1 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,743 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,648 OH, I JUST HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL DAY. 3 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:17,351 OH, THAT'S NICE. I QUIT. 4 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,753 - WHAT? - GOOD, I GOT YOUR ATTENTION. 5 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:22,490 NO MORE DENIAL, BURKE. SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE ABOUT OUR NEIGHBOR'S BIRD. 6 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,493 - ( bird squawks ) - WHAT BIRD? 7 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,229 THAT BIRD THAT SQUAWKS ALL DAY LONG, YET YOU DON'T SEEM TO CARE. 8 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,464 BUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZY, YET YOU DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. 9 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,366 YEAH, IT SURE WOULD BE TERRIBLE 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,635 TO HAVE SOMETHING SQUAWKING AT YOU IN YOUR HOUSE ALL DAY. 11 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,270 ( bird squawks ) 12 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,506 ALL DAY LONG IT IS DOING THAT. IT'S LIKE A BUZZ SAW. 13 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,374 COME ON, IT'S LIKE NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD. 14 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:43,344 IT'S LIKE LISTENING TO MY EX-WIFE'S VOICE ASKING ME FOR MONEY. 15 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,113 BUT WHAT DO YOU CARE, HUH? 16 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,381 YOU'RE ALWAYS OUT AT YOUR COCKTAIL PARTIES AND YOUR RIBBON CUTTINGS. 17 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,317 WHOA WHOA WHOA, THAT'S EXAGGERATING. 18 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:50,718 OKAY SURE, I HAD ONE RIBBON CUTTING TODAY 19 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,420 AND, YEAH, THERE WERE SOME COCKTAILS, 20 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,388 BUT THERE WERE NONE OF THE GOOD TINIS. 21 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,390 - ( bird squawking ) - OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LOOK. 22 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,626 YOU HAVE TO GO OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND TALK TO YOUR NEIGHBOR ABOUT HIS BIRD. 23 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,195 NO NO NO NO. THAT'S NOT HOW WE DEAL WITH NEIGHBORS. 24 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,531 WE LEAVE THEM ALONE. WE STAY AWAY. 25 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,767 THAT'S WHY WE HAVE WALLS AND FENCES AND MISSILES. 26 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,736 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT. I WILL GO. 27 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:11,038 AFTER TRADING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ON WALL STREET FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS, 28 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,773 I CAN NEGOTIATE ANYTHING. I WILL TALK TO HIM. 29 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,576 WE MAY BE MILES APART AT THE BEGINNING, BUT I WILL FIND US SOME COMMON GROUND. 30 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,111 NO NO, I DON'T WANT COMMON GROUND, OKAY? 31 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,447 I WANT MY GROUND. HE CAN HAVE HIS GROUND. 32 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,616 - YOU'RE JUST GONNA PRETEND THAT IT'S NOT EVEN THERE? - YES. MY HOUSE, MY RULES. 33 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,618 ( bird squawks ) 34 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,587 MY EARDRUMS. 35 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,589 I'M GONNA GO TALK TO THE GUY RIGHT NOW. WHAT IS HIS NAME? 36 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,491 UH, IT'S... 37 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:33,261 UM, MR. PICKS-UP-HIS- NEWSPAPER-IN-HIS-BATHROBE- 38 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,496 SOME-UNDERPANTS-WOULD-BE-NICE. 39 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,565 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY'S NAME, DO YOU? HAVE YOU EVEN MET HIM? 40 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,333 YEAH SURE, I'VE MET HIM. 41 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,502 I'VE GIVEN HIM ONE OF THESE AND A COUPLE OF THESE. 42 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,672 AND LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE HIM ONE OF THESE. 43 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,707 ( bird squawking ) 44 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,743 OKAY LOOK, I'M A VERY REASONABLE MAN, BURKE. 45 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,413 SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT: I'LL GIVE IT ONE MORE DAY, ALL RIGHT? 46 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,248 BUT IF I HEAR ANOTHER LITTLE BIRDIE SQUAWK, 47 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,717 I'M GONNA SAUTE IT IN BUTTER AND LEMON. 48 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,719 ( theme music playing ) 49 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,654 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 50 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,122 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 51 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,757 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 52 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,126 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE 53 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,128 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 54 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,830 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 55 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,599 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 56 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,635 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 57 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,837 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 58 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,642 HEY, THAT PARROT'S BEEN PRETTY QUIET ALL MORNING. 59 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,778 YOU DIDN'T MAKE PARROT PANCAKES, DID YOU? 60 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,881 NO, I'M ADHERING TO THE INSANE BURKE DOCTRINE OF TOTAL DENIAL. 