1
00:01:31,143 --> 00:01:34,169
We've waited weeks
for reservations.
2
00:01:42,021 --> 00:01:45,115
- Name?
- King, party of one.
3
00:01:45,291 --> 00:01:49,694
King, King. No, I'm sorry, I
don't show that reservation.
4
00:01:49,862 --> 00:01:53,628
Oh, yeah? Well, let me show
you something, fruitcake.
5
00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:01,500
Hands up, chowhounds.
6
00:02:01,674 --> 00:02:07,806
Drop your forks and prepare to cower
before the uncanny Condiment King.
7
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:10,540
- Who is that?
- Some kind of nutcase.
8
00:02:10,716 --> 00:02:13,810
- Just ignore him.
- Someone will call security.
9
00:02:13,986 --> 00:02:19,856
Hey. Hey! I don't believe this! I
say cower, and you're still eating?
10
00:02:20,025 --> 00:02:22,323
Well, all right then.
11
00:02:29,034 --> 00:02:31,264
Now, see here, you.
12
00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:40,674
Hot sauce.
13
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:45,246
Anyone else want to be a hero? Then take
out your wallets, cash and jewels...
14
00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:48,853
and toss them here on the table.
Come on. Right now.
15
00:02:51,457 --> 00:02:54,153
Disturbance reported at Top
of the Crown restaurant.
16
00:02:54,326 --> 00:02:58,092
Suspect is a male costumed extremist
armed with what appears to be...
17
00:02:58,264 --> 00:03:02,564
- a ketchup gun.
- It's gonna be one of those nights.
18
00:03:07,606 --> 00:03:13,602
So long, suckers. Parting is
such sweet-and-sour sorrow.
19
00:03:21,186 --> 00:03:22,676
What's this?
20
00:03:24,323 --> 00:03:26,348
The big bad Bat-guy.
21
00:03:26,525 --> 00:03:30,859
I knew you'd catch up to me sooner or
later. How I've relished this meeting.
22
00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:37,060
You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus
me, the conceptual Condiment King.
23
00:03:37,236 --> 00:03:41,195
Come, Batman. Let's see if
you can cut the mustard...
24
00:03:42,041 --> 00:03:43,633
Quiet.
25
00:03:45,311 --> 00:03:48,508
- You hit me.
- Now, listen, Mustard Man...
26
00:03:48,681 --> 00:03:50,546
or whatever you call yourself.
27
00:03:50,783 --> 00:03:54,446
You're obviously new at this, so
I'm willing to go easy on you.
28
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:59,751
Provided you give back the loot and never
even think about doing this again. Deal?
29
00:04:00,359 --> 00:04:03,453
- Horseradish.
- This is your last warning.
30
00:04:03,629 --> 00:04:05,961
Let's go, Batso. You and me.
31
00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:09,294
I'm the prince of
pickles, sultan of sauce.
32
00:04:09,969 --> 00:04:12,563
You don't stand a
chance, you hear me?
33
00:04:13,072 --> 00:04:15,063
Later, chump.
34
00:04:19,445 --> 00:04:20,935
Hang on.
35
00:04:32,358 --> 00:04:34,189
Harvey, call an ambulance.
36
00:04:35,461 --> 00:04:37,224
I know this man.
37
00:04:37,396 --> 00:04:40,559
He's that TV comic,
Buddy Standler.
38
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:44,792
Still no clues in the mystery
behind comedian Buddy Standler's...
39
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,961
one-man crime spree last night.
40
00:04:47,139 --> 00:04:51,337
A rampage that ended with a trip to
the hospital for the famed TV comic.
41
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:54,809
Though Standler himself is unable
to account for his actions...
42
00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:57,039
his manager had
these observations:
43
00:04:57,216 --> 00:05:01,585
I don't get it. Buddy's just
thrown his entire career away.
44
00:05:01,754 --> 00:05:03,619
The network's
canceling his show...
45
00:05:03,789 --> 00:05:06,724
and the restaurant's suing
him for a million dollars.
46
00:05:06,892 --> 00:05:09,725
Why'd he do it? It just
doesn't make sense.
