1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,091 How we doin'? 2 00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:06,658 It's the most stressful day of the year 3 00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,051 for Claire -- 4 00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:09,139 our anniversary. 5 00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,575 She tends to leave her gift shopping 6 00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:11,881 till the last minute, 7 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,491 and the pressure can really get to her. 8 00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:15,319 I'm great. 9 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:18,279 Huh. 10 00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:20,933 Oh, did you forget it's our -- No. 11 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:22,500 Happy Anniversary. 12 00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,936 You're strangely calm. 13 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,722 Is this the legendary realm beyond madness? 14 00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,941 I already got your gift. 15 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,117 And I nailed it. 16 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:31,988 I even stayed below the $100 limit. 17 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:32,902 You? 18 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,338 Oh, you'll be quite pleased. 19 00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,036 ...once I find something. 20 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,603 This time I left my shopping till the last minute, 21 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,084 maybe just to give Claire a chance at our competition. 22 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,999 Am I too competitive? 23 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,001 I mean, she does often say, 24 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:48,309 "Phil, do you always have to finish first?" 25 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:51,007 Joe, I'm coming for you. 26 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,314 Hey, have you guys seen Joe? 27 00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:55,229 Aw, man! 28 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,492 You found me soeasy. 29 00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,276 But that was for fun. 30 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,756 Hide and seek? 31 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,236 What am I, 4? 32 00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:05,195 I'm here because Luke has the new zombie video game 33 00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,110 that my mom would never let me play. 34 00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:09,025 So...what else? 35 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,244 What else? 36 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,289 Hey, didn't you get a new video game? 37 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,812 Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! 38 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,510 Did you see her yesterday?No, why? 39 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,033 That's what she says when she realizes 40 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:18,295 she just slept through an entire day. 41 00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:19,818 So, my boss went away for the weekend, 42 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,298 and I realized I left my phone at her house. 43 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,213 There's a doggy door, but then I would have to 44 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,519 find a dog, somehow learn how train it 45 00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,086 to go inside, and then find it. 46 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,044 And I don't know where to get a --Honey... 47 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,264 Oh my God, duh. [laughs][chuckles] 48 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:33,180 Joe, youhave a dog. 49 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,225 Come on. [chuckles] 50 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,357 [sighs] 51 00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:39,142 --Captions by VITAC-- 52 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:42,189 Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc. 53 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:45,540 and brought to you by Ford. We go further, so you can. 54 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:48,108 ♪♪ 55 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,633 [both laugh] 56 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:54,201 Now see, this is when entertainment was classy. 57 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:55,550 Max Feldman wore a tux, 58 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,856 the audience smoked cigars. 59 00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:00,120 And his act is as fresh today as it was in the '70s. 60 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,599 MAX FELDMAN: What are you, an Eskimo? 61 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,035 You got 50 words for "snow," 62 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,777 but apparently none for "toothbrush." 63 00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:06,996 [both laughing] 64 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,086 I don't understand why you guys like that man. 65 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,261 He's a bully. 66 00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:12,697 See, this is why we're not bringing you 67 00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,612 to his show tonight. -You don't get the jokes, 68 00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:16,266 you ask questions the whole time... 69 00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:17,398 It ruins the experience. 70 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:18,921 I understand funny jokes. 71 00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:21,053 This is not funny. This is mean. 72 00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,229 He just told that guy 73 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:25,101 that he looked like a beef jerky wearing a tuxedo. 74 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,407 And that guy was Ronald Reagan 75 00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:27,582 and he loved it! 76 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,323 I hope Feldman zetzes me tonight. 77 00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:31,368 Is that why you're wearing that shirt?Huh? No. 78 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,718 Anyways, I'm gonna go and run some errands. 79 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,503 If Jorge arrives before I'm back, 80 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,592 please don't bore him with this stuff. 81 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,376 Jorge was this steamy Latin musician 82 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:40,856 your mother used to date. 83 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:42,814 Apparently she feels she has to invite him here, 84 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,120 instead of just thinking about him 85 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,601 while she pages through a high-school yearbook 86 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:47,950 on her third Scotch 87 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,430 like a normal person. 