1
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,177
"MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

2
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,079
JOE, JOE, CHECK THIS OUT.

3
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:14,215
YOU WERE MENTIONED ON THE FRONT
PAGE OF "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL."

4
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,617
THEY'RE ALL SORT OF THE FRONT
PAGE WITH THESE THINGS.

5
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,619
- BUT LOOKIE!
- DON'T BE SO SURPRISED, BURKE.

6
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,454
I ACTUALLY HAD A
LIFE BEFORE THIS.

7
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,756
I JUST DIDN'T SHOW UP ON
YOUR DOORSTEP IN A BASKET.

8
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,558
WELL, I'M PROUD.
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY

9
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,694
YOUR NANNY GETS INK IN A
NATIONAL PUBLICATION.

10
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,197
WELL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
THAT I'M YOUR NANNY.

11
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,332
Both: THANK GOD.

12
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,601
"JOE LONGO, FORMER V.P.
AT SCANLON FINANCIAL,

13
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,003
WAS THE EXECUTIVE WHO
PLUCKED KEVIN SHATKIN

14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,539
FROM HIS JOB IN THE MAIL
ROOM," WHATEVER WHATEVER.

15
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:42,743
"SHATKIN SECURED $1.7... BILLION

16
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,712
IN BACKING FOR HIS
NEW HEDGE FUND."

17
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:48,416
RAT-FACED SHATKIN?
THAT LITTLE SLEASEL?

18
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,717
THAT GUY... HE USED
TO WORK FOR ME...

19
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,652
HE COULDN'T EVEN GET
MY COFFEE ORDER RIGHT

20
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,721
- AND THEY JUST GAVE HIM A BILLION DOLLARS?
- 1.7.

21
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,389
- OHH!
- ( clatters )

22
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:58,226
HEY, I JUST FIGURED
THAT THING OUT.

23
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,527
SORRY.

24
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,695
OH HEY, IT STILL WORKS.

25
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,030
I'LL TELL YOU, BURKE,

26
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,566
THEY MAKE SOMETHING
IN THE GOOD OLD...

27
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,302
ROMANIA AND IT STAYS MADE.

28
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:10,471
LOOK, I'M SORRY, JOE.
I DIDN'T READ IT.

29
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,673
I JUST, YOU KNOW, SAW YOUR
NAME AND I DIDN'T REALIZE

30
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,276
- IT WAS GONNA...
- BE LIKE THROWING ACID IN MY EYES?

31
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:18,112
LOOK, JOE, YOU'RE DOWN,
BUT YOU'RE NOT OUT.

32
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:19,680
I'M GONNA BE BACK IN
THE FINANCIAL WORLD.

33
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,583
- YOU MARK MY WORDS, BURKE.
- ABSOLUTELY. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

34
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:25,186
SO WHAT ARE WE
HAVING FOR DINNER?

35
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,621
I WAS THE FIRST PERSON IN MY
BUSINESS SCHOOL TO MAKE V.P.

36
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:30,458
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JOE LONGO
ALWAYS MADE HIS INVESTORS MONEY.

37
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:33,461
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU JUST TAKE
IT EASY TONIGHT. WE'LL ORDER IN.

38
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,197
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THEY GAVE
SHATKIN A BILLION DOLLARS.

39
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:38,366
HE'S OUT THERE BUILDING
HIS GLOBAL EMPIRE

40
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:41,269
AND I'M IN HERE BUILDING
A METAL RACK...

41
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:43,437
TO AVOID DOING THE LAUNDRY.

42
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,773
LOOK, JOE, YOU ARE
FANTASTIC AT WHAT YOU DO.

43
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,442
AND IF THERE WERE SUCH A THING, I
BET YOU WOULD BE ON THE FRONT PAGE

44
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,412
OF "THE WALL STREET... NANNY."

45
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,748
BURKE, PROMISE ME YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
VOLUNTEER FOR A SUICIDE HOTLINE.

46
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,587
♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪

47
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,555
♪ WITH ME ♪

48
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,595
AND HERE ARE YOUR NOTES FROM
FIFTH PERIOD CHEMISTRY.

49
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,497
THANKS, BECKETT.

50
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,199
WHAT'S WITH THE
DIFFERENT COLOR PAPER?

51
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:14,134
I USED THE NATIONAL
TERROR ALERT SYSTEM

52
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,705
TO COLOR-CODE THEM BY LIKELIHOOD
OF BEING ON THE FINAL.

53
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:21,742
WOW, WAY TO USE YOUR
LETHAL POWERS OF O.C.D.

54
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,876
YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON

55
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,246
TO EVEN NOTICE MY COLOR-CODING.

56
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,181
AND MAY I SAY YOUR
EYES ARE THE COLOR

57
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,849
OF THE HIGHEST ALERT FOR BEAUTY.

58
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,753
SO I'LL TEXT YOU BY
THE END OF THE WEEK

59
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,787
AND WE CAN SET UP A DATE.

60
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,690
- A DATE?
- TO STUDY.

