1
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,043
"MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

2
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,380
HOW BLEEPIN' DIFFICULT
IS IT FOR YOU PEOPLE

3
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,748
TO FIND A BLEEPIN' PAIR OF
SHOES IN THIS BLEEPIN' HOUSE?

4
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,250
ARE ANY OF THESE THEM?

5
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,686
NO. RHONDA... BLUE!
OKAY? TRY AGAIN.

6
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,388
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:23,491
I'M SENSING THERE MAY BE A
"BLEEPIN'" PROBLEM IN HERE.

8
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,993
WE'RE AT DEFCON 2. WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE WITH MY BLUE PUMPS?

9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,662
- ME? WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE WITH YOUR SHOES?
- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOES AROUND

10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,464
PICKING THINGS UP AND
PUTTING THEM AWAY.

11
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,566
YES. I INTENTIONALLY LIKE
HIDING YOUR FOOTWEAR

12
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,535
SO THAT YOU HAVE THE
PLEASURE OF SEARCHING FOR IT

13
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,704
SO THAT EVERY DAY FEELS
LIKE EASTER SUNDAY.

14
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,739
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ALL
DRESSED UP FOR ANYWAY

15
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,641
IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO
A CITY COUNCIL MEETING?

16
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:43,177
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE LIKE
TO SEE THEIR ELECTED OFFICIALS

17
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,745
TAKING GOVERNMENT
MATTERS SERIOUSLY.

18
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:48,682
AND NOTHING SAYS "SERIOUS" LIKE
HIGH HEELS AND A PLUNGING NECKLINE.

19
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,584
WHATEVER YOU SAY.

20
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,420
GO! LOOK. FIND.

21
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,255
YOU KNOW WHAT? A
"PLEASE" WOULDN'T HURT.

22
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,589
- PLEASE.
- OUCH.

23
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:58,359
THANKS. COULDN'T
DO IT WITHOUT YOU.

24
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,094
HE'S SO SENSITIVE SOMETIMES.

25
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,263
WE ARE GONNA BE LATE TO THE
TRANSPORTATION HEARING.

26
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,532
OH, WE'RE DITCHING IT.
YEAH, JUST THIS ONCE.

27
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,534
I THOUGHT YOU AND I COULD
CHECK OUT THAT NEW BAR

28
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,236
WE KEEP SAYING WE'RE
GONNA HIT AND NEVER DO.

29
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:11,572
OOH, I WAS THERE LAST NIGHT.
IT WAS CRAZY HOT.

30
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,807
BUT SO LONELY WITHOUT YOU.

31
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,810
LOOK, I SPEND ALL DAY AT MY JOB...
THAT I LOVE...

32
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,380
THEN I COME HOME TO THESE FREAKIN' KIDS...
THAT I LOVE...

33
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,482
BUT I JUST NEED A LITTLE
ME TIME, YOU KNOW?

34
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,584
A LITTLE SELF-LOVE.

35
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,154
- I DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.
- OKAY.

36
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,589
LET'S FIND YOUR SHOES AND HIT THE BAR.
FIRST ROUND'S ON ME.

37
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,559
OH HEY, UM, NOBODY
CAN KNOW, OKAY?

38
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,627
I JUST DON'T WANT JUDGEY
LOOKS FROM THE KIDS AND JOE.

39
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:35,496
Joe: I THINK I FOUND 'EM.

40
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:38,332
BECAUSE... THAT'S WHY THIS
TRANSPORTATION HEARING IS SO VITAL.

41
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,268
- MMM.
- HEY, JOE.

42
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,736
SORRY. I USUALLY PUT THESE
BACK AFTER I WEAR THEM.

43
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:46,740
WOW. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
FIND ANYTHING IN HERE.

44
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,076
IT'S LIKE BEING INSIDE
A WOMAN'S MIND.

45
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,779
IF THIS WERE MY MIND,
IT WOULD BE PARIS.

46
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,814
AND YOU WOULD BE AN
UNLIMITED CREDIT CARD.

47
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,651
YOU KNOW, I DO HAVE
A SYSTEM HERE.

48
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,321
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD GET
ONE OF THOSE CLOSET COMPANIES

49
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,156
TO COME IN HERE AND
REORGANIZE EVERYTHING.

50
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,325
WHAT? THAT'S A HUGE WASTE OF MONEY.
I COULD DO THAT.

51
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,494
- THAT COULD WORK.
- I DON'T KNOW.

52
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,729
YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER LET A MAN
MESS AROUND IN MY CLOSET.

53
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:12,866
A WOMAN'S CLOSET IS HER MOST
SACRED, INTIMATE, PERSONAL SPACE.

54
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,336
YOU KNOW, WE HAD THIS
PIZZA A WEEK AGO.

