 00:00:58,231 named Jay Pritchett. 24 00:00:58,274 --> 00:00:59,755 I still got it on Betamax. 25 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,756 I remember. You showed it to me on our first date. 26 00:01:01,799 --> 00:01:03,280 [Cameron clears throat] 27 00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:04,802 Hey. Hey. 28 00:01:04,846 --> 00:01:07,197 Jay, you ready to watch the, uh, fight together? 29 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,459 Yep. 30 00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,896 Just two of us. Mm. 31 00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:12,549 I had the perfect night planned -- 32 00:01:12,593 --> 00:01:14,725 alone, pay-per-view boxing -- 33 00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:17,686 The pride of Ireland versus a Cuban sensation. 34 00:01:17,728 --> 00:01:20,296 In the ring and in my bloodstream. 35 00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:23,126 Then Gloria and Mitchell got involved. 36 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,042 Jay, Cam is gonna watch the fight, too. 37 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,131 Why don't you two watch it together? 38 00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,263 Oh, good, because Cam was just gonna 39 00:01:29,305 --> 00:01:30,611 watch from a bar by himself. 40 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,396 I love it. It's gonna be like you have a date! 41 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:33,789 [giggles] 42 00:01:33,831 --> 00:01:35,746 I don't know what it is, but Jay gets uncomfortable 43 00:01:35,790 --> 00:01:37,618 when it's just the two of us. 44 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:40,317 And then I get uncomfortable, 45 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,145 and I feel like I have to say something. 46 00:01:42,188 --> 00:01:44,320 Perfect. Yeah. 47 00:01:47,671 --> 00:01:49,239 Today's Hitler's birthday. 48 00:01:51,371 --> 00:01:52,981 Mitchell, we're going! 49 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,418 [sighs] Where is Phil? The theater's gonna be packed. 50 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:57,986 Honey, your nerd friend is waiting. 51 00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:01,424 [laughs evilly] Who dare invoke my name? 52 00:02:01,468 --> 00:02:02,296 That's my cue. 53 00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:04,385 It is I, your destroyer! 54 00:02:04,427 --> 00:02:06,256 [chuckles] Hey, Lily, you sure you don't want 55 00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:07,605 to go to the movies with us? Last chance. 56 00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,085 What is it about again? 57 00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:11,435 The Defenders of Infinity are heroes 58 00:02:11,478 --> 00:02:12,957 from several different time streams 59 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,221 that make their way into the future without -- 60 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:15,873 Um, it's not really the future 61 00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:17,788 since the streams have always coexisted. 62 00:02:17,832 --> 00:02:20,401 Don't do that. Don't treat me like I'm a lobotomorph. 63 00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:21,618 Lily, you don't want to go. 64 00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:22,967 You'll be the only girl in the theater. 65 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,405 All right, you guys should head out. 66 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:25,622 We would love to. 67 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,408 Oh, and don't worry. 68 00:02:27,450 --> 00:02:29,409 Lily's babysitters have a big night planned -- 69 00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:32,413 puzzles, ping-pong, board games. 70 00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,414 Are we still in that "let Manny win or he cries" phase? 71 00:02:34,457 --> 00:02:36,199 No. 72 00:02:36,242 --> 00:02:37,765 We should get going. Are we taking separate time streams? 73 00:02:37,808 --> 00:02:39,332 Sure, if we want to get there yesterday. 74 00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:41,161 [both laugh] 75 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:45,643 --Captions by VITAC-- 76 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:49,385 ♪♪ 77 00:02:56,087 --> 00:02:57,350 Ah, there's something so relaxing 78 00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:58,699 about a bowl of green apples. 79 00:02:58,742 --> 00:03:01,223 I already forgot all my problems. 80 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,878 [drawer squeaks quietly]Did you hear that? 81 00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:05,881 What? Exactly. 82 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,796 We used WhisperQuiet gliders in all the drawers. 83 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,234 Oh, really cuts down on C.N. -- 84 00:03:11,277 --> 00:03:13,280 It's industry jargon for "closet noise." 85 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,890 Does that technology work on people, too? 86 00:03:15,933 --> 00:03:17,066 [cellphone chiming]You're right. 87 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,329 I promise -- No more shop talk. 88 00:03:19,372 --> 00:03:21,330 What is this? Oh. 89 00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:23,246 Our smoke alarm went off at home. 90 00:03:23,289 --> 00:03:24,465 I'm sure it's nothing, 91 00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:27,467 but I'm still gonna call Luke just in case. 92 00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:29,469 And it's straight to voicemail. 