47
00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:13,626
That's too bad. I watch Standler's
show all the time. He's great.
48
00:05:13,799 --> 00:05:16,859
Any idea what would have caused
him to go off the deep end?
49
00:05:17,036 --> 00:05:19,630
No, but talk about bad timing.
50
00:05:19,805 --> 00:05:24,037
He was supposed to be one of the judges
for the laugh-off competition tonight.
51
00:05:24,209 --> 00:05:28,077
Alfred and I bought tickets.
By the way, where is Alfred?
52
00:05:37,856 --> 00:05:41,553
- One side, mac.
- I beg your pardon.
53
00:05:47,199 --> 00:05:49,667
Pretty. I want it.
54
00:05:50,803 --> 00:05:54,136
- Hey, you can't do that.
- Sure I can, lady.
55
00:05:54,306 --> 00:05:59,141
I'm the Pack Rat. And your
trash is my treasure.
56
00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:00,776
Hey!
57
00:06:02,915 --> 00:06:04,576
Shiny.
58
00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:07,147
Security!
59
00:06:11,457 --> 00:06:13,891
Oh, no, you don't.
60
00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,639
Dibs on the dummy hand.
61
00:06:29,875 --> 00:06:31,638
Good heavens.
62
00:06:38,851 --> 00:06:41,945
I've been looking everyplace
for one of these.
63
00:06:52,097 --> 00:06:53,894
- Yes?
- Master Bruce?
64
00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:56,557
- Alfred?
- I think you're needed at Mayfield's...
65
00:06:56,735 --> 00:07:00,296
right away, sir. There's a man
with a gun running amok. He's...
66
00:07:00,472 --> 00:07:05,808
A word of advice, mac.
Never rat on a rat.
67
00:07:12,918 --> 00:07:14,317
Alfred?
68
00:07:17,723 --> 00:07:19,156
Alfred!
69
00:07:32,938 --> 00:07:36,066
You'll get oatmeal and like it.
70
00:07:36,241 --> 00:07:40,735
Listen, Eddie, if they expect me to
judge that stupid laugh-off again...
71
00:07:40,913 --> 00:07:43,711
they'd better be
prepared to pay.
72
00:07:43,882 --> 00:07:47,477
Hold on, I got
somebody at the door.
73
00:07:52,524 --> 00:07:54,549
- Yeah?
- Pizza delivery.
74
00:07:54,726 --> 00:07:57,752
I didn't order any pizza.
75
00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:02,866
- But I'll take it. How much?
- It's on me.
76
00:08:03,035 --> 00:08:04,559
Hey!
77
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:16,309
Okay, everybody,
empty your pockets.
78
00:08:17,282 --> 00:08:22,151
I want gum wrappers, loose string,
those little balls of lint.
79
00:08:22,888 --> 00:08:25,254
None of that cash stuff.
80
00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:26,652
Hey!
81
00:08:28,493 --> 00:08:29,755
What...?
82
00:08:29,928 --> 00:08:33,557
So it's the rat versus
the bat and the brat.
83
00:08:33,732 --> 00:08:37,725
Only one will survive,
and that's gonna be me.
84
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:39,598
Everybody, clear out.
85
00:09:07,699 --> 00:09:09,724
Come on out.
86
00:09:49,775 --> 00:09:53,006
It's Harry Loomis.
Another famous comedian.
87
00:09:53,178 --> 00:09:54,645
Look at his neck.
88
00:10:02,354 --> 00:10:04,151
A microchip?
89
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,452
Mind control.
90
00:10:06,892 --> 00:10:10,919
This is beginning to point toward
our old friend the Mad Hatter.
91
00:10:23,909 --> 00:10:27,208
Wake up, Jervis.
We have to talk.
92
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,444
Come on, rise and shine.
93
00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:40,383
Wow, he's really out.
94
00:11:04,816 --> 00:11:06,841
Here's what we know:
95
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:11,179
Someone implants the Mad Hatter with
one of his own mind-control devices...
