1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:03,704 Hey, buddy. 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:04,505 Nothing! 3 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:05,873 Sorry. Habit. 4 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:08,176 I'm not actually doing anything wrong. 5 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,810 Just checking to see if I got into A.S.U. 6 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,212 Without us?! 7 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:12,980 Guys, get in here! 8 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,182 It's happening! 9 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,883 Phil saw videos online 10 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,251 of families celebrating 11 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,053 the moment their kid got into college. 12 00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,988 For pure drama, you can't beat that thing 13 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,224 when an entire family's nervous anticipation 14 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,393 turns into an explosion of utter joy. 15 00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,661 Come on! Come on, N-Y... 16 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,030 - Notre... 17 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,265 - ...Damn. 18 00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,667 All righty, here we go. 19 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,404 And record and... 20 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,606 "Welcome to Arizona State"... 21 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,242 It's happening! Oh, my God! 22 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,010 "Welcome to Arizona State's admissions portal." 23 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,579 "We regret to inform you"... 24 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,948 Aww, pal... 25 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,417 Well, don't leave us in suspense. 26 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:50,418 What did they say? 27 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,687 -- Captions by VITAC -- 28 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,729 ** 29 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,033 Hey, I just peeked in on Lily, 30 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,735 and guess who she was curled up with on her bed? 31 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,570 If it's not the cat, I'm gonna be really upset about 32 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,771 how you're teasing this out. 33 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,241 I love that she has a pet that she's close to 34 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,543 like I was with my pet pig Lily. 35 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,445 Still no guilt, I see, after tricking me into 36 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,979 naming our daughter after bacon. 37 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,781 I was very close to that pig. 38 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:21,782 For heaven's sakes, 39 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,484 I still have her ashes in the garage. 40 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,085 True. 41 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,155 I recently started exercising in the garage, 42 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,589 and on the first day, I, uh -- 43 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,391 I dropped a couple of pounds. 44 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:36,930 I knew Mitchell was lying. 45 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:40,234 I was just giving him the opportunity to come clean. 46 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,670 I had discovered the urn was empty. 47 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,243 Lily? 48 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,611 You know, I was thinking tonight 49 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,613 maybe we could bury the ashes in the back yard 50 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,114 after we get back from your dad's. 51 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,916 It's a perfect night to pay tribute. 52 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,685 W-Why? The Pig Moon. 53 00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:58,652 I'm sorry? One more time. 54 00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,120 The Pig Moon. 55 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:03,023 Every 18 years, the moon takes on a pink hue, 56 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,925 and it aligns with Orion. 57 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,194 Oh. It's a huge deal back home. 58 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,428 There's a festival, 59 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,797 they empty out all the jails as a sign of goodwill. 60 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,332 So, we're having, like, a ceremony tonight? 61 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,266 Yes, sweetie. 62 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,601 But don't we have grandpa's? 63 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,303 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, you know what? 64 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,638 we're always looking for a credible reason to leave early. 65 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,139 So, what are we supposed to say? 66 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,974 "No -- no dessert for us. We got to get home. 67 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,443 We got to bury the 25-year-old ashes 68 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,811 of a Brunswick King sow." 69 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:24,845 Wow. Nice attitude. 70 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,980 It's almost like you want Pig Moon John 71 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,749 to fill your hunting boot with coal. 72 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,221 This is so slow! 73 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,122 If you're on the Pritchett's Closets website, 74 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,624 we're aware of the slowdown. 75 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,359 It's either a hack by the Chinese 76 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,361 or that Chinese hack I hired to fix the website. 77 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,895 No, I'm trying to get tickets 78 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,164 for tonight's Gloria Estefan concert. 79 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,466 That's a little on the nose. 80 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,534 Mom, it happened again! 81 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,504 Jay, sit down here and pay attention. 82 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:52,473 Ugh! You have to move fast when it's your turn, 83 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,842 or they'll move to the next person. 84 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:58,212 Joe, this is exactly why we're not giving you a knife 85 00:02:58,246 --> 00:02:59,813 until you turn 6 years old. 86 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,148 I missed the days 87 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,317 when people stood in actual lines. 88 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,386 If you weren't willing to stand in the rain, 89 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,755 you didn't get to see Gary Puckett & the Union Gap. 90 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,227 Ow! Damn it! 91 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,230 What? It was one second! 