1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,172 Question. I need to hire an assistant. 2 00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,739 Do you think it would be unethical 3 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,241 to hire the second most qualified candidate? 4 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,542 What's wrong with the most qualified? 5 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:09,577 Well... 6 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,679 And after graduating Stanford engineering, 7 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,647 I was offered a Rhodes Scholarship. 8 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,816 Do you have any questions for me? 9 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,420 I definitely have to carve out some extra time for giggling. 10 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,988 You can't discriminate against the poor guy 11 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,556 just because he's a smoke show. 12 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,892 I've been battling hot-shaming my entire life. 13 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:25,959 Please don't say "hot lives matter." 14 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,562 Hey, Grandpa. What's up? 15 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,331 Returning this to your mom. 16 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,565 Who's the beefcake? 17 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,733 Oh -- 18 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,268 I need to hire an assistant, 19 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,337 and this gentleman is currently the frontrunner. 20 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,705 Does he get a normal paycheck, 21 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,607 or are you just gonna stuff ones down his G-string? 22 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,675 I do have some trepidation about the optics. 23 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,944 Well, you should. These are sensitive times. 24 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,513 Perception is everything. 25 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,681 I didn't care about any of that crap. 26 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,950 I don't have enough work for my assistant, Margaret. 27 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,619 Been with me 40 years. 28 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,121 I can't just put her out to pasture 29 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,055 like some worn-out plow horse. 30 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,891 The old broad deserves a little respect. 31 00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,393 No offense, Grandpa, but I need someone 32 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:00,694 who can hit the ground running. 33 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,696 Margaret's more someone who would hit a pedestrian 34 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,764 and not even realize it. 35 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,733 Just because she's no Christie Brinkley, 36 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,301 who, by the way, is a year older than Margaret, 37 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,137 doesn't mean we throw her on the scrap heap. 38 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,771 Well, she'd have to start tomorrow. 39 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,606 Is she okay working on a Saturday? 40 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,541 That's the advantage of hiring somebody 41 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,875 with a few miles on her -- 42 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,944 by 6:00 a.m., she will have had two soft-boiled eggs 43 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,346 and be raring to go. 44 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,284 -- Captions by VITAC -- 45 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,761 Cam, come on, let's go. 46 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,096 No, hold on just a second. I need to finish this. 47 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,466 Please tell me this isn't another letter-writing campaign. 48 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,967 They're not going to rename our street. 49 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,335 Okay, Mary Kay Place would be 50 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,604 a very fun tribute to an American treasure, 51 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,672 but, no, that's not what this is. 52 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,006 Cam, come on. I want to go. 53 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,176 The store opens in a half-hour, okay? 54 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,943 You know I get all my pants for the entire year at this sale, 55 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,912 and 32 is a very, very common pant size. 56 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,013 It'd be great if we could go a day 57 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,149 without you mentioning your 32-inch waist size. 58 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,684 No, this is urgent. 59 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,620 Señor Kaplan cut my "Wind Beneath My Wings" number 60 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,755 at the faculty follies "for time." 61 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,625 So I'm turning him in to the IRS 62 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,859 for deducting his breakfast burritos. 63 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,028 You're wasting your life with these rivalries. 64 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,531 There is a guy at work who always eats my peanut butter, 65 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,033 but I just let it go because life's too short 66 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,802 and so is he, and maybe the peanut butter 67 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,970 is just his creamy substitute for human affection. 68 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,839 Okay? Can we go? Could we please go? 69 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:19,907 Yes. Thank you. 70 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,109 Oh!Ah!Oh, my gosh. 71 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,144 I'm s-- Uh... C-Can we help you? 72 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:25,479 Name's Murray Clark. 73 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:26,980 I grew up in this house. 74 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,183 Oh! Hi!Oh! 75 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:32,119 Well, my name is Cameron. This is my husband, Mitchell. 76 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,020 Well, that's funny. 77 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,688 Okay. 78 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:35,856 Uh, so, we were just about to leave. 79 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,291 See, I get all my pants -- 80 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,228 I haven't seen this house since I went off to war. 81 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,062 Oh, and you'd like to come in 82 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,297 and take a look around a little bit? 83 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,366 No, nothing like that. 84 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,535 I just came here to die. 85 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,070 Uh, excuse me? I'm sorry? 