88 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:50,909 Jay, don't be jealous. 89 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,128 It was 20 years ago, 90 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,217 and I only dated him for six months. 91 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:56,654 And we never had what you and I have. 92 00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:57,699 Well, that's nice to hear. 93 00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,266 It was only physical. 94 00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:02,704 Manny... 95 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,662 you're gonna learn something today. 96 00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,447 I try to learn something every day. 97 00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:07,491 It keeps me young, 98 00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:08,971 or nuori, as they say in Finnish. 99 00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:11,103 Assuming you stop saying stuff like that, 100 00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:12,496 one day you will be married, 101 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,411 and eventually the ex will show up 102 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:15,499 sniffing around, 103 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,849 puffing out his pretty-boy chest, 104 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,634 which is your cue to go alpha. 105 00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,157 Don't you think Mom will get annoyed 106 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,941 when she sees you being rude to an old friend? 107 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:24,160 Not at all. 108 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,727 Deep down, she wants to see me vanquish 109 00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:26,858 all who came before. 110 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,425 It's basic animal stuff. 111 00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:30,079 Oh, I get it. 112 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,124 My girlfriend Karen was pretty frisky the other night 113 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,735 after her ex showed up, and I bested him 114 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,780 in a chocolate-soufflé bake-off. 115 00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,304 I don't need to tell you 116 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,175 my soufflé wasn't the only sweet brown dish 117 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,437 she devoured that night. 118 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,351 Because...? 119 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:43,223 I also made molasses cookies. 120 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,703 I've learned to ask the second question. 121 00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:48,184 I don't even remember what the fight was about.Uh-huh. 122 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,360 Then why does your teacher want to have a chat with us? 123 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,580 Maybe she has trouble meeting people.Ah. 124 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:53,668 Hey. 125 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,322 Oh, that is a -- that's bold. 126 00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:56,801 It's too young, isn't it?No! 127 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:59,195 [alarm beeping]Oh, God, these things have lie detectors now. 128 00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,370 Sir, please give me your bag. 129 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,329 Oh...we-- well, the cashier probably 130 00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:05,114 just forgot to take a security tag off of the -- 131 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:07,334 Where did that come from? 132 00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:08,509 Possible 488. 133 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:10,511 No. I wouldn't steal a bra! 134 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,339 I don't wear bras!Yeah. 135 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,036 Oh. Well, maybe once. 136 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,777 Our friend Pepper had a "Turning 50 is a Drag" party. 137 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,300 [chuckling] Yeah, he's had five of those. 138 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:18,519 So... Sir, please come with me. 139 00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:19,520 No... No, no, no, no, no. 140 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,783 Mitchell, call a lawyer! -I'm a lawyer. 141 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,219 Yeah, but you've lost more suits 142 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,438 than a Men's Wearhouse in a tornado. 143 00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:25,569 April Fool's! 144 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,615 They thought you were a shoplifter! 145 00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,399 Burn! 146 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,706 A fight at school, and now a shoplifting prank? 147 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,360 If you wanted to rebel, 148 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,057 why don't you just put a pink streak in your hair? 149 00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:36,493 I told you, I don't want one. 150 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:37,581 But you would look so cute. 151 00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,366 Okay, well, whatever this phase is, 152 00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:40,628 I'm not a fan.I blame us. 153 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,760 We've been far too permissive.Agreed. 154 00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,588 You are grounded for one month, Missy! 155 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,286 [hushed voice] We got the Cirque du Soleil tickets. 156 00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:47,809 Except for Cirque du Soleil!And the Disneyland trip. 157 00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,245 And for Disneyland! 158 00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,291 But you are not going to Christina's slumber party tonight 159 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:52,727 no matter how much --We have reservations at Cactus. 160 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:53,989 Okay, Christina's slumber party 161 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:55,382 is the last one for a while. 162 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:56,818 [normal voice] Right. That's right. 163 00:04:56,948 --> 00:05:00,256 [indistinct conversations] 164 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,214 [chuckling] 165 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,434 PHIL: Scented candles. [laughs] 166 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,307 The simpleton's choice. 167 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,439 The perfect gift has three elements -- 168 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,049 not something you'd buy for yourself, 169 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,573 takes you on an emotional journey, 170 00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,444 that journey is on a ship -- 171 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,316 A showmanship. 