1 00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:04,072 -Daddy. -What are you doing up? 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,873 I can't sleep. 3 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,242 Wait. You eat while I'm in bed? 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,278 Is there a meal I don't know about? 5 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,379 A couple. 6 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,846 But you need to hit the hay, buddy. 7 00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:17,218 I need you sawin' logs until 0700. 8 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:19,620 I don't know what any of that means. 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,890 Gloria and I are going through a romantic dry spell. 10 00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,059 Luckily, she's out tonight with her friend, Rebecca, 11 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,760 who is married to a jackass. 12 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:30,398 Gloria always comes home ready to show her appreciation. 13 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,433 Suddenly, me going to bed with socks on 14 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,368 is not such a deal-breaker. 15 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,238 Aw, geez. (door opens) 16 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,773 GLORIA: I'm home! Hey, Jay. 17 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,142 JAY: How's Rebecca? 18 00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,776 She's never been better. 19 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,412 So, she left her husband like a month ago, 20 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:48,882 and it's like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. 21 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:49,983 Speaking of shoulders, 22 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,619 are you ready for one of my famous massages? 23 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,586 No, I'm good. 24 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:53,987 (ringtone plays) 25 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,089 It's her. 26 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,090 Hello? 27 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:59,093 (gasps) The waiter? 28 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,795 I knew he was flirting with you! 29 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,565 Don't forget about that clod she married! 30 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,934 You got one of the good guys! 31 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:10,471 (chuckles) And he didn't have to write down our order, 32 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,806 so you know that he won't forget your birthday. 33 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,476 (clatter) Ay! 34 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,810 (groans) 35 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,280 Joe leaves all his toys on the floor. 36 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:22,082 I tell him to pick them up, but he doesn't listen. 37 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:26,154 I'm telling you, it's a disaster in the bedroom. 38 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,821 I don't know what to do. 39 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,858 It's like he can't remember where things go. 40 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:36,864 Eventually, I get so frustrated that I take care of it myself. 41 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,699 Spanking? 42 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,601 Well, yeah, I guess we could try that. 43 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,969 Actually, now that you mention it, 44 00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:45,473 Javier and I tried it a long time ago. 45 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,775 It was a game-changer. 46 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,312 Ay. Rebecca is doing so well. 47 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:52,880 Sounds like she's having fun. 48 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,649 Navy used to make us watch films about girls like that. 49 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:59,287 Well, her husband never really gave her what she needed. 50 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,688 Did she tell him? 51 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,657 No. But sometimes it's more exciting to be with someone 52 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,528 that already knows what you want without you telling them. 53 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,862 Got it. 54 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,231 Ay! Hey! 55 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,699 Wh-What the hell was that?! 56 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:12,800 Nothing! You know what? 57 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,469 I think I forgot to lock the front door. 58 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:20,007 ** 59 00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:24,712 ** 60 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,684 -There he is. -Oh, now, don't get mad. 61 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,720 I know I said I was only getting tulips for the party, 62 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,688 but I splurged and I got orchids. 63 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,557 Hey, I wanted the party to be special, too. Okay. 64 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,327 And in my defense, I didn't know about the orchids. 65 00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:40,561 I got a piano. 66 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,230 Really, where? 67 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,164 I recently got a pretty fancy job 68 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,834 working for billionaire Michael Quinly. 69 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,402 It's kind of a big deal. -It is a big deal. 70 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,338 Now, admittedly, throwing a party 71 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,340 to celebrate your own reversal of fortune 72 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,707 could be seen as braggy. 73 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,876 Sort of a rags-to-bitches story, if you will. 74 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,545 Then again, for a while now, 75 00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,880 when I've been telling my friends that I was struggling, 76 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,615 they'd give me "that look" -- 77 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,351 the one that's mostly sympathetic 78 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:06,554 with just a touch of enjoying my pain. 79 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,223 So, today, I get the other look -- 80 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,625 the one that's mostly "I'm so happy for you" 81 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,595 with just a hint of "I am wracked with jealousy." 82 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,266 It'll be good to see the old gang again. 83 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:19,767 -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -Yeah. 84 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:23,804 Hey, you. 85 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,474 What's going on? You, uh -- you texting a boy? 86 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,808 Just figuring out my summer plans. 87 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,277 I remember the summer of my junior year. 88 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,613 I followed N.W.A. on tour -- Nebraskans With Accordions. 