61 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:30,684 OH. WELL, IN TIME YOU'LL COME TO APPRECIATE IT. 62 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,152 AND THAT TIME IS NOW. 63 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,754 DON'T TALK TO THE NEIGHBORS. 64 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,723 HE COULD BE A VERY REASONABLE PERSON. 65 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,225 SEE, THERE'S YOUR FIRST PROBLEM. 66 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:40,694 YOU CAN'T THINK OF A NEIGHBOR AS A PERSON. 67 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:44,632 - WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? - "SILENCE OF THE LAMBS." 68 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:48,135 - THERE'S A LOT OF VALUABLE - HEY, DON'T LAUGH.ERE. 69 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,703 THANKS TO THAT MOVIE I NEVER GO A DAY 70 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:52,273 WITHOUT MOISTURIZING. 71 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,774 CAN YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS? 72 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,543 HE'S EATING CEREAL WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN. 73 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,645 IT'S DISGUSTING. 74 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,848 - IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CEREAL. - ( chuckles ) NEVER IS. 75 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,651 LOOK, ALL I DID WAS ASK HER TO BE IN MY VIDEO PROJECT. 76 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,719 IT'S A DON'T-TEXT- AND-DRIVE P.S.A. 77 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:08,789 AND I SAID NO LIKE 75 TIMES. 78 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,158 I EVEN TEXTED IT TO HIM 79 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,926 WHILE NOT DRIVING. 80 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,596 LENNOX, IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE. HELP YOUR BROTHER OUT. 81 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,198 NO, I AM NOT DOING A VIDEO 82 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,368 WITH THAT CONCEITED JOCKSTRAP MILLER COLLINS. 83 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,803 I GOT THE VARSITY IN MY PROJECT.IN TO BE 84 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,805 BY USING ME AS BAIT. 85 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,508 - IS THAT WHAT YOU DID, RYDER? - I DID NOT USE HER AS BAIT. 86 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,510 I MERELY PROMISED HIM THAT SHE WOULD BE IT IN 87 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,712 IN ORDER TO LURE HIM IN. 88 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,547 SEE? HE DIDN'T USE YOU AS BAIT. 89 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,749 HE PIMPED YOU OUT. 90 00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,385 LENNOX, YOU DON'T REALLY SEEM LIKE 91 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,387 TYPICAL JOCK GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL TO ME. 92 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,655 MILLER THINKS ARTSY GIRLS ARE EASY. 93 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,224 AND THEY'RE NOT, RIGHT? 94 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,826 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, IT'S JUST A LITTLE VIDEO. 95 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,195 HERE'S A CHANCE TO USE YOUR HOTNESS FOR GOOD. 96 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,564 - PLEASE. - NO, I'M NOT DOING IT. 97 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,932 YOU KNOW, LENNOX, IF I RECALL, 98 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,701 SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM HAS PLANS TO DRIVE YOU 99 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,703 ALL THE WAY TO FREMONT THIS WEEKEND FOR A PARTY. 100 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,671 I WOULD HATE TO SEE SOMETHING HAPPEN 101 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,673 TO THOSE LOVELY LITTLE ARRANGEMENTS. 102 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:00,974 WHAT IS THIS, BLACKMAIL? 103 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,243 NO, IT'S JUST A REGULAR THREAT. 104 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:07,748 - DO THE KID'S MOVIE. - FINE. FINE. 105 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:11,319 LOOK AT THAT... THE KIDS ARE WORKING TOGETHER, NOT A PEEP OUT OF YOUR BIRD, 106 00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,620 MY HAIR'S BOUNCING AND BEHAVING. 107 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,688 THIS DAY IS OFF TO A GREAT START. 108 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,891 - ( bird squawks loudly ) - I GOTTA GO! 109 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,666 - ( crashes ) - SON OF A... GAH... 110 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,801 - UH, HEY. - HEY. 111 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,770 - HI THERE. HI THERE, NEIGHBOR. - HOW ARE YOU? 112 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:33,607 I'M JOE LONGO FROM RIGHT THERE. 113 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:37,445 - ARNIE... RIGHT HERE. - OH. WELL, IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. 114 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:40,247 LOOK, I'M JUST GONNA CUT RIGHT TO THE CHASE, OKAY, ARNIE? 115 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,483 - IT'S ABOUT YOUR BIRD. - OH, MR. JASPER. 116 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,418 OKAY, JASPER. SURE, YEAH. 117 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,655 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT... IF YOU COULD FIND A WAY TO KEEP JASPER QUIET, 118 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,923 I PROMISE YOU I WON'T MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF ALL THIS JUNK. 119 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,926 - OH, OKAY OKAY... UH, JOE, WAS IT? - MM-HMM. 120 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,828 LOOK, JOE, LET ME CUT TO MY CHASE. 121 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:58,766 MR. JASPER IS NOT SOME DOG OR SOME INFANT 122 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,635 THAT YOU CAN JUST SLAP A MUZZLE ON. 123 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:04,338 AND SECONDLY, THIS IS NOT MY JUNK. 124 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,806 IT BELONGS TO YOUR LADY-FRIEND. 