1
00:00:07,678 --> 00:00:09,739
"MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

2
00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:13,743
WHY IS CHOCOLATE TOFU CHUNK
TAKING UP SPACE IN MY FREEZER?

3
00:00:13,744 --> 00:00:16,686
EXCUSE ME, YOUR FREEZER?

4
00:00:16,687 --> 00:00:18,748
FINE, YOUR FREEZER.

5
00:00:18,749 --> 00:00:21,121
THAT'S ICE CREAM
FOR MY BOYFRIEND.

6
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,652
NOAH LIKES IT AND I LIKE NOAH,

7
00:00:22,653 --> 00:00:24,354
SO I WANT TO KEEP IT
AROUND FOR A TREAT,

8
00:00:24,355 --> 00:00:26,697
OR A POST-TREAT TREAT,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

9
00:00:28,399 --> 00:00:30,400
UNFORTUNATELY, I DO.

10
00:00:30,401 --> 00:00:31,731
YEAH, WELL, GET USED TO IT,

11
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,064
BECAUSE I THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP
HAS REAL STAYING POWER.

12
00:00:34,065 --> 00:00:36,336
YEAH, I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

13
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,738
RIGHT AWAY, I KNEW WE
WERE A PERFECT MATCH.

14
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,640
MEL BURKE, PUBLIC SERVANT.

15
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,512
NOAH BUTLER, PUBLIC DEFENDER.

16
00:00:42,513 --> 00:00:45,246
AND I CAN TELL YOU HE IS AN
EXPERT AT GETTING PEOPLE OFF.

17
00:00:48,119 --> 00:00:49,519
ALL RIGHT, I SEE.

18
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,722
THERE WAS A DOUBLE MEANING THERE.
THAT'S GROSS.

19
00:00:53,584 --> 00:00:56,386
ANYWAY, IT'S BEEN 12 WEEKS,
SO WE ARE HALFWAY THROUGH

20
00:00:56,387 --> 00:00:57,657
STAGE ONE OF MY FIVE-STAGE PLAN.

21
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,689
DO YOU WANNA HEAR ALL FIVE
STAGES OF MY FIVE-STAGE PLAN?

22
00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:01,831
I DON'T REALLY THINK
I HAVE A CHOICE.

23
00:01:01,832 --> 00:01:03,833
STAGE ONE: GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER, SIX MONTHS.

24
00:01:03,834 --> 00:01:06,536
STAGE TWO: TALK ABOUT MOVING
IN, ANOTHER SIX MONTHS.

25
00:01:06,537 --> 00:01:09,199
STAGE THREE: MOVE IN TOGETHER,
TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE,

26
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,102
GET A DOG, NAME IT SOMETHING
CUTE LIKE GARY OR BEANS,

27
00:01:12,103 --> 00:01:15,805
12 MONTHS. STAGE FOUR: GET
MARRIED, TALK ABOUT KIDS.

28
00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,549
STAGE FIVE: MASON, BRADY
AND LITTLE BABY TUCKER.

29
00:01:20,151 --> 00:01:22,513
YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE STAGE WHERE
YOU GET YOUR HEAD EXAMINED.

30
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:27,417
CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT
YOUR PRACTICAL, RATIONAL PLAN?

31
00:01:27,418 --> 00:01:28,858
YEAH, I DON'T THINK I
REALLY HAVE A CHOICE.

32
00:01:28,859 --> 00:01:31,461
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU CRAP
OUT IN STAGE THREE?

33
00:01:31,462 --> 00:01:34,194
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS. YOU'RE GONNA
SLIDE ALL THE WAY BACK DOWN TO STAGE ONE...

34
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,166
EXCEPT YOU'RE GONNA
BE THREE YEARS OLDER.

35
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,797
AND WE BOTH KNOW YOU JUST
HAD A LITTLE BIRTHDAY

36
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,771
THAT RHYMES WITH,
UM, SHMIRTY-SHMIVE.

37
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,174
HEY, I LOOK DAMN GOOD
FOR SHMIRTY-SHMIVE.

38
00:01:44,175 --> 00:01:46,676
I'M JUST SAYING YOUR
PLAN TAKES WAY TOO LONG.

39
00:01:46,677 --> 00:01:48,878
COME ON, BURKE, HOW MANY LAUNCH
WINDOWS DO YOU HAVE LEFT?

40
00:01:48,879 --> 00:01:53,414
WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU JUST...
JUST COOK?

41
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,716
I THINK THESE EGGS
HAVE GONE BAD.

42
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,589
SHUT UP! YOU DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING!

43
00:01:59,590 --> 00:02:01,292
OH, THOSE EGGS.

44
00:02:02,353 --> 00:02:04,894
CARRY ON. ( clears throat )

45
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,496
( theme music playing )

46
00:02:06,497 --> 00:02:11,902
♪ I GUESS YOU'RE
STUCK WITH ME.. ♪

47
00:02:13,804 --> 00:02:16,606
WHOO-HOO! I GOT IT! I
GOT THE INTERNSHIP.

48
00:02:16,607 --> 00:02:17,707
CONGRATULATIONS, LEN.

49
00:02:17,708 --> 00:02:19,369
I'M WORKING AT THE
"TOLEDO BLADE."

50
00:02:19,370 --> 00:02:21,341
I'M OFFICIALLY A JOURNALIST.

51
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,614
WELL, ACTUALLY,
AN UNPAID INTERN.

52
00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:26,446
DIDN'T LIKE 80 PEOPLE
TRY OUT FOR THAT JOB?

53
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,219
MM-HMM. AND I CRUSHED THEM ALL.

54
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,321
THAT'S MY LITTLE KILLER.

55
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:32,852
I START TOMORROW
AT THE CITY DESK.

56
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,784
IT'S THE HUB OF THE
ENTIRE NEWSPAPER.