172 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,882 Mm. 173 00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:19,319 I mean, finding a gift that has all three 174 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:20,842 is challenging, but here's the thing. 175 00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:23,061 Bad ideas aren't your enemy. 176 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:24,498 In fact, sometimes if you free-associate 177 00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,891 from the bad ideas, you discover great ones. 178 00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:28,371 Let's try it. 179 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,982 [inhales deeply]Sir, would you like a bonsai tree? 180 00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,288 Novelty key chain. 181 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:33,637 First thing that popped into the noodle. 182 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:34,856 It's terrible. 183 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,031 Let's see what that key unlocks. 184 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:37,424 Novelty key chain. 185 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,034 Novelty lock. 186 00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,252 Loch Ness Monster. 187 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:41,341 Monster bike. 188 00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:42,603 Bike lock. Padlock. 189 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,344 Mouse pad. Novelty mouse pad! 190 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:45,606 Novelty key chain! 191 00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:47,782 What...just...happened? 192 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,393 It was like my muse just disappeared. 193 00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,134 And she wasn't coming back. 194 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,571 Soap?! She's not your grandma, Phil! 195 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,138 If I don't care that it mops, dusts, squeegees, 196 00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:58,053 and lights up, 197 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,359 would I care that Stacey Keach says 198 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,926 it's the last cleaning tool you'll ever need? 199 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,061 Box of chocolates. 200 00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:07,889 Count Chocula. 201 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:11,371 Chaka Khan, conman, Isle of Man. 202 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,155 "I Love Lucy," Lucy Liu. 203 00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,462 Lululemon, lemon peel. 204 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,028 "Key & Peele," key chain! 205 00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:18,378 Novelty key chain?! 206 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,901 No!! 207 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,381 No! 208 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:26,603 JOE: Laundry, right?Oh, it never ends. 209 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,952 I heard that. 210 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,607 Happy Anniversary, by the way. Thank you. 211 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,435 Did you get anything special for Phil? 212 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:33,871 Kid's smooth like butter. 213 00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,395 Just like I coached him. 214 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,701 I am very excited about the present I got for Phil. 215 00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,529 Come on over here. Come on closer. 216 00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,271 But you have to promise that you are not gonna tell anybody. 217 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,490 Talk to papa. 218 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,623 I don't want anybody else to hear what it is. 219 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:49,060 It's a really good secret. And the present is... 220 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:50,975 [air horn blows] Ow! Ow! 221 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:52,629 Why would you do that?! 222 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,371 My ears are still developing! 223 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,329 CLAIRE: Nice try, Phil.[both laughing] 224 00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,505 That's so funny! 225 00:06:58,635 --> 00:06:59,854 Oh. Hey, honey. How are you? 226 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:00,985 [cellphone ringing]I'm so sorry. I have to take this. 227 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:03,335 Oh, boy.[cellphone beeps] 228 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:04,989 Hello, Robert... 229 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,469 Not too much. How are you? 230 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,124 There are a lot of ways you can establish status 231 00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:10,995 over another man, like Jorge. 232 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:12,519 A firm handshake... 233 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:15,478 ...displays of wealth... 234 00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,480 and feats of strength. 235 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,308 [grunts] 236 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,440 Interesting. Moving that rug 237 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,354 was the hardest thing in the world for you 238 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,921 when I needed to practice tap dancing. 239 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:26,663 There are also more subtle moves, 240 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,970 what I call micro-aggressions. 241 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,580 Call him by the wrong name. 242 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:31,668 [doorbell rings] 243 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,670 Throws him off the moment he meets you. 244 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,542 You must be Huevos! 245 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,588 Jay! Pleasure. Jorge de la Selva. 246 00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:39,807 In English, it's George of the Jungle, 247 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:41,591 so I stick with Spanish. 248 00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:42,766 Hey, who's got the great taste? 249 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:43,985 That would be me! 250 00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:45,377 [chuckles] Nice! 251 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:46,727 Uh, hello... 252 00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:50,905 So, you and Gloria... you used to, uh... 253 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,602 Yep. 254 00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:53,777 [exhales] 255 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:56,606 Hey, so he was a little more handsome 256 00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:57,607 than you were expecting, 257 00:07:57,738 --> 00:07:59,957 but pull yourself together, man. 258 00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:03,047 Now, fights are very common at Lily's age. 259 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,484 I mean, so many parents ask me, 260 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:06,137 "What happened to my sweet little kid," 261 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,226 and I say, "That's puberty." 