1 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,509 PREVIOUSLY ON "MELISSA & JOEY"... 2 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,544 SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. 3 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,580 THERE IS ENORMOUS SCANDAL AT PRODKO. 4 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,448 IF SHE MARRIED A U.S. CITIZEN, 5 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,584 I COULD SAVE HER FROM BEING EXTRADITED. 6 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,486 WILL YOU MARRY ME AND BECOME A U.S. CITIZEN? 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:23,291 - DA! - THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. 8 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,525 HOLY CANNOLI. 9 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,463 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 10 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,333 I MUST CALL MY PARENTS AND TELL THEM OF YOUR PROPOSAL 11 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,168 AND THAT WE ARE TO BE GREEN-CARD MARRIED. 12 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,337 I'M SURE THEY'VE BEEN WAITING YEARS TO GET THAT PHONE CALL. 13 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,406 OH, THEY'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. 14 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,541 TELL THEM THAT THEIR FAKE SON-IN-LAW SAYS "HEY." 15 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,476 - ( chuckles ) - HEY, JOE, LISTEN, 16 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,345 I HATE TO GET ALL RATIONAL ON YOU... 17 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,380 MUST BE WHY YOU NEVER DO IT. ( clears throat ) 18 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:51,285 SO, UM... THIS MARRYING A TOTAL STRANGER FROM A DIFFERENT HEMISPHERE, 19 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:54,588 WAS THAT A STUPID IDEA OR AN INCREDIBLY STUPID IDEA? 20 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,592 IT WAS TOTALLY SPONTANEOUS. I MEAN, I SAW A WOMAN 21 00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:01,595 IN DISTRESS AND... BAM... JUST LEAPT INTO ACTION. 22 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,231 OH, LIKE A SUPERHERO? 23 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,167 THOSE ARE YOUR WORDS, BUT THEY'RE ACCURATE. 24 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:10,171 SO YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS 25 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,240 WAS BASICALLY... BAM. 26 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:14,642 MEL, WHEN A FIREMAN RESCUES A LADY FROM A BURNING BUILDING, 27 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:17,245 - THEY DON'T STOP TO ASK QUESTIONS. - YEAH, BUT FIREMEN AREN'T 28 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,148 USUALLY BOINKING PEOPLE ON THE WAY DOWN THE LADDER. 29 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,515 WHY IS THIS BOTHERING YOU SO MUCH? 30 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,251 OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE ONE OF US 31 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,752 DOESN'T HAVE A CAREER THAT'S YET RUINED. 32 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,888 YOU WORK FOR ME. I DON'T WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN SOME POTENTIAL SCANDAL. 33 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,358 THERE'S NO SCANDAL, ALL RIGHT? I'M JUST HELPING SOMEBODY OUT. 34 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:33,461 SOMEONE WHO'S KIND, AND SWEET, AND HOT, 35 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,463 AND HONEST, VULNERABLE 36 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,665 AND EXTREMELY HOT. 37 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,601 HEY, WHICH BRAIN IS MAKING THE DECISION HERE, JOE? 38 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,436 THE UPPER BRAIN OR THE LOWER BRAIN? 39 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,638 BEFORE YOU JUDGE, WOULD YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT, PLEASE? 40 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,674 OKAY, FINE. FOR YOU, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 41 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,609 BAM! 42 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,311 STILL HATE IT. 43 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,647 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ ALL GOOD 44 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,549 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ OKAY 45 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,318 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ ALL RIGHT 46 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,220 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE 47 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,688 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ ALL GOOD 48 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,690 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ OKAY 49 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,425 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ ALL RIGHT 50 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,361 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 51 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:10,164 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 52 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,172 HOW DOES THIS WORK? WE HEAT THIS THING UP AND IT TURNS INTO FOOD? 53 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,709 YOU WANT ME TO HEAT UP MY CELLPHONE AND CALL FOR PIZZA? 54 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,511 AH. THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HOME. 55 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,379 WHAT IS THIS, CHICKEN OR BEEF? 56 00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:27,748 THAT'S THE ICE PACK I'VE BEEN USING FOR MY GROIN INJURY. 