1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,636 [ Cellphone rings ] Hey, Phil. 2 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,305 Phil: Jay, where are you? What are you doing? 3 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,508 I'm just walking into my house. Stop! Don't you take another step! 4 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,009 What the hell are you talking about? 5 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,844 Claire just told me your Valentine's plans for Gloria. 6 00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,446 You're walking into a buzz saw! 7 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,816 [ Tires screeching ] 8 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:16,984 Get in. 9 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:17,851 [ Engine turns off ] 10 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,920 [ Sighs ] 11 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,555 What am I looking at here? 12 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,591 Nothing. Oh, it's a role-playing thing we do on Valentine's. 13 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,726 It bumps the lovemaking up a notch. Phil, why? 14 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,195 Gloria is mad at you. 15 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,762 If you walk in there with some lame gift, 16 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,931 she will bite your head right off, mister. 17 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:31,965 Well, you worried for nothing. 18 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,367 I bought her a nice cookie, 19 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,003 and the biggest Mylar balloon they sold at the grocery store. 20 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,938 Wake up, man! You're losing her! 21 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,273 When did you talk to Gloria? 22 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,908 This afternoon. 23 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,976 I'm just taking Claire up to the overlook on Mulholland 24 00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,945 for a little old-school make-out sesh. 25 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,180 Oh, Phil. 26 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,716 You're so good at Valentine things... 27 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:52,320 unlike some ungrateful, selfish men 28 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,124 that don't appreciate women! [ Glass shatters ] 29 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,425 You need to step it up tonight. 30 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,426 How? 31 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,461 By dressing up in costumes like weirdos? 32 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,263 It's not weird, Dad. It's fun. 33 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,365 Yeah. Tonight, we get to be 17 again, 34 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,699 when we were just a couple of innocent, 35 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,968 wide-eyed virgins. [ Chuckles ] 36 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,337 [ Hushed ] Shut up. 37 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:10,704 I'm not doing it. 38 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,274 Today, when Gloria found out what we were doing, she said, 39 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,143 [As Gloria] "Damn it, Phil. You are so good at Valentine's. 40 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,977 I wish Jay was as sexy as you." 41 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,045 She never said that. 42 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,147 [ Normal voice ] I'm paraphrasing. 43 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,181 [ Normal voice ] Okay, call Gloria, 44 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,515 tell her to meet you at a hotel bar, 45 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,385 and then you show up as some romantic character. 46 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,953 Who would I be? Anybody. 47 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,788 Think of the most exotic person you can. 48 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:28,922 General Eisenhower, 49 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,491 the father of the American freeway. 50 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,660 You're gonna want to think a little sexier than that. 51 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,828 You have not seen the right photos. 52 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,831 -- Captions by VITAC -- 53 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,834 Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc. 54 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,837 and brought to you by Ford. We go further, so you can. 55 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,039 ** 56 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,111 What are you doing? I thought he was taking you out to dinner. 57 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,147 I'm pre-eating so I don't look like a pig. 58 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,848 Oh, please tell me you don't eat on dates. 59 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,317 Who's the lucky guy? 60 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,153 Oh, this professor from Alex's college. 61 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,222 Normally, I wouldn't go out with a guy like that, 62 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,191 but there's something about him. 63 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,826 "Something about him"? He's a genius. 64 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,028 He's one of the most respected minds on campus, 65 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,530 who also happens to look like the protagonist 66 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,998 from a Jane Austen novel. 67 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,966 He's totally out of your league. 68 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,635 Oh, well, now you're being crazy. 69 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,936 Are you into him or something? 70 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,438 No! I'm just genuinely concerned 71 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,507 you're going to embarrass yourself or me. 72 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,975 At least look up the difference between astrology and astronomy. 73 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,177 Okay, alls I know is, 74 00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:25,446 is that you're being a real Capricorn right now. 75 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,147 The sun revolves around the Earth, 76 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,182 and not you. 77 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:31,051 I cannot believe we got into this restaurant. 78 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,720 I know. Oh, you know what? 79 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,888 Let's take a picture and use Facebook the way it was intended. 