93 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:32,037 Hello, Manny. We saw that the smoke alarm went off. 94 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:33,343 Are you okay? 95 00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,735 Oh, God. Luke's outgoing message 96 00:03:34,778 --> 00:03:36,867 is a long and vaguely sexist rap. 97 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:39,393 Okay, Papi. Stay perfect! 98 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:40,959 Ay. Everything is okay. 99 00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:43,353 They were baking cookies and they burned a batch. 100 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:45,399 Oh. All right. 101 00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,531 Except our oven isn't working. 102 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:49,402 Manny would never lie. You know what? 103 00:03:49,445 --> 00:03:52,406 I am gonna call for a Russian masseuse. 104 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,538 Their hands are very strong from wringing laundry. 105 00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:56,365 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Think about it. 106 00:03:56,409 --> 00:03:58,324 They were very eager to get us out of the house. 107 00:03:58,367 --> 00:03:59,890 They're up to something. 108 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,328 You are too suspicious. 109 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,068 And you are too trusting! 110 00:04:03,111 --> 00:04:04,722 Luke's already been arrested this year. 111 00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,550 A few weeks ago, we caught him with beer. 112 00:04:06,593 --> 00:04:08,421 Even that's a better rap. 113 00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:11,512 I'm hearing a lot of Luke's name and none of Manny. 114 00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,948 You don't think Manny's up to the same things 115 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,296 when you're not paying attention? 116 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,950 You're crazy. Manny hates beer. 117 00:04:15,993 --> 00:04:17,430 A fruity Beaujolais then. 118 00:04:17,473 --> 00:04:18,562 You can do whatever you want. 119 00:04:18,605 --> 00:04:19,737 I'm gonna go check on my kid. 120 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,391 [sighs] 121 00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:26,221 [drawer squeaks quietly] 122 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,355 I hate how good those gliders are! 123 00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,271 [indistinct conversations] 124 00:04:35,622 --> 00:04:37,406 I am so excited. I feel like a teenager. 125 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,582 Me too. Although, as Torf the Ancient, 126 00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:42,456 I have seen everything from the Great Star Explosion 127 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:43,978 to the Seven Moon Alliance. 128 00:04:44,021 --> 00:04:45,675 Claire was right. No girls. 129 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,374 Phil? James! 130 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:48,461 Hey. What's up? 131 00:04:48,504 --> 00:04:50,550 [laughs] 132 00:04:50,593 --> 00:04:52,161 I sold this cool cat a house in the hills last year.Ah. 133 00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:54,423 Since then, his bluegrass band has really taken off. 134 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,338 It's so crazy. We started doing it ironically, 135 00:04:56,382 --> 00:04:58,254 and before we knew it, we were actually doing it for real. 136 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,387 That happened to me in the '90s with saying, "Exsqueeze me." 137 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,127 Oh. Yeah. 138 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:04,259 Well, I assume from your Torf the Ancient costume, 139 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,827 and your pale slave getup...Not a costume. 140 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:09,569 ...that you guys are here to see "Defenders of Infinity." 141 00:05:09,612 --> 00:05:10,396 Oh, yeah! Yeah. 142 00:05:10,439 --> 00:05:11,528 Oh, it is so incredible! 143 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,007 Really? Yeah. 144 00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:14,574 Hey, if you really want to be blown away, 145 00:05:14,617 --> 00:05:17,055 I've got two special gummy bears you can have. 146 00:05:17,098 --> 00:05:18,535 Just one for each of us? 147 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:20,231 Believe me. One is all you need. 148 00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,408 I guess we can get more at the concession stand. 149 00:05:22,451 --> 00:05:24,714 No, they don't sell gummy bears like these here. 150 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,543 Ohhh. [chuckles] 151 00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:29,632 You get extra cool ones from Europe or something. 152 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:32,375 Guys, how are you not getting this? It's pot. 153 00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:35,987 TOGETHER: Ohhhh. 154 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:38,598 I don't know why, but I've never tried marijuana. 155 00:05:38,641 --> 00:05:40,077 No. No, me neither. 156 00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:42,428 Th-There was always something stopping me -- 157 00:05:42,471 --> 00:05:43,995 needing to take care of Lily, 158 00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:45,649 the figure-skating honor code, 159 00:05:45,692 --> 00:05:47,737 not wanting to accidentally tell everyone in high school 160 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,261 I was gay. 161 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,959 People never offered it to me, which is weird 162 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:53,526 because in college, I was kind of a big man on campus. 