89 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,383 This was before Polka Pete was brutally murdered, of course. 90 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:36,884 Yeah, this is a little different. 91 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,252 I'm actually up for an internship 92 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,321 researching the minimal supersymmetric standard model 93 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,255 at M.I.T. 94 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,991 Cool. Beantown. 95 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,394 I don't know why I'm getting all girly and excited about it. 96 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,595 It's not like I'm gonna get it anyways. 97 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,130 What's with the quitter talk? If you want my advice -- 98 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,332 No, I don't, but thanks. 99 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,166 What is all this junk? 100 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,968 Fruit Roll-ups, chips, chocolate milk? Ugh. 101 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,271 Th-There's nothing in the fridge. 102 00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,807 I'm packing you a lunch. 103 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,809 I've always heard there comes a time in life 104 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,612 when the kid starts parenting the parents. 105 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,347 I thought it would be when I was in my 40s. 106 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,248 But I'm pretty mature for my age, 107 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,418 and my dad claps when he gets waffle fries. 108 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,919 What are you even still doing home? 109 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,587 Don't you usually open your magic shop by now? 110 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,589 Yeah. I'm just going in a little late. 111 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,157 Doesn't sound good for business. 112 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,926 And I saw you sneak those carrots out of your lunch. 113 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,862 I'm trying to avoid one of the other shop owners. 114 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,464 Kind of an intimidating character. 115 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,466 It started with a dispute over a parking space 116 00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,634 and escalated from there. 117 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:30,137 Hey...we don't avoid bullies in this family. 118 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,205 We stand up to them. 119 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:33,674 Off you go. 120 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,876 I don't think you realize what kind of person I'm up against. 121 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,345 Yesterday, all my dribble glasses 122 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,012 were replaced with real ones. 123 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,448 It was humiliating. 124 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:43,183 So, Long', we have a lot to catch up on. 125 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,118 What's up? -Not my weight. 126 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,721 The Tom Brady diet changed the way I see the world. 127 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:51,191 Food, not food, super-food, poison. 128 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,327 Oh, well, okay, that covers you. 129 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,862 I was going to ask about you, 130 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,697 but, you know, I'm always nervous about the answer. 131 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,998 Well, you know what? Let's roll the dice. 132 00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,333 So, it turns out that I -- -Hey, Mitch. 133 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,634 -Hi. -Hi. 134 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,670 Where's Cam? Hey. -Oh. 135 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,338 Claire, what a surprise. 136 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,506 What are you talking about? 137 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,374 You asked me to bring over the piano music. 138 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,641 "Party-time Favorites." 139 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,176 Oh, my gosh, how apropos. 140 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:12,079 I'll just set these on our new piano... Mm. 141 00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,547 ...that I know how to play. 142 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,549 Great party, boys. 143 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,518 We need to talk about the piano in the room. 144 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,853 Uh, well, yes, so, okay, okay. (chuckles) 145 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,422 So, Cam has always wanted one, 146 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,891 and frankly, it has been out of our price range 147 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,393 until this week. 148 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,395 Fun story. It turns out that I -- 149 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,229 -Hi. -I'm being rude. 150 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,564 Sam Turnbull. 151 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,265 Oh! Claire Dunphy. 152 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,602 Hi. You are the editor of L.A. Woman magazine, right? 153 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,004 I believe it's pronounced [french accent] "La Woman." 154 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,439 It isn't. 155 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,608 It's funny because your office called my business last week. 156 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,411 Apparently, I'm on some short list 157 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,112 for the Women in Business issue. 158 00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,514 -Closets, right? -Yeah. 159 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,382 I shattered the glass ceiling -- 160 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,752 and ironically, we have a new glass-ceiling closet. 161 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,687 You can see if it's raining when you're getting dressed. 162 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,288 Gonna save a lot of suede. 163 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,591 Well, it's, um, pretty competitive this year. 164 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,926 Oh. 165 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,928 Anyway, I'm meeting someone on the other side of the piano. 166 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,796 I should leave now. 167 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,297 Oh. 168 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:07,901 I don't even care about his stupid magazine, 169 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,202 but to be dismissed like that? 170 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:13,106 Hey, everyone, everyone. Thank you so much for coming. 171 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,908 We never get to see each other anymore, 172 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,544 what with our busy lives. 