1 00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:03,871 [ Groans ] 2 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,006 Mnh! How can my babies be early?! 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,042 I've never been early to anything! 4 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:09,677 Maybe they're not mine! 5 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,379 I've always been faithful to you! 6 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,680 [ Groaning ] 7 00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:14,648 Push, damn it! 8 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,016 I'm not losing another baby today. 9 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,017 [ Flatline ] [ Groaning ] 10 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,018 Cardiac arrest. 11 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,520 Crash cart! 12 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:20,821 The shock could kill the baby! 13 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,156 [ Paddles whine ] 14 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,557 That's something I'll just have to live with. 15 00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,526 Maybe we could turn off the TV? 16 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,660 Clear! [ TV shuts off ] 17 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,397 Well, folks, I'm afraid I have some bad news. 18 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,398 Oh, my God, no. 19 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,032 N-No, not that bad. 20 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,401 I'm sorry. I did not think that through. 21 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,536 No, you're not giving birth today. 22 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,371 You've had false contractions, known as Braxton Hicks. 23 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,406 It's very common. 24 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,208 Uh, so what does that mean timing-wise? 25 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,209 It's no indication. 26 00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,710 It could be five weeks from now, 27 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,578 could be five hours from now. 28 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,380 I suggest you and your husband go home, 29 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,748 get some sleep while you still can. 30 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,917 Oh, we're not married. We're just lovers. 31 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,219 Ugh! Yuck. 32 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,686 She hates that word. 33 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,054 Grosses me out, too, 34 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,889 and I spend a lot of my time covered in afterbirth. 35 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,429 Everything okay? 36 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,531 Um... that was weird. 37 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,533 Those little people with the full-size baby? 38 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,769 [ Chuckles ] No, when the doctor called you my husband. 39 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,038 [ Chuckles ] Well, people are gonna assume -- 40 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,707 No, it -- it was weird because I... 41 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,243 liked it. 42 00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,445 Seriously? Because I proposed, like, six times. 43 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,579 I know. I just -- 44 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,414 It seemed so old-fashioned at the time, 45 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,217 but when I thought that the babies were coming, 46 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,253 I-I... 47 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,587 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 48 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,560 I'm gonna need a little help here. 49 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:33,761 Okay. 50 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,129 Okay, we're good. 51 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,764 [ Exhales sharply ] 52 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,800 Dylan Stardust Marshall, will you -- 53 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,069 Oh! Going over. Okay. Okay. 54 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,404 I'm fine. I'm fine. It's okay. 55 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,605 [ Exhales sharply ] 56 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,806 Will you marry me? 57 00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:46,907 Oh, my God. 58 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,477 This is exactly how I imagined it. 59 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,746 -- Captions by VITAC -- 60 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,354 ** 61 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,625 I can't get in! 62 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,826 Damn it, Cam! We need those tickets! 63 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,094 Come on, refresh. I am! 64 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,962 Refresh like your life depends on it! I am! 65 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,631 Tonight is the L.A. premiere 66 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,301 of "Sophie's Choice: The Musical." 67 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,802 And [Sighs] it sold out in seconds, 68 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,305 but the theater reserved a few amazing house seats 69 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,506 for an online lottery. 70 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,773 And there's a rumor 71 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,009 Meryl Streep is going to be in the audience. 72 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,812 Oh, my God. You have to feel for that poor actress playing Sophie. 73 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,448 It'd be like me sewing costumes in front of Bob Mackie. 74 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,951 And the award for the gayest thing ever said goes to... 75 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:31,952 I'm in! You are?! 76 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:32,653 We have seats! Oh, my God! 77 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,021 Oh, oh! 78 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,323 Focus, focus. Okay, all right. 79 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,857 Okay, it's one of those ticking clock things. 80 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,360 That's fine. We just need my...credit card. 81 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,461 Where's my wallet? Where -- Where's my wall-- 82 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,330 Where's my wallet?! Seriously? Again? 83 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,831 Cam, you have to leave it in one place! 84 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:44,798 I told you a thousand times! 