57
00:02:34,785 --> 00:02:37,427
EVERYTHING FLOWS THROUGH ME
AND OUT TO THE REPORTERS.

58
00:02:37,428 --> 00:02:39,689
OH, PLUS I GET TO LISTEN
TO THE POLICE SCANNER.

59
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:42,633
OOH, IF YOU HEAR ABOUT ANY
SPEED TRAPS, TEXT ME.

60
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,335
SO I CAN DRIVE EXTRA CAREFUL

61
00:02:45,336 --> 00:02:47,337
- LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
- YEAH, I DON'T THINK

62
00:02:47,338 --> 00:02:49,499
YOU'RE GONNA BE ON THE
ROAD WHEN I'M AT THE DESK.

63
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,740
IT'S MORNINGS FROM 6:00 TO 8:00.

64
00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:52,572
WOW! I'M IMPRESSED, LENNOX.

65
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,274
YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT
EXACTLY A MORNING PERSON.

66
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,175
MORNING? ( laughs )

67
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,578
YOU'RE BARELY LIKE
A NOON PERSON.

68
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,451
I FIGURE IF I CUT MY HAIR AND
MAKEUP ROUTINE DOWN TO 40 MINUTES,

69
00:03:01,452 --> 00:03:03,353
I DON'T HAVE TO GET
UP UNTIL 4:30.

70
00:03:03,354 --> 00:03:04,854
OH, 4:30? OH, THAT'S GREAT.

71
00:03:04,855 --> 00:03:06,756
'CAUSE YOU'LL GET A
FULL TWO HOURS' SLEEP.

72
00:03:06,757 --> 00:03:10,590
( scoffs ) WOULD IT KILL YOU TO
BELIEVE IN ME EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?

73
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,191
YEAH, JEEZ, JOE.

74
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,464
WOULD IT KILL YOU TO BELIEVE
IN HER EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?

75
00:03:14,465 --> 00:03:16,226
YOU REALLY THINK SHE
CAN GET UP AT 4:30?

76
00:03:16,227 --> 00:03:17,598
SHE STILL IN THE ROOM?

77
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,900
- NO.
- NO, NOT REALLY.

78
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,333
( knocks )

79
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,707
- HEY, LITTLE POOKIE.
- HEY. HEY, BIG POOKIE.

80
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,679
- MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM.
- ( door closes )

81
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,542
I'M JUST GONNA CALL YOU
"NOAH" IF THAT'S OKAY.

82
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,345
SURPRISE, I BROUGHT YOU THESE.
MY GIFT.

83
00:03:35,346 --> 00:03:38,918
WOW. NO BOY HAS EVER GIVEN ME RAW,
CUT UP CHICKEN PIECES BEFORE.

84
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:43,323
- I MEAN, WHO NEEDS FLOWERS AND JEWELRY?
- SO GET THIS...

85
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,695
I HAD TO EMPTY MY REFRIGERATOR AND
LEAVE MY APARTMENT RIGHT AWAY.

86
00:03:45,696 --> 00:03:48,398
MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR'S TUB
OVERFLOWED AND MY PLACE GOT FLOODED.

87
00:03:48,399 --> 00:03:51,401
OH, SO NOW YOU'VE
GOT AN INDOOR POOL.

88
00:03:51,402 --> 00:03:53,403
A CARPETED ONE, YEAH.

89
00:03:53,404 --> 00:03:55,505
ANYWAY, THEY SAID IT'S GONNA TAKE
A WEEK FOR THE PLACE TO DRY OUT,

90
00:03:55,506 --> 00:03:57,968
SO I'M JUST GONNA RUN DOWNTOWN
AND GET A HOTEL ROOM.

91
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,741
WAIT! WHY DON'T YOU, UMM,

92
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,844
- MOVE IN HERE?
- REALLY? HERE?

93
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:08,818
- LIKE HERE HERE?
- SURE. WHY STAY IN AN EXPENSIVE HOTEL?

94
00:04:08,819 --> 00:04:11,281
WHAT HAVE THEY GOT? FREE PORN
AND AND LITTLE SHAMPOO BOTTLES?

95
00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:13,723
WE'VE GOT THAT HERE!

96
00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:15,855
HERE, THESE ARE FOR YOU.

97
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,827
YOU CAN STAY HERE UNTIL
YOUR PLACE IS CLEANED UP.

98
00:04:17,828 --> 00:04:19,829
KEYS. SWEET.

99
00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:22,592
SO WHAT EXACTLY
IS THE RENT HERE?

100
00:04:22,593 --> 00:04:25,695
OH, WELL, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT A BARTER ARRANGEMENT.

101
00:04:25,696 --> 00:04:26,896
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT

102
00:04:26,897 --> 00:04:28,638
AND WE CAN BARTER EVERY
NIGHT THIS WEEK.

103
00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:31,441
I'M EVEN A FAN OF
MORNING BARTERING.

104
00:04:31,442 --> 00:04:33,304
- I'M GONNA GET MY THINGS.
- MM-HMM.

105
00:04:36,807 --> 00:04:39,278
OKAY, SO I KNOW THAT
YOU'RE AN IMPULSE SHOPPER,

106
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,581
BUT THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT WAS
COMPLETELY OFF THE RAILS.

107
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,653
NO, THAT WAS ON THE RAILS.

108
00:04:43,654 --> 00:04:46,686
WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT MY FIVE-STAGE PLAN
BEING TOO SLOW MADE A LOT OF SENSE.

109
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,588
I JUST PUT THIS RELATIONSHIP
IN THE MICROWAVE.

110
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,391
ZIP, DING, DONE.

111
00:04:52,623 --> 00:04:54,324
BURKE, EVERYTHING THAT
GOES INTO A MICROWAVE

112
00:04:54,325 --> 00:04:56,826
COMES OUT BURNING
HOT AND TASTELESS.

