1
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,377
"MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

2
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:14,382
HELLO! WHO'S HERE? I GOTTA TELL
SOMEONE ABOUT MY CRAPFEST OF A DAY.

3
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:17,451
- YOU!
- SORRY, I HAVE NO TIME TO ATTEND CRAPFESTS.

4
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,587
JUST PICK ME UP A
LITTLE T-SHIRT.

5
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,190
THE KIDS ARE FINISHING THEIR DINNER,
THAT MEANS I AM OFF THE CLOCK.

6
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,557
- SO NIGHT.
- HOLD IT.

7
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,593
WHERE ARE YOU RUNNING OFF TO
IN YOUR NEW FANCY MAN-SHIRT?

8
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,996
NEW, NOT FANCY. KEEPING TRACK
OF MY CLOTHES, ARE YOU?

9
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,564
YEAH. YOUR CLOTHES
ARE INTERESTING.

10
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,600
YOU... NOT SO MUCH.

11
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,635
I GOT A DATE, OKAY?
YOU REMEMBER THOSE?

12
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,637
YEAH, I DATE. I DATED RECENTLY.

13
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,407
ALL RIGHT? INTERNET
CHATROOMS COUNT.

14
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,342
IT SUCKS I HAVE NO PRIVACY HERE.

15
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,145
OH HEY, SINCE YOU'RE HERE...

16
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:47,681
AM I SHOWING OFF A LITTLE TOO
MUCH CLEAVAGE FOR A FIRST DATE?

17
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,683
WOW. WHO IS THIS GIRL?

18
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,353
I MEAN, SHE MUST BE PRETTY SPECIAL
TO GET YOU ALL DUDED UP AND NERVOUS.

19
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,688
I AM NOT NERVOUS. JOE LONGO
NEVER LOSES HIS COOL.

20
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:58,058
YEAH, OF COURSE. HEY, IS THAT LITTLE
SPAGHETTI SAUCE ON YOUR COLLAR?

21
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,760
WHAT? WHERE?

22
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,163
THAT? THAT WAS JUST... NO, THAT?

23
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,598
I THINK THAT'S JUST A SHADOW FROM MY CHIN.
IS THAT WHAT YOU SAW?

24
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,735
- NO, I JUST...
- YOU KNOW, JOE, I KNOW I CAN BE CRITICAL

25
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,703
ABOUT WHAT YOU WEAR
AND WHAT YOU SAY

26
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,572
AND HOW YOU LOAD THE DISHWASHER.

27
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,108
I MEAN, KNIVES FACING UP...
ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

28
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,177
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO
YOUR PERSONAL LIFE,

29
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,180
I WILL WITHHOLD JUDGMENT.
NOW WHO IS SHE?

30
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:22,416
FINE. UM, SEE, IT'S WEIRD
'CAUSE HER AND I...

31
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,685
UH, WELL, WE... IT'S...

32
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,487
TIFFANY.

33
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,590
OH, YOUR EX-WIFE? WELL,
MMM, THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

34
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,159
MM-HMM. ( chuckles )

35
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,826
ARE YOU INSANE?

36
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,696
I MEAN, SHE'S A LUNATIC. HAVE
YOU LOST YOUR FRIGGIN' MIND?

37
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YOU'RE, LIKE, TOTALLY SPITTING
ON MY SHIRT RIGHT NOW.

38
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,102
- ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD
- ♪ All good

39
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,571
- ♪ IT'S OKAY
- ♪ Okay

40
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,373
- ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT
- ♪ All right

41
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,441
♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE

42
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,443
- ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD
- ♪ All good

43
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,078
- ♪ IT'S OKAY
- ♪ Okay

44
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,080
- ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT
- ♪ All right

45
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,783
♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪

46
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,186
♪ WITH ME ♪

47
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,789
TIFFANY? THE SAME
TIFFANY WHO MARRIED YOU

48
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,658
AND THEN DUMPED YOUR ASS THE MINUTE
THE GRAVY TRAIN RAN OUT OF GRAVY?

49
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,560
WITH A LITTLE DISTANCE
AND FURTHER REFLECTION,

50
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,729
SHE REALIZED THAT SHE DIDN'T
MISS ALL THAT STUFF, ALL RIGHT?

51
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:12,633
AND WHAT SHE REALLY MISSED
WAS ALL THIS STUFF.

52
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,368
IT TOOK HER FOUR MONTHS
TO REALIZE THAT?

53
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,337
I MISSED "SEX AND THE CITY"
THE DAY IT WENT OFF THE AIR.

54
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,639
AND THOSE MOVIES
HAVE NOT HELPED.

55
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,641
THIS TIFFANY NOW IS ALL RIGHT?
TIFFANY,

56
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,710
THIS IS THE GIRL THAT I
FELL FOR THREE YEARS AGO

57
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,145
WHEN I SPOTTED HER ACROSS
A CROWDED BROKER BAR.

