1 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:09,543 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,547 - "TICKETS NOT AVAILABLE." - REFRESH. 3 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,483 - "TICKETS NOT AVAILABLE." - REFRESH! 4 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,452 SPITTING ON MY NECK IS NOT REFRESHING. 5 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,454 - "TICKETS AVAILABLE." - OH MY GOD. 6 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,591 - YOU NEED A GOLD CARD. - OH MY GOD, I HAVE A GOLD CARD. 7 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,493 UM, IN MY GREEN PURSE UPSTAIRS. 8 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,396 I PAY, YOU RUN. HURRY! 9 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:31,299 - 90 SECONDS OR WE LOSE 'EM. - ( footsteps clop ) 10 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,567 - EVERYTHING OKAY IN HERE? - YEAH. KINGS OF LEON TICKETS. 11 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,503 - OOH. - 80 SECONDS. 12 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,338 ( loud thud ) 13 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,340 I'M OKAY! 14 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,210 FLOOR SEATS, HUH? WHAT'S THE SPECIAL OCCASION? 15 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,278 OH, LENNOX AND I ARE CELEBRATING. 16 00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:47,115 FRIDAY IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY AWESOMENESS. 17 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,283 DOES THAT MEAN I GET MONDAY OFF? 18 00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:50,851 70 SECONDS. 19 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,187 OH, THIS IS SO MUCH FUN... JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS. 20 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,356 LENNOX AND I USED TO GO TO CONCERTS ALL THE TIME. 21 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:59,327 WE WENT TO AARON CARTER, SHeDAISY, 98°. 22 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,363 AH, YES. ALL THE LEGENDS OF THE 99¢ BIN. 23 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:06,200 - IS THAT BACK WHEN YOU WERE FUN AUNT MEL? - I'M STILL FUN AUNT MEL. 24 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,635 NO, NOW YOU'RE PARENT-FIGURE AUNT MEL. 25 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,570 YOUR JOB IS NOT TO BE LIKED... IT'S TO BE RESPECTED. 26 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,473 IF IT'S ALL ABOUT RESPECT, THEN EXPLAIN TO ME HOW COME THEY LIKE YOU. 27 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,542 'CAUSE I'M LIKEABLE. EVERYBODY LIKES ME. 28 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,544 NO, IT'S TRUE... WOMEN, MEN, CHILDREN... 29 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,312 FISH. 30 00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:20,148 I'M JUST, UH, FRIGGIN' LIKEABLE. 31 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,216 I DON'T FRIGGIN' SEE IT. 32 00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:25,553 ALL RIGHT, HERE. 33 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,622 CUTE PURSE. 34 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:31,625 ALL RIGHT. "TO COMPLETE YOUR PURCHASE, TYPE THIS WORD." 35 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,661 - HURRY HURRY, 10 SECONDS. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORD? 36 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,896 I CAN'T READ THAT. THOSE LETTERS LOOK DRUNK. 37 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,532 IT'S "DILDSLARV." 38 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,868 NO, I THINK IT'S "BILLSCLARF." 39 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,636 LADIES, CLEARLY IT'S "PISLITZ." 40 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,672 AH. "BILLSCLARF," BITCHES. 41 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,674 AH! YOU DID IT! OH, THAT'S GREAT. 42 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,443 I'M GONNA GO ON FACEBOOK AND eBRAG. 43 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,614 LOOK AT THAT. YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF SOME LOVE. 44 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,316 YES I DID. AND I GOT MILES. 45 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,386 HEY, JOE, I GOT BACK THAT HISTORY PAPER 46 00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,554 - YOU HELPED ME WITH. - DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. 47 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,523 I JUST GAVE THE BOY A LITTLE GUIDANCE. 48 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,393 A "C"? THE GUY GAVE US A "C"? 49 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,295 WELL, HOW MUCH OF THIS "US" IS YOU? 50 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,430 I DIDN'T DO HIS WORK FOR HIM. I JUST PUT THE BALL ON THE TEE. 51 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,499 RYDER DID THE SWINGING. "YOU MISSED THE POINT. 52 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,634 WRONG WRONG WRONG." 53 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,436 "WEAK ARGUMENT"? ( snorts ) 54 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,938 - THIS BONEHEAD HATED EVERYTHING. - HE LIKED THE MARGINS. 55 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:21,242 NO, THAT SAYS "MARGINAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE TOPIC." 56 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:24,445 I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK TO THIS GUY. CLEARLY THE MAN'S AN IDIOT. 57 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,647 - MAYBE DON'T OPEN WITH THAT... - BUP-BUP-BUP. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 58 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,716 YEAH YEAH. SENDING ME TO SUMMER SCHOOL. 59 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,652 - I OWE YOU, BUDDY. - RYDER. 