55
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:18,606
FINE. HAVE AT IT.
WORK YOUR MAGIC.

56
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,641
GREAT. I WILL GET
STARTED RIGHT AWAY.

57
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:24,111
OH, AND BEFORE I DO, IF THERE'S
ANY SPECIFIC PERSONAL ITEMS,

58
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,180
YOU MAY WANT TO RELOCATE
THEM PRIOR TO...

59
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,650
OH YES! OH.

60
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,819
- ( laughs )
- ( clattering )

61
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,624
♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪

62
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,926
♪ WITH ME ♪

63
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,565
HOW ABOUT "FLESHEATERS
2: MORE FLESH EATING"?

64
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,600
I DON'T KNOW, MAN. I NEVER
SAW "FLESHEATERS 1."

65
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,236
I HATE NOT KNOWING
WHAT'S GOING ON.

66
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,605
WELL, THEY'RE FLESHEATERS
AND THEY EAT FLESH.

67
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,542
I'M ALL CAUGHT UP THEN.

68
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,211
WELL, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
DON'T WAIT UP.

69
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,380
THESE TRANSPORTATION
HEARINGS CAN TAKE FOREVER.

70
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,649
BUT THAT'S MY JOB, SO WHOO!

71
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,718
OH HEY. IS IT OKAY IF I MEET
JUSTIN AT THE MALL TOMORROW?

72
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,720
SURE. HAVE FUN.

73
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,222
- ALL RIGHT, GOOD NIGHT.
- YO, MEL!

74
00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,624
DON'T WE WANT TO KNOW
WHO THIS JUSTIN GUY IS?

75
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,393
YES. YES WE DO.

76
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:16,196
- SOME GUY.
- JUST SOME DROPPED-OUT-OF-SCHOOL GUY.

77
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,499
- WHAT?
- HE DID NOT DROP OUT.

78
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,403
HE FLUNKED SENIOR YEAR AND DECIDED
TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS CAR.

79
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,440
WHO NEEDS AN EDUCATION? IT
JUST LEADS TO A FUTURE.

80
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,908
IT'S LAME.

81
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,379
OKAY, NOT EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD
NEEDS A HIGH-SCHOOL DIPLOMA.

82
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,381
JUSTIN ALREADY HAS A JOB.

83
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,882
YEAH, DELIVERING PIZZA.

84
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,751
OH, DID HE DELIVER YOUR FACE?

85
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,954
OKAY OKAY, FINE. MALL... JUST THE MALL.
I GOTTA GO.

86
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,390
HEY!

87
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,794
JUST REAL FAST. UM...

88
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,663
DROPPED-OUT PIZZA-DELIVER-BOY...
HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT THAT?

89
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,399
IT'S JUST A LITTLE CRUSH.

90
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:55,269
IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S HOOKING UP
WITH CHARLES MANSON... OR SHEEN.

91
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,838
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, 'CAUSE BOTH THOSE
GUYS ACTUALLY FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL.

92
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:01,909
UM, I'M JUST SAYING THAT BAD
BOYS ARE USUALLY CALLED BAD BOYS

93
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,744
FOR, YOU KNOW, A REASON.

94
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,680
JOE, IT'S A MALL. THEY
CAN'T HAVE SEX THERE...

95
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,617
NOT EVEN AT BROOKSTONE, OKAY?

96
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,619
NOW PLEASE LET ME
GET OUT OF HERE...

97
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,288
BECAUSE I HAVE CITIZENS
WAITING TO YELL AT ME.

98
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,393
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE STOCK TIP.
THAT WAS JUST SO...

99
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,362
TEDIOUS.

100
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,531
OH, WHAT A BUST.

101
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,334
I WONDER IF I CAN CATCH THE END
OF THAT TRANSPORTATION HEARING.

102
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,469
THERE'S STILL A LOT OF
MEN WITH HAIR HERE.

103
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,670
CHECK THOSE GUYS OUT.

104
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,639
PLEASE, "LAWYERPALOOZA"?

105
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:35,008
THERE'S NOTHING SEXY ABOUT
BORING SUITS WITH A BLACKBERRY.

106
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,244
OH, BUT ON YOU IT'S ADORABLE.

107
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,480
YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD
THIS ALL NIGHT,

108
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,649
BUT THOSE ARE SOME
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT SHOES.

109
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,518
- AND THEY MATCH YOUR EYES.
- REALLY?

110
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:45,786
REALLY?

111
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,888
FIRST THING I NOTICED
WHEN I WALKED IN HERE.

112
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,990
WELL, THAT AND YOUR SMILE.

113
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,693
REALLY?

114
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,795
NOW LET ME GUESS... I'M
VERY GOOD AT THIS.