92 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,932 Okay, give it back to me. 93 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:19,900 No need. I got 'em. 94 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,269 Oh, really? And you paid? 95 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,570 Yeah, you got your browser 96 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:23,937 filling out your credit card info. 97 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,005 It's not super secure, 98 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,374 but, whoever steals them 99 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,941 will probably spend less than you. 100 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,910 Oh, what a B-U-tiful morning. 101 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,112 I joke because I've been accepted to B.U. 102 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,548 Oh, Manny, I'm so proud of you! 103 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:35,916 I'm six for six. 104 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,885 So many suitors -- not sure which to choose from. 105 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,253 I feel like Lady Mary 106 00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,788 in the last season of "Downton Abbey." 107 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,390 I'd avoid the big football schools. 108 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,057 And tonight we're going to celebrate. 109 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,058 We're going to a concert. 110 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,594 I got the tickets online. 111 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,862 Easier than buying them at the venue, I guess. 112 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,464 What is the venue, uh, by the way? 113 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,965 You can't buy them at the door. 114 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:52,966 It's a private concert. 115 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,134 It's just for the fan club. 116 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,870 I remember our first Gloria Estefan concert. 117 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,372 You were so little, 118 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,909 sitting on my shoulders, holding the lighter. 119 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,210 I'm gonna leave. 120 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,413 Yes, before I know it. 121 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,547 No, right now. 122 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,148 I obviously need something to wear tonight. 123 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,317 Oh, okay. I'll go with you. 124 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,552 What a great idea. Go! Make a day of it. 125 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,220 No, wait, wait, wait -- 126 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,756 I can't go to the mall wearing my house heels. 127 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,891 What a good excuse to buy a nice pair of new ones. 128 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,560 That's why I love you. 129 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,696 Always remember that. 130 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,233 Thank you so much, Mrs. Pasternak. 131 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,001 I'm sure you're wondering why I want these ashes. 132 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,136 Not really, 133 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,404 but I'm gonna need the urn back. 134 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,972 I'm gonna turn it into a lamp. 135 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,415 Hello, Mitchell. Oh, God! 136 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,018 Is everything okay? 137 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,620 You're looking a little ashen. 138 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:47,788 I'm fine. 139 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,990 I-I -- I accidentally spilled pig Lily's ashes, 140 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,325 and I -- I thought that I would -- 141 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,994 You would just replace them with Morris Pasternak's? 142 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,630 How'd you know? His class ring is by your foot. 143 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,799 Oh, yeah. That pig was my best friend. 144 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,167 Didn't you eat her mother? 145 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,602 You know, you have no respect 146 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,437 for anything that's important to me. 147 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,506 My whole upbringing is just a big joke to you. 148 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,681 Dad, I was thinking about the Pig Moon funeral tonight 149 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,516 and how important Lily was to you. 150 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,285 Aww, that is so sweet. 151 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,488 You definitely inherited her compassion. 152 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,490 Remember that finger painting that I made of her, 153 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,692 the one that you said that was museum quality? 154 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:25,893 Can we bury it with her? 155 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:28,128 I know exactly where it is. 156 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,230 I know exactly where it was. 157 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,067 Ohh. 158 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:39,807 Ohh! 159 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,510 It's an e-mail for Luke from my alma mater. 160 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,677 Let's get him! Oh, no, no! 161 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,312 No, what if it's more bad news? 162 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,680 Maybe you should read it first. 163 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,482 Claire, I am as anxious as you are 164 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,851 to find out if he's gonna be a Bulldog like his old man, 165 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,486 but we can't violate his trust. 166 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,522 Sure, we could mark it as unread to cover our tracks, 167 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,656 but we'd know -- 168 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,657 He didn't get in. 169 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,059 What?! He's a legacy! 170 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,929 Bulldog drool courses through his jowls! 171 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,097 I know, and it's his seventh rejection. 172 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,899 He's gonna be so disappointed. 173 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,267 And embarrassed. 174 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,368 We have that dinner at Jay's tonight. 175 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,570 I bet Manny got in everywhere. 176 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,371 Oh, God. 177 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,506 Is this it? 178 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,207 I mean, is Luke not going to college? 179 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,709 It's not over. 180 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:16,910 Delete. 181 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,345 What are you doing? I'm driving up there 182 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,747 to tell them they made a mistake. 183 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,181 They'd be lucky to have a kid like Luke. 184 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,050 Well, I guess it -- it can't hurt. 185 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,385 I mean, it's not like they can super reject him. 186 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,087 Although, Michigan did use that exact term. 187 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,395 You're on Caliente 96.3 with Diego and The Donkey. Hello! Yes! 188 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,698 I'm calling about the Gloria Estefan tickets. 