1 00:00:07,038 --> 00:00:08,208 PREVIOUSLY ON "MELISSA AND JOEY"... 2 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,479 JOE, THIS IS AUSTIN. 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,780 MY BEST FRIEND GROWING UP. 4 00:00:10,781 --> 00:00:12,282 YEAH, I LIVED RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO MEL. 5 00:00:12,283 --> 00:00:14,044 I'M SEEING A RELATIONSHIP START TO, UH... 6 00:00:14,045 --> 00:00:16,015 HOW DO I PUT THIS? 7 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,447 EXPLODE. 8 00:00:17,448 --> 00:00:18,718 Joe: SO HOW'D YOU GET IN TOUCH WITH AUSTIN AGAIN 9 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:19,750 - AFTER ALL THIS TIME? - Mel: FACEBOOK. 10 00:00:21,292 --> 00:00:23,022 JOE THINKS WE MAY BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. 11 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,125 I THINK HE MAY BE RIGHT. AT LEAST I HOPE HE MAY BE RIGHT. 12 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,656 WAIT WAIT. 13 00:00:26,657 --> 00:00:28,328 IS THIS TOO WEIRD? 14 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,660 I MEAN, UP UNTIL KINDERGARTEN, WE TOOK BATHS TOGETHER. 15 00:00:30,661 --> 00:00:33,032 YOU KNOW, YOU WERE LIKE THE BROTHER I NEVER HAD. 16 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,335 ARE WE REALLY GONNA KISS? 17 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,337 SURE! 18 00:00:38,709 --> 00:00:41,641 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 19 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,313 OH, NO. 20 00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,644 IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN. 21 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,645 AN HOUR AGO, MY FRIENDS 22 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,347 INSTAGRAMMED FROM THE BOWLING ALLEY. 23 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,619 NOW THEY'RE INSTAGRAMMING FROM WAFFLE PALACE. 24 00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:50,750 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? 25 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:53,323 YOUR FRIENDS ARE TIRED AND STICKY? 26 00:00:53,324 --> 00:00:55,425 NO. IT MEANS I DON'T EXIST. 27 00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:56,586 YOU GET SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL 28 00:00:56,587 --> 00:00:57,627 AND EVERYONE FORGETS YOU'RE ALIVE. 29 00:00:57,628 --> 00:00:59,360 OH, THEY FORGOT YOU IN NINTH GRADE. 30 00:01:00,631 --> 00:01:02,332 BUT I CAN HELP. 31 00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,264 SEE, THERE'S A WHOLE CHAPTER IN MY PSYCHOLOGY BOOK 32 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,335 ON LONELY NERDS. 33 00:01:05,336 --> 00:01:06,666 THERE IS NOT. 34 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:10,100 ALL RIGHT. WELL, NERDS IS IN QUOTES. 35 00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:11,771 ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE. 36 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,744 "OUTCAST STATUS CAN LEAD TO LEARNING DIFFICULTIES, 37 00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:17,607 DEPRESSION AND LACK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE." 38 00:01:17,608 --> 00:01:19,549 ( sniffs ) 39 00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:21,512 DUDE, YOUR HEAD SMELLS LIKE DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER. 40 00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:25,615 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ACTUALLY WASHED YOUR HAIR? 41 00:01:25,616 --> 00:01:26,856 - UM... - OKAY. 42 00:01:26,857 --> 00:01:28,518 ALL RIGHT, IF YOU'RE SAYING "UM," 43 00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:29,719 IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. ALL RIGHT? 44 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,191 OOH, THE GAME'S ALMOST ON. I GOTTA GO. 45 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,322 I GOT MONEY ON THIS GAME. 46 00:01:32,323 --> 00:01:33,323 WELL, IT'S ONLY $2, 47 00:01:33,324 --> 00:01:35,626 BUT MY AUNT CARLOTA'S GOING DOWN. 48 00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:39,700 AND LOOK AT THAT. THE GAME IS ALREADY ON. 49 00:01:41,372 --> 00:01:42,872 AND AUSTIN IS ROUNDING SECOND. 50 00:01:42,873 --> 00:01:46,536 THIS IS NOT A SPECTATOR'S SPORT, LONGO. 51 00:01:46,537 --> 00:01:47,807 HEY, JOE. WE IN YOUR WAY? 52 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,340 NO, NOT AT ALL. UM... 53 00:01:50,341 --> 00:01:52,482 THAT'S COOL. I'LL BE A GREAT GUY 54 00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:54,544 AND JUST WATCH THIS ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME MATCH 55 00:01:54,545 --> 00:01:58,748 UP ON THE YUGOSLAVIAN 12-INCH TV WITH RABBIT EARS. 56 00:01:58,749 --> 00:02:00,750 UH, WELL, A REALLY GREAT GUY WOULD BE GONE ALREADY. 57 00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:02,492 THAT'S WHERE I WAS HEADED. I'M GOING, ALL RIGHT? 58 00:02:02,493 --> 00:02:03,793 LOOK, HAVE FUN. OKAY? 59 00:02:03,794 --> 00:02:05,355 AND JUST REMEMBER THAT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR 60 00:02:05,356 --> 00:02:08,858 THERE ARE TWO, AS YET, UNTRAUMATIZED TEENAGERS. 61 00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:11,232 BUT, UH, ENJOY. 62 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,864 WOW, THAT SURE RAINED OUT THE GAME. 63 00:02:14,865 --> 00:02:17,538 NO, RAIN MAKES THINGS GROW. 64 00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:21,140 I JUST THINK THAT PERHAPS WE COULD FIND 65 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,744 A MORE ADULT SETTING WITH A SCOOCH MORE PRIVACY. 66 00:02:25,376 --> 00:02:26,716 HOW ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 67 00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:28,818 - THE BRIGHTON RESORT? - MM-HMM. 68 00:02:28,819 --> 00:02:30,580 HMM, FANCY. 69 00:02:30,581 --> 00:02:31,651 I MADE US A RESERVATION. 70 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,523 I THINK OUR FIRST NIGHT TOGETHER SHOULD BE SPECIAL. 71 00:02:33,524 --> 00:02:34,854 ME TOO. 72 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,926 HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW SPECIAL THIS COUCH IS? 73 00:02:36,927 --> 00:02:39,529 WE'VE WAITED LIKE 30 YEARS. 