115
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:57,030
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY A
PILATES INSTRUCTOR.

116
00:04:57,064 --> 00:05:00,801
AND YOU'RE A PRINCESS OF SOME KIND.
HOW'D I DO?

117
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,803
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

118
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,938
- WHAT ARE YOU LADIES DRINKING?
- SURPRISE ME.

119
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,541
- VODKA ROCKS.
- YES IT DOES.

120
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,743
- BACK IN A JIFF.
- YUM!

121
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:13,347
SHOW SOME DIGNITY. I'LL
WRESTLE YOU FOR HIM.

122
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:16,016
RHONDA, YOU'RE MY FRIEND;
YOU'RE MY RIGHT-HAND WOMAN.

123
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,853
WE'RE NOT GONNA FIGHT OVER A GUY.
YOU'RE FIRED.

124
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,855
THAT'S GONNA BE $12.

125
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,359
OH, YOU'RE THE BARTENDER...
TENDING BAR.

126
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:28,429
WELL, I ONLY DO THIS ON THE NIGHTS
WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING GUITAR.

127
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:32,666
OKAY, LET'S WRESTLE.
MUD, OIL OR JELL-O?

128
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,468
ENGLISH MUFFIN'S ALL YOURS.

129
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,771
I LIKE 'EM TALL, DARK, AND
NECK-DEEP IN LAW-SCHOOL DEBT.

130
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,708
HEY, NICE BLACKBERRY.

131
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,711
SO WHAT'S YOUR STORY, PRINCESS? I
CAN'T IMAGINE YOU'RE A LAWYER.

132
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,780
NO, I WORK FOR THE CITY.

133
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:50,818
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT A COP, BECAUSE I
KIND OF HAVE A SPEEDING PROBLEM.

134
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,955
WELL, I'LL LET YOU KNOW
IF YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST.

135
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:58,426
WOW, LOOK AT THAT SCAR.

136
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,595
YOU MUST HAVE REALLY SCREWED
UP SOME GUY'S DRINK ORDER.

137
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:04,331
NO, I LEARNED THE HARD WAY,
IF YOU'RE GONNA PARASAIL,

138
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,700
DON'T DO IT IN
SHARK-INFESTED WATER.

139
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,770
I JUST SPENT HALF AN
HOUR HITTING ON A GUY

140
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:13,073
BEFORE I REALIZED I ALREADY DATED
AND DUMPED HIM A YEAR AGO.

141
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,609
IT'S REALLY HARD TO TELL
THEM APART IN THOSE SUITS.

142
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,711
YOU REALLY HAVE TO START A
TAG-AND-RELEASE PROGRAM.

143
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,713
THAT'S IT... TIME TO HEAD HOME.

144
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,783
OH WAIT, YOU'RE MY RIDE. CAN YOU
JUST HANG OUT A FEW MORE MINUTES?

145
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,819
BUT IF WE LEAVE NOW, I STILL HAVE TIME
TO WATCH A RERUN OF "SEX AND THE CITY"

146
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,888
WHILE CRYING BITTERLY TO MY CAT.

147
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:31,659
BUT HE'S A GUITAR PLAYER
WHO SWIMS WITH SHARKS.

148
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:32,760
UH, I CAN GIVE YOU A LIFT...

149
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,128
IF YOU DON'T MIND RIDING
ON THE BACK OF A HARLEY.

150
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:37,465
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

151
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,478
( opera playing )

152
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,487
I LIKE RHONDA'S NEW BIKE.

153
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,624
AH, THANKS FOR TAKING
THE SCENIC ROUTE HOME.

154
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,392
ISN'T THE RIVER
BEAUTIFUL AT NIGHT?

155
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,160
I VOTED TO CLEAN IT UP.

156
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,097
HI. I'M JOE.

157
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,965
HELLO, MATE. I'M DYLAN.

158
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:14,968
- HEY.
- DYLAN IS MY NEW FRIEND

159
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:18,038
THAT I JUST BEFRIENDED.

160
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,707
OH, AT THE
TRANSPORTATION HEARING?

161
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,075
YEAH, TONIGHT'S TOPIC
WAS ABOUT CARPOOLING

162
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,911
AND MOTORCYCLE-POOLING.

163
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,979
AMAZING.

164
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:29,049
YEAH, SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW
SOMEONE WOULD BE WAITING UP.

165
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,852
NO WORRIES. I'M FAMILIAR
WITH OPEN RELATIONSHIPS.

166
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,854
OH GOD NO, WE DON'T HAVE
AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

167
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,689
NO, WE DON'T HAVE
ANY RELATIONSHIP.

168
00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:37,658
WELL, WE HAVE A WORKING RELATIONSHIP...
I'M HIS BOSS.