173 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:19,480 And Jotham's ambient music compositions, 174 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:22,115 and, uh, Deepak's guerrilla gardening, 175 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:26,086 and, well, me and my big new job 176 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,255 working for Michael Quinly. 177 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,423 Yeah. 178 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,091 The rich guy whose name is on all those museums? 179 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,927 And hospitals, yeah. So, to all of us! 180 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,565 Ah, congratulations. 181 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,132 It's really great. We're all -- 182 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,133 We're all so happy for you. 183 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,435 Thank you. Thank you. 184 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,503 Hey, hey. -Hi. 185 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:43,804 You saw the look, right? Yeah. 186 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,975 Pure love and support with just a hint of rancid envy. 187 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,477 A word. 188 00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,144 But I'm basking. Um, Cam. 189 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,980 So, while you were talking, I got online, 190 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,650 and...your new boss was caught embezzling. 191 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,985 Your company is crumbling. 192 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,754 No! No! This -- This can't be happening to me again. 193 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,856 You know what? You'll find something else. 194 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,525 Oh, my -- Cam, I literally just bragged 195 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,126 about a job that doesn't exist. 196 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,095 Okay, okay. They cannot know, 197 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,297 or else this will turn into an actual pity party. 198 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,699 Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I-I got this. 199 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,966 Hi, everyone. 200 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,969 So, we are about to get to know one another on a deeper, 201 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,805 more personal level. 202 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,707 I think you all know what the bowl is for. 203 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:23,544 Hey, no. Not your keys, Jotham. 204 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,045 Your phones! 205 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,848 We are about to rediscover the long-lost art of conversation. 206 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,116 What if the sitter calls? 207 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,052 Your dog will be fine. Phones, gentlemen, phones. 208 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:36,890 You're working on a Saturday? 209 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,692 I've been dealing with a little problem. 210 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,228 In moments like this, there's only one place I turn. 211 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,997 Well, I am flattered, Dad. 212 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:44,998 Right. 213 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,401 Hey, but, you know, since you're here... 214 00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:51,004 Uh, it's a difficult subject. 215 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,005 Gloria and I... 216 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,641 Mm-hmm. 217 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,342 ...having an issue in the bedroom. 218 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,710 Okay. 219 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,046 There's been a drop-off of pace and intensity. Mm-hmm. 220 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:02,349 I get the impression she's looking for, maybe, a little more variety. 221 00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:03,684 -Mm. -But you can't blame her. 222 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,352 I've been using the same moves since the '70s. Hmm. 223 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,220 I may as well be doing "The Hustle" in there. 224 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,056 I'm just gonna wet my whistle. 225 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,924 I heard her tell her friend last night 226 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,393 about wanting to be spanked. 227 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,830 And later, the opportunity presented itself, and... 228 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,065 No, you didn't. You didn't. 229 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,000 -Three times. -Oh, God. Why three times, Dad? 230 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,735 I don't know. Maybe all those years of ping-pong 231 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,672 in the warehouse. I've got very agile wrists. Mm. 232 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,674 But I don't know how I come back from this one. 233 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,943 Well, uh, Dad, when you, um -- 234 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,712 When you did what you did to Gloria, 235 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,947 you made the sex all about her body, 236 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,249 and a woman wants it to be about the mind. 237 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,419 Oh, crap. I was afraid it would be about that sort of thing. 238 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,122 Look, she is an intelligent, interesting woman. 239 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,558 And you just need to remind her that you notice that -- 240 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:47,227 unlike, say, I don't know, L.A. Woman magazine, 241 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,762 that only cares about how a woman looks. 242 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,764 So, we're off my thing, huh? 243 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,032 Hopefully forever, yes. 244 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,601 I ran into the editor of that magazine 245 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,936 over at Cam and Mitch's today, and you know what? 246 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,237 He looks me up and down. 247 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,640 Suddenly, I am off their women-in-business list. 248 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,975 So, L.A. Woman is its own magazine now? 249 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,477 I remember when it was the back page of L.A. Man. 250 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,915 Well, I suppose I'm just not as glamorous as Linda Vaughn, 251 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,883 the queen of corrective shoes. 252 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,752 And this has nothing to do with the fact that you showed up 253 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,387 looking like someone who just watered some horses? 254 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,923 Who cares? What about merit? 255 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,758 I hear you. But you got to play the game. 256 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,892 I didn't get on the cover 257 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,795 of Closet Time's September '78 issue 258 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:25,599 by wearing Jordache jeans one size too big. 259 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:26,566 I'm not doing it. 260 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,101 They can keep their beauty contest. 