1 00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,673 Hey, baby brother! 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,042 Let's not insult us both. How much do you need? 3 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,344 Mom paid my car insurance this month, and I told her I'd have it today -- 4 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,180 The number, the number. $120. 5 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,183 Grandpa got me a job at his country club, 6 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,185 and I've been cleaning up in tips. 7 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,553 I also like the way those guys talk. 8 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,723 There's actually an ethnic slur for Norwegians. 9 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,725 It's ice ers. 10 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,527 Hey, buddy, they canceled my showing, 11 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,062 so I can drive you to work. 12 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:29,397 That looks good. What is it? 13 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,399 Lobster Thermidor from the country club. 14 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,067 There's also cherries jubilee in the fridge. 15 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,568 Mmm. 16 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:38,672 Look at us eating like rich people in the '50s. 17 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,274 Hey, Mom! Have a good day at work. 18 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:42,843 Uh, I already did that. It's 3:30. 19 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,878 How are you just waking up? 20 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:47,115 I set my alarm for noon. I must have slept through it. 21 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,749 I was working late promoting a new club. 22 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,952 Oh, by the way, here is the insurance money. 23 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,854 Thank you. A lot of singles in there. 24 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,523 What exactly do you do at this club? 25 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:56,624 Oh, right. 26 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,559 'Cause I'm a stripper, Alex. 27 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,629 Oh, my God, do you really think I'm a stripper? 28 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,763 No. No. 29 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,198 Okay, well, I'm off. 30 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,366 I'm signing up for some business classes 31 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,534 at community college. 32 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,068 Business class, huh? 33 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,238 Sounds like somebody's been influenced 34 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,373 by living under the same roof 35 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,142 with a certain captain of industry. 36 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,244 Thank you, honey, but none of my success 37 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,147 would have been possible without your support as a homemaker. 38 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,581 Sweetheart, while I'm very flattered 39 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,583 by your sudden interest in business, 40 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,818 how about instead of another class, you get a job? 41 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,554 Get your hands a little dirty, huh? 42 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,122 She could run her hands through her hair. 43 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,757 That would do it. I've already pre-registered. 44 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:30,958 Also, I signed us up for that book signing tonight. 45 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:31,959 You still in? 46 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,127 Absolutely. 47 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,062 Got my book right here. 48 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,930 Trying to make it look like you read it? Amateur. 49 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,437 -- Captions by VITAC -- 50 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,440 Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc. 51 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:49,143 and brought to you by Ford. We go further, so you can. 52 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:52,112 ** 53 00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,617 So, I don't really have a job title 54 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,751 or even a set place to work, 55 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:58,952 so I kind of just float around 56 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,322 and make sure everyone has what they need. 57 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,756 4:00, Your Honor. 58 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,958 Don't forget to take your medicine. 59 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,794 Well, all these powerful guys. 60 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,330 You can make connections here that'll last forever. 61 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,331 Not really. 62 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,832 We have a lot of turnover here. 63 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,701 That flag outside has been at half-mast since April. 64 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,169 Oh. 65 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,870 That's why we have these. 66 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,772 Oh. How's that work? 67 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,208 You find a member to sponsor you, 68 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,775 come have some drinks with the committee, 69 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,110 and they vote a few people in. 70 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,546 Similar process to a secret cheer society I was in. 71 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:26,614 Skull and Pom-Poms. 72 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,048 I've said too much already. 73 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,550 Are you thinking of joining? 74 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,118 Both my partners are in clubs. 75 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,186 They've drummed up a lot of business. 76 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,221 Maybe I -- 77 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,622 Hey, there's Jay. Maybe he can -- 78 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,123 Jay. Jay! 79 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,958 Jay, Jay, Jay! 80 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,126 Go, go, go! 81 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,494 Jay, wait up! 82 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,162 I think someone's calling for you. 83 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,531 I didn't hear anything. What's wrong with this cart? 84 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,899 You got the brakes on? Go! Ow! Your spikes. 85 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,535 Hey, hey, hey! Cramps. 86 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,837 Luke and I just split a Beef Wellington 87 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:50,971 and clams casino. 