1 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,509 Joe: "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT 2 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,244 OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:13,714 HEY, SOMEBODY HAD A FABULOUS NIGHT. 4 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,417 CAN YOU SPOT HER? 5 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,286 WHERE'D YOU GO? 6 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,587 WHERE DIDN'T WE GO? 7 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,490 LET'S SEE... BIG FUN, MORE FUN, DRINKING FUN, 8 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,991 SALSA FUN. 9 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,594 OOH, GET-OUT-BEFORE- THE-COPS-COME FUN. 10 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,562 FIVE KINDS OF FUN. 11 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:31,599 LET ME JUST POINT OUT AT FUN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING 12 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,667 THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DATING A 24-YEAR-OLD 13 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,669 DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU'RE 24. 14 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:38,005 I DON'T KNOW. I THINK IT KIND OF DOES. 15 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,474 YEAH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING A GOOD TIME? 16 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,476 JUST NOT A LOT OF TIME. YOU'RE ALREADY IN YOUR 30s. 17 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,712 YOU KNOW, SIX MONTHS WITH THE WRONG GUY 18 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,580 IS JUST LIKE SIX MONTHS WASTED. 19 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,582 DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR MORE OF A SUBSTANTIAL MEAL 20 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,718 INSTEAD OF JUST FILLING UP WITH JUNK FOOD? 21 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,188 CAN I HELP IT IF JUNK FOOD CAN'T KEEP ITS HANDS OFF ME? 22 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:58,126 BESIDES, GEORGE IS THE RIGHT GUY FOR RIGHT NOW. 23 00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,627 WOW, CHECKMATE. 24 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,730 THERE'S NO WAY I CAN COME BACK FROM... 25 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:06,434 NO, YOU CAN'T. SO SPEAKING OF WASTING TIME, WHAT DID YOU DO TONIGHT? 26 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,769 WATCH LINGERIE FOOTBALL? 27 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,139 NO, SEASON'S OVER. 28 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,507 WE'LL GET 'EM NEXT YEAR. 29 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,677 - YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, LONGO? - NO COOL WRISTBANDS? 30 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,513 NO, YOU THINK EVERYONE SHOULD LIVE THEIR LIVES YOUR WAY. 31 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:23,050 NO, I'M JUST SAYING YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING OUT FOR MORE OF A LONG-TERM GUY. 32 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,652 - THAT'S ALL. - WHAT, A HUSBAND? 33 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,320 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 34 00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:28,622 WHY? I'VE ALREADY GOT AN ANNOYING KNOW-IT-ALL GUY 35 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:32,160 WHO SITS ON MY COUCH THAT I DON'T HAVE SEX WITH. WHAT MORE DO I NEED? 36 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,696 HONEY, WILL YOU GRAB ME A BEER? 37 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,598 ( theme music playing ) 38 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,600 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 39 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,269 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 40 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,836 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 41 00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,173 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE 42 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,175 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 43 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,076 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 44 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,611 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 45 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,580 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 46 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,883 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 47 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,521 HEY, LENNOX, THE SCHOOL BLOG ONLINE... 48 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,723 NO NO NO NO, NO BLOG.Y BLOG. 49 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,125 SCHOOL BLOG, REALLY? THE SCHOOL BLOG 50 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,661 EXPECTING TO SEE AND YET FOUND NOTHING 51 00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:09,630 AND YOU'RE WONDERING WHY? 52 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,499 NOT ANYMORE. 53 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,768 - I TRIED TO WARN YOU. OF A JOB.U DID A HELL 54 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,638 MR. SHAMTOUB AND I CANNOT WORK WITH ROMAN. 55 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:21,342 SO NOTHING GETS ON THE BLOG MY BRILLIANT STUFF, 'T LIKE 56 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:25,246 AND I DON'T LIKE BECAUSE IT'S STUPID. 57 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,448 CAN'T YOU GUYS WITH EACH OTHER? 