1 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,397 Shh! 2 00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,486 Do you hear that? I can't find my phone. 3 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,532 I think it's coming from the fruit bowl. 4 00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,886 Oh, no. 5 00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,196 I've been doing sleep magic again. 6 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,068 You look like you haven't slept at all. 7 00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:26,722 Maybe an hour or two a night. 8 00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,202 I've tried everything: 9 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:30,769 warm shower before bed, meditation, 10 00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,337 reading my operating system's user agreement. 11 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,426 Did you try asking Alex about the struggles that are unique 12 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:36,645 to women in science? 13 00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:38,995 Late last night. I think she's still going. 14 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,692 It's the worst possible timing. 15 00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,651 I have a video shoot for a big listing today, 16 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:43,956 and I'm supposed to be on camera. 17 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,088 I gotta go. 18 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,047 Dad, your keys. 19 00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,181 You know what? I'lldrive. 20 00:00:53,183 --> 00:00:54,097 Good luck with your interview. 21 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:57,361 Oh, you know what? I decided to pass on that. 22 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,580 Why? 23 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:01,148 That's an amazing job, and you were so excited. 24 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,672 I think I was flattered. 25 00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:05,935 Like when you go to a bar and a guy sends you a drink. 26 00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:08,459 I'm at the leading scientific university in the country. 27 00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,592 Those guys can't even look their robotsin the eye. 28 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:14,335 I was asked to interview for CEO of Uncle Ned's Cookies, 29 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:16,685 a major player in the snack food industry. 30 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,382 The position opened up because it turns out 31 00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:21,342 Uncle Ned liked to play fast and loose with... 32 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,126 his genitals at work. 33 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,128 Mom, you need to take that interview. 34 00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:27,348 Now that they're purging male creeps 35 00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:28,610 from executive positions, 36 00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:31,830 strong women are finally getting their seat at the table. 37 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,702 Honey, I already have a seat at the table. 38 00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,573 In fact, at the headof the table. 39 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:36,966 You mean when Grandpa's not there? 40 00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:38,359 Tables have two heads. 41 00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,752 I'm only bringing out my trademark hard truths 42 00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,145 because I don't want you to pass up 43 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,279 an amazing opportunity in deference to the patriarchy. 44 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:48,282 Honey, I have a lot of amazing opportunities at my current job. 45 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,414 And isn't Uncle Ned's basically just stoner food? 46 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,720 We love Uncle Ned's! 47 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,069 I miss those. 48 00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:57,029 Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine. 49 00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:59,380 Maybe I'm just projecting my own frustrations 50 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,642 with the science world. 51 00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,297 You know, there are only three female PhDs -- 52 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:06,343 Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I have to stay alert. 53 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,578 Lily, sweetie, open up. We're gonna be late for school. 54 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,188 Lily: I'm not going! Leave me alone! 55 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:27,451 Another meltdown.She's locked herself in the bathroom. 56 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,453 Now don't you wish you'd let me build that outhouse? 57 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:30,237 Still no. 58 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,238 Hey, hey. 59 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:33,240 W-What is going on with her? 60 00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,067 S-She's been so moody recently, 61 00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:37,026 screaming one minute, crying the next. 62 00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,420 You know what? I think I know what this might be. 63 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,769 O-Oh? 64 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:43,815 She had a volcano due in science class today, 65 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,556 and when I was her age and had a big project, 66 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,341 I'd get stressed out and act just like this. 67 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:48,777 You know, I still have nightmares about 68 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:50,387 my War of Northern Aggression diorama. 69 00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:52,084 Okay. What did we say when we got married? 70 00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:53,129 Never go to bed angry 71 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,565 and you have to call it the Civil War. 72 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,306 Okay, I'll go check and see how far she's gotten. 73 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,135 Okay, Lily, honey, come on. Come out, all right? 74 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,050 We can help you fix your volcano, 75 00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,008 and -- and you'll still make it to school. 76 00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,140 Worst comes to worst, 77 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,794 you'll be a little late for your first period. 78 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,230 Actually, she's a little early. 