1 00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:05,806 Claire: Hey, guys! We're here! 2 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,141 Welcome! 3 00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:08,809 Pool's cool, snacks in the kitchen, 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:09,810 I've had some rosé, 5 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,812 so fun Mitchell is in the house. 6 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,647 Showing quite a bit of leg. 7 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,483 This is very... World-cuppy? 8 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,817 Ah. 9 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,152 Jay: There they are! 10 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,654 My adult children still sponging off me 11 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,990 after nearly five decades. Love it. 12 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,359 Sorry, thought I'd bend that into a joke, but it stayed real. 13 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,162 -Hi, kids! -Hey, Grandpa. 14 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,363 [ Chuckles ] Cameron: Come on, Lily. Come on. 15 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,333 Hey, Phil. Hm. 16 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,334 [ Child shouts ] 17 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,835 What's up his can? 18 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,170 I don't know. 19 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,339 Not easy being a white man these days. 20 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,673 You feel me. 21 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,376 So, I got Dad and Gloria's anniversary present. 22 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,011 You guys both owe me 40 bucks. 23 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,179 Wait. It's their anniversary? 24 00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,847 I-I thought it was Gloria's birthday. 25 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,182 Oh, it can't be Gloria's birthday. 26 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,017 She gets mad even if you mention it. 27 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,352 I once asked when it was, 28 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,187 and she left a dismembered Bratz doll in my purse. 29 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,356 -Ohh. Ohh. -Huh. 30 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,690 Then why are we here? 31 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,026 You know what? I'm gonna go check what the cake says. 32 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,528 Oh, I'll have a glass of "cake," too. 33 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:01,895 -Okay. -[ Chuckles ] 34 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,897 Quick, before she comes back, I need some relationship advice, 35 00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,899 and this is kind of in a gray area ethically. 36 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,201 Oh, and it's okay to ask us 37 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,902 because, as gays, we wouldn't dare judge anyone 38 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,038 while living such a deviant lifestyle? 39 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,874 Even the most beautiful version of our love is a mortal stain 40 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,210 compared to the worst thing you could do? 41 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,378 Maybe I should talk to somebody else. 42 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,046 -No, tell us! -No! Spill, girl, spill! 43 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,581 Okay, so just between us, 44 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,583 you know I'm with Arvin and he's working in Switzerland. 45 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,917 Well, I did something bad. 46 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:25,886 I kissed Dylan. 47 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:26,887 [ Gasps ] Whoa! 48 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,389 Whoa, Dylan's still around? 49 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,258 I-I thought he joined a cult or something. 50 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,593 I heard he ate Mentos and a Coke and exploded. 51 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,562 I don't know why I did it. I meant nothing, 52 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,597 but I feel horrible, and Arvin keeps calling, 53 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,065 but I'm not picking up because, like -- 54 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,433 Do I have to tell him? 55 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,936 Uh, uh, honey, these things happen in every relationship. 56 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,739 You absolutely do not need to tell your partner everything. 57 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,908 Okay, well, that's a fun thing to hear your husband say. 58 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,577 Oh, please, do not turn this into something. 59 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,745 Well, I was going to say, yes, you need to tell Arvin 60 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,581 because you want your relationship based on truth, 61 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,948 which, apparently, mine is not. 62 00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,917 Ugh, this sucks! I don't know what to do. 63 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,752 I was counting on you two to be on the same page. 64 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,255 Well, we usually are. When have you ever seen that? 65 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:02,756 What are you hens cackling about? 66 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,958 Oh, just asking how they are. [ Chuckles ] 67 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,093 Gonna jump in the pool. 68 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,127 [ Chuckling ] Okay, see you. 69 00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,096 Haley doesn't care how people are. 70 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,631 What's going on? It's nothing. 71 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,933 She was just asking for some advice. 72 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,101 Why wouldn't she come to me? 73 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,437 I thought we were finally becoming friends. 74 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,805 Well, you know, think about it, Claire. 75 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,107 All the secrets that you kept from your mom. 76 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,109 Yeah, but my mom 77 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,977 was an uptight, crazy person. [ Scoffs ] 78 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,814 Let's just slowly back away as that settles in. 79 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,819 -- Captions by VITAC -- 80 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,791 and brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can. 81 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,994 ** 82 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,966 Hey, buddy! 83 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,669 Ready for the best thing to happen to your mouth since -- 84 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:49,803 I'm gonna bail on that. 85 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,805 I took off without a place to land. 86 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,974 How about a Mint "Jay-lep"? I'll pass, 87 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,143 seeing as I'm not a hundred-year-old Southern lady. 88 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,511 [ Laughs ] 89 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,814 Phil: I finally saw the movie "Mean Girls." 