61
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,893
OH, YEAH SURE. THAT'D BE...

62
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,429
THAT'D BE GREAT.

63
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:44,598
AND ALSO IF YOU EVER NEED
ANY HELP WRITING PAPERS,

64
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,867
I COULD WRITE THEM FOR YOU.

65
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,669
NO THANKS.

66
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,638
APPRECIATE THE HELP
WITH CHEMISTRY THOUGH.

67
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:54,675
ANYTIME. SERIOUSLY, ANYTIME.

68
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,612
BYE.

69
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,749
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE
DOING HERE, LENNOX.

70
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,884
YOU'RE USING THAT POOR KID
TO GET AHEAD IN SCHOOL.

71
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,919
DUH.

72
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,188
YOU REALLY THINK IT'S OKAY
THAT YOU'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE

73
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,624
OF THAT LITTLE NERD...
UH, SWEET KID?

74
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,926
HE GOT SOMETHING
OUT OF IT TOO...

75
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,463
THE JOY OF BEING NEAR ME.

76
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,931
I SEE. AND HE CAN THINK BACK
TO THAT BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

77
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,900
THE NEXT TIME THAT
HE'S GETTING KILLED

78
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,635
BY A WIZARD ONLINE?

79
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,638
OKAY, I GOT YOUR EMAIL.

80
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:25,939
WHAT'S THE BIG
MEETING ALL ABOUT?

81
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,775
MISS BURKE, TAKE A SEAT.

82
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,877
OH NO, NOT ANOTHER INTERVENTION.

83
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,879
I'VE ALREADY GOTTEN RID
OF SO MANY OF MY VICES.

84
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,282
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT
EXCEPT PURSES AND CHOCOLATE.

85
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,716
PLEASE DON'T TAKE
AWAY MY PURSES.

86
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,751
THAT'S WHERE I KEEP
MY CHOCOLATES.

87
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,953
- THIS IS A MEETING ABOUT THE FUTURE.
- PLEASE DON'T QUIT.

88
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,256
- I'LL BE BETTER! I'LL WASH A DISH!
- I'M NOT QUITTING.

89
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,458
WILL YOU TAKE A SEAT, PLEASE?

90
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,226
OKAY, LOOK, HERE IS THE DEAL.

91
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,796
FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN KEEPING
NOTES OF FINANCIAL ADVICE

92
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,299
AND I'VE FINALLY PULLED IT
ALL TOGETHER INTO AN eBOOK.

93
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,634
AND I AM STARTING
MY OWN COMPANY.

94
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:57,271
OOH! LONG-CO,
LONGO-CO, LONGOCORP,

95
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,707
INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF LONGO!

96
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,742
USE ANY OF 'EM.

97
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,711
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

98
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,579
ANYWAY, I'M GONNA
CREATE A WEBSITE.

99
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,915
I'M GONNA MAKE FINANCIAL
VIDEOS ONLINE

100
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,717
THAT SUPPORT THE
SALE OF MY BOOK.

101
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,785
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT

102
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,687
OBVIOUSLY RIGHT NOW I
CAN'T GET A BANK LOAN.

103
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:16,724
OH, YOU NEED TO BORROW MONEY.

104
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,858
- OKAY.
- NO NO NO NO!

105
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,893
I DON'T NEED TO BORROW MONEY.
THIS IS NOT A HAND-OUT.

106
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,829
THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY
FOR YOU TO GET INVOLVED

107
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,931
AS AN INVESTOR ON THE
GROUND FLOOR OF MY COMPANY.

108
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,467
GOT IT, GOT IT, GOT IT.
SO HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED?

109
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:30,471
I'M GONNA NEED $5,000
IN START-UP CAPITAL

110
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:33,507
FOR WEB DESIGN, HOSTING
AND BANDWIDTH...

111
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:36,910
- OKAY, $5,000.
- WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

112
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,912
DON'T YOU WANNA SEE MY
POWERPOINT PRESENTATION?

113
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,449
NO, JOE, IT'S OKAY. I DON'T
NEED TO SEE ANYTHING.

114
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,716
- I TRUST YOU.
- NO NO NO NO.

115
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,885
COME HERE, COME HERE, COME
HERE, LOOK LOOK LOOK.

116
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,355
YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT
MY PROSPECTUS, OKAY?

117
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,989
HERE.

118
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,824
- LET'S SEE.
- YEAH.

119
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,794
- SO... CHARTS, GRAPHS.
- SEE THAT...? WAIT A MINUTE. BUT THAT'S...

120
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,564
OH YAY! OKAY. AND I'M WRITING.

121
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,666
AND HERE IS YOUR CHECK.

122
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,434
THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS, OKAY?

123
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,736
I MAKE A PRESENTATION AND THEN YOU
SAY, "WOW, THAT WAS REALLY GREAT.

124
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,605
LET ME THINK ABOUT IT AND
I'LL GET BACK TO YOU."

125
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:08,342
OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT
AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

126
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,578
YAY!