189 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,799 And they're all yours 190 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,601 if you can complete this lyric -- 191 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,402 "Turn the blank around." Mm... 192 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,037 One of her biggest hits from the '90s. 193 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,439 We've been playing it all morning. 194 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,575 "Turn the car around." Nope. Two more guesses. 195 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,042 "Turn the boat around." 196 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,478 Try again. 197 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,879 "Turn the economy around"! 198 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,215 You're an ass. 199 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,584 Damn it! 200 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,954 Wow. I just got super accepted to Michigan. 201 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:03,290 He's the second Delgado to go to college. 202 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,458 My cousin went to 203 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,727 the best medical school in Colombia. 204 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,762 They would not just accept any cadaver. 205 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:09,830 Okay, Mom, let's go. 206 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,465 Oh, yeah, but wait. 207 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,234 You remember when your head was this tiny? 208 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,604 Okay. Mom, Mom, I think I'm set for hats. 209 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,972 I know when a female's about to burst into tears. 210 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,240 I've seen it enough times. 211 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,642 I had to keep my mom away 212 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,411 from anything that reminded her I was moving away 213 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,680 and keep myself away from Williams Sonoma. 214 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:27,848 I could lose an afternoon. 215 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,351 A pet store. These are fun. 216 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:32,986 I think he misses his mommy. 217 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,422 He'll forget about her by the time we get to the car. 218 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,591 On second thought, let's catch a movie. 219 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,860 They always help keep your mind off of things. 220 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,394 Oh. 221 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,164 Wait, Officer -- No! 222 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,299 My car is only here because I was being responsible! 223 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,001 I was babysitting my uncle Joe 224 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,603 and got too drunk to drive home! 225 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,473 What is this thing?! 226 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:54,474 The Barnacle. 227 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:55,776 They stick it on your car 228 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,545 when you have unpaid parking tickets. 229 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,979 I couldn't let my parents see it, 230 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,480 because I knew they'd just overreact 231 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,349 and lecture me about being irresponsible, 232 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,884 and I couldn't pay to remove it 233 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,886 because I just maxed out my credit card 234 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,955 on these insanely expensive pair of sunglasses. 235 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,723 I don't love 'em. 236 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,726 Okay. 237 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,963 I just had to re-create Lily's painting of Pig Lily, 238 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,665 and she'd be none the wiser. 239 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:21,401 Oh, it's like painting with sausages. 240 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:24,805 Sorry, Cam, no pig painting by Lily here. 241 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,540 I do have some random scribbles 242 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,475 that Luke made when he was... 243 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,177 Huh, that's a little later than I'd hoped. 244 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,712 Fine. 245 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,146 Not a word of this to Mitchell. 246 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,181 I'm sure you're curious why. 247 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,215 Wrong again. 248 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,087 Hi. You're the first one here. Don't worry. 249 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,221 We don't have to make conversation. 250 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,355 Ooh! A scrapbook! 251 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,857 Aww, look at this. 252 00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,326 All of our old school projects -- 253 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,261 paintings by me and Claire. 254 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:50,530 Aww! You're just a big softie, aren't 'cha? 255 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:53,100 My lawyer's secretary put that together for my image 256 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,434 at the divorce trial. 257 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,670 There's the old bear. Grr! 258 00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:58,438 Oh, this is from my 8th birthday. 259 00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:01,074 I made Mom throw a party with a whole farm theme. 260 00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:02,409 You know what? I need this. 261 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,878 Cam thinks I look down on his farm life. 262 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:07,047 This'll prove to him that -- Bup, bup, bup. This comes with a price. 263 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,916 You can get me Gloria Estefan tickets, right? 264 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,050 Dad, that is offensive. 265 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,084 Not every gay person 266 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,186 is connected to Gloria Estefan. 267 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:13,921 But you are, right? 268 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,923 It's complicated. 269 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,424 Cam briefly dated a member 270 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,960 of Gloria Estefan's band, The Miami Sound Machine. 271 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,729 He doesn't talk about it much. 272 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,698 Just whenever someone mentions her or Miami. 273 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,533 Or humidity. 274 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,035 Well... 275 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,569 when I get the tickets, you get the picture. 