74 00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:40,860 WHAT'S A LITTLE WHILE LONGER, HUH? 75 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,662 TORTURE. 76 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:46,236 BUT A GOOD, SWEET, ROMANTIC KIND OF TORTURE. 77 00:02:46,237 --> 00:02:47,537 I WAS THINKING THIS WEEKEND. 78 00:02:47,538 --> 00:02:48,668 ( sighs ) YOU KNOW WHAT? 79 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,201 YOU'VE TALKED ME INTO IT. 80 00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:53,243 - NOW GET OUT. - WHAT? 81 00:02:53,244 --> 00:02:55,345 WHY? 82 00:02:55,346 --> 00:02:56,546 WELL, YOU'RE TOO HOT. 83 00:02:56,547 --> 00:02:58,578 YOU CAN'T STAY HERE LOOKING LIKE THIS. 84 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,650 YOU'RE LIKE AN OPEN BOX OF COOKIES. 85 00:03:00,651 --> 00:03:02,582 AWW, THAT'S SWEET... 86 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:03,613 NO... GO! GO! 87 00:03:03,614 --> 00:03:04,954 TAKE YOUR CREAM FILLING AND GET OUT OF HERE. 88 00:03:04,955 --> 00:03:06,217 ( snaps fingers ) 89 00:03:08,759 --> 00:03:10,720 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 90 00:03:10,721 --> 00:03:12,562 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 91 00:03:12,563 --> 00:03:14,264 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 92 00:03:14,265 --> 00:03:16,296 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 93 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,527 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 94 00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:19,769 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 95 00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,401 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 96 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,234 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 97 00:03:24,235 --> 00:03:27,238 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 98 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,581 RYDER. HEY, BUDDY. 99 00:03:31,582 --> 00:03:33,613 LOOK, UM, 100 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:34,684 I KNOW IT CAN GET VERY LONELY 101 00:03:34,685 --> 00:03:35,845 BEING THE ONLY KID IN HOME SCHOOL, 102 00:03:35,846 --> 00:03:38,448 SO I GOT YOU A PRESENT. 103 00:03:38,449 --> 00:03:40,219 ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? YOU READY? 104 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,220 HEY! 105 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,253 GET IN HERE. 106 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,595 RYDER, I WANT YOU TO MEET LELAND. 107 00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:47,297 LELAND, THIS IS RYDER. 108 00:03:47,298 --> 00:03:48,959 HELLO. 109 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,603 SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN. 110 00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:56,235 YOU RENTED ME A DWEEB? 111 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,236 NO NO NO NO. 112 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,538 LELAND ANOTHER AT-HOME SCHOOL KID 113 00:03:58,539 --> 00:03:59,539 WHO LIVES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 114 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,641 I SWEAR YOU CAN FIND ANYTHING ONLINE. 115 00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,513 ANYWAY, I MADE A DEAL WITH HIS MOM. 116 00:04:03,514 --> 00:04:04,544 SO HE'S GONNA BE JOINING US 117 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,277 FOR OUR GOVERNMENT CLASS FROM NOW ON. 118 00:04:08,419 --> 00:04:10,480 WHAT'S YOUR MINECRAFT USERNAME? 119 00:04:10,481 --> 00:04:12,282 I DON'T PLAY MINECRAFT. 120 00:04:12,283 --> 00:04:14,253 I BUILT A VILLAGE IN THE FOREST 121 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,956 AND TAMED THE OCELOTS BEFORE THEY MOB SPAWNED. 122 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,358 ACTUALLY, UH, 123 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,790 I THINK MY USERNAME IS "KILL ME NOW." 124 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,733 THAT'S AN AWESOME HANDLE. 125 00:04:24,895 --> 00:04:27,598 LOOK AT YOU TWO GETTING ALONG. 126 00:04:30,601 --> 00:04:32,542 HOPE YOU DIDN'T MIND DRIVING WITH THE TOP DOWN. 127 00:04:32,543 --> 00:04:33,873 OH, NOT AT ALL. NEXT TIME LET'S DRIVE 128 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:34,945 WITH MY TOP DOWN. 129 00:04:37,508 --> 00:04:40,410 OH! HEY, GUYS. 130 00:04:40,411 --> 00:04:41,911 HEY, LOOK, ARE YOU GOING TO BE HEADING OVER TO THE COUCH AGAIN? 131 00:04:41,912 --> 00:04:43,012 'CAUSE IF YOU ARE, MEL, I THINK WE SHOULD MAYBE 132 00:04:43,013 --> 00:04:45,355 INVEST IN SOME SLIPCOVERS. 133 00:04:45,356 --> 00:04:47,056 NO, JOE. HE'S JUST DROPPING ME OFF. 134 00:04:47,057 --> 00:04:48,488 THE COUCH IS SAFE. 135 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,620 SO MEL TELLS ME YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD POOL PLAYER. 136 00:04:50,621 --> 00:04:51,721 PRETTY GOOD? 137 00:04:51,722 --> 00:04:53,563 YEAH. I MEAN, IT'S HOW I PUT MYSELF 138 00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:54,824 THROUGH BUSINESS SCHOOL WITH MONEY LEFT OVER. 139 00:04:54,825 --> 00:04:57,598 BUT SURE, WE'LL GO WITH "PRETTY GOOD." 140 00:04:58,399 --> 00:04:59,469 WELL, I JUST BROUGHT IT UP 141 00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:00,470 BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE 142 00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:01,871 FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO HANG OUT. 143 00:05:01,872 --> 00:05:03,433 YOU KNOW, GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 144 00:05:03,434 --> 00:05:05,375 JOE, YOU COULD MAKE AN EFFORT. 145 00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:08,077 I APPRECIATE YOU TRYING TO SET ME UP ON A MAN DATE, MEL, 146 00:05:08,078 --> 00:05:11,310 BUT, UH, I'M ACTUALLY VERY HAPPY BEING SINGLE. 147 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,514 BESIDES, I'M NOT REALLY INTO THE "THOR" TYPE. 148 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,946 ( cellphone ringing ) 149 00:05:16,947 --> 00:05:18,488 OH, I GOT TO TAKE THIS. 150 00:05:18,489 --> 00:05:19,949 MINOR CRISIS DOWN AT CITY HALL 151 00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:22,091 THAT REQUIRES A CERTAIN BLONDE CHARMER. 