127
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,882
IS THIS A PITY CHECK? ARE YOU JUST
DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU LIKE ME?

128
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,950
NO, I DON'T LIKE YOU.

129
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,886
THAT'S HOW MUCH I
BELIEVE IN YOU.

130
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,888
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S SHAKE ON IT.

131
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,890
SHAKE? NO NO NO NO NO.
I'VE DRAWN UP CONTRACTS.

132
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,992
I ACTUALLY HAVE A NOTARY COMING
OVER LATER THIS AFTERNOON.

133
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,326
WHO NEEDS A NOTARY?

134
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,295
IT'S A FRIENDLY TRANSACTION
BETWEEN FRIENDS.

135
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,364
NO NO NO, THIS IS A
BUSINESS TRANSACTION

136
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:31,999
BETWEEN BUSINESS PARTNERS.

137
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,702
OKAY, PARTNER. DEAL?

138
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,870
( sighs ) DEAL.

139
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:39,573
( squeals ) THIS IS SO EXCITING!

140
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,042
TEAM BURKE-LONGO!
OKAY, LONGO-BURKE.

141
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,412
I DON'T HAVE AN EGO
ABOUT THESE THINGS,

142
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,615
BUT JUST BURKE-LONGO
SOUNDS BETTER.

143
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,651
MEL, LOOK, WE ARE NOT
PARTNERS-PARTNERS.

144
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,787
OKAY? WE ARE PARTNER-
SILENT PARTNER.

145
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,556
SO SHH.

146
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,857
- BUT...
- NAH AH AH.

147
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,792
I JUST SAID SILENT
PARTNER, OKAY?

148
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,761
HERE, I REFER YOU
TO MY PROSPECTUS.

149
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,631
AND LET ME REFER
YOU TO MY CHECK.

150
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,734
BESIDES, I DON'T
REALLY DO SILENT.

151
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:10,003
ASK ANY OF MY OTHER PARTNERS.
I MAKE A LOT OF NOISE.

152
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,046
- VERY LOUD.
- THAT'S SO GROSS.

153
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,753
SO HOW ARE THE OPENING
CREDITS COMING ALONG, BUDDY?

154
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,756
- IT'S A LITTLE ROUGH, BUT HERE, TAKE A LOOK.
- ALL RIGHT.

155
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,791
OKAY.

156
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,760
( hip-hop music playing )

157
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,638
WOW, THAT IS VERY IMPRESSIVE.

158
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,974
I GOTTA LIKE THE PRICE, RIGHT?
TAKING YOU TO SEE A MOVIE.

159
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:50,644
NO NO, NOT JUST ANY MOVIE. WE'RE
TALKING "TRON: LEGACY" IN DECEMBER...

160
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,379
OPENING WEEKEND, MIDNIGHT SHOW,

161
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,715
BOTTOMLESS NACHOS.

162
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,383
YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.

163
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,652
SO HOW QUICK CAN YOUR WEBMASTER
TURN THIS WHOLE THING AROUND?

164
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:01,689
WELL, LARRY'S GOT
MARCHING BAND ON TUESDAY

165
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,124
AND ALLERGY SHOTS ON THURSDAY.

166
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:07,661
BUT I THINK HE CAN FIT YOU IN
LIVE BEFORE MID-TERMS FRIDAY.

167
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:10,564
I'VE GOT A REAL CRACK TEAM.

168
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,701
HEY, GUYS. JUST THOUGHT
I'D DROP BY THE SET

169
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,435
AND SEE HOW THE SHOOT IS GOING.

170
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:16,870
YOU KNOW, CHAT UP
THE CAST AND CREW.

171
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,906
- IT'S GOING FINE.
- GREAT GOOD.

172
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,575
SO, JOE, I WANTED TO RUN
SOME OF MY IDEAS PAST YOU

173
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:22,976
BEFORE YOU GET STARTED.

174
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,012
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.

175
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,581
YOU SHOT THE FIRST
ONE WITHOUT ME?

176
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,651
- NO, WE SHOT THE FIRST THREE WITHOUT YOU.
- BUT I'M A PARTNER!

177
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,820
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE LOOP.
I WAS NOT LOOPED.

178
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,722
RELAX, ALL RIGHT? WE DIDN'T
REALLY SHOOT THAT MUCH.

179
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,057
WE JUST SHOT A FEW OF THE VIDEOS
SO YOU WOULD HAVE SOMETHING

180
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,560
TO COME DOWN HERE AND LOOK AT
AND MAKE YOUR COMMENTS ON.

181
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,562
MM-HMM MM-HMM. YOU'RE JUST
TRYING TO GET AROUND ME.

182
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,996
NO. RIGHT?

183
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,566
THAT WAS NOT HIS
EXACT PLAN AT ALL.

184
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,001
THANKS, KID. AHEM.

185
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,838
COME ON OVER HERE AND
TAKE A LOOK, PARTNER.

186
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,175
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

187
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:58,746
( flatly ) Welcome
to "Joe Knows."