88 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,540 Um, I'm wondering if you'd, uh, sponsor me 89 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,007 for the new-members thing tonight. 90 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,576 Gee, I'd like to, but they got rules 91 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,245 about relatives sponsoring new members, so -- 92 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,746 No, they don't. I just did it. 93 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,180 Gee, they must have changed that. 94 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,882 Oh, great, I'll see you tonight. What time should I be here? 95 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,551 Oh, I think it starts about 9:30. 96 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,753 No, it'll be over by then. It starts at 7:00. 97 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,421 They must have changed that, too. 98 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,189 Thanks, Jay. See you at 7:00. 99 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,191 Wait, that was Claire's husband, right? 100 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,661 Yes, it was, Anders, you stupid ice 101 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,730 I haven't had one night to myself in six months, 102 00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,400 but tonight, Manny's going to a party. 103 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:22,570 And if I can get Joe tired enough to go to sleep, 104 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:26,039 I can finally relax and take a long, nice bath. 105 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:29,009 I even have a wine glass that floats. 106 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,380 In case I fall asleep, nothing bad can happen. 107 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,214 Ohh. Okay, little reindeer, 108 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,350 we didn't get to the North Pole yet. 109 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,351 Ooh. 110 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:39,219 I'm tired of this game. 111 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,123 Well, we need to take this food to Santa Claus. 112 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,092 If not, he's gonna starve to death. 113 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,360 Which shirt for the party -- 114 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,761 the canary or the daffodil? 115 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,363 We're not doing this again. 116 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,565 I just the herringbone or the tweed for your vest. 117 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,401 Just pick one and go. 118 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,736 Okay. Oh, well, this needs ironing. 119 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,204 Okay, jump on. 120 00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,040 Rudolph, to the laundry room! 121 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,141 Ohh. 122 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,445 I know it's just community theater, 123 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,280 but aren't opening nights so exciting? 124 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:07,748 Yes, the cream of society 125 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,083 decked out in their finest flip-flops. Mitchell. 126 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,219 Oh, my God, I can't believe it. 127 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,055 I haven't seen you since high school! 128 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,725 Uh, yes, it's been years, huh, uh, T-T-Tammy. 129 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,427 Hey, let me know 130 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,794 if you want to roll around under the bleachers again, doll. 131 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:21,795 Oh. 132 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,597 Oh. 133 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,499 That's weird -- I feel like I would've remembered her. 134 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,000 Why was she wearing a name tag? I don't know. 135 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,469 Oh, there he is! 136 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,603 Remember that time in band 137 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,104 when you dropped your flute in the gutter? 138 00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,973 I'm sorry -- I never played the flute or anything -- 139 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,608 Ha! Old gutter flute. 140 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,512 Okay, what is going on? 141 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:39,980 Why is everyone talking to me? 142 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,350 I think they're just being friendly. Cam, oh, my God. 143 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,952 Is -- is this one of those interactive theater experiences? 144 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,154 Oh, do you mean where the audience participates 145 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,490 and the line between performer and spectator 146 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,958 is delightfully blurred? 147 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,961 Mitchell, we're at a high-school reunion! 148 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,096 Stop pretending, all right? You tricked me. 149 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,130 I did not. You always trick me. 150 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,499 Every time we leave the house, 151 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,167 it's like a game of Three-card Monte. 152 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,669 Interactive theater is fun. 153 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,337 It's not fun. It's never fun. 154 00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,705 It's the worst thing that can happen to human 155 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,006 during peace time. 156 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,207 Okay, you know what, Mitchell? 157 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,208 Please, I'm on the board, 158 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,843 and I couldn't not bring my husband 159 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,379 while everyone else's significant other 160 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,713 is happy to be here. 161 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,281 It's interactive? 162 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,983 You son of a bitch. 163 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,651 There's a quote for your poster. 164 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,892 Front door open. Ay, no! 165 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,127 Please. Who?! Who?! 166 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,530 Ay, what the hell are you doing here? 167 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,332 I had the most humiliating experience of my entire life. 168 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,034 I may never leave this house again. 169 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,369 Okay, you're just tired. 170 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,970 I'm gonna make you an espresso, and you go back. 171 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,305 No, I can't go back there. 172 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,741 Did you get in trouble again for adjusting the lighting? 