1 00:00:07,538 --> 00:00:08,638 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:08,639 --> 00:00:11,411 UGH! MAN, THAT WAS A LONG DAY. 3 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,683 I WISH I COULD JUST FLIP A SWITCH AND BE DRUNK. 4 00:00:13,684 --> 00:00:16,786 CAN YOU REACH THE TOP SHELF WHERE THE GOOD STUFF IS? 5 00:00:16,787 --> 00:00:18,248 I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU OUT, BURKE, 6 00:00:18,249 --> 00:00:19,649 BUT I'M HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM HERE WITH MY BACK. 7 00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:21,651 AWW, WERE YOU SO BUSY PATTING YOURSELF ON IT 8 00:00:21,652 --> 00:00:24,124 THAT YOU PULLED A MUSCLE? 9 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,156 NO. NO. 10 00:00:26,157 --> 00:00:28,428 I HAD A ROUGH DATE THIS EVENING. 11 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,629 I MET UP WITH THIS LADY, 12 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,361 DECIDED TO TAKE IT BACK TO HER PLACE... 13 00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:34,065 SHE DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT. WHO CAN BLAME HER? 14 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,667 SO WE DECIDED TO CRAWL INTO THE BACKSEAT 15 00:00:37,668 --> 00:00:39,069 OF HER CUTE LITTLE SPORTS COUPE... 16 00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,440 OKAY, HOLD IT. HOLD IT. HOLD IT. 17 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,611 I'M SORRY, DID I LOSE YOU? 18 00:00:41,612 --> 00:00:43,443 NO, JUST HOLD IT TILL I'M TOO SLOSHED 19 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,575 TO COMPREHEND YOUR DISGUSTING STORY. 20 00:00:45,576 --> 00:00:47,717 NOTHING HAPPENED. I DIDN'T GET ALL THE WAY IN... 21 00:00:47,718 --> 00:00:50,180 TO THE BACKSEAT. 22 00:00:50,181 --> 00:00:53,553 ANYWAY, NOW I CAN HARDLY MOVE. 23 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,525 AND I'M PROBABLY NEVER GONNA BE SEEING JESSICA EVER AGAIN. 24 00:00:55,526 --> 00:00:57,357 WELL, YOU KNOW, THE RESEARCH IS CLEAR. 25 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,229 THE LONGER TWO PEOPLE WAIT TO HAVE SEX, 26 00:00:59,230 --> 00:01:00,760 THE STRONGER THE RELATIONSHIP WILL BE. 27 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,492 ACCORDING TO WHO? YOUR GRANDMA? 28 00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:04,294 NO. 29 00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:06,696 ACCORDING TO THIS NEW BOOK THAT EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT, 30 00:01:06,697 --> 00:01:09,239 "CLOSE YOUR LEGS, OPEN YOUR HEART." 31 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,701 IF THEY MAKE THAT A MOVIE, I HOPE IT'S NOT IN 3-D. 32 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,605 IT'S MADE ME RETHINK MY FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. 33 00:01:15,606 --> 00:01:16,846 AND I THINK YOU SHOULD TOO. 34 00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:18,508 DON'T YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND? 35 00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:20,780 DON'T YOU WANT LOVE? DON'T YOU WANT HAPPINESS? 36 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,652 I JUST WANT THIS PIERCING PAIN TO STOP. 37 00:01:22,653 --> 00:01:24,214 IN YOUR BACK? 38 00:01:24,215 --> 00:01:25,656 NO, IN MY EARS. 39 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:30,690 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 40 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,722 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 41 00:01:32,723 --> 00:01:34,324 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 42 00:01:34,325 --> 00:01:36,095 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 43 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,767 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 44 00:01:37,768 --> 00:01:39,829 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 45 00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:41,431 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 46 00:01:41,432 --> 00:01:44,274 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 47 00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:47,278 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 48 00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:51,581 - ( whistling ) - Doctor: GOOD MORNING. 49 00:01:51,582 --> 00:01:53,643 WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME. 50 00:01:53,644 --> 00:01:55,185 WAITING HERE FOR 45 MINUTES. 51 00:01:55,186 --> 00:01:56,516 I GOT TO TELL YOU THE WAY YOU RUN THIS OFFICE 52 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,547 IS AB... 53 00:01:57,548 --> 00:01:59,189 ...SOLUTELY GORGEOUS. 54 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:01,821 OH, GOOD. WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO RUN THE OFFICE 55 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,423 MORE GORGEOUSLY. 56 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,695 I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT I DIDN'T 57 00:02:05,696 --> 00:02:08,728 EXPECT THE CHIROPRACTOR TO BE SO... 58 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,360 YOU... 59 00:02:10,361 --> 00:02:12,232 HI! I'M JOE LONGO. 60 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:15,605 DR. MULLINS, OR CHELSEA, IF YOU LIKE. 61 00:02:15,606 --> 00:02:17,667 I DO LIKE. 62 00:02:17,668 --> 00:02:18,908 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT BACK. 63 00:02:18,909 --> 00:02:21,211 - OKAY, YOU WANT ME TO SIT UP? - YEAH, PUT YOUR LEGS HERE. 64 00:02:21,212 --> 00:02:23,643 - AND YOUR ELBOWS... - OKAY. 65 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,475 HOW'D YOU INJURE YOURSELF? 66 00:02:25,476 --> 00:02:28,147 HONESTLY, I WAS... 67 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,420 TRYING TO GET SOMETHING 68 00:02:30,421 --> 00:02:32,582 - IN THE BACK OF A CAR. - HMM. 69 00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:33,723 OKAY, I'M GONNA WRAP MY ARMS AROUND YOU 70 00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:34,754 AND LAY YOU DOWN. 71 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:35,855 MOST WOMEN BUY ME DINNER 72 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,287 BEFORE THEY TRY THAT MOVE. ( chuckles ) 73 00:02:37,288 --> 00:02:39,689 GLAD TO SEE YOU DIDN'T HURT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. 