188
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,047
I am Joe Longo

189
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,017
and today's subject:
futures contracts.

190
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,820
What are they? How
can you use them?

191
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:10,524
You may not know, but Joe knows.

192
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:16,997
...is an agreement to
take or make delivery

193
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,701
on a date in the "future."

194
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,736
If you like what you heard,

195
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,873
order your copy of
"Monetizing Your Future:

196
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,976
Investment Tools for
the 22nd Century."

197
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,579
I'm Joe Longo and
this has been...

198
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,681
VERY PAINFUL.

199
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,515
HOW LONG WAS THAT?

200
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,718
18 MINUTES, 22 SECONDS.

201
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,120
I FEEL LIKE I JUST
DIED SIX TIMES.

202
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,756
THOSE ARE WAY TOO LONG. I
MEAN THESE ARE WEBCASTS.

203
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,625
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
TINY NUGGETS OF WISDOM,

204
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,894
NOT BIG BOULDERS OF BOREDOM.

205
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,830
EVERYTHING IN THERE IS
ESSENTIAL INFORMATION.

206
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,932
JOE, HERE'S HOW THE
INTERNET WORKS:

207
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,001
CLICK... I WANNA SEE THE
CAT PLAY THE PIANO.

208
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,604
CLICK... I WANNA SEE THE
DRAMATIC CHIPMUNK. CLICK...

209
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,639
( British accent )
"CHARLIE BIT MY FINGER!"

210
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,641
- ( giggles )
- PARDON MY TRUTH,

211
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,811
BUT I'M THE ONE WITH THE MASTERS DEGREE HERE
AND YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE IN BUSINESS.

212
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,979
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
EXPERIENCE IS OVERRATED.

213
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,048
I GOT INTO POLITICS
WITH NO EXPERIENCE.

214
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,017
DON'T GET HER WRONG...
SHE KNEW ALL THE ISSUES.

215
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,085
DON'T GET ME WRONG... I
KNEW ALL THE ISSUES.

216
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,721
YOU KNOW, I HAD THEM DOWN,

217
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,856
I MEAN, BUT ANYBODY
CAN SPOUT THE ISSUES.

218
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,991
I HAD SOMETHING THE OTHER
CANDIDATES DIDN'T HAVE.

219
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,827
A DADDY IN THE SENATOR BUSINESS?

220
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,829
NO. LIKABILITY.

221
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,864
YOU POST THESE, NOBODY'S
GONNA WATCH 'EM.

222
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,967
LOOK, I APPRECIATE THE INPUT.
CONSIDER IT CONSIDERED.

223
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,269
BUT WE ARE GOING TO POST
THESE WEBCASTS AS THEY ARE.

224
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:32,773
CONTACT HOMELAND SECURITY BECAUSE
THERE'S GONNA BE A BIG BOMB.

225
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:44,752
OH NO, STOP. MY ESSAY
WASN'T THAT GOOD.

226
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,854
WELL, YOU HELPED ME A
LOT, SO THANK YOU.

227
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,789
NO, THANK YOU.

228
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,258
( giggles ) OKAY, BECKETT. BYE.

229
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,094
LENNOX, IF THAT KID IS
DOING SOMETHING FOR YOU,

230
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,730
YOU REALLY SHOULD GIVE
HIM SOMETHING IN RETURN.

231
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,899
WAIT, LET ME REPHRASE THAT.

232
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,001
THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

233
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:04,672
- BECKETT'S JUST A SWEET GUY.
- REALLY? BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY

234
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,808
YOU CALLED HIM THE BASTARD LOVE
CHILD OF BILL GATES AND A ROBOT.

235
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,779
GEEKS ARE PEOPLE TOO.

236
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,715
OKAY, YES, BECKETT IS GEEKY

237
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:18,819
AND NERDY AND EVERYTHING.

238
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,620
BUT HE'S ALSO KIND OF CUTE.

239
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,656
OOH!

240
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,257
YOU LIKE HIM!

241
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,327
OH NO.

242
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,062
( sighs ) IT'S OKAY.

243
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,064
"SHORT SELLING,
OR SELLING SHORT,

244
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,300
INVOLVES BORROWING A
SECURITY FROM A BROKER

245
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,336
AND SELLING IT WITH THE UNDERSTANDING
THAT IT MUST BE BOUGHT BACK

246
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,305
AND RETURNED TO THE
BROKER LATER."

247
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,709
YOU SEE THAT? I CUT OUT A BUNCH OF STUFF.
I REALLY THINK IT'S SINGING NOW.

248
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,211
YEAH, JOE, YOU MAY WANT
TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

249
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,246
THE SITE'S BEEN
UP FOR THREE DAYS

250
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,883
- AND WE'VE ONLY GOTTEN...
- 17 HITS? THAT'S IT?

251
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,786
- THAT'S PATHETIC.
- HEY, HOW'S THE TRAFFIC TODAY?

252
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,723
I CHECKED THE SITE 16
TIMES JUST TO SEE.

