1 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,985 Okay, let's see what we got. 2 00:02:05,605 --> 00:02:08,835 - It's impossible. - I'm gonna be sick. 3 00:02:09,141 --> 00:02:12,241 - All of them... - With the Joker's face. 4 00:02:12,543 --> 00:02:14,454 - Looks just like him. - It can't be. 5 00:02:14,714 --> 00:02:16,373 Call the police. 6 00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,688 He's made his move. 7 00:03:00,489 --> 00:03:02,312 Dining in tonight, sir? 8 00:03:02,555 --> 00:03:05,623 The dissection tray, please, Alfred. 9 00:03:06,294 --> 00:03:09,907 Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? 10 00:03:10,932 --> 00:03:14,349 Normal criminals usually have logical motives. 11 00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:17,866 But the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. 12 00:03:31,316 --> 00:03:33,204 Look alive, wage slaves. 13 00:03:33,451 --> 00:03:38,210 Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks... 14 00:03:38,655 --> 00:03:42,399 the one and only Joker! 15 00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:51,827 - Great Scott. - Actually, I'm Irish. 16 00:03:52,702 --> 00:03:54,775 Good morning, Mr... 17 00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:56,382 Francis. 18 00:03:56,606 --> 00:03:59,454 Please allow me to introduce my associates. 19 00:03:59,742 --> 00:04:02,132 Miss Quinn. 20 00:04:02,411 --> 00:04:03,721 And... 21 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,129 Their names escape me for the moment. No matter. 22 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,511 We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. 23 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:14,966 Arrangements? 24 00:04:15,821 --> 00:04:17,611 For my fish, of course. 25 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:21,342 This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. 26 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:25,371 You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design. 27 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,417 So don't speak to me again, okay? 28 00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:32,167 Now, what is everyone in town talking about? 29 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,783 Your fish? 30 00:04:35,006 --> 00:04:37,527 I told you not to speak! 31 00:04:41,244 --> 00:04:43,995 Fish. Stinker-roonie. 32 00:04:47,918 --> 00:04:49,642 All better. 33 00:04:49,986 --> 00:04:52,289 As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham... 34 00:04:52,556 --> 00:04:55,591 now bears my famous, and frankly, fabulous face... 35 00:04:55,892 --> 00:04:59,788 I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. 36 00:05:00,128 --> 00:05:05,346 Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, 50 cents for sardines. 37 00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:11,039 Millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle. 38 00:05:11,438 --> 00:05:15,848 So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? 39 00:05:16,211 --> 00:05:17,870 You may speak now. 40 00:05:18,112 --> 00:05:22,336 No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. 41 00:05:22,682 --> 00:05:25,018 But they share my unique face. 42 00:05:25,285 --> 00:05:29,510 Colonel what's-his-name has chickens, and they don't even have mustaches. 43 00:05:29,856 --> 00:05:32,278 I can't help it. It's the law! 44 00:05:33,126 --> 00:05:35,232 Trying to cheat the Joker, are you? 45 00:05:35,494 --> 00:05:38,463 Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. 46 00:05:39,864 --> 00:05:42,800 You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis. 47 00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,785 Or you'll be the poorest fish of all. 48 00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:56,967 Bye-bye! 49 00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,683 He's crazy. 50 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:06,240 Coming up next: Marla Benson has a special report on the smiling fish epidemic. 51 00:06:06,622 --> 00:06:09,274 How safe are Gotham's waters? 52 00:06:09,657 --> 00:06:11,763 Well, he's not out to poison people. 53 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,911 This diluted toxin only affects fish. 54 00:06:15,196 --> 00:06:19,256 Maybe he's trying to make us all die from disgust. 55 00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:27,205 They're finny and funny and, oh, so delish They're joyful and jolly Joker Fish. 56 00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:31,839 Say, Mom, wondering what to feed the family tonight? 