86 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:53,841 Oh, it's nothing sad. I'll just be a minute. 87 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,480 Actually, could I get a juice first? 88 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,848 Oh, of course. 89 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,850 Why not? Sure, yeah. 90 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,687 What are you doing? Being a gracious host. 91 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,322 To a stranger who wants to die here? 92 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:09,757 Oh, come on, Mitchell, nothing's going to happen. 93 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,392 It's just a cry for help. 94 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,594 Okay, if I can't get a pair of slim-cut chinos in French Blue, 95 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,995 you're gonna die here. 96 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,365 Marvin? Milton? No, it's Murray. 97 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,033 Murray? Murray! Murray! 98 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,569 Oh, my God. Did he actually die? 99 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,036 Calm down! I'm -- I'm first aid certified! 100 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:23,871 Murray? 101 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,205 Murray!! 102 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,441 Who taught you first aid, a nanny on death row? 103 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:28,842 Wake up! Damn it! 104 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,111 Oh! I flew coach all the way from Florida 105 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,581 to die in this house, and you ruined it! 106 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,082 Oh, my God. That's insane. 107 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,418 You knew you were going to die and you flew coach? 108 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,387 What are you doing? 109 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,555 Oh, I'm trying to spruce up my résumé. 110 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,190 This job hunt is killing me. 111 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,192 I'm sorry, Mom, but if those companies 112 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,627 aren't smart enough to hire you, 113 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,061 you don't want to work with them anyway. 114 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,863 That's what I used to tell Alex about boys. 115 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,365 Just don't jump at the first offer. 116 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,233 That's what I used to tell you about boys. 117 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:56,069 He's here! He's here!! 118 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,938 Today, our old neighbor- turned-tech-titan, 119 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,407 Kenneth, is coming to visit. 120 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,609 And he says he has a "big surprise" for me. 121 00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:04,412 I don't know if the super rich have access to time travel, 122 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,280 but if they do, I'm going back to the '90s. 123 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,215 Ooh, to buy a whole bunch of Amazon stock? 124 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,784 No! 125 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,554 I'm going to tell Felicity not to cut her hair. 126 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,089 Yeah! 127 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:19,660 Hi. 128 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,094 Okay. 129 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:24,298 Haley, get in here! Nah, I'm good. 130 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,166 We're not letting go of each other until you get in here. 131 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,000 Haley, get in the hug! 132 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,101 Oh! 133 00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:31,004 Oh, this feels so good! 134 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,973 Sure, but who needs hugs when you can... 135 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,942 man-shake! Man-shake! 136 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,744 Uh-oh. You're gonna want to give them some space for this. 137 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,178 Mm, mm, mm.Mm, mm, mm. 138 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:38,946 Pew!Pew! 139 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,183 Ooh, what are the cameras for? 140 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,185 Huh? Oh! 141 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,755 This is for a documentary about tech visionaries 142 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,090 going back to thank the people who inspired them. 143 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,660 Elon Musk got his math teacher an island. 144 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,761 What am I getting? 145 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,295 Assuming it's...me. 146 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,631 Well, are the cameras rolling? Man: Yes. 147 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,433 What is the one thing 148 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,301 that we've always dreamed of doing together? 149 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,970 Going to college in New York with Felicity? 150 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,338 No. 151 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,173 This man right here, 152 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,809 he taught me to always dream big 153 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,711 and reach for the stars. 154 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,381 And as a thank-you, Phil, 155 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,617 would you make me the happiest man on Earth 156 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,152 and leave Earth with me? 157 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,121 W-W-What?! 158 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:25,559 I just got us two tickets on the next Russian flight 159 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:29,329 to the International Space Station! 160 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,031 This is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me! 161 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,666 Except of -- of course, 162 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:37,538 ...winning two non-consecutive Realtor of the Year Awards. 163 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,473 I'm -- I'm going to cry. 164 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,542 Uh, don't cry yet. I'm so sorry. We had a sound issue. 165 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,743 Can we do all that again? 166 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,245 Yeah! Should we take it back to the hug? 167 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,184 So, tickets for my show today are at will call. 168 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,020 And good news -- I was able to get you comps. 169 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,155 I'm sure it'll cost me in other ways. 170 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,558 It's from Dad. "I'm almost there." 