113
00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:59,569
YEAH, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
THREE YEARS TO EAT MY DINNER.

114
00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:01,471
HEY, WHAT'S UP?

115
00:05:01,472 --> 00:05:03,733
JUDGING BY THE UNHAPPY
LOOKS ON YOUR FACES,

116
00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:05,936
I'M GUESSING YOU GUYS WERE
INTERACTING IN SOME WAY.

117
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,939
NO, MEL'S... MEL'S BOYFRIEND
IS MOVING IN HERE.

118
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:12,942
OH. SO THE HOUSE
RULES HAVE CHANGED?

119
00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:15,685
- JUST A SMIDGE.
- SO IF I HAVE A LADY FRIEND

120
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,517
WHO WANTS TO STAY OVER...

121
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,049
DUDE, THAT'S... THAT'S
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

122
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:23,393
- IT'S A DOUBLE STANDARD.
- NO, IT'S ONE STANDARD.

123
00:05:23,394 --> 00:05:24,755
YOU JUST DON'T MEET IT.

124
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:31,000
( knocks ) LENNOX. YO.

125
00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:32,102
ARE YOU UP?

126
00:05:33,364 --> 00:05:35,034
HEY, LENNOX.

127
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,766
COME ON, WAKE UP.
IT'S ALMOST 5:00.

128
00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:39,409
( moans ) GO AWAY.

129
00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:41,671
ISN'T TODAY THE FIRST
DAY OF YOUR INTERNSHIP?

130
00:05:41,672 --> 00:05:44,343
( gasps ) IT'S MY FIRST DAY!
I CAN'T BE LATE!

131
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,477
WHERE'S MY PHONE? OKAY, WHERE'S MY PURSE?
WHERE'S MY PURSE?

132
00:05:47,478 --> 00:05:49,679
OKAY. JOE, GET OUT OF MY WAY!

133
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,752
- GOSH, I CAN'T BE LATE.
- YOU...

134
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:56,856
- ( whistles )
- I GOTTA CHANGE OUTTA MY PAJAMAS FIRST!

135
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,758
THAT WAS A GOOD CATCH.

136
00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:02,832
( soft jazz music playing )

137
00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:04,794
MMM, YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

138
00:06:04,795 --> 00:06:07,737
THIS ANTIOXIDANT DECAFFEINATED
GREEN TEA IS GREAT.

139
00:06:07,738 --> 00:06:11,701
- ( door opens, closes )
- WHO NEEDS COFFEE WITH ITS DUMB OLD CAFFEINE?

140
00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:14,404
THIS EGG WHITE SCRAMBLE
WAS FANTASTIC.

141
00:06:14,405 --> 00:06:16,406
- MMM.
- THANKS, LITTLE POOKIE.

142
00:06:16,407 --> 00:06:20,049
YEAH, WELL, BE PREPARED FOR AN INCREDIBLE
BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING, BIG POOKIE.

143
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:23,112
- OH.
- ( both moan )

144
00:06:23,113 --> 00:06:25,785
OH, HEY, LOOK AT THAT. I HATE TO PRY
MYSELF AWAY FROM THE GOOD LIFE,

145
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,887
BUT I GOTTA GET READY FOR WORK.

146
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,760
- MMM.
- MWAH!

147
00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:32,892
SO... LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

148
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:36,927
YOU, MEL BURKE, A.K.A.
LITTLE POOKIE...

149
00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:40,470
YOU MADE BREAKFAST? WHAT,
DID YOU LOSE A BET?

150
00:06:40,471 --> 00:06:42,071
NOT AT ALL. THIS IS STAGE THREE.

151
00:06:42,072 --> 00:06:44,434
- BLISSFULLY LIVING TOGETHER.
- NO, IT'S NOT.

152
00:06:44,435 --> 00:06:46,405
NUH-UH, THAT'S STAGE ONE
LINGERIE RIGHT THERE.

153
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,738
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IN
STAGE THREE YOU GO TO SLEEP

154
00:06:48,739 --> 00:06:49,879
WEARING SWEATS AND
RATTY OLD T-SHIRTS.

155
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,782
PLUS YOU'RE WEARING
LIPSTICK AT BREAKFAST.

156
00:06:52,783 --> 00:06:54,413
AND WHY ARE WE LISTENING

157
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,787
TO THE SOUNDTRACK
OF "27 DRESSES"?

158
00:06:57,788 --> 00:06:59,889
- ( music stops )
- BECAUSE I LISTEN TO MUSIC EVERY MORNING.

159
00:06:59,890 --> 00:07:02,822
WELL, I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN MEANING TO.

160
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,794
BURKE, LIVING WITH SOMEBODY
IS ABOUT COMPROMISING

161
00:07:04,795 --> 00:07:07,557
AND LEARNING TO WORK TOGETHER. YOU TWO
GUYS ARE JUST PLAYING HOUSE HERE.

162
00:07:07,558 --> 00:07:09,859
- NO, THIS IS A REAL RELATIONSHIP.
- THIS IS REAL?!

163
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,502
WHAT'S REAL ABOUT THIS?
ARE YOU KIDDING?

164
00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:15,204
"I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S SOY DELICIOUS"?

165
00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:18,768
IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE?
WHAT, DECAFFEINATED GREEN TEA?

166
00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:21,841
WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE A BARKING MONSTER
WITHOUT YOUR COFFEE IN THE MORNING.

167
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,973
I AM NOT! NOW SHUT YOUR YAPPER

168
00:07:23,974 --> 00:07:26,676
AND MAKE ME A POT OF COFFEE
BEFORE I GET THE SHAKES.

169
00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:30,850
SEE? NOW THERE'S THE MEL BURKE I
KNOW AND CAN BARELY TOLERATE.

