1 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,310 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,480 - ( man laughs ) - COME ON, TRAVIS. IT'S A SILENT AUCTION, 3 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,083 SO I WAS BIDDING ON STUFF. I WAS HELPING THE CITY. 4 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,518 YOU PAID $200 FOR A DINNER WITH YOURSELF. 5 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:20,054 AFTER A HEATED BIDDING WAR... 6 00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,522 WITH MYSELF. 7 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,825 I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE LEFTOVER AUCTION ITEMS 8 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,394 THAT'S PATHETIC AT THE END OF THE NIGHT, YOU KNOW? 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:29,597 IT WOULD HAVE JUST BEEN ME AND THE RIDE-ALONG WITH THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT. 10 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,465 WELL, I WOULDN'T CALL THAT PATHETIC. 11 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:34,068 YOU BOUGHT THAT?! 12 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:37,205 THEY LET YOU PUSH THE BUTTON THAT SMASHES EVERYTHING. 13 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,340 YEAH, MONEY WELL SPENT. 14 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,076 WELL, NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOU BACK HERE AT MY BACHELORETTE LAIR, 15 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,344 LET'S GET DOWN TO IT. 16 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,613 LEFTOVERS! I'M STARVING. 17 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,616 - YEAH, I DIDN'T FIND THAT DINNER THEY PUT OUT VERY... - EDIBLE? 18 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,484 - THAT'S THE WORD. - WELL, DON'T WORRY. 19 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,486 I GUARANTEE YOU WILL DO BETTER HERE TONIGHT. 20 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,355 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE FOOD. 21 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:59,227 OKAY, MOZZARELLA SALAD, SQUASH BLOSSOMS STUFFED WITH RICOTTA AND HERBS 22 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,095 AND BUTTERMILK FRIED CHICKEN. 23 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,431 WOW, IS THIS ALL HOMEMADE? 24 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:07,067 YEP, MADE RIGHT HERE IN MY HOME. 25 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,173 MMM, WHAT IS IN THIS BATTER? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. 26 00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,275 UH, I CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S, UM, 27 00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,510 SECRET BATTER STUFF. 28 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,149 MMM, STILL NOT GONNA SAY. 29 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,152 I MIGHT SAY. YOU SHOULD KEEP TRYING. 30 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,421 MMM, TASTES LIKE CHICKEN. 31 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,625 - I DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU HAD THE TIME TO COOK ALL THIS. - NEITHER DO I. 32 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:34,528 - YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. - CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT. 33 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:36,664 - HI! - HELLO. 34 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,400 OH, TRAVIS, THIS IS JOE. JOE IS MY... 35 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,435 ALL AROUND, ALL-PURPOSE NANNY 36 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,537 SLASH NOT-CHEF. 37 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:46,174 OH GOOD, 'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING MORE AWKWARD 38 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,542 THAN WALKING IN AND MEETING YOUR DATE'S HUSBAND. 39 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:52,146 OR BOYFRIEND. OR THEIR NAKED MOM IN THE HALLWAY. 40 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,715 TRUST ME... I'VE WALKED IN ON A LOT OF WEIRD STUFF. 41 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,686 DON'T MIND ME. I JUST CAME DOWN HERE TO GET SOME LEFTOVERS. 42 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,455 THESE ARE UNBELIEVABLE, AREN'T THEY? MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF. 43 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,591 YEAH YEAH, WHAT IS THE SECRET? 44 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,459 WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS, TRAVIS? I'M GONNA TELL YOU. 45 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,295 - JOE, JOE, JOE... - NO NO NO, COME ON. 46 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,563 HE DESERVES TO KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS. THE SECRET, TRAVIS, 47 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,699 IS, UM, 48 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,301 PAPRIKA. 49 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,704 AND NOW YOU KNOW. PAPRIKA. 50 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,740 YEAH, I GET THE GOOD STUFF FROM... CANADA. 51 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,612 YEP, SHE'S GOT A MILLION SECRETS JUST LIKE THAT, TRAVIS. 52 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,480 PAPRIKA GROWN IN... 53 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:29,217 THE BEAUTIFUL CANADIAN ROCKIES. 54 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,684 OUT. 55 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:33,654 I HOPE WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME. 56 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,723 WELL, HERE YOU GO. LOOK. 57 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,592 GOOD FOR ONE DINNER WITH A HOT COUNCILWOMAN. 