276 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,071 Mean! 277 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,106 Hey, hey! 278 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,141 Um, how would you feel about 279 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,643 asking Cam to use his connections 280 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,444 to get two Gloria Estefan tickets for tonight 281 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,812 and then secretly giving them to me? 282 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,313 I'll do it, 283 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,382 but I need you to help me with my car first. 284 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,717 I'd ask my parents, but -- 285 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,418 They wouldn't understand. It's not your fault. 286 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,487 Yeah. Okay. Let's go. Mm-hmm. 287 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,657 Are we sure this is the best way to do this? 288 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,458 All we have to do is 289 00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:52,793 make sure that my parents don't see it 290 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,827 by moving it down the street. 291 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:54,962 Okay? Hold on. I'm your eyes. 292 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,263 Hug the curb. 293 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,798 Haley, just -- All right. Straighten out. 294 00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,199 T-Turn on your hazards. 295 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,902 That's the windshield wiper! You're on my leg! Move! 296 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,104 Oh, God! I'm -- 297 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,073 All right. 298 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,075 Let's just breathe, let's take a moment... 299 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,276 Can you just get off my leg, please? 300 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,477 I'm not -- I'm s-- I'm not -- 301 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,012 Are we going backwards? You put us in reverse. 302 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,513 Okay, hit the brake. 303 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,015 That is the gas! 304 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,850 How do you have a license?! 305 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:18,585 I can't move! You're on my leg! 306 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,856 Okay. Good first try. 307 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,826 Can't believe you didn't treat yourself 308 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,094 to a Bulldog Blast. 309 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,762 Isn't that basically just sugar, ice, 310 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,131 and the stuff they you use to cover the Blue Man Group? 311 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,332 Hi. Hi. 312 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,801 We're here to see the Dean of Admissions. 313 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,368 We called. We're the Dunphys. 314 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,870 Ah. I'll tell Dean Hinden you're here. 315 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,538 Um, eh -- Hinden? 316 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,073 Yes. Dean Rudolf Hinden. 317 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,610 I have a bad feeling. 318 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,779 Well, honey, you did just have two of those antifreezes. 319 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,114 No. 320 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,049 Rudy Hinden -- We were classmates. 321 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,518 Super annoying -- Always "On." 322 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,987 We cheered together, we -- we tumbled together, 323 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,122 we rolled around together, 324 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,656 but we were never close. 325 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,026 When I say "Bull," you say "Dog"! 326 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,627 Bull! Dog! 327 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,661 Bull! Dog! 328 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:02,863 Hey, Rudy! 329 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,297 This is my wife Claire. 330 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,498 Hi. Pleasure. 331 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,067 Nice to meet you. Wow. 332 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,069 Well, please come on in. 333 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,004 Oh! Great trampoline. Thanks. 334 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,473 I like to bounce at least 20 minutes a day. 335 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,542 It's where I get my best ideas. Okay. 336 00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:16,844 How quirky. 337 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:18,879 Oh, hey, Phil, 338 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,680 where were Nationals senior year? 339 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,215 Cleveland, Oh-- Hi-o! 340 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,583 Can you imagine putting up with this 341 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,919 for years on end? It's hard. 342 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,855 Tell you what, I'll give it some bounce time 343 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,422 and hit you back with an answer. 344 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,058 Listen, you seem busy. 345 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,425 I'll get straight to it. 346 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,227 Our son Luke applied and didn't get in, 347 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,396 and I think it's worth reconsidering. 348 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,732 He's a great kid. He's just a late bloomer. 349 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:41,168 Okay. I think we can make something happen for your boy. 350 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,003 Really? 351 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,772 Yeah, we've let in way worse applicants than him. 352 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,206 Rudy! Wha-- 353 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,009 Thank you! You're the B-E-S-T best! Yeah. 354 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,844 No problemo. 355 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,546 I'll just, uh... 356 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,882 Hey. 357 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,383 While you're here, 358 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,185 I've always wanted to ask you something. 359 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,187 You remember that magic trick you used to do 360 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,122 where you got out of a straitjacket blindfolded? 361 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,023 Barnum's Humbug. 362 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,358 Yeah. That one. 363 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,426 How'd you do it? 364 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,295 Magic. I-I feel like -- 365 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,462 No, no, no, really -- 366 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,198 I've been trying to figure it out for years. 367 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,065 Um, I'm sorry. 368 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,801 It's -- It's not customary 369 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,969 for a magician to reveal his secrets. 370 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,438 It's also not "customary" for a dean of admissions 371 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,573 to alter an applicant's status, so... 372 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,211 I'll go get the straitjacket from the nurse. 373 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,914 You're gonna do it, right? 