79 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,231 Hm? 80 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,450 So -- 81 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:10,407 Lily is a menstruator now. 82 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:11,582 That's not what you call it. 83 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:12,888 Well, I'm just ashamed to admit 84 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,368 that we never really prepared her for it. 85 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,413 Hey, we tried that one time. 86 00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,374 Hey, girl. Hey! Hey! 87 00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,854 So, sweetie, Daddy and I were wondering if, 88 00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:24,856 now that you're wearing a training bra, 89 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:28,120 if you had any other questions about your changing body. 90 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,121 Can we just not? 91 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,645 Sounds good. Yeah, perfect. 92 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,299 I thought you were gonna ask Claire 93 00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:33,517 to talk to Lily about this. 94 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,824 Well, I was, but when I tried, Claire was in such a mood, 95 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,260 because, ironically... 96 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,263 Okay, we can't screw this up. We cannot give her a complex. 97 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:43,310 Okay, you see if you can track down Claire. 98 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,528 I will go to the pharmacy 99 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:47,139 and try and conquer my fear of the feminine care aisle. 100 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:48,532 Poor Lily. 101 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,055 You know, it could be worse. 102 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,406 If she were a sheep, she'd be dealing with this every 17 days. 103 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,103 Promise you won't say that while I'm gone. 104 00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:58,150 All right, let's try the swaddle again. 105 00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,065 Our blankets are folded into triangles, 106 00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:01,632 we do a left tuck, 107 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:02,938 a toe tuck, 108 00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:04,200 a right tuck, 109 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,420 and voilà, baby burrito. 110 00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,291 Ugh! How did you do yours?! 111 00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,293 I guess that summer working at Burrito Basement 112 00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:11,642 was worth the E. coli. 113 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:14,297 Dylan and I have been taking a baby care class. 114 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:16,647 It's frustrating, because even though he's missed some, 115 00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:17,779 he's crushing it. 116 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,302 The class, not the practice doll. 117 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,652 That was me. 118 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,438 Let's move on. What else do we have to get down for today? 119 00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,135 Burping. Great! 120 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,877 A bur-bur-burp. Boom. What's next? 121 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,008 Hold on, Mom. 122 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,314 Do you remember the four other methods 123 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,794 in case over-the-shoulder doesn't work? 124 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,579 Uh, was one scare 'em? 125 00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:36,798 There's over-the-lap, 126 00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,103 over-the-knee, 127 00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,105 Grandmother's burp, and the bounce burp. 128 00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,325 Ugh. Why do I suck at this? 129 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,806 I know it's overwhelming, but you're gonna get there. 130 00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,329 Don't worry. 131 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,767 Stop showing off. 132 00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,466 Oh, good. You're sitting down. 133 00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:53,902 We have a problem. 134 00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:56,600 I went on the company website, and somebody left off 135 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:59,342 the brushed brass upgrade on the Executive Premiere. 136 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,170 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I eighty-sixed that. 137 00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:02,432 I already signed off on it. 138 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,347 They probably just wanted to double-check with me. 139 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,697 You know, I do have 30 years' experience. 140 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,960 Closet Time Magazine once called me 141 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:12,573 "The Neil Armstrong of the storage space race." 142 00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:14,357 Okay, Dad, you work two days a week, 143 00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,490 and you spent the entire last staff meeting 144 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:17,752 doodling a pineapple. 145 00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:19,928 How about this -- take the helm on the Berkshire line. 146 00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:21,364 I discontinued that. 147 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,235 Yeah, but then Jeff cornered me in the men's room, 148 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,498 and I relaunched it. 149 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:27,762 Okay, Dad, you are putting me 150 00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:30,199 in an impossible position. 151 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:33,071 I make decisions, and then you go around undermining them. 152 00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:35,639 Everybody values your opinions around here, Claire. 153 00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,511 In fact, I'd like your opinion right now. 154 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,426 Does this look like an igloo? 155 00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,081 Uncle Ned's Cookies wants me to be their CEO. 156 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:45,257 What?! You're considering Uncle Ned's?! 157 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,607 Are you on reefer?! 158 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,391 That company has tremendous growth potential. 159 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,741 It's snacks! This is closets! 