90 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,650 I know. I'm a middle-aged man. 91 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,184 How'd I wait so long? 92 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:07,488 The point is, I realized I have a mean girl in my life -- 93 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,656 Jay. 94 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,857 Like last week at this wedding, 95 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,692 I'm rocking my moonwalk, and Jay yells, 96 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:15,195 "Hey, look, it's Michael Jerkson." 97 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,697 Enough's enough. 98 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,500 How do you get a mean girl to stop being a mean girl? 99 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,002 Be mean girlier. 100 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,504 No, no, no, no, you're gonna love it. 101 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,339 Mint Jay-leps are all the rage. 102 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,207 Oh, you keep saying "Jay-leps." 103 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,511 Yeah, well I made juleps, and -- and -- and my name's Jay, 104 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,879 so I call them "Jay-leps." 105 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,547 No, I get it. 106 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,684 It's just a fun thing. 107 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,186 Ooh, are these the Mint Jay-leps we've been hearing about? 108 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,688 Yeah. Oh, Jay-leps. 109 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,690 Adorbs. They are adorbs. 110 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,024 Why do I doubt myself? 111 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,693 Mmm. Manny! 112 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,894 How was the road trip? 113 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,897 Uh, what can I say? Six weeks, 33 states, 114 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,232 a lot of fake scrotums on the back of pickup trucks. [ Laughs ] 115 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,234 And he met a very nice girlfriend, 116 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,369 and he's in love. 117 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,037 -Ohh! -Let's see a pic. 118 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,406 Wish I could. 119 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,040 I-I went old-school and used a film camera, 120 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,543 and the one roll I took of her fell into the Grand Canyon. 121 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,378 You don't have a single photo of her? 122 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,214 Uh, well, just this blurry one on my phone. 123 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,215 -Oh, let's see. 124 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,383 -Oh -Look at her. 125 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,551 -[ Chuckles ] -Yeah, you can't really 126 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,553 make her out, but it captures her wild spirit. 127 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,121 -Yes. -[ Chuckles ] 128 00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:18,392 Is it me, or is Manny dating Bigfoot? [ Laughs ] Yeah. 129 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:19,560 Let me tell you the difference 130 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,929 between Manny's girlfriend and Bigfoot. 131 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,263 Bigfoot could be real. 132 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:24,732 She's not a fake girlfriend. 133 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,266 You want to hear the kicker? 134 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,267 She's from Canada. 135 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,902 -Oh, no. -Oh, yikes. 136 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,739 Oh, stop it! Back me up, boys. 137 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,740 You know what, Gloria? 138 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,908 Canada is good for a lot of things, 139 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,411 but their number-one export is fake girlfriends. 140 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,079 Yeah, it's kind of a thing. 141 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,581 Uh, before Cam and I came out, 142 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,416 we each had Canadian girlfriends. 143 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,918 So, what are you saying now? That Manny's gay? 144 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:49,122 We weren't, but he does check a few of the boxes. 145 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,758 Come on. Look at him. 146 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,292 He's as straight as the swim 147 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,428 from Cartagena to Houston. 148 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:57,130 The trip was amazing, and I did the cheekiest thing. 149 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,932 I saw "Oklahoma!" in Oklahoma, 150 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,601 "Chicago" in Chicago, and then, 151 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,270 I got in a little trouble in River City. [ Laughs ] 152 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,439 Mm. Okay, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard, 153 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,608 and I shampooed dogs in West Hollywood. 154 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,109 He's had so many girlfriends. 155 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,779 The last one was a woman in her 20s. 156 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,947 Yeah, but didn't you say he was so sweet when she stayed over 157 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,115 he offered to sleep on the couch? 158 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,116 So what? 159 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,318 My first boyfriend at his age, 160 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,987 he wasn't ready to sleep with me. 161 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,789 Mm-hmm, and what does he do now? 162 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:25,125 He runs a very nice bed and breakfast. 163 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,159 -With...? -With...? 164 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,995 His good friend Steven! 165 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,329 Shut up! 166 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,966 [ Sighs ] I-I really feel for Manny 167 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,968 if he's wrestling with this secret. 168 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,470 Yet you had no problem keeping 169 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,472 an indiscretion from me for 16 years. 170 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,673 And off we go. Yeah. 171 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,809 Just like the shorts of that beefy UPS driver 172 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,310 that delivered you two packages that day. 173 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,479 Wow, that is not what happened! 174 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,147 So, you admit something happened! 