58
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:29,317
AW. AND OUT OF ALL THE OTHER
GOLD-DIGGERS, YOU CHOSE HER.

59
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,652
IT'S LIKE A ROMANCE NOVEL.

60
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,821
WE'RE GONNA TAKE THINGS
SLOW AND SEE WHERE THEY GO.

61
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,823
WE'RE GONNA START OUT AS
FRIENDS AND GO FROM THERE.

62
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,326
I APPRECIATE YOU LOOKING
JUST DINNER, SO RELAX.

63
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,428
JUST DINNER? THAT'S LIKE
SAYING IT'S JUST MURDER.

64
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,196
ALL RIGHT? THAT WOMAN IS TOXIC.

65
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,365
I MEAN, WHEN YOU PARTS
START FALLING OFF.

66
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,467
YOU HAD HAIR WHEN
YOU MET HER, RIGHT?

67
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,670
YEAH. WHO KNOWS WHAT
YOU'LL LOSE NEXT?

68
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,540
I THINK I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES
WITH HER, ALL RIGHT?

69
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,442
BUT NOT WITH THIS SHIRT.
I GOTTA CHANGE.

70
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,610
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A
SHIRT MADE OUT OF MONEY.

71
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:57,878
THAT'LL GET HER ATTENTION.

72
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,248
HEY, NO COMPUTERS
AT THE DINNER TABLE

73
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:03,817
UNLESS YOU'RE DOING MY
ONLINE TRAFFIC SCHOOL.

74
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,487
WHAT? ISABEL LIPPI
FOR MOST POPULAR.

75
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,888
SHE'S A HORRIBLE PERSON.

76
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,623
HORRIBLE WORKS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

77
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,325
PLUS SHE HAS A POOL.

78
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,727
YOU KNOW "THE GREAT RANT"...
THE SCHOOL BLOG?

79
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,729
WELL, THEY'RE DOING A
POLL FOR CLASS FAVORITES.

80
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,632
AW, PLEASE DON'T
DRAW ME INTO THIS.

81
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,835
UNFAIR. I HATE THIS
IS EVIL.PEOPLE.

82
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:26,206
THE PEOPLE GETTING VOTES FOR BEST
LOOKING AND BEST EYES AND BEST SMILE...

83
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,642
OH, THIS IS NOTHING BUT
A POPULARITY CONTEST.

84
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:31,779
HONEY, USUALLY WHEN PEOPLE ARE
RUNNING FOR MOST POPULAR,

85
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,715
IT'S A POPULARITY CONTEST.

86
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,285
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU CARE WHAT
OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU.

87
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,420
I WOULDN'T WANT SOMEBODY
SLAPPING A LABEL ON ME.

88
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,222
OH, TOO LATE, SNOTTY McBOOGER.

89
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,759
I HAD A COLD LAST MONTH. WHY
CAN'T PEOPLE GET OVER THIS?

90
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:49,863
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL THE
BOYS VOTED ME EASIEST...

91
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,834
TO GET ALONG WITH.

92
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:57,271
WOW... TWO FANCY MAN-SHIRTS.

93
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,839
YEAH, I HAVE MORE
THAN ONE SHIRT.

94
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:02,242
IT'S REALLY CRAZY DOWN THERE.
IT'S LIKE I'M A ROCK STAR.

95
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,312
WHO'S YOUR DATE WITH?

96
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:06,447
- UH WELL...
- HIS EX, TIFFANY.

97
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,881
- OH MY GOD.
- JOE, DON'T.

98
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,484
HEY, STOP IT, ALL OF YOU.
ALL RIGHT?

99
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,486
LOOK, I REALIZE IN HASTE
AFTER WE BROKE UP,

100
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,488
I MAY HAVE SAID SOME THINGS
THAT MADE HER SOUND LIKE A...

101
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,656
MONEY-GRUBBING BITCH.

102
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,726
I'M NOT BEING MEAN.
THAT'S THE LEGAL TERM.

103
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,761
I AM CONVINCED THAT IF
YOU ALL MET TIFFANY,

104
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,262
YOU WOULD CHANGE YOUR MINDS.

105
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,332
IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM
GOING TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

106
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,734
OH MY GOSH, I GET TO
MEET MY NANNY'S EX-WIFE?

107
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,537
IT'S THE MOMENT EVERY
GIRL DREAMS OF.

108
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,973
AND YOU WILL FIND THAT SHE IS A
KIND, CARING, GENUINE HUMAN BEING.

109
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,609
HEY, WITH JUST A
TOUCH OF SILICONE.

110
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,346
ALL RIGHT, FINE,
SHE'S 98% GENUINE.

111
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,652
THERE SHE IS, LOOKIN'
AT IT AGAIN.

112
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,654
WELL, LOOK WHO'S
IN THE LEAD NOW.

113
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,956
THERE'S NO WAY ANNETTE RYAN
IS MOST POPULAR ANYTHING...

114
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:52,693
EXCEPT MAYBE WITH THE
ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM.