58 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,630 JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR... IT'S ME. 59 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,632 ( theme music playing ) 60 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,301 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 61 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:50,238 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 62 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:58,679 RYDER, WHAT'S THE RULE ABOUT TEXTING AT THE TABLE? 63 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,650 DON'T GET CAUGHT? 64 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,654 HE'S TEXTING HOLLY. SHE HAD TO GO TO CINCINNATI FOR HER GREAT-AUNT'S FUNERAL. 65 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,289 SHE'S GIVEN ME A LIST OF TV SHOWS 66 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,358 I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO WATCH UNTIL SHE GETS BACK. 67 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,763 WHAT? SHE CAN TELL BY MY TONE OF VOICE WHO GOT VOTED OFF "PROJECT RUNWAY." 68 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,768 DUDE, THERE WERE JUST SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT SENTENCE. 69 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,771 HEY, SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE LIKES, OKAY? 70 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:27,275 AND SHE LIKES ME. SHE SAID I'M "TOTALLY FIXABLE." 71 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:31,379 - LIKE A DOG. - SUCH A GOOD BOY THOUGH! 72 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,349 HEY, IT'S SUPERGIRL! LOOK AT THIS, C'MERE. 73 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,985 FLY OVER HERE AND TASTE THIS. I WANT YOU TO TELL ME IF IT NEEDS ANY OF YOUR 74 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,421 MAGIC CANADIAN PAPRIKA. 75 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,356 - LET IT GO, LONGO. - I CAN LET YOUR LIE GO, 76 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:44,258 BUT, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T SPEAK FOR TRAVIS. 77 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:46,794 WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? IT WASN'T A LIE LIE. 78 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,762 IT WAS JUST A TINY OMISSION OF TRUTH. 79 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,699 HE ASSUMED I MADE THE MEAL, AND FOR ME TO POINT OUT 80 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:55,269 HIS ERROR WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOLITE. 81 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,805 YEAH SURE, THERE'S NOTHING RUDER THAN THE TRUTH. 82 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:01,775 LOOK, JOE, IF A WOMAN SAW YOU STANDING IN FRONT OF A PORSCHE 83 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,044 AND SHE SAID "NICE CAR," YOU'D SAY "THANK YOU" 84 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,779 - EVEN IF IT WASN'T YOUR CAR. - WHAT?! 85 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,815 - NO, I WOULDN'T. - UH, YEAH, YOU WOULD. 86 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,751 I SAW YOU DO IT AT THE MALL LAST WEEK. 87 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,456 RYDER'S BEEN TEXTING AT THE TABLE. 88 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,731 - HEY, MEL. - TRAVIS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 89 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,766 I COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT. 90 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,802 THOSE SQUASH BLOSSOMS WERE SO GOOD, I WANTED TO GROW ANOTHER TONGUE. 91 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,605 OOH, THAT'S A VERY INTRIGUING IDEA. 92 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,507 GO ON. 93 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:38,045 I'M HERE TO REDEEM MY CERTIFICATE FOR DINNER WITH A HOT COUNCILWOMAN. 94 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,314 - HOW'S SATURDAY? - THAT'S GREAT. 95 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:43,083 UH, THERE'S THAT NEW CHINESE PLACE JUST OPENED DOWNTOWN. 96 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,086 WELL, I WAS THINKING HOW ABOUT WE COOK A MEAL TOGETHER? 97 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,855 - WE WHO? - WE YOU. 98 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,324 YOU'D COOK THE WHOLE THING, I'LL DO ALL THE SHOPPING. 99 00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,859 I'LL EVEN CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS. 100 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,728 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY THE CHINESE PLACE? 101 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,730 BECAUSE THEY HAVE A KILLER KUNG PAO. 102 00:04:56,764 --> 00:05:00,468 I MEAN, YOU THINK YOU'RE BLOWN AWAY BY THE KUNG, AND THEN POW! 103 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,436 MEL, IT'S BEEN A BAD YEAR. 104 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:05,539 SINCE I FOUND OUT ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND'S DELIGHTFUL SECRET LIFE... 105 00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:09,477 DON'T ASK... I'VE BEEN ALONE AND EATING ALL MY MEALS OUT OF TAKEOUT BOXES. 106 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,413 NOW IT SAYS HERE "GOOD FOR A DINNER WITH MEL BURKE 107 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,881 AT THE PLACE OF MY CHOICE." 108 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:17,084 I CHOOSE YOUR PLACE WITH YOUR HOME COOKING. 