58 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,417 YOU DON'T LEARN, DO YOU? 59 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,819 YOU CAN'T COLLABORATE NOT LISTEN TO YOU.LL 60 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,222 HE DOESN'T EVEN LET ME FINISH A SENTENCE. 61 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:37,725 - YEAH, I CAN'T STAND... - IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING. 62 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:41,595 I BET. HEY, I LOVE SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH IT? 63 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:44,232 NO, DON'T TRY TO DISTRACT ME BY TALKING ABOUT MY HAIR. 64 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:47,768 NO NO NO, IT'S SO SHINY. ARE YOU USING SOMETHING NEW? 65 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,770 YEAH, IT'S CALLED STRAWBERRY-SCENTED ANGER. 66 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,805 OH WELL, IT IS WORKING FOR YOU. 67 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:57,678 UH-OH, NANNY IN A SUIT. EIGHT MORE WEEKS OF WINTER? 68 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,414 HA, THAT'S... NO, I ACTUALLY HAVE A MEETING. 69 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:03,751 HANDING OUT MY BUSINESS CARD LAST WEEK YIELDED A FEW CALLS. 70 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,819 LONGO'S GETTING BACK INTO THE GAME. 71 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,422 I MAY BE DOING SOME WITH THIS STARTUP.NG 72 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:11,625 WELL, GOOD LUCK. YOU HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW. 73 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,594 YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE THINGS FROM ME. 74 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:16,497 LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE WITH GEORGERNY HEAVEN 75 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:20,601 AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.Y? 76 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,370 - WHAT'S THIS? HAVE THAT, PLEASE? 77 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,638 AN ANNIVERSARY CARD? WHOSE ANNIVERSARY IS IT? 78 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,874 - MEL. TIFFANY? FFANY." 79 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,743 YOU'RE SENDING AN ANNIVERSARY CARD TO YOUR EX-WIFE? WHY? 80 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,313 IF YOU HAVE TO KNOW, YESTERDAY I GOT A POSTCARD 81 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,248 FROM THE CHALET WE WENT ON OUR HONEYMOON, 82 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:37,518 AND IT SAID, "WE MISS YOU. COME SKI US AGAIN." 83 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,921 I GUESS THEY DIDN'T HEAR EACH OTHER.PPED SKIING 84 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,657 I AM JUST REACHING OUT ALL RIGHT? OUR ANNIVERSARY, 85 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,693 AND I FOUND A CARD WITH AN APPROPRIATE MESSAGE. 86 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,397 YOU FOUND A CARD THAT SAYS, OUT, YOU GOLD-DIGGING BITCH"? 87 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,832 LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO BE A FRIEND HERE, OKAY, 88 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,767 ON A DAY WHEN SHE'S GONNA BE SAD AND LONELY 89 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,636 AND PROBABLY WATCHING THAT VIDEO WE MADE ON OUR HONEYMOON. 90 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:59,640 MY BAGEL JUST CAME BACK ON ME. 91 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,809 NO, WE RODE OUR BIKES TO THE TOP OF A VOLCANO 92 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,478 AND A GUY VIDEOTAPED US THERE AT THE TOP OF THE CRATER... 93 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,580 DOING IT. 94 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,582 I'M KIDDING. I JUST WANTED TO SEE THAT FACE. 95 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,718 - JOE, THIS IS A BAD IDEA. - WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? 96 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,654 I'M JUST GONNA SWING BY HER PLACE AFTER MY MEETING AND GIVE IT TO HER. 97 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,789 THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT... YOU GIVING IT TO HER. 98 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,491 I'M GONNA MAIL HER THIS. 99 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:20,394 MEL, I DIDN'T EVEN SEAL THAT ENVELOPE YET. 100 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,863 YOU SHOULD NOT BE LICKING ANYTHING THAT SAYS TIFFANY ON IT. 101 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,769 SO ALL THESE PIECES I SUBMITTED ARE TERRIBLE. 102 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,838 IT'S JUST MY OPINION, 103 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,740 WHICH IS ALWAYS CORRECT. 104 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,744 EVERY STORY, EVERY POEM, EVERY SINGLE LINE IS TOTAL SUCKAGE? 105 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,647 NO, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE RANDOM MOMENTS 106 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,750 OF UNINTENDED HILARITY. 107 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,852 YOU THINK IF YOU ACT SMARTER AND BETTER, 108 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:48,489 YOU'RE SOMEHOW... SMARTER AND BETTER. 109 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,760 YES, AND YEAH. 110 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,495 THOSE PIECES MAY NOT BE PERFECT, 111 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,565 BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A CHANCE. 