57 00:06:32,179 --> 00:06:34,700 What'll I feed the family tonight? 58 00:06:35,949 --> 00:06:38,667 Try me famous Joker Fish. 59 00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:44,040 There's Smiling Smelt, Giggling Grouper, and Happy Haddock. 60 00:06:44,688 --> 00:06:46,544 This could cause a stampede to pork. 61 00:06:46,925 --> 00:06:49,228 Yummy, yum-yum. 62 00:06:49,727 --> 00:06:51,157 Eat it. 63 00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:56,567 Mr. J, I have this little problem with fish. 64 00:06:58,068 --> 00:07:00,208 Yummy, yum-yum. 65 00:07:00,470 --> 00:07:03,024 Yes, friends, that's Joker Fish. 66 00:07:04,608 --> 00:07:07,643 Tasty, tempting, and of course... 67 00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:11,311 - Naturally low in cholesterol. - Naturally low in cholesterol. 68 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,919 Coming to your local store. 69 00:07:14,182 --> 00:07:18,013 Just as soon as that nasty old Mr. G. Carl Francis... 70 00:07:18,353 --> 00:07:21,038 decides to give me my legal cut of the profits. 71 00:07:21,523 --> 00:07:22,571 Change the channel. 72 00:07:25,259 --> 00:07:26,602 It's on every station. 73 00:07:27,094 --> 00:07:29,266 Get a trace on that signal. Now! 74 00:07:29,529 --> 00:07:32,760 I hope you've changed your mind, Mr. Francis... 75 00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:36,002 because I haven't changed mine. 76 00:07:43,575 --> 00:07:46,839 Relax, Mr. Francis. I've got men posted at every window and door. 77 00:07:47,146 --> 00:07:49,154 Nobody's sneaking in here tonight. 78 00:07:49,414 --> 00:07:52,197 If I got in this easily... 79 00:07:53,485 --> 00:07:54,893 so will the Joker. 80 00:07:55,287 --> 00:07:58,966 Hey, this is police business. Haul your bat butt out of here. 81 00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:03,351 Hold it, detective. No one knows the Joker's methods better than Batman. 82 00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:08,071 - He stays. - Glory-hogging long-underwear geek. 83 00:08:08,765 --> 00:08:11,963 Batman, why is this happening to me? 84 00:08:12,402 --> 00:08:15,021 I've never done anything to this Joker. 85 00:08:15,403 --> 00:08:19,780 I'm just a paper-pusher. I can't change the laws. I'm harmless. 86 00:08:20,141 --> 00:08:23,656 And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. 87 00:08:42,329 --> 00:08:44,665 - Feeling all right? - Oh, sure. 88 00:08:44,932 --> 00:08:47,868 It's just that everything's been so crazy today. 89 00:08:48,168 --> 00:08:52,872 I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me. 90 00:08:53,238 --> 00:08:56,622 - Get this man to a hospital, now! - What? 91 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:47,119 He'll be all right once the antivenom kicks in. 92 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,322 I don't get it. We breathed the gas, and we're not smiling. 93 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:54,554 He didn't want us. That gas is one part of a binary compound. 94 00:09:54,893 --> 00:09:58,539 The Joker exposed Francis to the other part this morning. 95 00:09:58,863 --> 00:09:59,863 This just in: 96 00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:05,370 Former Copyright Director G. Carl Francis will be taking an extended vacation. 97 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,140 Looks like he's having more fun already. 98 00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:14,591 But I'm not happy. If I don't get legal claim to my fish by 3 a. M... 99 00:10:14,978 --> 00:10:19,737 the number two bureaucrat, Thomas Jackson, will feel my wrath. 100 00:10:20,117 --> 00:10:22,737 And now, Batman, because I know you're watching: 101 00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:25,388 Here's a message from our sponsor. 102 00:10:25,653 --> 00:10:28,884 They're finny and funny and, oh, so delish... 103 00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:35,711 All units, keep your eyes open for anything. 104 00:10:49,743 --> 00:10:53,607 I'd like to go on record as saying this Batman business is the lamest idea... 105 00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:58,340 Duly noted, lieutenant. But we're going to try it his way to protect Mr. Jackson. 106 00:11:08,927 --> 00:11:12,060 Nearly 3 a.m., and not a cackle from that hyena. 107 00:11:12,364 --> 00:11:14,274 We must've scared him off. 108 00:11:15,099 --> 00:11:16,561 What's that? 109 00:11:18,069 --> 00:11:19,858 Just my cat. 110 00:11:21,905 --> 00:11:23,215 A Joker Fish! 111 00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:29,071 It's affecting it. Look out. 112 00:11:53,134 --> 00:11:56,878 Even drugged, the cat went straight for its master. 