115
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,662
WHY DO YOU CARE?

116
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,497
I DON'T CARE.

117
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:59,533
UH-HUH. THOSE ARE THE CLENCHED
FISTS OF SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE.

118
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,735
I COULD GET VOTES
IF I WANTED TO.

119
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:04,338
YOU KNOW, I COULD BE
BEST HAIR, NICEST SMILE.

120
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,774
I COULD BE SWEETEST, DAMN IT.

121
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,276
WELL, YOU'VE DEFINITELY GOT
A SHOT AT MOST DELUSIONAL.

122
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,612
IT IS NOT THAT
HARD TO WIN THESE.

123
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,047
IT'S ALL ABOUT GETTING
ATTENTION AND KISSING UP.

124
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,384
OH, I COULD TOTALLY
TAKE THEM DOWN.

125
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:19,687
I WOULD BE INCLINED TO SAY
YOU ARE A LOT OF TALK.

126
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,756
AND I'D BE INCLINED TO SAY
SHUT UP AND WATCH ME.

127
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,692
OKAY OKAY, WHICH ONE
ARE YOU GOING FOR?

128
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,560
ALL OF 'EM...

129
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,796
SMARTEST, BEST FRIEND,
MOST COMPASSIONATE.

130
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:32,433
OH, THE SCHOOL IS GONNA
TREMBLE AT MY GREATNESS.

131
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,503
OR POSSIBLY SHOVE
YOU IN A LOCKER.

132
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:44,311
OH, "SENIOR CITIZEN RENT
INCREASE EXEMPTION PROPOSAL."

133
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,481
OH GOD, I'M GONNA NEED SOME
OXYGEN TO GET THROUGH THIS ONE.

134
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:50,684
- ( doorbell rings )
- OH, THANK YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

135
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,055
OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU MEL BURKE?

136
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,857
- TIFFANY?
- UH-HUH.

137
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,393
WOW, SO WE FINALLY GET TO MEET.

138
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,695
I WAS EXPECTING SOMEONE
MUCH LESS ATTRACTIVE...

139
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:04,765
YOU KNOW, HELMET HAIR, SCARF
COVERING UP A BIG CHICKEN NECK.

140
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,735
( laughs ) BUT LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE PRETTY.

141
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,770
I MEAN, NOT ENOUGH
TO MAKE ME WORRY,

142
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:13,774
BUT A STRONG SIX. GOOD FOR YOU.

143
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,977
WELL, I AM DOUBLE-D-LIGHTED
TO MEET YOU.

144
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,746
COME ON IN.

145
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,047
THANK YOU.

146
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,750
OH, WHERE'S MY JOEJOEBEE?

147
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,085
UH, "JOEJOEBEE"?

148
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,020
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I CALL JOE.

149
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,856
DID HE TELL YOU HIS
PET NAME FOR ME?

150
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,692
ACTUALLY, HE'S CALLED
YOU QUITE A FEW NAMES.

151
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,128
JOE IS JUST DROPPING THE KIDS
OFF AT A BASKETBALL GAME.

152
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,697
HE'LL BE BACK IN A FEW MINUTES.

153
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,599
- CAN I GET YOU A GLASS OF WINE?
- NO.

154
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,534
I MEAN, I SHOULDN'T.
I CAN'T BECAUSE,

155
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,736
WELL, NO REASON, JUST NOTHING.

156
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,938
OKAY, I THINK I'M PREGNANT.

157
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:48,008
OH WOW, BOY, OKAY, THAT WAS
LIKE A BULLET OF TRUTH.

158
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,712
UM... ( laughs ) I
AM UNCOMFORTABLE.

159
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,046
PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

160
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,648
IT'S JUST BEEN A FEW DAYS.

161
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,016
I'M LATE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

162
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,652
I HAVE READ "OUR
BODIES, OURSELVES."

163
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,854
UM, SO DOES JOE KNOW ABOUT THIS?

164
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,790
NO. AND YOU CAN'T TELL HIM.

165
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,792
PLEASE PROMISE ME
YOU WON'T TELL HIM.

166
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,094
PROMISE. PINKY-SWEAR
ON OUR FRIENDSHIP.

167
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,897
- OUR FRIENDSHIP?
- OH, YOU FEEL IT TOO?

168
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,933
OH, IT'S LIKE WE'VE KNOWN
EACH OTHER FOREVER.

169
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,869
YEAH. IT DOES SEEM THAT WAY.

170
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,439
OH, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

171
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,675
NOW I CAN REALLY LET IT ALL OUT.

172
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,977
OH, YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK?

173
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:27,047
I'VE HAD NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT
THIS SINCE IT'S HAPPENED.

174
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,919
MY BOOBS ARE ALL TENDER AND I
HAVE GAS LIKE A TRUCK DRIVER.

175
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,687
WOW, YOU HAVE BEEN HOLDING BACK.

176
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,489
OKAY, PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO.