160 00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,656 You're already at the show! 161 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,397 At least there, I can be the boss 162 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,530 and not just the boss's daughter. 163 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,532 Is this the part where I apologize 164 00:05:58,575 --> 00:05:59,576 for handing you a company 165 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:02,100 Closet Fancy once called "top shelf"?! 166 00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:04,625 No, this is the part where I take an interview 167 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:08,063 with people who actually recognize my value! 168 00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:10,457 Damn whisper slides. 169 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,548 Is Lily still in the bathroom? 170 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,463 No, I used Larry's cat box for fun. 171 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:17,464 Ew! 172 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:18,421 Okay. 173 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,597 Really? She needed all of this? 174 00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:21,772 It was totally overwhelming. 175 00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,470 I just -- I just grabbed as much as I could. 176 00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:26,429 I have tampons, maxi pads, variety packs -- 177 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,996 oh, and this thing called a Diva Cup, 178 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,693 'cause, I don't know, sounded kind of cute. 179 00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:30,694 Mm. 180 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:31,913 So, what are we supposed to do? 181 00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:34,524 We can't just throw these boxes in there and wish her good luck. 182 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,221 Oh, thank God. 183 00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:37,571 Is that Claire? Did you reach her? 184 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:41,357 No, she wasn't answering, so I -- I called for backup. 185 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,881 Thank you for including me in this special time. 186 00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,667 I brought flowers because our Lily's blossoming! 187 00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,451 Well, we really appreciate you helping us out. 188 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:49,887 Of course. 189 00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,716 This is when it's good to have a woman in the house. 190 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,675 Not that two men raising a daughter 191 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:57,025 is unnatural in any way. 192 00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,461 Pretty sure no one was thinking that. 193 00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,551 Sorry -- I-I panicked and sent a group text 194 00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,814 because I didn't know who would respond. 195 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,816 Hey. I brought Lily some pamphlets. 196 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,601 Understanding the biology will help make her 197 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:09,472 more comfortable with her menses. 198 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:12,823 Mensies? How is that not a gay bar for little men? 199 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,825 We should --We're not buying another domain name. 200 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:16,740 She doesn't need pamphlets. 201 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,481 She needs love and support. 202 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,135 It's a beautiful rite of passage 203 00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:22,746 that is going to connect her with women everywhere. 204 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:25,053 Let's not get poetic. It hurts like hell. 205 00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,272 And that's why I brought all the ingredients 206 00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:30,711 to make her a traditional Colombian period poultice, 207 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:33,409 and she can rub it on her belly when she gets cramps. 208 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,106 Or she could just take some ibuprofen. 209 00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,282 Oh, but is that going to draw out all of her sins? 210 00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,850 'Cause that's why women get their period in the first place. 211 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:42,766 Okay, very helpful. Two equally worthy paths. 212 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:44,855 Yeah, gotta say I'm leaning toward the pamphlet. 213 00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:46,553 Hey, how's Lily? 214 00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:47,771 Oh, great -- more voices. 215 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:49,077 Where is she? 216 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,426 She's still locked in the bathroom.Damn it! 217 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,994 I have two fetuses kicking me in the bladder, 218 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:54,386 and I really have to pee! 219 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,519 Okay, well, Larry's litter box is on the porch. 220 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,782 She's pregnant! You can't ask her to go outside 221 00:07:58,826 --> 00:07:59,914 and squat ov--Be right back! 222 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,655 Gross! 223 00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,700 You're not better than us, you know. 224 00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,399 Why do you think you're not sleeping? 225 00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:08,749 I don't know. 226 00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:10,533 I guess I got a lot on my mind. 227 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,448 Bills, my one numb toe, 228 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,884 is Haley gonna be a terrible mom, 229 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,103 global warming... 230 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,757 Back up, back up, back up. 231 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:17,540 Which toe is numb? 232 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,673 Left foot. The one that goes to market. 233 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,892 And why are you worried about Haley? 234 00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:25,461 At her baby class, she did not seem ready. 235 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,029 I'm kind of glad Dylan had to work today. 236 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,770 I'm excited to see what you've learned. 237 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:33,034 Okay, everybody. Quick review before we start. 238 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:36,167 At what age can you first give babies solid food? 239 00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:37,908 Together: Six months.Two years! 240 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,781 And when you put baby down to sleep, you place him on his... 241 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:41,912 Together: Back.Mattress. 