96
00:11:11,356 --> 00:11:13,688
then does the same thing
to two comedians.
97
00:11:13,859 --> 00:11:17,989
- But what's the connection?
- Looks like it's three comedians now, sir.
98
00:11:19,798 --> 00:11:24,201
"TV personality Lisa Lorraine was abducted
from her apartment early this evening."
99
00:11:24,369 --> 00:11:28,135
And here's our common link.
This comedy competition.
100
00:11:28,306 --> 00:11:31,537
Sure. Buddy, Harry and
Lisa judge it every year.
101
00:11:31,710 --> 00:11:33,507
Remember, we taped the last one.
102
00:11:33,678 --> 00:11:37,705
Right here, Master Dick. And I've
cued it to something you should see.
103
00:11:43,255 --> 00:11:45,223
Well, that's it for
our contestants.
104
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:48,518
Now our panel of distinguished
judges will choose...
105
00:11:48,693 --> 00:11:52,424
the funniest person in Gotham.
106
00:11:59,271 --> 00:12:03,264
Not so fast, chuckles. You
haven't introduced me yet.
107
00:12:03,442 --> 00:12:06,934
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
108
00:12:09,581 --> 00:12:11,606
Come on, already.
109
00:12:12,717 --> 00:12:14,651
Good evening, ladies and germs.
110
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,687
You hear about the guy walked
into a doctor's office...
111
00:12:17,856 --> 00:12:19,983
with a frog on his head?
Doctor says:
112
00:12:20,158 --> 00:12:22,922
"That's the weirdest wart
I've ever seen." Frog says:
113
00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:26,895
"Yeah, I woke up this morning,
there was a big bump on my butt."
114
00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:34,666
Hey, then there's this
guy who buys a new dog.
115
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,468
He takes it for a walk
and the friend says...
116
00:12:37,642 --> 00:12:40,975
Sorry, pal. We've already
made our decision.
117
00:12:41,146 --> 00:12:45,412
And for your information,
registration closed days ago.
118
00:12:45,584 --> 00:12:49,213
I'm not leaving until
I get that trophy.
119
00:12:50,122 --> 00:12:52,317
Oh, yes, you are.
120
00:12:56,828 --> 00:13:01,424
You can't do this to me. I'm
the greatest comic in Gotham.
121
00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:05,664
I'll get even.
I'll ruin you all.
122
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:07,796
Freeze it right there.
123
00:13:10,809 --> 00:13:12,868
I think I see what
you mean, Alfred.
124
00:13:14,279 --> 00:13:16,474
Without the hat...
125
00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:19,316
and different hair...
126
00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:21,384
The Joker.
127
00:13:33,765 --> 00:13:36,859
I tell you, Maury, I'm dying here.
I got a full house.
128
00:13:37,035 --> 00:13:40,334
All three of my celebrity judges
are either missing or in jail.
129
00:13:40,505 --> 00:13:43,269
You gotta find me some
replacements quick.
130
00:13:43,441 --> 00:13:46,376
Ask and ye shall receive.
131
00:13:46,545 --> 00:13:48,103
What in the...?
132
00:13:49,181 --> 00:13:53,948
Permit me to introduce Judges
Knuckles, Vinnie and Kowalski.
133
00:13:54,119 --> 00:13:57,384
They'll be presenting me
with the trophy tonight.
134
00:13:58,156 --> 00:14:00,647
Listen, you can't just
walk in here and take...
135
00:14:00,825 --> 00:14:03,055
Oh, but I already have.
136
00:14:08,934 --> 00:14:11,334
These little microchips
are a wonder.
137
00:14:11,503 --> 00:14:16,133
Remind me to thank the Mad
Hatter if he ever wakes up.
138
00:14:17,242 --> 00:14:19,733
- If it's gonna be much longer...
- Start the show.
139
00:14:19,911 --> 00:14:22,505
Let's go already!
140
00:14:23,315 --> 00:14:29,413
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to
the 10th annual Gotham Laugh-off.
141
00:14:29,588 --> 00:14:32,318
And now, it is my deepest
honor to present to you...