57 00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:30,718 EWW. 58 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,553 WHAT? HERE. 59 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,389 TURKEY CASSEROLE, ALL RIGHT? 60 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,624 PROTEIN, VEGETABLES... EVERYTHING YOU NEED. 61 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:40,194 PLUS IT GOES GREAT WITH ICE PACK. 62 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:43,331 SO HOW'D IT GO AT CITY HALL? DID YOU GET THE MARRIAGE LICENSE? 63 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:46,500 NO, I GOTTA GO BACK IN THE MORNING, BRING 'EM MY FRIGGING BIRTH CERTIFICATE. 64 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,303 YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW MANY PIECES OF PAPERWORK YOU HAVE TO THROW AT THESE PEOPLE 65 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,739 WHEN YOUR BRIDE-TO-BE'S ONLY BEEN IN THE COUNTRY FOR 10 DAYS. 66 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,641 IT'S LIKE THEY THINK I'M TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE ON THEM OR SOMETHING. 67 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,709 YOU ARE. 68 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,711 YEAH, MAYBE, BUT I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING, ALL RIGHT? 69 00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:59,513 AND I'M HAVING A LOT OF FUN DOING IT. 70 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,752 AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THIS SHAM WEDDING IS NUTS? 71 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,620 DO YOU REALLY WANT MY OPINION 72 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,489 OR DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST NOD ALONG? 73 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,458 JUST NOD ALONG. 74 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:14,228 OKAY, FOR STARTERS, YOU KNOW, IT'S ILLEGAL. 75 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,264 AND HOW IS THIS EVEN GONNA WORK? 76 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,766 WHAT, IS ELENA GONNA GET AN APARTMENT? HOW LONG DO THEY HAVE TO STAY MARRIED? 77 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,234 ARE THEY GONNA HAVE PRETEND KIDS? 78 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:23,571 WELL, IF THEY DO, THEY BETTER GET ON A WAITING LIST FOR PRETEND PRESCHOOL. 79 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,773 COME ON, GIVE JOE A BREAK. 80 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,675 WHAT HE'S DOING IS REALLY GREAT. 81 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,010 WHAT?! THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO NOD ALONG. 82 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,679 WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT IT? NAME ONE SINGLE THING. 83 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,647 HE'S SAVING AN INNOCENT PERSON 84 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:36,384 FROM ARREST, DEPORTATION AND JAIL. 85 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,519 HE'S RISKING HIMSELF TO HELP ANOTHER PERSON. 86 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,554 HE'S LIKE... GANDHI. 87 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,024 THE ONLY THING JOE AND GANDHI HAVE IN COMMON 88 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,759 IS THEY BOTH LIKE TO GO AROUND SHIRTLESS. 89 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,662 WHEN THE LAW IS WRONG, 90 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,464 YOU CAN EITHER STAND ASIDE AND DO NOTHING 91 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,466 OR YOU CAN JUMP ONBOARD AND FIGHT INJUSTICE. 92 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,502 OKAY, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO TO THE MALL 93 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,537 AND BUY SOME SLUTTY TOPS LIKE A REGULAR TEENAGER? 94 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,706 TOTES! CAN I HAVE, LIKE, $80? 95 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,008 ASHLEY AND I ARE SO GETTING OUR EARS PIERCED SOME MORE. 96 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:04,345 - HAPPY? - NOT SO MUCH. 97 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,718 OH HEY, AUNT MEL, FOUND THIS GREAT WEBSITE... 98 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,587 "MAKE YOUR GREEN CARD MARRIAGE LOOK REAL." 99 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:14,788 I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS. 100 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,425 I AM NOT INVOLVED IN THIS ILLEGAL ACTIVITY IN ANY WAY. 101 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,728 GOT IT. HEY, WHICH INVITATION DO YOU LIKE BETTER, 102 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,730 THE ONE WITH THE WEDDING BELLS OR THE ONE WITH THE BIRDS? 103 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,300 DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I REFUSE TO BE DRAWN INTO THIS INTERNATIONAL FELONY. 104 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,469 BIRDS... ALWAYS GO WITH THE BIRDS. 105 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:33,807 HOW IS PULLING SWEATER OVER EYES OF UNCLE SAM GOING, MY FAVORITE BOY? 106 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,611 I'M, UH... ( laughing ) 107 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:43,851 I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY. 108 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,455 - INVITATIONS. - OH RIGHT. 109 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:50,090 YEAH, WELL, I PRINTED UP A FEW THAT I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE. 110 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,826 THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL. 111 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,762 YOU'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR ME. 112 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,565 YEAH, WELL, WE STILL NEED TO GET WEDDING PHOTOS. 