1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,637 Are you sure we need that much ice, buddy? 2 00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,973 All NBA players use cold water immersion therapy. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,275 Let's do it. 4 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,344 You're right. It's not that b-- 5 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,679 Aah! 6 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:15,049 One year ago today, I had the chance to be a hero. 7 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,151 It was the annual high school charity basketball game -- 8 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,986 parents versus teachers. 9 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,588 We were raising money for Mrs. Martin 10 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:24,358 in the attendance office who lost her house in a mudslide. 11 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,894 One minute it was present, the next it was absent. 12 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:30,064 Down 2, a second left, I was fouled. 13 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,799 The game was in my hands. 14 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,937 I crumbled under the pressure. 15 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,673 I've waited a year for my shot at redemption 16 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,275 and left nothing to chance. 17 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,276 Harder! 18 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,678 I have worked out like a madman -- 19 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:48,182 passing and dribbling drills, agility training... 20 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,617 ...and I top it all off 21 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,420 with 100 free throws every day... 22 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,021 23. 24. 23 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,623 ...no matter how tired I am. 24 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,528 85. 25 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,897 It had been a year of painful training, but I was ready. 26 00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,899 Aah! 27 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:09,737 ** 28 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:22,883 I spilled juice on the rug. Please don't tell Mama. 29 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,952 Don't tell Mama? 30 00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:27,155 What about, "Don't tell Papa?" 31 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,423 A boy is supposed to fear his father. 32 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,425 I shook in my boots around my old man, 33 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:32,960 just like he did around his. 34 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:36,164 To this day, I hear the crack of a Schlitz 35 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,632 or smell some Singleton's Beard Tonic, 36 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,435 and I'm sweating like a mob rat in Little Italy. 37 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,509 Ow! Oh, I tripped! 38 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,178 Enough! 39 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,680 How many times have I told you to pick up your toys? 40 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,515 You're funny! 41 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:57,318 Enough! Pick up your toys! 42 00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:03,991 Gloria! What a surprise! 43 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,426 There's a mom at Manny's school 44 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,595 that I've had some problems with. 45 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,265 She's your typical blonde airhead Barbie doll doctor. 46 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:12,766 Hola, Donna. 47 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,268 Did you wander in by mistake? 48 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,936 You know they don't sell shoes here. 49 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,639 Oh, no, I see you buy a lot of hot dogs. 50 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,209 It's so sad when someone just gives up. 51 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,343 I'm selling these 52 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,178 at the high school charity basketball game. 53 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,679 Poor Mrs. Martin. 54 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,948 This year we're raising money to get her a new kidney 55 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,883 So, can we count on you? 56 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,285 For the kidney? 57 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,721 To write a check, like you always do. 58 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:34,788 Yes. 59 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,225 Money is almost as good as actually doing something. 60 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,795 $40 at the estate sale? Can you believe that? 61 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,163 Like, there's no way you'd even notice. 62 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,566 Dad, hi. 63 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,201 Turn on channel 12. 64 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,003 It's an exposé on cheap lumber 65 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,805 that's got some chemical in it that's making people sick, 66 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,908 and Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets bought a bunch of it. 67 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,677 Oh, look -- There's Earl's daughter, Shirl. 68 00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,913 We caught up with the local man 69 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,181 who reported flu-like symptoms 70 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,083 after contact with the tainted wood. 71 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,918 I just wanted to give my wife 72 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:05,986 a closet as beautiful as she is. 73 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,189 Didn't we buy some of -- 74 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,391 Shh! Shh, shh, shh! 75 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,260 Can you believe Earl's dum-dum daughter 76 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,262 bought wood from those bozos? 77 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,763 Of course, when you two were growing up, 78 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,231 she was always the slow one. 79 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:20,033 You remember when she thought that balloon was her friend? 80 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,702 Balloon-da Carlisle. 81 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,538 Right. Well, back to it, Dad. 82 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,173 See you later. 83 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,243 I knew that deal was too good to be true. 84 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,844 And now I'm gonna look as stupid as a girl 85 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,681 who pet two different class rabbits to death. 