170
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,883
COFFEE! NOW!

171
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,061
IT WAS A HORRIBLE FIRST DAY.

172
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:45,565
MR. PIKE SAID I HAVE TO BE THERE
ON TIME OR I'M GONNA GET FIRED.

173
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,838
I WAS ONLY FIVE MINUTES LATE. WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES FIVE MINUTES MAKE?

174
00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:50,800
IN THE NEWS BUSINESS, I THINK
IT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

175
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:53,472
"THE SHIP'S ABOUT
TO SINK" AND...

176
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,546
"IT WAS THERE A MINUTE AGO."

177
00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:57,647
LENNOX, HONEY,

178
00:07:57,648 --> 00:07:59,849
BEING ON TIME IS "WORK 101."

179
00:07:59,850 --> 00:08:01,781
MY FIRST JOB I WAS
A SHOT-GLASS GIRL

180
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,583
AT A BAR IN DAYTONA BEACH.

181
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:06,055
I WAS UNDERAGE, I WAS
SKIMMING CASH OFF THE TILL,

182
00:08:06,056 --> 00:08:08,818
BUT I WAS NEVER EVER LATE.

183
00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:10,960
YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST SAID
THAT YOU WERE NEVER LATE?

184
00:08:10,961 --> 00:08:13,563
LOOK, I KNOW YOU CAN PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER AND DO THIS,

185
00:08:13,564 --> 00:08:17,096
- 'CAUSE YOU ARE MY BIG GIRL.
- I HATE WHEN YOU CALL ME YOUR BIG GIRL.

186
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,068
MMM, ME TOO. IT
MAKES ME FEEL OLD.

187
00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:22,231
HOW ABOUT "YOU ROCK, MY SISTA"?

188
00:08:22,232 --> 00:08:23,874
NOW YOU SOUND EVEN OLDER.

189
00:08:25,135 --> 00:08:26,677
AND WE'RE BACK TO "BIG GIRL."

190
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,610
YOU KNOW, LENNOX, I
THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE

191
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,181
TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO
WAKE YOURSELF UP ON TIME.

192
00:08:32,182 --> 00:08:36,015
( scoffs ) ANY IDIOT CAN WAKE UP
ON TIME AND STOP NANNYING ME.

193
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,618
HEY, I'M THE NANNY. THAT'S
WHAT I DO, ALL RIGHT?

194
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,751
IT'S WHY I GET PAID THE...

195
00:08:41,752 --> 00:08:43,293
HUMILIATING BUCKS.

196
00:08:46,597 --> 00:08:49,899
( knocks ) HERE I AM, ROOMIE.

197
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,601
SHARING THE BATHROOM WITH YA.

198
00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:55,534
IN MY FLANNELS WITH THE HAPPY
ELEPHANTS, 'CAUSE I'M REAL.

199
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,066
- YOU'RE REAL CUTE.
- OH. ( giggles )

200
00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:58,938
THAT'S WHAT THE FELLERS SAY.

201
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,310
HEY, WHAT'S THE BATH
MAT DOING THERE?

202
00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:03,613
THAT'S NOT WHERE
THE BATH MAT GOES.

203
00:09:03,614 --> 00:09:05,174
- OH YEAH, I MOVED IT.
- BUT, WELL...

204
00:09:05,175 --> 00:09:07,677
BUT I LIKE MY BATH MAT
IN FRONT OF THE TOILET.

205
00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:10,179
THAT'S WHY I PUT
IT THERE, POOKIE.

206
00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,822
I JUST THOUGHT IT MAKES
A LITTLE MORE SENSE

207
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:14,083
TO PUT IT IN FRONT OF THE SINK,

208
00:09:14,084 --> 00:09:15,185
'CAUSE YOU SPEND
MORE TIME THERE.

209
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,288
WELL, HEY, MY FREEZING
TOES CAN ADJUST.

210
00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:21,891
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE IN
STAGE THREE... I MEAN, TOGETHER.

211
00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:24,563
YOU KNOW, YOU TALK ABOUT THE LITTLE
HICCUPS AND YOU WORK THEM OUT.

212
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,065
- SO CUTE.
- ( laughs )

213
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,297
- AND SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HICCUPS...
- OH, WE ARE.

214
00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,670
...THAT LOTION THAT YOU PUT
ON BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?

215
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,102
THE ONE FROM FRANCE?
THAT I LOVE?

216
00:09:33,103 --> 00:09:36,746
THAT MANY FRENCH BEES
GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR?

217
00:09:36,747 --> 00:09:39,048
YEAH, IT'S GOT A
REALLY STRONG SMELL.

218
00:09:39,049 --> 00:09:40,950
IT SORTA GIVES ME A HEADACHE.

219
00:09:40,951 --> 00:09:42,712
OH, OKAY.

220
00:09:42,713 --> 00:09:44,815
OH, WELL, I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME.

221
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,858
- THANKS, BABE.
- YEAH.

222
00:09:48,859 --> 00:09:50,821
IT WAS MAKING MY HANDS
WAY TOO SOFT ANYWAY.

223
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,799
- OH, ONE MORE LITTLE THING.
- OH GOODIE.

224
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,902
YOU KNOW HOW YOU LIKE TO
SLEEP WITH THE WINDOW OPEN

225
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,073
AND ALL THE BLANKETS PILED ON?

226
00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:06,175
AND YOU LOVE IT TOO?

227
00:10:06,176 --> 00:10:09,909
WELL, WHAT IF YOU DON'T
OPEN THE WINDOW?

228
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,111
THEN YOU DON'T NEED TO
PILE ON ALL THE BLANKETS.

229
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:16,817
- IT'S LOGICAL, RIGHT?
- YUP. YEAH, NOTHING IS COZIER THAN LOGIC.

230
00:10:18,048 --> 00:10:19,289
IT'S SO MUCH BETTER.