163 00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:55,615 I founded a major organization -- 164 00:05:55,658 --> 00:05:59,663 the National Association of Responsible Cheerleaders. 165 00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:02,536 Uh, NARCs. Yeah. 166 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:05,451 Here. They take 45 minutes to hit, so take them now, 167 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,670 and you'll be good to go when the movie starts. 168 00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:09,194 Okay.[chuckles] 169 00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:13,459 Um, you know, if -- if we ever were gonna try this, 170 00:06:13,502 --> 00:06:15,461 tonight's kind of the perfect opportunity. 171 00:06:15,504 --> 00:06:17,245 I guess you're right. 172 00:06:17,288 --> 00:06:19,682 No kids. I'm wearing Velcro sneakers. 173 00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:21,206 [chuckling] Should we? 174 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,077 I've always wanted to know what it would be like. 175 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,122 Plus, I went to the gym today. 176 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,646 I deserve a sweet. 177 00:06:26,689 --> 00:06:27,690 Let's do it. Okay. 178 00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:28,778 [chuckles] 179 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,302 I'm shaking. Thank you. 180 00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:32,043 [both chuckle] 181 00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:33,523 Cheers. Cheersies. 182 00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,786 [giggles] Subtle. 183 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,180 Chew smaller. 184 00:06:39,528 --> 00:06:40,747 'Sup? 185 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:45,709 [cellphone buzzes][chuckling] Oh, my God. 186 00:06:45,752 --> 00:06:47,362 I cannot believe we're doing this. This is so exciting. 187 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:48,625 Uh-oh. 188 00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:50,322 Oh, God. I knew this was a horrible mistake. 189 00:06:50,365 --> 00:06:52,586 I just got an alert. Our smoke alarm when off! 190 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:55,545 [coughing] [blowing] 191 00:06:55,588 --> 00:06:56,677 It's not coming up.[spits] 192 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,721 Okay, okay. 193 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:01,855 Relax. I'm gonna -- I'm gonna call Luke, find out what's up.Yeah. 194 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:06,600 Voicemail. [sighs] 195 00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:09,079 [chuckles] This rap's hilarious, though. 196 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,646 Call Claire. She's not home. 197 00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:12,083 We're gonna have to check this out. 198 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,954 No, come on. Those alerts are always nothing. 199 00:07:13,997 --> 00:07:16,913 Plus... [whispering] our crime. 200 00:07:16,957 --> 00:07:18,829 Listen, we have assigned seats 201 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,048 and 45 minutes till this kicks in. 202 00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,137 That gives us plenty of time to Uber home, 203 00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:25,531 make sure everything's fine, touch up my veins, and get back. 204 00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:27,620 I'll set an alarm so we know exactly when it hits. 205 00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:29,927 No, you're right. Lily's there. Yes, yes. Let's go. 206 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,494 Plus, we're not gonna want to deal with this 207 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:32,713 when we're high and paranoid. 208 00:07:32,755 --> 00:07:34,062 Oh. Oh, God. 209 00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,456 Do you think the paranoia will be bad? 210 00:07:41,677 --> 00:07:44,680 [bell dings, boxing announcer talking on TV] 211 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:47,336 So, how's the closet business? 212 00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:50,252 I retired two months ago.Right. Right. 213 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,909 Uh, getting our carpets cleaned next month. 214 00:07:58,564 --> 00:08:00,567 Oh, come on. That's ridiculous. 215 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,002 Hernandez has this fight in the bag. 216 00:08:02,045 --> 00:08:03,526 Yeah, it's gonna be such a cakewalk. 217 00:08:03,569 --> 00:08:04,745 He shouldn't even be getting paid for it. 218 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,223 Can you believe these guys? 219 00:08:06,267 --> 00:08:08,617 Hey, no disrespect, but if O'Brien's even halfway sober, 220 00:08:08,661 --> 00:08:10,446 he takes Hernandez apart. 221 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,012 Yeah, he's got a better reach, better jab, 222 00:08:12,055 --> 00:08:13,971 and I haven't seen feet that fast since Riverdance. 223 00:08:14,014 --> 00:08:15,755 You guys seem pretty confident. 224 00:08:15,798 --> 00:08:17,713 Uh, care to make a friendly $10 bet? 225 00:08:17,757 --> 00:08:19,759 We'll take it. Easiest money I ever made.Yeah. 226 00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,151 You're crazy. O'Brien is a mook. 227 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:22,588 Well, Hernandez is a palooka. 