1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:02,836 Guys, I am nailing my seating chart. 2 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,875 Can you not put me near Luke? I can't with the chewing. 3 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,143 You are a spoiled city kid. 4 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,812 I was 11 before I got to sit at the people table. 5 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,248 Cam. Cam, I've asked you 10 times. 6 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,649 Why haven't you sent me our itinerary 7 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,051 for your trip to your parents' house? 8 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,219 Been a little busy. 9 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,654 Okay, well, you spent three hours making a JibJab 10 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,656 of you, me, and Lily dancing in Santa's Twerkshop. 11 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:23,857 Look at our butts. 12 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,693 Yeah. Haley: Merry Christmas! 13 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:26,994 Claire: Merry Christmas. Hello. 14 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,329 So, who's going to get me a drink? 15 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,397 Mama's done breast-feeding. 16 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,864 These babies are all mine again, 17 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,366 and I'm ready to fill 'em up with wine. 18 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,235 Ooh. Well, not how the human body works, 19 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,769 but I'm very happy for you. 20 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,272 Ah! I've missed Old Haley! Ohh! Me too. 21 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,109 Oh, hey, can you move Haley away from me and the twins? 22 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,844 My present to her is the night off from Mommy duties, so... 23 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,946 Okay, well, I would've appreciated a little heads-up, 24 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,781 but it's a thoughtful gift, so... 25 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,283 It's also free, which is helpful 26 00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:51,552 because I forgot my ATM pin last summer. 27 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:54,288 Any chance I ever mentioned my four favorite numbers to you? 28 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,556 No. 29 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,791 Oh, no. Please move me away from Gloria. It'll be weird. 30 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,460 Gloria's been working for my dad. 31 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,396 He totally mentored her, and then the other day, 32 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,099 I caught her interviewing with his competitors. 33 00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,467 Gloria: So, if I come on board, 34 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,969 do I have to change my hairstyle? 35 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,773 We'll talk about it. It's kind of our thing. 36 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,278 Word to the wise -- 37 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:20,381 I'm like the last five Matthew McConaughey movies. 38 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,549 You never saw me. 39 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,753 Fine. 40 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,488 Both: Merry Christmas! 41 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,123 Claire: Hello. Phil: Wow! 42 00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,792 Now, this is what a Christmas table should look like. 43 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,993 Huh. No offense, honey. 44 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,163 I also love your whole "who cares" approach. 45 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,631 Um...Cam? 46 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,667 I can't sit next to Dad. 47 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,969 I think he's gonna ask me to work for his stupid dog bed company. 48 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,337 Ugh. Claire! 49 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:44,405 What?! 50 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,140 I can't break his heart on Christmas. 51 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,475 You know how the holiday makes him 52 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,610 so sweet and vulnerable. 53 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,011 Jay: I hate this damn scarf! 54 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,813 I look like Anjelica Huston! 55 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,682 Cam bought it! You wear it! 56 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:55,949 Hey! 57 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,286 Love the scarf! I feel like a movie star! 58 00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,688 Cam, put me next to Claire, okay? 59 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,323 I want to talk to her about something. 60 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,791 Phil: There she is! 61 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,193 I can't wait to give you your gift. 62 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,860 Should we open it now? Let's open it now. 63 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,429 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 64 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,863 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 65 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:10,698 Huh? 66 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,132 You get it? 67 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,268 2020 vision. 68 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,769 It works two ways. 69 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,538 You are gonna be on so many bus benches. 70 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,373 And in a different way than when you had to go somewhere 71 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,608 before you married Jay. 72 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,511 Wow. Dad, that is a lovely gesture. 73 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,778 Thank you, Alex. 74 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,615 You always know what to say and what not to say. 75 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,317 Phil, you're amazing. 76 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,452 Which is ironic, I think, 77 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,788 because your son might be a sociopath. 78 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,990 Wait. W-What's all this, then? 79 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,392 Why don't you ask him? 80 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:39,960 Luke, what happened? 81 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,496 I will tell you what happened. 82 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,633 Instead of helping Manny get Sherry back, 83 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,068 he stole her for himself! 84 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,539 It's true. Sherry and I are a thing. 85 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,807 -What?! -Oh, my God. Wow. -Seriously? 