242 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,697 And the fontanelle is... 243 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,830 Together: Soft spot.A hotel in Miami? 244 00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,354 Phil. You ready to sell a house? 245 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,574 Yes. Yes. Let's do this. 246 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,794 Uh, Desmond, this is my director, Luke. 247 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:54,795 I'm your son. 248 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,797 Aww. You always willbe. 249 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:57,580 Ohh! 250 00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,017 Dad. 251 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,715 Desmond is the brains 252 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:05,196 behind thebest high-end real-estate walkthrough videos. 253 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,503 He's helped move more houses than, um... 254 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,939 than, uh... 255 00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,462 What's the -- What's the crack 256 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,595 that...causes all the earthquakes? 257 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:13,814 The San Andreas fault. 258 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,208 That's funny. 259 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:19,994 So, to recap our discussion, 260 00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:21,648 we'll start with the camera coming down the walk. 261 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:25,216 You open the door, say "Welcome to 15683 Canyon Ridge Drive, 262 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,871 a six-bedroom, seven-bathroom, 8,600 square-foot home 263 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,743 in the prestigious 90212 ZIP code." 264 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,832 Ah.You got it? 265 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,878 15683, 15683 -- 266 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:35,792 I got it. 267 00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:38,403 Desmond: Good. Let's try one. 268 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,753 Here we go. 269 00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,319 Ready, and... 270 00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:42,320 action. 271 00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:46,673 15683. 272 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,415 Cut.Moving on? 273 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:51,460 N-No. 274 00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,636 No, that wasn't right at all. 275 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,421 Um... pretty sure it was. 276 00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:57,858 Phil. 277 00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,337 You've got to do the whole thing. 278 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:00,512 Oh. 279 00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,427 Oh, yes. Yeah, of course. 280 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,298 Yeah. 281 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,473 All right. 282 00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:06,649 Back to one. 283 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,999 Ready, and... 284 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,261 action. 285 00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,529 Thank you. 286 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,662 Claire! Thanks for coming in. 287 00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,359 I'm Ben. This is my brother, Evan. 288 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:22,143 Hi. 289 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,579 Our dad's Uncle Ned. 290 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,146 But we just call him Dad. 291 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,800 We are so happy you're here. 292 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:29,019 Well, thank you so much for having me. 293 00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:32,109 And can I say -- it smells amazing in here! 294 00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:33,807 It's the cookies. 295 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,373 Yeah. 296 00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,679 We are so very impressed 297 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:39,551 with what your closet company has done, fiscally speaking. 298 00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:42,467 Well, to be fair, my dad is the one who built the business. 299 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:43,817 We can relate to that. 300 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,166 But we mean since youjoined. 301 00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:47,734 Many people are saying that's when it really took off. 302 00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:50,519 It is so nice to be recognized. 303 00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:53,870 I -- I see tremendous growth potential in this company. 304 00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,263 We think so. 305 00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:57,700 That is, with the right captain steering the ship, 306 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,180 fiscally speaking. 307 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:03,706 Which is why we're prepared to offer you a big salary, 308 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:04,838 stock stuff... 309 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:07,101 And all the cookies you can eat. 310 00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,278 I didn't expect this to be going so fast. 311 00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:11,409 Um... 312 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,498 Well, we're kind of on a clock. 313 00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:16,850 You see, the IRS has called some of our bookkeeping... 314 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,765 "flagrantly illegal." 315 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,070 How could that happen? 316 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:22,333 We were hoping youcould tell us. 317 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,075 We don't know anything about business. 318 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,511 Fiscally speaking?Yeah. 319 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:27,730 Mm.Exactly. 320 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,297 That was kind of our dad's thing. 321 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:33,301 Also, making them, selling them, all that other stuff. 322 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:36,739 Just to be clear, what are yourroles here? 323 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,872 We used to taste the cookies, 324 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,787 but now we're chairmen of the board. 