262 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,663 Puberty. 263 00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:10,577 Well, Lily's a little young for that, so... 264 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:11,534 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 265 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,231 What is this? The inner ear? 266 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,495 That is the female reproductive system. 267 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:16,800 Oh. Cam. 268 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:17,801 Oops. Heh. 269 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:18,802 I dropped the, uh -- 270 00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,151 I want to say egg chute, 271 00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:22,676 but I know it's probably something more Latin-y. 272 00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:23,590 It can be a challenge 273 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,983 when a child enters into adolescence, 274 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,245 so I was thinking -- 275 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,638 does Lily have any aunts 276 00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,988 or any other female figures in her life? 277 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,033 Yes, why? 278 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,425 Well, she might want to talk to a woman 279 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:34,688 about what she's going through. 280 00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:35,645 Okay. I see. 281 00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:36,559 So meaning, as a gay couple, 282 00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,821 we're not up to the task 283 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,431 of raising a daughter on our own. 284 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:40,432 No... Okay. 285 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,434 [whispering] Mitchell, I'm stuck. 286 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:43,740 I'm just saying that Lily may be self-conscious 287 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,786 talking to men -- even her dads -- 288 00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:49,529 about certain female body issues. 289 00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:52,662 Did she tell you what the fight was about? 290 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:53,533 Yes. Obviously. 291 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,404 Yes, we are a very open family. 292 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,189 It's not like we wouldn't just not follow up. 293 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,408 And what did she tell you? 294 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,278 Uh, that... 295 00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,279 A... Boy...? 296 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,193 No. Girl. 297 00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:03,543 A girl tried to snap Lily's -- 298 00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:04,848 Finger! Bra. 299 00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:07,416 But Lily doesn't have a bra.Exactly. 300 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,635 And now she's getting teased, 301 00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,245 because unlike the other girls, 302 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:11,115 she doesn't have a -- 303 00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,030 Oh, just say it. A mom. 304 00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,902 A bra. Oh. Okay, so... 305 00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,207 Oh, that wasn't a joke 306 00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:17,600 when she stuffed that bra in your bag. 307 00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:18,601 She wants one. 308 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:19,776 She's just -- 309 00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:21,430 she was too embarrassed to ask for it. 310 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,518 [exhales] 311 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:23,606 Oh, boy. 312 00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:24,999 You don't think this is gon-- gonna come up 313 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:26,653 at the slumber party, do you? 314 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,480 Not Christina S's slumber party? 315 00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:29,786 Yes.Oh, God. 316 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,876 She single handedly sent our lunch lady back to rehab. 317 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,009 I would strongly consider bringing Lily -- 318 00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,576 Thank you, we got it. 319 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:37,707 Mm. 320 00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:38,708 Obviously you were gonna say 321 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:41,624 we should bring Lily... home? 322 00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:43,104 Actually, I was going to say 323 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,279 bring Lily a training...bra. 324 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:45,889 Training bra!A train set! Bra. 325 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,631 See? We all said training bra at the same time.Yes. 326 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,593 Oh, wow. This crema is incredible. 327 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:56,291 The secret is Amore beans from Guatemala. 328 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,771 Low-acid, shade-grown, 329 00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,643 individually massaged by an order of hill nuns. 330 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,863 Oh, I'm very familiar with the Amore bean. 331 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,299 [hushed voice] I get why you have trouble 332 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,169 vanquishing this guy. 333 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,694 He's perfect.So, Jorge, um, 334 00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:10,566 you were Gloria's boyfriend right before Javier? 335 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,350 Yeah, and a little during, you know? 336 00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:14,135 She kinda bounced around between the two of us. 337 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,963 Um, where is she anyway? 338 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,617 I got to be at a Dodger game in an hour. 339 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,401 Oh, you like sports? 340 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,794 That's fantastic! 341 00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,491 I tried to get this one into baseball. 342 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,361 No go. 343 00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,363 Actually, I hate baseball. 