125 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,875 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, SHE'S NOT MY LADY-FRIEND, ALL RIGHT? 126 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,843 I JUST PERFORM CERTAIN... NO, I'M SORRY. 127 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:13,347 - I PROVIDE CERTAIN SERVICES... - EH, DON'T NEED TO KNOW. 128 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:16,750 DON'T WANNA KNOW. NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT. 129 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,686 NOW LOOK, WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, 130 00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,389 ALL SAID JUNK IS A BIT UNSIGHTLY. 131 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,323 SO WHY DON'T YOU MOVE IT 132 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,058 FROM MY PROPERTY OVER TO YOUR PROPERTY? 133 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,628 SURE, I CAN DO THAT. WATCH THIS. 134 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,430 ( laughs ) READY? 135 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,731 - THERE WE GO. - HEY. 136 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,833 - NOW IT'S ON MY PROPERTY. - ( both laugh ) 137 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,603 - KEEP GOING. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN "KEEP GOING"? 138 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,338 THE MIDDLE IS RIGHT HERE. IT'S ON MY SIDE. 139 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,908 - NO NO, THIS IS NOT THE MIDDLE, MY FRIEND. - SURE, IT IS. 140 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,776 YOU KNOW WHAT THE MIDDLE IS, DON'T YOU? 141 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,445 IT'S, YOU KNOW, HALFWAY BETWEEN THINGS. 142 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,547 OH. ( laughs ) 143 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,549 WHERE WOULD THAT BE ON MY HAND 144 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,819 IF I TOOK AWAY ALL THE LITTLE ONES THAT WEREN'T IN THE MIDDLE? 145 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,690 I KNOW WE'RE NOT SHOOTING THIS UNTIL TOMORROW, MILLER, 146 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:57,991 BUT I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA 147 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,861 FOR YOU TO BE FAMILIAR WITH YOUR LINES. 148 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,664 SO WHAT'S THIS THING ABOUT AGAIN? 149 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,033 TEXTING WHILE DRIVING. 150 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:09,470 OH. EVERYBODY DOES THAT. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 151 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:13,641 WELL, I'M TAKING A BOLD STANCE AGAINST NEEDLESS DEATH. 152 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:17,344 THAT'S COOL... TWO SIDES TO EVERY ARGUMENT. 153 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,947 SO, UH... DID YOU TELL LENNOX I'M IN YOUR MOVIE? 154 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,149 OH YEAH, SHE'S COMPLETELY PSYCHED. 155 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,820 AW JEEZ, HIM? 156 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,723 I THOUGHT I HAD ANOTHER DAY. 157 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,793 I THOUGHT IT'D BE NICE FOR MY CAST TO MEET. 158 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,462 AND SINCE WE'RE GONNA PLAY A COUPLE, 159 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,863 WE SHOULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 160 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,666 I'M MORE THAN JUST MY FOUR VARSITY LETTERS. 161 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,734 I HOPE YOU LEARN THE OTHER 22 BEFORE YOU GRADUATE. 162 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,604 WOW! WOW, YOU GUYS HAVE CHEMISTRY. 163 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,073 NO, I'M IN EARTH SCIENCE. 164 00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,446 OH MY GOSH, WHERE DID ALL THIS CRAP COME FROM? 165 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,747 YOUR LIFE. 166 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,983 ( gasps ) MY MARGARITA MAKERS! 167 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,786 HOLA, MY THREE AMIGOS. 168 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,454 WHAT DO YOU NEED THREE OF THESE THINGS FOR? 169 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,623 THIS ONE'S FOR REGULAR, THIS ONE'S FOR STRAWBERRY 170 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,659 AND THIS ONE IS BATTERY-POWERED IN CASE OF A BLACKOUT. 171 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,995 YOUR NEIGHBOR'S NOT GONNA BE TOO HAPPY ABOUT THIS. 172 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:11,599 YOUR STAIRMASTER WAS ON TOP OF HIS DOG'S GRAVE. 173 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,535 WHOA, YOU WENT OVER THERE? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DOCTRINE OF TOTAL DENIAL? 174 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,470 I TOTALLY DENIED IT. 175 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,138 YOU BROKE THE RULES? THE RULES OF THE HOUSE? 176 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,674 - MY HOUSE? - HEY, I LIVE HERE TOO, REMEMBER? 177 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,042 YEAH, OF COURSE I REMEMBER. 178 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,645 ALL MY STUFF WAS OUTSIDE BECAUSE YOU'RE IN MY BASEMENT. 179 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,446 YOU COULD SWITCH IF YOU'D LIKE. 180 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,448 ARNIE DOESN'T WANNA HAVE TO LOOK AT ALL YOUR JUNK. 181 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:31,685 WHY? I HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS EVERY TIME HE PICKS UP THE PAPER. 182 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,622 LOOK, YOU COULD TELL YOUR PAL ARNIE 183 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,757 THAT I OWN HALF THE LAND OUT THERE. 