171 00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,928 If "almost there" was a place, Javier would be the mayor. 172 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,497 Please stop taking pot shots at his expense. 173 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:04,865 Pot shots are the only thing 174 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,700 that we can take at his expense. 175 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,870 I mean it, Mom. You've even poisoned Joe. 176 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,239 You mean with her cooking? 177 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,340 Hey, we're only making fun of Javier! 178 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,342 No, we're not. 179 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,445 Promise me. Okay, fine, I promise. 180 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,080 If my good-natured ribbing is making you uncomfortable, 181 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,282 I will refrain. 182 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,585 I've got her on Word a Day cards. 183 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,053 We'll see how long it holds. 184 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,889 Hola, Gloria. 185 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,691 Oh, Javier, h-- Eeeee. 186 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,192 Gloria: Nice teeth. 187 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,295 Did you get them at the dentist or at the piano store? 188 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,465 I haven't seen anything so white and square 189 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,700 since the Mormons knocked on my door. 190 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,202 And those were just off the top of my head, 191 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,071 but I promised Manny, so -- Pbht! 192 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,906 Nice to see you. Come in. 193 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,408 Manny: Hey, Dad! There's my boy! 194 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,311 Whee! 195 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:55,248 Someone has been wearing my custom-made cologne -- 196 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,750 Javier! 197 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:59,453 For the man who wants to smell a little bit like a woman. 198 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,754 Thanks for coming to my show, Dad. 199 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,155 Of course. I wouldn't miss it. 200 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,892 But, hey, that is not the only reason I am in town. 201 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,160 I, um... I have a proposition -- 202 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,997 something for you to chew on. 203 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,832 Couldn't you chew on it for us 204 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,434 with your giant, new beaver mouth? 205 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,637 I don't know why I made that stupid promise. 206 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,438 I am on fire! 207 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,842 I was in a high-stakes poker game with a King-high Flush. 208 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,176 So I bet my house. 209 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,411 No, no, no, no, no. 210 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,979 You're not living in Manny's room. 211 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:29,650 I won a year-long cruise around the world. 212 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,419 I want you to set sail with me for the entire voyage! 213 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,287 What?! Absolutely not. 214 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,023 I should ask my gal at Nordstrom 215 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,357 to pull some cruise looks for me. 216 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,292 Look at him, he's chomping at the bit. 217 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,894 Stop setting me up! 218 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:46,700 Here you go. A cup of joe, the old-fashioned way. 219 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,135 Oh, thanks, Margaret. Mm-hmm. 220 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:50,437 Mnh! 221 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,873 Oh, God. I-Is there bourbon in this? 222 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,441 When you asked for coffee, 223 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,977 didn't you give me a "wink-wink"? 224 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,879 No. It's the morning. 225 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,814 Well, that's why there's coffee in it. 226 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,184 Could you just make me a lunch reservation, please? 227 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,787 Oh. No problem. 228 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,355 What's that thing? 229 00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,624 Oh, these are all the great restaurants 230 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,025 that Jay used to go to. 231 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:15,162 Oh. Do you like Steak Diane? 232 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:19,600 It took her 12 tries to find a place that had a salad. 233 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,236 Uh, w-what are you doing? 234 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,705 Oh, I was just getting the couch ready 235 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,674 for your afternoon "meeting." 236 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,742 Why are you saying "meeting" like it's not really a meeting? 237 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,544 Just so you know, 238 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:33,380 when I say something, that's exactly what I mean. 239 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,082 Also, when you called me from your car, 240 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,383 I couldn't really understand you. 241 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:37,985 You may want to fix your Bluetooth. 242 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,153 Oh. You noticed? 243 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,723 The nerve died a few years ago. 244 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,425 But if it bothers you, I'll have it yanked. 245 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,597 So, Manny, what is your show about? 246 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,365 Will there be pirates and tasteful nudity? 247 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,934 It'll be different from my last one. 248 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,502 This is a one-man play 249 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,537 in which I portray four characters in a café 250 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,739 from different walks of life. 251 00:08:58,772 --> 00:08:59,907 When the Internet goes out, 252 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,742 they're forced to talk to each other. 253 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:05,378 I call it "Who, What, When, Where, Wi-Fi." 254 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,513 I'd throw in a pirate. 255 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,616 I should go get into characters. 