74 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,691 YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY EVEN HURT THAT BAD. 75 00:02:41,692 --> 00:02:42,792 I JUST... AHH! OH! 76 00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:45,195 YEAH, NO! I'M HURT. I'M HURT. 77 00:02:45,196 --> 00:02:47,537 ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA ADJUST YOU NOW, OKAY? 78 00:02:47,538 --> 00:02:49,499 - SO TAKE A DEEP BREATH. - OKAY. 79 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,800 - HOLD IT IN. - RIGHT. 80 00:02:50,801 --> 00:02:53,573 COUNT ONE, TWO, THREE. 81 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,246 - ( back cracking ) - OH, MAYYY-YIM BIALIK! 82 00:02:56,247 --> 00:02:57,677 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 83 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,949 ACTUALLY... 84 00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:02,452 THAT WAS GREAT. I FEEL FANTASTIC. 85 00:03:02,453 --> 00:03:03,813 OH, THAT WAS NOTHING. 86 00:03:03,814 --> 00:03:05,385 I'M NOT GETTING OFF THIS TABLE 87 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,557 UNTIL WE HAVE YOU IN TOTAL ALIGNMENT. 88 00:03:07,558 --> 00:03:08,689 BRING IT ON. 89 00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:14,564 LEN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE WORKING ON 90 00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:15,725 A SUPERHERO SHORT STORY. 91 00:03:15,726 --> 00:03:16,766 AND MAKING IT ABOUT A HOMESCHOOLED KID 92 00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:18,328 IS SUCH A CLEVER TWIST. 93 00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:19,599 OH, PLEASE. THAT'S NOT MINE. 94 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,970 IT'S RYDER'S ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT FOR JOE, 95 00:03:20,971 --> 00:03:22,672 SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NICE. 96 00:03:22,673 --> 00:03:24,804 IT REALLY SUCKED ME IN. 97 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,736 YEAH, THE SUCK PART IS RIGHT. 98 00:03:26,737 --> 00:03:28,207 OH, HEY, RYDER. 99 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,509 I REALLY LIKE YOUR STORY, MAN. 100 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,642 YOU GUYS SETTING ME UP? 101 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,944 NO, I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A KILLER GRAPHIC NOVEL. 102 00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:36,716 I MEAN, MAYBE I COULD DO SOME SKETCHES, 103 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,787 IF THAT'S SOMETHING YOU'D BE INTO. 104 00:03:37,788 --> 00:03:39,218 WAIT, WHAT? 105 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,920 YOU WANT TO TEAM UP WITH MY CREEPY LITTLE BROTHER? 106 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,323 HAVE YOU BEEN HUFFING YOUR MARKERS? 107 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,954 YOU REALLY WANT TO WORK WITH ME? 108 00:03:44,955 --> 00:03:46,296 YEAH, SURE. 109 00:03:46,297 --> 00:03:47,557 AWESOME. ALL RIGHT. 110 00:03:47,558 --> 00:03:48,998 - LET ME JUST CLEAR MY CALENDAR. - ( cellphone beeps ) 111 00:03:48,999 --> 00:03:50,000 DONE. 112 00:03:52,403 --> 00:03:53,803 WE CAN START RIGHT NOW. 113 00:03:53,804 --> 00:03:55,505 SO HOW DO YOU SEE THIS GUY? 114 00:03:55,506 --> 00:03:58,538 UH, HE'S ABOUT MY HEIGHT, MY BUILD, BROWN HAIR. 115 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,541 SO JUST LIKE YOU EXCEPT GIRLS GO OUT WITH HIM? 116 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,713 MAN, YOU TOTALLY GET HIM. 117 00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:05,815 WOW. 118 00:04:05,816 --> 00:04:08,018 THE ORIGIN STORY OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF NERDS. 119 00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:13,383 GOD, BOYS GET EXCITED 120 00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:15,455 ABOUT THE MOST STUPID AND USELESS THINGS. 121 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,427 OOH, JACKET WITH LOTS OF ZIPPERS! 122 00:04:17,428 --> 00:04:19,729 DID YOU SEE THOSE BUCKLES? 123 00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:20,930 THOSE BUCKLES ARE HOT. 124 00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,693 I WANT TO HAVE BABIES WITH THOSE BUCKLES. 125 00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:24,964 ARE YOU GONNA BUY IT? 126 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,566 OF COURSE I'M GONNA BUY IT. 127 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,598 I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO MY CONSTITUENTS... 128 00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:30,340 TO LOOK AMAZING. 129 00:04:30,341 --> 00:04:31,601 ADD TO CART. 130 00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:33,343 HELLO, LADIES. 131 00:04:33,344 --> 00:04:34,444 HEY. 132 00:04:34,445 --> 00:04:36,045 WELL, YOUR LOOK-AT-ME WALK IS BACK. 133 00:04:36,046 --> 00:04:37,607 I GUESS YOU'RE FEELING BETTER. 134 00:04:37,608 --> 00:04:39,849 YEAH, YEAH. I SAW THIS CHIROPRACTOR, CHELSEA. 135 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:41,751 I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW FANTASTIC SHE IS. 136 00:04:41,752 --> 00:04:44,554 ACTUALLY, UM, I CAN AND I WILL. 137 00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:47,717 OH, JOE MET A CUTE GIRL. I KNOW HOW THIS ONE GOES. 138 00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:50,790 IT'LL BE OVER SOON... THE RELATIONSHIP, NOT THE STORY. 139 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,323 WHAT THE...? DID YOU SEE THAT? 140 00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:54,424 SHE JUST TOOK A SHOT AT ME. 141 00:04:54,425 --> 00:04:56,726 YEAH. SHE'S GROWING UP. 142 00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:59,669 SO YOU MET A CUTE CHIROPRACTOR 143 00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:00,730 AND YOU'RE GONNA ASK HER OUT? 144 00:05:00,731 --> 00:05:01,971 I ALREADY DID. WE REALLY CONNECTED. 145 00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:04,834 THE FUSE HAS BEEN LIT. AND I'M THINKING TONIGHT... 146 00:05:04,835 --> 00:05:06,676 JOE, THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. 147 00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:08,307 YOU JUST MET THIS WOMAN. 148 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,610 YOU KNOW, SHE CRACKS YOUR BACK, ENDORPHINS FLOOD YOUR BRAIN, 149 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:11,681 CREATING A FALSE SENSE OF INTIMACY, 150 00:05:11,682 --> 00:05:13,343 AND YOU FALL FOR HER. 151 00:05:13,344 --> 00:05:15,785 IT'S A HORMONE RUSH THAT YOU CAN'T RESIST. 