261 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,136 I don't care. 262 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,338 Before you say "no," take a look at this. 263 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,975 It's not making the case you think it's making, Dad. 264 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,310 Oh, God. 265 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,248 Okay, that's all the phones. 266 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,416 Look, nobody's gonna find out about you losing your job 267 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,584 until after the party. 268 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,485 (doorbell rings) 269 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,420 Okay, I'm -- I'm gonna get that. 270 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,656 You call someone about returning the piano 271 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,090 we can no longer afford. 272 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,794 Well, we couldn't really afford it with your new job, either. 273 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,930 Why haven't you been texting me back? 274 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,265 Well, uh -- 275 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,600 You're judging us, aren't you? No. 276 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,003 This is nothing compared to the things that I have heard 277 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,304 that you two do -- -Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. 278 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,973 I-I never saw your text, okay? 279 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,340 All of our phones are in a bowl. 280 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,643 Oh, it's that kind of party. 281 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,344 What do you think that we do? 282 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,545 I have a problem. 283 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,014 Well, can it wait? I have guests. 284 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,816 Your father spanked me. 285 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,550 Eh, it's a buffet. They'll be fine. 286 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,519 Okay, I talked to the piano company -- 287 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,655 Okay, okay, my dad spanked her. You're all caught up. 288 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,824 -What? -What did you do? 289 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,859 I screamed, he ran away. 290 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,627 And now I think he's embarrassed. 291 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,029 Okay, okay. 292 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,531 For what it's worth, sometimes people do things to other people 293 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,333 that they want done to themselves. 294 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,234 Mm-hmm. 295 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,569 Sometimes, for years on end. 296 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:37,838 -Really? -Mm-hmm. 297 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:41,675 So, you think that Jay wants me to spank him? 298 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,176 Well, if he's like some of the successful, 299 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,378 powerful men I've been with, yes. 300 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,981 Who are those men? What are these things I don't do? 301 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,751 Well, I guess I could ask him if that's what he wants. 302 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,352 No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. 303 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,221 He's probably already feeling self-conscious. 304 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,057 Act casual, like it never happened. 305 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,591 I can do that. 306 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,061 I haven't even said anything 307 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,063 about this gigantic piano you have here. 308 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,066 Okay. Well, if it doesn't go back today, we own it, 309 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,400 so the moving company is on the way. 310 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,737 Okay, well, I think our guests are gonna notice that, 311 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,371 maybe ask a question or two. 312 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:12,339 I've got this. 313 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,708 Hey, guys. Hi, guys. 314 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,944 Mitchell and I... Maybe just Cam. Not sure yet. 315 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,713 ...are about to remodel our bathroom, and we were wondering, 316 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:23,951 does anyone here have strong opinions about interior design? 317 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:27,187 Okay. Can you guys, uh, follow me right this way? 318 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,290 All right, everybody in. Yep, there's plenty of room. 319 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,759 And I'll -- I'll just close the door, 320 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,795 give you guys some privacy so you can speak freely. 321 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,263 There you go. 322 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,231 All right. And, oh, look at that. 323 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,600 (grunting) The...doorknob came off. 324 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,736 Sit tight. I got to fix this. 325 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,437 (door opens, bell rings) ALEX: Hey, Dad. 326 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,705 Hey, sweetie. What are you doing here? 327 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,075 Did you really think I wouldn't notice these? 328 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,043 Also, I got that internship. 329 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,711 I just need your signature on my insurance form. 330 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,047 I told you to stay positive. 331 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,883 How much fun is this gonna be? 332 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,818 It's really not about fun. 333 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,086 It's gonna be a lot of hard work. 334 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,387 The pressure's off the charts. 335 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,455 Well, that would explain the mental-health waiver. 336 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,325 The last undergrad they let into the program completely snapped. 337 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,593 They found her wandering the Freedom Trail 338 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,428 wearing nothing but her safety goggles. 339 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,763 (door opens, bell rings) 340 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,665 Dunphy, you're in my spot again. 341 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,102 (whispers) That's her. She's your bully? 342 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,669 You realize she's not even that big, right? 