60 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,556 WHO LIKES YOU MORE NOW: RYDER OR FISH? 61 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,426 ( theme music playing ) 62 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,194 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 63 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,595 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 64 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,397 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 65 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,466 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE 66 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,468 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 67 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,569 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 68 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,239 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 69 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,607 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 70 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:56,477 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 71 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,715 "AMERICAN IMPERIALISM." 72 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,485 IT BEGAN IN THE 19th CENTURY 73 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,255 AND IT STARTED RIGHT HERE ON OUR OWN BLOOD-SOAKED SOIL. 74 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:11,592 - RYDER. SUDDENLY BECOME IMPERIALISM? 75 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,362 I'D BE GLAD TO EXPLAIN, MY IGNORANT FRIEND. 76 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,531 ME AND MY GUITAR. 77 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:22,436 ♪ THIS WAS YOUR LAND 78 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:26,507 ♪ UNTIL WE STOLE IT, YOU CAN STAY HERE ♪ 79 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:30,444 ♪ WE'LL CONTROL IT, WE'LL KILL THE WILDLIFE ♪ 80 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,680 ♪ AND THE OCEANS TOO 81 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,016 ♪ BUT WHO CARES, BABY? WE'RE ONLY PASSING THROUGH ♪ 82 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,252 ♪ OH YEAH! 83 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,256 - ♪ OH YEAH. - ( bell rings ) 84 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:45,693 AS MR. LINCOLN SAID... YOU'RE ALL FREE NOW. 85 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,433 JOE... JOE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 86 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,602 AT THE MOMENT? RESTRAINING MYSELF. 87 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,305 I'M JUST HERE TO STRAIGHTEN SOME THINGS OUT, RYDER. 88 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,273 NO! NO NO, DON'T STRAIGHTEN. 89 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,575 HEY, RELAX, OKAY? COMRADE BIRKENSTOCK AND I 90 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,545 ARE GOING TO HAVE A VERY MATURE, CALM CONVERSATION. 91 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,547 LET ME FINISH, ALL RIGHT!? 92 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,282 THE RAILROADS BUILT THIS DAMN COUNTRY, BUDDY. 93 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,817 IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A PINHEAD, YOU'D KNOW THAT. 94 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,585 'CAUSE IF IT WASN'T FOR THE RAILROADS, 95 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:12,820 EVERYTHING WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI 96 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,323 WOULD BE A BIG BUFFALO'S BATHROOM. 97 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:18,359 LOOK, I APPRECIATE YOU GETTING ALL RED-FACED AND YELLING AT ME, 98 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,428 AFTER ALL THAT'S WHY I BECAME A TEACHER, 99 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,563 BUT LET'S GET DOWN TO WHAT'S REALLY BOTHERING YOU. 100 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,832 EVERYBODY LIKES TO THINK THEIR KID'S AN "A" STUDENT, 101 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,502 WHEN THE HARSH REALITY IS THE BURGERS.TTA FLIP 102 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:32,840 THE HARSH REALITY IS "A" - WORTHY PAPER.-LEVEL 103 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,075 - THAT'S YOUR OPINION. - THAT'S A MATTER OF FACT. 104 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,844 - IT MIGHT JUST BE WRONG. - OH, REALLY? REALLY? 105 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:40,314 SO I GUESS MY COLLEGE HISTORY GAVE THIS PAPER AN "A." N HE 106 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:43,384 AND BY THE WAY, READ IT OUT LOUD TO THE ENTIRE CLASS. 107 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,488 ...IN A DREAM THAT I ONCE HAD. 108 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,723 SO THIS ISN'T ALL RYDER'S WORK, HUH? 109 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:52,426 HEH HEH HEH, WHAT? NO. 110 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,329 THAT'S ALL RYDER'S WORK. SEE, I JUST PUT THE BALL ON THE TEE. 111 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,564 RYDER REALLY DID THE... 112 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,433 YOU HAVE A INCREDIBLE SINGING VOICE, DO YOU KNOW THAT? 113 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:02,470 YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD UNTIL YOU'RE 18! 114 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,872 THERE'S MY HAPPY GIRL! 115 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,074 YOU KNOW THOSE GREAT TICKETS YOU GOT FOR ME 116 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,477 AND THE GREAT TIME WE WERE GONNA HAVE AT THE CONCERT? 