152 00:05:15,786 --> 00:05:17,818 "CLOSE YOUR LEGS," CHAPTER THREE. 153 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,790 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH WANTING TO BE INTIMATE 154 00:05:20,791 --> 00:05:22,021 WHEN YOU REALLY CONNECT WITH SOMEBODY? 155 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,553 DON'T YOU WANT A SHOT 156 00:05:23,554 --> 00:05:25,324 AT A REAL RELATIONSHIP AND NOT JUST QUICK SEX? 157 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,656 HEY, GIVE ME A LITTLE CREDIT, BURKE, ALL RIGHT? 158 00:05:26,657 --> 00:05:29,699 SEX WITH ME IS NEVER QUICK. 159 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,732 YEAH, I'M SURE IT'S LONG AND DRAWN OUT. 160 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,804 CAN'T YOU SEE HOW WAITING MIGHT DO YOU SOME GOOD? 161 00:05:34,805 --> 00:05:35,666 YEAH? 162 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:36,667 WELL, WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY 163 00:05:36,668 --> 00:05:37,807 THAT YOU REALLY CONNECT WITH, 164 00:05:37,808 --> 00:05:39,739 WE'LL SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT WAITING. 165 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:40,970 OH, I CAN WAIT. 166 00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,842 IN FACT, I HAVE DECIDED RIGHT NOW 167 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,575 THAT I, TOO, WILL HOLD OFF ON CONSUMMATING A NEW RELATIONSHIP. 168 00:05:45,576 --> 00:05:46,846 OH, REALLY? WITH WHO? 169 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,718 I FOUND HIM ONLINE. 170 00:05:48,719 --> 00:05:50,620 HE'S ITALIAN. HE'S BEAUTIFUL. 171 00:05:50,621 --> 00:05:52,623 HE'S MADE FROM A COW. 172 00:05:53,724 --> 00:05:55,124 ALL RIGHT, I'LL JUST TELL YOU. 173 00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:57,527 HE'S AN EXPENSIVE LEATHER JACKET. 174 00:05:57,528 --> 00:05:59,058 HOW IS BUYING A LEATHER JACKET 175 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,790 ANYTHING LIKE HAVING SEX? 176 00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:02,733 WOW, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WOMEN AT ALL. 177 00:06:05,536 --> 00:06:09,038 COME ON IN. THIS IS, UH, ME. 178 00:06:09,039 --> 00:06:10,500 WELL, THAT WAS FUN. 179 00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:11,801 I LIKE A GUY WHO'S NOT AFRAID 180 00:06:11,802 --> 00:06:13,503 TO SIT THROUGH A ROMANTIC COMEDY. 181 00:06:13,504 --> 00:06:14,544 HEY, ARE YOU KIDDING? 182 00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:15,575 ROMANTIC COMEDIES HAVE TAUGHT ME 183 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,606 A LOT OF GREAT LESSONS OVER THE YEARS. 184 00:06:16,607 --> 00:06:18,648 OH, LIKE WHAT? 185 00:06:18,649 --> 00:06:21,080 UM. OKAY, WELL, LIKE IF, UM... 186 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,782 IF A WOMAN IS PLAYING WITH HER HAIR 187 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,754 WHEN SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU, THAT MEANS THAT SHE... 188 00:06:24,755 --> 00:06:26,786 THAT SHE LIKES YOU. 189 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,087 TRUE. 190 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,719 AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO IMPRESS SOMEONE, 191 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,391 YOU SHOULD ALWAYS JUST BE YOURSELF. 192 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,963 UNLESS YOU WEAR GLASSES. 193 00:06:33,964 --> 00:06:35,164 IN WHICH CASE, YOU SHOULD GET A MAKEOVER 194 00:06:35,165 --> 00:06:37,026 TO A POP SONG AND THEN BE YOURSELF. 195 00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,499 YES YES, EXACTLY EXACTLY. 196 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,501 BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, ROMANTIC COMEDIES 197 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,633 TAUGHT ME HOW TO IDENTIFY THE PERFECT MOMENT 198 00:06:43,634 --> 00:06:45,035 FOR A FIRST KISS. 199 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,843 AND THAT WAS IT RIGHT THERE. 200 00:06:59,690 --> 00:07:00,690 EVERYTHING OKAY? 201 00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:02,622 I... I... I JUST, UM... 202 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,694 I DON'T WANT TO RUSH THIS. 203 00:07:04,695 --> 00:07:06,996 I MEAN, I HAD A GREAT TIME WITH YOU TONIGHT, CHELSEA. 204 00:07:06,997 --> 00:07:09,198 I JUST THINK THAT WE SHOULD... 205 00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:13,463 WE SHOULD WAIT BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING BIG 206 00:07:13,464 --> 00:07:16,866 AND OPEN OUR HEARTS. 207 00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:18,768 ( sighs ) I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. 208 00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:20,710 YEAH, ME NEITHER. 209 00:07:20,711 --> 00:07:23,813 NO, I MEAN MOST GUYS RUSH INTO THE PHYSICAL STUFF. 210 00:07:23,814 --> 00:07:25,845 IT'S SUCH A TURNOFF. 211 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,847 MY LAST DATE TRIED GETTING ME TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM 212 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,849 IN THE BACKSEAT OF HIS CAR. 213 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,981 MEN, HUH? ( laughs ) 214 00:07:31,982 --> 00:07:33,783 I KNOW, RIGHT? 215 00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,785 BUT YOU'RE NOT THAT KIND OF GUY. 216 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:36,986 COULDN'T BE IF I TRIED. 217 00:07:36,987 --> 00:07:39,589 SO I THINK 218 00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:42,732 YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN I TELL YOU THAT... 219 00:07:42,733 --> 00:07:43,963 I'M A VIRGIN. 220 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,536 YOU'RE WHAT NOW? 221 00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:48,868 A VIRGIN. 222 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,641 YOU'RE A V... ( stammering ) 223 00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:54,504 IN WHAT SENSE? 224 00:07:54,505 --> 00:07:57,076 IN THE SENSE THAT I'VE NEVER... 225 00:07:57,077 --> 00:08:00,510 YOU KNOW, BOINKED. 226 00:08:00,511 --> 00:08:02,612 "BOINKED"? 227 00:08:02,613 --> 00:08:05,855 OH, MY GOD, YOU REALLY ARE A VIRGIN. 