325 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,137 I see. 326 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,791 As such, we are legally bound to mention 327 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,576 a little situation we have with the FDA. 328 00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:48,969 Thanks to Evan, 329 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:52,102 we keep failing something called the "hairs-per-million test." 330 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:55,584 And due to the videotaped evidence against our father, 331 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:58,805 we need a highly qualified woman such as yourself 332 00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:01,590 to testify in front of Congress. 333 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:02,765 Hmm. 334 00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,637 Uh...guys, this is a lot to take in. 335 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:09,250 Well, I think we know what that means. 336 00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:10,555 Yeah. 337 00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,253 Welcome to Uncle Ned's. 338 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:21,044 Whether you're a bachelor, a couple, or a flamily -- 339 00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,743 "Flamily" -- I just said "flamily." 340 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,484 Wait, isit "flamily"? 341 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:27,572 Desmond: All right. 342 00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:28,965 Let's just take it from, 343 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:32,447 "This is modern California living at its finest." 344 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,362 And action. 345 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:37,408 This is modern California living at its finest. 346 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,628 Stop! You're doing the British accent again. 347 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,022 I'm not hearing it! 348 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,371 And action. 349 00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,808 You'll have state-of-the-art... 350 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,679 appliances -- 351 00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:49,725 I'm sorry. I got this. 352 00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:59,082 Imagine life from this perspective. 353 00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:00,605 That thing is gonna hit me! 354 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:03,695 And best of all, the entire house is fully automated. 355 00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:06,089 You can turn on the gorgeous fountains right from your phone. 356 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,267 Shoot. They're not working. 357 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,182 Hey, I can feel my toe! 358 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:15,925 And thisone is about hormonal fluctuations 359 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:18,275 that can cause radical mood swings. 360 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,887 One minute, you're totally fine, and then the next, 361 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,976 you're just --Lily: Go home, nerd! 362 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,761 ...lashing out when someone is trying to help you. 363 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,067 Okay, well, thank you for helping, 364 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:28,111 and don't take it personally. 365 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,200 At least now we know why she called my signature cuffs 366 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,246 tackier than the Debbie Reynolds museum. 367 00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:34,422 Y-Yes, that was definitely the hormones talking. 368 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:37,077 Look, everyone's taking this whole thing waytoo seriously. 369 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,861 When my daughter has her first Shark Week, 370 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,210 we're just gonna laugh about it. 371 00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,472 That's what girls want. 372 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:42,952 I mean, it is bananas 373 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:44,301 what happens down there every month. 374 00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:47,000 Only good thing is, it reminds me to pay my bills. 375 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,219 Oh, that'swhy my credit card keeps getting denied. 376 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:51,047 Hey, if there's somewhere you need to be -- 377 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,788 Just watch this.Mm. 378 00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,052 Hey, bitch. 379 00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,097 Lily: Haley's here?! 380 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,881 That's right. And cheer up. 381 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,231 You're missing the whole silver lining in all of this. 382 00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,581 A period is a Get Out Of Jail Free card 383 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,583 for everything. 384 00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:06,889 Didn't study for a test? 385 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,891 "Oh, wah. I have cramps." 386 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,023 Don't want to go to gym class? 387 00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,025 "Sorry -- lady problems." 388 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:14,462 Wanna eat a whole sheet cake? Shut down a bad date? 389 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,594 Smuggle some weed into a concert in your tampon box? 390 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:17,769 Ain't nobody looking in there. 391 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,075 What is wrong with you?! 392 00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,164 That's the advice you want to give your daughter?! 393 00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,036 I know! I'm a disaster! 394 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:26,082 How am I going to be a mother? I can't even make a swaddle! 395 00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,345 I'm gonna raise a couple losers, just like me! 396 00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:30,521 It's not your fault, you sweet dummies! 397 00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,088 Lily! 398 00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:33,916 Lily: Oh, my God. You too? 399 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,484 I made you a Colombian poultice. 400 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:38,834 Is that what stinks? It's making me sick! 401 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,401 We're gonna rub it all over your belly, 402 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,837 and it's gonna make you feel better. 403 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,753 It's also not terrible on toast with a fried egg. 404 00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,581 How many people are out there?! 405 00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,931 Just a few supportive women. 406 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,063 Hello, sisters. 407 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,847 I must've texted the wrong thread. 