1 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:10,144 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:13,981 I WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER DRIVING LESSON FROM YOU AS LONG AS I LIVE! 3 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,617 PERFECT, BECAUSE I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU ANOTHER LESSON AS LONG AS I LIVE, 4 00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,687 WHICH WILL BE A LOT LONGER NOW THAT I'M NEVER GETTING INTO A CAR THAT YOU'RE DRIVING. 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,756 YOU ARE THE WORST TEACHER EVER. 6 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:26,494 EVEN WORSE THAN MISS LAYMAN IN SECOND GRADE, AND SHE LET THE WHOLE CLASS EAT PAINT. 7 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,697 WELL, I HAVE NEVER SEEN A BIGGER MENACE BEHIND THE WHEEL, 8 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,166 AND THAT INCLUDES AFTER PROM WHEN KEVIN MARTIN DROVE ME HOME 9 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,168 WITH A KEG IN HIS LAP! 10 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,637 I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO RECOVER. 11 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,106 YEAH, AND I'M GONNA RECOVER, TOO, 12 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,741 WITH A BOTTLE OF THIS. 13 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,444 NUH-UH, I'M GOING COMMANDO TONIGHT. 14 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,582 LOOKS LIKE TODAY'S LESSON WENT A LITTLE BETTER. 15 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,784 YEAH, IT WAS THE BEST ONE YET. 16 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,120 ( theme music playing ) 17 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,422 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 18 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,290 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 19 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:04,332 - COME ON. - WAIT A MINUTE. 20 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,335 YOU LURED ME IN HERE WITH THE PROMISE OF MOUSSAKA. 21 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,338 I GOT MOUSSAKA... YUMMY MOUSSAKA... RIGHT HERE, ALL RIGHT? 22 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,773 BUT NO ONE'S GETTING ANY OF THIS TILL WE CLEAR THE AIR. 23 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:16,510 - I'M NOT TALKING TO HER. - WELL, I'M NOT TALKING TO HER MORE. 24 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,045 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, IF YOU TWO GUYS DON'T START TALKING, 25 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,114 YOU'RE GONNA KISS THE MOUSSAKA GOODBYE. 26 00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,049 - WAIT, STOP! - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! 27 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,785 - WE'LL TALK. - JUST DON'T HURT THE MOUSSAKA. 28 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,588 WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED DURING THAT DRIVING LESSON, HUH? 29 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,089 HOW'D IT GET SO BAD? 30 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:32,526 WELL, I GENEROUSLY TOOK THE AFTERNOON OFF TO TEACH THIS ONE HERE, 31 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,095 AND LET'S JUST SAY I WAS COMPLETELY CALM 32 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,764 WHEN I SET FOOT IN THAT CAR. 33 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,468 - ALL RIGHT, HONEY, NOW YOU SEE THAT TRUCK? - YES. 34 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:44,238 OKAY, NOW YOU'RE GONNA PASS IT ON THE LEFT, SO WATCH YOUR SPEED. 35 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,440 WATCH MY SPEED? YOU TOLD ME TO KEEP MY EYES ON THE ROAD. 36 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,376 SPEED OR ROAD, WHICH IS IT? 37 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:51,479 - YOU CAN DO BOTH. - IT'S TOO MUCH. YOU DRIVE. 38 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,714 OH! OKAY, ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? 39 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,150 IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 40 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,287 THAT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER FICTION. 41 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,190 SHE WAS IMPOSSIBLE FROM THE MOMENT WE STEPPED IN THE CAR. 42 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,125 YOU'RE GONNA KILL US! NO! ( screams ) 43 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,196 THERE ARE NO OTHER CARS AROUND. 44 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,830 I DON'T WANNA DIE 45 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,533 IN THIS OUTFIT. 46 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,702 - ( car honks ) - ( yelps ) 47 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,370 ALL RIGHT, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE... 48 00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,872 TWO WOMEN GOT IN THE CAR. 49 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,809 LOOK, YOU TWO JUST NEED TO SHARE IN THE RESPONSIBILITY, 50 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,245 APOLOGIZE TO EACH OTHER AND MOVE ON. 51 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,713 I'M NOT APOLOGIZING. 52 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,449 AND I DID NOTHING WRONG, BUT TO SHOW THAT I'M THE BIGGER PERSON, 53 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,185 HOW ABOUT THIS? I WILL TAKE YOU FOR ANOTHER LESSON TOMORROW 54 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:34,888 AND WILL FASHION MYSELF A DRESS MADE OUT OF AIRBAGS. 55 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,758 WAIT A MINUTE. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER EVER TEACH LENNOX TO DRIVE AGAIN. 56 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,627 YEAH, WELL, I ALSO SAID I'D NEVER DRINK DURING THE DAYTIME. 57 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,796 SOME THINGS ARE SAID IN ANGER. WHAT DO YOU SAY? 58 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,699 I SAY... 59 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,601 NO, I'LL TAKE THE BUS... 60 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,204 FOREVER. 