228 00:08:05,856 --> 00:08:08,518 LOOK, I KNOW IT'S OLD-FASHIONED, 229 00:08:08,519 --> 00:08:09,759 BUT I JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT 230 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,621 THAT MY FIRST TIME WOULD BE MORE MEANINGFUL 231 00:08:11,622 --> 00:08:13,863 IF I WAITED FOR THE PERFECT MAN. 232 00:08:13,864 --> 00:08:16,165 SO I HOPE YOU'RE COOL WITH WAITING. 233 00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:19,599 YEAH. OF COURSE I'M COOL WITH WAITING. 234 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,772 I LOVE WAITING. 235 00:08:23,774 --> 00:08:25,075 I'M A MASTER WAITER. 236 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,586 - HEY. - HEY, HOW WAS THE BIG DATE? 237 00:08:36,587 --> 00:08:37,887 LET ME GUESS HOW LONG YOU HELD OUT. 238 00:08:37,888 --> 00:08:40,590 WAS THE CAR STILL MOVING OR DID YOU WAIT TILL IT PARKED? 239 00:08:40,591 --> 00:08:42,021 THAT'S VERY FUNNY. THAT'S VERY FUNNY. 240 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,753 BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, 241 00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:47,897 CHELSEA HAS US BOTH BEAT WHEN IT COMES TO WAITING BECAUSE, UM... 242 00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:49,199 SHE IS A VIRGIN. 243 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,563 LIKE TOTALLY? 244 00:08:53,564 --> 00:08:55,705 EVERYWHERE? 245 00:08:55,706 --> 00:08:58,668 SHE CALLED SEX "BOINKING." 246 00:08:58,669 --> 00:09:01,310 WOW, SHE REALLY IS A VIRGIN. 247 00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:04,213 WOW, I GUESS IT'S BYE-BYE, CHELSEA, HUH? 248 00:09:04,214 --> 00:09:06,215 NO NO. THAT'S THE AMAZING THING. 249 00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:07,577 I MEAN, YEAH, WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX, 250 00:09:07,578 --> 00:09:09,679 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WE TALKED AND WE TALKED. 251 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,720 IT WAS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BEST DATES 252 00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:11,821 THAT I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME. 253 00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:13,883 AND IT TURNS OUT THAT WE LIKE THE SAME MOVIES. 254 00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,284 WE FOLLOW THE SAME TWITTER FEEDS. 255 00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:16,986 WE BOTH LOVE WATCHING THAT VIDEO 256 00:09:16,987 --> 00:09:18,788 OF THOSE PANDAS SNEEZING. 257 00:09:18,789 --> 00:09:20,890 UGH, I THOUGHT IT WAS GROSS HEARING ABOUT YOUR DATES 258 00:09:20,891 --> 00:09:21,961 WHEN YOU DO HAVE SEX. 259 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,292 I'M SERIOUS. 260 00:09:23,293 --> 00:09:24,934 LOOK, SHE IS SAVING HERSELF UNTIL SHE FALLS IN LOVE 261 00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:26,195 WITH THE PERFECT GUY. 262 00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:28,698 I'M GONNA WAIT AROUND AND SEE IF THAT GUY'S ME. 263 00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:30,199 SO IF CHELSEA AND I DO END UP TOGETHER, 264 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,601 I HAVE YOU TO THANK. 265 00:09:31,602 --> 00:09:32,843 HAPPY TO HELP. 266 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,905 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? IT'S A 11:00 AT NIGHT. 267 00:09:35,906 --> 00:09:36,946 YEAH, I KNOW. I'M GONNA GO FOR A RUN. 268 00:09:36,947 --> 00:09:38,778 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. SUDDENLY I JUST HAVE... 269 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:39,950 I HAVE ALL THIS ENERGY. 270 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,813 THIS IS WHAT I WAS THINKING FOR THE COVER. 271 00:09:43,814 --> 00:09:45,855 SO THAT'S WHAT I'D LOOK LIKE WITH MUSCLES. 272 00:09:45,856 --> 00:09:50,760 CARTOON ME IS A PLAYA'. 273 00:09:50,761 --> 00:09:51,891 I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT. 274 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,322 HEY, NICE WORK ON THE ENDING, BY THE WAY. 275 00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:54,593 I LOVE IT WHEN THE HERO LEARNS 276 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,895 THAT HIS SISTER IS THE DEVIL'S SPAWN 277 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,627 AND HE HAS TO BEHEAD HER. 278 00:09:57,628 --> 00:09:59,969 JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD ONE NIGHT. 279 00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,872 SO WE STILL NEED A TITLE. 280 00:10:02,873 --> 00:10:05,805 I WAS THINKING "AT-HOME BOY." 281 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,106 LOSE THE "AT." 282 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,779 HOME BOY. 283 00:10:09,780 --> 00:10:11,180 Both: HOME BOY! YEAH. 284 00:10:11,181 --> 00:10:12,381 - RIGHT? - YEAH. 285 00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:13,683 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW HOW WE SHOULD CELEBRATE 286 00:10:13,684 --> 00:10:14,684 THIS MOMENT? 287 00:10:14,685 --> 00:10:15,985 BARBEQUE-FLAVORED PORK RINDS. 288 00:10:15,986 --> 00:10:17,917 IT'S LIKE WE'RE SHARING THE SAME BRAIN. 289 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,389 I HAVE A STASH IN THE GARAGE. 290 00:10:20,390 --> 00:10:22,992 ZANDER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 291 00:10:22,993 --> 00:10:24,924 I JUST TEXT YOU AND YOU SAID YOU WERE BUSY. 292 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,325 I AM. 293 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,627 I'M WORKING WITH MY BOY RYDER ON OUR GRAPHIC NOVEL. 294 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,059 SO YOU'RE CHOOSING TO SPEND TIME 295 00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:32,802 WITH MY DORKY LITTLE BROTHER INSTEAD OF ME? 296 00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:34,834 YOU BETTER HAVE A VERY GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THAT. 297 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,837 AND I DO. 298 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,639 BECAUSE BEING HERE GIVES ME OPPORTUNITY 299 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,674 TO SAY THAT YOU SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE THIS WITH US. 300 00:10:44,675 --> 00:10:45,975 WHY WOULD I DO THAT? 301 00:10:45,976 --> 00:10:48,147 BECAUSE WE NEED YOU. YEAH. 302 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,279 BECAUSE OF OUR NEED FOR YOU... 303 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,853 A TALENTED WRITER, WHICH YOU ARE. 304 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,284 RIGHT? 