1
00:01:19,265 --> 00:01:21,948
I want a nice clean
game, gentlemen.
2
00:01:22,235 --> 00:01:23,512
That'll be a first.
3
00:01:24,037 --> 00:01:27,648
So I hear you-know-who nailed
the Mad Hatter last week.
4
00:01:28,208 --> 00:01:31,557
No kidding. He sure gets
around, for one guy.
5
00:01:32,414 --> 00:01:36,920
Yeah, well that's where you're wrong.
I don't think it is one guy.
6
00:01:37,618 --> 00:01:40,204
The way I figure it, Gordon's
got a bunch of them...
7
00:01:40,488 --> 00:01:42,528
stashed someplace
like a SWAT team.
8
00:01:43,291 --> 00:01:45,746
He wants you to think
it's one guy, but...
9
00:01:46,026 --> 00:01:48,033
No, you're always seeing double.
10
00:01:48,296 --> 00:01:53,118
It's obvious our caped friend suffered some
crime-related trauma when he was younger.
11
00:01:53,501 --> 00:01:56,850
Perhaps an overanxious mugger
blew off a piece of his face.
12
00:01:57,772 --> 00:02:02,660
Sure, he could be all gross and
disgusting under that mask.
13
00:02:03,044 --> 00:02:04,451
No offense, Harv.
14
00:02:04,679 --> 00:02:06,370
Just deal.
15
00:02:06,849 --> 00:02:09,337
Well, you know what I think.
16
00:02:09,618 --> 00:02:12,651
Not the robot theory again.
17
00:02:12,955 --> 00:02:14,133
Well, he could be.
18
00:02:16,693 --> 00:02:18,449
Hello, boys.
19
00:02:20,429 --> 00:02:23,015
Get me an herbal tea
and deal me in.
20
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,307
Scram, lady.
21
00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:26,977
This is a private...
22
00:02:30,475 --> 00:02:32,776
Why, you little...
23
00:02:36,047 --> 00:02:37,803
Poison Ivy.
24
00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:40,138
It's been a long time, Harvey.
25
00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:42,938
You're still looking
halfway decent.
26
00:02:43,221 --> 00:02:46,799
- Half of me wants to strangle you.
- And what does the other half want?
27
00:02:47,358 --> 00:02:49,049
To hit you with a truck.
28
00:02:49,695 --> 00:02:50,905
We used to date.
29
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:56,954
What such a brings a dainty
dove to this dismal den?
30
00:02:57,436 --> 00:03:00,818
Running from the law. And
the Batman too, of course.
31
00:03:01,408 --> 00:03:02,815
- Of course.
- Likewise.
32
00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:05,464
- You got it.
- Same here.
33
00:03:05,744 --> 00:03:07,719
You'd think one of
us would've got him.
34
00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:11,974
- I've come the closest.
- Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
35
00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:15,831
Nobody's come closer to
snuffing the Batman than me.
36
00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:17,664
- In your dreams.
- Says you.
37
00:03:17,891 --> 00:03:20,062
Get out of my face.
38
00:03:20,994 --> 00:03:25,696
The fact of the matter is, we each
have an "almost got him" Batman story.
39
00:03:26,066 --> 00:03:29,579
I know mine's the best, but
let's hear yours anyway.
40
00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:34,296
I'd say, "Ladies first," but
since we don't have any...
41
00:03:34,643 --> 00:03:36,585
we'll start with you, Pam.
42
00:03:36,844 --> 00:03:39,844
All right. This happened
last Halloween.
43
00:03:40,147 --> 00:03:44,174
I had rigged hundreds of pumpkins to blow
out poison-ivy gas when they were lit.
44
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:56,574
I knew Batman would show as soon
as Gotham started scratching.
45
00:03:56,898 --> 00:04:00,247
In fact, I was counting on it.
46
00:04:11,515 --> 00:04:13,686
Trick or treat.
47
00:04:26,698 --> 00:04:30,692
It's midnight, darling.
Time to unmask.
48
00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:47,689
Poison gas.
49
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,847
It's just the darnedest thing.
50
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:53,056
I have this natural immunity
against poisons, toxins...
51
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:57,832
the pain and suffering of others.
Go figure. Bye.
52
00:05:40,944 --> 00:05:43,310
And that's how I almost got him.
53
00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:46,402
With exploding pumpkins.
54
00:05:46,816 --> 00:05:48,671
I'd like to hear you do better.
55
00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:52,860
You will, but I'm saving
the best for last.
56
00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:55,789
Can't be better than mine.
57
00:05:56,059 --> 00:06:00,816
There was this time I had just robbed the
Gotham Mint of 2 million in two-dollar bills.
58
00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:07,323
Lucky for me, I brought
along the Two-Ton Gang.
59
00:06:14,045 --> 00:06:16,947
The coin says you lose, Batman.
60
00:06:18,316 --> 00:06:22,855
Tie him up. And just so you
don't get any ideas...
61
00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:34,629
We'll see how tough you
are without your toys.