344 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,930 I'm here to sing the national anthem. 345 00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,410 I'm an opera singer. 346 00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,933 I just finished two months at La Scala. 347 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,327 [doorbell rings]The house that Toscanini built?! 348 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:33,676 Yeah, well, it's been rebuilt a few times. 349 00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,896 You know, a bunch of opera singers prancing around. 350 00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,680 It, uh, takes its toll on the foundation. 351 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:39,334 Yeah.ALEX: Hey. 352 00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:41,553 I'm here to pick up Mom's old boombox from storage? 353 00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,077 She needs it for... 354 00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,558 How many Mannys do you see through these things? 355 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,560 JAY: That's Gloria's ex-boyfriend. 356 00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:49,910 Wait, how far ex? 357 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,652 Roughly 20 years. 358 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:53,653 Oh, my God. 359 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,219 Is -- Is it possible? What does Gloria say? 360 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,612 She hasn't even seen him yet. 361 00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,788 The odd bit is, these two clones don't see the resemblance. 362 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,964 Maybe she won't either? I'm not gonna force it on her. 363 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,749 I mean, it's no easy thing to say 364 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,664 "Is there a chance you're so dumb 365 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,666 you don't even know who the father of your baby is?" 366 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,537 We could do a DNA test. 367 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,930 I could do one at the lab at school. 368 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,714 And then you would have a definitive answer. 369 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,150 If it comes back negative, 370 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,674 mm, you don't even really have to tell Gloria. 371 00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:15,718 Well, what do you need, saliva? 372 00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,372 We take these two down to the Sizzler, 373 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,679 and you squeegee what you need off the salad-bar window? 374 00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,419 They use hairs now! 375 00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:27,904 "But we hanged Wichita Willy yesterday," said the sheriff. 376 00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:29,036 "Could he be back for revenge?" 377 00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,167 That's when they looked up 378 00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:32,953 and there was Wichita Willy, 379 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,172 the noose still dangling from his neck. 380 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,783 [light switch clicks] 381 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:41,701 [girls screaming] 382 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,441 Hey, sweetie. What you guys doing? 383 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,747 Have you heard of Twice Hung Willy? 384 00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:47,707 Um, yes, I'm familiar with his films, but -- 385 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:48,795 What are you doing here? 386 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,187 There's something we forgot to pack for you. 387 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:51,232 Can -- can I talk to you for a second? 388 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,450 No. It's girls only. 389 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:53,974 Yeah, no, but you're gonna love it. 390 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:55,149 What is it? 391 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,151 Oh, it's not for you, Christina. 392 00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,500 Uh... Oh, God. 393 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,415 EMMA: Lily...? 394 00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,156 Why does your dad have a fallopian tube? 395 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,810 [snaps fingers] That's what it is. Oh. 396 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,202 What's wrong with you?! 397 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,769 Calm down, okay? Your father was fiddling 398 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,684 with your teacher's reproductive organ. 399 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,381 BOTH: Oh, my God! Ms. Wolfe?! 400 00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:11,774 No, ju-- the model on her desk. 401 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,820 And then he put his finger into it, 402 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:14,864 and then he couldn't -- 403 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:16,387 Well, now mine's stuck!Okay, let me... 404 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:17,824 Okay, this is tight.Push your finger through. 405 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,303 Oh, no. 406 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,870 Are they like this in real life?I don't think so. 407 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,263 This is gross! 408 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,655 No. It's not gross, okay? 409 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:24,961 Nothing about your body is gross to us. 410 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:26,963 Yes. Not your cycles, not your fluids -- 411 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:29,444 Oh, my God, just stop talking forever. 412 00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,011 Just go! 413 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,405 Oh, well, that was a disaster. 414 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,494 You know, maybe it's just time we start to admit 415 00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:37,974 that straight couples have strengths 416 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,628 that we don't, you know? 417 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,849 And maybe moms know more about girls than we do. 418 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,676 Is it time to start farming some of this girl stuff out? 419 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:45,895 Yeah, but to who? 420 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,027 Claire's an over-sharer. 421 00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:49,507 Gloria -- is her body even human? 422 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,205 Haley knows less than Lily. 423 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,250 So who do we go to? Alex? I guess. 424 00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:55,557 I mean, it'll be dull, but it'll be right. 