169
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,727
- TECHNICALLY I'M FREELANCE.
- HE'S MY NANNY.

170
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,662
IT'S A VERY TEMPORARY
SITUATION ACTUALLY.

171
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,096
I HEAR YA.

172
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,165
I'M ONLY BARTENDING TILL
MY MUSIC CAREER KICKS IN.

173
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,834
I'M A SINGER/SONGWRITER.

174
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,736
OF COURSE HE IS.

175
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:51,204
HOW LONG YOU BEEN A BARTENDER?

176
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:54,708
UH, IN APRIL, THAT'LL
BE 12 YEARS.

177
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:59,046
KINDA HARD TO QUIT.
LADIES LOVE A BARTENDER.

178
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:03,951
YEAH. I'M SURE BONO IS JUST BIDING
HIS TIME TILL HE GETS YOUR JOB.

179
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,553
WELL, I BETTER HIT THE TRAIL.

180
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:09,189
ABSOLUTELY. 'CAUSE THAT...
THAT TRAIL NEEDS SOME HITTING.

181
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,992
OH, ALMOST FORGOT...

182
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,733
WOW. THE ONLY THING THAT
COULD HAVE MADE THAT HOTTER

183
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,969
IS IF MY NANNY WEREN'T WATCHING.

184
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,008
( engine starts )

185
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,779
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

186
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:37,084
SO THAT WAS DYLAN, HUH?

187
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,086
YES IT WAS...

188
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,855
DYLAN McENGLAND.

189
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,026
WAS THERE EVEN A HEARING
AT ALL TONIGHT?

190
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,196
THERE WAS A HEARING. I
JUST DIDN'T GO TO IT.

191
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,531
I GET IT, YOU KNOW? YOU
SPEND ALL YOUR FREE TIME

192
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,701
TAKING CARE OF THESE KIDS. YOU NEED
TO BLOW OFF A LITTLE BIT OF STEAM.

193
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,803
I'M NOT YOUR DAD, YOU KNOW?
YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT.

194
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,571
I CERTAINLY CAN DO WHAT I WANT,

195
00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:02,142
YOU KNOW, WITHOUT BEING JUDGED BY
MY NANNY-PERSON-WAITER-UPPER GUY.

196
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,844
I'M NOT JUDGING YOU.

197
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:07,681
HE'S JUST NOT WHAT I PICTURED AS
MEL BURKE-BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

198
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:11,251
- THAT'S ALL.
- OH, YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME PICTURING THAT, DO YOU?

199
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,553
UH, NO NO. IT'S JUST
THAT WHEN I DO,

200
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:16,556
I IMAGINE SOMEBODY
THAT'S, YOU KNOW,

201
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,760
SPECIFICALLY JUST
A LITTLE MORE...

202
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,729
JUST NOT HIM.

203
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,632
YEAH, WELL, HE'S NOT
YOUR BUSINESS, JOE.

204
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,566
OKAY? I DON'T NEED YOU ALL
UP IN MY PERSONAL LIFE.

205
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,736
ALL RIGHT, FINE.

206
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,739
OH YEAH, I GOT THOSE DIVIDERS FOR
YOUR BRA DRAWER WE TALKED ABOUT.

207
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,240
- OH THANK YOU!
- YEAH OKAY.

208
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,145
HEY MEL, DID YOU EVER
READ "MOBY DICK"?

209
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,848
OF COURSE I DID. WELL, I MEAN
I READ THE CLIFF'S NOTES...

210
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,750
WELL, I SAW THE MOVIE...
PART OF THE MOVIE.

211
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,719
HEY, I SAW "JAWS"!

212
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,989
WHOA WHOA WHOA, YOU BETTER JUST BE
TAKING THOSE OUTSIDE FOR SOME FRESH AIR.

213
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,724
I'M TAKING THESE BABIES TO
GOODWILL ON MY WAY TO SCHOOL.

214
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,827
OH, THIS IS THE SKIRT THAT GOT ME
BACKSTAGE AT THE 'N SYNC CONCERT.

215
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,729
AND I... NEVER MIND.

216
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,866
OH, I WANT TO KEEP THIS...

217
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,734
AND THIS. AND THIS!

218
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,636
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE NEVER
GONNA WEAR ANY OF THOSE.

219
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:05,338
BUT I STILL WANT THEM.
THEY'RE LIKE MUSEUM PIECES.

220
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,741
WHAT MUSEUM? THE "SLUTSONIAN"?

221
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:10,610
( laughs )

222
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:11,812
AHEM!

223
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:15,348
WHOA, THAT MOBY DICK
IS ONE CRAZY WHALE.