305 00:10:55,285 --> 00:10:56,956 YEAH, I SUPPOSE I COULD TAKE A LOOK. 306 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,228 WOULD YOU? ( sighs deeply ) 307 00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:01,731 ALL RIGHT, WELL, FIRST OFF, 308 00:11:01,732 --> 00:11:03,292 YOU DON'T NEED THE SIDEKICK. HE'S STUPID. 309 00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:04,663 WE'RE KIND OF THINKING THAT WE NEED HIM. 310 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,096 - LOSE HIM! - HE'S LOST. 311 00:11:08,939 --> 00:11:11,300 UM, THAT WAS MY SEAT. 312 00:11:11,301 --> 00:11:13,442 UH, GOOD NEWS... THE BEST NEWS... 313 00:11:13,443 --> 00:11:17,046 LENNOX HAS JOINED THE "HOME BOY" TEAM. 314 00:11:17,047 --> 00:11:18,247 WHEN DID WE DECIDE THIS? 315 00:11:18,248 --> 00:11:19,750 JUST NOW. 316 00:11:21,912 --> 00:11:23,913 ( pants ) HEY. 317 00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:27,016 LOOK AT YOU RUNNING... AGAIN. 318 00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:29,819 SEXUAL FRUSTRATION IS DOING WONDERS FOR YOUR CARDIO. 319 00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:31,891 I AM NOT FRUSTRATED. 320 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,022 AS A MATTER OF FACT, CHELSEA AND I HAVE HAD 321 00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:35,464 A GREAT WEEK OF GOOD OLD-FASHIONED CLEAN FUN. 322 00:11:35,465 --> 00:11:37,827 THAT'S RIGHT. YESTERDAY WE WENT SWIMMING. 323 00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:38,998 PERFECTLY INNOCENT. 324 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,871 AND CHELSEA WORE A BIKINI THAT WAS... THAT WAS LOVELY. 325 00:11:41,872 --> 00:11:43,232 AND AFTER SHE GOT OUT OF THE WATER, 326 00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:45,304 SHE ASKED ME TO PUT SOME SUNSCREEN ON HER... 327 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,007 ON HER SUPPLE, GLISTENING BODY, SO I DID. 328 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,780 AND TOMORROW, WE'RE GONNA GO TO HER TRAMPOLINE CLASS. 329 00:11:50,781 --> 00:11:51,911 SO I CAN WATCH HER BOUNCE. 330 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,943 SO YOU SEE? NO FRUSTRATION HERE. 331 00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:55,015 ( glass shatters ) 332 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,218 ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT IT. IT'S KILLING ME. 333 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,791 JOE, LOOK, I KNOW I SUGGESTED WAITING, 334 00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:03,853 BUT I MEANT FOUR DATES, NOT FOREVER. 335 00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:06,495 THIS IS CLEARLY CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT FOR YOU. 336 00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:08,127 YEAH, IT'S GETTING EASIER. 337 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,899 THESE SHARDS OF GLASS IN MY HAND 338 00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:11,200 ARE ACTUALLY HELPING. 339 00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:13,933 OKAY, LOOK. YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF 340 00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,034 AND WITH HER. 341 00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:18,007 IF NOT FOR YOUR SAKE, THEN AT LEAST FOR MY GLASSWARE. 342 00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:19,939 ARE YOU TELLING ME TO BREAK UP WITH A WOMAN 343 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:20,970 BECAUSE SHE WON'T SLEEP WITH ME? 344 00:12:20,971 --> 00:12:23,012 I GUESS I AM. HUH. 345 00:12:23,013 --> 00:12:26,415 THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE DOUCHE BAG, HUH? 346 00:12:26,416 --> 00:12:28,477 YEAH? WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 347 00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,249 IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN BECAUSE WHAT CHELSEA AND I HAVE 348 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,051 IS SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT? AND I'M NOT GIVING THAT UP. 349 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,423 NO MATTER HOW MUCH HER BODY GLISTENS 350 00:12:34,424 --> 00:12:36,926 WHEN SHE GETS OUT OF THE POOL IN SLOW MOTION. 351 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,488 HOW DOES SHE FRIGGIN' DO THAT? 352 00:12:39,489 --> 00:12:41,360 YOU HAVE TO BREAK IT OFF WITH HER 353 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,432 BEFORE I FIND EXPLODED PIECES OF YOU ALL OVER MY WALL. 354 00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:45,234 AND I JUST HAD THESE WALLS PAINTED. 355 00:12:45,235 --> 00:12:46,896 WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, ALL RIGHT? 356 00:12:46,897 --> 00:12:48,267 BECAUSE I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GUY. 357 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,070 SUIT YOURSELF. 358 00:12:51,241 --> 00:12:53,443 I GOT TO BREAK UP WITH HER. 359 00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:00,209 RYDER, I REALLY LIKE WHAT YOU DID HERE. 360 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,011 I'M NOT SURPRISED, 361 00:13:02,012 --> 00:13:03,283 SINCE IT WAS YOUR SUGGESTION. 362 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:08,057 WAS IT? WHO EVEN KNOWS? 363 00:13:08,058 --> 00:13:10,289 I DO HAVE A COUPLE OF CONCERNS THOUGH. 364 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,161 YOU KNOW? LIKE, IF HOME BOY 365 00:13:12,162 --> 00:13:13,993 CAN TURN BACK TIME IN CHAPTER 23, 366 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,925 WHY DIDN'T HE JUST DO THAT IN THE FIRST CHAPTER? 367 00:13:15,926 --> 00:13:17,166 THEN HE WOULDN'T GET SUSPENDED. 368 00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:20,129 BECAUSE THEN THERE WOULDN'T BE STORY. 369 00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:22,331 AND WHY IS THE SISTER SO CONTROLLING? 370 00:13:22,332 --> 00:13:23,873 WELL, THIS IS SCIENCE FICTION 371 00:13:23,874 --> 00:13:27,136 AND IN NO WAY BASED ON MY ACTUAL LIFE AT ALL. 372 00:13:27,137 --> 00:13:29,208 ZANDER, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 373 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,440 IS THE SISTER TOO CONTROLLING? 