256 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,519 Manny's not going on that trip. 257 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,922 I know what an adventure with you means. 258 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,057 Seedy bars, con men, 259 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,026 souvenir pens that when you flip them, 260 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,694 the lady's clothes come off. 261 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,896 If my son wants to spend some time with me, 262 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:23,964 he should be able to. 263 00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,966 Jay...back me up. 264 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,300 He's not gonna back you up. 265 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,369 Gloria, let Manny go on the trip. He'll be fine. 266 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,204 He's been 40 since he was 10. 267 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,973 And he's been 10 for 40 years. 268 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,474 It's not happening. 269 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,443 Look, I understand your concern, 270 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,445 but I want to bond with Manny before it's too late. 271 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,415 I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. 272 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,718 You probably didn't notice, but I got veneers. 273 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,153 Oh, that's what that is! 274 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,322 Please don't die in our house. 275 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,891 What the hell do you care? 276 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,592 For starters, if we ever want to sell this place, 277 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,227 we'll have to disclose that someone died here. 278 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,896 Why? The last owners didn't. 279 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,998 For the millionth time, I moved that chair. 280 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,567 My wife passed years ago. I don't have any other family. 281 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,470 I just want to close my eyes and drift off. 282 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,505 There are lots of reasons to want to continue to live. 283 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,407 I know you miss your missus, 284 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,942 but living alone is underrated. 285 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,311 For one, you can have whatever you want for dinner. 286 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,747 Huh. Two, you can move the couch wherever you'd like. 287 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,115 It's been 10 years. 288 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,684 Where -- Where would the couch look better? 289 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,452 I appreciate what you think passes for support. 290 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,121 I'm just not interested. 291 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,123 I think you need a more positive outlook on life. 292 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,325 Our neighbor Herschel, he's about your age. 293 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,160 Herschel Braverman? Yeah. 294 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,329 We grew up together. We love Herschel! 295 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,832 We -- We bring him a corned beef sandwich every time we go to the deli. 296 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,033 Yeah, see? There's something to live for. 297 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,502 Yeah. You should go reunite with your old friend. 298 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:36,937 Right now. Okay, you know what? 299 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,806 Don't be rude. We'll walk him over. 300 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,540 He's just in a hurry to get to a pants sale 301 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:41,975 that started 30 minutes ago. 302 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,376 What are you, a 32? 303 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,778 I am. 304 00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:48,115 All the good stuff's already gone. 305 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,184 If you guys want to keep up with the Russians, 306 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,153 you're gonna have to train. Oh. 307 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,221 I'll get the vodka! 308 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,158 If I could build a fembot with lifelike skin, 309 00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,626 it would be just like her. 310 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,561 Did you get a weird vibe from Claire? 311 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,831 No, she seemed super positive and supportive. 312 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,065 That's exactly what I mean. 313 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,536 Oh, while I'm here, I'm gonna see if we have any Tang! 314 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,139 I don't want to go to space, Claire! I'm terrified! 315 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,407 What happens if I break something and we can't breathe? 316 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,744 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't breathe right now. 317 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,579 Honey, calm down! The Russians know what they're doing! 318 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,514 I'm going to die up there! 319 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,216 Just tell him you don't want to go. 320 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,352 This is such an amazing gift, it'll crush him. 321 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,554 Plus, I'll look like a coward in that documentary. 322 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,056 You're right, we don't want to see this on film. 323 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,091 I'm taping over it already in my mind. 324 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,592 You've gotta shut this down. What?! 325 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,728 Help me, Claire. You're my only hope. 326 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,163 Fine. 327 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,664 But if I do this, you're not allowed 328 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,899 to quote "Star Wars" to me anymore. 329 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,467 I love you. I know. 330 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,672 Hey...Kenneth. 331 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,841 I was just talking to Buzz-kill Aldrin over here -- 332 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,209 Claire, I-I hope you don't mind terribly, 333 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,911 but I was just taking a peek at your résumé. 334 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,545 It is very impressive. 335 00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:53,747 Have you landed anywhere? 336 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,348 Uh, not yet, no. 337 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,752 You know, speaking of landings, unfortunately -- Wow, really? 