113 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,800 THERE'S A LOT TO DO IF WE REALLY WANNA PULL THIS OFF. 114 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:03,604 - HOW CAN I EVER THANK YOU? - DON'T GO DOWN THAT ROAD. 115 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,740 ( knocks on door ) AGENT MILES PURVIS, IMMIGRATION. 116 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:10,378 - ( gasps ) IT'S THE FEDS! - UH, JUST A SEC! I'M ALL NAKED! 117 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:13,814 - THIS IS JUST GREAT! - WHERE IS JOE? I'M NOT READY. 118 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,685 - I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! - HIDE UP IN MY BEDROOM! LET'S GO! 119 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,590 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TELL THEM? YOU CAN'T TELL THEM THE TRUTH. 120 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,124 HE'S A FEDERAL AGENT. I CAN'T LIE TO HIM. 121 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,395 OKAY, LET ME TALK TO HIM. I'M 16. I CAN LIE ALL DAY. 122 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,931 - YOU JUST SMILE AND LOOK PRETTY. - THAT I CAN DO. 123 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,503 - HELLO. - ARE YOU MEL BURKE? 124 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:38,606 - YES, I AM. - I'M MEL BURKE. PLEASE COME IN. 125 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,841 I'M HERE ABOUT A MARRIAGE LICENSE 126 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,677 APPLIED FOR BY A JOSEPH P. LONGO. 127 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:46,514 SINCE THE WOMAN HE IS MARRYING IS ON A TOURIST VISA FROM RUSSIA, 128 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,517 - IT RAISED A FEW RED FLAGS. - I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. 129 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,951 - WON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT? - WE DON'T DO THAT. 130 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,622 I CAN TELL YOU FIRSTHAND 131 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:57,791 HOW INCREDIBLY IN LOVE JOE AND ELENA ARE. 132 00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:01,429 IT'S NOT JUST MISS ROMANOV'S VISA STATUS THAT'S RAISING SUSPICIONS. 133 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,798 IT'S ALSO MR. LONGO'S CHECKERED PAST, HIS PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR. 134 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,601 I WOULDN'T PUT ANYTHING PAST MR. LONGO. 135 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,737 - WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 136 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,573 HIS INVOLVEMENT IN A PONZI SCHEME. HE HAS A HISTORY OF FRAUD. 137 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:16,877 UH, OKAY. WELL, HE WAS COMPLETELY INNOCENT OF THAT. 138 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,179 HE WAS A VICTIM AND HE LOST EVERYTHING TOO. 139 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,715 YOU DON'T KNOW JOE LONGO AT ALL. 140 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,417 IF YOU'RE SUCH AN EXPERT ON THE MAN, 141 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,752 TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS LEGITIMATE. 142 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,755 - I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO YOU. - ACTUALLY, YOU DO, 143 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,490 BECAUSE IF HE'S TRYING TO DEFRAUD THE GOVERNMENT, 144 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,791 THERE WILL BE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES. 145 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,960 OKAY, WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BUSTER. 146 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,563 FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU WANNA TOUCH 147 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,764 MY PICTURES AND MY CANDY DISHES, GET A WARRANT. 148 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:41,435 AND SECOND, JOE AND ELENA'S LOVE IS AS LEGITIMATE AS... 149 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:44,972 AS THESE WEDDING INVITATIONS. HUH. 150 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,708 "MR. AND MRS. YOUR NAME HERE REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR"... 151 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,644 THIS IS A FIRST DRAFT. BUT LOOK AT THOSE BIRDS. 152 00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,613 I MEAN IF THAT'S NOT A SYMBOL OF TRUE LOVE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS. 153 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,981 YEAH, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? 154 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:57,885 NO, THERE'S TONS OF OTHER STUFF, LIKE... 155 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,987 LIKE A KILLER WEDDING DRESS. 156 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,222 ANYONE CAN BUY A DRESS. THAT PROVES NOTHING. 157 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,725 OKAY, LOOK, YOU KNOW I'M A CITY COUNCILWOMAN. 158 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,594 IF THIS WASN'T A REAL RELATIONSHIP, 159 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,462 - WOULD I BE OFFICIATING THE WEDDING? - YOU'RE GONNA WHAT? 160 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:12,733 EVERY TIME I HEAR IT, IT'S LIKE THE FIRST TIME. 161 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,002 REALLY? YOU'LL BE PERFORMING THE CEREMONY? 162 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,938 YEAH, STICK THAT IN YOUR REPORT, SECRET AGENT MAN. 163 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,040 I'M MARRYING JOE LONGO. 164 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:30,851 ELENA. HEY, HE'S GONE. IT'S SAFE. 165 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,520 I OVERHEARD WHAT YOU SAID. 166 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,954 YOU WILL PERFORM THE WEDDING? THIS IS TRUTHS? 