112 00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:00,000 - SO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A CHANCE? - YEAH. 113 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,803 - YOU REALLY WANT ME TO TAKE A CHANCE? - YEAH. 114 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,838 PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS. 115 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,777 WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT? 116 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:15,449 SO, UM, YOU WERE REALLY JUST TALKING ABOUT THE BLOG? 117 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,418 YEAH. 118 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,721 BECAUSE YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT METAPHORS, SO I THOUGHT... I'M SORRY. 119 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,794 I'M CONFUSED. 120 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,996 - WHY DON'T WE CLEAR THINGS UP? - YEAH. 121 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,572 KNOCK KNOCK. 122 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:42,309 MR. SHAMTOUB, WE WERE JUST... 123 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,745 INSPECTING EACH OTHER'S LIPS FOR DEFECTS? 124 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,014 I THINK NOT. 125 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,784 ( doorbell rings ) 126 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,455 GEORGE, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE GOING OUT TONIGHT? 127 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,658 NO NO NO. TONIGHT'S YOUR NIGHT OFF. REST UP FOR WHAT'S TO COME. 128 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,795 - WHAT'S TO COME? - WE JUST GOT INVITED TO A PARTY. 129 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,965 "MEET THE NEW GIRLFRIEND." THAT'S SO SWEET. WHO'S GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND? 130 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,868 JUST SOME GUY NAMED ME. 131 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,037 AHA! 132 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:14,542 YEAH, SO THIS GUY, ME, HE'S A LOT OF FUN. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HIM. 133 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,044 HE'S THROWING A PARTY RIGHT HERE SO THAT ALL HIS FRIENDS 134 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,679 CAN MEET HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND. 135 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,481 THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN. 136 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,884 SO THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT AFTER ONLY 12 DAYS? 137 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,720 AM I IN TROUBLE? 'CAUSE I ALREADY SENT OUT THE EVITE. 138 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,889 NO, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. 139 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,358 I WAS WORRIED YOU MIGHT BE THINKING THAT I'M GOING TOO FAST. 140 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,695 WHAT? TOO FAST? WHO'S FAST? NOT YOU. 141 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,765 I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT OUT THE INVITE WITHOUT RUNNING IT BY YOU FIRST, 142 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,733 BUT I WAS JUST SO EXCITED. 143 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,669 SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT? 144 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:44,505 YEAH, I MEAN, WHAT'S NOT TO BE OKAY WITH, YOU KNOW? 145 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:47,841 I MEAN, AFTER ALL, I AM YOUR... 146 00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,778 - GIRLFRIEND. - YOU SAID IT. 147 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,412 - OKAY, I GOTTA GO. - ALL RIGHT. 148 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:53,981 HEY, MEL, I GOT SOME GREAT NEWS. 149 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:56,817 WHOOPS. DID I JUST INTERRUPT ANOTHER MAGICAL MOMENT? 150 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,687 - WOULD THAT STOP YOU? - HONESTLY, NO. 151 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,823 SO MY INTERVIEW WENT AWESOME. THEY DIDN'T EVEN CARE THAT I WORKED FOR SCANLON. 152 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,859 THEY SAID, "THAT WAS THE PAST. WE ARE PRIDEMORE FINANCIAL. 153 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:09,630 WE LOOK TOWARD THE FUTURE, AND THAT FUTURE JUST MIGHT INCLUDE YOU, JOE LONGO." 154 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,765 - WAY TO SCORE, JOE. - YEAH, YOU TOO, BUDDY. 155 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,701 I MEAN, THANK YOU. 156 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,803 WELL, I HOPE YOU CAN MAKE THE PARTY. 157 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,138 - WHAT PARTY? - SHE'LL TELL YOU. 158 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,674 - LATER. - LATER. 159 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,011 - WHAT PARTY IS HE TALKING ABOUT? - ( cell phone beeps ) 160 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,914 IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST A LITTLE GATHERING. 161 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,482 I JUST GOT AN EVITE. 162 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,752 FROM GEORGE. 163 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,954 "COME MEET MY NEW GIRLFRIEND." 164 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,691 - ARE YOU THE NEW GIRLFRIEND? - UH-HUH. 165 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,928 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU DON'T LOOK 100% TOTALLY COMFY WITH THAT. 166 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,930 I'M COMFS. I'M SUPER COMFS. 167 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,998 YEAH? WELL, YOU BETTER TELL YOUR FACE, 168 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,768 BECAUSE IT DON'T LOOK TOO COMFS. 