338 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,954 Well, we should talk about a really interesting job opportunity 339 00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,222 that just opened up at my company. 340 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,924 I would love that. 341 00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:07,060 I'm looking for a bold candidate who loves to take chances. 342 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,529 No, you are looking at a bold candidate 343 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,098 who loves to take chances. 344 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,567 I know, but, still, um, Claire has -- 345 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,136 Claire has some concerns. 346 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,073 If I'm working for you, do I still get hugs? 347 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,541 No, not in this climate. Oh. 348 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,710 Best I can offer is a wo-man shake! 349 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,112 Ha! What? 350 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,746 Uh, uh, pew! 351 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,148 Whoa! What? 352 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,482 Wow, you are a quick study. How am I doing this?! 353 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,787 Remember, shred this, don't fax it. 354 00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:36,323 Hey, honey. Hi, Jay. Grandpa. 355 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:37,424 Cup of coffee, Margaret? 356 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,626 Grandpa, what are you doing here? 357 00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,062 A terrible thing happened today at Manny's one-man show -- 358 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,431 he got me a ticket. 359 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,233 No, I just stopped in to see how Margaret's working out. 360 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,600 She's not. 361 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,236 As much as I enjoyed her pairing 362 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,172 the glass of Chablis with my surprise shrimp cocktail, 363 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,441 that's not a skill I need in an assistant. 364 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:55,909 You have to fire her. 365 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,677 I can't. She worked for me her whole life. 366 00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,313 She slept on the sidewalk to get me Nancy Sinatra tickets. 367 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,982 Fine. I'll do it. 368 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,817 Margaret, could you come in here, please? 369 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,785 This is the second thing today I can't watch. 370 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:08,088 I did everything I could for you. 371 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,322 She's a cold one. 372 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,624 What's going on here? 373 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,160 Am I fired? 374 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,294 I'm afraid so. 375 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,263 Oh, thank God! 376 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,465 I've been wanting to retire for years now, 377 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,700 but I could never let Jay down. 378 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,971 I just want to sleep, tend my cannabis garden, 379 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,106 and never work again. 380 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,375 Margaret, I want you back at Dog Beds. 381 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,777 Oh, whatever you say, Jay. 382 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,979 See you tomorrow. 383 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:33,013 No! 384 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,982 Grandpa, Margaret wants to retire. 385 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,817 It's not what I want. It's what Jay needs. 386 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,719 Ugh, what is wrong with you two? 387 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,321 You don't need an assistant, 388 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,722 and she doesn't want to work anymore. 389 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:44,524 Is this true? Do you really want to hang it up? 390 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,227 There are some things I wouldn't mind trying. 391 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,795 Well, then you should do it. I'll manage. 392 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,163 It's going to be weird, though. 393 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,900 I mean, you're the longest relationship I've ever had. 394 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,502 Four husbands, three heart attacks, 395 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,237 countless lovers, 396 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,307 and you stood by me through it all. 397 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,774 I love you, Jay. 398 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,245 I love you, too, Margaret. 399 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,015 It's been a great run. 400 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,316 And we'll always have Mitchell. 401 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,550 What?! 402 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,052 She's messing with you. 403 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,889 No, our kid moved away a long time ago. 404 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,494 Hey, forget what I told you earlier. 405 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,063 It's okay to hire the hot one. 406 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,764 You may make a friend for life. 407 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,669 Hey, fellas! 408 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,570 Hey, Herschel! 409 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:31,939 You bring me a sandwich? 410 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,941 Oh, no, we didn't go to the deli today. 411 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,109 Eh... No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! 412 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,711 But how about a trip down memory lane instead? 413 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:39,712 Eh... 414 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,248 W-Wait, wait, wait. 415 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,050 Herschel, look, we have your old friend 416 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,685 Murray Clark! Clark! 417 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,520 Well, what do you know? 418 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,788 Hello, Hersch. 419 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,357 It's been a lifetime. 420 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,961 Don't give me that, you smug sonuvabitch. 421 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,395 What -- W-What's happening? 422 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:59,066 This bastard told our football coach I was a communist. 423 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,567 Got me kicked off the team. 424 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,102 I could've gone pro! 425 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:05,405 I only did that 'cause he stole my paper route! 