61 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,773 SHE'LL BE BACK. TRUST ME. LENNOX IS NOT A BUS GIRL. 62 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:56,510 ONE SLOW, STINKY RIDE PAST THE FISH MARKET, SHE'LL COME AROUND. 63 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,447 OR MAYBE LENNOX JUST NEEDS A FRESH START. 64 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,415 MAYBE SHE NEEDS A NEW TEACHER, SOMEBODY A LITTLE CALMER. 65 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,183 YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY NOT... 66 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,619 WELL, JUST NOT YOU. 67 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,589 - YOU? - YOU GOT ME, BABY, USE ME. 68 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,158 DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. IT MAKES ME TUMMY QUEASY. 69 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:15,162 I AM A WAY BETTER DRIVER THAN YOU, OKAY? I MEAN, I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG. 70 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,598 - YOU LOVE TO BRAG. - NO. NO NO NO. 71 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,334 IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M BRAGGING, BUT REALLY, I'M JUST TELLING YOU HOW GREAT I AM. 72 00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,869 THESE ARE ALL JUST FACTS. 73 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,905 I AM A HIGHLY-SKILLED DRIVER, ALL RIGHT? 74 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,775 I EVEN TOOK ONE OF THOSE EVASIVE-ACTION DRIVING COURSES. 75 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:31,445 WHY, SO YOU CAN PARALLEL PARK WHILE THE K.G.B. SHOOTS AT YOU? 76 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,281 YOU DON'T PARK WHILE THEY'RE SHOOTING AT YOU. 77 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,349 YOU TAKE CORNERS ON TWO WHEELS. 78 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:38,486 LOOK, I HAVE A GIFT FOR TEACHING. WE ALL HAVE OUR STRENGTHS. 79 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,788 ALL RIGHT? YOURS IS... 80 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,223 SLEEPING IN. 81 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,659 - THAT'S TRUE. I AM GREAT AT THAT. - MMM. 82 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,728 BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHO'S THE BETTER TEACHER. 83 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:50,898 THAT'S ALL IT'S ABOUT. LET'S QUIT THE BACK AND FORTH AND JUST GIVE ME THE CAR KEYS. 84 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,500 NO, THIS IS MY PARENTING MOMENT. 85 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,967 I WANT THE JOY OF TEACHING LENNOX TO DRIVE. 86 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:57,338 - JOY? YOU GUYS ARE BOTH MISERABLE. - SURE, NOW. 87 00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,673 YOU KNOW, LIFE'S MILESTONES ARE ALWAYS MISERY TO GO THROUGH, 88 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,675 BUT ONCE YOU GET PAST THEM, YOU REMEMBER THEM FONDLY. 89 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:05,212 AND FOR MOMENTS LIKE THAT, YOU DON'T ASK FOR HELP FROM THE HOUSEHOLD STAFF. 90 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,816 ( stammers ) I'M SORRY. "STAFF"? 91 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:12,252 DID YOU JUST CALL ME THE "S" WORD? 92 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,788 YEAH, I HAVE A LOT OF "S" WORDS FOR YOU. 93 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,290 AND ANYWAY, TRUST ME, 94 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,826 I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP TEACHING MY NIECE HOW TO DRIVE. 95 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,461 ALL RIGHT, FINE, I'LL STAY OUT OF IT. 96 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,396 WHAT OTHER "S" WORDS DO YOU HAVE FOR ME? 97 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,699 - HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT? - IS ONE OF THEM "SEXY"? 98 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,870 YES YES, THAT IS THE ONE I USE THE MOST... 99 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,441 THAT AND "SDELUDED." 100 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,980 HEY, MEL. WOW, YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP. WHERE YOU HEADING? 101 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,784 STEPHANIE'S PICKING ME UP. 102 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,619 WE'RE GOING ESTATE SALE SHOPPING. 103 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:48,856 YOU GOTTA LOOK BROKE WHEN YOU'RE LOWBALLING FOR GRANDMA'S SILVER. 104 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,358 JEEZ, BURKE, WHAT'S NEXT? YOU GONNA GO GRAVESIDE 105 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,926 AND YANK OUT SOME GOLD TEETH? 106 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,495 WILL YOU MOVE YOUR CAR? YOU'RE BLOCKING ME IN. 107 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,330 HERE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE IT? 108 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,467 AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, FILL 'ER UP. 109 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,968 ( British accent ) RIGHT AWAY, MA'AM. 110 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,836 YES, AFTER ALL, I AM THE STAFF. 111 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:08,075 - ( normal voice ) YOU LIKE ME BRITISH? - I BARELY LIKE YOU AMERICAN. 112 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,682 HEY, BUD, I KNOW IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU, MAN, 113 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,083 BUT I GOT YOUR CLEAN CLOTHES... 