1 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:04,505 What's cooking? 2 00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:06,907 My mother's recipe -- guinea-pig pie. 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,209 Smells good. 4 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:09,910 You just accept that? It's pecan. 5 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,012 How cuckoo do you think my country is? 6 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,281 It's come to this -- 7 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,748 "What's cooking" and "smells good" 8 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,217 gets me in trouble? 9 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,251 Mom, you're already cooking for tomorrow? 10 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,352 Don't make a big deal. 11 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,221 My baby's graduating. 12 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,923 He won the award for Integrity and Character. 13 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,193 "No absents, no tardies, 14 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:28,096 respectful to students and teachers alike." 15 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,297 My school had an award like that, 16 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,864 but instead of a sash, that kid 17 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:31,965 got a punch in the mouth. 18 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,567 Proud of you, though. 19 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,469 Why do all your stories involve a punch in the face, 20 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,971 a shifty European, or a broad who's been around the block? 21 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,608 That reminds me of when I had to rough up this Italian kid 22 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,076 because he didn't want me dating his sister. 23 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,977 She was no nun! 24 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,446 Jay, can you please take care of the steaks? Sure. 25 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,248 On the eve of your big day, 26 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:48,982 we're celebrating with rib eyes, 27 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,319 and you and I are gonna have our first scotch. 28 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,820 Really?! Yeah. 29 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,256 I've been waiting to open a special bottle. 30 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,092 Huh. Looks like the mice got into it. 31 00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,161 Hello, hello?! Where's my son? 32 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,395 -Dad! -Ha ha ha! 33 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,796 What, did he hop the gate? 34 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,298 You came! 35 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,399 I said I'd come. 36 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:06,934 I know, but you came! 37 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,136 How could I miss it? 38 00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,070 Manny, the first member of my family 39 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,905 to ever graduate from high school. Wait a minute. 40 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:15,008 Don't you have a brother in Colombia who's a doctor? Yes. 41 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:18,146 He just does orthopedic surgery, no brain or heart. 42 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,347 Think of it -- Tomorrow, I will watch you 43 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,282 stride across the stage with a sash, 44 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:22,683 like a rebel's bandolier 45 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,753 telling the world "No absents, no tardies." 46 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,188 Manny and I were gonna grill some steaks 47 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,290 and drink some, um, beers. 48 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,292 Thank you, Jay, but if it's all right with you, 49 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:32,593 I would like to take Manny out 50 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,329 for a special father-son celebration. 51 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,830 Is that okay? 52 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,268 Ah, sure. I mean, he... made the effort to come. 53 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:41,702 Didn't have time to button his shirt all the way up. 54 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,704 But...go ahead. 55 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,005 Perfect! The night begins. 56 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,208 But first...here. 57 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,211 Walk through this. 58 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:53,481 I know that smells terrible, 59 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:57,017 but I've never seen that man get a mosquito bite. 60 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:02,055 There he is -- the graduate. 61 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:05,226 I have one word for you, Luke -- plastics. 62 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,494 I don't think he knows that movie, honey. 63 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,529 Mrs. Dunphy, you're trying to seduce me. 64 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,631 Okay, let's just give him the gift, all right? 65 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,166 Okay, but first, gather around, everybody! 66 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,168 Riddle me this -- 67 00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:17,205 What has two hands, is wound tight, and has a lot of ticks? 68 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:18,372 Alex? 69 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,573 Good guess, but no. 70 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,808 This was made in Switzerland, 71 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,576 not in the Disneyland Hotel. 72 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,545 Awesome! A watch! 73 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,813 We wanted to give it to you early 74 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,481 so you could wear it to graduation today. 75 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:28,849 Yeah. It's shockproof. 76 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,484 Oh, good. You can show it your grades. 77 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,885 I love it. What time is it? 78 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,754 Time for my little man 79 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,923 to go out in the world and make his mark 80 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,725 like the tiny trouper he used to be. 81 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:38,892 Hold on. I'll be right back. 82 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:39,993 I remember when he was so small, 83 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,829 we'd give him a bath in the sink. 84 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,931 Here we go. Dad, we really got to talk about the crying. 