80 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,157 Oh, to find out how racist our high-school friends are? 81 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:40,060 No, to make people in our lives feel worse about their lives. 82 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,395 [ Both laugh ] Hey! 83 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,796 Hostess: Gentlemen. 84 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,398 Your table's being set up right now. 85 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:45,999 Okay. 86 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,134 Oh, my G-- No. What? 87 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,036 Th-That's Luke. No. We ca-- 88 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,671 No, we can't sit next to -- We can't sit there. I'm s-- 89 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,039 Can we have a -- Can we have a different table? 90 00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,707 I'm sorry, not tonight. Um... 91 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,810 If you guys don't want it, I have 10 other people who do. 92 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,579 Okay. You know what? 93 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,381 Tonight was supposed to be a romantic night. 94 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:01,549 [ Sighs ] I-I don't want to watch him 95 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:04,718 make his sweaty moves on his conquest of the week. 96 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:05,719 And some of them buy it. 97 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:06,920 Under what gas leak is 98 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,922 he finding these brain-dead bimbos? 99 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,658 And have you heard how mean he's gotten? 100 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,025 The other day, he called us "catty." 101 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,361 He called us catty? Yeah. 102 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,028 You sure he wasn't talking about the dead cat on his head 103 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,630 he calls a haircut? [ Wheezing ] Oh, my -- 104 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,931 Hey, guys! 105 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,067 Hi! Hey, Luke! What a coincidence. 106 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,670 I think it's nice that we're helping out 107 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,037 Dad and Gloria tonight. 108 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,239 I know. I'm just a little bummed 109 00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,140 that we're stuck here, watching Joe, 110 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,477 when we could be messing around in a Trans Am. 111 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,178 Or...did we just 112 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,281 take it up a notch, huh? 113 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,916 I'm the foxy babysitter. The kid's asleep. 114 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,685 You are the foxy bad boy 115 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,321 who sneaks over with some wine coolers... 116 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,055 Oh, I'm ready. Let's do this. 117 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,425 Now that I'm six, I like girls, 118 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:47,160 but I love two girls -- 119 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,597 The Little Mermaid and Claire. 120 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,099 [ Joe clears throat ] 121 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:55,035 Oh. Joe. W-What are you doing up? 122 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,038 Hello, Claire. I made this for you. 123 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,307 Oh, my goodness. 124 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,709 Look, it's a Valentine. 125 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,911 It's two love bugs. 126 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,513 Aww. 127 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,980 Two love bugs. 128 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,682 Three's a crowd. 129 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,150 Hmm. 130 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,552 [ Yawns ] 131 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,289 ** 132 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,390 Hey, how can I help you? 133 00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:18,992 I am Gigi DeLaroca, businesswoman. 134 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:22,963 Life has tried to break me, but it has only teach me. 135 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,798 So, you want a drink? 136 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:27,801 [ Spanish accent ] The lady will have Campari and soda. 137 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,337 Hello, sir. 138 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,339 I have never had that drink. 139 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,707 Well, no one "Camparis" to you. 140 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,743 [ Laughs ] Very clever. 141 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,045 I am Gigi DeLaroca, businesswoman. 142 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,947 I am Raoul Matadoré. 143 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,449 I own this hotel. May I? 144 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,317 Of course, Mr. Matadoré. 145 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,185 Like Andy Garcia in "Ocean's Eleven." 146 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,253 [ Hushed ] I don't think you have to explain. 147 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,488 Right. Um, you talk. 148 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,423 No, I mean, um... Thank you. 149 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,024 [ Glass clatters ] Tell me about you. 150 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,394 What business are you in? Bueno. 151 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,628 Well, let's just say, 152 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,431 I'm just a lady that works in the evening. 153 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,733 But I am not available to any man. 154 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,536 So charm me, Mr. Matadoré. 155 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,104 This hotel... 156 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,640 has the finest closets in all the land. 157 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:10,310 We have lighted rods and soft-close doors. 158 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,845 I was once married to a man 159 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:14,482 that endlessly talked about closet. 160 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,650 You're boring me very much. 161 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,018 [ Glass clatters ] Okay, well, um... 162 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,788 Um... 163 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,656 I need one secondo, huh? 164 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,358 Hotel businesso, huh? 165 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,593 Bueno. 