109 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:20,554 WHAT DO YOU SAY? CANDLES, MUSIC, 110 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:23,857 - WHITE WINE? - ( sighs ) 111 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:27,795 LOOK, TRAVIS, I HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU. 112 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:32,433 I DON'T... LIKE WHITE WINE. 113 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:41,475 LONGO, LONGO, SHH! I'M TRYING TO WORK. 114 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:45,613 - YOU'RE WATCHING CARTOONS. - IT'S "RATATOUILLE." 115 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,849 IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT WORK? 116 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,719 OKAY, TRAVIS IS COMING OVER SATURDAY NIGHT FOR DINNER 117 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:55,789 WHICH HE ASKED ME TO MAKE... IN FRONT OF HIM, 118 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,858 SO I AM JUST TRYING TO TEACH MYSELF 119 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,394 HOW TO COOK A GOURMET MEAL IN, YOU KNOW, 76 HOURS. 120 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,930 BY WATCHING AN ANIMATED RAT? 121 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,700 THAT'S LIKE LEARNING HOW TO SWIM BY WATCHING "SPONGEBOB." 122 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:10,571 PLEASE, JOE, JUST LET ME GET BACK TO MY RESEARCH. 123 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,905 JUST GO COOK DINNER 124 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,842 WITH YOUR MASTERFUL CULINARY SKILLS. 125 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,144 OOOH, YOU LIKE THIS GUY, DON'T YOU? 126 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,448 I DO. I REALLY DO. 127 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:23,584 - THEN YOU'RE SCREWED. - PLEASE, JOE, 128 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,887 PLEASE! WOULD YOU TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE AN AMAZING MEAL? 129 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,590 WOULD I TEACH YOU HOW TO MAKE AN AMAZING MEAL... 130 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,725 WHAT? 131 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,695 WOULD YOU TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE AN AMAZING MEAL... 132 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,598 O LORD OF THE PANS? 133 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,733 I LIKE THAT. 134 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,975 OKAY, SO I'M GOING TO GRAB US SOME SNACKS 135 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,210 AND THEN WE CAN GO STUDY UP IN MY ROOM. 136 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,813 OR HERE. THIS AREA'S, YOU KNOW, 137 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,448 FINE, REALLY. 138 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,183 TRUST ME, NOELLE, 139 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,986 MY ROOM WILL BE A LOT LESS ANNOYING. 140 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:02,189 I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ROOM. 141 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,892 IT'S KINDA CUTE. 142 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,496 WHAT'S UP? 143 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,531 WHAT'S UP? 144 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,000 IS THIS SEAT TAKEN? 145 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,703 OH, I'M SORRY. I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR WAY. 146 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,970 NO! 147 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,872 I MEAN, YOU CAN STAY. 148 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,508 PLEASE STAY. 149 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:25,879 WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE. 150 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,616 SEE YOU LATER. 151 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,618 WISH IT WAS LATER. 152 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,957 REALLY? MY LITTLE BROTHER? 153 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,893 HE STILL HAS A YODA PILLOWCASE. 154 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,895 FRIGGIN' YODA! 155 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,868 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. NOW WE'RE GONNA GET STARTED, ALL RIGHT? 156 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,604 SO REACH YOUR HAND INSIDE THE BIRD AND PULL OUT THE GIBLETS. 157 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:54,241 I HARDLY KNOW THIS CHICKEN. YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GO TO THIRD BASE WITH HIM? 158 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,944 - GET IN THERE AND GET THE GIBLETS. - ( sighs ) 159 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,680 AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE GIBLETS? 160 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,782 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S... IT'S THE HEART, 161 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,584 THE NECK, THE LIVER, THE GIZZARDS. 162 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:06,053 WHAT? GIZZARDS? NOW YOU'RE JUST MAKING THIS CRAP UP. 163 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,757 QUIT WHINING AND GET IN THERE AND PULL OUT THE GIBLETS. LET'S GO! 164 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,892 - ( groaning ) - COME ON. 165 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,929 HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN I'VE FOUND... OH. 166 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,064 OKAY, I FOUND THEM. 167 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,032 OH... UGH! 168 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,501 IT'S A BOY. 169 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,972 ALL RIGHT. 