85 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,133 Really? Now? 86 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,335 Okay, just use your credit card. 87 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,336 [ Groans ] 88 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,470 That's weird. 89 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,539 Okay. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick! 90 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,974 Here -- use mine. Oh! Thank you, sweetie. 91 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,209 Okay. Okay. All right. 92 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,144 [ Muttering ] 93 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,379 Is this a sign? 94 00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,480 Yes! We are meant to see the show! 95 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,014 No, it's one of those CAPTCHA things. 96 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:01,982 Is that a road sign?! 97 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,317 Yes! I don't know. 98 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,352 Yes. 99 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,519 [ Ding ] Oh! Ohh!Aah! 100 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,154 [ Laughing ] Oh, my God! 101 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,223 Oh, thank you, sweetie. You saved us. 102 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:10,724 It's fine. I needed the miles. 103 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:11,725 Thank you. 104 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,327 Where's she off to? 105 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,695 I'm sure it's fine. Okay. 106 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,666 How about this one? 107 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,833 You look gorgeous. 108 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,335 Now, remember -- 109 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,503 Okay, this is not my first time 110 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,171 impressing your business associates. 111 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,506 I know the drill. 112 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,741 Laugh at their jokes, touch their arms... 113 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:28,909 Yeah, and if he pees on the floor, 114 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:29,910 don't make a big deal out of it. 115 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,512 What is happening? 116 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,013 I quit the closet game 117 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,517 to become the king of high-end, whimsical dog beds. 118 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,852 And to market them today, I'm hosting 119 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,689 social-media influencer Arthur Goodboy. 120 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,890 This little stud 121 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:46,093 has over 5 million followers on the Instagram. 122 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:49,363 One photo of him with a product can be a game-changer. 123 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:52,433 You made me change three times for a dog? 124 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,901 He cannot even see this color! 125 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:54,935 They can sense the effort! 126 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,070 [ Doorbell rings ] 127 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,409 Welcome! Welcome. I'm Jay Pritchett. 128 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,444 Hello. This is my wife, Gloria. 129 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,445 Hello. 130 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,213 Orson Funt. 131 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,048 I'm sure everyone knows Arthur Goodboy. 132 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,218 Who doesn't? And I must admit, I'm a little starstruck. 133 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,420 [ Chuckles ] Don't be. 134 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,954 He puts on his sweaters one leg at a time. 135 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,956 [ Laughter ] 136 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,225 And this is Stella of Dog Beds by Stella, 137 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,793 but I do most of the design. 138 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,930 Well. She is beautiful for a non-pro. 139 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:23,931 May I? 140 00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,399 Here you go. Yes. 141 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,400 May I? Oh, yeah. 142 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,901 Thank you. Oh, yes. 143 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,070 Present! Present. 144 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,572 Who's a lovely lady? [ Giggles ] 145 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,640 Who's a lovely lady? 146 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,775 Who's an elegant boy? Who's an influencer? 147 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,610 Ooh, you are! You are! 148 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,412 [ Laughs ] Who's an influencer? You are! 149 00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,748 You want to see the dog beds? 150 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,115 Yes. Follow me. 151 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,918 He's a good father. 152 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,153 He's a good father. 153 00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:54,161 Sir... 154 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,663 a dog in a pineapple? [ Laughs ] 155 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,465 Love! 156 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,999 I call that one "Puppy Colada." 157 00:04:59,032 --> 00:04:59,933 Stop! 158 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:00,934 Yes, stop. 159 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,135 [ Laughs ] 160 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,171 So, what do you say? Are we in business? 161 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,172 [ Laughing ] Oh! 162 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,607 Oh, down boy. 163 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,442 I like to make sure that Arthur Goodboy 164 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,944 really loves the product before we do any endorsements. 165 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,279 If we said yes to everything, 166 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,947 then we're no better than that whore Grumpy Cat. 167 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,516 Here, try this one. 168 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,618 Okay, Mr. Arthur Goodboy. 169 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,787 Why don't you just trot yourself right in there 170 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,021 and take a load off? 171 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,690 [ Arthur whines ] Hm. 172 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,793 You know, he just woke up from a nap, so... 173 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,662 he will probably tucker out in a couple of hours. 