184 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,592 ACTUALLY YEAH, WE GOT TO TALKING ABOUT THAT 185 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,893 AND THERE WAS A SLIGHT DISAGREEMENT 186 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,729 AS TO THE EXACT LOCATION OF THE PROPERTY LINE. 187 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,698 THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TREAT NEIGHBORS AS HUMAN BEINGS, OKAY? 188 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,700 NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT. 189 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,569 - ( knocks ) - OH MY GOD! OKAY, SEE? LOOK AT THIS. 190 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,937 THERE'S SOMEONE KNOCKING AND WAVING. 191 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,939 THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU OPEN UP THE FLOODGATES 192 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,743 TO PEOPLE WHO FEEL FREE TO ENGAGE WITH US. 193 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,678 OKAY, THAT'S ROLAND. HE'S THE LAND SURVEYOR I HIRED 194 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,212 TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF ALL THIS. 195 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,449 YOU HIRED A SURVEYOR? 196 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,619 WELL, TECHNICALLY YOU DID BECAUSE YOUR NAME'S ON THE CREDIT CARD. 197 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,621 BUT LOOK, HE'S GONNA GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS, 198 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,591 TELL US WHERE THE EXACT PROPERTY LINE IS SO WE CAN PUT OUR MINDS AT EASE. 199 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,826 ROLAND, MEET COUNCILWOMAN BURKE. 200 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,895 HEY, I RECOGNIZE YOU FROM YOUR CAMPAIGN POSTER. 201 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:18,732 - OH, GOOD PICTURE, HUH? - EH. I VOTED FOR THE OLD WHITE GUY. 202 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,001 HOW ABOUT WE JUMP TO THE PART WHERE... I DON'T KNOW... 203 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,804 YOU, LIKE, DO YOUR JOB AND SHOW US WHERE THE PROPERTY LINE IS? 204 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,205 - SURE. - LET'S GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE A LOOK. 205 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,608 NOT NECESSARY. 206 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,678 YOUR PROPERTY LINE RUNS RIGHT ALONG... 207 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:33,547 HERE. 208 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,549 WAIT WAIT WAIT. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, 209 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,651 BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN THAT... OH MY GOD! 210 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,720 WHAT'S-HIS-NAME OWNS HALF MY DINING ROOM! 211 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:43,123 - ARNIE. - BIG HELP THERE, JOE. 212 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,167 JOE, WHAT I SAID WAS VERY SIMPLE: 213 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:57,104 DON'T TALK TO THE NEIGHBOR. AND WHAT WORD WAS UNCLEAR? 214 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,206 "DON'T," "TALK," "NEIGHBOR," "IDIOT"? 215 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,842 OH WAIT, I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I JUST IMPLIED IT. 216 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:06,246 FIRST OF ALL, BURKE, AS ALWAYS I WANNA THANK YOU FOR NOT OVERREACTING. 217 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,616 AND SECONDLY, YOU AND I KNOW WHERE THE PROPERTY LINE IS, 218 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,118 BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT ARNIE KNOWS WHERE THE PROPERTY LINE IS. 219 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,855 HE'S A VERY SIMPLE MAN. HIS BEST FRIEND HAS FEATHERS AND A BEAK. 220 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:18,158 HOW CAN I ENJOY EATING IN MY DINING ROOM KNOWING IT'S HIS DINING ROOM? 221 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,661 WELL, THERE IS ONE OPTION... PRESCRIPTIVE EASEMENT. 222 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,295 IF YOU'RE OPENLY USING YOUR NEIGHBOR'S LAND 223 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,665 FOR A SPECIFIC PERIOD OF TIME, YOU ASSUME OWNERSHIP. 224 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,966 OOH, I LIKE THAT. 225 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,768 PRESCRIPTIVE EASEMENT TAKES FIVE YEARS. 226 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,036 HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED HERE? 227 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,772 UH, FOUR YEARS AND 10 1/2-ISH MONTHS. 228 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,607 THEN IN SIXISH WEEKS IT'S ALL GOOD. 229 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,643 SEE? LOOK AT THAT. NO WORRIES. 230 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,645 UNCLENCH THE BUTT CHEEKS. 231 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,747 UNLESS YOUR NEIGHBOR CONTESTS IT. 232 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,214 THEN YOU START TEARING DOWN WALLS. 233 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,918 NOTICE HOW MY BUTT HAS RECLENCHED. 234 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,587 NO THANKS. 235 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,589 LOOK, WE CAN BEAT THIS, ALL RIGHT? 236 00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,259 ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ACT LIKE NORMAL NEIGHBORS FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS. 237 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,762 EXACTLY, NORMAL NEIGHBORS. OKAY YEAH, WE CAN DO THAT. 238 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,864 - AGREED? - YES, AGREED. 239 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,299 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE JUST AGREED ON SOMETHING. - THAT'S KIND OF WEIRD. 240 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,169 THAT NEVER HAPPENS. TAKE A PICTURE, OKAY? 241 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,037 THERE. OKAY. 242 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,073 - HERE. - ALL RIGHT. 243 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,846 OKAY, MILLER, HERE'S YOUR BACKSTORY: 244 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,783 YOU'RE THE TEAM QUARTERBACK, ONLY ONE THING ON YOUR MIND... TEXTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 245 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,251 - GOT IT, COACH. - CAN WE JUST MOVE THIS ALONG? 