152 00:05:22,092 --> 00:05:23,793 ( chuckles ) THAT'S ME. 153 00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:26,055 YOU KNOW, BUDDY, I THINK YOU MIGHT 154 00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,057 LIKE PLAYING SOME POOL DOWN AT MY CLUB. 155 00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:29,459 OH, YOU HAVE A CLUB? 156 00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:30,630 THE TOLEDO ATHLETIC CLUB. I'M A MEMBER. 157 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,062 YEAH, I USED TO BE A MEMBER. BACK WHEN I HAD, UM... 158 00:05:33,063 --> 00:05:34,534 WHAT DO YOU CALL IT? 159 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,705 MONEY. 160 00:05:35,706 --> 00:05:37,106 IT'S A GREAT CLUB. 161 00:05:37,107 --> 00:05:38,638 SOME MEMBERS ALREADY ASKED ME TO RUN FOR VICE PRESIDENT. 162 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,040 I WAS PRESIDENT. 163 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,612 WHEN YOU HAD MONEY. 164 00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:44,474 EXACTLY. YEAH. 165 00:05:44,475 --> 00:05:47,977 AND BACK WHEN THEY WOULDN'T LET JUST ANYBODY JOIN. 166 00:05:47,978 --> 00:05:51,451 SO WE'RE PLAYING, AREN'T WE? 167 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,452 OH, YEAH. 168 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,523 WELL, MOSTLY ME PLAYING. 169 00:05:53,524 --> 00:05:54,784 YOU'LL BE WATCHING. 170 00:05:54,785 --> 00:05:56,786 YOU AN 8-BALL MAN OR A 9-BALL MAN? 171 00:05:56,787 --> 00:05:58,428 HONESTLY... ( sighing ) 172 00:05:58,429 --> 00:06:00,461 YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY MORE HOW YOU PREFER TO LOSE. 173 00:06:01,992 --> 00:06:04,434 OKAY, ONE CRISIS PUT TO BED. 174 00:06:04,435 --> 00:06:06,636 NOW, WHAT IS IT GONNA TAKE TO CONVINCE YOU BOYS 175 00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:08,968 TO PLAY A NICE, FRIENDLY GAME OF POOL TOGETHER? 176 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,101 FRIDAY, 4:00. 177 00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:14,544 LET'S MAKE IT 5:00. 178 00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:17,507 RYDER'S GOT A TEETH CLEANING. 179 00:06:17,508 --> 00:06:19,048 DONE. 180 00:06:19,049 --> 00:06:20,550 IT'S MY UNSTOPPABLE BLONDE CHARM. 181 00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:21,981 WORKS EVERY TIME. 182 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,553 OKAY. 183 00:06:23,554 --> 00:06:24,554 LET GO NOW. 184 00:06:24,555 --> 00:06:25,456 LET GO! 185 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,060 OKAY, LELAND. 186 00:06:31,061 --> 00:06:32,992 LET'S REALLY TRY AND CONCENTRATE ON THIS ONE. 187 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,594 JOE SAYS IT'S GONNA BE ON THE TEST. 188 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,926 "COMPARE AND CONTRAST THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION 189 00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:38,568 WITH ANOTHER WAR OF INDEPENDENCE." 190 00:06:38,569 --> 00:06:39,699 JEE SHOK BAY. 191 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,533 HEGHLU'MEH QAQ JAJVAM. 192 00:06:44,975 --> 00:06:46,005 DUDE, FOR THE LAST TIME, 193 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,037 YOU CANNOT WRITE YOUR ESSAY IN KLINGON. 194 00:06:48,038 --> 00:06:50,039 BEE LOOGH BAY! TU SHOOJ! 195 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,511 OKAY, HOW DO YOU SAY THIS IN KLINGON? 196 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,612 IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT, 197 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,083 I'M GONNA PUNCH YOUR POINTY EARS OFF. 198 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:57,817 ACTUALLY, POINTY EARS ARE VULCANS. 199 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,118 OKAY, THAT'S IT. 200 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,189 YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO PROSPER. 201 00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:01,190 HEY, RYDER. 202 00:07:01,191 --> 00:07:02,593 CAN I SEE YOU A SECOND? 203 00:07:04,194 --> 00:07:06,556 YOU REALIZE WHY THAT KID IS BOTHERING YOU SO MUCH? 204 00:07:06,557 --> 00:07:08,197 SEE, ACCORDING TO CARL JUNG, 205 00:07:08,198 --> 00:07:10,159 LELAND IS YOUR SHADOW. 206 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,201 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 207 00:07:12,202 --> 00:07:13,202 YOU CAN'T STAND NERDY LELAND 208 00:07:13,203 --> 00:07:14,564 BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS NERDY. 209 00:07:14,565 --> 00:07:15,735 THIS IS TEXTBOOK STUFF. 210 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,066 YOU DON'T LIKE THE GEEK IN HIM 211 00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:20,470 BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THE GEEK IN YOU. 212 00:07:20,471 --> 00:07:21,741 NO, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 213 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,212 IF YOU THINK I'M ANYTHING AT ALL LIKE HIM, 214 00:07:23,213 --> 00:07:25,145 YOU HAVE MUCH TO LEARN, YOUNG PADAWAN. 215 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,818 OH, NO. 216 00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:30,220 YOU'VE JUST BEEN SHRUNK, SON. 217 00:07:35,526 --> 00:07:38,157 ONE GAME FOR ME AND ONE FOR YOU. 218 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,458 NICELY PLAYED. 219 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,491 YEAH, WELL, I FIGURED I WOULD SPOT YOU ONE. 220 00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:43,462 YOU KNOW, KIND OF KEEP THINGS INTERESTING. 221 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,864 YOU'RE TRYING TO PSYCHE ME OUT. 222 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,466 PERSONALLY, I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF THING. 223 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,898 SO TELL ME, JOE. 224 00:07:48,899 --> 00:07:50,540 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BACK IN THE CLUB 225 00:07:50,541 --> 00:07:52,702 YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO PLAY IN ANYMORE? 226 00:07:52,703 --> 00:07:54,845 YOU WANT TO KEEP TALKING OR JUST GET STRAIGHT TO YOU LOSING? 227 00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:59,709 Mel: HEY, EVERYBODY! LADY LUCK HAS ARRIVED. 228 00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:01,010 THANK YOU, BURKE. 