173 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,009 You're still young. 174 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,411 You can take a bright bulb. 175 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:45,012 I was flirting with Ava Morris, 176 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,380 and I walked into a coffee table 177 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,748 and hit my shin really hard 178 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,517 and started crying in front of everyone. 179 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,251 Bad enough -- but then I noticed 180 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,220 I spilled my drink on my crotch area, 181 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,389 creating a very incriminating stain. 182 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,858 I ran to the bathroom and started drying it with a towel, 183 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,026 but the door swung open, 184 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,561 and I was viewed by my classmates 185 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,329 vigorously attending to my groin. 186 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,832 Oh, and did I mention the picture of Ava's grandmother 187 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,401 water skiing in a bikini that was directly in my eyeline? 188 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,236 That happens to everyone sometimes. 189 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,704 You're gonna be fine once you drink -- 190 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,172 Ay, no! 191 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,707 Hi, Mama! Hi, Mama! Hi, Mama! 192 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,447 In the workplace, we women have been told 193 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,383 to suppress it, contain it, ignore it. 194 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,885 Well, you know what I say? 195 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,386 Grab it! Grab it. 196 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,288 Alex is not my most expressive child, 197 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,190 but when she enrolled in a business class 198 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,959 and then signed up for a lecture series 199 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,627 called "Meet the She-E-O," 200 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:37,097 it was pretty clear to me what she was trying to say -- 201 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,599 "I admire you, Mom." 202 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,367 So, what do you think? Quiet. 203 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,069 I think -- Stop talking. 204 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,571 I mean, sure, it was tough -- 205 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,405 raising three kids and running a business. 206 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,308 But when the chance to be She-E-O arose, 207 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,211 I had only one thought. 208 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,312 Grab it.Grab it. Grab it.Grab it. 209 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,914 I get it. I grabbed it. 210 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,549 I will move my seat. 211 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,951 A mother knows how to read between the lines. 212 00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,554 Alex's mouth may have said, "You're embarrassing me." 213 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,957 But her heart was saying, "You're inspiring me." 214 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:05,659 "Leave me alone." 215 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,260 "Show me the way." 216 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,329 "Are you still talking?" 217 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,799 "Never stop rocking." 218 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,934 Okay, first question. 219 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,903 Ah, right up front. 220 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:16,970 Hi. Hi. 221 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,772 Hi, I'm Alex. 222 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,307 Long-time reader, first-time grabber. 223 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,976 Anyway, I'm a biochemistry major and CalTech, 224 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,078 but your book got me thinking about a business career. 225 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,580 And now I'm considering double-majoring, 226 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,783 but is that taking on a little too much? 227 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,251 Alex, look at me. 228 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,087 If you can think it, you can grab it. 229 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,689 Aah! Oh, my God! 230 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:37,591 You're my hero, Nancy. Thank you. 231 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,425 Who's next? 232 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,160 Hmm? 233 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,995 I've got a -- just a quick comment. 234 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,197 Um, I also raised three children, 235 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,600 and I am the She-E-O of a large company. 236 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:47,768 And I got to say, 237 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,302 it's like looking a mirror, Nancy. 238 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,971 That's great. What's the company? 239 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,806 Pritchett's Closets and Blinds. 240 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,542 You sell closets and blinds? 241 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,976 Mm-hmm. 242 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,278 I could understand shutters and blinds or closets and... 243 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,713 We're good, Nancy. 244 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:03,350 What I wanted to talk about was how on page 1 of your book, 245 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,453 you say you had hard time not bringing your work home. 246 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,488 That was just a joke. 247 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,791 As you remember, my business was started in my garage. 248 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,359 Ah. 249 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,829 So, you know how it's not just family time that matters. 250 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,531 It's quality family time. 251 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,066 I agree. 252 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,201 That's why I home-school all three of my children. 253 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,370 The conference table in our boardroom 254 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,338 actually rests on their play structure. 255 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,174 What am I saying? Stand up, kids? 256 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,343 Aww!Aww! Aww!Aww! 257 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,812 So, three daddies? 258 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,913 You sound insane! 