374 00:13:31,441 --> 00:13:33,884 I THINK, UH... 375 00:13:35,886 --> 00:13:37,486 LENNOX MIGHT HAVE A POINT. 376 00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,488 OH, DO YOU NOW? 377 00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:41,590 HOW ABOUT THIS? YOU BOYS 378 00:13:41,591 --> 00:13:42,821 COME UP WITH A NEW ENDING 379 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,153 AND THEN I'LL COME BACK AND FIX IT. 380 00:13:44,154 --> 00:13:46,256 THAT SOUNDS GOOD. 381 00:13:48,158 --> 00:13:50,359 DUDE, SHE IS RUINING EVERYTHING. 382 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,461 SOMEONE'S GOT TO TELL HER SHE'S OUT OF THE PARTNERSHIP. 383 00:13:52,462 --> 00:13:54,063 SHE'S NOT THAT BAD. DIFFERENT OPINIONS 384 00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,234 ARE A PART OF THE COLLABORATIVE PROCESS. 385 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,406 QUIET. HERE SHE COMES. 386 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,238 ONE MORE THING. ZANDER, 387 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,040 YOUR SKETCH OF HOME BOY'S COSTUME... 388 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,313 CAN YOU MAKE IT A LITTLE LESS '80s CLICHE? 389 00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:07,346 OKAY. 390 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,518 - SHE'S GOT TO GO. - FINALLY. 391 00:14:09,519 --> 00:14:11,081 ( doorbell rings ) 392 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,184 - HI. - YOU MUST BE MEL. 393 00:14:15,185 --> 00:14:16,886 I'M CHELSEA, JOE'S FRIEND. 394 00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:18,557 OH, YOU'RE THE VIR... 395 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:21,460 VERY GOOD CHIROPRACTOR. 396 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,232 YEAH, I DON'T THINK JOE'S HOME. 397 00:14:23,233 --> 00:14:25,234 I KNOW. I'M MEETING HIM LATER. 398 00:14:25,235 --> 00:14:27,196 I ACTUALLY CAME BY TO GIVE THESE TO YOU. 399 00:14:27,197 --> 00:14:28,867 OH, WELL, COME ON IN. 400 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,240 ANYONE WITH SUGAR IS WELCOME IN MY HOUSE. 401 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,273 THE LEMON SQUARES ARE JUST MY LAME EXCUSE. 402 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,574 I CAME BY TO MEET 403 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,476 THE OTHER WOMAN IN JOE'S LIFE. 404 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,948 OH, I'M NOT THE OTHER WOMAN. 405 00:14:38,949 --> 00:14:40,349 I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WITH JOE. 406 00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:42,881 NEITHER HAVE I. 407 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,513 IT'S OKAY IF I LAUGH TOO, RIGHT? 408 00:14:44,514 --> 00:14:46,986 - OF COURSE. - 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE A... 409 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,188 - YOU KNOW. - YOU CAN SAY IT. 410 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,190 VIRGIN. IT'S NOT A BAD WORD. 411 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,162 WELL, IT WAS IN MY HIGH SCHOOL. 412 00:14:53,163 --> 00:14:56,996 LISTEN, SINCE WE'RE BOTH KINDA CURIOUS 413 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,197 ABOUT EACH OTHER, 414 00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,199 DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU... 415 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,230 HOW DO I DO IT? 416 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:04,303 TECHNICALLY, HOW DO YOU NOT DO IT? 417 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,236 I JUST THINK THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN SEX. 418 00:15:07,237 --> 00:15:09,939 WELL, SURE, BUT WHAT DO YOU DO 419 00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:12,241 WHEN YOU START FEELING LIKE... ( grunting ), YOU KNOW? 420 00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:15,584 'CAUSE EVENTUALLY WE ALL FEEL A LITTLE... ( grunts ), YOU KNOW? 421 00:15:15,585 --> 00:15:18,117 IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE THAT YOU CAN 422 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,518 LET LOOSE THE... ( grunts ) WITH, 423 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:22,051 THEN YOU FEEL SO WHOO! YOU KNOW? 424 00:15:22,052 --> 00:15:25,254 BUT WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE THE WHOO?! 425 00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:27,096 I KNOW. WHOO IS NICE. 426 00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,257 NO, SERIOUSLY. I DON'T THINK YOU DO 427 00:15:28,258 --> 00:15:30,059 BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EVEN PRONOUNCING IT CORRECTLY. 428 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:32,331 IT'S WHOO! 429 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,204 WELL, I GUESS I WON'T FIND OUT UNTIL IT'S THE RIGHT TIME. 430 00:15:35,205 --> 00:15:37,967 ALTHOUGH YOU DO MAKE IT SOUND VERY APPEALING. 431 00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:40,170 I AM ONE OF ITS BIGGEST PROPONENTS. 432 00:15:42,372 --> 00:15:45,144 OH, MY GOD, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. 433 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,615 - WHAT? - MY FRIEND TAWNY 434 00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:48,647 JUST POSTED THIS VIDEO OF ME AT AEROBICS. 435 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:52,021 I TOTALLY FORGOT MY SPORTS BRA. 436 00:15:52,022 --> 00:15:54,153 YOU WHAT? 437 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,286 I'M BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE. 438 00:15:57,287 --> 00:15:59,288 ( laughs ) YEAH, YOU ARE. 439 00:15:59,289 --> 00:16:01,590 LET'S JUST PUT THIS PHONE AWAY, OKAY, CHELSEA? 440 00:16:01,591 --> 00:16:04,063 UM... 441 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,335 LOOK, I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 442 00:16:06,336 --> 00:16:08,697 OKAY? AND THIS NEVER REALLY EASY TO SAY TO SOMEBODY. 443 00:16:08,698 --> 00:16:10,469 - CHELSEA, YOU ARE AN... - DO SMELL SMOKE? 444 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,740 INCREDIBLE WOMAN... WHAT? 445 00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:13,302 OH, MY GOD. 446 00:16:13,303 --> 00:16:14,543 THAT STORE OVER THERE IS ON FIRE. 447 00:16:14,544 --> 00:16:16,145 CALL 911. 