229 00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:02,481 IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE BROKEN IN LIKE FOREVER 230 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,213 AND NOT GOTTEN A SINGLE BALL IN ANY OF THE POCKETS. 231 00:08:04,214 --> 00:08:06,516 YEAH, BUT YOU SET ME UP GREAT. 232 00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:07,887 SO MANY CHOICES. 233 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,619 SO IS EVERYONE PLAYING NICELY? 234 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:10,620 OH, IS THAT WHY YOU CAME HERE 235 00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:12,161 TO BE PLAYGROUND MONITOR? 236 00:08:12,162 --> 00:08:13,663 WELL, I KNOW THAT WHEN BOYS PLAY UNSUPERVISED, 237 00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:15,265 THEY TEND TO, YOU KNOW, KILL EACH OTHER. 238 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,497 NICE! 239 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,529 NICE? 240 00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:20,530 I PRACTICALLY PUT THAT BALL 241 00:08:20,531 --> 00:08:21,671 IN FRONT OF THE POCKET FOR HIM. 242 00:08:21,672 --> 00:08:23,203 YEAH, THANKS FOR THAT, JOE. 243 00:08:24,835 --> 00:08:27,036 AND THAT'S ONE I SET UP FOR MYSELF. 244 00:08:27,037 --> 00:08:28,878 HE'S GOOD. 245 00:08:28,879 --> 00:08:30,140 WHEN IS IT YOUR TURN AGAIN? 246 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,786 WHEW. WINNING IS EXHAUSTING. 247 00:08:36,787 --> 00:08:39,249 I THINK I NEED MYSELF A LITTLE KISS BREAK. 248 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,593 NOW BLOW ON THE CUE FOR LUCK. 249 00:08:43,594 --> 00:08:45,154 AND THAT'S JUST A PREVIEW OF WHAT'S TO COME 250 00:08:45,155 --> 00:08:46,196 AT THE HOTEL TONIGHT. 251 00:08:48,098 --> 00:08:51,000 PUKE IN THE CORNER POCKET. 252 00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,603 WHAT? THE HOTEL HAS A POOL TABLE. 253 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,006 AWW. I'M SORRY I COULDN'T BE BETTER LUCK. 254 00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:58,107 THAT'S OKAY. 255 00:08:58,108 --> 00:09:00,140 I THINK I CAN FIND SOMEWAY TO CONSOLE MYSELF. 256 00:09:02,973 --> 00:09:04,043 YOU GUYS... 257 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,046 THIS IS WHY I DON'T COME HERE ANYMORE. 258 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,579 CAN WE... OKAY. 259 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:10,621 I NEED YOU... 260 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,552 HEY, CAN YOU GUYS MOVE IT PLEASE? 261 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,584 'CAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT IN MY LINE OF SIGHT. 262 00:09:14,585 --> 00:09:15,925 - OH, SORRY. - OH. 263 00:09:15,926 --> 00:09:18,057 THANK YOU. OFF THE TABLE, ALL RIGHT? 264 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,258 THANKS SO MUCH. 265 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,631 THANKS SO MUCH. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 266 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,993 ( squeals and giggles ) 267 00:09:23,994 --> 00:09:25,195 - ( cue stick thuds ) - OH! 268 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,168 DID I JUST HIT HIM WHERE I THINK I HIT HIM? 269 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,339 ( high-pitched whimper ) 270 00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:33,002 - ( high-pitched groan ) - THAT WOULD BE A YES. 271 00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:34,874 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, BUDDY? 272 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,077 WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL THIS A DRAW? 273 00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:46,616 HEY. ALL RIGHT, SO... 274 00:09:46,617 --> 00:09:48,688 WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? 275 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,860 YOU BROKE MY BOYFRIEND, JOE. 276 00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:55,124 YOU RUPTURED MAJOR VESSELS IN HIS MALE FUN ZONE. 277 00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:57,126 YEAH, THE DOCTOR SAID I CAN'T DO ANYTHING 278 00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:59,598 THAT MIGHT CREATE BLOOD FLOW TO THAT PART OF THE BODY. 279 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,101 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP THAT, HUH? 280 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,874 HUH, WEAR AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK? 281 00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:06,105 I'M SORRY. 282 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,077 NO, YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING. 283 00:10:07,078 --> 00:10:08,908 WE CAN'T HAVE SEX FOR A WEEK. 284 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,981 OKAY AND TONIGHT'S HOTEL RESERVATION IS NONREFUNDABLE. 285 00:10:11,982 --> 00:10:13,913 I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NAKED RIGHT NOW. 286 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,284 I SAID I'M SORRY. 287 00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:16,916 IT'S NOT LIKE I DID IT ON PURPOSE. 288 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:17,948 OH, OF COURSE NOT. 289 00:10:19,049 --> 00:10:21,050 OH, COME ON. LOOK, I LIKE AUSTIN. 290 00:10:21,051 --> 00:10:23,022 YOU KNOW, THE GUY JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHERE TO STAND 291 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,924 WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING POOL. 292 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,325 OH, YOU'RE BLAMING HIM? 293 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,827 SO I SUPPOSE HIS GROIN 294 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,128 CHARGED FULL SPEED INTO YOUR POOL CUE. 295 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,061 WH... ( grunts ) 296 00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:33,733 THAT WAS NO ACCIDENT, JOE. 297 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:34,964 ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S THE VERY DEFINITION 298 00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:36,105 OF AN ACCIDENT. 