170 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,307 - PUT YOUR HAND INSIDE THE CAVITY. - ( gasps ) 171 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,978 PUT IT IN THERE, PUT A LITTLE PRESSURE ON IT THEN START MASSAGING THE BREAST, OKAY? 172 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,615 HERE WE GO, ALL RIGHTY. PUT A LITTLE OF THIS... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 173 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,316 - WHAT? - WHAT IS IT... WHAT'S THIS? 174 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,887 WHAT'S THIS? CAN YOU MASSAGE IT? RUB HARDER, OKAY? 175 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,354 THERE WE GO. 176 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:44,892 JEEZ, I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD LIGHT SOME CANDLES AND POP IN AN ENYA CD. 177 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,027 HOW'S THE PRESSURE? IS IT TOO HARD? 178 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,830 ARE YOU STAYING HERE AT THE HOTEL? 179 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,032 THAT'S A LITTLE CHICKEN HUMOR. 180 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,302 I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL YOU, UM, 181 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,838 YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP YOUR HAND IN THERE ANYMORE. 182 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,740 OH! 183 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,613 WE CAN STUDY AT YOUR HOUSE TOMORROW IF YOU WANT. 184 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,615 YOU KNOW, JUST FOR A CHANGE. 185 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,651 NO, THERE ARE THINGS HERE YOU WON'T FIND AT MY HOUSE. 186 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,820 NO NO NO NO NO NO. 187 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:17,024 SEE, UM, LET ME EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU IN A CALM, UNEMOTIONAL WAY. 188 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,893 HE IS MY LITTLE NOSE-PICKING BROTHER! 189 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:23,130 IF PEOPLE SEE YOU GUYS TOGETHER AT SCHOOL, THEY'LL MOCK ME. 190 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,900 YOU... I'M ONLY THINKING OF YOU. 191 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,136 I'M THINKING OF ME TOO. 192 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,140 SO, WHATCHA DOING? 193 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,776 I DON'T KNOW. I WAS SITTING. 194 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,111 ( giggles ) 195 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,749 YOU ARE SO FUNNY! 196 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,084 SO WHO ARE YOU ALWAYS TEXTING? 197 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,886 IS IT YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 198 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,121 YES YES, HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. 199 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,691 A MEAN LITTLE GIRLFRIEND. 200 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,994 YEAH, NORMALLY AT THIS TIME OF THE DAY, SHE AND I SIT ON THE SWING TOGETHER. 201 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:57,597 EVEN THOUGH SHE'S OUT OF TOWN, SHE STILL WANTS ME TO STICK TO THE SCHEDULE. 202 00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,133 OH. WELL, 203 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:03,136 IF YOUR SCHEDULE OPENS UP, 204 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,005 HERE'S MY NUMBER. 205 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,710 AND DON'T WASH YOUR ARM UNTIL YOU CALL ME. 206 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,381 UGH! 207 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,849 WAIT, LENNOX! 208 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:19,086 WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? 209 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,655 THE LAST TIME SOMEONE WROTE ON ME WAS AT CAMP. 210 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,124 I WOKE UP WITH BOOBS DRAWN ON MY FOREHEAD. 211 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:28,829 THIS ISN'T A PRANK. NOELLE IS SERIOUSLY CRUSHING ON YOU. 212 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,931 WAIT, WHAT? WHY? 213 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,667 SHE'S CUTE AND POPULAR AND I'M THE KINDA GUY WHO... 214 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,935 YOU KNOW. 215 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,205 WALKS AROUND WITH BOOBS ON HIS FOREHEAD FOR THREE DAYS? 216 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,842 IT WAS PERMANENT MARKER! I RUBBED THOSE BOOBS AS HARD AS I COULD! 217 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,978 THEY WOULD NOT COME OFF! 218 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,816 LOOK, YOU CANNOT BE DATING ONE OF MY FRIENDS. 219 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:52,820 IT'S IN THE BIBLE! "NERDS AND NORMALS SHALL NOT HOOK UP." 220 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,857 JUST STICK WITH HOLLY. SHE'S SWEET AND LOVABLE. 221 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,926 YOU CALLED HER A BALLBUSTER. 222 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,261 OKAY, I'VE CALLED HER WORSE THAN THAT! MOVE ON! 223 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,665 LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO TELL NOELLE IT'S NOT HAPPENING. 224 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:09,136 - UNLESS... - DINNER, GUYS. 225 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,537 HEY, UH, JOE, TELL ME SOMETHING. 