174 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,698 It's cool, 'cause I have nowhere I need to be. 175 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:31,999 You don't say. 176 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:32,866 Oh, it's spacious. 177 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,537 Haley? 178 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,538 Over here! 179 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,639 [ Rustling ] 180 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,707 Mom's not with you, right? 181 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:40,708 No. 182 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:41,709 What's going on? 183 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,976 What could you have possibly done 184 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,177 that's worse than getting pregnant? 185 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,013 Well, Dylan and I are eloping, 186 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,715 and we want you to be the witness. 187 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,983 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God! Yes! 188 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,720 Oh, I can't even tell you how special this makes me feel. 189 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,555 I will not tell anyone. I -- 190 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,557 Wait. Why eloping? Why not a wedding? 191 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,825 We just want it to be simple and quick. 192 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,493 And no drama. 193 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,161 Guess that eliminates Mom. Yeah. [ Chuckles ] 194 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,530 What eliminates Mom? 195 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,197 Oh, um... [ Chuckles nervously ] 196 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,500 You know, uh -- You know, it -- it's so funny when -- 197 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,702 when people do such, um, funny -- 198 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,171 You know, the story is so short, 199 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,039 but it -- it -- it would be so long -- Enough, enough. 200 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,707 I cannot watch this. 201 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,909 Aw. I felt like she was building to something. 202 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:19,580 Dylan and I are going to the courthouse to get married. 203 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,516 Wow. 204 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:23,851 It's nothing personal, you know? 205 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,253 It's just...right now, the last thing we want 206 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,355 is it to turn into a big production. 207 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,258 Well, honey, if that's what you want, 208 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:34,227 as your mother, obviously, it's incredibly painful, 209 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,530 but that -- that's none of your concern. 210 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:39,099 I just hope you have a wedding that's every bit 211 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,269 as wonderful and beautiful as I always imagined. 212 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,738 You know -- when I was gonna be part of it. 213 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:47,541 I knew she'd be cool. 214 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,542 Yeah! Let's roll. 215 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,611 Mom seemed pretty bummed about it, 216 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,779 but, you know, this is what we want. 217 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:52,613 Totally! 218 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,115 Damn it! [ Sighs ] 219 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,750 [ Door opens ] 220 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:59,653 How could you do this to your mother? 221 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,725 Ugh. What's taking them so long? 222 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,959 I know. It's, like, this wedding isn't about them. 223 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,461 [ Ringtone plays ] It's about you and Dylan and me! 224 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,562 Phil: Coming! 225 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,063 So sorry. [ Laughs ] 226 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,298 Claire: And don't worry, Haley. 227 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:15,268 I promise you will hardly know we are there at all. 228 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,737 What? You're dressed nicer than me. 229 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,405 Well, I wasn't gonna say anything, but are you sure 230 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,140 that's the outfit you want for your special day? 231 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,442 It's Haley's wedding. She can dress as bad as she wants. 232 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,443 Right. 233 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,778 Who died? 234 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,113 Haley and Dylan are getting married. 235 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,615 Dressed like that? 236 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,082 Now I have to invite Luke? 237 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,283 Not if you don't want to. 238 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,819 This feels great. 239 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,488 Okay, that is it. Luke, but no one else. 240 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,757 Hey, so, my mom found out your parents are coming, 241 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,492 'cause I told her, and now she's on her way. 242 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,093 And Grandpa's coming. 243 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,595 You guys are gonna love him. 244 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:42,930 Oh, but if he asks you to kill him, don't. 245 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,831 Ugh! 246 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,165 I know what you're thinking. 247 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,600 That is a lot of people 248 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,769 for a small, impersonal room at the courthouse, 249 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,505 and we are on the same page. 250 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,941 So...why don't we just do it here? 251 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,644 I'm ordained. I can perform the ceremony. 252 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,278 That is such a great idea! 253 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,280 That way, it's easy and intimate. 254 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,682 I mean, that's what you wanted, right? 