299 00:10:36,106 --> 00:10:37,136 YOU EVER SEE "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS"? 300 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,038 THAT WOULD WIN LIKE EVERY WEEK. 301 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,040 WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE? 302 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,842 WHO KNOWS? 303 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,944 GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIND OUT WHAT'S DRIVING 304 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,016 THAT MUSCLE-BOUND BRAIN OF YOURS. 305 00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:47,978 FOR YOUR INFORMATION, 306 00:10:47,979 --> 00:10:49,148 I DON'T HAVE ANY MUSCLES IN MY BRAIN, BABY. 307 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,179 BUT IF I DID, 308 00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:52,953 IT WOULD BE INSANELY WELL-DEFINED. 309 00:10:57,788 --> 00:10:59,158 SO THE AMERICAN GENERALS 310 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,990 IN THEIR FIGHT AGAINST KING GEORGE III 311 00:11:00,991 --> 00:11:02,732 WERE REALLY VERY SIMILAR TO? 312 00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:05,434 THE JEDI COMMANDERS WHO HELPED THE REBEL FORCES 313 00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:06,836 IN THEIR FIGHT AGAINST THE EMPIRE? 314 00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:08,037 AFFIRMATIVE. 315 00:11:08,038 --> 00:11:09,398 I MEAN, YEAH. 316 00:11:09,399 --> 00:11:11,000 I THINK WE'RE ONTO SOMETHING HERE. 317 00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:13,202 THANKS, RYDER. 318 00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:15,274 ( camera shutter clicks ) 319 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,275 WHAT YOU DOING? 320 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,407 I'M JUST UPDATING MY INSTAGRAM. 321 00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:19,678 HEY, THAT'S A PHOTO OF ME. 322 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,710 WHY'D YOU POST THAT? 323 00:11:20,711 --> 00:11:21,981 TO LET THE WORLD KNOW 324 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:22,982 HOW ME AND MY BEST BUD 325 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,415 HAVE BEEN TOTALLY PARTYING DOWN. 326 00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:29,188 IT'S LIKE A MILLION PHOTOS OF US. 327 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,920 JUST 87... 328 00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:33,392 A ROMULAN'S DOZEN. 329 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:34,824 WELL, DELETE THEM. 330 00:11:34,825 --> 00:11:35,825 WHY WOULD I DO THAT? 331 00:11:35,826 --> 00:11:36,896 PEOPLE COULD SEE THESE. 332 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,368 WELL, THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT OF INSTAGRAM. 333 00:11:39,369 --> 00:11:40,870 DUDE, DOING HOMEWORK 334 00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:42,231 ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF A DINING ROOM TABLE 335 00:11:42,232 --> 00:11:44,874 IS NOT PARTYING AND WE ARE NOT DEFINITELY NOT FRIENDS! 336 00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:47,036 OH. 337 00:11:47,037 --> 00:11:49,039 I SEE. 338 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,843 WAIT, LELAND, I JUST MEANT THAT... 339 00:11:53,844 --> 00:11:55,114 I GOT YOUR MEANING 340 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,916 LOUD AND CLEAR. 341 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:57,888 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 342 00:11:57,889 --> 00:12:00,219 I'M GOING TO HANG OUT WITH MY REAL FRIENDS... 343 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,852 IN THE POKEMON CHAT ROOM. 344 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,999 - ( door closes ) - HE'S GONE. 345 00:12:11,762 --> 00:12:12,933 YES! 346 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,838 HEY, JOE. 347 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,039 YOU GOT ANY PLANS FOR CHRISTMAS? 348 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,511 NO. NO I'M NOT GONNA BE DOING ANYTHING. 349 00:12:22,512 --> 00:12:23,873 REALLY? OH. 350 00:12:23,874 --> 00:12:27,016 I HEARD YOU'RE STARRING IN "THE NUTCRACKER." 351 00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,317 FUNNY. 352 00:12:28,318 --> 00:12:30,249 BUT DESPITE WHAT YOUR AUNT SAYS, IT WAS A TOTAL ACCIDENT. 353 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,951 OKAY? ALTHOUGH SHE THINKS I HAD SOME DEEP, 354 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,282 SUBCONSCIOUS MOTIVATION 355 00:12:33,283 --> 00:12:35,254 AND THAT I OUGHT TO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED. 356 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,285 HMM. 357 00:12:36,286 --> 00:12:38,888 AND HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? 358 00:12:38,889 --> 00:12:39,959 SHE'S WAY OFF BASE. 359 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,230 I MEAN, I HAD NO HIDDEN AGENDA. 360 00:12:41,231 --> 00:12:44,033 SO YOU'RE NOT BOTHERED BY HER RELATIONSHIP WITH AUSTIN? 361 00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:45,064 NO, NOT AT ALL. 362 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,165 YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS SAY... 363 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,397 "YOU GOTTA LIVE AND LET LIVE." 364 00:12:48,398 --> 00:12:50,199 YEAH, I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT. 365 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,471 I SAY IT LATE AT NIGHT AFTER YOU'RE ASLEEP, OKAY? 366 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,772 LOOK, IT'S JUST THAT 367 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,004 I'VE SEEN THESE FACEBOOK 368 00:12:55,005 --> 00:12:56,405 CHILDHOOD HOOKUPS BEFORE, OKAY? 369 00:12:56,406 --> 00:12:57,776 AND THEY NEVER END WELL. 370 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,878 I JUST WISH YOUR AUNT WOULD LOOK AHEAD OF HER 371 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,049 TO FIND A GUY INSTEAD OF BEHIND HER. 372 00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:01,050 FROM WHAT I HEARD, YOU'RE THE ONE 373 00:13:01,051 --> 00:13:03,782 WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING BEHIND. 