142
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:37,291
the evening's first and only
contestant, Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
143
00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:40,864
You're beautiful. Funny
thing happened to me...
144
00:14:41,032 --> 00:14:43,262
on the way to the
theater last year.
145
00:14:43,435 --> 00:14:47,599
It seems three no-talent hacks
tried to stop me from winning.
146
00:14:47,772 --> 00:14:50,070
But guess what.
147
00:14:51,776 --> 00:14:54,939
I'm back.
148
00:15:01,219 --> 00:15:04,518
Oh, such unhappy faces.
149
00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:07,715
Judges, let's cheer them up.
150
00:15:11,429 --> 00:15:16,560
My high-octane laughing gas will
have you rolling in the aisles.
151
00:15:30,015 --> 00:15:32,916
It's just you and us, Joker.
152
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:35,143
Not quite, Batman.
153
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:39,916
I've got a new girl, and she'll
really sweep you off your feet.
154
00:15:43,728 --> 00:15:45,355
Lisa Lorraine?
155
00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:51,400
Call me Mighty Mom.
156
00:15:51,703 --> 00:15:53,330
Ain't she sweet?
157
00:15:54,239 --> 00:15:57,697
My very own happy homemaker.
158
00:15:57,876 --> 00:16:00,936
But I don't do windows.
159
00:16:01,346 --> 00:16:02,643
Not bad.
160
00:16:02,814 --> 00:16:06,113
Honey, why don't you show our
pals how you clean house.
161
00:16:06,284 --> 00:16:07,774
In other words...
162
00:16:07,952 --> 00:16:10,011
mop them up.
163
00:16:17,162 --> 00:16:20,359
Who's first to get dusted?
164
00:16:20,532 --> 00:16:23,524
- Think you can get the brain patch off her?
- No problem.
165
00:16:30,008 --> 00:16:33,876
- Hey!
- Naughty boy. Mama spank.
166
00:16:40,418 --> 00:16:43,819
What did I tell you about playing
with your toys in the house?
167
00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:46,821
- Get rid of it!
- You're the boss.
168
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:59,327
No. Not on my nice clean floor.
169
00:16:59,504 --> 00:17:01,768
Just hold still.
170
00:17:02,574 --> 00:17:04,474
That hurts.
171
00:17:06,578 --> 00:17:10,378
- Don't worry. I'm back to normal.
- Who can tell?
172
00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:38,200
- Stay back.
- You've hit a new low, Joker.
173
00:17:38,376 --> 00:17:42,210
Only you would ruin three lives
for a silly piece of tin.
174
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:45,042
You're dumber than
you look, Bats.
175
00:17:46,718 --> 00:17:50,279
It's not the trophy that
matters, it's the title.
176
00:17:50,588 --> 00:17:55,287
I am the greatest clown this
dismal burg has ever seen.
177
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:59,396
What would the common folk do
without my pranks and antics?
178
00:17:59,564 --> 00:18:00,861
Let's find out.
179
00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:08,368
Up, up and away!
180
00:18:26,524 --> 00:18:28,617
Quit rocking the boat.
181
00:18:39,771 --> 00:18:42,331
Oh, too bad, Bat-sap.
182
00:18:42,507 --> 00:18:44,907
But you should have
remembered the old saying:
183
00:18:45,076 --> 00:18:49,035
Dying is easy, comedy is hard.
184
00:18:59,691 --> 00:19:01,955
Mind if I join the party?
185
00:19:09,601 --> 00:19:11,728
You miserable brat.
186
00:19:17,575 --> 00:19:20,066
Get this stupid thing off me.
187
00:19:28,453 --> 00:19:29,818
Watch it.
188
00:19:31,022 --> 00:19:33,354
I think I'm getting airsick.
189
00:19:52,744 --> 00:19:58,546
I'll get you for this, Batman.
No one upstages me and lives.
190
00:20:01,486 --> 00:20:04,182
Is there a problem, officers?
191
00:20:09,861 --> 00:20:15,629
What's so funny, huh? I'll give
you something to laugh about.
192
00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:09,977
[ENGLISH]