259 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,147 All right. 260 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,551 Hey, Pritch, isn't that your gay son? 261 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:38,552 Son-in-law. 262 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:41,021 You've got a gay son-in-law, too? 263 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,891 I'm not doing this dance with you guys again. 264 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,561 I don't know what I was worried about. 265 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:50,030 All I had to do was let Phil be Phil. 266 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,699 He'd never get past the vote. 267 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,367 Fortunately, clueless boobs are one group 268 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,170 the Supreme Court can't force us to let in. 269 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,839 So, tell us about yourself, Phil. 270 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,209 Well, uh, you and I have something in common, actually. 271 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,877 We're both Congressmen. 272 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,512 Go on, with that, Phil. 273 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,447 You're in the state congress, 274 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,717 and I was in the Junior Tumbling Congress. 275 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,551 I was in Tumbling Congress. 276 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:12,753 You trampoline? 277 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,788 I'm on my tramp like three nights a week! 278 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,991 The rest of the time, I'm -- I'm with my wife. 279 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,467 So, I go back to the seller 280 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,203 with an all-cash no-contingency offer 281 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,571 that'd pay off both his mortgages 282 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,206 and leave enough after capital gains 283 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,042 to put a down payment on a condo. 284 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,277 I give him an hour or I'm pulling the offer. 285 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,479 I love this story. It's like a western. 286 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,814 It was a nightmare. 287 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,884 Tumbling stories, bad jokes, and they ate it up! 288 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,753 I'd say they were being polite, 289 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,554 but I've personally seen two of those guys 290 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,556 hit pedestrians and not even slow down! 291 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,759 No, true story! True story. 292 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:52,826 One second. 293 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,494 These guys are great. 294 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,896 Listen. 295 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,765 You need one more move to drive this home, 296 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:58,966 and I'm thinking, 297 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,434 what does Phil bring to the party no else does? 298 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:02,670 Magic. 299 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,237 Are you sure? I'm a little rusty. 300 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,305 My money's on you. 301 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,774 Go big, then go home. 302 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,475 Sounded like you said -- Hey, everybody! 303 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,843 Phil's gonna do a little magic trick for you. 304 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,411 Okay, uh... 305 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,948 This one is for all of the lawyers in the room 306 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:18,518 because you're so good at making our money... 307 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:19,787 disappear. 308 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,521 Oh, hold on. 309 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,957 Um... 310 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,094 Congressman Morley, enough with the taxes. 311 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,196 You don't see us making you pay... 312 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,297 through the nose. 313 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,598 Okay, hold on. Nobody move, I got this! 314 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,666 Oh! 315 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,350 Who am I kidding? I can't fall asleep. 316 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,185 Every car alarm, every whistle of the wind 317 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,154 sounds like people laughing at me. 318 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,689 It's all in your imagination. 319 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,393 I just want to Netflix and Mom. 320 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,696 Manny, you don't understand. 321 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,699 An hour ago, I had made the perfect tub! 322 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,534 Yeah, thanks again for that, but it didn't help. 323 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:08,535 Sugar! 324 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:09,737 I love sugar! 325 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,238 Okay, that is it! 326 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,741 You don't want to go to sleep! 327 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,475 And you don't want to go to the party! 328 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,977 Then I'm canceling the nighttime! 329 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,978 Mom? 330 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,646 You heard me. It's tomorrow. 331 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,748 We're going to school. 332 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,349 Wait for me in the car. 333 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,751 Hey, Jay. 334 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,152 If you get this, please come -- 335 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,554 No one can help you now! 336 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,824 Yo, looks like everyone made it. 337 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,059 But where's Vlad? 338 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,161 The exchange student from Latvia? 339 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,362 I haven't seen him. 340 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,931 I'd love to catch up with that dreamboat. 341 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,834 So much has happened since high school. 342 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,369 Alcoholism. 343 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,939 I tried to find happiness in the bottom of a bottle. 344 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,942 A shattering depiction of human suffering. 345 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,178 But enough about how I felt. 346 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,213 I just keep remembering how Vlad and I 347 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,948 had the best time in high school. 