448 00:16:16,146 --> 00:16:17,306 ( fire alarm blaring ) 449 00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:18,347 - JOE! - NO, NO. 450 00:16:18,348 --> 00:16:19,408 I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS, ALL RIGHT. 451 00:16:19,409 --> 00:16:21,010 YOU STAY HERE WHERE THERE'S NO SEX. 452 00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:23,182 DANGER! WHAT DID I JUST SAY? SEX? 453 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,355 ( laughs ) I MEANT DANGER. STAY HERE. 454 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,460 I'M SORRY IF I STILL SMELL LIKE SMOKE. 455 00:16:31,461 --> 00:16:34,463 ALL I SMELL IS HEROISM. 456 00:16:34,464 --> 00:16:36,725 SO LOOK, UM... 457 00:16:36,726 --> 00:16:38,327 CHELSEA, I WAS, UM, 458 00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,330 TRYING TO TELL YOU THIS BEFORE THE WHOLE FIRE THING. 459 00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:42,431 SHH. 460 00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:43,732 DON'T TRY TO TALK RIGHT NOW. 461 00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:46,775 I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 462 00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:48,407 YOU WALKED INTO A BURNING BUILDING 463 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:51,110 WHILE EVERYONE JUST STOOD THERE WATCHING. 464 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,242 YEAH, IT'S REALLY AMAZING 465 00:16:53,243 --> 00:16:54,783 WHAT A WEEK'S WORTH OF TESTOSTERONE 466 00:16:54,784 --> 00:16:57,086 WILL MAKE SOMEBODY DO. 467 00:16:57,087 --> 00:16:59,618 YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING MAN I HAVE EVER MET. 468 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,221 OH, WELL, I... 469 00:17:06,756 --> 00:17:08,497 OH, MY GOD, THAT FEELS SO GOOD. 470 00:17:08,498 --> 00:17:10,429 THAT FEELS SO GOO... OKAY. 471 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,630 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 472 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,233 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WE SHOULD STOP. 473 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,335 SHOULD WE? 474 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,208 I'VE WAITED 28 YEARS FOR THE PERFECT MAN. 475 00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:22,312 AND NOW I'VE FINALLY FOUND HIM. 476 00:17:23,313 --> 00:17:26,575 YOU... YOU MEAN ME? 477 00:17:26,576 --> 00:17:28,147 THE WAIT IS OVER. 478 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,278 OH, THANK GOD! 479 00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:32,351 I'M SO GLAD THAT I SAVED MYSELF 480 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,253 ALL THESE YEARS FOR YOU, JOE. 481 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,126 AND JUST THINK. WE'RE GONNA REMEMBER THIS MOMENT 482 00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:38,287 FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. 483 00:17:38,288 --> 00:17:39,529 ( nervous laughter ) YEAH, WE WILL. 484 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,493 WOW... 485 00:17:44,494 --> 00:17:45,734 OWW! 486 00:17:45,735 --> 00:17:47,266 OW! OH! 487 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,297 OH. 488 00:17:48,298 --> 00:17:50,299 MY BACK! OH, MY... 489 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:52,070 I PULLED IT AGAIN PROBABLY WHEN I WAS 490 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,472 SAVING ALL THOSE PEOPLE FROM THE BURNING BUILDING. 491 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,144 I'M GONNA GO GET SOME ICE. 492 00:17:55,145 --> 00:17:56,745 DO YOU WANT ME TO GET ON TOP? GIVE YOU AN ADJUSTMENT? 493 00:17:56,746 --> 00:17:58,307 NO! NO. 494 00:17:58,308 --> 00:18:01,650 I DON'T WANT YOU WORKING ON YOUR NIGHT OFF. 495 00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:02,812 THAT... THAT... 496 00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:08,357 MEL, LOOK, I NEED YOUR HELP. 497 00:18:08,358 --> 00:18:10,389 WHERE'D YOU GET THAT? 498 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,722 MILAN. SECOND-DAY AIR. 499 00:18:13,723 --> 00:18:15,324 OH, IS THAT THE JACKET YOU WEREN'T GONNA BUY 500 00:18:15,325 --> 00:18:16,325 TO SHOW ME HOW GOOD YOU WERE AT WAITING? 501 00:18:16,326 --> 00:18:17,796 WAITING SUCKS, OKAY? 502 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,529 "CLOSE YOUR LEGS" WAS WRITTEN BY A WOMAN WITH 200 CATS. 503 00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:23,232 AT A CERTAIN POINT, YOU JUST WANT TO GO FOR IT. 504 00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:24,633 YES. YES, YOU DO. AND TO THAT POINT, 505 00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:27,336 CHELSEA IS UPSTAIRS IN MY ROOM AND SHE'S READY. 506 00:18:27,337 --> 00:18:28,507 - YOU MEAN... - YEAH, UH-HUH. 507 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,439 SHE'S WAVING ME HOME. 508 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,181 THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 509 00:18:32,182 --> 00:18:34,343 THIS IS... OH OH OH, I SEE. 510 00:18:34,344 --> 00:18:35,814 A WOMAN WANTS TO SLEEP WITH ME 511 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:36,845 AND YOU WANT THE CREDIT. 512 00:18:36,846 --> 00:18:39,648 YEAH. I SOLD HER ON THE WHOO! 513 00:18:39,649 --> 00:18:41,420 I HAD HER CURIOUS AND WORKED UP. 514 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,521 AND THAT'S WHY THIS IS HAPPENING. 515 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,892 NO, NO, NO. THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE 516 00:18:43,893 --> 00:18:45,354 I PULLED THREE PEOPLE FROM A BURNING BUILDING. 517 00:18:45,355 --> 00:18:48,197 SERIOUSLY, WHICH ONE SOUNDS MORE BELIEVABLE? 518 00:18:48,198 --> 00:18:49,498 WELL, MINE ACTUALLY HAPPENED, ALL RIGHT? 519 00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:50,499 AND YOU'LL SEE IT ON THE NEWS TONIGHT. 520 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,800 THE POINT IS SHE'S UP THERE. 521 00:18:51,801 --> 00:18:54,363 AND SHE'S READY TO DO IT AND I CAN'T. 522 00:18:54,364 --> 00:18:56,535 OH, JOE, THERE'S NO SHAME IN THAT. 523 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,168 YOU KNOW, THERE ARE PILLS YOU CAN TAKE. 524 00:18:59,169 --> 00:19:00,769 NO, NO. NOT THAT. 525 00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:03,242 I CAN DO IT. TRUST ME, I CAN DO IT. 526 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,344 THE POINT IS I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. 