175 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,482 Okay, I'm gonna tell you everything 176 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,484 'cause it is so much tamer than what's in your head. 177 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,820 Okay. Six weeks into our relationship, 178 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,822 before we decided we were exclusive, 179 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,324 I kissed someone in a bar. 180 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,660 See, it's not a big deal. Okay, yes, it is a big deal, 181 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,829 which is why I rejected 182 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,532 a very similar advance at the same time 183 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,166 from a celebrity, 184 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,334 but I'm not gonna tell you who that is, 185 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,836 because I don't want you to feel insecure. 186 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,337 Cam, we both know you're seconds away 187 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,006 from telling me -- It was Isaac Mizrahi! 188 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,708 Yeah, that's right. 189 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,243 Cindy Crawford's friend! 190 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,182 There you are. 191 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,684 We haven't had a chance to talk about anything 192 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,185 since you got back. 193 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,188 So, tell me about this new Canadian girlfriend. 194 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,724 Well, she's brilliant, but humble, 195 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,560 beautiful, but accessible, 196 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,227 one of the funniest people I've ever met, 197 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,196 but, also, deeply serious. 198 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,199 Ah, such lovely, general terms. 199 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,735 She sounds a little bit too good to be true. 200 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,070 What is her name? 201 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,404 It's Sherry Shaker. 202 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,074 Sherry Shaker? 203 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,743 Those are the two things that are in front of you at this bar. 204 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,579 [ Chuckles ] Delightful! 205 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,746 Manny... 206 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,382 is there anything that you need to tell me? 207 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,718 Maybe some kind of... 208 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,553 sexual thing? 209 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,588 Um... 210 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,891 I really don't want to talk about this. 211 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,893 Okay, papi, but you know I love you 212 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,427 and that you can be honest with me 213 00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,262 about anything, right? 214 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,231 In that case... 215 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,733 This is a lot. 216 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,267 I'm pretty desensitized to it, 217 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,969 but I saw Luke walk into a wall. 218 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,241 [ Laughter ] 219 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,743 What are you guys laughing at? 220 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,244 Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. 221 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,779 You said something funny, didn't you? 222 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,748 The guy's a joke machine! Mm-hmm. 223 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,249 Oh, someone's sitting there. Who? 224 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,619 Someone who doesn't ask a million questions. 225 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,321 Grandpa, you can sit with us. 226 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,925 Great. 227 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,427 It was working, but it was killing me. 228 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,930 I've actually had dreams where the only thing happening 229 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,098 was me sitting with Jay while he, you know, 230 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,267 tousles my hair, calling me "Sport." 231 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,769 Congrats, honey. 232 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,271 Always proud to celebrate one of your awards. 233 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,940 I didn't win an award. 234 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,775 Well, then, what are we all doing here? 235 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,276 I'm a busy man! 236 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,946 Don't you just golf now? I work when it's raining. 237 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,447 Why am I defending myself to you? 238 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,782 And why is your father mad at me? 239 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,617 Did I do something? Probably. 240 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:04,985 Isn't that your relationship? 241 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,621 He's always desperate for your approval and you shoot him down? 242 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,456 It's supposed to be, but all of a sudden, he's, like... 243 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,792 all cold. 244 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,126 Wouldn't let me sit with him. 245 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,495 Ugh, so high school. 246 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,130 Dad and I watched "Mean Girls" the other night, 247 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,799 and I chewed off a piece of my hair 248 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,701 reliving how awful it was. 249 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:22,836 Wait. 250 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,639 In the movie, the heroine takes down the head mean girl 251 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,641 by being mean to her. 252 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,342 Maybe that's what Dad is doing to you? 253 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,145 Son of a bitch. 254 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,147 Phil thinks he can "Mean Girls" me? 255 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,983 How lame is that? Let me tell you something -- 256 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,318 I might be a pretty face, but I fight to win. 257 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,053 Just like "Legally Blonde"! 258 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,658 Oh, you're not looking at your phone. 259 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,860 Is everything okay? Yeah, everything's fine. 260 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,996 [ Sighs ] You know, if something was on your mind, 261 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,331 I'm an excellent person to confide in. 262 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,666 No judgment. 263 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,335 God knows I've done some stuff I'm not proud of. 264 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,537 [ Laughs ] Like what? 265 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,674 J-Just like... 266 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,342 shoplifting. 