226 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:14,174 IS IT POSSIBLE I COULD, LIKE, GO OUT WITH TWO GIRLS AT THE SAME TIME? 227 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,677 DUDE, YOU GET UPSET WHEN YOUR CARROTS TOUCH YOUR PEAS. 228 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,719 DIG IN! CHICKEN STUFFED WITH TAPENADE AND CHORIZO, 229 00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:28,255 PROSCIUTTO-WRAPPED ASPARAGUS AND FINGERLING POTATOES. 230 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,858 WOW, JOE. WHAT'S THE OCCASION? 231 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,026 THE OCCASION IS YOUR AUNT MADE DINNER. 232 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,262 - NO THANKS. - I'M NOT HUNGRY. 233 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,731 NO NO, GUYS, IT'S OKAY. I OVERSAW EVERYTHING. 234 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,801 YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE THE GUINEA PIGS FOR YOUR AUNT'S SOCIAL LIFE, 235 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,870 SO DIG IN AND ENJOY. 236 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:46,473 WOW. AUNT MEL, THIS IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. 237 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,276 YEAH, IT'S BETTER THAN GOOD. IT'S LIKE JOE GOOD. 238 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,145 I DID IT! I CAN COOK. 239 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,314 YEAH, SUCK IT, RACHEL RAY. 240 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,251 OKAY, ALL THE UTENSILS ARE LINED UP. 241 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:01,154 YOU'VE GOT YOUR LITTLE CHEAT SHEETS POSTED EVERYWHERE, RIGHT? 242 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:04,157 YES, I DO! OH, THIS ONE SHOULD BE CLOSER TO THE STOVE. 243 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,259 HEY, BURKE, TAKE A DEEP BREATH. 244 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,195 - IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 245 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,230 THANKS, LONGO. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU COMING THROUGH... 246 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,965 - ( knocks ) - OH MY GOSH, GET OUT! 247 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,233 YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. HE CAN'T SEE YOU IN THE KITCHEN. 248 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,003 THAT IS NOT TRAVIS YET, OKAY? 249 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,306 - HEY THERE. - HEY, JOE. 250 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,009 - HOW ARE YOU? - I'M CANDI. 251 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,777 OH, OF COURSE YOU ARE. 252 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:26,313 CANDI IS STUDYING TO BE A MASSEUSE. 253 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,549 I NEED 100 HOURS OF HANDS-ON EXPERIENCE TO GET CERTIFIED. 254 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,285 YEAH, SO I'M HELPING HER OUT, YOU KNOW? LETTING HER... 255 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,087 - PUT HER HANDS ALL OVER ME. - AWWW. 256 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:37,290 - SELFLESS TO A FAULT. - THAT'S ME, THAT'S ME. 257 00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:41,294 I JUST FEEL THAT A MASSEUSE IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE. 258 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,834 - TRAVIS! - HEY, YOUR NEPHEW LET ME IN. 259 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,036 HE CAN'T STOP SMILING ABOUT SOMETHING. 260 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,971 AND NEITHER CAN I. 261 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:55,242 - SO ARE WE ALL READY TO GO? - YEAH YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 262 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,977 UM, NEVER BEEN MORE READY. 263 00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,247 STEP ONE, WE WILL... 264 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,950 RINSE THE CHICKEN. 265 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,585 UH, ACTUALLY, MEL, SLIGHT CHANGE IN PLANS. 266 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,155 THERE'S NO CHICKEN. SALMONELLA OUTBREAK. 267 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:12,192 SALMONELLA? WAIT, THAT ONLY KILLS LIKE ONE IN FIVE PEOPLE. 268 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,261 I MEAN, ONE TWO... WE'RE GOOD. 269 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,364 YOU'RE HILARIOUS, MEL. 270 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:21,334 LOOK WHAT I GOT INSTEAD. FRESH MAINE LOBSTER, FLOWN IN TODAY. 271 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,370 BUT... BUT... 272 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,973 AW, BUT CHICKEN! I KNOW CHICKEN. 273 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,208 I WAS, UM, GONNA... 274 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,979 RUB THE BREAST AND STUFF THE CAVITY. 275 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,047 WELL, WE'LL STUFF THE LOBSTERS. 276 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,115 WITH CRABMEAT. 277 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,584 IF THEY'RE FLYING ALL THIS STUFF IN FROM MAINE, 278 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,187 WHY CAN'T THEY FLY IN A FEW DAMN CHICKENS? 279 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,621 OH MY GOODNESS. 280 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,991 - HOW'S THAT PRESSURE? - IT'S AMAZING. 281 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,059 YOU SHOULD REALLY BE A Ph.D. IN THIS. 282 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,995 REALLY? YOU'D CERTIFY ME? 283 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,931 I WOULD CERTIFY YOU RIGHT NOW. 284 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:54,601 JOE, JOE, MAYDAY MAYDAY! 