343 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,939 It's mostly just hair. -Shh, shh. 344 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,073 Who's the jock? 345 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,642 Oh, Stephanie, this is my daughter Alex. 346 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,743 Uh, Alex, this is Stephanie. 347 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,979 She owns the board-game shop next door. 348 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,181 Yeah. I sell "MAGIC: The Gathering," 349 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,784 and he sells magic, and no one is gathering. 350 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,152 Come on. 351 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,753 Dad, remember what we talked about. 352 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,789 Oh, yeah. Technically... 353 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,794 ...spot nine is a shared parking space. 354 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:44,631 Ooh, look whose disappearing balls came back. 355 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:46,867 What do you say we settle this once and for all 356 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,768 with the newly released collector's edition 357 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,137 of "Wizards and Warlocks"? 358 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,504 Set her up. 359 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,140 I'm done being pushed around by you. 360 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,642 Winner gets the spot. It's a role-playing game. 361 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,210 I'm Zorel, a 19th-level wizard 362 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,646 with 30 gold ingots and a cow who used to be my son. 363 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,714 I'm familiar with the game. I go to Cal-Tech. 364 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,884 The guy who invented it gave our commencement speech last year. 365 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,118 Okay, Dunphy. 366 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,487 When we left off, you had just sold your long sword 367 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,389 for some beans. -Which could've been magic. 368 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,690 There was no indication of that. 369 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,325 Dad, where's all your gold? 370 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,027 I found that Zorel doesn't like to be weighed down 371 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,728 by too many worldly possessions. 372 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,965 But the key is to pillage early and trade your gold for weapons 373 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,667 before the Van Wickle gates open and the ogres are released. 374 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,503 Curse card. Your hands are now hooves. 375 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,005 Your roll. 376 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,473 Uh, but first, a proposal -- 377 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:29,342 my shield for your feathered cap. 378 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:30,978 I can't watch this. Give me those. 379 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,179 Up. 380 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,916 Hmm. 381 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,017 Hmm. 382 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,751 Ah, I see where you're going with this -- 383 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,054 calling for a peace conference with the council of elders. 384 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,056 No. I'm putting the council of elders on our ships 385 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,925 and burning them. Go. 386 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,226 (door closes) 387 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,829 I'm here, casually reading a magazine, Jay. 388 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,064 There's my brainiac. 389 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,399 You didn't even have to turn around. 390 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,400 You knew it was me. 391 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,902 Oh, well, Manny's at school, 392 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,104 and Joe doesn't have a key, so... 393 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,405 What are you tearing through? 394 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,008 Nothing. Just, like, a fashion magazine. 395 00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,676 In English, your second language. 396 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,345 With all that information in your head, 397 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,847 we should be calling you "Encyclopedia Brown" -- 398 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,382 which sounds like a slur, but isn't. 399 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,718 Hey, I'll bet you can help me with something I've been struggling with. 400 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:12,785 I doubt it. (laughs) 401 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,922 Give me a thrill. Take a whack at it. 402 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,190 What exactly do you want me to do? 403 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,859 I'm sure you can figure out this clue. 404 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,962 Come on, one across. Help me get started. 405 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,266 Ow! What the hell?! 406 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,567 JOE: What the hell?! 407 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,703 I'll clean my room, I promise! 408 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,944 -Ha. -Damn it. 409 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,611 You made it to the Summit of Exmore. 410 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,113 It exists? (cellphone chimes) 411 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,083 Whoa. I need to get these forms in by 5:00 412 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,317 if I'm gonna take this internship, 413 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,586 which I obviously am because I've been working for this 414 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:47,887 my entire life. 415 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,790 Dad, take over. You're basically in an unlosable position. 416 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,295 You appear to be at a crossroads -- 417 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,563 battle the guards at the summit gate 418 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,465 or take a portal to lands unknown. 419 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,834 This would be so much easier if it was lands known. 420 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,503 You're not actually struggling with this, are you? 421 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,339 But what if the portal leads to someplace really cool? 422 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,408 You win by getting to the summit. 423 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:11,011 There's a 62% chance that portal leads right back to the meadow. 424 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,479 That's math. 425 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:16,016 You're in a house of...magic. 426 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,684 And you're back in the meadow. 427 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:18,818 What were you thinking? 