348 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:58,518 For some of us, that was the last best time. 349 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,753 Vietnam. 350 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,221 Oof. 351 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,123 What time period was all this taking place? 352 00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,425 It didn't make any sense. 353 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,895 The way things ended with me and Vlad, 354 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,196 it still haunts me. 355 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,731 A lot of things haunt me. 356 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,234 It was the night of the prom. 357 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,903 Car accident. Shh. 358 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,437 The roads were very icy. 359 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,807 Car accident. You don't know. 360 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,910 Through the mist, I saw the truck's headlights. 361 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:26,446 When I came to, the doctor told me we'd been in a horrible 362 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:27,781 car accident! Car accident. 363 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,716 Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 364 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,952 Mitchell, this is the theater. Have some respect. 365 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:34,421 All you have to do is sit there and be quiet. 366 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,756 Tammy, you are never gonna believe who's here. 367 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,558 Who? Vlad. 368 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,327 Oh, my God, where? 369 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,628 Out there. 370 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:49,502 There he is. That's Vlad. 371 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,943 I swear I didn't know they were gonna pick you. 372 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,177 They probably assumed you were fun 373 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,746 because you were with me. They didn't know. 374 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,149 Vlad, come up here. 375 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,583 Move your country ass. I'm -- I'm leaving. 376 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,784 No, no. 377 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,086 Just go up there, hug Tammy, 378 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,921 and wait for the surprise ending. 379 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,622 I don't care about the surprise ending! 380 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,091 You go be Vlad. 381 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,360 I can't be Vlad because I am the surprise ending. 382 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,162 What? And it's a show-stopper. 383 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,429 I've been rehearsing for weeks. 384 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,331 Now, just stop being selfish and get up there. 385 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,332 Just do it! 386 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,168 We all want to get out of here! 387 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,335 Vlad. 388 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,807 I didn't know how, I didn't know when, 389 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,009 but I was gonna get him. 390 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,778 Vladdie, sweetie, you're here. 391 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,646 Oh, you're really here. 392 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:34,948 Not okay. 393 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,516 Oh, what a happy ending. 394 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,650 I'll say. 395 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,153 Okay, okay. 396 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,788 That -- That is your gum. 397 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:42,990 What a great reunion. 398 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,724 Yeah, everybody made it. 399 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,159 Almost everybody. 400 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:47,360 Oh. 401 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,695 Hello, students! 402 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,630 Janitor Joe! Janitor Joe!Janitor Joe! 403 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,166 Or should I say farewell? 404 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,202 All of a sudden, I knew how. 405 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,371 Hello again, students. 406 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:02,409 Or should I say farewell? 407 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,077 And I knew when. 408 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:06,513 Wait, wait, does -- does anybody else 409 00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:07,814 see his ghost right now? 410 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,049 What? 411 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,550 Yeah, who could forget 412 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,386 how he courageously showed up to our 25th 413 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,223 and then -- and then died in front of all of us. 414 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,857 No, I'm about to die right now. 415 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,759 Mm-hmm, in fact, I -- I remember his death 416 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,029 went a little something like -- like this. 417 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,764 I've lived a long life. 418 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,934 Mitchell, what are you doing? Many friends. 419 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,202 Oh, my beautiful Bess. 420 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,340 Even took a trip to Washington, D.C., 421 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,875 and had my picture made with the Congressman. 422 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,411 Never had any children, of course. 423 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:43,716 Which is why it was so important that I made it here tonight. 424 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,718 To see each of you. 425 00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:50,190 You are my children! 426 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,360 And I want to leave you with this one last thing. 427 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,561 Do not go gentle -- 428 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,729 Do not go gentle into that good night. 429 00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,465 Rage! 430 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:04,404 Rage against the dying of the light! 431 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,809 And I don't feel good either. 432 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,281 Yeah, good save. 433 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,216 Find anything on "Grab It" lady? 434 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,318 "Nancy Decker lawsuit" -- nope. 435 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,954 "Nancy Decker nose job" -- nope. 436 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,556 "Nancy Decker kills..." -- Oh! 437 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,959 "...at CEO comedy night." 