231
00:10:34,905 --> 00:10:37,207
( rapid knocking )

232
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,143
- YEAH, WHAT?
- SMELL THIS.

233
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,076
I SEE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

234
00:10:47,077 --> 00:10:49,919
- WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE TO YOU?
- IT SMELLS LIKE YOU.

235
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,252
- AND DOES IT GIVE YOU A HEADACHE?
- YOU DO SOMETIMES.

236
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,324
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
THE MOISTURIZER, THOUGH.

237
00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,727
NOAH DOESN'T WANT ME
TO USE THIS ANYMORE.

238
00:10:57,728 --> 00:11:01,731
YEAH, AND HE MADE THIS FASCIST
CLOSED-WINDOW-NO-BLANKET DECREE.

239
00:11:01,732 --> 00:11:03,093
I CAN'T SLEEP IN THERE.

240
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,937
- YOU CAN BUNK IN HERE IF YOU WANT.
- THANKS, LONGO.

241
00:11:07,938 --> 00:11:09,269
SURE. WHAT ARE YOU...?

242
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,773
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

243
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,105
I WAS REALLY TRYING
TO DO STAGE THREE.

244
00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:18,077
I WAS COMPROMISING,
I WAS ADJUSTING

245
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,408
AND IT WAS KILLING ME!

246
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,910
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE
MOVING TOO FAST.

247
00:11:20,911 --> 00:11:23,813
IT TAKES YEARS TO SMOOTH
OVER THE ROUGH PATCHES.

248
00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:25,985
YOU CAN'T BEND A MAN TO
YOUR WILL OVERNIGHT.

249
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:30,720
A WOMAN IS LIKE... A RIVER
THAT RUSHES AND POUNDS

250
00:11:30,721 --> 00:11:32,762
FOR YEARS AGAINST THE
MIGHTY MOUNTAIN,

251
00:11:32,763 --> 00:11:34,865
WEARING IT DOWN UNTIL
EVENTUALLY IT'S JUST...

252
00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:36,927
THE GRAND CANYON.

253
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,929
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
YOU ARE SO WISE.

254
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,132
YEAH, WELL... I'VE BEEN POUNDED.

255
00:11:44,074 --> 00:11:46,876
HEY... ( exhales )

256
00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:48,978
- IS THAT GOOD?
- YEAH.

257
00:11:48,979 --> 00:11:51,941
- GOOD NIGHT, LONGO.
- GOOD NIGHT, BURKE. SWEET DREAMS.

258
00:11:51,942 --> 00:11:55,184
OH, AND I DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT
HOW HE TRIED TO KIDNAP MY BATH MAT.

259
00:11:55,185 --> 00:11:57,347
HEY, BURKE, THIS IS
NOT A SLUMBER PARTY.

260
00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:03,994
( beeps )

261
00:12:04,995 --> 00:12:07,197
( beeps )

262
00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:11,931
( beeps )

263
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,934
( clatters )

264
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:18,838
- FOR GOD'S SAKES, LENNOX,
- HEY HEY HEY.

265
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:21,140
- WE ARE GONNA LET HER SLEEP.
- WHAT ABOUT LETTING ME SLEEP?

266
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,844
IT'S SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN THAT REST
PREVENTS PIMPLES. LOOK AT MY SKIN.

267
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,245
- ( alarm buzzing )
- OKAY, THAT'S IT.

268
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,977
- I SAID LET IT RING, DUDE.
- ( alarm clatters )

269
00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:29,979
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I AM DOING HER A FAVOR.
IT'S CALLED TOUGH LOVE.

270
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:31,851
IF I WAKE HER UP RIGHT NOW,
I'M NOT GONNA BE HELPING HER.

271
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,422
INTERNSHIPS ARE ABOUT
LEARNING THINGS

272
00:12:33,423 --> 00:12:36,185
AND LENNOX IS LEARNING A VERY
VALUABLE LESSON RIGHT NOW.

273
00:12:36,186 --> 00:12:39,129
YEAH. YEAH, THAT YOU'RE
KIND OF A SUCK-WAD SADIST.

274
00:12:41,491 --> 00:12:43,063
( alarm beeping )

275
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,201
HEY, THANKS FOR LETTING ME CRASH
ON YOUR COUCH LAST NIGHT.

276
00:12:52,202 --> 00:12:54,504
NO PROBLEM, AS LONG AS IT
NEVER EVER HAPPENS AGAIN.

277
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,307
ARE YOU GONNA GO FOR THAT
PHONY-BALONEY HERBAL TEA AGAIN?

278
00:12:58,308 --> 00:13:00,851
PFFT! SCREW THAT. I'M
GOING STRAIGHT COLUMBIAN.

279
00:13:02,512 --> 00:13:04,554
MMM. MMM. THAT'S MUY BIEN.

280
00:13:06,256 --> 00:13:08,487
SO I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT
YOU SAID LAST NIGHT AND I GET IT.

281
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,860
BEFORE WE WEAR DOWN THE
LITTLE BUMPS IN THE ROAD,

282
00:13:10,861 --> 00:13:12,291
WE HAVE TO WEAR DOWN
THE BIGGER ONES.

283
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,863
IN TWO DAYS, NOAH GOES
BACK TO HIS PLACE

284
00:13:13,864 --> 00:13:15,965
AND IT'LL TAKE ALL THE
PRESSURE OFF THE RELATIONSHIP.

285
00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:18,898
I CAN SURVIVE WITH DRY
HANDS FOR TWO DAYS.

286
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,101
YOU ARE NAVY SEAL
MATERIAL, BURKE.

287
00:13:22,332 --> 00:13:25,134
MORNING, GORGEOUS. HEY, JOE.

288
00:13:25,135 --> 00:13:26,906
- HEY.
- ( chuckles )

289
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,939
MWAH. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU, BUT I SLEPT FANTASTIC.