255 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,617 So, go down to the courthouse, 256 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,686 get your marriage license, come back here, 257 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,487 and we'll all be waiting. 258 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,456 Fine. But let's go now. 259 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,024 I'm starving, and they make a great soft pretzel 260 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,192 at the courthouse snack shop. 261 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,193 How do you know that? 262 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,828 I can still elope. 263 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:15,963 [ Quietly ] Don't you ruin this for me. 264 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,698 It's fine. It's fine. 265 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:20,801 Wait. [ Door closes ] 266 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,469 If Dylan's bringing his grandfather, 267 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,204 that means we have to invite Dad and Gloria, right? 268 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,873 I think so, yeah. 269 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,641 But he probably won't show. Jay hates last-minute plans. 270 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,643 He'll be like, [As Jay] "Oh, geez, why don't they just elope?" 271 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:30,377 Hm. 272 00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,679 Luke: Grandpa? 273 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,014 [ Footsteps departing ] 274 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,216 Who's a goody-woody boy? 275 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,151 Who's a sleepy boy? 276 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,720 I never thought I'd say this, 277 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,322 but I miss Jay's toxic masculinity. 278 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,191 At least he's not your real father. 279 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,325 [ Telephone ringing ] 280 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,394 I'll get it!I got it! I'll get it! 281 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,662 [ Telephone beeps ] 282 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,163 Hello? Claire: Hey, Gloria. 283 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,033 Haley and Dylan decided to get married this afternoon, 284 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,368 and I know Dad's got that dog-bed thing, 285 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,671 so absolutely no pressure. 286 00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,840 Yes. We will be there as soon as we can. 287 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:00,841 [ Telephone beeps ] 288 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,843 Jay, I am so sorry to break up 289 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,512 this really fun and super normal party, 290 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,716 but Dylan and Haley decided to get married right now, 291 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,684 and Claire wants us there. 292 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,686 Oh, geez, why don't they just elope? 293 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,189 Actually, Arthur Goodboy loves weddings, 294 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,391 and his followers have been dying to see him in his new tux. 295 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,527 I-I can bring a bed in case he gets tired. 296 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,528 Ooh! 297 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,063 [ Arthur barks ] 298 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,532 Ooh, look. Somebody's got a crush. 299 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,701 Would Miss Stella do us the honor 300 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,569 of escorting Arthur Goodboy to the wedding?! 301 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,305 Gosh, yes! A thousand times yes! 302 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,109 [ Chuckling ] 303 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,277 Well. You're not gonna believe this. 304 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,578 They're coming. 305 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,713 Well, if they're coming, does that mean 306 00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,781 we need to invite Mitch and Cam? 307 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,383 Ooh. Imagine the drama if we didn't. 308 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,584 * Who should I choose? 309 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,453 * Either way, I lose 310 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,888 * I stare at the gun 311 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,556 * Is it daughter, is it son? * 312 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,958 * Choices 313 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:51,959 * Impossible choices * Choices 314 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,393 * Impossible choices * Impossible 315 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,895 Both: * Choices 316 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,396 This is why I can't have friends over. 317 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,430 Okay. 318 00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,465 Somebody just snarked her way 319 00:09:58,498 --> 00:09:59,466 out of a "Sophie's Choice" hoodie! 320 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,467 That's right. 321 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,969 [ Cellphone rings ] 322 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,603 [ Cellphone beeps ] Hey, Claire. What's up? 323 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,073 So, Haley and Dylan decided to get married, 324 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,941 and they'd be devastated if you weren't there. 325 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,743 Oh, of course! We wouldn't miss it for the world! 326 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:10,811 Just tell us when. 327 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,412 In about an hour. 328 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,147 Oh, my -- Um... Hey, uh, let -- 329 00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,983 let me call you right back, okay? [ Cellphone beeps ] 330 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,250 Are you kidding me?! 331 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,986 I know! What do we do -- a musical or the wedding? 332 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,253 It's the cruelest decision 333 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,789 anyone's ever been forced to make. 334 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,424 [ Door opens ] 335 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,459 Hello? We are here! 336 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,828 Hi. 337 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,129 Hi! Wow! 338 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,430 What is all this? 339 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,631 [ Chuckling ] Hey, Claire. 340 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:32,933 This is Orson 341 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,302 and, of course, Arthur Goodboy. 