86 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,309 Cam, take Manny off. 87 00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,577 He's not coming. 88 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,646 Okay, fine. Everybody just sit wherever they want, 89 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,482 like a bunch of hobos around a barrel fire. 90 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,552 -- Captions by VITAC -- 91 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,555 Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc. 92 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,591 and brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can. 93 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:16,430 Luke, how could you do this? 94 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,499 And to Manny, of all people? 95 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,869 I feel bad, but this thing with Sherry is... 96 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,237 special. 97 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,239 This isn't my usual hit it and quit it. 98 00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:26,674 That's rough on the ears. Charming. 99 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,509 Plus, Sherry doesn't want to be with Manny, 100 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,878 and we really connect. 101 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,446 Well, I -- 102 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,882 I guess if you really care about her that much -- 103 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:35,683 I do. 104 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,618 She's smart and cool, 105 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,752 and, man, does she make me laugh. 106 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:39,787 I get it. 107 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,555 Nothing sexier than a funny woman. 108 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,191 Or an organized one. 109 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,394 So, what's up with you and Cam? 110 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,695 I'm sensing tension. 111 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,096 I didn't sense any tension. 112 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,631 I was just looking for some drama 113 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,199 and figured it was a safe bet. 114 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,734 There is tension! Mm! 115 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,803 Okay, so, first of all, 116 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,205 he's being extra crazy about this dinner. 117 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,773 Uh-huh. But now get this -- 118 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,275 every Christmas, I complain about 119 00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,877 having to go home with him to -- to see his family, 120 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,979 and this year, he said I don't have to go. 121 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,781 And he was totally cool about it. 122 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,817 Oh, no. Super fishy. 123 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,119 So, you didn't find any clues when you went through his luggage? 124 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,787 I...didn't go through his luggage. 125 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,623 It's like you want your marriage to fall apart. 126 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:16,457 Come on. 127 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,658 Ugh. 128 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,061 What are we gonna do about Luke and Manny? 129 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:21,829 Nothing. 130 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:22,963 The last thing I want 131 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,498 is to get into a whole thing with Gloria. 132 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,566 Hey, hon, got a minute? 133 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,934 Ugh. Second to last. 134 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,936 Sorry, Dad! I gotta get into a whole thing with Gloria. 135 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,504 Or nobody gets into anything with anybody 136 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,272 and we have a storybook Christmas. 137 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:33,607 How about a mini cheeseball? Mnh-mnh. 138 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,843 Is Luke going to break up with Sherry? 139 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,679 Gloria, I am sorry that Manny is so upset, 140 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,514 but Luke's feelings are sincere. 141 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,450 He's already beating himself up. 142 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,518 Please, don't be mad at him. 143 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,420 You're right. I shouldn't be mad at Luke. 144 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,955 He didn't raise himself. 145 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,357 Uh... 146 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,524 one more time? 147 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,193 Based on the stories from your past, 148 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:57,264 you've rarely denied yourself the pleasures of the flesh. 149 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,366 Okay! Time -- Wow! 150 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,167 Time out! Time out! Mitchell: Cam? Cam! 151 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,703 Why do you have a first-class ticket to Missouri? 152 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,373 Okay, not now. And why are you digging through my suitcase? 153 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,440 Uh... Claire: Hey, Dad? 154 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,708 Are you just gonna stand there 155 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,377 while your wife calls me a tramp? 156 00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,712 I feel this is a risky time to weigh in. 157 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:12,946 Agreed. No more fighting. 158 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,349 Let's just all enjoy a cheeseball! 159 00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:17,518 Mnh. It's my grandma's 100-year-old recipe, 160 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,787 except I use cayenne pepper instead of cocaine. 161 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:20,954 Phil: I'm sorry, Gloria. 162 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,790 No one calls my wife loose. 163 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,526 In her day, did she enjoy the company of a few men? Sure. 164 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,694 Is it hard to leave the house 165 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,462 without running into one of her ex-lovers? 166 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,697 Depends on what city we're in. 167 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:30,864 Do you have an end to this? 168 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,733 Her body, her choices, 169 00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,802 all over this beautiful planet! 170 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,804 Can we get back to the first-class ticket thing? Yeah. Yeah. 171 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,205 What are we hiding? 