169 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,671 IT MAKES SENSE. YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GOING OUT FOUR, FIVE MINUTES NOW. 170 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,673 WELL, ALMOST TWO WEEKS. 171 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,142 TWO WEEKS? THAT'S LIKE HALF HIS LIFE. 172 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,977 - THIS IS NOT ABOUT HIS AGE. - NO, YOU SURE? 173 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,446 THE YOUNG GUY'S NOT GOING A LITTLE TOO FAST FOR YOU? 174 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,948 NO, HE'S MOVING JUST RIGHT. 175 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,652 YOU KNOW, AND ANYTIME HE WANTS, HE CAN CALL ME THAT. 176 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,219 OKAY, WELL, THEN WE BOTH GOT GOOD NEWS. 177 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,221 BECAUSE I AM THIS CLOSE TO GETTING A NEW JOB, 178 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,692 AND YOU ARE THIS CLOSE TO BEING ABLE TO SAY THE WORD "GIRLFRIEND." 179 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,040 EXCUSE ME. HI. 180 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,577 WASN'T THIS PRIDEMORE FINANCIAL? 181 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,580 THEY CLEARED OUT, MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT... 182 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,582 SO FAST THEY LEFT SKID MARKS. 183 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,050 TURNED OUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE FINANCING. 184 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,688 YEAH, BUT I HAD A MEETING TODAY WITH THE C.E.O. 185 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,990 OH, YEAH, SURE THAT'S STILL ON THE SCHEDULE. 186 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,826 YEAH, IT'S RIGHT AFTER MY DATE WITH JENNIFER LOPEZ. 187 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,127 THEY CAN'T BE GONE. 188 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,997 NO, I HAD AN INTERVIEW AND I NAILED IT. 189 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,766 OH, I'M SORRY. I ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT. 190 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,535 YEAH, THEY LEFT A MESSAGE FOR YOU. 191 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,870 LOOK AROUND. 192 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,878 SO I TAKE IT YOU'RE NOT GONNA VALIDATE MY PARKING? 193 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,159 - ABOUT TIME. - UH-OH. 194 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,796 - SIT DOWN. - BOY TROUBLE? WHAT'S HIS NAME? 195 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,833 - MR. SHAMTOUB. - A TEACHER? OH MY GOD! 196 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,302 NO. NO NO, IT'S ROMAN. 197 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,672 WE WERE KISSING AND MR. SHAMTOUB CAUGHT US. 198 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,307 WHOA, I THOUGHT YOU AND ROMAN HATED EACH OTHER. 199 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:37,144 SO NOW YOU HAVE TO LIKE SOMEONE TO KISS THEM? 200 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,279 NO, GOOD POINT. PROCEED. 201 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,148 OKAY, MR. SHAMTOUB DOESN'T WANT TWO STUDENTS 202 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,651 WHO ARE HAVING "A THING" LEFT ALL ALONE IN THE RESOURCE ROOM 203 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,252 FOR NO REASON. 204 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,054 A COUPLE OF PREGNANCIES, A LAWSUIT, 205 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,724 AND PEOPLE MAKE UP THESE IDIOTIC RULES. 206 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,293 SO YOU WANT ROMAN TO ASK YOU OUT? 207 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,763 YES. NO. GOD, KEEP UP. 208 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:59,867 MR. SHAMTOUB SAYS THAT ONE OF US HAS TO RESIGN AS EDITOR, 209 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,869 AND IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ME. 210 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,805 - SO IT'LL BE ROMAN? - NO, HE'S NOT GONNA DO IT. 211 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,140 SO ALL THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF ONE LITTLE KISS? 212 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,842 ACTUALLY IT WAS TWO. 213 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:11,578 THREE IF YOU COUNT THE THIRD ONE. 214 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,281 SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 215 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,616 I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S WHY I WAS WAITING FOR YOU. 216 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,052 REALLY? YOU WANTED MY OPINION ON THIS? 217 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,021 NO, I JUST WANTED TO HEAR MYSELF TALK 218 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:24,257 SO MAYBE I COULD FIGURE THINGS OUT. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. 219 00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:29,029 I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN IT'S ABOUT ME. 220 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:32,099 WOW, WHAT'S THIS? YOU ACTUALLY WENT GROCERY SHOPPING? 221 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,067 I DIDN'T EVEN THINK YOU COULD FIND THE STORE. 222 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,635 JUST BUYING STUFF FOR THE PARTY... 223 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,270 YOU KNOW, THE MEET-THE-ME PARTY. 