267 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,511 Wow. Really? Mm-hmm. 268 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,179 I mean, no judgment here -- I do it, too. 269 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,181 [ Chuckles ] What? You do? 270 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,017 Yeah, but I'm very ethical about it. 271 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,720 I only take things from companies that use child labor. 272 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,355 That is how my generation is saving the world. 273 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,525 Haley, I did not raise you to steal. 274 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,027 You just said you do it, too! 275 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,528 I made that up so you would tell me 276 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,196 what's going on in your life! Why would I? 277 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,032 Stuff a couple Pakistani lipsticks in my purse, 278 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,399 and you freak out at me! 279 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,905 Well, well, well, if it isn't John, Paul, and George. 280 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,373 Anyone need a Ringo? 281 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,208 Actually, we can get by 282 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,244 without a little help from you, friend. 283 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,880 Well... 284 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,082 pool's so over, anyways. 285 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,052 Maybe, uh, the guys want to hit the H2O, 286 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,553 rock some Marco Polo. 287 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,421 Good for you not letting that chest 288 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,257 get in the way of having fun. 289 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,059 Most guys wouldn't go shirtless 290 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,560 until they got a little... 291 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:54,628 muscle. 292 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,731 We need to talk. Wait. Something weird is happening. 293 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,399 I want to see how it plays out. 294 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,401 Who's ready to hit the pool? 295 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,402 Marco! 296 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,805 Solo! [ Pool balls clacking ] 297 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,244 Okay, I know emotional slights usually roll off me 298 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,580 like water off a mule's back -- Isn't it "duck"? 299 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,582 Uh, a lot of animals bead, Mitchell. Mm-hmm. 300 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,584 The point is I need to know details. 301 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,586 I need to know what happened... [ Sighs ] 302 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,088 ...and with whom. 303 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,089 Was it a peck? 304 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,256 Was it with Pepper? 305 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,424 Was he drunk? 306 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,959 Did you get a peck from a pickled Pepper? 307 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,427 How long have you been sitting on that? 308 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,596 You kissed a man six week-- 309 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,298 -Hi. -Hi. 310 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,435 You kissed a man six weeks into our relationship 311 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,270 when I'm telling you "I love you." 312 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,439 I'm calling my mom, telling her I'd met the one 313 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,975 while you're sidled up next to some cha-cha queen at a urinal. 314 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,111 Okay, this insane reaction is proof 315 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,445 that I did the right thing not telling you. 316 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,447 Okay, everyone knows this kind of secret 317 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,949 is poison, Mitchell. 318 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,150 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 319 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,819 Let's take it to the room. 320 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,954 Hey, you all heard that whole conversation, right? 321 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,122 Of course, yeah. Sí. Yeah. 322 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,125 So, Phil, if Claire kissed someone 323 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,627 very early into the relationship, 324 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,661 should she have told you? 325 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,296 -Of course. -No way. 326 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,132 What? Did you kiss someone? 327 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,800 See? Secrets. 328 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:07,968 Tearing them apart. 329 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,970 Mitch and Cam, I just want you to know 330 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,972 that I support your lifestyle, 331 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,841 and I find it very charming 332 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,309 when your people act very emotional 333 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,511 and inappropriate in public. 334 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,480 Okay, so I'm getting no help from this room. 335 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,983 I'm sorry, but kissing someone outside of a relationship 336 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,985 is a big deal and you should fess up right away. 337 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,319 You told them?! 338 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,821 Yes! Yes, they told us everything, 339 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,322 and I can't believe you did that! 340 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,992 Well, I'm sorry, but Dylan was a huge part of my life -- 341 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,494 You kissed Dylan?! That's your secret? 342 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,662 [ Gasps ] You tricked me! 343 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,364 What are you doing? 344 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,833 You are dating a world-renowned scientist. 345 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,668 I mean, isn't Dylan still married 346 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,170 and still an idiot? 347 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,505 Hey, he is not still married. 348 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,840 And he's getting his life together. 349 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:47,841 He's in nursing school. 350 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,177 Good for him. I love Dylan. 351 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,879 Honey, she's dating Arvin. 352 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,346 We love Arvin now. 353 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,848 And wouldn't it be wonderful 354 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:58,685 if someone called Dylan loved someone called Arvin? 355 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,354 No one in this room would have a problem with it. 356 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,191 Am I wrong, or is your mom trying to get Alex 357 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,392 to come out of the closet? 