285 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:57,270 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN'T JUST BURST IN HERE. 286 00:13:57,304 --> 00:14:00,340 CANDI'S RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF STUDYING FOR HER DEEP-TISSUE MIDTERM. 287 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,009 NO CHICKENS, SALMONELLA OUTBREAK, 288 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,411 SCARY LOBSTERS, HELP. 289 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,947 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? CAN YOU AT LEAST GET OUTSIDE, 290 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,415 PLEASE, UNTIL SHE TURNS ME OVER? 291 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:12,019 NO, YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME! I NEED A NEW PLAN. 292 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,021 OH JEEZ, ALL RIGHT. 293 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,023 I GOT A PLAN FOR YOU. 294 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,290 HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: 295 00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:20,093 FIND A RAT THAT'S A REALLY GOOD COOK, 296 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,361 HIDE HIM UNDERNEATH YOUR CHEF'S HAT 297 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,897 AND OVERNIGHT YOU'LL BE THE TOAST OF PARIS. 298 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:27,334 JOE, BE SERIOUS. I MEAN IF I COULD HIDE A... 299 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,169 WAIT A MINUTE. 300 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,438 THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA. 301 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,141 COME ON, RAT. LET'S GET YOU UNDER MY HAT. 302 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,081 ALL RIGHT, CAN YOU SEE ME? 303 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,316 Unfortunately yes. 304 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,353 All right, so you're gonna want to bring the water to a roiling boil. 305 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,422 MEL, I ALMOST FORGOT THESE IN THE CAR. 306 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,258 - I BROUGHT THEM FOR YOU. - AW, I LOVE THEM! 307 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,226 PUT 'EM OUTSIDE. 308 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,228 ...HANDSOME. 309 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,433 - OKAY, I'M BACK. - Okay now, 310 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,702 once the water is boiling, you're gonna take the lobsters 311 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,272 - and you're gonna put them in the pot. - BUT THAT'LL KILL THEM! 312 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,141 Grow a pair, Burke. 313 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,679 HEY, AUNT MEL, I REALLY GOTTA TALK TO YOU. 314 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,082 - YEAH, IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME. - YOU KNOW WHAT'S A WORSE TIME? 315 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,250 HAVING YOUR REPUTATION RUINED BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE BROTHER 316 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,052 IS ABOUT TO START DATING ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS. 317 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,022 NOELLE? HOT NOELLE? SHE'LL EAT HIM ALIVE. 318 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,124 SHE WOULD. OH, THANK YOU! 319 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:27,995 ANYTIME! OKAY, JOE, 320 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,963 I MEAN, LOOK, I'VE BEEN CHECKING ALL OVER. 321 00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:32,299 DO THESE GUYS HAVE GIBLETS? BECAUSE I DON'T SEE ANY WAY IN. 322 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:36,136 - ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? - NO... UH, LOBSTER. 323 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,239 I LIKE TO EXPLAIN THE PROCEDURE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE 324 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,009 THEY'RE MORE RELAXED, THEY TASTE BETTER. 325 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,377 ALL RIGHT. READY FOR MY NEXT ASSIGNMENT. 326 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,179 OKAY, UM, YEAH, 327 00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:48,181 CANDLES, YES! CANDLES. 328 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:51,051 WHOA, TOO FAST! I MEAN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. 329 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:55,455 UM, HERE, THESE ARE BETTER. LIGHT THESE AND PUT 'EM AROUND THE PATIO. 330 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,058 - HOW MANY DO YOU WANT? - ALL OF THEM. 331 00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:01,561 THE MORE CANDLES, THE BETTER THE MOOD. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. 332 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,999 OKAY. ( groans ) 333 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,268 - ALL RIGHT, WHERE WERE WE? - AUNT MEL, HAVE YOU SEEN MY... 334 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,370 - OH, THERE IT IS. - NO, GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT THING! 335 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,272 - IT'S MINE. - NO, BUT I PAID FOR IT! 336 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,208 HOLLY HEARD THAT NOELLE LIKES ME AND SHE WANTS TO CHAT, LIKE, RIGHT NOW. 337 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,744 Computer: Please accept video chat from Holly. 