WEBVTT 00:00.120 --> 00:02.970 It the size writes to look at his side by side. 00:08.540 --> 00:10.610 Go back to where it was at 20 00:13.860 --> 00:15.660 and hopefully this will 00:25.240 --> 00:26.690 you know you know Keino 00:34.990 --> 00:36.600 right. 00:36.770 --> 00:37.230 OK. 00:37.280 --> 00:38.800 There we go. 00:47.510 --> 00:49.870 By everybody so you can take a look at my 00:55.640 --> 01:01.370 I'm going to read mine out loud to you so that you can take a look at it. 01:01.420 --> 01:02.730 You can hear me here. 01:03.190 --> 01:10.330 The above diagram presents the current modern day view of the center and directly below is provided 01:10.330 --> 01:16.280 the subsequent future proposal for growth and express growth and expansion. 01:16.660 --> 01:23.660 In general there are some there are some common elements albeit in different measure. 01:25.960 --> 01:29.370 There are some common elements albeit in different measure. 01:31.610 --> 01:38.270 Between the present impasse which include housing shops a school and a park we can also clearly see 01:38.570 --> 01:45.230 the changes over time which include new plan elements including shopping center carriageway and a bus 01:45.230 --> 01:47.480 station. 01:47.520 --> 01:52.220 Now we have our next paragraph the current housing falls above and below the park. 01:52.350 --> 01:58.830 However in the future there are four sets of housing with one old housing move to the left and the other 01:58.830 --> 02:05.460 below the carriageway and the new housing repots right of the car park and directly left of the park. 02:05.460 --> 02:08.090 So if you see that when you look at that sentence there. 02:08.220 --> 02:14.690 I'm comparing the old and the new Not only is the housing different in the future but also the park 02:14.690 --> 02:21.620 has been reduced by what but was by what seems like at least half and there will be a reduction to one 02:21.620 --> 02:23.230 roll of shops in the future. 02:24.130 --> 02:26.900 The school positioning will remain unchanged. 02:26.980 --> 02:28.840 So do you see what I did here. 02:29.110 --> 02:35.110 I'm comparing I compare the current housing to the new housing. 02:35.110 --> 02:38.960 I compared the old park to the new park right. 02:38.980 --> 02:42.880 I compared the school which was would remain unchanged. 02:42.880 --> 02:44.010 That's what they're looking for. 02:44.000 --> 02:46.000 You got to make comparisons. 02:47.500 --> 02:53.500 OK next paragraph in the coming years there will be new additions which include a plan to construct 02:53.590 --> 03:01.030 a carriage way all around the town center and in the upper right below the carriageway there will be 03:01.030 --> 03:03.780 a brand new bus station and shopping center. 03:03.780 --> 03:08.440 This should be noted that the bus station shopping center and car park will replace the upper row of 03:08.440 --> 03:10.520 shops in the current plan. 03:10.960 --> 03:15.670 In addition there is a car park to the right of the shopping center and a pedestrian walk which would 03:15.670 --> 03:18.510 take the place of the old main road. 03:18.760 --> 03:23.050 Again we make comparisons OK. 03:23.280 --> 03:25.280 We make comparisons. 03:25.320 --> 03:32.880 Now I think my word count on this one was 247 or 2:53 I don't remember exactly what it was but this 03:32.880 --> 03:34.640 is how you want to write it. 03:34.650 --> 03:37.310 We have all four elements here. 03:37.800 --> 03:40.140 All right does anybody have any questions. 03:50.910 --> 03:52.000 Any questions. 03:52.020 --> 03:59.950 No questions for those of you that wrote Are you more clear now after seeing my example about what you 03:59.950 --> 04:00.820 need to do. 04:05.200 --> 04:05.590 Yes. 04:05.610 --> 04:06.110 No 04:10.160 --> 04:10.990 I don't know. 04:11.030 --> 04:20.830 Maybe everybody's gone. 04:21.400 --> 04:21.730 All right. 04:21.740 --> 04:23.990 Good. 04:24.420 --> 04:25.480 All right good good good. 04:25.480 --> 04:30.010 So I'm happy that you understand now. 04:30.180 --> 04:32.030 But this is what you want to be able to do. 04:32.940 --> 04:33.510 All right. 04:33.650 --> 04:34.780 That's what you want to be able to do. 04:34.780 --> 04:40.870 Normally when I'm when I'm writing I try actually I try to write mine exactly the way you write chores 04:41.020 --> 04:44.030 in terms of I do it in one take. 04:44.380 --> 04:50.770 OK I don't I don't put my clock on 20 minutes and I write it in 20 minutes. 04:50.770 --> 04:55.960 So actually I see now there are a couple of things I need to go back and change on this one I our change 04:55.960 --> 04:58.490 in terms of getting in a little bit. 04:58.910 --> 05:02.780 But this is what 8.5 or 9 looks like in terms of writing. 