166 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,760 ** 167 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,529 Mmm. 168 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:31,699 Oh, my goodness. 169 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,300 The waitress -- She left a menu here. 170 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,568 Now, I'm wondering if we should have got -- 171 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,537 [ Hushed ] Oh, my God! Where's his date? 172 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,871 Do you think he got stood up? 173 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,773 Let me see that. [ Normal voice ] Right here. 174 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,842 [ Hushed ] It's so embarrassing. What do we even say? 175 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,078 They're not soundproof menus. Yeah. She's standing me up. 176 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,580 Women are impossible, you know? 177 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:47,648 [ Normal voice ] For us, they are. 178 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,550 Well, now [chuckles] I made it work once, 179 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,285 although there was a-a Rob Lowe poster behind her. 180 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:53,654 You know what? I say to heck to heck 181 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,855 with this gal. Mm-hmm. 182 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,990 Get back out there, go to a bar! Yes! 183 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,258 I hear that. 184 00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,960 A guy like you, great head of hair... Yep. 185 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,929 Nah, I'm too depressed. 186 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,998 Besides, I prepaid for my meal. I guess I'll order. 187 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,835 Just forget I'm here. 188 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,003 Anyway... happy Valentine's Day. 189 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,572 Thanks. You look so handsome. 190 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,574 Ugh! This sucks. 191 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,408 [ Sighs ] 192 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,480 I can't believe I let you talk me into doing this crap. 193 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:20,714 I need help! Phil: It's okay. 194 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,816 Underneath it all, it's just you and your wife. 195 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,017 That's the problem. 196 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,753 I don't know how I got her to begin with. 197 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,788 And I'm starting to feel if I can't pull this off, 198 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,090 she's gonna figure out she got duped the first time. 199 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,425 Let me start by saying "thank you" 200 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,993 for being so vulnerable with me. 201 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:33,861 I hate you. 202 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,929 Also, I'm no expert at this, 203 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,799 but I have a friend here who is. 204 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,067 [ As Clive ] Clive Bixby here. 205 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,802 How can I make your night sexier? 206 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,037 If I can't role-play with her, I'm not doin' it with you. 207 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,105 Whatevs, Daddio. 208 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,807 I'm gonna give the phone back to Philip. 209 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,075 [ Normal voice ] Phil here. 210 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,343 Listen, it's all about commitment and confidence. 211 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,645 What's -- What's your character? 212 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:54,482 Raoul Matadoré, hotel owner, like Andy Garcia -- 213 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,917 In "Ocean's Eleven" -- I love this for you! 214 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,452 Did you go with the timepiece? 215 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,654 Yeah, I thought at some moment, I'd pull it out, 216 00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:02,022 smash it on the bar, and say, 217 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,792 "I want to remember the exact moment I fell in love." 218 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,461 I'm an idiot! No. 219 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,830 That silence is me picking my jaw up off the floor. 220 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,932 We're all walking, and you're flying, mister. 221 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,100 Seriously? You think so? 222 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,969 1,000%! But don't take it from me. 223 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,104 [ As Clive ] Clive again. 224 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,073 Mr. Matadoré, I tip my turtleneck to ya. 225 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,275 Hello? 226 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,644 Arvin: All right, no peeking. 227 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,178 Haley: Oh, no peeking. [ Laughs ] 228 00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,214 I hope you're not disappointed. 229 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,350 [ Gasps ] Wow! It's so pretty! 230 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:31,752 You know what else is pretty? 231 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,487 Oh! Stop. 232 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:34,522 [ Laughs ] Oh. 233 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,189 Well, I was going to say "Venus." 234 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,892 But sure, let's go with you. 235 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,193 [ Chuckling ] Come on, have a look. 236 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,996 Ooh! 237 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,632 Nope. 238 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,299 Oh! Okay. [ Laughs ] Yep. 239 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,635 Wow! 240 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,903 Yeah, there's a new moon, so it's the perfect night 241 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,172 to observe faint star clusters. 242 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,473 [ Laughs ] And -- And right in the middle, 243 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,643 there's a variable star that I discovered. 244 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,611 [ Sighs ] It's right next to a white dwarf. 245 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,046 [ Gasps ] Oh, I don't think you're allowed 246 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,948 to say that anymore. 