224
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:20,587
WOW. AWESOME SKIRT.

225
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,623
- SEE?
- IT'S SO ANCIENT, IT'S RETRO.

226
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,793
WELL, LOOK AT THAT, BURKE. IT'S BEEN
SO LONG SINCE YOU'VE BEEN COOL,

227
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,795
IT'S FINALLY COMING BACK
AROUND AND YOU'RE COOL AGAIN.

228
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:28,862
I GET IT, I GET IT.

229
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,831
CAN I BORROW THIS
SATURDAY NIGHT?

230
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,733
A BUNCH OF US ARE GOING
TO HANG OUT AT JUSTIN'S.

231
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,768
SURE.

232
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:37,838
OH WAIT! UH, WAIT.

233
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,874
UH, JUSTIN'S HOUSE? THERE'S GONNA
BE SUPERVISION THERE, RIGHT?

234
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,609
THERE'S GOING TO
BE ADULTS THERE.

235
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,077
DEFINE "ADULTS."

236
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,914
YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE
WHO CAN BUY BEER.

237
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,986
OKAY, AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING
PARENTAL, WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS?

238
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,788
JUSTIN DOESN'T NEED PARENTS.

239
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,924
HE'S MATURE ENOUGH TO
HAVE HIS OWN PLACE.

240
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,926
WELL, THEN HE'S TOO
MATURE FOR YOU.

241
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,694
BUT I REALLY LIKE HIM.

242
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,863
- OF COURSE YOU LIKE HIM. HE'S A...
- BAD BOY.

243
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,332
YEAH, HE'S A BAD BOY...
HE'S COOL; HE'S DANGEROUS.

244
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,001
LET ME TELL YOU, HE WON'T LOOK
SO COOL IN BETWEEN CONTRACTIONS

245
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,838
- IN THE MATERNITY WARD.
- YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST WHAT'LL HAPPEN

246
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,973
FROM ONE LITTLE PARTY STRAIGHT
TO THE DELIVERY ROOM.

247
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:17,811
HEY, MAYBE ON THE WAY THERE, I CAN
ROB A BANK TO SUPPORT MY METH HABIT.

248
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:21,314
SUDDENLY MY "C" IN SPANISH
DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD.

249
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,083
ZAPATOS.

250
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,890
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE GOT A "C."

251
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:33,160
HEY, I HANDLED THAT LENNOX THING
PRETTY WELL, DON'T YOU THINK?

252
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,229
SURE. YEAH SURE.

253
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,998
WHOA, WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SURE"?

254
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,901
THERE'S A "BUT" COMING, ISN'T THERE?
I CAN SEE A "BUT" IN YOUR FACE.

255
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,270
- YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
- YEAH I DO.

256
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,272
I DON'T THINK YOU DO, BUT
I'M GONNA TELL YOU ANYWAY.

257
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,107
LET'S JUST FORGET THE FACT
THAT YOU JUST CAME DOWN

258
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,809
ON YOUR NIECE FOR
DATING A BAD BOY,

259
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,011
WHICH IS EXACTLY THE SAME THING
YOU'RE DOING. THAT'S IRRELEVANT.

260
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,714
BESIDES THAT, I
JUST THINK THAT...

261
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:58,118
YOU KNOW, YOU DESERVE A LOT BETTER.
THAT'S ALL.

262
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:05,258
THAT WAS OUT OF LINE. I
SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.

263
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:06,860
I APOLOGIZE.

264
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,768
I GOT NOTHING LEFT TO SAY.
I JUST FORGOT MY KEYS.

265
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,771
ZAPATOS.

266
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:28,715
WOW. I THOUGHT THE
RESTAURANT WAS GOOD.

267
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:32,252
ELO'S IS AWESOME. MY
MANAGER RECOMMENDED IT.

268
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,855
OH, YOU ALREADY HAVE A MANAGER?
EXCELLENT.

269
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,356
YEAH WELL, RIGHT NOW
HE'S MY BARISTA.

270
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:39,893
BUT AS SOON AS I HIT, I'M
TOTALLY MAKING HIM MY MANAGER.

271
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,462
HEY, IT'S YOU.

272
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,297
THAT'S MY ALBUM COVER.

273
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,499
OH, WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE ALBUM?
MAYBE I'VE HEARD IT.

274
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:50,871
IT ISN'T FINISHED YET. BUT IT
ALL STARTS WITH THE POSTER.

275
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,006
AND THIS IS GONNA
BE MY FIRST SINGLE.