85 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,400 When we graduated, you were a mess, and it was humiliating. 86 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,936 Showing emotion is part of being a sexy modern man. 87 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,938 Ask anyone who was raised on Alan Alda. 88 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,373 I don't think we have to worry 89 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,174 about him going anywhere anytime soon. 90 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,510 He just installed a mini fridge and a hammock in his room. 91 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,280 Mom, Dad, you did all the hard work 92 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,681 getting me through high school. 93 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,082 You deserve a gift. 94 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,085 But what do you get the Cadillac of parents? 95 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,554 A Rolls-Royce. 96 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,121 Oh, my goodness! 97 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:09,257 How did you afford that? 98 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,392 -It was only $2,000. -Huh. 99 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,695 Judge Thompson, from the club, got me into a police auction. 100 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,465 If I had 40 more dollars, you'd be looking at a speedboat. 101 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:18,966 So, what do you think? 102 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,869 It's...It's wow. 103 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,136 Right?! Hmm. 104 00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,372 I loved the macaroni necklace 105 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,073 he made me in first grade, 106 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,609 and I even used the perfume he gave me in fifth grade, 107 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,245 but this car is so gaudy. 108 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:34,047 People are gonna think I played for the Knicks in the '70s. 109 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,617 It's the most beautiful gesture 110 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,051 I have ever seen. 111 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,887 It's 100% class. 112 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,989 Hey, Mom, didn't you say you had some errands to run? 113 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,394 Oh. I -- In a little while. 114 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,128 Uh, s-- Yeah, but -- Um, gosh, it's got fur. Wow. 115 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,831 It's like driving a lion. 116 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,133 Hey, before you go, give us a honk. 117 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,735 All right. 118 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,941 The horn doesn't help, does it? 119 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:04,812 ** 120 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:15,689 So, I've narrowed it down to 121 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,291 Swiss Coffee and Whispering White. 122 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,593 But I can't decide between matte or satin. 123 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:20,861 I thought we landed on Eggshell. 124 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,530 We decided against Eggshell. 125 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,931 W-Why don't we just sell the house? 126 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,198 Why don't we just paint the floor Eggshell 127 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,634 since that's what I'm walking on. 128 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,268 Okay. I forgot to give this to you. 129 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,703 Oh, thank you. Have a good day at school, sweetie. 130 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,539 Bye, sweetie. It's fourth grade. 131 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:34,207 We're all just treading water. What is it? 132 00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:36,444 Ah, well, it's -- it's from the principal's office. 133 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,045 Is she in trouble? 134 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,648 No! She's...smart. 135 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,215 She is? That's what it says. 136 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,451 Are you sure it's not for Lily Rosen? 137 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,618 You were at that science fair. 138 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:45,853 She brought that frog back to life! 139 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,321 This is for our Lily. 140 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,822 T-They're suggesting that she skip fifth grade 141 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,791 and go right into middle school next year. 142 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,361 "Lily is testing far above her grade level... What? 143 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,895 ...and we feel she would benefit 144 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,830 from a more challenging curriculum." 145 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,899 -Huh. -I know! 146 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,068 All these years we thought that she was, uh -- 147 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,336 God, what's the word? 148 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,738 Different? Peculiar? 149 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,374 Odd? Mean? 150 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,142 So many words. But she was just really smart. 151 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,211 Holed up in her room every day after school, she wasn't -- 152 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,681 Plotting to kill us? I was gonna say daydreaming. 153 00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,049 They -- They want us to tour the school today if possible. 154 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,718 This is so exciting. I know. 155 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,553 Our little baby's a genius! 156 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,390 You know, um, I also skipped a grade. 157 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,991 I'm not saying I was a genius, but -- 158 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,826 Good, because we're getting along so well right now. 159 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:26,860 Oh, hey. Hi. Hey. Hi. 160 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,161 Hey. Hi. Mwah! 161 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,997 Here you go. Yeah. Thanks so much. 162 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,832 Hey, guess what. They want Lily to skip fifth grade. 