342 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,137 Thanks for having us. We love love. 343 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,171 Mm-hmm. 344 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,639 Dad, can you come over here a second? 345 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,174 Um -- Hey, Stella. 346 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,176 So, listen, I don't think Haley 347 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,813 wants to come back to a house full of strangers and dogs. 348 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,114 Claire, I've got to have this, 349 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,515 and she's never gonna know they're even here. 350 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:49,516 [ Doorbell rings ] 351 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,617 [ Dogs barking ] 352 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,185 Okay, that's bad timing. 353 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,620 Okay, okay, let's -- let's go, let's go, let's go. 354 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,988 Let's go. Let's get it going. 355 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,957 What's your hurry? I thought you... 356 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,158 guys love weddings. 357 00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,993 You were gonna say "you people," weren't you? 358 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,194 Prove it. 359 00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,195 We have theater tickets, 360 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,630 and if we get this wedding started, 361 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:04,865 we can still make curtain for "Sophie's Choice." 362 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,134 [ Gasps ] I would murder my entire family 363 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,468 and all of their friends to see that musical. 364 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,970 This guy gets it. 365 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,472 Hey-oh! Look who's here! 366 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,808 Don't worry. I'm wearing pants. 367 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,543 As far as you know. 368 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,311 Oh, well, hello, Frank. 369 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,814 And thank you for...sort of making it. 370 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,150 [ Whispering ] Really? Well, you invited your dad. 371 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,818 What was I supposed to do? I don't know. 372 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,386 [ Doorbell rings ] Hey! Is that Arthur Goodboy? 373 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,988 Big fan! 374 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,489 Been waiting to see him in his tux. 375 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,191 [ Door opens ] Farrah. 376 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,860 Phil. It is so delightful to see -- 377 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,327 Mm. Okay. [ Laughs nervously ] 378 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,662 [ Dog barks ] 379 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,530 Oh. Gosh. 380 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,066 Can you believe our babies are getting married? 381 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,167 I can. 382 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,836 I saw it in a vision at a campfire in Peru. 383 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,504 [ Whirring ] This is my father, Bert. 384 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,672 Oh, it's such an honor to -- 385 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,407 Vodka! Oh. 386 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,176 [ Dog growls, barks ] 387 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,377 What a lovely dress. 388 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,179 It's actually a shamanic wedding robe 389 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,380 from South America. 390 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,682 I wear it at every ceremony I officiate. 391 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,184 Ohhh. This is awkward. 392 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,185 Um... 393 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,353 I'm doing the ceremony. 394 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,356 But this is something I've dreamed about all of my lives. 395 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,225 Mom, what the hell is going on? 396 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,393 Together: Hey! 397 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,595 [ Cheering ] 398 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,263 Oh, honey, honey, it's not as bad as it looks. 399 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,599 See, it's still small and simple and -- 400 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,034 [ Instruments playing ] 401 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,202 Not helping. 402 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,871 What? We were gonna play her down the aisle. 403 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,207 Yeah. Bad luck to get married without bagpipes. 404 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,609 My mom's first wedding -- no bagpipes. 405 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,378 My mom's second wedding -- bagpipes. 406 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,881 Six months later, she's still married. 407 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,382 I mean, that's just science. 408 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,717 [ Doorbell ringing ] Now what? 409 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,285 [ Dog barks ] Oh, well, we needed food, so... 410 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,720 Hola, lovebirds. 411 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,222 Oh, this is a disaster. 412 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,558 I know, but we can't pick our childhood homes. 413 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,227 Don't worry. I can fix everything. 414 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,062 Just take your time changing your clothes. 415 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,063 Oh, this is what I'm wearing. 416 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,597 [ Laughs ] You're hilarious. 417 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,635 Let me see the happy couple. 418 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,737 Congratulations, Haley. 419 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,739 Congratulations, Andy. 420 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,141 [ Bagpipes play ] 421 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,642 [ Dog barks ] 422 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,280 [ Dog panting ] 423 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,283 Sorry. Honey, I know you're a little annoyed. 424 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,751 Oh, I'm so sorry I gave you that impression. 425 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,253 I'm a lot annoyed. 