247 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,716 Yes, tricky times we live in. 248 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,384 Wow, this is so cool. 249 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,186 Right. Have a -- Have a think about this -- 250 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:10,658 There is a theory that suggests the universe is so large 251 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:14,962 that everything that can happen is happening all the time. 252 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,864 Do you smoke weed? 253 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,566 Oh. [ Laughs ] No. 254 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,301 Sor-- Sorry, I'm a little obsessed with space. 255 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,804 I-I built my first Dobsonian telescope 256 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:24,838 when I was 10. 257 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,840 You made a telescope? 258 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,910 The only thing I've ever made was an ashtray for my mom 259 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,879 that says, "Rub your butt here." 260 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,814 [ Laughs ] Oh, like cigarette butt. 261 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,848 Yeah. 262 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,585 What are you doing next August 27th 263 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,452 at, uh, 8:00 p.m.? 264 00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,589 I have no idea. Why? 265 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,524 NASA is giving me an award for a radiation shield, 266 00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,827 and -- NASA's giving you an award? 267 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,596 I need a date. There's no pressure. 268 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,965 But it saved the lives of a bunch of astronauts. 269 00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,167 Wow, you've done a lot. 270 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,636 Well, I'm -- I'm sure you've had 271 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,671 your share of accomplishments. 272 00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,940 Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course. 273 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,209 [ Stammers ] Let's see. There was, um... 274 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,844 college... 275 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,112 Uh-huh. 276 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,880 Nope. Nope. That is a -- 277 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,315 That is a bad road. 278 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,217 Well, uh, uh, okay, so professionally, 279 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,552 I've been kind of sort of dabbling in, like, 280 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:13,954 a lot of different -- Pass. 281 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,690 Um...I-I-I-I once flew 282 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,525 next to the bass player of The Killers. 283 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,260 Uh, you know, it just kind of looked like him. 284 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,261 Is there a bathroom? 285 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,362 Here, I'm just gonna find it myself. 286 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,797 No big deal. I'm fine. I'm -- I'm great. 287 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,165 I... 288 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,937 So, are you seeing anybody new? 289 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:33,173 No, I didn't even make my mom a Valentine's card this year. 290 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,775 It's alarming that I asked about dating, 291 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,209 and you went right to your mother. 292 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,679 [ Ringtone plays ] 293 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:39,680 [ Cellphone beeps ] 294 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:40,614 Hello? 295 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,750 Alex, it's Professor Fennerman. 296 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,818 I'm sorry to bother you on Valentine's. 297 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,519 Uh, it's okay. Uh... 298 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,121 Have you heard from Haley? 299 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,289 Isn't she with you? 300 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:52,059 She was, and... then she suddenly ran off. 301 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,827 I think -- I think I may have bored her 302 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,128 to the point of fleeing. 303 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,964 You could never bore anyone. 304 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,832 You know who's boring? Professor Schaeffer. 305 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,333 Agreed. He's insufferable. 306 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,802 He never stops droning on. 307 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,337 He's like the cosmic microwave background radiation. 308 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,606 [ Laughs ] 309 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,242 Because he's the constant noise you can't get rid of! 310 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,278 Thank God somebody gets me tonight. 311 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,579 [ Snorts ] 312 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,281 You know, I think it might have been a bad idea, 313 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,416 bringing her to the observatory. 314 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,118 I probably should have set my sights on someone 315 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,753 with whom I have more in common. 316 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,321 Do you know what I mean? 317 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,956 I...think I do? 318 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,192 Anyway, I think I'll wait here a little longer, 319 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,395 take in the stars, just in case she shows up. 320 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,597 Maybe she will. 321 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,932 Thanks, Alex. 322 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,767 [ Cellphone beeps ] 323 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:34,902 Oh, my God. 324 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,203 What? Haley blew him off. 325 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,338 I think he wants me to come to the observatory 326 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,272 to be with him. 327 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,573 You have feelings for this guy? 328 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:41,641 Who wouldn't?! 329 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,110 I mean, do you know how hard it is 330 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,712 to find a good-looking genius? 