428 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,620 It's fine. You know, legend has it, 429 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,822 there's a shortcut under one of the toadstools there. 430 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,258 You don't win by taking shortcuts! 431 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,295 You win by taking the lead -- which is what I did for you 432 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,130 by methodically clawing up the mountain, 433 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,931 ruthlessly defeating your enemies, 434 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,333 and then emerging victorious -- 435 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,169 not dithering around in some meadow! 436 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,804 I'm gonna step out for a vape break 437 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:40,340 while you two sort this out. 438 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,675 (door opens, closes) 439 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,111 You know why I like the meadow? 440 00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,613 'Cause it lets me think about what I want to do next. 441 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,182 Should I battle the ogre 442 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,985 or brave the Swamps of Despair? 443 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:56,523 Should I take the super stressful internship in Boston, 444 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,359 or am I doing that just because I think I'm supposed to? 445 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,729 (scoffs) I beat out hundreds of candidates. 446 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,032 I would be working with the pre-eminent scholar in the field. 447 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,000 This is the chance of a lifetime. 448 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,569 Yeah, but it's your lifetime. 449 00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,004 It's okay to enjoy it. 450 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,339 (sighs) 451 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,007 No one turns this down. 452 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:18,345 Well, you always liked being the first one to do something. 453 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,846 Give yourself the summer you want. 454 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,648 You've collected enough gold ingots 455 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,250 to buy yourself some time off. 456 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,052 It won't make me lazy, will it? 457 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:29,356 Honey, you walked at six months, 458 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,690 spoke at a year, 459 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,361 and your first words were "Sorry it took me so long to walk." 460 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,063 (chuckles) 461 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,101 Okay, so, the piano's gone. 462 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,402 Oh, by the way, that sound you heard 463 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,837 was the bottom of the truck scraping against the street, 464 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,073 so... -Okay, yeah. 465 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,540 Yeah, I don't know, Cam. Is this really gonna sell it? 466 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,941 Yes, it is. 467 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,711 I've learned in my 36 years that, if you believe a lie, 468 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,046 others will, too. 469 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,847 Okay, release the guests. 470 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,049 Okay. 471 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,885 Okay, all fixed. 472 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,921 Figures. Just as your Xanax is kicking in. 473 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,190 (indistinct chatter) 474 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,524 Hey, guys, so, listen. 475 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,460 We've kept you cooped up on this beautiful day. 476 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,597 Why don't we turn this party into a garden party? 477 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,698 (chatter, murmuring) 478 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,133 Why is your piano covered with a sheet? 479 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,802 Oh, um, well, because they recommend it. 480 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,771 They say even five minutes of direct sunlight on a new piano 481 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,940 like this, your keyboard turns into something like 482 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,275 an English person's teeth, so... 483 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,576 Huh. Yeah. 484 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,078 Okay, well, so why doesn't everyone just... Yeah. 485 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,447 ...grab some appetizers and any wine that's already opened... 486 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,549 -Already opened wine. -...and we'll -- 487 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,750 Hello, boys. 488 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:31,751 What are you doing here? 489 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:32,785 Didn't you get my text? 490 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,087 No, all of our phones are in a bowl. 491 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,089 -Ew. -It's not dirty... 492 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,757 unlike that dress. 493 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:38,791 Hi, Sam. 494 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,160 Oh, my God. 495 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,229 Okay, you're that desperate to get into the magazine. 496 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,297 No. I am going to expose him for the fraud that he is. 497 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,934 He claims that his precious little list is merit-based. 498 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:50,503 When I was wearing sweatpants, he wasn't interested. 499 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,971 Now that I've gussied up a little... 500 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,640 He's gonna put you on the cover. 501 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,175 Really? Do you think? Shut up. 502 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,610 Hey, Cam, there was an article in an old Details magazine 503 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:58,811 I was reading in your bathroom 504 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,813 about the need to support your friends. 505 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,316 We do want to hear you play. 506 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,517 -No, you know what? -Let's not. Let's not. 507 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,085 I just don't even feel like I'm in the mood anymore. 508 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,920 You're a bigger liar than your scale. 509 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,289 Come on. -One song. 510 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,657 No one gets to leave this room until you do. 511 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:11,691 Okay, well... 512 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,861 I must say, you do look beautiful. 513 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,363 You remind me of my first beard. 