228 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:24,329 I'd rather be a palooka than a mook. 229 00:08:24,372 --> 00:08:27,071 Well, that's a lot of talk coming from a couple jabronis. 230 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:32,250 Cam, calm down. We're just having fun here. 231 00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:34,557 Really? That's -- That's the line? 232 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,951 [cheering] 233 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,212 What happened? 234 00:08:38,255 --> 00:08:39,735 Damn it! O'Brien knocked him out! 235 00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:41,782 Already?We missed the whole thing! 236 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,392 We're backed up in the kitchen. 237 00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:44,784 Sorry, guys. Your food's gonna be a while. 238 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,136 I thought about leaving, 239 00:08:49,179 --> 00:08:50,572 but I didn't want to make Jay feel bad. 240 00:08:50,616 --> 00:08:52,619 I had a sandwich coming. 241 00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,799 I told you. Nothing! 242 00:08:59,842 --> 00:09:02,759 A little too much nothing, if you ask me. 243 00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,634 Hey, what are you guys doing here? 244 00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,722 I forgot my slippers. 245 00:09:09,765 --> 00:09:11,158 Doesn't the hotel have slippers? 246 00:09:11,201 --> 00:09:12,595 I'll be asking the questions. 247 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,683 How did you manage to burn chocolate-chip cookies 248 00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:15,946 in an oven that doesn't work? 249 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,208 Oh, Manny meant pancakes. 250 00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:19,863 We're making chocolate-chip pancakes. 251 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:26,783 You see? Now, let's go. 252 00:09:26,826 --> 00:09:30,047 Somebody named Olga should be salting me like a pretzel! 253 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,831 Mm. 254 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,659 Mm-hmm. 255 00:09:33,702 --> 00:09:36,096 Is everything okay? 256 00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:38,186 Oh, yes. It was just a false alarm. 257 00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:39,840 Well, then we should probably get back to the theater. 258 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,275 Those pre-movie trivia questions 259 00:09:41,318 --> 00:09:42,972 aren't gonna answer themselves, are they? [chuckles] 260 00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,801 Actually, they do.Wait a minute! 261 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,197 What the hell is going on... 262 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,503 here, huh? 263 00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,027 [sniffs] Yep. 264 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,115 I smell cheap beer. Someone's been having a party. 265 00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:57,639 Claire, you're just being crazy. 266 00:09:57,683 --> 00:09:59,642 Take a look around! Nothing is going on! 267 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,991 There is no party! 268 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,907 Everyone just be cool! 269 00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:09,477 See that story about the one-armed golfer?No. 270 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,437 Yeah, well, it's this guy and he's... 271 00:10:13,481 --> 00:10:16,136 Well, I guess that's it. He's -- He's a one-armed golfer. 272 00:10:16,179 --> 00:10:17,878 Oh. 273 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:20,663 How backed up is that kitchen?! 274 00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:22,273 Hey! These guys! 275 00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:23,884 Hey, you rascals. Get over here. 276 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,232 We're on our way out. 277 00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:26,929 No! Don't you want a chance to win your money back? 278 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,452 It's 5 bucks each. We're good. 279 00:10:28,496 --> 00:10:29,585 No! Come on! 280 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,803 It'll be fun. 281 00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:31,934 Dude, you're hurting my arm. 282 00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:33,588 No, a game of foosball, double or nothing. 283 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,894 I don't think -- You're on! Let's go! 284 00:10:34,937 --> 00:10:35,721 Let's go! 285 00:10:35,764 --> 00:10:38,549 Phil, uh, how long do we have? 286 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:39,899 17 minutes. 287 00:10:39,942 --> 00:10:41,552 Till the movie, is what we're talking about. 288 00:10:41,596 --> 00:10:43,903 We're just two guys seeing a movie. 289 00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:45,600 No one's leaving here until we get to the bottom of this. 290 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,908 Oh, my God. Somebody give me a back rub! 291 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,561 Manny! Luke! Get in here! 292 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,346 You guys go search the house. Find something suspicious. 293 00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,086 Is this gonna be like loading the dishwasher? 294 00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:54,349 First I load it, then you reload it? 295 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:55,784 Wouldn't it be faster if you actually -- 296 00:10:55,828 --> 00:10:57,047 Phil, go! 297 00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,135 What's so important? I'm sitting for my portrait. 