253
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,725
- UH...
- LET'S JUST SAY THERE'S NO DANGER

254
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,059
OF RUNNING OUT OF BANDWIDTH.

255
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,994
- WE GOT 17 HITS.
- WHAT?

256
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:04,732
THOSE BOOKS ARE NOT FLYING
OFF THE VIRTUAL SHELF?

257
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,734
YOU DON'T NEED TO GLOAT, BURKE.

258
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,035
THAT WASN'T GLOATING.

259
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,738
THIS IS GLOATING: ( giggles )

260
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:13,907
JOE, BELIEVE ME, I WANT YOUR
BUSINESS TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

261
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,843
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
I'VE BEEN MAKING

262
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,978
SUCCESSFUL PRESENTATIONS
IN BOARDROOMS FOR YEARS.

263
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,914
YES, AS A SUIT SELLING
TO OTHER SUITS.

264
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,916
BUT NOW YOU HAVE TO APPEAL TO
A WHOLE DIFFERENT AUDIENCE.

265
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,652
COME ON, LET ME HELP YOU.

266
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,687
I'LL BE LIKE YOUR
MEDIA CONSULTANT.

267
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,157
I'LL GIVE YOU MY INPUT AND YOU CAN
DO WITH IT WHATEVER YOU WANT.

268
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,794
- AS LONG AS I TAKE IT.
- 17 HITS.

269
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,797
FINE, WRITE DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS AND
WE'LL TOSS THEM AROUND LATER.

270
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,766
LET'S TOSS RIGHT NOW.

271
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,168
FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE TO BE
MORE APPROACHABLE AND CASUAL.

272
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,070
YOU KNOW, LESS
BANKERY AND SUITY.

273
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,672
- LOSE THE SHINY DUDS.
- THIS IS HUGO BOSS.

274
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,942
YEAH, IT REPRESENTS
"THE MAN," OKAY?

275
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:52,245
CHANGE INTO SOMETHING MORE
ACCESSIBLE AND TIGHT.

276
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:55,816
SO YOU REALLY THINK THE WAY TO SELL MY
FINANCE BOOK IS BY WEARING A TIGHTER SHIRT?

277
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,351
- IT'S CALLED BRANDING.
- BRANDING?

278
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,053
THAT MAKES SENSE, BECAUSE, YEAH,

279
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,822
I DO FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.

280
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,757
WE'RE CREATING AN IMAGE.

281
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,325
ANYBODY CAN GIVE
FINANCIAL ADVICE.

282
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,360
BUT HOW DOES JOE LONGO
GIVE FINANCIAL ADVICE?

283
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,996
NOT HALF-NAKED.

284
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,698
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, JUST TRY IT, OKAY?
A LITTLE REHEARSAL.

285
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,734
NOW REMEMBER: PERSONABLE,
LIKEABLE, CASUAL.

286
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:15,936
AND GO!

287
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,840
( stilted ) THIS IS "JOE
KNOWS" WITH JOE LONGO.

288
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,810
- I'M JOE LONGO.
- CUT! STOP, NO.

289
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,412
WHAT? I'M WEARING THE SHIRT
YOU WANT ME TO WEAR.

290
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,414
WHAT'S NEXT? YOU WANT ME
TO LAY ON A BEAR RUG?

291
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,851
LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU TO BE RELAXED, OKAY?
HERE'S A LITTLE TECHNIQUE

292
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,887
I LEARNED IN A PUBLIC SPEAKING COURSE
I TOOK AT THE LEARNING ANNEX...

293
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:36,056
AH AH, WERE YOU THERE AUDITING

294
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,492
OR DID YOU STAY BOTH WEEKS
AND GET THE FULL M.B.A.?

295
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,462
OKAY, WHAT YOU WANNA DO
IS YOU WANNA ASSOCIATE

296
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,731
PUBLIC SPEAKING WITH
RELAXATION AND COMFORT.

297
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,333
SO WHEN I WAS DOING
MY ELECTION CAMPAIGN,

298
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,835
I USED TO REHEARSE
IN A BUBBLE BATH.

299
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,803
SO THEN WHEN I GAVE
THE ACTUAL SPEECH,

300
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,771
I WAS ABLE TO HOLD
ON TO THAT FEELING.

301
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,273
SO THE QUESTION
IS WHAT MAKES YOU

302
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,075
COMFORTABLE AND RELAXED?

303
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,779
BESIDES THAT.

304
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,349
OKAY, LET'S SEE.

305
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,217
I GET AN ENDORPHIN
RUSH WHEN I WORK OUT.

306
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,119
GOOD GOOD. LET'S TRY THAT.

307
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,755
PICK UP ONE OF THOSE
MUSCLE-LIFTY THINGS.

308
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,825
FINE. "MUSCLE-LIFTY THING."

309
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:16,796
- ALL RIGHT.
- NOW GIVE YOUR SPIEL.

310
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:23,003
FUTURES CONTRACTS REPRESENT AN
AGREEMENT TO TAKE OR MAKE DELIVERY

311
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,405
OF A COMMODITY ON A PARTICULAR
DATE IN THE FUTURE...