358 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,693 [ Cellphone ringing ] 359 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,195 Oh, God, it's Arvin calling. 360 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,230 Quick, a show of hands, who thinks I have to tell him? 361 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,532 One, two, three, four. 362 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,434 Four out of nine? A frickin' tie?! 363 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,738 Yay, I'm so happy I finally reached you! 364 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,040 I know. [ Chuckles nervously ] 365 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,742 How's work? Any major breakthroughs? 366 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,878 Oh, well, I-I made a German laugh. 367 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,379 [ Laughs ] [ Chuckles ] 368 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,381 Oh, I miss you terribly. 369 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,583 I miss you, too. [ Sighs ] 370 00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:33,053 Uh, listen, um, we have to talk. 371 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,423 I love you, and this is really hard for me to say, 372 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,058 but, I, um... 373 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,893 I did something stupid. 374 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,095 I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, I swear, 375 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,230 and I'm hoping you'll forgive me, 376 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,098 and we can forget this ever happened. 377 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,902 Sorry, love, you froze up. 378 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,904 I-I-I missed the -- the whole thing. 379 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,605 Oh, that sucks. Um... 380 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,576 This is really hard for me, but I did something stupid. 381 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,778 I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, and I -- 382 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,447 Sorry, froze up again 383 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,082 in the funniest position. 384 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,251 You look like you'd smelled something dreadful. 385 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,919 Have another go. Okay. 386 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,120 I messed up, and I kiss-- 387 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,255 Wait! 388 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,589 Okay, go. 389 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:10,958 I kissed my ex-boyfriend! 390 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,262 Damn it, stop freezing! 391 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,931 Not frozen. 392 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,967 Shocked. 393 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,768 Very hurt, actually. 394 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,270 I'm so sorry. 395 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,105 It meant nothing. Can -- 396 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,606 Can we please move past this? 397 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,640 I don't know. 398 00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,776 Um, we said that we loved each other. 399 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,611 I-I trusted you. 400 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,114 What I want to do is hang up on you right now. 401 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,448 Wait, I -- [ Cellphone beeps ] 402 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,483 [ Sighs ] 403 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,121 Well, I told him, and it couldn't have gone worse. 404 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,122 -Oh, no. -Oh, I'm sorry. 405 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,957 He broke up with you. Not yet. 406 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,825 He just hung up on me. 407 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,627 Oh, come here, honey. 408 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,830 I'm -- I'm so sorry, and I know why you didn't come to me. 409 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,300 I haven't always been Dylan's biggest fan. 410 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,002 You pushed him into a beehive. 411 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,970 You know, to be fair, I pushed him off of you, 412 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,471 and he fell into the beehive, 413 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:02,342 but, regardless, I want to be supportive. 414 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,311 No judgment. I promise. I promise. 415 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,679 I can't believe how stupid I was. 416 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,148 I let Dylan get in my head, 417 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,983 and now I might have ruined everything with Arvin. 418 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,484 -Mnh. -So... 419 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,153 what we're learning is that 420 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,322 sometimes it is better to keep the secret. 421 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,490 You can't be proud of that. 422 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,992 Look, honey, sometimes these things happen. 423 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,160 They happened with them, 424 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,661 but that turned out to be a good thing. 425 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,829 I'm sorry. In what way? 426 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,498 Because after Mitchell kissed the guy in the bar, 427 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,167 he called me crying, 428 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,669 so tortured. 429 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,204 He said the second he did it, 430 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,839 he knew he wanted to spend 431 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,208 the rest of his life with Cam. 432 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,843 Mitchell, is that true? Why didn't you say that? 433 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,846 Because we've been together for 15 years, Cam. 434 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,681 I got defensive. I'm sorry. 435 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,217 No. I'm sorry. 436 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,518 You know, I freaked out, 437 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,854 and I made this whole day about myself. 438 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,058 And you're right -- I can be self-centered and emotional. 439 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,026 [ Voice breaking ] I guess it's, you know, 440 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,061 because of all that time 441 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,528 my daddy spent with his pigs. 442 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,563 Cam. Please. 443 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,864 It's time. Mm-hmm. 444 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,200 Mm. Mm. Mm! 445 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,702 Haley, you're not a bad person. 446 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,238 Maybe this kiss taught you something you needed to know, 447 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,040 just like it did with Uncle Mitch. 