05:02.800 --> 05:04.830 This is what you need to do. 05:04.920 --> 05:11.800 I sell some of you almost as much as ID but it's about the organization structure and style of how you 05:11.800 --> 05:12.420 write it. 05:12.670 --> 05:17.440 So there are a couple of things that need to go change but other than that isn't really pretty good 05:17.440 --> 05:19.440 shape. 05:19.620 --> 05:20.440 OK. 05:20.470 --> 05:24.880 So I wanted to do another one in terms of a bar chart. 05:24.880 --> 05:26.130 Is anyone interested. 05:26.140 --> 05:28.990 I don't know how much time you guys have left. 05:28.990 --> 05:30.170 I have time. 05:30.430 --> 05:32.160 But if you want to. 05:32.230 --> 05:36.130 Does anybody want to try their hand at writing a bar chart example. 05:37.470 --> 05:37.880 Yes. 05:37.890 --> 05:42.540 No. 05:42.770 --> 05:43.350 Yes. 05:43.400 --> 05:43.820 OK. 05:43.820 --> 05:45.930 All right so. 05:46.510 --> 05:47.170 OK. 05:47.180 --> 05:48.100 That's fine then. 05:48.290 --> 05:52.020 I'm going to bring up the bar chart. 05:54.530 --> 06:00.050 I'll bring up the Barkshire and I'll give you 20 minutes to write it. 06:03.870 --> 06:05.330 Here's the bar chart. 06:30.430 --> 06:33.670 So there's our bar chart right there. 06:33.670 --> 06:39.720 All right so for those of you who want every everybody can participate right everybody can. 06:39.720 --> 06:40.520 Right. 06:40.840 --> 06:41.110 Right. 06:41.110 --> 06:41.410 Only. 06:41.410 --> 06:46.530 Only some people are sending me there because they want me to take a look at OK. 06:46.680 --> 06:50.770 Well some people are telling me there's one mistake they want me to look at it. 06:51.520 --> 06:53.160 But everybody can write. 06:53.410 --> 06:54.150 OK. 06:54.280 --> 07:01.320 So the 20 minute clock for writing is starting right now. 07:03.170 --> 07:03.570 All right. 07:03.570 --> 07:06.050 Here we have our 20 minute clock starting right now. 07:06.270 --> 07:09.200 And you can begin. 07:09.210 --> 07:09.870 I'll stop you. 07:09.870 --> 07:17.690 I'll stop you in 20 minutes everybody. 07:17.780 --> 07:22.880 For those of you that are watching this recording what you should do is stop the recording and write 07:22.880 --> 07:24.270 your essay if you want to. 07:24.410 --> 07:25.050 OK. 07:25.260 --> 07:25.460 All right. 07:25.510 --> 07:29.110 But for those of you that are active in live in the class or 20 minute clock has started 07:41.900 --> 07:45.230 OK everybody up there is the clock. 07:45.260 --> 07:47.990 Time is up 20 minutes are up. 07:47.990 --> 07:57.020 Go ahead and stop stop stop and e-mail me please e-mail them e-mail me your your writing and I will 07:57.020 --> 08:02.240 pull it up into the classroom and we can take a look at it. 08:02.300 --> 08:02.600 All right. 08:02.600 --> 08:07.880 So go ahead and answer me that right now please. 08:07.880 --> 08:08.830 OK. 08:09.170 --> 08:15.360 So I'm going to pause for about three or four minutes and pull up everybody's documents and look at 08:15.360 --> 08:21.020 them give you feedback and then I'll show you my version or a copy of it. 08:21.060 --> 08:21.560 OK. 08:21.600 --> 08:26.180 So I'll be back in a few minutes after I have everything loaded inside. 08:26.190 --> 08:26.670 Thanks a lot. 08:26.670 --> 08:27.550 Talk to you soon. 08:38.650 --> 08:46.620 OK everybody let's take a look at what some of your fellow students have done. 08:47.020 --> 08:59.610 The bar chart above is showing us the comparison of Australian men and women physical activity in 2010 08:59.640 --> 09:02.530 as per the group. 09:03.230 --> 09:12.860 Right now the one thing I would say about your your introduction paragraph here you have to try to think 09:12.860 --> 09:19.710 about using synonym language right synonyms for men and women synonyms for physical activity. 09:19.720 --> 09:25.390 Right you have to try to use synonyms in your introduction you cannot just repeat the exact same language 09:25.390 --> 09:32.230 on the grass if you're doing that you're not showing any of your natural ability right just copying 09:32.230 --> 09:40.880 the same words that you see is not showing the Greater any ability in your writing. 09:41.170 --> 09:45.210 OK so that's something you got to change in terms of doing introductions. 09:46.060 --> 09:51.990 Generally relatively activity has been done by men and women over the years in all age groups. 09:53.420 --> 10:00.370 Yeah that's got to do it as a general statement. 10:00.410 --> 10:02.790 Yes that's a general statement. 10:02.930 --> 10:04.210 It can be done better. 10:04.490 --> 10:11.120 But there is a general statement but it doesn't you need to look at a little bit closer in terms of 10:11.120 --> 10:16.060 generally what you see and maybe when you see mine you'll see a little bit more what I'm talking about. 