312
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,474
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- NO NO NO, IT'S WORKING.

313
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,242
YOU'RE ALMOST WATCHABLE, YEAH.

314
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:32,345
KEEP... KEEP TALKING.
KEEP PUMPING.

315
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:35,515
COMMODITIES CAN BE,
SAY, YOU KNOW, COFFEE,

316
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,217
COTTON, CATTLE, AND OF COURSE

317
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,020
EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE...
GOOD OLD PORK BELLIES.

318
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,821
HEY, I THINK WE GOT IT.

319
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,323
YEAH, I THINK WE
FOUND YOUR BRAND.

320
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,558
YOU'VE GOT THIS WHOLE HUNKY,
MANLY THING GOING ON.

321
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,028
I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THE
WEBCASTS JUST LIKE THIS.

322
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,097
ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHILE
I'M WORKING OUT?

323
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,231
YEAH. OOH OOH!

324
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,134
YOUR ANGLE COULD BE
"PUMP UP YOUR PROFITS."

325
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,303
YEAH, YOU JUST... YOU
KNOW, YOU DO THE THING

326
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,940
AND GRUNT A LITTLE AND YOU LET
LOOSE WITH THE BLAH BLAH.

327
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,109
MEL, I'M GONNA LOOK RIDICULOUS.

328
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,844
YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOOK RIDICULOUS
FLYING ON YOUR PRIVATE LEARJET

329
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,980
MADE OF SOLID GOLD FROM ALL
THE BOOKS YOU'RE GONNA SELL.

330
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,381
TRUST YOUR CONSULTANT. COME ON.

331
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:10,951
I GOT MEL BURKE ELECTED
TO CITY COUNCIL.

332
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,420
THAT'S NO EASY TASK WITH THIS
LIGHTWEIGHT'S BACKGROUND.

333
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:17,324
ALL RIGHT, AND ACTION!

334
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,592
OH HEY, WHAT'S UP?

335
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,529
THIS IS "JOE KNOWS" WITH
JOE LONGO, AND THAT'S ME.

336
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,965
SO TODAY WE'RE GONNA BE TALKING
ABOUT FUTURES, ALL RIGHT?

337
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,466
FUTURES ARE REALLY
JUST AN AGREEMENT

338
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,036
TO BUY SOME COMMODITY
SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE.

339
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,981
- HEY, GUYS.
- HEY, JOE, COME HERE AND LOOK.

340
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,882
WE PUT UP THE NEW
WEBISODE TWO HOURS AGO

341
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,952
AND WE ALREADY HAVE
1,000 UNIQUE VISITORS.

342
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,120
- WE'RE A HIT.
- THAT'S FANTASTIC!

343
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:48,855
JOE LONGO IS BACK, BABY!

344
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,357
HOW MANY BOOK
ORDERS HAVE WE HAD?

345
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,160
UM, LET'S SEE. HERE IT IS.

346
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,894
NONE.

347
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,396
ZERO?

348
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,331
WELL, IF YOU ROUND UP.

349
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,033
YEAH, BUT LOOK AT THE COMMENTS.

350
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,235
"JOE KNOWS WHAT I
LIKE." "HOT HOT HOT!"

351
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:05,138
"HE CAN SHAKE MY
MONEY TREE ANYTIME."

352
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,074
PEOPLE ARE LOVING IT.
I DON'T KNOW.

353
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,376
LOOKS LIKE YOUR CONSULTANT
CAME THROUGH FOR YOU.

354
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,145
YEAH, BUT NOBODY'S BUYING THE BOOK,
SO WHAT THE HECK IS THE POINT?

355
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,581
AND LOOK AT THESE COMMENTS.
WHAT THE HECK ARE THESE?

356
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,583
"I'M INTERESTED IN
HIGH-YIELD RETURNS, JOE.

357
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,219
CAN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS?"

358
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,455
AND THIS ONE I CAN'T EVEN SAY

359
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,157
WITH THE KID IN THE ROOM.

360
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,393
YEAH, THAT ONE WAS PRETTY FUNNY.

361
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,462
IN A WAY THAT DEEPLY OFFENDS ME.

362
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,466
HEY, DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS EMAIL?
LOOK AT THIS.

363
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,169
NICK'S SPORTING GOODS WANTS
TO MAKE AN ADVERTISING DEAL.

364
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,238
THEY LOVE YOUR WORKOUT. THEY
WANT TO SPONSOR THE SITE.

365
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,341
- WOW. SERIOUSLY?
- JOE, HERE'S YOUR GOLD MINE.

366
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,076
FOCUS THE WEBCAST
ON THE WORKOUT.

367
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,113
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE RESPONDING TO.
FOLLOW THE MONEY.

368
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,982
NO! LOOK, THIS IS NOT
ABOUT FINANCE, MEL.