113 00:12:05,277 --> 00:12:06,772 This is just dandy, commish. 114 00:12:07,013 --> 00:12:11,205 Your pet bat's playing dress up while the Joker's popping off pencil-pushers. 115 00:12:11,549 --> 00:12:15,129 Well, I ain't sticking around to see who's next. I got my own methods. 116 00:12:15,454 --> 00:12:16,861 Bullock! 117 00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:21,460 Commissioner, have a look at this fish. 118 00:12:22,426 --> 00:12:26,487 It's a Japanese tang, not native to Gotham's cold waters. 119 00:12:26,831 --> 00:12:29,320 So where did it come from? 120 00:13:21,112 --> 00:13:24,594 Freeze, copper! I got you covered, see? 121 00:13:25,082 --> 00:13:27,898 Well, if it ain't laughing boy's little hench-wench. 122 00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:31,187 - You're outgunned, sugar. - Do tell. 123 00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:34,533 What?! 124 00:13:37,527 --> 00:13:41,555 Look at what I caught. Kind of runty, though. 125 00:13:42,198 --> 00:13:45,647 I'm gonna have to throw it back. 126 00:13:57,245 --> 00:14:03,390 You know, Bullock, you may be a lousy cop, but you make a terrific worm. 127 00:14:08,421 --> 00:14:10,561 You won't get away with this. 128 00:14:15,061 --> 00:14:18,292 - He's right, you know. - You're kidding. 129 00:14:23,935 --> 00:14:28,060 If this lunchmeat figured out where we are, Batman won't be far behind. 130 00:14:28,406 --> 00:14:33,809 And why spoil my sharkie's appetite when I can feed him bigger fish? 131 00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:40,548 Again with the fish. I hate fish. 132 00:14:41,952 --> 00:14:43,807 No offense, Mr. J. 133 00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:48,791 Poor Harley. This caper's been kind of rough on you, hasn't it? 134 00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:54,887 Cheer up. You can be my very own little mermaid. 135 00:15:00,302 --> 00:15:03,566 You're really sick, you know that, boss? 136 00:16:12,801 --> 00:16:14,875 Now this fella here... 137 00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,610 came with his own grin. 138 00:16:20,406 --> 00:16:22,229 See the resemblance. 139 00:16:22,474 --> 00:16:25,737 And check out my catch of the day. 140 00:16:30,183 --> 00:16:31,842 Bullock. 141 00:16:33,819 --> 00:16:37,912 I didn't need no bat computer to tell me that minnow came from an aquarium. 142 00:16:38,489 --> 00:16:42,004 Yes, well, this is all tremendously boring. 143 00:16:42,326 --> 00:16:46,583 Of course, I can amuse myself watching old Harv give my shark indigestion. 144 00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:48,789 Yeah. 145 00:16:55,772 --> 00:16:57,180 Wait! 146 00:16:58,173 --> 00:17:00,989 Let him go. I'm the one you're after. 147 00:17:01,611 --> 00:17:06,021 Gee, and let my little guppy go hungry? I don't know. 148 00:17:06,381 --> 00:17:09,995 What do you think we can do about that? 149 00:17:16,324 --> 00:17:19,554 You're right, Harley. Fish are disgusting. 150 00:17:19,861 --> 00:17:24,141 I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. "Joker Burgers." 151 00:17:24,831 --> 00:17:27,069 Talk about a Happy Meal. 152 00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:35,540 You never could take a joke. 153 00:17:42,747 --> 00:17:45,115 He doesn't stand a chance against that monster! 154 00:17:45,382 --> 00:17:47,772 - Yeah. Catch. - Hey! 155 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,809 Hey. Hey! 156 00:19:07,656 --> 00:19:09,567 Whoopsie. 157 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,855 You okay? 158 00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:38,600 Just give him one for me, will you? 159 00:20:00,538 --> 00:20:03,671 Meanwhile, back at the "wrench." 160 00:20:04,074 --> 00:20:08,713 Since my side-splitters don't tickle you, how about a skull-splitter? 161 00:20:21,156 --> 00:20:24,059 There's no place left to go, Joker. 162 00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:37,390 See, Batsy, I think of everything. 163 00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,522 Oh, my poor, poor pudding. 164 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,957 Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. 165 00:21:06,297 --> 00:21:10,073 Yeah. I'm really gonna miss him. 166 00:21:17,174 --> 00:21:18,768 Do you think he's gone for good? 167 00:21:19,108 --> 00:21:21,891 Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. 168 00:21:22,311 --> 00:21:25,280 But deep inside, I doubt it.