290
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:30,941
SO DID MEL.

291
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:33,913
I'M GUESSING.

292
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,515
ANYWAY, I GOT THIS EMAIL
FROM MY APARTMENT MANAGER,

293
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,847
IT TURNS OUT THEY FOUND
MOLD IN THE WALLS,

294
00:13:37,848 --> 00:13:39,148
SO THEY'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GUT THE PLACE.

295
00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:41,420
- GUT THE PLACE?
- IS THAT SOMETHING THEY CAN...

296
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,322
THEY CAN FIX IN TWO DAYS?

297
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,055
IT'S MORE LIKE A COUPLE
OF MONTHS, YEAH.

298
00:13:46,056 --> 00:13:48,027
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS I'LL BE STAYING
HERE WITH YOU A LITTLE LONGER.

299
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,230
- ( chuckles )
- I MEAN, IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.

300
00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:53,033
WELL...

301
00:13:57,267 --> 00:14:00,870
TWO MONTHS. LIVING HERE.
WITH ME.

302
00:14:00,871 --> 00:14:02,611
WOW. THAT IS QUITE
AN ATTRACTIVE OFFER,

303
00:14:02,612 --> 00:14:06,576
BUT... WELL, I HAVE TO BE
TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU.

304
00:14:08,318 --> 00:14:10,519
I AM HAVING A CONTRACTOR
START WORK HERE NEXT WEEK.

305
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,352
YEAH, HE'S TEARING OUT
THE HEATING AND AIR...

306
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,055
LOTS OF DUCT PROBLEMS.

307
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:19,488
HE'S GOTTA TOTALLY...
DE-DUCT THEM.

308
00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:21,430
YEAH, IT'S GONNA BE A REAL MESS.
RIGHT, JOE?

309
00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:23,292
YUP.

310
00:14:23,293 --> 00:14:26,996
THERE'S ALL KINDS OF MESSED-UP
STUFF GOING ON INSIDE THIS HOUSE.

311
00:14:26,997 --> 00:14:28,867
YEAH, I'M GONNA BE STAYING
IN LENNOX'S ROOM,

312
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,901
SO I'M SORRY, NO
ROOM AT THE INN.

313
00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:34,873
OH, WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP
WHAT HAS TO BE DONE, RIGHT?

314
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,007
- I'LL JUST MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE LIKE WE PLANNED.
- MMM.

315
00:14:43,313 --> 00:14:44,613
- ( door closes )
- IT WOULD BE SO GREAT

316
00:14:44,614 --> 00:14:46,355
IF YOU'D JUST LET THIS GO
WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING,

317
00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:48,457
BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA
HAPPEN, IS IT?

318
00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:50,260
NOT A FRIGGING CHANCE.

319
00:14:51,361 --> 00:14:52,661
WHY DID YOU JUST
LIE TO THAT GUY?

320
00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:54,994
BECAUSE I HONESTLY BELIEVE
IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

321
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,665
BUT IF HE KEEPS LIVING
HERE, IT'S DOOMED.

322
00:14:56,666 --> 00:14:58,928
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE
FAST-TRACKED THIS RELATIONSHIP.

323
00:14:58,929 --> 00:15:00,169
IT'S TIME TO GO
BACK TO STAGE ONE.

324
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:02,201
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU PUT YOUR
BOYFRIEND IN THE MICROWAVE

325
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,534
AND NOW YOU WANNA GO BACK AND
PUT HIM ON A SLOW SIMMER?

326
00:15:05,936 --> 00:15:07,576
- THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

327
00:15:07,577 --> 00:15:10,109
WHEN HAVE YOU EVER COOKED A MAN?

328
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:13,283
I KNOW ONCE YOU'VE BURNED 'EM, IT'S
TIME TO MOVE ON TO A NEW PIECE OF MEAT.

329
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,544
OH MY GOD.

330
00:15:15,545 --> 00:15:18,348
THIS IS GONNA BE SO EPIC.
JUST WAIT FOR IT.

331
00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:22,651
MY FUTURE IS RUINED!

332
00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:24,593
I JUST CALLED MY BOSS TO
TELL HIM I WAS RUNNING LATE,

333
00:15:24,594 --> 00:15:28,097
AND HE TOLD ME NOT TO BOTHER
COMING IN, AT ALL. EVER. DONE!

334
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,460
HOW COULD HE FIRE ME? HE
WASN'T EVEN PAYING ME.

335
00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:33,202
LENNOX, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO WAKE UP

336
00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:34,533
WHEN YOUR ALARM
GOES OFF NEXT TIME.

337
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,705
THAT'S NOT MY FAULT. MY
ALARMS MALFUNCTIONED.

338
00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:38,968
ALL OF THEM.

339
00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:41,240
REALLY? 'CAUSE I WAS WALKING
BY YOUR ROOM ABOUT 5:00 A.M.

340
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,213
AND I SAW YOU HITTING SNOOZE BUTTONS
LIKE YOU WERE PLAYING WHACK-A-MOLE.

341
00:15:44,214 --> 00:15:47,576
WAIT. YOU WERE THERE AND
YOU DIDN'T WAKE ME UP?

342
00:15:47,577 --> 00:15:50,219
- I WANTED TO, BELIEVE ME.
- I WANTED TO, TOO,

343
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:51,720
BUT JOE SAID IT WAS TOUGH LOVE.

344
00:15:51,721 --> 00:15:53,352
WAIT, YOU WERE THERE, TOO?

345
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,585
I... I WAS SLEEPWALKING.

346
00:15:58,288 --> 00:15:59,689
AND I AM NOW.

347
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,533
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

348
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:07,266
LOOK, NOT WAKING YOU UP WAS
YOUR WAKE-UP CALL, ALL RIGHT?