426 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,375 I had to deliver ice to support my family. 427 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,110 Deliver ice? How old are you guys? 428 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,212 You're a snake! You're a rat! 429 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,247 He stole my girl when I went to war, 430 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,383 and he stayed home with a fake limp. 431 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,917 You should be grateful! 432 00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,386 That woman gave me the clap! 433 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,454 That was a little gift from me! 434 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,755 Eh! 435 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,057 Murray, what the heck was that? 436 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,325 Just the beginning. 437 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,593 The beg-- the beginning? 438 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:31,164 Oh -- Murray. Uh, what are you doing, buddy? 439 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,599 Nobody talks to me like that. 440 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:35,668 Oh. 441 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:36,803 Fine. 442 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,605 I'm taking it. 443 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,274 And when I get home, I'm going to sign him up 444 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,076 for a bunch of those fringe religions. 445 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,845 Let's see how he likes getting all those singing visitors 446 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,647 and all those free Bibles. 447 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,916 I'm going to ruin the rest of his life. 448 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,985 See, Mitchell, he's making plans for the future. 449 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:54,187 That's why you have rivals. It's something to live for. 450 00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,789 Okay, you're just justifying bad behavior. 451 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,525 Okay, Murray, Mitchell has somebody at work that keeps stealing his peanut butter, 452 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,093 and he won't do anything about it. 453 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:03,296 You want to stop it? Try mixing in some laxatives. 454 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,864 And then put an "under construction" sign 455 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,199 on the bathroom door. 456 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,601 And if you really want to ruin his day -- 457 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,103 Okay, now, hold on, hold on. Let me write these down. 458 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,672 Alright. You call his wife... 459 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,175 Hey, the Wi-Fi's out. 460 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,379 Huge bummer, man. 461 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,748 I was just about to finish writing my poem. 462 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,853 You're a writer, too? Well, knock me over with a feather. 463 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:29,522 Blaine Lemarque, playwright. 464 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,791 Power used to go out all the time in the bayou. 465 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,527 So crazy, I'm writing a movie 466 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,963 set in the bayou called "Swamp Cops." 467 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,500 I'm in film school, but soon, everyone's gonna know my name -- 468 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,534 Keith Fank! 469 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,337 I couldn't help overhearing. 470 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,639 I'm Rhonda Jamowitz, gossip columnist for the local rag. 471 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,909 You'll never guess which starlet was in here yesterday 472 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,545 with a new man and a newer nose. 473 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,483 I was hoping that the play was gonna get better. 474 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,186 With maybe a little less Rhonda. 475 00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,188 I know I'm going on and on, 476 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,356 but for the first time since Mother passed, 477 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,724 I don't feel alone. 478 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,359 Brilliant. 479 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,328 I don't miss the nudity at all. 480 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,663 We're so worried about staying connected, 481 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,865 ignoring the walls that are being erected. 482 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:15,268 We let the information confound us, 483 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:18,271 when there's so much love swirling around us, 484 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,906 that all we need to do is -- 485 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,542 Wi-Fi's back on! 486 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,922 I blame myself. 487 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,457 "You got an A? Have a hat." 488 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,626 "You skinned your knee? Have a hat." 489 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,229 Sorry for making you guys wait. 490 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,630 It took me a little longer than I thought 491 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,132 to find my way back to Manny. 492 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,399 Bravo, bravo! 493 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,800 Another triumph, eh? 494 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,035 Thanks. 495 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,570 You know, I really think I have something here. 496 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,205 Maybe instead of going on that cruise, 497 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,306 I should stay home and work on -- 498 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:54,974 You are going on that cruise! 499 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,310 It's gonna be good for you. 500 00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:58,978 it's so important for your father. 501 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,913 He planned a whole adventure! 502 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,649 We'll drink tequila in Honduras. 503 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,451 We'll swim with the dolphins in Bali. 504 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,786 But when we travel through the Panama Canal, 505 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,288 we'll be required to do some light housekeeping. 