114 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,754 - ( camera clicks ) - ...HERE. 115 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:24,558 HEY, JOE, I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT ALL THIS IS HERE. 116 00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,760 NO NO, NOT AT ALL. I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE 117 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,562 ALL THOSE PRETTY LADIES SHOES THAT YOU'RE PLAYING WITH. 118 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,998 SEE, IT'S JUST... 119 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,800 JUST KIND OF A PROJECT OF MINE. 120 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,436 YEAH, TAKING PICTURES OF YOUR AUNT'S SHOES? 121 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,937 DID SHE ASK YOU TO DO THAT? 122 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,940 YEAH. I MEAN, NO. NO, I VOLUNTEERED. 123 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,943 I'M JUST TAKING PICTURES AND PUTTING THEM ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BOXES 124 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,745 SO SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE HAS. 125 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,914 SO YOU LIKE PLAYING WITH LADIES' SHOES? 126 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,984 ORGANIZING THEM, POSING THEM. 127 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,321 WEARING THEM? 128 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,089 NO. NO NO NO NO. 129 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,358 THEY'RE MUCH TOO SMALL. I COULD NEVER FIT MY SIZE 11s 130 00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,661 INTO THESE DELICATE PEEP TOE PUMPS. 131 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,931 I'M GUESSING. 132 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,099 OKAY, KID, YOU KNOW WHAT? 133 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,035 I'M JUST GONNA PUT YOUR LAUNDRY DOWN HERE 134 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:12,039 AND I'M GONNA JUST ACCEPT YOU THE WAY THAT YOU ARE. 135 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,107 THANKS, JOE. CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND YOU? 136 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,109 OH GOD, YEAH. GOOD AND TIGHT. 137 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,048 I'LL TELL YOU... A FEW MORE LESSONS FROM ME 138 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,083 AND YOU'RE GONNA ACE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST. 139 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,852 AND THEN WHEN YOUR AUNT ASKS, "HOW DID SHE DO IT?" 140 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,656 I'M GONNA SAY, "WELL, ACTUALLY, I DID IT." AND EVERYBODY WINS. 141 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,591 HOW DOES AUNT MEL WIN? 142 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,660 TECHNICALLY, SHE DOESN'T. 143 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,128 HEY, YOU JUST PASSED THE HOUSE. 144 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,098 CAN'T WE DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK JUST ONE MORE TIME? 145 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:41,034 NO, HM-MMM. NO, WE HAVE TO GET HOME BEFORE YOUR AUNT DOES. 146 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,070 - WHY? - ( brakes squeak ) 147 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:48,008 WHY? BECAUSE THESE ARE SECRET LESSONS. 148 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,043 SECRET IN WHAT WAY? 149 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,880 SECRET FROM YOUR AUNT, 150 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:56,584 'CAUSE SHE KIND OF DEMANDED THAT I NEVER EVER TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE. 151 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,418 KIND OF DEMANDED? 152 00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,153 YOU KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE SHE IS. 153 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,056 IT WOULD KILL HER TO KNOW THAT I'M DOING A MUCH BETTER JOB THAN SHE WOULD. 154 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:06,927 SO WE'RE KEEPING IT A SECRET, BUT IT'S FOR HER. 155 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,630 IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE DRIVING IN REVERSE ANYWAY. 156 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,901 SO IF SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU'RE TEACHING ME HOW TO DRIVE, 157 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,003 - WE'RE BOTH IN TROUBLE? - NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA GET IN TROUBLE, 158 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,771 BECAUSE SHE'S NOT GONNA FIND OUT. 159 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,973 JUST RELAX. NOW LOOK, CHECK BOTH MIRRORS. 160 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,010 CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOTS, ALL RIGHT? 161 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:26,079 - ( engine revving ) - WATCH OUT FOR OTHER PEDESTRIANS, OTHER CARS... 162 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,849 ( crashes ) 163 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,884 ...AND MAILBOXES. 164 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,995 OH MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I KILLED MRS. ROSER'S MAILBOX. 165 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,732 AUNT MEL IS GONNA HAVE MY HEAD ON A SILVER PLATTER. 166 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:47,067 RELAX, ALL RIGHT? SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW 167 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,570 WHERE WE KEEP THE PLATTERS. 168 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,540 - WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL HER? - WE'RE GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH, ALL RIGHT? 169 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,008 WE'RE GONNA TELL HER THAT I TOOK THE CAR OUT BY MYSELF, 170 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:58,445 AND I WASN'T LOOKING WHERE I WAS GOING, AND I RAN OVER A MAILBOX. 171 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,781 THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH! 172 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,984 IN 100 YEARS, WILL IT REALLY MATTER? 