426 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,620 But it's better. 427 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,757 This way, you'll be surrounded by people who love you. 428 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:11,925 That's her. 429 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,262 Congratulations! I am so happy for you. 430 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,263 Luke? 431 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,264 Uh, this is Annabelle. 432 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,331 We just met on Tinder. 433 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,766 But we haven't done anything yet. 434 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,434 Guess what, babies. 435 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,802 You're gonna taste some wine today! 436 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,271 Hey, hey, hey. 437 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,272 So, if we're gonna get this thing started, 438 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,639 maybe you should go up and change, huh? 439 00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:27,674 Oh, for the last time, this is what I'm -- 440 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,309 Screw it. I'm changing. 441 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,610 No, don't -- I'm -- No, don't change, if that's -- 442 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,612 Damn it! What -- Sorry. I'm sorry. 443 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,813 Gloria, Gloria. 444 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,015 Do me a favor. 445 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,284 Put some salami in my TV. 446 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,286 Whatever that is a code for, the answer is no. 447 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,954 Okay, fine. I'll do it myself. 448 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,290 Keep Orson occupied for about a minute. 449 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,457 Arthur Goodboy, come. 450 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,459 Arthur Goodboy, come. 451 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,128 Mr. Orson. 452 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:52,632 Um, I need to know -- is your whole life your dog? 453 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,502 Oh, no. I also dabble in stand-up comedy. 454 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,038 In fact, I used to try out all of my material on Arthur Goodboy 455 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,973 until I got in trouble with PETA for animal testing. 456 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,808 [ Laughs ] [ Chuckles ] 457 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:02,976 Ay! 458 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,177 Speaking of, where is Arthur? 459 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,178 I'm sure he's fine. 460 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,679 Arthur? Arthur? 461 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,150 He's in the family room, wolfing down some cold cuts. 462 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,851 No, no, no. He can't digest that. 463 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,153 And that tuxedo is rented. 464 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,355 [ Groans ] No, please! Wait! 465 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,491 Orson: Aah! Stop! 466 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,659 Stop? What, no! 467 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,895 He's enjoying the bed. No, he loves it in there. 468 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,330 Don't. 469 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,831 The robot told me everything. 470 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,566 Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought once he got -- Stop! Unh! 471 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,235 I will stay for the wedding 472 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,670 so as not to ruin Halsey and Derek's special day, 473 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,572 but this partnership is off. 474 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,176 What am I doing? 475 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,011 Making a fool of yourself -- 476 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,347 what you have done the whole day. 477 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,182 Yeah. I'm acting like an idiot. 478 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,084 I mean, this was a stupid idea, 479 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,353 trying to launch a whole new business at my age. 480 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,854 I thought it would be fun, 481 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,690 but I should've known I-I need to hang it up. 482 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,392 I need a second. 483 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,929 Gloria: Dog beds are ridiculous and sad. 484 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,031 But they're important to Jay. 485 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,034 So I guess that loving someone means that you have to respect 486 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,903 their idiotic, nauseating dreams. 487 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,872 Hey, old-timer. 488 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,274 I dig those wheels. 489 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,543 Why is this vacuum cleaner talking to me?! 490 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,079 Okay, we are definitely cutting it close, 491 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,280 but I think we're gonna make it. 492 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,548 You know, it's just that, uh, traditionally, 493 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,284 the father of the bride calls the shots at these things. 494 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,885 [ Instruments tuning ] Oh, my goddess, Phil. 495 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,588 By all means, let's return to traditional weddings. 496 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,457 Perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter of Haley's dowry. 497 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,726 Are you prepared to offer livestock or land? 498 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,927 Farrah, I would defer to you 499 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,562 if this were happening in your yurt. 500 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,964 Fine. 501 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,799 We'll settle this over a game of acorns. 502 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,401 [ Rattling ] 503 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,303 Put out your hands. 504 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,937 Acorns, speak. 505 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,807 Oh. Sorry, Phil. 506 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:41,808 Best of 3. 507 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:42,809 What am I doing? 508 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,911 Okay, both of you, stop! 509 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,313 You can both officiate, all right? 