163 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,501 Traditionally, the person who says "guess what" 164 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,735 also gets to say the what. 165 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,737 Wait a second. Lily's smart? 166 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,572 Look. I mean, there's proof of that? 167 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,240 Yeah. Right there. Yes. 168 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,942 Huh. They asked Alex to skip a grade, too... 169 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,944 It's not a competition, Claire. ...but we felt 170 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,212 that it would be too much stress 171 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,214 to have her with kids so much older. 172 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,249 Good for Lily! Yeah. 173 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:53,387 I just always thought she was, you know... 174 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,288 So did we. Yeah. Us too. Yeah. 175 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,392 How was your big night with Javier? 176 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,561 I overindulged. 177 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,463 Booze or burgers? Booze. 178 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,698 I drank so much, I had an angry slap fight 179 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,133 with what turned out to be a mirror. 180 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,901 Do I hear my Manny?! 181 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,804 When you're hungover, it's like a car alarm. 182 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,272 Ay. iHola, papi! 183 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,941 Happy graduation day! 184 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,310 That's delightful. 185 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,046 I need your sash and your gown. 186 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,380 So that I can press it. 187 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,982 I don't want anyone looking wrinkly. 188 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:25,052 I don't mean you, but it's fun that you're right there. 189 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,421 I, uh, left them at school. I'll run over there. 190 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:32,059 Mama, I have a stomachache. 191 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,562 And my ankle is broken. 192 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,898 And you can walk with your broken ankle? 193 00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,470 I had a cousin got out of Vietnam that way. 194 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,137 Whenever Manny's getting 195 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,506 a lot of attention, 196 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,407 Joe gets very needy -- 197 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,909 "my head," "my arm." 198 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,511 In Colombia, we say, 199 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,246 "If it's not bleeding, shut your guinea-pig hole." 200 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,616 We actually do eat guinea pig. 201 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,284 Call me back, Dad! 202 00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,752 It's an emergency! 203 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,187 What's wrong? 204 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,756 I kind of misplaced my cap and gown and sash. 205 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,792 Maybe they're at that strip club you went to last night. 206 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,694 Shh! How did you know? 207 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,329 It's all over your face. My shame? 208 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,631 Glitter. Ohh. 209 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,365 Tell me what happened. We picked up 210 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,334 my graduation stuff on the way, and -- 211 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,604 I don't know. I guess the tassel got my dad thinking. 212 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,038 Why didn't you leave them in the car? 213 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,673 I didn't want them to get stolen. 214 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,308 And I may have taken it out 215 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,276 to impress a certain Chyna with a "Y." 216 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,812 I think she really liked me. 217 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,514 I'm not gonna spoil that one for ya. 218 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:27,848 I graduate in five hours! 219 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,517 We'll get you another cap and gown. 220 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:32,052 That sash has been worn by every honoree for decades. 221 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,621 I'm not gonna be the one to lose it 222 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,322 after it's survived earthquakes and wars 223 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,290 and the lunchroom gravy fire of '64! 224 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,292 Fine. Where is this place? I don't know! 225 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,294 I remember there was a lot of brass and mirrors 226 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,563 and loud '80s music. 227 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,964 Well, that narrows it down. 228 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,733 Wait. Uh, it was by the airport. 229 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,535 All right. We'll find it. I'll take you. 230 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,202 Don't worry. It'll be our little secret. 231 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,871 Thank you, Jay. 232 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,207 What happened to him? 233 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,816 I'm back. 234 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,552 We need to talk to you. Sit down. 235 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,987 What's going on? Don't say anything. 236 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,156 Just watch. 237 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,558 Baby pictures of Luke? 238 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,159 More than baby pictures. 239 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,427 You're gonna watch Luke grow up to sappy music. 240 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,330 Why are you doing this? 241 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,732 To get all the crying out of your system 242 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,267 so you don't melt down at the graduation. 