425 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:58,299 Let's prank call Milo again.You totally like him. 426 00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,910 I do not! I just want to torture him. 427 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,738 Okay -- so, see, are we supposed to hear something like that 428 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:03,739 and say nothing?Yes, we are. 429 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:04,827 Come on. Okay, hi. 430 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,524 If you want to get a boy's attention, 431 00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:09,353 you know, a prank call is probably not the move. 432 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:10,746 Dad! 433 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,095 Cam, this is not our place. But he's not wrong. 434 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:13,705 I just like to make him mad! 435 00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:15,229 Yeah, well, we just thought you liked him 436 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,273 and you wanted to know 437 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,318 the best way to get his attention, 438 00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:18,319 but apparently not. 439 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:19,320 So good night. 440 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:20,887 ALL: Wait! 441 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,366 Okay. 442 00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,499 MITCHELL: Okay, so, who's Milo's best friend?Barrett. 443 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,806 Okay, you're gonna text Milo, "You're hilarious! 444 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,896 Crying-laughing face, and winky face emoji." 445 00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:30,810 Then wait a beat. 446 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,463 Then you're gonna text back, 447 00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:33,725 "Oops, sorry. That was for Barrett. 448 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,902 Neutral-face emoji with straight-line mouth." 449 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:38,992 Oh, my God. Genius. 450 00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,950 Wow, I've never seen her smile. 451 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:42,038 [cellphone dings]Dudes! 452 00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,561 Milo just texted me back. 453 00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:44,998 Okay, what'd he say? 454 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:45,955 "You're a jerk. 455 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,565 Winky eye face with the tongue hanging out." 456 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:50,003 Oh, you're in. You're in.Oh! Yeah. 457 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,918 Do not text him back, okay? 458 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,093 But when you see him on Monday, 459 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,095 walk right past him and throw him a quick... 460 00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:56,270 "Hey." 461 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,054 ALL: Hey. Yes! 462 00:13:58,185 --> 00:13:58,968 All right, you girls got it from here. 463 00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:00,361 We have a dinner reservation. 464 00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,754 Hey, I saw what you put in the bag. 465 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:03,799 Thanks. 466 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,409 You're welcome, sweetie. And we love you. 467 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,498 Are you gonna be this cool when I like a boy? 468 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:10,023 Oh, no. No.No. Not a chance. 469 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:17,073 [hushed voice] Good, you're home.One second. 470 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,293 Papi, you look great in that new shirt! 471 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:22,949 So handsome![chuckling] Gloria! 472 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:23,993 Oh. 473 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:24,994 I thought you were Manny. 474 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,953 Good. You're caught up now. 475 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,172 I know I put on a few, but they don't take you 476 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:31,435 seriously as an opera singer when you're too skinny. 477 00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:34,047 Do you know what happens when the thin lady sings? 478 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,396 The show just keeps going. 479 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:38,051 It's so wonderful to see you. 480 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,661 I -- I'm gonna go and open a bottle of wine. 481 00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,097 [chuckles nervously] 482 00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:47,408 Do you think that Jorge could be...? 483 00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,105 Jorge mentioned you bounced around 484 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:49,976 between him and Javier. 485 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:53,022 How much bouncing did you do? 486 00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:55,633 Technically, it's possible. 487 00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,070 Oh, my God. 488 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,333 How is Manny going to handle this?Not great. 489 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,901 You know he doesn't respond well to surprises. 490 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,032 Remember how upset he got 491 00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,468 when he found out those mashed potatoes 492 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:05,992 were really just whipped cauliflower? 493 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,690 What are we going to do?[door opens] 494 00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,083 ALEX: Okay, Grandpa, I got -- 495 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,214 Oh, Gloria, you're here. 496 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,043 What do you bring with you, besides that guilty look? 497 00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:17,046 Okay, in order to get a definitive answer, 498 00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:20,049 I had Alex perform a DNA test. 499 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,485 You got them both to spit? 500 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,400 They use hair now.Eugh. 501 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,837 Hey, lotion's on the sink, Jorge. 502 00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,056 Hey, turns out I'm not the only one 503 00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:30,103 who suffers from dry navel. 504 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,843 Uh, Alex, why do you have a medical form 505 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,019 with my name on it? 506 00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:37,588 I don't think I should be the one to explain this. 507 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,158 Manny...as you know, 508 00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:45,031 your mother and Jorge had a relationship. 