374 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,884 IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 375 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,185 TELL YOU WHAT, JOE. 376 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,887 AS AN EXPERIMENT, LET'S PRETEND 377 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,919 THAT HITTING AUSTIN WASN'T AN ACCIDENT. 378 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,090 WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HIT HIM? 379 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,092 I WAS DISTRACTED. 380 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,024 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SHE WALKS INTO THE POOL HALL 381 00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:17,326 AND IMMEDIATELY STARTS PLAYING KISSY FACE WITH AUSTIN. 382 00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:19,829 I HAD A SHOT PERFECTLY LINED UP. I WAS ABOUT READY TO TAKE IT. 383 00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:21,170 YOU KNOW, AND THEN I HEAR... 384 00:13:21,171 --> 00:13:24,133 ( mocking Mel ) OOH, YOU'RE SO FINE. UH! 385 00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:26,805 SO YOUR WHOLE ATTITUDE CHANGED WHEN MEL SHOWED UP. 386 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,307 HER BUTT WAS ON THE TABLE. 387 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,410 SO YOU GOT DISTRACTED BY THE PRESENCE OF HER BUTT. 388 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,513 WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING YOU IN THAT SCHOOL, HUH? 389 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,085 THE SIGHT OF BUTTOCKS INCITED STRONG... 390 00:13:36,086 --> 00:13:37,286 HEY HEY HEY. NO NO, DON'T DON'T... 391 00:13:37,287 --> 00:13:38,948 DON'T WRITE ANYTHING DOWN. 392 00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:40,319 JOE, I'M MERELY SUGGESTING 393 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,591 THAT WHATEVER YOUR FEELINGS FOR AUNT MEL ARE, 394 00:13:42,592 --> 00:13:45,925 THEY MAY BE STRONGER THAN YOU'RE WILLING TO ADMIT. 395 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,026 YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? 396 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,057 I THINK YOU'RE VERY LUCKY 397 00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:49,458 YOU'RE NOT IN MY HOME SCHOOL, 398 00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:51,830 BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE FLUNKING PSYCHOLOGY RIGHT NOW. 399 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,933 I CAN SEE YOU THIS TIME AGAIN ON THURSDAY. 400 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,435 EWW EWW! NO. I'M NOT... NO. 401 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,914 NOW FOR A PERFECT CRUST, 402 00:14:04,915 --> 00:14:06,615 YOU WANT TO MAKE IT NOT TOO THIN, BUT EVEN. 403 00:14:06,616 --> 00:14:08,218 SO YOU NEED A SMOOTH, STEADY ROLL. 404 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,421 HERE YOU GO. 405 00:14:11,422 --> 00:14:13,283 A LITTLE FLOUR. 406 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,256 OKAY, I DON'T THINK I'M DOING THIS RIGHT. 407 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,628 HERE, LET ME HELP. 408 00:14:19,629 --> 00:14:21,160 LIKE THIS. LIKE THIS. 409 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,063 BACK AND FORTH. BACK AND FORTH. 410 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,094 SEE, DOESN'T THAT FEEL NICE? 411 00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:26,365 YEAH, OKAY. 412 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,937 I THINK I'M GETTING THE RHYTHM NOW. 413 00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:31,200 UH, IT'S GOING BACK AND FORTH SO EASILY. 414 00:14:31,201 --> 00:14:33,042 IT IS. 415 00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:34,103 IT'S NICE. 416 00:14:34,104 --> 00:14:36,005 OH, YEAH. 417 00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:37,506 WAIT. AUSTIN, HOLD ON. 418 00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:39,008 I THOUGHT THE POINT OF THIS BAKING 419 00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:41,150 WAS TO KEEP OUR MINDS OFF THE SEX WE CAN'T BE HAVING. 420 00:14:41,151 --> 00:14:42,651 YEAH, THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL IDEA. 421 00:14:42,652 --> 00:14:44,383 OKAY. WELL, IT'S NOT WORKING AT ALL. 422 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,415 ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT IS WHAT WE COULD DO WITH THAT BUTTER. 423 00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,157 - OH! - OKAY. 424 00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:49,358 YOU NEED TO STAND OVER THERE. 425 00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:51,420 WAY OUT OF GRABBING RANGE. 426 00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:53,192 THIS IS ABOUT BAKING, NOTHING ELSE. 427 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,193 GOT IT, RIGHT. 428 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,525 WELL, THE DOUGH LOOKS PERFECT. 429 00:14:56,526 --> 00:14:57,597 I THINK WE'RE READY TO PUT IT IN. 430 00:14:58,969 --> 00:15:00,100 THE PIE TIN. 431 00:15:05,075 --> 00:15:06,235 - JUST PINCH THE EDGES. - OKAY. 432 00:15:06,236 --> 00:15:08,307 Austin: LIKE SO. 433 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,309 BEAUTIFUL. 434 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,141 I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING. 435 00:15:12,142 --> 00:15:13,582 OKAY, DON'T GIVE ME THAT "I'M GONNA KISS YOU" LOOK. 436 00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,644 DOCTOR SAID NONE OF THAT FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. 437 00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:16,685 IT'S TOUGH. 438 00:15:16,686 --> 00:15:17,948 I ALWAYS HAVE THAT LOOK AROUND YOU. 439 00:15:21,691 --> 00:15:23,022 YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. 440 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,324 EVEN THOUGH I'VE KNOWN YOU MY WHOLE LIFE, 441 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,557 EVERY DAY THERE'S LIKE A NEW FIRST WITH YOU. 442 00:15:32,362 --> 00:15:33,702 OH, WHAT ABOUT DOCTOR'S ORDERS? 443 00:15:33,703 --> 00:15:35,234 OH, LET HIM FILL HIS OWN PIE. 444 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,435 WAS THAT DIRTY? 