243 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,569 It's like when you drink too much 244 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,036 and your friends get you super-wasted 245 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,606 so you never drink again for the rest of the week. 246 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,575 It's the first time he saw snow. 247 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,009 Oh, here, Dad. 248 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,944 Thank you. 249 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:35,015 His baby blanket?! Why?! 250 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,855 Hey, nice car, Grey Gardens! 251 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,092 It was a gift from my son! 252 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,260 Ugh. 253 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,699 What the hell? 254 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,476 Rawrrr! 255 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,613 You call that a tiger? 256 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:09,817 R-a-a-a-awrrr! 257 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,586 And we're very proud 258 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,154 of our state-of-the-art computer lab. 259 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,556 It's so weird -- Every time I step into a middle school, 260 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,726 I feel like I'm 14 ag-a-in. 261 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,328 That...was on me. He wasn't gonna do anything. 262 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:23,597 How much is his therapy costing again? 263 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,633 We used to think that was snark. 264 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,167 Now we know it's wit. Yeah. 265 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,670 Uh, Mr. Peterson, we just want to be certain 266 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,939 that this environment's the right fit for Lily. 267 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,406 We have a lot of experience 268 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,475 dealing with accelerated students. 269 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,177 But if Lily really is gifted, 270 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,180 then maybe there's another path -- private schools. 271 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,850 Although, I do love the diversity of a public school. 272 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,785 On the other hand, I do wonder -- Okay, you know what? 273 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:47,154 We're just deciding if she's gonna skip a grade. 274 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,789 We're not charting out the next 20 years of her life. 275 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,590 Well, no, choices have consequences. 276 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,092 If we don't do this right, 277 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,161 she could lose all interest in school and drop out, 278 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,763 and the next thing you know, we're supporting her 279 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,364 and her deadbeat boyfriend and our savings are drained, 280 00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,666 and then we have to sell the house! 281 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,267 Okay, why do all your meltdowns have to do 282 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,935 with us selling the house? I'm just saying -- 283 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,303 We're gonna give you guys a minute, okay? Okay. 284 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,706 Lily, do you want to see the computer lab? 285 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,376 This feels like a good time to tell you I'm adopted. 286 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:10,944 Maybe Claire's right. 287 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,846 Maybe it's too much pressure for her to skip a grade. 288 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,682 I did it, and I'm fine. 289 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,816 Uh-huh. 290 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,687 I'm sorry. Um -- Hey, w-what does "uh-huh" mean? 291 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,989 Well, perhaps you're not the...best advertisement 292 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,691 for skipping a grade. 293 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,393 So, wait. You're afraid Lily's gonna turn out like me? 294 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,796 I'm just saying that maybe you skipping a grade 295 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,197 put too much pressure on you, 296 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,299 and it exacerbated your neurotic tendencies, 297 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,002 and now you can't even make a tiny, little decision 298 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,671 about, you know... paint. 299 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,507 Wow! I can-- 300 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,376 Y-You -- I don't have to just st-- 301 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,846 Oh, you think you are so s-- 302 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,848 You can't decide how to storm off, can you? 303 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,383 I am... 304 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,654 Luke's first haircut. 305 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,590 He gave me bangs. 306 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,992 Well, that's it. 307 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,761 Hopefully you're all cried out. 308 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,396 You remember when he hid that mouse trap under the pillow 309 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,165 to catch the tooth fairy? 310 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,736 Dad, we got to start getting ready for the graduation. 311 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,271 Yeah, so maybe splash some cold water on your face 312 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,773 and wrap it up. 313 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,909 Do you guys remember that "Luke Loves Daddy" rap? 314 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,377 * My name is Luke Dunphy 315 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,412 * And I'm here to say 316 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,881 * I love Daddy 317 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,884 I thought you said he'd be cried out by now. 318 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,853 Dad, please, you really got to stop. 319 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:29,222 That's what he said when I was the tickle monster! 320 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:32,292 Ohh! 321 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,462 Mama, now my tooth hurts. 322 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,965 Well, I guess you can't have cake today. 323 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,100 What if it's my leg? 324 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,803 Claire, I guess I'm picking up the cake myself, 325 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,538 because you didn't answer my messages. 326 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,778 Grawr! 