177
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:38,158
UM, BUT MAYBE YOU NEED TO
TALK TO JOE ABOUT THIS.

178
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,728
OH, NO NO NO. JOEJOEBEE
AND I JUST RECONNECTED.

179
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,063
I DON'T WANT TO SCARE HIM OFF.

180
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,065
HE'S SUCH A SPECIAL GUY.

181
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,668
AND I'VE DATED A LOT OF GUYS...

182
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,704
A LOT.

183
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:54,742
LIKE A PARKING LOT?

184
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,810
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?

185
00:07:56,844 --> 00:08:00,013
I THOUGHT I HAD THAT
RHYTHM METHOD DOWN PAT.

186
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,783
YEAH, WELL, SOMETIMES
YOU MISS A BEAT.

187
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,852
BUT LOOK, IF YOU WANT
A FUTURE WITH JOE,

188
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,987
YOU NEED TO TELL HIM ABOUT THIS.

189
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,089
OH NO! I MEAN, NOT
FOR A FEW MONTHS.

190
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,959
I CAN HIDE IT UNDER
BIG BULKY CLOTHES.

191
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,595
OH, YOU'LL LEND ME
SOMETHING, RIGHT?

192
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:19,600
OKAY, I'M JUST GONNA CHALK THAT
UP TO YOU NOT THINKING CLEARLY.

193
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:23,203
OH, WHERE'S MY JOEJOEBEE?
I NEED MY JOEJOEBEE.

194
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,739
OKAY, SWEETIE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO STOP SAYING "JOEJOEBEE,"

195
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,609
'CAUSE IT DOES SOMETHING
TO ME RIGHT HERE.

196
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,779
HEY, MEL, IS... OH, TIFFYPOP!

197
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,847
- JOEJOEBEE.
- ( groans )

198
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:37,818
- SORRY I'M LATE.
- YEAH, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.

199
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,987
SO WHAT HAVE YOU TWO LADIES
BEEN DOING UP HERE, HUH?

200
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,789
TALKING ABOUT BOYS
AND SHARING SECRETS?

201
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,091
UH, WE'VE BEEN SHARING
AND THERE ARE SECRETS,

202
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,726
BUT NOT FOR LONG. RIGHT, TIFF?

203
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,662
YEAH YEAH. LET'S GO, JOE.

204
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,063
SHE'S KIND OF SWEET, ISN'T SHE?

205
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:53,266
- COME ON, JOEJOEBEE!
- COMING, TIFFYPOP.

206
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,837
YEAH, TIFFY GONNA POP.

207
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,051
OH, GOOD MORNING.
YOU'RE UP EARLY.

208
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,855
YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO HEAR HOW
LAST NIGHT WENT WITH TIFFANY.

209
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,790
OH, IT WENT AMAZING.

210
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:20,794
REALLY? SO, YOU KNOW, SHE
DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING UNUSUAL?

211
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:24,064
ANYTHING YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING?

212
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,000
ACTUALLY SHE DID. SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS
THINKING ABOUT GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL.

213
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,669
I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT.

214
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:32,840
NURSING, YEAH, THAT... THAT...
SHE COULD BE GOOD AT THAT.

215
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:38,712
ALL RIGHT, NO MORE eBAY FOR YOU.

216
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:39,880
THANK YOU.

217
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,616
TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF VOTING,
SO I'M GOING FOR BROKE.

218
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,285
I'M GONNA TRY TO TAKE MOST
DRAMATIC, MOST STYLISH,

219
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,887
AND THE BIGGEST FLIRT.

220
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,822
THROW IN "MOST LIKELY
NOT TO PAY FOR DINNER,"

221
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,590
AND YOU GOT THE TYPICAL GIRL.

222
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:51,992
OH, COME ON, YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.

223
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:55,896
AND I HAVE A SECRET
WEAPON FOR MOST DRAMATIC.

224
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,699
LENNOX?

225
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:01,802
FAKE FAINT.

226
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,706
HUH? HUH? NOW THAT
IS SOME DRAMA.

227
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,877
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GONNA
WORK ITSELF OUT, I HOPE.

228
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,680
I MEAN, THERE'S A SCHOOL
COUNSELOR, RIGHT?

229
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,314
ALL RIGHT, SPEAKING OF
DRAMA, JUST CURIOUS...

230
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,084
TIFFANY DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING
WE TALKED ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

231
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,919
AS HARD AS THIS MAY BE
FOR YOU TO BELIEVE,

232
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,788
WE ACTUALLY DIDN'T
TALK ABOUT YOU.

233
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,891
JOE, I TOLD YOU I HAVE TO BE AT
SCHOOL 45 MINUTES EARLY TODAY, RIGHT?

234
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:27,627
- NO, YOU DIDN'T.
- I WROTE IT DOWN.

235
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,730
HOW COULD I NOT SEE THAT?

236
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,999
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE.
- JOE, I JUST...

237
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,067
I CAN'T. I GOTTA GET HIM TO SCHOOL.
CAN IT WAIT?