117 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,578 WELL, IT'S GONE... OBLITERATED. 118 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,614 IT'S THE STUPID VORTEX CLUB WHERE THE CONCERT IS. 119 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:17,685 KATHY BATTERSBY TOLD ME IT'S AN 18-AND-OVER CLUB AND THEY'RE SUPER STRICT. 120 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,620 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. I'D NEVER LET YOU DRINK OR ANYTHING. 121 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,756 YEAH, KATHY'S SISTER SAID THE SAME THING WHEN SHE TRIED TO GET CATHY IN. 122 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,592 AND HER SISTER OFFERED TO FRENCH THE BOUNCER. 123 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,561 OH, THE OLD FRENCH-THE-BOUNCER TRICK. 124 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:33,601 I ALMOST... FORGOT THE PATHETIC LENGTH SOME GIRLS WILL GO TO. 125 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,737 LOOK, DON'T WORRY, LENNOX. WE ARE GOING TO THAT CONCERT, 126 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,740 YOU AND ME AND OUR OLD FRIEND BODY GLITTER. 127 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,510 ALL THE GLITTER IN THE WORLD CAN'T FIX THIS. 128 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,478 ( gasps ) YOU DON'T MEAN THAT. 129 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,717 - HEY. - HEY, IT'S LATE. WHERE YOU GUYS BEEN? 130 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,520 JOE WENT DOWN TO TRY AND GET MY TEACHER TO CHANGE MY GRADE. 131 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,423 AND HE DID. IT WENT FROM A "C" ALL THE WAY UP TO AN "F." 132 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,491 IT'S NOT A PERMANENT "F," ALL RIGHT? 133 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,660 HIS TEACHER JUST WANTS HIM TO TWEAK HIS PAPER A LITTLE BIT. 134 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,862 PFFFT, YEAH, WITH A DIFFERENT SUBJECT 135 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,798 AND ALL NEW WORDS AND ON A SATURDAY IN FRONT OF MR. McKAY 136 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:08,402 SO HE KNOWS NO ONE'S PUTTING IT ON THE TEE FOR ME. 137 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,803 I'M GONNA MAKE THIS RIGHT, BUDDY! 138 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,640 YEAH, WHY QUIT WHEN YOU CAN MAKE IT WORSE? 139 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,775 AUNT MEL, CATHY'S SISTER 140 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,678 WANTS TO BUY OUR CONCERT TICKETS SINCE WE CAN'T USE THEM. 141 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,680 WHAT?! THERE'S NO REASON TO SELL THEM. 142 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,650 IT'S AN 18-AND-OVER CLUB AND I'M NOT 18... 143 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,184 OR OVER. 144 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:28,522 OKAY, DON'T DO ANYTHING. NO ONE HAS TO FRENCH ANYONE YET. 145 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,625 I'LL KEEP MY TONGUE IN ITS HOLSTER. 146 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,764 MEL, WILL YOU STOP TRYING SO HARD TO BE LIKED? 147 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,699 YEAH, BUT SHE'S SO DISAPPOINTED. 148 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,735 TOO BAD. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE LENNOX 18. 149 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,541 ONE FAKE I.D., PLEASE. 150 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,577 IS THAT MEL BURKE? 151 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,712 WALLY THE FAKE I.D. GUY! 152 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,947 I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE. 153 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,716 I'M MEAN FREE... I MEAN HERE. 154 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,851 - ( chuckles ) - WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS 155 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,753 I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE OUT OF THAT COMA. 156 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,590 - DID YOU GET MY CARD? - I BET I DID. 157 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,858 THIS IS MY NIECE LENNOX. 158 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,860 SHE'S HERE FOR HER FIRST FAKE I.D. 159 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,497 OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. 160 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,566 DOES SHE NEED A MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARD TOO? 161 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,002 I MIGHT HAVE A TOUCH OF THE GLAUCOMA. 162 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,205 OKAY, WE'RE GONNA LET THAT CLEAR UP ON ITS OWN. 163 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,873 SO JUST THE I.D. PLEASE. 164 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,676 LENNOX, YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF A TRUE ARTIST. 165 00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,878 ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART, HOW OLD DO YOU WANT TO BE? 166 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:28,015 - 21? - SURE, 18 IT IS. 167 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,217 I'D BUY THAT. 168 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,220 HEY, GRAB A BROWNIE WHILE YOU WAIT. 169 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,789 NO! NO BAKED GOODS. 170 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,227 THIS IS GREAT. MY AUNT'S BUYING ME A FAKE I.D. 171 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,562 UH-HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN GREATER? 