327 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,913 Gr-a-a-awr! 328 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:56,750 Hey, Claire, are you having fun at the Gym Town? 329 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,585 As a matter of fact, I am. 330 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,654 This is my new friend, Charlie. 331 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:02,990 He loves dinosaurs, 332 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,457 and tomorrow we're both gonna have pink eye. 333 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,893 Hi, Charlie! 334 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,560 Can you go and find the negligent adult 335 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,762 that brought you here? 336 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,630 Oh, do you have to go so soon? 337 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,465 He smells so good! 338 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,002 Yeah, you're like two sniffs away from a felony. 339 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:17,805 What is going on? 340 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,073 I gave Phil such a hard time 341 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,942 for being too emotional about Luke's graduation, 342 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:25,678 but I think it's hitting me more than I want to admit. 343 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,414 I know. It happens so fast. 344 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,449 Luke used to love coming here. 345 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,185 Today he gave us a Rolls-Royce. 346 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,787 The one outside is yours? 347 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,255 I thought I was gonna be able 348 00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,357 to meet Mr. Burt Reynolds! 349 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:41,094 You're lucky. When Manny goes, you still have Joe. 350 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,463 Yeah, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. 351 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:44,932 We just have face it -- 352 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,300 They're not boys anymore. They're men. 353 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,669 Luke has a job, and he's dating. 354 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,472 He can serve on a jury. God, that's terrifying. 355 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,876 I know. Manny ditched us last night to go drinking. 356 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,978 He thinks I don't know, but I know. 357 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,713 He smelled like a sweaty peppermint. 358 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,984 I saw the pictures that he texted Luke from the strip club. 359 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,353 Is that where Javier took him? 360 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,956 Oh. You did not know that. I'm sorry. 361 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:12,659 But it -- it looked like one of the classier establishments. 362 00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,862 The girl that was sitting on Manny's lap had on a really cute top, 363 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,230 at -- at least in the first picture. 364 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,631 The one time that I thought 365 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,500 that he was going to be a good father, 366 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,735 and he teaches Manny how to be a dog! 367 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:23,904 I'm gonna kill him! 368 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,172 Hey, look at me! 369 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,540 I'm about to talk to a stranger! 370 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,813 Oh, yes. This is it. This is the one. 371 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,149 Ugh. It wasn't this depressing last night. 372 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,717 The lunch scene in a strip joint 373 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,653 is like a refugee camp with less hope. 374 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,989 Excuse me. 375 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,690 Uh, my friend left 376 00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,859 some personal belongings here last night. 377 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,695 Anything left behind, uh, goes in the lost and found. 378 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,063 There we go. Thank you. 379 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,033 There's a jacket... glasses... 380 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,169 ...hairpiece, I hope... 381 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,371 What about my stuff?! Nope. 382 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,707 There's a lot of wedding rings in here, though. 383 00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,175 Sir, we're in a big hurry. 384 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,877 Have you seen a cap and gown and sash? 385 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,513 Gentlemen, put your hands together for... 386 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,883 Val the Dictorian! 387 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,791 She definitely looks like she knows stuff. 388 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,733 Credit where credit is due -- 389 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,202 She put together a pretty solid act in very little time. 390 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,271 Can you just please help me get my stuff back? 391 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,906 Miss? 392 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,642 Miss? Val? 393 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,144 Hi. Heh. Here's the thing. 394 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,578 The gown, everything -- 395 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,380 He actually left them here last night. 396 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,749 I was having a tête-à-tête with Chyna. 397 00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,952 She probably mentioned me. Hope I didn't lead her on. 398 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,786 See, I'm going to college soon, and I -- 399 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,288 and I don't want any loose ends. 400 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,057 I'm in the middle of my act. 401 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,658 Sure, but the thing is he's got to get it back, 402 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,893 so if you could strip a little more in our direction... 403 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,498 I'm such a screw-up. 404 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,569 Huh. "Integrity." 405 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:06,573 It should say "Perverted Schnapps Maniac." 406 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:07,907 Oh, God. 407 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,977 It smells like Miss Dictorian's perfume. 