374 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,581 I don't know. 375 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,083 Let me bounce on it. 376 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:33,653 Phil. 377 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,290 Sweetheart? 378 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:42,930 Phil. Honey, Phil, you can't possibly 379 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:43,997 be struggling with this decision. 380 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,432 Do you know what happens to magicians 381 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:46,666 who reveal their secrets, Claire? 382 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:47,600 They're shunned. 383 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,169 Doesn't that happen already? 384 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,437 Listen, I possess knowledge 385 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,339 passed down from the ancient Egyptian conjurers 386 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,141 to the prestidigitators of the Dark Ages 387 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,775 to the amateur illusionists of today. 388 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,277 I am worried about another trick. 389 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,179 I am trying to make our son disappear 390 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,581 to a barely accredited four-year college. 391 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,750 There he is. Okay, here we are. 392 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,186 Why don't you go ahead and put these on. 393 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,522 No, no, no. In here. 394 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,258 I want to make sure I get this. 395 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,659 I want to see everything. 396 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,494 Hm. Okay. 397 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,628 Okay, I got it. 398 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,968 I didn't quite grasp what I was asking Phil to do, 399 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,936 but, um... 400 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,537 it got weird. 401 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,339 Okay. 402 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,807 All right. Whenever you're ready. 403 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,776 Wait, th-this isn't going on the Internet, is it? 404 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,810 No, it's just for me. 405 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,812 The challenge with this escape 406 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,983 is, uh, releasing the shackles in the correct order 407 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,351 baring yourself gradually. 408 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,120 Okay, more upbeat. Do the patter. What? 409 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,955 I want to hear the old patter. 410 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,991 Blindfold him. 411 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,360 Take it. Yes...sir. 412 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,897 Um... 413 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,298 Phil. 414 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,633 Honey, you don't have to do this. 415 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,701 Luke can join the army. 416 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,003 It's okay. 417 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,837 I may be locked up, but my mind is free. 418 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,006 Okay. 419 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,074 Imagine yourself in a museum 420 00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,742 filled with the world's oddities. 421 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,211 No, no, no, no. Slow down. 422 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,645 Enjoy it. 423 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,546 And turn around 424 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,215 so I can get a good look at the back. 425 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,418 Let me see the back. 426 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,087 Behold the freak 427 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:18,025 for all to see. 428 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,128 Go get my tickets. 429 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,363 Is my hair a mess? 430 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,431 It's so humid out. 431 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,899 You want to talk about humidity? 432 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,267 I once spent a steamy weekend 433 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,936 with a certain member of the Miami Sound Machine. 434 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,737 That's crazy! 435 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,739 Do you know that they're in town tonight? What? 436 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,074 Can you get me two tickets? 437 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,442 Oh, my God. 438 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,010 These hands -- 439 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,079 they're so small and delicate like a child. 440 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,247 I know. 441 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,515 This watch came from an American Girl doll. 442 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,052 Are you gonna hook me up or what? Yes, yes. 443 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,254 Just as soon as you and your tiny little hands 444 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:48,555 re-create a painting for me. 445 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,223 This way. 446 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,125 What do you think? 447 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,860 I was going for dark and mysterious, 448 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,295 but I'm afraid I circled right back 449 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,229 to cute and approachable. 450 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,632 Oh, she's so lucky. 451 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:03,070 He's always gonna be her little boy. 452 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,771 Mom, you're projecting on these mannequins. 453 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,306 For all we know, he's a little person, 454 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,241 and that's his wife who's evolved enough 455 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,909 to see how big he is on the inside. 456 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,211 Manny, I know what you've been 457 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,612 trying to do the whole day. 458 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,114 I am not about to have a breakdown 459 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,782 because you're going to college. 460 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,951 I was awake last night when you were brushing my hair. 461 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,652 Okay, yes, it's going to be hard 462 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,421 because you're gonna be far away, 463 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,823 so I'm not gonna get to see you all the time. 464 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,558 But we'll still talk on the phone. 465 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,593 Yeah, at the beginning, 466 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,161 but then you're gonna get busy, 467 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,596 and then I am going to get busy. 468 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:30,998 Too busy to take my calls? 