86 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,283 A spot of tea, sir? 87 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,184 Only if it's the fancy kind. 88 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,352 Oh, my God. 89 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,587 How good have our accents gotten? 90 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,221 It's insane. Yeah. 91 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:44,057 When Haley was 4, she and I had our first tea party, 92 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,360 and since then, we've made it a tradition 93 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,095 to meet for high tea once a year. 94 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,564 It's a time I've really come to cherish. 95 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,965 I don't love the whole tea thing. 96 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,867 Mitchell and Haley always come back giggling 97 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:57,805 over shared secrets, and I feel left out. 98 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:02,109 I once tried to start my own uncle-niece tradition, but... 99 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,544 I'm not questioning the methodology 100 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,778 behind accelerated mass spectrometry. 101 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,080 I'm merely pointing out that it's not singular 102 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,049 in its power to separate a rare isotope 103 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,951 from an abundant neighboring mass. 104 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,987 What's going on with you and that handsome weatherman? 105 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,489 Things are great, mostly. 106 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,624 -Mm! -Yeah. 107 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,958 Oh. "Mostly"? 108 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,660 Well, what's -- what's going on? 109 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:23,263 I mean, do you think it's okay for your partner 110 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:26,500 to ask you to do... anything? 111 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:29,236 Mm, no. Not anythi anything. 112 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,638 I mean, we all have our boundaries. 113 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,006 I mean, there are still things I wouldn't ask Cam to do. 114 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,008 Okay. So, um, Rainer and I 115 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,345 were in bed the other night, and... 116 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,946 And? 117 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,247 He asked me to do something 118 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,450 I'm not totally comfortable with. 119 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,852 What'd he ask you to do? 120 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,987 No -- No judgments. Just whenever you're ready. 121 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,289 So, he was lying on his side, 122 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,824 and he said that that was part of it, 123 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,527 and then he asked me to c-- 124 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:54,862 Haley! 125 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:55,863 What'd he ask you to do? 126 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:56,864 Quick, write it down on this napkin. 127 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,599 Rainer, what are you doing here? 128 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,133 Uh, you left your earbuds in my car. 129 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,469 I know you like to use them to ignore people. 130 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,670 Aww! 131 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:03,637 Do you want to join us? 132 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:07,040 You don't mind, do you, Uncle Mitch? No! 133 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,514 It feels weird to be back here. 134 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,683 This gym got the better of me once. 135 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,218 Dad, you're psyching yourself out. You're right. 136 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,621 The only thing different between this year and last 137 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,189 is I'm prepared this year. 138 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:25,559 And DeAndre Jordan and Charles Barkley are here. 139 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,362 Is this where we get our hand stamped? 140 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,831 Sometimes I like to leave and come back to things. 141 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,367 Uh, why -- why are you here? 142 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,569 Our agent's wife is a math teacher at the school. 143 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:36,737 Let's go get our seats. 144 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,238 We don't want anybody to block us. 145 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:41,642 Yeah, yeah. I -- I get that. 146 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,577 So, I'm playing in front of two NBA stars? 147 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,546 Plus, once people know they're here, 148 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,581 the crowd will be like five times the size it was last year. 149 00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:49,983 Well, we still live in a world with a fire marshal. 150 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,084 Wait. They're probably just here 151 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,821 to show their faces and make a quick exit. 152 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,989 Dad, don't let them faze you. 153 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,190 This is what you've trained for. 154 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,258 You're ready. 155 00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,660 You're right. 156 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,194 I just need to shake the jitters off a little bit. 157 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,096 I got you, Larry. 158 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,598 Spot up. 159 00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:05,666 No! 160 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,602 Gloria? Is that you? 161 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:12,272 My brain's having a hard time processing you in this context. 162 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,242 Yeah, I came to sell my nachos to raise money. 163 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,710 -How nice. -Mm-hmm. 164 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,580 Although, some people are saying it's too little too late, 165 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:22,850 that you can't just show up and get credit for it. 166 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:23,851 I think it's mean, 167 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,420 but some people are saying it seems disingenuous. 168 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:27,287 I just got here. 169 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,122 When did you talk to all these people? 