167 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,724 YEAH, I HEARD ME SAY IT TOO. 168 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,792 - OH. - OH! 169 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,894 YOU ARE THE BEST B.F.F. FRIEND A WOMAN HAS EVER HAD. 170 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,797 NOW WE HAVE TO FIND A REAL WEDDING DRESS 171 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,232 SO IT WILL NOT LOOK LIKE YOU WERE LYING. 172 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,035 THAT WASN'T A LIE. THERE IS A DRESS. 173 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,541 HERE YOU GO. MEET VERA. 174 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,008 SOMEONE SHOULD GET SOME USE OUT OF HER. 175 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,778 - AH, SHE IS AMAZING. - YEAH, SHE SHOULD BE. 176 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,947 SHE COST AS MUCH AS A SMALL CAR. 177 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,649 WHY DIDN'T I BUY A CAR? 178 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,016 YOU KNOW, A CAR DOESN'T SILENTLY MOCK YOU 179 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,952 FROM THE BACK OF YOUR CLOSET FOR THREE YEARS. 180 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,621 WHY DOES YOUR WEDDING DRESS HAVE NAME? 181 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,523 WELL, I TALK TO IT A LOT 182 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,660 AND IF IT DIDN'T HAVE A NAME, I WOULD JUST FEEL CRAZY. 183 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:16,063 YOU'RE NOT CRAZY AS LONG AS WEDDING DRESS DOES NOT TALK BACK TO YOU. 184 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,999 SO WHERE DOES IT COME FROM? 185 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,035 WELL, I WAS ENGAGED ONCE 186 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:25,739 AND RIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING, THERE WAS JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM... 187 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,542 I REALIZED HE WASN'T THE ONE, SO I CALLED IT OFF. 188 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,044 THAT MUST'VE CREATED GREAT UNHAPPINESS FOR YOU. 189 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:34,582 MMM, YEAH, THOSE WERE 83 MIGHTY UNPLEASANT PHONE CALLS. 190 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,116 OH, AND I LOST THE CAKE DEPOSIT TOO. 191 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:41,789 WOW, CAKE LAWS IN THIS COUNTRY ARE VERY STRICT. 192 00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:45,993 HEY, CAN WE KEEP THE STORY ABOUT MY ALMOST WEDDING JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME? 193 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,328 YOU KNOW, THERE'S BEEN ENOUGH TRUTH IN THIS HOUSE FOR ONE DAY. 194 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,631 - MM-HMM. - HEY, MEL, 195 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,700 LENNOX JUST TOLD ME SOME IMMIGRATION GUY WAS HERE AT THE HOUSE. 196 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,968 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? - YES, SHE SAVED US 197 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,571 AND SHE ALSO SAID SHE WOULD PERFORM OUR WEDDING. 198 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:01,575 REALLY? YOU'RE GONNA MARRY ME? 199 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,311 YEAH. I MEAN, NOT JUST YOU... BOTH OF YOU. 200 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,648 ( chuckles ) IT JUST SOUNDED WEIRD THE WAY YOU SAID IT. 201 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:09,349 THAT'S GREAT, BURKE. WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND? 202 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,351 OH, WELL, I JUST COULDN'T STAND BY AND LET... 203 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,887 LET ELENA GO TO JAIL. 204 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,956 SHE ALSO SAID KIND THINGS ABOUT YOU 205 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,524 AND DEFENDED YOU TO THAT BAD MAN. 206 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,127 OH, PLEASE, I DOUBT I'D BE DEFENDING JOE. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE ME AT ALL? 207 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,029 NO, IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU AT ALL, NO. 208 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,798 WELL, THANK YOU, BURKE. ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GO INVITE 209 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:25,933 SOME OF MY GYM BUDDIES TO THE WEDDING. 210 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,135 I'M GONNA TRY TO PASS 'EM OFF AS SOME OF MY COUSINS, 211 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,805 ALTHOUGH IT'S GONNA BE DIFFICULT 'CAUSE THOSE GUYS AREN'T AS CUT AS I AM. 212 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,974 - OH, BUT WHO IS. - WELL... 213 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,909 YEAH, NO ONE I KNOW. 214 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,045 YEAH, LIKE I'D BE DEFENDING THAT. 215 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,152 THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TO THIS COMPLETELY REAL AND LEGITIMATE WEDDING. 216 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,621 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO NOSH ON OUR DISASTER SUPPLIES. 217 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,957 WE'VE GOT SOME GREAT BEEF JERKY, SOME WATER PACKETS, 218 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,660 UM, BUT PLEASE LEAVE THE FLARES. 219 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,795 ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GET STARTED IN JUST A MINUTE. 220 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,097 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT A MESS. 221 00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:00,100 I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WHEN THIS DAY CAME, IT WOULD BE YOU AND JOE. 222 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,169 OR BETTER YET, ME AND JOE. 223 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:06,807 AND 50 WHITE DOVES RELEASED INTO THE AIR AS EVERYONE SAYS, "HE'S A LUCKY MAN." 224 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,977 YEAH, OKAY. WELL, DON'T LET THIS GET AROUND, STEPHANIE, 225 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,912 BUT THIS IS A FAKE WEDDING. 