173 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,587 BUT IF I TELL HER YOU DID IT, SHE'LL KNOW I'M LYING. 174 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,656 - HOW? - 'CAUSE SHE KNOWS ME. 175 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,924 SHE CAN LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND DETECT LYING. IT'S FREAKY. 176 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:13,994 AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT HAS REALLY HURT ME SOCIALLY. 177 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,130 ALL RIGHT, FINE, I'LL DO THE TALKING. JUST BACK ME UP. 178 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,132 SILENTLY, RIGHT? 179 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,602 WITH NO EYE CONTACT? 180 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,871 YES, SILENTLY, OKAY? 181 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:27,107 JUST TRY TO LOOK INNOCENT, AND I'LL TRY TO LOOK LIKE I MADE A BIG MISTAKE. 182 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,611 I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF PRACTICE WITH THAT, BUT I'LL GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT. 183 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:33,513 - Melissa: HEY, GUYS. - OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! 184 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,249 - WHAT? - I LOOK GUILTY ALREADY AND I REEK OF DECEPTION! 185 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,686 LENNOX, YOU DON'T LOOK... WHERE ARE YOU... 186 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:45,058 TADA! LOOK WHAT SOMEONE COULDN'T TAKE TO HEAVEN. 187 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,997 CERTAINLY GONNA MAKE THIS PLACE LOOK LIKE HELL. 188 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,100 IT'S SO UGLY, IT'S GOTTA BE WORTH SOMETHING. 189 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,968 YEAH, CARE FOR A GLASS OF WINE? 190 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,070 I CARE DEEPLY. WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. 191 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,840 THIS IS THE $18 BOTTLE. WHAT'S WRONG? 192 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,609 ( chuckles ) YEAH, YOU START SIPPING 193 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,177 AND I'LL START TALKING, OKAY? 194 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,081 IT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT? TAKE... TAKE JUST A LITTLE MORE OF THAT, YEAH. 195 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,019 OKAY, SO LOOK, HERE'S THE DEAL. 196 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:15,188 I TOOK YOUR CAR TO THE HARDWARE STORE AND HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT. 197 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,191 AND I RAN OVER MRS. ROSER'S MAILBOX. 198 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,928 OH MY GOD. HOW'S MY CAR? 199 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,296 I'M FINE. THANK YOU. 200 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,599 LOOK, THE CAR'S FINE. IT'S GOT A LITTLE DENT IN THE REAR FENDER, OKAY? 201 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,736 IT'S HARDLY NOTICEABLE AND THE CAR'S COMPLETELY DRIVABLE. 202 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,104 SO THAT EVASIVE DRIVING COURSE YOU TOOK DIDN'T PREPARE YOU 203 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,774 FOR THE DANGER OF A STATIONARY MAILBOX? 204 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,175 YEAH, I GUESS NOT. 205 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,044 I'M GONNA FIX THE DENT, THOUGH, 206 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,679 AND BUY A NEW MAILBOX. SO ARE WE GOOD? 207 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:42,683 NOT YET. I STILL NEED YOU TO DO ONE TINY THING 208 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,152 - TO HELP ME GET OVER THIS. ( sighs ) - NAME IT. 209 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:48,155 SAY I'M A BETTER DRIVER THAN YOU. 210 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,657 IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANYBODY. 211 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,659 YEAH, BUT IT DIDN'T. 212 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:55,595 IT HAPPENED TO YOU BECAUSE... 213 00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:58,265 I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. 214 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:01,101 AND THAT MAKES MEL... 215 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,804 - A BETTER DRIVER... - THAN... 216 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,639 JOE. 217 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,676 IT DOESN'T REALLY COUNT UNLESS YOU SAY IT ALTOGETHER. 218 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,014 - MEL'S A BETTER DRIVER THAN JOE. - MMM. 219 00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,751 THIS CHARDONNAY PAIRS WELL WITH HUMILIATION. 220 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,221 HEY, SLOW DOWN, SPORT. YOU'RE COMING TO A DOOR. 221 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:30,831 RYDER, VERY NICE WORK ON MY SHOES. 222 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:34,167 NOW THAT THE JOB'S DONE, CAN YOU SIGN THIS FORM FOR SCHOOL? 223 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,771 WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT, THIS SHOE PROJECT TOOK YOU, WHAT, 10 HOURS? 224 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:41,074 YEAH, YOUR SCHOOL REQUIRES A FULL LEGITIMATE 20 HOURS. 225 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:44,377 CAN'T FAKE THIS. IT'S COMMUNITY SERVICE. 226 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,714 I PHOTOGRAPHED A CLOSETFUL OF SHOES. 227 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:50,050 MY HANDS SMELL LIKE FEET. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? 228 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,153 10 MORE HOURS. YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL MY GARMENTS. 229 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,322 YOU KNOW, CHECK EVERYTHING FOR HOLES, TEARS, RIPS, SNAGS AND RUNS. 230 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:58,158 OH, AND PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE PANTYHOSE. 