172 00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:44,031 THAT RIGHT AFTER THE CONCERT, YOU'RE GONNA GIVE IT BACK TO ME. 173 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,934 THAT'S OKAY. I'M STILL GONNA TELL EVERYONE WHAT A GREAT AUNT I HAVE. 174 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,636 OH, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT! 175 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,704 AND YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE GREAT NOT TO TELL? 176 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,906 JOE. UP HIGH, SISTER FRIEND. 177 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:57,010 IS THAT MEL BURKE? 178 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,660 YEAH, I KNOW, COACH, RULES ARE RULES. 179 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,928 - I UNDERSTAND. - WHAT'S UP, BUDDY? 180 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,964 MORE GREAT NEWS. BECAUSE OF MY "F"... 181 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,534 NO, WAIT. SORRY, YOUR "F"... I DON'T WANT TO STEAL CREDIT. 182 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,936 I'M OFFICIALLY BENCHED FROM THE SOCCER TEAM. 183 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:25,673 WHAT?! DUDE, THAT IS IT. I AM GONNA GO DOWN THERE... 184 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,041 AND WHAT? PUNCH MR. McKAY UNTIL HE GIVES ME AN "A"? 185 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,843 HOPEFULLY IT WON'T COME TO THAT. 186 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,779 I'VE GOT A LOT OF DIFFERENT SPEEDS, ALL RIGHT? 187 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,914 I'M A BUSINESSMAN. I KNOW HOW TO GET THROUGH TO PEOPLE. 188 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,049 OH YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE KNOWN FOR YOUR DELICATE TOUCH. 189 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,985 WE'RE GONNA COME UP WITH SOMETHING GOOD HERE 190 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,754 AND I PROMISE I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT. 191 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,824 - I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT! - THINK ABOUT IT. YOU'LL COME AROUND. 192 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,029 - HAVE YOU SEEN MY RESEARCH NOTES? - THOSE AREN'T THEM? 193 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,699 NO, THESE ARE KINGS OF LEON TICKETS. 194 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,701 OH YEAH. WHICH YOUR AUNT MEL AND LENNOX 195 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,736 CAN'T USE ANYMORE BECAUSE LENNOX IS NOT 18. 196 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,805 - THAT'S A SHAME. - YEAH. 197 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,773 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THESE TICKETS NOW 198 00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,875 JUST SITTING HERE, TAKING UP EMPTY SPACE? 199 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,680 MAYBE I'LL JUST RECYCLE THEM. 200 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,650 ( deep voice ) THIS YOUR I.D., YOUNG MISS? WHAT YEAR WERE YOU BORN? 201 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,620 - UM... - NO, OUT YOU GO, GIRLIE! NO CONCERT FOR YOU. 202 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,788 - BUT... - NO NO NO, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR BUTS. 203 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,857 YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS STUFF COLD. 204 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,993 IF A BOUNCER SENSES HESITATION, HE WILL STRIKE LIKE A BEAR AT AN UNDERAGE SALMON. 205 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,362 ( deep voice ) ALL RIGHT, WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO? 206 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,699 GRANT HI-OHIO STATE. 207 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,735 MM, NICE SAVE. OKAY. 208 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,737 - LET'S WORK ON THE WALK. - THE WALK? 209 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,740 YES, CONFIDENCE, SWAGGER, COJONES. 210 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,642 WATCH ME. 211 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,846 - GOT IT. - NO NO, YOU DON'T GOT IT. 212 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,581 YOU DON'T USE YOUR LEGS. YOU WALK WITH YOUR FACE. 213 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:47,755 OH MY G... ALL THESE YEARS I'VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG. 214 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,024 WELL, IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME NOW, GIRLS. 215 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:54,695 I THINK I'M JUST GONNA GO OLD SCHOOL AND USE ME LEGS. 216 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,030 WHERE ARE YOU HEADED? 217 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,066 UH, OUT, YOU KNOW, TO DO SOME STUFF. 218 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,671 INNOCENT STUFF. 219 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,673 I CAN'T BELIEVE I RAN INTO YOU HERE. 220 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,709 YEAH, THIS IS MY CLASSROOM. 221 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,378 HUH. I GUESS IT IS, ISN'T IT? 222 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,682 SO LOOK, UM, LAST TIME I WAS HERE, 223 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,884 I MAY HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE PASSIONATE. 224 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,186 I WAS THINKING UNSTABLE. 225 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,922 ( laughs ) "UNSTABLE"! I LIKE THAT. 226 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,423 I LIKE THAT. THE POINT IS 227 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,794 YOU GAVE RYDER AN "F" AND BECAUSE OF THAT HE CAN'T PLAY ON THE SOCCER TEAM. 228 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,929 ISN'T THERE ANYTHING HE CAN DO TO BRING THAT GRADE UP? 229 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,865 I DON'T KNOW... MAYBE STOP PLAGIARIZING. 