172 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,540 Okay, I'm not sure what you have to do with this, 173 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,341 but my parents bought me that ticket. 174 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,309 Your parents? 175 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,511 The people whose idea of fancy 176 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,713 is dropping a Certs into a jar of schnapps? 177 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,881 I'll have you know that Grandma's Mint Rockets 178 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,317 are the cocktail of choice at the governor's mansion. 179 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,819 You coddle Manny. 180 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,687 He should already be over Sherry. 181 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,923 But I guess that's what happens when you let a kid 182 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,991 sleep in your bed till he's...15. 183 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,026 13. 184 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,661 Why are we talking about Manny, anyway, 185 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,430 when this is clearly Phil's fault? 186 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,363 What?What?! 187 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:04,532 Well, I mean, you obviously 188 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,434 didn't teach Luke about the gentlemen's code. 189 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,568 I did so! 190 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,069 Never leave a high-five hanging, 191 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,539 no hug is too tight if you slap the guy's back -- 192 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,541 It's never steal a broad from a friend, 193 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,875 never let him grow a mustache 194 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,510 unless they're a first responder. 195 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,613 Okay. That is some high horse you're on there, Dad. 196 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,115 Accusing Phil of dropping the parenting ball? 197 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,350 Here we go. 198 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,118 Name two of my friends growing up. 199 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,720 The mean one and the heavy one. 200 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,890 Hey, just a heads-up -- Manny's here. 201 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,758 Gloria: What? 202 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,960 That shows how brave he is. 203 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,795 Eh, but let's talk about something else. 204 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:38,732 The last thing he wants is to make all this a big deal. 205 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,470 Hello, all. 206 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:45,773 Forgive my somber drapings, 207 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,108 but like Masha in Chekhov's "The Seagull," 208 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,943 I am in mourning for my life. 209 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,980 And don't worry. I don't want any trouble. 210 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,549 Today is not about me. It's about family. 211 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,117 Our family. 212 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,819 And the deep, profound love we share. 213 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,454 Man, that's cheesy. 214 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,222 Maybe, but it's how I feel. 215 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,993 Thank you, Manny, for reminding us all what's important 216 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,129 and how this should be the most memorable Christmas. 217 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,965 Manny, would you care for a champagne cocktail? 218 00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:14,134 Please. I do love champagne. 219 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,969 And maybe when I turn my back, 220 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,238 Luke can put his tongue all over it. 221 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:27,314 Luke, I think you should go. 222 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,917 No. He is not going anywhere. 223 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:33,420 Every family has a bad seed that needs to be cast out 224 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,689 so that they can find their way back. 225 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:38,291 I thought that ours was going to be Haley, 226 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,327 but an accidental pregnancy 227 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,996 saved her from a life of degradation. 228 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,297 Aww! 229 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,966 W-- Nobody has to leave. 230 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,035 I can spend one evening with the people I love 231 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,336 and a shifty lecher 232 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,271 who sleeps in a shower cap filled with mayonnaise. 233 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,372 It gives me my sheen. 234 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,341 And I told you that in confidence, you hump! 235 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,943 Okay! Knock it off! 236 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,945 It is time for some farm justice. 237 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,113 Back home, when we have two alpha bulls, 238 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,950 we lock 'em in a pen and let them fight it out. 239 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,553 This is between Manny and Luke. 240 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,788 Come on! Let's go. Hyah! Hyah! 241 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,123 Oh, and help yourself to a gingerbread person. 242 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,125 They're both gluten and gender free. 243 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,627 Ohh! 244 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:16,363 Oh. Isn't they a cutie? 245 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:19,700 Do not come out of this room until this is settled. 246 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,636 I will tell you what I tell the bulls, gentlemen -- 247 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,871 I love you both, 248 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,840 but don't make me regret letting you keep your testicles. 249 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,978 Okay. Punch me. 250 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,580 I know it sounds crazy, but I think -- 251 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,315 Whoa! Amazing! 252 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,184 I can't believe you did that! 253 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,753 Me neither. And it didn't make me feel better, by the way. 254 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,755 Maybe kick him or jab him in the eye. 255 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:42,756 Manny, I'm sorry. 