62
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,673
So, what happened next?
63
00:06:51,917 --> 00:06:54,950
I thought as long as I had
Batman at my mercy...
64
00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:58,255
he deserved a 50-50 chance.
65
00:06:58,558 --> 00:07:02,387
Here's the deal. The
coin lands face down...
66
00:07:02,729 --> 00:07:05,031
you'll be squashed flat.
67
00:07:05,298 --> 00:07:09,837
It lands face up, it'll just
break every bone in your body.
68
00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,361
Hey, where's my coin?
69
00:07:30,893 --> 00:07:34,787
Anybody see where I...? Oh, no.
70
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:41,501
No. Launch it now.
71
00:08:31,624 --> 00:08:34,373
Here. I owe you a dollar.
72
00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:38,913
And if it weren't for
this blasted coin...
73
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:40,660
I would've got him.
74
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,953
Gee, that's too bad, Harv.
75
00:08:44,238 --> 00:08:47,554
But I guess you'll
always come in second.
76
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,785
Anyone else want a go?
77
00:08:50,043 --> 00:08:51,418
Me!
78
00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:54,533
There I was, holed
up in this quarry...
79
00:08:54,816 --> 00:08:59,191
when Batman came nosing around.
He was getting closer, closer...
80
00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:03,296
- And?
- I threw a rock at him.
81
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:14,868
So, Harvey, what became
of the giant penny?
82
00:09:15,404 --> 00:09:16,833
It was a big rock.
83
00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:19,956
They actually let him keep it.
84
00:09:22,011 --> 00:09:24,345
- Whose deal is it?
- Mine.
85
00:09:24,614 --> 00:09:28,127
I find your middling
machinations mildly diverting.
86
00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:30,720
But for sheer criminal genius...
87
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:35,875
none surpasses my most recent
ornithologically-inspired entoilment.
88
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,709
Smaller words, please.
You're losing Croc.
89
00:09:41,632 --> 00:09:44,730
I let rumors circulate through
the underworld of my plan...
90
00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:49,443
to steal a pair of priceless breeding
condors from the Gotham Zoo.
91
00:09:49,807 --> 00:09:52,971
Sure enough, on the appointed
night, guess who showed up.
92
00:10:18,171 --> 00:10:21,433
Curses, I would grab
the wrong umbrella.
93
00:10:35,623 --> 00:10:38,208
Welcome, my ebon-winged
adversary.
94
00:10:38,492 --> 00:10:41,427
You have taken the bait
as I knew you would.
95
00:10:41,730 --> 00:10:46,781
Now, prepare to meet your end
within my aviary of doom.
96
00:10:47,201 --> 00:10:48,696
Aviary of what?
97
00:10:49,137 --> 00:10:52,039
Pengers, how corny can you get?
98
00:10:53,643 --> 00:10:58,018
Just because you mundane miscreants
have no drama in your souls...
99
00:10:58,447 --> 00:11:01,578
Anyway, there he was in my av...
100
00:11:01,883 --> 00:11:03,541
Big birdhouse.
101
00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:19,248
Beautiful, aren't they? Like
glittering fragments of the rainbow.
102
00:11:19,636 --> 00:11:22,254
By the way, that mist
I sprayed on you...
103
00:11:22,538 --> 00:11:26,499
is derived from the
nectar these birds drink.
104
00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:29,217
It's quite harmless.
105
00:11:29,479 --> 00:11:33,189
But their poison-tipped
beaks, however, are not.
106
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:44,557
A scratch or two will merely slow you down.
Three or four, and you'll get drowsy.
107
00:11:44,963 --> 00:11:50,462
And after that, well, I wish I could
say it's been nice knowing you.
108
00:12:05,284 --> 00:12:06,778
Oh, well played.
109
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:11,411
Now to take a poison antidote
from your miraculous belt.
110
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,250
And I suggest you
do it quickly...
111
00:12:16,497 --> 00:12:21,286
before my cassowary's razor-sharp
talons rend you asunder.
112
00:13:06,315 --> 00:13:09,315
Naturally, I had flown the
coop by the time he escaped.
113
00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:13,589
Still, I almost got him.
114
00:13:13,856 --> 00:13:15,744
Not even close.
115
00:13:16,226 --> 00:13:18,398
You see, the thing
you're forgetting...
116
00:13:18,663 --> 00:13:21,532
is that there are all sorts
of ways to get someone.
117
00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:25,036
Take my latest
run-in with Batsy.
118
00:13:25,335 --> 00:13:27,986
It was just last night,
as the entire country...
119
00:13:28,272 --> 00:13:31,588
was tuning in to its
favorite talk show.
120
00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:36,063
It's Late Night Gotham Live.
121
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:40,475
And here's the man who puts a smile on
your face whether you want it or not:
122
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,674
The Joker.
123
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,895
Good evening, folks.
I'm the Joker.
124
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:23,830
Living proof that you don't have to be
crazy to host this show. But it helps.