510 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,315 Yeah, but won't that take twice as long? 511 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,483 Uh, whoever's officiating, if you can carve out some time 512 00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:51,751 for a poem I've written. 513 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,786 It's sort of a "Beowulf" meets "You've Got Mail." 514 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:54,821 Oh, God, no! No poems! No! 515 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,323 Nobody wants a poem! No one wants that! 516 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,258 Come on! Let's move this thing along! Get it going! 517 00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,659 [ Whispering ] You need to give your "Sophie's Choice" ticket 518 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,294 to the dog weirdo. 519 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,263 My dad wants to see a musical? 520 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,931 No, the other dog weirdo. 521 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,667 Didn't you see how excited he got when he heard about it? 522 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,436 Yeah, well, that's not happening. No, thank you. 523 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,438 Think about all the sacrifices 524 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,606 that your father has made for you. 525 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,774 Oh, I just don't care. 526 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,476 You're not gonna make it anyways. 527 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,511 Y-Yes, we are, 'cause the wedding's about to start. 528 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,280 Here they come. Is it? 529 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,614 Excuse me. 530 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,684 Um, before we start this beautiful ceremony, 531 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,287 why don't we go around the room 532 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,157 and talk about what this wedding means to us? 533 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,858 Yeah, I don't think anybody wants to be put on the spot. No. 534 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,193 Let's just get on with the wedding. 535 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,129 To me, a marriage is not just the joining of two hearts. 536 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,198 It's the melding of families. 537 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,632 And can I just say this -- 538 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,000 No! Sit down! No! Sit down! 539 00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,870 [ Bagpipes and cello play ] 540 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:44,871 Hey. 541 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,208 Go on, go on. There you go. 542 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,677 Are those... packing peanuts? 543 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,479 I had 10 minutes and no budget. 544 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,547 This is happening. Yep. 545 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,983 [ Dogs barking, whimpering ] What's this dog doing to Stella? 546 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,485 Bad dog! No humping! 547 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,886 Don't shame him! That's her fault. 548 00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,154 She's wagging her hips in his face! 549 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,222 That's her dysplasia. 550 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,656 And it's 2019. 551 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,158 What he did is not okay! 552 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,327 Uh-oh. Am I moving? 553 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,995 Something's stuck! 554 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,497 [ Indistinct shouting ] 555 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,065 Phil, I'm falling! See, this -- this -- 556 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,833 this is why I didn't want anyone here! 557 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,735 This is why I wanted to elope! 558 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,571 Haley, I know you're upset, but this is your family. 559 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,039 Who are you?! 560 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,508 Okay, enough! Enough. 561 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,210 Dylan, Haley, in the kitchen -- now! 562 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,344 Nice shoes! 563 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,346 I am, uh, so sorry, folks. 564 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,880 This is -- This is gonna take a little while. 565 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,083 Maybe Alex and Bill can play something. 566 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,551 No!No! No!No! 567 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:32,852 We're not gonna make it, are we? Okay, no. 568 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,021 We're not gonna make it! It -- It doesn't look like it. 569 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,389 Hey, um... [ Dog barking ] 570 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,025 Hi. My dad wanted you to have these tickets. 571 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,228 [ Gasps ] Great Danes! Thank you! 572 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,596 Not so fast. You still have something to do. 573 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,699 Listen. Listen to me. 574 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,934 I don't want to hear it, Mom. 575 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:49,869 Run. 576 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,604 What?! Yeah. 577 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:54,207 We're really sorry that this all got away from us. 578 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:57,277 But all we care about is that you're happy. 579 00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:00,046 And you should have the wedding you want. 580 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,949 Your mom's right. 581 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,884 We eloped, and I still think of it 582 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,554 as one of the best days of my life. 583 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,256 It still seems like the last day we were alone. 584 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,257 [ Phil chuckles ] 585 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,558 Wow. 586 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,226 That's... 587 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,294 Oh, honey. 588 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,895 The four of you better get going, huh? 589 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,063 Yeah. 590 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,465 Ohh, my babies. 