276
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:57,811
♪ YOU AND YOUR EYES SO BRIGHT ♪

277
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,947
♪ BRIGHT BRIGHT ♪

278
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,516
♪ LAUGHING SMILE
LIGHTS UP THE NIGHT ♪

279
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,485
♪ NIGHT NIGHT ♪

280
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,288
♪ AND YOU YOU YOU ♪

281
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:11,959
♪ MAKE ME FEEL SO... ♪

282
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:15,295
FEEL SO WHAT?

283
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,230
OH, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT.

284
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,468
IT'S KIND OF HARD
TO FINISH 'CAUSE...

285
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,769
'CAUSE WHAT?

286
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,772
WELL, I HAVE A HARD TIME...

287
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,540
- FINISHING STUFF?
- YEAH.

288
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:31,778
UM, YOU KNOW, I THINK WE WERE IN A
BETTER PLACE WITH THE KISSING THING.

289
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,914
ABSOLUTELY. LET'S
GET RIGHT ON THAT.

290
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,421
OH! OH, I'M SORRY.

291
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:44,557
OH NO, MY COMPLEX FILING SYSTEM.

292
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:48,395
HEY, THESE ARE PARKING
TICKETS AND BILLS

293
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:49,997
AND THEY'RE NOT OPENED.

294
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,933
WHAT CAN I SAY? THEY'RE
ALL JUST SO DEPRESSING.

295
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:56,136
MEL?

296
00:13:56,169 --> 00:14:00,540
THE ONLY THING I WANT TO PAY
RIGHT NOW IS ATTENTION...

297
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,809
TO YOU.

298
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,145
OKAY, THAT WAS CUTE.

299
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,182
YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVE THREE
UNPAID PARKING VIOLATIONS,

300
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:12,519
THE OHIO BUREAU OF MOTOR VEHICLES WILL
PUT A BLOCK ON YOUR REGISTRATION.

301
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,887
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

302
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:15,822
I REGISTER MY BIKE
IN MY COUSIN'S NAME.

303
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,590
THAT WAY I NEVER HAVE
TO DO JURY DUTY.

304
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,526
DYLAN, OKAY, IF YOU'RE
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN...

305
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,294
WHICH I AM. YEAH.
THREE YEARS NOW.

306
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,830
"YANKEE DOODLE" AND ALL THAT.

307
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,500
WELL, THEN SERVING ON A JURY IS ONE OF
YOUR MOST IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITIES.

308
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:32,039
MMM, JURY DUTY. I DON'T THINK I
COULD SIT STILL FOR THAT LONG.

309
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:34,874
OKAY LOOK, DYLAN, I LIKE YOU.

310
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,610
YOU'RE VERY SWEET AND YOU
OBVIOUSLY WORK OUT A LOT.

311
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,612
BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST...

312
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,615
I JUST DON'T SEE THIS
RELATIONSHIP GOING ANYWHERE.

313
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,017
( sighs )

314
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:48,355
WELL, YOU FINALLY
FINISHED ONE THING.

315
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,866
ALL RIGHT, SO HERE'S
WHAT I'VE GOT SO FAR...

316
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,634
WE'VE GOT SNAG-PROOF
SWEATER STORAGE HERE;

317
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,203
OFF-SEASON CLOTHING HERE;

318
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,572
OH, AND I EVEN ROUGHED OUT A LITTLE
SECTION EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOUR UGGS.

319
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,575
I DON'T KNOW HOW ONE PERSON WITH ONLY
TWO FEET COULD HAVE SO MANY UGGS,

320
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,878
BUT REGARDLESS, IT'S
AN UGG-SPECIFIC ZONE.

321
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,981
WELL, MY UGGS AND I THANK YOU.

322
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,882
YOU KNOW, A CLOSET SAYS
A LOT ABOUT A PERSON.

323
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,218
IT'S KIND OF A REFLECTION
OF ONE'S LIFE...

324
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,254
YOU KNOW, LIKE, WHO YOU
CHOOSE AS A BOYFRIEND.

325
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:24,524
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD
ROUGH OUT A LITTLE SPACE

326
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,559
FOR MY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

327
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,296
YEAH SURE, OKAY. I'M JUST GONNA
TAKE DOWN YOUR DRAWERS...

328
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,066
AND PAINT THEM OUT
ON THE DRIVEWAY.

329
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,635
LISTEN, ABOUT THE OTHER THING,

330
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,571
UM, YOU KNOW, YOU
WERE KINDA RIGHT.

331
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,641
I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT?

332
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,610
ABOUT DYLAN... YOU WERE RIGHT.

333
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:46,379
I WAS SUCKED IN BY ALL THE
BAD-BOY ACCOUTREMENTS, YOU KNOW?

334
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,182
THE BODY, THE BIKE,
THE ACCENT, THE BODY.

335
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:53,053
BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE
WAS NOTHING THERE.

336
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,554
SO I SAID GOODBYE.