246 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,754 AND LENNOX, YOU'RE A TYPICAL DITZY GIGGLY GIRL... 247 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,322 - I DON'T DO DITZY. - THAT'S FOR SURE. 248 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,324 I READ YOUR POETRY ON THE SCHOOL BLOG. 249 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,226 YOU READ? 250 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,129 I MEAN... THANK YOU. 251 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,263 SHE SHOULDN'T BE DITZY. 252 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,165 HER CHARACTER SHOULD BE JUST LIKE HER... 253 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,268 SMART AND, YOU KNOW, DIFFERENT. 254 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,137 HUH. 255 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,272 UH, FINE FINE. REWRITE. 256 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,608 YOU'RE ACTUALLY AN INTELLECTUAL TEEN POET 257 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,745 WHO'S DRIVING TO A BIG POETRY PARTY 258 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,847 WHERE EVERYBODY'S RHYMING UNTIL THEY PASS OUT. 259 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,982 THERE YOU GO, KID. WAS THAT SO HARD? 260 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,752 SO YOU'RE TEXTING YOUR BOYFRIEND. 261 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,987 AND IN A MOMENT OF CRUEL IRONY, 262 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,256 THE TWO TEXTING LOVERS CRASH HEADFIRST INTO EACH OTHER 263 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,626 INTO A BALL OF FLAME AND THEY DIE. 264 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,361 THAT'S SO SAD... 265 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:04,031 YOUNG LOVE AT THE VERY MOMENT OF ITS FIRST BLOOM? 266 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:08,035 CRUSHED, TORN ASUNDER LIKE A... 267 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,738 QUARTERBACK'S KNEE. 268 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:13,173 YOU KNOW, MILLER, YOU SURPRISE ME. 269 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:16,176 OKAY, EVERYONE, EYES ON ME. 270 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,112 AND SO WE LEARN NOT TO TEXT AND DRIVE. 271 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,881 WHY CAN'T WE BE IN THE SAME CAR? 272 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,250 IF SHE WERE MY GIRLFRIEND, I WOULD NEVER WANNA BE APART FROM HER. 273 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,418 BECAUSE IF YOU WERE IN THE SAME CAR, 274 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,154 YOU WOULDN'T BE TEXTING EACH OTHER. 275 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,756 AND YOU HAVE TO BE TEXTING EACH OTHER 276 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,091 BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CAUSES THE CRASH! 277 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,460 HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU. 278 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,397 OKAY, THIS CAR CRASHES INTO THIS CAR. 279 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,266 BIG BALL OF FLAME, THE END. 280 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,301 - THAT'S THE MESSAGE. - WHY DO WE HAVE TO DIE? 281 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:45,072 I MEAN, LOOK, IT'S OKAY IF I HAVE TO DIE, BUT SHE SHOULDN'T. 282 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,175 THAT WOULD BE UNBEARABLE. 283 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,844 YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT A POINT. 284 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,312 I COULD JUST BREAK MY LEG. 285 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,281 AND I WOULD VISIT YOU EVERY DAY IN THE HOSPITAL 286 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,250 AND BRING YOU FLOWERS AND WRITE COOL STUFF ON YOUR CAST. 287 00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,853 - AW, YOU WOULD? - NO NO NO. 288 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,855 YOU'RE CHANGING THE ENTIRE MOVIE. 289 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,057 IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. I'LL FAIL VISUAL ARTS, 290 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:07,160 AND NOBODY FAILS VISUAL ARTS. THAT'S WHY I TOOK IT. 291 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:10,463 SO YOU FAIL... IN THE SERVICE OF ART. 292 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,233 YEAH, THAT "F" WILL BE A BADGE OF HONOR. 293 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,203 NO NO, I DON'T WANT A BADGE OF FREAKIN' HONOR. I WANT AN EASY "A." 294 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:24,077 UGH, WHAT A DAY. 295 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,313 WHERE ARE THOSE DAMN MARGARITA MAKERS? 296 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,049 - ( Mr. Jasper squawking ) - WHOA, THAT BIRD IS REALLY LOUD. 297 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,918 IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S RIGHT HERE IN MY HOUSE. 298 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,955 - THERE'S A FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT... - HEY, NEIGHBOR. 299 00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,756 MEL, YOU REMEMBER OUR NEIGHBOR ARNIE, RIGHT? 300 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,458 WHY, WHAT A TOTAL SURPRISE! 301 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:41,228 YEAH WELL, IT'S GOOD TO FINALLY MEET YOU. 302 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:44,197 - THIS IS MR. JASPER. - OH, WE... WE HAVEN'T MET? 303 00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,499 - I... I FEEL LIKE WE'VE MET. - NO NO NO. 304 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,837 YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE WAVE EVERY NOW AND THEN WHEN YOU SEE ME, 305 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,772 BUT THEN YOU TALK INTO YOUR PRETEND CELL PHONE AND... 306 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,308 WELL, I... YOU KNOW, IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, ARNIE. 