224 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,072 SO HOW'D THE INTERVIEW GO? 225 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,874 IT WENT IN A U-HAUL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 226 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,776 THE COMPANY WENT BUST AND THEY TOOK OFF. 227 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,878 - JOE, I'M SO SORRY. - THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 228 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:48,015 SO MY CAREER IS DEAD. MY MARRIAGE IS SHOT. 229 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:52,019 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I'VE OFFICIALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM. 230 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:55,756 - AND IN THAT, MEL, COMES A CERTAIN SERENITY. - ( cell phone rings ) 231 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,257 LONGO. 232 00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,160 MR. LONGO, THIS IS ANGELO AT VALENTINO'S. 233 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:04,097 I'M CALLING TO CONFIRM YOUR RESERVATION FOR TONIGHT AT YOUR USUAL TABLE. 234 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,398 RESERVATION? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 235 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,400 I SEE THAT IT WAS MRS. LONGO 236 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,369 WHO MADE THE RESERVATION. MY MISTAKE. 237 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,672 I AM SO VERY SORRY. PLEASE FORGET I CALLED. 238 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,174 - WAIT A MINUTE, ANGELO. ANGELO, WAIT A MINUTE. - ( clicks ) 239 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,710 HELLO, ANGELO. 240 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,011 CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? 241 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,948 TIFFANY IS USING OUR STANDING ANNIVERSARY RESERVATION 242 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,682 TO TAKE SOME NEW GUY OUT. 243 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:25,418 WELL, SHOULDN'T SHE BE ABLE TO MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE? 244 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,756 YES, BUT NOT AT OUR TABLE AT OUR RESTAURANT ON OUR ANNIVERSARY. 245 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,224 THAT'S LIKE SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER GUY IN OUR BED. 246 00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:34,127 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SERENITY? - SHE SUCKED IT OUT OF ME. 247 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,969 - YOU QUIT. - NO, YOU QUIT. 248 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:45,973 HOW ABOUT A COMPROMISE? YOU QUIT AND I DON'T. 249 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,441 I'M A JUNIOR. I'LL BE APPLYING TO COLLEGES FIRST 250 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,778 AND I NEED TO BE EDITOR MORE. 251 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,946 YOU KNOW HOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE MORE TIME TO APPLY TO COLLEGES? 252 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,247 BY QUITTING. 253 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,716 WHY ARE WE MAKING THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL? 254 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,718 BECAUSE OF A COUPLE OF KISSES? 255 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:01,121 I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY. 256 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:04,724 ALTHOUGH THAT LAST ONE ROCKED. 257 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:08,061 OKAY, IT'S NOT AN S.A.T. WORD, BUT IT'S ACCURATE. 258 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:11,031 TRUE, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE BLOG, WE CAN'T DO THAT AGAIN. 259 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,067 - NO, EVER. - SO THIS NON-RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. 260 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:17,037 - DEAD AND BURIED. - YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY WE CAN 261 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,306 MAKE THIS WORK AS CO-EDITORS. 262 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,875 - WHICH IS ALL I CARE ABOUT. - YEAH, ME TOO. 263 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,911 SO. 264 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,181 LET'S NOT RISK IT. 265 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:34,254 ( pop music playing ) 266 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:40,760 HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS GONNA BE A SMALL GET-TOGETHER. 267 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,096 I DID, BUT YOU KNOW, PEOPLE CALL PEOPLE. 268 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,765 THEN THEY CALL PEOPLE AND THE WORD GETS OUT. 269 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,235 TRISTAN, EMILY, GET OVER HERE. 270 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,871 MEET MY GIRLFRIEND. THIS IS HER, MY GIRLFRIEND. 271 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,073 YEAH, DON'T CALL ME THAT. IT'S SO FORMAL. 272 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,175 JUST CALL ME MEL. 273 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,911 SO I'M JUST GONNA GET SOME OF THE STUFF OUT OF HERE. 274 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,482 HEY, LITTLE DUDE, WE RAN OUT OF GUAC, 275 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:05,953 SO DO US A SOLID... RUN TO THE STORE AND PICK SOME UP. 276 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,088 YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I LIVE FOR, TO DO YOU A SOLID. 277 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,157 IGNORE THEM, SWEETIE. 278 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:13,160 IT'S JUST KIND OF WEIRD WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE. 279 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,963 NOW RUN TO THE STORE AND GET SOME GUAC. 280 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:19,166 EXCUSE ME. WOW, LOOK AT THIS TURNOUT. 