349
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,638
COME ON, LENNOX. HOW ARE YOU GONNA
GET UP YOUR FIRST DAY IN COLLEGE?

350
00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:12,271
YOUR FIRST DAY AT YOUR REAL JOB?
GROWING UP MEANS

351
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,443
YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE A LITTLE BIT
OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.

352
00:16:14,444 --> 00:16:17,646
YOU SET ME UP. YOU
WANTED ME TO FAIL.

353
00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:21,181
IT'S CALLED "TOUGH LOVE." I CAN'T
LEAVE OUT THE "TOUGH" PART.

354
00:16:24,354 --> 00:16:26,985
( both laughing )

355
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,288
OH. UH, HEY, JOE.

356
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,490
- OI.
- DON'T MIND HIM. HERE.

357
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,992
TAKE THIS IN THE OTHER ROOM
AND WARM UP THE COUCH FOR ME.

358
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,495
OKAY.

359
00:16:36,666 --> 00:16:40,329
SO HOW'D YOUR SLOW-COOKED
EVENING GO, HUH?

360
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:43,632
- WHAT DID YOU GUYS TALK ABOUT?
- OH, THERE WASN'T A WHOLE LOT OF TALKING,

361
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:46,035
THE LANGUAGE WAS
MOSTLY BODY LANGUAGE,

362
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:48,038
WHICH IS MY NATIVE TONGUE.

363
00:16:49,379 --> 00:16:51,540
I THOUGHT YOU WENT BACK TO STAGE
ONE TO TALK ABOUT THE BIG STUFF?

364
00:16:51,541 --> 00:16:53,282
NO, THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER...

365
00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:56,485
NO STRESS, NO PRESSURE, NO NOTHING.
IT'S LIKE A DREAM.

366
00:16:56,486 --> 00:17:00,189
SOONER OR LATER, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO WAKE UP FROM YOUR STAGE-ONE COMA.

367
00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:01,391
NUH-UH!

368
00:17:07,097 --> 00:17:08,327
HEY THERE, POOKSTERS.

369
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,359
( chuckles ) I DON'T
MEAN TO INTERRUPT,

370
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,261
BUT I WAS JUST READING
THIS MAGAZINE

371
00:17:12,262 --> 00:17:13,632
AND I CAME ACROSS A
VERY INTERESTING

372
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,305
RELATIONSHIP QUIZ FOR COUPLES.
I MEAN, I'M NOT A COUPLE,

373
00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:17,806
BUT YOU GUYS ARE AND
A GREAT ONE AT THAT.

374
00:17:17,807 --> 00:17:20,369
- SO HOW ABOUT I GIVE IT TO YOU?
- I DON'T THINK SO.

375
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:23,312
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS. IT'S
CALLED "IS IT MEANT TO BE

376
00:17:23,313 --> 00:17:25,215
OR MEANT TO BE OVER"?

377
00:17:26,216 --> 00:17:28,117
( laughs ) THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

378
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:30,579
- LET'S DO IT.
- YEAH, SURE, BECAUSE YOU HAD TWO MARGARITAS AT DINNER.

379
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:32,521
THREE, AND I'M READY TO PLAY.

380
00:17:32,522 --> 00:17:35,384
SEE? LOOK AT THAT, HE'S READY TO PLAY.
I LIKE THIS GUY.

381
00:17:35,385 --> 00:17:37,126
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE
GO, FIRST QUESTION.

382
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:38,757
- "DO YOU WANT KIDS?"
- Both: YES.

383
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,329
- ALL RIGHT, "HOW MANY?"
- THREE.

384
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:42,161
TWO, BUT I CAN DO THREE.

385
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,263
- I BET YOU COULD.
- ( both laugh )

386
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:46,064
YO YO YO YO. THANKS.

387
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,568
OKAY, "WHERE DO YOU WANNA LIVE?
CITY, SUBURBS, PERSONAL ISLAND?"

388
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,541
- Both: CITY.
- JINX. YOU OWE ME A KISS.

389
00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:54,704
- OKAY.
- HEY! ENOUGH OF THAT, ENOUGH OF THAT, ENOUGH OF THAT.

390
00:17:56,246 --> 00:17:59,077
OKAY, "SCHOOL? PUBLIC,
PRIVATE OR NUNS?"

391
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,650
- PUBLIC.
- PUBLIC, BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH PUBLIC OFFICIALS.

392
00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:03,712
YEAH, TWO OF THE CUTEST
PUBLIC OFFICIALS EVER.

393
00:18:03,713 --> 00:18:07,117
- WE ARE.
- OH MY GOD, CAN WE NOT CELEBRATE YET, PLEASE?

394
00:18:08,618 --> 00:18:10,589
- ON THE BEACH...
- AT SUNSET...

395
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,392
- WITH 100 DOVES...
- AND ALL OF OUR FRIENDS.

396
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,594
AND OUR DOG GARY CAN
BE THE RING BEARER.

397
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:19,098
- HAH! MEANT TO BE.
- ( laughs )

398
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,572
WOW. SO FAR, 18 FOR 18.

399
00:18:24,234 --> 00:18:26,235
I WAS WRONG. THIS...

400
00:18:26,236 --> 00:18:28,337
THIS ACTUALLY ISN'T
THAT MUCH FUN.

401
00:18:28,338 --> 00:18:30,139
WHOA WHOA WHOA,
QUIZMASTER, KEEP GOING.

402
00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:32,441
NO. WHAT'S THE POINT? YOU
GUYS ARE COMPATIBLE.

403
00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:34,683
WELL, COME ON, NEXT QUESTION.
WE'RE GOING ALL THE WAY.

404
00:18:34,684 --> 00:18:36,146
OKAY.

405
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:41,151
THIS IS THE LAST QUESTION.
THANK GOD.