445 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,038 RIGHT NOW, EVERYTHING IS. 446 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,642 ( banging on door ) 447 00:15:45,415 --> 00:15:47,476 ( banging continues ) 448 00:15:47,477 --> 00:15:48,478 DON'T GET UP. 449 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,580 ARE YOU RYDER SCANLON? 450 00:15:51,581 --> 00:15:52,581 YES. 451 00:15:52,582 --> 00:15:54,283 I'M KEIRA GUCKENHEIM-SCHAPP. 452 00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:55,324 NICE TO MEET YOU. 453 00:15:55,325 --> 00:15:56,325 LELAND'S SISTER. 454 00:15:56,326 --> 00:15:57,487 MM. 455 00:15:58,628 --> 00:15:59,958 MY BROTHER TOLD ME WHAT YOU SAID TO HIM. 456 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,260 - LOOK, I DON'T KNOW... - YOU TOLD HIM 457 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,661 YOU'D NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE LIKE HIM. 458 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,333 MUST HAVE MADE YOU FEEL REAL BIG, HUH? 459 00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:05,394 NOT EVERYBODY 460 00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:07,736 CAN BE AS POPULAR AS YOU, RYDER SCANLON. 461 00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:08,998 I'M POPULAR? 462 00:16:08,999 --> 00:16:10,399 OH, SURE. 463 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,400 ANNOUNCE IT TO THE WORLD. 464 00:16:11,401 --> 00:16:12,471 YEAH, SORRY. WHAT I MEAN IS... 465 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,243 THINK HOW THE OTHER GUY FEELS FOR ONCE. 466 00:16:14,244 --> 00:16:15,574 FROM NOW ON, I EXPECT YOU 467 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,377 TO TREAT MY LITTLE BROTHER WITH SOME RESPECT. 468 00:16:19,449 --> 00:16:21,150 WAIT, HOLD ON. 469 00:16:21,151 --> 00:16:22,251 LOOK, 470 00:16:22,252 --> 00:16:24,453 MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE HARSH ON YOUR BROTHER, 471 00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:26,755 BUT I'VE BEEN UNDER A LOT OF STRAIN RECENTLY. 472 00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:28,357 MAYBE I'M FORGETTING HOW TO INTERACT WITH PEOPLE. 473 00:16:28,358 --> 00:16:29,588 I DON'T KNOW. 474 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:30,759 I'VE BEEN HOMESCHOOLED FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH. 475 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,161 THAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? 476 00:16:32,162 --> 00:16:34,293 I'VE BEEN HOMESCHOOLED MY WHOLE LIFE. 477 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,994 WHAT ARE YOU EATING?! 478 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,596 A PROCESSED BAKED GOOD? 479 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,468 MY MOM HASN'T LET ME HAVE REFINED SUGAR 480 00:16:39,469 --> 00:16:41,530 SINCE MY LITTLE BROTHER'S EIGHTH BIRTHDAY. 481 00:16:41,531 --> 00:16:43,432 NOT TO MENTION, THE WOUND HE GAVE THE CLOWN 482 00:16:43,433 --> 00:16:46,035 WAS TOTALLY SUPERFICIAL. 483 00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:47,206 YEAH. WELL, MY MOM LETS ME EAT 484 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,238 PROCESSED BAKED GOODS 'CAUSE SHE'S IN PRISON. 485 00:16:49,239 --> 00:16:51,510 - I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! - WELL, NOW YOU DO! 486 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,482 STILL NO EXCUSE! YOU SHOULD ACT NICER! 487 00:16:53,483 --> 00:16:55,184 - YOU CAN'T TELL ME HOW TO ACT! - FINE! KEEP BEING A JERK! 488 00:16:55,185 --> 00:16:56,245 - I WILL! - JERK! 489 00:16:56,246 --> 00:16:57,616 - YOU LIKE BOWLING?! - LOVE BOWLING! 490 00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,288 - YOU WANT TO GO SOMETIME?! - THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL! 491 00:16:59,289 --> 00:17:00,489 OKAY, I'LL GET YOUR NUMBER FROM LELAND! 492 00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:01,491 CAN'T WAIT! 493 00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:05,154 WOW. 494 00:17:05,155 --> 00:17:07,597 THE RARELY-SEEN MATING RITUAL OF NERDS. 495 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,662 WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED IN HERE? 496 00:17:13,663 --> 00:17:15,033 I BAKED A PIE. 497 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,505 AH, HANDS OFF, LONGO! 498 00:17:16,506 --> 00:17:18,667 KEEP YOUR FINGERS OUT OF MY PIE. 499 00:17:18,668 --> 00:17:20,240 OH, I SEE BAKING RELAXES YOU. 500 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,143 SO HOW'S AUSTIN'S, UH... 501 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,175 YOU KNOW THE... THE... 502 00:17:26,176 --> 00:17:28,547 ( whistles ) FUN ZONE? 503 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,250 YEAH, STILL CLOSED FOR REPAIRS. 504 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,681 AND HE HAD TO GO HOME AND TAKE AN ICE BATH 505 00:17:32,682 --> 00:17:34,723 AFTER I INADVERTENTLY AROUSED HIM. 506 00:17:34,724 --> 00:17:36,755 YOU KNOW, YOU JUST CAN'T TURN THIS OFF. 507 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,088 SO LOOK, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THAT, ACTUALLY. 508 00:17:39,089 --> 00:17:41,130 YOU MAY NOT HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY WRONG 509 00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:43,392 ABOUT THE WHOLE SUBCONSCIOUS MOTIVATION THING, 510 00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:44,693 YOU KNOW, WITH THE INCIDENT THAT... 511 00:17:44,694 --> 00:17:47,166 YOU KNOW, WITH THE... OCCURRING... 512 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,138 WOW, YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY IT. 513 00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:50,739 WHEN I WHACKED HIM IN THE CHICKEN TENDERS. 514 00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:51,840 YOU HAPPY? 515 00:17:51,841 --> 00:17:54,273 SO YOU DID DO IT ON PURPOSE. 516 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,145 NO NO. I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE, ALL RIGHT? 517 00:17:56,146 --> 00:17:58,347 BUT IT GOT ME THINKING 518 00:17:58,348 --> 00:18:01,480 AND STIRRED UP SOME FEELINGS. 519 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,611 ABOUT? 520 00:18:02,612 --> 00:18:04,453 ABOUT... 