256 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,091 I wish it were someone else, 257 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,093 but I really do care about Sherry. 258 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,861 I go to sleep thinking about her. 259 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,697 I wake up thinking about her. 260 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,198 When I see her, it's like... 261 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,933 my heart is smiling. 262 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,836 Wow. I didn't think this house could get any gayer. 263 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,872 Well, I care about her, too, and I want her to be happy. 264 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,240 So... 265 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,942 make sure she knows how you feel. 266 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,277 She's the kind of girl who needs to hear that. 267 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,047 I don't know. I'm not good at that stuff. 268 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,216 I'm better off just playing it cool. 269 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,119 Can't believe I'm saying this... 270 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,186 but I can help. 271 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,788 I'll talk, you type. 272 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,925 Are you being nice to make me feel worser? 273 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,260 Okay, I'll talk and type. 274 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:22,630 Honey, there you are! 275 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,131 I've been wanting to talk to you about something -- 276 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,034 About the greatest golf shot you ever made? 277 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,602 What was that? Oh, man. 278 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,604 10th hole at Riviera. Mm-hmm? 279 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,139 I had a decision to make. Yeah? 280 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,608 I could go left and stay out of trouble or -- 281 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,076 Can't do it. Is Phil calling me? 282 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,411 Listen, before you run, I have a professional opportunity 283 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,780 I'd like you to think -- I-I'd love to hear it. 284 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,715 J-- I'm just a little stuffy. Let me get some air. 285 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,784 Are you aware that there are 286 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:46,553 15 times more dogs in the world than Italians? 287 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,788 Feels offensive. Not sure why. 288 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:48,956 Should we be mingling? Listen. 289 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,824 I'm not gonna do a big spiel. Mm-hmm. 290 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,627 Suffice to say that science has shown us 291 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:57,297 that having a well-rested dog improves our earning potential 292 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,932 more than attending college. 293 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,635 Dad? Can we play with my trucks now? 294 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,303 Give me a couple of minutes, buddy, okay? 295 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,874 'Cause I'm talking to the new VP of Dog Beds by Stella. 296 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,843 Claire? 297 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,980 Claire? 298 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,248 Do you really think that Cam's parents 299 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,684 bought him a first-class ticket? 300 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:17,851 Aren't they poor? 301 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,319 Don't they, like, eat plants and animals 302 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,520 they find in their yard? 303 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,522 They're farmers, yes. 304 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,523 We gotta dig deeper. 305 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,325 Get Cam's phone. Check his texts. 306 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,694 That's an invasion of his privacy. 307 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,495 Plus, I don't even know his passcode. 308 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,963 Well, I just need his face. 309 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,999 I break into Dylan's phone all the time while he's sleeping. 310 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,166 Not that I need to. 311 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,202 All he does is Google water parks. 312 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,537 Ooh! Uncle Cam! 313 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,707 I forgot my phone in my car, 314 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,975 and I want to take a Boomerang of me and my favorite uncle 315 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,443 at his gorgeous Christmas dinner. 316 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,278 Can I use yours? Well, that's very flattering, 317 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,447 but I'm a little busy with -- A-5, 6, 7, 8. 318 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,117 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 319 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,886 Aha! It's gonna be huge. I'm gonna text it to myself. 320 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:53,887 Okay, well, thank you. 321 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,222 We're in. Bring the wine. 322 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,290 Ooh, do Lily next. I'm worried she's vaping. 323 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,459 Dad? What are you doing over here by yourself? 324 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,627 Are you okay? 325 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,130 Oh, I'm -- I'm worried this Luke and Manny thing 326 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,965 will affect me and Gloria at work. 327 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,034 We've been having such a great time. 328 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,169 I call us "Chica and the Man." 329 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,474 Dad, I have to tell you something. 330 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,976 Tell him what? How?! 331 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,378 Hey, everybody, look who's friends again. 332 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,479 That's right. 333 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,815 Luke's gonna date Sherry, Manny's okay. 334 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:24,317 Problem solved, farm-style! 335 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,485 Moooo-- 336 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,686 Sorry about that. 337 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,155 Back home, when someone would yell "farm-style," 338 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,189 we'd all moo together. 