338 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,413 HEY, RYDER, I WAS JUST UP WITH LENNOX 339 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,549 - AND I WAS WONDERING... - NOELLE, OH MY GOD. 340 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,084 Please accept video chat from Holly. 341 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:27,287 YOU KNOW, YOU WERE STUDYING WITH LENNOX, CAN YOU JUST GO BACK UP THERE? 342 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,022 I'D RATHER BE WITH YOU. 343 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:31,291 - Video chat accepted. - OOPS. 344 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,226 HI HOLLY. IT'S HOLLY. 345 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,132 THAT'S GONNA VOID THE WARRANTY! 346 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,134 IT'S GONNA VOID MY LIFE. 347 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:45,072 AW, RYDER, WHAT A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY YOUR GIRLFRIEND SAW US. 348 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:51,811 WHAT THE HECK'S GOING ON DOWN HERE? 349 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,581 I HEARD A STRUGGLE AND A SPLASH AND THEN I LOST YOU. 350 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,516 I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, JOE. I GIVE UP. 351 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,186 AFTER WE'VE COME THIS FAR? NO WAY, UH-UH. 352 00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:02,055 MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. GIVE THE RAT THE TONGS. 353 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,457 HERE WE GO... 354 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,265 YOU REALLY CAN'T FOLLOW A RECIPE. 355 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,804 THAT'S IT. I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO COME CLEAN AND TELL TRAVIS THAT I'M A FRAUD. 356 00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,839 HE'LL PROBABLY NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN. 357 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,609 WHY, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T COOK? I MEAN, COME ON. ANY REASONABLE GUY 358 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,478 WOULD BE FLATTERED THAT A WOMAN LIKE YOU WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE FOR HIM. 359 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:28,115 NOW TAKE THAT LOBSTER AND GIVE HIM A NICE HOT BATH. 360 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,616 - YOU CAN DO IT. - I CAN'T! 361 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,818 LOOK AT THOSE CUTE LITTLE EYES UP THERE. 362 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,387 I'LL HELP YOU. HEY, BUDDY, 363 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,356 IT'S TIME FOR A NICE HOT BATH. ARE YOU READY? 364 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,225 AND IN THE WATER. 365 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,826 THERE WE GO. LOOK AT THAT, YOU DID IT. 366 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,494 I DID IT! THIS IS GREAT. 367 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,231 I MEAN NOT FOR YOU. SORRY. 368 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:49,336 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE? 369 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,871 YOU KNOW, I WAS IN THERE WITH NOELLE AND SHE WAS MASSAGING MY NECK 370 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,373 AND IT FELT SO GOOD AND... 371 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,275 THEN I JUST HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE. 372 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,178 - HOW DID YOU ESCAPE? - I TOLD HER I NEEDED A SMOKE. 373 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:03,483 - GOOD COVER! - I MADE A COMPLETE MESS OF IT. 374 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,386 HOLLY SAW ME WITH NOELLE AND NOW I'M DEAD. 375 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,589 WHY DO YOU CARE? I MEAN IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE ALREADY MADE YOUR DECISION. 376 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,392 I HAVE? 377 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,395 YEAH! YOU'RE NOELLE'S BOY NOW. 378 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,665 - CONGRATULATIONS! - I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME DATING YOUR FRIEND. 379 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,301 OH, I WAS JUST BEING SELFISH. 380 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,636 YOU AND NOELLE CLEARLY HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL. 381 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,239 YEAH. 382 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,908 AND THAT IS...? 383 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,411 I CAN'T DEFINE IT, BUT IT'S THERE. 384 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,347 AND WITH NOELLE BEING A MORE EXPERIENCED WOMAN 385 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:38,351 WHO'S BEEN WITH TONS OF BOYS... UPPERCLASSMEN, 386 00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:40,553 EVEN A COUPLE OF COLLEGE GUYS, I HEAR... 387 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:43,156 SHE'LL BE EXPECTING A LOT. 388 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,292 BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN HANDLE THAT, RIGHT? 389 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,295 ( strained ) MM-HMM. 390 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,297 YEAH, THE SAFE OLD DAYS WITH HOLLY... 391 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,432 OVER. THAT WAS THE SANDBOX. 