298 00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:02,182 Oh, knock it off. I know you two threw a party. 299 00:11:02,225 --> 00:11:03,836 I don't "throw" a party, Claire. 300 00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:05,576 It's true. He can't throw anything. 301 00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:06,970 And if I were hosting an event, 302 00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,144 where did I put the ice sculpture? 303 00:11:08,188 --> 00:11:09,711 Where did I stash the hors d'oeuvres? 304 00:11:09,755 --> 00:11:11,932 Where did I hide the jazz trio? 305 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,107 Good question, considering you couldn't even hide... 306 00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:15,892 the Solo. 307 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,633 Nice wordplay, Mom, 308 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,634 but that cup's been there for like three days. 309 00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:21,811 I didn't want to say anything 'cause I thought it was yours. 310 00:11:23,899 --> 00:11:25,989 Yeah. It was bold. 311 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,296 But those kids upstairs weren't gonna stay quiet forever. 312 00:11:28,338 --> 00:11:29,905 I was one dead phone battery away 313 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,951 from a conversation breaking out. 314 00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,128 [chuckles] 315 00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:35,869 Sure, throwing a party was a risk, 316 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,784 but two hot exchange students just started at our school. 317 00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:40,961 Best part is, they don't understand 318 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,831 just how uncool we are. 319 00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:44,355 Yet. 320 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:45,879 So, we were walking down the hallway 321 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,140 when we stopped by the locker -- 322 00:11:47,183 --> 00:11:48,924 Ohh, pizza day. 323 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:51,841 Mmm. 324 00:11:54,408 --> 00:11:55,758 That's our personal trainer. 325 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,759 He hates it when we eat carbs. 326 00:11:57,803 --> 00:12:00,589 We had a short window. We needed to impress them fast. 327 00:12:00,631 --> 00:12:02,895 So, we bribed Lily with all the soda she could drink 328 00:12:02,938 --> 00:12:04,592 and threw a party. 329 00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:06,638 It was going great until someone set off the alarm 330 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,989 because he just had to smoke his dorky pipe. 331 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,817 Dorky? Yeah, because Hugh Hefner doesn't get girls. 332 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,254 [scoffs] 333 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,385 I love you, too, Mommy. 334 00:12:16,822 --> 00:12:18,693 All clear, party people! 335 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,696 [indistinct conversations] 336 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,914 I told her we were baking cookies. 337 00:12:21,957 --> 00:12:23,917 Dude, our oven's broken. 338 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,267 My mom's definitely gonna get suspicious and check on us. 339 00:12:26,309 --> 00:12:27,921 That means my mom's coming, too. 340 00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:29,225 I'll get everyone to leave, 341 00:12:29,269 --> 00:12:31,620 you get rid of the beer and your idea of a spread. 342 00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,927 Wait. We're not giving up yet. 343 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,058 The beer pong tournament just started, 344 00:12:36,102 --> 00:12:37,886 the girls are laughing at all of our jokes, 345 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:41,020 and they think we're friends with guys like Tommy Cutahee. 346 00:12:41,063 --> 00:12:42,152 Great party, Lewis. 347 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,893 Thanks, Tommy. 348 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,286 From now on, I'm Lewis. 349 00:12:45,328 --> 00:12:47,027 We're going to get caught if we do nothing. 350 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,288 What if we hide everyone long enough 351 00:12:48,331 --> 00:12:49,638 for my mom to check on us and then leave? 352 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,596 It's not worth it. 353 00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:56,036 [European accent] Guys, when do we play Seven Hours in Heaven? 354 00:12:56,078 --> 00:12:59,429 Moving the party upstairs, people! 355 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,042 Okay. No one's here. Okay. 356 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,086 [alarm beeps]Is that your watch alarm? 357 00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:05,306 We have to get out of here! 358 00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,047 I do not want to be high in front of Claire! 359 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,004 Wait. 360 00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:09,658 I think I'm feeling something. 361 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,181 Oh, no. 362 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,313 What are you feeling? 363 00:13:13,356 --> 00:13:14,402 Nice. 364 00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:15,881 Oh, God. 365 00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:17,534 Are you feeling anything? 