226 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,181 THIS IS JUST TO GET ELENA A GREEN CARD. THAT'S ALL IT'S ABOUT. 227 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,183 THAT'S WHY WE NEED THE VIDEO TO HELP SELL IT. 228 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:17,885 YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING ALL THIS TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD? 229 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,787 I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. 230 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,054 SO I STILL HAVE A SHOT WITH JOE? 231 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,824 LET'S JUST SAY YOUR CHANCES HAVEN'T CHANGED. 232 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,094 YES! 233 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,063 - HEY, JOE. - HEY. 234 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,065 SO THIS IS IT, HUH? 235 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,067 YOU READY TO TAKE THAT BIG PRETEND STEP? 236 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,837 - YEAH, IS MY TIE RIGHT? - CLOSE. 237 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,208 WOW, YOU REALLY CLEAN UP NICE, LONGO. 238 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,011 - THANKS FOR DOING THIS, BURKE. - WHO SAYS I'M DOING IT FOR YOU? 239 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:47,715 I'M DOING IT FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND STICKING IT TO THE MAN. 240 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,018 WELL, THANKS FOR STICKING IT TO THE MAN. 241 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,887 - SHALL WE? - YEAH, LET'S GET YOU MARRIED. 242 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,957 FOR BETTER OR WORSE, BUT NOT FOR REAL. 243 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,426 ( Joe chuckles ) 244 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,661 ( organ music playing ) 245 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,186 I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BEAUTIFUL... 246 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,221 JOE LOOKS. 247 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,126 - UH, WHAT ABOUT ELENA? - TALL SHOW-OFF. 248 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,929 "OOH, LOOK AT ME, I'M THE BRIDE." 249 00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,705 THANK YOU, RYDER. 250 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,276 THANK... THANK... 251 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,945 UNCLENCH. 252 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,247 - IT'S JUST SO HARD TO WATCH HER GO. - I KNOW. 253 00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,821 WOW. YOU LOOK, UM... 254 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:05,993 - DAMN. - RIGHT BACK ON YOU, HANDSOME MAN. 255 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:08,128 OKAY, HEY HEY, YOU TWO, LET'S NOT OVERSELL 256 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,863 THIS WHOLE "WE'RE REALLY IN LOVE" THING, OKAY? 257 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,298 LET'S REMEMBER WHY WE'RE HERE. 258 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:14,034 "DEAR FRIENDS, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY 259 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,036 TO UNITE THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN"... 260 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,071 THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I HAVE EVER SEEN. 261 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:22,175 IF THAT IS TRUE, IT IS ONLY BECAUSE MY HEART IS SO FULL OF LOVE. 262 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,811 I FEEL IT TOO. 263 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:26,246 WOW, THEY ARE SO CONVINCING. 264 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,215 OH, THIS IS ALL PART OF THE ACT. 265 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,819 I'M LOSING CONFIDENCE IN MY FUTURE AS MRS. LONGO. 266 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,154 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING. 267 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,824 - I CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BURKE? 268 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,191 I'M STICKING TO THE PLAN. WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING? 269 00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,293 - HEY, BURKE... - OKAY, FINE! 270 00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:43,196 - I LOST MY PLACE. - WILL YOU JUST GO TO THE GOOD PART, PLEASE? 271 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,266 OKAY OKAY. "ELENA ROMANOV, 272 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,001 DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN, JOSEPH LONGO, 273 00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,269 TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?" 274 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:52,840 - I DO. - I OBJECT. 275 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,174 - WHAT? - SIDEBAR. 276 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,209 S... SIDE... HEY, 277 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,045 YOU CAN'T OFFICIATE AND OBJECT AT THE SAME TIME. 278 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,880 OH YEAH? IT'S MY OFFICE. I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT. 279 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,983 BURKE. 280 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,254 - WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? - THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK YOU. 281 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,923 YOU SAID THIS WAS A RESCUE MISSION, NOT A LOVE CONNECTION. 