238
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,103
YEAH, IT CAN WAIT.

239
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,643
MEL, THE ANTI-CRUISING
POLICE DETAIL IN THE PARK

240
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,913
WAS JUST CAUGHT
CRUISING IN THE PARK.

241
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,248
THE PRESS WANT A STATEMENT.

242
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:51,051
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
DO YOU HATE ME?

243
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,886
STEPH, SIT. I NEED SOME ADVICE.

244
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,223
FROM... FROM... FROM ME?

245
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,893
OKAY.

246
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,329
ALL RIGHT, GIRL TO GIRL,
IT'S ABOUT A PREGNANCY.

247
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,397
OH MY GOD! YOU'RE PREGNANT? HOW?

248
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,900
I MEAN WHY? I MEAN YIKES.

249
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,902
AN UNMARRIED PROMISCUOUS
CITY OFFICIAL?

250
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,838
THE PRESS IS GONNA CRUCIFY US.

251
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:14,007
OH, BUT I THINK A
BABY IS A BLESSING.

252
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,077
WOW, WELL, I THINK A CALM
ASSISTANT IS A BLESSING.

253
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,679
I'M NOT PREGNANT.
IT'S ABOUT A FRIEND.

254
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,849
OH, A "FRIEND," RIGHT.

255
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,984
GOOD. I CAN SPIN THAT.

256
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,886
HOW WOULD YOU BE
ABLE TO SPIN THAT

257
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,789
IF I WERE ACTUALLY PREGNANT AND
I SAID THAT SOME... NEVER MIND.

258
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:32,292
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE DEAL... JOE HAS
STARTED SEEING HIS EX-WIFE AGAIN.

259
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:35,262
- ( gasps )
- MY REACTION EXACTLY BUT WITH BOTH HANDS.

260
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,397
YEAH, SO SHE COMES OVER
WHEN JOE'S NOT HOME

261
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,967
SO I CAN SEE WHAT A NICE PIECE
OF PSYCHOTIC WORK SHE IS.

262
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,803
AND THEN SHE BLURTS OUT THAT SHE'S
PREGNANT AND I CAN'T TELL JOE.

263
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,005
BUT HE DESERVES TO KNOW
THAT HE'S SEEING SOMEONE

264
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,040
WHO'S GONNA HAVE
ANOTHER MAN'S BABY.

265
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,708
WHAT THE HELL AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

266
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,011
I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED YOU
BEFORE YOU UNLOADED ALL THIS.

267
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,013
I'M REALLY TERRIBLE
AT GIVING ADVICE.

268
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,082
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE
ABOUT YOUR NEW HAIR COLOR,

269
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:59,686
- BECAUSE ON THAT...
- OKAY, DIG DEEPER.

270
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:04,057
MY MOTHER ELAINE IS REALLY GOOD
AT THESE KINDS OF SITUATIONS.

271
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,894
SO I THINK THIS IS
WHAT SHE WOULD SAY...

272
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:12,365
DARLING, I THINK YOU GOT
A THING FOR THIS JOE GUY

273
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,334
AND THAT'S WHAT'S
REALLY BOTHERING YOU.

274
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,805
YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT
YOUR OWN FEELINGS FIRST

275
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,407
AND THEN TELL HIM WHAT
THAT GIRL TOLD YOU

276
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,977
AND YOU DON'T WANT HIM GETTING
BACK WITH THAT CRAZY HUSSY.

277
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,380
THANKS, STEPHANIE.

278
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,882
OH, DON'T THANK
ME; THANK ELAINE.

279
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,151
YEAH, BUT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY...

280
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,186
THANKS, ELAINE.

281
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,025
( beeping )

282
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,460
GREAT, YOU'RE HOME EARLY.

283
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,396
NO, THIS IS NOT A "GREAT,
YOU'RE HOME EARLY."

284
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,033
THIS IS A "YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
WHY? WHAT'S WRONG?"

285
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,869
- THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU.
- ME FIRST.

286
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,104
CHECK OUT THIS LITTLE AWESOME PIECE
OF TECHNOLOGY I JUST GOT US.

287
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:54,174
NO LONGER WILL I HAVE TO READ A SHOPPING
LIST WRITTEN IN YOUR CHICKEN SCRATCH.

288
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,309
MY CHICKEN SCRATCH? YOURS
LOOKS LIKE A TWO-YEAR-OLD

289
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,245
USED A BROKEN CRAYON
ON A WET NAPKIN.

290
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,381
WHATEVER. WATCH THIS.

291
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,550
BANANAS.

292
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,956
- "BANANAS."
- HUH?

293
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,891
ISN'T THAT GREAT? IT PRINTS
OUT EVERYTHING YOU SAY.

294
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,425
- GO AHEAD, GIVE IT A TRY.
- NO, JOE, I...

295
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,161
- COME ON, GIVE IT A TRY.
- JOE, I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

296
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,163
SAY IT INTO THE MACHINE. SAY IT
INTO THE MACHINE, ALL RIGHT?