408 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,413 I can't wear this. I'm a fraud. 409 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:17,284 No absents? Oh, I've got one big absent -- my soul. 410 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,352 Manny, you've spent your whole life trying to be perfect, 411 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,588 and this is throwing you for a loop -- I get it. 412 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,590 But if you just look around this room, 413 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,593 you'll realize people make mistakes. 414 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,464 You could do way worse than you did last night, 415 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,100 and it ain't gonna change a thing. 416 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,469 So my advice -- try to be a little easier on yourself. 417 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,107 Thanks, Jay. 418 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,709 Oh, God, there's Chyna. 419 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,211 Pretending to ignore me! 420 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:47,047 She's as transparent as her pumps. 421 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:51,318 James Earl Carter. 422 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,187 Have you seen my booboo? 423 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,723 Ohh! Poor baby! Mwah. 424 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:59,626 Nicole Ingrid Cortez. 425 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:06,366 Can you please move over? I have to kill someone. 426 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,501 Charles Mark Coleson. 427 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,570 I hope that you had fun last night. 428 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,705 Oh, I did. It was a magical time. 429 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,507 Lucy Coleson. I can't believe that you -- 430 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,309 Me either. Look at our son over there, eh? 431 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,878 He's perfect. Yeah, and then you come along 432 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,680 and you expose him to all this -- Me? 433 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:23,583 It was you who exposed him to so many amazing things. 434 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,253 You raised him to be a wonderful man without my help. 435 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,755 Every single thing that is good about him is because of you. 436 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:29,856 Henry Coruthers. I'm sorry? 437 00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,491 I'm sorry. 438 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,925 Thank you for being the finest mother to our son. 439 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,427 Hmm? 440 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,097 Damn it. You're welcome. 441 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,731 I'm sorry about earlier. 442 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,233 It's not that I don't want Lily to be like you -- 443 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,169 No, no. Hey. You're right, okay? 444 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,670 I'm an indecisive mess. 445 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:44,904 Of course I don't want that for her. 446 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,239 And for the record, 447 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,774 I don't want her to be like me, either. 448 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,409 Ohh! It's not like I'm exactly an overachiever. 449 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,777 That's true. 450 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,445 Yeah, you jumped on that one pretty quick. 451 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,347 If you care about what I think... 452 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,448 - ...I want to skip. - Jacob Marcus Dalton. 453 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:56,583 Are you sure, sweetie? 454 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,185 Because it's a lot of pressure. 455 00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,553 I can handle it. But what about all your friends? 456 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,089 Phillip Thomas Darrow. I mean, look at -- look at these kids. 457 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,291 A lot of them have known each other since kindergarten. 458 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,560 I'll make new friends. Kids really like me. 459 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,063 So...she's popular? 460 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,531 Brittany Willa Darrow. 461 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,866 Phil, I'm sorry I gave you grief earlier. 462 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,968 Today has hit me much harder than I thought it would. 463 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,237 It's okay to be emotional. 464 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,206 It's too late. I'm all cried out. 465 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,908 It's like there's no more moisture left in my body. Tiffany Dean. 466 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,777 I'm afraid if I blink, my eyes will get stuck. 467 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,046 Hmm. Really? 468 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:30,083 Do you remember that video where the lion greets the man... 469 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,885 ...and hugs him 'cause he hasn't seen him in 20 years? 470 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:36,556 Yep. I sure do. I am...dead inside. 471 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,625 Manuel Alberto Delgado. 472 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,461 Bravo, Manny! Baby! 473 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,430 Mwah! You did it, buddy! 474 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,932 Lucas Phillip Dunphy. 475 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,400 Yeah! 476 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,337 Whoo! My baby, my baby! 477 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,172 Well done, son. 478 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:53,773 Remember how cute he was 479 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,775 in his little Buzz Lightyear costume? 480 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,178 Or how he used to say "burfday" and "li-bary"? 481 00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,680 He still does. 482 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,283 This is... tearing me up. 483 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,852 - Margaret Ruth Everts. - Congrats, buddy. 484 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,921 Why does your gown smell like Haley's perfume? 485 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,126 This is a fun game, isn't it? But you know what? 486 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:17,264 Maybe one where we just sat at a table... 