170 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,624 I think you'll find this crowd 171 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:31,959 no lika da nachos. 172 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,961 I'm sorry if that sounds racist. 173 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,228 No, it didn't. 174 00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,798 I don't even know what language you were trying to make fun of. 175 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,934 Okay, since you're not leaving, you can set up down there. 176 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,135 Ah. 177 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,136 No. 178 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,606 It's very dark, and it's very far away! 179 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,441 Good luck! 180 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:49,910 Looks like that picture I Instagrammed of the three of us 181 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,779 is a big hit with Rainer Nation. Oh! 182 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,714 And is it safe to post your location like that? 183 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,982 Aren't you worried about stalkers? 184 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,049 Oh, no, it's fine. 185 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,050 Most of my followers 186 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,152 are just overly excited, love-starved old ladies. 187 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,822 Oh, I see your exclusive tea party opened up. 188 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,056 He just posted that. 189 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,758 What, are you circling the restaurant? 190 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,059 Hey, Rainer Shine. 191 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,495 You sat next to him at Thanksgiving. 192 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,563 Right! Manny! Sit down. Join us. 193 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,833 Actually, Cam, could I talk to you for a second? 194 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,935 Okay, before Rainer walked in, 195 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,269 Haley was about to tell me something upsetting 196 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,572 he asked her to do in the bedroom. 197 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:22,810 Now, I didn't get much, but he asked her to c-- 198 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:23,977 To what? 199 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,278 He asked her to c-- 200 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,313 Are you kidding me? 201 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,682 Okay, no one else come near us. Thank you. 202 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:32,452 That's all she got out -- "c--." And then Rainer walked in. 203 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,121 Well, we have to find out. 204 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,456 As her uncles, we need all the information we can 205 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,958 so we can advise her properly. 206 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,192 Yeah. She's dating an older man. 207 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,829 If she's uncomfortable, it's our duty to protect her. 208 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,296 Okay. So we said all that. 209 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,165 -What could be "c--" be? -Hmm? 210 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,033 -Carrot? -Mnh-mnh. 211 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,501 Cupping? 212 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,303 You don't think it could be a Canadian long jump, do you? 213 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,305 What part would a woman play in that? 214 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,810 That's the last of the paper trail. 215 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,811 Great. 216 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,980 Okay, and so the red pins on this map mark 217 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,682 all the locations of closets 218 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,216 that were made with the toxic wood. 219 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,052 Okay, and we have recalled 220 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,386 9 out of 10 of the contaminated closets, 221 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,688 so we only have to track down one more. 222 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,222 And since you didn't ask, the green pins 223 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:12,059 are all the addresses of potential fathers of mine. 224 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,662 Oh, hey. How're you doing? 225 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,998 Did I hear somebody using my shredder without signing it out? 226 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:18,899 No. 227 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,067 Confetti!! 228 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,201 Hey! 229 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,636 The kid doesn't fear me as he should, 230 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,471 so I brought him in here to show him my scary boss side. 231 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,472 -Play along. -Okay. 232 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,974 Ben, how dumb do you think I am? 233 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,342 You found out? Of course I found out. I know everything. 234 00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:30,410 It was her idea! 235 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,712 -Ben! -No, he's doing great. 236 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,213 You're in big trouble, mister. 237 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,682 Jay, I'm so sorry. We were just trying to s-- 238 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:35,849 Enough! 239 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,217 Come on, Joe! 240 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,353 Enough! 241 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,890 Could you have rolled over any faster? 242 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,024 My dad didn't know anything. 243 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,593 That was just a big act for his kid. 244 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,728 Yeah, I know. I was playing along to -- 245 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:48,929 Save it, okay? 246 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:53,567 Somewhere, one of these green pins is very disappointed. 247 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,843 Nachos. Come get some nachos. 248 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,012 No one even knew that I was back there. 249 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,581 You know it's loud when you can't hear my voice! 250 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,416 My goodness. 251 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,852 At this rate, I'll break my own sales record. 252 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,053 Oh. Hola. 253 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,122 Do you guys want to try some nachos? 