369
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,483
- THIS IS NOT WHAT I SET OUT TO DO.
- I'M SORRY,

370
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,352
BUT COLUMBUS DIDN'T SET
OUT TO DISCOVER AMERICA,

371
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,222
BUT I'D SAY THAT WORKED OUT PRETTY
WELL FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.

372
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,658
EXCEPT FOR, YOU KNOW,
ALL THE INDIANS.

373
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,294
LOOK, I'M NOT DOING THIS
PUMPING AND PIMPING THING.

374
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,696
- NO, I AM NOT SELLING OUT.
- OKAY.

375
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,266
THEN I GUESS FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN HIS BUSINESS LIFE,

376
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,469
JOE LONGO IS GONNA POST A LOSS.

377
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,606
MEET ME IN THE GARAGE
IN 15 MINUTES, DUDE.

378
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,175
WE'RE DOING AB CRUNCHES.

379
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:19,179
- AND, UH... AND TAX TIPS?
- NO.

380
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,114
JUST FREAKIN' AB CRUNCHES.

381
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,554
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE REALLY GOT
THE CONCEPTS DOWN, LENNOX.

382
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,389
YOU'LL ACE THE FINAL.

383
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,191
I COULDN'T HAVE DONE
IT WITHOUT YOU.

384
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,992
TRUE DAT.

385
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,362
SO THAT'S ABOUT IT.

386
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,230
OH WAIT, YOU'VE GOT A
COOKIE CRUMB ON YOUR LIP.

387
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,132
YEAH, I'VE GOTTA GO.

388
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,968
BUT YOU WERE GONNA TELL ME
ABOUT THE SPACE PROGRAM

389
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:46,005
AND GRAVITY AND HOW OBJECTS
ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER.

390
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,608
YEAH, MAYBE AT SCHOOL SOMETIME.

391
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,610
BECKETT, WAIT.

392
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:56,216
I WAS GONNA ASK YOU
IF YOU MAYBE WANTED

393
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,018
TO GO OUT WITH ME SATURDAY,
LIKE ON A REAL DATE?

394
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:02,322
GEE, I'M SORRY. I'VE
GOT OTHER PLANS.

395
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:06,193
BUT... BUT YOU CAN'T
TURN ME DOWN!

396
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:10,163
I'M ME AND YOU'RE... YOU.

397
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:14,234
LOOK, PEOPLE SAW YOU TALKING
TO ME IN THE HALL AFTER CLASS

398
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:18,371
AND I GUESS THEY FIGURED IF A GIRL AS
CUTE AS YOU WOULD TALK TO ME, WELL...

399
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:21,741
ANYHOW, FELICIA WALLACE ASKED
ME OUT AND I SAID SURE.

400
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,111
FELICIA WALLACE?

401
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,279
SHE'S A SLUT.

402
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,748
THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME.

403
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,221
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

404
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:38,158
- HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?
- OH HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

405
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,593
BUT LOOK AT IT THIS WAY:
YOU ARE A VERY SMART

406
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,629
ATTRACTIVE AND
INTERESTING GIRL, OKAY?

407
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,297
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
THE OPPORTUNITY

408
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:48,101
TO DUMP MANY MANY GUYS
IN YOUR LIFETIME.

409
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:51,638
BUT THIS MIGHT BE BECKETT'S
ONLY SHOT AT BEING THE DUMPER.

410
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:55,208
SO I GUESS I GAVE HIM
AN INCREDIBLE GIFT.

411
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:57,610
YOU DID.

412
00:17:57,644 --> 00:18:00,213
YOU ARE A GIVER.

413
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,484
AWESOME, EXCITING,
WONDERFUL NEWS.

414
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,086
WE JUST GOT OUR FIRST CHECK
FROM NICK'S SPORTING GOODS.

415
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,289
LOOK, IT'S MADE OUT TO
JOEKNOWSFINANCE.COM.

416
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:13,193
AW! I FEEL LIKE MY LITTLE BABY
JUST TOOK HER FIRST STEPS.

417
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,128
WHY IS MY WEBSITE A GIRL?

418
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,130
IT JUST IS.

419
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,266
HERE, RELISH THE SWEET
SMELL OF SUCCESS.

420
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,434
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I
DRIPPED SOME RELISH ON IT

421
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,370
- AND IT SMELLS LIKE...
- HEY, MEL, DO YOU MIND?

422
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,238
I HAVE TO GET A LEG
OF LAMB IN THE OVEN

423
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,674
- AND WE NEED TO KEEP THINGS ON SCHEDULE IN HERE.
- SORRY, OF COURSE.

424
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:30,443
YOU'RE MAKING WITH THE CAPITALISM,
ROCKIN' THE ENTREPRENEURIAL WORLD,

425
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,579
ON YOUR WAY TO
CREATING AN EMPIRE!

426
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,414
ALL THANKS TO LITTLE OLD ME.

427
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,850
ALL RIGHT, RYDER, LET'S
GET READY TO DO THIS.

428
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,187
FULL SQUAT LIFTS, TAKE ONE.

429
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,255
AHEM.

430
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:45,258
HEY, I'M JOE LONGO HERE
WITH THE LIFT OF THE WEEK.