448 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,741 If that's the case, 449 00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,044 you need to fight for the man you love 450 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,912 and shut it down with the one you don't. 451 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,714 [ Sighs ] You're right. Mm-hmm. 452 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,583 I have to go see Dylan. Okay. 453 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,253 Be strong. Don't let him manipulate you. 454 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,556 He can be a very em-- She's good. 455 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:24,757 She's good. 456 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,729 Ah, so happy that you came out. 457 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,064 What's going on with you? 458 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,732 Where did you get that raft? 459 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,236 It was in a gift bag from a very moving Pride benefit 460 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,071 that I went to with Mitch and Cam. 461 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,906 If you want to know if I'm gay, just ask me. 462 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,409 No, I don't want to be pushy. 463 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,244 [ Blowing ] I like women, Mom! 464 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,912 Why on Earth would you think I'm gay? 465 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,581 In fairness, you do check a lot of the boxes. 466 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,250 I only thought it because Jay said 467 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,919 that the Canadian girlfriends are fake 468 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,088 and that Mitch and Cam had them. 469 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,756 You think my girlfriend is fake? 470 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,291 Well, you didn't have any pictures, 471 00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,093 and at the bar, you said that her name 472 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:03,296 was something like Olive Cocktail-napkin. 473 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,931 It's Sherry Shaker! 474 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,433 I am sorry, 475 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,769 but when I asked you if you were hiding something from me, 476 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,772 you got all defensive, and you boob-shamed me. 477 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,774 Because something did happen. 478 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,609 Sherry and I... 479 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,445 we joined our... 480 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,113 We crossed that beauteous threshold 481 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,282 into the physical expression of love. 482 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,285 Have you ever heard a straight guy describe sex that way? 483 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,786 That's what he meant? 484 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,955 Why does that feel worse to me? 485 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,957 Hey, Alex. You're the last virgin. 486 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,960 [ Chuckles ] Please, I'm dating a fireman. 487 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,495 I'm having hotter sex than... 488 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,799 Hey, Dad? 489 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,168 What are you doing? 490 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,002 [ Metal clangs ] 491 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,807 He wouldn't. [ Gloria gasps ] 492 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,810 I realized he was "Mean Girls-ing" me back 493 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,645 with a weird nod to "Legally Blonde," 494 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,481 which I'll bet he thinks I didn't notice. 495 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,982 I had to change tactics. 496 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,317 I had to stop acting like a mean girl 497 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,819 and do the last thing Jay would ever expect me to do -- 498 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,654 act like a man. 499 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,989 What the hell are you doing?! 500 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,491 Oh, yeah, well, everybody's hungry, 501 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,992 and the prevailing opinion is that 502 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,360 I'm a better griller than you. 503 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:08,661 [ Gasps ] No. 504 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,164 Wow. You must think you're pretty tough. 505 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,333 Not as tough as your meat. Claire! 506 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,668 Yes, good, everybody get out here! 507 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,836 What? What's going on? 508 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,339 It's Phil! Phil is grilling! 509 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,341 This bozo just told me 510 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,343 that you think I overcook your meat. 511 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,344 Is that true? 512 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,845 -Uh... -Uh... 513 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,180 Claire: Um... 514 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,548 Luke?! 515 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,554 Dad, we love you, but... 516 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,357 ...you don't know what medium-rare is. 517 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,858 I've -- I've given you a meat thermometer 518 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,193 for three Father's Days in a row. 519 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,528 For the love of God, just use one! 520 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,530 Fine. See if I care. 521 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,032 But I don't know what you have against me today -- 522 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,734 kicking a man off his own grill, 523 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,536 making fun of my Mint Jay-leps. 524 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,205 You made fun of his Mint Jay-leps? 525 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,906 He did them for you. 526 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,042 What? I don't know what she's talking about. 527 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,411 The minute Jay created the Jay-leps, 528 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,080 all he could keep saying was, 529 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,049 "Phil's gonna get such a kick out of this." 530 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,751 But he didn't! He said it was dumb! 531 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,586 He said it was an old lady's drink! 532 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,555 Since when do you care what I think? 533 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,756 Always! 534 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,391 He thinks that you're the life of the party. 535 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,725 He wants to be more like you. 536 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,894 All I've said is that sometimes 537 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,730 I envy people who don't mind being an ass 538 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,065 because they're having fun, 539 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,733 and I guess... 