297
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,999
TRY IT. BY THE WAY, IT
HELPS IF YOU ENUNCIATE.

298
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,534
TIFFANY GOT KNOCKED
UP BY SOME GUY

299
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,104
AND SHE'S NOT TELLING YOU.

300
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:32,112
UH-OH.

301
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,315
WHY ARE YOU SAYING "UH-OH"? THE
IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOT WHO GOT HER PREGNANT

302
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,284
SHOULD BE SAYING "UH-OH."

303
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,319
UH-OH.

304
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,998
IT'S YOU? YOU'RE THE
FATHER OF TIFFANY'S BABY?

305
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,832
BUT I THOUGHT YOU
WERE TAKING IT SLOW?

306
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,501
I THOUGHT IT WAS A
BURGEONING FRIENDSHIP?

307
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,803
IT BURGEONED.

308
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,538
BUT YOUR FIRST DATE
WAS JUST LAST WEEK.

309
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,140
HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE YOU?

310
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,009
YEAH, THAT WAS OUR FIRST DATE,

311
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,112
BUT IT WASN'T TECHNICALLY THE FIRST TIME
WE'D BEEN TOGETHER SINCE WE BROKE UP.

312
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:08,015
NONE OF THIS IS
MAKING ANY SENSE.

313
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,351
CAN WE TALK IN PRIVATE?

314
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,855
ALL RIGHT, ABOUT A MONTH AGO
TIFFANY CAME BY THE HOUSE.

315
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,557
I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED THAT.

316
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,993
NO, IT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.
YOU WERE OUT SAVING TOLEDO AND ALL.

317
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,229
ANYWAY, SHE CAME BY AND SHE
SAID THAT SHE MISSED ME

318
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,364
AND THAT SHE WAS READY TO TAKE
OUR MARRIAGE VOWS SERIOUSLY.

319
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,400
OH, AND WHAT WERE YOUR VOWS...
"LET'S DO THIS THANG"?

320
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,202
SORRY. GO AHEAD.

321
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:32,872
LISTENING, NOT JUDGING.
MAYBE JUST A LITTLE.

322
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,574
IT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF AMAZING.

323
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,010
I MEAN, HERE I AM, BROKE AND
LIVING IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE

324
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,378
AND SHE STILL WANTED
TO BE WITH ME.

325
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,247
I MEAN, THAT'S...
THAT'S LOVE, RIGHT?

326
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:45,118
SO YOU THINK IT'S TRUE LOVE BECAUSE
YOU HAD A QUICKIE IN THE BASEMENT?

327
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,420
- WE NEVER MADE IT TO THE BASEMENT.
- WHOA, WHERE'D YOU MAKE IT?

328
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,290
- THAT... THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS...
- MY ROOM?

329
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,358
WHAT? NO.

330
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,360
I WOULD NEVER.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.

331
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,362
PLUS IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN WAY
TOO LONG TO GET UP THERE.

332
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,564
- ANYWAY, THE POINT IS...
- WHERE?

333
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,232
- DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO KNOW WHERE?
- YES.

334
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,334
FINE, ALL RIGHT.

335
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:04,037
IT HAPPENED, UM...

336
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,275
OH, GROSS ME OUT!

337
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,343
OH MY GOD, YOU JUST
LET ME SIT THERE?

338
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,512
THAT'S NOT EVEN SCOTCHGARDED.

339
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:15,915
BUT THEN AGAIN, NOTHING WAS
PROTECTED AROUND HERE, WAS IT?

340
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,418
HEY, I AM SORRY, ALL RIGHT? BUT
I GOT A LOT BIGGER PROBLEMS

341
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,387
TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW
THAN DEFLOWERING YOUR SOFA.

342
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,655
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUILDING TRUST.
IS THIS HOW YOU BUILD TRUST?

343
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:25,025
- WITH HER, NOT WITH YOU.
- DO YOU EVEN GIVE

344
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,427
ANY THOUGHT TO WHAT LIFE WITH
A BABY IS GONNA BE LIKE?

345
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,397
I JUST FOUND OUT FIVE MINUTES AGO!
IT'S STILL SINKING IN.

346
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,365
IT'S DEFINITELY SINKING.

347
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,434
OH GOD, IT JUST SUNK.

348
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,137
( sighs )

349
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,206
HOW COULD I BE SO CARELESS?
HOW COULD I DO THIS?

350
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,673
I MEAN OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE

351
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:44,277
I NEVER GAVE HER A PRESENT ONCE
WITHOUT WRAPPING IT FIRST.

352
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,613
ALL RIGHT.

353
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,948
I KNOW.

354
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:52,986
I KNOW. YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON
WHO DIDN'T MEAN TO SLIP UP.

355
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,954
BUT I DID. I DID, DIDN'T I?

356
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,424
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
REMARRY TIFFANY.