125
00:14:28,136 --> 00:14:30,209
We've got a real
treat for you, kids.
126
00:14:30,639 --> 00:14:35,374
I ran into my first guest last night
while making a withdrawal from the bank.
127
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:41,494
You know him as "the dark knight," but
we prefer to think of him as history.
128
00:14:42,217 --> 00:14:45,316
Here he is, the one and only...
129
00:14:46,255 --> 00:14:47,401
Batman.
130
00:15:09,648 --> 00:15:13,925
We're back with my
extra-special guest.
131
00:15:17,255 --> 00:15:18,913
So how's Robin?
132
00:15:25,596 --> 00:15:30,998
Moving right along. You know, kids, we've
got an item here no home should be without.
133
00:15:31,703 --> 00:15:35,249
The laughter-activated
electric chair.
134
00:15:35,942 --> 00:15:40,066
Yes, sir, the merest titter or guffaw
starts the chair's generator...
135
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:42,485
revving up towards
maximum zappage.
136
00:15:43,216 --> 00:15:44,841
Harley?
137
00:15:53,659 --> 00:15:57,914
But for a real demonstration, we're
pumping our studio audience...
138
00:15:58,264 --> 00:16:01,909
full of my patented
laughing gas.
139
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:12,319
These yahoos will laugh at
anything now, even the phone book.
140
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:19,256
Marvin Abbott, 555-8976.
141
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:30,111
Gerald Adams, 555-9011.
142
00:16:35,804 --> 00:16:39,863
M.J. Addison, 555...
143
00:16:47,584 --> 00:16:48,696
Hey.
144
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,452
Show's over, Joker.
145
00:17:19,016 --> 00:17:22,399
Catwoman, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's hear it for her.
146
00:17:31,496 --> 00:17:32,838
Almost got him.
147
00:17:33,231 --> 00:17:36,493
Yes, if not for that
infatuated feline.
148
00:17:36,903 --> 00:17:40,286
Oh, but that's the best part.
Once the chair went up...
149
00:17:40,606 --> 00:17:43,606
I was out of there
tout de suite.
150
00:17:50,384 --> 00:17:53,133
Miss Kitty still wanted
to play cat and mouse...
151
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:58,154
never dreaming I still
had an ace up my sleeve.
152
00:18:05,366 --> 00:18:09,839
And by golly, speaking
of aces, lookie here.
153
00:18:10,205 --> 00:18:13,336
- I can't believe his luck.
- Oh, darn.
154
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,099
Let me see those cards.
155
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,530
Now, now, no sore losers.
156
00:18:23,453 --> 00:18:27,828
Hey, I don't get it. You just
knocked out Catwoman and left her?
157
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:33,144
Oh, come on, Crockers, didn't I say
there's more than one way to get someone?
158
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:39,609
Even as I speak, Catwoman is being trussed
up at the Pussykins Pet Food factory.
159
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:46,153
First thing tomorrow, I'm sending a
lovely case of cat food to Batman.
160
00:18:49,814 --> 00:18:50,992
I don't think so.
161
00:18:58,856 --> 00:19:01,703
Was it something I said?
162
00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:10,432
Well, well. An
imposter in our midst.
163
00:19:10,735 --> 00:19:13,605
Risking everything for
your kitty, Batman?
164
00:19:14,139 --> 00:19:16,146
You're not getting
out of this one.
165
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:18,018
Maybe.
166
00:19:29,021 --> 00:19:32,404
But I'm not bad
with traps myself.
167
00:19:50,277 --> 00:19:53,626
I had a kitty once. You know, they
don't always land on their feet.
168
00:19:55,717 --> 00:19:59,776
Look on the bright side. Tomorrow, you'll
be feeding hundreds of hungry cats.
169
00:20:00,188 --> 00:20:03,930
The fun starts as soon as Mr.
J comes back.
170
00:20:04,258 --> 00:20:05,502
Don't wait up.
171
00:20:10,566 --> 00:20:15,203
Back off, Bats, or say "ciao" to
your girlfriend. Cat chow, that is.
172
00:20:16,806 --> 00:20:21,411
That's a good little rodent. And just
to make sure you don't follow me...
173
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:39,417
Gee, Batman, what you gonna do,
kick me around or save your kitten?
174
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,874
You've only got time for one.
175
00:20:54,779 --> 00:20:57,365
Good call. Help.
176
00:21:05,658 --> 00:21:07,381
Thanks for coming after me.
177
00:21:07,626 --> 00:21:08,870
I owed you.
178
00:21:09,194 --> 00:21:12,969
I'd like to think our relationship isn't
restricted to saving each other...
179
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:14,707
from freaks and weirdoes.
180
00:21:15,135 --> 00:21:19,575
And that maybe we'd have a place for each
other without Gotham, without the freaks...
181
00:21:20,173 --> 00:21:22,956
maybe without masks.
182
00:21:23,243 --> 00:21:24,868
Maybe.
183
00:21:38,326 --> 00:21:40,595
Almost got him.