337
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,589
YOU CAME HOME AT 4:00 A.M.

338
00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,193
YEAH, IT WAS A LONG GOODBYE.

339
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,695
YOU KNOW, 10 YEARS AGO, DYLAN
WOULD HAVE BEEN PERFECT FOR ME.

340
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,132
BUT BY THE TIME YOU REACH 30, YOU
NEED A BETTER REASON TO DATE A GUY

341
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:08,401
THAN, "DID YOU HEAR HIM TALK? HE
SOUNDS JUST LIKE DAVID BECKHAM."

342
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,703
( door slams )

343
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,372
OOH, ANGRY DOOR-SLAMMING.
LENNOX IS UP.

344
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,974
HEY, LENNOX.

345
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,146
HEY, LENNOX.

346
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,481
OH GOD, WE AREN'T GOING
TO TALK, ARE WE?

347
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,017
LOOK, I DON'T LIKE COMING
DOWN ON YOU SO HARD,

348
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,952
BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW,

349
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,221
I UNDERSTAND WHY IT'S SO EASY TO
FALL FOR A BAD BOY LIKE JUSTIN,

350
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:31,291
BECAUSE AS IT TURNS
OUT, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW,

351
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,160
I'VE BEEN DOING THE
VERY SAME THING.

352
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,694
HERE'S MINE.

353
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,964
WOW. HE'S HOT.

354
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,366
DOES HE HAVE A FACE?

355
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,668
OH SORRY.

356
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,071
OH, NOT THAT ONE. OH NO.

357
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,573
OH THERE. THERE, THAT'S DYLAN.

358
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,042
MAN, HE'S SMOKIN'.

359
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,711
YEAH, BUT THERE WAS
NOTHING BEYOND THAT.

360
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,081
SO I ENDED IT.

361
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,117
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT EASY TO SAY GOODBYE
TO SOMETHING THAT'S FUN AND DANGEROUS,

362
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,753
BUT ULTIMATELY, THOSE
RELATIONSHIPS ARE JUST DEAD ENDS.

363
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,555
DO YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING?

364
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,091
YEAH, I GET IT...

365
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,727
BAD BOYS BAD; VIRGINITY GOOD.

366
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,529
THAT'S IT.

367
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,664
NOW JUST REPEAT THAT
UNTIL YOU'RE 30.

368
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,572
( phone twittering )

369
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,741
JUSTIN, HEY.

370
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,610
YOU JUST DROPPED ME OFF.

371
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,645
YEAH, I KNOW, I MISS YOU TOO.

372
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,748
BUT DON'T BE CLINGY.
NOBODY LIKES THAT.

373
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,784
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. MY AUNT'S
SOUND ASLEEP IN BED RIGHT NOW.

374
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,755
OR STANDING RIGHT
IN FRONT OF ME.

375
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,458
- ( phone beeps )
- WHERE DO WE START HERE, LENNOX?

376
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,394
CURFEW VIOLATION,
BALD-FACED LYING?

377
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:42,795
OH MY GOD, IS THAT MY SKIRT?

378
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,764
YEAH, IT MAKES A
CUTE BELT, RIGHT?

379
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:47,134
YEAH, I LIKE HOW YOU DID THAT WITH THE...
WAIT, STOP!

380
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,336
LOOK, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
SNUCK OUT TO SEE JUSTIN

381
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,304
WHEN I SPECIFICALLY
TOLD YOU NOT TO.

382
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,506
- BUT AUNT MEL...
- DON'T "BUT AUNT MEL" ME!

383
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,408
OH MY GOD, I SOUNDED LIKE
MY MOTHER JUST THEN.

384
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,577
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST
TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE MORNING.

385
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,180
GO. GO GO.

386
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,552
THE COAST IS CLEAR.

387
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,288
GO GO. WAIT.

388
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,693
WELL, LOOK WHO'S BACK.

389
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,828
- ALL RIGHT, JOE?
- DYLAN.

390
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:19,199
AH, HE WAS JUST LEAVING. I...
I MEANT TO TELL HIM GOODBYE.

391
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:20,600
I MEAN, I REALLY MEANT
TO TELL HIM GOODBYE,

392
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,569
BUT SOMEHOW GOODBYE TURNED
INTO "HEY, COME OVER."

393
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,071
SO ANYWAY, I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO TELL HIM GOODBYE AGAIN.

394
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,140
THIS IS GOODBYE?

395
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,543
YEAH. LOOK, DYLAN, I THINK
THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS

396
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,179
IT'S JUST NOT GONNA
WORK OUT BETWEEN US.

397
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:34,147
OH, THIS SPEECH AGAIN.

398
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,715
THIS TIME I MEAN IT.