509 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,249 You're a lot alike, 510 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,686 and it made us curious as to whether... 511 00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:51,037 Uh, are -- are you saying -- 512 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,690 This is a DNA test. 513 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:55,258 Your mom didn't even find out until today. 514 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:58,044 [scoffs] So -- I-- 515 00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,829 I -- I don't even know how to react. 516 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,701 So my whole childhood was a lie? 517 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,007 I thought Javier was my dad. 518 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,444 Now he's just some stranger who gave me baths? 519 00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:08,880 Listen, buddy. 520 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,752 It's not who brings you into the world. 521 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,623 It's what you do when you're there. 522 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:13,885 You're not Javier. 523 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,191 You're not this guy. You're you. 524 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,932 And what you are is amazing. 525 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:17,977 And for the record, 526 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,674 I've been your dad since you were 10, 527 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:22,894 and I'm gonna be your dad until I'm gone. 528 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,506 [voice breaking] I love you, and I always will. 529 00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,073 [voice breaking] I love you too, Jay. 530 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:33,296 [laughing] 531 00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:36,082 Ha! April Fool's! 532 00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:39,781 Now who doesn't understand a joke?! 533 00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:40,956 What? 534 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,002 I never dated Jorge! 535 00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,221 He's the butcher at the grocery store! 536 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,658 I just thought that he looked like Manny! 537 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:50,139 [laughs]Why would you do that? 538 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:53,273 Because you said that I didn't understand funny. 539 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,492 I didn't know you were going to take the prank this far. 540 00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:57,190 You made Grandpa cry. 541 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,017 I know! 542 00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,018 He was like, 543 00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:03,022 "I love you and I always will." 544 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,111 [laughs] 545 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,068 Okay, look, I'm out. 546 00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:07,504 Uh, I used to raise veal, 547 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,898 and this has to be the cruelest thing 548 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,552 I've ever been a part of. 549 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,250 [laughing] 550 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:15,469 Okay, almost there... almost there... 551 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,166 Hang on. One second. 552 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,821 Claire's gift involved a blindfold 553 00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:21,127 and a second location -- 554 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:22,563 showmanship of the highest order. 555 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,000 To make things worse, the clock ran out on me. 556 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,045 My gift... 557 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:28,743 I settled... 558 00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,311 I can't even say it out loud. 559 00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:33,617 And... 560 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:34,749 Ta-da! 561 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:35,706 PHIL: Oh, my God. 562 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:37,317 [squeals]Our old apartment. 563 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:38,796 I know. 564 00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:41,756 I was noodling around on Airbnb a couple of weeks ago 565 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,193 and it was just right there listed. 566 00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:46,282 Unbelievable. 567 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,023 It's $85 for the night, 568 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:50,286 $6 for our old favorite Arizona fish sticks, 569 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:53,072 which you will smell warming right now...[chuckles] 570 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:56,205 ...$3 for the "Forget Paris" rental. 571 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:59,730 Aw, you even found cans of the wine we used to like. 572 00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,515 You completely nailed it. 573 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,082 I know. I really did! 574 00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:04,257 I did! I did! 575 00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,389 And it was the first time ever. 576 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,608 And...[sighs] 577 00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:09,305 I really want this feeling to last. 578 00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:10,393 Would it be weird if I asked you 579 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,178 not to give me your gift until tomorrow? 580 00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:14,005 You got it. Yes! 581 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,311 In fact, I might, uh -- 582 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,139 I might sneak off and trade this in 583 00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:18,880 for something really terrible 584 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,142 just to seal your victory. 585 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,448 All right. 586 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,798 Now let's get this party started. 587 00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:25,887 No. Mm. 588 00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:27,584 The old mixtape I made you? Mm-hmm. 589 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:31,110 Oh, yeah. "Songs in the key of Phil." 590 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,676 Oh, no! Oh. Oh. 591 00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,548 Aw, no. Wait, hang out. 592 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,332 It's not going back in.You know what? 593 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,334 Sometimes it's nice to not have music. 