591 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,300 I love you, guys. Love you, guys. 592 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,135 Bye. Bye. 593 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,738 [ Door opens, closes ] [ Sighs ] 594 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:26,773 You okay? 595 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,975 Not really, no. 596 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:31,077 I hate that we're not gonna be there. 597 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,946 I always assumed we would be at her wedding. 598 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,448 Is that selfish? 599 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,449 No. 600 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,584 [ Sighs deeply ] 601 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,118 It's only fair. 602 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,254 She was at ours. 603 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,122 Mm. She was. 604 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,927 Look at this. 605 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,763 He posted one minute ago. It's already got 5,000 likes. 606 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:51,764 Thank you. 607 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,933 I love you. 608 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,637 And the only thing less sexy than a dog bed is a quitter, 609 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,105 and I didn't marry a quitter. 610 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,173 I married an angel. 611 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,608 Yes, you did! 612 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,277 Could I have everyone's attention? Um... 613 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,279 I just want to say that most of you 614 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,780 are very important to us. 615 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,616 But the wedding's off, and thanks for coming. 616 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,117 What?! You got to be kidding me! 617 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,019 This is an outrage. I will never forgive you. [ Scoffs ] 618 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,821 Perhaps the two of you would like to sing a song? 619 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,456 * Choices, impossible * 620 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,690 * Choices * Choices, impossible 621 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:18,458 * Choices * Why are there so many 622 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,293 Both: * Voices 623 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,495 * Choices and voices and voices * 624 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,863 [ Crickets chirping ] 625 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:24,831 [ Door opens ] 626 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,699 Mom? Dad? 627 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,501 Oh, honey. 628 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,502 Hey. 629 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,870 Hey. How did it go? 630 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,706 Uh, we...didn't go through with it. 631 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,707 What? 632 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,809 We were at this 24-hour chapel, 633 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,312 and they called our names, but... 634 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,314 something about it just didn't feel right. 635 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,050 Sweetheart, it's okay. 636 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,685 You'll know when it's the right time. 637 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:46,819 Mm-hmm. 638 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,021 That's why I'm here. 639 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,325 I thought about what you said 640 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,494 about how I should have the wedding that I want. 641 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,828 Mm-hmm. 642 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,865 Well, the wedding that I want has you guys there. 643 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,671 ** 644 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,674 And, like the nuptial antler, 645 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,609 your bond will never be broken. 646 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,712 Take us home, Phil. 647 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:21,688 And so, by the powers vested in me by NoPainOrdain.com, 648 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,891 I pronounce you, Dylan... 649 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,859 and you, Haley... 650 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,862 husband... 651 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,030 [ Chuckles ] 652 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,031 ...and wife. 653 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,933 [ Chuckles ] 654 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,936 Hey! Kiss her already! 655 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,871 Oh, my God. 656 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,307 [ Chuckles ] 657 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,545 You wanted to talk to me? Yeah. Um... 658 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,046 It's been bothering me the last few days 659 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,881 that since they were gonna elope, Dylan never came to me 660 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,116 and asked for Haley's hand in marriage. 661 00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,384 Yeah. 662 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:52,452 Well, then it occurred to me that, 663 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,053 since Claire and I eloped, 664 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,957 I never officially asked you for her hand in marriage. 665 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,959 So, uh -- So ask me. 666 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:00,960 Okay. 667 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,562 Jay... 668 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,564 I love your daughter very much, and I would like your -- 669 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,932 Nope. 670 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,233 [ Laughs ] 671 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,768 That's very funny. Um... 672 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,070 But seriously, I would very much like your blessing -- 673 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,939 Sorry. I've got several concerns. 674 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:13,973 I'm not on board. 675 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,108 You realize this is just a-a formality. 676 00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,410 We've been married for almost 25 years. 677 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:19,979 And the entire time, without my blessing. 678 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,749 Okay, how many dog beds is this gonna cost me? Five. 679 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:23,750 Three. Four. 680 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,951 Done. Blessed!