10:16.070 --> 10:19.040 But that's that's better than what you did before. 10:24.500 --> 10:25.720 All right. 10:25.960 --> 10:36.810 In 2010 it shows that 52 percent of men are doing their repeaters activity as compared to some to women. 10:36.820 --> 10:42.530 There's a women who stands at 47 and they see a troop of 15 and 24. 10:42.780 --> 10:52.550 Howard percentage of women is increasing as the age increases in 25 to 34 women is 48 as compared to 10:52.550 --> 11:02.540 men who was a 42 issue 35 percent women increase of 52 as compared to men who double to do the reg of 11:02.540 --> 11:03.920 his activity. 11:06.150 --> 11:08.140 The trend is going. 11:09.020 --> 11:20.540 It's the trend is going on till the group 55 64 we have seen that we have also seen this 65 and age 11:20.540 --> 11:24.860 over group both men and women in almost the same level. 11:24.920 --> 11:26.120 This is ok. 11:26.920 --> 11:27.600 It's ok. 11:27.610 --> 11:29.110 I mean you still need to really 11:32.090 --> 11:34.740 I guess I guess these are two paragraphs here here. 11:34.750 --> 11:37.160 2010 is 25 to 34. 11:40.540 --> 11:51.180 And this in this second paragraph it's your oh say 15 to 24 Hoka and it's 25 to 34 yeah you did you 11:51.180 --> 11:52.900 did better this time. 11:53.160 --> 11:58.770 In terms of in terms of putting it together much better you did you did. 11:58.770 --> 12:03.030 We had to work on is we have to work on your general Picric route. 12:03.720 --> 12:07.420 And there are different ways that you can make the comparisons. 12:07.740 --> 12:13.890 Instead of writing the women are this the man is this the women are this the man or the men that there's 12:13.890 --> 12:19.650 the women or that there are some different ways you can make the comparisons and maybe once you see 12:19.650 --> 12:27.320 that there's something that can actually help improve your score even more is by is by doing that. 12:27.360 --> 12:33.120 Take a look at another one. 12:33.160 --> 12:35.380 So here's another one. 12:35.840 --> 12:38.870 Why whoever this is they really write very clearly. 12:38.910 --> 12:39.500 OK. 12:39.730 --> 12:43.010 The bar chart above because. 12:43.020 --> 12:47.110 Be careful with your capitalization with the word above you want a capital A. 12:47.170 --> 12:52.750 Believe it or not just like I noticed did a graders going to notice that's a mistake the part right 12:52.770 --> 12:58.440 above provides information about men and women who do physical activity regularly again. 12:58.500 --> 13:03.860 Synonym language Why what else can you say other than regular routine. 13:04.580 --> 13:04.940 Right. 13:05.000 --> 13:07.500 When you show that you can use synonyms. 13:08.700 --> 13:11.310 It's a good introduction right. 13:11.400 --> 13:17.360 But like I said just try to use a little burst some self some Semon some synonyms here and there. 13:17.420 --> 13:20.390 OK what can you say of the men and women. 13:21.300 --> 13:22.060 All right. 13:22.770 --> 13:23.280 OK. 13:23.570 --> 13:32.000 Basically males 18:24 sharply the HIAS in comparison to other groups females 35 4:4 as a Lois not only 13:32.000 --> 13:36.710 in the females group but overall OK that's a much better general overview. 13:36.910 --> 13:38.340 Much better general overview. 13:38.390 --> 13:43.100 OK that's your general overview is different than my general overview but your general overview is pretty 13:43.100 --> 13:43.640 good. 13:45.470 --> 13:53.760 Beginning with 15:24 three is where we can see that when men women are women's. 13:53.900 --> 13:57.640 Women are a lot more active than men successively in three or five. 13:57.980 --> 13:58.960 Differences. 13:59.420 --> 14:00.280 13 percent. 14:00.280 --> 14:02.070 That's good. 14:02.810 --> 14:06.320 Well the 15:24 forces with the 5 percent in favor of men and 14:10.100 --> 14:14.720 15 as well for what you mean is close this isn't 14:18.360 --> 14:19.470 OK all right. 14:19.530 --> 14:20.780 AC That's pretty good 14:32.260 --> 14:36.080 or nowhere near to the females. 14:36.100 --> 14:37.160 All right you did. 14:37.190 --> 14:39.590 You did a pretty good job with this one. 14:39.590 --> 14:41.710 You did a pretty good job with this one. 14:42.170 --> 14:43.140 Yeah this is. 14:43.230 --> 14:45.640 I mean you're very close to a 7 here. 14:46.780 --> 14:48.780 Very very close to a 7 here you idiot. 14:48.820 --> 14:52.190 You did a really good job with this one whoever this is. 14:52.390 --> 14:55.120 I don't know who he is but you did a very good job with this one. 14:56.720 --> 14:58.410 All right. 14:58.640 --> 15:00.480 Does anybody have any questions.