231 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,160 PANTYHOSE? 232 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,029 JOE ALREADY SAW ME PHOTOGRAPHING YOUR SHOES. 233 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,097 HE THINKS THAT, UM... 234 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,366 GOD KNOWS WHAT HE THINKS. 235 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,201 THEN KEEP THIS ON THE DOWN LOW. 236 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,670 YOU KNOW, THE LESS JOE KNOWS ABOUT OUR LITTLE ARRANGEMENT, THE BETTER. 237 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:14,141 HE'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW THIS IS TRUE COMMUNITY SERVICE. 238 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,376 I'M A LITTLE FUZZY ON THAT, TOO. 239 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,847 ANY TIME I'M NOT WASTING IN MY CLOSET, 240 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,648 I CAN BE SERVING THE PEOPLE OF TOLEDO. 241 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,751 YOU KNOW, EVERY SNAG AND TEAR THAT YOU FIND 242 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,753 IS ANOTHER CONSTITUENT EMAIL ANSWERED 243 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,821 OR A CURB REPAINTED. 244 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:31,124 SO BY DIGGING THROUGH YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER, I'M SERVING THE GREATER GOOD? 245 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,961 FINALLY, SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS. 246 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,264 LENNOX, IT'S FINE. 247 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:40,267 NO, THAT'S IT, JOE. NO MORE SECRET DRIVING LESSONS. 248 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,935 IT'S TOO RISKY. 249 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:43,136 YOU DID GREAT, THOUGH. YOU WERE LIKE A PRO OUT THERE. 250 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,038 I MEAN, YOU DIDN'T HIT A SINGLE THING. 251 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,374 YEAH, BUT AUNT MEL SAW US. 252 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,309 - NO, SHE DIDN'T. - YES, SHE DID. 253 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,411 - I SWEAR THAT WAS HER CAR THAT WE PASSED. - THAT WAS NOT HER CAR. 254 00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,847 THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF CARS OUT THERE THAT LOOK JUST LIKE THAT, 255 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:57,851 THAT ARE BEING POORLY DRIVEN BY BLONDE-HAIRED WOMEN. 256 00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,788 - I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. - HOW ARE YOU GONNA LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, HUH? 257 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,290 MAYBE I WON'T. I JUST KNOW SHE'S GONNA FIND OUT. 258 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,026 SHE IS NOT GONNA FIND OUT. YOU ARE GIVING YOUR AUNT WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, ALL RIGHT? 259 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,962 IF SHE KNEW HALF THE STUFF THAT I GOT AWAY WITH... I MEAN, 260 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,064 "YEAH, MEL, MM-HMM, I CAUGHT THAT RAT UP IN THE ATTIC 261 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,700 AND I LET IT GO FREE IN THE WILD, AND I KNOW TONIGHT IT'S AT HOME 262 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,436 HAVING A NICE DINNER WITH HIS WIFE AND KIDS." RELAX, ALL RIGHT? 263 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:19,706 IN A COUPLE WEEKS, IT'S ALL GONNA BE OVER AND YOU'RE GONNA PASS THAT TEST. 264 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,174 OH, WHAT TEST? 265 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,476 - UM... - THE MATH TEST. 266 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:27,147 SHE'S GOT A MATH TEST WITH NUMBERS AND SHAPES AND WHATNOT. 267 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,216 OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A TEST COMING UP. 268 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,418 I DO. I DO. I SWEAR I DO. 269 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,187 YEP, JUST DON'T LOOK AT ME! I HAVE TO GO STUDY! 270 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,256 STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MATH! 271 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,326 SHE'S 16 YEARS OLD. 272 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,261 WILL YOU JUST LET HER HAVE HER OWN MATH LIFE, PLEASE? 273 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,964 I THINK THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY. 274 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,765 WHAT? NO. 275 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,936 I BET SHE'S STILL UPSET ABOUT THAT DEBACLE OF A DRIVING LESSON WE HAD. 276 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,104 - ( sighs ) - YOU'RE RIGHT. 277 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,940 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 278 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,242 THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT, 100%. 279 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,245 YOU. CANNOT GET ANYTHING BY MEL BURKE. 280 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,251 ( doorbell rings ) 281 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,019 MRS. ROSER, I'M SO SORRY. I'VE BEEN MEANING TO COME OVER 282 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:08,221 AND OFFER MY CONDOLENCES FOR YOUR MAILBOX. 283 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,522 WHY DIDN'T YOU? 284 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,960 WELL, BECAUSE I HAVE, YOU KNOW, LIKE, A LIFE. 285 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,029 I DON'T. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. 286 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:17,931 NICE PLACE. 287 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,400 I'VE ONLY EVER SEEN IT THROUGH YOUR MAIL SLOT. 288 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,369 THAT'S NOT CREEPY. 