366 00:13:17,578 --> 00:13:19,014 No. 367 00:13:19,058 --> 00:13:20,538 Then why are you leaning like that? 368 00:13:20,581 --> 00:13:21,975 I'm not leaning. 369 00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,368 Maybe you're leaning so it looks like I'm leaning. 370 00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:29,330 Oh, yeah. You're right. 371 00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:31,114 CLAIRE: Phil, what are you doing? 372 00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:32,419 Still searching! 373 00:13:32,462 --> 00:13:34,422 Anything suspicious?Say nothing. 374 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,553 Okay. 375 00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:37,903 Phil? 376 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,905 Answer her!You said "say nothing." 377 00:13:39,948 --> 00:13:41,821 I mean say the word "nothing." Word. 378 00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:47,000 Nothing! 379 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,219 That was so good. Thanks, man. 380 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:51,351 Okay, Phillip. Focus. 381 00:13:51,394 --> 00:13:53,048 We have to finish searching this house 382 00:13:53,092 --> 00:13:55,485 before we start acting weird or... 383 00:13:57,183 --> 00:13:58,272 Yeah. 384 00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:00,143 Nothing! 385 00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:02,363 That was so great. 386 00:14:02,405 --> 00:14:04,974 Yeah, I learned from the best. 387 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:07,106 Come on, you jerk. Get in there, you son of a bitch! 388 00:14:07,149 --> 00:14:09,152 Oh, yeah, baby. Here we go. 389 00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,719 That's what your sister said last night 390 00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:11,807 when I was banging her. 391 00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,374 What?!Aw, damn it, Vic! 392 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,592 [both laugh] 393 00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:18,379 [laughing] Cam was banging Vic's sister. 394 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:19,946 [laughs] 395 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,860 Classic! 396 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,126 Oh, just hit it already. 397 00:14:27,169 --> 00:14:29,172 That's what your sister said to Cam last night 398 00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:30,390 when he was banging her. Did I do it? 399 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:32,044 [laughing] You're so good! 400 00:14:32,087 --> 00:14:34,090 [laughs] Yes! 401 00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:39,052 Manny, Manny...Manny. 402 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,923 How did we get here? 403 00:14:40,966 --> 00:14:43,143 You're a good kid. 404 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,621 You didn't have anything to do with this. 405 00:14:44,665 --> 00:14:47,190 You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Am I right? 406 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,149 But someone's going down for this. 407 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:52,543 You think it'll be the white kid? Hmm? 408 00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:54,240 [whispering] Psst! Claire! 409 00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,811 What are you doing? 410 00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,596 I am trying to get to the truth. 411 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,597 The only way I'm gonna find out what really happened here 412 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,426 is to get those two clowns to turn on each other. 413 00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,080 Nothing happened here! 414 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:07,950 And even if it had, 415 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,518 Manny's not gonna rat out his best friend! 416 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,955 [whispering] I think I'm gonna take the deal. 417 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,000 [whispering] No! 418 00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:15,304 You cave, we don't stand a chance 419 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:16,958 with those exchange students. 420 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,830 Those girls don't respect weak, little nerds 421 00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,528 afraid of being punished by their mommies. 422 00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:22,182 They've lived through wars. 423 00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:23,356 They're from Portugal! 424 00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,577 [whispering] Whoa. I heard something. 425 00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:29,754 Did you hear something? 426 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,104 No. 427 00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,453 Am I screaming right now? 428 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:37,023 No. Okay. 429 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,850 Stay cool. We're almost out of here. 430 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:44,855 All clear. 431 00:15:44,899 --> 00:15:46,249 Let's just check Luke's room. 432 00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,121 Then we can tell Claire we didn't find anything. 