399
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,151
HEY, AUNT MEL, HERE'S YOUR...

400
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:42,289
- WELL, HELLO.
- HOW YOU DOIN'?

401
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:47,160
HAVE YOU MET MY FRIEND DYLAN...
McLOVIN'?

402
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:50,730
OH YEAH, I ALMOST DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
YOU WITH YOUR SHIRT ON.

403
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,132
LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S LATE.

404
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,469
AND I THINK IT'S TIME FOR EVERYONE
TO JUST GO TO BED... ALONE.

405
00:18:56,503 --> 00:19:00,507
AND THINK VERY HARD ABOUT THE EVENTS
THAT HAVE TRANSPIRED HERE TODAY

406
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,509
AND THEN FORGET ABOUT
THEM ENTIRELY.

407
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:05,478
HEY MEL, CALL ME IF YOU EVER
WANT TO SAY GOODBYE AGAIN.

408
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,651
UNBELIEVABLE.

409
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:15,655
YOU TELL ME THAT BOY BOYS ARE OFF LIMITS,
YET YOU'RE HIDING ONE IN YOUR BEDROOM?

410
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,725
IT'S GOING SO GREAT.
JUST BRING IT HOME.

411
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,527
OKAY... OKAY,
HERE'S THE THING...

412
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,462
THERE'S A DOUBLE STANDARD.

413
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,532
I CAN DO THINGS AT 32 THAT
YOU SHOULDN'T DO AT 15.

414
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,367
I KNOW BECAUSE I DID THEM.

415
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,835
YOU SAW MY CLOTHES.

416
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,239
THAT'S NOT FAIR. HOW COME
I CAN'T DO THOSE THINGS?

417
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,140
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
YOU TO GET HURT.

418
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,443
THE ONLY REASON I DID THOSE
THINGS WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE

419
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:39,579
WAS BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND
WHO CARED ENOUGH TO TELL ME NO.

420
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:42,249
OH! YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE.

421
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,584
AND I'M KEEPING YOUR SKIRT.

422
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,557
SHE'S VERY UNHAPPY WITH YOU.

423
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,692
- ( door slams )
- WELL, THAT'S THE JOB, RIGHT?

424
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,794
IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT.

425
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,663
- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.

426
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,532
- BUT, UM...
- THERE'S ALWAYS A "BUT" WITH YOU.

427
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,701
NO, IT'S JUST THAT

428
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,836
YOU SAID YOU WERE THROUGH
WITH THE BAD BOYS.

429
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,307
I AM. I MEAN, I TOTALLY
GET IT UP HERE.

430
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,776
IT'S JUST TAKING A WHILE
TO WORK ITS WAY DOWN.

431
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,345
'NIGHT.

432
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,614
GOOD NIGHT.

433
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:18,285
- HEY, JOE?
- YES?

434
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,389
THANKS FOR TELLING ME NO.

435
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,558
ANYTIME.

436
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,805
JOE, IT'S AMAZING.
I MEAN, THANK YOU.

437
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,773
I COULD NEVER HAVE
DONE THIS BY MYSELF.

438
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,476
OBVIOUSLY. OH, AND
CHECK OUT THIS.

439
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,312
YOU READY?

440
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,880
YEAH, BABY.

441
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,417
- MY BAGS!
- YEP.

442
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,419
AND THEY ARE IN RAINBOW ORDER.

443
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,655
OH, THAT IS SO OBSESSIVELY

444
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,691
COMPULSIVELY WONDERFUL.

445
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,660
OH, AND ONE LAST THING.

446
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,429
HERE YOU GO.

447
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:05,598
WHAT IS THIS? MY OLD CLOTHES!

448
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,767
MY FAVORITES. YOU
DIDN'T THROW THEM OUT.

449
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,370
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE SAYING THERE'S
NONE OF THAT WILD PARTY GIRL LEFT.

450
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,805
SO I MANAGED TO FIT ALL YOUR ADULT
RESPONSIBLE CLOTHING IN HERE

451
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,775
AND STILL KEEP SOME OF
THOSE TRASHY THINGS

452
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,578
THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER
WEAR AGAIN IN PUBLIC.

453
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,780
I CAN WEAR THIS AGAIN.

454
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,715
NO.

455
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:23,916
WELL...

456
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,654
OH, THIS IS WHAT I
WORE TO MY PROM.

457
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:31,591
OH, STILL SMELLS LIKE WHISKEY SOURS, C.K.
ONE AND A BARN FLOOR.

458
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,861
WELL, OUR PROM THEME WAS
"NIGHT AT THE RODEO."

459
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,897
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE NOT GONNA THROW
THIS OUT; WE'RE GONNA BURY THIS.

460
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,738
( theme music playing )