254 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,256 That sounds pretty good. 255 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,125 Ugh, you are so transparent, Glenn. 256 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,660 Come, come, come. 257 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,963 We're expanding to chips. 258 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:26,700 Mmm. Mmm! 259 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:27,968 Cam, you're staring. 260 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,103 No, I'm not. So are you. 261 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,204 Ooh, I should take this. 262 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,707 It might be drizzle-related. 263 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:37,410 So, Haley, we are here to help you. Tell us what "c--" is. 264 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,712 You told him? 265 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:40,748 You can confide in us. We're middle-aged gay men. 266 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,083 Whatever it is, we have heard of it. 267 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,217 Fine. 268 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,585 The other night, Rainer asked me 269 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:48,656 if I would be into candling. 270 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,492 -Oh. -Oh. 271 00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:53,994 You know what that is, right? 272 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:54,995 -Yes! -Yes! 273 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,597 It's when you do the... 274 00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,066 And then -- And then you -- 275 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,935 And then you do the -- the boop, boop. 276 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:07,440 Candling is where you light a hollow candle and insert it... 277 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,442 into one of the ear canals... 278 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,679 to remove ear wax. 279 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,413 Ah -- Oh, God. 280 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,682 The thing is, I don't know if I want to be 281 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,183 that intimate with Rainer. 282 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,618 Am I really ready to see gunk coming out of his ear? 283 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,620 I mean, like, what if he stops being sexy? 284 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,022 Well, it is intimacy like that 285 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,291 that separates casual dating from something more serious. 286 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,625 But what about what you said earlier, 287 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:28,161 how even committed relationships like yours have boundaries? 288 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,462 Excuse me, what boundaries? 289 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,598 Hey, my phone died. Can I borrow one of yours? 290 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,600 You told her we have boundaries? 291 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,335 You told them I asked you to candle me? 292 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,404 Okay, I feel like this tea's getting away from us. 293 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,142 Nachos! Get your nachos here! 294 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,878 Get! 295 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:45,979 Get! 296 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,352 Goaltending! Ref, do your job! 297 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:53,687 I'm a pharmacist. 298 00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:54,888 Oh, sorry. 299 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,625 -Phil. -Oh! 300 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,626 You seem a little tight, man. 301 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:00,828 Hey, DeAndre Jordan. 302 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,996 Uh, no, no, no, just working out the jim-jams. 303 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,364 First half's about getting a read. 304 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,332 Yeah, right. 305 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,167 I didn't realize that fans were coaching. 306 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,002 And you're helping the parents. 307 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,004 Teachers are the backbone of our country. 308 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:11,905 Get out of here. 309 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,373 Parenting is the hardest job in the world. 310 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,242 I'm so sick of you acting like you know everything. 311 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,244 Going to therapy did nothing for you. 312 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,012 First of all, stop transferring. 313 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,014 Secondly, how about I coach that team, 314 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,482 you coach this team? 315 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,052 10 Dolphin Dollars you and Phil are going down. 316 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:25,886 Oh, um -- 317 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,220 10? 318 00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,322 You can't even get a Foam Flipper with that. 319 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,190 Let's make it 50. 320 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,691 D.J., please. 321 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,093 How bout 50 real ones? 322 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,561 Okay. Make it five grand. 323 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,096 That's the jump? 324 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,364 Go win this for me. 325 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,732 - Okay. 326 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,333 We're on the same team! 327 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,534 Foul! Somebody fouled me! 328 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,736 Stop flopping! 329 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,004 Phil, come on, man. Focus! 330 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,338 We just bet our Olympic gold medals. 331 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,475 Why? No one's making you do this! 332 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,714 I hate that I made you uncomfortable. 333 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,583 I-I just wanted us to be real with each other. 