230 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,201 THAT'S... 231 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:37,437 VERY GOOD SOLID ADVICE. I WILL DEFINITELY PASS THAT ALONG. 232 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,741 OH, AND I'LL TELL HIM IT CAME FROM YOU SO THAT NO ONE'S PLAGIARIZING. 233 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,811 YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONE THING I DON'T GET. ARE YOU RYDER'S 234 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,445 UNCLE OR GUARDIAN 235 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,716 OR JUST SOME GUY THAT GETS HIM IN TROUBLE? 236 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,852 MOSTLY THE LAST ONE. 237 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:57,090 LOOK, IF YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIS GRADE, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, ALL RIGHT? 238 00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:00,427 I'LL SEE YOU AROUND. OH, ACTUALLY I ALMOST FORGOT... 239 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,229 ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED MATTER, 240 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,698 I HAPPEN TO HAVE THESE TWO FLOOR SEATS 241 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,800 TO THE SOLD-OUT KINGS OF LEON CONCERT TONIGHT 242 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,837 - THAT UNFORTUNATELY I CAN'T USE. - I LOVE KINGS OF LEON. 243 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,805 YEAH, SO MANY PEOPLE DO. 244 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,842 YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN TAKING THESE TICKETS, WOULD YOU? 245 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:17,845 - HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR 'EM? - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 246 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:21,248 I WOULD NEVER CHARGE RYDER'S TEACHER FOR THESE TICKETS. 247 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,019 ON AN UNRELATED MATTER, 248 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,088 I MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE TOO HARD ON RYDER. 249 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,225 PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. 250 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:42,002 - YO. - HEY. 251 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,837 HOW'D IT GO WITH MR. McKAY? 252 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,774 I GOT SOME BAD NEWS, BUDDY. 253 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,776 I COULDN'T GET YOUR "C" BACK, SO... 254 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,812 YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A "B+," BABY! 255 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,814 WHAT? NO WAY. 256 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,949 YEP. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? NO MAKE-UP PAPER 257 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,885 AND YOU'RE BACK ON THE SOCCER TEAM. WHO DA MAN? 258 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,987 - YOU DA. - BOOM. 259 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,924 UH, WAIT A MINUTE, JOE. YOU DIDN'T BEAT HIM UP, DID YOU? 260 00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:06,894 WHAT? NO.I USED GOOD OLD-FASHIONED PERSUASION. 261 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,763 EXCHANGE OF GOODS AND SERVICES. 262 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:13,767 BY THE WAY, IF HE THANKS YOU FOR A COUPLE OF KINGS OF LEON TICKETS, JUST GO WITH IT. 263 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,836 - HOW'D YOU GET THOSE? - THEY'RE JUST THE TICKETS 264 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,504 YOUR AUNT MEL AND LENNOX COULDN'T USE. 265 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,973 BUT THEY DID USE THEM! THEY'RE AT THE CONCERT RIGHT NOW. 266 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,975 CAN'T YOU SEE THE TRAIL OF GLITTER? 267 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,111 HOW? I TOOK THEM RIGHT OFF THE PRINTER. 268 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:27,214 THEY THOUGHT THOSE GOT THROWN AWAY SO THEY PRINTED A NEW SET. 269 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,550 WHICH MEANS THE TICKETS YOU GAVE MY TEACHER ARE TOTALLY WORTHLESS. 270 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,521 JUST LIKE MY PROSPECTS FOR GRADUATING. 271 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,890 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LOOK LOOK LOOK, RELAX. 272 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,827 AS LONG AS WE GET DOWN THERE AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HIM, IT'LL BE FINE. 273 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:42,996 - THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC. - THE SHOW STARTS IN 15 MINUTES. 274 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,865 CRAP, LET'S MOVE. 275 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,273 I.D. 276 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,010 I SURE AS HELL DON'T NEED TO SEE YOURS. 277 00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,914 - JUST THIS ONE. - YOU COULDN'T JUST HUMOR ME FOR A SECOND, PAL? 278 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:05,886 - UH, THIS IS WHEN YOU SHOW HIM YOUR I.D. - I'M LOOKING. 279 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,956 YEAH, THANKS FOR CARDING HER. IT MAKES HER FEEL SO YOUNG. 280 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,991 FOUND IT. 281 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:17,130 WAIT A MINUTE. 