469 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,966 I have made peace with it. 470 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,634 Your childhood days are over. 471 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,203 Guillermo, come back here! 472 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,271 What are you doing? 473 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,739 Don't run away from your mother. 474 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,309 Life is going to tear you apart soon enough. 475 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,411 I want to go on the merry-go-round. 476 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,478 Oh, you're on it. 477 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,814 You've got 10 years left with that woman. 478 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,050 Cherish them. Cherish her. 479 00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,620 Thanks? 480 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,922 I think maybe I'm freaking out about going to school. 481 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,290 I see that. 482 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,292 But we're gonna be okay. 483 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,928 Being apart is just gonna make nights like tonight, 484 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,796 going to a concert, even more special. 485 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,665 No! Guillermo! 486 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,267 I don't want to! 487 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,036 Okay, now it's just bad parenting. 488 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,670 This is excellent work. 489 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,839 Excellent work. Really? 490 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,774 I'm not used to hearing that. 491 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:15,975 I get why people try now. 492 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:16,943 Is that my painting? 493 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,278 Why is it here? 494 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,047 Um, oh, well, because it was on loan 495 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,614 to your grandma and grandpa 496 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,816 just like they do with real art. 497 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,885 Better than most of the stuff in this house. 498 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,654 Now get me those Gloria Esteban tickets. 499 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,322 It's Estefan. 500 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,857 That's what I said. I'm a huge fan. 501 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,292 Okay. 502 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,327 Carlos, Carlos. 503 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,695 Hey -- hey, Carlos. 504 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,797 Um, this, uh, Cameron Tucker. 505 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,032 I don't know if you remember me or not. 506 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,567 Oh, you -- you do. 507 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,901 Okay, hi. 508 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,537 Yeah, wondering if I could get a couple tickets 509 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,739 for the show tonight. 510 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,576 Gloria Estefan. 511 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,579 Because you're in the Miami Sound Machine, silly. 512 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,482 What? 513 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,551 It was loud in the bar the night I met Carlos, 514 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,188 and it turns out he is not a member 515 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:04,324 of the legendary band, the Miami Sound Machine. 516 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,194 He owns a mobile dog grooming business 517 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:10,730 called Miami's Hound Machine. 518 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,932 In retrospect, I didn't need to be as alarmed 519 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,935 with his collection of leashes and collars. 520 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,770 Okay, everybody, gather round. 521 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,939 Luke has one more college to hear from, 522 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,241 and I got a good feeling about this one. 523 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,575 Yeah. 524 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,077 Mom, can we not do this here? 525 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,578 Oh, come on, have a little faith. 526 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,580 Okay, cannon's ready. And record. 527 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:28,681 Record, got it. 528 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,716 Any time, buddy. 529 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:30,883 All right, everyone, 530 00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,253 get ready to tell me how I'm my own kind of smart 531 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,355 and how everyone takes their own path. 532 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,723 Wow. 533 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,925 You're a different kind of smart, and everyone... 534 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,360 Kind of smart. Everybody takes their own path. 535 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,728 I got in? 536 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,463 What?! He got in! 537 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,936 You got in! What is wrong with this thing? 538 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,071 Wait, this doesn't make any sense. 539 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,806 I got rejected by worse schools than this. 540 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,941 Why would they want me? 541 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,376 Why wouldn't they want you? 542 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,278 Honey, it's not all about grades. 543 00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,912 I mean, you were involved in -- in... 544 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,748 Yay! 545 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,116 Did you talk to them? 546 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:03,916 I'm sorry, what? 547 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,286 Show me your tongue. 548 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,954 I don't know what that would prove. 549 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,958 This kind of seems like an embarrassing family moment. I'm on it. 550 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:12,892 Blue! 551 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,227 You can't go to that campus 552 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,462 without getting a Bulldog Blast. 553 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,063 We went up there to tell them they made a mistake. 554 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,598 They didn't make a mistake, 555 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,999 and neither did the other schools. 556 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,134 I'm not going. 557 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,802 Honey, it's your last chance. 558 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,571 Then I'll wait until next year. 559 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,973 If I go, I want to deserve it. I can respect that. 560 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,741 Nobody asked for your opinion, thank you. 561 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,177 You're going. 562 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,311 You have no idea what your father went through 563 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:32,579 to get you this opportunity. 