406
00:18:42,752 --> 00:18:46,225
- "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE?"
- ( sighs )

407
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,827
- YES.
- WHAT?

408
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:52,561
I... UM, HER NAME IS LARISSA.

409
00:18:52,562 --> 00:18:54,463
AND WE BROKE UP YEARS AGO,

410
00:18:54,464 --> 00:18:57,306
BUT YEAH, PART OF ME WILL ALWAYS
STILL BE IN LOVE WITH HER.

411
00:18:57,307 --> 00:18:59,768
BUT HEY, YOU'VE GOTTA MOVE
ON WITH YOUR LIFE, RIGHT?

412
00:18:59,769 --> 00:19:01,241
WOW.

413
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,814
YOU WERE READY TO BE IN A SERIOUS,
COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH ME,

414
00:19:05,815 --> 00:19:08,477
WHILE THERE'S STILL SOMEONE ELSE YOU'RE
SECRETLY WISHING YOU COULD BE WITH?

415
00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:10,519
- I JUST WANNA BE HONEST.
- REALLY?

416
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,251
I'M SECOND PLACE?

417
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,852
WHOA WHOA, HOLD ON A SECOND.

418
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,285
SHE'S ALREADY MARRIED, OKAY?

419
00:19:16,286 --> 00:19:18,587
AND DON'T WORRY,
BECAUSE AFTER HER,

420
00:19:18,588 --> 00:19:21,430
THERE IS NO ONE THAT I WOULD
RATHER BE WITH THAN YOU.

421
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:24,834
WOW. THAT'S WHAT EVERY
WOMAN WANTS TO HEAR.

422
00:19:27,937 --> 00:19:30,640
IT SAYS HERE SOME MEN ACTUALLY
LIKE TO CUDDLE. HOW ABOUT THAT?

423
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,307
( knocks ) HEY.

424
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:42,681
HEY. I'M GUESSING YOU AREN'T
HERE TO SLEEP ON MY COUCH.

425
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,654
NOPE. I'VE GOT MY OWN BED
ALL TO MYSELF AGAIN.

426
00:19:45,655 --> 00:19:48,657
SORRY, BURKE. I SHOULDN'T HAVE
THROWN THAT STUPID QUIZ AT YOU.

427
00:19:48,658 --> 00:19:51,260
OH NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU DID ME A FAVOR.

428
00:19:51,261 --> 00:19:54,394
IT WAS A WAKE-UP CALL, AND UNLIKE
LENNOX, I ACTUALLY WOKE UP.

429
00:19:55,525 --> 00:19:57,326
NOAH WASN'T THE GUY.

430
00:19:57,327 --> 00:19:59,628
BUT NOW I'VE GOT NO
GUY AND NO PLAN.

431
00:19:59,629 --> 00:20:02,271
AND IN A FEW YEARS
I'M GONNA BE...

432
00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:03,503
SHMORTY.

433
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:06,375
RELAX, OKAY?

434
00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:07,976
LOOK, THERE'S SOMEBODY
OUT THERE FOR YA.

435
00:20:07,977 --> 00:20:09,978
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
TODAY MORE THAN EVER,

436
00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:12,311
WOMEN ARE HAVING KIDS
WELL INTO THEIR...

437
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,283
SHMIFTIES.

438
00:20:14,284 --> 00:20:17,916
I DON'T KNOW. HOW AM I EVER GONNA
BE COMFORTABLE LIVING WITH ANYONE?

439
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,718
LOOK LIKE YOU'RE PRETTY
COMFORTABLE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

440
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,220
YEAH, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S EASY
FOR ME TO BE MYSELF WITH YOU.

441
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,722
I DON'T CARE WHAT
YOU THINK ABOUT ME.

442
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,495
OH. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU
THINK ABOUT ME EITHER.

443
00:20:26,496 --> 00:20:28,597
SEE? THIS IS WHY WE
GET ALONG SO WELL.

444
00:20:28,598 --> 00:20:31,430
BECAUSE DEEPLY, WAY DOWN DEEP,

445
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,732
WE DON'T CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER.

446
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,734
HEY, YOU DON'T HAPPEN
TO HAVE ANY...

447
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,006
AH. YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

448
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:39,469
THAT I DO, BURKE.

449
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:41,741
THAT I DO.

450
00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:49,578
SO, MR. PIKE, HONESTLY,

451
00:20:49,579 --> 00:20:52,250
IT'S REALLY KIND OF MY FAULT
THAT LENNOX DIDN'T SHOW UP.

452
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,323
I SHOULD'VE WOKEN
HER AND I DIDN'T.

453
00:20:54,324 --> 00:20:57,786
- YOU SEE, SIR...
- ( angry chatter )

454
00:20:57,787 --> 00:21:01,830
WOW. HONESTLY, A SIMPLE
NO WOULD'VE SUFFICED.

455
00:21:01,831 --> 00:21:03,692
( angry chatter )

456
00:21:03,693 --> 00:21:04,893
AND YOUR MOTHER, TOO.

457
00:21:04,894 --> 00:21:07,366
HELLO?

458
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,467
- ( beeps )
- HEY, JOE.

459
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,640
- HEY.
- THANKS.

460
00:21:11,641 --> 00:21:13,702
FOR WHAT? I COULDN'T
GET YOUR JOB BACK.

461
00:21:13,703 --> 00:21:15,444
YEAH, BUT YOU TRIED.

462
00:21:15,445 --> 00:21:18,777
AND IT IS MY FAULT. I
SHOULD'VE GOTTEN MYSELF UP.

463
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,009
- YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU SHOULD HAVE. MAYBE NEXT TIME...
- ( exasperated sigh )

464
00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:23,453
YOU CAN'T EVEN BE
GRACIOUS FOR 10 SECONDS.

465
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:25,685
I COULD IF I WANTED TO!