339 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:30,357 It's a sign of good breeding. 340 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,360 Anyway, come. Sit, sit. Let's go. Sit down. 341 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,063 How do you call yourself Colombian 342 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:39,599 after letting that skunk off the hook so easily? 343 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,335 Tell me, at least, that you have one of his toes in your pocket. 344 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,038 Come on, now, Gloria. This is good news. 345 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,274 Disloyalty being rewarded? 346 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,376 Disloyalty? Really? 347 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,379 Dad, I caught Gloria interviewing for a job with another Realtor. 348 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,747 What?! 349 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,883 Chica! How could you? 350 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,384 Jay: There she is. 351 00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:00,420 The woman that threw herself out the window to avoid me. 352 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,455 No, Dad. Don't be silly. I-I fell. 353 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:03,757 No, no, no, honey. I get it. 354 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,458 You don't want to come and work for me, 355 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,459 and I think I know why. 356 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,128 Dad, I'm sorry. 357 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,729 No, you don't want to let me down again, 358 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:13,400 like with that whole... Ezravision fiasco. 359 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,135 What? 360 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,270 Oh, insensitive old white men. 361 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,972 What would Christmas be without one? 362 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:22,242 We seem to have insensitive people of all ethnicities! 363 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,311 Was that a shot at me? I've been good. 364 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,713 You can't believe the stuff I haven't said today. 365 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,381 Cam, what's up with your trip home? 366 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,649 Your parents aren't even there. 367 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,952 "Merry Christmas. Not Happy Holidays. 368 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,153 From Galveston." 369 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,288 Okay, how are you snooping through my phone?! 370 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,456 You! 371 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,791 That was a false Boomerang? 372 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,927 Well -- You know what? Forget it. Forgiven. 373 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,729 I just want today to be a special Christmas. 374 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,264 Now, please, everyone sit down. 375 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:47,167 We'll grab hands, say grace, have a lovely meal. 376 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,637 Okay. Grab the person to your left and right. 377 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,005 Dear Lord -- 378 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,274 I knew you were still pissed about that Ezravision thing. 379 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,675 Claire, we are praying. Mm-hmm. 380 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,310 Thank you for this food -- 381 00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:00,247 You signed off on that whole deal, buddy! 382 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,916 And I am not afraid of disappointing you. 383 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:06,153 ...and for our family as we rise above petty grievances -- 384 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,521 It's because novelty dog beds are stupid. 385 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,024 Dogs don't care if they're sleeping in a pineapple! 386 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,493 The Piña Colassie got four woofs on Whelp! 387 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:14,862 That just makes you sound like some -- 388 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,363 Please, Lord, help us not use terms 389 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,999 like "imbecile" or "senile old man." 390 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,501 This is the thanks I get for getting you back into the workplace? 391 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,602 Nice line, Jay. 392 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,271 I could say the same thing to you wife. 393 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,773 I can't believe that you ratted me out. 394 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,774 I'm not afraid of you! 395 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,976 With... everyone else around. 396 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,377 Okay. That's enough. 397 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,379 I can't believe you all couldn't hold it together 398 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,115 for one meal and not argue! 399 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,484 Cam, this is what we always do on the holidays. 400 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,785 What's the big deal? 401 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,953 The big deal is that... 402 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,788 this could be our last Christmas together. 403 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,323 -What? -Last Christmas? 404 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,324 -Stop being so dramatic. -What do you mean? 405 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,059 Oh, my God. You're dying? 406 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,161 No, I'm not dying. It's something else. 407 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,668 Is he pausing to be dramatic? 408 00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,370 What do you think? 409 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:05,913 Will you j-- It all started last fall. 410 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,681 A scout came to one of my games and liked what he saw, 411 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:11,084 and now I'm one of two finalists 412 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:12,419 for the head coaching position 413 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,055 at the University of North Central Missouri. 414 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,057 -What? -What do you mean? 415 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,358 Hey, that's a big deal. 416 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,227 Yeah, they're flying me out to, uh, 417 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,363 meet the athletic director, and if all goes well... 418 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,831 I could start this spring. 