281 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:22,102 I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT SPRING BREAK WAS COMING TO YOU THIS YEAR. 282 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,138 I THINK IT'S SWEET THAT GEORGE HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS. 283 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,275 - THEY'RE ALL HERE TO MEET THE GIRLFRIEND. - THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING. 284 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,177 LOOK AT THE TWO OF US, HUH, MEL? 285 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,479 OLD AND OVERDRESSED. 286 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:35,315 - YOU'RE COMING TO THE PARTY? - NO, I'M JUST PASSING THROUGH. 287 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,784 PLUS, VALENTINO'S HAS A DRESS CODE. 288 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,854 VALENTINO'S? WAIT, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY GONNA SHOW UP 289 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,522 AT TIFFANY'S DATE, ARE YOU? 290 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,791 YEAH, I WANNA SEE WHO SHE'S DESECRATING MY ANNIVERSARY WITH. 291 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,793 I'M SORT OF SENTIMENTAL THAT WAY. 292 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,795 YOU CAN'T DO THAT. I WON'T LET YOU. 293 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,132 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE 5,000 NEW FRIENDS TO ATTEND TO HERE. 294 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,134 NO NO NO. IF YOU GO, I'M GOING WITH YOU. 295 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,037 ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE YOUR HOUSE FULL OF ALL THESE STRANGERS? 296 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,873 GEORGE WILL WATCH THE PLACE. HE'S VERY MATURE. I TRUST HIM. 297 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,009 HEY, LISTEN, 298 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,045 CAN YOU GUYS TELL GEORGE THAT HIS GIRL... 299 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,347 MEL HAD TO GO TO VALENTINO'S REAL QUICK 300 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,816 BECAUSE MY NANNY DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE DIVORCED, OKAY? 301 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,185 - THANKS. - WHO'S GEORGE? 302 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,921 I DON'T KNOW. WHO WAS THAT BLONDE? 303 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,890 I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S PRETTY HOT FOR AN OLD LADY. 304 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:32,472 - ( classical music playing ) - THERE SHE IS. 305 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:36,309 LOOK AT THAT... AT OUR TABLE WITH HIM EATING. 306 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,877 JOE, THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE YOU DO THIS. 307 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,013 OKAY, I'M DOING IT. 308 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:43,283 NO, SOMETIMES TURNING AND RUNNING IS THE MOST COURAGEOUS THING YOU CAN DO. 309 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,986 BE A MAN... RUN. 310 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,321 I'M SORRY, MEL, I JUST CANNOT LET THIS THING GO. 311 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,559 HELLO, TIFFANY. 312 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,327 HELLO, BROKEN HOME WRECKER. 313 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,996 JOE! MEL! 314 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,198 HI, TIFFANY. IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU, 315 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,268 EVEN UNDER PAINFULLY AWKWARD CIRCUMSTANCES. 316 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,203 WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE? 317 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,905 I JUST WANNA SEE WHAT GUY YOU'RE CELEBRATING MY ANNIVERSARY WITH. 318 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,607 - HIS NAME IS CARSON. - I BET IT IS. 319 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,309 I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE. 320 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,445 YEAH, ME EITHER, BUT UNFORTUNATELY WE GOT A WHOLE TRUCKLOAD OF IT HERE. 321 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,347 SO THIS IS HOW YOU ACKNOWLEDGE OUR ANNIVERSARY? 322 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,283 BY SHOWING UP AND EMBARRASSING ME? 323 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,486 - EMBARRASSING YOU? EMBARRASSING YOU? - JOE, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. 324 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,589 LUCKILY, CARSON CALLED 325 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,392 AND SAID THIS WAS NO NIGHT FOR ME TO BE ALONE. 326 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,028 WHAT A HUMANITARIAN, TAKING YOU OUT ON A DATE ON OUR ANNIVERSARY. 327 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,897 - EXCUSE ME. - WHO ARE YOU? 328 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,066 - ELAINE. - MY WIFE. 329 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,234 - WIFE? - WIFE. 330 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,537 WIFE. OH, I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL SAYING IT. 331 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,041 THAT'S MY SEAT. 332 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,609 SO THIS ISN'T A DATE? 333 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,645 ARE THERE USUALLY THREE PLACE SETTINGS ON A DATE? 334 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,615 THE LEAST YOU COULD HAVE DONE WAS ACKNOWLEDGE 335 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,383 OUR ANNIVERSARY IN SOME SMALL WAY. 336 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,219 I DID. I SENT A CARD. 337 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,254 WHAT CARD? 338 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,092 OOPSIE. 