289 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,237 ANYWAY, I'M REALLY SORRY 290 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,106 AND I WANNA PAY FOR THE DAMAGES. 291 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,241 YOUR HOUSEBOY BROUGHT OVER A CHECK, 292 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,943 BUT IT'S FOR THE WRONG AMOUNT. 293 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,913 IT'S NOT $50. IT'S $150. 294 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,415 FOR THAT PIECE OF... AMERICANA? 295 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,784 LET ME JUST WRITE YOU ANOTHER CHECK. 296 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,220 AND YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE LETTING MR. MUSCLES 297 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,022 GIVE YOUR NIECE ANOTHER DRIVING LESSON. 298 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,391 CLEARLY, HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE'S DOING. 299 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,359 LENNOX WAS DRIVING? 300 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,395 WHEN SHE WASN'T CRASHING. 301 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:51,064 AND JOE WAS TEACHING? 302 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,266 IF YOU COULD CALL IT THAT. 303 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,869 DON'T YOU HAVE A CLUE WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR HOUSE? 304 00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,238 APPARENTLY I DON'T. 305 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:11,919 ( knocks ) RYDER, LOOK WHAT YOUR AUNT GOT YOU, BUDDY. 306 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,922 IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, REALLY. 307 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,225 YOU KNOW WHAT, DUDE? YOU REALLY... 308 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,294 YOU REALLY GOT START LOCKING THIS DOOR. 309 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:27,034 HEY, SO I JUST FOUND OUT THAT AFTER DINNER, 310 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,235 YOUR AUNT HAS A CITY COUNCIL MEETING, 311 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,536 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU GET BEHIND THE WHEEL AGAIN? 312 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,304 WE DO A LITTLE FREEWAY? HOW DOES THAT SOUND? 313 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,306 HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS? I'M FREAKING OUT, 314 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:36,009 BUT IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE LIE. 315 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,877 I AM A LITTLE. 316 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,081 NO, I'M SORRY. I AM A LOT. 317 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:44,117 LOOK, JUST DO WHAT I DO AND ACT NATURAL, OKAY? 318 00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,519 RIGHT. 319 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,256 - Melissa: HEY, LENNOX. - ( screams ) 320 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,459 SLIPPERY SILVERWARE. SORRY. 321 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,194 THAT'S OKAY, HONEY. IT'S A PERFECTLY NORMAL THING TO DO, 322 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,863 YOU KNOW, TO GET ALL JUMPY WHEN SOMEBODY JUST SAYS HI. 323 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,632 ( laughs, whispers ) WILL YOU PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, PLEASE? 324 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,970 ( whispers ) BUT SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS! 325 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,271 SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING. 326 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,074 HEY, LISTEN, HONEY, I WAS THINKING AFTER DINNER, 327 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,242 MAYBE WE COULD TAKE A DRIVING LESSON. 328 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,211 I THOUGHT YOU HAD A MEETING TONIGHT. 329 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,213 NO NO, THE MEETING WAS CANCELLED. 330 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,249 YEAH, FUNNY, SOME PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT IT FOR DAYS 331 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,651 AND KEPT IT FROM ME. THEY KNEW THE TRUTH AND THEY DIDN'T TELL ME. 332 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,153 DON'T YOU HATE THAT? 333 00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:23,190 DON'T YOU FIND THAT HURTFUL? 334 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,925 MAYBE THEY WANTED TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, 335 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,128 BUT THEY WERE FORBIDDEN. 336 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,132 OR MAYBE THEY DID IT BECAUSE IT WAS THE BEST THING FOR EVERYBODY. 337 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,169 YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T TAKE YOU OUT DRIVING. 338 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:39,206 MY CAR'S NOT HERE. IT'S GETTING REPAIRED. 339 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,274 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS TO BANG OUT THAT DING? 340 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,476 YEAH, IT'S NOT A DING. IT'S MORE THAN A DING, JOE. 341 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:47,414 - IT'S A DONG. - WHAT? 342 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,217 YEAH, MY MECHANIC SAID THAT LITTLE ACCIDENT YOU HAD 343 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,285 KNOCKED THE REAR AXLE COMPLETELY OUT OF ALIGNMENT. 344 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,354 SAYS IT'S GONNA COST $3,000 TO REPAIR IT. 345 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,456 - $3,000? - YEAH. 346 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,559 THREE AND THEN THOUSAND. 347 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,498 BUT THAT'S WHAT JOE MAKES IN, LIKE, 10 YEARS. 