307 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:59,112 - HEH HEH HEY, CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY. - ( Mr. Jasper squawking ) 308 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:02,415 SO, HOW DID THIS LONG-OVERDUE NEIGHBOR FEST COME TO BE? 309 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,953 WELL, YOUR SERVICE PROVIDER JOE OVER THERE 310 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,055 INVITED ME IN FOR A BEER. 311 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:11,258 OH. WELL, I COULDN'T BE MORE DELIGHTED IF I HAD KNOWN. 312 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,260 THAT'S WHAT NORMAL NEIGHBORS DO... 313 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,262 YOU KNOW, JUST CHATTING AND TALKING. 314 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,430 - DEFYING. - OH, WHAT'S THAT? 315 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,399 - YOU GOT SOME SAUCE GOING ON THERE? - OH YEAH. 316 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,269 OH, JUST LIKE MY MOM USED TO MAKE BACK IN JERSEY. 317 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,372 - YOU'RE FROM JERSEY TOO? NO WAY. WHERE? - PARSIPPANY. 318 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,842 THAT'S THE STYROFOAM PEANUT CAPITAL OF THE TRI-STATE AREA. 319 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,344 GET OUTTA HERE. SECAUCUS. 320 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,545 - NO! - YEAH. 321 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,248 - Both: HEY! - BOOM! ( laughs ) 322 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,184 LOOK AT THAT... WE FOUND A LITTLE COMMON GROUND, HUH? 323 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:39,119 YOU KNOW WHAT, ARNIE? WHY DON'T YOU JOIN US FOR DINNER? 324 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:43,523 - WHAT? - WHAT A GREAT IDEA IS WHAT MEL MEANS. 325 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:47,160 I WILL. JUST GOTTA GO PUT ON MY EATING PANTS. 326 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:48,862 - ( Mr. Jasper squawks ) - OH HEY, LISTEN. 327 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,298 WILL YOU WATCH MR. JASPER FOR ME? HE LOVES KISSES. 328 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,000 PUT A SUNFLOWER SEED ON YOUR TONGUE 329 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,501 AND HE'LL EAT IT RIGHT OFF. 330 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,236 OR BITE YOU. 331 00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,107 HOW THE HELL DID THAT MAN END UP IN MY HOUSE? 332 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,574 LOOK, I WAS OUT ON THE DRIVEWAY. 333 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,276 HE COMES UP TO ME. WE STARTED TALKING. 334 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,278 HE TOLD ME HE WAS OUT OF BEER. I SAID, "COME GRAB ONE." 335 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,380 - THAT'S WHAT NORMAL NEIGHBORS DO. - NO, WRONG WRONG. 336 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,149 NORMAL NEIGHBORS WAVE FROM A DISTANCE. 337 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:13,253 AND IF YOU SMELL SOMETHING BAD FOR A FEW WEEKS, YOU CALL 911. 338 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,188 IF I DIDN'T TALK TO HIM, IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SUSPICIOUS. 339 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,890 HE DOESN'T KNOW, DOES HE, 340 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,426 ABOUT THE PROPERTY YOU-KNOW-WHAT? 341 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,494 YOU THINK THE BIRD'S GONNA RAT YOU OUT, DO YOU? 342 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,296 YEAH. YEAH, MUGSY, I DO. 343 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,366 - HEY, MR. JASPER. - ( squawks ) 344 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,268 SO HOW'D THE SHOOT GO? 345 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,537 LOUSY. I HAD TO LET GO OF MY STAR. 346 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,405 WHOA, YOU FIRED YOUR SISTER? THAT'S HEARTLESS. 347 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,909 - NO NO, I FIRED MILLER. - OH, WHO CARES? 348 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,946 AND NOW I HAVE TO GO FIND ANOTHER CONCEDED JOCK TO REPLACE HIM. 349 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,248 I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO TALK TO FOOTBALL PLAYERS AGAIN. 350 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,417 IF I'M NOT BACK BY 6:00, LOOK FOR ME IN MY LOCKER. 351 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,586 THE COMBINATION IS MY BIRTHDAY. 352 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,157 OH GREAT, YOU'RE BACK. 353 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,591 AND I SEE YOU DRESSED FOR DINNER. 354 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,593 ARE YOU READY FOR SOME JERSEY COOKING, ARNIE? 355 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,263 OH YEAH, I'VE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM. 356 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,232 BUT FIRST, HAVE A LOOK AT THIS. 357 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,068 OH BOY. 358 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:04,104 SNAKE SNAKE. YOU SEE THAT, RIGHT? 359 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,405 UH, Y-YEP. YEP, I DO. 360 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:09,142 IT'S A BIG BIG BEAUTIFUL SNAKE, SO BE NICE. 361 00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:11,244 IT'S A JUNGLE CARPET PYTHON. 362 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,146 - SHE'S VERY FRIENDLY. - OH. 363 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,647 HEY, DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY MICE? 364 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,984 BECAUSE I COULD JUST LET HER LOOSE 365 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,518 AND SHE'D TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU. 366 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,220 YOU KNOW HOW THEY EAT? 367 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,223 THEY SWALLOW THE ANIMAL WHOLE, THEN REGURGITATE THE BONES. 368 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,425 - SHE LIKES YOU. - OOH! 369 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:29,162 WELL YEAH, I'M NOT... I'M NOT MUCH OF A SNAKE PERSON 370 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,931 BUT, UM, WELL, THOSE... 371 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:35,035 THOSE BEADY LITTLE EYES SURE DO MELT YOUR HEART. 