521 00:18:04,454 --> 00:18:08,288 YOU AND AUSTIN AND ME. 522 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,223 I'M JEALOUS. 523 00:18:14,864 --> 00:18:16,094 JEALOUS? 524 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,298 I'M JEALOUS, BECAUSE... 525 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,769 IN WHAT UNIVERSE 526 00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:22,571 DO YOU GET TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP BEFORE ME? 527 00:18:22,572 --> 00:18:24,203 THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY COSMIC SENSE. 528 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,876 OH, YOU'RE JEALOUS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP, 529 00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:30,539 NOT AUSTIN? LIKE YOU SAID. 530 00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:32,141 YEAH, EXACTLY. 531 00:18:32,142 --> 00:18:33,412 OH, AND UM, 532 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,114 I GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING. 533 00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:37,586 IT'S A ROMANTIC WEEKEND GETAWAY FOR TWO 534 00:18:37,587 --> 00:18:40,389 AT THE MILLARD HOTEL, ALL RIGHT? FOR YOU AND AUSTIN. 535 00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,821 AND THE DATES ARE FLEXIBLE SO YOU GUYS CAN GO WHENEVER, 536 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,625 YOU KNOW, HE GET'S OFF THE GROUNDED-GROIN LIST. 537 00:18:47,557 --> 00:18:49,329 SO, ENJOY. 538 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,235 JOE, I'M STUNNED. 539 00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,407 THIS IS SO MATURE AND GENEROUS. 540 00:18:58,408 --> 00:19:00,209 SO UNLIKE YOU. 541 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:02,341 WELL, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE GROW AND CHANGE. 542 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,612 AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, 543 00:19:03,613 --> 00:19:05,244 I FOLLOWED YOUR LEAD ON THIS ONE. 544 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,475 I ENDED UP FACEBOOKING THIS GIRL 545 00:19:06,476 --> 00:19:08,217 THAT I WENT TO JUNIOR HIGH WITH... 546 00:19:08,218 --> 00:19:09,348 VERY CUTE GIRL ACTUALLY... 547 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,479 AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER, 548 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:11,850 AND TONIGHT, I HAVE A DATE. 549 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,282 SHE FLEW IN FROM JERSEY? 550 00:19:13,283 --> 00:19:15,154 NO, THE JUNIOR HIGH GIRL WAS A FRIGGIN' MESS. 551 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,526 BUT AFTER I GOT DONE SKYPING WITH HER, 552 00:19:17,527 --> 00:19:18,627 I ENDED UP HOOKING UP WITH THIS BARISTA 553 00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:20,389 AT THE COFFEE SHOP WHERE I WAS. 554 00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,431 SHE'S AN ASPIRING LINGERIE MODEL. 555 00:19:22,432 --> 00:19:23,862 HER NAME IS CHARDONNAY. 556 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,235 YOU WANT TO SEE HER? 557 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:28,937 SHE'S ONLY WORKING THERE PART-TIME UNTIL SHE BREAKS OUT. 558 00:19:28,938 --> 00:19:31,770 LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BREAKING OUT OF THAT TOP RIGHT NOW. 559 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,171 YEAH, IT DOES. DOESN'T IT? 560 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,903 ANYWAY, 561 00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:36,174 WHEN SHE'S DONE WITH WORK, WE'RE GONNA GO OUT 562 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,946 AND TAKE IN A MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF... 563 00:19:37,947 --> 00:19:39,479 WELL, HER. ( laughs ) 564 00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,251 SO I GOT TO THANK YOU, BURKE 565 00:19:42,252 --> 00:19:43,452 BECAUSE I NEVER WOULD HAVE PUT MYSELF OUT THERE 566 00:19:43,453 --> 00:19:46,184 IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU. SO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. 567 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,916 I WILL SEE YOU... 568 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:49,518 TOMORROW. 569 00:19:49,519 --> 00:19:51,960 I DON'T NEED SEX. I'VE GOT PIE. 570 00:19:51,961 --> 00:19:53,892 PIE BEATS SEX... 571 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,895 NEVER! 572 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,502 GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR BOWLING? 573 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,334 YEAH, BROUGHT SOCKS FOR TWO. 574 00:20:05,335 --> 00:20:07,506 THOSE RENTAL SHOES ARE DISGUSTING. 575 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,637 OH, AND SNACKS. 576 00:20:08,638 --> 00:20:11,780 WHAT ARE YOU ALLOWED? GRANOLA? DRIED STRING BEANS? 577 00:20:11,781 --> 00:20:15,544 I WAS THINKING SOME OF THOSE PROCESSED BAKED GOODS OF YOURS. 578 00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:16,945 THAT CAN BE ARRANGED. 579 00:20:16,946 --> 00:20:20,249 SO, KEIRA, 580 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:21,921 HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO NERDS? 581 00:20:23,553 --> 00:20:24,793 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 582 00:20:24,794 --> 00:20:26,255 I'M JUST WONDERING IF YOUR ATTRACTION 583 00:20:26,256 --> 00:20:27,526 TO GEEKY BOYS IS A PREFERENCE 584 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,858 OR IS IT DUE TO SOME GENETIC PREDISPOSITION. 585 00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:31,730 BRUNO BETTELHEIM WOULD SAY 586 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,702 THAT YOUR INTEREST IN YOUR BROTHER'S ROMANTIC LIFE 587 00:20:33,703 --> 00:20:36,535 SEEMS OUTSIDE THE BOUNDARIES OF A HEALTHY SIBLING RELATIONSHIP. 588 00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,567 WOULDN'T YOU AGREE? 589 00:20:38,568 --> 00:20:42,240 YEAH, WELL, FREUD WOULD SAY... 590 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,443 "I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?" 591 00:20:46,376 --> 00:20:48,548 YOU TOTALLY HOMESCHOOLED HER. 592 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,651 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO BOWLING.