334 00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:57,650 I want that, too. 335 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,021 I think I'm ready. I will candle you. 336 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,022 Oh, look at that -- 337 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,024 two virtual strangers breaking down walls 338 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,092 when I didn't even know we had any. 339 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,559 When I told Haley we had boundaries, 340 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,295 I just meant that there are certain things 341 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,863 I'd rather not ask you to do. 342 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:10,697 Like what? 343 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,765 We should be open and honest 344 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,034 about whatever our wants and needs are. 345 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,969 As long as we're being real, 346 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,570 there's something you need to know. 347 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,472 There is absolutely nothing I -- 348 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,208 Shh! I want to hear this. Give me your hands. 349 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,643 Okay, deep breath. Come on, Haley. 350 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,247 I draw in my eyebrows. 351 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,481 Oh. 352 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,817 This is the real me. 353 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,987 Did he leave? Is he still here? 354 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,990 I'm still here, and you're still beautiful. 355 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,059 Stop running from me. 356 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,328 Fine. 357 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,595 I have a confession of my own. 358 00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:43,797 Two seconds. 359 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,065 I've never told anyone this. 360 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,236 I use tape to pull my neck back. 361 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,637 I knew it! 362 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,840 Wow. So brave. 363 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,275 I feel so naked right now. Me, too. 364 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,177 They look exactly the same, right? 365 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,311 No, what they look is happy 366 00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,312 because they are brave enough 367 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,780 to be vulnerable with each other. 368 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,582 Cam -- It's just ironic 369 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,618 that you won't ask me to do whatever it is 370 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,287 because you're worried I'll judge you, 371 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,289 but I'm judging you now for not trusting me, 372 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,390 and that hurts. 373 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,295 You're right, of course. 374 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,297 This is only bringing us closer together. 375 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,366 Uh-huh! Who'd you say normally does this? 376 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,268 Uh, this place near my old office. 377 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,435 Lily in a pinch. 378 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,104 Okay, well, I think that's it. 379 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,372 Oh, no, you have to go over it one more time. 380 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,808 Okay, we're not painting a bridge. 381 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,110 Okay, I've checked twice. 382 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,779 There's no invoice for this last closet. Well, there has to be, 383 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,214 and we've got to find it before my dad does. 384 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,316 Is there any chance you accidentally shredded it? 385 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,485 Don't worry. If I did, it's an easy restore. 386 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,821 I was regional jigsaw champion in the under-60 category. 387 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,825 That weird sneeze. 388 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,995 You sound like the guy who was sick on the news. 389 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,964 No, that guy was falling apart. 390 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,866 Aah! You can't be infected. 391 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,968 It's not like you've spent any time around that wood. 392 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,403 I mean, you don't hang out in the warehouse. 393 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,972 I've seen how much those guys pants you. Oh, my God. 394 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,540 My mom has a new boyfriend, 395 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,175 and she doesn't want him to know she has kids, 396 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,844 so when he comes over, I sleep in the conference room. 397 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,646 Which is where the sample closet is, 398 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,015 which is why there's no record of it! 399 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,549 Oh, God! 400 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,420 I don't like to talk about it a lot, 401 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,055 but I have a certain expertise in timber. 402 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,689 Even blindfolded, 403 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,692 I can tell a Galapagos teak from a Maltese cherry. 404 00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:21,895 Came in handy for a cop friend of mine. 405 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,064 Helped him round up the Cedar Boys. 406 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,333 Dad? Hey! 407 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,001 What are you doing in here, huh? 408 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,736 I'm checking out this new wood. 409 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,438 It's not new wood. 410 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,908 The hell's the matter with him? 411 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:37,110 He's got allergies. Yeah. Allergies. Allergies. 412 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:38,711 Oh, Dad, have you -- have you seen 413 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,180 this new fish tank we just got? 414 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,414 Check it. 415 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:42,682 Where did you say we got this wood? 416 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,351 Please, stop obsessing about the wood. 417 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,186 -Hungry little sucker, huh? -Oh, yeah. 418 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,787 You sure that's okay for him to eat? 419 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:48,788 Yeah, it's fine. 420 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,224 Those fish are celebrated for their hardiness. 421 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,392 Yeah, hardy. 422 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,027 Yeah, they're very popular amongst rappers 423 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:57,797 'cause they do equally well in Jacuzzis and champagne. 