331 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,847 There's him, and when I put in a little effort, me! 332 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,148 Then go. 333 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,516 I will. 334 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,684 Yeah, you will, a-and I'm gonna make 335 00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:51,719 a Valentine for my mom. 336 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,187 They're not the same! 337 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,856 Okay, open -- open mine first. 338 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,290 Oh. It's -- It's a kimono. 339 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,292 I took an online origami class. 340 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,260 Okay. 341 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,162 It's a haiku. Oh! 342 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,964 "Friend, lover, husband. 343 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,933 My life started when we met. 344 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,300 You're my everything." 345 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,435 Aww. You are. 346 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,670 Ooh, let's see what you wrote in yours. 347 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,706 Aww. It's a tandem bicycle. 348 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,307 Yeah. It's so cute. 349 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,176 "Happy V-Day. 350 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,277 Love, M." 351 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,079 And I thought my date was cold. 352 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,982 What? No. Cam knows what I mean. 353 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,717 Cam knows you are mean? 354 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,218 You were more effusive about tonight's menu 355 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,519 than you were in my card. 356 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,222 "The molten chocolate cake looks slutty and delicious." 357 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,657 Would it kill you to say that about me? 358 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,226 What the hell? Amanda was here. 359 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,561 This picture you posted on Facebook -- 360 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:37,931 She's right behind you. Why would she just leave? 361 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,432 ** 362 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,168 Tonight was supposed to be a romantic night. 363 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,003 I don't want to watch Luke make his sweaty moves 364 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,171 on his conquest of the week. 365 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,006 Yeah, and some of them buy it. 366 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,307 Under what gas leak is 367 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,376 he finding these brain-dead bimbos? 368 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,911 I know what happened. 369 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,213 She walked in, saw me for the first time, 370 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,581 and thought I was hideous. 371 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,616 I've really been struggling with my hair lately. 372 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,752 No, no, stop it. You have great hair. 373 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,921 If it worked for Sheena Easton, it can work for you. 374 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,522 We spent all this time texting. 375 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,324 I thought we had a real connection, 376 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,259 like, really got each other. 377 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,029 We couldn't let him blame himself. 378 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,031 But, uh...he took it pretty well. 379 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,833 You catty bitches! 380 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:16,269 Luke, we love you, but ever since you hit puberty, 381 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,605 you've been... a little disgusting. A little disgusting. 382 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,173 Don't you think I know that?! 383 00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:22,009 She was my chance to turn it around. 384 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,543 Okay, you know what? Call her. 385 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,312 We'll get on the phone, we'll clear the whole thing up. 386 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,147 I called her. She's not picking up. 387 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,715 We're going to her apartment. 388 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,717 We messed this up, we'll fix it. 389 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,119 Before the cake arrives? [ Scoffs ] 390 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,321 I've been wanting to bury my face in that all night long. 391 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,523 How can you not hear this? 392 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,792 Okay, Joey, it's getting late. 393 00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,794 It's time to get you up to bed. 394 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:43,596 Can you do a quick monster check first? 395 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,698 Yes, I can. 396 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:48,301 [ Footsteps depart ] 397 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:51,104 Phil, I can't sleep without my teddy bear, 398 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:53,106 and I left him in my wagon. 399 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,442 Can you get him? I'm afraid of the dark. 400 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,245 You got it, buddy. 401 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,848 [ Panting ] 402 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,450 Joe? What are you doing? 403 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,252 Open the door. [ Knock on door ] 404 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,154 Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett! 405 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,388 Open the door! 406 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,257 [ Funky romantic music plays ] 407 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,125 You let me in right now, young man. 408 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,328 Not cool, Joe! 409 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:19,666 ** 410 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,103 Joe, what is going on with this music? 