357
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,692
I'M GONNA HAVE TO MOVE OUT
OF HERE AND GET MY OWN PLACE

358
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,328
AND, YOU KNOW, PROBABLY
GET A SECOND JOB.

359
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,363
AND I'LL BE UP ALL
NIGHT CHANGING DIAPERS

360
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,132
SO I'LL HAVE NO TIME AT
ALL TO GO TO THE GYM.

361
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:09,002
SO ALL THE YEARS THAT I'VE SUNK INTO THIS
BODY ARE GONNA BE COMPLETELY WASTED.

362
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,970
I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL TIFFANY
RIGHT NOW AND PROPOSE.

363
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,573
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK THE
ANSWER TO THIS PROBLEM IS MORE TIFFANY.

364
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:17,244
I THINK THIS IS A TIME
TO BREATHE AND THINK

365
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,147
AND JUST KEEP TIFFANY
OUT OF YOUR MIND.

366
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,149
- ( knock at door )
- Tiffany: JOEJOEBEE?

367
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,152
- OH NO.
- TIFFYPOP.

368
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,254
JOEJOEBEE, I HAD TO SEE YOU.

369
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,356
THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

370
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,425
SWEETIE, IT'S OKAY. MEL
TOLD ME ABOUT THE BABY.

371
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:36,296
( gasps ) HOW COULD YOU AFTER YOU
PINKY-SWORE ON OUR FRIENDSHIP?

372
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,566
OKAY, WHAT KIND OF LEGAL
CONTRACT IS THIS?

373
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,668
TIFFANY, IT'S OKAY. ALL RIGHT?

374
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,071
I'M... I'M OKAY WITH THIS

375
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:47,474
AND I AM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE AND
I WILL BE A GREAT GREAT FATHER.

376
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,677
AW! HOW COULD I HAVE
EVER LET YOU GO?

377
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:54,447
OH, AND BY THE WAY, I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

378
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,516
OH, THANK THE INFERNAL GODS.

379
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,652
I MEAN, WHATEVER.

380
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,489
SO, OKAY, SO YOU'RE
NOT PREGNANT,

381
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,357
WHICH MEANS THAT
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

382
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:09,362
WELL, THIS WHOLE BABY SCARE
GOT ME THINKING ABOUT US,

383
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,498
HOW GREAT WE WERE TOGETHER

384
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,733
AND HOW GREAT WE COULD BE AGAIN.

385
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,735
TELL ME YOU DON'T
THINK ABOUT IT.

386
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,305
I DO SOMETIMES, YEAH.

387
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:22,309
THERE'S NO PROBLEM BETWEEN US
THAT A BABY COULDN'T SOLVE.

388
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,776
LET'S MAKE A BABY

389
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,612
RIGHT HERE ON OUR LUCKY COUCH.

390
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,514
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHOA WHOA WHOA.

391
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,450
YOU'RE LIKE A BIG
CARNIVAL OF CRAZY.

392
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,152
HOW ABOUT IT, JOEJOEBEE?

393
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,721
JOE... ( hums circus music )

394
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,023
BUT SHE NEEDS ME. SHE NEEDS
ME TO GO TO HER RIGHT NOW

395
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,425
AND WRAP MY BIG STRONG
ARMS AROUND HER.

396
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,294
NO NO NO, SHE NEEDS A STRAITJACKET
WITH BIG STRONG STRAPS AROUND HER.

397
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:44,697
I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO RACE BACK INTO
THIS RELATIONSHIP FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

398
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,066
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU TWO A MINUTE

399
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,436
WHILE I GO CALL ONE OF THOSE
CRIME-SCENE-CLEAN-UP CREWS.

400
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:55,175
LOOK, TIFFANY...

401
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,277
UH UH! TIFFYPOP.

402
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,411
( laughs )

403
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,314
TIFFANY, UM...

404
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,683
ALTHOUGH YOUR OFFER
IS VERY TEMPTING,

405
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,286
HAVING A BABY IS A
REALLY BIG DECISION.

406
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,422
SO I THINK THAT

407
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,491
YOU AND I SHOULD JUST
TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF TIME

408
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,294
TO THINK ABOUT THIS, YOU
KNOW, IN OUR OWN PLACES,

409
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:18,265
AND JUST KNOW THAT WE'LL
ALWAYS HAVE THE... THE COUCH.

410
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,833
OH. OKAY SURE.

411
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,770
NO HURRY. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW,

412
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,539
I'LL BE OVULATING IN TWO WEEKS.

413
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,508
CALL ME.

414
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,277
I WILL DEFINITELY CONSIDER THAT.

415
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,645
OH, YOU'LL CALL ME.

416
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:40,287
WOW. SHE IS CRAZY HOT.

417
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,289
YEAH, YOU'RE HALF RIGHT.

418
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:47,126
I HOPE YOU'RE REALLY NOT SERIOUSLY
GONNA GET BACK INTO THAT WHOLE THING.

419
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,698
I MEAN, YOU DESERVE A
NICE NORMAL SANE WOMAN.