424 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,199 Where's Joe? 425 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,567 -He's with Margaret. -Oh, okay. 426 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,269 I'm gonna bring him in here, have him check out this fish. 427 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,304 -That's a good idea. -Getting back to this wood. 428 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,873 Dad, the wood is fine. It's -- 429 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,608 Oh, my -- 430 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,944 Turns out, the wood doesn't just make people sick. 431 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,412 It also kills fish. 432 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,315 Well, I couldn't let Dad know I bought murder wood, 433 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,484 so I sent Ben to get a replacement fish 434 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,718 from the tank in the lobby. 435 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,787 So, those seem right to you? Hmm? 436 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,089 They're study enough. 437 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,756 Smooth pivot. 438 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,093 Even glide. 439 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,895 I was already suspicious of that wood, but then it kills a fish? 440 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,098 Claire obviously bought some of that tainted lumber, 441 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,765 and then she tries hide it? 442 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,668 She must think I'm denser than a Ponderosa maple. 443 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,137 That's a nice, easy ride. 444 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,838 Yeah. 445 00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,974 Hey, kiddo, why's your hand wet? 446 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,409 It's not. It's sweaty. 447 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,977 I went to the gym this morning. 448 00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:46,079 Fridays, I do legs and hands. 449 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,614 Claire, here's the water you asked for. 450 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,948 Thank you! 451 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,751 My tooth just fell out. 452 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,353 You know, I got a little something stuck in my throat. 453 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,487 Give me a slug of that water. 454 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,256 Oh, no, you don't want this lobby water. 455 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,190 I just need a sip. 456 00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:58,425 It's from the fountain, 457 00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,993 and the warehouse guys put their mouth all over it. 458 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,128 Just give it to me. 459 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,529 I can't. 460 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,967 Oh, my God, you actually did it. 461 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,203 Can you feel that thing swimming around in your belly? 462 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,938 You knew there was a fish in there? 463 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,640 I saw you toss the other one out. 464 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,308 You're so afraid of getting caught screwing up, 465 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,443 you'd swallow an animal? 466 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,878 This sort of seems like a family thing, 467 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,781 and my vision is tunneling, so... 468 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,951 All right, well, we recalled all the bad wood, 469 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,187 but that doesn't mean that we didn't screw up. 470 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,688 So, go ahead, let me have it. 471 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,190 Tear my head off. 472 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,192 Tell me how I've disappointed you yet again. 473 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,127 And what is happening? 474 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,164 All day long I've been trying to get Joe to fear me. 475 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,899 Maybe that's not the best thing for kids. 476 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,801 Hi. 477 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,536 Well, I made six Dolphin Dollars 478 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,405 plus 20 real ones from some weirdo 479 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,374 who wanted me to ladle cheese straight into his mouth. 480 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,176 Ew. All right, papi, thank you so much, 481 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,212 but I still need help attracting customers over there. 482 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,980 Oh, I can see if Phil has that thing in his car 483 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,482 that flails around like this. 484 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,583 Claire? 485 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:57,817 No, his Tube Dude. 486 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,319 Oh. 487 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,520 Oh! 488 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,222 Can I help you with anything? 489 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,590 I'm just going to buy a snack 490 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,024 with my last five Dolphin Dollars. 491 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,259 I don't want to throw them away. 492 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,360 That's how they get you. 493 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,496 The nachos are amazing. 494 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,497 But do not get anything 495 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,564 from the stand that is over there -- 496 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:12,699 The hot dog lady? 497 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,201 She just said the same thing about you. 498 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,370 You two remind me of me and DeAndre Jordan. 499 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,406 We have a rivalry, and I don't know why. 500 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:22,209 Maybe in life, we resent people who hold up a mirror 501 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,511 and force us to look at the worst in ourselves. 502 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,514 I see what you're saying, Charles Barkley. 503 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,048 And that's what we call an assist. 504 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,119 Hand stamp. 505 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,722 Donna, we have to stop this fighting. 506 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,459 A wise man once told me that we resent mirrors 507 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,928 that show us what we don't want to see. 508 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,296 That's ridiculous. 509 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,631 I love mirrors. 