All right.
Sorry for being silent.
I was writing a paragraph at the time.
All right.
So this is my first body paragraph from a first from a certain point of view.
There are positives in my favor but these positive attributes list below do now alway outweigh the negatives.
So again we are told I've sat in the topic centers and I'm going to address the in this paragraph want.
I'm going to address the positives but again I'm pointing out that these positive list these positive
listed below do not outweigh the negatives.
Right.
So throughout an essay you're always supposed to be making sure that you're making the point of your
position that you that you have with it as a starting point learning a new country would allow students
to become more independent because they will have to manage your food finances and transportation not
only just supporters Knology supporters rely on this benefit to learn overseas.
But
I want to change just a little bit.
I would say to support learning overseas but also they would point to the I suppose a broader perspective
gained by learning in the USA Australia these benefits a perspective independence on their face and
very convincing to believe that there are more positives then negatives
but once we examine the negative consequences we will see that belief is unfounded.
All right.
So before I move on when you get when you read this paragraph this paragraph is talking about the advantages
but you clearly see my position right.
I haven't told you any of the negatives.
I haven't suggested that there are any nega I haven't told any of the negatives yet.
But even on this program I'm discussing the advantages are clear that I don't agree with this position
that I'm not taking this position.
Right.
So I've written this paragraph in a way that supports my position.
All right.
So that's what I was saying before is about the language it's about the language that you are choosing.
Do you suggest right.
So before I take any questions on my paragraph I'll answer a couple of your questions.
You suggest a training method to fix the problem of running out of sentences.
I don't want to stand there.
Mohamed what do you mean.
What I don't understand why why would you be running out of sentences.
There's there's no training method for running out of sentences.
I mean you should be writing about five.
You should be writing five or six sentences so you shouldn't run out of sentences if you've done if
you've done an outline like I tell people to do an outline if you've got an outline you're always going
to have five or six sentences
right.
Or unless you might you might have you might have less like here when you look at mine.
I only have four sentences.
But when you look at each one of my sentences they are compound and complex sentences and correlative
conjunctions.
Right.
So I've done a lot of combining my ideas together.
Deepa Yeah you can access this later because I am recording it yet it is being recorded.
OK.
All right.
So again does anybody have any questions at all.
Well what you do is share your opinion or ask me any questions about the paragraph I've written.
Right.
Do you understand what I've done the the questions about it.
The C.
All right.
Whoever wrote this introduction did a pretty good job with it where we move past the introduction.
But while your introduction is actually pretty good.
Can I show the benefits I'm enlisted up top.
OK sure.
Yeah.
You want to use examples sometimes also but you don't need to overuse examples son
Ahmad.
Again like I say it the purpose of an essay is to always be supporting your position throughout the
essay.
If if the question is asking for your opinion.
Right.
The question is asking for you to give an opinion or support a sigh.
Ok what else throughout that essay you're supporting your side.
All right.
Right you're supporting your side always
right.
Dr. Shaheen.
Dr. Shaheen did a pretty good one also.
We'll look at Dr. Saheed.
I am going to remind everybody just give me one moment OK.
Right now what I like about what Dr. Sheheen did here is that I like Dr. Shahina opening paragraph in
terms of from certain points there might be there might be some positive signs of studying abroad mentioned
below but those could not outweigh from the negative aspects.
Right.
For example one may feel more independent while staying away from all distractions we can otherwise
avoid seeing close relatives and other problems.
Also learning about new culture and experiences is promising obviously perspectives are not greater
than the big object of achieving higher education with distinction.
I'm not sure about that last sentence but I do like your opening.
I do like your opening.
I don't quite understand this last sentence how it fits into the question but good.
All right so I'm going to go ahead and move on to my going away and move on to my one more question.
See let me see if I understand you.
When we have.
I'm laughing about the way Sun is opening her question let me see if I understand you.
When we have to write questions we where we This disagree we have to write a sentence that makes clear
this.
Yet I would I would always be making clear here that I always be making clear my position right.
That's what I would always be doing.
I would also be making clear my position
by for example sign if I wanted to really strengthen my position I could actually do with this sentence
here.
I could actually say
so is the sign.
Look look here son and see what I did with this one sentence right when you look at this one sentence
here.
Right when you look at his one sentence here you're getting that I'm talking about the advantage.
But you're really clear that I don't think it's that strong.
Right.
I'm pointing out why I might not believe that straw.
Now you don't have to agree with me or non-agreement remember they're not they're not really one.
One thing that I think you have to be really careful with what they have to be really careful with is
getting too caught up in too is what I'm saying.
Really really good is it is it.
Is this really really a strong thing.
I'm saying the graders when they're grading you when I know this could I talk to them.
They are only going to spend about 15 minutes on your essay.
Right they're trying to they are trying to get through as many essays as they can in one hour.
So if I'm greater if I can get through four you know four to five essays in an hour that's really good
for me because I'm getting paid for each essay that I grade.
So they have their big rubric in front of them.
Right.
They have their big Rubik in front of them and they're looking at a paragraph they're looking at an
essay like this and they're looking at our let me look at his vocabulary.
Are are the vocabulary words of vocabulary that I see this guy using.
Number one are the words.
Is there are there are a variety of words.
Is he using synonyms.
Right.
And what's the level of the vocabulary is using was this is this or is this eight seven eight nine vocabularies
just five or six vocabulary right.
Well let me look at the grammar that he's using.
Right while you can see the correlative sentences I see the conjunctions I need see the semi-colon is
used correctly I see them starting with prepositions.
I see them using adjective clauses correctly.
Yep this does grammar grammar score is definitely a right.
Let me look at the coherence.
Is he answering the question and supporting his position throughout the essay.
Yup that's what he's doing there.
That's how they look.
That's how they're looking at your essay.
They're not looking at the essay and saying wow son that's a really nice point you made there.
Right.
Wow.
That is really you.
I really agree with you.
There was a strong point she made.
That's not what they're looking at it for.
OK.
So sometimes you guys have going a little bit slow because you're really trying to make sure you're
saying something powerful and I will want you to really just focus on doing things that really hit the
highlights in the different individual categories of the rubric.
All right.
I hope that's I'll try to make myself clear with that.
OK.
Yet you can do that.
Watch it.
You saw you saw that's what I did.
Rush it.
Ratshit I think it is.
I'm sorry for mispronouncing your name.
I'm sorry about that.
All right.
So everybody I want to move on to my next paragraph.
Somebody asked me a question if I could put my parts of my outline near the paragraphs so they can see
kind of what I've done and I'll be happy to do that.
They want to be able to see my outline next to what I've done.
Right now one thing.
Everything on the outline.
Just because you see something on the outline doesn't mean I want to include it.
Sometimes I may end up brainstorming more ideas and I'll use
OK.
So if there are.
OK hold on one second.
Yeah that's what I just say and I'm sorry I just answered your question.
I didn't I didn't I didn't go through all my benefits.
Sometimes sometimes in my outline I might put more bit more benefits than I need.
Well OK I might I might put more benefits that I need because when I'm out when I'm when I'm when I'm
doing an outline I'm not judging my ideas right.
I'm just listing when it is to come to my mind.
I'm not judging them and I.