282 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,292 WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS TOO, BUT THE TRUTH IS 283 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,328 I THINK I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER, BURKE. 284 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:18,065 YOU'RE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR FIANCEE? WHO DOES THAT?! 285 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,568 WELL, WHEN SHE WAS WALKING TOWARD ME, 286 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,004 - LOOKING THE WAY SHE DOES IN THAT DRESS... - IT'S JUST A DRESS. 287 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:27,240 I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT I SAW MORE THAN THE DRESS, BURKE. 288 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:30,878 I THINK... I THINK MAYBE I SAW MY FUTURE. 289 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,947 OKAY, IT'S A DRESS, NOT A MAGIC EIGHT BALL. 290 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,983 JOE, THIS ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED ON FOR. 291 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:39,019 TRUE LOVE DESTROYS THE WHOLE FOUNDATION OF A SHAM WEDDING. 292 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,255 WELL, I THINK NOW IT'S A REAL WEDDING. 293 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:45,258 WHICH IS BETTER FOR YOU ANYWAY, RIGHT? BECAUSE EVERYTHING'S 294 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,827 ON THE UP AND UP. THERE'S NO SCANDAL AND NOBODY GETS HURT. 295 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,230 WELL, YEAH YEAH, NOBODY. 296 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,966 - IT'S A WIN-WIN NOW. - YEAH. 297 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,301 AND EVERYBODY'S HAPPY, RIGHT? 298 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,403 YEAH, EVERYBODY EXCEPT... 299 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,406 STEPHANIE. 300 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,375 "DO YOU, JOSEPH LONGO, 301 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,212 TAKE ELENA ROMANOV TO BE YOUR LEGALLY WEDDED WIFE?" 302 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,380 TAKE YOUR TIME. NO PRESSURE. 303 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,349 - I DO. - FINAL ANSWER? 304 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,386 - I DO. - OKEY-DOKEY. 305 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,156 "BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME"... BLAH BLAH BLAH... 306 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,358 "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE." 307 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,393 NO NO NO, NO TIME FOR ANY OF THAT. 308 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:23,130 THIS IS A GOVERNMENT OFFICE. I HAVE A 4:00 WITH THE HEAD OF SANITATION. 309 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,298 UH, STEPHANIE WILL VALIDATE YOUR PARKING. 310 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:28,401 AND DON'T TRY TO SNEAK ACROSS THE STREET TO TARGET, 'CAUSE WE TOW. 311 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:46,253 BACK IN THE BAG, VERA. OH, QUIT MOCKING ME. 312 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,321 HEY, AUNT MEL. HOW YOU DOING? 313 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:51,458 OH, I'M FINE. I'M GOOD. I'M SUPER GOOD AND GETTING BETTER, YEAH. 314 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,194 AND NOT TALKING TO DRESSES, 'CAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE ME CRAZY. 315 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,965 YOU KNOW, IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT LOSING JOE... 316 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,334 - AS A NANNY. - ( scoffs ) I DON'T CARE ABOUT JOE. 317 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:03,971 YOU KNOW, MY LIFE WILL GO ON WITHOUT HIM. I DON'T NEED HIM. 318 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,339 ( cellphone ringing ) 319 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,109 OH, IT'S JOE! I MEAN, JUST JOE. 320 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:12,345 HEY, JOE, HOW'S THE HOTEL ROOM I PAID FOR 321 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,347 JUST TO PROVE HOW OKAY I AM WITH EVERYTHING? 322 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,183 HEY, BURKE, I GOT A CRAZY QUESTION FOR YA: 323 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,951 UM, IS ELENA THERE AT THE HOUSE? 324 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,020 - NO, WHAT HAPPENED? - I DON'T KNOW. 325 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:23,356 WE GOT HERE TO THE HOTEL. EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. 326 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,092 WE WERE LAUGHING, OPENED UP A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE 327 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,726 AND THEN SHE GOT THIS PHONE CALL. 328 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,095 SHE STEPPED OUT IN THE HALLWAY TO TAKE IT 329 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,330 AND THE NEXT THING I HEARD WAS A BUNCH OF SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN. 330 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,265 WHAT WAS SHE SAYING? 331 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,436 I DON'T KNOW, ON ACCOUNT OF ITS RUSSIANNESS. 332 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,339 ANYWAY, IT GOT QUIET. 333 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,308 I WENT OUT THERE TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON AND SHE WASN'T THERE. 334 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,276 I'VE CALLED HER SEVERAL TIMES ON HER CELLPHONE, 335 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,278 BUT SHE DIDN'T PICK UP. 336 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:49,216 - OH, JOE. - I KNOW. THIS IS BAD, BURKE. 337 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,517 OAKY, WELL, SHE'LL BE BACK. 338 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:54,054 YEAH, SHE PROBABLY RAN OUT TO GET SOME HONEYMOON SUPPLIES, 339 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:57,257 LIKE BREATH MINTS AND THANK-YOU NOTES. 