411 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,371 My God. [ Music stops ] 412 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,339 Oh. Where's Phil? 413 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,675 Who knows with that guy? 414 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:31,144 [ Grunts ] 415 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,579 Honey, what happened? 416 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,581 Mini Casanova locked me out. 417 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,816 What? That is enough. 418 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,718 Joe, you are a little boy, 419 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,088 and you're going to bed right now. 420 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,623 You're a bad Valentine! 421 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,494 Oh, no. 422 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,062 I feel like the rest of the Breakfast Club 423 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,763 when they realized Judd Nelson was 424 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:53,533 more vulnerable than they thought. I... 425 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,569 [ Spanish accent ] My hotel in Ibiza was my favorite. 426 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,305 I used to hang out with Telly Savalas, 427 00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,772 Lyle Waggoner, 428 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,774 but the scenery here 429 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,776 makes me like this one mucho moré. 430 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,278 You don't have to impress me 431 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:09,216 with money or name-dropping, I think. 432 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,550 I like you. 433 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,885 Don't tell this to my madam, 434 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,554 but I cannot accept any money from you. 435 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,089 Man: Excuse me, ma'am. 436 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,324 Can I talk with you for a moment? 437 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:21,861 Yes? 438 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,596 I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now. 439 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:24,564 Huh? 440 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:25,966 The hotel owner is very strict 441 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,801 about women who do what you do. 442 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,504 Ooh, you're gonna take me to a room 443 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,506 where the hotel owner is going to give me 444 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,509 a very tough, sexy talking to? 445 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,012 No, you're gonna leave, or we're gonna call the police. 446 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,213 Yes, call the police. Gloria -- 447 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,682 I've been a very, very bad girl. 448 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,417 [ Normal voice ] This is not a part of it. 449 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,955 Sir, she is not a prostitute. 450 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,389 This is my wife. 451 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,523 That's what they all say. 452 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,959 Please. 453 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,627 Yep, that's probably what I would've said. 454 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,398 Here she is. Ciconi. 455 00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,599 [ Buzzing ] 456 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:00,600 What do you want? 457 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,434 -Oh, hi! -Here she is. 458 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,270 Hey! Wow. 459 00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,804 You're actually hotter than your picture. 460 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,240 You know, let us talk. Hi! So, we're -- 461 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:08,675 we're Luke's uncles. We're Luke's uncles. 462 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,077 You're his uncles? Both: Uh-huh. 463 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,879 And you said he put sweaty moves on brain-dead bimbos? 464 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,747 Okay, hadn't heard the specifics. 465 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,149 Okay, you know -- you know what? 466 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,650 We d-- We didn't mean any of that. 467 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,786 We're gay, and gays are snarky. 468 00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:20,920 It's a cultural thing. 469 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,389 You know how, like, you're Italian? 470 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,491 [ Italian accent ] Italians talk a lot with their hands, right 471 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,558 [normal voice] and are much looser 472 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,859 than one would imagine for Catholics. 473 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:27,961 Okay, okay. Let me talk right now. 474 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:30,930 Okay, Amanda, Luke's an amazing guy. 475 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,432 Why would I believe what you're saying now 476 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,666 and not what you said before? 477 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,035 I don't know. I don't know. 478 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,736 You know, maybe we were just being snarky 479 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,505 because we were jealous of you guys. Yeah. 480 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,240 I mean, seeing Luke all dressed up, 481 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,075 getting ready for a first date, the -- 482 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,677 the excitement of being young and in love. 483 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,513 Mm. Easy. 484 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,515 I-I remember when I first met Cam -- 485 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:49,849 I'm Cam. This is Cam. 486 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,618 I knew I had met the person 487 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,386 I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. 488 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:56,689 That's what I want, too -- a relationship, 489 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,191 someone who's gonna be there for me. 490 00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,426 Luke feels the same way. 491 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,495 I mean, this is a guy who is ready for commitment. 492 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,031 [ Hushed ] We've really only texted. 