433 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,602 [keg clanks] 434 00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:58,000 Okay, there's two ways we can play this. 435 00:15:58,043 --> 00:15:59,174 Okay. 436 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,182 [whispering] Okay, if we tell Claire about those kids, 437 00:16:06,225 --> 00:16:07,923 we're gonna have to stay here and punish Manny 438 00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,054 and the, uh -- the other one. 439 00:16:09,097 --> 00:16:11,100 That's no good![exhales shakily] 440 00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:13,581 I don't think we can hide our crime! 441 00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,929 Well, then what if we don't tell her? 442 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,018 Does -- Does that make us bad parents? 443 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,498 Or are we bad parents 444 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,239 because we're punishing our kids while we are high? 445 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,457 We're bad parents either way!This is a nightmare. 446 00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,677 Oh, hey, guys.Hey, cupcake! 447 00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,245 [whispering] Do I call her "cupcake"? 448 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,724 [whispering] Don't worry, I'll make it normal. 449 00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:28,725 [normal voice] What's going on, cupcake? 450 00:16:28,769 --> 00:16:31,250 Are you guys okay? 451 00:16:31,293 --> 00:16:33,687 Yeah. Yeah, we're okay. Why wouldn't we be okay? 452 00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:35,037 Cupcake. 453 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,735 I was so drunk, I thought they were stoned. 454 00:16:37,778 --> 00:16:41,216 Luke...Luke...Luke. 455 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,394 Keeping a secret like this is tough -- 456 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,179 eats away at a man's soul. 457 00:16:47,222 --> 00:16:49,225 Mom, I have one question -- 458 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,183 Why do you hate yourself? 459 00:16:51,226 --> 00:16:53,054 What? 460 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,840 You have one night in a spa to be massaged and pampered, 461 00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,754 but you're here. 462 00:16:57,798 --> 00:16:59,888 Why don't you think you deserve happiness? 463 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:03,152 That's the mystery I'm interested in solving today. 464 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:06,199 [cheering in distance]What is that? 465 00:17:06,241 --> 00:17:09,854 That is the sound of a party, Gloria, huh? 466 00:17:09,897 --> 00:17:11,508 Ay, Manny! 467 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:15,859 Tomorrow's gonna be one awkward mother/son mambo class. 468 00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:17,688 [groans] 469 00:17:17,731 --> 00:17:20,430 CAMERON: Oh, boom!JAY: Next up, I paddle your mother. 470 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,648 [laughter] 471 00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,303 Dad. Claire! 472 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,000 Hey, this is my actual daughter. 473 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,348 You came up a few times tonight. 474 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:27,480 So has my "wife."[laughs] 475 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,003 What are you doing here? 476 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,919 We ran out of games to bet on at the bar. 477 00:17:30,961 --> 00:17:34,140 Claire...there's something we have to tell you. 478 00:17:36,184 --> 00:17:37,751 What did we decide to do again? 479 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,710 We, uh... 480 00:17:39,753 --> 00:17:41,930 We're g-- We're gonna need a minute. 481 00:17:41,972 --> 00:17:45,238 I told you there was nothing going on with the boys. 482 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,021 [chuckles] You're right. 483 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,328 Boys, I apologize. 484 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,721 We can confirm 485 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,159 that there's nothing suspicious anywhere. 486 00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:55,248 [all gasp] 487 00:17:55,290 --> 00:17:56,944 [groans] 488 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,950 Sorry about your table, Lewis. 489 00:18:01,992 --> 00:18:03,169 I have another party. 490 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,259 Oh, I knew it! 491 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,131 I knew these two were up to something. 492 00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,046 What do you think about your precious Manny now, huh? 493 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,048 I am sure it was Luke'sidea! 494 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,049 But do not give up on him yet. 495 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,138 I know that there is a camp up in the mountains 496 00:18:17,182 --> 00:18:18,270 where you can send bad kids. 497 00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:20,924 No, it was my idea, too. 498 00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,317 I'm the one who set off the smoke alarm. 499 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:24,538 I'm the one who bribed Lily with soda. 500 00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:26,321 I'm the one who put a red light bulb in the laundry room 501 00:18:26,365 --> 00:18:28,411 to give it a sexy vibe. 502 00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:31,196 You've got to stop thinking of me as your perfect little boy. 503 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,938 Honey. 