487 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,031 Hey. 488 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,534 Hey. 489 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,304 Congratulations on the first 490 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,139 of what I'm sure will be many diplomas. 491 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,607 Unless you want to skip all that 492 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,876 and move to Colombia and become a radiologist. 493 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,446 Thanks for helping me with the cap-and-gown mess. 494 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,014 I don't know what I would have done without you. 495 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,516 I'm just happy you and your dad 496 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,485 got to have some father-son time last night. 497 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,821 Yeah. 498 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,022 What? 499 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:47,327 It's just with me graduating and everything, 500 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,362 I kind of wanted to say -- 501 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,664 you and me today, you know, 502 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,501 that's what I think of as father-son time. 503 00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:58,805 Let me tell you something. 504 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,907 After my divorce, 505 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,975 my rule for dating was no kids. 506 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:06,045 And then you and your mom came along, 507 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,647 and all of that went right out the window. 508 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,351 What I'm trying to say is... 509 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,888 ...here's to you, son. 510 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,225 You know, I'm still kind of hungover. 511 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,893 You're a man now! Power through! 512 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,263 The thing is, we love the car. 513 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,665 We were so moved by the gesture. 514 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,434 So moved. 515 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,269 Hey! I'm back! 516 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,170 I guess I just needed to rehydrate. 517 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,439 Ohh. 518 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,674 But we can't keep it. 519 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,076 Honey, it's just -- It's too generous. 520 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,711 But I love you guys so much. 521 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,781 You're the graduate. You need the car. It's yours. 522 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:46,018 I don't know what to say. 523 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,620 How 'bout "nailed it"? 524 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,756 I wanted that sweet ride from the moment I saw it, 525 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,124 but I knew my parents would never let me get it. 526 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:56,062 I also knew they'd never keep it if I gave it to them, so... 527 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:57,730 If there were any S.A.T. questions 528 00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:01,067 about tricking your parents, I'd be going to college. 529 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,903 Come on, you guys. Let's roll. 530 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,071 You guys leaving already? 531 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,239 Yeah, we all have plans. 532 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,540 Wait. Lily? 533 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,075 There are nine girls who will freak 534 00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:10,877 if I don't make an appearance at Jenna's. 535 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,380 I'm confused. I-Is she fun? 536 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,583 Hang on. 537 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,817 ** 538 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,786 Ooh, nice ride! 539 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,153 Bye-bye! 540 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,290 - See ya later! - Bye! 541 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,424 -Bye! -Bye! 542 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,992 Oh, my gosh! Luke is driving! 543 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,827 They didn't even stay for dessert! 544 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,263 Oh, God. They're really gone. 545 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,498 It's so sad. 546 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:32,799 But isn't it what we hoped for? 547 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:33,833 -Yeah. -Yeah. 548 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,635 A toast. 549 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,237 We raised them to be independent, 550 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,306 and now they're out in the world having their own lives. 551 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,340 We did it. 552 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,641 iSalud! To us! 553 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,109 Oh, sorry I missed the first part, 554 00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,444 but I'll drink to whatever you're toasting. 555 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:46,012 Top me off! 556 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,751 Uh...what are you doing? 557 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,353 Well, I'm just trying to see 558 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:56,022 if there's anything else about Lily we haven't noticed. 559 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,358 Like -- she plays golf? 560 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,259 No, we would know. Aren't there greens fees? 561 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,828 And what about this? Huh? 562 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,129 "La Dolce Vita"? 563 00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:04,297 She likes Italian films? 564 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:05,665 Well, no wonder she thought 565 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,500 Collision Course" was boring. 566 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,535 I liked it. 567 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,803 Okay. What else? 568 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,373 A photo of Lily shaking hands with the governor?! 569 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:14,841 What? When?! 570 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,676 Okay, maybe we need to start paying more attention. 571 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,011 Or if it ain't broke... 572 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,348 Yeah, she's fine. She's fine.