514 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,764 Thank you. 515 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,700 I'm a lady in the streets and a freak in the spreadsheets. 516 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,469 It's not a bad caption, if you're still interested 517 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:23,970 in using me in your magazine. 518 00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,272 (keyboard playing) 519 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,274 Sounds a little...thin. 520 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,475 Oh, well, all the best ones do. 521 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,444 You're probably used to a cheaper, fuller-sounding, 522 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,180 uncovered piano. 523 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,950 * Another bride, another groom * 524 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,620 Oh, from "Fabulous Baker Boys." 525 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,889 * Another sunny honeymoon * 526 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,024 What a sexy movie. 527 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,394 * Another season 528 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,162 When Michelle Pfeiffer first... 529 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,830 * Another reason 530 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,365 ...leapt into our hearts. 531 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,733 (all gasp) 532 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,504 Wait, where's the piano? 533 00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,672 I'm -- I'm fine, by the way. 534 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,874 So, we did get rid of the piano. 535 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,510 Um, we -- we can't afford it anymore. 536 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:06,513 That great job that I had? Uh, I lost it. 537 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,847 So... 538 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,916 I couldn't have been more wrong about our friends. 539 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,752 I mean, yes, yes, they can be snarky at times, 540 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,021 but when I really needed their support, 541 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,323 they were completely there for me. 542 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:17,657 You know, you should take a look at your life 543 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,859 and see what happened to make you so untrusting. 544 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,761 I should. G-Gaw! 545 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,430 And to think we -- we locked them in that bathroom 546 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,397 for no reason. 547 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,565 That couldn't have been fun. 548 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,733 Yeah, I know. 549 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,901 Uh, the same thing happened to me once, remember? 550 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,737 When that -- the handle accidentally fell off. 551 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,372 The -- The -- The night of our first fight. 552 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,574 Yeah. Yeah, vaguely. 553 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,611 That was an accident, right? 554 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,913 -Cam. -Did you fix the doornob yet? 555 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,081 Just another minute, sweetie. 556 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,383 Cam! 557 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,386 I talked to Joe 558 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,720 about what he saw, 559 00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,456 and he's not scared anymore. 560 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,123 Great. Can you do the same for me? 561 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:52,392 I'm sorry I did that to you, 562 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,594 but I really thought that that's what you wanted 563 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,095 because that's what you did to me. 564 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,031 But I heard you tell Rebecca you thought that spanking would help. 565 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,468 With Joe and his room. 566 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:04,471 So...it was a misunderstanding. 567 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:05,705 Exactly. 568 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,274 So, there's nothing missing from our love life. 569 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,108 -Right. -Right. 570 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,447 Yeah, but, you know, that nothing is missing 571 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,417 doesn't mean that we cannot add a little something to it. 572 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,418 Yes, I'm being honest. 573 00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,953 I've got a...few requests for the band. 574 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,389 Like what? 575 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,492 You know, I feel weird talking about it. 576 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:26,959 Why don't we write some of this stuff down, 577 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,128 toss it in a hat, and see what we pull out? 578 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,162 Ah! 579 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,664 You fired that right off. 580 00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,166 That one sounds fun. (laughs) 581 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,335 No peeking. 582 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:38,137 Ay, I said I was gonna do that one. Oh. 583 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,273 Right. 584 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,141 Let's take it upstairs. -Okay. 585 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:46,413 ** 586 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,315 -What's this? -Oh, you know what? 587 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,817 I think that is the hat that Manny uses to play charades. 588 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,952 That's a relief, because I don't think I'm flexible enough 589 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,087 for a "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." 590 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,528 -You ready for round two? -Of course, I am. 591 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,964 What are you doing down there? 592 00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,466 It says, "My left foot." 593 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,134 You got another movie. 594 00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:09,369 (both exhale sharply) 595 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,203 God, that was amazing. What do you call that? 596 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,540 That's a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 597 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,774 PHIL: You sure about this? 598 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,809 Honey, don't give me a chance to change my mind. 599 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,511 I am Zorel, 600 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,714 fifth-level wizard, master of the meadow. 601 00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:25,051 You can keep the beard, but no talking. 602 00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:32,492 -- Captions by VITA --