493 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,298 Okay, well, when I say -- 494 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,666 when I say to give Luke a chance, 495 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,269 it's because I-I know what's at stake for you. 496 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,538 I-I mean, you think it's amazing now? 497 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,841 You can't even imagine what it could grow into. 498 00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,110 If you guys have even the smallest chance 499 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:20,380 of having what we have... you have to go for it. 500 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,648 [ Voice breaking ] Oh, my God, Mitchell. 501 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,783 That is the Valentine's Day card I've always wanted. 502 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,718 Aww. 503 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,554 That was sweet. 504 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,888 But Luke's gone. 505 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,790 Drive until you hear a party. 506 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,392 Okay. Well, you know what? Good luck, honey. 507 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,426 Bye, then. Yeah, take care. 508 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,427 Okay. 509 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,996 You see, we have the same address 510 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,865 and the same last name. 511 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,767 I was just pretending to be a prostitute 512 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,703 because my husband has a thing for Jane Fonda in "Klute." 513 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:44,804 The body was crazy, 514 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,873 unfortunately, so were the politics. 515 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,975 Well, I guess you didn't do anything wrong by hotel rules, 516 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,511 but based on my personal belief system -- 517 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,613 We're not looking for any input. Thank you. 518 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,049 I can't believe I took romantic advice from Phil, 519 00:16:56,083 --> 00:17:00,353 a grown man I've seen in lederhosen at least three times. 520 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,822 Phil told you to do the role play? 521 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,158 Yeah, he said you were mad this morning 522 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,394 because I always drop the ball on days like this. 523 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,895 I wasn't mad at you. 524 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:09,929 I was mad at Joe 525 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,598 because he didn't make me a Valentine. 526 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,166 So your 6-year-old kid 527 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,068 doesn't give you a card, you get so mad, 528 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,036 you throw a tire iron through the windshield. 529 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,638 It's got to be deeper than that. 530 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,207 Manny, for the first time ever, 531 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,175 didn't make me a Valentine's, either. 532 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,576 That's not deeper. 533 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,546 That's just doubling down on the same disturbing thing. 534 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,947 Disturbing? 535 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,682 When Manny was 5 years old, 536 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,352 he told me that he would forever be my Valentine's. 537 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,555 Promises were made. I will not be ignored! 538 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,392 Okay, yeah. That sounded weird. 539 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,894 But the point is that I know 540 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,930 that you're not good at romantic things, 541 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:44,964 and I'm fine with it. 542 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:45,998 Don't let me off the hook. 543 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,234 If I did more, 544 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,402 you wouldn't depend on your kids for those things. 545 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,003 And if I learned anything 546 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,339 from trying to pick you up tonight, 547 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,507 it's how lucky I was to get you in the first place. 548 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,942 I've got to do better. 549 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,044 And I didn't think anyone 550 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,981 could get any sexier than Raoul Matadoré. 551 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,919 I want to remember the exact moment 552 00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:09,222 I fell in love with you all over again. 553 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,590 [ Sighs ] 554 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:11,791 [ Shatters ] 555 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,261 What the hell have you done? 556 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,596 That was my father's watch! 557 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,533 Poor little Joe. 558 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,569 You don't think I led him on, do you? 559 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,271 No, no. 560 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,605 I am not doing this. 561 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,474 Women always blame themselves. 562 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,776 Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I don't owe you anything. 563 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,645 You know what? I-I think I'll handle this. 564 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,149 Hey, buddy. 565 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,651 Are you gonna yell at me, too? 566 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,052 Listen. 567 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,821 The reason Claire was yelling at you 568 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,191 was to protect my feelings. 569 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,958 She knows I can't compete with you, 570 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,694 which is, um... 571 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,930 which is why I have to ask you a really big favor. 572 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,932 Can you pick another girl? 573 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,734 I mean, you can have anyone you want, 574 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,769 but... Claire's all I've got. 575 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,271 I'd be lost without her. 576 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,139 I don't even know how I got her in the first place. 