594 00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:40,206 [electronic music plays in distance] 595 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,469 Well, I'm not listening to that all night. 596 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:43,774 Oh. 597 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:47,474 I wonder if the old intercom system still works. 598 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,171 Oh, yeah! 599 00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,346 Yeah. 600 00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:51,260 Give it to 'em. 601 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,697 Tell 'em how I feel.[chuckles] 602 00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:54,829 [pipe clanging] 603 00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:55,917 Hey! 604 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,266 [clanging continues] 605 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,354 [laughs] Hey! Ahh! 606 00:18:58,485 --> 00:18:59,399 Oh, my God!Oh, oh, oh! 607 00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,923 It's okay! Okay. No need to be alarmed. 608 00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:03,185 [fire alarm sounds] 609 00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,492 Oh, no, not the fish sticks!Okay... 610 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,189 [alarm continues] 611 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,712 Oh, oh, Phil? 612 00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:11,280 Open the window, and it'll stop the alarm! 613 00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,369 [alarm continues] 614 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,240 Oh, God! Whoa! 615 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,458 Oh, God!Oh, it's okay! 616 00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:17,243 Phil! Phil!Oh! I got you! 617 00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,245 Okay --I got you! 618 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,246 Oh, God.[grunts] 619 00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:21,725 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 620 00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:22,900 Oh, God. Oh, God. 621 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:23,901 Waah! 622 00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:25,164 Wine is flammable?! 623 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,687 No! But that is! 624 00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,036 [groans] Oh, God. 625 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,820 Ahh-- Ohh-- 626 00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:31,474 [raccoons chittering] 627 00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,041 Raccoons! 628 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,738 Oh, for God's sake, Phil, just swear like an adult. 629 00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,044 No! 630 00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:38,960 Part of me always knew this is how I was gonna go out. 631 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,658 In a wine fire surrounded by raccoons? 632 00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:42,703 Wait. 633 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:47,098 [alarm continues] 634 00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:48,230 What is that? 635 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:51,320 [water sprays lightly] 636 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,234 Oh, my goodness. 637 00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:53,453 Oh, yes. 638 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:56,238 What -- what is this? 639 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,631 [alarm continues] 640 00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:58,893 Ohh-- 641 00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:01,156 Ahh! 642 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,157 Oh, yes! 643 00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,550 Yeh-ha! Yah! 644 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,551 Yah! Yah! 645 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,683 Yeah! Get out!You shut your mouth! 646 00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,511 [alarm stops]Oh, yeah! 647 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,384 And since the neighbors can't take a hint. 648 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:12,689 Oh! 649 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,735 That was amazing. 650 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:15,518 My dear, 651 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,913 nothing but the best for you... 652 00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:19,914 [whirs] 653 00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,263 ...on our anniversary. 654 00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,309 [whirring stops]Now... 655 00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,268 [soft music plays on radio]...where were we? 656 00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,269 Okay. 657 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,402 [music continues] 658 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,534 Oh. 659 00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:32,666 [exhales sharply] 660 00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:34,494 [music continues] 661 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:36,147 May I have this dance? 662 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,193 ♪ You're all I want in my life ♪ Yes. 663 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,760 Oh... 664 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,197 I am the luckiest girl in the world. 665 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:43,416 Shh. Mm. 666 00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:46,245 Did you get me a mop for our --? Shh. 667 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:49,509 [music continues] 668 00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,426 Come on. 669 00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:54,427 Honey, what happened? 670 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:55,384 I spilled some milk. 671 00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:58,518 Apparently the only thing this mop can't do is mop. 672 00:20:58,648 --> 00:21:00,520 Well, there's no use crying over it. 673 00:21:00,650 --> 00:21:01,999 Just call them and complain. 674 00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:03,044 Oh, you're right. 675 00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:04,393 [mop ringing] 676 00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:05,612 WOMAN: This is your emergency moperator. 677 00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:06,787 How can I help? 678 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,486 The -- the mop function on my mop isn't working. 679 00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:11,748 I'm sorry to hear that. 680 00:21:11,879 --> 00:21:13,707 I'm going to go ahead and do a remote reset, 681 00:21:13,837 --> 00:21:15,752 so you may notice that your mop gets extremely hot. 682 00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:16,753 Oh. Oh. 683 00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:17,972 Uh -- should I...? 684 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:19,365 I'm kidding. 685 00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:21,454 Oh. [laughs]Good one, moperator. 686 00:21:21,584 --> 00:21:23,020 You should've seen his face. 687 00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:25,022 I did. You're an adorable couple. 688 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:26,546 Get rid of it.Oh, my God.