339 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,460 HOLD ON. 340 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,330 REALLY GOTTA CLEAN THIS THING OUT. 341 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,066 HEY, MOVIE STUBS... "INCEPTION." 342 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,535 I DIDN'T GET IT. 343 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,670 LOOK, JUST GO AHEAD, EAT. 344 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,205 BINGO! 345 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:15,542 HERE IT IS. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. 346 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:19,346 OOH, WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S A PHONE NUMBER THERE. I AM GONNA NEED THAT. 347 00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,953 TIFFANY, LOOK, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY. 348 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,222 - I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DOUBTED... - I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. 349 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:31,458 YOU KNOW, IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS, JOE LONGO, 350 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,228 THAT I WISH WE WERE STILL MARRIED SO I COULD TELL YOU IT'S OVER. 351 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,099 TIFFANY, I... 352 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,134 SORRY ABOUT THAT. 353 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,673 YOU KNOW THE UPSIDE TO THIS WHOLE HORRIBLE EVENING? 354 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,277 UNTOUCHED CRAB CAKES. 355 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,645 DELICIOUS. 356 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:57,317 HEY, YOUNG DUDE, YOU BRING THE GUACS? 357 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,751 DID I BRING THE GUACS? 358 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:01,221 YEAH YEAH, I BROUGHT THE GUACS. 359 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,756 AND I ALMOST GOT RUN OVER ON MY BIKE 'CAUSE I WAS CARRYING 360 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,126 SIX BAGS OF GROCERIES AND MY LIGHT BURNED OUT 361 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:07,760 AND EVERY DRIVER IN TOLEDO 362 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:10,029 DECIDED TO PLAY LET'S-SEE- HOW-CLOSE-WE-CAN-GET- 363 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:12,299 TO-THE-KID-ON-THE-BIKE- WHO'S-RISKING-HIS-LIFE- 364 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,334 TO-BRING-HOME-THE-GUACS. 365 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,705 - THE KID BROUGHT THE GUACS! - ( cheering ) 366 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,608 ANYBODY SEEN MEL? 367 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,177 HEY, ARE YOU GEORGE? 368 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,045 YES. 369 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,715 AN EXCITING NIGHT, EH, MR. LONGO? 370 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,251 YES, ANGELO. THANK YOU. 371 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,722 I WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD COMING DOWN HERE, DIDN'T I, MEL? 372 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,057 WHO CAN SAY? 373 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,059 YEAH, YOU DID. 374 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,795 WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD TO WATCH SOMEONE MOVE ON WITH THEIR LIFE 375 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,265 WHEN YOU KNOW THEY'RE NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU? 376 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,400 I THINK WHEN TWO PEOPLE AREN'T MEANT TO BE, 377 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,470 AT SOME POINT YOU JUST GOTTA LET IT GO. 378 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,704 - YEAH. - ( glasses clink ) 379 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:55,108 - MEL, THERE YOU ARE. - GEORGE. 380 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,777 - WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU GUYS ON A DATE? - WHAT? NO! 381 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,679 COME ON, MAN, THERE'S THREE PLACE SETTINGS HERE. 382 00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,315 JEEZ, DOESN'T ANYBODY COUNT DINNERWARE ANYMORE? 383 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,119 OH, YEAH. WELL, YOU LEFT THE PARTY. 384 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:09,189 - I THOUGHT MEETING MY FRIENDS WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU. - IT IS. 385 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:12,091 MEL, IF I MAY? HEY, GEORGE. 386 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:16,196 YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK MEL'S A LITTLE OVER THE WHOLE BIG PARTY THING. 387 00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,831 SO WHY DON'T YOU DO THIS? WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN HERE IN THIS CHAIR TONIGHT 388 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,833 AND HAVE A NICE LITTLE PARTY FOR TWO, ALL RIGHT? 389 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,570 GEORGE, WE SHOULD REALLY GET BACK TO YOUR PARTY. 