510 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,399 But the point is that I was mad 511 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:49,569 because you made me see who I really am, 512 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:52,539 and I was shocked to see what I have become. 513 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,640 Stop talking. 514 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,475 You're sounding human, and I don't like that. 515 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:59,446 I am soft, privileged lady, and I thought that bothered me. 516 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:02,582 Until today, I realized that it doesn't. 517 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,284 I don't want to do this. 518 00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,819 I love my pretty, pretty life. 519 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,555 The only thing that makes me feel bad 520 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,658 is that I don't really feel bad about it. 521 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,763 Thank you so much for opening up to me. 522 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,299 I almost started to feel something for you, 523 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,100 but then when you said you don't feel guilty, 524 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,003 my rage returned tenfold. 525 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,973 And I need that rage. It gets me up in the morning. 526 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,843 Well, if it helps you, I eat everything I want, 527 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,945 and I work out like once a year. 528 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,047 You're horrible. 529 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,151 Oh, thank you. 530 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,353 All right, guys -- tie game, three seconds left. 531 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,489 There's only one thing that they're not gonna be expecting. 532 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,756 We're gonna get the ball to Phil. 533 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,657 What? 534 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,359 They're not even guarding you. 535 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,695 I'm so sure of this play, I just bet Barkley my car. 536 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,197 Is it a-a Honda? 537 00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,465 No, it's a Phantom with my head as the hood ornament. 538 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,201 All right, let's win this thing. 539 00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:56,869 Phil, honey, hi! I'm sorry we're late, 540 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,371 but at least we're here for the end of the game. 541 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,307 I could really use a win on the day I drank a fish. 542 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,508 Drank like a fish. 543 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,543 Wow, a bunch of NBA players are tweeting about this bet 544 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,312 between Charles Barkley and DeAndre Jordan. 545 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,679 And they're live-streaming it, 546 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,847 so like 60,000 people are watching. 547 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,816 Since when do people care about basketball? 548 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,118 Calm down, Phil. You can do this, pal. 549 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,221 You choose now to believe in me for the first time? 550 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:16,689 All right, Phil. You got this, man. 551 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,493 Two shots! 552 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:22,995 I can't go, Coach. 553 00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:25,031 Ow! My ankle. 554 00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,235 Well, well, well... 555 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,337 League rules dictate, if a player can't attempt 556 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,405 a free throw because of injury, 557 00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,507 opposing team gets to pick the shooter. 558 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,409 Right, but you're not a know-it-all. 559 00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:38,578 Don't give this anger power. 560 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,180 I pick you. Don't choke. 561 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,184 Come on, honey. Come on, Phil. 562 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,827 Phil Dunphy to the free-throw line. 563 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,263 Tie score. 564 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,699 This is for all the marbles, folks. 565 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,272 Come on! 566 00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,442 What happened? 567 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:11,378 It's gonna take an hour to get the power back up, 568 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,079 so they called the game. 569 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,582 I just feel so bad for Phil. 570 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,750 You know him as this happy-go-lucky guy, 571 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,753 but he has been beating himself up over this for a year. 572 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,756 Oh, and he was so close! 573 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,025 It's gonna haunt him never knowing 574 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,495 if he would have made that shot. 575 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,065 Game's on the line. 576 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,269 Everybody's watching. 577 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,574 This one's for all the marbles, folks. 578 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,792 Son of a bitch made it. 579 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,731 You know, I'm glad we're doing this again. 580 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,999 Yeah, I think we just put too much pressure on it the first time. 581 00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,234 You know, humans aren't the only ones 582 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,402 who respond badly to pressure. 583 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,604 Did I ever tell you about the day without eggs? 584 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,273 It was at the start of the Omelet Days Festival. 585 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,443 Up with the sun, I grab my basket, 586 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:21,348 into the henhouse I go -- 34 hens, nary an egg. 587 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,682 I know, I know. 588 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:26,319 My grandpa said it was the worst case of avian anxiety 589 00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:28,154 he'd seen since Pearl Harbor. 590 00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:31,023 That's when they had to take the radio out of the coop. 591 00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:34,661 -- Captions by VITA --