540 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,269 you're one of those people. 541 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,903 Wow, so all this time, 542 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,739 you've been mean to me because you admire me so much? 543 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,776 Eh. Hey, look at me. 544 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,911 I loved those Mint Jay-leps. 545 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,413 You did? Yeah. 546 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,114 Did you hear that, Gloria? He did. 547 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,916 I only trashed them because of what you called me 548 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,251 when I was dancing at the wedding. 549 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,952 What? Flail Dunphy? 550 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,254 Shrill Dummy? 551 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,755 When you dropped your drink -- Spill Bumbly? 552 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,090 Michael Jerkson. 553 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,758 [ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah. I forgot about that one. 554 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:46,793 I'm sorry. 555 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,595 Oh, don't -- don't worry about it. 556 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,762 What are we doing? 557 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,798 Did you just call me "Sport"? Huh? 558 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,101 [ Exhales deeply ] 559 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,269 Haley. 560 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,937 I had a feeling it was gonna be you. 561 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,272 You buzzed me in the gate. 562 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,608 Do you have a minute? Sure, my roommates and I 563 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,643 are just studying for physiology midterms. 564 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,778 Oh, she cute. Thanks, girl. 565 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,946 That hair is on point. 566 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,282 I bought it yesterday. Oh. 567 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:10,783 Can we talk out here? 568 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,319 [ Horn honks in distance ] 569 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,456 Listen, I need you to know that 570 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,957 that kiss never should have happened. 571 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,960 Arvin and I are together, and you and I are friends, 572 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,629 and that's all we're ever going to be. 573 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,331 No, thank you. 574 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,666 "No, thank you"? I didn't ask you a question. 575 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,335 Well, let me ask you one. 576 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,304 It's been 10 years, and I can't move on from you. 577 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,306 Also not a question. [ Chuckles ] 578 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,974 Remember the day we met? 579 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,142 I was walking through the halls, 580 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,311 and I saw the most beautiful girl, 581 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,313 and I was like, "Whoa! Who is that?" 582 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,515 And you were like, "That's Rebecca Salkin." 583 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,484 And then I turned and saw you for the first time, 584 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,519 and I was done with Rebecca Salkin. 585 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:50,156 Yeah, you were wearing that cool, beat-up Army jacket, 586 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,660 and I was completely jealous of your eyelashes. 587 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,495 Haley... 588 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,331 I fell in love with you that day, and I've never stopped. 589 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,834 I'm gonna keep making myself better until I deserve you. 590 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,703 [ Reflective music plays ] 591 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,506 ** 592 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,842 Haley: Why is it so hard to be honest in relationships? 593 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,678 We play games. 594 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,079 We keep secrets... 595 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,684 [ Quietly ] I don't remember crying to you about that kiss. 596 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,686 [ Quietly ] The truth wasn't moving the needle. 597 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,853 You're welcome. 598 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,389 ...when all we want to do is connect. 599 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,357 Everyone, listen up! 600 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,558 Sherry: Hi, I'm Sherry. 601 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,194 I'm Manny's real Canadian girlfriend. 602 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,029 This isn't the first time I've had to do this. 603 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,030 Claire: Hi! 604 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,098 -Hi! -Hi! 605 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:38,371 I guess we have to start with being honest with ourselves. 606 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,939 And if I'm being honest... 607 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,776 ...I love two people. [ Chuckles ] 608 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,413 Damn it! 609 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,417 Can we go? Are we waiting for cake, or...? 610 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,585 -Is it a birthday? -Should I make a toast? 611 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:53,586 -To what? -To whom? 612 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,588 All right! It's come to my attention 613 00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,056 through a series of assumptions, 614 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,059 old e-mails, and lazy, sheep-like thinking 615 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,729 that we may have gathered for no reason. 616 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,731 So, it's not my welcome-home party? 617 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,065 -Of course, it -- -Nope! 618 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,067 Your mother thought Alex won an award, she didn't, 619 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,268 and the dry spell continues. 620 00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,237 [ Scoffs ] Please, the last thing I'm having 621 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,306 is a dry...spell. 622 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,575 People, listen up. 623 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,276 There are too many actual reasons 624 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,411 for us to see each other. 625 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:21,247 We cannot afford to hang out by mistake! 626 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,115 I love you all. Now go home. 627 00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:24,651 -Okay, well, great. -All right, let's go.