282 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,599 WE GOT THE SAME BIRTHDAY. 283 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:23,303 MARCH 18th... PISCES! YOU DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH ON PROJECTS EITHER. 284 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,372 ENOUGH, LET'S GO. LET'S GO. 285 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:33,881 - SO DO YOU SEE YOUR TEACHER? - NO, I DON'T SEE ANYONE HERE WHO WANTS TO FLUNK ME. 286 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,385 - TOO MUCH LIP GLOSS? - UGH, TOO MUCH LIP GLOSS? 287 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,855 LIKE THERE COULD BE SUCH A THING. GIMME THAT. 288 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,624 THE KIDS AT SCHOOL ARE GONNA BE SO JEALOUS WHEN THEY HEAR ABOUT TONIGHT. 289 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,393 THE COPS ARE RAIDING THE PLACE 290 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,395 AND CHECKING EVERYONE FOR FAKE I.D.s. 291 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,163 A RAID? OH MY GOD. 292 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,867 DON'T WORRY. YOURS WAS DONE BY A PRO. WALLY IS A GENIUS. 293 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,602 WALLY'S ON WASHINGTON? 294 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,638 NO. MAYBE.WHY? 295 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,875 THE COPS CAN SPOT HIS I.D.s FROM A MILE AWAY. 296 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,977 - WHAT? - OKAY, DON'T LISTEN TO HER. 297 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,379 WALLY'S WORK IS FLAWLESS-SSS... 298 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,615 ALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK YOU WEIGH 520 LBS. 299 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:12,119 OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO JAIL 300 00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:15,255 AND I'M WEARING BODY GLITTER! THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME ALIVE. 301 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,891 SNAP OUT OF IT, OKAY? YOU'RE WITH YOUR AUNT MEL. 302 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,027 I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO DOWN FOR THIS. COME ON. 303 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,261 EXCUSE ME. 304 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,663 OKAY, SHOES OFF. 305 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,266 GET UP ON THE TOILET. INTERLOCK YOUR ARMS WITH MINE. 306 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:30,103 - AND CROUCH. - CAN'T WE PUT DOWN THE PAPER SEAT-COVER THINGY? 307 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,205 NO NO. NO TIME, UP UP. 308 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,143 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY. - HERE WE GO. 309 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:39,947 I ONCE DID THIS FOR SIX HOURS IN STILETTOS FOR ACE OF BASE. 310 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,082 IT WAS SO WORTH IT. 311 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,386 ALL RIGHT, LADIES, LET'S SEE YOUR I.D.s. 312 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,922 THIS IS REALLY GOOD FOR THE GLUTES. 313 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,203 ALL CLEAR. HOLD ON, HOLD ON! 314 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,005 ( splashes ) 315 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,239 I TOLD YOU TO HOLD ON. 316 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,076 AW, THERE'S PEE WATER ON MY FOOT. 317 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:13,180 YEAH WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? SUCK IT UP. 318 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,715 YOU'RE RUNNING WITH THE BIG DOGS NOW. COME ON. 319 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,085 I.D.s PEOPLE, COME ON. I NEED YOUR I.D.s. 320 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,687 OKAY, UH... PLAN "C"! 321 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,356 - WE'RE GOING OUT THE WINDOW. - ARE YOU KIDDING? 322 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,126 - AND JUMP FROM UP HERE? - WELL YEAH! 323 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,228 WHY DO YOU THINK IT WASN'T PLAN "A" OR "B"? 324 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,263 COME ON. 325 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,135 - HEY, THERE HE IS. - OH! 326 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,237 - MR. McKAY. - HEY, GUYS. 327 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,206 DUDE, LOOK, WE HAVE A SLIGHT PROBLEM HERE. 328 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:42,309 THOSE TICKETS THAT I GAVE YOU? THEY'RE WORTHLESS, MAN. 329 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,978 BUT I PROMISE YOU I AM GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 330 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,114 PFFT, IT'S ALL GOOD. I SOLD THEM TO SOME OTHER GUY. 331 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,116 HIS PROBLEM NOW. 332 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:52,119 - YOU SOLD THE TICKETS? - HE OFFERED ME DOUBLE FACE VALUE. 333 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:55,522 - LIKE I'M GONNA SAY NO. - YEAH, SURE, JUST RIP OFF THE LITTLE GUY. 334 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,290 HE GOT OUT OF A BRAND-NEW MERCEDES. 335 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,326 GUYS LIKE THAT, THEY CAN AFFORD TO GET RIPPED OFF. 336 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,995 IT'S ABOUT THE MORALITY OF IT, DUDE. 337 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:04,264 JOE, JOE, LET IT GO. 338 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,300 - NO, THIS IS WRONG, RYDER. - THAT'S KIND OF BEEN THE THEME HERE. 339 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:10,137 I PLAGIARIZED, YOU BRIBED WITH STOLEN TICKETS. 