372 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,939 ARNIE, YOU ARE OUR GUEST. FEEL FREE TO SIT ANYWHERE THAT YOU'D LIKE. 373 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,042 OH WELL, GREAT. HEY LISTEN, IN THAT CASE 374 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,344 I'LL TAKE THE CHAIR THAT'S ON MY PROPERTY. 375 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,678 ( laughs ) 376 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,448 YOUR... YOUR PROPERTY? 377 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,184 YEAH. WHEN ME AND YOUR LIVE-IN STUDMUFFIN 378 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,253 HAD OUR LITTLE CHIT-CHAT ABOUT PROPERTY LINES, 379 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,522 I HIRED A SURVEYOR TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON. 380 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,058 AND FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. 381 00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:01,061 I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW THIS NEIGHBORLY THING GOES. 382 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:04,998 - HERE YOU GO, SWEET PEA. - ( rustling ) 383 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,268 SHE LIKES YOUR SAUCE. 384 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:21,514 - OKAY, NOW DON'T FREAK OUT, BUT I HAD TO REPLACE MILLER. - I'M OKAY. 385 00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,683 HE KIND OF THOUGHT YOU WERE A TOOL ANYWAY. 386 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:27,320 WE'RE GOING OUT SATURDAY. 387 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,422 UH, WHO'S MY NEW CO-STAR? 388 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,391 OH, GREAT GUY. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HIM. 389 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,093 WE'RE REALLY LUCKY HE WAS AVAILABLE. 390 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:36,663 - YOU READY? - LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. 391 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:42,235 WOW. WHERE'D YOU GET THE AWESOME WIG? 392 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,537 FROM SCHOOL... LAST YEAR'S PRODUCTION OF "GREASE." 393 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:47,507 AND IT WAS IN THE DUMPSTER. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? 394 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,543 IT WAS ON TOP, MOSTLY. 395 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,648 JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR, THIS IS FOR YOUR CLASS, RIGHT? 396 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,518 SO IF I SEE ANY OF THIS ON YouTube, I'M GONNA CHOKE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. 397 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,353 I ACCEPT YOUR TERMS. 398 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,657 HE SAT RIGHT IN THERE AND SAID HE OWNED HALF THE ROOM 399 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,460 AND THEN HE STROKED THE HEAD OF HIS SERPENT. 400 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,162 WELL, I CAN HELP WITH THE PROPERTY DISPUTE. 401 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,631 I'M TELLING YOU, THIS GUY IS A TICKING TIME BOMB, YOU KNOW? 402 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,633 BIRDS, SNAKES... WHO KNOWS WHAT'S COMING NEXT? 403 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,035 WELL, LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR TITLE REAL QUICK. 404 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,404 WHOA, THE JACKET'S PRETTY SLICK. 405 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,439 THANK YOU. I'VE GROWN QUITE FOND OF IT. 406 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,374 - I SEE THAT YOU'VE LAWYERED UP. - YES. 407 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:24,477 YES, I HAVE INDEED. WE TRIED IT YOUR WAY, ALL FRIENDLY-LIKE, 408 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,679 BUT NOW WE'RE DOING IT BURKE STYLE AND TAKING NO PRISONERS. 409 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,415 AND MAKING NO SENSE. 410 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,550 YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO NUCLEAR WITH THIS THING? 411 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,051 HEY, ARNIE STARTED IT. 412 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,553 WELL, TECHNICALLY YOU STARTED IT, 413 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,388 BUT I CAN'T SUE YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT NOTHING. 414 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,723 SO WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG? 415 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,425 LOOK, I AM NOT WRONG, OKAY? 416 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,593 BECAUSE THERE IS WRONG AND THEN THERE IS NOT YET RIGHT. 417 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,796 AND AT THIS POINT IN TIME, I AM JUST NOT YET RIGHT. 418 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,533 WOW, YOU SHOULD BE IN POLITICS. 419 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,169 BASED ON WHEN YOU TOOK TITLE OF THE PROPERTY, 420 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,438 WE HAVE A REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF A POSITIVE OUTCOME. 421 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:54,341 - HOWEVER, IF THE OTHER PARTY TAKES A HOSTILE POSITION... - ( shouting ) 422 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:57,110 WHOA. OH, IT'S HIM! IT'S THE PERSON. IT'S THE NEIGHBOR. 423 00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,711 - DO YOU WANT ME TO GO TALK TO HIM? - NO NO NO. 424 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,415 I JUST WANT YOU TO SIT HERE, ACT NORMAL, IGNORE HIM. EAT SOME NUTS. 425 00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,584 I'M STAYING OUT OF THIS. WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE WHAT HE WANTS? 426 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,686 - I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT HE WANTS. - OKAY, FINE. 427 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,756 - I'LL GO SEE WHAT HE WANTS. - ( whooshing noises ) 428 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:13,126 - SO WHAT'S GOING ON? - HE'S GOT A FIRE EXTINGUISHER. 429 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,628 - ( whooshing continues ) - AND HE'S PUTTING OUT A FIRE IN YOUR GARAGE. 