340 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,359 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU JUST SIT TIGHT. I'LL GO LOOK FOR HER. 341 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,396 - ELENA'S MISSING. - THE FEDS GOT HER. 342 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:07,000 RELAX, HONEY. THIS IS PROBABLY JUST YOUR GARDEN-VARIETY RUNAWAY BRIDE. 343 00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:10,170 DON'T RUNAWAY BRIDES USUALLY RUN AWAY BEFORE THE WEDDING? 344 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:14,174 LENNOX, ANY WOMAN INVOLVED WITH JOE LONGO IS ALWAYS A FLIGHT RISK. 345 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,048 WELL, I LOOKED ALL OVER TOWN. I WENT TO LITTLE MOSCOW, THE TOLEDO TEA ROOM 346 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,383 - AND THEN I WENT TO COSTCO. - YOU WENT... WHA... 347 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,519 MY WIFE IS MISSING AND YOU'RE OUT BUYING TOILET PAPER IN BULK? 348 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,455 SHE LOVES COSTCO, OKAY? 349 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,191 THE LONG LINES REMIND HER OF HOME. 350 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:34,594 - WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T COME BACK, BURKE? - OH JOE, SHE'LL COME BACK. 351 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,398 HOLY CRAP, SHE'S BACK! 352 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,168 - JUST AS I PREDICTED. - ELENA. 353 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,303 HEY, I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. 354 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,173 WHAT'S... WHAT'S WITH THE SUITCASE? 355 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,041 ARE WE GONNA GO ON A REAL HONEYMOON? 356 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,177 I HAVE MOST SADDEST NEWS. 357 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:53,080 MY COWORKER, KONSTANTIN... WHO HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG... 358 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,182 WILL BE BLAMED FOR PRODKO SCANDAL. 359 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:58,418 - HE WILL BE FALLING MAN. - OH, YOU MEAN FALL GUY. 360 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,553 NOT IMPORTANT. PLEASE CONTINUE. 361 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,523 HE WILL GO TO JAIL UNLESS I RETURN TO RUSSIA AND TESTIFY. 362 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,458 NO NO NO, YOU CAN'T... YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE. 363 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,460 IT'S NOT SAFE FOR YOU TO RETURN THERE. THAT'S WHY WE DID THIS WHOLE THING. 364 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,396 CAN'T SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT? 365 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:12,232 WHAT ABOUT VLADIMIR, HUH? 366 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,367 I'D BELIEVE HIM. HE'S GOT A VERY HONEST, 367 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,336 UH, EYEBROW. 368 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,472 - HE WAS WHISTLE-SUCKER. - YOU MEAN WHISTLE-BLOWER. 369 00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,342 SORRY, I'M REALLY TRYING TO STAY OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION. 370 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,145 ONLY MY TESTIMONY WILL SAVE KONSTANTIN. 371 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,814 I MUST DO AS YOU'VE SHOWN ME. 372 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:31,184 TO SAVE A FRIEND, YOU WENT SO FAR AS TO MARRY HER. 373 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:35,155 YEAH, BUT... BUT AREN'T WE A LITTLE MORE THAN FRIENDS? 374 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,857 TODAY WHEN I SAID I LOVED YOU, 375 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:42,395 - PERHAPS I WAS TRAPPED UP IN THE MOMENT. - CAUGHT UP. 376 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,431 LAST ONE, I PROMISE. 377 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:48,468 NOW I REALIZE WE HAVE NOT KNOWN EACH OTHER LONG ENOUGH 378 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,538 - TO BE TRULY IN LOVE. - WOW. 379 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,408 HOW MANY GUYS GET THE LET'S-BE-FRIENDS SPEECH 380 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,544 ACTUALLY ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT? 381 00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,513 THE WAY YOU RESCUED ME WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. 382 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,582 LIKE FAIRY TALE. 383 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,385 BUT NOW I MUST GO BACK TO REALITY. 384 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,287 I MUST GO BACK TO RUSSIA. 385 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,656 ELENA, WAIT A MINUTE. LET ME... 386 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,658 LET ME AT LEAST DRIVE YOU TO THE AIRPORT, OKAY? 387 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,560 BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST... 388 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:17,297 ( sighs ) YOU'RE JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL TO TAKE A TAXI. 389 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,432 HEY, YOU LET ME TAKE TAXIS! 390 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,469 NO, JOSEPH, 391 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,437 THIS MUST BE OUR GOODBYE 392 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,439 OR I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU. 393 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,615 ELENA! 394 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,351 YES? 395 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,687 WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE TOLEDO. 396 00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,666 HEY, JOE, I'M REALLY SORRY. 