348 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,368 THANK YOU, LENNOX. 349 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,570 LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS MY PROBLEM. 350 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,040 SO LET ME HANDLE THIS, OKAY? WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE OTHER ROOM HERE 351 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,175 AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS BY MYSELF. THANK YOU. 352 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,610 - JOE, IT'S NOT FAIR. - I KNOW. LIFE'S NOT FAIR, SWEETIE. THANK YOU. 353 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:21,348 ALL RIGHT, SO LOOK, 354 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,551 YOU KNOW, I'LL PAY FOR THE WHOLE $3,000. 355 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,220 NO, JOE, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU COULD HAVE LIED. 356 00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,356 YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT THE CAR GOT HIT BY SOMEONE ELSE 357 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,158 IN A PARKING LOT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. 358 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,026 YOU WERE HONEST WITH ME, 359 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:36,263 AND I WANNA PAY FOR IT, OKAY, GOOD JOE. 360 00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:39,999 HONEST JOE. 361 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,435 NO, I DON'T REALLY FEEL RIGHT ABOUT THAT. 362 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,604 NO, I'LL PAY YOU BACK, OKAY? 363 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,207 HUNDRED BUCKS A WEEK FOR 30 WEEKS. 364 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,708 DOESN'T SEEM VERY FAIR. 365 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:52,312 I MEAN, WON'T YOU OWE ME INTEREST, TOO? 366 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,283 100 BUCKS A WEEK FOR 40 WEEKS. 367 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,418 AND I'LL NEED A RENTAL CAR WHILE IT'S GETTING REPAIRED 368 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,254 - AND I LIKE A SUNROOF. - 50 WEEKS, OKAY? 369 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:05,058 IT WAS ME! I WAS THE ONE DRIVING. I KILLED THAT MAILBOX. 370 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:06,659 JOE TOOK ME OUT FOR SECRET LESSONS! 371 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,396 OH MY GOD. ALL THIS STUDYING IS MAKING HER INSANE. 372 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:12,565 GO UPSTAIRS, WILL YOU, LENNOX? 373 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,434 - THAT ONE IS... - JOE. 374 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,303 MRS. ROSER TOLD ME THE TRUTH. 375 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,405 MRS. ROSER? YOU'RE GONNA BELIEVE MRS. ROSER? 376 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,607 THAT WOMAN WATCHES ME CLEAN THROUGH THE MAIL SLOT. 377 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,210 OKAY, NO CHANGING THE SUBJECT. 378 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,611 I ASKED YOU TO DO ME ONE LITTLE FAVOR. 379 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,379 I ASKED YOU NOT TO TEACH LENNOX TO DRIVE. 380 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,781 HOW HARD IS IT TO NOT DO SOMETHING? 381 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,350 WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? YOU TEACH HER, 382 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,220 THE BETTER GUY TEACHES HER... AS LONG AS SHE PASSES THE TEST. 383 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,287 NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT! 384 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,223 WHAT THE HELL IS IT ABOUT THEN? 385 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:39,726 IT'S... IT'S... YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. 386 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,364 THIS IS WHY YOU GOTTA LIE. 387 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:50,069 HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON, BURKE? 388 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,305 NOTHING. 389 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,107 BURKE. 390 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,477 BURKE. 391 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,546 WE'RE NOT MARRIED. YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THE SILENT TREATMENT. 392 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:08,188 IS IT ABOUT THE RAT? LOOK, I WAS VERY KIND. 393 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,523 HE DIDN'T FEEL A THING. 394 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,459 YOU KNOW WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO DRIVE, JOE? 395 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,328 CHARLES, MY FATHER'S CHAUFFEUR. 396 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:18,131 "WELL DONE, MISS BURKE. VERY NICE JOB, MISS BURKE. 397 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,433 THAT WAS A PEDESTRIAN, MISS BURKE." 398 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,335 AND WHEN WE WERE DONE, CHARLES TIPPED HIS HAT 399 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,337 AND ASKED ME TO SIGN HIS TIMECARD. 400 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,106 DAD MADE THE STAFF TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE? 401 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,309 THAT'S A LITTLE COLD. 402 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:32,812 I JUST WANTED TO GIVE LENNOX THE MEMORY OF LEARNING TO DRIVE FROM A LOVING RELATIVE, 403 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,316 SOMETHING I WISH SOMEONE HAD DONE FOR ME. 404 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,418 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT FROM THE BEGINNING? 405 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,288 IF I HAD KNOWN THAT, I WOULDN'T HAVE SWEPT IN THERE AND TAKEN AWAY YOUR MOMENT. 