408 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,936 Allow me to talk to the Earth Goddess. 409 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,155 U-Um... 410 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:58,071 Lily? Step-Uncle Manny's here. 411 00:14:58,114 --> 00:14:59,072 Cherish this. 412 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,726 You've been given the ability to create life. 413 00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,425 Each cramp, each migraine should remind you -- 414 00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:06,688 Lily: Get the out of here, Manny! 415 00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:09,734 Take care, everybody. 416 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,084 Yeah.Mm-hmm. 417 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,306 Jay: Claire, get in here. 418 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,743 How'd the interview go? 419 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:19,788 Amazing. 420 00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:22,356 First of all, that place smells delicious. 421 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,532 They made me an offer on the spot. 422 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:27,187 CEO, travel... 423 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:29,189 hobnobbing with Congressmen. 424 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:30,625 Well, I'm not surprised. 425 00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,061 You're a terrific candidate. 426 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:34,803 I turned them down. 427 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,196 Why? 428 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,328 Well, first of all, because I made a commitment 429 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,851 to everyone here and to you. 430 00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:42,985 And it just... didn't feel right to leave. 431 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,727 That makes what I'm about to say awkward. 432 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:47,772 I'm quitting. 433 00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:50,123 Oh, wha-- You're thatmad at me? 434 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:52,821 No, I listened to what you said, 435 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,779 and you're never truly gonna be in charge 436 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,129 until I get out of your way. 437 00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:57,652 You didn't have to do that for me. 438 00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,001 I didn't do it just for you. 439 00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:01,134 Every good closet man knows when to hang it up. 440 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,006 And I -- I think I'm ready for a new challenge. 441 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,834 Oh, Dad, not window tinting. 442 00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:09,142 It's like printing money, but no, it's not for me. 443 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,057 Here's what I'm excited about. 444 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,841 Let me show you. Mm. 445 00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,105 What am I looking at? 446 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,150 The future. 447 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:19,282 Fun dog beds. 448 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:22,155 Oh, my God. This is the pineapple you were doodling. 449 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:24,244 Yes! I designed it myself! 450 00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,028 Cool. Cool. 451 00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,247 So, the pharmacy tracks 452 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:28,813 how all of your medications interact, right? 453 00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:30,685 Claire, every year, 454 00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:34,732 people in this country spend $70 billion on their pets. 455 00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,256 People or just you? 456 00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:37,518 I got a manufacturer lined up. 457 00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,433 I'll sell them online, keep the overhead low, 458 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,696 go to a bunch of dog shows -- super fun. 459 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:44,525 And if I don't lose all the money that I made 460 00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:47,267 selling my share of this place, 461 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,616 I'm happy. 462 00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:49,834 Wow. 463 00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,314 It's kind of the end of an era, huh? 464 00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,274 Are you sure you want to do this? 465 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:56,493 I'd have quit years ago if you weren't here. 466 00:16:57,886 --> 00:16:59,453 It's gonna be weird coming to work without you. 467 00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:00,932 Well, if you miss me too much, 468 00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:04,240 there'll always be a position for you at Dog Beds by Stella. 469 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,503 Thank you, but I think maybe it istime 470 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,983 I prove myself on my own. 471 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,985 You sure? 'Cause this could be huge. 472 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,335 I got a million dog-bed ideas. 473 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,990 I got a hot-dog bun, I got a space capsule, 474 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,209 I got an igloo. 475 00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:19,299 What about one shaped like a dog bone? 476 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,126 You'll get there. 477 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,088 Hey, how's Lily doing? 478 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,569 Well, I certainly didn't help. I only made it worse. 479 00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:31,093 What am I gonna do when ourkids need me? 480 00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,312 You're overthinking it. 481 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,531 The minute you see a sweet little face that needs you, 482 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,664 your instincts will kick in, and you'll know what to do. 483 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,492 That's what everybody keeps saying, 484 00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,363 but what if it's not true? 485 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,584 Hey, Mr. D. 486 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:45,455 Hey. Are you okay? 487 00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,588 I haven't slept for days, 488 00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:50,156 and I screwed up at work today. 489 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:52,245 Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 490 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,943 Well, the cameraman called it "Disaster-piece Theatre," 491 00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,553 and everybody was like, "Good one, Craig." 