Everybody in this lecture video what we're going to be doing is taking a look at a general letter by
the student and then you'll be able to see how I edited how I made edits to the letter to make corrections
and improve the score.
And then you could look at the revised changes.
So I've already taken a look at the letter and edited it.
But here you can read what the letter is about in terms of what the student is supposed to cover.
And so then after that you can actually read the letter that the student made.
This is the student's original draft of the letter.
And then after that you can see the other.
You see all that red in the letter.
So I guess those are my questions about what he did and what I think he should have done to improve
it.
And this one the student really wasn't really giving a controlling idea of what each body paragraph
was about.
And there were just many other things that needed to be done to really correct the letter or to make
it better.
And so these were my initial suggestions to the student about what he needed to do to really correct
the letter and improve the letter.
And you know you can stop the video here if you want to.
You can stop the video here if you want to actually read through it line by line and see what I did
and then after that we moved down.
And you could see the changes that I made after you see the changes that I made.
So these are the changes that I made from the from students original letter then my red line in it.
And then to finalize version of what I would consider to be an upgraded general letter that will receive
an extremely high score OK.
So again the way you're starting out is we have the students original general letter OK because the
student's original general letter then we have all of my edits and suggestions to the mistakes or problems
and what could have been done to improve the letter even better today.
And then after that we moved down into the revised letter with the changes that you can really see the
difference in terms of the language has been being used.
The adverbs that are being used the adjectives that are being used to sentence structure all those kind
of things really you should be able to notice how there is a lot of coherence how each body paragraph
is connected to the next body paragraph.
And that's really what good writing is.
OK.
So I hope this really helps you guys in terms of being able to see what you need to do in terms of being
able to improve your band's score with the general letter.
OK.
So thank you very much.
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Bye.