504 00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:36,201 There's a party upstairs.Party upstairs. 505 00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:41,163 I cannot believe that my baby lied to me. 506 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,383 I cannot believe my baby accepted a bribe. 507 00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:45,776 I'd be more concerned with how natural she is 508 00:18:45,819 --> 00:18:48,170 with that bottle in her hands. Okay. 509 00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:50,432 I shouldn't trust my kid so much. 510 00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:53,567 I have to be more like Claire and not trust anybody. 511 00:18:53,609 --> 00:18:55,655 I didn't want to be right, but I am. 512 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,440 So [chuckles] here we are. 513 00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:59,311 At least we still have Alex. 514 00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:00,661 You guys don't have any good kids, 515 00:19:00,703 --> 00:19:02,576 so who's the bad parent now, huh? 516 00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:04,230 Nobody.Phil, no, don't. 517 00:19:04,272 --> 00:19:05,448 No, no. I got this. 518 00:19:05,491 --> 00:19:09,017 Claire, I know why you're always worried. 519 00:19:09,059 --> 00:19:11,888 Because you don't know what's going to happen. 520 00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:17,765 It's called fear of the future, or "fof" or "fotf." 521 00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:21,376 But spoiler alert -- It's gonna be great. 522 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:25,903 Guys, I have two words for you -- 523 00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:28,210 think about time travel. 524 00:19:28,253 --> 00:19:30,994 If you could go forward in time and turn around 525 00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:33,432 and look at this moment, we would say, 526 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,913 "This is all super chill." 527 00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:38,438 Our kids are good people. 528 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,221 They turn out great. 529 00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:42,310 Phil's right.Really? 530 00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:44,487 Oh, t-then here's something, too. 531 00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:47,621 When I was younger, I never thought I would be here. 532 00:19:47,663 --> 00:19:49,317 And here I am. 533 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,364 What the hell does that mean? 534 00:19:51,406 --> 00:19:52,407 Oh, God. 535 00:19:52,451 --> 00:19:54,584 Look, you got to relax. 536 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,151 They're going to be fine. 537 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:59,153 People have a way of surprising you. 538 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,242 Yes, you see, we had our own journey tonight -- 539 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:03,723 an unlikely duo thrust together. 540 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:05,160 Not your moment, Cam. 541 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:06,596 Oh, right. I'll send a group e-mail. 542 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,468 Honey, don't worry. 543 00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:10,470 You're better parents than Dede and I ever were, 544 00:20:10,512 --> 00:20:12,079 and you turned out all right. 545 00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,255 Thanks, Dad. 546 00:20:13,298 --> 00:20:14,821 But what do we do now? 547 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,301 Are we just supposed to let these kids off the hook 548 00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,912 because we were as bad as they are? 549 00:20:17,954 --> 00:20:19,347 No. We'll be hypocrites. 550 00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:20,435 Mm. Like all parents! 551 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,872 Luke! Manny! 552 00:20:21,915 --> 00:20:23,482 Get your asses in here! 553 00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:25,920 Also, am I the only one that sees 554 00:20:25,962 --> 00:20:27,574 that these two idiots are high as kites? 555 00:20:29,444 --> 00:20:30,663 CAMERON: Mitchell? 556 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,323 Oh, my God. She is still going. 557 00:20:37,365 --> 00:20:39,541 How much soda did she have? 558 00:20:39,586 --> 00:20:41,152 You know, when you and Mitchell first got together, 559 00:20:41,195 --> 00:20:43,198 you used to ask me to do a lot of stuff. 560 00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:45,068 I was new to the family, and I -- 561 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:46,635 I really wanted you to like me. 562 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,638 But I always seemed to be too much, too demonstrative, 563 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,947 too dramatic... so I stopped. 564 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:54,470 Well, I had fun tonight. 565 00:20:54,513 --> 00:20:56,342 I wouldn't mind if you still chased me 566 00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:57,691 a little bit sometimes. 567 00:20:57,733 --> 00:20:58,952 Oh, Jay. Get in here. 568 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:00,737 [both laugh]It's going too fast. 569 00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:02,434 I'm -- I'm sorry. Baby steps. 570 00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,393 No, the treadmill's about to launch her through the drywall. 571 00:21:04,436 --> 00:21:06,394 Lily!Daddy!