419 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,034 W-Why didn't you just tell me? 420 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,368 'Cause I-I didn't want to stress you out 421 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,903 until it was -- it was real. 422 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,404 Phil: So...wait. 423 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,606 W-Would you guys really move? 424 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:34,908 Mitchell's not moving to Missouri. 425 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:37,410 What would he do for work? Prosecute Otis, the town drunk? 426 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:38,678 Excuse me. It's not Mayberry. 427 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,880 And I'll have you know, our town ne'er-do-well 428 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:44,384 is a female who's addicted to prescription nasal spray, so... 429 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:47,187 Okay, and -- and -- and just for the record, I... 430 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,388 I would go. 431 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:51,258 I mean, it's only fair. Cam's been here forever. 432 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,460 I don't like this. 433 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,627 I know, you guys. 434 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,796 But this is an incredible opportunity for him. 435 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,198 How could I say no? 436 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,432 You guys can't go! 437 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,601 I don't want my babies growing up without you. 438 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,870 They're never gonna believe my stories! 439 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,373 See, this is why I kept it a secret. 440 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,408 Here I was, worried about you all ruining Christmas, 441 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,543 and...now I've done it. 442 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,445 I'm sorry, everyone. 443 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,081 You have no reason to be sorry. 444 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,715 Yes, I do. I break up families. 445 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,783 I'm Liz Taylor. 446 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,285 Why is it never a man? 447 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,752 For what it's worth, Uncle Cam, 448 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,288 my company has an office in New York, 449 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,956 and I said I'd be open to transferring, 450 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,058 so I could easily break up the family. 451 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,960 You -- You never mentioned this to us. 452 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,996 Yeah, and I told NERP that I would be 453 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,830 open to working at the Paris office. 454 00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,832 I mean, Dylan and I have always wanted to live there. 455 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,167 Phil: Wait. 456 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,003 Y-You'd take the babies to France? 457 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,105 We -- We -- We've talked about it. 458 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,473 Sorry. I get nervous when you're all looking at me. 459 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,443 A-And I applied 460 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,678 to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London. 461 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:46,980 I could end up there. 462 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,648 Yeah, that's a real possibility. 463 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:49,849 Listen, if everyone's taking off, 464 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,684 maybe we buy that house in Palm Springs, 465 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:52,986 spend a little more time there. 466 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,022 And that means next Christmas would be 467 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,924 me and Phil and some sad little ham? 468 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,493 Oh, wouldn't Joe go with Grandpa and Gloria? 469 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,197 Sorry, sweetie. I'm just drunk and upset. 470 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:06,033 This got sad. 471 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,368 Right. Well, no -- no one's leaving now. Yeah. 472 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,603 You know, so let's just enjoy each other while we still can. Yes! 473 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,672 Right? Yes. Help me with the salads, Mitch. 474 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:13,706 Yes. Okay. Yes. 475 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:14,774 We'll be right back. 476 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,548 Hey. 477 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,816 Phil... 478 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,286 I took that interview because I love you, 479 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,988 and I don't want to screw up our relationship. 480 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,059 I don't want to end up like Claire and Jay. 481 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,527 Please. You and I have been doing great. 482 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:35,862 Because I hold back. 483 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,564 I have strong opinions 484 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,367 that I don't tell you because I want to get along. 485 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,668 Like what? 486 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,336 You can tell me anything. 487 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,305 Like that bus bench sign. 488 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,006 I think it's goofy. 489 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:51,978 If we have 20/20 vision, why are we wearing glasses? 490 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,313 I get it. 491 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,514 I just wanted to bring a little joy to our country 492 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,882 in this tumultuous time, but you're not from here, 493 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,517 so maybe it doesn't matter as much to you. 494 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,385 You see? 495 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,253 Yes. 496 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,021 Yes. I'm sensitive. 497 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,024 But I-I need this. 498 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:08,361 New ideas, someone -- someone to push up against me. 499 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,029 And honestly, I can't think of anyone 500 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:12,699 I'd rather have pushing up against me than you. 501 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,367 Ay, Phil, it's been years. 502 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:17,070 I can't pretend I don't hear those anymore. 503 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:18,571 Hear what? 504 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,441 Yeah. You're right. 505 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:25,278 I did sign off on that whole... Ezravision thing. 