492 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:59,469 And you know what? It was. It was a good one, Craig. 493 00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,123 Hey, it's okay. 494 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,472 I had to rehire the crew 495 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,387 to shoot the whole thing again tomorrow. 496 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,519 I'm way over budget. 497 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:06,955 I'm probably gonna lose the listing -- 498 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,348 Shh. 499 00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:09,784 You're just overtired. 500 00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,568 Why don't you close your eyes? 501 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,353 Dylan, make some white noise. 502 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:16,573 I am going to try something. 503 00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:18,009 Oh. That's nice. 504 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:26,757 Honey. 505 00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,933 You're getting really good at this. 506 00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,196 You think so? 507 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:32,067 I do. 508 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,808 Thanks. 509 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,289 All right. You just rest now. 510 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:38,378 Everything's gonna be okay. 511 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:41,207 Yeah. It is. 512 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,600 Can I stop now? I'm gonna pass out. 513 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:49,519 We could just pick the lock and get her out of there. 514 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,347 And then what? She doesn't want to talk to us. 515 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:54,307 She neverwants to talk to us. That hasn't stopped us before. 516 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,308 We're only letting it now 517 00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:56,874 because we'reuncomfortable, right? 518 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,224 Obviously, you're right. 519 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,183 Why else would I be devouring Gloria's poultice? 520 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,358 You know what? 521 00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,839 Come on. We're her dads. 522 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,449 We'll figure something out. 523 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,364 Hey, honey? 524 00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:09,452 Everyone's gone. 525 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,411 And we're sorry we embarrassed you. 526 00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:14,457 We should've never included all those people into... 527 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:15,763 this situation. 528 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:18,287 And just because we're boys doesn't mean we -- 529 00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,420 we can't talk you through your first... 530 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,465 "sloughing off of your endometrial tissue." 531 00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,902 Yeah, "which typically lasts between two and... 532 00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,861 seven days"?Seven? 533 00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:29,037 Oh, my God. 534 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,387 Look, Lily, your whole life, it's been -- 535 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:34,564 it's been the three of us figuring out stuff together. 536 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:37,263 Yeah, don't you remember in the -- in the second grade, 537 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,831 when you came home crying because Julie Kwan made fun 538 00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,791 of your Ricky Martin "She Bangs" lunch box? 539 00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,793 You didn't want to talk about that, but then, 540 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,839 when you finally did, you felt better. 541 00:19:48,883 --> 00:19:51,059 Yeah, you -- you don't have to figure this out alone. 542 00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:54,236 Yeah, we may not have gone through the exact same thing, 543 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,020 but, you know, in the seventh grade, 544 00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,805 our bodies started changing, too. 545 00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,067 Sixth for me. 546 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,286 It's not a competition. 547 00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:02,810 And those changes... 548 00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:04,159 they were confusing. 549 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,814 Yeah, they were con-- confusing and scary 550 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:09,295 and also, um... 551 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:12,515 exciting because, um... 552 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,648 you're growing up... Lily. 553 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,171 And we're your parents, okay? 554 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,390 We are gonna make mistakes, 555 00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,522 and we are not gonna have all the answers, 556 00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:22,873 but when you do want to talk about it, 557 00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:25,049 we're -- we're here for you. 558 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,399 Yeah. 559 00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:27,661 We love you. 560 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,063 Uh-oh. Here comes The Great Snoozedini. 561 00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:41,979 You see before you three ordinary cups. 562 00:20:42,023 --> 00:20:44,068 Cups you'd find in any kitchen. 563 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,288 Nothing magical about them. 564 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,421 Here, we have one new potato. 565 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:51,250 Keep your eye on the cup with the potato. 566 00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:57,081 Anybody here from out of town? 567 00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:59,301 I feel bad. Should we wake him up? 568 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,434 Not until we find out where the potato is. 569 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,870 It's under that one, right? 570 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,306 Is the potato here? 571 00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,483 Is the potato here? 572 00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:09,137 Ohh. 573 00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,313 This trick's a real... 574 00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:12,314 lemon. 575 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,144 Good night, everyone. 576 00:21:18,407 --> 00:21:19,887 Amazing!