430 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,664 WHAT?! 431 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:23,136 WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE FIRE WAS CONTAINED IN THIS... 432 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,305 STRETCH OF TINY HIGHWAY. 433 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,607 NO LOSS OF LIFE, LUCKILY. 434 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,343 I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME. 435 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,145 KIND OF HEROIC, SEEMS TO ME. 436 00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,481 ARNIE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT WAS VERY NEIGHBORLY OF YOU. 437 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,550 - ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MEL? - YES YES, APPARENTLY IT WAS. 438 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,454 YOU KNOW, I'M NO ARSONIST, AND I HAVE THE ACQUITTAL TO PROVE IT, 439 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,257 BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SOMEONE WAS USING A BLOWTORCH HERE. 440 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,226 SORRY, AUNT MEL. 441 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:49,128 I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY WITH THE WHOLE FIERY-DEATH-CRASH THING. 442 00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:52,365 THE GOOD NEWS IS I GOT ALL MY SHOTS. 443 00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,535 BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY GOOD ENOUGH NEWS, IS IT? 444 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,540 YOU'RE LUCKY I WAS WALKING BY. 445 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,743 I TRIED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION THROUGH THE WINDOW. 446 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,413 NO WAY. REALLY? THOSE DOUBLE-PANED WINDOWS 447 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,381 MUST REALLY BLOCK OUT THE SOUND. 448 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,650 ( chuckles ) AND THE SIGHT. 449 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,520 LOOK, ARNIE, MAYBE I HAVEN'T BEEN 450 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,388 THE BEST NEIGHBOR OVER THE YEARS. 451 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:18,425 - POSSIBLY THE WORST. - ANYWAY, I JUST WANNA SAY 452 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,494 THAT I AM REALLY GLAD THAT YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR. 453 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,396 OH, THANK YOU. 454 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,498 WOW. 455 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,235 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TWO COME ON OVER THIS WEEKEND? 456 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,237 I'M HAVING A LITTLE BABY SHOWER. 457 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:33,540 MY TARANTULA'S EGG SAC'S ABOUT TO BLOW. 458 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,376 - WOULDN'T MISS IT. - ( door closes ) 459 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,880 ALL RIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH IT. 460 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:44,351 - NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T HAVE TO. - WE WERE LUCKY. 461 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,353 I'D HATE TO THINK WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO OUR HOUSE. 462 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,754 WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. BACK UP. 463 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:51,358 YOU JUST SAID "OUR HOUSE." I THOUGHT THIS WAS YOUR HOUSE. 464 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:55,462 NO, OUR HOUSE... YOU KNOW, ME, LENNOX AND RYDER. 465 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,697 AND YOU KNOW... I DON'T KNOW... SOME OTHER PEOPLE LIKE... 466 00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,367 ( blows raspberry ) FINE, YOU. 467 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:11,210 ALL RIGHT. I'VE GOT MY POPCORN. FIRE IT UP. 468 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:15,582 I GIVE YOU THE DIRECTOR'S CUT. 469 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:19,486 - ( buttons clicking ) - "I'll see you at the big game/poetry slam. 470 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,521 LOL." 471 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:27,560 "Oh, Brad, I love you as much as I love poetry and spirited debate." 472 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,529 - ( car approaching ) - OMG! 473 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,564 Is that Brad's car heading straight towards me? 474 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,900 I was too busy texting to notice. 475 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:37,537 Oh no, is that Sally's car? 476 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,972 - Cruel irony. - ( tires screeching ) 477 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:43,410 - Ahh! - No! 478 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:50,350 If only I hadn't been texting while driving. 479 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,519 I guess I learned my lesson. 480 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,622 But too late. Oh. 481 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,624 ( discordant note ) 482 00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,293 ( Lennox screams ) 483 00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:03,563 - THAT WAS PRETTY GRAPHIC. - I KNOW, RIGHT? 484 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,598 THOSE WEREN'T MY BEST TAKES. 485 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,767 I CAN ASSURE YOU THEY WERE. 486 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,769 SO WHAT DID YOUR TEACHER SAY ABOUT THIS? 487 00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,237 - I GOT AN "A." - NO WAY. 488 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,605 - YEAH. - YEAH! 489 00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:14,607 OH, AND I ALSO HAVE TO MEET WITH THE SCHOOL COUNSELOR 490 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,676 ONCE A WEEK FROM NOW ON. 491 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,945 I DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT, RIGHT? 492 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:22,515 I LOVE PUBLIC SCHOOLS. HEY! 493 00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:26,553 ( rock music playing )