438 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:28,161 Hello, we're here. 439 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,496 Gloria? 440 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,763 Haley, you remember that day 441 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,133 when you said that if I ever needed a nanny, 442 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,002 you would love to take care of Joe? 443 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,636 Well, here you go. No, no. 444 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,271 You can keep him for as long as you want. 445 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,572 Thank you. 446 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,442 Uh, no, uh, that doesn't really sound like me, 447 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,978 plus I have a 9-to-5 job now, so bye. 448 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,113 Please take me with you. 449 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,614 What's going on? 450 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,815 Mama's crazy. 451 00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:49,983 I am not crazy! 452 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,285 I just canceled the night. 453 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,587 Manny, maybe you could help out here. 454 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,489 Mom's upset because Joe won't go to sleep 455 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,125 and I won't go back to a party. 456 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,959 You won't go back to a party? Why? 457 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:03,163 I suffered an unfortunate series of embarrassing incidents. 458 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,166 I just want a wine bath and to go to sleep. 459 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,534 Listen up, Manny. 460 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,102 Of course you want to run away 461 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,803 from whatever happened back that party. 462 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,305 Anybody would. 463 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:15,975 But that just guarantees that it sticks with you forever. 464 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:20,380 But if you march back in there and you own it, 465 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,549 you let those people know that you're better than them, 466 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,651 and you will be a legend. 467 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,219 Okay. Yeah. 468 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,287 Okay. 469 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,789 You, get on the couch, go to sleep. 470 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,458 But I'm not tired. 471 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,793 Don't care. Five, four, three... 472 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,195 Okay, I'm going! 473 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,364 ...two... "Okay, I'm going"? 474 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:40,300 I spend hours trying, and then you just come one -- 475 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,536 The only thing I did was not be their mother. 476 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,506 Look, I don't get it either, but for some reason... 477 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:49,008 the kids respond better to other adults. 478 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,910 Yeah, but that's not fair. 479 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,712 Well, most of being a parent isn't fair. 480 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,181 Right now, Alex is obsessed 481 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,583 with some CEO business woman author 482 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:59,752 who's basically an older-looking version of me. 483 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,020 We're the same age, by the way. 484 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,655 You know that Alex look up to you, right? 485 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,491 Not by anything she says, no. 486 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,025 Yeah, they never say it. 487 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,594 I guess they think 488 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,197 that they're giving the parents too much power. 489 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,999 They find little ways to express it. 490 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,901 Being a mom is like being a model. 491 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,936 You have to learn how to live on crumbs. 492 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:17,937 Hmm. 493 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,673 Hi, honey. 494 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,243 Hey. 495 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,346 Right. 496 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,449 Honey, I'm so sorry about the way I was tonight. 497 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,750 It's okay. 498 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,952 I actually got to go backstage and meet Nancy. 499 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,122 She invited a few of us out for coffee. 500 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,589 Oh, fun. 501 00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,192 Yeah, no, uh, not fun, actually. 502 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,560 All she did was talk about herself. 503 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,562 It really just seemed like she wanted an audience. 504 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,198 And when the check came, you know what she didn't do? 505 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,199 Grab it. 506 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,200 Sorry. 507 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,801 Joe's sleeping in the couch. 508 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,670 Can he stay here? Okay, thank you so much. 509 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,574 Well, I mean, the night wasn't a total waste. 510 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,443 After she left, I sat there thinking, 511 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,877 "Why am I taking a business course anyway?" 512 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,612 I should go out in the world and do something. 513 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,948 So I saw a help-wanted sign in the coffee shop 514 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,650 and got a job as a barista. 515 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,617 Really? 516 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:05,918 Yeah, I start tomorrow. 517 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,287 I'm excited. 518 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,088 I just thought, why not get out there 519 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,323 and get my hands a little dirty, you know? 520 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:11,591 Mm-hmm. 521 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,593 Good night. 522 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,728 Good night. 