392 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:56,303 WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME. 393 00:18:57,704 --> 00:19:00,273 I WANT HOLLY. I WANT HER BACK. 394 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,410 - ARE YOU SURE? - MORE THAN ANYTHING. 395 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,412 WELL OKAY, IT'S YOUR DECISION. 396 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:09,282 IT IS. AND I'VE JUST GOTTA GO IN THERE AND TELL NOELLE IT'S OVER. 397 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,619 WOULD YOU DO THAT FOR ME? 398 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,422 YEAH YEAH, I'LL DO THAT. 399 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:18,425 JUST GO TAKE A WALK AND FINISH YOUR FAKE SMOKE. 400 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,328 THANKS. 401 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,396 YOU'RE A GREAT SISTER. 402 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,401 ( sighs ) I SHOULD TEACH A CLASS. 403 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,540 ALL RIGHT, SO PUT AN EQUAL AMOUNT OF STUFFING ON EACH PLATE, 404 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,575 ADD THE SIDES, YOU ARE GOOD TO GO, 'KAY? 405 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,710 OH, THANKS, LONGO. HEY... 406 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,747 - WE REALLY DID IT, DIDN'T WE? - YEAH, I GUESS WE DID. 407 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,517 - WE MAKE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM. - YEAH, BURKE AND LONGO, ONE HELL OF A TEAM. 408 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:47,620 - ( chuckles ) - NOW GET UPSTAIRS BEFORE TRAVIS FINDS OUT ABOUT US. 409 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,489 TOO LATE! 410 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,525 I CAN'T BELIEVE I KEEP WALKING IN ON STUFF LIKE THIS! 411 00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,661 WELL, AT LEAST YOU TWO HAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON. 412 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,264 OF COURSE WE HAVE CLOTHES ON. WE WERE COOKING. 413 00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,632 I MEAN I WAS COOKING! LOOK LOOK, OKAY, JOE WAS COOKING. 414 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:03,270 EVERYTHING YOU ATE THE OTHER NIGHT WAS STUFF THAT JOE MADE. 415 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,407 IT'S TRUE. YEAH, I MEAN, 416 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,542 SHE CAN'T COOK. SHE'S AN AWFUL COOK. 417 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,712 BUT SHE'S GOT A LOT OF OTHER GREAT QUALITIES. 418 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:17,517 NONE OF WHICH ARE COMING TO MY MIND RIGHT NOW, BUT... 419 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,419 I KNOW THEY'RE IN THERE SOMEWHERE. 420 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,389 - WELL, COME ON, YOU GUYS HAVE A THING. - NO THING... NOTHING. 421 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,525 - WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THAT? - WE ARE A MAN AND A WOMAN WHO LIVE TOGETHER 422 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,528 AND WE'RE RAISING A COUPLE OF KIDS. HOW IS THAT A RELATIONSHIP? 423 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,697 I MEAN HE DOESN'T EVEN REALLY LIVE IN THE HOUSE. 424 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,500 HE LIVES WAY WAY WAY OUT THERE, OVER THE GARAGE. 425 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,269 IN FACT, HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN IN HIS ROOM RIGHT NOW. 426 00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:37,570 I DO. 427 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,706 I ALWAYS DO. 428 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,708 I'M NOT GETTING INTO THE MIDDLE OF THIS. 429 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,277 IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN. 430 00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,713 ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO WALK IN ON SOMETHING NORMAL. 431 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:52,285 WOW, THAT GUY... THAT GUY HAS SOME ISSUES. 432 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:55,555 YEP. I MEAN, WE'RE JUST TWO FRIENDS DOING WHAT FRIENDS DO. 433 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,825 EXACTLY... FRIENDS. I MEAN, BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT. 434 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,828 Candi: JOE, ARE YOU COMING BACK? 435 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,596 SEE YA. 436 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,703 YOU KNOW, JOE, DINNER WITH YOU IS A LOT LESS PRESSURE. 437 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:13,540 I MEAN, I CAN GET FOOD IN MY TEETH, SPILL BUTTER ALL OVER MY DRESS 438 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,443 AND IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER. THERE ARE DEFINITE ADVANTAGES 439 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,611 TO LIVING WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T CARE THAT MUCH ABOUT. 440 00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:20,580 WE ARE PRETTY LUCKY. 441 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,583 OH MY GOSH, THAT IS JUST INCREDIBLE. 442 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,585 IT IS BEYOND HUMAN EXPERIENCE. 443 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,555 OH, WILL YOU STOP? COME ON, IT'S JUST A COUPLE OF BOILED LOBSTERS. 444 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,690 NOT THAT. CANDI. 445 00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:36,763 IS THE PRESSURE GOOD? ARE YOU STAYING HERE AT THE HOTEL? 446 00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:39,699 I TAUGHT HER THAT.