506 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:26,579 Mm-hmm. It's not your fault. 507 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,515 Well, I, uh... 508 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:33,186 I might be a little defensive because I feel responsible. 509 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,722 And dog beds aren't -- they're not stupid. 510 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,225 People are happy when their dogs are happy, right? 511 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,260 Well, I'm definitely saving lives, 512 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,530 but, I mean, they're not... exactly flying off the shelf. 513 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,732 You were trying to bring me aboard a sinking ship? 514 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,934 Well, I was bringing you aboard to -- to save it, 515 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:51,070 or even if you couldn't, I-I... 516 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,273 I just miss working together. 517 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:56,443 I feel it gave me a second chance with you. 518 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,779 It did. It did, Dad. 519 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,781 And we're good now. 520 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,217 So, it's time for me to go and prove myself on my own. 521 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,319 Look at this. 522 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,288 10 seconds ago, that was you. 523 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,958 I gotta make sure he and I don't need a second chance. 524 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,226 Yeah. Well, watch out. 525 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,927 Pretty soon, he's gonna be working for you. 526 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,563 You know, I don't know if he has the head for it. 527 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,299 He pitched a dog bed the other day in the shape of a cat. 528 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,601 I mean, who wants to sleep in your enemy? 529 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,670 It would be like me napping in Jon Voight. 530 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,773 I told you that story -- Yeah. Yeah. 531 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,442 Look at that. You got what you wanted for Christmas. 532 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,511 Yes, and can I just say, everyone is exactly 533 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,313 where I put them in the first place? 534 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:41,588 Cameron: What is it about the holidays that makes us so emotional? 535 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,024 Is it watching our kids grow up? 536 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,526 Who's gonna get it? 537 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,199 Is it how we put our disagreements aside? 538 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,802 What if instead, I am Cher, you are Sonny, 539 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,538 and it says "We've got you, babe"? 540 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,941 Gloria, I-I don't know how to say this, but that is 541 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,845 the freshest damn idea I have ever heard! 542 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,380 I love it! 543 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:10,617 Is it just being with people you can't imagine life without? 544 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,951 Oh, look, sweetie. 545 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,787 It says that this Missouri town has a lively art scene. 546 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,956 It says "ark scene." 547 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,859 They're preparing for the Lord's next flood? 548 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:20,993 Oh. 549 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:21,994 Fun. 550 00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,230 Or is it -- 551 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,632 Enough! Can we just take this picture already? 552 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,167 Excuse me for wanting to cherish you all 553 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:29,502 as long as I can. 554 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,504 You don't even have the job yet. 555 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,207 Alright, the timer's set, everyone. We have 15 seconds! 556 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,508 Let's go, everybody. Hurry up. 557 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:36,509 Luke: Oh, my God. 558 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,077 Sherry broke up with me. 559 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,579 Phil: Oh. 560 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,581 After I texted her all those nice things you told me to say to her. 561 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,082 Oh, yeah, that's right! 562 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,352 She hates it when guys move too fast. 563 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,220 Oh, well. Better to have loved and lost. 564 00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:49,556 There's my Colombian boy! 565 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:54,827 Hey! I'm back! 566 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,230 Mitchell: Hi! 567 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,865 So, have you heard anything about the job yet? 568 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,066 No. No, not yet. 569 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,068 And I may not for a couple months, but... 570 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,036 it's out of my control, and I'm just -- 571 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,238 I'm letting go. 572 00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,273 This is killing me! 573 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,207 Our whole future hangs in the balance, 574 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,709 and these people -- they don't care! 575 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,010 They don't care! 576 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,379 I'm better now. 577 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,080 Whatever happens, happens. 578 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,214 G-Give me my damn phone. 579 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,716 I'm gonna call the sadists, 580 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,751 and I'm gonna ask them why they hate me! 581 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,520 You know what? Screw them. 582 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,589 I love what we have. 583 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,590 Mwah! 584 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:24,624 Mwah! 585 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,959 I'm so blessed. 586 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,262 It's like, no matter what I do, 587 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,464 I'm always gonna have a B-plus life. 588 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,065 Never an A. 589 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,302 And...happy New Year to you, too.