577 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:02,242 You are pretty silly. 578 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,176 What do you say? 579 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:06,646 Dude to dude, will you back off? 580 00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,749 Okay. 581 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,419 Is Haley seeing anyone? 582 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:13,553 Easy. 583 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:20,059 ** 584 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:21,661 [ Sighs ] 585 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:25,665 ** 586 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,134 How'd I get back to Arvin? I don't know. 587 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,836 I was just looking for the parking lot 588 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,671 when I came to a fork in the path. 589 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,172 Had I taken the other path, 590 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:36,643 I would've just gotten in my car and gone home. 591 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,245 Instead... 592 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,646 [ Footsteps approach ] 593 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,681 You came back! 594 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,850 Damn it, I did! 595 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,586 Why did you run off? What did I do? 596 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,821 Everything. And I've done nothing. 597 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,657 I-I feel like a loser. 598 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,492 You feel like a loser? 599 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,862 Why do you think I went on about myself so appallingly? 600 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,029 Ooh, look at me. 601 00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:59,065 I won the Von Snootington Award 602 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,067 for Applied Astro-Doofinomics. 603 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,870 You won another award? How is this helping? 604 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:07,139 Haley...I like you. 605 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:11,344 You are formidable in a way that's... 606 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,781 that's different and exciting to me. 607 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,549 Yeah, well, same, 608 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,751 but it just doesn't make sense. 609 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,853 I love things that don't make sense. 610 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,522 That's my gig. [ Chuckles ] 611 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,457 Let's figure this out together. 612 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:25,892 Come on. 613 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,360 What can I do? 614 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:33,866 ** 615 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,968 That helps. [ Chuckles ] 616 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:40,873 ** 617 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:44,010 Oh, it's so weird to think that if I had taken another path, 618 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,945 I could be heading home right now. 619 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,381 Wait a minute. It's like what you said before. 620 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:51,984 In a different universe, you could be with someone else. 621 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:57,324 ** 622 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,630 [ '80s-style music plays ] Um, could we -- 623 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,864 could we change this song? 624 00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,366 The poppy cadence is throwing off 625 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,101 my more bluesy lovemaking style. 626 00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:10,169 [ Door opens ] Oh! 627 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:11,471 Aw, geez! Dios mio! 628 00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:12,739 Don't you ever knock?! 629 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,873 This is my bedroom! 630 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:15,775 I can't believe this is happening again! 631 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:16,876 Again? Oh. 632 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,778 I wish I had gotten arrested! 633 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:21,147 Mom, where are you? I made you a Valen-- 634 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,284 Okay, what kind of freak show goes on here 635 00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:26,586 when I'm not around? 636 00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:57,009 [ '80s-style music plays ] Um, could we -- 637 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,177 could we change this song? 638 00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,679 The poppy cadence is throwing off 639 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,415 my more bluesy lovemaking style. 640 00:23:02,449 --> 00:23:03,483 [ Door opens ] Oh! 641 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:04,851 Aw, geez! Dios mio! 642 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,118 Don't you ever knock?! 643 00:23:06,152 --> 00:23:07,253 This is my bedroom! 644 00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:09,155 I can't believe this is happening again! 645 00:23:09,188 --> 00:23:10,256 Again? Oh. 646 00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:12,191 I wish I had gotten arrested! 647 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,561 Mom, where are you? I made you a Valen-- 648 00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:18,698 Okay, what kind of freak show goes on here 649 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,032 when I'm not around? 650 00:27:31,784 --> 00:27:33,720 [ '80s-style music plays ] Um, could we -- 651 00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:34,887 could we change this song? 652 00:27:34,921 --> 00:27:36,388 The poppy cadence is throwing off 653 00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:39,158 my more bluesy lovemaking style. 654 00:27:39,191 --> 00:27:40,226 [ Door opens ] Oh! 655 00:27:40,259 --> 00:27:41,527 Aw, geez! Dios mio! 656 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:42,795 Don't you ever knock?! 657 00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:43,930 This is my bedroom! 658 00:27:43,963 --> 00:27:45,832 I can't believe this is happening again! 659 00:27:45,865 --> 00:27:46,933 Again? Oh. 660 00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:48,835 I wish I had gotten arrested! 661 00:27:48,868 --> 00:27:51,203 Mom, where are you? I made you a Valen-- 662 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,341 Okay, what kind of freak show goes on here 663 00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:56,642 when I'm not around?