431
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:48,428
THE SQUAT LIFT WILL TONE UP THE
GREATEST NUMBER OF MUSCLES

432
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,598
IN THE FEWEST MOVES.

433
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,201
ONE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER

434
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:56,236
IS STRETCH FIRST.

435
00:18:56,269 --> 00:19:00,373
YOU WANNA BE GENTLE WITH YOUR...
GROIN.

436
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,316
- JOE?
- MEL. HEY, I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.

437
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,451
- AND I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
- WE FOUND EACH OTHER.

438
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,221
YEAH, LISTEN. I JUST... I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT "JOE KNOWS."

439
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,155
- ACTUALLY...
- NO PLEASE, LET ME.

440
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,591
- WELL...
- I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THE WEBCAST,

441
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:21,394
AND THE ONLY REASON I
WANTED TO LEND YOU...

442
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:24,364
SORRY, INVEST THE MONEY...
WAS SO THAT YOU COULD START

443
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,199
YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND BE HAPPY.

444
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,835
BUT WATCHING YOU A LITTLE WHILE AGO...
YOU WEREN'T HAPPY.

445
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,271
- I KNOW. CAN I...
- NO, I'M ALMOST FINISHED.

446
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,341
JOE, I JUST CARE ABOUT YOU
TOO MUCH TO LET YOU DO THIS.

447
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,343
SO JUST DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THE MONEY.

448
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,844
PAY ME BACK WHEN YOU CAN.

449
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,847
BUT PLEASE STOP DOING THE
BODY-BUILDING WEBCASTS.

450
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:45,184
I STOPPED DOING THE
BODY-BUILDING WEBCASTS.

451
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,787
WITHOUT TELLING YOUR PARTNER?

452
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,623
- WHAT'S THIS?
- SWEET VICTORY.

453
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,359
I MADE A DEAL WITH
NICK'S SPORTING GOODS.

454
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,494
I SOLD HIM THE "JOE
KNOWS" SITE OUTRIGHT.

455
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,162
I EVEN MADE A TIDY
LITTLE PROFIT.

456
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,198
- OH, $5,002.
- YES!

457
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,601
JOE LONGO ALWAYS MAKES
HIS INVESTORS MONEY.

458
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,604
THANKS. I CAN RIDE THE BUS NOW.

459
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:05,905
ALMOST.

460
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,609
SO NO REGRETS ABOUT
SELLING OUR...

461
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,644
- YOUR... THE BUSINESS?
- NAH.

462
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,646
LOOK, I COULD HAVE MADE
THE FITNESS THING WORK,

463
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,182
BUT IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO.
MY HEART JUST WASN'T IN IT.

464
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,185
I AM GOING TO BE BACK ON TOP IN THE
FINANCIAL WORLD. I PROMISE YOU THAT.

465
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,687
BUT HEY, IT WAS A PLEASURE

466
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,355
DOING BUSINESS
WITH YOU, PARTNER.

467
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,924
- ( chuckling ) NO, IT WASN'T.
- NO, IT REALLY WASN'T.

468
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,560
IT WAS WORSE THAN FRATERNITY
HAZING AT BALL STATE.

469
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:30,797
YEAH, I'VE HAD BOUTS OF FOOD
POISONING MORE ENJOYABLE.

470
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,632
WE JUST DON'T SEE EYE TO EYE.

471
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,867
Both: WE RUB EACH
OTHER THE WRONG WAY.

472
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,370
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!
- I WAS JUST GONNA SAY THAT!

473
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,373
- PARTNERS!
- ( both laugh )

474
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,609
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M
GONNA GO TO THE GARAGE

475
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:43,910
AND BREAK DOWN THE
REST OF THE SET.

476
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,512
I HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT
HOW TO DO THAT.

477
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,213
NO NO NO NO. DON'T
START WITH THE IDEAS.

478
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,515
- I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
- NO NO NO...

479
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,983
I'M THE ONE WHO PUT IT UP.
I'M GONNA BE TAKING IT DOWN.

480
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,828
OKAY, EVERYTHING'S SET.

481
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:04,597
AND ACTION!

482
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,866
Want your friends to be jealous

483
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:09,769
of the huge pile of money
you're sitting on?

484
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:12,905
Well then, you need Joe Longo's
amazingly wonderful book.

485
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,442
Order now and you'll
also get a free trip

486
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,444
to anywhere in the world...

487
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,846
Paris,

488
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,715
London,

489
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:24,884
Egypt,

490
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:28,287
inside the human heart.

491
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:30,523
HEY, BURKE, YOU GONNA HELP
ME WITH ANY OF THIS STUFF

492
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:33,793
- OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA CONTINUE TO PLAY?
- NO, I STILL WANNA PLAY.

493
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:36,929
Joe Longo's book won't only teach
you the secrets of finance,

494
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:40,867
it'll teach you how to fly.

495
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,034
Joe: BURKE.

496
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:45,304
Ahh!

497
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,342
( theme music playing )