340 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:13,140 YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS CRAP IS GONNA STOP RIGHT NOW. 341 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,209 SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, MR. TEACHER? YOU GONNA SET AN EXAMPLE HERE? 342 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:20,013 YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO MOLD A YOUNG MIND. ISN'T THAT WHY YOU GOT INTO TEACHING? 343 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,550 AW, MAN! 344 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,153 - YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING. - DON'T TOUCH ME. 345 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,287 OKAY. 346 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,157 AUNT MEL, I'M SCARED. 347 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,159 IT'S TOO FAR DOWN. 348 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:36,096 NO, LOOK AT ALL THOSE NICE FLUFFY GARBAGE BAGS DOWN IN THAT DUMPSTER. 349 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,165 JUST THINK OF THEM AS BIG COMFY PILLOWS. 350 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,168 - IT'S TRASH. - OKAY, BIG STINKY PILLOWS. 351 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,436 COME ON, LENNOX. I'VE DONE THIS A MILLION TIMES. 352 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,106 - ( cheering from club ) - I CAN'T DO IT. 353 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,408 OKAY, FINE, DON'T. 354 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,510 I THOUGHT YOU COULD ROLL WITH YOUR AUNT MEL. 355 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,312 IF YOU CAN'T, WHATEVS. IT'S FINE. 356 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,215 - I DON'T THINK ANY LESS OF YOU... - GOD, I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS. 357 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,317 - ( screams ) - LENNOX? 358 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,186 WOW, YOU WERE RIGHT. 359 00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,088 IT'S REALLY SOFT AND... 360 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,191 REALLY GROSS. COME ON, AUNT MEL. 361 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:07,260 - YOUR TURN. - OH HONEY, I DON'T HAVE TO JUMP. 362 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:10,130 I'M OVER 30. I'LL MEET YOU OUT FRONT. 363 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,565 BUT I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU. OH... HERE ARE YOUR SHOES. 364 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,502 - OW! - SORRY. 365 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,374 THAT WAS STRANGE. I JUST SAW SOME GIRL 366 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,843 JUMP OUT OF THAT WINDOW INTO THAT DUMPSTER THEN RUN AWAY. 367 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,213 WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE KIDS' PARENTS? 368 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,481 HEY, THAT'S THE GUY. 369 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,318 OH, SIR, HI. LISTEN, MY FRIEND HERE 370 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,353 HAS SOMETHING HE'D LIKE TO TELL YOU. 371 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,523 YEAH, MAN, THOSE TICKETS I SOLD YOU ARE NO GOOD. 372 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,259 NO BIG. I SOLD THEM TO SOME OTHER SUCKER. 373 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,493 WHO THE HELL DID YOU SELL THEM TO? 374 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,229 I PAID FOR THESE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN... 375 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,631 - HIM. - HEY YOU! 376 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,600 - NOT ME, HIM. - I WANT MY MONEY! 377 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,537 RYDER, I WANT 10 PAGES ON THE REFORMATION FIRST THING MONDAY. 378 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,174 - MONDAY? - YOU'RE DEAD! 379 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:57,844 RELAX, BUDDY. I ACED MY PAPER ON THE REFORMATION IN COLLEGE... 380 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:01,148 WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO BE SHOWING TO YOU BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE WRONG. 381 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,251 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE SUMMER SCHOOL. 382 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,685 - DON'T TOUCH ME. - OKAY. 383 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:10,623 - WHEW! - LENNOX, I FEEL BAD THAT YOU DIDN'T GET TO SEE THE CONCERT. 384 00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:15,262 I GOT TO HEAR IT. THAT FIRE EXIT HAS GREAT ACOUSTICS. 385 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,431 YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND FOR OUR BIG NIGHT OUT. 386 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,367 YOU KNOW, DODGING THE COPS, HIDING IN THE TOILET, 387 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,635 - JUMPING IN THE TRASH. - ARE YOU KIDDING?! IT WAS GREAT. 388 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:27,174 I GOT TO DODGE COPS, HIDE IN A TOILET AND JUMP INTO TRASH! 389 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,309 WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, IT WAS PRETTY FUN. 390 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,179 OKAY, LET'S HUG LATER. 391 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:35,348 - I SMELL LIKE GARBAGE? - MMM, AND TOILET. 