420
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,234
KNOW WHERE I COULD
FIND ONE OF THOSE?

421
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,736
NOT IN MY IMMEDIATE CIRCLE.

422
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,639
HEY, BURKE,

423
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,808
THANKS FOR LOOKING OUT FOR ME.

424
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,877
YEAH, WELL, NOBODY NEEDS
CHAOS LIKE THAT IN HIS LIFE.

425
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:08,348
I DON'T KNOW. I SORT OF LIKE A
LITTLE BIT OF CHAOS IN MY LIFE.

426
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,882
THIS WHOLE THING IS YOUR FAULT.

427
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:12,151
OH, EXCEPT FOR ALL THE
PARTS THAT ARE YOUR FAULT.

428
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,454
I THOUGHT THAT GUY ON TOP
OF YOU WAS A PERVERT.

429
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,357
OKAY, WHEN YOU SAY PERVERT,
I KNOW I CAN'T DUCK IT.

430
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,692
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- WHO DID THAT TO YOUR EYE?

431
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,528
OH, I'LL TELL YOU. YOU
REMEMBER THIS MORNING

432
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,396
WHEN I SAID THAT I WAS
GONNA FAKE FAINT?

433
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:27,767
AND YOUR AUNT SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER
TO STOP YOU? MM-HMM YES, GO ON.

434
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,339
WELL, I DID. AND THEN SOME OLD GUY
JUMPED ON TOP OF ME TO GIVE ME C.P.R.

435
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,408
YEAH, I NEVER SAW HER FAINT. I JUST
SAW THIS BIG DUDE ON TOP OF HER

436
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,877
SO I JUMPED ON TOP OF HIM.

437
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,912
HE WAS THE P.E. TEACHER.

438
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,149
MR. CARLSON? HE'S ENORMOUS.

439
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,586
YEAH, AND HE DOESN'T LIKE WHEN
PEOPLE GRAB HIM BY THE WHISTLE.

440
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,289
WELL, YOU SHOULD MIND
YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

441
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,158
YOU SHOULD THANK ME FOR PULLING
OLD BALD MEN OFF OF YOU.

442
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,160
ALL RIGHT, TAKE THIS
TO THE KITCHEN.

443
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,629
ALL RIGHT? WE NEED TO GET A
STEAK ON THAT EYE IMMEDIATELY.

444
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,698
SO IS THIS ENOUGH CHAOS FOR YOU?

445
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,533
YEAH, IT'LL DO FOR NOW.

446
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,713
- SO HOW'S THE STEAK, MAN?
- IT'S GOOD.

447
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,849
JOE, THIS ISN'T THE SAME ONE I HAD
ON MY EYE FOR THREE HOURS, IS IT?

448
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,686
EVERYBODY'S GOT TO
LIVE ON A BUDGET.

449
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,491
YOU GUYS, LOOK...
I MADE THE LIST.

450
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,692
I MADE THE LIST.

451
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,761
LENNOX SCANLON,
MOST UNPREDICTABLE.

452
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,763
AND WE'RE HAPPY ABOUT THIS?

453
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:33,700
UH YEAH. I MEAN,
I'M ON THE BOARD,

454
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,802
NOT THAT I, YOU KNOW,
CARE ABOUT THESE THINGS.

455
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,737
YEAH, WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE THINKS

456
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,806
BECAUSE SHE'S UNPREDICTABLE.

457
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,708
I COULD LEAVE
UPSTAIRS OR I COULD

458
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,644
LEAVE THROUGH THE DOOR.
WE JUST DON'T KNOW.

459
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,313
AND WE DON'T CARE.

460
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:49,282
THIS IS NICE, YOU KNOW? WE SHOULD
DO LABELS LIKE THIS IN OUR HOUSE.

461
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,951
UM, FOR INSTANCE, I
WOULD BE BEST HAIR,

462
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:55,722
BEST AUNT AND BEST PERSONALITY.

463
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,824
WHAT, ON OPPOSITE DAY?

464
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,760
YEAH, WELL, YOU WOULD
GET MOST MATURE... NOT!

465
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,663
RIGHT AFTER YOU GOT LEAST CONSISTENT
ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU EVER SAY.

466
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,897
EH, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH.

467
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,733
RYDER, DO YOU WANT
TO GO UPSTAIRS?

468
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,368
I CANNOT DEAL WITH ONE
OF THESE RIGHT NOW.

469
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,736
YEAH, ME EITHER.

470
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,538
"NAH NAH NAH NAH."
WHAT WAS THAT?

471
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:13,473
WHAT ARE YOU, A
ROADRUNNER OR SOMETHING?

472
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,741
YOU WOULD GET MOST ANNOYING.

473
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,709
- OH, I'D GET MOST ANNOYING?
- YEAH.

474
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,846
- REALLY? OKAY, WELL, I LEARNED FROM THE BEST.
- AND MOST BALD.

475
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,883
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