It the size writes to look at his side by side.
Go back to where it was at 20
and hopefully this will
you know you know Keino
right.
OK.
There we go.
By everybody so you can take a look at my
I'm going to read mine out loud to you so that you can take a look at it.
You can hear me here.
The above diagram presents the current modern day view of the center and directly below is provided
the subsequent future proposal for growth and express growth and expansion.
In general there are some there are some common elements albeit in different measure.
There are some common elements albeit in different measure.
Between the present impasse which include housing shops a school and a park we can also clearly see
the changes over time which include new plan elements including shopping center carriageway and a bus
station.
Now we have our next paragraph the current housing falls above and below the park.
However in the future there are four sets of housing with one old housing move to the left and the other
below the carriageway and the new housing repots right of the car park and directly left of the park.
So if you see that when you look at that sentence there.
I'm comparing the old and the new Not only is the housing different in the future but also the park
has been reduced by what but was by what seems like at least half and there will be a reduction to one
roll of shops in the future.
The school positioning will remain unchanged.
So do you see what I did here.
I'm comparing I compare the current housing to the new housing.
I compared the old park to the new park right.
I compared the school which was would remain unchanged.
That's what they're looking for.
You got to make comparisons.
OK next paragraph in the coming years there will be new additions which include a plan to construct
a carriage way all around the town center and in the upper right below the carriageway there will be
a brand new bus station and shopping center.
This should be noted that the bus station shopping center and car park will replace the upper row of
shops in the current plan.
In addition there is a car park to the right of the shopping center and a pedestrian walk which would
take the place of the old main road.
Again we make comparisons OK.
We make comparisons.
Now I think my word count on this one was 247 or 2:53 I don't remember exactly what it was but this
is how you want to write it.
We have all four elements here.
All right does anybody have any questions.
Any questions.
No questions for those of you that wrote Are you more clear now after seeing my example about what you
need to do.
Yes.
No
I don't know.
Maybe everybody's gone.
All right.
Good.
All right good good good.
So I'm happy that you understand now.
But this is what you want to be able to do.
All right.
That's what you want to be able to do.
Normally when I'm when I'm writing I try actually I try to write mine exactly the way you write chores
in terms of I do it in one take.
OK I don't I don't put my clock on 20 minutes and I write it in 20 minutes.
So actually I see now there are a couple of things I need to go back and change on this one I our change
in terms of getting in a little bit.
But this is what 8.5 or 9 looks like in terms of writing.
This is what you need to do.
I sell some of you almost as much as ID but it's about the organization structure and style of how you
write it.
So there are a couple of things that need to go change but other than that isn't really pretty good
shape.
OK.
So I wanted to do another one in terms of a bar chart.
Is anyone interested.
I don't know how much time you guys have left.
I have time.
But if you want to.
Does anybody want to try their hand at writing a bar chart example.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
OK.
All right so.
OK.
That's fine then.
I'm going to bring up the bar chart.
I'll bring up the Barkshire and I'll give you 20 minutes to write it.
Here's the bar chart.
So there's our bar chart right there.
All right so for those of you who want every everybody can participate right everybody can.
Right.
Only.
Only some people are sending me there because they want me to take a look at OK.
Well some people are telling me there's one mistake they want me to look at it.
But everybody can write.
OK.
So the 20 minute clock for writing is starting right now.
All right.
Here we have our 20 minute clock starting right now.
And you can begin.
I'll stop you.
I'll stop you in 20 minutes everybody.
For those of you that are watching this recording what you should do is stop the recording and write
your essay if you want to.
OK.
All right.
But for those of you that are active in live in the class or 20 minute clock has started
OK everybody up there is the clock.
Time is up 20 minutes are up.
Go ahead and stop stop stop and e-mail me please e-mail them e-mail me your your writing and I will
pull it up into the classroom and we can take a look at it.
All right.
So go ahead and answer me that right now please.
OK.
So I'm going to pause for about three or four minutes and pull up everybody's documents and look at
them give you feedback and then I'll show you my version or a copy of it.
OK.
So I'll be back in a few minutes after I have everything loaded inside.
Thanks a lot.
Talk to you soon.
OK everybody let's take a look at what some of your fellow students have done.
The bar chart above is showing us the comparison of Australian men and women physical activity in 2010
as per the group.
Right now the one thing I would say about your your introduction paragraph here you have to try to think
about using synonym language right synonyms for men and women synonyms for physical activity.
Right you have to try to use synonyms in your introduction you cannot just repeat the exact same language
on the grass if you're doing that you're not showing any of your natural ability right just copying
the same words that you see is not showing the Greater any ability in your writing.
OK so that's something you got to change in terms of doing introductions.
Generally relatively activity has been done by men and women over the years in all age groups.
Yeah that's got to do it as a general statement.
Yes that's a general statement.
It can be done better.
But there is a general statement but it doesn't you need to look at a little bit closer in terms of
generally what you see and maybe when you see mine you'll see a little bit more what I'm talking about.
But that's that's better than what you did before.
All right.
In 2010 it shows that 52 percent of men are doing their repeaters activity as compared to some to women.
There's a women who stands at 47 and they see a troop of 15 and 24.
Howard percentage of women is increasing as the age increases in 25 to 34 women is 48 as compared to
men who was a 42 issue 35 percent women increase of 52 as compared to men who double to do the reg of
his activity.
The trend is going.
It's the trend is going on till the group 55 64 we have seen that we have also seen this 65 and age
over group both men and women in almost the same level.
This is ok.
It's ok.
I mean you still need to really
I guess I guess these are two paragraphs here here.
2010 is 25 to 34.
And this in this second paragraph it's your oh say 15 to 24 Hoka and it's 25 to 34 yeah you did you
did better this time.
In terms of in terms of putting it together much better you did you did.
We had to work on is we have to work on your general Picric route.
And there are different ways that you can make the comparisons.
Instead of writing the women are this the man is this the women are this the man or the men that there's
the women or that there are some different ways you can make the comparisons and maybe once you see
that there's something that can actually help improve your score even more is by is by doing that.
Take a look at another one.
So here's another one.
Why whoever this is they really write very clearly.
OK.
The bar chart above because.
Be careful with your capitalization with the word above you want a capital A.
Believe it or not just like I noticed did a graders going to notice that's a mistake the part right
above provides information about men and women who do physical activity regularly again.
Synonym language Why what else can you say other than regular routine.
Right.
When you show that you can use synonyms.
It's a good introduction right.
But like I said just try to use a little burst some self some Semon some synonyms here and there.
OK what can you say of the men and women.
All right.
OK.
Basically males 18:24 sharply the HIAS in comparison to other groups females 35 4:4 as a Lois not only
in the females group but overall OK that's a much better general overview.
Much better general overview.
OK that's your general overview is different than my general overview but your general overview is pretty
good.
Beginning with 15:24 three is where we can see that when men women are women's.
Women are a lot more active than men successively in three or five.
Differences.
13 percent.
That's good.
Well the 15:24 forces with the 5 percent in favor of men and
15 as well for what you mean is close this isn't
OK all right.
AC That's pretty good
or nowhere near to the females.
All right you did.
You did a pretty good job with this one.
Yeah this is.
I mean you're very close to a 7 here.
Very very close to a 7 here you idiot.
You did a really good job with this one whoever this is.
I don't know who he is but you did a very good job with this one.
All right.
Does anybody have any questions.