406 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,324 - NOW I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL... - WAD. 407 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,425 - WELL, I MEAN... - JERK. 408 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,461 - DIPSTICK. - HEY, BURKE. 409 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:52,131 I APPRECIATE THE APOLOGY, BUT LOOK, AS PARENTALISH UNITS, 410 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,433 WE HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. 411 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,202 WE CAN'T BE SNEAKING AROUND. 412 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,503 WAIT A MINUTE. BACK UP, BACK UP. 413 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,205 YOU JUST CALLED ME "A PARENTALISH UNIT." 414 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,507 WHEN DID I GET PROMOTED FROM HOUSEHOLD STAFF? 415 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:04,444 YOU'RE MORE THAN STAFF. YOU'RE STAFF-PLUS. 416 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:08,114 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BASICALLY MY CO-PARENT PERSON. 417 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,449 CO-PARENT? 418 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,419 THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. 419 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,522 NOT GONNA PUT THAT ON MY RESUME OR ANYTHING. 420 00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,490 AND AS CO-PARENTS, YOU CAN'T BE DOING THINGS BEHIND MY BACK. 421 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,159 FROM NOW ON, YOU CAN ONLY DO THINGS TO MY FRONT. 422 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,537 I JUST GOT A LITTLE SICK RIGHT THERE. 423 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,472 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN... NO MORE SECRETS. 424 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,507 I GOT IT, OKAY? 425 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:38,411 HEY, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, I ACTUALLY MADE ANOTHER MOUSSAKA 426 00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,413 AND I HID IT IN THE VEGETABLE CRISPER. 427 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,482 WE HAVE A VEGETABLE CRISPER? 428 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,318 YEAH, IT'S THE LITTLE DRAWER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE 'FRIDGE. 429 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,288 OH, THE BACON HOLDER. 430 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,458 ALL DONE, AUNT MEL. 20 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE. 431 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,493 I NEVER WANT MY ARM INSIDE YOUR PANTYHOSE AGAIN. 432 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,797 BECAUSE I'M MORE OF A SHOE MAN MYSELF. 433 00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:01,534 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? - WE HAVE... WE JUST... 434 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,236 WHAT IS IT WE HAVE, RYDER? 435 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:06,806 NOT COMMUNITY SERVICE, THAT'S FOR SURE. 436 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,475 GIVE ME THIS. 437 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,443 "DEAR GRANT HIGH ADMINISTRATION, 438 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:13,513 RYDER SCANLON HAS COMPLETED 20 HOURS OF VOLUNTEER COMMUNITY SERVICE 439 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,947 TO THE CITY OF TOLEDO. 440 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,451 AUTHORIZED BY THE HONORABLE MEL BURKE." 441 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,588 SO CATALOGUING SHOES AND ORGANIZING PANTYHOSE 442 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,591 - IS COMMUNITY SERVICE? - LET ME SEE THAT. 443 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,594 ( clears throat ) YEAH, IT SAYS IT IS. 444 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:30,263 SEE, IF SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SPEND TIME IN HER CLOSET, 445 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,632 THEN CURBS GET PAINTED AND TOLEDO WINS. 446 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,636 - SHE EXPLAINS IT BETTER. - THANKS, RYDER. 447 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:40,607 I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS NOW BECAUSE MY HOURS ARE DONE. 448 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,843 NO MORE SECRETS, HUH? 449 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,813 STARTING... NOW. 450 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,288 HOW WAS YOUR DRIVING LESSON WITH AUNT MEL? 451 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:57,590 GOOD GOOD. HARDLY ANYTHING HAPPENED. 452 00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:00,927 - BY THE WAY, IS JOE AROUND? - NO, I THINK HE WENT TO THE GYM. 453 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,663 DID HE NOW? WE'RE GOOD! 454 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,536 YOU TELL ANYBODY WHAT YOU SAW HERE TODAY, 455 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,738 YOU'LL WIND UP LIKE THIS SIGN. 456 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,608 - WOW, GOOD GOING, LENNOX. - HEY, I WASN'T THE ONE DRIVING. 457 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:17,710 I WOULDN'T HAVE HIT THE SIGN IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SHOUTING AT ME. 458 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,447 I WAS SHOUTING "LOOK OUT FOR THE STOP SIGN!" 459 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,914 CAN YOU HELP US CARRY THIS TO THE GARAGE? 460 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,883 WE'RE GONNA WRAP IT IN AN ORIENTAL RUG AND BURY IT 461 00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,585 SO JOE WILL NEVER KNOW. 462 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,688 JOE WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT? 463 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,690 WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I VALUE HIM 464 00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,759 AS A CO-PARENT. 465 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,462 PLEASE ACCEPT THIS KEYCHAIN AS A TOKEN OF MY ESTEEM.