523 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,904 Sauna over here. 524 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,906 Hot tub that way. 525 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,475 Legend has it that the holes 526 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,310 in the individual shower partitions 527 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:31,578 were cigar holders. 528 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,945 At least that's the story we're sticking to. 529 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,848 Follow me, folks. 530 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,650 Ever been in here, Jay? 531 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,586 This looks like a good place 532 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,588 to sweat out some Peach Melba. 533 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,793 Uh-oh. What did you do? 534 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,961 I'm stuck. 535 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,430 I think there's a wet towel wedged underneath the door. 536 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,464 Could you pull on it? 537 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,366 Is this gonna happen all the time now? 538 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,203 Me babysitting you every minute of the day? 539 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,038 It won't budge. 540 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,541 Oh, wait, I think I found the emergency button. 541 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,009 No, no! Okay! 542 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,212 Jay, I'm trying not to panic. 543 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,314 Stand back -- I'm gonna throw 544 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,549 one of these emergency rocks through the glass! 545 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,651 Aah-aah! That's hot! 546 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,119 I'm texting the front desk. 547 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,554 Listen, Phil, I can't do this. 548 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:15,555 You're leaving me here?! 549 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,157 No, I can't have you at this club! 550 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,726 This is my place, damn it. 551 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,127 No! 552 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,795 I'm sorry, Phil. 553 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,231 Can't you find another club? 554 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,898 I mean, look at my life. 555 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,166 I mean, I built my house, 556 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,968 and before I even lived in it, I got married. 557 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,069 And that's fantastic. 558 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,538 And then I have my study, 559 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,406 where I can close the door and have a glass of Scotch. 560 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,242 And now it's Joe's room, and that's fantastic. 561 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,244 But this is the only place I have left 562 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,545 that I don't have to share with my family. 563 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,148 I don't want to be that guy, but did you send that text yet? 564 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,883 The one place I feel special -- 565 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,152 they call me "Ace" and "Jay Boy" and "Pritch." 566 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,321 I'm not comfortable other places, okay? 567 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,156 But you -- you fit in everywhere. 568 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,824 The whole world is you club! 569 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,260 But I have this place! 570 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,694 You get that, right? 571 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,503 Maintenance arrived one minute later 572 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,204 and packed him in ice from the seafood bar, 573 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,273 and he was as good as new. 574 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,442 How you feeling? 575 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,743 Better. 576 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,946 Jay, I was thinking about what you said before. 577 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,116 It was so honest and sensitive. 578 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,285 And vulnerable. 579 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,552 Hey. 580 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,187 No one needs to know about that. 581 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,122 Anyway, this is your club. 582 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,957 I'm -- I'm dropping out. 583 00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:26,593 Well, you deserve it just as much as I do. 584 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,127 It's fine. 585 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,364 I can't let you give all this up. 586 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,733 For God's sake, there's the club chair 587 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,403 Fatty Arbuckle anxiously awaited his verdict. 588 00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:37,637 Jay, I mean it. 589 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,639 Well, at least let me give you something in return. 590 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:40,640 You name it. 591 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:41,874 Really? 592 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,976 Yeah. Well... 593 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,245 I don't like how happy you look right now. 594 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,780 This is living, huh? 595 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,249 How long do we have this thing for? 596 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,584 Only three hours. 597 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:52,752 You saw the sign. 598 00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,321 Every bounce counts! 599 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:55,322 Yes! 600 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,923 Get you some! Get it! 601 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:05,231 The way things ended with me and Vlad, it always haunted me. 602 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,299 Cam wasn't wrong about this. 603 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:07,400 We paid for the whole seat, 604 00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:08,935 but we're only using the edge of it. 605 00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,637 You know, I only owe you so much. 606 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,472 You don't get an unlimited number of these. 607 00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:15,342 Tammy, you are never gonna believe who's here. 608 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,809 Who? Vlad. 609 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,778 Oh, my God, where? 610 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:19,912 Out there. 611 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:22,782 I think might duck out early. 612 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:25,284 There he is. That's Vlad. 613 00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:26,686 Lucky!