390 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,739 NO, YOU KNOW, 391 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,775 I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE COULD STAY HERE. 392 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:32,312 I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PARTY. I JUST CARE ABOUT YOU, MEL. 393 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,683 NOW WOULD BE PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO SIT DOWN. 394 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,218 OH YEAH, SURE. 395 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,788 YOU SURE YOU WON'T JOIN US? 396 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,123 YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE ROMANTIC. 397 00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:47,093 HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, YOU TWO. 398 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,095 HEY, THANK YOU. 399 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,430 YEAH. 400 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:54,301 LOOK, I KNOW I WAS PUSHING A LITTLE TOO MUCH. 401 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,237 I'LL STOP USING THE "G" WORD UNTIL YOU'RE READY. 402 00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,373 THANK YOU. YOU'RE A VERY CARING BOYFRIEND. 403 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:02,108 BOYFRIEND? 404 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,577 SO THAT WOULD MAKE YOU MY... 405 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,613 BITCH? 406 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,682 GIRLFRIEND. 407 00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:12,319 ALL RIGHT, I HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH THE "G" WORD BEFORE, 408 00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:16,823 BUT YOU KNOW, I'VE GROWN A LOT IN THE LAST 10 MINUTES. 409 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,459 THIS IS NICE, JUST THE TWO OF US, YOU KNOW? 410 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,361 A REAL GROWN-UP EVENING. 411 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:25,198 $11 FOR SOUP?! 412 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,169 I JUST READ YOUR ANNIVERSARY CARD. 413 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,605 I HAD NO IDEA YOU FELT THAT WAY, JOJO-BE. 414 00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,308 I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU. 415 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,510 I WANT YOU MORE THAN ANY MAN I'VE EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE. 416 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,846 TIFFANY, THIS MAY NOT BE THE BEST MOMENT TO... 417 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,916 IT'S A GREAT MOMENT. NOW COME ON. 418 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,553 - LET'S GO INTO THE RESTROOM LIKE OLD TIMES. - YEAH, OKAY. 419 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,258 - LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MR. AND MRS. LONGO. - THANK YOU, ANGELO. 420 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,801 ( bell rings ) 421 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:04,871 YOU'RE REALLY GONNA PUT THE WORD "JEJUNE" IN THIS ARTICLE? 422 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,706 YEAH, IT'S A GOOD WORD. 423 00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,841 YEAH, IF YOU'RE JE-JERK. 424 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,845 IT WON'T HURT ANYBODY TO CRACK OPEN A DICTIONARY AND LEARN SOMETHING. 425 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,716 CRACK YOU OPEN AND ALL THAT COMES OUT IS SMARM AND POMPOSITY. 426 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:19,719 THOSE ARE BIG WORDS. ARE YOU TIRED? 427 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,721 DO YOU NEED TO LIE DOWN? 428 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,891 SHUT UP. AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT, SHUT UP! 429 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,760 WHAT IS THIS I HEAR? DISHARMONY? 430 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,196 ONE MINUTE YOU ARE ALL LOVEY-DOVEY, 431 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,365 AND THE NEXT YOU ARE AT EACH OTHERS' THROATS. 432 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:36,903 IT IS LIKE WATCHING... ( speaks Indian dialect ) 433 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,373 INDIA'S VERSION OF "THE VIEW." 434 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,543 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS. 435 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,379 SOMEHOW I THOUGHT ROMAN WAS NOT A REPULSIVE 436 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,815 NARCISSISTIC PIG. 437 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:51,618 AND I WAS DELUDED BY HER HUMAN FORM. 438 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,553 THEN SHE UNZIPPED HER FACE 439 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,689 AND REVEALED HER SELF-IMPORTANT LIZARD HEAD. 440 00:20:56,723 --> 00:21:00,793 AH, HOW IT GLADDENS MY HEART TO SEE SUCH UNBRIDLED ANIMOSITY 441 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:04,297 BETWEEN MY CO-EDITORS. HA HA HA! YES! 442 00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:06,699 BOTH OF YOU MAY REMAIN IN YOUR POSTS, 443 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,802 SO LONG AS YOU MAINTAIN THIS DELIGHTFUL LEVEL OF HOSTILITY. 444 00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:12,672 - IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM. - NOT AT ALL. 445 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,607 NOW LET'S SEE. 446 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:17,444 WHICH "SEX AND THE CITY" CHARACTER AM I? 447 00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,746 DO YOU HAVE TO SIT SO CLOSE? 448 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,315 DO YOU HAVE TO EXIST? 449 00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,889 ( theme music playing )