392 00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:36,683 ( clears throat ) 393 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,420 SERIOUSLY, AUNT MEL, TONIGHT WAS EPIC. 394 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,554 FOR ME TOO. 395 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,657 WOW! FUN AUNT MEL CAME THROUGH. 396 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,559 HOW'D YOU GET HER INTO THE CLUB? 397 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,595 OH PLEASE, I KNOW A THING OR TWO. 398 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,564 WELL, I WISH I HAD BEEN ABLE TO DO HALF AS GOOD WITH RYDER. 399 00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,533 GO EASY ON YOURSELF, JOE. 400 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,469 NOT EVERYONE CAN BE... WELL, ME. 401 00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:00,307 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? RYDER KNOWS YOU TRIED YOUR HARDEST. 402 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,242 AND I'M SURE HE RESPECTS YOU FOR THAT. 403 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,577 SCREW RESPECT. I JUST WANT TO BE LIKED. 404 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,313 - I KNOW, IT'S NICE, ISN'T IT? - YEAH. 405 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,581 BUT THE TRUTH IS, WELL, 406 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,517 I WASN'T ABLE TO GET LENNOX... 407 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,454 BACKSTAGE. 408 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,224 SEE? I HAVE MY LIMITATIONS AFTER ALL. 409 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,192 BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS PARENTING THING'S HARD 410 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,361 - AND WE'RE BOTH STILL LEARNING. - ( doorbell rings ) 411 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,496 I GOT IT. 412 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,200 OFFICER! HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 413 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,535 EVENING, COUNCILWOMAN BURKE. 414 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,971 WE WERE AT A CALL AT THE KINGS OF LEON CONCERT EARLIER THIS EVENING 415 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,674 AND FOUND A FAKE I.D. OUT BY ONE OF THE DUMPSTERS. 416 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:37,744 THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE'S PUTTING YOUR ADDRESS 417 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,979 ON THEIR CARD... BIG GIRL. 418 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,216 I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS COULD HAPPEN. 419 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,752 NO IDEA. BUT THAT IS GREAT POLICE WORK. 420 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,420 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, OFFICER. 421 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,755 SEE YOU AT THE PICNIC. 422 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:55,295 "LENNOX SCANLON, 18 YEARS OLD..." 423 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:58,665 ( snorts ) "...520 LBS." 424 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:03,636 THAT'S A LOT OF NIECE. 425 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:06,239 THAT'S HOW YOU GET HER TO LIKE YOU? A FAKE I.D.? 426 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,275 I DID NOT DO IT SO SHE'D LIKE ME. 427 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,310 SHE LOVES ME... I WIN! HA HA! 428 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,813 GOOD NIGHT. 429 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:26,393 SO A FUNNY STORY... I WAS JUST DOING SOME LAUNDRY DOWN IN THE BASEMENT 430 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:29,729 AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN YOUR JEANS POCKET THERE, LENNOX... 431 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:33,733 AN I.D. BELONGING TO A TERESA PUENTES. 432 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:37,570 AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S AMAZING? TERESA LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU. 433 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,739 YOU GUYS COULD ALMOST BE TWINS, EXCEPT, UM... 434 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:43,810 - TERESA'S 24 YEARS OLD. - YOU HAD A FAKE I.D.?! 435 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,546 THAT SAYS YOU'RE 24?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THIS? 436 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,781 SINCE I WAS 21. 437 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,351 HA HA, UP HIGH, SISTER FRIEND. 438 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,422 - WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? - I COULDN'T. 439 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,624 YOU WERE HAVING SO MUCH FUN SHOWING ME THE ROPES 440 00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,760 AND TEACHING ME HOW TO BE YOU. 441 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:04,364 ARRIBA, TERESA. I'LL HABLA TO YOU LATER. 442 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,502 WOW, YOU MUST BE REALLY DISAPPOINTED RIGHT NOW. 443 00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:12,672 WELL YEAH. DISAPPOINTED THAT SHE DOESN'T NEED ME. 444 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,607 I MEAN, THIS IS QUALITY WORK! 445 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,645 WELL, AT LEAST I WAS THERE FOR HER FIRST DUMPSTER JUMP. 446 00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,580 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT. DUMPSTER JUMP? 447 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,616 - YOU WANT TO ELABORATE? - IT'S A DANCE MOVE. 448 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,617 YEAH, IT GOES LIKE THIS. 449 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,762 ( theme music playing )