397 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,502 I KNOW IT HURTS NOW, BUT THINK ABOUT IT... 398 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,404 THIS WAS YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG, RIGHT? 399 00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,571 SHE WAS GONNA GO BACK TO RUSSIA 400 00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,340 AND YOU GUYS WERE JUST GONNA BE FRIENDS. 401 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,909 I MEAN, NAKED ONLINE FRIENDS, BUT WHO AM I TO JUDGE? 402 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,512 AH, SHE WAS RIGHT. WE DIDN'T REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL. 403 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,680 I GUESS I JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT TOO. 404 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,483 JUST, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE IDEA OF MARRIAGE 405 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,453 AND SAVING HER AND, 406 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,489 GOD, THE WAY SHE LOOKED IN THAT DRESS. 407 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,691 YEAH, VERA WILL DO THAT. 408 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:21,594 NO, ELENA. WHO'S VERA? 409 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,363 WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY VERA. 410 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,599 LOOK, JOE, ABOUT THAT WEDDING DRESS... 411 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,538 YOU KNOW, A PRETTY WEDDING DRESS DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TRUE LOVE 412 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,540 AND IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S THE RIGHT PERSON. 413 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,477 I KNOW BUT... IT'S CRAZY, BURKE, 414 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,779 'CAUSE FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT SHE WAS THE RIGHT PERSON. 415 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,483 I GUESS I WAS WRONG. 416 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,752 ANYWAY, ON THE UPSIDE, I CAN DEFINITELY RATE 417 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,421 THIS MARRIAGE BETTER THAN MY ONE TO TIFFANY. 418 00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:51,591 - YEAH, AND FAR CHEAPER. - YEAH, THERE'S THAT TOO. YEAH. 419 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,761 WOW. TIFFANY, ELENA... 420 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,697 ( laughs ) MAYBE THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM, HUH? 421 00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,633 YEAH. TO THAT POOR WOMAN, WHEREVER SHE MAY BE. 422 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,670 YES, TO THE THIRD MRS. LONGO. 423 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,439 ( chuckles ) SHE'S PROBABLY IN FORT LAUDERDALE RIGHT NOW, 424 00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,475 SUCKING SOME JELL-O SHOTS OFF HER TWIN SISTER'S ABS. 425 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:12,512 OR TAKING HER VERY FIRST POLE-DANCING LESSON. 426 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:13,980 - OH, THAT'S A SPECIAL MOMENT FOR ANYBODY. - MMM. 427 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,648 YOU'RE A TRUE ROMANTIC, JOE. 428 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,684 - OH, YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. - MMM. ( chuckles ) 429 00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:28,428 - GIN! - WHAT? WE'RE NOT EVEN PLAYING GIN. 430 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,663 NO, I WANT GIN TO DRINK. 431 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,799 ( phone ringing ) 432 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,669 - ( beeps ) - HELLO? 433 00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:39,272 IT'S A COLLECT CALL FROM MRS. LONGO. 434 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,408 - OH, IT'S HER. IT'S HER. - WE ACCEPT. WE ACCEPT. 435 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,677 HEY, ELENA, HI. ANY NEWS WITH KONSTANTIN? 436 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,014 OH, HI, TIFFANY. 437 00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:50,550 HOW ARE YOU? I'M GOOD. 438 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,419 NOT MUCH. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 439 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,321 I GOT MARRIED A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. ( laughs ) 440 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:55,522 YEAH. NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 441 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,291 YOU'RE BETTER OFF SENDING AN ANNULMENT GIFT NOW INSTEAD. 442 00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,560 YEAH. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 443 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,429 IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING. 444 00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,597 NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS OUR WEDDING. ABSOLUTELY NOT. 445 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,567 YEAH, SURE. 446 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,770 I CAN COME CHANGE YOUR TIRE FOR YOU. 447 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,605 ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW. 448 00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:14,374 - BYE-BYE. - ( beeps ) 449 00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,443 JOE LONGO TO THE RESCUE? 450 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:17,610 WHAT CAN I SAY, BURKE? 451 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:20,680 I GOTTA GO PULL ANOTHER LADY OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING. 452 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:23,350 BAM! PICK UP SOME MILK ON YOUR WAY HOME. 453 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,384 BAM! YOU GOT IT.