527 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,316 OKAY? I'M GONNA HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER. 528 00:19:07,317 --> 00:19:09,248 OKAY, SO TO CLARIFY, 529 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,579 YOU WERE GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER 530 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:11,720 WHEN SHE WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH YOU. 531 00:19:11,721 --> 00:19:12,821 BUT NOW THAT SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU, 532 00:19:12,822 --> 00:19:14,283 YOU ARE BREAKING UP WITH HER? 533 00:19:14,284 --> 00:19:17,626 - EXACTLY. - YEAH, AND THEY SAY WOMEN ARE COMPLICATED. 534 00:19:17,627 --> 00:19:18,927 NO, NO. IT'S JUST THAT 535 00:19:18,928 --> 00:19:20,759 CHELSEA HAS WAITED HER WHOLE LIFE TO DO THIS 536 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,790 WITH THE MAN SHE'S GONNA BE WITH FOREVER. 537 00:19:21,791 --> 00:19:23,232 AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'M THAT GUY. 538 00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:24,393 I'M NOT EVEN SURE I'M IN LOVE WITH HER. 539 00:19:24,394 --> 00:19:26,164 I MEAN, YOU COULD BE WITH SOMEONE FOR YEARS 540 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,796 AND NOT KNOW THAT THEY'RE THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. 541 00:19:27,797 --> 00:19:29,238 THAT'S TRUE. 542 00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:33,171 YOU COULD LIVE WITH SOMEONE FOR YEARS AND STILL BE UNSURE. 543 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,473 SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 544 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:35,644 WHAT? 545 00:19:35,645 --> 00:19:37,246 ABOUT ME AND CHELSEA?! 546 00:19:37,247 --> 00:19:38,477 OH! UH, OKAY. 547 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,908 YOU NEED TO GO BACK UP TO YOUR ROOM 548 00:19:39,909 --> 00:19:41,210 AND TELL HER YOU CAN'T DO IT. 549 00:19:41,211 --> 00:19:42,511 AGAIN, I CAN DO IT. 550 00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:44,383 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. OKAY, I GET IT. 551 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,585 YOUR BOY PARTS WORK. JUST GET UP THERE, 552 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,387 BE A MAN AND KEEP THAT GIRL A VIRGIN. 553 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:51,290 CHELSEA, 554 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,191 LOOK, I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 555 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,263 THERE YOU ARE. 556 00:19:54,264 --> 00:19:57,566 I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO START WITHOUT YOU. 557 00:19:57,567 --> 00:19:59,568 OW! OH, MY BACK AGAIN. 558 00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:00,630 MY BACK. 559 00:20:03,273 --> 00:20:04,234 ( camera shutter clicks ) 560 00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:06,375 I COULDN'T SAY IT. 561 00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:08,607 SHE'S NAKED. I COULD NOT SAY IT. 562 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,380 SO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO RUN INTO A BURNING BUILDING, 563 00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,312 BUT NOT TO TELL A NAKED WOMAN YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH HER? 564 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,613 LOOK, I MAY BE A HERO, BUT EVEN SUPERMAN 565 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,645 HAS HIS KRYPTONITE. 566 00:20:16,646 --> 00:20:18,518 FINE, I'LL DO IT. 567 00:20:19,789 --> 00:20:21,290 IT WON'T BE THE FIRST TIME I'VE HAD TO TELL 568 00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:22,822 A HORNY NAKED WOMAN IT'S NOT HAPPENING TONIGHT. 569 00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:29,959 READY TO GO OVER THE NEW ENDING? 570 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,302 LENNOX, 571 00:20:33,303 --> 00:20:35,304 IT'S BEEN REALLY GREAT 572 00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:36,535 WORKING WITH YOU ON THIS PROJECT. 573 00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,267 THERE'S SOMETHING I GOT TO TELL YOU 574 00:20:38,268 --> 00:20:39,508 AND IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME TO SAY. 575 00:20:39,509 --> 00:20:40,969 WHAT? 576 00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,342 RYDER WANTS YOU OUT. I TRIED TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT. 577 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,415 I SAID WE NEED YOU, BUT THERE'S NO TALKING TO HIM. 578 00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:47,716 IS THIS TRUE? 579 00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:49,648 YEAH. YUP. 580 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,420 IT'S ALL ME. 581 00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:52,821 ZANDER BEGGED ME TO KEEP YOU ON. 582 00:20:52,822 --> 00:20:54,483 BUT I TOLD HIM EITHER YOU GO 583 00:20:54,484 --> 00:20:55,484 OR WE DITCH THE WHOLE THING. 584 00:20:55,485 --> 00:20:56,525 OH, WHATEVER. 585 00:20:56,526 --> 00:20:57,556 I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS 586 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,257 STUPID COMIC ANYWAY. 587 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,489 THANKS FOR STICKING UP FOR ME, BABE. 588 00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:01,530 YEAH. 589 00:21:01,531 --> 00:21:03,562 AND YOU... 590 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:04,934 I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP. 591 00:21:08,538 --> 00:21:09,868 ( whispering ) I'M SORRY. 592 00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,440 I'M SO SORRY. I TOTALLY PANICKED. 593 00:21:11,441 --> 00:21:13,001 IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. 594 00:21:13,002 --> 00:21:14,543 YOU HAVE A LOT MORE TO LOSE. 595 00:21:14,544 --> 00:21:15,774 ( normal voice ) YOU GONNA GET A LOT OF CRAP FOR THIS? 596 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,706 YEAH, BUT IT BOUNCES OFF ME, 597 00:21:17,707 --> 00:21:18,747 'CAUSE, UM, 598 00:21:18,748 --> 00:21:21,650 I'M HOME BOY. 599 00:21:21,651 --> 00:21:23,582 DON'T EVER SAY THAT TO A GIRL. 600 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,315 - DULY NOTED. - OKAY.