564 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:36,082 He debased himself in ways you can't imagine. 565 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,617 You said it wasn't that bad. 566 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,018 What are you watching? 567 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,587 Our neighbor sent me a video. 568 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,021 It's of Haley and Mitchell. 569 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,256 Oh. No, that's -- okay, we don't need to... 570 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,824 It's taking forever. 571 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:47,294 I'm pushing as hard as I can. Whoa. Wait. 572 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,462 You have one of those things on your windshield? 573 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,331 How many parking tickets do you have? 574 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,866 I think we're focused on the wrong thing here. 575 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,168 Luke's not going to college. 576 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:56,068 Why is your finger pink? 577 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:58,671 This isn't mine. 578 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,139 I knew the perspective was off. 579 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,107 It's Cam's fault. 580 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,775 He made me copy it from a photo. 581 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,143 You know what? 582 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,144 I accidentally destroyed the original, 583 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,613 and I couldn't live without it. 584 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,515 Mitchell Pritchett, Parenting Magazine. 585 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,117 How is forging a child's painting any less egregious 586 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,485 than replacing a pig's ashes 587 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,221 with Mrs. Pasternak's dead husband? 588 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,388 It's not. 589 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,490 I'm a hypocrite. My whole life is a lie. 590 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,659 Carlos isn't really in the Miami Sound Machine. 591 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,494 He's just a -- a basic dog groomer. 592 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,496 Save your money. I couldn't get you your tickets. 593 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,964 You're spending money on tickets 594 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,366 when you should be spending money on ticket -- 595 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,634 you know what I mean. 596 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,469 The concert tickets were for Mitchell. 597 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,571 So you didn't get my tickets? No. 598 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,406 So you didn't get my tickets. The website was insane. 599 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,675 You'd need the reflexes of a mongoose. 600 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,143 You lied to me. 601 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,045 Well, look around! Everybody's lying. 602 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,680 Forging paintings, driving blind, 603 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,081 swapping ashes. 604 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,850 I didn't want to ruin the Pig Moon. 605 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,552 There is no Pig Moon. 606 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,521 How backwards do you think Grasshopper, Missouri is? 607 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,492 Guys, guys. I've got this. 608 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,860 Guys. 609 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,262 I talked to Judge Tager. 610 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,196 He'll make your parking tickets disappear 611 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,699 in return for a couple of Cubans. 612 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,234 You took three. 613 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,570 The other one is for the security guard at the club. 614 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,838 He moonlights where Estefan's playing tonight. 615 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,240 He'll meet you by the stage door. 616 00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:10,277 Thank you for fixing Jay's lies. 617 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,545 We all struggle with the truth. 618 00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:15,014 like last Thursday when I stalled Jay at the club 619 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,683 so you could get Joe out of the doggy door. 620 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,852 She locked us out, and the stove was on. 621 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,289 And you two. You know a guy at a club that can help us? 622 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,257 No. Just talk more. 623 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,192 90% of your problems would be solved 624 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,460 if you just discussed things. 625 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:28,895 The Vanderkoff is a knock-off. 626 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,363 I burnt a hole in the knock-off, 627 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,864 and I had replaced it with a real one. 628 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,466 Okay, everything's settled here. 629 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,468 I think the steaks are ready. Let's go eat. 630 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,204 Well, I guess our son 631 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,239 isn't going to college this year. 632 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,442 I know, and I know we're supposed to be worried about him. 633 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,577 But do you see what he just did, 634 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,280 how he solved everybody's problems like that? 635 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,949 It's pretty incredible, right? 636 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,584 That's a Dunphy man, Claire -- 637 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:52,885 resourceful, cool, 638 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,687 and just the right amount of savoir faire. 639 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,291 I'll, uh -- I'll see you in the kitchen. 640 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,165 So, this is a real Vanderkoff. Yeah, yeah. 641 00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:07,800 it feels good to finally be free of that secret. 642 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:10,169 Yeah, it's just great to have everything out in the open. 643 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,439 Yeah. 644 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,106 That expensive painting you bought me over there, 645 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,808 I moved it to cover up a hole I made in the wall. 646 00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,977 I only paid 25 cents for that painting at a garage sale, 647 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,446 and I used the rest of the money on shoes. 648 00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,581 I get electrolysis. My beard grows up to here. 649 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,949 I don't really know how to line dance, 650 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,283 and that's why those cowboys laughed at you 651 00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,418 when you did what I taught you. 652 00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:28,187 That's not Larry. That's not Larry.