506 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,489 It's part of the deal. 507 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,224 Okay, then. 508 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:12,392 I'll just go grab my stuff 509 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,194 and take some selfies with my fan. 510 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,464 Gloria, dime -- 511 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,666 why are you suddenly so on board with this trip? 512 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,601 I've sheltered him for too long. 513 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:25,405 He needs something real that he can write about. 514 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,940 Take him to the seediest bars, 515 00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,177 introduce him to con men. 516 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,845 Let him taste danger. 517 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:36,916 But not shrimp, because it makes his eyelid feel funny. 518 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,318 No, señor! 519 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,820 The cycle ends here! 520 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,459 Really? You just sold me out for a job? 521 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,828 Honey, he wants a risk-taker. 522 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,198 How's it going to look if I squash your boys' trip? 523 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,267 Boys' trip?! We're leaving the planet! 524 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,269 You know the scariest part of a roller coaster? 525 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,437 It's a month of that! 526 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,938 Dad, you don't want to go to space? 527 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,039 No, I do. 528 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,308 I-I just -- I worry 529 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,109 that it might be too traumatic for you -- 530 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,711 Oh, no, it'll be fun to tell the kids 531 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,313 their Pop-Pop is an astronaut. 532 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,648 Pop-Pop might be the last sound I make. 533 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,483 Claire, if it's not too much trouble, 534 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,152 would you please, um, pick out a family photo for me to clutch 535 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:14,687 after my tether snaps 536 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,223 and I tumble endlessly through the void? 537 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,858 It is much more likely 538 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,494 that you will just incinerate upon re-entry. 539 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:22,662 You guys talking about space? 540 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:23,963 Yeah. 541 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,998 Um...look, buddy, 542 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:28,668 I appreciate all this, but I don't want to go. 543 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:29,702 What? 544 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:32,239 I'm sorry. I'm just so scared. 545 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:33,706 But y-you're my rock. 546 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,508 I-I can't -- I can't do this without you. 547 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:36,576 I'm your rock? 548 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,646 What did I get us into? 549 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,549 I didn't even want to go. 550 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,252 I just wanted to look cool in front of Bezos 551 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,688 and Elon and Zuck-Zuck. 552 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,757 That's the reason why you're going? 553 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,360 I'm sorry, but launching white dudes into space 554 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,694 hasn't been cool for years. 555 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:55,995 But the cameras. 556 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,564 How am I going to get out of this? 557 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,399 Well, if you're trying to look cool, 558 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,000 just throw some splashy event 559 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,669 and auction off the space trip to charity. 560 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,337 That could work. 561 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,505 What kind of charity? 562 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,539 Wolves are hot right now. 563 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,707 I love that. 564 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,742 I'm going to save the wolves! 565 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,578 We're saving them, right? Yeah. 566 00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:14,247 I like the way you think outside the box. 567 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,883 I may have a really interesting job opportunity for you. 568 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,751 Haley, we could be working together! 569 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,787 No, it's really just the one job. 570 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,457 And, Phil, while it's not a trip to space, 571 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:27,927 I hope that the Phil Dunphy Center for Wolves 572 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,463 will be a fitting honor for the man who changed my life. 573 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:33,433 We'll have a big opening ceremony. 574 00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:34,734 You'll meet all the wolves! 575 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,469 Now let's go do this again in front of the cameras! 576 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,842 I'm terrified of wolves! 577 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,046 Oh, good, you're here. 578 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,449 Manny's about to model his new cruise wear for me. 579 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:50,950 This should be good. 580 00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,752 Jay, don't make him self-conscious. 581 00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,120 Promise you're going to be nice. 582 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,123 Very smart. 583 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,124 Thanks, Mom. 584 00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,626 Jay, what do you think? 585 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,762 Hey, El Capitán Kangaroo. 586 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,664 What are you, the Untalented Mr. Ripley? 587 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,833 You should be directing traffic in the Bahamas. 588 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:07,834 Tennille called -- 589 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,402 D-Did I do that one yet? 590 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,270 Anyway, she thinks you look like the kid 591 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,906 in an '80s movie we're supposed to hate. 592 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,309 You look amazing. 593 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:19,979 Amazing-ly like the last Kennedy picked in a touch football game. 594 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,081 These are too good. I gotta tell him. 595 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,283 Manny, put the outfit back on!